I'll take "bad ideas in advertising" for $10,000, Alex December 6, 2011 12:54 PM Subscribe
In which our illustrious founder details an ad pitch from corporate America to MetaFilter.
reVolting
posted by Kabanos at 12:57 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 12:57 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Well, I screamed out loud. For real.
posted by maudlin at 12:58 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by maudlin at 12:58 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
See people this is what happens when you outsource the creative class to retarded helper monkeys trying to save money.
posted by Talez at 12:58 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Talez at 12:58 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
Please tell us the cars go "vroom" when you mouse roll over them.
posted by Scram at 1:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [24 favorites]
posted by Scram at 1:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [24 favorites]
Oh, corporate America. What gleeful chuckles won't you provide us?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:02 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:02 PM on December 6, 2011
Please tell us the cars go "vroom" when you mouse roll over them.
They should periodically drive across the screen like that animated Michael Steele walking across the GOP website.
posted by scalefree at 1:02 PM on December 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
They should periodically drive across the screen like that animated Michael Steele walking across the GOP website.
posted by scalefree at 1:02 PM on December 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
ow my eyeballs
posted by rtha at 1:03 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by rtha at 1:03 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
How much were they willing to pay?
posted by Melismata at 1:04 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 1:04 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
They should've sent a poet. So beautiful.
posted by griphus at 1:05 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by griphus at 1:05 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Professional Chevrolet Background.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:07 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:07 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
This is totally wrong.
I mean, everyone knows a green background like that belongs on Ask Metafilter.
posted by neckro23 at 1:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
I mean, everyone knows a green background like that belongs on Ask Metafilter.
posted by neckro23 at 1:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
I own a Chevy. I love my Chevy. Somehow, this mock up makes me sad.
posted by Atreides at 1:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Atreides at 1:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I mean, everyone knows a green background like that belongs on Ask Metafilter.
HEY PFIZER GUESS WHAT
posted by griphus at 1:13 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
HEY PFIZER GUESS WHAT
posted by griphus at 1:13 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
Someone needs to mock up a picture of Calvin peeing on that mock-up.
posted by bondcliff at 1:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 1:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Please tell us the cars go "vroom" when you mouse roll over them.
They go "boom," naturally.
posted by mintcake! at 1:16 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
They go "boom," naturally.
posted by mintcake! at 1:16 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
How much were they willing to pay?
It is priceless. SRSLY you can't put a price on that level of lulz.
I mean, come on, do they really expect anyone to visit a site where their background image renders the content illegible?
posted by juv3nal at 1:17 PM on December 6, 2011
It is priceless. SRSLY you can't put a price on that level of lulz.
I mean, come on, do they really expect anyone to visit a site where their background image renders the content illegible?
posted by juv3nal at 1:17 PM on December 6, 2011
You should try to rent ad space on the Space Jam site.
posted by mintcake! at 1:18 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by mintcake! at 1:18 PM on December 6, 2011
I mean, come on, do they really expect anyone to visit a site where their background image renders the content illegible?
There was probably a coked up marketing manager who thought exactly that.
"Duuuude. We're Chevy, a (marketing speech), an American icon, this can totally work."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:22 PM on December 6, 2011
There was probably a coked up marketing manager who thought exactly that.
"Duuuude. We're Chevy, a (marketing speech), an American icon, this can totally work."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:22 PM on December 6, 2011
Imported from Adver-hell.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:27 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by joe lisboa at 1:27 PM on December 6, 2011
I have always assumed that when you get a job in marketing they give you a lifetime supply of coke, delivered over time, with the stipulation that you must use said substance only at work.
It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
posted by winna at 1:28 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
posted by winna at 1:28 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
I appreciated anildash making the "professional white background" joke before someone beat him to it.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:31 PM on December 6, 2011 [14 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 1:31 PM on December 6, 2011 [14 favorites]
Now THAT'S a site for sore eyes.
posted by argonauta at 1:32 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by argonauta at 1:32 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
There's something about this I profoundly don't understand. It sounds like some 1 person shop did this as spec work and wanted to sell it in to Chevy. Highly doubtful a marketing manager did this, unless it was the kind of thing where clients send us mockups in Powerpoint using snag-it and say something like 'we thought it might look like this' and then everyone at the agency laughs and creatives threaten to quit.
posted by sweetkid at 1:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by sweetkid at 1:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
At least they studied the user base and decided to go with programmer green.
posted by stagewhisper at 1:36 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by stagewhisper at 1:36 PM on December 6, 2011
Why would Chevy want you to put pictures of hideous looking piles of crap all over the.... oh...... I.....
Never mind.
posted by Brockles at 1:36 PM on December 6, 2011
Never mind.
posted by Brockles at 1:36 PM on December 6, 2011
To be clear, this was the pitch from an ad company I no longer work with. They sent this about a year ago, I think the numbers were big, like I'd get paid ten to twenty grand to run this for a short time. Someone at the ad company threw this shit pile together, not anyone at Chevy.
I think it's clear from the way the background looks that it was designed or lifted from a Chevy Twitter page or something, it is expecting a certain margin and background to make things legible. I still can't believe someone sent this to me to take seriously. I said no instantly and showed it to some friends asking "what the hell?!" and then about six months later they pitched the same thing and proceeded to send me the exact same mockup.
Since I don't work with them anymore, I decided when I found it today that I should share it as an example of what not to do for people (friends that saw it last year begged me to put it online).
posted by mathowie (staff) at 1:37 PM on December 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
I think it's clear from the way the background looks that it was designed or lifted from a Chevy Twitter page or something, it is expecting a certain margin and background to make things legible. I still can't believe someone sent this to me to take seriously. I said no instantly and showed it to some friends asking "what the hell?!" and then about six months later they pitched the same thing and proceeded to send me the exact same mockup.
Since I don't work with them anymore, I decided when I found it today that I should share it as an example of what not to do for people (friends that saw it last year begged me to put it online).
posted by mathowie (staff) at 1:37 PM on December 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
How much were they willing to pay?
Matt said on Twitter that they offered 10K.
posted by desjardins at 1:38 PM on December 6, 2011
Matt said on Twitter that they offered 10K.
posted by desjardins at 1:38 PM on December 6, 2011
Er, never mind.
posted by desjardins at 1:38 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by desjardins at 1:38 PM on December 6, 2011
I think the obvious explanation is that they work for Ford.
posted by Sibrax at 1:40 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by Sibrax at 1:40 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
This has so much potential for April 1.
posted by iamabot at 1:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [39 favorites]
posted by iamabot at 1:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [39 favorites]
Just put a chevy ad in the space where you delete posts or comments. That would stop people complaining about deletions, 'cause you'd be like, "Sorry dude, gotta give the mods a Christmas bonus or they'll occupy my ass". Tell me that doesn't make sense. Go on - tell me.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 1:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by the quidnunc kid at 1:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
The mockup reminds me so much of Damn That Television's Wal-Mart receipt redesign. Except sadder.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]
That's hideous! How could they be serious?
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 1:51 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 1:51 PM on December 6, 2011
I said no instantly and showed it to some friends
...you mean us, right? right?
posted by shakespeherian at 1:52 PM on December 6, 2011
...you mean us, right? right?
posted by shakespeherian at 1:52 PM on December 6, 2011
I have always assumed that when you get a job in marketing they give you a lifetime supply of coke, delivered over time, with the stipulation that you must use said substance only at work.
In "The Dilbert Principle", I believe there's a great section on marketing where it shows Dilbert going into the marketing department; everyone is wearing togas, there are Roman columns by the door and a sign saying "Marketing: 2 drink minimum".
Is it ok to quote good Scott Adams material, before he went nutso?
posted by Melismata at 1:54 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
In "The Dilbert Principle", I believe there's a great section on marketing where it shows Dilbert going into the marketing department; everyone is wearing togas, there are Roman columns by the door and a sign saying "Marketing: 2 drink minimum".
Is it ok to quote good Scott Adams material, before he went nutso?
posted by Melismata at 1:54 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
this is incredible
posted by nathancaswell at 1:55 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by nathancaswell at 1:55 PM on December 6, 2011
Whoa ... I clicked on the image to enlarge it and the lime green background blinded me. I'm now seeing 'spots.'
posted by ericb at 1:58 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by ericb at 1:58 PM on December 6, 2011
This is why cortex can't have nice things.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:59 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cjorgensen at 1:59 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I can't stop clicking it, the best part are the 2 cut off Chevy logos below the nav bar.
posted by nathancaswell at 2:03 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by nathancaswell at 2:03 PM on December 6, 2011
MAKE. THE. LOGO. BIGGER. MATT.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
So we just now gave them a buttload of free advertising????
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Maybe I meant boatload ...
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:06 PM on December 6, 2011
No, St. Alia, you were right the first time.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
The preferred term is "buttslold".
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
you blew the 4/1 joke too soon. This would have been epic.
posted by Think_Long at 2:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Think_Long at 2:11 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
MATT
MATT
MATT
LIME GREEN IS HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE MATT
posted by maudlin at 2:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [66 favorites]
MATT
MATT
LIME GREEN IS HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE MATT
posted by maudlin at 2:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [66 favorites]
Exactly how much free advertising can you load into a butt?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 2:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Oh hey I just noticed that's my post on Lydia Davis getting run over by a Chevy truck there.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:15 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 2:15 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
One serious note:
Thank you for being the type of guy that turns away an offer where "the numbers were big, like I'd get paid ten to twenty grand to run this for a short time."
The idiocy of this one made it easy, but I'm sure you've been pitched things that were tempting. I appreciate your commitment to the integrity of the site. That's a hard thing to maintain. Turning down a lot of money is something I would always like to think I would be able to do. Fortunately, I'm rarely in the spot of having to make that decision.
posted by nickjadlowe at 2:18 PM on December 6, 2011 [39 favorites]
Thank you for being the type of guy that turns away an offer where "the numbers were big, like I'd get paid ten to twenty grand to run this for a short time."
The idiocy of this one made it easy, but I'm sure you've been pitched things that were tempting. I appreciate your commitment to the integrity of the site. That's a hard thing to maintain. Turning down a lot of money is something I would always like to think I would be able to do. Fortunately, I'm rarely in the spot of having to make that decision.
posted by nickjadlowe at 2:18 PM on December 6, 2011 [39 favorites]
On the one hand, I would also like to thank you for being the type of guy who turns that offer down.
On the other hand, I would have understood completely (and found it hilarious) if you took them up on it, let them use exactly the ad that's shown in the mockup, and replaced Metatalk with this gif. This thing is too shitty to be taken as anything but a joke, and I'd be perfectly happy with you having an additional 10k in the bargain.
posted by penduluum at 2:24 PM on December 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
On the other hand, I would have understood completely (and found it hilarious) if you took them up on it, let them use exactly the ad that's shown in the mockup, and replaced Metatalk with this gif. This thing is too shitty to be taken as anything but a joke, and I'd be perfectly happy with you having an additional 10k in the bargain.
posted by penduluum at 2:24 PM on December 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
Like A Crock
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
I..... I can only imagine the sheer level of chaos that would overcome this place if that had been run. It makes me shiver.
I think if you ever wanted to completely destroy Metafilter that would be the nuclear button right there. it just seems so tailor made a WMD (Weapon of Metafilter Destruction) it is like they studied the site.
Sure it didn't come from FARK?
posted by edgeways at 2:37 PM on December 6, 2011
I think if you ever wanted to completely destroy Metafilter that would be the nuclear button right there. it just seems so tailor made a WMD (Weapon of Metafilter Destruction) it is like they studied the site.
Sure it didn't come from FARK?
posted by edgeways at 2:37 PM on December 6, 2011
All good things are either funny or awesome, or both.
If you ran this ad on April Fools' and gave the $20,000 to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, that would be both funny and awesome.
posted by cribcage at 2:44 PM on December 6, 2011 [20 favorites]
If you ran this ad on April Fools' and gave the $20,000 to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, that would be both funny and awesome.
posted by cribcage at 2:44 PM on December 6, 2011 [20 favorites]
Actually, that's a hell of an idea. Run the worst, gaudiest add imaginable on April 1, proceeds to a charity.
posted by iamabot at 2:49 PM on December 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
posted by iamabot at 2:49 PM on December 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
WTF, there's all this type right on top of the cars...you can barely see them!! This ad sucks.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by iamkimiam at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2011
My favorite part is how the copy in the middle of the ad pitch reads
posted by Nelson at 2:57 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
Then she learned that he had confessed to brutally killing 'bar girl Wanphen Pienjal in Thailand'.Nothing says brand synergy like Chevy and murdered prostitutes.
posted by Nelson at 2:57 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
Is it ok to quote good Scott Adams material, before he went nutso?
I He did not go nuts, I am he is perfectly sane and also good looking and smart and totally sane.
posted by inigo2 at 2:59 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by inigo2 at 2:59 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
stavrosthewonderchicken already had the best comment:
"my god it's full of st... CARS!"
posted by jammy at 3:03 PM on December 6, 2011
"my god it's full of st... CARS!"
posted by jammy at 3:03 PM on December 6, 2011
Do it man. We've all mellowed with age, but I'm sure we can get the band back together. I mean quonsar's been in the parking lot doing pushups for the last four years just in case.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:10 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:10 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I say accept the offer for one day, but on two conditions:
1) Give us advance notice
2) Switch the site-wide fort to Webdings.
posted by lekvar at 3:18 PM on December 6, 2011
1) Give us advance notice
2) Switch the site-wide fort to Webdings.
posted by lekvar at 3:18 PM on December 6, 2011
I like the April Fools day ugly ad charity idea.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by nathancaswell at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
So bringing back the img tag will apparently cost more than $10K.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011
HEY PFIZER GUESS WHAT
Sorry, it's not the right shade of blue.
You think I'm kidding, but somewhere in the bouquet of non-descriptively named links in the dropdowns on the Pfizer corporate intranet there is a bunch of information and specifications on how the corporate logo should look and be displayed in color and in black and white. The non-dot over the "i" has more specifications than some jet engine parts.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011
Sorry, it's not the right shade of blue.
You think I'm kidding, but somewhere in the bouquet of non-descriptively named links in the dropdowns on the Pfizer corporate intranet there is a bunch of information and specifications on how the corporate logo should look and be displayed in color and in black and white. The non-dot over the "i" has more specifications than some jet engine parts.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:29 PM on December 6, 2011
You think I'm kidding, but somewhere in the bouquet of non-descriptively named links in the dropdowns on the Pfizer corporate intranet there is a bunch of information and specifications on how the corporate logo should look and be displayed in color and in black and white. The non-dot over the "i" has more specifications than some jet engine parts.
This is true for literally every major brand on the planet. I know admitting you make commercials on MeFi is tantamount to admitting you drown kittens but I've done a number of jobs for major brands and they all have like 90 page guideline PDFs that get sent to you that have RGB breakdowns on the colors, logo guides, primary and secondary and tertiary logos, font and kerning rules, etc. It's just part of the package the ad agency sends you. Not unnique to Pfizer at all.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:35 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
This is true for literally every major brand on the planet. I know admitting you make commercials on MeFi is tantamount to admitting you drown kittens but I've done a number of jobs for major brands and they all have like 90 page guideline PDFs that get sent to you that have RGB breakdowns on the colors, logo guides, primary and secondary and tertiary logos, font and kerning rules, etc. It's just part of the package the ad agency sends you. Not unnique to Pfizer at all.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:35 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
six months later they pitched the same thing and proceeded to send me the exact same mockup.
I wonder if the second person even bothered to look at it. I wonder if this second person even knows they have software that comes automatically with their OS that allows them to look at it. "Oh no, it's a jpg! I can't open this."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011
I wonder if the second person even bothered to look at it. I wonder if this second person even knows they have software that comes automatically with their OS that allows them to look at it. "Oh no, it's a jpg! I can't open this."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011
Do they have as many specs as MRE brownies?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Nice to see Anil has a sense of humor.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 3:40 PM on December 6, 2011
nickjadlowe: "Thank you for being the type of guy that turns away an offer where "the numbers were big, like I'd get paid ten to twenty grand to run this for a short time." "
1. That's not big. 100k is big.
2. If you ever get offered 100k for an ad campaign you sure as shit better take it MATT.
3. You will use the proceeds to fund more simultaneous mefi parties around the globe.
4. Each party will have an ice sculpture of all the mods heads, Mt. Rushmore style
5. Punch and pie
posted by danny the boy at 3:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
1. That's not big. 100k is big.
2. If you ever get offered 100k for an ad campaign you sure as shit better take it MATT.
3. You will use the proceeds to fund more simultaneous mefi parties around the globe.
4. Each party will have an ice sculpture of all the mods heads, Mt. Rushmore style
5. Punch and pie
posted by danny the boy at 3:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Oof, I make ads and stuff for a living too. Looking at that thing is a serious oof.
But—this literally happened about a month ago—someone pitched a concept for a giant corporation's "small business mobile app" which included a featured an in-app place where users could patch their "small business questions" right through to Ask.me.
And Ask.me would be skinned in the brand's identity system for as long as the promotion runs. (Haha, omg no.)
After the shock of Ask.me being brought up in corporate ad land...
Me: Never going to happen.
Them: But what if...
Me: No.
Them: But seriously, if they can afford to...
Me: Nope. It's not going to happen.
So yeah. It really does come up. It's weird, but it comes up.
posted by functionequalsform at 3:50 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
But—this literally happened about a month ago—someone pitched a concept for a giant corporation's "small business mobile app" which included a featured an in-app place where users could patch their "small business questions" right through to Ask.me.
And Ask.me would be skinned in the brand's identity system for as long as the promotion runs. (Haha, omg no.)
After the shock of Ask.me being brought up in corporate ad land...
Me: Never going to happen.
Them: But what if...
Me: No.
Them: But seriously, if they can afford to...
Me: Nope. It's not going to happen.
So yeah. It really does come up. It's weird, but it comes up.
posted by functionequalsform at 3:50 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
I take it someone's already run up a greasemonkey script so we can have that as our MeFi background with or without the adverts. With vroom, vrooming Chevies when we mouse over.
posted by ambrosen at 3:51 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by ambrosen at 3:51 PM on December 6, 2011
Do they have as many specs as MRE brownies?
I am looking at one right now that is 70+ pages long. It has 2 pages on how to center the logo (which is asymmetrical, but in no way would be particularly tricky to center). It has six pages on the font that is to be used for internal corporate communications, labels, and letterheads. It has a page on Powerpoint presentations. There is a page on where the logo should be placed on corporate vehicles. The idea is to make a single document that you can send out that is so unbelievable comprehensive that it will answer whatever question a designer could possibly have.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:53 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I am looking at one right now that is 70+ pages long. It has 2 pages on how to center the logo (which is asymmetrical, but in no way would be particularly tricky to center). It has six pages on the font that is to be used for internal corporate communications, labels, and letterheads. It has a page on Powerpoint presentations. There is a page on where the logo should be placed on corporate vehicles. The idea is to make a single document that you can send out that is so unbelievable comprehensive that it will answer whatever question a designer could possibly have.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:53 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I get that most companies don't want you redrawing the logo with MS paint but this was one of those things where a justified vector image would have been a lot more useful to somebody who just wanted to stick the company logo in the bottom corner of their technical presentation rather than detailed history of Pharmacia sans serif.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:57 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:57 PM on December 6, 2011
ambrosen: I take it someone's already run up a greasemonkey script so we can have that as our MeFi background with or without the adverts. With vroom, vrooming Chevies when we mouse over.
It reminds me of that Cornify site (button in the middle near the top), but with cars. Hmmm... I now see that Chevify has already been thought up.
posted by gman at 4:03 PM on December 6, 2011
It reminds me of that Cornify site (button in the middle near the top), but with cars. Hmmm... I now see that Chevify has already been thought up.
posted by gman at 4:03 PM on December 6, 2011
I have written many style guides in my life, and several branding guides, and I have learned that it is a total crapshoot as to whether anyone reads it and anyone follows it. It can be 1 page, with big helpful graphic with 24 pt. text and still be gleefully ignored, much like this unreadable mess of spittle-inspiring brand-spindling.
posted by julen at 4:10 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by julen at 4:10 PM on December 6, 2011
$10k is obviously too low. But I wonder at what price would running such an ad be okay?
posted by vidur at 4:25 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by vidur at 4:25 PM on December 6, 2011
sometimes I make crap up for style & usage guidelines, just for shits n giggles and because I like torturing my fellow designers.
YOU'RE the asshole who specced everything using Munsell numbers!!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 4:26 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
YOU'RE the asshole who specced everything using Munsell numbers!!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 4:26 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am looking at one right now that is 70+ pages long.
I'm trying to decide which is worse; the obsessive style guide, or my current crop of customers, who will frequently try to print business cards and letterhead using the 72 dpi thumbnail logo they ripped from their own website. (Because they never know where the original files are.)
posted by lekvar at 4:29 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to decide which is worse; the obsessive style guide, or my current crop of customers, who will frequently try to print business cards and letterhead using the 72 dpi thumbnail logo they ripped from their own website. (Because they never know where the original files are.)
posted by lekvar at 4:29 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Thank you so much for turning crap like this down, Matt.
posted by Zed at 4:37 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Zed at 4:37 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
There doesn't appear to be a Camaro or Corvette on there.
posted by box at 4:39 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by box at 4:39 PM on December 6, 2011
"I'm trying to decide which is worse; the obsessive style guide, or my current crop of customers, who will frequently try to print business cards and letterhead using the 72 dpi thumbnail logo they ripped from their own website. (Because they never know where the original files are.)"
I spent half an hour trying to explain to the charming 22-year-old who made our info packets that someone, somewhere had to have the EQCA logo as a vector, which would mean that you wouldn't get the smeary zoomed bitmap artifacts on printouts, but it was a total blank space in her brain.
posted by klangklangston at 5:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I spent half an hour trying to explain to the charming 22-year-old who made our info packets that someone, somewhere had to have the EQCA logo as a vector, which would mean that you wouldn't get the smeary zoomed bitmap artifacts on printouts, but it was a total blank space in her brain.
posted by klangklangston at 5:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Even before the Internet, secretaries were perfectly capable of xeroxing and enlarging a letterhead logo and sending it to the printer via courier.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:49 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:49 PM on December 6, 2011
Maybe it would've ignited a thread about the age old Chevy vs. Ford debate that so many gearheads hold dear. I once had a friend look at my Escort and tell me that Ford stood for "Found On Road Dead."
posted by jonmc at 6:16 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by jonmc at 6:16 PM on December 6, 2011
That's on a par with Lotus - Loads Of Trouble, Usually Serious.
I'm thinking Matt should sell ad space like the Super Bowl, half time show by the Whelk.
posted by arcticseal at 6:24 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm thinking Matt should sell ad space like the Super Bowl, half time show by the Whelk.
posted by arcticseal at 6:24 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Thank you for being the type of guy that turns away an offer where "the numbers were big, like I'd get paid ten to twenty grand to run this for a short time."
Not like those pathetic losers over at Masthead.com, amirite?
posted by hydrophonic at 6:28 PM on December 6, 2011
Not like those pathetic losers over at Masthead.com, amirite?
posted by hydrophonic at 6:28 PM on December 6, 2011
I have always assumed that when you get a job in marketing they give you a lifetime supply of coke, delivered over time, with the stipulation that you must use said substance only at work.
It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
So today was presentation day for all the Communication seniors at my college, and Communication here includes advertising. One girl showed us a video of her discussing her promotional campaign with a focus group, and at one point they're talking prizes for a songwriting contest and she says, "What if we give them, you know, t-shirts or whatever?" Because "make a contest" is a technique we studied in a class junior year, and so obviously if you deploy it then you're Doing Advertising. You don't have to think about it too hard, you just use it.
There're a bunch of noble reasons to study advertising and a bunch of crappy reasons, just like any trade, only with advertising there's probably way more cynicism. And while one of the important things about advertising well is that you've got to know the medium you're advertising in, that's also one of the harder things to teach in a classroom, since it's a more abstract lesson and that's when the students start checking Facebook.
With the web it's even worse since most people online stick to Facebook and a handful of magazine-type sites. It's not like TV where pretty much everybody has watched TV at some point. So the potential for advertisers to fuck up is big, and the chance of an advertiser actually respecting the space they're advertising in is slim to none.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:30 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
So today was presentation day for all the Communication seniors at my college, and Communication here includes advertising. One girl showed us a video of her discussing her promotional campaign with a focus group, and at one point they're talking prizes for a songwriting contest and she says, "What if we give them, you know, t-shirts or whatever?" Because "make a contest" is a technique we studied in a class junior year, and so obviously if you deploy it then you're Doing Advertising. You don't have to think about it too hard, you just use it.
There're a bunch of noble reasons to study advertising and a bunch of crappy reasons, just like any trade, only with advertising there's probably way more cynicism. And while one of the important things about advertising well is that you've got to know the medium you're advertising in, that's also one of the harder things to teach in a classroom, since it's a more abstract lesson and that's when the students start checking Facebook.
With the web it's even worse since most people online stick to Facebook and a handful of magazine-type sites. It's not like TV where pretty much everybody has watched TV at some point. So the potential for advertisers to fuck up is big, and the chance of an advertiser actually respecting the space they're advertising in is slim to none.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:30 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
When I did a lot of work for HP, I was the guy who owned the style guides for our agency. The main style guide was a 130+ page monster covering the master brand ("OneVoice 2"), including font usage, color palettes, asymmetrical design positioning, logo and lockup standards, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember. Then there was an individual style guide for the respective business units (IPG, PSG and TSG), amounting to about 70 each, plus photo and graphical assets libraries. Then there were style guides for each vertical—the 5-volume web standards and style guidelines, the voice and visual communications guidelines, the Global Events Management standards (complete with the GEM portal site with 4 sets of document templates, another photo and graphical asset library, and an online approvals form for every piece of collateral prepared for a public-facing event) and others for verticals that I didn't have access to, like print production, internal communications, TV and video, and a dozen other things I can't even imagine. Then there was a complete separate set of visual, written and video communications standards for anything that came from an Level 3 SVP all the way up to Mark Hurd's office.
So, yeah, brand guidelines. Hnfph.
posted by slogger at 7:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
So, yeah, brand guidelines. Hnfph.
posted by slogger at 7:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
"$10k is obviously too low. But I wonder at what price would running such an ad be okay?"
"Matt, we've already established just what sort of website you are - now we're haggling about the price."
-- Winston Churchill. Or George Bernard Shaw. Or Groucho Marx. Or Mark Twain.
posted by Pinback at 7:43 PM on December 6, 2011
"Matt, we've already established just what sort of website you are - now we're haggling about the price."
-- Winston Churchill. Or George Bernard Shaw. Or Groucho Marx. Or Mark Twain.
posted by Pinback at 7:43 PM on December 6, 2011
The idea is to make a single document that you can send out that is so unbelievable comprehensive that it will answer whatever question a designer could possibly have.
Nah. The idea is to make an enormous pile of nonsense so that whoever paid the branding consultants a gazillion dollars to come up with such works of art as the "new" Gap logo or AOL or London 2012 can show his superiors that he hired professional designers who produce results instead of a bunch of stoned morons. If your rebranding effort is a disaster, you at least have giant binders of business-like policies to go with it, so it sure looks like you did everything by the book.
posted by zachlipton at 8:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Nah. The idea is to make an enormous pile of nonsense so that whoever paid the branding consultants a gazillion dollars to come up with such works of art as the "new" Gap logo or AOL or London 2012 can show his superiors that he hired professional designers who produce results instead of a bunch of stoned morons. If your rebranding effort is a disaster, you at least have giant binders of business-like policies to go with it, so it sure looks like you did everything by the book.
posted by zachlipton at 8:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I will pay an additional $5 if I can make that my background, along with a button on the side, and when I push the button there's an animation of the chevy trucks swirling down the drain and the sound of a toilet flushing.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:11 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by benito.strauss at 8:11 PM on December 6, 2011
OneVoice 2
For some reason OneVoice 2 strikes me as tremendously funny. Was the document named OneVoice2_final_revised_new_v3.indd?
posted by nathancaswell at 8:39 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
For some reason OneVoice 2 strikes me as tremendously funny. Was the document named OneVoice2_final_revised_new_v3.indd?
posted by nathancaswell at 8:39 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
That's right Matt, you just show the ad to all of us for free -- that'll show 'em!
posted by mazola at 9:37 PM on December 6, 2011
posted by mazola at 9:37 PM on December 6, 2011
Run the worst, gaudiest add imaginable on April 1, proceeds to a charity.
I don't see the charity angle as a needed element. I'd be fine with a short run of something like this with Matt explaining "I paid off my mortgage with this, it'll be gone in 5 days, thanks for your ongoing support and understanding."
posted by Meatbomb at 11:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
I don't see the charity angle as a needed element. I'd be fine with a short run of something like this with Matt explaining "I paid off my mortgage with this, it'll be gone in 5 days, thanks for your ongoing support and understanding."
posted by Meatbomb at 11:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
But then you've removed both the funny (April Fools') and awesome (proceeds to charity) elements and now it's just, "Hey, it's cool, Matt, we understand" instead of, "This totally rocks and is why MetaFilter is great."
posted by cribcage at 12:06 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cribcage at 12:06 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Maybe it would've ignited a thread about the age old Chevy vs. Ford debate that so many gearheads hold dear. I once had a friend look at my Escort and tell me that Ford stood for "Found On Road Dead."
Rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford.
Not really committed to that in a big way, I just promised my dad. Also told him I'd head shoot zombie Nixon so I haven't let him down in any specific sense thus far.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:36 AM on December 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
Rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford.
Not really committed to that in a big way, I just promised my dad. Also told him I'd head shoot zombie Nixon so I haven't let him down in any specific sense thus far.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:36 AM on December 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
Just put a chevy ad in the space where you delete posts
"There won't be as many viewers, but the ones you get will pay special attention to every last pixel and even start discussion groups about their content and meaning."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:20 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
"There won't be as many viewers, but the ones you get will pay special attention to every last pixel and even start discussion groups about their content and meaning."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:20 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
scalefree: "They should periodically drive across the screen like that animated Michael Steele walking across the GOP website."
April 1st. Tiny Video Mathowie strolls onto the Metafilter homepage and chipperly welcomes the reader to his blog community website, outlining its features in the Web 2.0-goofiest way possible.
Make. It. Happen.
posted by Rhaomi at 3:01 AM on December 7, 2011 [5 favorites]
April 1st. Tiny Video Mathowie strolls onto the Metafilter homepage and chipperly welcomes the reader to his blog community website, outlining its features in the Web 2.0-goofiest way possible.
Make. It. Happen.
posted by Rhaomi at 3:01 AM on December 7, 2011 [5 favorites]
"Why does Metafilter hate America?"
Is it ok to quote good Scott Adams material, before he went nutso?
I for one have to say that all his work, even older strips, feels tainted and unfunny to me now, and the newer ones just feel pathetic. Context is so strange; what once seemed cynical and knowing now comes across as mean-spirited and smug, now that I've had a glimpse of the conceited little man behind the curtain.
Oh hey I just noticed that's my post on Lydia Davis getting run over by a Chevy truck there.
Okay then. It really is a metaphor for America after all. Cool.
posted by aught at 8:02 AM on December 7, 2011
Is it ok to quote good Scott Adams material, before he went nutso?
I for one have to say that all his work, even older strips, feels tainted and unfunny to me now, and the newer ones just feel pathetic. Context is so strange; what once seemed cynical and knowing now comes across as mean-spirited and smug, now that I've had a glimpse of the conceited little man behind the curtain.
Oh hey I just noticed that's my post on Lydia Davis getting run over by a Chevy truck there.
Okay then. It really is a metaphor for America after all. Cool.
posted by aught at 8:02 AM on December 7, 2011
nathancaswell: For some reason OneVoice 2 strikes me as tremendously funny.
OneVoice 2Voice
RedVoice BlueVoice
posted by owtytrof at 9:03 AM on December 7, 2011
OneVoice 2Voice
RedVoice BlueVoice
posted by owtytrof at 9:03 AM on December 7, 2011
And it would have turned your cursor into a tiny person walking as you moved it around, and when you clicked on a link the link would turn into a little car that the person would get into which would make vrooming sounds, and finally the squeals of laying rubber when your browser went to the new page-- which would increase loading time by an order of magnitude, but so what?
posted by jamjam at 9:09 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 9:09 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ford stood for "Found On Road Dead."
Fix Or Repair Daily
posted by banshee at 11:00 AM on December 7, 2011
Fix Or Repair Daily
posted by banshee at 11:00 AM on December 7, 2011
Our styleguide, aside from being around 150 pages long, includes such useful tidbits as "our corporate voice uses 'and' instead of ampersands (&)" so it's not uncommon for me to send internal documents out for review, only to have them returned with all the ampersands struck out & replaced with ands.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:14 AM on December 7, 2011
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:14 AM on December 7, 2011
Fix Or Repair Daily
That's what I always thought it was, but a friend insists it's "Fix Often, Repair Daily." I have to admit, that does kinda make more sense.
posted by Juffo-Wup at 11:41 AM on December 7, 2011
That's what I always thought it was, but a friend insists it's "Fix Often, Repair Daily." I have to admit, that does kinda make more sense.
posted by Juffo-Wup at 11:41 AM on December 7, 2011
Blazecock Pileon: "So bringing back the img tag will apparently cost more than $10K."
Well, at least we have a ballpark costing now.
I wonder if it's possible to take the offer, but have the site look normal for logged-in users? If they'r eoffering 10-20 grand before negotiation, I wonder what they're really willing to pay? How much is short-term credibility really worth?
posted by dg at 2:48 PM on December 7, 2011
Well, at least we have a ballpark costing now.
I wonder if it's possible to take the offer, but have the site look normal for logged-in users? If they'r eoffering 10-20 grand before negotiation, I wonder what they're really willing to pay? How much is short-term credibility really worth?
posted by dg at 2:48 PM on December 7, 2011
Ford stood for "Found On Road Dead."
Fix Or Repair Daily
'Found On Rubbish Dumps' is another.
The GM brand in Australia is Holden and one of the similar quips is 'just Holden together'.
posted by dg at 2:55 PM on December 7, 2011
Fix Or Repair Daily
'Found On Rubbish Dumps' is another.
The GM brand in Australia is Holden and one of the similar quips is 'just Holden together'.
posted by dg at 2:55 PM on December 7, 2011
Vell... Our Little Kar, She Will Awe Germany's Enemies Now!
posted by argonauta at 7:29 PM on December 7, 2011
posted by argonauta at 7:29 PM on December 7, 2011
But I wonder at what price would running such an ad be okay?
$145K, to be delivered at the rate of one dollar per user until PayPal shuts them down and then you'd be a real hero, mathowie.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:36 PM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]
$145K, to be delivered at the rate of one dollar per user until PayPal shuts them down and then you'd be a real hero, mathowie.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:36 PM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]
This EXACT topic is currently being discussed on one of my favorite news websites!!
Onion: Co.Inci.Dence?
Marketing is the most 'hard' science backed and based social science.
posted by infinite intimation at 2:03 PM on December 9, 2011
Onion: Co.Inci.Dence?
Marketing is the most 'hard' science backed and based social science.
posted by infinite intimation at 2:03 PM on December 9, 2011
And Rhaomi is right... tiny mathowie walking on-screen (ala Michael Steel2.0) is something to support that would also be useful; like, when your cursor starts to go near any clickable link, tiny-mathoiwe pops out of the side of the screen (with a jocular "BOO!! SUPRIZE!" shout), and (here is where that wonderful, wasted, microsoft bob technology can be resurrected) he then says (in auto-playing, volume-pre-selected at a helpful LOUD level setting [the only selectable options on screen being "auto-tune on/off"])
-"it looks like you want to go to MeTa, have you tried the contact form?", or "it looks like you are composing a post; is it a question? Did you or a friend make the content? Take it to projects, here, I will send you there!". Tell me that isn't going to revolutionize not only the web, but word processing and automation!
SUPER helpful is what that would be.
posted by infinite intimation at 2:12 PM on December 9, 2011
-"it looks like you want to go to MeTa, have you tried the contact form?", or "it looks like you are composing a post; is it a question? Did you or a friend make the content? Take it to projects, here, I will send you there!". Tell me that isn't going to revolutionize not only the web, but word processing and automation!
SUPER helpful is what that would be.
posted by infinite intimation at 2:12 PM on December 9, 2011
Death to Clippy tiny mathowie (not the full size one, we love him).
posted by arcticseal at 7:40 PM on December 9, 2011
posted by arcticseal at 7:40 PM on December 9, 2011
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posted by WidgetAlley at 12:56 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]