You have got to me shitting me December 17, 2008 8:10 PM   Subscribe


Thankfully our office has a single stall, so we don't have to listen to anyone else.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 8:12 PM on December 17, 2008


iPood
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 8:17 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


It is a crappy post, and chatfilter to boot.
posted by necessitas at 8:18 PM on December 17, 2008


"You have got to be shitting me."
This is exactly the phrase a yokel proffered many years ago on a road trip, when he asked for a light and I truthfully told him the cigarette lighter in my car was broken.
posted by exogenous at 8:21 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


If I am I'd just like to say that I sure do wish you were made of a little more veggies and a little less meat and dairy.

Please don't rip me a new...
posted by Balonious Assault at 8:26 PM on December 17, 2008 [5 favorites]


I'd have something witty to say here but I'm too busy shoveling a mountain of raisin bran into my pie hole.
posted by loquacious at 8:31 PM on December 17, 2008 [4 favorites]


Maybe if I didn't eat so much you, my shit wouldn't be so loud and stink so much then.

* clicks on link *

Ohhhh I see.
posted by not_on_display at 8:32 PM on December 17, 2008


I don't get the point of this. What's your issue with that post?

I presume you believe that he's just shit stirring but I don't see it, I think it was a genuine question. Yeah the guy that posted it is pretty clueless but that's kind of the point. The answers seem to be doing a pretty good job of getting him a clue. And if it was just a stunt post then so what?

Metatalk call outs are so much more helpful when you actually tell us what you're upset about.
posted by shelleycat at 8:35 PM on December 17, 2008 [2 favorites]


Dang. Jessamyn my comments were not lulz at all. If that guy is sincere I think he should do it because it breaks up the utter monotony of daily work/life.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:36 PM on December 17, 2008


Well, he got an answer.
posted by Artw at 8:37 PM on December 17, 2008


Potomac Avenue: Jessamyn my comments were not lulz at all.

You're telling us.
posted by koeselitz at 8:39 PM on December 17, 2008


If you recognize the shoes, can you talk then?
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:44 PM on December 17, 2008


Well they would have been funnier if I had been able to edit them. I think I misspelled YO MAMA, at least once.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:44 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


It wouldn't have added anything to the answer quotient to say I would be sorely tempted to wait outside the stall and punch him in the goddamn mouth if he pulled that on me. So I said it here.

What kind of epithet deleted thinks he can diagnose people's eating habits by listening to them (and/or smelling their) shit, and that it might be a good idea to offer unsoliticited advice based on that professional analysis?

Totally a troll, though the poster claims otherwise. He's either socially challenged (see? I'm diagnosing!) or fucking with us.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:48 PM on December 17, 2008 [6 favorites]


One of his previous questions:

Tomorrow I am meeting with a lesbian couple who is interested in my sperm...

That guy finds himself in the wackiest dilemmas.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:53 PM on December 17, 2008 [15 favorites]


I think he is eating way too much fiber and this is why he is in the bathroom enough to know what 90% of his fellow workers are up too.
posted by lee at 8:58 PM on December 17, 2008 [4 favorites]


"up to" Where is that super 3:00 edit window already?
posted by lee at 9:00 PM on December 17, 2008


What kind of epithet deleted thinks he can diagnose people's eating habits by listening to them (and/or smelling their) shit, and that it might be a good idea to offer unsoliticited advice based on that professional analysis?

This is the entire plot for House.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:09 PM on December 17, 2008 [6 favorites]


Whenever I hear someone on a cellphone in a restroom, I flush consecutively in an effort to shame them. But I adhere to the no-talking commandment.

Do I dare to eat a peach?
posted by cowbellemoo at 9:22 PM on December 17, 2008 [3 favorites]


I should add this to the list, I guess.

I'm charitably assuming the poster is just socially outré enough to not get why this would strike a lot of people obnoxious. Bathroom and personal space habits in general can be pretty idiosyncratic (see above).
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:29 PM on December 17, 2008


I like that the MetaTlk post before this one is about things floating. Because, as it happens, that's what your poo should do.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:41 PM on December 17, 2008


i wouldn't shit you - you're my favorite turd
posted by pyramid termite at 9:48 PM on December 17, 2008


No, sorry. You must be mistaken. Maybe someone else is shitting you, and that's the source of your distress?
posted by Eideteker at 9:49 PM on December 17, 2008


DumpTMFA
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:58 PM on December 17, 2008 [2 favorites]


Some people seem to be confusing "chatfilter" with "any question that I, personally, object to." This is no more chatfilter than other etiquette questions, which are not that uncommon on the Green.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:17 PM on December 17, 2008


My favorite part was when the OP expressed bafflement that impromptu poo diagnosis would be a "sensitive" subject.

Also, I loved the advice to take it from the stalls and into a company-wide email. I imagined a list of names, followed by things like:

"Frank in Human Resources: Wednesday, January 10, 3:46PM - Sounded like an 18-wheeler blasting its horn and spilling a ton of chicken livers onto the highway as it sped past."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:24 PM on December 17, 2008 [41 favorites]


Some people seem to be confusing "chatfilter" with "any question that I, personally, object to."

No, you're mistaken. This is chatfilter.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:26 PM on December 17, 2008




I like that the MetaTlk post before this one is about things floating. Because, as it happens, that's what your poo should do.


Wait, what? I just dropped a sinker, should I be concerned? Should I?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:30 PM on December 17, 2008


Wait, what? I just dropped a sinker, should I be concerned? Should I?

Describe the color, size and consistency, in detail. Better yet, draw it, if you can, or describe it to a friend who can draw. Post the results here, and I'll write up a diet regimen for you.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:33 PM on December 17, 2008


Damn, I knew I shouldn't have flushed before consulting Metafilter.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:06 PM on December 17, 2008


Floaters are floating because of high fat content, no?

And isn't the spot for the "fresh baked bun" comment or whatever it is?

To quote Butt-head: "Use manners, dude."
posted by maxwelton at 11:07 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


The Bristol Stool Scale
* seven kinds of poo *
posted by ryanrs at 11:23 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Green is good, right?
posted by Artw at 11:28 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


From the main thread:

Yes, this would be the most tactful way to rectify this issue.

I think "rectifying the issue" is exactly the right wording to use here.
posted by davejay at 11:33 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


You want green? Try drinking a couple liters of blue or purple gatorade. Grape works well. It won't upset the shape or texture, but it will turn your poop bright green. It's a very artificial WTF green.
posted by ryanrs at 11:49 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things!

posted by blue_beetle at 11:50 PM on December 17, 2008


Mods, please remove my lame comment from that thread, too, whenever you get a chance. Sorry.

MY SPOON IS TOO BIG
posted by loquacious at 12:13 AM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Also, I loved the advice to take it from the stalls and into a company-wide email.

Does the coworker who put up a note in the bathroom count?
posted by rodgerd at 12:45 AM on December 18, 2008


Bathroom and personal space habits in general can be pretty idiosyncratic

Idiosyncratic...really? On what planet is reaching out to your stall neighbor in order to critique their diet based upon the sound of their bowel movement considered in any way, shape, or form acceptable? This person is cruising for, at the very least, a bruising.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:24 AM on December 18, 2008


so... anyone know how to make other colors? I hear pepto-bismol can produce black turds, but I've never tried it. Are they a really dark, jet black?
posted by ryanrs at 2:11 AM on December 18, 2008


I thought it was all made well by the print out this thread and give it to your therapist comment.
posted by bjrn at 3:12 AM on December 18, 2008


While I agree with the overwhelming consensus in the thread, this may be a cultural thing, and not a troll.
posted by Gyan at 3:20 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Scatfilter?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:29 AM on December 18, 2008


Who does Number 2 work for?
posted by pracowity at 3:58 AM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Buck my stalls.
posted by gman at 4:36 AM on December 18, 2008


Maybe it's Turd Blossom, posting under an assumed identity?
posted by woodway at 5:15 AM on December 18, 2008


This sounds like an episode of The Office.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:20 AM on December 18, 2008


As much as the noise is a little much to handle sometimes, it's the cell phone calls that throw me for a loop. I mean, you're in a small, echoing chamber, with lots of sounds of flushing, etc. going on around you. How can you hide that?

Then there are the middle-management types who love to tell every caller where they are. "I'm just taking a quick bio-break." Great. So now you've managed to let everyone know that I'm so important I have to answer my phone while I'm taking a shit and used a jargony word that makes me want to hurt you.

It's better at my current job; engineers are all quiet folk who don't use phones in the toilet. My last job was in a shared office building, and all the guys that worked at the "consulting" companies chatted up just about everyone in the bathroom.

I encourage anyone who witnesses bathroom cell phone use to make as much disgusting, bathroom-related noise as you can while the person is talking. Grunting, straining, pounding on the walls, "ahhhh hothothothot!!!", etc.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:23 AM on December 18, 2008 [9 favorites]


Wide stance.
posted by fixedgear at 5:32 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Pepto-poos are, indeed, quite black. But my favorites are beet-poos--almost magenta.
posted by pupsocket at 5:55 AM on December 18, 2008


Don't talk, it makes it crawl back up.
posted by jonmc at 5:56 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hopefully in a few months we'll get a follow up tracking all the subtle changes the asker detects in the sound of this man's asshole contractions indicating how his dietary changes are impacting his colonic health.

I believe we have discovered the new phrenology.
posted by The Straightener at 6:01 AM on December 18, 2008


A dude tried talking to me at a urinal once. I turned toward him and pissed on his shoes.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:01 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I find it hard to stare at the wall in front of me at the urinal.
posted by gman at 6:05 AM on December 18, 2008


When I find it hard, it makes it difficult to pee
posted by waraw at 6:23 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm thinking of asking management to install electronic soundmakers in the stalls here, to cover the sound of straining with rushing water, chirping birds and trumpeting elephants.
posted by subbes at 6:34 AM on December 18, 2008


It looks like you're taking a dump! Would you like help?
  • Lecture me on the importance of fiber and veggies
  • Tell me to wise up before I get colon cancer
  • Dear God leave me the fuck alone
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:39 AM on December 18, 2008 [27 favorites]


By now, Make Magazine must have published how to build a steam-powered, DRM-free device that analyzes your stall neighbor's poop, using a real-time version of Poobuntu Linux.
posted by lukemeister at 6:43 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I find it hard to stare at the wall in front of me at the urinal.

That's where graffitti comes in, dude...
posted by jonmc at 6:44 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


That's where graffitti comes in, dude...

I don't know how old my office building is, but there is graffitti on the grout in front of the urinal that reads "REM SUCKS." How long has it been since REM were relevant enough to warrant urinal-graffitti-disdain?
posted by uncleozzy at 6:46 AM on December 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


A bag of black licorice twizzlers, and a quart of a clearish gatorade makes for fun neon green poo.
posted by Grither at 6:47 AM on December 18, 2008


So I was sitting in the stall one day and this voice comes through from next door.

'Hey! Are you alright? Only that sounds awful, really."

So I called back,

"I'm fine, really - just a little touch of wind."

And the voice said,

"Look, sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. Some weirdo in the next stall is trying to start a conversation about his bowel movements."
posted by Phanx at 6:48 AM on December 18, 2008 [28 favorites]


Idiosyncratic...really? On what planet is reaching out to your stall neighbor in order to critique their diet based upon the sound of their bowel movement considered in any way, shape, or form acceptable?

I'd be annoyed. I think it's clear that most people would be annoyed. I know at least a couple people who would not be annoyed, though—very social and very pro-diet-and-bowels-discussion people. One lady I know would like as not parley it into a discussion of her house-call colonic business.

That's basically what "idiosyncratic" means, here. People are strange and varied creatures, and just because something one of 'em does strikes you as nutty doesn't mean they're not just being themselves.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:48 AM on December 18, 2008


her house-call colonic business.

"Hello ma'am, we're here to clean ya pipes..."
posted by jonmc at 6:50 AM on December 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


Read the book "Dreamcatcher." That book will make you totally rethink difficult bowel movements.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:55 AM on December 18, 2008


That's where graffiti comes in, dude...

Unfortunately, it's a rare occasion when I'm in a Toronto bar with graffiti on the wall. As for "embarrassing" shit sounds from the stall, these work.
posted by gman at 6:57 AM on December 18, 2008


This sounds like an episode of The Office.

My god. The OP is Dwight Schrute. It makes total sense now.
posted by EarBucket at 6:58 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Unfortunately, it's a rare occasion when I'm in a Toronto bar with graffiti on the wall.

Well, there's only one way to change that, my man.

*hands gman a Sharpie*
posted by jonmc at 6:59 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


My writing hand is already in use. I'll try switching that up, but it may feel like a stranger is aiming on my behalf.
posted by gman at 7:16 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I don't know how old my office building is, but there is graffitti on the grout in front of the urinal that reads "REM SUCKS." How long has it been since REM were relevant enough to warrant urinal-graffitti-disdain?

I would assume this to be a reference to Rem, Donald Moffat's character in the 1977-78 TV series Logan's Run.

Unfortunately, it's a rare occasion when I'm in a Toronto bar with graffiti on the wall.

Tangential, but there is a bar in Ottawa where there is a series of decreasingly thoughtful and clever graffiti above the urinals. In four different hands, the lines read:

"I hate what alcohol makes me say to my wife."

"I LOVE what alcohol makes me say to your wife."

"I love what alcohol makes your wife do to me."

"I slept with your wife."


Diminishing returns in action.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:17 AM on December 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


> Well, he got an answer.

I don't think the members of Metafilter had ever expressed universal agreement on an issue before. Epic post.
posted by ardgedee at 7:33 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Am I the only one who thinks inadequate fibre intake mightn't be the only conceivable cause of bathroom-stall "heavy breathing and grunting"?
posted by Sys Rq at 7:39 AM on December 18, 2008


Am I the only one who thinks inadequate fibre intake mightn't be the only conceivable cause of bathroom-stall "heavy breathing and grunting"?

Depends if we're talking work bathroom or bar bathroom.
posted by gman at 7:41 AM on December 18, 2008


I presume you believe that he's just shit stirring but I don't see it, I think it was a genuine question.

The pattern of Best Answers sort of undermines the OP's "This is not a joke question" position.
posted by CKmtl at 7:45 AM on December 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


You know the phrase "he shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die"? What is frequently left off of that is the beginning which was "After someone talked to him in a public bathroom about his dietary habits..."

I'm not suggesting that I advocate cold blooded murder for this offense, but I'm also not saying I wouldn't understand it as a response.
posted by quin at 7:46 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Got nothing to add but when I saw this:
DumpTMFA

I immediately thought of
TAMFD.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:26 AM on December 18, 2008


With references to House and The Office in this thread, it seems a shame that Scrubs hasn't been mentioned yet.
posted by Balonious Assault at 8:43 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Thank GOD the image tag is disabled!!!!
posted by jasper411 at 8:59 AM on December 18, 2008


Fucking BIO BREAK?

do people actually say this??!
posted by By The Grace of God at 8:59 AM on December 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


omg. they do
posted by By The Grace of God at 9:00 AM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


so... anyone know how to make other colors? I hear pepto-bismol can produce black turds, but I've never tried it. Are they a really dark, jet black?

Blueberries in mass quantities will yield a really dark purpley-black.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:02 AM on December 18, 2008


The pattern of Best Answers sort of undermines the OP's "This is not a joke question" position.

I'm glad someone else saw this, too. "Where's your sense of humor?" was especially telling. And confusing. Look how many favorites that question has, and the effluence of humor that's been squeezed out of that question. Sure, it was probably trolling, but it was funny, at least.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:08 AM on December 18, 2008


I had this happen to me once. The moment I sat down I heard a long slow sigh coming from the stall next to mine, followed by a plaintive "you know, you should really get more fibre". Obviously, I was dumbfounded. After recovering from a moment of shock I emphatically replied: "Um, could you please mind your own business?" So him, agitated: "Alright alright, I won't bother you about it anymore." Me, relieved: "Well thanks."

Then: "It's not like I haven't told you before, though."

Eh, what? "What the -? What?"

Him: "So anyway, shall I come over?"

At this point, all I could utter was a "Dude, just let me shit in peace" but before I could finish my sentence I was interrupted by the other guy saying "Okay cool, well I gotta hang up now 'cause this crazy dude here is responding to everything I say".
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:13 AM on December 18, 2008 [9 favorites]


Cross-posted from AskMe and orig. answer self-flagged. I apologise for my poor impulse control.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:14 AM on December 18, 2008


Fucking BIO BREAK?

do people actually say this??!


I notice that it's corporate-type women that use "biobreak", because, in group situations, women always want you to know when they're going to the bathroom.

Me, I prefer "coffee and networking break" as a euphemism.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:22 AM on December 18, 2008


"Would you excuse me? I need to powder my nose"

"Martha, will you show her where we keep the euphemism?"
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:40 AM on December 18, 2008 [7 favorites]


Can't believe nobody has linked to my favorite AskMe comment of all time:

"I was drinking coffee heavily so that I would stay awake and needed to relieve myself pretty badly...."
posted by nitsuj at 9:43 AM on December 18, 2008


I, like many others, discovered the unnatural boost of confidence you get from taking Peppermint Oil and finding out that, yes, in fact Your Shit Does Not Stink.
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]




Can't believe nobody has linked to my favorite AskMe comment of all time:

"I was drinking coffee heavily so that I would stay awake and needed to relieve myself pretty badly...."


Ah yes, that tired old joke.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:17 AM on December 18, 2008


Someone needs to invent a device that causes a person's cellphone to slip from their hands and/or their Borg earpiece to pop out and fall.

I'd definitely buy one. Just in case I ran into one of these chowderheads who thinks the onus is on others to realize that they are on a cellphone when they're locked in a non-transparent stall, rather than on themselves to say "Sorry, I'm on my cell."

Hearing them curse when their Preciousss plunks into their own recently-created sewage would be bliss.
posted by CKmtl at 10:21 AM on December 18, 2008


You have got to be shitting me.

Well, that would explain all the grunting and heavy breathing.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:47 AM on December 18, 2008


I hear pepto-bismol can produce black turds, but I've never tried it. Are they a really dark, jet black?

Pretty much so but a couple of shots of bismol and eight pints of Guinness would really do it.

"It's like how much more black could this be?"

"None. None more black."
posted by ob at 11:03 AM on December 18, 2008


pepto-bismol can produce black turds

A friend in high school won a goldfish-eating contest, and his were gold and sparkley for days. (His secret to winning, by the way, was to pinch their heads when he picked them up, they went down easier like that.)
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


It was a pretty funny thread, and I actually hate bathroom humour in general.
posted by orange swan at 11:36 AM on December 18, 2008



Whenever I hear someone on a cellphone in a restroom, I flush consecutively in an effort to shame them.

whenever i hear someone on a cellphone in a restroom, i want to stab them in the eye. especially when they're doing the whole grunt/poo thing and it must be totally obvious to the conversee what is going on.

but one time, at an old job, i decided enough was enough, so i started making these really pained sounding noises and doing the whole constipation noise routine. chick finally said "someone's taking a shit in here, i can't here you." and it was awesome.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 12:59 PM on December 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


I wonder if I can get the same effect with those little dried fishes I've seen in asian markets. Bright green + silver glitter would be perfect for the holidays.
posted by ryanrs at 1:57 PM on December 18, 2008


Why did my question get deleted from AskMe? It is a completely valid question!

Here it is:

Dear AskMe: Paper or Plastic? [more inside]

Dear AskMe, I have a coworker who is very "green", and I do not want to offend him. Lately, he has shown a lot of interest in my well being, offering very insightful health tips and diagnoses. I want to take advantage of this very rare opportunity to get free medical advice, so my question is: Should I use a paper or a plastic bag to wrap the stool sample I am going to leave on his desk today after my coffee and networking break?
posted by dirty lies at 2:04 PM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


neither
posted by netbros at 2:32 PM on December 18, 2008


Read the book "Dreamcatcher." That book will make you totally rethink difficult bowel movements.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:55 AM

Wow. An answer to the question that has been bugging me for two days and I didn't even have to post it to AskMe. Q: Which S. King book contains the shit weasels?

Here is the important thing about eating beets, remember that you have eaten them. Otherwise, worry and consternation abounds!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:49 PM on December 18, 2008


With references to House and The Office in this thread, it seems a shame that Scrubs hasn't been mentioned yet.

Pfft. This is a thread for The Wire.



"Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit!"
posted by graventy at 6:15 PM on December 18, 2008


Has anyone mentioned the Awful Poo Lady yet?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 6:33 PM on December 18, 2008


Is it the poo that's awful, or the lady?
posted by CKmtl at 7:17 PM on December 18, 2008


Colonic irrigation? I prefer to take my chances with the rain falling on mine.
posted by lukemeister at 7:37 PM on December 18, 2008


Has anyone mentioned the Awful Poo Lady yet?

I love her show. Now she's someone who can diagnose ailments through poo.
posted by necessitas at 7:48 PM on December 18, 2008


Now she's someone who can diagnose ailments through poo.

flagged as scatomantic
posted by lukemeister at 9:14 PM on December 18, 2008


Not having read Stephen King since I received "It" for Christmas in 1986 (and loved it), I am a little sorry to have become acquainted with "shit weasels" in this thread.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:08 PM on December 18, 2008


On the topic of poo coloring; do not break a 20 hour fast by eating an entire bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos (con limon). I thought that I had some weird fast-developing bleeding ulcer or possibly ingested a nailbomb.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 10:14 PM on December 18, 2008 [5 favorites]


*looks at stephen king "it" paperback on bookshelf*

there's shit weasels in this? you know, i've got to finally get around to reading that just to find out what the hell those could be

(no, don't tell me)
posted by pyramid termite at 1:22 AM on December 19, 2008


"I was drinking coffee heavily so that I would stay awake and needed to relieve myself pretty badly...."

And then the nun said "$20, same as in town!"
posted by electroboy at 7:26 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


'It' doesn't have shit-weasels. They're in 'Dreamcatcher'.
posted by CKmtl at 9:57 AM on December 19, 2008


Dreamcatcher does have "It" references in it though.
posted by Artw at 10:05 AM on December 19, 2008


I really want him to go ahead and do that and report back on how the ensuing conversation went.
posted by empath at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2008


I, like many others, discovered the unnatural boost of confidence you get from taking Peppermint Oil and finding out that, yes, in fact Your Shit Does Not Stink.

HAHAHAHAHAAHA Ah yes, and you know when the baby has eaten the sparkly chewing gum about 12 hours after he's done it. The commercials don't lie: Fresh and Minty, No Matter What©
posted by lysdexic at 6:40 PM on December 19, 2008


Restroom stalls are a disgusting invention. Smelling and listening to other people conspecifics shit is for animals, not human beings with dignity and such.

I can hold my bodily functions just fine until two conditions are met: 1) a room with a door and a lock, and 2) just me.
posted by dgaicun at 7:42 PM on December 19, 2008


Next March or so, the Girl Scouts will be selling those boxes of Thin Mints again, and this whole kabuki drama will have to repeat itself.
posted by gimonca at 11:00 AM on December 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: ...on the topic of poo coloring
posted by blue_beetle at 1:44 PM on December 20, 2008


I read the last two meta posts as an ongoing conversation. Been surfing those blogs that have the annoying reverse order of posts, so this looked like a reply to the previous post: Screenshot.
posted by dabitch at 5:06 PM on December 20, 2008


Read the book "Dreamcatcher." That book will make you totally rethink difficult bowel movements.

Thank you. Now I won't be able to poo for a week.

Effing shit-weasels.
posted by Night_owl at 10:11 PM on December 20, 2008


ryanrs writes "so... anyone know how to make other colors? I hear pepto-bismol can produce black turds, but I've never tried it. Are they a really dark, jet black?"

As this question isn't metafilter related it needs to be on AskMe instead.

jonmc writes "Well, there's only one way to change that, my man.

"*hands gman a Sharpie*"


This is Canada man, we to condone that kind of thing around here.
posted by Mitheral at 2:21 PM on December 21, 2008


I have only one motivation that keeps me trying to become either a millionaire or a mad scientist. When I claim that my shit smells of roses, I want to be able to produce a bouquet of my genetically engineered roses that smell like shit.
posted by dirty lies at 3:33 PM on December 22, 2008


Didn't Mike Rowe do the same type of diagnosis on Dirty Jobs to find out what formula was best for cow feed.
posted by Megafly at 6:07 PM on December 22, 2008


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