at least you have a bar to sulk at

May 19, 2010 5:13 PM

when asking about travel plans that have changed due to a natural disaster maybe try to refrain from using words like "salvage" as people are still putting their lives back together and you're just grumpy that you can't find a good nightlife.
posted by nadawi to Etiquette/Policy at 5:13 PM (227 comments total)

anybody want to salvage this thread?
posted by jonmc at 5:19 PM on May 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

Perfectly acceptable usage. Good. Gravy.
posted by valkyryn at 5:21 PM on May 19, 2010 [11 favorites]

Nashville's still a better bet for travel than Bangkok though.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 5:22 PM on May 19, 2010

what the what
posted by Nothing... and like it at 5:22 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh, please.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 5:23 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Eh. Does anyone really have enough outrage for this?

A MeMail would have sufficed here.
posted by pineapple at 5:23 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Jesus salvages.
posted by mattdidthat at 5:23 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Indeed! We should not forget that Metafilter is the anguish Olympics! First prize: You are allowed to make an ask metafilter post. Second through nth prizes (where n is a very large integer): You cannot create a post; you must wait your turn to be anointed THE MOST SAD and only then you can post to ask metafilter.

NOTE: If you attempt to artificially increase your sadness -- say, by intentionally creating a natural disaster near your home -- you will be disqualified.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 5:24 PM on May 19, 2010 [8 favorites]

I think the strength of your argument re: word choice here is pretty niggardly.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:25 PM on May 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

Yay! MetaTalk's back!!
posted by gman at 5:25 PM on May 19, 2010 [10 favorites]

i posted a comment about how to emotionally salvage their trip (and a helpful link to yelp) and it was deleted, so i brought it here. it just seems beyond crass to boohoo having to spend a boring couple of nights in a town you don't much like when 30 people died in the disaster that changed your plans.
posted by nadawi at 5:26 PM on May 19, 2010

it wasn't just the word choice - it was the entire tone of the post - the word choice just pushed it from "that seems to be tone-deaf" to "are you kidding me?"
posted by nadawi at 5:27 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

and a helpful link to yelp

While I appreciate you coming here, scolding someone for a few sentences and then tacking on a link to yelp.com is not really how we define helpful in these parts. I understand that this question pushed some buttons for you, but let's be clear about what is going on.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:28 PM on May 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

Jesus.
posted by rtha at 5:29 PM on May 19, 2010

the word choice just pushed it from "that seems to be tone-deaf" to "are you kidding me?"

Wait, are you talking about the question or your metatalk post?
posted by Nothing... and like it at 5:29 PM on May 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

i felt that as the stated question was "how do i salvage my disappointment" and all the travel stuff was under the fold that answering that question was on the board. after it was deleted, i can understand how the mods might disagree - so, here we are.
posted by nadawi at 5:29 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't believe the name of this site, either. Do you know how many people have died because of a lack of water filters?
posted by DU at 5:31 PM on May 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

Orphaned sloths shamelessly exploited to amuse humans
posted by cowbellemoo at 5:31 PM on May 19, 2010

We should each make a MetaTalk thread every time we read something on MetaFilter that offends us.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 5:37 PM on May 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

All of my living room furniture is made from clear, hollow acryllic and then filled with live snakes.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:38 PM on May 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

It's no Rwandan genocide, that's for sure.
posted by fixedgear at 5:39 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

What is it T-Rex? You want me to post in this thread? Why T-rex? Oh I see. All of them Rex? To shreds you say?.
posted by The Whelk at 5:42 PM on May 19, 2010 [10 favorites]

I am filled with ginger flavored rage!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:42 PM on May 19, 2010

...like a donut? Or like a piñata?
posted by elizardbits at 5:44 PM on May 19, 2010

This is as useful as hairy foreskin.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:46 PM on May 19, 2010

THE PINATA IS FILLED WITH DONUTS.
posted by The Whelk at 5:46 PM on May 19, 2010

How the fuck does someone swallow 4.5 pounds of anything? If only all politicians were so dedicated.
posted by gman at 5:46 PM on May 19, 2010

This is what this thread is about now
posted by The Whelk at 5:47 PM on May 19, 2010

And we're still taking comments on this one... because?
posted by valkyryn at 5:47 PM on May 19, 2010

How the fuck does someone swallow 4.5 pounds of anything? If only all politicians were so dedicated.

One hundredth at a time. Can't you read?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:49 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Anyone else camping the ludicrously-worded question spawn? We're due, right?
posted by 0xFCAF at 5:50 PM on May 19, 2010

When I was young I worked for an insurance restoration and salvage company. This was a difficult job, lots of heavy lifting, and it is likely where I fucked up my back permanently.

Please have some respect for me and never use the word "salvage" on MetaFilter, in any context, ever again.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:51 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is definitely a silly callout, but I'll agree that acrasis seems like a thoroughly unpleasant person, what with the melodramatic condescension and all. I grew up in Maryland and the idea of someone coming from Frederick (of all places) complaining about another city not having enough to do is laughable at best.
posted by dhammond at 5:53 PM on May 19, 2010 [8 favorites]

tough but sweet
posted by The Whelk at 5:53 PM on May 19, 2010

This post is all wet.
posted by loquacious at 5:53 PM on May 19, 2010

How will we dry it dear loquacious dear loquacious?
posted by The Whelk at 5:54 PM on May 19, 2010

abbat is late
posted by lukemeister at 5:55 PM on May 19, 2010 [14 favorites]

Yeah, well, my uncle died from a Meatbomb, so please don't post ever again.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:56 PM on May 19, 2010 [8 favorites]

Ok, I'm clam now and only half full of Ginger flavored rage.

My hairy foreskin feels bruised though.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:56 PM on May 19, 2010

I just put some Thai sweet chili sauce on top of some microwave taquitos. (along with bacon bits, sharp cheddar and some sour cream on the side). I consider this a primitive form of fusion cuisine.
posted by jonmc at 5:56 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh no, I caused a metatalk thread! I absolutely meant no disrespect to the people of Nashville; I hoped our meeting would not be canceled, and we'd be able to contribute to the economy. While I'm apologizing, I apologize to the people of Charlotte, NC. I meant no harm! In penance, I will cheerfully answer a travel question about my hometown. Should anyone ever ask about Whitmore Lake, MI.
posted by acrasis at 5:57 PM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

[comment with lots of water/flood word play thought better of]
posted by ericost at 5:57 PM on May 19, 2010

accompanied by this which is quite tasty.
posted by jonmc at 5:57 PM on May 19, 2010

How will we dry it dear loquacious dear loquacious?

Gin.
posted by loquacious at 5:59 PM on May 19, 2010

I think someone is ordering pizza, not sure, I'm supposed to be no-carb today but eh, fuck it, I wrote a whole short story (thanks ColdChef)
posted by The Whelk at 6:00 PM on May 19, 2010

But where will we get gin dear loquacious loquacious, but where will we get gin the bars are all closed.
posted by The Whelk at 6:00 PM on May 19, 2010

she's got a point. it was a pretty crass way to word the post. not that i think there should be a rule about it mostly because people who don't care, don't care. but it does show a pretty callous disregard of a life-altering event.
posted by msconduct at 6:01 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

serious aside, i actually think the various comment fable and more everyday writing thanks to metafilter has made me able to bang out these microfiction things better.
posted by The Whelk at 6:01 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

You will make it dear The Whelk

etc.
posted by rtha at 6:03 PM on May 19, 2010

*purees The Whelk, begins vat fermentation*

BRB, juniper berries.
posted by loquacious at 6:09 PM on May 19, 2010

I think right before any MetaTalk thread is closed we should all run on stage from the allies, high kicking and shaking a top hat and singing
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 PM on May 19, 2010

meh, I was hoping for Wilkommen. Although I guess that should really be OPENING these kinds of threads.
posted by elizardbits at 6:13 PM on May 19, 2010

BRB, juniper berries.

I love this as a pet name.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:13 PM on May 19, 2010

Should anyone ever ask about Whitmore Lake, MI.

Why would anyone go to that shithole?
posted by marxchivist at 6:14 PM on May 19, 2010

Don't sweat it dude, hope you enjoy your conference or whatever.
posted by smoke at 6:15 PM on May 19, 2010

"...we should all run on stage from the allies..."

You know who ran on stage from the Axis?
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 6:15 PM on May 19, 2010

You know who ran on stage from the Axis?
posted by The Whelk at 6:17 PM on May 19, 2010

I am most insulted by his condescending attitude toward fondue. IT IS LIQUID CHEESE GODDAMNIT!
posted by nestor_makhno at 6:19 PM on May 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

I love this as a pet name.

!!!
posted by loquacious at 6:19 PM on May 19, 2010

The thread's theme song
posted by The Whelk at 6:21 PM on May 19, 2010

msconduct: "it does show a pretty callous disregard of a life-altering event"

Maybe. But I think nadawi loses the high ground once the callous disregard is called out against guidelines... then the callout is deleted, and brought here to be re-examined and validated. The umbrage is overwrought and slightly disingen
posted by pineapple at 6:21 PM on May 19, 2010

Oh, pardon me. I just ran completely out of Give A Shit on the subject.
posted by pineapple at 6:22 PM on May 19, 2010 [26 favorites]

Jennifer Juniper Berries lives upon a hill .....and makes wicked moonshine ya'll.
posted by The Whelk at 6:23 PM on May 19, 2010

Anyone else camping the ludicrously-worded question spawn?

I would like to answer this question, but for the life of me I cannot unravel its enigma.

Anyone else chomping on the ludicrously-worded question spawn?
Anyone else camping out waiting for the ludicrously-worded spawn of satan to appear?
Anyone else cramping up as we wait for the ludicrously-worded spasm?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:25 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

In other news, it's a beautiful day here in Seoul, and the (first ever?) Seoul meetup is happening tonight.

I'm going to show up with a fish in my pants. To send a message. You know.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:25 PM on May 19, 2010

We should each make a MetaTalk thread every time we read something on MetaFilter that offends us.

Hey look, the future is now!
posted by dnesan at 6:25 PM on May 19, 2010

SLoG: camping.
posted by box at 6:27 PM on May 19, 2010

How geometry gets taught in Alabama
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 6:28 PM on May 19, 2010

Anyone else clamping on the lugubriously-worded question spawn?
Anyone else camping the ludicrously-farmed salmon spawn?
Anyone else champing at the bit, since that's the correct phrase and not "chomping"?



SLoG, this is fun.
posted by pineapple at 6:28 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Apres le deluge, c'est moi.
posted by bardic at 6:29 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

This flood of comments, this raging storm of criticism? Pfft, merely a tempest in a teapot.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:30 PM on May 19, 2010

That questions needs the "corporate refugee" tag.
posted by mullacc at 6:30 PM on May 19, 2010

Ain't nobody here but us sulky chickens.
posted by mmmbacon at 6:31 PM on May 19, 2010

MrMoonPie, I find your callous disregard for humor to be life-altering.
posted by pineapple at 6:31 PM on May 19, 2010

MrMoonPie, where'd you hide that teapot? I should mend these socks before I get a blister.
posted by box at 6:35 PM on May 19, 2010

lighten up, francis
posted by docpops at 6:36 PM on May 19, 2010

Thanks, box, I figured it had to be either a quote or a game term.

Spawn camping is a form of camping when a player assaults the position(s) where opposing players just enter or re-enter (respawn) the map. In fast-paced games, the camper has the advantage in that they are able to kill players before they have a chance to collect their starting weaponry or even before they get their bearings and sometimes can shoot them in their back every time

Huh. I'm slightly more confused, but I at least get the gist.

Anyone else champing at the bit, since that's the correct phrase and not "chomping"?

Pffffft. Chomping at the bit is perfectly acceptable. "a growing number of people are choosing 'chomp at the bit.' I just did a Google search for both phrases. The results: 942 hits for "champ" and 14,900 for "chomp."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:39 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

hell bent for leather.
posted by The Whelk at 6:41 PM on May 19, 2010

leather bent for hell?
posted by valkyryn at 6:44 PM on May 19, 2010

Offended by the Internet?

but it does show a pretty callous disregard of a life-altering event.

I'm sure she has her good qualities too. I'm not sure how good of an idea it is to guilt someone into feeling compassionate about something.
posted by anniecat at 6:44 PM on May 19, 2010

abbat is late

Well shoot-a-poop. Has he been silenced by the masses?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:46 PM on May 19, 2010

we mentioned in the other thread, we'd really really like the abbat speculation to stay off of MeTa.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:48 PM on May 19, 2010

No shirt, no shoes, no shift key, no service.
posted by Rhomboid at 6:49 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Bent leather hell.
posted by The Whelk at 6:50 PM on May 19, 2010

this is the painkiller
posted by item at 6:52 PM on May 19, 2010

That is a fun thread to read backwards as the clam and gynecologist connections are revealed.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:53 PM on May 19, 2010

BRB, juniper berries.

I love this as a pet name.

I have a cat called Juniper. It really is a pretty good name for a pet.
posted by shelleycat at 6:58 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

SLoG, if you're in that whole "well, the lazy people all started doing it wrong therefore that should now be the norm" camp of linguistic evolution, then I'm afraid we have nothing more to say to one another.

Good day, sir.
posted by pineapple at 7:01 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

oh wait I think that is pizza.

I think it is the kind of pizza with olives.
posted by The Whelk at 7:03 PM on May 19, 2010

oh wow I had to fix so many typos in that story, man.

Oh hey Chianti, lets be friends.
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 PM on May 19, 2010

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I know where syd barrett lives.
posted by item at 7:05 PM on May 19, 2010

THE WORD IS NO
posted by The Whelk at 7:05 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't know much about the ins and outs of callous uses of the word "salvage," but I desperately want to know how common is it for friends of the opposite sex to hold hands?
posted by crunchland at 7:06 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

salvage isn't inherently offensive - the entire tone of the post was offensive and that word choice admittedly pissed me off. most people discussing salvaging and nashville right now are talking about destroyed houses, pictures, vehicles, lives - she's talking about where to find a night cap.

it's obvious that i'm in a very small minority and that's ok - but to willfully misrepresent what i'm talking about is shitty (and expected in metatalk, i understand that).

so - now that we have that out of the way - here's my next bit of controversy - i don't like 95% of pie. if fruit and crust is on the plate, i'd prefer mine as a cobbler.
posted by nadawi at 7:12 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I am with you on the cobbler.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:14 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

You don't get to get all cute on us nadawi. You started this mess and now you have to take your punishment like a grownup.
posted by item at 7:14 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't care how much you dislike pie--I'm not going to eat a goddamn shoemaker.
posted by box at 7:16 PM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Yeah, pie is sorta gross. Also cheesecake. Why do people claim to love it so much? I do not believe people sincerely find sweetened cream cheese that amazing, and it is some kind of joke I am not in on, like the whole bacon thing. I can think of hundreds of better desserts.
posted by cj_ at 7:18 PM on May 19, 2010

head

d
e
s
k
-----------

head

d
e
s
k
-----------


head

d
e
s
k
-----------
posted by edgeways at 7:22 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

like the whole bacon thing. I can think of hundreds of better desserts

Hogwash! There is no better dessert than bacon!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:22 PM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

i'm sorry, my cuteness just comes naturally. i try to turn it off but it just doesn't work. and as a masochist, i'm pretty hard to punish unless you want to ignore me.

also: i freaking love cheesecake, i'd take it over regular cake if it was made well (not soggy).
posted by nadawi at 7:22 PM on May 19, 2010

We should each make a MetaTalk thread every time we read something on MetaFilter that offends us.

It's certainly an improvement over complaining about it repeatedly or derailing a thread on the Blue or the Green.
posted by zarq at 7:23 PM on May 19, 2010

Pie: Pecan Pie.
posted by zarq at 7:24 PM on May 19, 2010

I would like to put forward the proposition that everything is better when encased in pastry, just like everything can be considered breakfast as long as you put it on toast.
posted by smoke at 7:31 PM on May 19, 2010

Vodka on toast is one of the saddest things you will ever attempt.
posted by elizardbits at 7:42 PM on May 19, 2010 [13 favorites]

The other day, at a Japanese store on 3rd Avenue I bought a microwaveable container of 'Rice Porridge with Abalone.' (I'd been drinking). Anybody ever had this before? Any good? Will I need to add hot sauce?

(when I visited Vegas a few years back, a few casino restaurants had abalone based meals at insanely high prices, but you cant always go by that.)
posted by jonmc at 7:42 PM on May 19, 2010

When I was back there in seminary school, there was a person there who forth the proposition that you can petition the lord with prayer.
posted by BeerFilter at 7:43 PM on May 19, 2010

I will cheerfully answer a travel question about my hometown. Should anyone ever ask about Whitmore Lake, MI.

Hey! I've been there! Nope, no questions, sorry. :)
posted by The Light Fantastic at 7:44 PM on May 19, 2010

Bacon Cheesecake Brownies
posted by carsonb at 7:44 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

vodka is a breakfast food thanks to orange juice - it's on the cereal box and everything!
posted by nadawi at 7:44 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sunrise Mart has some extremely interesting foodstuffs, most of which I am not brave enough to try. That alleged porridge is one of them. Also, pleh, fish.
posted by elizardbits at 7:44 PM on May 19, 2010

I've been to Sunrise Mart and eaten some of the weird shit there. This was from M2M a little further uptown on 11th street.
posted by jonmc at 7:45 PM on May 19, 2010

nadawi: Yeah, the OP doesn't seem like someone I'd like to sulk in a bar with—but that's not grounds for anything but my (and your!) disdain. And thank you much for being so graceful about it all.

When you speak of cobbler, are you referring to the sublime layering of plentiful summer fruit (simmered with sugar with a little tapioca stirred in) and (homemade, ideally with lard) pie crust I grew up with in TN and TX? Or do you mean the clumpy biscuity barely-fruity abomination served here in NYC and in most states where boiled dinner and hot dish and re-heated take-out are considered "cooking"?
posted by dogrose at 7:49 PM on May 19, 2010

Pony request: Please, once again consider killfiles. Then people like nadawi can drop the insensitive in, and people like me, that get way tired of bruised egos, politically correct speech, and over-thinking beans can drop in people who get upset at the C-word, the F-word, the R-word, the N-word, the M-word, the R-word again, the P-word, and the number 3.

Seriously, these callouts get tedious.

Or maybe make another subsite called, "HoldMi" where everyone not only needs a hug but gets one.

I read 5 comments before making my own. You don't like that? Drop me into your killfile you F-wording C-word! Oh, and I meant C-word how the Australians use it, not how us Americans use it. I'm not crass enough to use the C-word like that!

And by the way, anyone know what the M-word is? I don't.

And sorry the OP used the S-word. "Salvage" is kinda shitty.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:53 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Pie: Pecan Pie.

I will be pleased to partake of your pecan piiiiieeee.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:54 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fuck, see? I forgot about the P-word.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:57 PM on May 19, 2010

I'm with you nadawi, I am fucking sick of this shit where I am working on my fur bikini and my furry leopard hat and also a tail for the furry convention and also my date this weekend and my ostensibly 45" wide bolt of fake leopard fur turns out to be, like, 42.5" wide by the time I trim off the edges and...oh...wait...you said sAlvage not selvage. never mind.
posted by little e at 7:57 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Please, once again consider killfiles.

We have once again considered your killfile request.

We are once again refusing your killfile request.

There are Greasemonkey scripts you may enjoy that have a similar killfiling user experience.

We suggest you try them or get used to a MetaFilter full of disappointment.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:58 PM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

dogrose - i'm a southern girl - real cobbler all the way. of course, as a vegetarian i either have to pretend that lard comes from corn or i have to deny myself one of my favorite desserts (ps - ever had cobbler cooked in a dutch oven? holyfuckohmygoddelicious).

while we're on the topic of northerners taking southern cooking and ruining it - wtf is up with biscuits and gravy north of the sweet tea line? talk about clumpy and gross...blech.

i do really hate tea, though - sweet, not sweet, herbal - makes me a bad southerner
posted by nadawi at 8:00 PM on May 19, 2010

Maybe try to refrain from using words like "pie" as people are still putting their lives back together.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:02 PM on May 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: get used to a MetaFilter full of disappointment
posted by item at 8:02 PM on May 19, 2010

cjorgensen - people like nadawi

i've been an active member for 8 years and i read the site before that. i've made 1200 comments on a variety of topics. this is my very first "i'm offended" callout - in fact, this is the first metatalk thread i've started - so unless you mean "people like nadawi" in a way that encapsulates everything i've put into the site over the years, you are entirely off base.
posted by nadawi at 8:07 PM on May 19, 2010

If your complaint wasn't about the use of the word "salvage" in that context, then why is that the only thing mentioned in your MetaTalk post. You are willfully misrepresenting yourself.
posted by Falconetti at 8:10 PM on May 19, 2010

i clarified my position within 10 minutes when it was clear that my meaning had been muddled. if you want to stir shit with me, try harder.
posted by nadawi at 8:13 PM on May 19, 2010

people like nadawi

i certainly do!
posted by gman at 8:15 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

OK, folks, enough piling on nadawi. It was a silly callout, but I would think that refusing to spank her consitutes sufficient punishment. Well, she is a masochist...
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:15 PM on May 19, 2010

I take exception to nadawi's refusal to capitalize the first letter of each sentence.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:16 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Or constitutes. I think "consitutes" should become the standard spelling now...
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:16 PM on May 19, 2010

And by the way, anyone know what the M-word is?

(your) mom
posted by little e at 8:17 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

crisp > cobbler > pie > cake

just, y'know, fyi.
posted by Nothing... and like it at 8:19 PM on May 19, 2010

Depends on what's in it.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:26 PM on May 19, 2010

Greener pastures people, greener pastures.
posted by gman at 8:29 PM on May 19, 2010

Subtle, gman. Nobody will ever guess what you're referring to.
posted by Nothing... and like it at 8:31 PM on May 19, 2010

MetaFilter: cobblers
posted by Abiezer at 8:35 PM on May 19, 2010

I think nadawi has been a good sport here. Nice to see.

Secret Life of Grammar Abandonment, on the other hand... we're THROUGH.
posted by pineapple at 8:38 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Flavor anatomy of pie
posted by shothotbot at 8:38 PM on May 19, 2010

Seriously, these callouts get tedious.


ARE NOT
posted by The Whelk at 8:39 PM on May 19, 2010

Where I come from 'salvage' means 'Your chemotherapy didn't work and now we're going to throw the kitchen sink at you cuz you are truly and royally fucked."


But the guy can still use it in his question.
posted by SLC Mom at 8:43 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Country Pie

Just like old Saxophone Joe
When he’s got the hogshead up on his toe
Oh me, oh my
Love that country pie

Listen to the fiddler play
When he’s playin’ ’til the break of day
Oh me, oh my
Love that country pie

Raspberry, strawberry, lemon and lime
What do I care?
Blueberry, apple, cherry, pumpkin and plum
Call me for dinner, honey, I’ll be there

Saddle me up my big white goose
Tie me on ’er and turn her loose
Oh me, oh my
Love that country pie

I don’t need much and that ain’t no lie
Ain’t runnin’ any race
Give to me my country pie
I won’t throw it up in anybody’s face

Shake me up that old peach tree
Little Jack Horner’s got nothin’ on me
Oh me, oh my
Love that country pie
posted by KokuRyu at 8:47 PM on May 19, 2010

You know my general daily grar quotient has decreased immsenvley since I started waking up to this .
posted by The Whelk at 8:48 PM on May 19, 2010

Titus Andronicobbler
posted by exlotuseater at 8:49 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I need to invest in some kind of Musical Therapy Group - feeling depressed? Our team will sing an upbeat personalized song and choreograph your dressing montage and follow you down the street picking flowers and catching buses for you in perfect harmony.
posted by The Whelk at 8:50 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

also: i freaking love cheesecake, i'd take it over regular cake if it was made well (not soggy).

TRUE STORY TIME!

Many moons and suns ago I was living in - funny how so many of my stories start like this now - art village where there was a great but highly unprofitable little coffee shop. It was run by a tall, wide giant of a man and his much shorter but equally wide and even more indomitable wife. They fed most of the artists and locals in the neighborhood. Often for free. He'd be trying to sell sandwiches and stuff out of the front but grilling up huge racks of ribs in the back and just giving them away. You'd go to order a sandwich and he'd say "What you really want is some of the ribs I have out back. Trust me. They've been slow cooking for about three hours and they're just about done." *slaver* "Yessir!"

Thankfully they weren't really there to become the next Peets or anything, and it was the sort of place where after they got to know you they'd make you make your own change and put your money in the till yourself because they couldn't be arsed to get up from their beer on the patio, making it a real self-service kind of place.

Eventually they got their whole kitchen put in and their real food license and started making all kinds of great food. Including cheesecake. In giant half or full sheet cake pans.

One afternoon I was hanging out in there and the Andre the Giant-sized fellow says to me "Hey, I know you like cheesecake. You want some cheesecake?" and I said "Fuck yeah!".

So he places one of those huge metal sheet-cake pans in front of me... and then two more gigantic pans... and he says "Have at it!" and... honestly? I was a little scared and confused. I mean, I like cheesecake and all but what the fuck?

He sees me sort of staring slack-jawed and he says "No, I'm serious. Take 'em home and bring the pans back when you're done. They came out a little too dry, bready and overcooked so I don't want to sell them, but I don't want to throw them out, either." Yeah, it was a lot of cheesecake. So much I actually had difficulty carrying it all home, and I'm not exactly a scrawny mammal. I felt like the guy who stole the cheesecake truck in the King Missle song "Cheesecake Truck".

So, yeah, I ate cheesecake non-stop for about three or four days with my bare hands, straight out of the pan. What was most alarming was that I never really got sick of it. I think I even had a slice of his next batch when I returned the pans.

No, I have no illusions about why my ass is fat.
posted by loquacious at 8:53 PM on May 19, 2010 [17 favorites]

I found the question problematic too, because it didn't really seem like the OP's disappointment needed salvaging. It perhaps needed assuaging, the disappointment? And then this whole thing could have been avoided.
posted by tyrantkitty at 8:55 PM on May 19, 2010 [11 favorites]

No one ever uses hyperbole flippantly or ironically. Ever.
posted by loquacious at 8:58 PM on May 19, 2010

My god, it's full of disappointment.
posted by Babblesort at 9:06 PM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Can one keep a loquacious in a cage with wood shavings and a wheel and presumably cheesecake?
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's not that it was hyperbole; it's that it was the wrong word for the meaning intended. But I couldn't have intended flippancy with my earlier comment, as no one ever uses that.
posted by tyrantkitty at 9:08 PM on May 19, 2010

Can one keep a loquacious in a cage with wood shavings and a wheel and presumably cheesecake?

Does it have internet?
posted by loquacious at 9:10 PM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

sure why not.
posted by The Whelk at 9:11 PM on May 19, 2010

does it have lotion for its skin?
posted by gman at 9:13 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ask frenetic
posted by The Whelk at 9:15 PM on May 19, 2010

I'm one of those people who don't really understand cheesecake either. I'd rather have my calories in bourbon.

Do they spell it calouries in England?
posted by slogger at 9:18 PM on May 19, 2010

it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michaelanglo David. The gondola in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands, the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".
posted by GuyZero at 9:18 PM on May 19, 2010

> Several hours later, the plane lands, the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".

You mean like they had a stopover at AMS or something? I don't get it.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:20 PM on May 19, 2010

Cheesecake is a huge diet aid: take two wonderful but fattening things and combine them to create something inedible.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:20 PM on May 19, 2010

YAY! HOLLAND! LETS GET PANCAKES!
posted by The Whelk at 9:20 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Anybody who doesn't like pie, you come over here and leave the pie you hate with me. I'll take good care of it. (Also cobblers and slumps and crisps and crumbles etc.)
posted by rtha at 9:25 PM on May 19, 2010

Give me your pie. you don't know how to love it.
posted by The Whelk at 9:26 PM on May 19, 2010

Cheesecake is a huge diet aid: take two wonderful but fattening things and combine them to create something inedible.

DONUTMONGER!
posted by loquacious at 9:30 PM on May 19, 2010

Cheesecake is terrible. It is neither cheese nor cake. It is the devil's cake (not to be confused with devil's food cake, which is delicious), sent here to deceive us.

Anyway, culinarily speaking it is actually a kind of extremely rich custard pie, so all you cheesecake-loving pie-haters can go sit in a corner and ponder that one for a while.
posted by jedicus at 9:32 PM on May 19, 2010

The Whelk, shall we arm-wrestle for pie, or just share?

jedicus, you can also give me your cheesecake.
posted by rtha at 9:33 PM on May 19, 2010

The amount of pie given will be determined by an eating contest, which gives the loser the upper hand in that he will be less full of pie so he can enjoy more pie, but misses the delusional wonder of the mad pie eater awash in flakey hysteria.
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I usually just have a thin slice and make it last awhile by savoring each bite slowly. It's not fried rice or something, quit shoveling it into your pie hole
posted by Burhanistan at 9:38 PM on May 19, 2010

quit shoveling it into your pie hole

Cheesecake hole.

Anyway, culinarily speaking it is actually a kind of extremely rich custard pie, so all you cheesecake-loving pie-haters can go sit in a corner and ponder that one for a while.

Who said anything about hating pie? I wonder if I could somehow bake a graham-crust cheesecake right inside a flaky-crust cherry pie, and then maybe top it with a cobbler? Then I could lay it all on a bed of baklava or something and... Yargh, my heart just skipped three beats in protest. Shut up, you. I'm talking about the nuclear option of dessert pastries here!
posted by loquacious at 9:46 PM on May 19, 2010

I'm lookin to christen The Bee with a trip to Alpha Proxima, maybe do a tenner on Gilese , you gotta find the right guys to handle the warp jumps however, they gotta know timing, here to Europra is about "I Wish I Was A Princess" dun dun dun dee and out to Sirius you need "And Then he Kissed Me" or "By My Baby" to really time it right,

Hard work, most guys just burst from the bottom up - just let me ask you , why do you think the entire crowd at Olympia Brew-Puff are drummers? It's not the casual atmosphere and risk of fatal decompression.
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 PM on May 19, 2010

The cheesecake is a fib.
posted by longsleeves at 9:54 PM on May 19, 2010

you are entirely off base.

Fair enough. I usually am.

This said, most people that are doing a pet peeve callout are doing their first callout.

I wasn't trying to say your callout was tedious, but rather that all callouts are becoming tedious.

It's like people are oblivious to intent. If you thought the OP was trying to lord it over the flooded out people, then sure, but he wasn't, and anyone reading it knows that.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:54 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Thanks for giving my day terminal cancer, OP.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:08 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

The cheesecake is a fib.

The tart is a subterfuge! These danishes are untruths!
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:11 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

The pastry is a mere puff!
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:35 PM on May 19, 2010

TORTE IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS PASTRY
CROQUEMBOUCHE IS STRENGTH
posted by Pinback at 11:26 PM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

"After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands, the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland"."

No that is autism. Sorry :(
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 11:33 PM on May 19, 2010

Oh hey also while we're here, let's talk about answering questions and then realizing later that you have no idea what you're talking about.

I did it horribly in a thread recently about not-autism. (I was like IT IS TEH AUTIMS !!!)

I also sometimes post in threads about monogamy giving monogamy advice and I am really bad at monogamy. Like Charlie Brown and the football, that is me and monogamy. I can't kick it. Wait, that's cigarettes and cheap booze that I can't kick.

Uh, I really just don't like talking about pie. Sorry.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 11:36 PM on May 19, 2010

HEYS GUYS I TOO AM OUTRAGED AND OFF--

I can see I walked into the wrong room. I'll be leaving now.
posted by reductiondesign at 12:40 AM on May 20, 2010

Didn't these meals used to have a cobbler?
Uuh, they discontinued the cobbler.
You smell like cobbler.
Now let's not get into who smells like what!
posted by IndigoRain at 1:10 AM on May 20, 2010

I don't even think cheesecake is interesting enough to be terrible. I don't much like it, but if someone puts it in front of me (which happens quite a bit, hence the rant), I'll pretend to enjoy it. Only because people are astonished if you slag on cheesecake (or sushi, but that's a different rant).

What I don't get is the breathless excitement so many people affect such that we end up with an actual chain called the "Cheesecake Factory". It's a bland dessert food. It's not terribly sweet, rich, or flavorful. Its texture is sorta gross for a sweet item. I'd rather eat actual cheese or cake any day. Now, I know some people like bland, otherwise saltine crackers wouldn't exist. That's cool. But I never see those people speaking in reverent tones about saltine crackers or white bread, or whatever. They don't get all huffy and indignant when you point out they are bland.

All I can figure is there's some cultural phenomenon going on that I totally missed. I find it really bizarre you can buy a pre-packaged cheesecake at every major fast food place, yet only a handful have something like a good malt milkshare. Or even just an Oreo™ shake, which is one of those totally American things that sounds stupid but is actually really good, unlike cheesecake.

On preview, this sounds like one of those questions. But I'm serious. Why the love affair? I think bacon is overwrought, but I sorta get how that came about: It is the greasiest, saltiest bit of heart-failure-inducing thing to ever exist, to the point you know you should eschew it, yet it tastes awesome in a unique way, and it has cultural relevance as an American breakfast food. So there's a level of irony involved in worshipping bacon.

Cheesecake has me baffled though. (I may be over-thinking this.)
posted by cj_ at 1:15 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Cupcakes can kiss my ass.
posted by fleacircus at 1:35 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

ok you all are bastards because I love pie and cake and cheesecake and cobblers and tarts and it's4:44am and there's nothing sweet in the house except some chocolate that is meant for a friend who did me a favour and what the hell am I going to do about the dessert craving I have now I ask you?

oh yea black russian. to the drinks cabinet!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:47 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

eat the chocolate then you have an excuse to call the friend and tell them a funny story about how you had to eat their chocolate. Then you will bond over how chocolate is delicious and they'll know you want to give them chocolate which will make them feel good. Then you have a grace period to get more chocolate to the friend.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 1:51 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's a good plan, but the booze seems to be doing the trick. Don't you love how booze can do tricks? besides, said friend is this awesome sort of pragmatic that would just say "cough up the chocolate or shutthefuckup about it"
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:55 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

My indignation is more righteous than your indignation.
posted by nthdegx at 2:08 AM on May 20, 2010

Hey nadawi,

I think this was a good meTa. You got your point across, didn't try to convince everyone, and didn't engage in fights when people goaded you, and then added humor to the situation because humor helps everything.

Good job; I wish more mefites were like you.
posted by hal_c_on at 2:31 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I love saltines. But it may more be a texture thing than a taste thing. The crispy crumbly texture of a good saltine is the best. Crusty breads are also wonderful.

But I do also like plain things. Cheesecake is too heavy, though.
posted by that girl at 3:32 AM on May 20, 2010

NNnngh. Salt salt salt salt SALT SALT SAAALT. Oh man, I could eat salty stuffs till my tongue cracks and my mouth aches and my kidneys actually start to cry a little bit. Meanwhile, I have never finished an entire dessert in my life.

This bacony dessert trend is my ass' worst nightmare.
posted by elizardbits at 3:47 AM on May 20, 2010

SALVAGE
posted by infini at 3:54 AM on May 20, 2010

why do so many assume the OP of the askme is a dude? According to her profile, she isn't.
posted by pinky at 4:04 AM on May 20, 2010

They don't like pie.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 4:25 AM on May 20, 2010

Once a week, let's just say Wednesdays after work everyone comes to MeTa for a throw-down. Call it MetaHumper.
posted by at the crossroads at 4:31 AM on May 20, 2010

So, cake.

I know this is going to mark me as even more of a prole than I already am, but I could eat an entire Pepperidge Farm "3-layer chocolate fudge cake" in a single sitting, even though I'm not sure it has a single ingredient found outside of a laboratory funded by the DoD.
posted by maxwelton at 4:33 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I like fondue.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:59 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

I was raised on cheesecake-- the heavy, dense Philadelphia cream cheese-style, NOT the NY-style--and the first time I had Key Lime Pie I thought, "This is pretty damn close to my mother's cheesecake." So my dessert list used to be like this:

Chocolate Chip cookies (homemade)
Shortbread cookies (homemade)
Cheesecake
Key Lime Pie
Chocolate Malted Milk
Hot Fudge Sundae
Buttermilk pound cake
Other pies
Other cookies


But sadly the days of Wine and Roses sugar and carbs are over, so now my dessert list goes like this:

Pecans
Cashews
Whip cream with blueberries
Almonds
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:36 AM on May 20, 2010

Chocolate fondue or cheese, St. Alia? Not that you can only pick one. I'd pick both, myself.
posted by rtha at 5:46 AM on May 20, 2010

Fondue? Blah. Raclette is where it's at.
posted by fixedgear at 6:13 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

I just got here, and I'm very confused, but I know it's hard to find good cheesecake.
posted by languagehat at 7:28 AM on May 20, 2010

It's not good to find hard cheesecake, unlike the other maxim.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:30 AM on May 20, 2010

You know my general daily grar quotient has decreased immsenvley since I started waking up to this.

I was SO hoping that'd be the My Little Pony theme song, but I'm usually projecting.

Also: crisp + cobbler + pie + cake, please.

Also also: after reading the comment that dhammond linked to, I am fully on board with nadawi's initial revulsion. But ponies and dessert help.
posted by kittyprecious at 7:36 AM on May 20, 2010

Also also: after reading the comment that dhammond linked to, I am fully on board with nadawi's initial revulsion.

I was thrown by the overpowering condescension in that comment too until I realized that Sweetie darling was the name of the user the OP was addressing. If you can mentally change those two words to [USER NAME] the comment is not so bad.

I can not stand cobbler unless it's VERY liberally slathered with vanilla ice cream. As in two or more parts ice cream to one part cobbler. It's inedible otherwise. Bad cheesecake is not worth the trouble of eating it. Good cheesecake, on the other hand . . . oh my my. Pecan/Dixie/Bourbon and Buttermilk/Chess/Custard pies are the only kind that interest me. But they interest me more than enough to make up for the rest.

The very second I finish clicking Post, I will be off to the kitchen to mix up a batch of shortbread, because that is the only dessert for which I currently have ingredients. I will, however, be pretending that it is topped with delicious cheesecake. I will also be pretending that it is a healthy snack for 10:00 a.m.
posted by Dojie at 8:10 AM on May 20, 2010

It's "whipped" cream, just sayin'.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 8:16 AM on May 20, 2010

Cupcakes can kiss my ass.

And that's how Rule 34 angels get their wings...
posted by quin at 8:24 AM on May 20, 2010

flight attendant
posted by Meatbomb at 8:34 AM on May 20, 2010

Hundreds of thousands of people die everyday on Earth*. I think we should all pledge to never make any sort of negative remark about earth or the things thereon. It's only polite.

* for the purpose of this comment I have excluded the hundreds of people that die off the Earth every day. You know who you are.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:35 AM on May 20, 2010

Salt + Chocolate. Currently, I've been somewhat living off of these chocolate pretzel bars that claim to be "good" for me. They're "good" for me in that I am not dying of starvation since I have no time ever to eat an actual meal right now, but if I die of a diabetic coma accompanied by sodium induced renal failure, I won't be surprised.

I'll be dead, sure, but not surprised.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:30 AM on May 20, 2010

What I don't get is the breathless excitement so many people affect such that we end up with an actual chain called the "Cheesecake Factory". It's a bland dessert food. It's not terribly sweet, rich, or flavorful. Its texture is sorta gross for a sweet item. I'd rather eat actual cheese or cake any day. Now, I know some people like bland, otherwise saltine crackers wouldn't exist. That's cool. But I never see those people speaking in reverent tones about saltine crackers or white bread, or whatever. They don't get all huffy and indignant when you point out they are bland.

People like cheesecake because it's fucking delicious. You are clearly missing fat tasting tastebuds and are broken. Or possibly have never had good cheesecake.

Now down to my completely sane and rational and totally not subjective food preferences. Sweet tea is objectively gross and people who claim to like are perpetrating a vast conspiracy. That goes double for coconut. When you put coconut on a dessert it's like you are saying hey I made this awesome thing, but I don't want anyone to enjoy I'll sprinkle gross all over it.
posted by edbles at 10:05 AM on May 20, 2010

_{returns to silently plotting the destruction of all coconuts in massive cheesecake themed fortress}
posted by edbles at 10:09 AM on May 20, 2010

Acquired taste is acquirable.
posted by polymodus at 10:27 AM on May 20, 2010

Grand Poobah Pony Gelatin
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 10:39 AM on May 20, 2010

Metafilter: I'll sprinkle gross all over it
posted by nomisxid at 10:41 AM on May 20, 2010

Hey man! They any pie left?
posted by Mister_A at 10:42 AM on May 20, 2010

Fondue? Blah. Raclette is where it's at.

God, I love raclette. I got a raclette grill for my birthday, and it has blown fondue out of the water.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 10:44 AM on May 20, 2010

Raclette: That like pie?
posted by Mister_A at 10:48 AM on May 20, 2010

It's like pie, but with Santa outfits and lots of high kicks.
posted by edbles at 10:49 AM on May 20, 2010

Damn I like me some Santa.
posted by Mister_A at 10:50 AM on May 20, 2010

Yeah, apparently raclette is big in Sweden and the UP. Who knew?
posted by fixedgear at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2010

Somebody mentioned Key lime pie above, and this seems as good a place as any to announce that my friend's mom was, for a while, so obsessed with KLP that she ate a slice of it every day for about two years.
posted by tangerine at 11:27 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Junior's cheesecake. In New York we have Junior's. Why has no one mentioned this where are the New York mefites.
posted by sweetkid at 11:51 AM on May 20, 2010

Where is the love for cookies? Cookies and pie will lead me to my diabetic doom.
posted by catlet at 12:16 PM on May 20, 2010

> Salt + Chocolate.

The most crack-like of this combination comes in the form of Trader Joe's chocolate-covered almonds with sea salt. We keep some in our earthquake emergency kit. Speaking of which, it's probably time to rotate them out.
posted by rtha at 12:28 PM on May 20, 2010

Chocolate fondue or cheese, St. Alia? Not that you can only pick one. I'd pick both, myself.
posted by rtha at 5:46 AM on May 20 [+] [!]

Both, of course. Mmmmm...
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:38 PM on May 20, 2010

The most crack-like of this combination comes in the form of Trader Joe's chocolate-covered almonds mini-brownies with sea salt.

FTFMyAfternoonSnack.
posted by kittyprecious at 2:11 PM on May 20, 2010

Damn you all, now I have to go salvage my pie.
posted by HFSH at 3:17 PM on May 20, 2010

Key Lime Pie

My girlfriend made me a Key Lime Pie (with just normal limes) the other day and it was probably the greatest thing I have ever eaten.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:04 PM on May 20, 2010

Key Lime Pie
posted by Nothing... and like it at 4:09 PM on May 20, 2010

when i said i hated 95% of pies - the 5% that's left is all the wonderful "fill it with pudding/custard/top it with meringue" pies. those are not safe in front of me, although i would tell you i hated all pie if it made you trust me with a chocolate meringue pie.
posted by nadawi at 4:32 PM on May 20, 2010

pudding/custard/top it with meringue


Blech, blech, blech...pudding...blech

although i would tell you i hated all pie if it made you trust me with a chocolate meringue pie.

Although, I must say I approve of this stratagem.
posted by edbles at 5:32 PM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

cowbellemoo: "Orphaned sloths shamelessly exploited to amuse humans"

I absolutely refuse to believe sloths are real.
posted by deborah at 9:59 PM on May 20, 2010

what about a nice flaky pastry crust made with lard, filled with lightly sweetened custard and topped with fruit compôte? but no meringue. just let the cat eat the egg whites
posted by toodleydoodley at 12:57 PM on May 21, 2010