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Who makes up the mefi audience?
January 19, 2009 2:04 PM   RSS feed for this thread Subscribe

Who are the people who make up metafilter?

The longer I lurk on metafilter, the more I am amused by the people in this community.

I'm a member of several online communities. Most of them have the same demographics....on surface. Educated, middle or upper middle class, ages 20-40, and liberal. However, I find this community completely different from the rest. I find the same topics here that I find on the other message boards, but the type of replies are not similar. I am trying to pin down why.

To tell the truth besides the traits I listed above, I don't know what kind of people make up metafilter. I'm curious which groups are over and under-represented here on metafilter. An example, people by occupation. And I am very very curious if there are any similarities in childhoods lived by regulars on this site. I guess that's the education major in me.

But anyway I'm just curious what kind of lives people on here live once the computers are shut off. It's kind of difficult since most of the regulars don't post much about their lives.
posted by sixcolors to MetaFilter-related at 2:04 PM (368 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

Advertise here: Contact FM.


I live in a giant bucket.
posted by loquacious at 2:08 PM on January 19 [10 favorites]


once the computers are shut off

I think I've identified why you don't understand us...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:11 PM on January 19 [109 favorites]


Tuesday's coming, did you bring your coat?
posted by mrzarquon at 2:11 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


90% American male nerds.
posted by i_cola at 2:11 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


By day, I'm just an average person with enough free time to browse pointless online discussions. By night, I fight crime in the name of justice, behind a veil of anonymity that puts fear in the hearts of my enemies.

That's right. I'm Batman.
posted by Ms. Saint at 2:11 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


I drive race cars. Not to be confused with racing cars.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:13 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


There have been some attempts at determining the demographics of Metafilter before, I think. There were forms.
posted by kisch mokusch at 2:14 PM on January 19


Previously (and I don't think this is the only MeTa thread about this topic). There was a survey of Mefites a while ago, but given that there are some regular users, many (like you, and like me at the moment) who are members but mostly lurk, and some non-members who just lurk, it seems like a hard question to answer.
posted by greycap at 2:14 PM on January 19


This site was created for people who have been permanently banned from /b/.
posted by terranova at 2:15 PM on January 19 [7 favorites]


Ah, yes. I forgot that Metatalk has tags now.
posted by kisch mokusch at 2:15 PM on January 19


I'm Spartacus!
posted by pompomtom at 2:16 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


An example, people by occupation.

Basically, over-represented: people whose jobs or other means of earning a living have them sitting in front of computers for many hours a day with enough leeway to slack off on Metafilter. Under-represented: everyone else. When reading Metafilter with a critical eye towards bias this is one of the most important to keep in mind. Plenty of people on Metafilter sit in front of computers all day long but not so many dig ditches, wait tables, deal drugs, strip, sell real estate, manage construction projects, work cash registers, sit in board meetings, drive buses, etc. all day long.

This isn't some horrible thing, just a natural consequence of the fact that people who spend more time in front of computers will naturally tend to spend more time on Metafilter.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:17 PM on January 19 [12 favorites]


I think you'll find us all to be Spartacus.
posted by Salmonberry at 2:17 PM on January 19 [6 favorites]


Some of us live among the trees.
posted by ninjew at 2:18 PM on January 19


I like tomatoes and black-capped chickadees!
posted by Wolfdog at 2:18 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I am a 62-year-old Russian woman.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 2:18 PM on January 19


I'm a dog.
posted by Artw at 2:20 PM on January 19


Shit, wasn't going to tell anybody.
posted by Artw at 2:20 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


In all seriousness: I believe the difference between Metafilter and other online groups that I've lurked / participated in is largely a matter of tradition. There appears to be an ongoing group consensus that we try to do our best to be good citizens and thwart the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory. (It is not, of course, 100% effective.) The light and forgiving touch of the mods is also a significant component of the survival of this ethic.
posted by SPrintF at 2:21 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Good luck with this.
posted by desjardins at 2:21 PM on January 19


I like collecting records and exploring the cave of the unknown.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:22 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


You can see some quantcast statistics here

Male, middle aged, with children, not making that much money is the average for around these parts. Though that is counting passers by, who make up 59% of traffic.

Metatalk's demographics are much more extreme than metafilters as a whole. Much more male, more educated, and fewer children. You can lookup information for askme and jobs too, travel is the only subsite reporting a mostly female audience.

Tons of interesting information.
posted by pseudonick at 2:22 PM on January 19


By a show of hands, how many other cannibals are out there on Mefi?

/raises plate of a half-dozen BBQ hands
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:22 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Buy ya a milkbone, Art?
posted by Wolfdog at 2:23 PM on January 19


Let's beat the $5 horse and say the elevated level of discourse and thought provoking posts are a result of having to pay to be here.
posted by fiercekitten at 2:23 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


We're not men (or women!) We are Devo.
posted by Abiezer at 2:23 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


I like it because it is not overrun by 22 year olds (reddit), dumbasses (digg), rednecks (fark), weirdos (SA) and because it is wordy, thought-out, sex like teletext. That and homunculus whom I'm convinced is Scott Beale.
posted by plexi at 2:23 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Some people are jazz singers.
Some people are librarians.
Some people are editors for pornographic magazines.
Some people are funeral directors.
Some people are computer programmers.
Some people are humorists.
Some people are lighting designers
Some people are musicians.
Some people are theater directors.
Some people are social workers.
Some people are unemployed vagabonds.
Some people are artists.
Some people are blog-at-home moms.
Some people are bookstore buyback desk jockeys.
Some people are cubicle drones.
Some people are academics.
Some people are graphic designers.
Some people are divers.
Some people are massage therapists.
Some people are scientists.
Some people are EMTs.
Some people are activists.
Some people are lawyers, but not yours.
Some people are doctors, but not yours.
Some people are telvision personalities.
Some people are vikings.

I'm a geisha, more or less. A GEISHA FOR ONE. Happy anniversary, dahling.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:23 PM on January 19 [13 favorites]


What I do is no concern of yours.
posted by ardgedee at 2:24 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm just this guy, you know.
posted by athenian at 2:24 PM on January 19 [6 favorites]


You can lookup information for askme and jobs too, travel is the only subsite reporting a mostly female audience.

People use Travel?!?
posted by typewriter at 2:26 PM on January 19


I'm Some Dude. You may have seen me with This Guy and That Bitch. I like to plant guns and crack on innocent people.
posted by stavrogin at 2:27 PM on January 19 [6 favorites]


I am not Batman.

So you can see what a diverse group we are.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:27 PM on January 19


I was born in the wagon of a travellin' show,
Mama would dance for the money they'd throw.
Papa would do whatever he could,
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of doctor good.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:27 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


What we do is secret.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:29 PM on January 19


Male, middle aged, with children, not making that much money

White, 30, single, drives a Porsche - who's ready to party?
posted by plexi at 2:30 PM on January 19


I like noodles.
posted by needled at 2:32 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I know what is meant by "Hegel" and "class society",
When I can tell at sight a Ber Borochov from a Trotsky,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "proletariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern Marxist theory,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
You'll say a better Marxist-Leninist has never sat a-gee.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:32 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


The rather small demographic of people with Hungarian screen names that they inappropriately and distractingly write with German orthography is overrepresented here.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:34 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


We are the Daves you know, you know.

We are the Daves you know.
posted by jason's_planet at 2:34 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


*sings* "I don't like knowin' people ... I don't like people knowin' about me-ee-eee."
posted by adipocere at 2:34 PM on January 19


My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
posted by bondcliff at 2:40 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


I'm just an honest cop, trying to get some good collars and keep the chief happy. Wrong end of middle-aged, balding, bit of a belly. Mortgage. Microwave dinners. Wife dumped me for one of those CSI hotshots, and I don’t speak much to my kids. But that’s okay.

I remember this one time, this one guy we had through here - well, it was a pair of guys - really used to get in the chief's craw and, fix it so his ulcers were really throbbing, so that he was constantly mixing Pepto in with his whiskey, which he drank from a coffee cup, but we all knew. Anyway, this pair of guys, constantly discharging their weapons, commandeering civilian vehicles, smashing them through shop windows. They actually set fire to one gang banger and used him as a human shield, and this other time, they shot a crack dealer through the face and rode him down a wooden staircase like a snowboard, firing Mac-10s all the way, which aren’t departmental weapons by the way. Also they both have Ferraris, though I'm damned if I can figure out how, on a detective's salary.

Me, I work behind a desk, but I’m telling you, that’s still police work. I don’t need to have a fistfight with a guy after we’ve both jumped out the back of a plummeting Cessna, struggling to get his parachute away from him, until I wrap some kind of buckle or rope around his neck and his head comes off and flies away, and then I’ve got the parachute, and I tell the mutilated corpse not to lose his head, and then I parachute down and land in some rich guy’s spa, between a couple Playboy models, and all of a sudden I’ve got this cigar. Some guys need that kind of stuff, but not me.

In the end the chief had just had enough of these two jokers and he called them both into his office, and he really chewed them out, slamming his fist on the desk, spittle flying everywhere. He threatened to take their badges. That chief!
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:40 PM on January 19 [17 favorites]


Well, there's this one guy who likes languages and hats.

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing is a rather charming young lady.

You do NOT want to know about Blazecock Pileon.

Jessamyn is a sock puppet.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:40 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I am eating noodles...RIGHT NOW!
posted by supermedusa at 2:40 PM on January 19


I am neither Batman, nor a dog. I'm not a ninja, even though my wardrobe is mostly black.

I am, in fact, Mrs. Roberts. Not to be confused with Mrs. Robinson.
posted by dejah420 at 2:41 PM on January 19


Hmm, I'd kind of had the impression that Metafilter was fairly unique in its not-only-teenagers demographic. Other online communities with demographic 20-40? Those exist?
posted by Phire at 2:41 PM on January 19


"the regulars don't post much about their lives" Have you seen ask.metafilter.com?

Some people populate their profiles, some have links to websites, some are actually honest. In my case, I don't love oversharing on teh intarwebs, so It's All A Big Lie.
posted by theora55 at 2:41 PM on January 19


Let's beat the $5 horse and say the elevated level of discourse and thought provoking posts are a result of having to pay to be here.

I didn't have to pay and I'm as elevated as anybody.
posted by timeistight at 2:42 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm your boogie man.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:43 PM on January 19


Everyone is different. No two Mefites are not on fire. (Awwww.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:46 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


I'm a gulch!
posted by biscotti at 2:46 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I post from my cell in a high-security prison.
posted by Miko at 2:49 PM on January 19


I'm eating noodles right now.
posted by ardgedee at 2:51 PM on January 19


We are all special beans that strongly disagree about the size of the plate.
posted by Pants! at 2:52 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I think therefore I spam.
posted by ob at 2:52 PM on January 19


Metafilter isn't made up. Religion is made up.
posted by Elmore at 2:54 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Underrepresented: fedora-wearers.
posted by rtha at 2:55 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Who are the people who make up metafilter?

The worst collection of internet performance artists you can imagine. Mefites are the mime artists of the net, the bird poo in your pudding on a lukewarm monday evening. Basically a bunch of fedora-wearing, self-hating hipsters, snarky and cynical jerks who love the bacon and bowls of dick.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:57 PM on January 19


...and one bitter crippled drunk.
posted by jonmc at 2:58 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


What really sets Metafilter apart is it's tolerance of minority groups, particularly people with Hungarian screen names that they inappropriately and distractingly write with German orthography.
posted by kisch mokusch at 2:58 PM on January 19


...the bird poo in your pudding on a lukewarm monday evening...

It sure is ironic, Alanis.

It sure is.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:01 PM on January 19


I'm a member of several online communities. Most of them have the same demographics....on surface.

One of the things I like about Metafilter is how thoroughly generalist it is in approach, and I think that informs that lack of many clearcut demographic identifiers (beyond "owns computer, has net access, speaks English").

A lot of web community type places have some sort of organizing principle or some kind of either explicit or implicit reason d'etre—a topic (or an umbrella of topics), a political/social stance or cause, an external-facing attitude, etc. There's the potential for that to drive somewhat the demographics of the folks inclined to join a site, and/or to emphasize in one way or another the surface allegiance of the site's members toward whatever that organization principle is.

That's not the case for all sites, certainly—there are to varying degrees generalist community sites out there—but it's still relatively unusual I think and may be a key difference in what you perceive as visible surface demographics as such. Metafilter doesn't "do" anything in particular, it just is, and so folks tend I think to be attracted to membership for various ineffable reasons having to do with what they personally like or find interesting in here prior to their membership.
posted by cortex at 3:02 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


These noodles are pretty effing ineffable, if you catch my drift.
posted by ardgedee at 3:05 PM on January 19


Computers shut off?
posted by CKmtl at 3:05 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


"Some people are vikings."

But not literally. Figuratively.
posted by Johnny Porno at 3:09 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I am a large piece of citrus who orbits the Earth.

In my spare time, I enjoy macramé.

(And seriously, I talk about myself all the time. What's this "regular users don't talk about their lives" crap. BLAH BLAH BLAH I'M MY FAVORITE SUBJECT BLAH BLAH BLAH.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:09 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


"Some people are vikings."
But not literally. Figuratively.

Except for Kattullus. He's a Viking. We've gone over this before.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:10 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Mefites are the mime artists of the net

Raises eyebrows
Opens eyes wide
Makes on O shape with mouth
Puts fingers to temples and thumbs to cheeks
Moves head from side to side
Shrugs
posted by Elmore at 3:14 PM on January 19


cortex has a crush on me
posted by generalist at 3:15 PM on January 19


Maruchan Instant Lunch Cheddar Cheese Flavor is proof that the Japanese do not understand what cheese is for. It's also proof that not all noodles are good.
posted by ardgedee at 3:22 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm just an asshole. A nice one, as assholes go, though.
posted by fourcheesemac at 3:24 PM on January 19


I was born on a cold winter day in the snowy woods of Siberia, as my father was transporting my pregnant mother to the nearest gulag, which had the only hospital within a hundred kilometers. He was taken by bears not five minutes later, defending our sled. I will always remember him as I saw him then, for the first and last time, flailing his pitchfork wildly with one hand and cursing with the other amid the silent majesty of the taiga.

I spent the first several years of my life in our small village. In the springs, nuclear clouds from the tests conducted somewhere on northern islands would descend from the sky, raining cold green rain on our heads. As I ran through the rusty puddles at the tender age of five, trying to get home before the soles of my valenki melted off, I dreamed of a better life. My gift of manipulating electromagnetic fields with my hands would surface until I was going through puberty.

I left home at twelve without saying goodbye. Standing at the side of the dirt road leading to the great beyond, I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "Fresh", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, man forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air!
posted by Krrrlson at 3:24 PM on January 19 [15 favorites]


I am a sockpuppet. I excrete lint!
posted by KokuRyu at 3:25 PM on January 19


I have a completely fictional online identity with a different career, birthday, salary, place of residence, place of work, etc... that I usually use for such questions, but I'll be honest this time and say that I work in the comment spamming industry, and this is one of my many sleeper accounts that uses sophisticated heuristics to generate comments and posts computationally until enough time has lapsed for my spam to take people completely by surprise. I figure another four years and I'll have lulled you all into a sense of complacency about my insidious plot.

Actually the fictional online cover identity part is true, so I guess you can put me down in the paranoid coward cubbyhole on your demographic chart.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:31 PM on January 19


Hello from Janek Makowski

I'd like to say hello to all people on this board.

Regards,
Janek
posted by Janek_Makowski at 3:31 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Can we close this now? sixcolors has an answer: A bunch of smartasses.
posted by dirty lies at 3:32 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I sweat a lot. Pants fall down every time I bend over. My feet itch!
posted by team lowkey at 3:32 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Who are the people who make up metafilter?

posted by sixcolors to MetaFilter-related at 5:04 PM

Aptonymical.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:34 PM on January 19


I am my own sock puppet.
posted by Tomorrowful at 3:34 PM on January 19


Janek Makowski can't spell Todd Lokken.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:38 PM on January 19


I am a three.
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 3:40 PM on January 19


I work down at The Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight
I'm a sci: fi fanatic, mild asthmatic
Never been to second base...
posted by Robert Angelo at 3:41 PM on January 19


I am a zombie.

But not a space zombie. That's someone else here.
posted by Caduceus at 3:41 PM on January 19


I'm not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won't leave you
'Til the sunlight has touched your face.
posted by Sailormom at 3:47 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I'm a dick.
posted by swift at 3:51 PM on January 19


I am that I am
posted by dersins at 3:53 PM on January 19


sixcolors has an answer: A bunch of smartasses.

Hey kid. I'm an asshole. Your parents around?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:55 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I am the resurrection and I am the light.
posted by Dumsnill at 3:57 PM on January 19


I am just alright with you.
posted by cortex at 3:57 PM on January 19


I AM A VELOCIRAPTOR

...of love
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:58 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


I am Hell.

And truth be told, a bit of a bird-watcher.
posted by quin at 4:01 PM on January 19


I yam who I yam.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:03 PM on January 19


I find the same topics here that I find on the other message boards, but the type of replies are not similar. I am trying to pin down why.

It's due to the level of consumption of alcohol. Plain and simple.
posted by ericb at 4:03 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I am just alright with you.

Cortex is just all right ..... OH YEAH!
posted by Afroblanco at 4:03 PM on January 19


Sailing in longboats and pillaging villages! That's where I'm a viking.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 4:04 PM on January 19


Who makes up Metafilter's audience?

Well, if they are like me, then it is made up of people:
who wish that blahblahblah posted more;
who yearn for OmieWise to share more;
who acknowledge there is genius at times in quonsar's humor and humanity;
who lament the loss of a useful voice when UncleFes left;
who really dig cortex's sound and imagination;
who hope that Ethereal Bligh is doing well and appreciate that his desire to share is heartfelt;
who realize that if they have run afoul of languagehat then they must have taken a wrong turn somewhere;
who aspire to be as even-handed and rational as bugbread;
who feel bad for not having as good of a heart as brownpau;
who understand that monju_bosatsu does not say much but is right whenever he does;
who can appreciate where ebk is coming from;
who think tog is the bee's knees;
who feel lucky to have hung out with Ufez Jones;
who want to some day hang with stinky;
and who could go on and on with such thoughts if he did not have to go home for the day...
posted by dios at 4:04 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


Oh hello

I am the ghost of troubled Joe. Hung by his pretty white neck some eighteen months ago. I travelled to a mystical time zone and I missed my bed and I soon came home.
posted by elmono at 4:05 PM on January 19


I drive race cars. Not to be confused with racing cars.

I drive rally cars. Not to be confused with race or racing cars.
posted by ericb at 4:05 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I am not an animal!

wait.
posted by The Whelk at 4:08 PM on January 19


I drive cars.
[Not racist]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:11 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman
posted by amyms at 4:11 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:13 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I'm a scientist!
I'm a democrat!
I drive a Honda!

(oh, and I'm also a crazy bitch, but that doesn't come across in the demographics)
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:15 PM on January 19


I'm a dick.

You might be related to my cat.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:17 PM on January 19 [6 favorites]


We are the Daves you know.

Not true, jason's_planet. Some of us are Davids.
posted by Evangeline at 4:18 PM on January 19


I used to drive a rice burner.
[Not ricist]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:21 PM on January 19


I believe the difference between Metafilter and other online groups that I've lurked / participated in is largely a matter of tradition.

Tradition that mostly boils down to:
1. An insistence on grammar and good spelling.
2. Posters who value their accounts (they're either hard-won or paid-for) and accordingly take care of their reputation.
posted by bonaldi at 4:22 PM on January 19


I AM THE GOD OF HELL FIRE! AND I BRING YOU...
posted by Joe Beese at 4:28 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I'm a poor boy from the hollows of northern Appalachia.
posted by mrmojoflying at 4:31 PM on January 19


I'm a non-unique exception, walking confirmational bias, oversharer deluxe, and the last resort for advice cobbled together by memorising every personal history or anecdote I've ever encountered. And Bohemian to boot.
posted by batmonkey at 4:32 PM on January 19


I am the sole author of all posts and comments on Metafilter. Keeps me busy, I can tell you.
posted by idiomatika at 4:33 PM on January 19


They're the people that you meet when you're walking down the street!

They're the people that you meet each day!
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:34 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:36 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, Poles, the disabled, political dissidents and Germans.
posted by klangklangston at 4:38 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I'm only five foot one. I got a pain in my neck. I'm looking up in the city. What the hell, what the heck?
posted by maudlin at 4:41 PM on January 19


And Liza Minnelli.
posted by box at 4:41 PM on January 19


travel is the only subsite reporting a mostly female audience.

That's only because the girls at Music won't give out their names because they are constantly throwing their bras at anyone who is onstage.
posted by micayetoca at 4:43 PM on January 19


Some folks
Love to see red
Some folks
Never talk about it
Some folks
Crave a blue lady
Some folks
Know and still they doubt it

Some folks
Love to feel pain
Some folks
Wake up every mornin'
Some folks
Live for no reason
Some folks
Die without a warning
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 4:45 PM on January 19


rustlers
cut throats
murderers
bounty hunters
desperados
mugs
pugs
thugs
nitwits
halfwits
dimwits
vipers
snipers
con men
Indian agents
Mexican bandits
muggers
buggerers
bushwhackers
hornswogglers
horse thieves
bull dykes
train robbers
bank robbers
ass-kickers
shit-kickers
and... Methodists.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:45 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Ich bin ein Berliner.
posted by terranova at 4:48 PM on January 19


90% American male nerds.

I'm not a percentage! I'm a free woman!
posted by katillathehun at 4:52 PM on January 19


and... Methodists.

That's Hedley!
posted by dersins at 4:53 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat cause I'm going bowling later and there's gonna be junk food there. And beer!
posted by Science! at 4:53 PM on January 19


I'm a Cube! I'm the only Cube here!


also I'm a sockpuppet
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 4:56 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm cyber-stalking John Hodgman.
posted by hellojed at 5:00 PM on January 19


I joined Mefi to find out who I was.
posted by octothorpe at 5:01 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


You're not a TimeCube, though.
posted by Caduceus at 5:02 PM on January 19


Ask not who, ask why. For me it always comes back to the fact that mathowie trusted us. And as cortex hinted at, he set no limits on what we might talk about.

LONG LIVE THE WALL OF TEXT
posted by shoesfullofdust at 5:02 PM on January 19


I'm a nightmare walking, psychopath talking.
posted by pompomtom at 5:06 PM on January 19


> This site was created for people who have been permanently banned from /b/.
> posted by terranova at 5:15 PM on January 19 [2 favorites +] [!]

No img tag is our special Hell.
posted by jfuller at 5:08 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I was unsatisfied with those noodles. I want good noodles now.
posted by ardgedee at 5:10 PM on January 19


Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, Poles, the disabled, political dissidents and Germans.

every night we'd hear it from the people of the town, they'd call us...
posted by jonmc at 5:13 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


At least one MeFite will wendell.
Yes, I know the joke is "desperately leaden." In fact, I'm making it because it's desperately leaden.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:15 PM on January 19


I am watching you masturbate.
posted by homunculus at 5:16 PM on January 19


I hope you remembered your safety goggles.
posted by jonmc at 5:17 PM on January 19


I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.
posted by nooneyouknow at 5:19 PM on January 19


I'm here because I still have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their scanners, or why.
posted by yellowbinder at 5:22 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


I have a camera.
posted by pjern at 5:31 PM on January 19


Okay I may get roundly criticised for actually, y'know ANSWERING the OP earnestly here, but this is something I regularly promote as the main reason I'm a member of this site:

The main trait that sets the users here apart is that they are critical thinkers.

To me that's pretty darn unique for a web community. That trait is fostered and encouraged and self-affirming by the sheer weight of numbers of thoughtful individuals who will (sometimes gently, albiet generally with a soupcon of snark) guide and chastise the less introspective individuals into realising their error...or not. Hell four years ago when I joined this place, I didn't even know what a "strawman argument" was, or why it was such a poor way to support your logic.

There's more, of course, but my patience with iPhone typing is limited.
posted by lonefrontranger at 5:33 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


I am my mother's daughter.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:36 PM on January 19


Can you believe the offensively sarcastic and totally uncalled for answer that lonefrontranger posted? What an ass.
posted by Science! at 5:37 PM on January 19


Nearly everyone on MetaFilter is taking anti-depressants. Causation, or just correlation? We may never know.
posted by 0xFCAF at 5:46 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Nearly everyone on MetaFilter is taking anti-depressants.

I'm not. Tough break, gloomy gusses.
posted by jonmc at 5:48 PM on January 19


I AM IRON MAN
posted by brundlefly at 5:49 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Who are the people who make up metafilter?

Why do you assume we're all people? Speciesist.
posted by languagehat at 5:53 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


This thread about professional pet peeves gave me a lot of information about the lives and annoyances of people here.
posted by salvia at 5:56 PM on January 19


I like to click on things. That's why I am here.
posted by aubilenon at 5:59 PM on January 19


All allegations about me are spurious and unfounded.
posted by jouke at 6:01 PM on January 19


WE ARE SPARTA!!!!!
posted by jasper411 at 6:04 PM on January 19


I contain multitudes.
posted by gingerbeer at 6:05 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


*throws snowballs at Science!*

I've always wanted to throw snowballs at science! Thanks, dude!
posted by lonefrontranger at 6:06 PM on January 19


I am just looking for a used car.
posted by never used baby shoes at 6:06 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


All right, lonefrontranger has got me feeling all guilty for snarking, so I'll bite.

I'm a gay/white/Canadian/bad jew/20 something/male/dork/video editor/wannabe documentary filmmaker. I also got that gifted child underachiever complex that half of MeFi seems to have going on, but I try not to talk about that because it gets on my boyfriend's nerves.

He's just jealous that I got a multimillion dollar biotech lab in high school, while he got ancient nuns with tunnel vision.

I'm also named Jason, which judging by user names seems to be a popular name around these parts. However, as I'm sure someone will point out in about 45 seconds, that's probably just confirmation bias.
posted by yellowbinder at 6:08 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


That's just confirjason bi—

HOLY SHIT
posted by cortex at 6:11 PM on January 19


All right, lonefrontranger has got me feeling all guilty for snarking, so I'll bite.

Why feel guilty? The OP is trying to quantify us. Another poster tried to quantify me once. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.

Actually, that's a lie. I hate wine. I washed his liver down with some Budweiser.
posted by jonmc at 6:11 PM on January 19


I'm either the son and heir or the sun and air, but I've never bothered to figure out which.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:11 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Is the question "who makes up the mefi audience," or "who makes up the mefi posting users"?

'cause I suspect there are a lot more readers than writers.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:12 PM on January 19


I'm just trying to find the bridge.
posted by fixedgear at 6:19 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


lonefrontranger: "(sometimes gently, albiet generally with a soupcon of snark)"

MetaFilter: a soupcon of snark

How awesome would it be if there was a SoupCon? I would totally get my chowder on.
posted by team lowkey at 6:19 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


Well, it's official. Janeane Garofalo cannot act. At all.

Also, it's set to hit almost 60 in a day or two where I am, so I am effectively impervious to snowball damage. 60 degrees in Kansas in January? That's kind of odd.
posted by Science! at 6:20 PM on January 19


Janeane Garofalo cannot act. At all.

Yeah. But she's cute.
posted by jonmc at 6:21 PM on January 19


team lowkey:
How awesome would it be if there was a SoupCon? I would totally get my chowder on."

Holy crap yes! I just cooked up a pot of split peas with some spinach and corn and a ham bone. I didn't think it would turn out all that well, but darned if it doesn't get tastier by the day.
posted by Science! at 6:22 PM on January 19


Many, if not all of us, are English Majors.
posted by ColdChef at 6:24 PM on January 19


I wendell.
(This may be the ONLY time I've ever thanked a Devil's Advocate, but, thanks for the mention, DevilsAdvocate)

I'm here because I'm not all there.

I'm one of the Top 10 Wendells on the Web according to Yahoo, but not according to Google.

I've made up with MetaFilter several times in nine years, but never kissed it... open-mouthed.

I drive race cars and play race cards. I can overcook a pot of beans. I am not Spartacus, but I can yell "THIS IS SPARTA" fairly loudly. Sleep is where I'm an Arizona Cardinal. I don't expect miracles or the Spanish Inquisition. In Russia, MetaFilter posts to me. I am not a danger to myself or Will Robinson.

I am not Batman, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Superman, Plasticman, Aquaman, Particle Man, Big Boy, Dogboy, only human, one of the Mad Men or TIME's Person of the Year (this year).

I haven't been myself lately, but whoever I have been would probably deny it.
posted by wendell at 6:26 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


You Good Boy. You Get Cookie.
posted by jonmc at 6:27 PM on January 19


Also, I am not an English Major or an English Minor, more of a half-Irish, half-German Major, and NOT the very model of a modern Major-General.
posted by wendell at 6:29 PM on January 19


I am not Todd Lokken.

-not Todd Lokken
posted by docpops at 6:32 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


wendell: "I am not... only human...

Umm... Jeebus?
posted by Science! at 6:32 PM on January 19


I'm just here for the nookie.
posted by Bageena at 6:38 PM on January 19


You must be getting impatient.
posted by jonmc at 6:43 PM on January 19


I am the man the boy promised himself he would never become.
posted by normy at 6:43 PM on January 19


I'm rodii.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:46 PM on January 19


jonmc: "Janeane Garofalo cannot act. At all.

Yeah. But she's cute."

Debatable. Though for her appearance on 24 she does seem to have mastered Zooey Deschanel's signature facial emotions; the range that covers the broad spectrum from "Did you just kick my puppy?" to "Why did you just kick my puppy?"
posted by Science! at 6:47 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Or I'm Skot. Shit. Wait. Now I can't remember.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:48 PM on January 19


We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:49 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Huh, sixcolors, you ask us about ourselves (selfs?) but don't say anything about who you are. Who are you sixcolors? Do you know? I don't know.

Maybe none of us knows who were are. Or were. Or should be.

Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I like to think that I post to a place called MetaFilter. Does MetaFilter think we're funny? Scribble on that far off, distant space surface to change our existence and maybe you will get some answers.
posted by Mister Cheese at 6:49 PM on January 19


I'm every woman, it's all in me.
Anything you want done baby, I do it naturally.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:53 PM on January 19


I'm going to suggest that this thread is a pretty perfect demonstration of what makes a Mefite a Mefite. Most other social networking sites are built around self-mythologizing and self-documenting. Metafilter isn't like that, so it attracts people who aren't particularly interested in talking about themselves.
posted by roll truck roll at 6:53 PM on January 19


I am, I am, I am Superman,
And I know what's happening.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:55 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


*sighs* So much for the serious approach. Very well then:

My name it is Sam Hall and I hates you one and all, damn your eyes!
posted by SPrintF at 6:56 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I am a 20th Century philosopher who founded two different movements in Philosophy.

I died in 1951.
posted by wittgenstein at 6:57 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


There's nookie here?
posted by Caduceus at 6:57 PM on January 19


I'm a dog.

I didn't know that, Artw.
posted by carter at 6:57 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm the goddamn Batman.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:59 PM on January 19


I'm just waiting for someone to eat that sandwich.
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 7:01 PM on January 19


I was born a poor black child.
posted by carsonb at 7:02 PM on January 19


Miss Otis' Egrets: "I'm just waiting for someone to eat that sandwich."

I left it out all night so I'm not sure if its safe to eat.
posted by octothorpe at 7:07 PM on January 19


I'm declining.

this is a double ententre
posted by desuetude at 7:09 PM on January 19


How awesome would it be if there was a SoupCon? I would totally get my chowder on.


These are the hardest of felons, eschewing dining hall servings of overcooked pizza, chicken, and hash.

Living only on minestrone.
posted by terranova at 7:10 PM on January 19


Some folks built like this
Some folks built like that
But the way I'm built
You shouldn't call me fat
'Cause I'm built for comfort, baby
I ain't built for speed...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 7:10 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Did I say nookie? I meant cookies. I'm just here for the cookies. I'm sorry. I get those two words backwards every time. It's made for an interesting life, letmetellya.

I mean, my marriage isn't nearly as naughty as I want it to be, but look at all these oreos!
posted by Bageena at 7:12 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I'm a dog.

I didn't know that, Artw.

Nobody did!
posted by Artw at 7:12 PM on January 19


Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls mothers are bigger than
Other girls mothers
posted by needled at 7:18 PM on January 19


When you hear a lot of people singing in tune, you may ask "Who are these people?", but you could also ask "Why are they singing in tune?" or "How can they stay in tune?". So you may look for a diapason - or three.
posted by bru at 7:18 PM on January 19


I live in a giant bucket.

Damn, me too. How do you deal with the summer rainstorms - drain or bail?
posted by R. Mutt at 7:19 PM on January 19


I am a cherry tree.
posted by Kerasia at 7:20 PM on January 19


I am George Washington.

*chops kerasia down*
posted by jonmc at 7:22 PM on January 19


I still want noodles.
posted by ardgedee at 7:27 PM on January 19


90% American male nerds.

... and 0.5% Canadian fembots with attitude
posted by orange swan at 7:28 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!
posted by swift at 7:28 PM on January 19


The humorous responses? They're deflections because the truth is too painful. You'll have to think of a better way to find out about us.

Oh, and I was meh about Zooey until her stint on Weeds as Andy's psychotic ex-girlfriend. That was awesome.
posted by A dead Quaker at 7:30 PM on January 19


We like using a text-based interface.
posted by NikitaNikita at 7:39 PM on January 19


But enough about us. Let's talk about you.

oh, wait....
posted by longsleeves at 7:40 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


I build and operate useful (if slightly predictable) huge kinetic sculptures. My name is not a disease of sheep. I talk funny, but not as funny as the rest of you sound to me.
posted by scruss at 7:55 PM on January 19


>I am, I am, I am Superman,
And I know what's happening.

>>I'm the goddamn Batman.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:04 PM on January 19


I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island ... never ... cries.
posted by thinkpiece at 8:16 PM on January 19


I am not what I would appear to be.
posted by pianomover at 8:24 PM on January 19


I am a man of constant Thoreau.
I keep my journal all my days.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:25 PM on January 19


I am who am.
posted by Lynsey at 8:26 PM on January 19


I yam what I yam.
posted by CaptApollo at 8:28 PM on January 19


Now, will the real Metafilter please stand up.
posted by pianomover at 8:30 PM on January 19


I'm still trying to find something to post to the front page..
posted by Ugh at 8:30 PM on January 19


I fucked yo mamma, which makes me yo daddy.

*passes out*
posted by jonmc at 8:36 PM on January 19


I'm still trying to find something to post to the front page..

I'm still just trying to find a good used car.

What is all this?
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 8:37 PM on January 19


I remember when the thing to know around here was a bunny who loved pancakes.
posted by acorncup at 8:42 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


My spoon is too big.
posted by routergirl at 8:42 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


very well, I contradict myself....
and use sock puppets for, well, you know . . .
posted by TomSophieIvy at 8:43 PM on January 19


Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, Poles, the disabled, political dissidents and Germans.
posted by klangklangston at 4:38 PM on January 19

Hey, I fit three of those categories!
Is that a film-quote?
posted by kolophon at 8:45 PM on January 19


I went into great detail once about who and what I was, but no one cared at all.

Not even the chair.
posted by yhbc at 8:51 PM on January 19


Cancer, and my name is Larry.
posted by pianomover at 8:58 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I was hoping for Wild Man Fischer.
posted by jonmc at 9:01 PM on January 19


אהיה אשר אהיה
posted by felix betachat at 9:10 PM on January 19


I am not good with the cut and paste thing. Apologies for this again.



I am a middle aged gun owning conservative. Also, IANAL. IANYL. When I have a legal question, I consult an attorney. When I have a mental health issue I ask a doctor. Rather than lend money to friends, I gift them half of what they need. My kids have limits. They respect me for and love me in spite of it. At this point, my wife tolerates me, but has no limits. My job is just that, a job. I give it 100%, but at the end of the day I go home and try to contribute to the community without thinking one iota about work. I know the name of ALL of my elected officials including my representatives in the congress, my state senator, my local town officials and my school board. I try to eat healthy foods in reasonable portions, but I often fail miserably at that. I love beer. A lot. I do not sleep as well or as long as I would like. I drive to work. I refuse to get on the 8:55 into the city. I respect your space and your individuality if you respect mine. I am fascinated by human ability to thrive in extreme conditions such as the pilot who ditched in the Hudson. I am a big NASCAR fan. I do not know why. I just am. I am a big Tony Stewart fan. I know why. He is a couch potato among great athletes. He likes beer and hates to lose. Did I mention I am that way too? I am frugal. Or cheap or thrifty. Call it what you want, wasting resources really bothers me. I love nature although I do not like organizations such as greenpeace. Although I never shot a man in Reno, I would watch him die. I am a deadhead. Being who I am (see above) and being a deadhead is sort of like being who I am and being a mefite. I am not your typical group member. I just like the music. I like the scene too. I like Jerry more than I like Bob. I do like Bob's cowboy songs though. I think Phil is great too. I have no basis, but I think I like Bill better than Mickey, but I like both of their drumming a lot. I need to be in the right mood to hear a pigpen 20 minute lovelight. I value my education although I have yet to use it. My favorite teacher was my fourth grade teacher. He was a surfer dude. 4th grade boys really like surfer dudes for fourth grade teachers. I am a NY Football Giants fan. That is much harder than it sounds. I am a Yankee fan too. Say what you want about the damn Yankees, but do not say anything negative about my man Thurman Munson. I have never been too hot in my life, but I have been too cold. Oddly enough, I like it when it is extremely cold such as below zero. The 20 to 55 degree weather I hate. I am a lover of american history and of american biography. I particularly like wall street history. I know who Hetty Green is. I know that Bernard Baruch is the greatest short seller of all time. I am very loyal. I had my first job for 20 years. I have no patience for lack of effort or lack of thinking or lack of compassion. I cannot hit the overhand curveball. I can hit a 90 mile an hour fastball. I can hit my foul shots too. I used to be able to hit a bong. Off the record of course. I have spent the night in jail, although I did not do it. They agreed the next day. I like ice cream. I really like Carvel ice cream. The soft chocolate is my favorite. I much prefer a pool to the beach. Too much sand at the beach. My knee hurts. I really really respect John Wooden as a coach and man. I have an overdue library book that I swear I will return this week. I once stole a candy bar from the local card shop. It tasted great. I still regret it and cringe when I think about it. Once, I ate a dozen glazed donuts and puked. Once I ate a dozen and I did not puke, so there. My New Year's resolution this year was to think before I speak. My wife suggested that. I do not watch a lot of TV, but when I do, I have no minimal standards. I watch infomercials. I watch Burn Notice. I am a spy wannabe. I cannot speak spanish. Or french. Or chinese. Or even english that good. I am really good at whiffle ball.

But, when I die, all I want people to say is that I was a great father, a good friend and a straight shooter.


I am alone amongst mefites.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:18 PM on January 19 [7 favorites]


I am elemental.
posted by Cobalt at 9:25 PM on January 19


I'm not NOT licking toads.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 9:31 PM on January 19


I am an anarchistic collective share household with constantly changing membership.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:36 PM on January 19


Again, trying to answer poor sixcolor's question:
If that is a valid over-represented sample of MetaFilter's population, I'll live with it happily.
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 9:38 PM on January 19 [11 favorites]


Who are the people who make up metafilter?

MetaFilter isn't made up. It's real. Pinch it. It will squeal.

You're thinking about television.
posted by netbros at 9:39 PM on January 19


I live in a giant bucket.

My bukkit was cruelly taken from me.
posted by atrazine at 9:46 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - one word - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.

When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.

I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.

Also, I loooooooove chocolate! ^_^
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:03 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


What is who, anyway? And, why?
posted by not_on_display at 10:15 PM on January 19


I AM SPAR--

What?

Aw, fuck.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:15 PM on January 19


I am metafilter.
posted by boo_radley at 10:19 PM on January 19


I'm Soylent Green, and quite delicious. I taste like chicken.
posted by iconomy at 10:23 PM on January 19


Our emotional state of choice is cynicism. Our nourishment of choice is snark. Our addiction of choice is lolcats.

Our religion of choice is lolxians. Our currency of choice is FPPs. Our politics of choice is hating Bush..

Our society of choice is dystopian and we know it will always be.

You may hate us. You may dismiss us. You may misunderstand us. You maybe unaware of our existence.

We can only hope you do not care to judge us, because we would definitely judge you.

We are not criminals. We are not disillusioned. We are not web addicts. We are not naive children...

We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself.

We are The Metafilter. One Metafilter.
posted by empath at 10:28 PM on January 19


I was a Russian avant-garde writer. I hated children, but I loved performing for them, and I earned my living writing stories and poems for children's journals. I died of starvation in a prison psychiatric ward in 1942.

Today, still wanted by the government, I live under a rock. I play with words all day. When i get tired of this, I play with my cat. He's really good at Go.
posted by daniel_charms at 10:29 PM on January 19


'cause I suspect there are a lot more readers than writers.

I suspect you've confused the former with the latter.
posted by shoesfullofdust at 10:37 PM on January 19


Our emotional state of choice is wonder. Our nourishment of choice is honesty. Our addiction of choice is webcomics.

Our religion of choice is paganism. Our currency of choice is barter. Our politics of choice is promoting change.

Our society of choice is evolving and we know it will always be.

You may hate us. You may dismiss us. You may misunderstand us. You maybe unaware of our existence.

We can only hope you do not care to judge us, because we would definitely judge you and likely still find you worth knowing.

We are sometimes criminals. We are sometimes disillusioned. We are sometimes web addicts. We are not naive children...but still appreciate innocence.

We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself.

We are The Metafilter. One Metafilter.
posted by batmonkey at 10:42 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


oops, should have said I stole it from empath & FTFM(e)
posted by batmonkey at 10:43 PM on January 19


But anyway I'm just curious what kind of lives people on here live once the computers are shut off.

I paint, jog, take random walks through historical districts and off the beaten tracks. But most often, I pull up to a house at about seven or eight, yelling to the cabbie, "yo, home smell you later". Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to settle on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.
posted by the cydonian at 10:43 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


The differences are structural. No threaded comments, no sigs, no visible stats along with your post about how sweet you are at donating or posting a lot or whatever. No images, anymore, and even when they were around they were marginalized. Exemplary, fair, intelligent moderation.
posted by Kwine at 10:51 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I wear my crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
That I cannot repair.
posted by Caduceus at 10:56 PM on January 19


I am Queens Boulevard.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:00 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Winston Churchill, to a Lt. Col. Pulvertaft, in Cairo, after the 1943 Tehran conference, December, upon giving a blood sample when ill with pneumonia...
"You can use my finger, or my ear and, of course, I have an almost infinite expanse of arse."
This seemed as good a place
as any
to share that.
posted by dawson at 11:04 PM on January 19


Oh, that was totally stolen from the raver manifesto, btw. It's fucking ancient.
posted by empath at 11:11 PM on January 19


I am Shorty. I be four eleven.
posted by dirtdirt at 11:12 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I didn't make it up!
posted by dawson at 11:15 PM on January 19


I'm a scalar quantity, not a vector quantity. Remember this simple distinction, and your overall quality of life will improve by at least 3 x 10-4 of a percent, without rounding up.
posted by Minus215Cee at 11:25 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


jasper411: WE ARE SPARTA!!!!!
... EFF! SEE-uh!

frank miller/dodgy hollywood shit DOWN, mark e. smith and english football clubs UP

though how 300 can make 70 million in its first weekend whilst no more than 15 people turn up at the pitch in Luton every time around is beyond me
posted by koeselitz at 11:42 PM on January 19


Now I am a fallen woman.
posted by Kerasia at 11:48 PM on January 19


I just wanna know what love is. And I want you to show me.
posted by Kloryne at 11:53 PM on January 19


I'm a celebrity plagiarist and fake cult leader.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:54 PM on January 19


I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told. I have squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles such are promises.

Seriously, anyone want some mumbles? I've got a shitload of them.

Well, it's official. Janeane Garofalo cannot act. At all.

I'm someone who'd need a television to know who that is.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:00 AM on January 20


I am the backdoor man
I am the backdoor man
Well, the men don't know
But the little girls they understand
posted by Rangeboy at 12:15 AM on January 20


I must have been somebody else you've known.

Best Gram Parsons song EVAR
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:19 AM on January 20


I do, and have always. In the seventh season of Dallas too. My name is Tommy. Tommy Westphall, I thought it up in bed, with Suzanne Pleshette.
posted by vapidave at 12:42 AM on January 20



We see what we want to see. To illustrate this, here's a question for the OP: based on the content of my posts, who do you assume I am? I'm a long-time lurker with a very limited posting history here, so it won't take you all night to get through them. It's a small sample, but enough for an observer to form a mental picture.

Give it a shot: age, gender, sexual orientation, education, occupation, ethnicity, social class, political beliefs, religion, IQ, and body type.

After you guess, I'll post the details and send you a photo.
posted by aquafortis at 12:56 AM on January 20


I am a teacher some days, a student every day.
posted by exlotuseater at 1:12 AM on January 20


I am the lizard king; I can do anything
posted by Jofus at 1:16 AM on January 20


I am Anonymous
posted by dangerousdan at 1:58 AM on January 20


Shit.
posted by dangerousdan at 1:59 AM on January 20


Judge me by my postings, do you? Hmm? Hmm?! And well you should not. For my ally is the Filter, and a powerful ally it is. Snark creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude, overweight, acned matter. You must feel the Filter around you; here, between you, me, the computer, the the monitor, everywhere, yes. Even between your fingers and the keypad.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:08 AM on January 20


based on the content of my posts, who do you assume I am?

Assuming that your posts were truthful, here's what I get:

Female Californian divorcee - you mention an ex-spouse, with debts handled under Californian law. I'm going with female because you mention a thera-band, which is a piece of exercise equipment mostly used in pilates, which is overwhelmingly a female pursuit (based on my experience). You also mention squats, which are more a feminine obsession (legs & butt). Guys who are serious about exercising sure do them, but your typical male would me more likely to suggest upper-body exercises, like pushups.

Attended college (explicitly mentioned), presumably graduated. I'm thinking something along biological science or maybe food technology lines, based on some detailed knowledge exhibited in AskMe questions relating to food & nutrition. Buys books & art supplies, exhibits a decent knowledge of chess & had a student job as a classical music critic. That would've involved plenty of music classes as a kid, and they don't come cheap, and usually require a bit of parental discipline. I'm guessing a comfortable middle-class background as a result. Reasonably frequent usage of yiddish slang suggests possibly a Jewish background, and I guess the classical music & chess & intellectualism might support this, but only if dealing in cliches. Oh, did I mention possible understanding of latin? "aquafortis" would also support this. So, now I'm going with a comfy middle-class background and a fancy private school that actually teaches Latin, and probably has a classical music curriculum.

No big clues I could see on a skim as to age. Marrying somebody who racked up huge credit card debts might suggest a youngish marriage - especially for somebody apparently quite intelligent otherwise. So a massive guess would be married at 22, divorced late 20s. Current age around 30. Sexuality probably hetero, although I can't remember if & when California had gay marriages. On balance of probabilities, and without having read all posts in depth, hetero is the safer bet.

Body type - attending university measuring labs associated with weight loss programs suggests weight issues, but answers relating to exercise suggest that it's under control. Best bet would be a bit overweight, but not a whole lot.

Didn't notice a whole lot relating to political beliefs, but I'll go with liberal / progressive as a mefi default. Likewise, an IQ of 140, give or take, is a suitable kind of default. Did I miss anything? If so, sorry, I'm hungry.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:43 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]


I'm also known as Blade.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:47 AM on January 20


Some people call me Maurice because I speak of the pompitous of love.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:22 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I feel no need to disclose what I do when the computers are turned off and the lab is closed.
posted by The same thing we do every night, Pinky at 4:33 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I am late to the party.
posted by AD_ at 4:45 AM on January 20


I did not have sexual relations with that woman
posted by McGuillicuddy at 5:01 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I'm just fashionably late. Oh, wait.
posted by dabitch at 5:04 AM on January 20


I am watching you masturbate.
posted by homunculus at 5:16 PM on January 19 [+] [!]

Ahem.
posted by Ceiling Cat at 5:14 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]


I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:16 AM on January 20


I'm tired.
posted by oaf at 5:30 AM on January 20


There was no bowling.
posted by Science! at 5:42 AM on January 20


I was promised punch and pie.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:55 AM on January 20


I like pie.
posted by needled at 6:03 AM on January 20


*punches pie*

happy now?
posted by jonmc at 6:03 AM on January 20


...some are mathematicians
some are carpenters' wives
don't know how it all got started
don't know what they're doin' with their lives
but me, I'm still on the road,
heading for another joint
we always did feel the same
we just saw things from a different point of view
tangled up in (the) blue...
posted by freya_lamb at 6:05 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


Some mommies are ranchers, or poetry makers
Or doctors or teachers, or cleaners or bakers
Some mommies drive taxis, or sing on TV
Yeah, mommies can be almost anything they want to be
posted by Biblio at 6:13 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I love Tuesday
posted by goshling at 6:15 AM on January 20


I'm pissed and slightly baffled.
posted by languagehat at 6:39 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I'm my spare time, I'm pompomtom!
posted by goshling at 6:52 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


bugger
posted by goshling at 6:52 AM on January 20


I am the only free man on this train!
posted by Joe Beese at 6:53 AM on January 20


Metafilter is not made up. It is very, very real.
posted by owtytrof at 7:01 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


Let this thread stand as a witness to the truth that is Metafilter: whoever we are, whatever we do, and however much bacon we actually eat*, there is a trait that unites us. We are smartasses. Often, we're reasonably well-informed and very opinionated smartasses.

The difference between Metafilter and other online communities, seems to me to be one of pride of ownership. Sure we have mods, but the community members (by and large) do their part to keep this place tidy, so to speak. We have our epic flame-outs and our minor skirmishes, but we have more well-written, carefully-researched posts made by people who are genuinely interested in their topic of choice.

*Oh come on, we all talk a big game, but if we all ate that much bacon, we'd spend most of our time having heart attacks.
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 7:05 AM on January 20


I'm a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom
I kill conversation as I walk into the room
I'm a three line whip, I'm the sort of thing they ban
I'm a walking disaster, I'm a demolition man.
posted by _dario at 7:18 AM on January 20


if we all ate that much bacon, we'd spend most of our time having heart attacks.

Who says we don't spend most of our time having heart attacks? Bacon is worth it!
posted by languagehat at 7:18 AM on January 20


I'm a complicated man, and no one understands me but my woman.
posted by rocket88 at 7:49 AM on January 20


sixcolors, you also asked who might be under-represented in MetaFilter. I have no hard numbers to back this up - these are just my impressions:

posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 8:10 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I am linking to the last "I am" thread.
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:22 AM on January 20


I am a distinctive radar signature found within a cloud fomation, and I am used to track rotation in storm fronts in order to predict tornadoes.
posted by echo target at 8:28 AM on January 20


I am a hyper-intelligent shade of the color blue.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 8:53 AM on January 20


I am short on patience, and quick to snark.

And I really like photographing weird stuff.

And I think I'm late to dinner, if this was indeed a dinner party.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:09 AM on January 20


> *Oh come on, we all talk a big game, but if we all ate that much bacon, we'd spend most of our time having heart attacks.

Oh sure, if you're weak.
posted by ardgedee at 9:25 AM on January 20


i'm your mamma, i'm your daddy
i'm that nigga in the alley
i'm your doctor, when in need
posted by klangklangston at 9:40 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I am an oozy rat. I live in a zoo. A nice, clean zoo.
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 10:23 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I'm just mad about saffron.

It's too bad none of you bozos brought any on the bus.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:34 AM on January 20


I'm Harry Dean Statton. I'm from Cheshire, Vermont. I like Maruchan Instant Lunch Cheddar Cheese flavor all right, but I'm holding out for Vermont Cheddar flavor.
posted by fidelity at 12:16 PM on January 20


I can make the Kessler run in under 12 parsecs.
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 12:17 PM on January 20


"I'm just mad about saffron. "

What was always a deal-breaker on that song for me was him singing "I'm just mad about fourteen." I know that it's "Fontaine" in the real lyrics, but he slurs it on the record and in live recordings you can pretty clearly hear him articulating it. It's just, like, Man, Donnovan, why you got to be creepy? You think they were pederasts in Atlantis or something?
posted by klangklangston at 12:25 PM on January 20


We are the robots. I am I.

I mean, come on.
posted by ersatz at 12:35 PM on January 20


Who's the most towering figure in rock music that never sang a pro-jailbait lyric?
posted by box at 12:40 PM on January 20


I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler!!
posted by not_on_display at 12:48 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


The Song of Amergin

I am a stag of seven tines,
I am a wide flood on a plain,
I am a wind on the deep waters,
I am a shining tear of the sun,
I am a hawk on a cliff,
I am fair among flowers,
I am a god who sets the head afire with smoke.
I am a battle waging spear,
I am a salmon in the pool,
I am a hill of poetry,
I am a ruthless boar,
I am a threatening noise of the sea,
I am a wave of the sea,
Who but I knows the secrets of the unhewn dolmen ?

A plate of beans.
posted by jefeweiss at 1:20 PM on January 20 [3 favorites]


MetaFilter: Someone you trust is one of us.
posted by SPrintF at 1:22 PM on January 20


"Who's the most towering figure in rock music that never sang a pro-jailbait lyric?"

Chuck Berry, no question.
posted by klangklangston at 1:54 PM on January 20


I clearly missed that "never."
posted by klangklangston at 1:55 PM on January 20


I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha, my destiny calls and I go...
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:59 PM on January 20


Welcome to Metafilter where all the women are strong, all the men are good-lookin' and all the cats are above average.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:14 PM on January 20


I'm your little friend
I'm not your only friend
but I'm your little glowing friend
but really I'm not actually your friend
but I am.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 3:25 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


Who's the most towering figure in rock music that never sang a pro-jailbait lyric?

Whoever it is, he or she is not on this list*:

Chuck Berry
John Sebastian
Marty Balin
Del Shannon
Ringo Starr
Billy Idol
Gene Simmons
Ted Nugent
Gary Puckett
Mick Jagger
Frank Zappa
Rod Stewart
Jim Morrison
Van Morrison
John Lennon
Bobby Goldsboro
Curtis Mayfield
Iggy Pop
The Beach Boys





* Typical USA age of consent used where applicable
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:59 PM on January 20


You missed Big Star.
posted by klangklangston at 5:07 PM on January 20


Aquafortis, was he right?
posted by pseudostrabismus at 5:09 PM on January 20


I am a god who sets the head afire with smoke.

I've also seen this translated as "I am the God who creates in the head of man the Fire of Thought."
posted by homunculus at 5:19 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


tiny update to my profile of aquafortis: i read but didn't properly register a comment encouraging buying second-hand clothing & shoes from thrift stores "to recycle the waste of capitalism & divert money away from corporations towards nonprofits that run these things" (or words to that effect).

so, i'm confirming the liberal/progressive political viewpoint, maybe with a stronger adbusters-ish environmental & anticonsumerist stance.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:40 PM on January 20


oh, and one final word: familiarity with various universities & their programs hints at some kind of role within academia, eg as an academic, research assistant or grad student. maybe within that same field relating to nutrition.

i'm not exactly sure where to slot in the ancient history knowledge. could be general reading, could have something to do with a liberal arts degree at some stage, but more likely to be related to interests carried over from high school.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:49 PM on January 20


i'm a self-linking spam bot.

whew, it feels good to get that off the hard drive
posted by localhuman at 6:23 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I don't feel qualified to respond to the question myself; I think that reliable answers to this and related questions can be obtained at MetaFilter HQ.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 6:29 PM on January 20


I am comment 320. A nice curvy number.
posted by dabitch at 6:44 PM on January 20


Metafilter is like the glory days of Usenet, except with pictures. Oh, wait, we don't have pictures any more. Damn.
posted by lukemeister at 7:20 PM on January 20


i am the walrus.
posted by bluesky43 at 7:22 PM on January 20


Aquafortis, was he right?
posted by pseudostrabismus at 5:09 PM on January 20 [+] [!]

No and yes--too funny! (Rather than hijack the thread, I put everything in my profile, if anyone is interested.)

My reason for doing this is that every poster here has an enormous variety of things in their background you'd never see coming in a million years. We might assume there's a lack of diversity, but how would we know? One of the things that sets Metafilter apart is that by and large, people relate to each other as individuals, not as examples of tiresome pre-defined conceptual categories. Yet in that very absence, our cultural assumptions and biases exist all the same.

Something to keep in mind.
posted by aquafortis at 8:56 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


people relate to each other as individuals, not as examples of tiresome pre-defined conceptual categories

that is such a typical INTP thing to say.

aside from that, what a fun & funny exercise! amusingly, the two most important tipping-points that i had to make a call on, one way or another, were:

* overprivileged urbane private school product v less privileged autodidact; and

* bio, health or nutrition-related professional v potentially orthorexic exercise nut.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:49 PM on January 20


Something else that's striking: I had no earthly idea my writing reads Jewish. As you can imagine befits a policy wonk living in Riverdale who spends a lot of time on the Upper West Side, most of the people in my social and professional circles are secular Jews. My boyfriend, my boss and coworkers, my friends, the people I run into at concerts, &c.
Oy gevalt! heh.

When I was in France trying to speak French, somebody asked if I were German. When I was in Austria trying to speak German, somebody asked if I were English. The rest of the time I'm traveling, nine out of ten who bother assume I'm Canadian. I don't know how many times I've gotten "Wow! you don't seem like an American!"

"Aquafortis: equally out of place everywhere."
posted by aquafortis at 11:26 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


the other interpretation of the yiddish slang was exposure to NYC. it was the only possible handle i could see that suggested any particular ethnicity.

as for being taken for a canadian: everybody knows that if you meet somebody travelling with an american / canadian sounding accent (we can tell them apart no better than you guys could tell aussies & kiwis apart) the default thing to say is "oh, are you canadian?"

canadians hate being taken for americans; americans object less to being taken for canadians. besides, canadians travel overseas more than americans, so again, it's a safer choice on at least two factors.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:40 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


Riverdale? who on earth came up with that? it strays beyond mere tautology into pleonasm territory.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:49 PM on January 20


Sugar and spice and puppy dogs' lice.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:12 AM on January 21


I write knitting books and edit a knitting magazine and knit a lot and live with another MeFi user. He draws a comic book about a luchador gorilla with self-proclaimed velociraptor of love, MeFi's own...kittens for breakfast.

Also, I like the Powerpuff Girls. And noodles. Once an entire Brazilian bar in Munich bought me shots for singing the Fred Schneider part in "Love Shack" during karaoke.

Plus, I've had an AK-47 held to my head by a Prague castle guard. That wasn't very fun.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:01 AM on January 21


I am everybody's mate Dave.

That's right - I'm the Ur-Dave.
posted by Happy Dave at 8:34 AM on January 21


I'd say that it's interesting how much UbuRoivas was heavily influenced by his own preconceived notions. (Absolutely no offense meant -- you had the balls to put something together and post it and take the chance that you'd be really off-base, so props.)

Most striking to me of the assumptions were those regarding the privilege required to be familiar with Latin and classical music. When I read UbuRoivas's guess, this leapt out at me. Myself, I took Latin for three years in a regular ol' public high school and was exposed to classical music through my working-class family. (Especially among immigrants, classical music is not considered elite.) He got gender correct and that she has a college degree, but veered off-base in the field, reversing hobbies and academic field. He linked exercise and weight pegged to the heavy side of the scale, rather than the light. Her ethnicity is not Jewish. (No points deducted for assuming het -- I looked through for queer clues and didn't see any either.)
posted by desuetude at 8:55 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]


I always think it's so flattering when someone does the detective job / palm-reading thing on someone's comment history here. I feel like it would be unfathomably tacky to ask, but I'll admit I'm always fascinated with learning about how other people perceive me through my words. I suppose that sort of fascination can be either constructive or simply narcissistic, depending on where you let it lead you.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:03 AM on January 21


S'ok, aquafortis. When I travel anywhere in Europe people assume I am German before they find out I'm American. To the point of just walking up to me and assuming I speak it (which I do, but nevertheless). Doesn't matter where I am or what I am wearing, they go for German before English if they haven't heard me speaking it first.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:04 AM on January 21


It turns out that you are half-wolf, half-dog.
posted by cortex at 9:05 AM on January 21


And cortex is anyone Harold dated before Maude.

Wait for it...
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:19 AM on January 21


desuetude: down under, Latin is very much a private school thing. well, private schools & the top-notch selective state schools. a regular state school wouldn't offer it in a million years.

and liking classical music is one thing; knowing it well enough to be able to write critical pieces for a paper to me implies formal study to a B.Mus level or higher. that's an assumption, sure, but i can't see why an editor would give that kind of gig to somebody off the street with no demonstrated formal technical knowledge of the subject matter, which basically means hands-on knowledge.

now, i have no idea what music lessons cost these days, but i'm guessing $30/hr to be on the very cheap side. assume one 1hr class a week x 50 weeks a year x 10 years = $15K as a base, plus instruments & sheet music & transport to & from classes & opportunity cost of time & enrolment in a BMus course at the conservatorium and you're starting to talk about a serious long-term investment.

and that's all coming from the parents; kids, by definition, don't have that kind of money to throw around until they get their first job flipping burgers at macca's at 15, and by then they've missed the classical music boat, so it's not something that most people can get into strictly of their own volition at a young age.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:51 AM on January 21


I've got a crush on aquafortis
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:22 AM on January 21


It's very hard to nail down the backgrounds of intelligent people. Fairly often they are voracious learners from fairly working-class backgrounds, but families that valued education or at least didn't devalue it. Latin and music are both things I learned in and outside of school, but new boots, coats, and dinners out were pretty scarce in my upbringing. Many people in my profession are trustafarians, or at least well-heeled, and tend to assume I was brought up the same way. There's quite a bit of confirmation bias in the 'detective-work' approach, especially for anything not directly stated. It's one thing to cull facts openly shared, which is probably reasonably accurate, but as soon as you enter the realm of conjecture you enter the realm of prejudicial thinking and leave evidence behind for an undemonstrated idea of 'likelihood' that can't take particulars into account, because the particulars are unkown. Malcolm Gladwell's piece on the near-total uselessness and inaccuracy of criminal profiling based on this sort of extrapolation is an interesting read.

Yes, people do view others through their own blinders. Just yesterday a MeFite said something about how I couldn't possibly understand how cold the weather felt in DC because things were different on the "East Coast." I've spent most of my life on the East Coast, at latitudes from Texas northward, and plenty of time close to DC in Philadelphia,and in DC in winter as a visitor a few times. Even spent some stints of weeks or months in Michigan and Indiana and out West - so if I'm making comparisons among those regions, there's some basis for what I'm talking about.

Sometimes I think people extrapolate far too much from simple facts. You can do, and learn, and be, a lot in one life if you keep moving. In my experience of meeting a few handfuls of users, MeFites are almost always more complex and multi-dimensional than their postings would indicate, not less.
posted by Miko at 10:53 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]


Just yesterday a MeFite said something about how I couldn't possibly understand how cold the weather felt in DC

Who was it? I will smack them in the mouth.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:12 AM on January 21


No, no, not smackfu! I must clear his name, wasn't him. It was an exchange over Twitter, so it didn't go down here anyway and it's not important. It just caused me to reflect on how little someone I cross paths with online practically every day knew about me and just thought I was talking, erm, smack.
posted by Miko at 11:29 AM on January 21


and liking classical music is one thing; knowing it well enough to be able to write critical pieces for a paper to me implies formal study to a B.Mus level or higher. that's an assumption, sure, but i can't see why an editor would give that kind of gig to somebody off the street with no demonstrated formal technical knowledge of the subject matter, which basically means hands-on knowledge.

now, i have no idea what music lessons cost these days, but i'm guessing $30/hr to be on the very cheap side. assume one 1hr class a week x 50 weeks a year x 10 years = $15K as a base, plus instruments & sheet music & transport to & from classes & opportunity cost of time & enrolment in a BMus course at the conservatorium and you're starting to talk about a serious long-term investment.

Some cultural differences, then. None of the music journalists I know have university-level backgrounds in music! Enthusiastic self-study counts as qualifications if you can communicate knowledge -- it's demonstrated through writing, not your resume.

And while serious, professional-intention-level music study is expensive, that's a whole 'nother ball game. While it's now on the decline in the United States thanks to budgetary and political pressure, instrumental instruction was available through public schools, from about third grade through high school. Instruments were rented, sheet music photocopied. You don't get intensive conservatory prep, but you learn the structure of music!
posted by desuetude at 12:19 PM on January 21


I am nobody in particular. I am okay with this.
posted by sandraregina at 12:55 PM on January 21


You're in New Hampshire, right? DC does not get to talk smack about NH weather.
posted by klangklangston at 1:08 PM on January 21


now, i have no idea what music lessons cost these days, but i'm guessing $30/hr to be on the very cheap side. assume one 1hr class a week x 50 weeks a year x 10 years = $15K as a base, plus instruments & sheet music & transport to & from classes & opportunity cost of time & enrolment in a BMus course at the conservatorium and you're starting to talk about a serious long-term investment.
[...]
While it's now on the decline in the United States thanks to budgetary and political pressure, instrumental instruction was available through public schools, from about third grade through high school. Instruments were rented, sheet music photocopied. You don't get intensive conservatory prep, but you learn the structure of music!
What she said. Plus, aquafortis is only a couple of years older than I am, and I took private viola (violists unite!) lessons in jr high & high school, and even out in LA it was (IIRC) $10/hr. So not that expensive, really. (My sisters and I often paid at least part of it out of our allowances, usually in $1 bills. Our teacher found it hilarious.) And I remember a few rounds of selling candy bars for one music-related school thing or another, too. Ah, those were the days.

I find the whole exercise of extrapolating who we are from our MeFi postings to be quite fascinating.
posted by epersonae at 1:14 PM on January 21


DC does not get to talk smack about NH weather.

'swhat I'm saying! I know it's cold when you're standing still on the Mall for six hours waiting for the thing to begin, but we had just come through one of those weeks of face-hurtingly cold weather, highs below 10 and lows below 0, with 29-degree windchill - so we were all chuckling at the media reports of the terrible cold on the Mall. It was 34 degrees. I was reminded that damp cold of the MidATlantic variety does cut through clothes and make you feel cold, especially when standing still...and certainly a lot of people attending were from warmer climes...but still.
posted by Miko at 1:30 PM on January 21


IAAL but IANYL
posted by Carbolic at 1:34 PM on January 21


hm, interesting about music tuition. our/my setup was something along the lines of quite basic group classes and various kinds of ensembles you could play in at lunchtimes or after school, but with private tuition pretty much assumed, at least if you expected to be first or second anything, and not the guy up the back who hits the timpani once or twice a year. also, isn't $10 then around $30 now, with inflation & all? finally, clarinettists represent!
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:39 PM on January 21


Music: yeah, we totally had free marching band, concert band, steel drum band (weird school), and chorus instruction. I got pretty much all of my musical training through there. Oddly, I played clarinet too. Rented the clarinet for something like $28 for the semester, one semester at a time. It still amazes me how much we learned about music, both pop music and fine art music, in public schools.

The only outside-of-school lessons I had were guitar lessons, in 1984. They were $8 per lesson, we paid for four at a time, $32, of which my folks paid half as a birthday gift and I paid half from my library-page wages.

Music programs in schools are wonderful. Locally, they still seem to function the same way, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that they are becoming more rare in underfunded schools.
posted by Miko at 1:55 PM on January 21


For an Aussie data point:

I went to public schools in Canberra and my parents paid AU$10 per semester for my instrument hire, no matter how many instruments - I think that amount was set by the Dept of Education. I had four wind/ brass instruments, including a bassoon, and only had private tuition in piano and theory for $15 per week. We learnt a lot of music, starting with the ABC Sing! books in kindy, playing along on the recorder and, by grade 2, guitar, and then on to bands in grade 4 and through high school - and music sessions were always coupled with music appreciation and history. My Australian public school music education was excellent!
posted by goo at 3:31 PM on January 21


Yeah, music was definitely a part of the curriculum. Early primary school was all glockenspiels & tambourines & triangles, with recorder classes later. At one point, we played in the Sydney Opera House - a mass choir of recorders from public schools all over the state playing a piece called "Travelling", especially written for twenty million recorders & the enormous pipe organ in the main concert hall.

And singing, plenty of singing. From official Department of Education songbooks obviously compiled by ex-hippies: Puff the Magic Dragon, Blowin' in the Wind, and so on. It'd be funny if today's kids were singing Paranoid Android.

High school was segregated into basic & advanced streams, where "advanced" effectively meant "undergoing private tuition in some instrument or other". The basic classes mostly just sang the current pop songs; advanced classes were more about theory. Everybody was given a shot at trying out various instruments. Already a highly accomplished glockenspieler, recorderist & pianist, I found the clarinet to be fun, and took one-on-one classes at school. The best part was scheduling them to clash with the most boring subjects, as you'd get notes excusing you from class to attend your music lesson.

Outside of class, groups included junior & senior orchestras, a chamber orchestra, brass band, woodwind ensemble, jazz band, a few rock bands, I think a marching band in the cadet unit, as well as a massed choir & chapel choir. Singing the high parts of Handel's Messiah as a boy soprano was a definite highlight.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:29 PM on January 21


and liking classical music is one thing; knowing it well enough to be able to write critical pieces for a paper to me implies formal study to a B.Mus level or higher. that's an assumption, sure, but i can't see why an editor would give that kind of gig to somebody off the street with no demonstrated formal technical knowledge of the subject matter, which basically means hands-on knowledge.\

Besides doing book repair work at the college library (and later freelance repairs for area used book stores), I spent four years working at the college music library. Since not much was shaking, I had the luxury of spending several hours a day listening to historical recordings from the record collection. (Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau FTW!) My ex was also a budding opera singer, so I had lots of opportunity to be in the "local scene" such as it was. He was a music major, and just for kicks I took his take-home senior exam for him. (and I passed, hell yeah!! I learned music theory by studying Hindemith's books on my own, very cool resources for anyone looking to learn.)

I got my start as a classical music reviewer by schlepping around samples I wrote on my own. You don't ask, you don't get, right? Obviously some people thought they were good enough and the more you do, the better you are. I ended up getting gigs at small and medium Times Mirror Group papers. Oh and the Copley Papers, I was all over the freaking place.

I used that experience as an entree into working in artistic administration and development at local chamber music groups. I started working at a major SoCal think tank (coff, yeah that one) when they needed someone to help do research a on study on the future of the performing arts in America.

When I got in, one of the benefits was I got free tuition toward a PhD, woooo freaking hoo! Like offering an unlimited 24-hour open bar to an alcoholic. I started doing all sorts of defense policy and intelligence stuff, and post-LA, ended up in NY doing international projects with a former protege of Herman Kahn, where I am today.

During the Williamsburg/Bushwick years, I lived as a 100% bona-fide freelancer, doing everything from freelance competitive intelligence to development gigs at Professionals for Nonprofits to working as the "clothes check girl" at a monthly swingers' party. Guess what paid the best? heh.

Oh well, so it goes. Life is weird that way.
posted by aquafortis at 7:40 PM on January 21 [4 favorites]


You don't ask, you don't get, right?

good point. where's my photo?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:55 PM on January 21


It'd be funny if today's kids were singing Paranoid Android.

Heh. It'll date me, but one of my fond memories from my decidedly non-musical high school was on a long supervised bus trip late on a hot afternoon, once the teachers had gone through Bound for Botany Bay and Waltzing Matilda and run out of sing-a-long songs, and knowing how fractious we all were, one of them exasperatedly asked "Well why don't you lot suggest something to sing"?

Cue forty kids delightedly singing NIN's Closer at the top of their voices.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:15 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


Oh snap! And here I thought nobody was going to call me on that part of the deal...coming right up! heh.
posted by aquafortis at 10:17 PM on January 21


no wai - those photos aren't real! you filched them from suicide girls or something, right?

ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION THERE, PETER MCDERMOTT?!?? :P
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:27 PM on January 21


I am the fish in your pants.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 11:54 PM on January 21


Hmpf! If I were going to steal pics, I doubt I'd have picked ones with a massive, x-large-hat-sized Irish-German-Choctaw cranium. ;-)
posted by aquafortis at 3:43 PM on January 22


What pictures are these, now?
posted by dersins at 3:46 PM on January 22


Pictures of aquafortis, I'm guessing.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:53 PM on January 22


Or of any random Irish-German-Choctaw girl from the internet; it's impossible to tell.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:44 PM on January 22


There's always the old "send me a pic of you holding up your name, the date and time written on a sheet of paper" strategy. If it really means that much to you.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:46 PM on January 22


oh, i was only joking around & trying to wind PMcD up a bit. there's no reason to suspect that the pictures are fake, although she is pretty, i'll admit that. as for suicide-girls-ish, that was a total fib. completely SFG*

* safe for grandmothers
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:21 PM on January 22


as for suicide-girls-ish, that was a total fib.

Ah, that clears things up. You confused me when you said she looked like one of the Suicide Girls, but also said she was pretty.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:54 PM on January 22


LOL

are we far enough down in the thread that i can write "LOL" without being pilloried?
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:38 AM on January 23


I think so, yes.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:16 AM on January 23


only time will tell.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:01 AM on January 23


Are we still doing this? F*ck that Pillory guy.
posted by Dunwitty at 3:53 AM on January 23


*pillories Ubu*
posted by cortex at 7:04 AM on January 23


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