Taters August 23, 2010 9:56 AM Subscribe
A longshot, yes, but a possible explanation for 'taters'?
Was watching a midnight rerun of Cheers this weekend. See the discussion in this clip, running from approximately 2:05-3:45.
Apparently, in baseball, 'tater' means home run. (Is this common knowledge?) And as we all know, first base is kissing, etc. etc., and a home run means going all the way. So, the "hardcore and softcore taters" Anonymous saw on her boss's computer was just plain old porn, and not anything nearly as interesting as we thought it was.
Too much of a stretch?
Was watching a midnight rerun of Cheers this weekend. See the discussion in this clip, running from approximately 2:05-3:45.
Apparently, in baseball, 'tater' means home run. (Is this common knowledge?) And as we all know, first base is kissing, etc. etc., and a home run means going all the way. So, the "hardcore and softcore taters" Anonymous saw on her boss's computer was just plain old porn, and not anything nearly as interesting as we thought it was.
Too much of a stretch?
You are simultaneously reaching so hard I'm surprised your arms are still attached and yet providing the most reasonable definition I have heard so far.
That being said, I am closing my ears and shutting my eyes and going "lalalalalala." I prefer my illusion that somewhere out there, there's a person whose primary and immediate association with sex is the humble potato.
posted by griphus at 10:01 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
That being said, I am closing my ears and shutting my eyes and going "lalalalalala." I prefer my illusion that somewhere out there, there's a person whose primary and immediate association with sex is the humble potato.
posted by griphus at 10:01 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
I don't think you can go directly from "tater = homerun" to "hardcore and softcore taters" in a single leap. Anon must have been using "tater" to mean "penetrative sex" for long enough to have it just slip out, so to speak, during the question.
posted by DU at 10:03 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by DU at 10:03 AM on August 23, 2010
Tater makes the most sense when you think of it as 'tater, where the apostrophe replaces "pros". Although I find it hard (snicker) to imagine what a softcore 'tater would look like.
posted by dirtdirt at 10:07 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by dirtdirt at 10:07 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
how do you have a softcore "homerun"?
this question also takes "rectum" off the table, as if you're showing the starfish, you're pretty far out of softcore territory.
posted by nadawi at 10:07 AM on August 23, 2010
this question also takes "rectum" off the table, as if you're showing the starfish, you're pretty far out of softcore territory.
posted by nadawi at 10:07 AM on August 23, 2010
Hardcore and softcore rectums does not make any sense.
posted by edbles at 10:08 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by edbles at 10:08 AM on August 23, 2010
Oh, I saw "n. the rectum" as "in the rectum". Softcore homeruns (rectal or not) differ from hardcare in what they show.
posted by DU at 10:09 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by DU at 10:09 AM on August 23, 2010
Perhaps the distinction is between a piston shot and two dudes in the spoon position looking like they're concentrating really hard.
...this question also takes "rectum" off the table...
PHRASING.
posted by griphus at 10:10 AM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
...this question also takes "rectum" off the table...
PHRASING.
posted by griphus at 10:10 AM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
Tater is a common baseball term for homerun if that helps. There was an Ask yesterday about Calvin and Hobbs and the Noodle Incident. I think this should be left like that. Never spoken about in detail left to the reader to use his or her immagination.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:14 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:14 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
At the end of the day, I think she was using a word that was coined by herself and probably a small group of friends/family, and forgot that it wasn't widely known. I don't think a real answer is out there.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:15 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:15 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
The tater mystery will never be resolved, in a thousand years it will have become the eletronic equivalent of Stonehenge or Easter Island.
posted by The Straightener at 10:17 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by The Straightener at 10:17 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
I wonder if the OP got so irritated by the way the thread was going that she decided to throw a tiny bit of nonsense in her follow-up comments, knowing we'd notice and try to figure it out. Nicely played, Anonymous!
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2010
There's a local kids baseball field nearby with a big sign that says TATER FIELD NEXT RIGHT that I keep meaning to take a photo of.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
Taters? Damn near killed 'em!
posted by Justinian at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Justinian at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
I agree, JohnnyGunn. It's like having something nasty in the woodshed -- you can milk it for SO much more if you don't actually know what it is.
posted by Madamina at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Madamina at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
hey did i tell you guys about when i was at the grocery store
posted by shakespeherian at 10:34 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 10:34 AM on August 23, 2010
Taters gonna tate!
posted by chillmost at 10:39 AM on August 23, 2010 [15 favorites]
posted by chillmost at 10:39 AM on August 23, 2010 [15 favorites]
People, enough of this. Occam’s Razor. Clearly her boss had a potato fetish and was a member of the spudophiliac community. Hardcore taters simply refers to potato fucking where the penetration is actually shown, in softcore taters there’s a lot more plot, backstory and hot passionate potato on dude makeout scenes.
posted by edbles at 10:42 AM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by edbles at 10:42 AM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
Tater?! I just met her!
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:43 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:43 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
The worst part of this mystery is that we have undoubtedly been told what this is about, perhaps multiple times, by the poster herself but in terms vague enough to not out herself.
posted by DU at 10:47 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by DU at 10:47 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
DU, what did you think sixcolors was ranting about?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:48 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 10:48 AM on August 23, 2010
Taters = Trunk Cookies ?
posted by Babblesort at 10:49 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Babblesort at 10:49 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
There was an Ask-Me yesterday about "Noodle Incident" plot devices, I do believe taters are Mefi's own(tm) Noodle Incident.
posted by hellojed at 10:55 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by hellojed at 10:55 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
Too much of a stretch?
Rose Mary Woods is on the case.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:01 AM on August 23, 2010
Rose Mary Woods is on the case.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:01 AM on August 23, 2010
Clearly her boss had a potato fetish and was a member of the spudophiliac community. Hardcore taters simply refers to potato fucking where the penetration is actually shown, in softcore taters there’s a lot more plot, backstory and hot passionate potato on dude makeout scenes.
Ruffles. Ridged for your pleasure.
posted by zarq at 11:02 AM on August 23, 2010 [5 favorites]
Ruffles. Ridged for your pleasure.
posted by zarq at 11:02 AM on August 23, 2010 [5 favorites]
Heh. Funny thing is, Tater Ware is used by a lot of companies now. Who would have thought that utensils could be made from recycled potatoes?
posted by zarq at 11:12 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by zarq at 11:12 AM on August 23, 2010
Oh man, there really was a "Noodle Incident" in my own family. Honestly.
My stepfather has been known to be a bit like a toddler in his ability to have a complete meltdown over nothing. One fine day, he had made stir fry for the family dinner - including, of course, noodles. As my step-brother dished out his food, a single noodle fell onto the floor. And that one noodle was apparently all that was holding my stepfather's mind in place.
He started crying. And I mean, crying. Like a baby with a skinned knee. "ALL I WANTED TO DO. WAS TO MAKE. A NICE MEAL. FOR MY FAMILY. AND YOU'RE ALL RUINING IT."
When he's about to have a breakdown, we still refer to his mood as hovering around "Threat Level Noodle."
posted by sonika at 11:13 AM on August 23, 2010 [54 favorites]
My stepfather has been known to be a bit like a toddler in his ability to have a complete meltdown over nothing. One fine day, he had made stir fry for the family dinner - including, of course, noodles. As my step-brother dished out his food, a single noodle fell onto the floor. And that one noodle was apparently all that was holding my stepfather's mind in place.
He started crying. And I mean, crying. Like a baby with a skinned knee. "ALL I WANTED TO DO. WAS TO MAKE. A NICE MEAL. FOR MY FAMILY. AND YOU'RE ALL RUINING IT."
When he's about to have a breakdown, we still refer to his mood as hovering around "Threat Level Noodle."
posted by sonika at 11:13 AM on August 23, 2010 [54 favorites]
This is my new favorite story.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:14 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 11:14 AM on August 23, 2010
What the hell are recycled potatoes? Please tell me they haven't been previously eaten.
posted by desjardins at 11:26 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by desjardins at 11:26 AM on August 23, 2010
That's pretty awesome, brand new member sonika.
posted by Mister_A at 11:29 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Mister_A at 11:29 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
What the hell are recycled potatoes? Please tell me they haven't been previously eaten.
Actually... I think I'm wrong about them being recycled. Background on the products.
posted by zarq at 11:30 AM on August 23, 2010
Actually... I think I'm wrong about them being recycled. Background on the products.
posted by zarq at 11:30 AM on August 23, 2010
I wish to hell Jessamyn could have asked the anonymous poster about this. It's driving me crazy.
posted by anniecat at 11:31 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by anniecat at 11:31 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
brand new member sonika.
Pssst. I invite you to take a look at the profile.
posted by sonika at 11:35 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
Pssst. I invite you to take a look at the profile.
posted by sonika at 11:35 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
Oh man, there really was a "Noodle Incident" in my own family. Honestly.
That's an incident involving noodles. A Noodle Incident has no backstory given.
posted by DU at 11:35 AM on August 23, 2010
That's an incident involving noodles. A Noodle Incident has no backstory given.
posted by DU at 11:35 AM on August 23, 2010
wow, my askme question was linked to a metatalk discussion - twice! *sniff*
posted by patheral at 11:36 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by patheral at 11:36 AM on August 23, 2010
Oh. I'm being... I don't know. One of those people who believe that gullible has been removed from the dictionary.
posted by sonika at 11:38 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by sonika at 11:38 AM on August 23, 2010
You tater, you brought 'er.
posted by Evangeline at 11:39 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by Evangeline at 11:39 AM on August 23, 2010
Now I'm waiting for Brandon Blatcher to come back from the undiscovered country.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by shakespeherian at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
What will happen to this thread if I mention the Tater Trot Tracker?
posted by micawber at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by micawber at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010
There's a station in Philly, WKDU, that has a show on Weds. nights completely devoted to Tatercore. It's pretty awesome.
posted by Mister_A at 11:48 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by Mister_A at 11:48 AM on August 23, 2010
Clearly her boss had a potato fetish and was a member of the spudophiliac community.
So, are you suggesting tuberotica?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:50 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
So, are you suggesting tuberotica?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:50 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
That question and follow-up seemed like 100% troll to me. It seemed to be calculated for sowing maximum confusion & in-thread wreckage. It was full of casually dropped bad premises, faulty reasoning, and a sort of general unpleasantness and obtuseness of which "taters" were just one element.
posted by anazgnos at 11:51 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by anazgnos at 11:51 AM on August 23, 2010
MetaFilter: full of casually dropped bad premises, faulty reasoning, and a sort of general unpleasantness and obtuseness of which "taters" [are] just one element.
posted by DU at 11:57 AM on August 23, 2010
posted by DU at 11:57 AM on August 23, 2010
Now I'm waiting for Brandon Blatcher to come back from the undiscovered country.
Christ, why?! Dude was a complete jackass.
But handsome though.
posted by nomadicink at 11:59 AM on August 23, 2010
Christ, why?! Dude was a complete jackass.
But handsome though.
posted by nomadicink at 11:59 AM on August 23, 2010
THREAT LEVEL NOODLE is a pretty great band name.
posted by adamdschneider at 12:01 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by adamdschneider at 12:01 PM on August 23, 2010
THREAT LEVEL NOODLE is a pretty great band name.
Hardcore Taters is the name of one of my Rock Band band saves. So dibs motherfuckers.
posted by edbles at 12:03 PM on August 23, 2010
Hardcore Taters is the name of one of my Rock Band band saves. So dibs motherfuckers.
posted by edbles at 12:03 PM on August 23, 2010
Maybe it wasn't that her boss was checking out hardcore taters at work but he was just checking his Online Tating profile.
HEY OH.
posted by The Straightener at 12:03 PM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
HEY OH.
posted by The Straightener at 12:03 PM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]
This seems doubtful, yet a promising new direction for research. Let's get on it, people!
I'm starting season 1 of Simon & Simon right now. I'm doubtful anything will come of it, but one never knows...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:15 PM on August 23, 2010
I'm starting season 1 of Simon & Simon right now. I'm doubtful anything will come of it, but one never knows...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:15 PM on August 23, 2010
For that, I tate you, The Tatener.
posted by defenestration at 12:18 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by defenestration at 12:18 PM on August 23, 2010
I should have a witty comment here.
(I hope we never find out what it means...)
posted by mrs. taters at 12:19 PM on August 23, 2010
(I hope we never find out what it means...)
posted by mrs. taters at 12:19 PM on August 23, 2010
I wish to hell Jessamyn could have asked the anonymous poster about this. It's driving me crazy.
Possibly, it's not too late. I vote she tries.
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:26 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
Possibly, it's not too late. I vote she tries.
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:26 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
how do you have a softcore "homerun"?
It's just like a normal home run, but you don't actually show the batter, and you have to judge the excitement by how loud the crowd is screaming about what is happening.
posted by quin at 12:32 PM on August 23, 2010
It's just like a normal home run, but you don't actually show the batter, and you have to judge the excitement by how loud the crowd is screaming about what is happening.
posted by quin at 12:32 PM on August 23, 2010
And usually the umpire is a mannequin.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:34 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 12:34 PM on August 23, 2010
What's this I hear about gullible being decommissioned as a cromulent word?
posted by Babblesort at 12:36 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Babblesort at 12:36 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's TATORS. Stop making taters out of tators.
It's actually both. I think each spelling was used twice by the mysterious OP.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:36 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
It's actually both. I think each spelling was used twice by the mysterious OP.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:36 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
I wish to hell Jessamyn could have asked the anonymous poster about this. It's driving me crazy.
The anonymous poster did include a throwaway email address in the question. Did anybody ever even try?
posted by Gator at 12:45 PM on August 23, 2010
The anonymous poster did include a throwaway email address in the question. Did anybody ever even try?
posted by Gator at 12:45 PM on August 23, 2010
"What's taters, precious? What's taters, eh?"
Plays in my head every damn time one of you mentions the word.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:47 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
Plays in my head every damn time one of you mentions the word.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:47 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
The taters-home run thing and whether people still used that term ... it took me a while to realize these knuckleheads were not talking about baseball home runs.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:51 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:51 PM on August 23, 2010
Oh I know the OP used tators and taters. I want everyone to use tators. I'm just trying to dictator which one we use. Because I like it. Or is it them? I like them? I like tators!
posted by iconomy at 2:02 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by iconomy at 2:02 PM on August 23, 2010
I don't know about taters or tators but my building is getting a small toter this fall.
posted by A dead Quaker at 2:05 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by A dead Quaker at 2:05 PM on August 23, 2010
So what you're saying, iconomy, is that isn't a tator-ocracy, you are the tator-tator here, you make the tator-cisions, and you'll deal with the tator-onseqeuences.
posted by Gator at 2:08 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Gator at 2:08 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]
Gator, I actually wrote the anonymous poster a nice, polite email to the throwaway while the question was still on the front page, and I never received a reply.
posted by misha at 2:12 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by misha at 2:12 PM on August 23, 2010
I'll tell you what I am - I'm the damn tater familias! I'm Goddamned bona fide!
posted by Babblesort at 2:13 PM on August 23, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by Babblesort at 2:13 PM on August 23, 2010 [7 favorites]
I would guess breasts but I'm having a hard time imagining hardcore breasts. Unless other body parts are involved.
posted by Max Power at 2:27 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by Max Power at 2:27 PM on August 23, 2010
I'm guessing it's short for "Tater tots" which would be short for young looking men.
posted by nomadicink at 2:45 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 2:45 PM on August 23, 2010
In my mind, it's always been testicles, but like referred to by someone who doesn't have a good understanding of testicles, and maybe just kept using the term into adulthood because the origins had been forgotten.
I'm probably wrong though. I like that I don't know.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:28 PM on August 23, 2010
I'm probably wrong though. I like that I don't know.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:28 PM on August 23, 2010
You say dictator, I say dick tater, let's call the whole thing off.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:41 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by five fresh fish at 3:41 PM on August 23, 2010
Taytor Zondaytor
posted by mintcake! at 4:09 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mintcake! at 4:09 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
I thought it was obvious that 'taters' means 'pictures'. The OP's second comment via jessamyn makes that clear, no?
posted by Cobalt at 5:19 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by Cobalt at 5:19 PM on August 23, 2010
Taters is taters. They cannot be defined, mortals.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:44 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:44 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
Growing up, I went to a Presbyterian church several times a week. Partly to spite my atheist parents, partly because I was strangely obsessed with the pastor.
He used to have a terrible speech impediment, and still had the most unusual speech patterns in the world. He liked to get us to repeat things that didn't make much sense. "Where do we feel God's lovelovelove? From abovebovebove. So don't shoveshoveshove those you lovelovelove."
He was also very clear about what kind of people God liked-- straight, rich, white families where the dad worked in an investment bank and mommy stayed home.
One Sunday a new girl came to Bible Study with her Mom-- a nice, pleasant woman who had a visible tattoo on her arm.
He spent the whole time talking about how God says our body is a temple; we shouldn't mark it; it leads to drug abuse and prison. (Proven by science, I assume.)
But what I remember the most was what he said at the end: "Stay away from tatt-ers tatt-ers tatt-ers, they leave your life in tatters."
So. Maybe the Boss Man had a thing for the Suicide Girls. And maybe Anon went to my church. I'm sure Pastor Jim would be glad to hear from her.
posted by karminai at 6:38 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
He used to have a terrible speech impediment, and still had the most unusual speech patterns in the world. He liked to get us to repeat things that didn't make much sense. "Where do we feel God's lovelovelove? From abovebovebove. So don't shoveshoveshove those you lovelovelove."
He was also very clear about what kind of people God liked-- straight, rich, white families where the dad worked in an investment bank and mommy stayed home.
One Sunday a new girl came to Bible Study with her Mom-- a nice, pleasant woman who had a visible tattoo on her arm.
He spent the whole time talking about how God says our body is a temple; we shouldn't mark it; it leads to drug abuse and prison. (Proven by science, I assume.)
But what I remember the most was what he said at the end: "Stay away from tatt-ers tatt-ers tatt-ers, they leave your life in tatters."
So. Maybe the Boss Man had a thing for the Suicide Girls. And maybe Anon went to my church. I'm sure Pastor Jim would be glad to hear from her.
posted by karminai at 6:38 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm the only one that saw "tators", read it in context, and thought it was a seriously fumble-fingered attempt at typing "actors"?
Yeah, it's on the extreme end of things as typos go, but not unheard of -- I once knew someone who was trying to type "hung up on" and ended up typing "ghung u porn". And just now, I literally typed "yp tuping" instead of "up typing".
It was "taTORS", in a thread about porn actors. I think, in the abscence of other explanations, that that makes sense.
....About Tators. TatERS, I have no idea.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:40 PM on August 23, 2010
Yeah, it's on the extreme end of things as typos go, but not unheard of -- I once knew someone who was trying to type "hung up on" and ended up typing "ghung u porn". And just now, I literally typed "yp tuping" instead of "up typing".
It was "taTORS", in a thread about porn actors. I think, in the abscence of other explanations, that that makes sense.
....About Tators. TatERS, I have no idea.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:40 PM on August 23, 2010
Any mystery lasting this long truly deserves its very own song. Commence tuning your banjos.
The Taters Song
A question was posed to the Friends of Matt Haughey
In the depths of the winter of Two Thousand Nine
Consensus opinion was strong, but some-how we
found a word that has baffled us up to this time
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, straight ones or gayters
Hardcore or Softcore, even dressed up as waiters
Some claimed it was simple; "It's Rule Thirty-Four!"
"We're sure someone's had such an urge once before."
which set hundreds of fingers to type 'spudophilia'
but nobody'd thought taters had sex appealia
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, we need some translators,
its meaning is known only by its creators
Anonymous' question has quite accidentally
united the Green with its vague metonymy
Now there's hundreds of people all striving to reach
for the meaning of such a vague figure of speech
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, the fruit of debaters
the last wild frontier of the MeFi beanplaters,
shakespeherian claimed to have heard of, weeks later,
a woman who knew the true meaning of taters
so he trolled us along with the promise of tales,
then Bel Air'd us, and took the wind out of our sails
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, these threads need curators
the AskMeta in-joke that never has haters
mudpuppie stretched far, like a slim yoga master
while staying up late watching Sammy in 'Cheers'
her post led to funnies like "Threat Level Noodle"
but her theory, it just produced jokes, jabs and jeers
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, euphemism creators
the vegetable chosen by mental masturbaters
And so it would seem we're perpetually fated
to plant seeds of ideas, their yields still awaited,
guess Anonymous' meanings in a hypnotic trance
'cause her boss is a sleezball who can’t keep it in his pants.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 6:42 PM on August 23, 2010 [7 favorites]
The Taters Song
A question was posed to the Friends of Matt Haughey
In the depths of the winter of Two Thousand Nine
Consensus opinion was strong, but some-how we
found a word that has baffled us up to this time
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, straight ones or gayters
Hardcore or Softcore, even dressed up as waiters
Some claimed it was simple; "It's Rule Thirty-Four!"
"We're sure someone's had such an urge once before."
which set hundreds of fingers to type 'spudophilia'
but nobody'd thought taters had sex appealia
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, we need some translators,
its meaning is known only by its creators
Anonymous' question has quite accidentally
united the Green with its vague metonymy
Now there's hundreds of people all striving to reach
for the meaning of such a vague figure of speech
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, the fruit of debaters
the last wild frontier of the MeFi beanplaters,
shakespeherian claimed to have heard of, weeks later,
a woman who knew the true meaning of taters
so he trolled us along with the promise of tales,
then Bel Air'd us, and took the wind out of our sails
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, these threads need curators
the AskMeta in-joke that never has haters
mudpuppie stretched far, like a slim yoga master
while staying up late watching Sammy in 'Cheers'
her post led to funnies like "Threat Level Noodle"
but her theory, it just produced jokes, jabs and jeers
[Chorus]
Taters, taters, euphemism creators
the vegetable chosen by mental masturbaters
And so it would seem we're perpetually fated
to plant seeds of ideas, their yields still awaited,
guess Anonymous' meanings in a hypnotic trance
'cause her boss is a sleezball who can’t keep it in his pants.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 6:42 PM on August 23, 2010 [7 favorites]
The chorus seems short.
posted by nomadicink at 6:53 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 6:53 PM on August 23, 2010
Here's my hypothesis: the German word Täter means "culprit," "perpetrator," or, simply, "doer." Hardcore doers, softcore doers... It kinda works, right?
ok, maybe not, but it BLEW MY MIND in German 102...
posted by coppermoss at 7:13 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
ok, maybe not, but it BLEW MY MIND in German 102...
posted by coppermoss at 7:13 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
nomadicink: "The chorus seems short"
*Grumble* You try making 20 topical rhymes with the word 'tater then, see if you don't wind up like me and start hallucinating flocks of potatoes flying around a rhyming dictionary.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:30 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
*Grumble* You try making 20 topical rhymes with the word 'tater then, see if you don't wind up like me and start hallucinating flocks of potatoes flying around a rhyming dictionary.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:30 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
My imaginary tators would be doing other things, probably involving a deep fryer.
posted by nomadicink at 8:43 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 8:43 PM on August 23, 2010
I totally support this theory, and here's another piece of evidence for it I broached a while ago.
posted by Miko at 8:46 PM on August 23, 2010
posted by Miko at 8:46 PM on August 23, 2010
The [tater] that can be described is not the true [tater].
-Tao Te Ching
posted by diocletian at 9:28 PM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
-Tao Te Ching
posted by diocletian at 9:28 PM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]
...I'm just glad I'm not the only one still (fucking still) thinking about 'taters'.
If it was a troll, it was masterful. (and hateful and mean and obnoxious).
posted by From Bklyn at 12:09 AM on August 24, 2010
If it was a troll, it was masterful. (and hateful and mean and obnoxious).
posted by From Bklyn at 12:09 AM on August 24, 2010
Little Jimmy Dickens sings Take an Old Cold Tater and Wait
posted by readery at 4:45 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by readery at 4:45 AM on August 24, 2010
I don't think the typo theory works, because wasn't the word in there more than once? Doesn't rule it out, but seems to make it less likely.
In case the Original Tator Typer is out there grinding her teeth about us not Getting It, I'd like to offer a service: MeMail me (or contact me on or via my blog anonymously) and tell me what's up. I'll post it here and guarantee complete anonymity.
posted by DU at 4:51 AM on August 24, 2010
In case the Original Tator Typer is out there grinding her teeth about us not Getting It, I'd like to offer a service: MeMail me (or contact me on or via my blog anonymously) and tell me what's up. I'll post it here and guarantee complete anonymity.
posted by DU at 4:51 AM on August 24, 2010
There is no way that person is still utilizing the site, and if they are. All they are doing is reading the green.
posted by edbles at 6:33 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by edbles at 6:33 AM on August 24, 2010
"and if they are, all they are doing"
Wait. What if the OP doesn't really know what hard and softcore mean? Maybe she thinks it means the difference between an engorged and limp sexual organ and not the technical difference in penetrative shots. thus opening the possibility of all the nouns and various genitals people have suggested back up.
posted by edbles at 6:44 AM on August 24, 2010
Wait. What if the OP doesn't really know what hard and softcore mean? Maybe she thinks it means the difference between an engorged and limp sexual organ and not the technical difference in penetrative shots. thus opening the possibility of all the nouns and various genitals people have suggested back up.
posted by edbles at 6:44 AM on August 24, 2010
Taters has to mean videos, pictures or websites.
I submit that this explanation from and Hosted from Uranus makes the most sense.
I'm firmly convinced that she works for an ex-gay ministry funded psychology research lab.
posted by edbles at 7:02 AM on August 24, 2010
I submit that this explanation from and Hosted from Uranus makes the most sense.
I'm firmly convinced that she works for an ex-gay ministry funded psychology research lab.
posted by edbles at 7:02 AM on August 24, 2010
Is there even a market for limp-dicked porn? I guess if there is, "softcore" taters makes sense in a way, but I thought that flaccid penises were generally avoided. I personally don't care for any kind of penises in my porn, so I wouldn't know.
Note to future employers: This comment never happened.
posted by sonika at 7:08 AM on August 24, 2010
Note to future employers: This comment never happened.
posted by sonika at 7:08 AM on August 24, 2010
Q: Is there even a market for variety-x porn?
A: Yes. The answer is always yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:13 AM on August 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
A: Yes. The answer is always yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:13 AM on August 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
S quick search for "limp dick porn" seems indicate making a non erect penis hard is a thrill for some people.
posted by nomadicink at 9:18 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 9:18 AM on August 24, 2010
A quick...
posted by nomadicink at 9:18 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by nomadicink at 9:18 AM on August 24, 2010
cortex: "Q: Is there even a market for variety-x porn?
A: Yes. The answer is always yes"
Rule 34 does sometimes break down. It diverges only for certain values of x, such as aglets (the plastic tips of shoelaces), wrecking balls and algae. That's just about the complete divergent set, though. Everything else is up for grabs.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:21 AM on August 24, 2010
A: Yes. The answer is always yes"
Rule 34 does sometimes break down. It diverges only for certain values of x, such as aglets (the plastic tips of shoelaces), wrecking balls and algae. That's just about the complete divergent set, though. Everything else is up for grabs.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:21 AM on August 24, 2010
What, are you new to the internet? Aglets, Wrecking Balls & XXX Algae is my homepage.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:22 AM on August 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 9:22 AM on August 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
I not going to look at work, but I seriously question your premise that there is no such thing as Wrecking-ball porn.
Because that shit sound hot as hell...
posted by quin at 9:23 AM on August 24, 2010
Because that shit sound hot as hell...
posted by quin at 9:23 AM on August 24, 2010
quin and shakespeherian, you have GOT to send me your bookmarks.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:39 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:39 AM on August 24, 2010
there has to be wrecking ball porn. i mean, there's pedal porn and boot stomping porn - it makes sense that someone somewhere has made a tape where the girl is behind the levers of a wrecking ball, destroys the building and then goes and stomps in the debris.
posted by nadawi at 11:23 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by nadawi at 11:23 AM on August 24, 2010
A few years ago, I worked with a guy who referred to fist bumping as taters. As in, he'd walk up to you and hold out his fist, and say "Gimme some taters!" and expect you to thrust your fist at him.
The more I think on that, the more it disturbs me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2010
The more I think on that, the more it disturbs me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2010
"Harcore Taters" might translate to "Patatas Bravas" in Spanish. Maybe it's some kind of Tapas fetish. In which case, the mind boggles as to what "Tortilla Española" means to that community.
posted by ob at 11:39 AM on August 24, 2010
posted by ob at 11:39 AM on August 24, 2010
A few years ago, I worked with a guy who referred to fist bumping as taters. As in, he'd walk up to you and hold out his fist, and say "Gimme some taters!" and expect you to thrust your fist at him.
The more I think on that, the more it disturbs me.
I'm guessing that's a play off of the Hot Potato game, not that it makes it any less creepster.
posted by defenestration at 3:51 PM on August 24, 2010
The more I think on that, the more it disturbs me.
I'm guessing that's a play off of the Hot Potato game, not that it makes it any less creepster.
posted by defenestration at 3:51 PM on August 24, 2010
I'm guessing that's a play off of the Hot Potato game,
I can remember doing counting-off rhymes as a kid ("Eenie, meenie" etc), and the way you would start would be by asking everyone in the huddle to "put up your potatoes," or even just saying, in shorthand "OK, potatoes!"
posted by Miko at 5:47 AM on August 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
I can remember doing counting-off rhymes as a kid ("Eenie, meenie" etc), and the way you would start would be by asking everyone in the huddle to "put up your potatoes," or even just saying, in shorthand "OK, potatoes!"
posted by Miko at 5:47 AM on August 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ah, here's a citation for that, from the always awesome Simon Bronner.
posted by Miko at 5:50 AM on August 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Miko at 5:50 AM on August 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Wait I just found out that 'taters' is Cockney rhyming slang for 'cold' as in 'It's taters in here!' (from, apparently, Taters in the mould). NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE
posted by shakespeherian at 7:15 AM on August 25, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 7:15 AM on August 25, 2010
I thought taters might have been a typo for 'tapes'.
posted by Gordafarin at 8:32 AM on August 25, 2010
posted by Gordafarin at 8:32 AM on August 25, 2010
You think her boss was looking at tapir porn? But everyone knows honey badgers make the hottest porn!
All links completely SFW.
posted by edbles at 10:45 AM on August 25, 2010
All links completely SFW.
posted by edbles at 10:45 AM on August 25, 2010
edbles: ""Wait. What if the OP doesn't really know what hard and softcore mean? Maybe she thinks it means the difference between an engorged and limp sexual organ and not the technical difference in penetrative shots."
That's the best explanation I've heard. A softcore "home-run" doesn't make sense. Making the same typo three times doesn't make sense. Being offended by all actors doesn't make sense.
The person obviously didn't have any explicit knowledge of porn (she considers naked profile pictures to be porn), so it does make sense that she might mistake hardcore or softcore to simply mean hard or soft, and prudishly use the word tater instead of penis.
posted by team lowkey at 2:43 PM on August 25, 2010
That's the best explanation I've heard. A softcore "home-run" doesn't make sense. Making the same typo three times doesn't make sense. Being offended by all actors doesn't make sense.
The person obviously didn't have any explicit knowledge of porn (she considers naked profile pictures to be porn), so it does make sense that she might mistake hardcore or softcore to simply mean hard or soft, and prudishly use the word tater instead of penis.
The first exposure to his site (which had soft penises on the site) was not due to “snooping.” HE CALLED ME INTO HIS OFFICE. When I looked at his history I did not break any locks or hack his computer, I merely walked in and looked at his history, and the sites in that history contained hard penises, and it is sexual harassment to expose people in the workplace to sexual material against their will, especially if that person finds penises (straight or gay) to be offensive.That's the closest thing to a reasonable translation I think we've heard. The more likely translation is that "taters" just means "pornographic images", but her original question was "I accidentally saw porn on my boss's computer" and what she saw was a "hook-up site for gay men with explicit profiles". So she had already used the word "porn" in her initial description, and is using "taters" to clarify exactly what it is that she saw in these explicit profiles, thinking that would make it clear why she was so upset. She was exposed to penis!
posted by team lowkey at 2:43 PM on August 25, 2010
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posted by echo target at 9:58 AM on August 23, 2010 [8 favorites]