Bageena, RIP

January 1, 2010 9:07 AM

Cross-posting sad news about Bageena that was misposted to MeFi.... My Name is Tara. My Husband Andrew Press, whom you know as Bageena. Passed away suddenly in his sleep yesterday.

My husband and I often joked that I was the wife and MetaFilter was the mistress. It must have had something to do with the countless nights I would wake up to find him sitting in front of the all to familiar blue screen of knowledge and hilarity that is MetaFilter. You all were like a second family to him. I hope that his presence to the community will be missed since he was such an amazing, and bright soul we have all lost. Please accept my apologies if I have broken every rule in regards to making a MetaFilter post. Thank You ~~ Forever Mrs.Bageena

posted by jessamyn to MetaFilter-Related at 9:07 AM (391 comments total)

My condolences to you. You husband struck me as a good guy. he'll be missed.
posted by jonmc at 9:08 AM on January 1, 2010

Only 28. So young. Too young. So sorry for your loss Tara.
posted by netbros at 9:09 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so, so for the loss of your husband. I know you recently lost your parents too.

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posted by lukemeister at 9:09 AM on January 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

Tara, I see from your husband's askMe history that 2009 was a year of great loss for you. I'm so sorry that it took a turn for the very worse at the end. I hope you will lean on the people in your life in the coming months. You'll be in my thoughts.

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posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:09 AM on January 1, 2010

So sorry, I mean.
posted by lukemeister at 9:09 AM on January 1, 2010

I am SO very sorry! I am new to metafilter and so didn't know him, but in looking at his websites, I can see that he was very talented and had a wonderful sense of humor. I know he will be much missed.

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I will keep you in my thoughts. What a sad way to start the new year.
posted by fairywench at 9:09 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by triggerfinger at 9:10 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by theora55 at 9:10 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by felix betachat at 9:10 AM on January 1, 2010

This is such terrible news to start the new year with, and such a shock. Tara, thank you for taking the time in your grief to let us know this sad news; Bageena will be missead.
posted by orthogonality at 9:11 AM on January 1, 2010

My condolences as well. Please know that we'll be thinking of you and Andrew.
posted by mathiu at 9:12 AM on January 1, 2010

I really enjoyed his record collection AskMe. My condolences, Tara.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:13 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Dumsnill at 9:13 AM on January 1, 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace and comfort.
posted by amyms at 9:14 AM on January 1, 2010

Both of my wife's parents died. Her dad first in January, now her mom in September. My wife is the oldest child. No will was left. What do we do?

posted to Ask Metafilter by Bageena at 8:58 PM on November 18, 2009

Sweet lord in heaven. I am so sorry for your losses. For whatever it's worth, know that a stranger on the other side of the country is thinking of you and hoping you will get all the support and small kindnesses necessary to get through this.

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posted by availablelight at 9:14 AM on January 1, 2010 [17 favorites]

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posted by scottymac at 9:15 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by ottereroticist at 9:16 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by fire&wings at 9:16 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by The Whelk at 9:17 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by ORthey at 9:18 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by fixedgear at 9:19 AM on January 1, 2010

That's rough. Sorry for your loss.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:19 AM on January 1, 2010

My condolences, sorry for your (and our) loss.
posted by marxchivist at 9:20 AM on January 1, 2010

Oh, geez, I didn't know about your parents, too! I'm sending you a massive hug on behalf of everyone here. Please feel free to hang out here and talk if you need some support.
posted by fairywench at 9:20 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by SoulOnIce at 9:21 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by peeedro at 9:22 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so terribly sorry. This is a shock. I always enjoyed your husband's comments.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
posted by winna at 9:23 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:25 AM on January 1, 2010

He'll be missed terribly. My sincerest condolences to you.

Good riddance, 2009.
posted by HopperFan at 9:31 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by ericb at 9:31 AM on January 1, 2010

My deepest condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by rtha at 9:34 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by ZakDaddy at 9:35 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara.
posted by box at 9:38 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not a praying person, so I'll just keep you in my thoughts.
posted by palomar at 9:38 AM on January 1, 2010

In case you are wondering what the dots mean and missed eriko's explanation, I'll repeat it here: "The single dot posts are a mark of honor in his memory. Think of a combination of 'a moment of slience' and 'I have no words.'"

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posted by grouse at 9:38 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by kbanas at 9:39 AM on January 1, 2010

We are very sorry for your losses, Tara.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:40 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You have my condolences.
posted by Sailormom at 9:40 AM on January 1, 2010

I am sorry for your loss. He will be missed.


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posted by readery at 9:41 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Iteki at 9:43 AM on January 1, 2010

Wow. 28. This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, and the loss of your parents.
posted by desjardins at 9:46 AM on January 1, 2010

What a tragic loss. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling today. My deepest condolences.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:50 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by sperose at 9:53 AM on January 1, 2010

Though I only knew him as a name on a screen, Bageena always stood out in my mind as a very interesting member of this site. Looking at his profile page, I was surprised to see that he was a relatively infrequent contributor to the site. However, what he did contribute had an impact beyond what the bare figures suggest. It is a dreadful shock to hear of his passing.

Thank you, Tara, for having the presence of mind to come here and let us know this terrible news. A very thoughtful act in a time of such extreme grief for you. I was touched and impressed by your ability to find such graceful and even witty words in the midst of overwhelming sadness. I can see why you were such a suitable soul-mate for a great guy like Andrew.

You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.
posted by eatyourcellphone at 9:53 AM on January 1, 2010 [4 favorites]

Oh man, this sucks. I'm so, so sorry. You are very much in my thoughts. Thank you for posting this.
posted by nevercalm at 9:55 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by nevercalm at 9:55 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Rumple at 9:59 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm very sorry to hear it.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:02 AM on January 1, 2010

My condolences. This hurts every time I read one of these posts. I hope you find some peace and happiness in the new year, Tara. My love to you and yours.
posted by pjern at 10:02 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry. My sympathies.
posted by The Deej at 10:03 AM on January 1, 2010

Your husband's comments and posts were memorable to me, which in a place like this I suppose means he really stood out. Remembering the posts he made now regarding your parents, it was clear that he loved you and it's quite sad to hear of his sudden passing. My condolences, for your husband and parents.
posted by cmgonzalez at 10:04 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Looking at his profile page, I was surprised to see that he was a relatively infrequent contributor to the site.

You know, this struck me too and it made me reflect upon the nature of our community. I mean, I guess I would rate the amount of my contributions as "average" yet I consider this place a *huge* part of my life. Bageena was newer and less active than me, but his profile says he spends more time on Metafilter than anything else; we were his mistress. And I totally remember many of his posts, especially the Seattle vs. Phoenix one.

So young, and apparently so unexpected. This community is better for having had him as a member.

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posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:04 AM on January 1, 2010 [4 favorites]

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posted by notreally at 10:04 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Joe Beese at 10:05 AM on January 1, 2010

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Oh, no. He was so young. :(

I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
posted by zarq at 10:08 AM on January 1, 2010

Your husband's contributions to this site touched me, too. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the difficult year you've experienced. Thank you for sharing the news with us, and I hope that knowing we're all thinking of you provides some measure of comfort. My condolences, Tara.
posted by juliplease at 10:09 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by pupdog at 10:10 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Quietgal at 10:12 AM on January 1, 2010

When I fake my own death, you guys will never, ever be able to tell. posted by Bageena at 12:10 AM on November 19, 2009
posted by ericost at 10:13 AM on January 1, 2010 [8 favorites]

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posted by mollymayhem at 10:18 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:19 AM on January 1, 2010

I just visited Andrew's webpage and saw his "high fives are pretty great/too slow joe" posting/photo. It took me a moment, but then I got it. It's the first thing that made me smile in 2010. Another moment where I wouldn't have seen/heard/experienced or learned something without the neat people like him who share part of themselves and their view of the world when they participate in this community.

I just wanted you to know that if his theory that Metafilter is good for the mind and soul is right, it's because of the individual contributions of folks like him. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to share news of his passing here.
posted by anitanita at 10:19 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by spec80 at 10:20 AM on January 1, 2010

My deepest, deepest condolences Tara.
posted by typewriter at 10:22 AM on January 1, 2010

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So sad. And it seems even sadder having just had that recent post about dealing with effects on online communities when someone dies.
posted by Rhomboid at 10:24 AM on January 1, 2010

Echoing others. He was well-liked and I enjoyed his posts and comments. He will be missed.

My condolences.
posted by purephase at 10:24 AM on January 1, 2010

Oh, geez. .

So sorry to hear about this. Your husband helped me appreciate music I had previously dismissed. In this way he brought a piece of joy to my life.

This is going to sound like some kind of hallmark card; but you will pull through. There are reasons for all of these things, though we may not know them at the time.
posted by cavalier at 10:28 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry to hear that, Tara. Please know we are thinking of you.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:29 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Deathalicious at 10:29 AM on January 1, 2010

Oh, no - 28 years old is just too young to pass away. Not fair, not fair at all. My condolences.

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posted by porn in the woods at 10:30 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by kylej at 10:31 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by mwhybark at 10:32 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by soft and hardcore taters at 10:33 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by kiripin at 10:36 AM on January 1, 2010

I am so sorry.

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posted by nooneyouknow at 10:38 AM on January 1, 2010

I am profoundly sorry for your losses, Tara. I enjoyed Bageena's contributions to the site a lot, and you are very much in my thoughts.
posted by carbide at 10:38 AM on January 1, 2010

Dear Tara,
I hope that you are still reading. Reading this comment from your husband, I want you to know that I am thinking of you.

I don't know quite know what I am clumsily trying to do or say, except for trying to encourage you to take care of yourself. If you need to reach out to people, please please do so. You've been through such a tough time, and you needn't do it all by yourself.

I am sending love and hugs and strength your way. I know that sounds silly, but I mean it. I really mean it. Take care of yourself.
posted by typewriter at 10:40 AM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tara you have my deepest condolences. I am so terribly sorry this has happened.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:44 AM on January 1, 2010

Like many others have mentioned I assumed he'd been a member for much longer and had posted and commented much more. I'm shocked this has happened. We were the same age. I'm really at a loss for words.

Condolences.

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posted by Kattullus at 10:44 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Roger Dodger at 10:45 AM on January 1, 2010

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It's a big site, and peoples' decent contributions sometimes get missed.  So I'm glad you posted this, Tara; now I can see the good sharing that he did.

Bageena strikes me as someone who went out of his way to be open about himself and giving in his responses to help people on AskMe (not always an easy thing to do), and who genuinely enjoyed his back-and-forth on the comments.  And seeing musical tastes similar to mine, I was glad to find this question, and gratified to see he got so much pleasure from the feedback.  So even though I didn't realize it 'till now, yeah, I'm going to miss him.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 10:48 AM on January 1, 2010

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Could mods maybe put a notation on pages of deceased members? Something respectful, in memoriam?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:49 AM on January 1, 2010

We do, dnab. We haven't made a change on Bageena's yet, since it involves closing the account and we don't really know if Tara's intending to make any further use of it on the short term.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:55 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by nola at 10:57 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by so_gracefully at 11:00 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by fourcheesemac at 11:00 AM on January 1, 2010

Tara, please know that you have a hive to lean on, now and forever. We are here for you and anything you need.
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posted by iamkimiam at 11:00 AM on January 1, 2010 [8 favorites]

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posted by jjray at 11:03 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Jofus at 11:05 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 11:13 AM on January 1, 2010

Wow, I can't believe it. I'm so sorry.
posted by interrobang at 11:22 AM on January 1, 2010

I am so very sorry for your loss.

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posted by Kangaroo at 11:23 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by josher71 at 11:23 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by niyati182 at 11:24 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by graventy at 11:25 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Bookhouse at 11:31 AM on January 1, 2010

How tragic. I am so sorry for your loss, Tara.
posted by dhammond at 11:33 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by lovermont at 11:35 AM on January 1, 2010

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There are no words for this. None.

In trying to say something to you, I am really trying to make sense of a world that contains this kind of grief.

This degree of tragedy, this complete free-fall...perhaps only in this kind of pain is the one opportunity for true rebirth. Nothing further can touch you. You have borne the greatest sorrow.

And today you are alive. You are changed; you are new. Your life has beautiful purpose unlike ever before. You live with their spirit in you. You honor them by going forward. By somehow picking yourself up. By accomplishing your dreams. Their love lifts you. And your love for them propels you forward. Tara, you are strong. You are alive. And you will make all of them proud.

In this new year, in my new year, you are in my thoughts.

Peace.
posted by nickjadlowe at 11:35 AM on January 1, 2010

I am so, so sorry.
posted by tristeza at 11:37 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by about_time at 11:38 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by bjgeiger at 11:39 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by middleclasstool at 11:39 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by starzero at 11:43 AM on January 1, 2010

Tara I am so very sorry and you are in my thoughts. What a difficult year this has been.
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posted by seawallrunner at 11:44 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by litleozy at 11:47 AM on January 1, 2010

I am sorry for your loss.
posted by crush-onastick at 11:53 AM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry Tara.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 11:57 AM on January 1, 2010

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posted by bingo at 12:02 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Bangaioh at 12:04 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 12:05 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by horsewithnoname at 12:09 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara.
posted by whatideserve at 12:14 PM on January 1, 2010

My God. I'm truly shocked. I'm so very, very sorry, Tara for your loss.

I felt like I knew him a little bit even though we never met IRL, because when I drew him as my Secret Quansar giftee I read all of his posts to see what his tastes were like. He was so appreciative of the gifts I sent, especially the old comics. I felt (and I know this is a bit odd) but I felt just a tiny bit motherish to him and took a real interest in his life. He was on my contacts list. Now I wish I had written more to him or something. But at this point what I want or feel is of no importance.

I'm extremely sorry for your loss. I wish there was someway to send a long distance hug.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:15 PM on January 1, 2010 [5 favorites]

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posted by benign at 12:18 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by stagewhisper at 12:28 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by DreamerFi at 12:28 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by bjrn at 12:31 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by longsleeves at 12:32 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by rosethorn at 12:35 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by jamaro at 12:40 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by notsnot at 12:41 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Fuzzy Monster at 12:43 PM on January 1, 2010

My condolences Tara- from Sydney, Australia. I, too had noticed and appreciated your husband. Please take care of yourself.
posted by taff at 12:48 PM on January 1, 2010

:( I'm really sorry.

Business opportunity: Telehugs.
posted by floam at 12:51 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Tara.
posted by special-k at 12:51 PM on January 1, 2010

This is very sad. I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:51 PM on January 1, 2010

Such sad news. He'll be missed.
posted by yeti at 12:55 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by hattifattener at 12:57 PM on January 1, 2010

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Very sorry to hear of your loss.
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:00 PM on January 1, 2010

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Very sorry to hear this.
posted by OolooKitty at 1:02 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by briank at 1:07 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by maxwelton at 1:07 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by pearlybob at 1:10 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by dchrssyr at 1:11 PM on January 1, 2010

So sorry to learn this sad news. My condolences to you and everyone who knew and cared for him.

Good riddance, 2009.

This.
posted by trip and a half at 1:13 PM on January 1, 2010

How sad. My condolences.
posted by rjs at 1:13 PM on January 1, 2010

Such sad news - my sympathies and wamr thoughts.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 1:19 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by koeselitz at 1:21 PM on January 1, 2010

Too sad. His personality really shone through in his AskMe questions. My sympathies, Mrs. Bageena.
posted by steef at 1:23 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by lilywing13 at 1:27 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by lucy.jakobs at 1:27 PM on January 1, 2010

My heart goes out to you, love.
posted by Abiezer at 1:28 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by eastofottawa at 1:29 PM on January 1, 2010

Condolences, Tara.

As others have said above, your Andrew might only've made a few comments here, but those comments struck a chord, and we'll miss him.
posted by jack_mo at 1:31 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by R. Mutt at 1:34 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by lazaruslong at 1:36 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Pope Guilty at 1:44 PM on January 1, 2010

Everyone does need a hug.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:45 PM on January 1, 2010

mrs b: i am so, SO sorry for your loss and for ours. thank you for letting us know.
posted by msconduct at 1:49 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by COD at 1:58 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Dojie at 1:58 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Artw at 2:02 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm sorry to hear that; my condolences.
posted by darth_tedious at 2:03 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara, I am so sorry for your losses. I didn't really know Bageena, but some of his comments really made me laugh. His writing tone just hit my funny bone. My deepest condolences.
posted by lilac girl at 2:03 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm very sorry to hear this. My deepest condolences, Tara.
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:05 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by obloquy at 2:06 PM on January 1, 2010

Oh, I'm so very sorry, Tara. He was so sweet and earnest and funny in this meta thread and I'm happy to have the memory of giving him something from my "sub-10K basket". You will be in my thoughts.
posted by donnagirl at 2:13 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by ob at 2:15 PM on January 1, 2010

I am so terribly sorry, Tara, for your losses and your grief, and I will hold you and your family in my heart. I hope, too, that as others have mentioned you will see this community as your community as well.

My deepest condolences.
posted by scody at 2:21 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:28 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry.

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posted by LittleMissCranky at 2:29 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Nick Verstayne at 2:32 PM on January 1, 2010

So sorry to hear of his passing. :(

{{{{{Ms Bageena, family and friends}}}}}
posted by Lynsey at 2:36 PM on January 1, 2010

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Please accept my condolences.
Rest In Peace.
posted by mattbucher at 2:38 PM on January 1, 2010

I didn't know him personally, but I remember his comments as being solidly awesome. This is a terrible, terrible loss. My condolences to Tara and the rest of his family.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:39 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by sarcasticah at 2:40 PM on January 1, 2010

28! Geezus. He was my age. I went to a friend's funeral this fall and I repeat - it was a beautiful, beautiful service, but 28 year olds should not be having funerals.

And your parents, too! Oh, Tara, I am so so sorry.

(Also sorry for posting first comment without reading entire thread first.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:43 PM on January 1, 2010

Such sad news; he will be missed. I am so, so sorry that you have suffered these terrible losses.
posted by palliser at 2:53 PM on January 1, 2010

damn, that's terrible news. i hope you're taking care of yourself *hugs*
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:53 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by various at 2:54 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by julen at 2:57 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by TooFewShoes at 2:57 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by limeonaire at 3:01 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by OmieWise at 3:02 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 3:02 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by the.carol.baxter.experience at 3:06 PM on January 1, 2010

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I am sorry.
posted by spinifex23 at 3:07 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by memebake at 3:07 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:11 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by chillmost at 3:13 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Corduroy at 3:13 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by decagon at 3:16 PM on January 1, 2010

"My sincerest condolences" seems like one of those stock phrases somebody says to the bereaved of somebody who has just, but I don't really know how to express it more clearly. I honestly couldn't be more sincere in my desire to express my comfort, support, and sympathy at this moment, which must be terrible beyond description. I'm a stranger to you, I know, but I have also experienced loss and grief this year, and so know a little of how you must be feeling now, and, for what it's worth, even if it's the company of strangers through this odd extended community your husband was part of, you're not alone right now.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:19 PM on January 1, 2010 [7 favorites]

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posted by foggy out there now at 3:23 PM on January 1, 2010

Reading his recent comments is sad, he could be any one of us, and then life is suddenly cut short.

This comment, back in April, describes the wish of Bageena and his wife to be turned into diamonds when they die.

Our thoughts are with you Mrs Bageena.
posted by memebake at 3:23 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by hermitosis at 3:32 PM on January 1, 2010

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I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by featherboa at 3:34 PM on January 1, 2010

i am so, so sorry.

i remember smiling upon reading Bageena's comments, on more than one occasion.

please know that you're in my thoughts.
posted by gursky at 3:48 PM on January 1, 2010

Yes, my sincerest condolences, as well.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:51 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by mullacc at 3:56 PM on January 1, 2010

RIP, Bageena. My condolences and thoughts are with you, Tara.
posted by ooga_booga at 3:59 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara, I am so sorry for your loss.

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posted by jaruwaan at 4:04 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by lysdexic at 4:08 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by saturnine at 4:08 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by JoanArkham at 4:09 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by gaspode at 4:11 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara, I am so sorry for your several losses this year. And I hope you'll look upon Metafilter as a place where you are welcome. Because you will be, and it may help to come and read about this or that, to get caught up in discussions and forget for a little while about your grief, and to get advice if you need it.
posted by orange swan at 4:18 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by jabberjaw at 4:24 PM on January 1, 2010

My condolences as well.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:25 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by terrapin at 4:31 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by gingerbeer at 4:57 PM on January 1, 2010

*cries*

What a heartbreaking loss. His contributions here have been astonishingly good-hearted and uniformly positive. It's clear he understood the site perfectly and appreciated the community. And his willingness to share about his own life in AskMe? Inspirational. Tara, I second orange swan's hope that you feel welcome if there's any way MeFi can help you through this awful time.
posted by mediareport at 5:00 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by hortense at 5:00 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Acey at 5:01 PM on January 1, 2010

This news makes me so sad. It is clear from what he said here that he loved you very dearly. Please stay strong.

I was so touched to see this on his website: Metafilter: The best page on the internet, hands down.

Please let us know if we can help you in any way.

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posted by bearwife at 5:03 PM on January 1, 2010

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Sympathies to you and yours. Take care of yourself.
posted by monocultured at 5:04 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by BrotherCaine at 5:04 PM on January 1, 2010

Christ. I'm really sorry to hear this.
posted by the christopher hundreds at 5:12 PM on January 1, 2010

Ah, I'm so sorry for your trouble, he seemed like a great guy.
posted by Divine_Wino at 5:14 PM on January 1, 2010

So sorry about Bageena - his contributions will be missed. That is terrible news to start off the new year.

Tara, thank you for the courage you show in coming to tell us, and the honor that you do Andrew since he would want this community that he valued to be aware of his passing. It was good of you to do so.

My mind can't quite get around the horrible losses you have suffered in such a short space of time. Too sad, life sure sucks and is unfair sometimes. I echo those who say you have to take care of yourself and reach out to others - this is a tremendous burden you are carrying. I hope you have friends to reach out to and I would advocate a grief counselor or a grief group. You can learn from and gain comfort from others who have had huge losses and learned to accept and live with those losses. You are young, and although it may not seem that way today, there is so much to live for. We have some members here who have been through terrible tragedies and who have found ways to once again find and seize the joys and beauty of life.

And yes to what Astro Zombie and orange swan said about your maybe finding some supports and diversions here on mefi that might help you get through the roughest days.
posted by madamjujujive at 5:30 PM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Deepest condolences to you, Tara, and to all who knew him.

Everyone needs a hug
*hug*
posted by goshling at 5:39 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by emhutchinson at 5:44 PM on January 1, 2010

Oh Tara, I am so terribly sorry. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us here. Despite what you may have heard, we are generally a nice lot and ready and willing to help each other in times of need.
posted by msali at 5:51 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara, I hope at some point you will have a chance to read these messages, and are getting the all support and love you need from the people around your right now. I can't fathom your pain. I'm just a someone out-there-on-the-internet but genuinely want to express, as many have, that if you need to reach out, this is a great place to do so. I recall quite a few of your husband's comments, and really enjoyed his perspective and honesty - and want to reiterate, from reading his posts, how clearly adored you.
posted by marimeko at 5:53 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Tennison Tarb at 5:58 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by ColdChef at 5:58 PM on January 1, 2010

So very sorry for your horrible year~ I just don't know what to say but I'm so sorry.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:59 PM on January 1, 2010

So sad to hear this. My thoughts are with Tara and with Bageena's family.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:00 PM on January 1, 2010

I cannot imagine what you're going through right now. I am so sorry and will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Thank you for informing us during this busy and difficult time. I "knew" Bageena because he asked a question about estate lawyers for you guys, and had emailed him about that. It was just around when my dad died without a will, so I had just looked up similar information about this, myself.

As was said earlier, if questions come up later for you, on how to deal with all this, whether it be looking for legal resources, emotional support, etc., we are here.

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posted by NikitaNikita at 6:03 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by wiskunde at 6:10 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by dhruva at 6:22 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by heeeraldo at 6:25 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Stewriffic at 6:39 PM on January 1, 2010

So very sorry...

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posted by GodricVT at 6:48 PM on January 1, 2010

Fuck.

I'm so, so sorry.

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posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:58 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by kalessin at 7:06 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by jmd82 at 7:08 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm so sorry- 28 is so, so young.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:10 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by angrycat at 7:17 PM on January 1, 2010

I'm truly sorry for you loss Tara.
Andrews record collection AskMe prompted me to unpack my stored for ten years LPs, clean them, fix my turntable and give my kids their first vinyl experience. For that, I am grateful.
Now, reading through his posts, I realise that he was a nice person.
Please, take care of yourself.
posted by Duke999R at 7:30 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 7:31 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by heathergirl at 7:37 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by eyeballkid at 7:46 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Silly Ashles at 7:49 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Houstonian at 7:50 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by IndigoRain at 8:06 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:16 PM on January 1, 2010

I am so very sorry for your loss.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:22 PM on January 1, 2010

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i never knew him nor noticed his posts. I ask myself why do I find myself mourning an invisible stranger. i find the answer is the sense of community that Metafilter provides all of us who drift from place to place yet secure in the knowledge that sticking your head in the blue in a foreign land is like coming home to "where everyone knows your name".

in the spirit of our sense of community, for one of our own, i add my sudden tears to your own

i am sorry

((hugs))
posted by infini at 8:27 PM on January 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

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posted by crossoverman at 8:27 PM on January 1, 2010

My deepest, deepest condolences for your losses, Tara; most especially for Andrew, but for your parents, as well.

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posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 8:40 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara, I'm so sorry for your losses. You are in my thoughts.
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posted by Heretic at 8:49 PM on January 1, 2010

Oh, Tara. I'm sorry.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:50 PM on January 1, 2010

. is insufficient.

So is "I'm sorry," but there they are.

But more importantly, I guess, is that ... virtual community or not, if you need anything, we're here.
posted by grabbingsand at 8:56 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by fairytale of los angeles at 9:01 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by Windigo at 9:04 PM on January 1, 2010

Tara --- My heart goes out to you.

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posted by jayder at 9:05 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by killdevil at 9:06 PM on January 1, 2010

I am so sorry.

God damn it. I always really liked that dude. Fucking dumb universe.
posted by tkchrist at 9:25 PM on January 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm so, so sorry.

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posted by MadamM at 10:00 PM on January 1, 2010

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Entirely too many losses of loved ones this year.
posted by mrbill at 10:46 PM on January 1, 2010

Oh! I liked Bageena... Very sorry to hear this.
posted by kmennie at 11:19 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:27 PM on January 1, 2010

Oh. I want so badly to be able to make this better for you, Tara. I'm sorry that all I can do is tap out a few words and cry.

We are here for you, a bunch of strangers who didn't get to meet your husband. We are a better community for his having shared his time and thoughts with us. He was a diamond already, and he recognized your awesomeness.
posted by bilabial at 11:57 PM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by bilabial at 11:59 PM on January 1, 2010

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posted by dealing away at 12:03 AM on January 2, 2010

Oh honey. I am so very sorry. Big hugs to you.

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posted by divabat at 12:14 AM on January 2, 2010

It's going to be a bit of a fuck around if you actually die, Bageena. So, uh, don't. posted by nanojath at 9:17 PM on November 18, 2009

Ouch. Death is so painful and shocking when it becomes a reality. I'm so sorry for you.

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posted by Taft at 12:21 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Surfurrus at 12:22 AM on January 2, 2010

Oh no. Tara, I'm so sorry for your loss.

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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:29 AM on January 2, 2010

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Please know my thoughts are with you.
posted by brujita at 12:49 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by emeiji at 12:50 AM on January 2, 2010

may you find the strength

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posted by Cedric at 1:02 AM on January 2, 2010

My wife also jokes about the time I spend lurking on MetaFilter. If anything were to happen to me, I hope that she would do what you have done.

This is a good family of folks to belong to.
posted by jabo at 1:28 AM on January 2, 2010

Dear Tara, Oh, I'm so sorry for the terrible and sudden loss of your husband, Andrew! He was so young. And this happening so shortly after the death of both your parents, who also did not leave a will. What an incredibly difficult last year you have been through.

I feel uncomfortable with Andrew's deeming Metafilter his "mistress" because it implies he was cheating on you by being here. It's hard to know what to call a kind of love affair with MetaFilter, for those of us who feel impassioned about this place. It's a community of friends and you are most welcome here too. Your late husband found friendship, sharing, learning, fun, companionship and solace here, you might also. Should you have any practical questions, the AskMetaFilter section of MetaFilter is a community that can offer amazingly helpful answers and advice. I guess my saying this is just a way of trying to reach out to you to say you're not alone, that you're cared about by people who cared about Andrew too. My loving thoughts to you.

It may sound strange but thank you so much for your sharing this tragic news here, including us in your life. It is very poignant to read about Bageena's enjoyment of MetaFilter, go over his comments, which were full of humanity, personal truth, detailed practical advice and inspiring courage.

I hope he becomes a diamond, as was his wish. And that he rests in peace.
posted by nickyskye at 1:29 AM on January 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

Goddamn. Oh motherfucking goddamn. He was one of the people I always meant to write to to talk to to get to know. Goddamn. Motherfucking goddamn. Shanti, shanti, shanti, om. I dunno what the fuck that means. Goddamn.
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posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:29 AM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by She Kisses Wyverns at 3:27 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by From Bklyn at 3:52 AM on January 2, 2010

I'm so very sorry for your losses Tara.
posted by gomichild at 4:22 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by sveskemus at 5:42 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by carabiner at 5:49 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by meadowlark lime at 6:23 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by contrariwise at 6:38 AM on January 2, 2010

Sending good vibes to your family, and very sorry for your loss.

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posted by WidgetAlley at 7:04 AM on January 2, 2010

I really hope you find the new post, back here and don't just check the front page and think your post was deleted.

Good luck.
posted by paisley henosis at 7:12 AM on January 2, 2010

He really will be missed here. I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara. We all really mean it when we offer our help as a community, there are so many examples of previous kindness and assistance among members here, it's not just one of those polite things people say.
posted by harriet vane at 7:28 AM on January 2, 2010

I wish this actually was faked. No one should have to start the new year with a loss like this. Especially after the year you just had.

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posted by caution live frogs at 7:45 AM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I want all of you to know that through the night I was unable to sleep soundly. The only relief I experienced was after logging on to see the amazing and kind words you all had to say. I thank you all for you continued support. My husband loved you all in a way that I am sure you can understand. I know love you all in that very same way. I come here for strength and you don't disappoint. Thank you.
posted by Bageena at 7:52 AM on January 2, 2010 [44 favorites]

I wish this actually was faked.

Yeah I sure the hell do too. Though I feel certain Andrew would have enjoyed the dark humor of the irony of the above-cited little exchange (I'd forgotten all about that). This is just not fair and it stinks. I'm really sorry for your loss, Tara.
posted by nanojath at 8:02 AM on January 2, 2010

I'm sorry for your loss :(

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posted by subbes at 8:13 AM on January 2, 2010

I want all of you to know that through the night I was unable to sleep soundly. The only relief I experienced was after logging on to see the amazing and kind words you all had to say. I thank you all for you continued support. My husband loved you all in a way that I am sure you can understand. I know love you all in that very same way. I come here for strength and you don't disappoint. Thank you.

Tara, thank you for checking in. Hang in there kiddo, and please continue to keep in touch.

*big hugs*
posted by marimeko at 8:16 AM on January 2, 2010

So young. My condolences.

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posted by sadiehawkinstein at 8:26 AM on January 2, 2010

My heart, it hurts. So very sorry.





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posted by functionequalsform at 8:33 AM on January 2, 2010

He flew completely under my radar. Not one of those names that ever stuck out to me. This makes him much like 49,978 other users (assuming about 50k active users). It's too bad he couldn't have stuck around. Sounds like he would have been a good guy ro get to know.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:07 AM on January 2, 2010

My heart goes out to you.
Stay in touch, you have friends here.

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(I'm off to light a candle)
posted by _dario at 9:28 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by joe lisboa at 9:33 AM on January 2, 2010

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Also to add Tara, there are good people here who will help you if they can (and now one less). Keep coming back, thinking of you.
posted by Augenblick at 9:34 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by cashman at 9:38 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by white_devil at 9:42 AM on January 2, 2010

I really hope you find the new post, back here and don't just check the front page and think your post was deleted.

On my "to do" list for this morning was to write Tara and let her know what was up. I'd written back and forth with Andrew a bunch of times and really enjoyed our discussions. I'm very sorry Tara. Please let me know if there's something I can do to help.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:47 AM on January 2, 2010

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am so sorry for your loss, tara.
posted by liza at 9:50 AM on January 2, 2010

I'm so sorry. I had always noticed and enjoyed his posts; he was a great asset to the site. I had no idea he was so young. My heart goes out to you for this year of loss; I know it feels as if you will never recover but you will, you will, different and stronger and you will carry him with you in your heart forever. As will we all.

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posted by mygothlaundry at 10:08 AM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Take care Tara - I'm really sorry this happened.

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posted by futureisunwritten at 10:20 AM on January 2, 2010

Tara, I lost my sister in her sleep when she was 28. I don't have anything to say that isn't impossibly lame, except that you have people here. My sincerest condolences.
posted by everichon at 10:22 AM on January 2, 2010

My deepest condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about this loss. I wish i could have met him. Please let us know if there are ways we can comfort you.
posted by jasper411 at 10:32 AM on January 2, 2010

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I am very very sorry for your loss, and I'm glad that we are able to provide some sort of support to you, if only by mentioning things about Andrew (Bageena) that we remember. I'm glad you came here to tell us, and I'm glad that you continue to check back and read our responses.

It is interesting to me (and sort of nice, in a hopeful, optimistic way) that we are such a unique community that has such power to affect people in a positive way.

I am not a prolific poster or commenter, and perhaps I ought to a) post more and b) post higher-quality comments, but it is interesting to me that even those that don't post all that often have the ability to affect others, sometimes profoundly. It's also interesting how much one learns about others from their contributions--aside from a particular user's vocabulary and whatnot, the types of questions are sometimes revealing and deeply personal-- personal anecdotes from each other's lives, questions on AskMe that reveal details about people's relationships with their SO's, parents, and children . . . it's astonishing and moving, really.

I am probably one of the more "forgettable" members here, I don't think many people here know who I am, but it has become almost a punchline in my household (and beyond, to my work, with my colleagues) that I am constantly saying "Oh, just read something about that on MetaFilter the other day . . ."

And it's like one of those things that one is conflicted about-- one wishes to keep something good for themselves, but they also want to share it. I am sort of a MeFi evangelist, saying things like "the people there are, generally speaking, of a higher caliber than a lot of other forums or communities, they are educated, insightful, personal, inspiring, profound . . ." (the list goes on) I can laugh or cry on a given day, depending on what I read (from lolcats to politics to abuse threads, it's all here)

Even the subjects that we don't do so well are nevertheless often discussed with a degree of respect and tact that you don't often see on the interwebs.

So yeah, Tara ("Mrs." Bageena) my thoughts are with you, with the hope that you will continue to join us, even if just for a chuckle or a bit of advice.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:33 AM on January 2, 2010 [6 favorites]

Hey Tara -

Praying for you in your very sad year of loss. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help you as you move through this time. Best to you.
posted by allkindsoftime at 10:40 AM on January 2, 2010

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My sincerest condolences to you Tara.
posted by bitteroldman at 10:50 AM on January 2, 2010

Oh Tara, I'm so sorry!
posted by Maisie at 10:58 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Harald74 at 11:00 AM on January 2, 2010

I'm so very sorry, Tara. I wish I could give you a hug.
posted by zennie at 11:26 AM on January 2, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. May you find peace.


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posted by defenestration at 11:32 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Faint of Butt at 11:39 AM on January 2, 2010

Hang in there, Tara. We're all thinking of you.
posted by languagehat at 11:40 AM on January 2, 2010

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posted by caddis at 12:02 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by RokkitNite at 12:18 PM on January 2, 2010

Bageena was one of the first users I clicked with when I first started to become active on this site, and he introduced me to what's become one of my favorite movies (Let the Right One In). He always had such a gentle, sincere humor about him that I for one will sorely miss. If he was able to make me smile just by posting words on a website, I can't imagine the joy he must've brought you to know him in person. My heart goes out to you.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:18 PM on January 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

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posted by mynameisluka at 1:24 PM on January 2, 2010

Thank you for letting us hear back from you. I, too, wish you all the best.
posted by Anything at 1:24 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by gudrun at 1:29 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by painquale at 1:54 PM on January 2, 2010

I'm so awfully sorry to hear this, Tara. He seemed like such a lovely person.
posted by bayliss at 2:05 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by edgeways at 2:26 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by ceri richard at 2:46 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by ginky at 3:00 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by carmen at 3:10 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Ruki at 3:12 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Kinbote at 3:14 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by tealsocks at 3:21 PM on January 2, 2010

Tara, I also want you to know that MeFites have stepped in and stepped up on many, many occassions for members no more personally known than your husband. If you need anything, anything at all, let us know and we will round up the cavelry for you.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:24 PM on January 2, 2010

Thank you Tara for sharing. Your husband will be missed here.

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posted by localhuman at 3:27 PM on January 2, 2010

I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're both in my thoughts, Tara. I noticed when Andrew first started posting because his user name made me laugh and his comments often made me laugh too. Take care and be gentle with yourself. I'm so sorry.
posted by h00py at 3:37 PM on January 2, 2010

Oh my. I am so sorry for your loss, Tara. Thank you for letting us know, we will miss him.
posted by arcticwoman at 3:44 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by LeeJay at 4:21 PM on January 2, 2010

I remember your husband from his most recent AskMe about coming up with a name for an artist collective. I clicked over to his profile and then his website, and was very impressed with his drawings. I'm very sad to hear he is gone, and my thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself.
posted by misozaki at 4:32 PM on January 2, 2010

My heart goes out to you and your family.

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posted by lord_wolf at 4:53 PM on January 2, 2010

This is so sad. He was a good guy.
posted by Elmore at 5:34 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by beccaj at 5:37 PM on January 2, 2010

Yeah, I am so sorry as well. Words fail.
posted by Maias at 6:52 PM on January 2, 2010

You have my condolences as well, for all those you have lost. May the peace that passes all understanding fall upon your heart soon.
posted by y2karl at 6:55 PM on January 2, 2010

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I always enjoyed reading what he had to say...like so many others here I feel that we were kindred souls. Even though we were separated by distance we were connected here, and I think that makes the world a better place.
posted by schyler523 at 7:12 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by greekphilosophy at 7:18 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by inturnaround at 7:19 PM on January 2, 2010

My deepest condolences, Tara. I wish I could give you a great big roaring hug right now. Your husband seemed like a very positive guy in spite of all the difficulties life threw his way. Please don't hesitate to lean on us. We'll be here for you.
posted by cobwebberies at 7:28 PM on January 2, 2010

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Tara I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am new to this community, so I never had pleasure of interact with your husband but I am very familiar with one of Andrew's AskMe posts. I found it immensely useful as I am also stride to become better writer. My heart goes out to you as you have to go through this difficult time.
posted by Carius at 7:32 PM on January 2, 2010

On your husband's online presence here: I remember clicking through his profile more than once because I was startled about how forthright and open he was about his own life, if he thought it might help someone else. This isn't something I do very often. I took the even rarer step of clicking through to his website, and I really, really liked the work he was doing. I remembered he was Andrew Press, from Phoenix and looked up his work here. It made me wish I didn't live so far away. I always like to imagine going to shows and talking in person to artists I think are cool.
posted by availablelight at 7:39 PM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I am so sorry for your loss...I didn't remember who Andrew was until I looked at his posting history just now and remembered some of his comments and the general theme of openness and positivity he brought to Metafilter. He's someone that served as a great example for MeFites, new and old, myself included. I'll try and emulate more of his civility here and elsewhere in his honor.

Please let the community here know if there is anything we can do for you or in memory of him.

I'm 28. 28 is too young to die, especially suddenly...I need to take better care of myself.
posted by rollbiz at 8:19 PM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This sucks. I'm so sorry, Tara.
posted by librarina at 8:31 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by kalimac at 8:41 PM on January 2, 2010

Aww. He was a really cool guy. Sorry for your loss; hope things get better.
posted by klangklangston at 9:09 PM on January 2, 2010

This is terrible news. I noticed him too, in part because I caught that he lived in Phoenix, where I grew up and where I still have family, and I lumped him into a group of "people I'll get to meet if I happen to be visiting my mom and there happens to be a meetup", but his comments stuck out for me forever after I first picked up on him. He was funny and bright and he will be missed here.

Tara, I wish you strength and I hope you find peace during this difficult time.
posted by padraigin at 9:16 PM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by bettafish at 9:25 PM on January 2, 2010

Just chiming in to say I totally agree with exlotuseater's comment above. Most of us are probably 'forgettable' in the aggregate - I mean, I only know a few posters IRL, and recognize maybe 30 by their online name. I figure the 8 or so users who have linked to me, and my secret quonsar buddy probably recognize my name. Everyone else, not so much.

But I think bageena's an example of being memorable due to quality. Reading several of his posts now, the only word that comes to mind is 'Fearless'. I know there's a tendency when people pass to be overly dramatic, but seriously - His candor about his own experience with depression is nothing less than naked honesty, which is what makes it powerful. What's sort of nice to know that there will probably be people in the future who are experiencing depression who might hit a search function, read his contribution, and find comfort in his words. So in a way, even if the person or their username isn't recognizable, one's comments become memorable exactly to the people who want and need to hear them. I like the idea of that. I mean, favorites aside, none of us really know how our contributions have touched others - but hopefully we can remember how other's comments have helped us.

(and darn it, if I could only remember how to link to individual posts in threads, I'd give examples of bageena's posts, but others have done it quite well above.)

Sending good thoughts your way Tara. It's so obvious from Andrew's (bageena's) posts that he loved you, hard.

....and speaking of learning something new from Mefites, I just googled 'bageena'. Thank you, Urban Dictionary.
posted by anitanita at 9:29 PM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tara, my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad that you have stopped by here and checked in again. Please consider sticking around; I hope you can find some more of the things he found so special about this site, and we'd love to help you any way we can.

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posted by Madamina at 9:30 PM on January 2, 2010

Oh god, I'm so sorry.

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posted by jokeefe at 10:10 PM on January 2, 2010

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posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:26 PM on January 2, 2010

Oh yes, thank you to the urban dictionary.. Bageena was so proud when the definition made the list. Its been his favorite inside joke for years. As for closing his account I would like to keep it open for a while so I can come here in my darkest moments and not only gain strength from my new found friends but to also read and re-read his posts. Bageen wore his heart on his sleeve and held nothing back when it came to his fellow Mefites. This was his "warm place". I would like to ask that any Mefites in the Phoenix/Tempe/Surrounding area(s) or those who might even want to travel would do Bageena and I the honor of attending his funeral services. The date has been tentatively set for a viewing Friday the 8th from 6-8pm with the funeral services Saturday morning starting at 9... and there is even lunch after ;) attend. If there are any changes to this I will inform you all immediately. And for those of you wondering I have chosen to have Bageen turned into diamonds, and though he never had the pleasure of having our own children I will disperse them among his many nieces and nephews whom adored him. Again that you for your continued support, however i know this is only the beginning and I will need help down the lane so I want to thank you in advance especially to DarlingBri for her "we will round up the cavalry for you." And I cant remember to whom he drew last year for the gift exchange but I do hope you will cherish the drawing he sent you, he was so proud of himself for that. And who ever he received the cd's, comics books and the EPIC bacon chocolate bar I applaud you, he was completely enthralled Thank you all again. much Love Mrs. Bageena
posted by Bageena at 10:35 PM on January 2, 2010 [15 favorites]

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posted by juv3nal at 10:57 PM on January 2, 2010

OK everyone, please go vote up "bageena" at the urban dictionary.

Mrs Bageena, I admire your strength and please, please do keep coming around this little place.
posted by Rumple at 11:04 PM on January 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

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This photo from his flikr account was taken 4 and a half years ago.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:38 PM on January 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Thanks so much for the update, Tara, and I am so pleased you're going to keep the account open in case you need us. The diamonds idea is wonderful. For those of us unable to attend the service, is there some way we can make tribute such as sending flowers or a donation to a charity in his name?
posted by goshling at 12:12 AM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

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posted by HabeasCorpus at 12:29 AM on January 3, 2010

Bageena: "we will round up the cavalry for you."

We totally will. I'm in the US at the end of the month - if you need a total stranger to cry on or to get drunk with or to clean your house because the walls are crashing in, let me know - I'll be there. If you want to let us know where the service for Bageena is, I know some of us would like to send flowers or make a donation to something that would be meaningful to him or to you.

By the way, I think it's awesome that your fabulous husband Andrew is known to a whole heap of people as Bageena, and I hope you do too.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:50 AM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

haha, I always thought it was a hard "G" in bageena, and now I find that it is soft. Ba-Jeena! As in Va-Geena. That's great. A funny and clever gentleman.
posted by exlotuseater at 1:53 AM on January 3, 2010

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cortex writes "We do, dnab. We haven't made a change on Bageena's yet, since it involves closing the account and we don't really know if Tara's intending to make any further use of it on the short term."

Also there is a page on the wiki.

Bageena is one of the userIDs I recognize as being a good guy. Damn it this is sad.
posted by Mitheral at 2:00 AM on January 3, 2010

I went back and looked through his posts. What a smart, fabulous, and funny guy! I'm so sorry I never got to know him, and I'm so, so sorry for your tragic loss.
posted by ms.codex at 2:49 AM on January 3, 2010

I'm sad and sorry for your loss, Tara.

It is good to see, though, that he did recover from his lifelong depression and lived his last years without that burden, with your help, it sounds like.
posted by ignignokt at 7:19 AM on January 3, 2010

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I'm so terribly sorry, Tara. I've shed a wee tear, despite having never met Andrew, and I'm going to spend this evening enjoying reading his posts and counting my own blessings.

We're honoured to have you here, and are sending you warmth and love today and through every one of the difficult days to come.
posted by penguin pie at 10:22 AM on January 3, 2010

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posted by Flitcraft at 10:38 AM on January 3, 2010

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posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:49 AM on January 3, 2010

Also, Tara, just so you know, people can send you private mail in Metafilter as well as chatting to you in a thread - I've just sent you a message.

If you look towards the top right of every page on this site, just to the right of where it says 'welcome back Bageena', you'll see an envelope that will have a number next to it if there is mail waiting for you. There should be at least one there now.
posted by penguin pie at 11:26 AM on January 3, 2010

Fuck death, indeed.

Tara, you and your family are in my thoughts.
posted by deborah at 12:56 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by Halloween Jack at 5:55 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by not_on_display at 6:39 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by naoko at 7:18 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by aielen at 8:38 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by dness2 at 8:58 PM on January 3, 2010

Thoughts are with you in the coxn household, Tara.

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posted by tarheelcoxn at 10:27 PM on January 3, 2010

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posted by dg at 3:01 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by po at 4:32 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by pointystick at 6:02 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by This Guy at 6:05 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by Drasher at 6:45 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by owtytrof at 7:49 AM on January 4, 2010

Fuck death, indeed.

2009 was not a good year, and I think this sentiment more or less covers my feelings on the subject.

You have my deepest condolences Mrs.Bageena.
posted by quin at 8:01 AM on January 4, 2010

My immediate reaction upon hearing this news was "Oh God, no. I met that guy! He was really great!"

It turns out I didn't actually meet him. Or, I guess I didn't. I've looked through meetup threads and through his posting history and so on, and I can't find any evidence of having exchanged a written or spoken sentence with him, but all the same I can't shake that feeling of I knew him.

Tara, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you find all the strength and support you need. My thoughts are with you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:29 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by suetanvil at 10:28 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by immlass at 10:38 AM on January 4, 2010

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posted by jbenben at 5:38 PM on January 4, 2010

As for closing his account I would like to keep it open for a while so I can come here in my darkest moments and not only gain strength from my new found friends but to also read and re-read his posts.

I didn't know Bageena well on here, but I can say that the love, caring, and support of MetaFilter and its members (both online and in "real life") kept me going more than once after my loss last year. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.
posted by mrbill at 8:44 AM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

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posted by julesm at 10:01 AM on January 5, 2010

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posted by LinusMines at 1:39 PM on January 5, 2010

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posted by pecknpah at 10:01 PM on January 5, 2010

My deepest condolences, Tara. May you keep your partner's memory always.
posted by halonine at 10:49 PM on January 5, 2010

Hey guys I wanted to post the info for Andrew's services here in the event that any of you would like to attend. We will have a viewing Friday the 8th from 6-8 at the Del Rio Church 1871 East Del Rio Drive, Tempe, AZ‎. The following morning Saturday the 9th we will will have a second viewing starting at 9am with services starting promptly at 10am I hope that all who are able to attend will be safe in their travels to do so! Thank you again for your continued support and kind words or ".". I have found such a great comfort in them.
posted by Bageena at 9:22 AM on January 6, 2010

Tara, I've only just seen this and wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. Coming on the heels of the losses you suffered last year, I cannot imagine how hard life must be for you right now. I am so sorry.

Please feel free to use the message system here to "memail" me if you ever just want someone to talk to. Please accept my condolences and know that I will hold you and Andrew in my thoughts on Friday and Saturday.
posted by dejah420 at 9:35 PM on January 6, 2010

I set up Tara with her own account and I'll be closing the Bageena account just in case people are communicating with her there. Andrew's obit is online here.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:34 PM on January 8, 2010

Can I just say how awesomely goofy it is to see the word "BAGEENA" (all caps, of course) appear in a formal obituary?

What a guy.
posted by Madamina at 2:42 PM on January 8, 2010

Wow. I love that his contributions to Metafilter were acknowledged in the obituary. That's really nice.
posted by jayder at 11:59 AM on January 10, 2010

Jessamyn, thanks for helping Tara so much. I am glad that she choseto become a member of this great community.

That obituary was most excellent. I hope that when I leave this world... there are still some here that love me so.

Andrew was a good guy. I paid attention when his comments came by. I messaged him that last week.

Tara, I'm so very sorry that you have been through all this...

We are here for you. We are all here for you.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 1:47 PM on January 11, 2010