Join 3,430 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)

Tags:

closed for rapture
May 21, 2011 3:09 PM   Subscribe

Closed for Rapture! Everyone Go Home!

If you missed it, at 6pm eastern time, Metafilter displayed a ""Closed for Rapture" message. It was terrifying.
posted by AzraelBrown to MetaFilter-Related at 3:09 PM (186 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

Brilliant.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 3:09 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm still getting it here. Flying butts FTW.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:10 PM on May 21, 2011


I've got a screen of lots of asses flying upwards.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:10 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


So does that mean that after the rapture, Metafilter will re-open with new magical products available?
posted by slater at 3:11 PM on May 21, 2011


Video doesn't load for me.
posted by Skorgu at 3:11 PM on May 21, 2011


It's the funniest shit. When the video loaded and it I saw Fab Five Freddy in that damn white suit, doing those weird dances that I thought were cool for some reason years ago, I almost fell out of my chair.

Now all we need is those flashing red dot glasses!
posted by cashman at 3:11 PM on May 21, 2011


I know for a fact there's not a single metafilter staff member that's gonna be taken up in the rapture.... these people are just a bunch of wannabes!
posted by tomswift at 3:11 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Video doesn't load for me.

You were left behind, sorry.
posted by cashman at 3:12 PM on May 21, 2011 [24 favorites]


OMG I'M SCARED I'M FLOATING ABOVE MY CHAIR AND I SWEAR I'VE BEEN A BAD BAD PERSON TOTALLY NOT DESERVING OF RAPTURING
posted by item at 3:12 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Really?
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:13 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I can personally vouch for item's sinfulness.
posted by Ufez Jones at 3:13 PM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Yeah, but who gets all the favorites that are left behind?
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:14 PM on May 21, 2011


Bravo team!! Bravo!!
posted by pearlybob at 3:15 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


(pretty much what I expected to see for the rapture, btw.)
posted by dunkadunc at 3:15 PM on May 21, 2011


Only 19 seconds of the video has loaded for me so far. Is that Blondie's Rapture? Because...awesome.
posted by phunniemee at 3:15 PM on May 21, 2011


sob left behind sob sob

...oh no wait. The iRapture app tells me there'll be another one along in 12 minutes.
posted by tel3path at 3:16 PM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Since metafilter is based on the West Coast, isn't this three hours early?
posted by madcaptenor at 3:19 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


My scalp is tingling.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:19 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


The time has come when mankind will become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Now the liberated Old Ones will teach us new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy ourselves, and all the earth will flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:20 PM on May 21, 2011 [6 favorites]


I have no video, only the Happy Birthday song, and a still from the Rapture video! But it's not my birthday.... unless I have been born again!!!
posted by not_on_display at 3:20 PM on May 21, 2011


Same with me. Though yesterday was my birthday so I was thinking awwww I'm a special snowflake. Hmmph.
posted by kanata at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2011


Since metafilter is based on the West Coast, isn't this three hours early?

Mefi Savings Time, duh.
posted by cashman at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2011


Bravo team!! Bravo!!

Sorry, pearlybob -- U.S. Marines are good, but I don't think they'll be be to take out Jesus.
posted by Rhaomi at 3:22 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


No video, no song, no rapture here...
posted by beagle at 3:22 PM on May 21, 2011


Funny.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:22 PM on May 21, 2011


MAN did that startle me -- I was in another browser tab and it took me longer than it should have to figure out who was shouting happY BIRthdaY to YOUU at me. This must be what it's like for my parents on the Internet every day.
posted by theredpen at 3:23 PM on May 21, 2011 [14 favorites]


I'm not really used to the Mefi home page blasting out music in the middle of the night and waking my family up, but whatever.
posted by nowonmai at 3:23 PM on May 21, 2011


Great, no front page. I'm stuck with Reddit.


Shit, I'm in hell aren't I?
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:23 PM on May 21, 2011 [11 favorites]


Ok, keeps crashing for me, so I can't see the video, and I am also having Meta withdrawals. I simply have to know if that guy's penis exercises are gonna work for him.
posted by thebrokedown at 3:23 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


flarbuse has the inside scoop on the rapture meetup
posted by jeffburdges at 3:24 PM on May 21, 2011


Wow, I just got in and the comments on Metafilter's main page are incredible. Everyone is being so sincere and thoughtful. The thread about the cat declawing just turned into a discussion on where to meet up for a luau. Post-rapture Metafilter is awesome.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:25 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh, hell. I spent my whole rapture downloading Quicktime.

aaaaaaah! I get what you did there!

Happy Hell, fellow sinners!!
posted by taz at 3:26 PM on May 21, 2011


so... um... seriously, what are we supposed to do? just hang out in MetaTalk?
posted by desjardins at 3:26 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


This is the one and only Rapture gag that got me to laugh out loud. I guess I figured even if the earth dissolved into lakes of fire and the tormented cries of unbelievers (i.e, me), Metafilter would stand untouched.
posted by Elsa at 3:27 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Wow, I just got in and the comments on Metafilter's main page are incredible.

Strangely, all the Apple fanatics are gone. Wait, what?
posted by found missing at 3:28 PM on May 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


Go out and eat some cars. When you're done with that, you can eat some bars.
posted by cashman at 3:28 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


So I guess that I won't be saved if I don't install Quicktime? It's still not worth it.
posted by octothorpe at 3:28 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


That was incredible.
posted by quiet coyote at 3:29 PM on May 21, 2011


Hah. This made my day. It maybe rapture, but I'm sure as hell not downloading QuickTime.
On Preview: what octothorpe said.
posted by roguewraith at 3:30 PM on May 21, 2011


seriously? I'm living out of a tent in the bush for two weeks, emerge to grab the closest internet connection and feed the Mefi Monkey on my back and this is what I get?

cause it's pretty awesome
posted by mannequito at 3:30 PM on May 21, 2011


I'm at the ballpark and an As fan just sat in front of me. If this were a Real Rivalry, I'd say I was in hell. Go Giants!
posted by rtha at 3:30 PM on May 21, 2011


I just saw the still image but it was a funny image so I still LOL'd.
posted by bleep at 3:31 PM on May 21, 2011


While Metafilter was raptured, I found this image.
posted by Jofus at 3:32 PM on May 21, 2011


I see a static jpg, someone link the video please because this screenshot has left me needing more.
posted by xqwzts at 3:33 PM on May 21, 2011


oh, wait, Ask Me, too? GAH, this is some Old Testament shit right here.
posted by taz at 3:33 PM on May 21, 2011


In Heaven there's no Metafilter.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 3:33 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


When you're done with that, you can eat some bars.

Some days, you eat the bar; some days the bar eats you.

So I guess that I won't be saved if I don't install Quicktime? It's still not worth it.

Thus further illuminating the connection between people who love all Apple products and the True Believers....
posted by mstokes650 at 3:34 PM on May 21, 2011


Imma make an FPP about my peni

OH SHIT EARTHQUAKE@!!1421!!!!!!111
posted by snsranch at 3:35 PM on May 21, 2011

While Metafilter was raptured, I found this image.
If that were in front of me I'd be screaming too... gingers are scary man, even the little ones.
posted by xqwzts at 3:35 PM on May 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste.
posted by Sailormom at 3:35 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Now everyone in this coffee shop thinks it's my birthday. Do you think someone will buy me a coffee for my birthday? Because if I'm a hopeless sinner anyway, I'm going to take the free coffee. I should enjoy the yummy caffeinated goodness before I get swallowed up in a lake of fire and sent off to eternal damnation.

(Actually, there are 25 minutes until my town gets raptured, so there's still hope for me. If I'm inside and I'm among the saved, will I bump my head on the ceiling ascending to heaven? I don't totally understand the mechanics of being raptured.)
posted by craichead at 3:36 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Blondie - Rapture
Madonna - Open Your Heart
posted by jeffburdges at 3:36 PM on May 21, 2011


Huh, when I saw it there was video, but now it's just a pic of Flash/Harry.
posted by jack_mo at 3:36 PM on May 21, 2011


While Metafilter was raptured, I found this image.

You go all out on the hottest, white furry yeti costume, but you can't afford the paw gloves? Wack.
posted by cashman at 3:37 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


you mockers will regret it - i have very good information that the rapture did in fact take place as predicted and the real christians were, in fact, all taken up

all 5 of them
posted by pyramid termite at 3:37 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


ALTERNATIVE ESCHATOLOGICAL THEORIES
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:38 PM on May 21, 2011


Also, I just looked out the window, and there's no one on the street. Which for a Saturday night in Glasgow is pretty freaky, Rapture or no.
posted by jack_mo at 3:39 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Heh.

You know the whole "no man shall know" when rapture/judgment day will actually happen? If every single day is predicted by someone beforehand, then judgment day can't happen right?

Maybe these nutcases are actually saving our asses from the end of the world...
posted by porpoise at 3:39 PM on May 21, 2011


you mockers will regret it - i have very good information that the rapture did in fact take place as predicted and the real christians were, in fact, all taken up

all 5 of them


It's ok...

They'll be back.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:40 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Incidentally, it is currently May 22nd, and I would like to report that I have in fact, been successfully raptured. I'm just waiting for you sinners to be hauled out already.

Carry on.
posted by xqwzts at 3:40 PM on May 21, 2011


Man, Heaven sure has a professional white background.
posted by Rinku at 3:40 PM on May 21, 2011 [7 favorites]


BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH, DESTRUCTION, REDEMPTION, MERCURIES, SUBARUS (CADILLACS AND LINCOLNS, TOO)
posted by prinado at 3:41 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ain't no one in this bar getting my all end of the world song let.

Sheeesh.

Enjoy your mini rapture break mods! Tomorrow comes the tribulation, and I've got some things ....planned.
posted by The Whelk at 3:41 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


also, I actually know a mefite whose birthday is today.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:42 PM on May 21, 2011


You know the whole "no man shall know" when rapture/judgment day will actually happen? If every single day is predicted by someone beforehand, then judgment day can't happen right?

Knowing, and making a prediction that turns out to be correct, are different.
posted by kenko at 3:42 PM on May 21, 2011


For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the Trump of God

Dammit, Thessalonians! I expected a divine brass section, not a poorly-toupeed bigot attention-whoring all over my lawn.
posted by Rhaomi at 3:42 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


So when will the blue & the green be back?
posted by pointystick at 3:43 PM on May 21, 2011


Man, I just can't wait for the empty building at work Monday. Except for that Jewish guy.
posted by dortmunder at 3:43 PM on May 21, 2011


"CLOSED FOR RAPTURE" made me smile as I thought of it in context of it's dictionary meaning:
rap·ture /ˈræptʃər/ ecstatic joy or delight; joyful ecstasy. Now that would be a nice idea -
Metafilter: closed for joyful ecstasy!
posted by smartypantz at 3:43 PM on May 21, 2011


yeah well i'm waiting for the quonsaring

you will all be zorped in a river a blort i tell you
posted by Mikey-San at 3:44 PM on May 21, 2011


Of course, The Rapture Of Metafilter means we can all go back to real lives now, right?
posted by The Whelk at 3:44 PM on May 21, 2011


You got me.
posted by Trurl at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011


Today, woot.com delivered my latest "Bag of Crap" random merchandise box, containing dog brushes, a laptop cooler, a Batman action figure and a $40 RC helicopter I will be divebombing the neighbors with as soon as it charges. All for $8. That's why it sells out in 2 minutes every time it's offered.

To put it simply, I haven't been Raptured, I've been Craptured.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I got a music video just now, at 6:45 eastern US time.
posted by bilabial at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011


Hell is all the subsites down except MetaTalk.
posted by auto-correct at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011


So when will the blue & the green be back?

When it returns, would you please all answer the penis question??! I need to know.
posted by found missing at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011


Dudes, I've had an annoying throat cold for a few days and it's been keeping me up to the point of not thinking straight during the daytime at work so I finally knuckled under and bought a bottle of Tussin, which is kind of like Robo only the other half and without whatever stupid teenagers like about the stuff and it's a drug store house brand knockoff and I have to say that for starters it tastes like fried ass on a slab of ass decorated with stinky aged ass flakes and the Aspartame (since I got the diabetic version since there didn't seem to be a difference otherwise) augments the overall flavor profile with assy ass and it has wrapped my brain in a thick layer of warm wet felt or something that feels remarkably like it so hey upside no coughing but on the other hand my thoughts are currently kind of like when you see a pot of chocolate and it was melted but is now kind of not melted too and you can carve the surface of it by poking at it and it slowly bloops backwards.

So A I'm a lightweight and B if I was getting raptured I'm sure there's some byline or conditional clause which forbids drug use, like "DO NOT OPERATE ASCENSION WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THIS PRODUCT," and then C I saw the home page and it's not as if I was totally tripping balls and going whoa, heavy, it's more like it's just augmenting the lack of control I feel like I've got on things at the moment.

But at least I haven't coughed for, like, four hours.
posted by ardgedee at 3:45 PM on May 21, 2011 [5 favorites]


It's ok...

They'll be back.


Even God is bored by M. Night Shyamalan by now.
posted by xqwzts at 3:46 PM on May 21, 2011


Photos of some folks who were Raptured.
posted by horsewithnoname at 3:46 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Please never do this again. I accidentally noticed that outside exists.
posted by goHermGO at 3:47 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Of course, The Rapture Of Metafilter means we can all go back to real lives now, right?

no, it means that ceiling cat has taken us all up and is going to eat us, one by one
posted by pyramid termite at 3:47 PM on May 21, 2011


Gotta give those Christian Family Radio types credit for one thing. In a world overwhelmed with spam + hype, they managed to get their message through. We're all paying them attention.

Someone's a genius ... or a madman.
posted by philip-random at 3:48 PM on May 21, 2011 [5 favorites]


The Book of Whelk clearly states:

When the six are found
The most favorites and mighty and loved
So shall a great hole appear, fire bound
And raise up the exhalted members soon
To the left hand of the mods
On the dark side of the moon


So say we all.
posted by The Whelk at 3:48 PM on May 21, 2011


a little blondie distraction for your rapture...

their new video (not for faint of heart)

and if you need a palate cleanser - lily allen - heart of glass
posted by nadawi at 3:49 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


( and now I've cued up 99 luftballons for this no good musically literate crowd)
posted by The Whelk at 3:49 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Actually, we all got banned.
posted by fuq at 3:50 PM on May 21, 2011


What an incredibly cute way for the mods to get to enjoy a Saturday afternoon/evening off for a change. I approve! :D
posted by Jacqueline at 3:50 PM on May 21, 2011


As dauphin I claim the throne of the Absent Mods and rule as King Of MetaTalk!

I decree that everyone start swaying and holding hands.
posted by The Whelk at 3:52 PM on May 21, 2011


This sucks. How am I meant to keep up to date on celebrity deaths now?
posted by run"monty at 3:52 PM on May 21, 2011


I don't need your religion
It ain't no good to me
I don't want nobody pushin'
Need to be free
You've got to hit hard
I've seen those demons fall
I'm savin' my soul for the final goal

But that day is comin', yeah
The judgment is here
Look over your shoulder
The judgment is here

posted by Godwin Interjection at 3:53 PM on May 21, 2011


I keep remembering a song that I heard waaaay back in my fundie environment days that began, "It was in the nineteen-eighties/at the end of ages" and had a chorus that involved the words "And I saw another angel in the sky". It would make awesome mood music for today. Googling has availed me naught. Can anyone identify it?
posted by orange swan at 3:53 PM on May 21, 2011


Man, heaven is great. The food is great. The weather is great. I just had a cold homebrewed apricot ale brewed up by John the Baptist and it's like angels dancing on my tongue. I'm sitting here with God and we're replaying my life and, well... it's actually kind of awkward. He keeps fast forwarding to the naughty bits and providing a colorful running commentary and praising my innovative and creative fornication skills.

Turns out God is indeed watching you masturbate - but the Fundamentalists got it all wrong - He's rooting for you.

Wait, no. Stop laughing. That wasn't actually a double entendre. I mean he actually shows up whenever you're about to orgasm and pitches in.

Like I said: Awkward. God is a creepy pervert.
posted by loquacious at 3:55 PM on May 21, 2011 [10 favorites]


orange swan, you should post that to askme

oh wait you can't cause it's the motherfucking RAPTURE
posted by maqsarian at 3:57 PM on May 21, 2011


Loq, tell astro Zombie and scody I saud hi.

I'm needed here on earth to spread the good word.
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 PM on May 21, 2011


I hope heaven is like this: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101698/
posted by Green With You at 3:57 PM on May 21, 2011


Oh my God, God. Please don't play the Peanut Butter Incident again. Comon', man. I was like 8 years old!
posted by loquacious at 3:59 PM on May 21, 2011


I thought heaven was a place on earth?
posted by The Whelk at 3:59 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I am delighted by this
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:59 PM on May 21, 2011


21/5/2011 NEVAR FORGET
posted by sgt.serenity at 4:00 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


The mods should turn the img tag for the rapture.
posted by fuq at 4:00 PM on May 21, 2011


Like I said: Awkward. God is a creepy pervert.

Are you sure you aren't just talking with one of the creepier angels?
posted by TwelveTwo at 4:01 PM on May 21, 2011


"turn the img tag on" I mean. My proofreading ability was raptured.
posted by fuq at 4:01 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I thought heaven was a place on earth?

You're thinking of "blue heaven", i. e. metafilter.
posted by madcaptenor at 4:01 PM on May 21, 2011


If we don't dig the rapture we can just do the time warp, again.
posted by The Whelk at 4:01 PM on May 21, 2011


I thought heaven was a place on earth?

It depends where the party is. Right now we're in a penthouse suite at the Mirage in Las Vegas waiting for Gabe to get back with the bam bam and then we're headed downstairs.
posted by loquacious at 4:02 PM on May 21, 2011


You guys are in Vegas and no one invited me? :(
posted by Jacqueline at 4:03 PM on May 21, 2011


Man it's called a flaming sword of righteousness for a reason.
posted by The Whelk at 4:03 PM on May 21, 2011


Aaand it's over!
posted by lumensimus at 4:04 PM on May 21, 2011


There’s a Man goin’ ’round takin’ names.
An’ He decides who to flag and who to fav'.
Everybody won’t be treated all the same.
There’ll be a Metatalk post comin' down.
When the Man comes around.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:04 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Heaven is a plaice on turf.
posted by tigrefacile at 4:04 PM on May 21, 2011


That gave me great pleasure.
posted by kestrel251 at 4:05 PM on May 21, 2011


Heaven
posted by Jofus at 4:05 PM on May 21, 2011


The blue is risen again, glory be this day.
posted by The Whelk at 4:05 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor.
posted by Sailormom at 4:07 PM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Just got off a plane a few minutes ago. Gotta say it was a scary flight hoping the pilots were horrible bastards who wouldn't be ascending right out of the flight plan. Whew.
posted by zoinks at 4:07 PM on May 21, 2011


And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder: One of the four moderators saying: "Come and see." And I saw. And behold, a website.

Metafilter's goin' 'round takin' names. decides who to link and who to ban. Everybody won't be treated all the same. There'll be a golden tater reaching down. When Metafilter comes around

The SEOs will stand up. At the terror in each post and in each re-up . For you partake of that last offered spouse, Or disappear into the Metatalk. When the website comes around.

Hear the banjos, hear the videos. One hundred million members singin'. Multitudes are marching to Mathowie's drum. People askin', people cryin'. Some are born an' some are banning'. It's Alpha's and Oolong's Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the Flag queue. The bunnies are all trimming their wicks. The whirlwind is in the Flag queue. It's hard for thee to flgag against the pricks.

Till Armageddon, no Shalam, no Shalom. Then the father squid will call his monsters home. The wise men will bow down before the member. And at his feet they'll cast their golden fave . When the man comes around.

Whoever is an asshat, let him be an asshat still. Whoever is righteous, let him be falgged fantastic still. Whoever is in-joked, let him be taters beanplated still. Listen to the words long written down, When Metafilter comes around.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four moderators, And I looked and behold: a pale professional background. And his name, that sat on him, was Death. And 4chan followed with him.
posted by The Whelk at 4:08 PM on May 21, 2011 [13 favorites]


I <3 Metafilter.
posted by simulacra at 4:09 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


That was fun!
posted by thinkpiece at 4:10 PM on May 21, 2011


Man it's called a flaming sword of righteousness for a reason.

Yeah... wait, what? Oh sure, I just saw Ezekiel head off to the pool house with Israfel for some healing. But there's also cute girls here and they're cute and good kissers and... wait. Shit.

Damnit, I'm technically lesbian, aren't I?
posted by loquacious at 4:12 PM on May 21, 2011


It doesn't matter if you love Jess, or Capitol C O R T E X
posted by The Whelk at 4:12 PM on May 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


if we had the img tag, i would post this.
posted by nadawi at 4:17 PM on May 21, 2011


If that were in front of me I'd be screaming too... gingers are scary man, even the little ones.

That's actually true. I should know; I gave birth to one.


Okay then....*clears throat*

Just a quick word from your sponsor: Just as no man knows the day or the hour....none of us knows when any of us is scheduled for his or her last breath. Do plan accordingly.

Okay, ladies and germs, back to the usual hilarity!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:17 PM on May 21, 2011


GET YOUR PIES FOR THE GREAT PIE FIGHT!
posted by Jofus at 4:24 PM on May 21, 2011


Poo pies are kosher right?
posted by The Whelk at 4:28 PM on May 21, 2011


Is the Rapture for East Coasters only, or will those of us on the West Coast get to play along eventually, too. Cause so far, just as I'd always imagined it, the end seems to be a whole lotta hype about absolutely nothing.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:29 PM on May 21, 2011


I'm really surprised that only the North Koreans disappeared.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:29 PM on May 21, 2011


That's called starvation and it is not funny.
posted by The Whelk at 4:30 PM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Judgement Day
posted by cazoo at 4:30 PM on May 21, 2011


Just as no man knows the day or the hour....none of us knows when any of us is scheduled for his or her last breath. Do plan accordingly.

If that's not an open call to fornication, I don't know what is.
posted by found missing at 4:31 PM on May 21, 2011 [5 favorites]


Someone is looking to get spoused!
posted by found missing at 4:33 PM on May 21, 2011


Anybody wanna fuck?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:33 PM on May 21, 2011


/for example
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:34 PM on May 21, 2011


I know!


FORNICATE
posted by The Whelk at 4:34 PM on May 21, 2011


Please don't forn in front of Cate, it makes her blush.
posted by Sailormom at 4:43 PM on May 21, 2011


Blancett? She's cool with it.
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on May 21, 2011


All will love her and despair.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:45 PM on May 21, 2011


Honestly that scene pissed me off more than anything else in the LOTR movies. Galadriel is supposed to be awesomely gorgeous, and altho Blanchette is a nice looking gal they made her look like a pointy eared geek in that movie. *ptui*
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:48 PM on May 21, 2011


Wow, if St. Alia is still posting on the same Metafilter as me, that must mean I made the cut! This is really unexpected. Unless of course... you got left behind with the rest of us suckers. Oh.my.god. Divulge your sins right here, there's no point in hiding them any longer!
posted by gman at 4:51 PM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


I can't decide if I'm more pissed at Harold Camping for perpetrating his fake rapture, of for him being indirectly responsible for everyone and their mother trying to be clever with rapture jokes. But the latter would mean I'm just angry at human nature, which means the rapure is simply wishful thinking.
posted by hellojed at 4:52 PM on May 21, 2011


What makes you think Heaven wouldn't have wifi?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:53 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


She's not a sinner. She's still here cause she's a bunny. The bunny rapture isn't until next month.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:54 PM on May 21, 2011 [9 favorites]


I liked the movie Galadriel scene cause it was the only time anyone had an emotional pitch above Slighty Annoyed or Punching.
posted by The Whelk at 4:56 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


You didn't think the scene after Moria had an emotional itch? Scratch yes, it did!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:58 PM on May 21, 2011


Sad! And then Determined!

Lather rinse repeat.
posted by The Whelk at 5:04 PM on May 21, 2011


Bullhockey! No one had clean hair in that scene!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:07 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


How could resist the urge to just kick the hobbits like hacky sacks? Superhuman willpower there.
posted by The Whelk at 5:09 PM on May 21, 2011


Wow. I was actually raptured there for a minute. Figures God would have a perfect sense of humor, only rapturing atheists. It was funny for awhile. I thought Dawkins was going to shit himself. Got boring pretty fast, though, so I figured I'd come back down and wait out the real rapture with the rest of you. I'm still an atheist, too. It's important to stick to one's convictions.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:16 PM on May 21, 2011


Does anyone have a screencap of this glorious event?
posted by killdevil at 5:36 PM on May 21, 2011


Aw, I was hoping the Rapture would last for at least a couple more hours.
posted by meese at 5:37 PM on May 21, 2011


Here's a screencap: http://i.imgur.com/N4oL6.jpg
posted by spacelux at 5:47 PM on May 21, 2011 [7 favorites]


If this is paradise where's the baklava?
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:50 PM on May 21, 2011


fourcheesemac: If this is paradise where's the baklava?

Who are you, George Costanza? Keep focused on the virgins in front of you.
posted by gman at 5:55 PM on May 21, 2011


Since metafilter is based on the West Coast, isn't this three hours early?"

The Cabal temporarily moved the server to the East Coast (in Canada) to keep it safe from all the West coast heathens.
posted by Mitheral at 5:56 PM on May 21, 2011


Hell, took a little nap and missed the rapture AND the MetaRapture.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 5:59 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


That sentence would look better with no comma.
posted by gman at 6:02 PM on May 21, 2011


Hell, took a little nap and missed the rapture AND the MetaRapture.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 5:59 PM on May 21 [+] [!]

Same here... guess we were naptured.
*ducks*

Also, there is nothing humble about nudibranchs. They are gorgeous.
posted by likeso at 6:09 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


damn, i missed the rapture...


again.
posted by patheral at 7:11 PM on May 21, 2011


World doesn't end: California prophet had no Plan B
posted by Papaver somniferum at 7:33 PM on May 21, 2011


Right around 6 PM PST, I thought it had started - but it transpired I just let out a giant fart. It startled the cat. I've been eating beans the past couple of days, in preparation, to provide a little assist with the rapture. Didn't work. I am a sinner.
posted by VikingSword at 7:52 PM on May 21, 2011


What are the chances that Camping will come out now and say: "I've seen the light! There is no god! Atheists were right all along!" I mean, if he is absolutely certain that the "bible guarantees" rapture on this date, then logically, isn't he going to proclaim what reason compels him to conclude? I am awaiting his proclamation.
posted by VikingSword at 7:59 PM on May 21, 2011


I prophecize that Mr. Camping will not reimburse any of his followers whose life savings paid for many of those billboards.
posted by likeso at 8:03 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Flunkie linked to this article in the thread on the blue.

Salient facesaver: the believers believing in the prophecy was what done saved us all.
posted by likeso at 8:09 PM on May 21, 2011


Rats, I missed all the fun. What's the picture in the screen cap?

I wish I had taken a Rapture photo a few years ago when Hubby left his clothes on the floor before heading into the shower. He somehow managed to exit his shoes, socks, pants and underwear vertically, leaving them pancaked in a tidy pile as if he'd been yanked skyward right out of his clothes. But the shirt went with him, so I guess heaven is full of people tugging their T-shirts down constantly. Sounds awkward.
posted by Quietgal at 8:23 PM on May 21, 2011


I really wonder what Joe Beese is making of all this.
posted by paulsc at 8:58 PM on May 21, 2011


I miss him. Maybe the mods were really good at cleaning up after him, but I never found him to be a problem.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:06 PM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


The picture is from and linked to Blondie's Rapture video
posted by spacelux at 9:42 PM on May 21, 2011


Screen cap here for those who didn't catch the mefi rapture train.
posted by localhuman at 9:43 PM on May 21, 2011


Screencap for you heathens that don't use the professional white background.
posted by Sailormom at 9:51 PM on May 21, 2011


localhuman, it looks like you have a new email.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:09 PM on May 21, 2011


heh, shakesperian, funny you notice my 509 new gmails. Some time around around 2004 or 2005 I switched to gmail from my university account, but only half-heartedly. Between that time and when I started using gmail on a full time basis ( after about 6 months or so ), there were about 600 emails in my gmail account that I'd never read - orphaned new email of a sort that only rarely do I ever go back and read for the first time. I've had 509 new emails for three years. In an email context, 509 is the same as zero to me. Which now that you've brought it up and I've blathered about it, seems kind of odd. Maybe this is why I wasn't raptured.
posted by localhuman at 10:37 PM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Eesh. My inbox count is 13004 unread. (I'm not kidding. :( )
posted by loquacious at 10:41 PM on May 21, 2011


I have to have zero unread at all times. My husband, conversely, has about 3000 unread. "Why don't you read them?" I ask. "They're just junk." "Why don't you delete them?" Shrug.

But then we're the complete opposite when it comes to phone calls. I often won't even glance at my phone if it rings while we're talking or doing something else, and if I don't recognize the number, I won't answer at all. This totally flummoxes him - he has to know who it is, even though the probability that it's someone he doesn't want to talk to is really high.
posted by desjardins at 10:59 PM on May 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


I'd just finished a labouring over an Askme question (on Sunday morning in real, er, Australian time), checked/double-checked/triple-checked for typos, hit the post button...and got 'Closed For Rapture'. I laughed out loud.

Nice work, mods. I needed that laugh.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 2:21 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


I got raptured, went back to Earth. Heaven's alright. But I'm holding out for Shangri-La.

Also, the Talking Heads warned me about that place.

That said, I was granted total knowledge of everything that is and shall be. Turns out nuclear fusion is a dead end for power generation. What you should really be focusing on is crystal resonance. Also, make sure you sit in a strong magnetic field aligned with that of Space and the five extra-celestial realms at least once a year if you want to survive long enough to make the next rapture, which Jesus says is to happen about 150 years from now on tuesday-ish. If you get Singularity'd, you can still make it to non-nerd heaven, BTW, which is why 150 years is a perfectly reasonable wait if you give up your corporal body and put your immortal soul in a mason jar or a computer in a safety deposit box.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:43 AM on May 22, 2011


Also, the medieval artists who defined our imagination of heaven got it all wrong. Turns out we don't get wings, as there's very little gravity on heaven, so what would the point be when you can just space-jump everywhere?

You do get an elephant-like trunk, though. Quite handy, that.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:46 AM on May 22, 2011


I have to have zero unread at all times. My husband, conversely, has about 3000 unread. "Why don't you read them?" I ask. "They're just junk." "Why don't you delete them?" Shrug.

But then we're the complete opposite when it comes to phone calls. I often won't even glance at my phone if it rings while we're talking or doing something else, and if I don't recognize the number, I won't answer at all. This totally flummoxes him - he has to know who it is, even though the probability that it's someone he doesn't want to talk to is really high.
posted by desjardins at 12:59 AM on May 22 [3 favorites −] [!]


I'm the same way as you on both emails and phones... drives my coworkers and classmates crazy when they hear my phone buzz (I keep forgetting to put it on silent but at least it's not ringing) and I don't even glance at it.
posted by patheral at 10:12 AM on May 22, 2011


SomeTrickPony: "In Heaven there's no Metafilter."

What?! Then I'm not going!



Oh wait...
posted by deborah at 11:29 PM on May 22, 2011


I just read through the Harold Camping "False Prophet" thread and I am boiling mad. It is crammed full of "This is what you said that I said" and "No, this is what I said" and "Dude, you are so wrong," and "Dude you are wronger"-- very little is devoted to Harold Camping and his followers.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:05 AM on May 23, 2011


Yeah that thread is pretty ugly. Something like 80% of it is people going 'I AM being civil! You're not being civil, which is just so like you, fuckhead.'
posted by shakespeherian at 8:05 AM on May 23, 2011


yeah
posted by clavdivs at 9:15 AM on May 23, 2011


I donno, the final film's thread dealt with the Harold Camping fairly well already. All that went lacking was pranks roundup and some untold victim stories.

There isn't much reason for actually reading all the sound & fury in the False Prophet thread, just skim it, skipping the long linkless comments, and enjoying the amusing one liners that mostly occurred early on.
posted by jeffburdges at 2:35 AM on May 24, 2011


Okay, Ima share my secret weapon for interesting posts wherein the thread goes totally off the rails and becomes perfectly useless: just go find ericb's comments in that thread, and you'll probably get all the highlights, updates, expert opinion, and interesting web response on the event or topic.

Lazyweb wants someone to create a greasemonkey script to show only ericb comments from any given thread
posted by taz at 4:10 AM on May 24, 2011


But I'm holding out for Shangri-La.

My Shangri-La has gone away.
posted by philip-random at 9:47 AM on May 24, 2011


I do find it a little weird that the Second Coming was explicitly allowed to happen. I mean, having a really noisy thief come over in the night is bothersome, but such things will happen. But inviting that same thief back a couple nights later is just bad housekeeping. From a purely practical matter, it'll probably complicate your insurance situation.
posted by Drastic at 10:46 AM on May 24, 2011


I missed it. There was a birthday song? Rapture Redux falls on my birthday this year. Well, If I'm not born again, at least I still get cake.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:06 PM on May 24, 2011


Kronos_to_Earth: "I missed it. There was a birthday song? Rapture Redux falls on my birthday this year. Well, If I'm not born again, at least I still get cake"

I'm sorry baby, the rapture may be real...but the cake is still a lie.
posted by dejah420 at 7:39 AM on May 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


« Older Link next to [more inside] tha...  |  Feature request: future MeFi p... Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments