For a good time call. September 25, 2010 8:44 PM   Subscribe

Seen in the bathroom of a Brooklyn bar : WTF MATT?

Come on, own up.
posted by The Whelk to MetaFilter-Related at 8:44 PM (113 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

I forsee a witty cartoon in the future. Or the Whelk is just drunk :)
posted by radioamy at 8:45 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


If he had wanted to allude to Metafilter, he wouldn't have written: "WTF MATT?"

He would have written:
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
MATT?
posted by John Cohen at 8:59 PM on September 25, 2010 [5 favorites]


FOR

WTF     ?
M|O|TT
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 9:00 PM on September 25, 2010


M|O|TT

Surely it was "MUTT" originally?
posted by The Whelk at 9:12 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head.
posted by biochemist at 9:19 PM on September 25, 2010


This is why phones with cameras shouldn't be allowed in bar bathrooms...
posted by HuronBob at 9:20 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


here i spammed
broken hearted
paid 5 bucks
and got discarded
posted by pyramid termite at 9:36 PM on September 25, 2010 [48 favorites]


Wolfram Alpha: "how many people are named Matthew or Matt?"

It turns out that any of them could be being questioned about just what "the fuck".
posted by cgomez at 9:52 PM on September 25, 2010


Surely it was "MUTT" originally?

Pine users are lurking everywhere.
posted by Rhomboid at 9:58 PM on September 25, 2010 [4 favorites]


Mathowwwwwie I got your number
Iiiiiii need to make a post about mimes

(I may have forgotten how that song goes.)
posted by katillathehun at 9:58 PM on September 25, 2010 [4 favorites]


Somebody take his iphone away. Friends don't let friends drink and post.
posted by chrisamiller at 10:28 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wolfram Alpha: "how many people are named Matthew or Matt?"

It turns out that any of them could be being questioned about just what "the fuck".


Not that I frequented a lot of frat parties in college, but the joke was that you got into the party by saying at the door "Matt invited me." there's always a Matt. Also, be female.
posted by Miko at 10:29 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


I love drunk posts. Especially when they are not mine.
posted by amro at 10:37 PM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


I love drunk responses to posts especially when they are not......

oh, wait.... never mind...
posted by HuronBob at 10:44 PM on September 25, 2010


This is what I love about MetaFilter. On my blog, or tumblr, or facebook, I can get up in the morning and say... "Oh crap, did I really post that!???!!!" and delete it...

:) not here at the MeFi... we carve in stone here!
posted by HuronBob at 10:46 PM on September 25, 2010


I opened my Bible...there's a whole book in there named after #1!
posted by telstar at 11:32 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


A little early to be so drunk, isn't it?
posted by Dasein at 11:32 PM on September 25, 2010


mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey:

WTF ?
M|O|TT


Which makes a lot of sense, actually. Whole thing really was a waste of time after Ian Hunter left; 'twas a damn shame they kept going at all, and not really true to who they were in the beginning. They might not've remembered the Saturday gigs, but I sure as hell do.
posted by koeselitz at 11:33 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


The best part of the movie Roadhouse is when the bar owner sees some graffiti that says "FOR A GOOD FUCK CALL SALLY", and he snickers, takes a pen and changes the FUCK to BUICK.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:43 PM on September 25, 2010 [2 favorites]


Yup, I think I'm going to have some mango and waffles.
posted by loquacious at 12:12 AM on September 26, 2010


Are you sure it wasn't MTF Matt
posted by effluvia at 12:13 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


What the heck does MDF stand for, anyway, is what I want to know.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:37 AM on September 26, 2010


Medium-density fiberboard. It's what the MeFi server closet is made of.
posted by hattifattener at 12:50 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


A little early to be so drunk, isn't it?

It's midday somewhere!
posted by djgh at 1:34 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


No way in hell is that the best part of Road House, LobsterMitten. For one thing, that bar owner is John Locke's EEEEEVIL dad from LOST. As such, he is disqualified from feel-good memories of any kind. (Emergency! doesn't help Kevin Tighe, not after Anthony Cooper.) For another thing, you neglect Dalton/Swayze's awesome chin nod to his heavyset bouncer backup as he notes, "Right boot," indicating the sneakily inset blade in their opponent's footwear. And "'Do not eat the big white mint.'" And Ben Gazzara's heedless highway weaving with the top down, singing a fine old doo-wop song. ("Sh-Boom!") And "Pain don't hurt." This movie's cheese aces!
posted by cgc373 at 1:41 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


Its midday here! Come to lunch, The Whelk, its grilled cheese with leek and potato soup
posted by The Lady is a designer at 2:59 AM on September 26, 2010


this post can suck a bad of ducks
posted by parmanparman at 3:45 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write Matt's name upon a shithouse wall.
But before I die I'll have my regal scrawl
To show the world I couldn't tweet fuck all.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:42 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Better you than me, man.
posted by Splunge at 5:04 AM on September 26, 2010


Ducks don't tweet
Ducks go quack
Holy fuck
Look at their feet
They're so sweet
Heart attack
Ducks run amock!
posted by h00py at 5:47 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ducks don't tweet

what
posted by Maximian at 6:11 AM on September 26, 2010


Okay then.

Some ducks tweet
Most ducks quack
*insert rest of bad poetry here*
posted by h00py at 6:15 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


My name is Matthew. It really is.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:51 AM on September 26, 2010


'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ducks tweet
You're a slave to beaks then you die
I'll take you down the only road to flighty birds
You know the one that takes you to the flat bills
short legs, and webbed feet.
posted by Dumsnill at 7:01 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


#1 in a toilet stall - does he sit down to pee?
posted by Rumple at 8:11 AM on September 26, 2010


I picture The Whelk stumbling around Brooklyn, arms flailing, crashing into bar bathrooms and banging on stalls, throwing the occupants aside, running his now grimy fingers up and down the graffiti-covered walls, shrieking, "MATT HAS TO BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE! WHERE IS MATT!! MATT I NEED YOU!"
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:50 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


#1 in a toilet stall - does he sit down to pee?

you have to. you risk dropping your phone in the toilet otherwise.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 9:04 AM on September 26, 2010


"MATT HAS TO BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE! WHERE IS MATT!! MATT I NEED YOU!"

Any Matt will do, really
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


My all-time favorite just-outside-the-bathroom-wall graffiti at this gritty, horrible punk rock bar near here was "I hate manatees, I hate [something...I forget what...but not even remotely related to manatees]" -- why the manatee hate?
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:42 AM on September 26, 2010


Any Matt will do, really

Wow, warning to the cock-shy: there is so much cock in that last link. [NOT COCK-IST]
posted by hermitosis at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2010


chalk. pink. seems part of a larger message. someone was concerned about grammar. right-handed.male.
this was not intended for 1#

FISHY
posted by clavdivs at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2010


Seek adventure, not fulfillment, and you will then have both.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:39 AM on September 26, 2010


This is sort of like when I saw that poster of a duck and got off the bus because I thought it was my ex-girlfriend but no, it was just a duck.
posted by yaymukund at 11:12 AM on September 26, 2010


The Whelk: "Any Matt will do, really"

I like that Matt Hughes has two expressions: (1) bored and (2) hurting a dude.
posted by boo_radley at 11:30 AM on September 26, 2010


The best part of Road House is, at the hospital to get stitched up, he pulls a pack of papers out of his pocket and hands them to the doctor/love interest.

"Do you always carry your medical records with you?"

"I find it saves time."

That, and the whole Merry Swayze Christmas.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:33 AM on September 26, 2010


The best part of Road House is

The best part of Road House is all of it. That movie fucking rules.
posted by dersins at 11:38 AM on September 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


How many bars did you have to go to to find this?

WOULD.
YOU LIKE.
A COOKIE.
THE WHELK.
posted by Eideteker at 2:15 PM on September 26, 2010


My all-time favorite just-outside-the-bathroom-wall graffiti at this gritty, horrible punk rock bar...

I liked one where someone first wrote, in giant block text, JESUS SAVES!, and then someone went back and wrote HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 3:03 PM on September 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


JESUS SAVES his files to a USB thumbdrive.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:23 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I am so very confused by all of this.
posted by ob at 3:37 PM on September 26, 2010


My all-time favorite just-outside-the-bathroom-wall graffiti at this gritty, horrible punk rock bar...

I liked one where someone first wrote, in giant block text, JESUS SAVES!, and then someone went back and wrote HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!


No, the best bathroom graffitti was at this dive where somebody wrote in felt-tip pen "I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER," then underneath, in ballpoint, was written "GO HOME, DADDY, YOU'RE DRUNK."
posted by jonmc at 4:00 PM on September 26, 2010 [7 favorites]


Ducks don't tweet? WRONG.

And The Whelk might reconsider his "Any Matt will do" comment. Just sayin'.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:02 PM on September 26, 2010


I wonder if he takes the hat off during.

I'm guessing ...no.
posted by The Whelk at 4:06 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

I liked one where someone first wrote, in giant block text, JESUS SAVES!
There was an apocryphal ad campaign in Sydney in the 1970s which involved a billboard next door to a church with a Jesus Saves! sign. Immediately up the road was Jesus puts his money in the Bank of NSW!
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:25 PM on September 26, 2010


There is also the ethnically stereotyped: "JESUS SAVES. MOSES INVESTS."
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:47 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Do private-bathroom-graffiti count? One of my tasks yesterday was to put the paneling of the bathtub in the flat I'm presently renting back in place, which had been removed due to some mid-vacation plumbing mishap.
Centered on the inner frame member that lines the floor, I found "Assholes to you", in neat pencil, and underlined.
Boggles my mind. Plumber hating my landlord? Landlord testing my nerves? Carpenter apprentice hating his boss? And there is nobody to ask!
posted by Namlit at 5:12 PM on September 26, 2010


There was an apocryphal ad campaign in Sydney in the 1970s which involved a billboard next door to a church with a Jesus Saves! sign. Immediately up the road was Jesus puts his money in the Bank of NSW!

Fiasco may be referring to a long-running & good natured battle of billboards between the priest of St Barnabas Church on Broadway, and the publican of the Broadway Hotel, opposite - lightening the day of people passing by on their way to & from work:

St Barnabas Anglican Church at Broadway on the edge of the city wasn't known for its architecture. It made its name in recent decades thanks largely to a battle of wits between the former church minister and the publican at the then Broadway Hotel across the road.

Each day the minister posted his religious message on a notice board at the gate of St Barnabas, and on the window of the pub opposite, came the swift and irreverent reply.

It was Bishop Forsyth who got into a daily duel of wits with the publican of the Broadway Hotel, across the road.

Each day as commuters would make their way down Parramatta Road to and from work in the city, they'd look out for the exchange between the pair, with a message posted on St Barnabas' noticeboard, and responded to in turn by Arthur Elliott, the publican.

The publican and the priest, as a book would put it, talked to each other across Parramatta Road by noticeboards and it became a talking point right throughout Sydney.


The witty exhanges were captured into a book, The Publican and the Priest.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:12 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Thanks Ubu, I just had a very enjoyable 10 or 15 minutes wending my way through some googly stuff after searching about your comment. Good dog. (*woof!*)
posted by nevercalm at 6:25 PM on September 26, 2010


Did you manage to find any of the actual exchanges? I didn't have much luck.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:37 PM on September 26, 2010


This is where I'l be talkin' about Mad Men in about, oh 53 minutes.
posted by The Whelk at 6:51 PM on September 26, 2010


Did you manage to find any of the actual exchanges? I didn't have much luck.

Nope, but it was an interesting journey nonetheless, so thanks.
posted by nevercalm at 7:01 PM on September 26, 2010


MY KOX AS BLUNT AS CHEESEY PEASE

My favourite pub graffiti, behind the sliding door in the cubicle of the now-defunct Queen Street Oyster Bar, Edinburgh, late 1990s.
posted by lapsangsouchong at 7:46 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


[Suddenly desperate to know how often googlebot trawls MetaTalk, because...]
posted by lapsangsouchong at 7:50 PM on September 26, 2010


On Mad Men:

Oh Joan. Poor Joanie. She pretty must illustrates a good rule of storytelling, everyone gets what they want in the worst way possible. I'd say it was too much an obvious dramatic drama push but this show really needed needed to up the actual plot. Also notice, Rabbit Test- Bunny. And considering how the actual rabbit test used to go ...ooo not good.

Cold War paranoia! Mad Men does this thing where it occasionally becomes a completely different show in a really awesome way. The Suitcase was a one-act play, this was the second reel of a Spy Flick, yet it works. I like that they finally fired one of the bigger guns on the wall and that it takes the Military-Industrial complex to take Don down.

I always thought British upper crust society was based on homosexual S&M, and there you go.

Rodger, well they've been foreshadowing that a lot. I really enjoyed Lee, he was such an ass it was engrossing, but still SCDP is gutted.

Jon Hamm is like the Michelangelo of vomiting.

Has this been the first episode ever without Peggy? Also, concerning Don, if Peggy and Pete compare notes he is so screwed.

Ha perfect music end choice/way around paying the Jackson estate a beanbag of money.
posted by The Whelk at 8:15 PM on September 26, 2010


Is this where I come for Mad Men spoilers? Why yes, it seems, yes it is.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:29 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


IT TURNS OUT DON IS A WIZARD
posted by The Whelk at 8:30 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I knew it! And Peggy is some kind of homunculus that he fashioned out of a wine cork & three hairpins, right?
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:41 PM on September 26, 2010

Is this where I come for Mad Men spoilers?
Parramatta road spoilers:

Scriptural fundamentalists take over the church which burns to the ground in an accident in 2006, while the working men's bar falls to gentrification with stainless steel and shiny black tiles. >$4.50/schooner of domestic beer: God has abandoned Sydney.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:48 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


WTF WHELK ?
posted by mazola at 9:20 PM on September 26, 2010


HOLY FUCK MAD MEN.

When Pete Campbell is the most mature, level-headed guy at the table, you are SO FUCKED.
posted by tzikeh at 9:24 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I never would have thought Pete would be the sympathetic character but here we are.
posted by The Whelk at 5:10 AM on September 27, 2010


Smartphones need to have something like a water damage indicator, only with bathroom usage. This way, you would know not to touch or borrow someone's iPhone that had been used on the toilet.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:14 AM on September 27, 2010


Someone else should post this news story with the solemnity it deserves. Because I don't think I'll be able to.
posted by empath at 6:48 AM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Clearly they need to make the Segway positively buoyant.

Also, people who make a career out of bitching about Obama (who admittedly is in need of a good bitching out for numerous policy choices) on Metafilter are pretty damned annoying and maybe should put their money where their keyboard is and actually do something constructive instead of moaning the same old shit on this dinky little web forum. Pussies.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:55 AM on September 27, 2010


Aren't cheesey pease brilliant? And pub grafitti? Brilliant!
posted by octobersurprise at 7:34 AM on September 27, 2010


Flagged.

You should have posted this on MATTaTalk.
posted by seanyboy at 8:17 AM on September 27, 2010


I'll be at BarNone later this afternoon. Any graffitti requests?
posted by jonmc at 8:32 AM on September 27, 2010


Any graffitti requests?

"GOOGLE HARDCORE TATERS!"
posted by empath at 8:35 AM on September 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Stall cat is watching you evacuate.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:40 AM on September 27, 2010


jonmc: "Any graffitti requests?"
"Sitters Vs. Standers - The Ultimate Battle Has Begun"
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:42 AM on September 27, 2010


Any graffitti requests?


FOR A GOOD BUICK CALL QUONSAR
posted by not_on_display at 8:46 AM on September 27, 2010


...this ad brought to you by the fish in your pants
posted by not_on_display at 8:49 AM on September 27, 2010


Maybe just write the entire Treaty of Westphalia across the stall doors with a Sharpie.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:12 AM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Thread Tennis
posted by zamboni at 9:29 AM on September 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Thread Tennis
posted by zamboni at 9:29 AM on September 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Sympathy for Pete Campbell? Are you insane?! All his babble about living with truth and he's the one who schtupped Peggy and had a baby. All while engaged to Trudy. He's such a little weasel.
posted by deborah at 10:23 AM on September 27, 2010


And lets not forget the babysitter which was as close as we got to my "Pete Campell has a truck full of dead hookers" theory.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on September 27, 2010


Also Trudy was dressed like Kleenex.
posted by The Whelk at 10:30 AM on September 27, 2010


You should have posted this on MATTaTalk.

I thought that was where we post the henweighs.
posted by .kobayashi. at 10:37 AM on September 27, 2010


warning to the cock-shy

Too cock-shy.
Spunk spunk
in my eye.
posted by adamdschneider at 10:46 AM on September 27, 2010


'Round about 7PST last night my Twitter started filling up with posts about "Mad Men." They were exclusively from women, and every one was something along the lines of "Oh Don, you're so bad" - like really getting a kick out of what a sexist prick he is.

Which leads me to my new theory: Don Draper is a Mack. "Mad Men" is white blaxploitation. It's that exact same kind of character, tapping into the exact same kind of impulses, just for a different audience.

I could write a big paper about it or something, but then I'd have to watch "Mad Men," and let's face it, "Bored to Death" is a much much better show.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:08 AM on September 27, 2010


Oh god, Trudy's peignoir! The woman who plays her must have felt like some kind of character in a school pageant.

...and here comes giant pink cloud at sunset!
posted by readery at 11:09 AM on September 27, 2010


I'm going to steal a quote from a friend.

"I don't think women really want guys to act like Don Draper as much as they want them to look like Don Draper."
posted by The Whelk at 11:12 AM on September 27, 2010


really?
posted by carsonb at 11:18 AM on September 27, 2010


The actress that plays Trudy already plays school pageants.
posted by maryr at 11:24 AM on September 27, 2010


Is that Spuyten Duyvil? I love that place.
posted by kdar at 12:52 PM on September 27, 2010


What is Mad Men?
posted by Splunge at 1:15 PM on September 27, 2010


Dramedy about the wacky (yet tearful) lives of people who works in a mental institution. Which ones are the patients amiright?!
posted by The Whelk at 1:16 PM on September 27, 2010


Cgomez...that engine blew me away. Thanks, dude.
posted by hal_c_on at 1:19 PM on September 27, 2010




101 comments in the thread, 101 comments, flag one down, snark it around....
posted by The Whelk at 1:49 PM on September 27, 2010


Also Trudy was dressed like Kleenex.

I thought she looked like a big pink cupcake myself. I got such a fit of the giggles when I first saw her. And I could not stop laughing through that whole scene. There she is, ready to pop her baby any second, and she's still trying to dress as though she's ready to get down for some marital relations like the perfect 1965 wife she is. Kudos to Vincent Kartheiser for keeping a straight face through that scene.
posted by orange swan at 2:03 PM on September 27, 2010


"GOOGLE HARDCORE TATERS!"

Wake up sheeple! 1845 was an inside job!
posted by Rhomboid at 2:22 PM on September 27, 2010


Yeah, the giant fluffy maternity babydoll jammies were a bit of a distraction from Pete, the perfect self-unaware sociopath, waxing eloquent about honesty and decency. That level of compartmentalization makes Draper look bush league by comparison.

I did feel sorta sorry when Pete fell on his military-industrial sword, but he'll find some way to profit.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:17 PM on September 27, 2010


There was a lot of misdirection in this episode too. Two heart-attack fake outs, the Did-She-Do-It narrative ambiguity with Joan. Lee. Lots of beats where you, as the watcher goes "Oh well this has to happen now" and then it doesn't. Instead you get totally left-field surprises like Pimpsmash YesSir.

Lane is basically 12, right? I get that right?

I'm taking bets on Dr. Kaye's Daaaaaark Secret now.
posted by The Whelk at 4:23 PM on September 27, 2010


Also, 30 days fits nicely into 3 remaining episodes. So far my only expectation is for Rodger to pull of a miracle and then die. Or quit. Or both.
posted by The Whelk at 4:24 PM on September 27, 2010


Also of note, Harry Crane (who is adorable and the actor if a board game geek of all things) and his desire to get back to California ASAP. If we're gonna be firing all the guns soon (and we SHOULD) then Harry is a big dark horse-shaped mystery.

Also, if they are forced into the defense contract out of need, then SCDP is right on the battle-lines of the upcoming culture clash. Peggy's aborted paramour Abe is forshadowing maybe?
posted by The Whelk at 4:29 PM on September 27, 2010


I think of Lane as Wesley Wyndham-Price without the demons. Or with worse ones.

Also, was I the only one who, when Lee told Roger, "It's over," went somewhere else entirely for a nanosecond?
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:01 PM on September 27, 2010


that was part of the misdirection. If X (Lee) appears in a scene then you expect Y (very very inappropriate behavior). The entire episode was playing with that.
posted by The Whelk at 5:04 PM on September 27, 2010


I just wanted to add one very important point: the best part of Roadhouse was Swayze's barenaked ass. There. It had to be said!
posted by 1000monkeys at 7:02 PM on September 27, 2010


Oh yes, the baby-doll nightgown on Trudy. Bless her heart.
posted by deborah at 7:49 PM on September 27, 2010


Maternity clothes were never flattering, even less so in The Past.
posted by The Whelk at 8:15 PM on September 27, 2010


Recipes?
posted by The Lady is a designer at 2:48 AM on September 28, 2010


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