Something borrowed, from the blue

May 4, 2009 2:19 AM

Does any of this look familiar? How about ALL of it? Detected by madamjujujive.
posted by Kirth Gerson to Etiquette/Policy at 2:19 AM (290 comments total)

this thread already has as many comments as his most popular plagiarisms.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:45 AM on May 4, 2009

A lot of those comments just feel weird to me. Is that how people who haven't been on the web for a third of their lives talk?
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:00 AM on May 4, 2009

And he's a mefite. Still, with that comment history, a flameout seems unlikely. Rats.
posted by ryanrs at 3:08 AM on May 4, 2009

Seems that Dennis Shay may be a member named fautedemieux - this member has only made one comment in three years.

And going by that one, I'm actually glad there haven't been any more:

Or do your campy flamboyant daydreams completely stifle every vestige of warrior instinct that was assigned to you with your congenital issuance of male hormone?

I mean, fuck the fuck off.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:09 AM on May 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

Randy Wong likes it!
posted by chillmost at 3:09 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Weird that he creates what looks like a profile in his own name, on a site for "writers", including links to his self-published books, then fills it with plagiarism.
I wouldn't be surprised if we have him march in here defending his right to lift content that has been published on the intar-webs as it is 'in the public domain' or some such.
Talk about blowing any chance of other writers taking you seriously.
I wouldn't be surprised if plagiarism is a bannable offense on Red Room judging from their IP policy.
posted by bystander at 3:17 AM on May 4, 2009

Okay, I just got woken up for a support call and read this while I was waiting for the login to complete, and now I have to go back to bed, so nobody do anything interesting or funny for like three more hours until I'm up again, okay?
posted by middleclasstool at 3:17 AM on May 4, 2009

Julie Hooker likes it too!
posted by rongorongo at 3:18 AM on May 4, 2009

"In Flanders Field the poppies grow, beneath the crosses row on row...," Nate Wiley muttered the stanza under his breath. He was sitting at the bar cleaning his grimy finger nails with the corner of a paper match-book cover as he wheezed out each breath, suggesting exertion with his task From the cigarette canted into the small guitar-shaped ash tray in front of him, a plume of smoke curled up past his cheek. A dewy bottle of Budweiser stood in a ring of wet, awaiting his easy reach. (From)

Stick to the plagiarism, Dennis.
posted by bystander at 3:21 AM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

nobody do anything interesting or funny for like three more hours until I'm up again, okay?

would it be interesting or funny if somebody logged a bogus incident so you could check in with us again?

no, i thought not.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:23 AM on May 4, 2009

It's pretty clear why the guy plagiarises. If I wrote like he does, I'd plagiarise as well.

Lo! From the blurb for Triad:

"Dr. Ben Darris in St. Louis dies on the operating table. Lo! As his spirit speeds along that 'tunnel toward the light,' he is sidetracked by a rugged fellow from the hereafter who begs help for his wife in Oregon, who is in danger."

And Lo! From the blurb for Cross of Echoes:

"Chester Smith, a 23 yr-old, wheelchair-bound black youth from the hinterlands of Mississippi is a graduate student at Stanford University when he volunteers for a hypnosis experiment at the medical school. Lo! In repeated trances, he unexpectedly regresses 2000 years to a past life as Jesus Christ."

Perhaps someone should have mentioned to him that plagiarism is also pretty damn Lo!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:24 AM on May 4, 2009 [10 favorites]

We'd just walked into the ER that evening when at least a dozen people in the department accosted us with lurid descriptions of a young victim either Greg or I would autopsy that night. That afternoon, a gorgeous coed, wearing a white halter top, powder-blue short shorts, and leather thongs, drove a red Mustang convertible off the coast highway. She plummeted it down a rocky escarpment, three stories. Her sole significant injury being a mangled left leg, she nonetheless exsanguinated in the wreckage before a paramedic team could extricate her. Heroic resuscitation efforts waged in the ambulance and in the ER failed.

The Final Cry by Dennis Shay
posted by bystander at 3:25 AM on May 4, 2009

isn't it a little mean, beating up like this on somebody who might not be around to defend themselves?

(even if it feels so, so good, lo!)
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:27 AM on May 4, 2009

Fuck'em, ban'em.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:32 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

If Lo!-ving Dennis Shay is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
posted by davejay at 3:33 AM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

Shameless.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:35 AM on May 4, 2009

LO!
LA!
L O L A LO LA!
LO LO LO LO LA!

first and only comment with caps lock on
posted by Wolof at 3:40 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

We should send him a bill for $18,000.
posted by ryanrs at 3:45 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

That afternoon, a gorgeous coed, wearing a white halter top, powder-blue short shorts, and leather thongs

What are these leather thongs he's talking about? Was she wearing two pairs of leather underwear beneath her powder-blue short shorts?

And do emergency room staff really get all excited about the hot new stiff lying over in the morgue?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:52 AM on May 4, 2009

You seem to be missing the final horrifying twist, not that the title leaves much room for imagination...
posted by bystander at 3:55 AM on May 4, 2009

Here's a link to the 'How to Become a Red Room Writer' section of the blog. It says that "Red Room authors are selected through a brief application process."

It remains unclear if that brief application process is paying $5 to Matt after filling out the New User form on Metafilter and then having Dennis Shay plagarise everything on the frontpage, but given the evidence, this seems to be the system. I wonder what Red Room founder and CEO Ivory Madison would think of all this?
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:00 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hello Dennis!
posted by Busy Old Fool at 4:02 AM on May 4, 2009

Peter, I think it's American slang for flip-flops. Maine, maybe?

I First encountered this usage in a kids book as the phrase 'everybody walks funny when they're wearing thongs!'
posted by the latin mouse at 4:06 AM on May 4, 2009

Who the fuck refers to "gorgeous coeds" these days, anyway?

My uncle Nick, who is, like, 73, and Joe Francis. That's who.
posted by shiu mai baby at 4:13 AM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

Given that one lonely comment, I would kind of love for this guy to flip out and show us just what a moron he is, all the while having no clue what he sounds like.

That's not Maine talk, by the way. If you talk about wearing multiple "thongs" in Maine, people are just going to think you're gay. really, really gay.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:14 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is there any reason to think fautedemieux is the same Dennis Shay as the one on Red Room? Dennis and Shay are both common names.

This is such a blatant case of plagiarism with such a clear trace to the real life identity of the source that I'm tempted to wonder if Dennis has an enemy who is framing him for the detective squad.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 4:22 AM on May 4, 2009

Actually thongs is Aussie slang for flip flops.
posted by gomichild at 4:23 AM on May 4, 2009

Peter, I think it's American slang the Aussie word for what Americans call flip-flops.

what they call thongs, we call bumfloss.

(a bum is what they call a fanny, which is what we call a cunt)
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:28 AM on May 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

ah, gomichild beat me to it.

except, it's not slang. it's just the name of the things.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:29 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Some selected Dennis Shay blog entries:

June 4, 2008: In the mood to blog, but I haven't a single theme idea in my head.

June 25, 2008: Here are millions of US published books (1923-1963) that you can legally plagerize (sic)

July 16, 2008 8:20 am: The Difficulty of Determining Copyright Status

July 16, 2008 5:09 pm: In March 2007, the FermiLab Office of Public Affairs in Batavia, IL "received a curious message in code" via USPS. which is lifted from this Metafilter post by Subbes.

Now that's plot development. Good work, Dennis; your prose may not be up to much, but you write a mean ARG.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 4:38 AM on May 4, 2009 [9 favorites]

Dr. Ben Darris in St. Louis dies on the operating table. The anaesthetist pulls his lifeless corpse off patient's chest and dumps it unceremoniously on the floor of the operating theatre.
posted by Grangousier at 4:39 AM on May 4, 2009

Dr. Den Barris in Lt. Souis dies on the toperating able. The anaesthetist pulls his cifeless lorpse off chatient's pest and dumps it unceremoniously on the floor of the thoperating oeatre.
posted by not_on_display at 4:46 AM on May 4, 2009

OK, a question and a challenge, mefites.

I have my own intuition why the passages written by Dennis Shay and quoted above are bad writing, but I'd love to see some of you diagram for me what exactly makes them bad.

Or even suggest or demonstrate how they might be improved. So instruct us, mefite-writers.

If they were programming code, or a database schema, I'd probably be able to more confidently say "that passage is bad because x, y, and z. "

With writing I'm more of a Potter Stewart: "I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it...."
posted by orthogonality at 4:55 AM on May 4, 2009

I'd love to see some of you diagram for me what exactly makes them bad.

"as he wheezed out each breath, suggesting exertion with his task"

show, don't tell. that last phrase was completely redundant. and superfluous. and i'm not sure what kind of point he was trying to make with the idea that somebody would need to exert themselves to clean their fingernails, but it's a ridiculous point to attempt, and detracts badly from the scene. ok, something commonplace for most might require an effort from the character, but not cleaning his fucking nails! that's never an effort for anybody, so it's a totally shitehouse way of emphasising the guy's frailty.

"A dewy bottle of Budweiser stood in a ring of wet"

that's quite simply retarded. using an adjective as a noun? why, in god's name, why? it's not as if it improves the description. rather, it detracts from it by being so forced. how on earth is it an improvement of something less laboured, like "in a ring of condensation"?

" From the cigarette canted into the..."

canted? what? the? fuck?

"We'd just walked into the ER that evening"

the tenses are more horrifically mangled in this paragraph than the gorgeous co-ed's leg.

"she nonetheless exsanguinated"

what on earth is the point of "exsanguinated"? see the point above about the ring of wet. there's nothing gained, and heaps lost, in trying to sound clever for no reason.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:12 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is there any reason to think fautedemieux is the same Dennis Shay as the one on Red Room?

Well, fautedemieux's only comment is an anti-Muslim screed, and one of the few things on the Red Room blog that isn't taken from Metafilter is an anti-Muslim video.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:13 AM on May 4, 2009

Maybe it's time to wrap this whole "MetaFilter" thing up. I mean, if this is what it's come to, perhaps we should just call it a day.
posted by OmieWise at 5:14 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Looking at page after page after page of this guy's posts copied straight from the blue, I'm really overwhelmed: this is just SO blatant, you have to wonder... surely this guy must've known he'd be found out someday! Right?

Well, Dennis, you stole my FPP (word for word, except for the title, which you should've stolen as well, cause yours was really clunky) on drummer Earl Palmer. I mean, did you really think anyone would believe that you had the foggiest clue who the hell Earl Palmer was? I mean, come on...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:18 AM on May 4, 2009

There was once a young man named Dennis Shay who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

And so it was done. Let history bear witness, he began lifting FPPs from MetaFilter.
posted by netbros at 5:26 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

there's nothing gained, and heaps lost, in trying to sound clever for no reason.

Yes, his writing definitely screams "I have a thesaurus and I'm not afraid to use it!" That technique results in awkward phrases like "She plummeted it down a rocky escarpment," where he incorrectly uses a direct object with the intransitive verb plummet, and throws in the random geological term escarpment instead of using a more straight-forward term like cliff.
posted by burnmp3s at 5:26 AM on May 4, 2009 [8 favorites]

I'm kinda relieved at the thongs = flip flops thing, because I was picturing Dr. Dennis Shay, emergency room MD, showing up for work every day in his X-Ray Spex.

Which I suppose could cut down on the risk of radiation exposure in his patients, but they probably aren't quite so helpful in diagnostics.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:27 AM on May 4, 2009

what on earth is the point of "exsanguinated"?

It's in the lulu.com house styleguide. No good infinitive should ever remain un-split.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:32 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

This bawdy, fast-paced narrative features a star-crossed young doctor, who runs a methadone clinic in San Francisco. Seemingly touched early in his career by the divine, he nonetheless now battles cancer. Despite his uncertain prognosis, he relentlessly focuses on finding a soul mate, which leads him to stalk supreme danger. - Dennis Shay, Cast of Caricatures

The Simenon-y author photo on his RedRoom profile page is credited to "Annie Liebovitz (if my memory serves me correctly)".

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:35 AM on May 4, 2009

Garth Merenghi is alive and well and copying MetaFilter articles for his own amusement.
posted by Spatch at 5:37 AM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

showing up for work every day in his X-Ray Spex.

oh no, there's no way this guy was ever cool enough to be in such a great band.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:42 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Check out his poetry. The pain! The horror!

Now aged, decrepit with malignancy raging,
I lay awash in my sweat, my anguish, my pain,
fearfully facing an unknown forthcoming,
when, at once, through the dimness an apparition came.
"Trust me," it whispered, her projection so loving,
"Dying's truly short-lived,
soon over and done with."

Everyone needs a hug, indeed.
posted by andraste at 5:54 AM on May 4, 2009

Can't wait to find out what happens next!
posted by rtha at 5:56 AM on May 4, 2009

Is there were we post all the blogs stealing mefi content? Or is that an unwinnable war?
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 6:04 AM on May 4, 2009

Metafilter: at once, through the dimness an apparition came.
posted by Hovercraft Eel at 6:05 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: with malignancy raging.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:09 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

This is what metafilter would look like with a goatee?
posted by Atreides at 6:12 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

If nothing else, it's an interesting test of the proposition that "it's all about the links."
posted by Miko at 6:29 AM on May 4, 2009

I sent a note off to mathowie -- everyone was travelling this past week but we're all pretty much home now -- he's the one who usually sends the "quit copying all of our stuff" mail to people.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:31 AM on May 4, 2009

Dennis Shay, Dennis Shay
Doesn't have much to say
Dennis Shay, Dennis Shay
Somewhere went astray
He steals from the blue
and blogs in his room
Mr. Shay, Mr. Shay, Mr. Shay.

Dennis Shay, Dennis Shay
Writing through the night
Soon every FPP in the land
Will be in his mighty hand
He steals from the blue
and blogs in his room
Mr. Shay, Mr. Shay, Mr. Shay.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:33 AM on May 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

So wait, Metafilter members plagiarize this guy's original work, the site profits from it, and now the Metafilter community is saying that he plagiarized them? This all sounds strangely familiar.

/looks forward to the Twitter campaign and Robert Shay legal defense fund.
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:40 AM on May 4, 2009

FWIW, isn't linking to all these bogus sites here actually helping them, building up their google cred?
posted by inigo2 at 6:41 AM on May 4, 2009

Man, netbros, I spent far too long trying to read your comment as a limerick before I realized that was not the author's intent.
posted by yarrow at 6:42 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

Guh, so weird. Yeah, Matt dropping this guy a stern WTFmail is probably what needs to happen next.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:50 AM on May 4, 2009

showing up for work every day in his X-Ray Spex.

oh no, there's no way this guy was ever cool enough to be in such a great band.


Oh Dennis, Up Yours!
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:52 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I don't have another MeTa post coming until tomorrow... but I thought people might be interested in the breaking news:

After tracking her for weeks, Gawker reports that The Hipster Grifter has surrendered to Philadelphia police.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:00 AM on May 4, 2009

mrmojoflying, excerpting passages from Dennis Shay's oeuvre for the purpose of public humiliation clearly falls under "fair use."
posted by Mister_A at 7:01 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Many aspiring teen writers go through a phase in which they assume good writing means complicated writing, and they stuff their paragraphs with as many polysyllabic words and dependent clauses as they can possibly manage. The end result is painfully dense and florid, but smart people could figure out what's going on, which of course means it's good writing, right?

Many successful adult writers outgrow this, fortunately, but it's amusing to read a writer who doesn't, in the same guilty, gawking way we might snicker at a septuagenarian decked out in Abercrombie, or a delusional melisma-gargling brat getting laughed off the stage by Simon Cowell.

Which is to say: Dennis, should you happen across this in your online dalliances, might I say your affectations are simply delicious. I envision you striking a stunning presence in a rakishly tilted fedora. Call me!
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:02 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

I wonder what Matt's strongly worded letters look like. Does he try to reason with the violator? I'm tempted to set up a feed sucker to find out.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:02 AM on May 4, 2009

Our "zero-tolerance of hipsters" policy is paying off, Joe Beese.
posted by Mister_A at 7:03 AM on May 4, 2009

Lo! I can imagine situations where the word 'wet', used in the adjective-as-noun way that old what's his-face did, could be good writing. But that odd usage coming in the middle of a bunch of horseshit makes it horseshit as well.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:05 AM on May 4, 2009

That picture of D'Shay smoking a pipe makes me want to punch a pretentious writer in the face.

OW! Fucking hell, that hurts. My soul feels better though.
posted by Mister_A at 7:07 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

How lame can you get? WHenever I steal stuff from the blue, I always change the wording a little.

Gawker reports that The Hipster Grifter has surrendered to Philadelphia police.

Finally our cafes, our taco trucks, our art book stores, our cheese shoppes, our consignment shops and bars with arcade machines in them, are safe.
posted by The Whelk at 7:11 AM on May 4, 2009

That picture of D'Shay

Pronounced Dou Che?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:14 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

SHAY!
How Lo! can you Go?
Death row?
Wha-what a plagi'rist know!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:15 AM on May 4, 2009 [9 favorites]

If the shoe fits, eh PeterMcDermott?
posted by Mister_A at 7:17 AM on May 4, 2009

I don't have another MeTa post coming until tomorrow... but I thought people might be interested in the breaking news:

If you had had a MeTa slot available and used it, you would have been told in the ensuing din to just update the thread on the blue with a new comment, what with it still being open. Bullet-dodgin', sir.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:17 AM on May 4, 2009

I have a serious question:


Dennis Shay
Fresno, CA
Member since: Jan, 2008
Last login: 04/26/2009
Last update : 05/03/2009

How can he update w/o logging in? He doesn't have access to the server, Shirley?
posted by Mister_A at 7:21 AM on May 4, 2009

cortex: "If you had had a MeTa slot available and used it, you would have been told in the ensuing din to just update the thread on the blue with a new comment, what with it still being open."

No doubt. [And I just threw a hot dog down that thread's hallway.] Though in fairness, far more potentially interested people would see it here than there.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:24 AM on May 4, 2009

Data point: My dad called his flip-flops "thongs," at least during the 1980s when I was a kid at home.

But I also thought Dennis meant bum-floss. What a great word! Thanks, Australia!
posted by vincele at 7:26 AM on May 4, 2009

Mister_A, plenty of sites I visit automatically keep me logged in between visits, and only occasionally (like after wiping cookies or something) do I have to go through the whole actual logging-in process -- e.g. re-entering user name and ID. So maybe that's the reason for the discrepancy?
posted by shiu mai baby at 7:26 AM on May 4, 2009

Must be something like that, shiu mai baby.
posted by Mister_A at 7:29 AM on May 4, 2009

I don't have another MeTa post coming until tomorrow... but I thought people might be interested in the breaking news

You know, it's okay to not post as often as you possibly can.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:30 AM on May 4, 2009 [40 favorites]

As much as I want to mock the man's writing, I have a deep-seated fear that anything I submit is turned into coffee break hilarity by assistant editors.

You know, if they read them at all.
posted by The Whelk at 7:33 AM on May 4, 2009

Flip-flops were called "thongs" when I was a kid growing up in Michigan, 70s & 80s.
posted by not that girl at 7:41 AM on May 4, 2009

jessamyn: "You know, it's okay to not post as often as you possibly can."

Just for that, I'm not going to post about the Zac Efron avocado.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:53 AM on May 4, 2009

Mister_A, just out of curiosity, where did you get that "Last login" time? We don't have a "Last login" stat on profile pages.
posted by pb (staff) at 7:54 AM on May 4, 2009

That was from Shay's Red Room profile page, pb, not MeFi. Sorry for the confusion.
posted by Mister_A at 7:55 AM on May 4, 2009

oops, that'll teach me to read metatalk before coffee. thanks.
posted by pb (staff) at 7:56 AM on May 4, 2009

Are we allowed to post Mr. Shay's personal information?
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:58 AM on May 4, 2009

I am commissioning an ASCII art rendering of Mr. Shay and/or his oeuvre, or even a vignette from one of his more popular works. Something Shay-dy is what I want. I will grant 20 favorites unto the artist who executes this project.
posted by Mister_A at 8:01 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

This interview with Dennis was hilarious. "Tell us what your book is about." "Well, I could do that but [I don't really know what it's about because I [probably] didn't write it so] I'm just going to read the blurb on the back of the book instead as well as one of the reviews, which is from a friend of mine and doesn't have anything to do with the book itself."
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 8:01 AM on May 4, 2009

Yup, in the Midwest from the 1960s on, any sort of sandals with a thong between your first two toes were called "thongs." Thongs might or might not also have ankle straps or bands across the insteps to hold them on. Some of them have a weird band that you stick just your big toe through. Those always sort of creeped me out.

Flip-flops aren't necessarily thongs. Some have inter-toe thongs; others just have a band across the instep, but they're called flip-flops because they lack ankle straps and, therefore, flap against your heels when you walk.
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:03 AM on May 4, 2009

Though in fairness, far more potentially interested people would see it here than there.

This should not be what guides the way one posts or comments to MetaFilter.

thong v. bum-floss

Is "bum-floss" the actual accepted word for that style of underwear? Like that's the category title at Victoria's Secret Australia? Actually, I feel like Victoria's Secret would be called something like Tori's Seccie in Australia, but you know what I mean.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals' controversial ruling in Thong v. Bumfloss is an important precedent in undergarment-related litigation.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:04 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Are we allowed to post Mr. Shay's personal information?

No.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:05 AM on May 4, 2009

Just for that, I'm not going to post about the Zac Efron avocado.

Personal story about this whole "healthy" fast/convenience food push. Last fall, my wife and I were driving back from a visit to Chicago with our then 18 month old daughter. Somewhere in Indiana it was clear that it was time to stop for lunch and Burger King that won the coin toss. We ordered our food and hers came with these things called "apple fries," which we thought would be good because she loves apples and she loves french fries.

We lay our daughter's food out for her and put on one of those Burger King hats for a picture for the grandparents. What resulted was a series of four photos: (a) girl taking apple fry, (b) girl examining apple fry, (c) girl biting into apple fry, (d) girl looking horrified at what she just put in her mouth.

She hated it. Not just hated it, but threw-it-down-and-started-crying hated it. My immediate though was that she was expecting a french fry and got apple instead, but when I tasted it I realized that it was the most vile tasting chunk of unapply goodness I had ever bitten into. I could feel the sodium benzoate burn my tongue and insides of my cheeks. Now anytime I see prepackaged fruit apple slices like the one in that link it makes my cheeks hurt.
posted by mrmojoflying at 8:08 AM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

I'm trying not to imagine a thong sitting in a ring of wet.
posted by cairnish at 8:08 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

No.
posted by jessamyn at 8:05 AM on May 4

v('_' )v
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:09 AM on May 4, 2009

I lay awash in my sweat, my anguish, my pain,
fearfully facing an unknown forthcoming,

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Okay I lied.

ROFLOPAGUS.
posted by fire&wings at 8:13 AM on May 4, 2009

Awesomely bad writer, raging nutter and shameless plagiarist...he's kind of rocking the triple threat, I mean, beside disseminating porn the Internet was basically made to give guys like this an outlet. Be glad he's not shouting in your face through a bullhorn at the bus stop like he used to.
posted by The Straightener at 8:14 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

v('_' )v

Is that a shrug?
posted by ocherdraco at 8:15 AM on May 4, 2009

or is it Richard Nixon doing the "victory" sign?
posted by ocherdraco at 8:15 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

Is that a shrug?

It's the Pokemon known as Voidiov. It evolves into Shruggo with the Mod Stone.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:22 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Why not just eat an apple?
posted by Meatbomb at 8:42 AM on May 4, 2009

Mister_A: "I am commissioning an ASCII art rendering of Mr. Shay and/or his oeuvre, or even a vignette from one of his more popular works. Something Shay-dy is what I want. I will grant 20 favorites unto the artist who executes this project."

 ,~~0~~,
 │ ≥ ≤ │o
 │  L  │ o
( \==\/o)
/ |><|U \

Rhaomi, Mssr. Shay's Avatar, with Bubble Pipe
ASCII on canvas, 2009
On permanent loan to the Metafilter Institute of the Textual Arts
posted by Rhaomi at 8:55 AM on May 4, 2009 [24 favorites]

I am eating an apple.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:58 AM on May 4, 2009

I was at a park last summer and they had the street team for those apple fries come out and totally get us pumped about these awesome new fries and their kickin' caramel sauce.

Which tasted like wet Styrofoam and burning GI Joes.
posted by klangklangston at 9:00 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Woah, my first time being plagiarized. I feel strangely adult.
posted by subbes at 9:04 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: It's a day
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:05 AM on May 4, 2009

I'd love to see some of you diagram for me what exactly makes them bad.

No eye for the important detail versus the totally superfluous, and he over-modifies, piling adjectives and adverbs onto nouns and verbs in an attempt to make them interesting because he's afraid that the underlying content isn't interesting enough on its own.

This, however, is a delight:

Or do your campy flamboyant daydreams completely stifle every vestige of warrior instinct that was assigned to you with your congenital issuance of male hormone?

Made my day.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 9:06 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Red apple, or green apple?
posted by R. Mutt at 9:07 AM on May 4, 2009

Braeburn apple in the house.
posted by jerseygirl at 9:08 AM on May 4, 2009

Gala apple here.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:10 AM on May 4, 2009

Ambrosia is the One True Apple, at least when it comes to eating out-of-hand.
posted by owtytrof at 9:10 AM on May 4, 2009

Which tasted like wet Styrofoam and burning GI Joes.

That rolled around my tongue like Styrofoam wet and conflagrant GI Joes.
posted by carsonb at 9:12 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Geez, he can't even fill out his own forms properly

Relationship Status

* Yes! And to the same young lady since we were both 20 years old.

"Yes," what, Dennis? Married? Co-habitation? Photographing her window from behind the trees in the parking lot? Also, judging by that interview video, Dennis hasn't been 20 for some time - so, I don't see how she could be the same young lady.

At about 4:40 in the video, an interesting quote from an explanation of his inspirations and where he gets his characters from - ".. it might be a story I've heard, a joke I've heard, something from a movie ..."
posted by EatTheWeek at 9:12 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I feel strangely adult.

I rented an adult movie like this once. It was really depressing.

You wouldn't expect it, but a film about plagiarism can totally ruin a bachelor party.
posted by quin at 9:12 AM on May 4, 2009

He plagiarizes all these great posts and still doesn't get any comments. LSo what's the point?
posted by Devils Slide at 9:15 AM on May 4, 2009

If only he had turned his plagiarism into poorly drawn comics...
posted by jerseygirl at 9:17 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Granny Smith 4 lyfe! I will cut you if you propose otherwise. Don't make me cut you!
posted by aramaic at 9:19 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

That rolled around my tongue like Styrofoam wet and conflagrant GI Joes.

Tripped dramatic upon the apex of my sulcus terminalis, bringing back sweet childhood memories past of moist plastics / no that's it I refuse to write like this.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:20 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dennis Shay unsheathed his six-shooter excalibur, a gunsword named Kkotyn that he received as a gift from Lord Nearlyth of Dimension Cowboy after saving Nearlth's daughter from the cruel liberal nanny state and returning her to her rightful place place on the Throne of TimeSink, which, as he made love to her, ensured the powers of eroticism would re-enliven the forgotten technology that rested dormant beneath the Dream Capital, and aimed it at the Dark Dog.

"This old man," Dennis Shay said, taking a drag on two cigarettes at once as he aimed Kkotyn at the rampaging Dark Dog's soulsource, "came rolling home."
posted by Damn That Television at 9:29 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

jessamyn, may I borrow 19 favorites?


And a apple?
posted by Mister_A at 9:32 AM on May 4, 2009

Just for that, I'm not going to post about the Zac Efron avocado.

Creamy and dreamy. Double trouble!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:33 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

Creamy and dreamy.

Enough about the Jonas Brothers.
posted by Mister_A at 9:34 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Do you know what I love the most about this guy? At the same time you all go on and lampoon his writing style, as the cease-and-desist letters are being sent, as the MeFi commandos are sending him "Hey, what's up with that" emails, he continues to grossly plagiarize the MetaFilter. Please check out his latest bit about something called the Dutch welfare system in a piece titled Sweden as a Womb.
posted by mrmojoflying at 9:36 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure his next post will come from here.
posted by mrmojoflying at 9:38 AM on May 4, 2009

Does he not know the difference between Sweden and the Netherlands?
posted by Mister_A at 9:39 AM on May 4, 2009

Check out his poetry. The pain! The horror!

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out
Its earted jurtles
Into a rancid festering [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
And living glupules frart and slipulate
Like jowling meated liverslime
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don't.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:42 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I hate apples.

But I'm hungry. May I please have one?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:42 AM on May 4, 2009

He just put up a great post about the shakulute.
posted by Dumsnill at 9:45 AM on May 4, 2009

WTF? Has Matt sent him his "knock it the hell off" letter yet?
posted by EatTheWeek at 9:46 AM on May 4, 2009

The funny thing is that all his traffic is coming from angry MeFites.
posted by Mister_A at 9:48 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Life in Fresno can do strange things to a person.
posted by porn in the woods at 9:48 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Does he not know the difference between Sweden and the Netherlands?

It certainly looks that way. Maybe he should stick to plagiarism.
posted by ook at 9:49 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Granny Smith 4 lyfe!

Tasteless pap, I tells ya.

Cox's Orange Pippin -- the finest of all desert apples -- or STFU!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:49 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

In the Red Room/ with stolen posts/ from the MeTa...
posted by The Whelk at 9:49 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh noes! Not another Apple thread!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:51 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

Comments on redroom.com only appear after moderator approval, so even if they don't get through to display someone should be seeing them...
posted by carsonb at 9:52 AM on May 4, 2009

Two words for yese:

Foo. Jee.
posted by Mister_A at 9:53 AM on May 4, 2009

Does he not know the difference between Sweden and the Netherlands?

The irony that I was reaching for was that he probably does know the difference since I think he was referring to the the Swedish Socialist Party, but due to his laughably poor writing style (or perhaps just his odd-duck sense of juxtapositional humor) it appears as if he does not know the difference.
posted by mrmojoflying at 9:53 AM on May 4, 2009

WTF? Has Matt sent him his "knock it the hell off" letter yet?

Mathowie has superhuman powers but it's Monday morning for him too.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:54 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ha ... right. Good point.
posted by EatTheWeek at 9:55 AM on May 4, 2009

Yeah, I think Matt may still be creeping to life or whatever. I'll drop this guy a quick wtf mail myself.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:55 AM on May 4, 2009

The very finest apple there is is the Winter Banana. Bonus points for keeping better, colder, than almost any other apple.
posted by bz at 10:02 AM on May 4, 2009

""Yes," what, Dennis? Married? Co-habitation? Photographing her window from behind the trees in the parking lot? Also, judging by that interview video, Dennis hasn't been 20 for some time - so, I don't see how she could be the same young lady. "

The same young lady that he froze in his walk-in all those summers ago.
posted by klangklangston at 10:02 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

And the finest apple depends on the season and location, guys.
posted by klangklangston at 10:03 AM on May 4, 2009

I think someone can't think of a hip apple to mention...
posted by Mister_A at 10:05 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I used to wear an apple on my hip, as was the style at the time.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

The Winter Banana does indeed keep well, but the flavor it preserves is, sadly, that of a Winter Banana ..

give me a Fuji or a Braeburn today ... maybe a honeycrisp ...
posted by EatTheWeek at 10:07 AM on May 4, 2009

Has anyone taken a screengrab of the offensive content in case it gets yanked?
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 10:14 AM on May 4, 2009

Well, it was bad enough when I realized my post was being copied ... imitation/flattery, and all that rot, you know? Harumph, harumph, wink, wink...

But then when I found out I was not even being plagiarized exclusively - now I just feel common and cheap - *weeps*
posted by madamjujujive at 10:16 AM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

I joined "redroom" last night after MJJJ tipped me off and flagged his posts. I also commented on them but the comments just disappeared into the void, maybe he has to approve comments first? Lo, the irony.
posted by Rumple at 10:19 AM on May 4, 2009

Indeed -- mine vaporized as well. I'll bet he has to approve...
posted by Pantengliopoli at 10:20 AM on May 4, 2009

    (`)
>==(x_x )==>

Oops. - W. Tell
posted by hangashore at 10:23 AM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Red Room" spelt backwards is MOORDER!
posted by Rhaomi at 10:29 AM on May 4, 2009 [9 favorites]

Looks like he's gonna power through this one.
posted by carsonb at 10:30 AM on May 4, 2009

Irony Poisoning
posted by Navelgazer at 10:33 AM on May 4, 2009

I just got email from redroom -- they are "investigating it" and (Lo!) will take "appropriate steps."

redroom seems like a reasonable site, hopefully this is just one bad apple.
posted by Rumple at 10:34 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

(the actual subject of the linked guardian article doesn't fit so well, but if you don't go that far, it's still a hilarious idea that he would be posting to so-bad-it's-good literature.)
posted by Navelgazer at 10:35 AM on May 4, 2009

I am chuffed that nobody has ridiculed his PETA connection yet. Chuffed, I say.
*adjusts pleather thongs*
posted by fish tick at 10:35 AM on May 4, 2009

Please check out his latest bit about something called the Dutch welfare system in a piece titled Sweden as a Womb.

Ha! And I had just scanned that page and closed the tab relieved that at least my post wasn't stolen.

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:36 AM on May 4, 2009

L-A la, L-E le, L-I licky li L-O lo licky li lo L-U lu, Curly's a dope!
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:38 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I left a friendly "not cool" comment on that post. I doubt it will be approved.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:40 AM on May 4, 2009

Gawker reports that The Hipster Grifter has surrendered to Philadelphia police.

Great! Let apathy ring! From the streets of Williamsburg to the uh streets of Hoboken...
posted by ob at 10:40 AM on May 4, 2009

Little known fact about William Tell - he had a second son named Adam.

"... the crossbowman took aim and shot at the apple on Adam’s head, but watched in horror as the bolt fatally struck his son in the larynx, which as a tribute, is now known as Adam’s Apple".
posted by Sailormom at 10:41 AM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I also commented on them but the comments just disappeared into the void, maybe he has to approve comments first?

Heh. I almost commented here on the admirable restraint on our part regarding his comment section and then it occurred to me that that was probably the case.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:41 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hey, how comes he never rips me off?
posted by Artw at 10:46 AM on May 4, 2009

Maybe he's a Dark City fan.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:48 AM on May 4, 2009

FUCK YOU DARK SHITTY FANS!
posted by Artw at 10:49 AM on May 4, 2009

I also commented on them but the comments just disappeared into the void, maybe he has to approve comments first?

Oddly enough they still post the unfiltered comments to the main blogs page in the Latest Blog Post Comments box. So they are briefly featured before disappearing into the void. Currently goodnewsfortheinsane's comment is visible:

[Paul Hunt 05/04/2009 - 9:38am] Hello! I wrote this post, not you. Also, it's the Netherlands, not Sweden. Best, Paul Hunt (goodnewsfortheinsane)
posted by burnmp3s at 10:54 AM on May 4, 2009

Boy is he busy! I wonder if he has some automated way of scraping MeFi posts and re-posting them or what? The latest blog posts page is dominated by his pipe-smoking visage.
posted by Mister_A at 10:58 AM on May 4, 2009

some automated way of scraping MeFi posts and re-posting them

I doubt it.
But maybe I'm just ticked off that he didn't steal my hipster grifter post.
posted by R. Mutt at 11:03 AM on May 4, 2009

If not, he's too stupid to strip out all the "previously" or "also" links in posts that go to other MeFi posts. Mine was full of them and his copy was, too. Thanks for feeding readers back to where they should be!
posted by subbes at 11:04 AM on May 4, 2009

his pipe-smoking visage

ceci n'est pas un blogueur.
posted by scody at 11:07 AM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

his pipe-smoking visage

under the his profile photo is this credit:

photo credit: Annie Liebovitz (if my memory serves me correctly)
posted by R. Mutt at 11:13 AM on May 4, 2009

After five fresh fish's comment in another thread, I also found this user at reddit was doing the same mining of metafilter headlines. It appears he has atleast stopped copying the headlines verbatim, and is instead just grabbing the linked articles.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:14 AM on May 4, 2009

I don't think he is auto-scraping because some of the wording is very slightly altered.
posted by Rumple at 11:16 AM on May 4, 2009

Though in fairness, far more potentially interested people would see it here than there.

That doesn't change the fact that post updates go into the already open post, and most MeTa people would be more interesting in 'explaining' that than clicking your link.
posted by graventy at 11:22 AM on May 4, 2009

I'm dying to see whether or not he claims that the albums of the Wu-Tang Clan lay within his expansive areas of interest.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:22 AM on May 4, 2009

I feel sorry for the other bloggers over there. Imagine trying to compete with this guy.
posted by R. Mutt at 11:24 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dennis Shay says:

Allow me to comment on my own blog item.

Awesome.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 11:26 AM on May 4, 2009

I'm pretty sure he's not just ripping the FPP text verbatim, as a few posts differ slightly from their sources. Let's look at a particularly rich example:

From Metafilter, on July 22, 2008:

Mygazines is for sharing magazines online.

From Shay's Red Room blog later that day:

Mygazines (magazines on the internet) Offers a Look at the Future While Testing Copyright Law
July 22, 2008

July 19, 2008 — 01:28 PM PDT — by Paul Glazowski — Want to read a wealth of magazines without spending a dime on subscriptions or one-time transactions? A website by the name of Mygazines is promising just that.I for one can’t imagine the number of copyrights the site and/or its users have infringed upon. It must be many, no doubt. [...]

So in this case he copied the idea for the post, but replaced gnifti's intro with the (deliciously ironic) text of the article. Which is in itself copyright infringement.
posted by Rhaomi at 11:26 AM on May 4, 2009

Wow. Get a life, moran!
posted by Mister_A at 11:29 AM on May 4, 2009

Gd point burnmp3s - the main blogs page currently says

[pie corax 05/04/2009 - 10:18am] all words stolen from http://metafilter.com.
posted by paduasoy at 11:30 AM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Mr. Shay, if you're reading this, you're probably a User Friendly punchline by now.
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:33 AM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

Are we allowed to post Mr. Shay's personal information?

He's a man of wealth and taste. He's been around for a long, long year, stole many a man's soul and faith, and he was around when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain. (He made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate.) He stuck around St. Petersburg when he saw it was a time for a change; he killed the czar and his ministers (Anastasia screamed in vain). He rode a tank and held a general's rank when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank; he watched with glee while your kings and queens fought for ten decades for the gods they made. He shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?" (when after all, lo! it was you and me).

Oh, and he laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reached Bombay. I'm still researching; I'll add information as I come across it.
posted by languagehat at 11:33 AM on May 4, 2009 [18 favorites]

That's really great stuff, lhat. You should like write songs or something. We could start a band, call ourselves The Stephens Ambrose.

I'd have to change my name to Stephen for that to make sense, I guess. But the point is: this joke wasn't as funny as this comment is long, and I need some lunch.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:37 AM on May 4, 2009

Just coming!
posted by Artw at 11:38 AM on May 4, 2009

His birth was strange, as are the births of many mythic heroes, as it took 3 storks to carry the infant (ordinarily, one stork could carry several babies and drop them off at their parents' homes). When he was old enough to clap and laugh, the vibration broke every window in the house. When he was 7 months old he sawed the legs off of his parent's bed in the middle of the night. He and Babe the Blue Ox, his companion, dug the Grand Canyon when he dragged his axe behind him, and created Mount Hood by piling rocks on top of their campfire to put it out. *
posted by R. Mutt at 11:39 AM on May 4, 2009

Yeah, no scraping, methinks, but that might just be because all of the FPP's he stole from me were rewritten.

I don't know what, exactly, that says about me, though...
posted by Navelgazer at 11:46 AM on May 4, 2009

Shay placed his hands on the ground. He looked at his inquisitor. This is my claim, he said. And yet everywhere upon it are pockets of autonomous life. Autonomous. In order for it to be mine nothing must be permitted to occur upon it save by my dispensation.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:49 AM on May 4, 2009

Just for the record, the Burger King apple fries are neither deep fried, nor frozen. They come off the truck just the way you see them, in little plastic bags full of more chemicals than fruit, and sit in a fridge up front or in the back until they go out to the customer.

I thought they were freezer to fryer, too, and it really sounds like it might be tasty, but they aren't.
posted by paisley henosis at 11:57 AM on May 4, 2009

Shay placed his hands on the ground. He looked at his inquisitor. This is my claim, he said. And yet everywhere upon it are pockets of autonomous life. Autonomous. In order for it to be mine nothing must be permitted to occur upon it save by my dispensation.

The inquisitor adjudicated the beseechment while standing over Shay, and nodded his agreement. It is yours by right, he said. But you have no means of enforcement. The life is myriad and too small to dispense with by degrees of normal control. You must find within yourself the extraordinary or your dispensation is meaningless.

Quoted from "Shay's Sacrifice."
posted by mrmojoflying at 11:59 AM on May 4, 2009

I'm really puzzled by this behavior. I mean apart from the accumulated risk of doing this for so long, the chances of getting caught approaching 1 and so forth. I mean I don't know how you could live with yourself consistently stealing, word for word, from another blog and passing yourself off as a "writer". Stephen Glass, for all his deceptions, was at least inventing something. This copy/paste crap makes no sense to me outside of ad revenue - if that's all you're after, wouldn't it be easier to launch a dozen or so spamblogs?. But most of all, how about my posts, Dennis, huh? What's the matter, too much food for thought?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:05 PM on May 4, 2009

She plummeted it

No she didn't.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:07 PM on May 4, 2009

I don't know what, exactly, that says about me, though...

That you don't use the word "Lo!" enough?
posted by ob at 12:08 PM on May 4, 2009

Shay looked about him. He was sat before the fire naked save for his breeches and his hands rested palm down upon his knees. His eyes were empty slots. None among the company harbored any notion as to what this attitude implied, yet so like an icon was he in his sitting that they grew cautious and spoke with circumspection among themselves as if they would not waken something that had better been left sleeping.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:09 PM on May 4, 2009

Bob Levin says:

Iceberg Slim and Warren Oates, Dennis, you show interest in an intriguing mix of cultural icons.

Thu, 04/02/2009 - 4:38pm

What's a polymath to do?
posted by Devils Slide at 12:16 PM on May 4, 2009

Dennis Shay took out the dead baby while smoking 69 cigarettes and lazily watching the Budweiser bottle drift around in dry. "Mmmm," he lugubrioused, "I'm going to eat this dead baby."
posted by Damn That Television at 12:20 PM on May 4, 2009 [15 favorites]

So, I used to used to use a desktop RSS reader, and it had a "blog this" button on every post. When you clicked the button, up would come a form with various posting options like livejournal, blogger, wordpress, etc. It auto-populated the form with the exact text of the blog post. I never used this feature, but the auto-populating always seemed strange to me. Was this app really telling me to steal someone's content for my blog?

My point is that maybe this guy doesn't really know what he's doing. Especially after watching the video, that honestly seems more likely to me than he's trying to use our posts to get more Redroom fans or whatever.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:35 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

In the abrupt silence, he paused to take in a deep breath. Profuse beads of sweat covered his forehead and cheeks. His virescent eyes blazed with a maniacal wildness. He slowly placed both hands onto the keyboard and pressed down Ctrl+C. With sweat dripping down between his fingers, he opened the other browser tab and hit Ctrl+V.

At last he spoke, "I've merely added to my blog."
posted by ob at 12:36 PM on May 4, 2009

maybe this guy doesn't really know what he's doing.

Well, yes. Clearly.
posted by dersins at 12:53 PM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

~Malice vs Incompetence

Why can't it be both?
posted by nomisxid at 12:55 PM on May 4, 2009

It was a dewy and lurid night; lo! the wet plummeted in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent wheeze of wind which curled up the hipstery streets (for it is in Oregon that our scene speeds along), canted along the roof-tops, and exsanguinated directly above the sputtering tip of Nate Wiley's flamboyant cigarillo that winked congenitally at the darkness with every breath. Heroic resuscitation efforts waged in a grimy coffee house doorway with a soggy paper match-book cover failed.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'll drop this guy a quick wtf mail myself.

Three hours after sending a note to Matt asking him to do the same? Important ≠ urgent.

This place can really be shrill at times. Plagiarism deserves punishment, self-linkers should be banned, etc.—but MeTa needs to chill with the whole "90 minutes have passed and nothing has been done; WE NEED A MOD STATIONED IN EUROPE" anxiety.
posted by cribcage at 1:06 PM on May 4, 2009

Nuclear armed space-mods in geosynchronous orbit, that's the answer.
posted by Artw at 1:09 PM on May 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

They're the SPACEMODS, watch out!
posted by The Whelk at 1:11 PM on May 4, 2009

Higgamus Hoggamus
Shay's a rebellious
Blithering plagiarist
Worthy of scorn

Lo! How this googlicide
Exsanguinatingly
Bleeds out his dignity
Onto the floor.
posted by The White Hat at 1:12 PM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

I humbly submit my application to become Space Mod Prime.
posted by The Whelk at 1:12 PM on May 4, 2009

Three hours after sending a note to Matt asking him to do the same? Important ≠ urgent.

Yeah, but quick wtf emails are easy to write as well.

If there are a lot of people in MeTa wondering what is going on, trying to sort out the "what is going on" angle sooner rather than later can often mean not having to clean up after a bunch of weird wilding that can happen when people feel that the site has been impugned in some way. I agree that people get shrill and huffy and that doesn't really reflect our modly opinion about this transgression but if it's easy to straighten out, doing it sooner is better.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:14 PM on May 4, 2009

Three hours after sending a note to Matt asking him to do the same? Important ≠ urgent.
posted by cribcage at 1:06 PM on May 4

i totally get you dude - who is this "cortex" idiot anyway sheesh
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:14 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I got another nice email from the editor over at redroom which sounds as if they are taking this very seriously. More seriously than I am, in fact.

This Dennis Shay fellow is much more likely to be clueless than devious, I think. Based on his one mefi comment I am not automatically predisposed to giving him the benefit of the doubt, but it is not a big deal. I doubt he gets any advertisment revenue from his blog, he gets no comments to speak of, this can hardly be promoting his career, and this thread will likely be a top hit for 'Dennis Shay" pretty soon. So, it's is a tempest in a teapot. redroom.com seems to be a pretty good site overall. So yeah, I would say, chill.

Though we can always swap recipes for a while since the pitchforks aren't needed.
posted by Rumple at 1:20 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Three hours after sending a note to Matt asking him to do the same? Important ≠ urgent.

You understand that Matt and I are coworkers and me doing something if he's not around is actually just the redistribution of labor, not me flipping out and being all OMG, right?
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:28 PM on May 4, 2009

Intercontinental ballistic mods.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:30 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

redistribution of labor

COMMIE! MARXIST! Um... TERRORIST!
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:32 PM on May 4, 2009

Once the cortex has been sufficiently stimulated, action is, for all practical purposes, immediate.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:34 PM on May 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

No poking. Oh, wait a minute... you know what would be really cool to have around here?
posted by R. Mutt at 1:37 PM on May 4, 2009

Did you know you can poke your brain with a sharp stick and it won't hurt?

Yes it will. The pathway to the brain is full of hurt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:39 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Though we can always swap recipes for a while since the pitchforks aren't needed.

So, what's your favorite way to toast marshmallows?

Personally I've never understood the people who actually set the marshmallow on fire, then blow out the fire to end up with a blackened, charred mass. Ugh!
posted by needled at 1:39 PM on May 4, 2009

> Stick to the plagiarism, Dennis.

It certainly leads one to wonder about the provenance of his books; convulsive locution, awkwardable grammar and all that shit.
posted by ardgedee at 1:40 PM on May 4, 2009

MetaFilter: The pathway to the brain is full of hurt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:40 PM on May 4, 2009

Personally I've never understood the people who actually set the marshmallow on fire, then blow out the fire to end up with a blackened, charred mass. Ugh!

Crispy, molten fantasticness, right there. Yum.

Bonus: Much faster than the other way, so I get to eat more of them.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 1:42 PM on May 4, 2009

Ouch.

Okay, that thing about the stick is not true.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:46 PM on May 4, 2009

Is "bum-floss" the actual accepted word for that style of underwear?

"bum-floss" is slang, like "budgie-smugglers" for speedos.

they're both more or less universally understood, but not used in formal communications such as Tori's Seccie catalogues.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:46 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Personally I've never understood the people who actually set the marshmallow on fire, then blow out the fire to end up with a blackened, charred mass. Ugh!

It ain't creme brulee. I have no interest in getting that shit golden brown. I want it gooey, and I want it fast.
posted by orville sash at 1:49 PM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

never a frown with golden brown.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:53 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's surprising marketers haven't come up with more things to put on sticks around campfires. I mean, we are still stuck with hotdogs and marshmallows. Are there even prefab "smores"? Could there be marshmallows shaped like Michael Jackson's head ca. Pepsi'87? Could there be delicious little balls of dough filled with cheez whiz and pepperoni? Could these come with single use sticks? Marketers of the world: wake up!

Though, now that I think about it, it is much more likely we will see JiffyMallow: the First Microwave Marshmallow than something so niche as campfire goodies.
posted by Rumple at 1:53 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I also found this user at reddit was doing the same mining of metafilter headlines.

Hmmm. reddit; redroom - Lo! We observe the resurge of the Red Menace!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:57 PM on May 4, 2009

know what would be great as a savoury alternative to toasted marshmallows?

Pão de queijo!
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:00 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

like "budgie-smugglers" for speedos.

I have parakeets, and I can assure you that sticking them in your pants as a methodology for stealing and/ or transporting them is a losing proposition for all parties concerned.

However, putting them down your pants for fun is a totally separate conversation best left out of this thread.
posted by quin at 2:08 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think their name is dumb, but Here We Go Magic playing in the background has made this much more of a mellow bit of scampery on this sunny afternoon.

So much so that I'm actually kinda enjoying his fiction. It's meant to be silly, right?
posted by klangklangston at 2:11 PM on May 4, 2009

Pão de queijo!

That is an idea good enough to try. It'd be like an inside-out fondue.
posted by Rumple at 2:11 PM on May 4, 2009

Poof! He's gone!
posted by The Whelk at 2:16 PM on May 4, 2009

like "budgie-smugglers" for speedos.

I have parakeets

I may not be up on avian technical terms, but are these not too very different sized types of bird?
posted by Artw at 2:16 PM on May 4, 2009

Just getting to this thread. I was reading his plagiarized posts. In the past few minutes the FPP's first link now resolves to a note: "This member has not yet added any blog entries."
posted by ericb at 2:16 PM on May 4, 2009

However, putting them down your pants for fun is a totally separate conversation best left out of this thread.

So long as it's not for the purposes of gambling...
posted by nomisxid at 2:17 PM on May 4, 2009

Poof! He's gone!

The greatest trick Dennis Shay never pulled was convincing the world he could write for shit.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:20 PM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

Another win for the MeFi Detective Squad.

madamjujujive now joins Miko in receiving special commendation and promotion to Chief Inspector/Special Agents.

Congrats!
posted by ericb at 2:21 PM on May 4, 2009

Jinx, The Whelk, you owe me a some Coke!
posted by ericb at 2:22 PM on May 4, 2009

are these not too very different sized types of bird?

yeah, you can't just subsitute different bird species, willy-nilly.

you'd have a lot of trouble trying to fit a pair of boobies into your speedos, for example.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:24 PM on May 4, 2009

In the past few minutes the FPP's first link

I know Matt dislikes "FPP" in general (I don't feel super strongly about it but usually avoid, I think), but I have this sudden welling need to be all "OMG FPP CANNOT REFER TO ANYTHING BUT A POST TO THE BLUE" and I feel a little weird about having such strong feelings about a usage I don't even endorse.

It's like there's a part of my brain that's saying, hey, if you're going to do it wrong, at least do it wrong right.

Poof! He's gone!

Well, that's about all I could reasonably have hoped for. Didn't see any sign of him doing the same thing anywhere else, and I doubt now that he'd be fool enough to start.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:26 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Jinx, The Whelk, you owe me a some Coke!

Ehhh ok, but it's been a thin week. Check back after I visit Edward "The Jackal" Bernstein.
posted by The Whelk at 2:33 PM on May 4, 2009

Artw : but are these not too very different sized types of bird?

Kinda. The Show or English Budgies are bigger than their wild brethren, but in the US, the most common kinds to find are similar in size to the wild ones.

I think.
posted by quin at 2:38 PM on May 4, 2009

First off, budgies are parakeets, like duh, though there are multiple species of parakeet which may or may not fit in one's Speedo.

Secondly, I hate marshmallows and always have, and my Girl Scout troop never had anything else for us to roast over the campfire, so pyromania was the only way I could participate. (Matter of fact, a lot of what's wrong with me can probably be traced back to my years of Girl Scouting.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:40 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Just for that, I'm not going to post about the Zac Efron avocado.

He's only got one?
posted by MikeKD at 3:13 PM on May 4, 2009

It's like there's a part of my brain that's saying, hey, if you're going to do it wrong, at least do it wrong right.

I think of MetaFilter, AskMeFi and MetaTalk as separate entities. So, a primary posting on a thread is an FPP in my mind. So, how should I "do it wrong, at least do it wrong right" next time? ; )
posted by ericb at 3:45 PM on May 4, 2009

Peeps are excellent when toasted - the sugar on the outside hardens to a crunchy shell that contains pure marshmallow goey-ness.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:47 PM on May 4, 2009

He's only got one?

I'm uncomfortable with Zac Efron's testicle(s) being referred to in such close proximity to the sharp points, hacking edges, and open flames of MeFi's pitchforks, assorted polearms, and torches.
posted by CKmtl at 3:55 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I sent an anonymous email to Red Room. Looks like they got the email.
posted by kldickson at 4:01 PM on May 4, 2009

Check: cashed. Thank you for your patronage, Mister_A. Though I suspect that with the untimely disappearance of Mr. Shay, the 20 favorites paid for this final, haunting portrait will prove to be an absolute steal.
posted by Rhaomi at 4:14 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Well I borked the link but you know what I mean
posted by Rhaomi at 4:16 PM on May 4, 2009

The hell? Why is Matt not down with FPP?

(genuinely puzzled/into Naughty By Nature)
posted by Navelgazer at 4:18 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Okay, now that's sorted can we talk a little bit more about jandals and Hawaii Chappals?
posted by tellurian at 4:20 PM on May 4, 2009

So, how should I "do it wrong, at least do it wrong right" next time? ; )

I'm not sure I can even characterize the weird demon-proscription in my hindbrain in terms other than "the front page is the blue, and the blue is the front page, and an FPP is a post on the front page and hence blue and a post to any front page other than the front page is, by definition, not an FPP."

Proof by tautology.

I will reiterate that this isn't canon so much as a statement of my (surprisingly, to me, strongly rooted) personal preferences about usage based on my time spent here observing plus a healthy dose of unadulterated druthers.

While I'm at it:

A post on the green can be called a question, or an "askme" if you like, or maybe even an "ask" though that's getting toward the thinnish ice near the center of the lake. But it's not an FPP, and the front page of AskMe might be "the front page of AskMe" or maybe "the AskMe front page", but it's sure as heck not "the front page", except possibly in those rare contexts where it is unambiguously clear without qualification that it is the front page of askme that is the front page in question, and even then collapsing the literal notion of "a post on the front page [of askme]" to "FPP" is right out.

Likewise, A post on the grey is, in my mind, "a metatalk post" or a "a metatalk" or maybe "a meta", or, in a (hazy) subset of instances, "a callout" or "a shoutout" or a few other things, but it's not an FPP. And the front page of metatalk is, again, a front page but not the front page.

FPPs go on the FP, period. And whatever you do, don't call the front page "the FP", ever, because that is some ridiculous bullshit that I'm pretty sure I just made up right now to be cute.

And another thing:

OP? Heck no. Just say "poster" or "post", whichever it is you're talking about, and here's why:

There's only one post. And there's only one person who could have posted that post. Again, we have context. We know there's a post and a poster. The poster who posted the post is by definition the original poster, so the "O" in the "OP" is gratuitous as all get-out.

But, okay, OP folks, if you must get your OPness on, at least be clear in context whether you are using "OP" to refer to a person or to a post, because people can't seem to agree about this and so a reference out of the blue to "the OP" sometimes leaves the reader having to figure out not only that you mean "the original [post|poster]" but also which of the two you're referring to, and that's just batty. Crazytalk. Wacko cocoa.

And how many times do I have to point at the lawn? You know how much time I spend watering that grass? Go tag a bus stop or something!
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:25 PM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

Are there even prefab "smores"?

I present to you Hershey's S'mores.
posted by ericb at 4:25 PM on May 4, 2009

madamjujujive now joins Miko in receiving special commendation

I backtagged with miko; I knew miko; miko was a friend of mine. ericb, I'm no miko.
posted by madamjujujive at 4:27 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Navelgazer: "The hell? Why is Matt not down with FPP?"

'Cause Matt doesn't like insider terms in general. Exclusionary to newbs, and all that.

And FPP in particular is ambiguous. People for the most part think it means a post to the front page, which is www.metafilter.com . People figuring it out in context can easily think it refers to any post. A lot of people don't distinguish between a "post" and a "comment", so these are the interior posts and that is the exterior post.

It probably made more sense before AskMe became the most popular part of the site, too. Back when there was just the front-page blue and the back-alley grey.
posted by team lowkey at 4:29 PM on May 4, 2009

the front page is the blue...

Blue, green and grey. WTF ever happened to the proposed redesign?

I keed. I keed. ; )
posted by ericb at 4:32 PM on May 4, 2009

"FPP + metafilter" = 16,700 Google search results.
posted by ericb at 4:34 PM on May 4, 2009

But is it acceptable to use use sweatbread to mean sweet bread?
posted by Artw at 4:34 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

No, but its fine to use it to mean bread that's been left in a plastic bag in a hot place till condensation has formed on the inside of the plastic. Or sweat bread.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:55 PM on May 4, 2009

[composes long multipost argument regarding how sweetbread, sweet bread, sweatbread and sweat bread are all interchangable and you are wrong to think otherwise.]
posted by Artw at 5:01 PM on May 4, 2009

OP? Heck no. Just say "poster" or "post", whichever it is you're talking about, and here's why:

There's only one post. And there's only one person who could have posted that post. Again, we have context.

But what if the OP's FPP is about a poster? Now it's all ambiguous again.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 5:07 PM on May 4, 2009

And god help us if someone were to hang that poster on a post and send a picture postcard about it, yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:09 PM on May 4, 2009

Worse yet, what if the picture postcard of a poster on a post was sent via post by a page in a front organization, and then a poster posted about it to the front page?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:19 PM on May 4, 2009

What resulted was a series of four photos: (a) girl taking apple fry, (b) girl examining apple fry, (c) girl biting into apple fry, (d) girl looking horrified at what she just put in her mouth.

Heh, I got the same reaction from my baby son when I fed him Gerber Pears baby food after a lifetime (his) of eating homemade baby food.
posted by davejay at 5:46 PM on May 4, 2009

And how many times do I have to point at the lawn? You know how much time I spend watering that grass? Go tag a bus stop or something!


Wow. Cortex at 30 is cranky. Have an apple.
posted by lysdexic at 5:52 PM on May 4, 2009

what if, post-posting, the poster posted a post-post post about the posted poster on a post?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:08 PM on May 4, 2009

i mean, would that make it a double post?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:10 PM on May 4, 2009

It would be deleted as a double.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:10 PM on May 4, 2009

Ex post facto.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:12 PM on May 4, 2009

There's only one post. And there's only one person who could have posted that post. Again, we have context. We know there's a post and a poster. The poster who posted the post is by definition the original poster, so the "O" in the "OP" is gratuitous as all get-out.

I'm a-gonna just call 'em "P" from now on, thanks.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:21 PM on May 4, 2009

what if, post-posting, the poster posted a post-post post about the posted poster on a post?

But, what would Peter Piper post?
posted by ericb at 6:26 PM on May 4, 2009

Post Post-post posts, post-post posts post post-post-post posts.
posted by dersins at 6:27 PM on May 4, 2009

But, what would Peter Piper post?

This.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:28 PM on May 4, 2009

Rhaomi, I like to think it was a good deal for both of us. Well done!
posted by Mister_A at 6:38 PM on May 4, 2009

[Metafilter sued out of existance by Harlan Ellison]
posted by Artw at 6:45 PM on May 4, 2009

I punch myself square in the face every time I find myself typing 'FPP'. It is the cross I must bear.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:15 PM on May 4, 2009

You must have really long arms and/or freakish double joints...

No, no, B-han. Stav lives in Korea, where he's learned some badass martial arts. Punching yourself square in the face is no big deal over there. You see it every day.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:06 PM on May 4, 2009

I figured it was just because he's in Mefight Club and has been playing a lot of Portal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:36 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Mefightclub will take its shout-outs however it can get them.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 9:45 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Did you know you can poke your brain with a sharp stick and it won't hurt?

i'm still not putting that apple on my head, dad
posted by pyramid termite at 9:55 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

The first rule of Mefightclub?*

*There is no Mefightclub.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:20 PM on May 4, 2009

The Vicky's Seccie cattledog just calls 'em G-strings, but that in itself was pretty funny to the 12yro guitarists at the music shop.
posted by bystander at 1:53 AM on May 5, 2009

Perhaps stav just has a square face, or square fists?
posted by philomathoholic at 2:26 AM on May 5, 2009

Nothing square about stav, daddy-o! He's the heppest!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:51 AM on May 5, 2009

No no no.

The first rule of Mefightclub?*

*Rotato.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 4:16 AM on May 5, 2009

What the fuck is a rotato?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:21 AM on May 5, 2009

a tater that rotates, duh.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:44 AM on May 5, 2009

Awww, we got our very own derail. I'm so proud!
posted by absalom at 5:21 AM on May 5, 2009

Lo! I accidently the whole blog.
posted by panboi at 6:02 AM on May 5, 2009

i'm still not putting that apple on my head, dad.

But it's a Cox's Orange Pippin. The finest of *all* the target apples.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:42 AM on May 5, 2009

But it's a Cox's Orange Pippin. The finest of *all* the target apples.

Hey, ain't that what ol' Bill Burroughs told his wife?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:10 AM on May 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Lo! Rotato is an anagram for Oral Toot.

Think about it.
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:50 AM on May 5, 2009

Metafilter: I want it gooey, and I want it fast.

-or-

Jonas Brothers: I want it gooey, and I want it fast.


Your choice.
posted by owtytrof at 10:59 AM on May 5, 2009

The only apples I seem to get to eat any more are road apples...
posted by Samizdata at 9:22 PM on May 5, 2009