A short time in this place

July 31, 2009 8:02 AM

Sad news: friend and fellow mefite hexxed passed away on Saturday.

While not the most prolific of commenters, he was a long time fan of the site.

On display at the funeral were a number of personal items, one of which, a beat up, very old, ruggedized laptop, was directly attributable to his time here; he bought it after discovering this thread and proudly showed it off whenever he could.

His legacy will live on in our Milwaukee meetups in that, it was him who introduced me to Paddy's, the location I've suggested for every meetup here in the last two years.

He was 31 years old, and will be missed greatly.

posted by quin to MetaFilter-related at 8:02 AM (114 comments total)

I'm sorry for your loss, quin.
posted by crush-onastick at 8:08 AM on July 31

Sad to hear that. So young.

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posted by scottymac at 8:09 AM on July 31

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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:16 AM on July 31 [1 favorite]

I'm very sorry.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:16 AM on July 31

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posted by theora55 at 8:22 AM on July 31

So sorry for your loss. We are all the poorer for it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:24 AM on July 31

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posted by roll truck roll at 8:41 AM on July 31

My apologies if this is an inappropriate or unwelcome question, but given the unusual young age of his passing, from what did he pass away?
posted by WCityMike at 8:42 AM on July 31 [1 favorite]

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posted by readery at 8:50 AM on July 31

I'm so sorry, quin. My condolences.
posted by rtha at 8:50 AM on July 31

I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by shmegegge at 8:53 AM on July 31

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posted by scrutiny at 9:07 AM on July 31

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing this with us.
posted by kathrineg at 9:08 AM on July 31

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posted by Crabby Appleton at 9:10 AM on July 31

I'm still trying to get all the details, but what I know right now is that he wasn't feeling well, he went to the hospital, they put him into surgery to remove a blood clot, and he passed away shortly after.

It was a complete shock when I found out. Dying just wasn't his style at all.
posted by quin at 9:18 AM on July 31 [5 favorites]

quin, my thoughts go out to you & everyone else that knew him.
posted by Item at 9:19 AM on July 31

My apologies if this is an inappropriate or unwelcome question, but given the unusual young age of his passing, from what did he pass away?

To quote a mefite I respect:

Generally if it is intentionally omitted you don't really want to know, or it is wished to remain unknown. Prying is kind of rude. especially in a public forum. It would be better to ask your question in a message if your morbid curiosity must be satisfied. (Not trying to be rude, just firm.)
posted by allkindsoftime at 9:19 AM on July 31 [5 favorites]

quin, thanks for sharing about your friend with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you, as is my sorrow. We are diminished.
posted by allkindsoftime at 9:21 AM on July 31

Damn. Thanks for letting us know, quin.
posted by cortex at 9:21 AM on July 31

That's terrible. Sorry for your loss, quin.
posted by Kattullus at 9:21 AM on July 31

Generally if it is intentionally omitted you don't really want to know, or it is wished to remain unknown. Prying is kind of rude. especially in a public forum. It would be better to ask your question in a message if your morbid curiosity must be satisfied. (Not trying to be rude, just firm.)

Except that it appears to have been omitted because the poster didn't have specific details.
posted by gman at 9:23 AM on July 31

allkindsoftime: "intentionally omitted"

"Intentionally" being the keyword there, as it doesn't appear to have been intentionally omitted, just that it was as yet unclear.

And speaking of dealing with topics in public forums versus dealing with them in private messages, it's probably a bit less rude to make this sort of criticism in a private message rather than distracting from the main purpose of an obituary thread, which is eulogizing the passed.
posted by WCityMike at 9:25 AM on July 31 [1 favorite]

Quin, you seem to have known him; aside from the mere fact that he was a Mefite, I'm afraid I didn't, so I merely feel sad at someone's passing.

If you want to (i.e., if it's not an emotionally uncomfortable act), can you share any memories? What he was like at the meetups, etc.?
posted by WCityMike at 9:30 AM on July 31

This is terrible news. I'm so sorry.
posted by dejah420 at 9:32 AM on July 31

WCityMike, this is not meant to be a criticism of your question, but I think that sometimes people ask about someone who died unusually young because they want to reassure themselves it could never happen to them.

It could happen to any of us, despite our totally natural and understandable human wish to believe otherwise. In addition to the proverbial bus that might hit us, there are lots of things that can go wrong all of a sudden in the human body, even the young, healthy human body.

To quote myself, "Love comes in such fragile containers."
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:32 AM on July 31 [7 favorites]

That's really terrible. I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:39 AM on July 31

Christ, 31. Fuck you, death. I'm really sorry, quin.
posted by Skot at 9:39 AM on July 31 [2 favorites]

I'm so sorry to hear it. My condolences to his family and friends.
posted by LeeJay at 9:43 AM on July 31

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posted by pearlybob at 9:45 AM on July 31

Sad news indeed. I can only hope that when my time comes, my passing will be noticed by such a fine group of humans as metafilter.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:45 AM on July 31

Oh, I'm sorry, quin. My condolences to you and his other friends.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:54 AM on July 31

31 years old - way too young. And then I note from a comment he made in March: Mrs. Hexxed (well soon to be) has family in Kentucky. - that's a heartbreak, the loss of a young husband and a Daddy (or soon-to-be Daddy).

How sad. Thanks for telling us quinn, and condolences to both you and to his family.
posted by madamjujujive at 9:56 AM on July 31

I'm sorry, quin. Thirty-one is so young.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 9:56 AM on July 31

madamjujujive: "31 years old - way too young. And then I note from a comment he made in March: Mrs. Hexxed (well soon to be) has family in Kentucky. - that's a heartbreak, the loss of a young husband and a Daddy (or soon-to-be Daddy)."

When I saw that myself, I got the sense from that that the woman to he was referring was soon to become Mrs. Hexxed, i.e., was his fiancée.
posted by WCityMike at 10:00 AM on July 31

I'm so very sorry.
posted by spec80 at 10:02 AM on July 31

That's terrible. Thirty-one is too fucking young.

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posted by Caduceus at 10:03 AM on July 31

Quin, you seem to have known him;

We worked together; we both were coming off of long stretches of unemployment after the dotcom crash, and we were starting back near the bottom of the corporate ladder, we came up through training together and, having the same tastes in movies, books, music, whiskey, etc, became good friends.

One day during a bit of down time, he noticed me reading Metafilter and became interested. Shortly after that he became a regular lurker and eventually joined up himself.

He was a gregarious guy with a fucked up sense of humor (again, we were friends, natch.) and he had a deep and powerful love of Manchester United (as a non-sports guy living in a football obsessed state, this was kind of a relief actually).

He also had no shame, which he used to great effect; one night he came out with a group of my other friends, and he quickly discovered that one of them was inexplicably shy when it came to meeting women, so he got the both of them drunk and then proceeded to take on the roll of Super-Wingman and introduce themselves to every lady in the place. And he did so with such charm that despite the cheesiness of the effort, everyone he talked to seemed to honestly be having fun.

That is probably the best way to describe him; he had a strange sort of charisma that he could pull you into whatever scheme he was currently hatching.

I'll miss that a lot.
posted by quin at 10:04 AM on July 31 [41 favorites]

Wow. Thanks, quin. Just from that, you took him for me from a relative cypher to someone I really wish I had had the chance to know.
posted by WCityMike at 10:21 AM on July 31 [1 favorite]

Me too.
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posted by dabitch at 10:27 AM on July 31

Damn. I am so sorry, quin.
posted by lazaruslong at 10:33 AM on July 31

31. :( So very, very young. :(

he had a strange sort of charisma that he could pull you into whatever scheme he was currently hatching.

I have a couple of friends like this and cherish them. I'm very sorry for your loss, quin. :(
posted by zarq at 10:34 AM on July 31

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posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 10:39 AM on July 31

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posted by heeeraldo at 10:49 AM on July 31

quin, I'm so sorry for your loss, for his family's loss, and for Metafilter's loss. It's heartbreaking to lose a friend, a family member, a community member. My moment of silence for hexxed:

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posted by Elsa at 11:12 AM on July 31

My condolences to everyone who knew him, and thanks for sharing those memories, quin.
posted by languagehat at 11:21 AM on July 31

Very sad. That was a really lovely way to share your memories, quin.
posted by kiwi-epitome at 11:38 AM on July 31

Hexxed, you will be much missed by all of us. Our condolences to your family and friends. RIP.
posted by Lynsey at 11:41 AM on July 31

Much too young. Condolences.
posted by tizzie at 11:48 AM on July 31

Aw, man. I am so sorry, quin.
posted by jtron at 11:53 AM on July 31

My condolences, quin. Hexxed sounded like a great guy.

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posted by lilac girl at 11:56 AM on July 31

quin, it means a lot to me, and to the community in general, I suspect, for you to share your memories of hexxed with us. My condolences to you, his family, and anyone lucky enough to call him a friend.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:58 AM on July 31

How sad. My condolences to his family and friends. Thirty-one. Fuck.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:13 PM on July 31

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Way too young, damnit.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:21 PM on July 31

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posted by Reverend John at 12:22 PM on July 31

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posted by fourcheesemac at 12:32 PM on July 31

There could be no more appropriate way to honor the life of a Mefite than to spend part of his memorial thread in a derail about the proper way to behave in a memorial thread. Better ways, maybe, but more appropriate than re-enacting the typical Metafilter obit thread, I'm not sure.

quin, thanks for sharing this sad news, and your sweet stories about hexxed. My deepest sympathies to you and to everyone who shares in his loss.
posted by padraigin at 12:35 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]

I got the sense from that that the woman to he was referring was soon to become Mrs. Hexxed, i.e., was his fiancée.

Yes, of course, I don't know why I read that wrong ...

quin, good of you to share your recollections - it's a nice tribute to your friend, and fitting that he should be memorialized on his community, mefi.
posted by madamjujujive at 12:44 PM on July 31

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Seriously crap.
posted by badrolemodel at 12:44 PM on July 31

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Condolences, quin.
Here's his obituary.
posted by Floydd at 12:47 PM on July 31

Please forgive the mild irreverence, but that's an extremely unfortunate URL for a funeral home.

On a more respectful note, I'm glad the "(well soon to be)" became a reality prior to his passing. Some happiness is better than nothing.
posted by WCityMike at 12:51 PM on July 31

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My condolences. I'm sorry I never got to meet the guy. He sounds fun.
posted by desjardins at 12:52 PM on July 31

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posted by Iridic at 12:52 PM on July 31

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posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:58 PM on July 31

Just married, only a few months ago? That is so terribly tragic. My heart is breaking for his wife and family.

We (the world) always lose the good ones way too early.
posted by bunnycup at 12:58 PM on July 31

31...
My condolences.
posted by darth_tedious at 1:00 PM on July 31

So sorry to hear. He will clearly be missed.

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posted by OolooKitty at 1:00 PM on July 31

You and his family have my sympathy, quin, and are in my thoughts. Thanks for letting us know and sharing a wonderful memory of him.
posted by deborah at 1:05 PM on July 31

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posted by zennie at 1:20 PM on July 31

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posted by caddis at 1:24 PM on July 31

So young. I'm sorry to hear this.

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posted by Verdandi at 1:26 PM on July 31

31, oh my God. My condolences to his family, and to you, quin.

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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:38 PM on July 31

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posted by dreamyshade at 1:44 PM on July 31

I went back and reread his comments. He wasn't prolific, but I remembered a few of them. He obviously had an admirable quality that I lack: He only commented when he had something he wanted to say. That's a fine quality, and will be missed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:55 PM on July 31

That was a wonderful comment, quin. I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by graventy at 2:01 PM on July 31

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posted by Smart Dalek at 2:31 PM on July 31

Really sorry to hear this.
posted by nola at 2:41 PM on July 31

My sympathies to all. Thanks for posting, quin.
posted by The Deej at 3:48 PM on July 31

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posted by motty at 3:49 PM on July 31

Oh god, that's heartbreaking. My condolences to you, quin, and my heart goes out to Mrs. hexxed. Thank you for sharing and letting us know.

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posted by Phire at 4:09 PM on July 31

Crazy. Untimely. Further proof of the infinite unfairness of life. RIP.
posted by GuyZero at 4:14 PM on July 31

Damn.
posted by trip and a half at 4:35 PM on July 31

Terrible news. I'm so sorry.
posted by applemeat at 4:40 PM on July 31

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posted by IndigoRain at 4:41 PM on July 31

, (a single tear)
posted by pjern at 4:49 PM on July 31

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posted by liquorice at 4:50 PM on July 31

I'm sorry for your loss, quin. Thanks for sharing your funny, vivid memories of someone who sounds like a truly lovely guy.
posted by scody at 5:07 PM on July 31

This sucks. My condolences to his family and to you, quin.
posted by ooga_booga at 5:46 PM on July 31

So young. Thank you for sharing your thoughts quin.
posted by gomichild at 6:02 PM on July 31

Very sorry for your loss, quin.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:31 PM on July 31

quin, I'm sorry to hear this about your friend. I see that he had just married earlier in the year. I'm sure he'll be missed by you who love him.
posted by Mister_A at 7:51 PM on July 31

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posted by saucysault at 8:04 PM on July 31

Oh, man. I am sorry to hear this, quin.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:53 PM on July 31

Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing, quin.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 10:12 PM on July 31

Thirty-one. Damn. I hope we gave him at least a little joy.
posted by orthogonality at 11:55 PM on July 31

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posted by brujita at 11:59 PM on July 31

Thirty-one is too young.

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posted by lilywing13 at 1:37 AM on August 1

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posted by kalessin at 4:54 AM on August 1

Thanks for sharing your memories, quin, and my sincere condolences to you and his family. 31 is way too young.
posted by goo at 7:57 AM on August 1

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posted by hot soup girl at 10:01 AM on August 1

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posted by Skorgu at 12:09 PM on August 1

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I've updated the wiki.
posted by Mitheral at 2:27 PM on August 1

My condolences.
posted by drezdn at 2:41 PM on August 1

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posted by typewriter at 3:49 PM on August 1

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Condolences all around. Sounds like he was one heck of a great guy.
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 3:58 PM on August 1

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posted by chihiro at 4:09 PM on August 1

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quin, sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like he was an amazing friend. Take care~
posted by garnetgirl at 4:55 PM on August 1

Thank you all for your kind words for me and his family. I've said it before and I'll say it again; the sense of community here is the kind of thing that I think that Metafilter does better than any other place on the internet.

This whole experience does highlight an important life lesson for me though; the capricious and random nature of our existence strongly suggests that we shouldn't wait till later to do something we want to try today. Because even if you are doing everything right, there might not be a tomorrow.

So I'm going to go and have some fun to honor what my friend liked to do, and I think he'd have liked it if you all did the same.
posted by quin at 6:00 PM on August 1

Mitheral : I've updated the wiki.

I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.
posted by quin at 6:38 PM on August 1

No problem, it's one of my pet projects.
posted by Mitheral at 10:47 PM on August 1

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posted by limeonaire at 7:19 AM on August 2

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posted by GrammarMoses at 6:49 PM on August 2

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posted by hector horace at 8:04 AM on August 3

We seem to have been somewhat kindred spirits...

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...and so it goes...
posted by schyler523 at 10:32 PM on August 3

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posted by goshling at 6:44 AM on August 4