Miracle Whip Zingr?

May 12, 2009 10:24 AM

Miracle Whip Zingr beta? That deserves a graphic ad on the front page, even when logged in? Did the advertising guidelines change recently?

No its not a big deal, I'm a big boy and know how to avoid ads. But it sure struck me as odd and rather out of place.

posted by Ynoxas to etiquette/policy at 10:24 AM (142 comments total)

I emailed the mods about this earlier with similar feelings and cortex said:

Heh, no, it's not new. Matt's been running ads up there off and on
for at least three years now -- he actually ran the Meficomp ad way
back when for a month or so, I think that was 2006, and it was an
established thing even then.

There's not always an ad there, but having an ad there is old hat. :)
posted by Kwine at 10:25 AM on May 12

Nothing has changed, we typically have 125x125 ads on the front pages, but they're off and on every few months to the point where we have a new metatalk thread every time there is an ad there (there were dice.com ads there a few months ago).
posted by mathowie at 10:25 AM on May 12

Heh, I nearly posted about this, but then I figured someone else would do it for me! And so they have.
posted by Night_owl at 10:27 AM on May 12 [1 favorite]

I emailed the mods about this earlier with similar feelings and cortex said:

[snip]

Posting the contents of private correspondence? That's a bannin'!
posted by dersins at 10:29 AM on May 12

Here are some previous threads about the same thing: 1, 2, 3, 4
posted by mathowie at 10:30 AM on May 12

WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, SUGAR, SALT, ENZYME MODIFIED EGG YOLKS, MUSTARD FLOUR, ARTIFICIAL COLOR, POTASSIUM SORBATE AS A PRESERVATIVE, PAPRIKA, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR, DRIED GARLIC, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR).
posted by Burhanistan at 10:31 AM on May 12 [2 favorites]

(it really is some awful shit)
posted by Burhanistan at 10:32 AM on May 12

Thanks Matt.

I think it was not only the ad itself (which did surprise, as I guess I've either "forgotten" or else tuned out the previous ones) but mostly the subject of the ad.

And I do remember the dice.com ads, now that you mention them. I guess they seemed to fit better, and no bell went off in my head.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:34 AM on May 12

Don't really care about the ad, but what is up with that "product?" Clicking it took me to a facebook page (WTF?) and it appears to be a Firefox (only!) extension that lets you "annotate" web pages with peculiar branding. Presumably your clickstream goes right on back to zea mays central at Kraft Foods. Is it more or less spyware centered around Miracle Whip? Very, very weird.
posted by neustile at 10:38 AM on May 12 [1 favorite]

I know you're just yanking my chain, dersins, but it actually made me acutely uncomfortable copy/pasting it and I regretted it immediately, for reasons I don't fully understand.

Anyway, I thought I was saving effort for the mods by not starting a metatalk thread, but it didn't occur to me that ten other people probably had the same question. It's sort of a tough thing to figure out whether your question is idiosyncratic enough that emailing the mods is a better approach than starting a thread.
posted by Kwine at 10:40 AM on May 12

Posting the contents of private correspondence? That's a bannin'!

Heh. It's always a good idea to ask, but I think this is one of the clearcut situations where there's almost no angle for negative harm for it. No worries this time out, Kwine.

I'm really surprised that folks are noticing this one so much, but I guess it's one of those things that just sort of gets a new crop of people's attention for the first time on a sort of cyclical basis.

On a related note: Miracle Whip is just plain weird. Gimme my Best Foods.
posted by cortex at 10:47 AM on May 12 [1 favorite]

Heh. I just came over here to post about this one, too. WTF? Miracle Whip? That's not even a real food. Now if was bacon...
posted by dancinglamb at 10:52 AM on May 12 [1 favorite]

There is absolutely no excuse for using Miracle Whip. Ever. It is disgusting and an abomination. In fact, there is very little reason to buy store-bought mayonnaise (or "boughten" as my Iowa-bred wife would say), considering how easy and delicious homemade mayonnaise is.

People, please, STOP THE MADNESS!!!
posted by slogger at 10:56 AM on May 12 [1 favorite]

Shut up and drink your gin.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:57 AM on May 12 [2 favorites]

Goddamn food snobs.
posted by dead cousin ted at 11:00 AM on May 12

surely you're longing for baconaisse...
posted by hippybear at 11:02 AM on May 12

surely you're longing for baconaisse...

Oh, that is just WRONG. It doesn't even have *meat* in it.
posted by dancinglamb at 11:05 AM on May 12

There is absolutely no excuse for using Miracle Whip. Ever. It is disgusting and an abomination.

Zing!

Am I doing it right?
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:20 AM on May 12 [3 favorites]

I've been zinging the whip right out of this page, but it doesn't seem to do anything.
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:30 AM on May 12

Do you try ghost zinging the whip?
posted by dersins at 11:31 AM on May 12 [6 favorites]

Did. Did you try &c. Jesus fuck I can't the fuck type today.
posted by dersins at 11:31 AM on May 12

surely you're longing for baconaisse...

Easy! Just replace a portion of your oil with bacon fat (which you surely keep a jar of in the back of your fridge, right?), and zing! you have homemade baconnaise!


Yes, Ufez, you're doing it perfectly. Perrrrfectly.
posted by slogger at 11:45 AM on May 12

There is absolutely no need for mayonnaise either. Not when there's spicy brown mustard.
posted by misha at 12:04 PM on May 12

Somehow I had CoolWhip in mind when I read the ingredients, and thought, Garlic powder? On fruit? Zing?

Then I figured it out.

HFCS? On my sammich? Zin--*gag*
posted by Westringia F. at 12:18 PM on May 12

GOOD LUCK MAKING DELICIOUS TUNA SALAD WITH BROWN MUSTARD
posted by Burhanistan at 12:19 PM on May 12 [5 favorites]

Do you try ghost zinging the whip?

Typo or no, this sentence is fantastic.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:26 PM on May 12

I think that this ad is a bit more noticeable because it's... white. If you're using the colored main pages, rather than the professional white background, it's a bit jarring to be scanning down the page and notice a big gaping hole in the internets! out of the corner of your eye. So you look over and what do you know? an ad for sandwich spread.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:59 PM on May 12 [1 favorite]

Obviously targeted marketing for white people.
posted by The Deej at 1:11 PM on May 12

They should direct their marketing toward explaining what, exactly, their product is.

I have vague ideas but frankly I'm afraid to click the link. Obfuscating it with 5 instances of the word Zing are not inspiring confidence.
posted by empyrean at 1:29 PM on May 12

I came to MeTa today to look this up also. Not annoyed enough to start a thread on my own, but curious enough to wonder if there was a change in policy. If members have been getting others ads before this, I hadn't noticed them before. It's really not that annoying of an ad to me, but something about it really stands out against the blue. And the grey and green for that matter.
posted by marsha56 at 1:52 PM on May 12

The "mission statement" on the Facebook page is hilariously bad:

We will not be quiet, try to blend in, disappear in the background, play second fiddle. When we’re in a sandwich, a salad, a panini or crostini, you’ll know it. We’re not like the others, we won’t ever try to be.

We are Miracle Whip. And we will not tone it down.

MIRACLE WHIP - IT'S FOR REBELS!!
posted by desjardins at 3:52 PM on May 12 [4 favorites]

I grew up a lo-o-ong time ago on Miracle Whip. I remember my future radio mentor getting into a controversy because he did a joke commercial with the Marquis DeSade as spokesman for Miracle Whip (it was the 60s). For what it's worth, it is lower in calories and fat than either Kraft or Hellmans/Best Foods Mayonnaise and, yes, most of the advertised 'tangy zip' comes from adding sweetener (formerly sugar, now HFCS), not spices. But if you mix 4 parts Miracle Whip with 1 part Processed Horseradish, you do get an almost exact copy of Arby's Horsey Sauce (another mutant condiment).

I still buy one jar a year of the stuff (when it's on sale for $1.50 a quart) and keep it in the back of the fridge for whenever I need something mayonnaisey, but lately, every year there is more left over when I throw it out...

That said, anything involving a product of Kraft Foods (except MAYBE Philadelphia Cream Cheese) is still the worst advertising match with the image and culture of MetaFilter since the Suicide Girls. Remember them? At least they didn't contain HFCS!
posted by wendell at 3:54 PM on May 12

I think I prefer Miracle Whip for chicken salad, the kind my hillbilly grandma would make and put in the sandwich-crimper-toaster thing on the whitest "wheat" bread you ever saw. Home Pride, baby. Chopped apples, sweet relish, red onions, miracle whip and shredded chicken, I think.

But I haven't eaten chicken salad in over a decade, so it's a moot point.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:11 PM on May 12

MIRACLE WHIP - IT'S BASICALLY WHAT THE SANDWICH WILL TASTE LIKE!!
posted by cortex at 4:14 PM on May 12 [9 favorites]

Miracle whip > mere mayonnaise.
posted by mullingitover at 4:34 PM on May 12

Miracle Whip: We took some Hellman's and sprinkled a bit of paprika in there!
posted by Sys Rq at 4:41 PM on May 12

Can someone post a screenshot of the ad? I've whitelisted mefi in abp, but I'm still not seeing it.

No, there's no real reason for me to have to see it.

Yes, I am just nosy.
posted by mosessis at 4:47 PM on May 12

Sys Rq: I've felt for some time that putting the exclamation point off-kilter by italicizing it heightens the comedic effect. Well played, sir.
posted by koeselitz at 4:51 PM on May 12

i love miracle whip.
posted by msconduct at 4:53 PM on May 12

Can we have a larger ad for something other than Miracle Whip? Please? Maybe I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? They have new cooking and baking products...please?
posted by StrikeTheViol at 5:07 PM on May 12

slogger writes "In fact, there is very little reason to buy store-bought mayonnaise (or 'boughten' as my Iowa-bred wife would say), considering how easy and delicious homemade mayonnaise is."

Well if you're making potato salad or similar for a group picnic store bought mayonnaise being pasteurized and containing preservatives is a bonus to helping you not be the centre of a "Bad potato salad kills 3, send 23 to hospital" story.
posted by Mitheral at 5:23 PM on May 12

GOOD LUCK MAKING DELICIOUS TUNA SALAD WITH BROWN MUSTARD

6 oz rare/med rare grilled tuna, diced (or a fambly-size packet of the stuff if you're cheap like me)
1 roasted red bell pepper, julienned
1/2 shallot, thinly sliced
a handful of kalamata olives, pitted and chopped
1 tablespoon brown mustard
splash red wine vinegar
splash extra virgin olive oil
squeeze lemon juice
black pepper to taste

Ta-da!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:28 PM on May 12 [1 favorite]

Kraft Foods' Miracle Whip brand is dipping its toes into social utilities with a browser application that lets users share comments on Web-based content via their social networks.

....

The app is part of an effort by Miracle Whip to appeal to a younger audience with its "We will not tone it down" ad campaign. On its site, Miracle Whip bills Zingr as "the newest way to add your own flavor to the Web." The messages are meant to be short and snappy.

wtf I don't even

I hope it's overrun with pedophiles or terrorists or something.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:58 PM on May 12 [5 favorites]

ya know, if you brought back the suicide girls ads, none of us would complain like this...
posted by HuronBob at 5:59 PM on May 12

none of us would complain like this...

Nope, we would complain differently.
posted by jessamyn at 6:05 PM on May 12 [4 favorites]

Kraft Foods' Miracle Whip brand is dipping its toes into social utilities...

RIP Social Media, we hardly knew ye.
posted by GuyZero at 6:09 PM on May 12

Im dippin my toes in ur miracle whip
posted by flabdablet at 6:20 PM on May 12 [1 favorite]

I see no reason for complaint. Kraft is subsidizing our website in return for letting them put a "KRAFT IS IDIOTS" sign on it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 6:29 PM on May 12 [5 favorites]

At first I was all "WFT?" Now, I'm like "BRING THE ZING!"

Seriously, I don't care about the ads -- I love the idea of Mattexamyn making a living off the site, but I do have to ask myself "Self? Just how ham-fisted cam Kraft be?" and the answer is "Self, this ham-fisted."
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:14 PM on May 12

My first and only experience with Miracle Whip was when I was at a friend's house in eighth grade for lunch. It was the only condiment they had in their fridge other than mustard (and I don't do mustard). I was *afraid* of the Miracle Whip. I remember asking what it tasted like. One of his other friends happened to be standing in the kitchen, opened the jar and said, "It tastes exactly like it smells".

Ya know, that kind of sealed the deal for me. I'm still afraid of it.

I still want to know why there can't be a nice ad for bacon. I would be very happy that alternative. Hell, I would be happy with pretty much anything bacon-related, though I'm quite partial to that super thick applewood smoked stuff they have at Whole Foods. Nom nom nom!
posted by dancinglamb at 7:34 PM on May 12

MetaFilter: wtf I don't even
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 7:51 PM on May 12

"There is absolutely no excuse for using Miracle Whip."

It has a tangy zip.
posted by klangklangston at 8:31 PM on May 12

yo dawg we heard you like mayo so we put some Zingr in your Filter so you can snack while you snark
posted by potch at 8:37 PM on May 12 [8 favorites]

in case anyone missed this one
posted by Burhanistan at 9:01 PM on May 12

I think SuicideGirls and Kraft have a contract....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 9:30 PM on May 12

I swear to god i am bringing a jar to the 15th anniversary thing. Maybe even buy it a membership, give it a nametag and shit.
posted by mwhybark at 10:24 PM on May 12

Your faith that there will be world in which there is a sufficient manufacturing base remaining to produce such items as Miracle Whip will still exist in five years is admirable. Naive, but admirable.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:30 PM on May 12

The Deej: "Obviously targeted marketing for white people."

Actually, in the movie Undercover Brother, mayo is seen as a white-people-only thing. The main guy squirts hot sauce on it to render it edible.
posted by philomathoholic at 12:23 AM on May 13

Kraft Foods' Miracle Whip brand is dipping its toes into social utilities...

If you ever needed confirmation as to the lack of critical, objective thought among the marketing pod people, just keep re-reading that line...
posted by Thorzdad at 9:39 AM on May 13

Kraft Foods' Miracle Whip brand is dipping its toes into social utilities with a browser application that lets users share comments on Web-based content via their social networks.

...enabling a private, friends-only, back channel for snark, that the person being snarked on won't be able to see or respond too, with the added bonus that it will be spammed all over people's social networks.

Isn't this something that everybody has thought at somepoint or other? And yet everybody who has actually got to the stage of developing has thought about the consequences for five minutes and decided they were a better person.

I dot rally have a problems with ads but this something that doesn't belong anywhere near here.
posted by tallus at 10:11 AM on May 13

Okay, fess up -- who's already installed this clever software?

Yo! Zing me! (If I had a Facebook account, that is)
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:48 PM on May 13

I hope the hell Matt is getting extra for all the brand awareness this thread has created.

I'm off to the store, and I plan on telling the cashier that metafilter sent me
posted by Mick at 3:41 PM on May 13

That said, anything involving a product of Kraft Foods (except MAYBE Philadelphia Cream Cheese) is still the worst advertising match with the image and culture of MetaFilter since the Suicide Girls. Remember them? At least they didn't contain HFCS!

Some would say Suicidegirls and Mefi are a perfect match.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:14 AM on May 14

oooooo...now the ad is animated! ZING-ier!
posted by Thorzdad at 8:22 AM on May 14 [1 favorite]

Now the ad has worked out how to defeat my ad-blocking measures and is jiggles annoyingly in my peripheral vision! I feel compelled to "bring" the "zing", but I don't know what that even means and so am quaking with frustration and impotent rage. Gah!
posted by nowonmai at 10:37 AM on May 14

So where is this ad you speak of that shows up even when you're logged in? The link goes to Facebook, which as far as I know is not yet a Metafilter enterprise.
posted by dunkadunc at 10:45 AM on May 14

Wow! That's a lot of Zings!

I want to know: was the plan always that the ad would change after two days, or did someone say, "This ad isn't Zingy enough! Get Haughey on the phone!"
posted by roll truck roll at 12:21 PM on May 14

Not liking the animated ad. Not liking it at all.
posted by zippy at 10:09 PM on May 14

Not liking the animated ad. Not liking it at all.

Zing.


Zing.


Zing.
Zing.
Zing. Zing. Zing. Zing. ZingZingZingZingZingZingZINGZINGZINGZINGZING
ZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZING
ZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZINGZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!
ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!ZING!
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:10 AM on May 15

zing.
posted by dersins at 7:56 AM on May 15

I don't like the animated ad either. Thankfully, I installed Zingr so I could express my displeasure to all of my buddies on Facebook. We're using Zingr to zing Zingr.

"Sup dawgs," I said to them, jittering in the glow of pre-zinging, "I heard you hate Zingr, so I installed Zingr on Zingr so you can zing Zingr while you Zingr."

I sent it. I sent the zing. I completed the zinging. I have zong.

Only problem: Still don't like mayonnaise.
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:43 AM on May 15 [2 favorites]

Proper conjugation: Zing, zang, zung. Zought, if you're formal.
posted by klangklangston at 9:47 AM on May 15 [1 favorite]

Only problem: Still don't like mayonnaise.

Lucky for you we're talking about Miracle Whip, then.
posted by dersins at 9:55 AM on May 15

Lucky for Hellmann's that we're talking about Miracle Whip, really.

I still won't buy it, but lord knows that company's on my mind more now than ever it has been.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:00 AM on May 15

Thy mayonnaise come;
Thy will be zung.
posted by cortex at 11:13 AM on May 15 [1 favorite]

Dear Kraft Foods,

Every time I hear the name Cool Whip I think of Miracle Whip, which I would rather not have on my ice cream.

Yours truly,
posted by Sys Rq at 11:13 AM on May 15

Holy crap. I've always been the other way around. Up until exactly three minutes ago, I thought that Miracle Whip was whipped cream. For years, I've been thinking that their entire marketing plan was based around a strange eating habit that I wasn't familiar with.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:17 AM on May 15

Well, if you want to zing out, zing out
And if you want to snark on, snark on
'Cause there's a million things to scorn
You know that there are

And if you want to say woot, say woot
And if you want to say meh, say meh
'Cause there's a million things to bleh
You know that there are

You can eat what you want
The Miracle Whip is on
And if you find a new way
To eat a sandwich today
You can spread it on thick
And make comments like a dick
You see, ah ah ah
It's easy ah ah ah
You only need to know
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:36 AM on May 15 [1 favorite]

My neighbors in Maine used to eat straight Miracle Whip sandwiches on a pretty regular basis. Their daughter had to have all her teeth pulled at 15 due to having never brushed, but that's another story (although ZINGy!)

I use mayonnaise or Vegenaise.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:40 AM on May 15

Proper conjugation: Zing, zang, zung. Zought, if you're formal.

"You should not have zought me thus!"
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:58 PM on May 15 [3 favorites]

I do not like this advertisement.
posted by demon666 at 9:41 AM on May 16

Cool hwip.
posted by zippy at 9:43 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]

I'm aggravated how much that Family Guy gag goes around when it was really obviously lifted from Hot Rod.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:02 AM on May 17

Before the middle of this decade, no one ever made jokes about haitches.
posted by cortex at 7:38 AM on May 17

I'm aggravated how much that Family Guy gag goes around when it was really obviously lifted from Hot Rod.

December 17, 2006 actually came before August 3, 2007. Yet another case of time-travel plagiarism!
posted by Sys Rq at 10:03 AM on May 17 [2 favorites]

no one ever made jokes about haitches.

However, haitches have aided and abetted.

Henh, henh. Il a dit <<Q>>.
posted by zippy at 8:45 PM on May 17

D'ja get me my Cheez Whiz, boy?
posted by flabdablet at 1:41 AM on May 18

I LIKE THAT THE AD IS NOW ANIMATED. SUBTLETY IN ALL ITS FORMS CAUSES ME TO SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODE IN A MASSIVE CATACLYSMIC FIREBALL OF PURE UNADULTERATED PLEASURE.
posted by Antidisestablishmentarianist at 9:29 AM on May 18

IN A MASSIVE CATACLYSMIC FIREBALL OF PURE UNADULTERATED PLEASURE.

We would also have accepted "in a jar of Miracle Whip."
posted by zippy at 11:26 AM on May 18 [2 favorites]

OK, now I'm seeing the abomination.

Animated, Flash-based banner ads displayed to logged-in users? Weak, Metafilter. Really weak.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:09 PM on May 19

Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing

That's not fucking annoying at all.
posted by Elmore at 3:35 PM on May 20

Metafilter: I hope it's overrun with pedophiles or terrorists or something.
posted by namewithoutwords at 4:21 PM on May 20

I clicked on the link and it gave my browser herpes.
posted by Artw at 4:24 PM on May 20

Please do say not "WTF?? to mathowie, jessamyn, cortex et al. Is it really necessary?
posted by KokuRyu at 5:09 PM on May 20

WTF!

(Turns off adblock just to look at the ad)
posted by cj_ at 5:19 PM on May 20

flabdablet: "D'ja get me my Cheez Whiz, boy?"

When I was a small boy, around six years old, my grandmother — may she rest in peace — got me a packing box full of cheap knock-off gobots and a restaurant supply store sized can of Cheez-Whiz. In fact, everyone in my family got one.
posted by boo_radley at 5:31 PM on May 20

Bad ad.
posted by everichon at 6:02 PM on May 20

Yes, what in the hell is a zing?
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:24 PM on May 20

$20, same as in town.
posted by boo_radley at 7:03 PM on May 20

To Zing, or not to Zing: that is the question:
Whethr 'tis noblr in the mind to suffr....
posted by blenderfish at 7:10 PM on May 20 [1 favorite]

Checks whether suffr.com is registered, sees that it is.
posted by zippy at 8:28 PM on May 20

God that Zing shit makes the site look stupid.

/hadda be said
posted by mediareport at 8:47 PM on May 20

WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, SUGAR, SALT, ENZYME MODIFIED EGG YOLKS, MUSTARD FLOUR, ARTIFICIAL COLOR, POTASSIUM SORBATE AS A PRESERVATIVE, PAPRIKA, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR, DRIED GARLIC, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR).

If you're wondering what enzyme modified egg yolks are:

"Eggs are washed, cracked and the egg and white separated if desired. The liquid egg is pumped into a tank where enzymes can be added to improve the functional properties of the egg. It can then be pasteurised and spray-dried."

They have flowcharts and everything.
posted by txvtchick at 9:29 PM on May 20

Jane! Zdop zis crazy zing!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:47 PM on May 20

I'm aggravated how much that Family Guy gag goes around when it was really obviously lifted from Hot Rod.

So much of modern comedy was lifted from Hot Rod, is attribution really necessary?
posted by deliquescent at 9:56 PM on May 20

(and I don't do mustard)

Thank goodness, what a disturbing image.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:16 PM on May 20

The only good thing Kraft make is Vegemite, even then it wasn't their idea.
Irregardless, I'm glad that the Pacific Ocean provides a barrier to American gastronomy, mostly. Somewhat.
posted by Duke999R at 11:04 PM on May 20

The only good thing Kraft make is Vegemite

Kraft Mac and Cheese! for certain values of 'good'
posted by zippy at 12:44 AM on May 21

I will pay to keep the ad up if only to piss off you "real mayo" food snobs. Not liking Miracle Whip is akin to hating family, Jesus, God, country, freedom, etc.. There is a reason they call it "Miracle" people!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:26 AM on May 21

dunkadunc: "OK, now I'm seeing the abomination.

Animated, Flash-based banner ads displayed to logged-in users? Weak, Metafilter. Really weak."

Animated, Flash-based banner ads which provide a valued source of income and help keep MetaFilter running? OMG OUTRAEG!!!!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:29 AM on May 21

I like the ad because it helps pay me to work here and I go help rural old people learn to use computers with the free time I get because this job pays decently. Every time you see the mayo ad [which is, I agree, horrible] think of the sheep farmer learning to use excel to get the town land deed records digitized and how Jessamyn taught him how to autofilter and maybe you'll feel a little bit better.
posted by jessamyn at 7:20 AM on May 21 [11 favorites]

See? Miracle Whip does come in shades of gray, people.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:21 AM on May 21

Jessamyn for the win!

I think we're done here.


(I have no actual power to decide when we are done here.)
posted by The Deej at 8:29 AM on May 21

The only good thing Kraft make is Vegemite

Kraft Mac and Cheese!

Tapeworm food.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:15 AM on May 21

Now if only we could get Mefi favorites spnsored. By, say, Slim Jim. Your post or comment gets enough favorites, you get a coupon for a free Slim Jim!

(I don't really have a problem with the add, personally: shit costs money, y'all.)
posted by barrett caulk at 9:55 AM on May 21

I like the ad because it helps pay me to work here and I go help rural old people learn to use computers with the free time I get because this job pays decently.

Can we, like pass the hat around, or do a pledge drive or something? I like Mefi, and I will totally give you 10$ if it will help. Set up a paypal account, set a dollar amount, and if we make that amount, no ads?
posted by blenderfish at 10:23 AM on May 21

I think Mefi snarking should be sponsored by Friendly's, if only for the irony.

I just found out Friendly's is giving away cones on June 6th, so my judgment may be impaired due to the promise of free ice cream.
posted by misha at 11:18 AM on May 21

Can we, like pass the hat around, or do a pledge drive or something? I like Mefi, and I will totally give you 10$ if it will help. Set up a paypal account, set a dollar amount, and if we make that amount, no ads?

Go for it. Second link from the bottom of the "About" page.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:13 PM on May 21

Go for it. Second link from the bottom of the "About" page.

Well, that nails the quid. Now I just need the pro quo.
posted by blenderfish at 1:11 PM on May 21

I will show you how to use adblock to never see the add again, or edit your hosts file.
posted by jessamyn at 2:24 PM on May 21

But as fate would have it, jessamyn will only have the time to show you how to use adblock if she gets the money that results in you NOT using adblock.
posted by SpiffyRob at 2:52 PM on May 21

and maybe you'll feel a little bit better.

I do, I do. But I mean, come on. If there's a more stupid attempt by a corporate food conglomerate to work Web 2.0 into their pitch, I'd love to see it. It's just so fucking lame, obviously won't work, and deserves nothing but a sneering laugh. Having it show up at MeFi makes the site look stupid. It does other good things, too, sure, but damn does it make the site look stupid in the meantime.
posted by mediareport at 3:34 PM on May 21 [1 favorite]

Does it really make the site look stupid? These "special" ads are one-off arrangements. They actually wanted to target us. They knew that a project like this would need us to work. I think it makes the site look pretty smart.

Having said that, the ad campaign is not so great. See Skittles' recent experiment as a much more inspired way to incorporate new media into an ad campaign.
posted by roll truck roll at 5:01 PM on May 21

Does it really make the site look stupid? These "special" ads are one-off arrangements. They actually wanted to target us. They knew that a project like this would need us to work. I think it makes the site look pretty smart.

"Hmmm... Who enjoys the tangy zip of processed crap, is persuaded by blinky, animated internet pollution, and also fits this bizarre 'mayonnaise rebel' demographic we've just invented?"

"Ooh! That'll be perfect for MetaFilter!"

How very flattering.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:33 PM on May 21

Metafilter. Home of the mayonnaise rebels.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:33 PM on May 21

You mayonnaise rebel scum.

Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:54 PM on May 21

"What are you rebelling against?"

"Whadda you got? I mean, besides mayonnaise?"
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:03 PM on May 21 [2 favorites]

When this thing came out I was trying to figure out why it was targeted to this site.

Just now, I figured it out.

Look at the visual context of the ad on the main site. When you see it, you'll shit bricks.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 8:44 PM on May 21

Metafilter. Home of the mayonnaise rebels.

VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans
and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!

Oh, and [pauses, coughs, looks at feet] Bring the Zing.
posted by zippy at 12:21 AM on May 22

I had friends on that Death Star.
posted by The Deej at 9:28 PM on May 22

Look at the visual context of the ad on the main site. When you see it, you'll shit bricks.

I don't understand. You mean that it's right below the number of comments since your last visit?
posted by roll truck roll at 9:46 AM on May 23

Keep looking. Observe how the ad fits in better than many that have occupied that spot, and remember that these people don't think as you and I do.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:19 AM on May 23

Obtuseness blows.

Just ask Warden Samuel Norton.
posted by The Deej at 2:20 PM on May 23

Nothing stops, The Deej. Nothing! Or you will do the hardest time there is. No more protection from Adwatch. I'll pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton and cast you down with the Zingerites. You'll think you've been fucked by a million Zings! And the library? Gone... sealed off, brick-by-brick. We'll have us a little book barbecue in the yard. They'll see the flames for miles. We'll dance around it like wild Injuns! You understand me? Catching my drift?... Or am I being obtuse?
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:57 PM on May 24 [2 favorites]

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy zinging, or get busy dying.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:09 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]

Is it the blue-and-white color scheme, Tim? MiWhi Blue?
posted by mwhybark at 9:09 PM on May 24

Dear The Deej. If you're reading this, you've gotten out. And if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to come a little further. You remember the name of the town, don't you?

Zinguatanejo...

I could use a good man to help me get my project on wheels. I'll keep an eye out for you and the chessboard ready. Remember, The Deej. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this miracle whip finds you, and finds you well. Your friend, Effigy2000.
posted by Effigy2000 at 9:35 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]

Yep. I figure some asshat saw Metafilter's blue was a decent match for the blue of the Miracle Whip branding and so then there was DNA synergy in the core concepts or something along those lines.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:45 AM on May 25

I don't really know the details of the advertising stuff, but I would honestly be shocked if that much thought and personalized care went into the ad deployment. It was probably more like this:

MIRACLE WHIP AD GUY 1: "Hey, shit, my kid keeps talking about this "social medium" stuff.
MWAG 2: "Kid? Kids, they, uh, they buy our product, right?"
MWAG 1: "Their parents do."
MWAG 2: "Gold! Let's social modulate this bitch."

[time passes]

WEB DEVELOPER: "You want me to make what?"
MWAG 3: "It's a social media app leverage crowdsourcing to promote the Miracle Whip brand through dynamic snark aggregation. Also we need it to use XLM."
WD: "XML? Wh—"
MWAG 3: "Jesus, enough with the Star Trek moonspeak, just make it happen."

[time passes]

AD DIRECTOR: "Man, the kids are gonna love this shit. It's got missing vowels and everything."
AD BUYER: "Who are we aiming for?"
AD: "The internet, I guess?"
AB: "To the internet it is!"

[time passes]

AB: "So, yeah, if you could roll this out on some like social media places, that's what we want."
Federated Media: "Miracle Whip? It's your money, but—"
AB: "Kids love that shit."
FM: "Okie-doke."
posted by cortex at 11:18 AM on May 25 [4 favorites]

MIRACLE WHIP AD GUY 1: "Hey, shit, my kid keeps talking about this "social medium" stuff.
MWAG 2: "Kid? Kids, they, uh, they buy our product, right?"
MWAG 1: "Their parents do."
MWAG 2: "Gold! Let's social modulate this bitch."


cortex, I've got bad news for you. Now that you're thirty, MIRACLE WHIP AD GUY 1 and MIRACLE WHIP AD GUY 2 are actually younger than you. Just, y'know, fyi.
posted by dersins at 9:19 PM on May 25

But on the bright side, they have to wear pants.
posted by SpiffyRob at 4:55 AM on May 26

"Man, the kids are gonna love this shit. It's got missing vowels and everything."

Love this.
posted by misha at 8:24 AM on May 26