A year in the making..

September 5, 2009 11:38 AM

Punch 'Em In The Dick video finally completed!

In the interest of avoiding self-linking conflicts I won't put this in the blue, but if some other kind soul wants to link to MetaFilters most popular song ever finally getting the much-requested video treatment I certainly won't object..

posted by mediocre to MetaFilter-related at 11:38 AM (88 comments total)

Wow, America's Funniest Home Videos hasn't changed much, but it's sad to see Bob Saget out begging for nut shots on the street corner.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:56 AM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Self-linking in MetaTalk is probably even not so okay, even though this is in the realm of awesome. Suggested path for the future: m/email a user you know and/or respect, and have them make the post. Or just post it to Projects and let things happen naturally.
posted by carsonb at 12:02 PM on September 5

Perhaps Music should have an option to post youtube videos in addition to uploading mp3s - for music videos and stuff.
posted by bigmusic at 12:02 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

I feel about this the way I felt about watching the Lord of the Rings movies: It's pretty cool, but I like the way I imagined it in my head better.
posted by felix betachat at 12:07 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

The blue? I'd flag you in the dick, but good on ya, I'm definitely copping some of those moves, buh-baby-bubeleh.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:10 PM on September 5

Video killed the radio star.
posted by nola at 12:20 PM on September 5

what, no shout out to MeFi in the credits?
posted by Afroblanco at 12:29 PM on September 5 [5 favorites]

It's still not funny.
posted by reflecked at 12:31 PM on September 5 [2 favorites]

Where was this shot?
posted by Deathalicious at 12:36 PM on September 5

Excellent.
posted by dhammond at 12:40 PM on September 5

Huh. I think you've got some interlacing artifacts.

Also: I can't believe it took you halfway through the video to get to the dick-punching. WTF?
posted by Pronoiac at 12:43 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Still the best song ever written, but the video needs much, much more dick-punching. Like 90% dick-punching, 10% lip-synch shots.

I liked the "cardboard cuecards" sequence towards the end, though!
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:47 PM on September 5 [3 favorites]

Still the best song ever written, but the video needs much, much more dick-punching. Like 90% dick-punching, 10% lip-synch shots.

A-fucking-men.
posted by anotherpanacea at 12:49 PM on September 5

Yeah, rarely is the criticism "Could have used more dick-punching" not applicable, but it could use more dick-punching. Still, nice work.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:52 PM on September 5 [9 favorites]

Eponysterical!
posted by ageispolis at 1:03 PM on September 5 [6 favorites]

I didn't see any dick punching until 2:34... this is far to much time for impatient types like me. Also, I would probably watch a 4 minute movie of nothing but dick punching, but I'm a sadistic bastard that way.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 1:08 PM on September 5

Is this something I'd have to be offended by Idiocracy to enjoy?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:10 PM on September 5

Still the best song ever written, but the video needs much, much more dick-punching. Like 90% dick-punching, 10% lip-synch shots.

No. This needs 100%, non-stop dick-punching action.
posted by dunkadunc at 1:18 PM on September 5

I greatly enjoy the "rap quote!" at 2:15.
posted by Lemurrhea at 1:20 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Needs more stunt dicks.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:21 PM on September 5

Is this a different take/version from the Mefi Music upload? Maybe I'm just remembering it wrong, but the vocals sound different to my ears.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:21 PM on September 5

Note: Everyone needs a punch in the dick.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:22 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

I greatly enjoy the Don't Look Back/'Need You Tonight/Mediate' thing.
posted by box at 1:32 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Let's not start sucking each others dicks quite yet.
posted by porn in the woods at 1:38 PM on September 5 [2 favorites]

Whoa whoa whoa; what's all this in the Youtube comments about this tune / video being linked by Sage Francis?!?

You dudes had a brush with greatness, no?
posted by koeselitz at 1:38 PM on September 5

Wow, tough crowd.
posted by paisley henosis at 1:40 PM on September 5 [2 favorites]

I watched the first 1:20 seconds with the sound off and I don't get it at all.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:43 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Still sounds like a straight rip of Drop It Like It's Hot to me.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:48 PM on September 5

Am I imagining things, or does that guy have a tattoo of a soul patch?
posted by exogenous at 1:55 PM on September 5

bigmusic: I like the idea of adding video functionality to Music. I mean, it seems like a feature that very few people would use right now, but also the kind that would encourage folks to make video versions of their songs, which seems like it could only be awesome.
posted by lazaruslong at 2:13 PM on September 5

Yeah, looks like Sage Francis tweeted a few times about it this morning.
posted by mediocre at 2:14 PM on September 5

Also, good job on the video. I enjoyed watching it, and it seems like you all put some effort into making a cohesive presentation. Good job!
posted by lazaruslong at 2:14 PM on September 5

Good solid, peer reviewed content.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:18 PM on September 5

HOLY FUCK YES
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:22 PM on September 5

I will now e-mail this to everyone who forwards me things.
posted by jeffamaphone at 2:34 PM on September 5 [4 favorites]

Less swaggering, more dickpunching, kthx.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:33 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

"The south will never rise again" remains one of the cleverest lyrics I have ever heard.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:37 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Yes. More dick punching.
posted by Science! at 4:41 PM on September 5

whoa. you guys are all talking and stuff. i wish there had been more dickpunches in the video too. long story short, it didn't work out. we shot a buncha stuff and lost it. we were really busy the whole time during the editing. eventually we got impatient, took the stuff we had, and just had to make it work. possibly, if i get a bunch of contributions from fans or something, we could make a new version with lots more dickpunches. if people sent in video of themselves in said act. but i am pretty burnt out on this song now. not stoked on revisiting the whole project. love it or leave it. i'm happy with it. thanks to all you mefi dudes for all the love.
posted by juicykarkass at 4:54 PM on September 5

Damn it, the hit counter at YouTube doesn't seem to be working. I am obsesivly tracking the hits, I want to see how it goes hourly, at exactly what point does it "go viral", etc.. it wa getting about 10 hits a minute until it stopped counting about 2 or 3 hours ago. If this goes to the blue I really want to track that.. I should make a chart..
posted by mediocre at 5:03 PM on September 5

Is it just me or does the lead have a chin tattoo?
posted by blasdelf at 5:16 PM on September 5

Juicy aint saying anything.. so I will..

Yes, he has a tattoo where a soul patch typically goes. There's a funny story behind it involving PCP, but I will let him tell it if he wants to.
posted by mediocre at 5:31 PM on September 5

MetaFilters most popular song ever

Huh. That makes me feel pretty bad.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:40 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

The thing is, a punch in the dick really isn't going to do all that much. Sure, it's shocking, "dude..I just got punched int he dick!", but then you shake it off and retaliate.
Now, most men know just how much pain can be inflicted with a light tap on the balls. I can speak from experience; I've been felled many a time by an easy sack-tap.

But I suppose a song called "Gently Flick 'em in the Scrotum" doesn't really sound all that edgy.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:04 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

Yeah, great and all, but I did expect a bit more actual dick punching.
posted by cowbellemoo at 6:26 PM on September 5

But I suppose a song called "Gently Flick 'em in the Scrotum" doesn't really sound all that edgy.

Flick 'em in the scrotum!
Flick 'em in the scrotum!
You haven't really showed 'em till you've flicked 'em in the scrotum!
posted by Afroblanco at 6:28 PM on September 5 [5 favorites]

The thing is, a punch in the dick really isn't going to do all that much.

Well, yah, if said dick-punch is so precisely aimed as to avoid the orbs entirely. Default mode would tend to achieve the double for all intents and purposes.

Besides, how would that scan lyrically?
"PUNCH 'EM IN THE baaaAAAAALLS! PUNCH 'EM IN THE baaaAAAAALLS!
MUTHAFUCKAS TALK ...umm, appalls? I'M-A PUNCH 'EM IN THE BALLLLS!!"

On preview, ONE DICK-PUNCH FOR AFROBLANCO
posted by hangashore at 6:39 PM on September 5

Heh, I love the progression of t-shirts (from Death Row Records to Star Wars if anyone wasn't paying attention). Great stuff. Need more.
posted by saturnine at 6:48 PM on September 5

Well, I thought it was pretty freaking great.

I particularly like the moment at about the :34 mark when the dogs run by in the background, because nothing says hard-core gansta like puppies frolicking.

And "rap quote".

Solid stuff, that.

I still find myself walking around and whisper/singing under my breath "we've got a brand new dance..."

It makes my coworkers nervous. I like that.
posted by quin at 6:55 PM on September 5

MetaFilter: I've been felled many a time by an easy sack-tap.
posted by hippybear at 6:59 PM on September 5

The "rap quote" was a nice piece of serendipity. We were walking around an area of Portland known as Pirate Town, basically a decaying industrial area with some abandoned husks of buildings that are very well covered in graffiti that is used by a lot of art students for their various products. While there we saw a woman doing a fashion shoot, some people doing graffiti photography, and ran into the Nanda crew who were going to shoot a choreographed dance/ninja fight for their own purposes and they agreed to come up with a quick routine for our video on the spot. That was super awesome of them, and they are the people you see fighting about halfway through the video.

Anyways, while shooting under a bridge on some disused train tracks we saw a piece of graffiti with Rap Quote in it for some reason, we had no idea why, but it only seemed logical to use it for a shot of the Rap Quote within the song.. which is a reference to NWA's Gangsta Gansta if you didn't know. The original line goes "With a right, left, right left your toothless/and they say god damn your ruthless". It's such a great shot because anyone who knows the line gets off on the perfect use of background, and anyone who doesn't still sees some cool graffiti.
posted by mediocre at 7:17 PM on September 5

okay, since no one has yet I will just ask..

Coule someone please post this to the blue? I don't think anyone would deny that it is Blue worthy. And it's intended for general audiences, I didn't really intend for this to be the official post about it I just didn't know how to go about getting someone to put it on the main page.

Do people have objections to it beiing there?
posted by mediocre at 9:56 PM on September 5

I think you kind of punched yourself in the dick with that; stuff on the blue is usually deleted as a double if it is already covered on the purple. [previously]
posted by paisley henosis at 10:08 PM on September 5

I deny it is blue-worthy.
posted by awfurby at 10:08 PM on September 5

It's a project, it goes in Projects.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:33 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]

I deny it is blue-worthy, too.

I don't think posting things to meta and then begging for it to be put on the front page is how things are supposed to work. Aside from the metafilter history angle, it's not really great post material - any other single random music video would probably be swiftly deleted if it didn't have some really unusual appeal. Projects or MusicTalk, maybe, if you want more people to see it, but you seem to have some really high expectations.
posted by donnagirl at 10:34 PM on September 5

Where was this shot?

In the dick, clearly.
posted by brundlefly at 11:04 PM on September 5 [2 favorites]

Coule someone please post this to the blue?

It's really not cool to try and push something on the site like this, mediocre. I think bringing it to Metatalk was fine—a lot of people remember the song obviously, and probably a fair few remember the notion of a video coming up back when it was being discussed, so letting people know about it in this case seemed pretty reasonable—but that's about as far as that should go.

Folks are right that posting it as a Project would have been fine, though you've kind of short-circuited that by coming straight to metatalk with it and as such sort of denied the normal community-filtering route stuff usually takes when it goes from Projects to some other part of the site (sometimes the blue, occasionally the grey, most of the time nowhere).

All that said, I agree with the notion that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense as a post on the front page. It's awesome that you put this together, but it's mostly awesome in a mefi-community context, and stuff that's as inside-baseball as this makes more sense over here than on the blue.

The recurring notion of the metafilter community acting as a stepping stone for you Going Viral with first the song and now the video is does honestly make me a little uncomfortable. I don't think you mean any harm by it, so I don't want to give you a hard time, but be aware that it comes off as sort of tone-deaf and exploitative. Mefi's meant to be a community more than a promotional platform for individual members, and it feels like you've been kind of pushing on that envelope kind of hard in this case.
posted by cortex at 11:08 PM on September 5 [3 favorites]

I respectfully withdraw any requests. Thought I do feel people are being awfully prickly about an innocent thing. I merely thought that it would be suitable as a followup to the original sidebar post particularly under the "MeFi History" (not my words) angle and overall demand for a video that was received.
posted by mediocre at 11:33 PM on September 5

Also, I suspect I have no idea what the purpose of MetaTalk is.. I always saw it as just that, a generalized informal place for discussion of MetaFilter related matters. Apparently it is more serious then that.
posted by mediocre at 11:35 PM on September 5

Whoa, you guys are still all talking and stuff.

So, let's see... Yeah, my chin has had a tattoo on it for the last 13 years. I was 17, smoked a cigarette dipped in formaldehyde, and got my face inked up on the spot. Don't ask me what it means. I just think it looks cool. You are welcome to disagree.

All this talk about blue and grey and purple... I have no idea what any of it means. Not in the least. You guys go ahead come to whatever verdict is reasonable, and I'll just stay blissfully ignorant.

What else... It's odd that people discuss the technical specifics about dick-punching. The song is basically intended to satirize all the ignorant, Li'l John style rap songs. It was also a chance to make lots of immature puns about the ole' cock-and-balls. Basically, it was just lots and lots of fun to make. But it's always been a joke. Here you guys go again, over-thinking a plate of beans, or in this case, nuts.

And once again, I too wish there had been more dickpunches in the video. That is my one regret. But we did the best we could. I'm happy with it, and I hope most of you are too.

Hugs and kisses.
posted by juicykarkass at 12:00 AM on September 6 [1 favorite]

I think this is the greatest artistic achievement in all of western civilization, so all you haters can go punch yourselves in the dick. This is awesome.
posted by ColdChef at 12:21 AM on September 6 [1 favorite]

A++ WOULD PUNCH 'EM IN THE DICK AGAIN
posted by Mikey-San at 1:06 AM on September 6

This thread is the weakest punch to the dick ever.
posted by mullacc at 1:34 AM on September 6

Hi, I'm on Metafilter and I could overthink a plug in the testes.
posted by Pronoiac at 1:40 AM on September 6

Mister Juicykarkass, sir; If you ever do decide to do a different video,or would accept a "fan video," I have a totally bitchin' idea involving the clever motorcyclist who decided he would attempt to gun it past us on the right as we were executing a legal, signalled right turn, and then proceeded to lose his shit and threaten to punch Mr. Mustachio in the "FUCKIN FACE" and reached in the driver side window to prove it.

Oh yes. If I ever find that guy, he will be the star of the video. And it will be a cockpunch extravaganza. I can't promise wall to wall dickpunching, exactly, because I would also like to involve my trademark "slap him until he cries and then tell his mom about it" maneuver.

I'm serious. He's got that je na sais quoi. His face was just MADE to be punched in the dick.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:45 AM on September 6

Metafilter: is does honestly make me a little uncomfortable.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:53 AM on September 6

Clueless.
posted by tellurian at 4:15 AM on September 6

juicykarkass said: All this talk about blue and grey and purple... I have no idea what any of it means.

Really? After being a user here for over a year? I think that's telling. A LOT of stupid shit gets said around here, but this is still a community, and I think that's got to be one of the most disrespectful comments I've heard here.

As for the video/song in general? Not my cup of pee. I think it needs less fist on dick and more tongue in cheek.

While we're on stupid things, I'm rather surprised that no one has complained about a song being posted that specifically glorifies sexual assault on males.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:57 AM on September 6

That's an interesting idea. How would a song called "Punt Her In The Cunt" have gone over?
posted by dunkadunc at 10:06 AM on September 6

yeah, take it to digg.
posted by sleslie at 10:07 AM on September 6

How would a song called "Punt Her In The Cunt" have gone over?

I would sincerely like to hear that song before I pass judgment. Sorry I gotta be blunt/but I'm gonna punt her in the cunt.
posted by ColdChef at 10:32 AM on September 6

Bitch wanna front?
posted by carsonb at 10:34 AM on September 6 [2 favorites]

Cat Pie Hurts said:
Really? After being a user here for over a year? I think that's telling. A LOT of stupid shit gets said around here, but this is still a community, and I think that's got to be one of the most disrespectful comments I've heard here.

Except if you look at his posting profile, it's clear that he's not a major member of the site (which is fine) and came to it primarily because of our discussion of the song (again, fine). Stevewoz has been a member for 3 years, in your terms, but do you think he knows what all the subsites are called, by colour? Would you be offended if he didn't?
posted by Lemurrhea at 12:04 PM on September 6

That's cached, man. I mean I quit.
posted by loquacious at 12:06 PM on September 6

Perfection. Metafilter makes my life complete.
posted by msali at 12:21 PM on September 6

How is not knowing what the sites are called by color disrespectful?
posted by kenko at 1:47 PM on September 6

I think it was the "too cool for school" tone that bothered Cat Pie Hurts - that is, "lots and lots of you folks on this site loved my song; I've not bothered to learn very much about how the site works." Please feel free to correct me if I've misapprehended your objection, CPH.

Though, in fairness to Mr. Karkass, "purple" means nothing - MeTa is grey, Grey, GREY, damn it!

(my favorite thing about Metafilter today? How insane and hallucinatory discussions of site policy can become if word choices are taken at face value. Next time I'm out in the real world and someone asks a rude or inappropriate question, I'm gonna keep howling "YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN THE GREEN" at them until they drop the subject.)
posted by EatTheWeak at 2:04 PM on September 6 [1 favorite]

While we're on stupid things, I'm rather surprised that no one has complained about a song being posted that specifically glorifies sexual assault on males.

I thought we generally had an understanding that one should read the article/watch the video/whatever before posting this sort of nonsense. The song makes it clear that the singer will gladly punch a lady in the dick too. It's equal-opportunity dick-punching.
posted by explosion at 3:11 PM on September 6 [3 favorites]

> That's cached, man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop the damn trolley. "Cached?" not "Cashed?"
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:08 PM on September 6

Welp, I didn't mean to disrespect anybody. It's true, I just don't spend a lot of time on the computer at all. I check my space, but I'm not totally hip to everything else on the Web. I just found out what Twitter was yesterday. I didn't know what a torrent was until recently. I was also behind on blogs for a while there. I've also seen discussions on "wikis" and was ignorant to what that meant as well. Please don't interpret this ignorance as a "too cool for school" attitude. I have always tried to be respectful here and elsewhere. Never meant to offend anyone (unless you're offended by dickpunch songs, then I'ma drop a fist on your naughty bits!).

"I think it needs less fist on dick and more tongue in cheek."

This is about as tongue in cheek as it gets! You think this is a serious song???

"While we're on stupid things, I'm rather surprised that no one has complained about a song being posted that specifically glorifies sexual assault on males."

Again, the idea that anyone could interpret this song in any serious manner whatsoever is beyond laughable to me. It's intended as toilet humor, in the spirit of Spinal Tap or Fear of a Black Hat - satire. I am still a little boy on the inside, and I like to make crass jokes about dicks and nuts.

But if you really wanna overthink my song, try this on for size:

"Punch Em In The Dick" is a radical left-wing political song for a new generation of anarchist activists. The chorus itself represents the downfall of patriarchy in this sexist world. "The South will never rise again" is clearly a statement against the racism and bigotry that still lingers in parts of this country. Lines like, "I'll dickpunch a chick" and "Deck 'er in the pecker" is a challenge to gender norms, forcing one to rethink our ideas of what is male and female, and encourages a more inclusive attitude towards queer and trans-gender people. The reference to God, Mary and Christ is an obvious slam against organized religion, particularly the Judeo-Christian dogma which continues to oppress minorities. Even the Dalai Lama is not safe from the assault on religious leaders. The stabs at the Bush administration require very little explanation; fuck those Republican war-mongers, basically. Even lines like, "Forget about Children," and "Nevermind abortion, forget vasectomy" remind us of the overpopulation problem that is becoming a bigger threat every day. The "right, left, right, left" line is an NWA reference, a respectful homage the first rappers to make bold anti-authoritarian statements like "Fuck The Police". Even the line "pop a squat" is a pun referring to the squatter's rights movement, which is anti-capitalist and promotes free housing for everyone.

Like I said, the song is a total JOKE. But if you want to read between the lines and discover something, there's some food for thought.
posted by juicykarkass at 7:08 PM on September 6 [6 favorites]

Nope.

Actually, it's about the role of lingual mastery in the unconscious. Psychoanalytically, the castrations represented are achieved by virtuosic vocal utterances. Speech derives from the sustaining and sexual desire for mother, for milk, for more life, so this song is about masculine culture's unconscious reliance on the desire for its other, the feminine. Foremost, concession to and substitution of domestication for primal desire into ritualized song marked as male define masculinity's lack but, functionally, it also delimits masculinity from within its ranks. Of course "women" (cf. "chicks") can be "dickpunched," because this phantasy of masculine more¹ policing extends to any performer of gender, asserting and undermining the fundamentally illusory patriarchy of the male psyche.

¹ see the double-inscription of this cultural structure in its linguistic form as proof of concept in its simultaneous naturalism and resistance to totalization, manifest and unmanifestable.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:12 PM on September 6 [1 favorite]

juicykarkass - apologies, then, for misreading your comment.

Punch'em In the Dick really is an excellent song. You should know that the song's central phrase is lodged firmly in my personal lexicon. For instance, when it has been time to really knuckle down and complete a project, I've told myself that it's time to "punch this report/reading assignment/comic/study session/etc. in the dick." When it's time to finish off an opponent in any given game, it's time to punch'em in the dick. When watching "low-information voters" bleating nonsense at town hall meetings, I've wished them a hearty punch in the dick. And so on.

Thanks for performing it and thanks again to mediocre for sharing it with us.
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:02 AM on September 7

Just to be clear, my "sexual assault" comments was just beanplate mockery.
(Of course, to hyperbeanerize, the entirety of the song could very well be about the defeat of private investigational techniques through comedic mockery.)
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 10:40 AM on September 7

It's a song about punching people in the dick.

I mean seriously. You're overthinking a plate ofpunch in the beans here.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:30 PM on September 7

Received some play on Opie and Anthony yesterday, they didn't dig it..
posted by mediocre at 10:45 PM on September 9

I dunno dnab, I think more about the mean bean machine.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:32 AM on September 10

> That's cached, man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop the damn trolley. "Cached?" not "Cashed?"

You know, I've never thought about this or had the chance to see it written. The latter is probably correct but I had no difficulty understanding the former. A cache would certainly be a feature though.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 9:26 AM on September 10