April Frist! March 31, 2012 9:12 PM Subscribe

It's only 10pm here in Albuquerque, but it's April 1st somewhere, so I'm giving everyone randomized (staff) tags in MetaTalk! Happy April!
posted by filthy light thief to MetaFilter-Related at 9:12 PM (1956 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite

Frist!
posted by filthy light thief (stalwart) at 9:12 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

lol butts
posted by elizardbits (stephen hawking) at 9:13 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

i don't even.
posted by iamabot (sartori) at 9:14 PM on March 31, 2012

I was wondering! I was so confused ..
posted by dotgirl (taffy) at 9:15 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

testes
posted by cellphone (staph) at 9:15 PM on March 31, 2012

Is this some kind of joke?
posted by ericost (mood) at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2012

Make it stop!
posted by pemberkins (stamos potential) at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

does anyone read the posts down here?
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 (simple machine) at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

totes.
posted by Jimbob (farts) at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

...how?
posted by pecanpies (stout) at 9:17 PM on March 31, 2012

I have a number of questions.
posted by nicething (stamp tramp) at 9:17 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

My first act as official steve-o/stet/stuffed/'struth will be to timeshift msacheson's "Harrumph!" comment about two minutes forward on the 'we have cameras' thread, so NortonDC's rejoinder is immediately consecutive to marknau's rant. It is only proper.
posted by brownpau (stilettos) at 9:17 PM on March 31, 2012 [6 favorites]

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
posted by kmz (stopped) at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2012

<3
posted by jessamyn (sterling) at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wheeeeeee!
posted by sarcasticah (stab) at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2012

I Like Jam
posted by edgeways (stack o toads) at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2012

I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I
posted by spiderskull (calved) at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2012

Oh, "staves" apparently.
posted by spiderskull (stamp out litter) at 9:19 PM on March 31, 2012

yay
posted by Wordwoman (staves) at 9:19 PM on March 31, 2012

OK, Blue Jays, let's play ball.
posted by Space Coyote (star wars) at 9:19 PM on March 31, 2012

lookout
posted by mwhybark (stanley kubrick) at 9:20 PM on March 31, 2012

Get stuffed.
posted by gingerbeer (staffing solutions) at 9:20 PM on March 31, 2012

⛄
posted by Threeway Handshake (stebbins) at 9:21 PM on March 31, 2012

Was this inspired by the staph joke on Science Friday this week?

Totally was. Totally was.
posted by thirteenkiller (calved) at 9:21 PM on March 31, 2012

Heh.
posted by gingerbeer (mr. belvedere) at 9:21 PM on March 31, 2012

Woot.
posted by cozenedindigo (standup comedian) at 9:22 PM on March 31, 2012

it changes!
posted by mwhybark (start) at 9:22 PM on March 31, 2012

Oooh they change. Which makes that a little less funny than it was the first time.
posted by gingerbeer (snuffleuppagus) at 9:22 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

fuck
posted by cellphone (studmuffin) at 9:23 PM on March 31, 2012

stet
posted by cellphone (sterling) at 9:23 PM on March 31, 2012

Wha... woah!
posted by latkes ( radio) at 9:23 PM on March 31, 2012

I've gone ahead and authorized to be implemented, memento project for Mefi, you'll thank me later (while sifting through all the rest of the non-mementoed web, and finding it to be full of holes).
Also, pb will now have a partner in j.

Also, why could a large portion of the choir not play woodwind, brass, or other fingered instruments?

They were Altos.
posted by infinite intimation (sartori) at 9:23 PM on March 31, 2012

Ooh, what will I get?
posted by rtha ( radio) at 9:24 PM on March 31, 2012

Yes!
posted by rtha (stafu) at 9:24 PM on March 31, 2012

.
posted by barely legal (stef) at 9:24 PM on March 31, 2012

It's just what I've always wanted.
posted by donnagirl (stopped) at 9:24 PM on March 31, 2012

And they change every time I refresh the page! Bitchin'!
posted by rtha (snuffleuppagus) at 9:25 PM on March 31, 2012

OHNOITSDEAD!!!
posted by latkes (naff) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012

This shall not stand
posted by allen.spaulding (chaff) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012

Oh wait, it's back!?!!
posted by latkes (behalf) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012

Weird, it went away on the last couple posts for a minute...
posted by latkes (star light star bright) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012

refresh, latkes.
posted by gingerbeer (riffraff) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hope I get shillelagh.
posted by chococat (stax exchange) at 9:26 PM on March 31, 2012

damn.
posted by chococat (president taft) at 9:27 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

April Fish everybody!
posted by themanwho (stabbatical) at 9:27 PM on March 31, 2012

Stet is a Latin word (meaning "let it stand") used by proofreaders and editors to instruct the typesetter or writer to disregard a change the editor or proofreader had previously marked.[1]
This convention is usually marked by writing and circling the word stet above or beside the unwanted edit and underscoring the selection with dashes or dots.[1] Alternatively, a circled tick (check mark) may be used in the margin.[2]

In connection with this usage, stet is also sometimes used as a verb, e.g., "Stet that colon."

Imagine the headlines, MeFi colon "explorer".
Colon explorer?
You know what I'm saying. Stet that colon.

I'll let it stand.
posted by infinite intimation (stand and deliver) at 9:27 PM on March 31, 2012

no whammies no whammies c'monnnn esteban!
posted by kpht (stafu) at 9:27 PM on March 31, 2012

How come filthy light thief got to do this?
posted by oneswellfoop (shillelagh) at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2012

aww, poots (srsly i heart this).
posted by kpht (puff daddy) at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2012

I <3 New Mexico and ABQ. RUIDOSO REPPIN HERE YO!
posted by PapaLobo (stuff) at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

How come filthy light thief got to do this?

Because he's a member of the staves, obviously.
posted by cortex (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

...so begins a 24 hour period of trusting no one.
posted by Rinku (horse ebooks) at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

I want!
posted by LobsterMitten (silver surfer) at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2012

Dammit.
posted by LobsterMitten (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2012

This is awesome!
posted by lucy.jakobs (karen carpenter) at 9:30 PM on March 31, 2012

That's it, I'm going down to the radio station where flt does a Techno music show on Sunday mornings (absolutely true) and I'm bringing all my Weird Al records!!!
posted by oneswellfoop (stoat) at 9:30 PM on March 31, 2012

test
posted by hellojed (stoned) at 9:30 PM on March 31, 2012

WHERE'D IT GO?
posted by brina (stoned) at 9:30 PM on March 31, 2012

First time I loaded this mine was "staph," second time I loaded it was "stet"
posted by LobsterMitten (mr. belvedere) at 9:31 PM on March 31, 2012

They should have let Meatbomb announce it.
posted by grouse (stanley kubrick) at 9:31 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

brina - you gotta refresh the page.
posted by rtha (snodgrass) at 9:31 PM on March 31, 2012

For the next 24 hours, I'm banning everyone I meet!
posted by meese (stab) at 9:31 PM on March 31, 2012

"How come filthy light thief got to do this?"

Because, after stealing all the sunlight, over the dim, dull winter months, there is the rejuvenation and rebirth season of spring...
Who better than the filthy light theif their-sizzelf to return the world to the joy, light, and abundant spring of spring-time?

It might become a new holiday (Cleansed Light Returns). Maybe.
posted by infinite intimation (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 9:31 PM on March 31, 2012 [3 favorites]

Let the silliness begin.
posted by andoatnp (stabilizer) at 9:32 PM on March 31, 2012

Figured that out the hard way, rtha. Btw, it's totally true. I really am stacked.
posted by brina (sylvan learning center) at 9:32 PM on March 31, 2012

third was "stella"... this encourages reload abuse!
posted by LobsterMitten (standup comedian) at 9:32 PM on March 31, 2012

lemme see what this may look a like
posted by TangerineGurl (stan the potato man) at 9:33 PM on March 31, 2012

need more categories...

striped

stripped

stark, ned

stark, tony

stark naked

stark raving

schlump

slacker
posted by oneswellfoop (stockholm syndrome) at 9:33 PM on March 31, 2012

and of course,

swell
posted by oneswellfoop (stack hat) at 9:33 PM on March 31, 2012

gingerbeer and I, both sitting here with our laptops of course, are noticing that the tags are different for each of us! Fun!
posted by rtha (stamos potential) at 9:34 PM on March 31, 2012

I want one!
posted by kellyblah (stax exchange) at 9:34 PM on March 31, 2012

Finally, I get the respect I deserve around here!
posted by Salvor Hardin (stephen hawking) at 9:34 PM on March 31, 2012

me too
posted by mustard seeds (stef) at 9:35 PM on March 31, 2012

This is a much better April Fool's prank than the one I thought up: sending "You're failing" emails to all of my students. (I don't think I can actually do that, because the firing would be for reals.)
posted by ilana (seven chinese brothers) at 9:36 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want in on this too.
posted by The Man from Lardfork (stand and deliver) at 9:37 PM on March 31, 2012

This is excellent. I still remember fondly the April Fool's AskMe page. Can I still find that somewhere?
posted by latkes (snodgrass) at 9:37 PM on March 31, 2012

I would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please.
posted by heurtebise (esteban) at 9:39 PM on March 31, 2012

Huzzah!
posted by Ghidorah (standup bass) at 9:39 PM on March 31, 2012

Gimme.
posted by lekvar (starter) at 9:39 PM on March 31, 2012

Interesting. I started reading this thread when there were only a few comments. When I came back I clicked "40 new comments" and those comments did not have the yellow tags. When I refreshed they were awarded tags. I always find little "bugs" like that fascinating.
posted by HMSSM (stamp tramp) at 9:40 PM on March 31, 2012

stef is not so random. stef is a conspiracy.
posted by feloniousmonk (startled moose) at 9:41 PM on March 31, 2012

I've got a staff. Anyone want to see?
posted by deezil (shillelagh) at 9:41 PM on March 31, 2012

My second act with a mod-tag (after the huzzahing) will be the implementation of EatMe...

huh, what? You mean it's just a tag? No powers?
posted by Ghidorah (snodgrass) at 9:42 PM on March 31, 2012

Staff tagged all my life
posted by Occula (stars in your eyes) at 9:42 PM on March 31, 2012

This longboat looks awful short.
posted by bigbigdog (star trek) at 9:42 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want to be stylin'.
posted by desjardins (stafu) at 9:42 PM on March 31, 2012

:(
posted by desjardins (riffraff) at 9:42 PM on March 31, 2012

"stuffed" tagged all my life
posted by Occula (stabilizer) at 9:43 PM on March 31, 2012

Why does mine only say Stab?
Is it because im supposed to stab?
Guide me metafilter
posted by Potomac Avenue (stanky) at 9:43 PM on March 31, 2012

Slayer!
posted by blaneyphoto (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 9:43 PM on March 31, 2012

Heh, you're currently stacked, deezil.

And oneswellfoop, I'm not doing my radio show tomorrow. I'm actually and truly in New Mexico.
posted by filthy light thief (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 9:44 PM on March 31, 2012

What sorcery is this?
posted by radwolf76 (stabbatical) at 9:45 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

then I'm going to go in AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME, bwahahahaha....
posted by oneswellfoop (silver surfer) at 9:46 PM on March 31, 2012

april frisk!
posted by foxhat10 (behalf) at 9:48 PM on March 31, 2012

more like April Stirf, amirite?
posted by oneswellfoop (start) at 9:49 PM on March 31, 2012

This is totally illegal and I am telling.
posted by Meatbomb (staring contest) at 9:50 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

I got stiff right now.
posted by The Whelk (waft) at 9:51 PM on March 31, 2012

What?
posted by The Whelk (starblazers) at 9:51 PM on March 31, 2012

Hmmm.
posted by postel's law (start) at 9:52 PM on March 31, 2012

okay, which one of you is stimpy?
posted by oneswellfoop (taffy) at 9:54 PM on March 31, 2012

OHIJUSTREALIZEDALLTHEOTHERMETASARELIKETHISTOO!
posted by latkes (sweeney toddler) at 9:55 PM on March 31, 2012

is this something i need a television to understand?
posted by sambosambo (naff) at 9:56 PM on March 31, 2012

Well done.
posted by vegartanipla (stamp out litter) at 9:57 PM on March 31, 2012

What? Why I don't even... huh?
posted by trip and a half (hurf durf butter staffer) at 9:57 PM on March 31, 2012

I wish to be Smurf on the Blue
posted by Rumple (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 9:58 PM on March 31, 2012

Shenanigans'
posted by Weeping_angel (stand and deliver) at 9:59 PM on March 31, 2012

My turn. Funny!
posted by bebrave! (stfu) at 10:00 PM on March 31, 2012

exciting
posted by MythMaker (stodgy) at 10:02 PM on March 31, 2012

Best $5 evar!
posted by Sailormom (stamen) at 10:04 PM on March 31, 2012

I am going to be reloading all the MetaTalk pages constantly for the next 24 hours because I like it when it changes. Sigh.
posted by trip and a half (chaff) at 10:05 PM on March 31, 2012

oh weird they don't show on preview
posted by juv3nal (fapfapfap) at 10:07 PM on March 31, 2012

We finally have flair.
posted by The Whelk (staves) at 10:07 PM on March 31, 2012

Me sum two.
posted by a humble nudibranch (stamos potential) at 10:07 PM on March 31, 2012

Eager ears, expectant, joyful.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER (calved) at 10:07 PM on March 31, 2012

Stoned!
posted by a humble nudibranch (stet) at 10:09 PM on March 31, 2012

As in, let's all get.
posted by The Whelk (startled moose) at 10:09 PM on March 31, 2012

April Fool Ponies for all!
posted by mogget (stentoria) at 10:09 PM on March 31, 2012

Whoa whoa!
posted by suedehead (newborn calf) at 10:12 PM on March 31, 2012

As charming as this is, my fervent wish for a tiny video mathowie continues unabated. PERCHANCE NEXT YEAR.
posted by Rhaomi (studebaker) at 10:12 PM on March 31, 2012

Nice!
posted by Laura Macbeth (starvin') at 10:12 PM on March 31, 2012

FINALLY
posted by unknowncommand (stoat) at 10:12 PM on March 31, 2012

More responsibility but no power to abuse! Awwgghh
posted by TwelveTwo (seven chinese brothers) at 10:13 PM on March 31, 2012

Weeee!
posted by Defying Gravity (smithers release the hounds) at 10:13 PM on March 31, 2012

Also (of course): eponysterical! Yay!
posted by trip and a half (esteban) at 10:13 PM on March 31, 2012

One hour in and you've added a bunch more variations, none of them among those I suggested. stiffed
posted by oneswellfoop (sterling) at 10:14 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh yes.
posted by Evernix (starfish kisses) at 10:14 PM on March 31, 2012

alright, random tag... let's do this!
posted by palomar ('struth) at 10:17 PM on March 31, 2012

aww. no i'm not. :(
posted by palomar (calved) at 10:18 PM on March 31, 2012

lol stuff
posted by daniel_charms (simple machine) at 10:18 PM on March 31, 2012

Yay
posted by jabo (stentoria) at 10:19 PM on March 31, 2012

Is there a Steffi Graf reference I missed somewhere, or is it just a random thing?

true fact: in Brazilian Portuguese they have a really hard time with words that end in a consonant. Steffi Graf was at her peak when I was living in Brazil, where they called her "Steffi Graffi." She is forever Steffi Graffi to me.
posted by ambrosia (scrappy-doo) at 10:21 PM on March 31, 2012

I am so confused.
posted by mollymayhem (star light star bright) at 10:22 PM on March 31, 2012

Oh, duh. Never mind.
posted by ambrosia (stella) at 10:22 PM on March 31, 2012

I hope someone who has a better OS/screen-shot app than I do is posting the gems somewhere.
posted by trip and a half (stabilizer) at 10:22 PM on March 31, 2012

i want one
posted by changeling (stuffing) at 10:22 PM on March 31, 2012

i want a different one
posted by changeling (staphylococcus) at 10:23 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

My turn! What am I?
posted by Metroid Baby (horse ebooks) at 10:24 PM on March 31, 2012

This was a good one:

Finally, I get the respect I deserve around here!
posted by Salvor Hardin [winner] at 9:34 PM on March 31 [+] [!]

posted by slidell (stagger lee) at 10:24 PM on March 31, 2012

!
posted by Chionophilia (stabbatical) at 10:24 PM on March 31, 2012

What does a winder chicken do, I wonder?
posted by Eyebrows McGee ( radio) at 10:26 PM on March 31, 2012

At first I thought it was a greasemonkey script gone wrong.
posted by ZeusHumms (hairway to steven) at 10:26 PM on March 31, 2012

Oh, they all change if you refresh the page. Right now I'm SHAFT. I can dig it.
posted by Metroid Baby (giraffed) at 10:27 PM on March 31, 2012

" Eyebrows McGee ('struth)"

Yeah I am!
posted by Eyebrows McGee (standardized test) at 10:27 PM on March 31, 2012

Whoa:

" What does a winder chicken do, I wonder? posted by Eyebrows McGee (stavrosthewinderchicken)"

It's watching me.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (stilettos) at 10:28 PM on March 31, 2012

The winder chicken cracks me up!
posted by squid in a people suit (stefi graf) at 10:28 PM on March 31, 2012

Google to bring autonomous vehicle technology to NASCAR.
posted by furiousxgeorge (simple machine) at 10:29 PM on March 31, 2012

hi me too please
posted by sunnichka (stamps.com) at 10:29 PM on March 31, 2012

I guess it's better than random staph infections.
posted by Confess, Fletch (gaffe) at 10:29 PM on March 31, 2012

Remember, with great power comes great irresponsibility.
posted by Dr. Zira (stable boy) at 10:30 PM on March 31, 2012

What does a winder chicken do, I wonder?
posted by Eyebrows McGee (stippled)

Hm...everyone must get different results
posted by LionIndex (studebaker) at 10:30 PM on March 31, 2012

hi me too please
posted by sunnichka (stapler)
thanks!
posted by sunnichka (spouse) at 10:30 PM on March 31, 2012

Ooooh, what do I get?
posted by Gary (behalf) at 10:30 PM on March 31, 2012

Random my ass.
posted by Neale (stupid) at 10:31 PM on March 31, 2012

Yep. I get a different tag on my own comment if I refresh.
posted by LionIndex (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 10:31 PM on March 31, 2012

Even cortex is affected. Sweet.
posted by Mitheral (stella) at 10:31 PM on March 31, 2012

Now I wanna get hurf durf butter staffer!
posted by rtha (stasi) at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

So many stanley kubricks. So few p. diddys.
posted by Dr. Zira (stax exchange) at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2012

hi me too please
posted by sunnichka (stapler)
thanks!
posted by sunnichka (stodgy)
am not you bastards
posted by sunnichka (puff daddy) at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2012

I hope someone who has a better OS/screen-shot app than I do is posting the gems somewhere.
posted by trip and a half (stupid) at 12:22 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Don't know if it's a gem but
posted by Sailormom (star trek) at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Me too!
posted by runningwithscissors (stiff) at 10:32 PM on March 31, 2012

At this moment mine says stavrosthewonderchicken. I lol'd.
posted by Mitheral (stars in your eyes) at 10:33 PM on March 31, 2012

Don't know if it's a gem but
posted by Sailormom (fapfapfap) at 10:32 PM on March 31 [+] [!]

gem!
posted by rtha (stockholm syndrome) at 10:33 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Everyone is banned, but is free to reapply for their old usernames!
posted by ignignokt (staple singers) at 10:33 PM on March 31, 2012

hi me too please
posted by sunnichka (stapler)
thanks!
posted by sunnichka (stodgy)
am not you bastards
posted by sunnichka (star trek)
oh snap
posted by sunnichka (stodgy) at 10:33 PM on March 31, 2012

Random my ass.
posted by Neale (stoopid) at 10:31 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
posted by oneswellfoop (stef) at 10:34 PM on March 31, 2012

STELLLLLLAAAAAH
posted by ignignokt (stet) at 10:34 PM on March 31, 2012

hi me too please
posted by sunnichka (stapler)
thanks!
posted by sunnichka (stodgy)
am not you bastards
posted by sunnichka (star trek)
oh snap
posted by sunnichka (staves)
good i was hoping for a verb
posted by sunnichka (stan the potato man) at 10:34 PM on March 31, 2012

This one goes to eleven.
posted by blaneyphoto (half) at 10:36 PM on March 31, 2012

Thank you, Sailormom! Several gems in there. But now I realize there's just going to be an endless flood of gems. But don't let that stop you, people!
posted by trip and a half (stamps.com) at 10:36 PM on March 31, 2012

Staff me, yeah like that.
posted by Trivia Newton John (stentoria) at 10:36 PM on March 31, 2012

That turned out better than I could have planned it.
posted by Trivia Newton John (stent) at 10:36 PM on March 31, 2012

If I don't get to sleep in another hour, I'm gonna try to pokemon (GOTTA GET EM ALL) all the IDs. Or I'm gonna do a meltdown/flameout here where nobody will take it seriously.
posted by oneswellfoop (taffy) at 10:36 PM on March 31, 2012

IT JUST KEEPS DOING IT! I love this FLT.
posted by Trivia Newton John (sweeney toddler) at 10:37 PM on March 31, 2012

I want to be Sterrance. Awww.
posted by Metroid Baby (steve-o) at 10:37 PM on March 31, 2012

Cool!
posted by lee (stapler) at 10:37 PM on March 31, 2012

Yay!!
posted by nooneyouknow (star light star bright) at 10:38 PM on March 31, 2012

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
posted by susanbeeswax (staple singers) at 10:39 PM on March 31, 2012

Comments deleted. If you have to talk about grilled cheese, please take it to fromagefrottage.metafilter.com]

(giddy with power, I tell you)
posted by zippy (startled moose) at 10:40 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

First I got "riffraff" and I was sad.
Then I got "winner" and I was happy.
Then I saw it wasn't just me and I was sad again.
But then I got "hurf durf butter staffer" and my life is complete.
posted by arcticseal (calved) at 10:43 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

he staves it off, our
lone, wracked star trekker:
with stodgy stapler
posted by sunnichka (sylvan learning center) at 10:45 PM on March 31, 2012

i want HURF DURF BUTTER STAFFER on a t-shirt, please.

you know, like the one i saw the other day on some dude walking toward me downtown. black t-shirt, big shiny gold foil lettering that read I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME DAD.

what.
posted by palomar (stefi graf) at 10:45 PM on March 31, 2012

I've never ever posted on MeTa before. But the tags.
posted by bbuda (smithers release the hounds) at 10:45 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

he staves it off, our
lone, wracked star trekker:
with stodgy stapler
posted by sunnichka (stoooooooooooooned)
et fin
posted by sunnichka (stamp tramp) at 10:46 PM on March 31, 2012

it's fun to say "walking toward me downtown" in a faux irish accent. although mine keeps slipping more toward miss cleo territory. call me now for your free readin'! faith and begorrah!
posted by palomar (stabilizer) at 10:46 PM on March 31, 2012

Aha, finally the power I've always craved!

NO SELF-LINKING RECIPES IN METATALK HAVEN'T YOU READ THE FAQ YOU FIE' DOLLAH N000OOOooooOOOoooOOOooob!?
posted by carsonb (stabbatical) at 10:46 PM on March 31, 2012

WHAT IS THIS TOMFOOLERY
posted by maqsarian (calved) at 10:47 PM on March 31, 2012

omg, I forgot it was April Fools today. So many crises averted.
posted by stoneandstar (riffraff) at 10:47 PM on March 31, 2012

Cool.
posted by oceano (stasi) at 10:47 PM on March 31, 2012

boioioioioioioioing
posted by palomar (stacked) at 10:49 PM on March 31, 2012

Yes, that's the idea, Burhanistan! More of this, please.
posted by trip and a half (stamp out litter) at 10:50 PM on March 31, 2012

Please for to be entaggening.
posted by Cold Lurkey (stet) at 10:51 PM on March 31, 2012

Me me please!
posted by Kerasia (stamps.com) at 10:52 PM on March 31, 2012

That's what all the men say down at the ED clinic - "That babe Kerasia has staffing solutions."
posted by Kerasia (naff) at 10:54 PM on March 31, 2012

LATE TO THE PARTY
posted by zennish (stanky) at 10:55 PM on March 31, 2012

...and yet STILL A WINNER
posted by zennish (karen carpenter) at 10:55 PM on March 31, 2012

Life: the greatest April Fools Day joke of all.
posted by Kerasia (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 10:56 PM on March 31, 2012

barely legal got the one I wanted

(this IS the first time I've said that phrase, I swear)

it was farts that I wanted

(also a first)
posted by MCMikeNamara (stout) at 10:56 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

heh
posted by MCMikeNamara (sweeney toddler) at 10:57 PM on March 31, 2012

what
posted by Gator (stan the potato man) at 10:58 PM on March 31, 2012

Is this something I'd have an internet to understand? I quit that before it was cool.
posted by five fresh fish (stet) at 10:59 PM on March 31, 2012

Cold Lurkey farts is making my whole day right now

wow, that sounds awkward when it's outside of my head
posted by palomar (startled moose) at 10:59 PM on March 31, 2012

well i never
posted by stray (stfu) at 11:03 PM on March 31, 2012

It's April 1st every day for the Blaze, baby.
posted by Blazecock Pileon (zach braf) at 11:03 PM on March 31, 2012

Wow, that is in fact my official job description. How'd you know?
posted by stray (no soap) at 11:03 PM on March 31, 2012

Ooh, shiny!
posted by it must be bunnies (stef) at 11:05 PM on March 31, 2012

Today we are all staff.
posted by mosessis (stuff) at 11:07 PM on March 31, 2012

Me gusta.
posted by Neilopolis (stack o toads) at 11:08 PM on March 31, 2012

So, going back into the archives some time after this... unless the tags get glued to this thread once April Fools is over, this is going to be one hell of a strange thread.

I'm all for it.

I, personally, hope I can be SHAFT to someone, somewhere, and remain SHAFT forever afterward.
posted by neewom (naff) at 11:08 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

*burp*
posted by cgg (silver surfer) at 11:12 PM on March 31, 2012

I just want esteban.
posted by Drumhellz (puff daddy) at 11:12 PM on March 31, 2012

Nice.
posted by crossoverman (stacked) at 11:14 PM on March 31, 2012

I go outside for a week and just look what happens to this place!
posted by Devils Rancher (stanky) at 11:14 PM on March 31, 2012

Thanks to a James Herriot story that made a huge impression on 13-year-old me, I want "shillelagh" pls.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus (staple singers) at 11:14 PM on March 31, 2012

What happened here?
posted by AElfwine Evenstar (horse ebooks) at 11:17 PM on March 31, 2012

10 refreshes later it still wouldn't give me "shillelagh" but I stopped at "winner" so, ok, good enough.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus (SHAFT) at 11:17 PM on March 31, 2012

God damn you it must be bunnies you stole MY staff tag :)
posted by AElfwine Evenstar ('struth) at 11:18 PM on March 31, 2012

tag plz
posted by jourman2 (stamp tramp) at 11:18 PM on March 31, 2012

Tag! You're it!
posted by daniel_charms (gaffe) at 11:21 PM on March 31, 2012

Okay, I decided to stop being lazy and figure out how to immortalize neewom.
posted by trip and a half (stodgy) at 11:22 PM on March 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

so far (in no particular order, may not be complete, some duplicates may occur so sue me)...

(stifler)
(starburns)
(staves)
(shillelagh)
(graph)
(stanley kubrick)
(start)
(stop sign)
('struth)
(hurf durf butter staffer)
(stoned)
(chaff)
(stavrosthewonderchicken)
(waft)
(half)
(stefi graf)
(stef)
(stiffie)
(president taft)
(steve-o)
(naff)
(stazi)
(spouse)
(zach braf)
(giraffed)
(stuffed)
(fapfapfap)
(stiff)
(stella)
(stout)
(stodgy)
(star wars)
(stanky)
(esteban)
(SHAFT)
(stephen hawking)
(shillelagh)
(gaffe)
(stuffed)
(staph)
(step)
(stippled)
(stooped)
(graft)
(stopped)
(stent)
(nobody understands him but his woman )
(stoopid)
(puff daddy)
(newborn calf)
(stoat)
(stuffing)
(naff)
(stapler)
(starvin')
(stacked)
(behalf)
(raff scaff)
(stentoria)
(taffy)
(calved)
(waft)
(fapfapfap)
(stebbins)
(stet)
(stars in your eyes)
(starvin')
(stodgy)
(stilettos)
(studmuffin)
('struth)
(stuffing)
(stentoria)
(stupid)
(graft)
(sterling)
(starter)
(pfaff)
(staffing solutions)
(riff raff)
(star light star bright)
(stagger lee)
(stamps.com)
(stack exchange)
(stax exchange)
(stamen)
(studebaker)
(mood)
(stadia)
(stoooooooooooooned)
(winner)
posted by oneswellfoop (stamp tramp) at 11:23 PM on March 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

I don't understand what's going on. It's still March on the west coast. But I wholeheartedly approve.
posted by ActingTheGoat (stodgy) at 11:27 PM on March 31, 2012

よっしゃ！
posted by emmling (newborn calf) at 11:30 PM on March 31, 2012

I should not have taken that last Percoset.
posted by Karlos the Jackal (stuffing) at 11:32 PM on March 31, 2012

:0 haha whooo
posted by beepbeepboopboop (stoooooooooooooned) at 11:36 PM on March 31, 2012

okay, when I saw (stable boy) I gave up.
posted by oneswellfoop (staring contest) at 11:38 PM on March 31, 2012

Excellent!!! *cracks knuckles*
posted by DreamerFi (stebbins) at 11:40 PM on March 31, 2012

stamps.com!
posted by two lights above the sea (calved) at 11:41 PM on March 31, 2012

Meanwhile, I am also enjoying the Ad Paws Ad Block kitty goodness on the rest of the web.
posted by mephisjo (stabbatical) at 11:43 PM on March 31, 2012

Woop woop!
posted by Juso No Thankyou (starfish kisses) at 11:45 PM on March 31, 2012

How come filthy light thief got to do this?

Because he's a member of the staves, obviously.
posted by cortex (stupid) at 9:29 PM on March 31 [2 favorites +] [!]

There were (hilarious and fun) reasons. I KNOW WHAT I SAW!!!
posted by trip and a half (stef) at 11:45 PM on March 31, 2012

Looks like what we have on our hands here . . .

sunglasses

Is one mighty big staff infection.

YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
posted by secret about box (waft) at 11:52 PM on March 31, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hi, what's happening? It's after midday, ya know.
posted by h00py (stack hat) at 11:53 PM on March 31, 2012

Stodgy!
posted by h00py (starter) at 11:53 PM on March 31, 2012

Fun! Thank you!
posted by marimeko (ffats) at 12:01 AM on April 1, 2012

Lolz.
posted by alby (stairway to heaven) at 12:05 AM on April 1, 2012

Okay, I decided to stop being lazy and figure out how to immortalize neewom.

Oh, trip and a half, I love you so much.
posted by neewom (mr. belvedere) at 12:05 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Did I miss it?
posted by ninazer0 (stack o toads) at 12:06 AM on April 1, 2012

I have nothing clever to say.
As usual.
posted by ApathyGirl ('struth) at 12:07 AM on April 1, 2012

This is the best thing that has happened to me all day....
posted by ninazer0 (stooped) at 12:07 AM on April 1, 2012

Gimmee something good!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (graft) at 12:09 AM on April 1, 2012

oooh ooh what's mine?!
posted by iamkimiam (stifler) at 12:09 AM on April 1, 2012

oh.
posted by iamkimiam (studebaker) at 12:09 AM on April 1, 2012

Noooooooooo!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (stebbins) at 12:09 AM on April 1, 2012

Okay, so on posting I got stamps.com, which is like, whoa man, cause I totally worked there.
You know, back in the day.
posted by ApathyGirl (stafu) at 12:09 AM on April 1, 2012

And then my val-speak laden post got labeled 'stoned' so... I'm just going to shut up before I cause a singularity or something.
posted by ApathyGirl (stasi) at 12:12 AM on April 1, 2012

Brandon, your exclamation was oddly appropriate in my little window:

Noooooooooo!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (stanley kubrick) at 3:09 AM on April 1 [+] [!]
posted by neewom (stack exchange) at 12:14 AM on April 1, 2012

People, lend me your ears for I have an urgent question: has anyone managed to figure out just how they got all those cats to fit in a scanner? Anyone?
posted by MattMangels (stupid) at 12:15 AM on April 1, 2012

♪ You get me closer to mod. ♫
posted by Pronoiac (stalin) at 12:18 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yay, sterling!
posted by Pronoiac (mood) at 12:18 AM on April 1, 2012

Tag check.
posted by empyrean (stfu) at 12:28 AM on April 1, 2012

Oddly enough, it's accurate.
posted by empyrean (stamp tramp) at 12:29 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh nuts I just banninated myself. A little help?
posted by Pronoiac (stack hat) at 12:29 AM on April 1, 2012

This and the Adblock kittens are the only AFJs I'm enjoying today. Grumble grumble.
posted by knile (stats) at 12:29 AM on April 1, 2012

Æ å bør vær me!
posted by Dumsnill (starter) at 12:31 AM on April 1, 2012

Huzzah!
posted by lumensimus (staves) at 12:32 AM on April 1, 2012

this is glorious
posted by These Birds of a Feather (smithers release the hounds) at 12:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Happy April Fish Day everyone! (Neat trick FLT.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl (gaffe) at 12:38 AM on April 1, 2012

anyway
posted by philip-random (steppenwolf) at 12:39 AM on April 1, 2012

I wants one too.
posted by lollusc (smithers) at 12:40 AM on April 1, 2012

NOT STAFF-IST
posted by daniel_charms (standardized test) at 12:40 AM on April 1, 2012

Oooh.
posted by lollusc (stats) at 12:40 AM on April 1, 2012

Actually, I think I'll bask in the warmth of the northern hemisphere's April Fools celebrations and help myself to another. Ta!
posted by h00py (stafu) at 12:44 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I hope my mine is Flounder.
posted by malthusan (stable boy) at 12:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Staff of Fats
posted by daniel_charms (soup to nuts) at 12:45 AM on April 1, 2012

Slobodan and the Party Rangers
posted by Afroblanco (staffing solutions) at 12:47 AM on April 1, 2012

woot
posted by TungstenChef (stabilizer) at 12:48 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh it gave me my 8th grade drama teacher. If betty pfaff finds this for some reason, she's gonna be real confused.
posted by Afroblanco (sweeney toddler) at 12:49 AM on April 1, 2012

This is pretty much proof that we're all too easily amused, isn't it?
posted by BitterOldPunk (mr. belvedere) at 12:49 AM on April 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh it changed every time so like never mind
posted by Afroblanco (snodgrass) at 12:49 AM on April 1, 2012

Stodgy stanky stiffie.
posted by BitterOldPunk (stalin) at 12:51 AM on April 1, 2012

You dipsticks. April Fools was finished 6 hours ago.
posted by malibustacey9999 (stuff) at 12:52 AM on April 1, 2012

Love this so hard.
posted by rhapsodie (standardized test) at 12:54 AM on April 1, 2012

wake up wake up its the first of the monthhhh
posted by raihan_ (stack o toads) at 12:55 AM on April 1, 2012

wins wins wins!
posted by Catch (stooped) at 12:58 AM on April 1, 2012

I say things.
posted by IvoShandor (stamp out litter) at 12:58 AM on April 1, 2012

This is pretty much proof that we're all too easily amused, isn't it?

Me stiffie, you stiffie.
posted by IvoShandor (stamp tramp) at 12:59 AM on April 1, 2012

This is, for serious, my birthday. Everyone who knows me will point out it's all too fitting.

So when the whole internet tries to out-prank itself, it makes me happy.
posted by cmyk (gaffe) at 1:01 AM on April 1, 2012

:D
posted by zarq (stacked) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012

latkes: I still remember fondly the April Fool's AskMe page. Can I still find that somewhere?

The fake AskMe questions are still around. There's a fairly comprehensive (self-plug) page for site jokes on the wiki.
posted by Pronoiac (stack hat) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Rolling......
posted by nestor_makhno (stoned) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012

"steve-o"?? Hmph.
posted by zarq (stabilizer) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012

[Insert meaningful content here]
posted by Infinite Jest (spouse) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012

THAT'S BETTER.
posted by zarq (stockholm syndrome) at 1:02 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, that's just odd. They change with every reload. Talk about an ephemeral high.
posted by zarq (stout) at 1:03 AM on April 1, 2012

...or low, as the case may be.
posted by zarq (newborn calf) at 1:03 AM on April 1, 2012

what
posted by utsutsu (ffats) at 1:04 AM on April 1, 2012

Started with "stout", went to "spouse".

That's progress I guess, kids.
posted by Infinite Jest (raff scaff) at 1:05 AM on April 1, 2012

posted by zarq (star trek) at 4:02 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

That's worth preserving!
posted by zarq (farts) at 1:05 AM on April 1, 2012

Google gets in on the act.(the april fools act that is)
posted by AElfwine Evenstar (naff) at 1:06 AM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I JUST POOPED ON MY OWN FACE
posted by dirigibleman (stebbins) at 1:06 AM on April 1, 2012

*Shakes dice*
*Rolls*
posted by stet (spouse) at 1:08 AM on April 1, 2012

DAMNIT!
posted by stet (stalin) at 1:08 AM on April 1, 2012

Once more.
posted by stet (giraffed) at 1:08 AM on April 1, 2012

I JUST POOPED ON MY OWN FACE
posted by dirigibleman (waft) at 1:06 AM

*fans the air toward stet*
posted by taz (start) at 1:10 AM on April 1, 2012

rolling for mod
posted by secret about box (standup bass) at 1:11 AM on April 1, 2012

This username remains embarrassing, but one more try to get it to match.
posted by stet (stack exchange) at 1:11 AM on April 1, 2012

I may have to out my sock puppet for this.
posted by wierdo (star trek) at 1:13 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, that's just odd. They change with every reload.

There's some kind of Zen lesson being taught here, I think.
posted by secret about box (sweeney toddler) at 1:14 AM on April 1, 2012

Finally, I get the respect I deserve around here!
posted by Salvor Hardin (stoopid) at 12:34 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Heh.
posted by zarq (mr. belvedere) at 1:15 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Test comment, please ignore.
posted by fight or flight (stand and deliver) at 1:16 AM on April 1, 2012

Once more.
posted by stet (stef) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Now they're just playing with you.....
posted by zarq (staphylococcus) at 1:17 AM on April 1, 2012

Boo-yah!
posted by stet (stamps.com) at 1:18 AM on April 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

OOOH! GOT IT!

*Shakes dice*
*Rolls*
posted by stet (hurf durf butter staffer) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

DAMNIT!
posted by stet (stet) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Once more.
posted by stet (spouse) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]
posted by zarq (horse ebooks) at 1:18 AM on April 1, 2012

Ha! That's hilarious.
posted by zarq (smithers) at 1:18 AM on April 1, 2012

I may have to out my sock puppet for this.
posted by wierdo (stoned) at 3:13 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

How did you know????
posted by wierdo (stoat) at 1:18 AM on April 1, 2012

Don't you dare put a tag by my name, FLT!
posted by P.o.B. (horse ebooks) at 1:19 AM on April 1, 2012

fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu
posted by P.o.B. (stamp out litter) at 1:19 AM on April 1, 2012

I may have to out my sock puppet for this.
posted by wierdo (stoned) at 3:13 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

How did you know????
posted by wierdo (stoooooooooooooned) at 7:18 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

It's just so goddamn meta.
posted by h00py (startled moose) at 1:20 AM on April 1, 2012

Once there was a guy from Atlanta whose limericks were indistinguishable from prose.
posted by Joseph Gurl (stef) at 1:21 AM on April 1, 2012

Boo-yah!
posted by stet (stet) at 1:18 AM on April 1 [2 favorites +] [!]
posted by oneswellfoop (soup to nuts) at 1:21 AM on April 1, 2012

h00py, I got:

I may have to out my sock puppet for this.
posted by wierdo (stoned) at 3:13 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

How did you know????
posted by wierdo ('struth) at 3:18 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Now the paranoia isn't going to let up for a week at least.
posted by wierdo (mr. belvedere) at 1:21 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I JUST POOPED ON MY OWN FACE
posted by dirigibleman (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 7:06 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

I'm so happy right now. (I'm not his woman, by the way).
posted by h00py (farts) at 4:14 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

I don't even know where to go from that.

OOOH! GOT IT!

*Shakes dice*
*Rolls*
posted by stet (hurf durf butter staffer) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

DAMNIT!
posted by stet (stet) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Once more.
posted by stet (spouse) at 4:08 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]
posted by zarq (stop sign) at 4:18 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Heh.
posted by dirigibleman (gaffe) at 1:22 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Those crazy mods!
posted by h00py (gaffe) at 1:22 AM on April 1, 2012

it's starting to get way too appropriate to be totally random.
posted by oneswellfoop (stats) at 1:23 AM on April 1, 2012

Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing? It is sooooo funny. Here let me go ahead and copy pasta half a page of comments...
posted by P.o.B. (president taft) at 1:24 AM on April 1, 2012

Am I too late? I want one!
posted by emd3737 (stockholm syndrome) at 1:25 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, P.o.B., you party pooper.
posted by h00py (stable boy) at 1:25 AM on April 1, 2012

zarq: ""steve-o"?? Hmph."

Crosses fingers for the collectible "Steve Holt!" tag...
posted by arcticseal (sweeney toddler) at 1:26 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Requesting a 'stamp licker' tag.
posted by daniel_charms (studmuffin) at 1:29 AM on April 1, 2012

fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu
posted by P.o.B. (fapfapfap) at 1:19 AM on April 1

I knew I brought the box of tissues along for a reason.
posted by taz (staves) at 1:29 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wet wipes please. I can't properly poop a party without 'em.
posted by P.o.B. (studmuffin) at 1:31 AM on April 1, 2012

Ask for "Steve Holt!" and get zach braf. Ruling.
posted by Joseph Gurl (stanky) at 1:31 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm in this thread w/ 329 others.
posted by finite (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 1:32 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by eyeballkid (staring contest) at 1:32 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

This staph thing seems pretty contagious...
posted by Petrot (stars in your eyes) at 1:34 AM on April 1, 2012

This thread reminds me of this yt vid.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar (stentoria) at 1:34 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by eyeballkid (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 1:32 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

I LOLed. Honest.
posted by oneswellfoop (newborn calf) at 1:34 AM on April 1, 2012

just when you think it's safe to go back into the thread...
posted by oneswellfoop (starfish kisses) at 1:35 AM on April 1, 2012

If holidays weren't so unAmerican, April 1st would be a good one to declare as the next national one.
posted by i_cola (stan the potato man) at 1:36 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm kinda surprised it hasn't been co-opted by greeting card companies or beer brewers...
posted by oneswellfoop (calved) at 1:39 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by crysflame (behalf) at 1:39 AM on April 1, 2012

¿Y en el Dia de los Inocentes nada?
posted by Omon Ra (esteban) at 1:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Who's in charge around here?
posted by vacapinta (step) at 1:41 AM on April 1, 2012

I hate to break it to you, vac, but YOU ARE.
posted by oneswellfoop (studmuffin) at 1:42 AM on April 1, 2012

(for no other reason than that you were the first to ask)
posted by oneswellfoop (starship trooper) at 1:43 AM on April 1, 2012

last?

probably not
posted by ZeroAmbition (step) at 1:45 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm afraid not, no.
posted by h00py (starship trooper) at 1:47 AM on April 1, 2012

Dude!
posted by ooga_booga (stan the potato man) at 1:50 AM on April 1, 2012

Blah
posted by lee (stapler) at 1:58 AM on April 1, 2012

What is this i don't even
posted by Acheman (stephen hawking) at 1:59 AM on April 1, 2012

Fun.
posted by solotoro (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 2:07 AM on April 1, 2012

WELP GOTTA FIND OUT
posted by tzikeh (cory doctorow) at 2:10 AM on April 1, 2012

*goes to enspousen studebaker*
posted by tzikeh (star trek) at 2:10 AM on April 1, 2012

All of you have too much time on your hands.
posted by HuronBob (spouse) at 2:11 AM on April 1, 2012

*Crosses fingers*
posted by HandfulOfDust (stamp tramp) at 2:13 AM on April 1, 2012

This audacious wayward-ness is most delight-ful indeed. A most frolic-some romp in a the court-yard of our dreams. This is a caper most punctuated with mischievous-ness!

Sorry, I wanted to call shenanigans but someone other rapscallion employed the word before I could even load the paper into my type-writer so I went with this Thesaurus driven approach punctuated with old-timey hyphens a la the old Onion guy
posted by aydeejones (mr. belvedere) at 2:13 AM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
posted by daniel_charms (standup bass) at 2:21 AM on April 1, 2012

I need one!
posted by likeso (st00pid) at 2:27 AM on April 1, 2012

Only a few hours of April one left here
posted by meech (stan the potato man) at 2:36 AM on April 1, 2012

This is great!
posted by shelleycat (horse ebooks) at 2:36 AM on April 1, 2012

Yay!
posted by severiina (stockholm syndrome) at 2:39 AM on April 1, 2012

huh?
posted by aheckler (gaffe) at 2:40 AM on April 1, 2012

Let's see....
posted by Harald74 (riffraff) at 2:42 AM on April 1, 2012

Happy 'Don't believe anything you see on the web' day!
posted by fearfulsymmetry (behalf) at 2:44 AM on April 1, 2012

I too am in this thread.
posted by Jofus (no soap) at 2:45 AM on April 1, 2012

Must post.
posted by that girl (spouse) at 2:50 AM on April 1, 2012

but I'm not a boy!
posted by that girl (shillelagh) at 2:51 AM on April 1, 2012

Guess I may as well post too.
posted by knapah (farts) at 2:51 AM on April 1, 2012

whooooo!
posted by kalimac (stfu) at 2:57 AM on April 1, 2012

It's like getting my fortune told....
posted by GenjiandProust (riffraff) at 3:07 AM on April 1, 2012

This is so awesome.
posted by Admiral Haddock (startled moose) at 3:10 AM on April 1, 2012

I can't see mine :(
posted by carter (studebaker) at 3:11 AM on April 1, 2012

This really is a delightful April Fool's joke, well done. :)
posted by smoke (sterling) at 3:15 AM on April 1, 2012

Let's see what we got here...
posted by Jilder (simple machine) at 3:18 AM on April 1, 2012

I wonder if it's the same tag for every comment.
posted by Jilder (stella) at 3:18 AM on April 1, 2012

How many unique tags are there ?
posted by Pendragon (stiff) at 3:27 AM on April 1, 2012

Can we keep the tags for the rest of time ?
posted by Pendragon (stack o toads) at 3:28 AM on April 1, 2012

I posted a splendid April Fools joke in FB and fooled everyone! It was great.
posted by By The Grace of God (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 3:34 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh my
posted by litleozy (seven chinese brothers) at 3:36 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by missmagenta (studebaker) at 3:37 AM on April 1, 2012

Heh.
posted by robocop is bleeding (stoopid) at 3:41 AM on April 1, 2012

Wha
posted by goshling (graft) at 3:44 AM on April 1, 2012

wait, wtf?
posted by russm (stooped) at 3:45 AM on April 1, 2012

*Arrives late to party, but with his drink on.*

I'll draw a card.
posted by three blind mice (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 3:46 AM on April 1, 2012

boom!
posted by latch24 (stadia) at 3:47 AM on April 1, 2012

?!?!
posted by mdonley (star wars) at 3:52 AM on April 1, 2012

(I want a redo.)
posted by mdonley (studebaker) at 3:52 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm not here
posted by parmanparman (stuff) at 3:55 AM on April 1, 2012

am I too late to enjoy this?
posted by b33j (winner) at 4:00 AM on April 1, 2012

Woot! I always wanted to be a mood.
posted by b33j (giraffed) at 4:01 AM on April 1, 2012

What! Stupid puff daddy??? Noooooooooooooooooooo.
posted by b33j (snuffleuppagus) at 4:03 AM on April 1, 2012

poop
posted by Stynxno (stop sign) at 4:12 AM on April 1, 2012

\o/
posted by bh (standup bass) at 4:17 AM on April 1, 2012

Well, I never!
posted by zizzle (sartori) at 4:17 AM on April 1, 2012

Dude, I came in here specifically to post the phrase "well, I never." Way to steal my thunder.
posted by Bulgaroktonos (spouse) at 4:19 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

*pokes*
posted by Skybly (staple singers) at 4:21 AM on April 1, 2012

?
posted by rdr (stout) at 4:22 AM on April 1, 2012

!
posted by Chairboy (stanley kubrick) at 4:27 AM on April 1, 2012

Why am I up at 5am?
posted by never used baby shoes (stuffing) at 4:28 AM on April 1, 2012

[A couple comments removed. Please behave like you're used to this please.]
posted by klarck (cory doctorow) at 4:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Testing...
posted by Godwin Interjection (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 4:35 AM on April 1, 2012

Me! Me! I want one.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (stet) at 4:36 AM on April 1, 2012

I, too, inexplicably desire to see my username next to a random word in a bright yellow box. Thanks in advance! (I think)
posted by argonauta (hairway to steven) at 4:38 AM on April 1, 2012

posted by argonauta (stanley kubrick) at 12:38 PM on April 1

Damn. I wanted to be Stanley Kubrick.
posted by Len (stout) at 4:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Forty minutes too late nooooooooooo...
posted by Chichibio (stapler) at 4:41 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, it still works. Must be a US timezone thing. Phew.
posted by Chichibio (stippled) at 4:41 AM on April 1, 2012

I love this game!
posted by honey-barbara (stasi) at 4:47 AM on April 1, 2012

My cat played an April Fools joke on us at 5 am this morning. Only instead of a joke it was poo.
posted by Kimberly (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 4:48 AM on April 1, 2012

POISSON D'AVRIL !

(don't ask me why fish on April 1st I don't know I just live here and have citizenship)
posted by fraula (riffraff) at 4:53 AM on April 1, 2012

pffffffff this site is SOOO Anglo-centric. "Stop sign"? Come ooon. "Arrêt", s'il vous plaît.
posted by fraula (stebbins) at 4:53 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh cool. I always wanted to be a random member of the staff.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs (scrappy-doo) at 4:58 AM on April 1, 2012

This ALMOST makes up for me having to work today.
posted by bibliogrrl ('struth) at 4:58 AM on April 1, 2012

Come ooon. "Arrêt", s'il vous plaît.

except that doesn't start with "s"
posted by russm (stifler) at 4:59 AM on April 1, 2012

It's going to be a good week.
posted by safetyfork (stamp tramp) at 4:59 AM on April 1, 2012

Me too!
posted by OsoMeaty (star light star bright) at 4:59 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just checking me.
posted by Stewriffic (hairway to steven) at 5:11 AM on April 1, 2012

I want one!
posted by bilabial (staffing solutions) at 5:17 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm only here for the free ~~beer~~ tags.
posted by get off of my cloud (steve-o) at 5:20 AM on April 1, 2012

My cat played an April Fools joke on us at 5 am this morning. Only instead of a joke it was poo.
posted by Kimberly (stoooooooooooooned) at 7:48 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Yep, that works.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (stoned) at 5:21 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, dear.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (stats) at 5:23 AM on April 1, 2012

This is the greatest.
posted by Scientist (stamp tramp) at 5:23 AM on April 1, 2012

My staff tag is calling me names. :(
posted by subbes (stebbins) at 5:25 AM on April 1, 2012

Jesus.

Me too!
posted by OsoMeaty (chickenfucker) at 7:59 AM on April 1

I want one!
posted by bilabial (support santorum) at 8:17 AM

Yep, that works.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (lobotomy) at 8:21 AM on April 1
posted by gman (fapfapfap) at 5:29 AM on April 1, 2012

How did you do it?
posted by jgirl (staph) at 5:31 AM on April 1, 2012

I am stooped -- how did it know???
posted by jgirl (starburns) at 5:31 AM on April 1, 2012

But now I'm not -- that's great!
posted by jgirl (stab) at 5:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Well, since I'm up an hour early because my clock was set an hour ahead this morning I might as well see what the fuss is about over in Metatalk.
posted by bondcliff (staring contest) at 5:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Outstanding.
posted by bondcliff (karen carpenter) at 5:33 AM on April 1, 2012

I want one!!!!
posted by pearlybob (SHAFT) at 5:36 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

.staff { position: relative; top: -1px; }
posted by seanmpuckett (stiff) at 5:37 AM on April 1, 2012

Bad ass!
posted by ersatzkat (stan the potato man) at 5:43 AM on April 1, 2012

Thanks, FLT!
posted by Alison (stockholm syndrome) at 5:44 AM on April 1, 2012

:-/
posted by phatkitten (spouse) at 8:45 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Well maybe you out to leave the commune then.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (studmuffin) at 5:48 AM on April 1, 2012

Huh.
posted by donpardo (stab) at 5:48 AM on April 1, 2012

Yes! I hope I get "Staph"
posted by dirtdirt (studebaker) at 5:50 AM on April 1, 2012

#fortune
posted by clorox (stalwart) at 5:51 AM on April 1, 2012

Yes, just because.
posted by sammyo (stout) at 5:54 AM on April 1, 2012

Stapler? Stapler. Stapler? STAPLER!
posted by The White Hat (step) at 5:55 AM on April 1, 2012

Good news, everyone!
posted by audi alteram partem (waft) at 5:56 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want in in this too
posted by ShawnString (pfaff) at 5:57 AM on April 1, 2012

I want one, I want one! Ugh, I didn't want THAT one!
posted by briank (zach braf) at 5:58 AM on April 1, 2012

Hehe. I'm 3 S's in a row. WOOT
posted by ShawnString (steve-o) at 5:58 AM on April 1, 2012

You all realize, of course, that tomorrow, when those tags are gone, this thread is going to make you all look like lunatics.

oh, wait...never mind
posted by HuronBob (stefi graf) at 6:01 AM on April 1, 2012

I feel so trustworthy right now guys
posted by en forme de poire (stiffie) at 6:04 AM on April 1, 2012

oh HELL no.
posted by en forme de poire (stentoria) at 6:04 AM on April 1, 2012

Meh.
posted by eriko (spouse) at 6:04 AM on April 1, 2012

I said Meh!
posted by eriko (stalwart) at 6:05 AM on April 1, 2012

cool!
posted by Curious Artificer (stars in your eyes) at 6:05 AM on April 1, 2012

That's better.
posted by eriko (stax exchange) at 6:05 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm just going to keep hitting refresh until I get a good'un, and then leave for the day.
posted by Curious Artificer (smithers release the hounds) at 6:09 AM on April 1, 2012

A+
posted by soundofsuburbia (stanky) at 6:10 AM on April 1, 2012

Survey says...
posted by qwip (soup to nuts) at 6:12 AM on April 1, 2012

Good answer
posted by qwip (hurf durf butter staffer) at 6:12 AM on April 1, 2012

We may be over-staffed at this point.
posted by ShutterBun (st00pid) at 6:14 AM on April 1, 2012

Hey!!
posted by ShutterBun (stiff) at 6:15 AM on April 1, 2012

and today I learned that I am, sometimes, a joiner.
posted by namewithoutwords (stax exchange) at 6:18 AM on April 1, 2012

At last, my contributions have been properly appreciated by bringing me on staff. w00t!
posted by kaibutsu (starburns) at 6:18 AM on April 1, 2012

Lol. Not according that tag namewithoutwords
posted by ShawnString (staffing solutions) at 6:19 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh I see now they always change. Poo
posted by ShawnString ('struth) at 6:20 AM on April 1, 2012

In before...

nevermind
posted by ephemerista (stifler) at 6:21 AM on April 1, 2012

CATS FOR ALL.
posted by Wuggie Norple (stack o toads) at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh! Do me! Do me!
posted by msali (stamps.com) at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2012

Yay!
posted by msali (mr. belvedere) at 6:25 AM on April 1, 2012

this is totalyyy sickkkk lmao
posted by BibiRose (waft) at 6:26 AM on April 1, 2012

Foo
posted by dayintoday (staffing solutions) at 6:27 AM on April 1, 2012

I must know...
posted by amy lecteur (stoooooooooooooned) at 6:28 AM on April 1, 2012

Heh. You know me too well.
posted by amy lecteur (st00pid) at 6:30 AM on April 1, 2012

Edit buttons for everyone!
posted by MexicanYenta (graft) at 6:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Empirical testing reveals that the comment preceding this one is uproariously funny approximately 40% of the time. Carry on.
posted by amy lecteur (behalf) at 6:32 AM on April 1, 2012

gman

They are in fact random. Mine shows as:

I want one!
posted by bilabial (star light star bright) at 8:17 AM on April 1 [+]
posted by bilabial (mood) at 6:34 AM on April 1, 2012

I dig this pony.
posted by Joey Michaels (stout) at 6:34 AM on April 1, 2012

This is a stupid idea and I do not wish to participate.
posted by The Deej (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 6:34 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

HEY!!!!
posted by The Deej (stack hat) at 6:34 AM on April 1, 2012

My turn.
posted by Obscure Reference (zach braf) at 6:35 AM on April 1, 2012

OK, I'm...
posted by Kronos_to_Earth (studmuffin) at 6:36 AM on April 1, 2012

Liked it better before I hit refresh.
posted by ShutterBun (stop sign) at 6:36 AM on April 1, 2012

I said Meh!
posted by eriko (farts) at 9:05 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

It's like a beautiful snapshot, forever captured, so that generations may gaze upon it in wonder.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (step) at 6:38 AM on April 1, 2012

ooh gotta try
posted by Cocodrillo (raff scaff) at 6:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Can I just keep hitting refresh until I get to be President Taft?
posted by Cocodrillo (stoooooooooooooned) at 6:41 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, oops! Here is the proper thread for tag checking. Tag check!
posted by tickingclock (sartori) at 6:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, oops! Here is the proper thread for tag checking. Tag check!
posted by tickingclock (stapler) at 9:44 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

YESSS
posted by tickingclock (puff daddy) at 6:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Stoat. Oh, great.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth (staphylococcus) at 6:45 AM on April 1, 2012

I am also here for special badgers.
posted by middleclasstool (raff scaff) at 6:45 AM on April 1, 2012

lol butts
posted by elizardbits (stanley kubrick)

this just seems so appropriate somehow
posted by nathancaswell (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 6:46 AM on April 1, 2012

Metafilter: This Just seems so appropriate somehow
posted by slater (stoat) at 6:48 AM on April 1, 2012

Judge me oh great random word assigner!
posted by nfg (starvin') at 6:49 AM on April 1, 2012

You can dome in the morning, you can dome in the night...
posted by norm (soup to nuts) at 6:49 AM on April 1, 2012

Good morning.
posted by EmpressCallipygos (stanky) at 6:50 AM on April 1, 2012

Ok.
posted by codacorolla (stoned) at 6:54 AM on April 1, 2012

Why do they keep changing?
posted by klausness (stabbatical) at 6:54 AM on April 1, 2012

Good morning.
posted by EmpressCallipygos (puff daddy) at 9:50 AM on April 1 [+] [!]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (smithers) at 6:54 AM on April 1, 2012

And the tag I got for my comment was "stoopid". I guess that sums it up...
posted by klausness (stiffie) at 6:55 AM on April 1, 2012

what
posted by dhruva (stagger lee) at 6:55 AM on April 1, 2012

I always said that my cats have staff. Now I'll have the stinkin' badge to go with the title...
posted by MonkeyToes (stella) at 6:56 AM on April 1, 2012

I know more about this than you could possibly imagine!
posted by wittgenstein (starburns) at 6:56 AM on April 1, 2012

SWEATER STUFFERS
posted by Cool Papa Bell (stamp out litter) at 6:56 AM on April 1, 2012

And my comment about my comment was tagged "fapfapfap". I get the hint.
posted by klausness (start) at 6:57 AM on April 1, 2012

Like
posted by Melismata (taffy) at 6:57 AM on April 1, 2012

GO!
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza (cory doctorow) at 6:58 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh, I want the "stasi" tag!
posted by Cool Papa Bell (staple singers) at 6:58 AM on April 1, 2012

:D
posted by zarq (fapfapfap) at 4:02 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

SWEATER STUFFERS
posted by Cool Papa Bell (stupid) at 9:56 AM on April 1 [+] [!]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (behalf) at 6:58 AM on April 1, 2012

This is fun!
posted by jenny76 (zach braf) at 7:06 AM on April 1, 2012

Thank you!
posted by wiskunde ( radio) at 7:07 AM on April 1, 2012

This is fun!
posted by jenny76 (stacked) at 10:06 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Yeah, pretty much.
posted by jenny76 (star light star bright) at 7:07 AM on April 1, 2012

i promised myself i wouldn't get involved in this nonsense
posted by Mach5 (stopped) at 7:11 AM on April 1, 2012

If nominated I will not run.
posted by Splunge (president taft) at 7:12 AM on April 1, 2012

Do I get one?
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed (calved) at 7:12 AM on April 1, 2012

i promised myself i wouldn't get involved in this nonsense
posted by Mach5 (stupid) at 10:11 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Why?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (starter) at 7:12 AM on April 1, 2012

Yes indeed!
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed (no soap) at 7:12 AM on April 1, 2012

Interesting.
posted by Slinga (steve-o) at 7:14 AM on April 1, 2012

Does anyone read the posts down here?
posted by mygothlaundry (step) at 7:15 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm just here for staves and spouses.
posted by yellowbinder (stentoria) at 7:15 AM on April 1, 2012

You sure this is a good idea?
posted by Ironmouth (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 7:16 AM on April 1, 2012

This is a comment.
posted by double block and bleed (sylvan learning center) at 7:17 AM on April 1, 2012

The woman in the office next to mine threatened to replace the sugar shaker with salt so I guess all the people who like sugar in their coffee are lucky that april 1st is on a sunday this year.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms (stoopid) at 7:17 AM on April 1, 2012

Must have a bit of the randomness!
posted by victoriab (stfu) at 7:18 AM on April 1, 2012

No "Smapdi, age six"?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe (stack hat) at 7:18 AM on April 1, 2012

[fart sound]

not a judgement call, just think farts are hilarious
posted by troika (stand and deliver) at 7:22 AM on April 1, 2012

Badges? Badges?

We don't need no stinkin' badges....
posted by jenkinsEar (stanley kubrick) at 7:24 AM on April 1, 2012

What?
posted by languagehat (stabbatical) at 7:26 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh!
posted by languagehat (president taft) at 7:26 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh!
posted by languagehat (studmuffin) at 7:26 AM on April 1 [+] [!] Other [2/2]: «≡·

Heck yeah!
posted by rtha (standup comedian) at 7:27 AM on April 1, 2012

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
posted by Lucinda (snuffleuppagus) at 7:38 AM on April 1, 2012

Whut?
posted by fuq (stabilizer) at 7:40 AM on April 1, 2012

oooh oooh oooh me me me pick me _0/
posted by liza (karen carpenter) at 7:43 AM on April 1, 2012

I have to know
posted by Elly Vortex (spouse) at 7:43 AM on April 1, 2012

Here I am! I'm here!
posted by thinkpiece (starblazers) at 7:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Hope me
posted by Mick (seven chinese brothers) at 7:45 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm not a mod, I'm a rocker!
posted by peppermind (stanley kubrick) at 7:49 AM on April 1, 2012

Me too! Me too!
posted by iminurmefi (stoooooooooooooned) at 7:53 AM on April 1, 2012

...
posted by danb (stable boy) at 7:54 AM on April 1, 2012

Just checking.
posted by gjc (stacked) at 7:57 AM on April 1, 2012

This is pretty awesome.
posted by A dead Quaker (stasi) at 8:01 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm a mod, I'm a mod! Do not arouse the wrath of the great and terrible mod!
posted by Elsa (calved) at 8:03 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

It makes me feel complete when I get "(half)".
posted by trip and a half (stebbins) at 8:08 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

fun
posted by braksandwich (stairway to heaven) at 8:18 AM on April 1, 2012

Staff staff staff staff
posted by The Whelk (graph) at 8:18 AM on April 1, 2012

lol buttz
posted by jivadravya (staph) at 8:19 AM on April 1, 2012

<3!
posted by syanna (soup to nuts) at 8:21 AM on April 1, 2012

Hurf durf butter staffer made me laugh entirely too hard when I saw it in another thread just now. Definitely my favorite.
posted by des (starfish kisses) at 8:21 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

There are too many comments to read but I want a sticker.
posted by maryr (staves) at 8:25 AM on April 1, 2012

My 15 minutes of fame have arrived!
posted by Quietgal (no soap) at 8:25 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh lord, here we go . . .
posted by KingEdRa (stable boy) at 8:29 AM on April 1, 2012

I wanna try, I wanna try...
posted by whatideserve (simple machine) at 8:32 AM on April 1, 2012

I *do* need a steenkeen' badge.
posted by jaruwaan (stippled) at 8:32 AM on April 1, 2012

None of you realize the difficulty of being on the staff! None of you!
posted by Danf (smithers) at 8:34 AM on April 1, 2012

But yer not staff, yer stoooopid.

Stupid monkey.
posted by The Whelk (stilettos) at 8:36 AM on April 1, 2012

My first official act as staff - give myself the banhammer. Hurts so good.
posted by tristeza (esteban) at 8:37 AM on April 1, 2012

Nice
posted by ninekinds (smithers) at 8:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Woof!
posted by beagle (riffraff) at 8:42 AM on April 1, 2012

yesssssssssss
posted by chinston (gaffe) at 8:43 AM on April 1, 2012

*heh* This is a lot of fun.
posted by hippybear (stephen hawking) at 8:44 AM on April 1, 2012

I went dancing last night. Depeche Mode dance party down town. Great time.
posted by frecklefaerie (stifler) at 8:45 AM on April 1, 2012

Post in place of information merely to discover staff tag...
posted by Exchequer (esteban) at 8:45 AM on April 1, 2012

Stoat.
Some people get Stars in their eyes.
I get Stoat.

Boy this better be random.
posted by SLC Mom (horse ebooks) at 8:47 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

> Boy this better be random.
posted by SLC Mom (farts) at 11:47 AM on April 1

There ya go.
posted by languagehat (stamps.com) at 8:47 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Whee!
posted by leotrotsky (silver surfer) at 8:50 AM on April 1, 2012

Whee, indeed!
posted by InfidelZombie (stamps.com) at 8:53 AM on April 1, 2012

This will be my one moment of April foolery.
posted by Ruki (star light star bright) at 8:53 AM on April 1, 2012

Ha! This is fun. Well done!
posted by apricot (stephen hawking) at 8:53 AM on April 1, 2012

Stapler? Stapler. Stapler? STAPLER!
posted by The White Hat (fapfapfap) at 8:55 AM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Mr. Cortex told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Cortex and I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler, my special red Swingline stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it...
posted by zarq (stuffing) at 8:54 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

*sets site on fire*
posted by zarq (simple machine) at 8:54 AM on April 1, 2012

buuuuuuuuuuurp
posted by timetoevolve (startled moose) at 8:56 AM on April 1, 2012

Hahahaha awesome!!
posted by lazaruslong (silver surfer) at 8:58 AM on April 1, 2012

Fun trick!
posted by juliplease (starter) at 8:59 AM on April 1, 2012

Awesome! Looking forward to getting the benefits package info in the mail.
posted by smirkette (standardized test) at 8:59 AM on April 1, 2012

(also: a couple friends of mine sent out save-the-date postcards to their friends for April Fools, which is epic, but I hope it doesn't backfire on them.)
posted by smirkette (snodgrass) at 9:00 AM on April 1, 2012

Testing...
posted by jenfullmoon (stella) at 9:03 AM on April 1, 2012

I want to see mine.
posted by Anonymous (starvin') at 9:08 AM on April 1, 2012

Yay!
posted by ants (calved) at 9:08 AM on April 1, 2012

Microphone check...
posted by hasna (stooped) at 9:09 AM on April 1, 2012

V. cool. I want a go.
posted by featherboa (stable boy) at 9:12 AM on April 1, 2012

needs a spartacus tag
posted by elizardbits (fapfapfap) at 9:14 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is excellent.
Congrats, filthy light thief.
posted by bru (stamp out litter) at 9:14 AM on April 1, 2012

this pleases me.
posted by ninjew (stable boy) at 9:24 AM on April 1, 2012

HURF BLURF I ARE MODENATOR
posted by Inspector.Gadget (stent) at 9:25 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can we have stars too?
posted by cmyk (stent) at 9:26 AM on April 1, 2012

Stars? Some of us get (star wars)
posted by oneswellfoop (stent) at 9:28 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by The corpse in the library (stilettos) at 9:32 AM on April 1, 2012

So excellent!
posted by the_bone (standup comedian) at 9:33 AM on April 1, 2012

Tagged!
posted by fiercekitten (seven chinese brothers) at 9:37 AM on April 1, 2012

Ummm....ok.
posted by nickthetourist (stats) at 9:37 AM on April 1, 2012

This is significantly less disturbing than the realization via cats that there are significantly more ads on the internet than I had ever imagined.
posted by Nimmie Amee (sylvan learning center) at 9:38 AM on April 1, 2012

Who am I? Who am I? I'm...
posted by DevilsAdvocate (fapfapfap) at 9:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Woo hoo!
posted by Elly Vortex (karen carpenter) at 9:41 AM on April 1, 2012

This may be my first ever Metatalk post.
posted by saffry (standardized test) at 9:41 AM on April 1, 2012

I disagree
posted by ninjew (chaff) at 9:44 AM on April 1, 2012

and I do NOT resemble zach braf!
posted by ninjew (studmuffin) at 9:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh god, I hope I get stoooooooooooooned.
posted by Maisie (standup bass) at 9:48 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm . . .
posted by freshwater (starship trooper) at 9:52 AM on April 1, 2012

i can't make the cats happen anywhere and i am sad.

SAD AND CATLESS
posted by elizardbits (zach braf) at 9:59 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's like Christmas! I hope I get socks!
posted by maudlin (star light star bright) at 10:00 AM on April 1, 2012

Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
posted by not_on_display (mr. belvedere) at 10:01 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is probably too my first metatalk post.
posted by olya (winner) at 10:01 AM on April 1, 2012

No socks? *pouts*
posted by maudlin (startled moose) at 10:02 AM on April 1, 2012

<== I'm with elizardbits.
posted by maudlin (SHAFT) at 10:03 AM on April 1, 2012

Yoiks! And awa-aaay!!!
posted by not_on_display (stebbins) at 10:03 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh. They randomize every time the page is refreshed. Not quite like Christmas, then. At least, not in my house.
posted by maudlin (stifler) at 10:03 AM on April 1, 2012

Curious...
posted by Majorita (stadia) at 10:05 AM on April 1, 2012

I just want to see my tag.
posted by Captain_Science (chaff) at 10:09 AM on April 1, 2012

I disagree with everybody.
posted by Sys Rq (smithers) at 10:12 AM on April 1, 2012

This makes me happy.
posted by jason's_planet (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 10:14 AM on April 1, 2012

What is this tag you are all speaking of?
posted by marxchivist (step) at 10:14 AM on April 1, 2012

Brandy, you're a fine girl . . .
posted by jason's_planet (stephen hawking) at 10:15 AM on April 1, 2012

Who took my frog?
posted by m0nm0n (stapler) at 10:15 AM on April 1, 2012

Brandy, you're . . . sort of OK, I guess
posted by jason's_planet (star wars) at 10:16 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Indeed?
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory (start) at 10:17 AM on April 1, 2012

I wonder who I get to be...
posted by langeNU (spouse) at 10:19 AM on April 1, 2012

Wheeee!
posted by redsparkler (stalin) at 10:20 AM on April 1, 2012

Burhanistan: I win!

Dude, I can go you one better....
posted by tzikeh (standardized test) at 10:25 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cool!
posted by chaff (star light star bright) at 10:26 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

O hai!
posted by 4ster (seven chinese brothers) at 10:26 AM on April 1, 2012

mine had better say GROUPIE...
posted by scody (stuff) at 10:27 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

GODDAMMIT
posted by scody (winner) at 10:27 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Things that bother you,
never bother me
I feel happy and fine!
AHA!
Living in the sunlight,
loving in the moonlight
Having a wonderful time!
posted by Earl the Polliwog (stats) at 10:28 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Who am I anyway?
posted by adamvasco (calved) at 10:29 AM on April 1, 2012

could have been pontiac.
posted by adamvasco (studmuffin) at 10:30 AM on April 1, 2012

Ooo oooo. CANNAE HAZ??!!
posted by Skygazer (stopped) at 10:31 AM on April 1, 2012

STIFF? Well...

I could be if required.
posted by Skygazer (staph) at 10:32 AM on April 1, 2012

It changes.
posted by Skygazer (stefi graf) at 10:33 AM on April 1, 2012

So I haven't yet put my contact lenses in, which means small text clarity is... dodgy, at best--

In accordance with the "Note" below the comment box, I offer everyone in this thread a twig. Apparently, you need one.
posted by tzikeh (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 10:34 AM on April 1, 2012

Most excellent.
posted by bitter-girl.com (stalin) at 10:34 AM on April 1, 2012

I have no idea why all these people got staff tags, or why.
posted by Lutoslawski (stadia) at 10:34 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh! Langenu has my tattoo! (stet) ...no fair!
posted by bitter-girl.com (star trek) at 10:35 AM on April 1, 2012

mine had better say GROUPIE...
posted by scody (horse ebooks) at 10:27 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

GODDAMMIT
posted by scody (steve-o) at 10:27 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Hehe.
posted by filthy light thief (stack o toads) at 10:36 AM on April 1, 2012

!
posted by randomination (sterling) at 10:36 AM on April 1, 2012

what is this i don't even
posted by heeeraldo (ffats) at 10:36 AM on April 1, 2012

Finally! A real job title!
posted by JoanArkham (stadia) at 10:37 AM on April 1, 2012

I'm a what now?
posted by gusandrews (star wars) at 10:38 AM on April 1, 2012

I DON'T GET IT BUT I LIKE IT
posted by threeants (start) at 10:38 AM on April 1, 2012

I sure hope that tag is not prophetic.
posted by threeants (stafu) at 10:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Huh. A thing like that.
posted by .kobayashi. (graft) at 10:39 AM on April 1, 2012

I have just discovered they change upon refresh. Quit making me look the fool, MeFi!
posted by threeants (stentoria) at 10:39 AM on April 1, 2012

I imagine that cortex was up late last night fervently scribbling into a notebook labeled "Things That Rhyme With Staff"
posted by burnmp3s (staph) at 10:40 AM on April 1, 2012

What the?
posted by gemmy (starship trooper) at 10:40 AM on April 1, 2012

Does this mean I actually have to be productive here now?
posted by Samizdata (stopped) at 10:40 AM on April 1, 2012

Oboes
posted by Windopaene (staring contest) at 10:42 AM on April 1, 2012

I don't like my April Fools Mefi joke. Wah.

What's wrong with being mean and cliquey anyhow??
posted by Skygazer (st00pid) at 10:42 AM on April 1, 2012

Quickly, touch me before it wears off!
posted by Foci for Analysis (staple singers) at 10:42 AM on April 1, 2012

Hooray!
posted by ShawnStruck (pfaff) at 10:43 AM on April 1, 2012

I have just discovered they change upon refresh. Quit making me look the fool, MeFi!
posted by threeants (stoopid) at 10:39 AM on April 1

noted for moar posterity.
posted by taz (stable boy) at 10:43 AM on April 1, 2012

mine had better say GROUPIE...
posted by scody (stella) at 1:27 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Stella is pretty good though!
posted by Skygazer (stafu) at 10:43 AM on April 1, 2012

Quickly, touch me before it wears off!
posted by Foci for Analysis (fapfapfap) at 1:42 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Urrr...

ew...
posted by Skygazer (stockholm syndrome) at 10:44 AM on April 1, 2012

I am 99 kinds of hung over (but I made it to church this morning). So what does that make me?
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse (starburns) at 10:46 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh hey!
posted by kylej (stacked) at 10:46 AM on April 1, 2012

We haven't had many April 1st prank posts around the internet today. Or maybe I've simply been otherwise engaged?
posted by jeffburdges (studmuffin) at 10:46 AM on April 1, 2012

I like that they all seem to have a combination of ST or rhyme with "staff".
posted by oneirodynia (fapfapfap) at 10:47 AM on April 1, 2012

I just want esteban.
posted by Drumhellz (esteban) at 11:12 PM on March 31 [+] [!]

Your wish is/was granted.
posted by filthy light thief (mood) at 10:48 AM on April 1, 2012

Actually, it seems to be any two letter combination from STAFF, now that I see a puffy daddy has weighed in.

If someone posted this revelation already, well, I just woke up.
posted by oneirodynia (graph) at 10:50 AM on April 1, 2012

Whoa.
posted by no regrets, coyote (stalin) at 10:51 AM on April 1, 2012

wtf
posted by FrauMaschine (stalin) at 10:52 AM on April 1, 2012

Hehehe. Fun.
posted by Garm (horse ebooks) at 10:53 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh man this thread is so fun.
posted by WidgetAlley (stand and deliver) at 10:54 AM on April 1, 2012

Yay!
posted by fermezporte (stebbins) at 10:55 AM on April 1, 2012

Ahh, I see what you did there
posted by jeffburdges (stamos potential) at 10:56 AM on April 1, 2012

Awesome
posted by decathecting (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 10:56 AM on April 1, 2012

NO U
posted by casarkos (fapfapfap) at 10:58 AM on April 1, 2012

I have nothing to say, but want to see what my random badge will be anyways.
posted by Dr. Eigenvariable (stalin) at 10:58 AM on April 1, 2012

omgwtfbbq
posted by Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer (stack o toads) at 10:59 AM on April 1, 2012

That's fantastic.
posted by Dr. Eigenvariable (stef) at 10:59 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by Gortuk (stax exchange) at 11:03 AM on April 1, 2012

!!!
posted by avocet (giraffed) at 11:03 AM on April 1, 2012

I hope these don't have any sort of greater cosmic significance.
posted by eggplantplacebo (stefi graf) at 11:07 AM on April 1, 2012

I need to do this.
posted by capnsue ( radio) at 11:08 AM on April 1, 2012

Someone stop the madness.
posted by incessant (steppenwolf) at 11:08 AM on April 1, 2012

Although now apparently I'm one bad mother, so -
posted by incessant (stockholm syndrome) at 11:09 AM on April 1, 2012

I want mine!
posted by Edna Million (winner) at 11:09 AM on April 1, 2012

W00t
posted by special-k (president taft) at 11:10 AM on April 1, 2012

WAT
posted by 1024x768 (snuffleuppagus) at 11:10 AM on April 1, 2012

I feel important, now!
posted by The Great Big Mulp (stodgy) at 11:11 AM on April 1, 2012

*... wonders if he is stuffed, stasi, or star bright....*
posted by philipy (soup to nuts) at 11:13 AM on April 1, 2012

It turns out, I'm graph.

But am I also anything else?
posted by philipy (starburns) at 11:13 AM on April 1, 2012

In a very zen like way, whatever I thought I was, that was then, and now I am that no more.
posted by philipy (stairway to heaven) at 11:15 AM on April 1, 2012

omg, cooolz!
posted by yodelingisfun (steve-o) at 11:18 AM on April 1, 2012

This is awesome.
posted by ZaphodB ( radio) at 11:19 AM on April 1, 2012

ee!
posted by shinyshiny (stupid) at 11:20 AM on April 1, 2012

yay!
posted by Shit Parade (stockholm syndrome) at 11:24 AM on April 1, 2012

So.
posted by zennie (stoooooooooooooned) at 11:28 AM on April 1, 2012

Gimme gimme gimme!
posted by EvaDestruction (stiff) at 11:28 AM on April 1, 2012

These tags are really distracting.
posted by zennie (shillelagh) at 11:29 AM on April 1, 2012

No fair. EvaDestruction gets better tags than me.
posted by zennie (studmuffin) at 11:30 AM on April 1, 2012

I must know!
posted by fillsthepews (giraffed) at 11:32 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh yay! I always wanted to be somebody!
posted by dinty_moore (stoned) at 11:32 AM on April 1, 2012

what is this i don;t even
posted by EndsOfInvention (stan the potato man) at 11:33 AM on April 1, 2012

tl;dr, give me me title.
posted by mccarty.tim (seven chinese brothers) at 11:33 AM on April 1, 2012

I am rolling again.
posted by mccarty.tim (starblazers) at 11:33 AM on April 1, 2012

I'll take it.
posted by mccarty.tim (farts) at 11:34 AM on April 1, 2012

aaaaand?
posted by AJaffe (stuffing) at 11:34 AM on April 1, 2012

Can pb code a banhammer so powerful not even he could lift it?
posted by mccarty.tim (soup to nuts) at 11:35 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'll play along...
posted by Doktor Zed (fapfapfap) at 11:35 AM on April 1, 2012

This needs to be site-wide and permanent. I'm hoping for the [winner] tag.
posted by fuq (karen carpenter) at 11:36 AM on April 1, 2012

I have little to add.
posted by crush-onastick (stiffie) at 11:36 AM on April 1, 2012

So.
posted by zennie (stab) at 2:28 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Gimme gimme gimme!
posted by EvaDestruction (stuff) at 2:28 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

These tags are really distracting.
posted by zennie (stab) at 2:29 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

No fair. EvaDestruction gets better tags than me.
posted by zennie (stefi graf) at 2:30 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

I dunno, from my side it looks like you're coming out ahead so far, zennie.
posted by EvaDestruction (stabbatical) at 11:37 AM on April 1, 2012

Sign me up!
posted by geekyguy (stan the potato man) at 11:38 AM on April 1, 2012

Although your "stab" just changed to "farts" and my "stuff" just changed to "winner"... I still think you're doing pretty well, all up.
posted by EvaDestruction (sweeney toddler) at 11:39 AM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by justgary (raff scaff) at 11:39 AM on April 1, 2012

Awesome.
posted by devinemissk (stop sign) at 11:41 AM on April 1, 2012

The
posted by Navelgazer (starburns) at 11:41 AM on April 1, 2012

Jessamyn is my spouse.
posted by urbanwhaleshark (stalwart) at 11:43 AM on April 1, 2012

And you are president taft.
posted by jessamyn (sylvan learning center) at 11:43 AM on April 1, 2012

Uh, I think I misunderstood the point of this.
posted by urbanwhaleshark (stab) at 11:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Gimme gimme gimme!
posted by EvaDestruction (newborn calf) at 2:28 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

I submit Item A above into evidence.
posted by zennie (stacked) at 11:44 AM on April 1, 2012

Fun Fact: I actually use the 'professional white background.' Bet you didn't think the Cube would be so boring! (It's actually just to balance out my crazy bohemian lifestyle.)
posted by Weighted Companion Cube (zach braf) at 11:47 AM on April 1, 2012

posted by oneswellfoop (horse ebooks) at 6:33 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Clear winner.
posted by xqwzts (hairway to steven) at 11:48 AM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I submit Item A above into evidence.
posted by zennie (mr. belvedere) at 2:44 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

I submit you're just getting better tags for everybody than I am. I hadn't even seen "newborn calf" before.
posted by EvaDestruction (stadia) at 11:50 AM on April 1, 2012

Oh my giddy aunt!
posted by bentley (stalin) at 11:51 AM on April 1, 2012

I want to be pancake captain.
posted by Tesseractive (stanky) at 11:52 AM on April 1, 2012

> I, too, inexplicably desire to see my username next to a random word in a ~~bright yellow~~ box [colored according to my chosen theme]. Thanks in advance! ~~(I think)~~

FTFY. Amen.
posted by tarheelcoxn (stack exchange) at 11:55 AM on April 1, 2012

.!
posted by panda (horse ebooks) at 11:56 AM on April 1, 2012

furtwangler!
posted by lalochezia (sweeney toddler) at 12:00 PM on April 1, 2012

/.
posted by LSK (mr. belvedere) at 12:00 PM on April 1, 2012

Must have all year round
posted by jokeefe (stalwart) at 12:00 PM on April 1, 2012

Please and thank you.
posted by brookedel (stats) at 12:02 PM on April 1, 2012

Curious.
posted by Amplify (stet) at 12:02 PM on April 1, 2012

Can pb code a banhammer so powerful not even he could lift it?
posted by mccarty.tim (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 11:35 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

How many times would stavros have to post before he got his own tag?
posted by jokeefe (esteban) at 12:02 PM on April 1, 2012

what did I get?
posted by ClanvidHorse (sterling) at 12:04 PM on April 1, 2012

I'll April you, fools.
posted by mostlymartha (stalin) at 12:09 PM on April 1, 2012

This comment is going to seem pretty stupid come April 2.
It don't seem too witty right now, neither.
posted by deliquescent (stupid) at 12:10 PM on April 1, 2012

with the season premiere of Game of Thrones within hours, I am still quite disappointed that there is no (ned stark) tag... or would it require cutting off the user's SPOILER
posted by oneswellfoop (pfaff) at 12:10 PM on April 1, 2012

Lulu's Pink Converse: "I am 99 kinds of hung over (but I made it to church this morning). So what does that make me?"

puff daddy.
posted by wierdo (soup to nuts) at 12:12 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, hell yes!
posted by pupperduck (stack o toads) at 12:15 PM on April 1, 2012

What is here ongoing?
posted by steef (zach braf) at 12:21 PM on April 1, 2012

Happy April 1st, MeF!
posted by theora55 (stadia) at 12:27 PM on April 1, 2012

woot.
posted by Tennyson D'San (stabbatical) at 12:28 PM on April 1, 2012

Telephone.
posted by Fister Roboto (farts) at 12:29 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can I go again?
posted by davemee (stifler) at 12:30 PM on April 1, 2012

Get's repetitive and predictable.

3 out of 5 stars.
posted by Skygazer (waft) at 12:32 PM on April 1, 2012

Ponies for everyone!
posted by deborah (giraffed) at 12:32 PM on April 1, 2012

Too much "fapfapfap."
posted by Skygazer (stadia) at 12:33 PM on April 1, 2012

I submit you're just getting better tags for everybody than I am. I hadn't even seen "newborn calf" before.
posted by EvaDestruction (spouse) at 2:50 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

*pout*
posted by zennie (naff) at 12:33 PM on April 1, 2012

I must take a screen shot.
posted by lizjohn (stifler) at 12:33 PM on April 1, 2012

Like IRL.
posted by Skygazer (stuffed) at 12:33 PM on April 1, 2012

why so many S's?
posted by shothotbot (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 12:34 PM on April 1, 2012

Look, no hands!
posted by Skygazer ( radio) at 12:34 PM on April 1, 2012

*Moons Metafilter*
posted by Skygazer (taffy) at 12:35 PM on April 1, 2012

Ooh, ooh, do me next!
posted by benito.strauss (giraffed) at 12:35 PM on April 1, 2012

nice
posted by patheral (stamos potential) at 12:35 PM on April 1, 2012

nice
posted by patheral (silver surfer) at 2:35 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Yay! silver surfer!
posted by patheral (stuff) at 12:35 PM on April 1, 2012

half? half?
posted by benito.strauss (staphylococcus) at 12:36 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm joining in.
posted by Salmonberry (soup to nuts) at 12:38 PM on April 1, 2012

That's true. I am starvin'. Gonna go eat a scone now.
posted by Salmonberry (cory doctorow) at 12:38 PM on April 1, 2012

.
posted by axiom (start) at 12:41 PM on April 1, 2012

I ate a bee.
posted by hot soup girl (stout) at 12:45 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I too would like to participate.
posted by sweetkid (mood) at 12:48 PM on April 1, 2012

what
posted by The Biggest Dreamer (snodgrass) at 12:48 PM on April 1, 2012

So...am I cool now?
posted by Mr. Bad Example (stet) at 12:49 PM on April 1, 2012

noooo
posted by The Biggest Dreamer (raff scaff) at 12:49 PM on April 1, 2012

So, do we have to post to find out what our staff tag is?
posted by daniel striped tiger (half) at 12:51 PM on April 1, 2012

Whee! Hugs for everyone.
posted by coppermoss ( radio) at 12:51 PM on April 1, 2012

The upside to pessimism is that there's always room for pleasant surprises.
posted by pwnguin (stodgy) at 12:52 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

daniel striped tiger: "So, do we have to post to find out what our staff tag is"

They appear to be random per comment, not per person.
posted by pwnguin (stuffing) at 12:53 PM on April 1, 2012

Happy April, fools!
posted by zoetrope (star trek) at 12:54 PM on April 1, 2012

Oooh, Staff-Tag Roulette makes April Fool's so exciting!
posted by Devika (stacked) at 1:01 PM on April 1, 2012

Man I got chaff?? I am wheat for sure, fuck this noise.
posted by Devika (stippled) at 1:01 PM on April 1, 2012

What what ... I swear it was chaff a moment ago .. *blinks*
posted by Devika (no soap) at 1:02 PM on April 1, 2012

*hoping for starburns*
posted by torisaur (smithers release the hounds) at 1:02 PM on April 1, 2012

Meeee
posted by Grlnxtdr (studmuffin) at 1:03 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, man - look what happens when I try to stay off the internet and get something accomplished!
posted by Space Kitty (no soap) at 1:05 PM on April 1, 2012

Yea!
posted by amelliferae (graft) at 1:14 PM on April 1, 2012

Woohoo!
posted by IndigoRain (stadia) at 1:21 PM on April 1, 2012

Me too!
posted by cholly (studebaker) at 1:25 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, man. This is worth getting off my ass for.
posted by procrastination (stfu) at 1:26 PM on April 1, 2012

Woot.
posted by zoo (star trek) at 1:30 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh me me!
posted by greta simone (stax exchange) at 1:31 PM on April 1, 2012

Woooooo.
posted by defenestration ('struth) at 1:33 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

cool.
posted by mokin (stent) at 1:36 PM on April 1, 2012

Finally, the recognition I deserve.
posted by 1000monkeys (stippled) at 1:37 PM on April 1, 2012

What's mine then?
posted by rubbish bin night (starblazers) at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2012

Golly!
posted by atomicmedia (stiff) at 1:42 PM on April 1, 2012

Oooh!
posted by MsLgean (mood) at 1:44 PM on April 1, 2012

whatamiwhatami?!
posted by ocherdraco (staph) at 1:44 PM on April 1, 2012

Silver Surfer. Nice as a comic fan I approve.
posted by MsLgean (stagger lee) at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2012

For the moment, apparently, I am stanley kubrick. (Yesssss.)
posted by ocherdraco ('struth) at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2012

Dang! It changed!
posted by MsLgean (sweeney toddler) at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2012

zach braff is misspelled. This pains me and it pains me that it pains me.
posted by sweetkid (farts) at 1:47 PM on April 1, 2012

Fool me! OH YES FOOL ME UP GOOD
posted by chinesefood (stoat) at 1:48 PM on April 1, 2012

Um, so they change if you refresh the page or whatever. Just sayin'.
posted by Sys Rq (starblazers) at 1:49 PM on April 1, 2012

It works for everyone?
posted by houlihan (stfu) at 1:52 PM on April 1, 2012

i need to know what i am, please define me metafilter...
posted by ifjuly (starvin') at 1:52 PM on April 1, 2012

Huzzah!
posted by houlihan (star light star bright) at 1:52 PM on April 1, 2012

It's an electrified foolin machine!
posted by The Whelk (standup comedian) at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2012

So cool!
So where from do the words get chosen? The entire site? (Doesn't seem to be, otherwise there would be fewer repetitions and more words like "the".) How does this work?
posted by Omnomnom (farts) at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2012

Tag me like one of your French girls...
posted by panboi (raff scaff) at 1:54 PM on April 1, 2012

Aw, I was a "newborn calf"!
posted by Omnomnom (stoat) at 1:54 PM on April 1, 2012

Sweet.
posted by eendje (gaffe) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2012

Hope it's an old school solution like pulling titles from random.txt.
posted by fluffy battle kitten (smithers release the hounds) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2012

I've always wanted to be in charge.
posted by BlahLaLa (stab) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2012

Hooray!
posted by ShawnStruck (stuffing) at 10:43 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

[noted for moar posterity. ]
posted by taz (stuffed) at 10:43 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

Well, if we're going to keep these things around for posterity...
posted by P.o.B. (stoopid) at 2:03 PM on April 1, 2012

Things like this are why I love Metafilter. <3
posted by lysimache (stef) at 2:03 PM on April 1, 2012

Staff tag is:
posted by kate blank (stilettos) at 2:05 PM on April 1, 2012

Curiosity wins out.
posted by starvingartist (simple machine) at 2:06 PM on April 1, 2012

Loves it.
posted by futureisunwritten (stuffing) at 2:07 PM on April 1, 2012

...and what powers does this give me?

(I would very much like to render as stapler, for that would have some obvious purpose.)
posted by beryllium (stent) at 2:07 PM on April 1, 2012

This is a stupid idea and I do not wish to participate.
posted by The Deej (stupid) at 6:34 AM on April 1 [1 favorite +] [!]

Ha!
posted by The Deej (staphylococcus) at 2:10 PM on April 1, 2012

I have to know...
posted by Mister Moofoo (stabbatical) at 2:11 PM on April 1, 2012

tag check
posted by vagabond (stefi graf) at 2:12 PM on April 1, 2012

You know when you've been giraffed...
posted by panboi (snodgrass) at 2:15 PM on April 1, 2012

What did I get?
posted by agress (stats) at 2:17 PM on April 1, 2012

Hello.
posted by Memo (stef) at 2:19 PM on April 1, 2012

Bandwagon! Whee!
posted by caphector (puff daddy) at 2:21 PM on April 1, 2012

Yay!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (staves) at 2:22 PM on April 1, 2012

Uh, what?
posted by mr_crash_davis (stab) at 2:24 PM on April 1, 2012

Aw, *I* wanted to be esteban!
posted by mreleganza (riffraff) at 2:25 PM on April 1, 2012

Must post to see name....
posted by tryniti (stuff) at 2:25 PM on April 1, 2012

Que?
posted by veryape (staring contest) at 2:33 PM on April 1, 2012

NEAT.
posted by sklero (hairway to steven) at 2:33 PM on April 1, 2012

Is it the same every time?
posted by sklero (staphylococcus) at 2:33 PM on April 1, 2012

for me?
posted by Orinda (stef) at 2:37 PM on April 1, 2012

My moment of triumph!
posted by xiw (staring contest) at 2:39 PM on April 1, 2012

finally, my contributions around here are recognized.
posted by xbonesgt (star trek) at 2:40 PM on April 1, 2012

finally, my contributions around here are recognized.
posted by xbonesgt (stable boy) at 5:40 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

:(
posted by xbonesgt (calved) at 2:41 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why am I sober?
posted by cjorgensen (stack hat) at 2:41 PM on April 1, 2012

Why am I sober?
posted by cjorgensen (stout)

hehehehe
posted by The Whelk (stilettos) at 2:43 PM on April 1, 2012

Testes, testes, 1, 2... 3?
posted by otterpop (SHAFT) at 2:45 PM on April 1, 2012

Metafilter: Easily amused.
posted by Skygazer (SHAFT) at 2:45 PM on April 1, 2012

April is the cruelest month..
posted by Skygazer (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 2:46 PM on April 1, 2012

Still April First here - wonder what I'll be
posted by motdiem2 (pfaff) at 2:49 PM on April 1, 2012

rolling dem bones
posted by anewnadir (steppenwolf) at 2:51 PM on April 1, 2012

Today's secret word is ↓
posted by milquetoast (sweeney toddler) at 2:54 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm with -------------------------------
|
\/
posted by jeremias (stacked) at 2:55 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm with a mod ↑.
posted by adamrice (farts) at 2:56 PM on April 1, 2012

Is it time for Mod Men?
posted by oneswellfoop (graph) at 2:57 PM on April 1, 2012

These are pretty good.
posted by Loto (mr. belvedere) at 2:59 PM on April 1, 2012

MOD MEN
posted by The Whelk (starship trooper) at 3:00 PM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

WHOA
posted by clockworkjoe (stamen) at 3:02 PM on April 1, 2012

Ich bin ein wurst.
posted by Bonky Moon (stairway to heaven) at 3:04 PM on April 1, 2012

toasting an epic bread
posted by Auguris (raff scaff) at 3:05 PM on April 1, 2012

Did I miss it? I kept waiting for the screen to change colors.
posted by Sweetie Darling (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 3:07 PM on April 1, 2012

:::fingers crossed for something good::::
posted by NoraCharles (snuffleuppagus) at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2012

????? I am confused
posted by Ayn Rand and God (naff) at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2012

Am I ready, can I handle the responsibility of this new title?
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve (stars in your eyes) at 3:32 PM on April 1, 2012

I'd like to thank my cat.
posted by swift ( radio) at 3:38 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want to see.
posted by Anxietygirl (president taft) at 3:40 PM on April 1, 2012

Outstanding. Thanks!
posted by angrynerd (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 3:47 PM on April 1, 2012

lol, awesome
posted by Xany (simple machine) at 3:54 PM on April 1, 2012

Mine is the bestest.
posted by Mittenz (farts) at 3:55 PM on April 1, 2012

New title? Do we get wafers with it?
posted by bakerina (karen carpenter) at 3:59 PM on April 1, 2012

posted by bakerina (gaffe) at 3:59 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Oh, pardon me. How embarrassing.
posted by bakerina (smithers) at 4:00 PM on April 1, 2012

No way I'm missing out on this.
posted by Schismatic (hurf durf butter staffer) at 4:03 PM on April 1, 2012

yay
posted by markr (giraffed) at 4:11 PM on April 1, 2012

aw, markr said what I was going to say.
posted by Chris4d (newborn calf) at 4:20 PM on April 1, 2012

Omnomnom: pretty sure the mods just riffed on "staff" and came up with a grab bag of funny things based on site history and, you know, human culture stuff. The 'filthy light thief' thing is pretty danged funny, though.
posted by trip and a half ( radio) at 4:20 PM on April 1, 2012

I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! (stoopid) at 4:28 PM on April 1, 2012

This is a stupid idea and I do not wish to participate.
posted by The Deej (stupid) at 6:34 AM on April 1 [1 favourite +] [!]
Ha!
posted by The Deej (winner)
Double ha!
posted by dg (stamps.com) at 4:29 PM on April 1, 2012

I want one!
posted by TedW (stentoria) at 4:30 PM on April 1, 2012

Hooray!
posted by TedW (sweeney toddler) at 4:30 PM on April 1, 2012

oh hey
posted by book 'em dano (mr. belvedere) at 4:32 PM on April 1, 2012

check, check, 123, is this thing on?
posted by thewalrus (stax exchange) at 4:32 PM on April 1, 2012

I suspect that 'filthy light thief' (who I have met and is not filthy but is rather light) was the first person to notice that the tagging had been implemented AND that nobody official had made a post to announce it, so he decided to make himself into somebody official to make a post to announce (hey, I'd've done the same thing). Still, it confirms something I have suspected since his 14th megapost on the blue... he spends WAY too much time here. As I do, and so do many of you reading this.

Also, (spends WAY too much time here) should've been one of the tags.
posted by oneswellfoop (starvin') at 4:34 PM on April 1, 2012

Well that's a mouthful.
posted by book 'em dano (staves) at 4:35 PM on April 1, 2012

throwaway comment as suggested by cortex in that other thread
posted by newpotato (stasi) at 4:38 PM on April 1, 2012

Heh.
posted by embrangled (horse ebooks) at 4:39 PM on April 1, 2012

I cannot rationally explain why I find this so hilarious.
posted by clavier (spouse) at 4:39 PM on April 1, 2012

Metafilter: The only site on the internet that does April Fool's well.
posted by booknerd (stop sign) at 4:39 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

also, is this going to last forever, or are our tags going to magically disappear at midnight?
posted by newpotato (starter) at 4:40 PM on April 1, 2012

This is all temporary anyway, but on MeTa it totally broke the Mefi Navigation greasemonkey script. Anytime I click to see someone's next or previous link it goes to the FAQ page.

I hope I get "gripe" as my tag on this one
posted by chimaera (waft) at 4:40 PM on April 1, 2012

and so do many of you reading this

I can quit anytime I want, just choose not to.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 4:41 PM on April 1, 2012

מה נשתנה, הלילה הזה
?מכל הלילות
posted by not_on_display (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 4:42 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

is this going to last forever, or are our tags going to magically disappear at midnight?

This is all temporary anyway,

While the rest of MeTa will soon return to normal, why does THIS thread have to? It could become a semi-permanent (what is REALLY permanent on the Web, anyway?) shrine to the awesomeness that is having April Fools Day fall on a Sunday...
posted by oneswellfoop (sylvan learning center) at 4:46 PM on April 1, 2012

I just got here
posted by clockzero (standardized test) at 4:48 PM on April 1, 2012

Ha, perfect
posted by clockzero (spouse) at 4:48 PM on April 1, 2012

This is delightfully amusing.
posted by rmd1023 (stebbins) at 4:50 PM on April 1, 2012

Is it too late?
posted by in the methow (farts) at 4:52 PM on April 1, 2012

Show me "stentorian"
posted by sciatica (hairway to steven) at 4:59 PM on April 1, 2012

dang, I didn't see this till April 1st is mostly over!
posted by easily confused (stamos potential) at 5:09 PM on April 1, 2012

CooltagCooltagNowhammiesNowhammiesSTOP
posted by the other side (pfaff) at 5:11 PM on April 1, 2012

stable boy??? stable BOY?!? hrumph.
posted by easily confused (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 5:11 PM on April 1, 2012

come on, taters
posted by joshuaconner (staring contest) at 5:12 PM on April 1, 2012

Rabbit rabbit?
posted by zerbinetta (staph) at 5:12 PM on April 1, 2012

my turn!
posted by Bohemia Mountain (sartori) at 5:14 PM on April 1, 2012

My throwaway comment. Per cortex.
posted by Glinn (starship trooper) at 5:14 PM on April 1, 2012

Awesome.
posted by guster4lovers (stoooooooooooooned) at 5:16 PM on April 1, 2012

oh, good
posted by readery (stentoria) at 5:16 PM on April 1, 2012

Oooooo, what am I?
posted by limeonaire (sterling) at 5:21 PM on April 1, 2012

Heh. I'm a simple machine. Or am I?
posted by limeonaire (standup comedian) at 5:22 PM on April 1, 2012

Hooray For Everything!
posted by blaneyphoto (scrappy-doo) at 5:22 PM on April 1, 2012

Ooo, now I'm a stab. Sorry.
posted by limeonaire (hairway to steven) at 5:22 PM on April 1, 2012

how did this come to be?
posted by batmonkey (starfish kisses) at 5:23 PM on April 1, 2012

Who's the April Fool now?
posted by ThatCanadianGirl (studebaker) at 5:23 PM on April 1, 2012

happy sigh
posted by Mouse Army (stable boy) at 5:24 PM on April 1, 2012

No fun when April 1 is on Sunday.
posted by Pax (fapfapfap) at 5:27 PM on April 1, 2012

Hey, anybody notice that it's April Fool's Day?
posted by Chanther (sterling) at 5:28 PM on April 1, 2012

Who are I? Who Who? WHo WHo?
posted by holdkris99 (starblazers) at 5:30 PM on April 1, 2012

All I want to know is:

a) What is my staff tag?
b) Will these appear in these threads tomorrow?
c) Does this appear in old threads?

I can only answer the first one by posting, the second one by waiting, and the third one by going to another thread I posted in (which can't happen till after I post.) So.
posted by SMPA (stafu) at 5:30 PM on April 1, 2012

Holding out for something like "floor wax and dessert topping"...

Hitting post... and...
posted by pianoblack (stuffed) at 5:31 PM on April 1, 2012

I love it when I can answer all my questions with thirty seconds of effort. Now to keep on refreshing till I get "winner" back as my tag.
posted by SMPA (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 5:32 PM on April 1, 2012

Um, er. this doesn't mean I'm actually going to have to, you know, DO anything? 'cause that would probably be bad.
posted by jlkr (stable boy) at 5:37 PM on April 1, 2012

Not too late?
posted by Flitcraft (sylvan learning center) at 5:39 PM on April 1, 2012

Yay!
posted by ainsley (hurf durf butter staffer) at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2012

Doing this thing.
posted by tumid dahlia (starvin') at 5:52 PM on April 1, 2012

*fistpump*
posted by tumid dahlia (stabilizer) at 5:52 PM on April 1, 2012

oooh! this is so cool.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! (stebbins) at 6:01 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm disgusted by this whole spectacle.
posted by Red Loop (zach braf) at 6:01 PM on April 1, 2012

baaaaaaddddaaaaassssss.....
posted by porn in the woods (stfu) at 6:01 PM on April 1, 2012

woo!
posted by Vectorcon Systems (staphylococcus) at 6:02 PM on April 1, 2012

Tagcheck!
posted by painquale (star light star bright) at 6:02 PM on April 1, 2012

CooltagCooltagNowhammiesNowhammiesSTOP
posted by the other side (fapfapfap) at 7:11 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

^^^ that was funny.
posted by patheral (smithers) at 6:09 PM on April 1, 2012

CooltagCooltagNowhammiesNowhammiesSTOP
posted by the other side (fapfapfap) at 7:11 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

^^^ that was funny.
posted by patheral (stoned) at 8:09 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Double funny.
posted by patheral (stopped) at 6:10 PM on April 1, 2012

Hey everyone, I just got back from St. Louis. What'd I miss?
posted by 40 Watt (behalf) at 6:10 PM on April 1, 2012

Pony Request: Why didn't you give everyone my little ponytars for april foals?
posted by mccarty.tim (stefi graf) at 6:14 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Purple monkey dishwasher give me a tag
posted by mccarty.tim (starblazers) at 6:17 PM on April 1, 2012

I <3 mefi
posted by beandip (stoned) at 6:19 PM on April 1, 2012

ok
posted by AZNsupermarket (soup to nuts) at 6:19 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

git 'er done
posted by Arch_Stanton (stand and deliver) at 6:22 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, I almost missed it!
posted by peep (studmuffin) at 6:24 PM on April 1, 2012

Oh, cool! I just notice that they change every time you go out and come back again.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl (stable boy) at 6:25 PM on April 1, 2012

moo
posted by strixus (steppenwolf) at 6:27 PM on April 1, 2012

How many times do I have to reload to get the SHAFT tag?
posted by googly (stax exchange) at 6:32 PM on April 1, 2012

Somebody poke me in my appendicitis detection spot.
posted by Sallyfur (stamen) at 6:36 PM on April 1, 2012

Time to close this thread.
posted by sciurus (stable boy) at 6:38 PM on April 1, 2012

Late to the party, as always.
posted by gamera (standardized test) at 6:40 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite MeTa on the Citadel.
posted by Verdandi (stentoria) at 6:43 PM on April 1, 2012

I wonder what my tag is.
posted by mrzarquon (stockholm syndrome) at 6:44 PM on April 1, 2012

I want chocolate cake.
posted by needled (esteban) at 6:53 PM on April 1, 2012

Not midnight yet.
posted by Cuke (stab) at 6:55 PM on April 1, 2012

Neato!
posted by Renoroc ('struth) at 6:56 PM on April 1, 2012

Fucking ticks. Now I itch EVERYWHERE. Bluh.
posted by mountain_william ( radio) at 7:01 PM on April 1, 2012

Remember, with great power comes great irresponsibility.
posted by Dr. Zira (stalin) at 12:30 AM on April 1 [+] [!]

heh.
posted by zenon (stats) at 7:01 PM on April 1, 2012

Awesome.
posted by KB.Boston_implant.By way of NY (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 7:01 PM on April 1, 2012

I want chocolate cake.
posted by needled (stuffing) at 6:53 PM on April 1 [+] [!] No other comments.

Perfect. I also want chocolate cake.
posted by rtha (winner) at 7:05 PM on April 1, 2012

i was asking myself - should I check metatalk for hints on the april fool's joke, because I couldn't find anything on the blue. i'm glad I came by here!
posted by bitteroldman (stoopid) at 7:08 PM on April 1, 2012

it is tag-check
posted by speedo (giraffed) at 7:09 PM on April 1, 2012

I tried resisting the lure of a free mod tag all day, but I am so weak...
posted by girl scientist (simple machine) at 7:13 PM on April 1, 2012

me too!
posted by FatRabbit (steppenwolf) at 7:14 PM on April 1, 2012

Whew. I made it before the end of the day!
posted by schnee (stadia) at 7:16 PM on April 1, 2012

Are these tags going to disappear at server midnight? Because...wow, won't this thread be surreal then.
posted by zarq (stacked) at 7:19 PM on April 1, 2012

Wat
posted by malapropist (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 7:21 PM on April 1, 2012

My God, it's full of st...aff tags
posted by angiep (stars in your eyes) at 7:23 PM on April 1, 2012

Are these tags going to disappear at server midnight?

I think the plan is to leave this thread as is but axe them from the other threads? Not entirely certain.
posted by jessamyn (shillelagh) at 7:25 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cool!
posted by carmicha (stack o toads) at 7:26 PM on April 1, 2012

My pony approves!
posted by troll on a pony (startled moose) at 7:26 PM on April 1, 2012

jessamyn: " I think the plan is to leave this thread as is but axe them from the other threads? Not entirely certain."

Yay! Hope that happens. :)
posted by zarq (snuffleuppagus) at 7:26 PM on April 1, 2012

tag - you're it!
posted by tim_in_oz (standardized test) at 7:27 PM on April 1, 2012

Ooooh, now I'm Stefi Graf? My husband will be thrilled!
posted by ThatCanadianGirl (sartori) at 7:27 PM on April 1, 2012

posted by jessamyn (sartori) at 10:25 PM on April 1 [+] [!] [quote]

Hey, your tags don't say "staff" in this thread. You're off the clock! :D
posted by zarq (stippled) at 7:28 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm curious what mine is gonna be :)
posted by marcusesses (starvin') at 7:30 PM on April 1, 2012

So who else has gone back to all their previous MetaTalk comments in old threads to see their new tags? I am going to make a poem out of mine. Eventually.
posted by andraste (scrappy-doo) at 7:31 PM on April 1, 2012

ORANGE SODA
ORANGE POP
WEED ON MY BLOCK
DOESN'T STOP

BURMA SHAVE
posted by Minus215Cee (zach braf) at 7:39 PM on April 1, 2012

posted by Minus215Cee (stab) at 22:39 on April 1 [+] [!]
How'd you know? So appropriate.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to apologize for my last FPP. It was meant to be funny. Sorry.
posted by Minus215Cee (zach braf) at 7:44 PM on April 1, 2012

Ooooh, now I'm Stefi Graf? My husband will be thrilled!
posted by ThatCanadianGirl (stanley kubrick) at 7:27 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

Your husband will be surprised.
posted by oneswellfoop (stopped) at 7:44 PM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I
posted by firstdrop (starvin') at 7:48 PM on April 1, 2012

feel
posted by firstdrop (startled moose) at 7:49 PM on April 1, 2012

better
posted by firstdrop (stack o toads) at 7:49 PM on April 1, 2012

pretty?
posted by zarq (starblazers) at 7:49 PM on April 1, 2012

So who else has gone back to all their previous MetaTalk comments in old threads to see their new tags? I am going to make a poem out of mine. Eventually.
posted by andraste (stamps.com) at 7:31 PM on April 1 [+] [!] No other comments.

Ooh, brilliant.
posted by rtha (smithers) at 7:50 PM on April 1, 2012

stellar stella.
posted by firstdrop (stop sign) at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2012

Ooh, you're the best!
posted by flibbertigibbet (standup bass) at 7:53 PM on April 1, 2012

Whatever's generating them must be doing it when the page is actually produced in your browser, they all change if you reload the page. Which is going to make for a lot of wack comments about what titles people "got" at the end of the day. Also I'm presuming after the day's out they will all disappear.
posted by nanojath (pfaff) at 7:55 PM on April 1, 2012

I would like speak with you about a little ol' website that goes by the name of The Filter.
posted by nenequesadilla (scrappy-doo) at 7:57 PM on April 1, 2012

"Bart, you've graffito-tagged public property!" That's the best Simpsons reference I could come up. What tag will I get?
posted by sillygwailo (stab) at 8:12 PM on April 1, 2012

lulz
posted by stagewhisper (stiffie) at 8:13 PM on April 1, 2012

Not too late to be easily amused?
posted by asperity (snuffleuppagus) at 8:27 PM on April 1, 2012

"Bart, you've graffito-tagged public property!" That's the best Simpsons reference I could come up. What tag will I get?
posted by sillygwailo (simple machine) at 8:12 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

lulz
posted by stagewhisper (smithers release the hounds) at 8:13 PM on April 1 [+] [!]

missed it by THAT MUCH... (Get Smart reference)
posted by oneswellfoop (stars in your eyes) at 8:30 PM on April 1, 2012

Under the wire
posted by waraw (ffats) at 8:30 PM on April 1, 2012

winner is me?
posted by emeiji (stifler) at 8:37 PM on April 1, 2012

dangit.
posted by emeiji (stop sign) at 8:37 PM on April 1, 2012

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
posted by eddydamascene (staph) at 8:38 PM on April 1, 2012

It's not too late is it?
posted by Pyry (stacked) at 8:40 PM on April 1, 2012

Are you out of words?
posted by raisingsand (stella) at 8:46 PM on April 1, 2012

This is the only April Fools "thing" that I have liked on the internets today.
posted by desuetude (stabbatical) at 8:46 PM on April 1, 2012

in before the lock
posted by Cosmic (starter) at 8:46 PM on April 1, 2012

Make it so.
posted by eunoia (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 8:50 PM on April 1, 2012

Wait, what?
posted by elsietheeel (smithers release the hounds) at 8:51 PM on April 1, 2012

Not too late??
posted by of strange foe (stabbatical) at 8:53 PM on April 1, 2012

Will all this April folly never end?
posted by Skygazer (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 8:55 PM on April 1, 2012

...and with the playing of somebody else's familiar theme, it is time once again to bid a fond farewell and 'don't let the screen door hit your ass on your way out' to another April Foolishness Day here at the USS MetaFilter "FPP-1701", and invite everyone to meet your intrepid crew and their intrepid crew cuts on the Lido Shuffle deck for a few games of late-night shuffleboard and pina coladas watered down by the rain. This is your underpaid Masturbator of Ceremonies, MC Donalds, reminding you to tip your server over to find the hidden code number you can use to open a high-interest credit card account and if you haven't tried the veal, it'll get off on a technicality. And here's hoping you get off on whatever technicality gets you off, so if the Good Lord's willing and exists in your theology and the creek don't rise more than the souffle, I hope you'll join me later, because I usually fall to bite-sized pieces by the end of the week, and I will be here all week, and even weaker on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And I leave you with the words of Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater: "YEOUCH!!!"
posted by oneswellfoop (stanley kubrick) at 8:58 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ever ever ever....
posted by Skygazer (stet) at 8:58 PM on April 1, 2012

Sic Semper Tyran
posted by Skygazer (smithers) at 8:59 PM on April 1, 2012

..us
posted by Skygazer (snuffleuppagus) at 8:59 PM on April 1, 2012

As if...
posted by spacelux (stuff) at 9:00 PM on April 1, 2012

Fun!
posted by Doleful Creature (fapfapfap) at 9:01 PM on April 1, 2012

<>·>··<> Lizards Everywhere!!
posted by empatterson (karen carpenter) at 9:07 PM on April 1, 2012

Metatalk. Tis a silly place.
posted by Green With You (hurf durf butter staffer) at 9:11 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

(and the tags have been turned off everywhere but here... there is nowhere else to go)
posted by oneswellfoop (stamps.com) at 9:12 PM on April 1, 2012

<>->--<---

How odd. It looked fine in preview...</
posted by empatterson (starburns) at 9:12 PM on April 1, 2012

I need to know what mine is.
posted by lizarrd (stuff) at 9:15 PM on April 1, 2012

oh, bollocks! I'm taking my lizard and going home.
posted by empatterson (graph) at 9:17 PM on April 1, 2012

:P
posted by Betafae (scrappy-doo) at 9:20 PM on April 1, 2012

:3
posted by rhythm and booze (mr. belvedere) at 9:23 PM on April 1, 2012

woot woot!
posted by prototype_octavius (star trek) at 9:25 PM on April 1, 2012

And my lucky tag is...
posted by mazola (puff daddy) at 9:27 PM on April 1, 2012

...'st00pid'?

SON OF A WHORE!
posted by mazola (shillelagh) at 9:28 PM on April 1, 2012

RIFFRAFF
posted by The Whelk (studmuffin) at 9:29 PM on April 1, 2012

Actually this may be the best Metafilter April Fool's gag ever: when they turn these "mod" labels off and they all disappear these discussions left over are going to look absolutely insane with everything they were referencing gone.
posted by nanojath (karen carpenter) at 9:29 PM on April 1, 2012

I have just spent a frustrating two hours trying to file my taxes (and failing due to a SOFTWARE ERROR, thank you TurboTax) so now I just want to see what my label is because I'd really like to redeem this evening.
posted by librarylis (staphylococcus) at 9:35 PM on April 1, 2012

And my lucky tag is...
posted by mazola (stand and deliver) at 9:27 PM on April 1 [+] [!] Other [1/2]: ·≡»

Is that better?

I have just spent a frustrating two hours trying to file my taxes (and failing due to a SOFTWARE ERROR, thank you TurboTax) so now I just want to see what my label is because I'd really like to redeem this evening.
posted by librarylis (stack exchange) at 9:35 PM on April 1 [+] [!] No other comments.

Beautiful.
posted by rtha (smithers) at 9:40 PM on April 1, 2012

WIFFWAFF.
posted by Skygazer (staphylococcus) at 9:41 PM on April 1, 2012

Is this something I'd need to be a mod to understand?
posted by jmd82 (sylvan learning center) at 9:42 PM on April 1, 2012

Is this something I'd need to be a mod to understand?
posted by jmd82 (stfu) at 12:42 AM on April 2 [+] [!]

You made it mad.
posted by Skygazer (sweeney toddler) at 9:43 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm late
posted by Superfrankenstein (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 9:44 PM on April 1, 2012

April folly brings May holly.
posted by Skygazer (hurf durf butter staffer) at 9:45 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm late
posted by Superfrankenstein (studmuffin)
posted by The Whelk (SHAFT) at 9:51 PM on April 1, 2012

So how will this glorious nonsense be preserved posterity? Tomorrow is another day, which not 4.1... so what happens then?

fartfartfart
posted by Cold Lurkey (naff) at 10:03 PM on April 1, 2012

It will be preserved in amber.
posted by Skygazer (stippled) at 10:05 PM on April 1, 2012

Gimme.
posted by HeyAllie (behalf) at 10:07 PM on April 1, 2012

Skygazer (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 12:43 AM on April 2 [+] [!]

(This is that panel in a cartoon strip where the two characters just stare at one another without any expression.)
posted by Skygazer (stamp out litter) at 10:09 PM on April 1, 2012

hey you guuuuuuyyssss
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny (SHAFT) at 10:09 PM on April 1, 2012

Am I too late?
posted by Pallas Athena (stef) at 10:27 PM on April 1, 2012

It's always April frist in hear.
posted by a humble nudibranch (stfu) at 10:28 PM on April 1, 2012

*bounce for joy*
posted by Pallas Athena (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 10:31 PM on April 1, 2012

Yay! \o/
posted by ZeusHumms (standardized test) at 10:32 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm late
posted by Superfrankenstein (studmuffin)
Posted by The Whelk (starblazers)
posted by Superfrankenstein (sylvan learning center) at 10:39 PM on April 1, 2012

I'm late
posted by Superfrankenstein (studmuffin)
Posted by The Whelk (starblazers)
posted by Superfrankenstein (nobody understands him but his woman )

it never ends...
posted by oneswellfoop (studebaker) at 10:44 PM on April 1, 2012

tee hee
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints (stack exchange) at 10:45 PM on April 1, 2012

One thousand and thirteenth
posted by jng ( radio) at 10:46 PM on April 1, 2012

Ah, nice. An afterparty.
posted by rewil (gaffe) at 10:51 PM on April 1, 2012

what.
posted by azarbayejani (starburns) at 11:00 PM on April 1, 2012

Kitchen is through there.
posted by flabdablet (stab) at 11:14 PM on April 1, 2012

Hmmmm.
posted by Rangeboy (stefi graf) at 11:15 PM on April 1, 2012

Alright, I give in. Although I do feel pressured to type something witty.
posted by piedmont (mood) at 11:44 PM on April 1, 2012

Am I too late?
posted by taff (stodgy) at 12:16 AM on April 2, 2012

My goodness this is a long one!
posted by Bibliogeek (starburns) at 12:33 AM on April 2, 2012

I want more! GIVE ME ALL THE TAGS!
posted by stray (stairway to heaven) at 12:35 AM on April 2, 2012

I want more! GIVE ME ALL THE TAGS!
posted by stray (soup to nuts) at 2:35 AM on April 2 [+] [!]

Fuckin' genius.
posted by tzikeh (stairway to heaven) at 1:11 AM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

I hope I get a tag too
posted by cotterpin (star light star bright) at 1:52 AM on April 2, 2012

ooh and me!
posted by TheOtherGuy (stacked) at 2:00 AM on April 2, 2012

nah i want a better one..
posted by TheOtherGuy (riffraff) at 2:00 AM on April 2, 2012

Hey guys, what did I miss?
posted by like_neon (giraffed) at 2:35 AM on April 2, 2012

Well I guess I missed this.
posted by solarion (stafu) at 2:55 AM on April 2, 2012

Everything is lovely.
posted by Pallas Athena (stuffed) at 3:59 AM on April 2, 2012

.
posted by spitbull (stephen hawking) at 4:01 AM on April 2, 2012

Well, I'm not commenting just to get a silly funtag. That would be crass, especially at this late stage.

Ahem.
posted by robself (giraffed) at 4:03 AM on April 2, 2012

Indeed
posted by dabug (stet) at 4:21 AM on April 2, 2012

Yup.
posted by carter (stab) at 4:33 AM on April 2, 2012

I approve!
posted by LMGM (stabilizer) at 4:52 AM on April 2, 2012

Oh, who can resist? Not I.
posted by Scram (starfish kisses) at 4:53 AM on April 2, 2012

Am I too late?
posted by Comrade_robot (farts) at 5:37 AM on April 2, 2012

Did I miss it?
posted by joe vrrr (start) at 5:56 AM on April 2, 2012

It's never too late for silliness!
posted by Lush (stooped) at 6:00 AM on April 2, 2012

Huh.
posted by motty (stanley kubrick) at 6:03 AM on April 2, 2012

Harrumph!
posted by mimi (star wars) at 6:27 AM on April 2, 2012

I am late. As usual.
posted by somanyamys (stacked) at 6:29 AM on April 2, 2012

Something?
posted by jquinby (stanley kubrick) at 6:48 AM on April 2, 2012

uh...it was on my list for today.
posted by jquinby (staffing solutions) at 6:49 AM on April 2, 2012

oh.
posted by wreckingball (staves) at 6:49 AM on April 2, 2012

My folks had one very simple rule for April fools day: You clean up after the joke.

So, mainly we just skipped the classics and went for thinking man's pranks; I switched out my brother's deodorant for a women's brand, and put the appropriate Nirvana single in his cars tape deck.

The problem was that every couple of years, one of the older kids would decide it'd be funny to play what we all called the reverse. Basically you'd just spend the whole day talking about how awesome the prank you set up was, and how the person was going to get it, and then do nothing.

Which was mildly amusing the first time, but by the 6th time through, we all knew what was going on. It just became a this weird tradition, and nobody want to break with tradition, and we all felt that if we just said "I'm going to get you" one more time than the person did last year, we'd REALLY sell it. So by the end, the true April Fool's Day joke was done by the receiver of the threat (being the youngest, it was usually me). I'd just goad them on by acting scared, and then at the end of the day, after they spent hours formulating how to threaten me with an action we both knew wasn't going to happen, I'd say "yeah, I knew what you were doing."

So, in the spirit of the reverse-reverse, having made all of you take the time to read this expecting some sort of punchline, when the only one that you're going to get is disappointing and predictable, I say, a day late:

April Fools.
posted by Gygesringtone (smithers) at 6:52 AM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

IS THIS THING STILL ON? CAN I SAY HI TO MY MOM?

HI MOM!!!
posted by slogger (stabilizer) at 7:04 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hmm.
posted by jonnyploy (scrappy-doo) at 7:08 AM on April 2, 2012

I knew I should have stopped by here on the 1st. Tarnation!
posted by Deathalicious (stilettos) at 7:19 AM on April 2, 2012

Are these things still on?
posted by teragram (farts) at 7:25 AM on April 2, 2012

Okay why not.
posted by Partial Law (newborn calf) at 7:32 AM on April 2, 2012

Did I miss this fun thing?
posted by jph (horse ebooks) at 7:32 AM on April 2, 2012

Stet? What's a stet? That's boring.
posted by jph (stifler) at 7:33 AM on April 2, 2012

I do prefer stout.
posted by jph (sterling) at 7:33 AM on April 2, 2012

Ooh, they keep changing!
posted by jph (star trek) at 7:34 AM on April 2, 2012

Is this still working? I want a tag!
posted by caution live frogs (ffats) at 7:34 AM on April 2, 2012

Why golly it IS working. Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thanks, Metafilter!
posted by caution live frogs (calved) at 7:35 AM on April 2, 2012

Ooh cool. I hope I get one that says 'staff'.
posted by mbd1mbd1 (half) at 7:44 AM on April 2, 2012

damn.
posted by mbd1mbd1 (stalin) at 7:44 AM on April 2, 2012

Tag me! Tag me!
posted by never used baby shoes (starter) at 8:00 AM on April 2, 2012

I think we all need a time out.
posted by mkultra (starfish kisses) at 8:19 AM on April 2, 2012

Hooray!
posted by chara (stabilizer) at 8:23 AM on April 2, 2012

I'm glad this wizardry still appears to work - I want a shiny tag!
posted by Rallon (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 8:41 AM on April 2, 2012

help
posted by rocketman (stanky) at 8:48 AM on April 2, 2012

Really?
posted by unreasonable (stfu) at 8:56 AM on April 2, 2012

Man, I don't know how the MeFi staff can handle wearing these tags everyday.

I find the responsibility that goes along with it very stressful.
posted by mazola (standardized test) at 8:56 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

whut
posted by Madamina (starter) at 8:59 AM on April 2, 2012

Longest meta ever?
posted by Pontius Pilate (stent) at 9:16 AM on April 2, 2012

Not even close
posted by The Whelk (stafu) at 9:20 AM on April 2, 2012

Yet...
posted by Skygazer (stuffed) at 9:25 AM on April 2, 2012

Pontius Pilate: "Longest meta ever?"

We're in top 20 territory, but that's it.
posted by zarq (stuffing) at 9:28 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Kind of an I Ching thing, really.
posted by Chrysostom (taffy) at 9:35 AM on April 2, 2012

No, seriously. Does Filthy Light Thief have some special coding privileges or something?
posted by Melismata (standup bass) at 9:36 AM on April 2, 2012

No, seriously. He just noticed the April Fools thing we implemented before anyone else.
posted by jessamyn (stack hat) at 9:39 AM on April 2, 2012

How did I miss this? Funny MF events should happen on work days.
posted by 2bucksplus (stefi graf) at 9:42 AM on April 2, 2012

*tap tap* Is this thing still on?
posted by widdershins (graft) at 9:52 AM on April 2, 2012

OOh, can I play?
posted by rabbitrabbit (stodgy) at 9:55 AM on April 2, 2012

Let's make it longer by having Sarah Palin confess which account is her sockpuppet and have a Scott Adams meltdown.
posted by mccarty.tim (horse ebooks) at 10:17 AM on April 2, 2012

Random tags you say.. I want one too
posted by radsqd (snodgrass) at 10:34 AM on April 2, 2012

Oooh, me next!
posted by saladin (stamp tramp) at 10:37 AM on April 2, 2012

Late to the party.
posted by kimdog (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 10:58 AM on April 2, 2012

Later to the party.
posted by mlle valentine (staffing solutions) at 11:04 AM on April 2, 2012

yay, I'm not too late!
posted by vespabelle (standup bass) at 11:13 AM on April 2, 2012

shouldn't mine be Stellllllaaaaaaaaaa!
posted by vespabelle (half) at 11:14 AM on April 2, 2012

Hey everybody what's happening
posted by Westringia F. (stanley kubrick) at 11:16 AM on April 2, 2012

Want
posted by craven_morhead (silver surfer) at 11:18 AM on April 2, 2012

If this continues to have the tags available until it gets its standard 30-day shutdown (which would correspond to the entire month of April), I think it'll end up a contender for all-time longest MeTa, especially if more tags are regularly added to the mix, which, considering what I know about the people with access to the tag creation, is fairly likely.

(startled moose) and (standup bass) look like two of those added since April 1st officially passed.

And why are they still ignoring my suggestions of (ned stark) or (tony stark) or (stark naked) or (stark raving)? Oh, yeah, because they're MY suggestions.

Or we could just convert this to a Kickstarter project. Hey, there's another tag idea you can ignore because I suggested it: (kickstarter).
posted by oneswellfoop (fapfapfap) at 11:18 AM on April 2, 2012

Nothing to see here, move along.
posted by FarOutFreak (stack exchange) at 11:27 AM on April 2, 2012

We're not adding more tags. We haven't added more tags since 4/1 was officially over in our time zones. We didn't ignore your suggestions as much as we just didn't take suggestions from the thread itself.
posted by jessamyn (starburns) at 11:57 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Day late! But it's nice to feel being a part of the staff.
posted by phyrewerx (stopped) at 11:59 AM on April 2, 2012

'sup, y'all?
posted by dismas (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 12:06 PM on April 2, 2012

Obligatory.
posted by jessamyn (stand and deliver) at 12:07 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

does anyone read the posts down here?
posted by starman (stoned) at 12:15 PM on April 2, 2012

Last!
posted by bodega (stab) at 12:19 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Will I embroider my nickname on a pillow?
posted by shortyJBot (president taft) at 12:29 PM on April 2, 2012

It's not too late!
posted by furtive (stephen hawking) at 12:32 PM on April 2, 2012

HEY MISTER BASSMAN, I WANT TO BE A BASSMAN TOO.
posted by not_on_display (stalin) at 12:40 PM on April 2, 2012

Yay!
posted by rollbiz (stuffed) at 12:41 PM on April 2, 2012

~~It was the best of times, it was the...~~

It was the year the April Fools thread lastes all year, until the next year. Until the very last minute of the very last second, of the very next April Fool's Day.

Most of that year had not taken place yet, though so he couldn't quite figure out what should happen next. Should he disable his Metafilter account for the year until the very next April Fool's Day?

The End.
posted by Skygazer (stamp tramp) at 12:41 PM on April 2, 2012

Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
posted by Demogorgon (stack hat) at 12:42 PM on April 2, 2012

i did not realise i had to share my zach braf-ness :(
posted by batmonkey (hairway to steven) at 12:44 PM on April 2, 2012

Whee!
posted by Carillon (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 1:04 PM on April 2, 2012

Now ist the time on Metatalk ven we haff tags!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit (stagger lee) at 1:08 PM on April 2, 2012

One for the road.
posted by wallabear (stephen hawking) at 1:20 PM on April 2, 2012

One for the road.
posted by wallabear (stars in your eyes) at 1:20 PM

Works for me :)
posted by wallabear (staffing solutions) at 1:21 PM on April 2, 2012

I read this last night and didn't post and now I want one I hope I can have one oh boy oh boy!!
posted by thankyouforyourconsideration (stentoria) at 1:22 PM on April 2, 2012

This is great, if for no other reason that it's keeping people occupied and therefore not making whiny new metatalk posts.
posted by Melismata (ffats) at 1:23 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

mine!
posted by mareli (stupid) at 1:25 PM on April 2, 2012

the
posted by chugg (start) at 1:43 PM on April 2, 2012

I missed april fools day...
posted by Karmakaze (step) at 1:51 PM on April 2, 2012

Dang, I forgot to add the [sarcasm] tag to my last comment here.
posted by oneswellfoop (stamos potential) at 1:57 PM on April 2, 2012

I was otherwise occupied yesterday - better late than, and all that.
posted by shiny blue object (stella) at 2:02 PM on April 2, 2012

Is it still April 1st somewhere?
posted by Kabanos (graft) at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012

Every fool's an April fool
For foolery's in flower.
There's sugar in the salt shaker
And corn oil in the shower.

That heavy breathing call was me
Made to your office phone;
I cling-wrap-trapped the toilet bowl
For you and you alone.

The whoopee cushion sighs my love
Wherever you are seated;
And when you come to share my bed
You'll find yourself shortsheeted.

Oh every fool's an April fool
So take my hand and sing:
For you may hope to spring the trap,
But never trap the Spring.
posted by Pallas Athena (farts) at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

I see this thread still maintains the randomized tags. Neat.
posted by jabberjaw (stuff) at 2:34 PM on April 2, 2012

I want one.
posted by Mo Nickels (esteban) at 2:40 PM on April 2, 2012

:)
posted by Mo Nickels (fapfapfap) at 2:40 PM on April 2, 2012

Frist!
posted by Rocket Surgeon (smithers) at 2:58 PM on April 2, 2012

I mean - Second!
posted by Rocket Surgeon (stable boy) at 2:59 PM on April 2, 2012

Late to the party, but Yay for jokes!
posted by DiscourseMarker (stupid) at 3:05 PM on April 2, 2012

Chicken check.
posted by fiercecupcake (stoat) at 3:18 PM on April 2, 2012

This is just to say

wee! I'm not too late!
posted by twoporedomain (stapler) at 3:26 PM on April 2, 2012

Yey!!1!
posted by edmz (stet) at 3:26 PM on April 2, 2012

MERCACK
posted by jeoc (karen carpenter) at 3:48 PM on April 2, 2012

Is this thing still on??!
posted by wemayfreeze (stacked) at 4:08 PM on April 2, 2012

Sweet I love toads.
posted by wemayfreeze (staple singers) at 4:08 PM on April 2, 2012

I love silly words!
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly (stabbatical) at 4:10 PM on April 2, 2012

In to this thread before the whistle blows...
posted by infini (sylvan learning center) at 4:18 PM on April 2, 2012

I'm just greedy, I want another tag.
posted by patheral (step) at 4:38 PM on April 2, 2012

Why did it take me so long to discover this thread?
posted by Metro Gnome (sylvan learning center) at 5:27 PM on April 2, 2012

What fun!
posted by nickyskye (stiff) at 5:30 PM on April 2, 2012

And I am...
posted by thrako (stamen) at 5:35 PM on April 2, 2012

Me too! Me too!
posted by Kinbote (stfu) at 5:36 PM on April 2, 2012

Yay! We still have tags!
posted by SisterHavana (stoned) at 6:19 PM on April 2, 2012

Is this the thread with the most individual posters? If not, where does it fall on the spectrum?
posted by batmonkey (stan the potato man) at 6:40 PM on April 2, 2012

Anybody know where I can download Game of Thrones?
posted by BobbyVan (behalf) at 6:58 PM on April 2, 2012

Okay, a person can resist temptation for only so long. Well, this person, anyway.
posted by gingerest (stupid) at 7:15 PM on April 2, 2012

Me too.
posted by onlyconnect (cory doctorow) at 7:32 PM on April 2, 2012

Last!
posted by hawkeye (stable boy) at 7:43 PM on April 2, 2012

Is this thing still on?
Tags: latetotheparty
posted by joe lisboa (starship trooper) at 7:49 PM on April 2, 2012

I wish you people wouldn't keep saying you're late to the party. I still have plenty of my father's recipe Clam Dip left! (Why won't anybody even try my father's recipe Clam Dip?!?)
posted by oneswellfoop (shillelagh) at 8:21 PM on April 2, 2012

Oooh, it still works!

I hope it does otherwise this post will look pretty stupid...
posted by booksherpa (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 8:32 PM on April 2, 2012

Oh thank goodness I'm not too late for this party. Thank you flt.
posted by gubenuj (stafu) at 8:35 PM on April 2, 2012

Sure, flt was here to start the party, but he left hours ago to get more chips and hasn't come back!
posted by oneswellfoop (stefi graf) at 8:57 PM on April 2, 2012

Is this thing still on?
posted by insectosaurus (stopped) at 9:30 PM on April 2, 2012

Ooh, I've always wanted to be a mod!
posted by DakotaPaul (calved) at 10:05 PM on April 2, 2012

help my marathon writing session is driving me mad help
posted by The Whelk (snodgrass) at 10:10 PM on April 2, 2012

!
posted by asuprenant (staves) at 10:18 PM on April 2, 2012

Ma dai!
posted by francesca too (winner) at 10:52 PM on April 2, 2012

One for the road.
posted by wallabear (soup to nuts) at 1:20 PM on April 2 [+] [!]

One for the road.
posted by wallabear (stars in your eyes) at 1:20 PM

Works for me :)
posted by wallabear (soup to nuts) at 1:21 PM on April 2 [+] [!]

Double?
posted by wallabear (newborn calf) at 10:57 PM on April 2, 2012

There are those among us that will name their offspring April
posted by Sailormom (raff scaff) at 11:12 PM on April 2, 2012

Is this thing on?
posted by bluedaisy (stuffed) at 11:32 PM on April 2, 2012

And I thought I'd missed this party
posted by Augenblick (standup bass) at 11:35 PM on April 2, 2012

April Fool's is more of a season, really.
posted by drinkyclown (stable boy) at 11:40 PM on April 2, 2012

Just came here to get a tag.

Yay!
posted by baueri (stamos potential) at 1:23 AM on April 3, 2012

Me too!
posted by Start with Dessert (stebbins) at 1:58 AM on April 3, 2012

Woot!
posted by BrotherCaine (ffats) at 3:13 AM on April 3, 2012

Wait is this really random?
posted by BrotherCaine (newborn calf) at 3:14 AM on April 3, 2012

What's all this then?
posted by biscotti (staring contest) at 4:58 AM on April 3, 2012

What good-natured fun! Not like some other threads.

Note: Everyone needs a hug... AND A COMICAL TAG.
posted by Coaticass (stan the potato man) at 5:05 AM on April 3, 2012

An overwhelming majority of these new tags begin with the letter S. What's up with that?
posted by slogger (stefi graf) at 5:52 AM on April 3, 2012

"hairway to steven" is my favorite.
posted by slogger (staph) at 5:52 AM on April 3, 2012

Am I too late?
posted by harriet vane (riffraff) at 6:06 AM on April 3, 2012

I'm sleepy.
posted by Shepherd (stippled) at 6:32 AM on April 3, 2012

S is the happiest letter.
posted by h00py (stebbins) at 6:42 AM on April 3, 2012

Not late at all, by the looks..
posted by bystander (stentoria) at 7:03 AM on April 3, 2012

Just passing through...
posted by isnotchicago (stella) at 7:05 AM on April 3, 2012

Am I too early?
posted by owtytrof (stack exchange) at 7:47 AM on April 3, 2012

Yes.
posted by ourobouros (stack o toads) at 8:00 AM on April 3, 2012

What's in the box?
posted by obscurator (stilettos) at 8:23 AM on April 3, 2012

A HUMAN HEAD
posted by cashman (mood) at 10:13 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Turn around, turn around...
posted by fiercecupcake (shillelagh) at 11:42 AM on April 3, 2012

... BRIGHT EYES
posted by The Whelk (stafu) at 11:48 AM on April 3, 2012

Not too late? Here's a value-add Ogden Nash poem in thanks for all the staff-tag lulz: "Always Marry an April Girl."

Praise the spells and bless the charms,
I found April in my arms.
April golden, April cloudy,
Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy;
April soft in flowered languor,
April cold with sudden anger,
Ever changing, ever true --
I love April, I love you.
posted by ottereroticist (stent) at 2:47 PM on April 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

How many refreshes will I need before I find a worthy tag?
posted by CancerMan (spouse) at 2:58 PM on April 3, 2012

hey
posted by TheGoodBlood (hairway to steven) at 3:01 PM on April 3, 2012

i'm baaaaack.
posted by AJaffe (karen carpenter) at 3:18 PM on April 3, 2012

How many refreshes will I need before I find a worthy tag?

I don't know. I never made it without biting.
posted by cashman (stack exchange) at 3:56 PM on April 3, 2012

Now me!
posted by cmoj (hairway to steven) at 4:48 PM on April 3, 2012

Hi
posted by SarahElizaP (sylvan learning center) at 5:44 PM on April 3, 2012

Hip deep in April fools unafraid to let their fool flag fly. Ah, breath it in....do you recognize the scent in in the Spring air? It is the intoxicating scent of freedom and fools. Fools unfolding into flowers of romance.
posted by Skygazer (starblazers) at 6:37 PM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sexy sexy time for Metafilter and April foolery....
posted by Skygazer (scrappy-doo) at 6:44 PM on April 3, 2012

I'm always late to the party, as usual.
posted by Effigy2000 (riffraff) at 8:53 PM on April 3, 2012

A what?
posted by azazello (starburns) at 10:21 PM on April 3, 2012

April Fools Day? More like April Fools Month, amirite?
posted by oneswellfoop (stuffing) at 10:33 PM on April 3, 2012

All hail the Fools of April!
posted by platinum (stentoria) at 2:29 AM on April 4, 2012

Ding
posted by Monday (stuffing) at 2:48 AM on April 4, 2012

Dong
posted by Monday (stable boy) at 2:48 AM on April 4, 2012

yo!
posted by blueberrypicasso (stamp out litter) at 7:24 AM on April 4, 2012

What?
posted by Happy Dave (horse ebooks) at 9:15 AM on April 4, 2012

yay!
posted by jrb223 (karen carpenter) at 10:25 AM on April 4, 2012

two?
posted by jrb223 (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 10:30 AM on April 4, 2012

Two too.
posted by Godbert (starvin') at 11:56 AM on April 4, 2012

Two three.
posted by Ms. Next (starfish kisses) at 12:04 PM on April 4, 2012

Two four.
posted by owtytrof (calved) at 12:18 PM on April 4, 2012

Oh hey, that's neat!
posted by Kattullus (staphylococcus) at 1:08 PM on April 4, 2012

Two much.
posted by oneswellfoop ( radio) at 2:29 PM on April 4, 2012

I think I missed a party?
posted by introp (standup bass) at 2:32 PM on April 4, 2012

No one invited me.
posted by pupdog (hairway to steven) at 2:36 PM on April 4, 2012

Better late than never I suppose...
posted by TheCoug (stairway to heaven) at 2:56 PM on April 4, 2012

Six seasons and a movie!
posted by mbrubeck (stack hat) at 4:09 PM on April 4, 2012

?
posted by The Card Cheat (chaff) at 4:19 PM on April 4, 2012

Does it work if I'm 3 days late?
posted by chevyvan (hurf durf butter staffer) at 4:32 PM on April 4, 2012

hm
posted by bdave (step) at 4:37 PM on April 4, 2012

poop
posted by arveale (mr. belvedere) at 5:03 PM on April 4, 2012

With just over 1200 comments, this thread would check in at #14 of the "posts in MetaTalk with the most comments" list when it is next updated. It'll take over 800 more to make the Top 5, and 2400 more to grab the gold ring. I, for one, think it would be a cool thing if this did unseat the "sansgras" thread for #1, but it'll take all of our efforts, returning every few days to drop a bon mot or nonsequitur, to accomplish this before the inevitable closure on April 30th. COME ON METATALKERS, LET'S MAKE THIS AN APRIL TO REMEMBER.
posted by oneswellfoop (stax exchange) at 5:15 PM on April 4, 2012

You know I'm going to do MY part...
posted by oneswellfoop (star wars) at 5:16 PM on April 4, 2012

...because apparently I have nothing better to do.
posted by oneswellfoop (horse ebooks) at 5:17 PM on April 4, 2012

Whatsamatter, burhan? Your arms tired? Have some grog!
posted by rtha (winner) at 5:41 PM on April 4, 2012

okay, then MeMail all your contacts who haven't already participated...
posted by oneswellfoop (steve-o) at 5:43 PM on April 4, 2012

I would like to volunteer to be the cox of the longboat of debauchery.
posted by arcticseal (spouse) at 6:53 PM on April 4, 2012

Beanplating the longboat, I see. Splendid!

Oh yeah....chicka bow wow...chicka chicka bow bow....
posted by Skygazer (stilettos) at 7:51 PM on April 4, 2012

Y'arr ye scurvy scalawags! All 'board th' longboat, we'll be takin' it fer a voyage. Thar be treasure 800 posts thataway!

Whars th' grog now?
posted by jabberjaw (mood) at 7:55 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking this may be less of a longboat and more of a Long Long Trailer.
posted by oneswellfoop (stupid) at 8:06 PM on April 4, 2012

FOOOOPY! WHAAAT HAVE YOU DONE?
posted by loquacious (farts) at 9:16 PM on April 4, 2012

It can't be done, I say.
posted by owtytrof (start) at 9:22 PM on April 4, 2012

No, really.
posted by owtytrof (stax exchange) at 9:22 PM on April 4, 2012

I'm so late to this thread it's not even fashionably late. It's now in the area where it's just plain rude and if someone is showing up this late they should either bring fucking dessert or just not come.

I felt obligated to post something to get my tag..
posted by Deflagro (stamp tramp) at 11:47 PM on April 4, 2012

Ok, I'm sure I can come up with brownies... somewhere.

(This is what I get for being so far behind in Google Reader.)
posted by RyanAdams (stabbatical) at 6:54 AM on April 5, 2012

Holy crap! It's Ryan Adams! Hi Ryan!
posted by Skygazer (star light star bright) at 8:02 AM on April 5, 2012

Also, if this thread is going to really vie for the big prize, I think it needs more badges. More stinking badges. Because we do need more stinking badges!
posted by Skygazer (stagger lee) at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2012

oneswellfoop: "(Why won't anybody even try my father's recipe Clam Dip?!?)"

Is it kosher? :D
posted by zarq (graph) at 8:05 AM on April 5, 2012

I could have sworng I posted in this thing.
posted by lysdexic (stoopid) at 8:53 AM on April 5, 2012

I have posted in this heaven.
posted by anazgnos (naff) at 5:03 PM on April 5, 2012

Ain't no party like a randomized (staff) tags party, 'cause a randomized (staff) tags party don't stop!
posted by diogenes (farts) at 10:43 AM on April 6, 2012

It's april 6th, get back to work you crumb-bums!
posted by codacorolla (stamen) at 10:54 AM on April 6, 2012

It's april 6th, get back to work you crumb-bums!

Its Good Friday you numbskull!
posted by infini (hurf durf butter staffer) at 11:27 AM on April 6, 2012

This April 1st just KEEPS ON GIVING!
posted by jeanmari (stars in your eyes) at 1:04 AM on April 7, 2012

testing, testing, 1-2-3
posted by livinglearning (giraffed) at 6:46 AM on April 7, 2012

Crumb-bums, love.
posted by thinkpiece (scrappy-doo) at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2012

Staff tags (the real ones) are hard to search for using Command-F. I often resort to viewing source.

That’s the best I can come up with.
posted by joeclark (star wars) at 12:59 PM on April 7, 2012

staff tag tartan pony?
posted by jeffburdges (stent) at 2:11 PM on April 7, 2012

want another
posted by Wordwoman (behalf) at 2:56 PM on April 7, 2012

Game of Thrones trivia question: In Westeros, do they celebrate Wester?
posted by oneswellfoop (stfu) at 6:20 PM on April 7, 2012

Always late.
posted by elmono (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 9:27 AM on April 8, 2012

Game of Thrones trivia question: In Westeros, do they celebrate Wester?

In Soviet Westeros, eggs hunt you!
posted by Sys Rq (riffraff) at 10:52 AM on April 8, 2012

They roll Ned Stark's head down a hill.
posted by arcticseal (scrappy-doo) at 3:25 PM on April 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

okay, but i really do want to know if this (or another) post has the most unique commenters in it ("unique" as in "individual" not as in "remarkable", 'though i'm sure everyone here is quite remarkably unique).
posted by batmonkey (star trek) at 12:17 PM on April 9, 2012

I'm pretty sure that about 50% of the posters are actually filthy light thief's sock puppets (including a couple of the "real" moderators). So, it would be impossible to tell.
posted by jabberjaw (stiffie) at 9:15 AM on April 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

hah. nice.

(still: i will send cookies to anyone who can give my statistics-obsessed mind a real answer, even if it's just a reference to the thread that beats this one)
posted by batmonkey (stand and deliver) at 2:47 PM on April 10, 2012

PARTY NEVER ENDS
posted by solarion (fapfapfap) at 2:51 AM on April 11, 2012

Did I just wake up?
posted by Edison Carter (stopped) at 6:42 AM on April 11, 2012

If I had this many socks, I'd rich.

Because I'd trade my sock puppets to the underwear gnomes.

And then I'd profit.
posted by filthy light thief (simple machine) at 3:16 PM on April 11, 2012

I'd trade my sock puppets to the underwear gnomes.

Can I make a t-shirt of that?
posted by oneswellfoop (sylvan learning center) at 3:23 PM on April 11, 2012

Depicting the actions of trade, or from the physical products of my trade?
posted by filthy light thief (esteban) at 3:27 PM on April 11, 2012

No, just the words, which with enough 'viral' manipulation can become a cool catchphrase. (Get me some cat pictures and Impact type!)
posted by oneswellfoop (studmuffin) at 3:39 PM on April 11, 2012

Will you settle for photoshopped Economist magazine covers and Comic Sans?
posted by jabberjaw (half) at 4:07 PM on April 11, 2012

SPREAD THE MEME
posted by oneswellfoop (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

This thread needs a major kick in the butt.
posted by Skygazer (stacked) at 9:58 AM on April 12, 2012

I have an underwear Gnome....

IN MY PANTS!!! HA AHA HA!!!
posted by Skygazer (stable boy) at 10:03 AM on April 12, 2012

*splooosh*
posted by khedron (horse ebooks) at 10:13 AM on April 12, 2012

This thread needs a major kick in the butt.

I thought the Underwear Gnomes would do that...
posted by oneswellfoop (stentoria) at 11:37 AM on April 12, 2012

I thought DMT was a common explanation for the activities of lawn gnomes (and the writers of "Gnomeo and Juliet")
posted by oneswellfoop (stamps.com) at 12:03 PM on April 12, 2012

Is that a picture of Sifl & Ollie? If not, it should be.
posted by jabberjaw (stodgy) at 1:45 PM on April 12, 2012

This longboat is languishing, with nary a gust to move it along.

Maybe Friday the 13th will do something.

Because I'm totally out of ideas. And steam.

No more steam for this day.

I should have opted for a nuclear power. Instead, I went old fashioned, and chose steam powered.
posted by filthy light thief (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 4:34 PM on April 12, 2012

Like beating swords into plowshares, it's time to turn sock puppets into sock portraits.
posted by oneswellfoop (riffraff) at 7:35 PM on April 12, 2012

I'll bite.
posted by palegirl (stats) at 11:15 PM on April 12, 2012

NOTHING BUT VAMPIRE EROTICA FROM HERE ON
posted by The Whelk (sylvan learning center) at 8:57 AM on April 13, 2012

ANYTHING BUT VAMPIRE EROTICA FROM EREHWON
posted by daniel_charms (st00pid) at 9:34 AM on April 13, 2012

Once upon a time there was a vampire that sucked. A lot.

The end.
posted by jabberjaw (stamos potential) at 9:58 AM on April 13, 2012

boy: hey
girl doesn’t say anything
boy: i really like u
girl doesn’t say anything
boy: ok, i love u
girl still isn’t sayin nothin!
boy: and i never wanna let u go
girl remains silence..
boy kisses girl
boy eats girl
boy was vampire the whole time
posted by mccarty.tim (graph) at 10:07 AM on April 13, 2012

Someone please make me a picture.
posted by adamvasco (star trek) at 10:45 AM on April 13, 2012

You know those photographers who go around photographing people in clubs, photoshopping the pictures to look more glamorous, and selling em' back to people? Yeah, they should start photoshopping vampire fangs on everyone, maybe goths aren't rich enough to be a target demographic for that.
posted by jeffburdges (stoopid) at 10:49 AM on April 13, 2012

Vampire walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!"

Vampire, dejected, begins to walk out of the bar. Then stops, turns around, and says: "I have long walked this earth and been sneered upon by people. I may never see the sun, for it would burn my skin until I die. And because of my curse, I may never know love. I know nothing but rejection and sadness."

Bartender, feeling bad, tells the vampire to come back.

And then they make out.

Erotically.
posted by jabberjaw (stilettos) at 10:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Goths with money are more concerned with their dead mice dollhouses and authentic black lace gloves to worry about things as silly as fangs
posted by The Whelk (stefi graf) at 10:50 AM on April 13, 2012

How do you unerotically make out anyway?
posted by The Whelk (stoopid) at 10:51 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

is that what Kirk Cameron does?
posted by The Whelk (ffats) at 10:51 AM on April 13, 2012

Yes, Kirk Cameron makes out with vampires unerotically, which is why I didn't include that story here.
posted by jabberjaw (stack exchange) at 11:01 AM on April 13, 2012

Is this thread still giving out tags?
posted by bardophile (gaffe) at 11:09 AM on April 13, 2012

TAGS A PLENTY
posted by The Whelk (startled moose) at 11:20 AM on April 13, 2012

For real?
posted by jquinby (mr. belvedere) at 11:21 AM on April 13, 2012

Yes Virginia.
posted by The Whelk (scrappy-doo) at 11:24 AM on April 13, 2012

since I habitually wear pins with my jackets I'm wondering if I should just co-ordinate them with my mood to see if anyone notices.
posted by The Whelk (karen carpenter) at 11:25 AM on April 13, 2012

you totally should
posted by jabberjaw (step) at 11:26 AM on April 13, 2012

what emotions are tied to a Nuka Cola cap pin?
posted by The Whelk (stoat) at 11:27 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

FOR LANGUAGE IMPERALISM
posted by The Whelk (silver surfer) at 11:42 AM on April 13, 2012

Funny, I expected when this thread reached the 'undead' stage it'd be more Zombie than Vampire.

Still, nobody wants to see zombie erotica.
posted by oneswellfoop (startled moose) at 11:43 AM on April 13, 2012

... you got some?
posted by jabberjaw (stifler) at 11:52 AM on April 13, 2012

It caused a controversy in Australia
posted by The Whelk (stalwart) at 11:54 AM on April 13, 2012

dead mice dollhouses

So are these dollhouses made out of dead mice, dollhouses marketed at the dead mouse demographic or regular dollhouses featuring dead mice as one of the furnishings?
posted by Mitheral (stiff) at 1:15 PM on April 13, 2012

I saw Endhiran (the Indian Robot) movie recently and it was great! Bollywood! Aishwarya Rai Bachchan looking gorgeous! Big fabulous musical numbers! Geeky plot things! Bonus "Demon Seed" type content. ALL THE CHEEZETASTIC ACTION.
posted by rmd1023 (standup bass) at 2:12 PM on April 13, 2012

So are these dollhouses made out of dead mice, dollhouses marketed at the dead mouse demographic or regular dollhouses featuring dead mice as one of the furnishings?

Yes.
posted by The Whelk (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 3:39 PM on April 13, 2012

So they're dollhouses by, for, and of dead mice.
posted by mbrubeck (starter) at 4:11 PM on April 13, 2012

It's dead mouse dollhouses all the way down
posted by The Whelk (star light star bright) at 4:14 PM on April 13, 2012

Ah, what of Dollmouse, the Joss Vermin show starring Eliza Dusquirrel?
posted by jabberjaw (stooped) at 5:31 PM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh man, dollhouse, there was a good 12 episode series stuck inside those 26 episodes
posted by The Whelk (stooped) at 5:59 PM on April 13, 2012

I suspect our cat has a dead mice dollhouse behind the couch, but I'm too scared to look.
posted by arcticseal (stef) at 6:00 PM on April 13, 2012

The Dollhouse is MICE!!
posted by jeffburdges (stacked) at 7:00 PM on April 13, 2012

I think Disney owns the copyright and trademark on "Mouse House".

Could always go for a "Rats Haven".
posted by oneswellfoop (stalin) at 10:30 PM on April 13, 2012

I hate it when I read the first few comments then scroll to the bottom and the conversation has gone all Salvador Dali. I just wanted to see more tags!
posted by taff (stanley kubrick) at 6:18 AM on April 14, 2012

girl remains silence..
boy kisses girl
boy eats girl
boy was vampire the whole time

Girl was dead the whole time.
posted by daniel_charms (stiff) at 10:50 AM on April 14, 2012

The Double Vampire Reveal - dude was actually vampire, but a really shitty one.
posted by The Whelk (fapfapfap) at 10:56 AM on April 14, 2012

I don't know how anyone can look at the collection of tags and expect anything other than Salvador Dali. Maybe Rene Magritte? "This is not a tag."
posted by oneswellfoop (stabbatical) at 11:00 AM on April 14, 2012

This is not a comment.
posted by oneswellfoop (raff scaff) at 11:01 AM on April 14, 2012

This is not a foop.
posted by oneswellfoop (hairway to steven) at 11:01 AM on April 14, 2012

I am not a whelk.
posted by The Whelk (stfu) at 11:05 AM on April 14, 2012

I, however, remain bedeviled.
posted by Devils Rancher (stockholm syndrome) at 11:07 AM on April 14, 2012

MAY YOU HERD THE DEVIL'S BISON
posted by The Whelk (puff daddy) at 11:20 AM on April 14, 2012

I FOUND THE HUGS BISON (and I bought the t-shirt)
posted by oneswellfoop (staple singers) at 11:33 AM on April 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am a not-so-great, tiny plum.
posted by The Great Big Mulp (stuffed) at 11:53 AM on April 14, 2012

Okay, okay, I'll admit it, I'm not that swell.
posted by oneswellfoop ('struth) at 3:19 PM on April 14, 2012

Let me know when you're done with the fork, I've got some angel hair pasta to eat.
posted by jabberjaw (shillelagh) at 9:33 PM on April 14, 2012

Rock of ages cleft for me.
posted by Skygazer (stasi) at 6:46 PM on April 15, 2012

project over, I am back.
posted by infini (snodgrass) at 1:20 AM on April 16, 2012

The_Whelk has retweeted you : "This is not and never has been Twitter."
posted by The Whelk (step) at 9:25 AM on April 16, 2012

Doesn't mean it can't be in the future, if my Hostile Takeover Plans work out...
posted by oneswellfoop (staple singers) at 3:54 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]

So now we've got about two weeks to double the comments in this thread and make it the most commented-on MetaTalk thread ever.

NOW LOOK AT THESE SHINY STAFF TAGS AND POST SOMETHING
posted by jabberjaw (stentoria) at 7:43 PM on April 16, 2012

DM @Burhanistan: you finished with that fork yet? #isitdoneyet
posted by arcticseal (snuffleuppagus) at 3:06 AM on April 17, 2012

#hastag
posted by infini (standup comedian) at 5:10 AM on April 17, 2012

Happy Birthday Ian MacKaye! #Try #MinorThreat
posted by Skygazer (starblazers) at 10:22 AM on April 17, 2012

I don't know what it's going to take to get this thread moving. Maybe if I disavowed any involvement in it...
posted by oneswellfoop (newborn calf) at 8:07 PM on April 17, 2012

Or I tweeted you a response
posted by infini (stfu) at 8:45 PM on April 17, 2012

oneswellfoop: "I don't know what it's going to take to get this thread moving. "

$20 SAIT.
posted by arcticseal (staphylococcus) at 7:44 AM on April 18, 2012

Oh, well looky here. I'm both stodgy and stoned. Obviously I need a third. I may refresh it eventually. Then I'll have lots of titles. I'll be a goddamn star!
posted by h00py (stop sign) at 8:08 AM on April 18, 2012

Could we get Hologram Tupoc added as a title?
posted by jeffburdges (stupid) at 8:26 AM on April 18, 2012

Do we get a new name every time we comment?
posted by insectosaurus (starblazers) at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2012

Yes we do!
posted by insectosaurus (steppenwolf) at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2012

yay
posted by insectosaurus (smithers) at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2012

Thank goodness oneswellfoop is gone. Party!
posted by jabberjaw (graft) at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2012

And also every time the page refreshes, apparently.
posted by insectosaurus (stiff) at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2012

Recipes? I would rather have an alphabet thread.
posted by not_on_display (studmuffin) at 9:21 AM on April 18, 2012

Are recipes naughty? what?
posted by jeffburdges (stout) at 9:33 AM on April 18, 2012

THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF JULIA CHILD: A FICTIONAL MEMOIR IN SVEN SCENTS.
posted by The Whelk (stout) at 9:37 AM on April 18, 2012

Could we get Hologram Tupoc added as a title?

Does it have to be misspelled?
posted by Sys Rq (stable boy) at 9:37 AM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

But of course.
posted by adamvasco (no soap) at 9:38 AM on April 18, 2012

Cold and misty morning, I heard a warning borne in the air
About an age of power where no one had an hour to spare,
Where the seeds have withered, silent children shivered, in the cold
Now their faces captured in the lenses of the jackals for gold.
I'll be there
I'll be there
I will be there.

Suffering in silence, they've all been betrayed.
They hurt them and they beat them, in a terrible way,
Praying for survival at the end of the day.
There is no compassion for those who stay.
I'll be there
I'll be there
I will be there.

There must be someone who can set them free:
To take their sorrow from this odyssey
To help the helpless and the refugee
To protect what's left of humanity.
Can't you see
Can't you see
Can't you see.

I'll be there
I'll be there
I will be there;
To heal their sorrow
To beg and borrow
Fight tommorow.

Step inside! Hello! We've the most amazing show
You'll enjoy it all we know
Step inside! Step Inside!

We've got thrills and shocks, supersonic fighting cocks.
Leave your hammers at the box
Come Inside! Come Inside!
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Left behind the bars, rows of Bishops' heads in jars
and a bomb inside a car
Spectacular! Spectacular!

If you follow me there's a speciality
some tears for you to see
Misery, misery,
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Next upon the bill in our House of Vaudeville
We've a stripper in a till
What a thrill! What a thrill!
And not content with that, with our hands behind our backs,
We pull Jesus from a hat,
Get into that! Get into that!
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We're so glad you could attend
Come inside! Come inside!
There behind a glass is a real blade of grass
be careful as you pass.
Move along! Move along!

Come inside, the show's about to start
guaranteed to blow your head apart
Rest assured you'll get your money's worth
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth.
You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo.
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll ....

Soon the Gypsy Queen in a glaze of Vaseline
Will perform on guillotine
What a scene! What a scene!
Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
to Alexander's Ragtime Band
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Performing on a stool we've a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule
Keep it cool. Keep it cool.
We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
were exclusively our own,
All our own. All our own.
Come and see the show! Come and see the show! Come and see the show!
See the show!
posted by fearfulsymmetry (mood) at 10:06 AM on April 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Show? Show? I love a good show.
posted by rjs (stooped) at 10:37 AM on April 18, 2012

Don't you know, don't you know? Duh.
posted by adamvasco (staphylococcus) at 10:38 AM on April 18, 2012

(holds up lighter)

DO LUCKY MAN
posted by jquinby (stadia) at 10:54 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Friedman's Syndrome - A form of lingering 911 PTSD that involves Stockholm Syndrome towards the extreme Right and a pathological need to brown-nose those with political power and/or vast wealth.
posted by Skygazer (graph) at 11:05 AM on April 18, 2012

I wasn't going to return, honest, but fearfulsymmmetry, you can't do Karn Evil 9 lyrics and omit the 3RD IMPRESSION:

Man alone; born of stone;
Will stamp the dust of time
His hands strike the flame of his soul;
Ties a rope to a tree and hangs the Universe
Until the winds of laughter blows cold.

Fear that rattles in men's ears
And rears it's hideous head
Dread .... Death .... in the wind ....

Man of steel pray and kneel
With fever's blazing torch
Thrust in the face of the night;
Draws a blade if compassion
Kissed by countless Kings
Whose jewelled trumpet words blind his sight.

Walls that no man thought would fall
The altars of the just
Crushed .... Dust .... in the wind ....

No man yields who flies in my ship
DANGER!
Let the bridge computer speak
STRANGER!
LOAD YOUR PROGRAM. I AM YOURSELF.

No computer stands in my way
Only blood can cancel my pain
Guardians of a nuclear dawn
Let the maps of war be drawn.

Rejoice! Glory is ours!
Our young men have not died in vain,
Their graves need no flowers
The tapes have recorded their names.

I am all there is
NEGATIVE! PRIMITIVE! LIMITED! I LET YOU LIVE!
But I gave you life
WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
To do what was right
I'M PERFECT! ARE YOU?
posted by oneswellfoop (stapler) at 2:53 PM on April 18, 2012

must be noted:

I am all there is
NEGATIVE! PRIMITIVE! LIMITED! I LET YOU LIVE!
But I gave you life
WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
To do what was right
I'M PERFECT! ARE YOU?
posted by oneswellfoop (star trek) at 2:53 PM on April 18 [+] [!]
posted by oneswellfoop (stiff) at 2:56 PM on April 18, 2012

I spent literally all day reading fan fiction and now I feel dirty.
posted by The Whelk (stout) at 3:09 PM on April 18, 2012

(stumbles to parking lot...can't find van among the others w/custom Frazetta scenes painted on the sides)
posted by jquinby (SHAFT) at 3:16 PM on April 18, 2012

I read scene as scone as was momentarily confused. Now I want jam.
posted by arcticseal (step) at 3:38 PM on April 18, 2012

Sconester kids are ruining this town.
posted by cortex (behalf) at 5:08 PM on April 18, 2012

But they're pretty well ensconced by now, so we're in a jam and we're gonna get creamed.
posted by flabdablet (stable boy) at 5:39 PM on April 18, 2012

Hey, dude, you look totally sconed...
posted by oneswellfoop (stout) at 5:50 PM on April 18, 2012

Yeah, man, I'm so baked.
posted by flabdablet (step) at 5:52 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

the biscuits are baked
posted by The Whelk (stefi graf) at 5:54 PM on April 18, 2012

I hardly remember why this is in my recent activity, and even looking at the comment I posted can't elucidate that mystery, but that said, I felt compelled to say:

I enjoy twice-baked potatoes. I hope to enjoy some on Friday, April 20.
posted by feloniousmonk (stanky) at 5:57 PM on April 18, 2012

thrice baked potatoes are just silly.
posted by The Whelk (stats) at 6:05 PM on April 18, 2012

I tried twice-baked cookies and they were awful.
posted by feloniousmonk (pfaff) at 6:07 PM on April 18, 2012

Concise-baked potatoes are very ...exact.
posted by The Whelk (stab) at 6:09 PM on April 18, 2012

Have some refried beans with your twice-baked potatoes and other foods cooked in your double boiler for Redundancy Day! (12/12/12)
posted by oneswellfoop (staves) at 6:13 PM on April 18, 2012

I ONLY EAT DOUBLE FOOD
posted by The Whelk (studmuffin) at 6:17 PM on April 18, 2012

mmm, double cream
mmm, double cream
posted by flabdablet (stuffing) at 6:24 PM on April 18, 2012

and then there's triple sec...
posted by oneswellfoop (taffy) at 6:48 PM on April 18, 2012

a real double duchess
posted by fiercecupcake (stars in your eyes) at 8:51 PM on April 18, 2012

The Double Down Sandwich Where The Bread Is Made Of Fried Chicken And There Is Bacon Inside It And Also Some Cheese Or Something is back at KFC.

(In case anyone was looking to double barf.)
posted by Sys Rq (sweeney toddler) at 9:59 PM on April 18, 2012

Or just get a Double Double at In-And-Out.
posted by oneswellfoop (stable boy) at 10:11 PM on April 18, 2012

I'll in and out your Dutch double.
posted by dg (farts) at 10:37 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'll just take the Dutch, double please
posted by infini (stent) at 10:42 PM on April 18, 2012

Now I want a Stroopwafel.
posted by arcticseal (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 12:18 AM on April 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

ich bin ein stroopwafel?
posted by oneswellfoop (chaff) at 12:55 AM on April 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

batmonkey: okay, but i really do want to know if this (or another) post has the most unique commenters in it ("unique" as in "individual" not as in "remarkable", 'though i'm sure everyone here is quite remarkably unique).

I've looked into this. The results:
* 819 - the number of unique contributors to this thread, so far.
* 838 - the most on a Metatalk thread: Get well soon, mathowie!
* 919 - the most on any subsite: Steve Jobs, RIP
posted by Pronoiac (smithers) at 2:12 AM on April 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Right now I’m parsing XML for a point-and-click web app for the iPhone that’ll spice up four hundred contemporary American ethnic dishes with Chinese herbs and sauces.
posted by flabdablet (gaffe) at 4:49 AM on April 19, 2012

Chicken rice chilli sauce goes with everything.
posted by infini (staves) at 5:44 AM on April 19, 2012

wir alle sind chili sauce.
posted by arcticseal (stopped) at 6:22 AM on April 19, 2012

This is in real time!
I'll create a gooey inner face using Visual Basic.
posted by flabdablet (snuffleuppagus) at 6:58 AM on April 19, 2012

This is in real time!

Oh, in that case let me just nip in to the kitchen and brb
posted by infini (karen carpenter) at 7:32 AM on April 19, 2012

Enhance 224 to 176. Enhance, stop. Move in, stop. Pull out, track right, stop. Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45 right. Stop. Center and stop. Enhance 34 to 36. Pan right and pull back. Stop. Enhance 34 to 46. Pull back. Wait a minute, go right, stop. Enhance 57 to 19. Track 45 left. Stop. Enhance 15 to 23. Give me a hard copy right there.
posted by flabdablet (studmuffin) at 8:10 AM on April 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've looked into this. The results:
* 819 - the number of unique contributors to this thread, so far.
* 838 - the most on a Metatalk thread: Get well soon, mathowie!
* 919 - the most on any subsite: Steve Jobs, RIP

Welp, time to register a few more sockpuppets.
posted by daniel_charms (stack hat) at 8:14 AM on April 20, 2012

sockpuppet account reporting for duty
posted by spockpuppet (ffats) at 8:48 AM on April 20, 2012

I am my own sockpuppe
posted by TwelveTwo (stoooooooooooooned) at 9:03 AM on April 20, 2012

puppe
posted by infini (starvin') at 9:05 AM on April 20, 2012

sockpuppy
posted by oneswellfoop (raff scaff) at 11:48 AM on April 20, 2012

t.
posted by TwelveTwo (newborn calf) at 11:52 AM on April 20, 2012

puppe
posted by adamvasco (studmuffin) at 12:55 PM on April 20, 2012

At this late an hour, I believe it is time that we begin to discuss little known historical facts that aren't true:

* In the spring of 1783 young Napoléon Bonaparte, under the influence of ergot poisoning, tripped so hard that his spirit traveled 201 years into the future where he logged an entry onto erowid.org, where it still remain, categorized as a Bad Trip.

* 'Dungeons & Dragons' was originally to be titled 'Dungeons & Monsters & Treasure', or DMT for short. It was not until a brief romance with alliteration that Ernest Gygax renamed himself and the game, Gary Gygax, and Dungeons and Dragons. However, this was not all without protests from friends and family. Dave Arneson, in particular, wished that the game be called 'The Battle Tunnels of Sublackmoor'. Gary Gygax's father, the violinist Ernest Gygax, upset by his son's change of name, would not cease playing Shoenberg at the dinner table, despite the protestations of family members and neighbors.

* Irving Morrow's parents were killed by poets. During his work on the design of the Golden Gate Bridge he recognized the ease in which one might find rhymes to the words 'Golden', 'Gate', and 'Bridge', afraid his work would someday be to the benefit of poets, he petitioned that the color of the bridge be Orange, and that it be renamed "San Francisco-Marin Iron Orange Breadth." Fortunately, Leon Moisseiff countered the plan to rename by observing that technically the bridge would be made of steel. Defeated, Irving Morrow faded into the background, never again able to function as an architect. Decades later, diagnosed with a terminal illness, seeking long-wished for revenge, Irving Morrow successfully sabotaged Leon Moisseiff's Tacoma Narrows Bridge. The physics proved too complex for the jury to understand, and he was found not guilty on all charges.

* On July 20, 1969 we landed on the moon, but we did not land on our moon. In 2010, the division assigned to the study of the lunar dust brought back by the astronauts was disbanded. Due to the secrecy of the project it remains unknown whether or not the location of the moon had been identified prior to NASA budgetary cuts. However, in 2009 Michael Douglas Griffin, then NASA Administrator, reported to the media that they were making remarkable progress on a construction in space, when asked if it was a base on our moon, he smiled and said no. Since 2010, no one has seen Michael Douglas Griffin, or the scientists assigned to the study of the lunar dust brought back by Apollo 11. On November 8th, 2011 at 08:33 EST, a freelance journalist working for Gawker tweeted Buzz Aldrin asking him what he knew about the missing division of scientists, Mr. Aldrin tweeted in return: "Elon Musk." At 08:41 EST, the servers went down for maintenance, when Twitter returned at 09:12 EST, the tweets were missing. Later that week the journalist in question was arrested for stealing what was reported to be an iPhone5.
posted by TwelveTwo ('struth) at 5:29 PM on April 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Atlantic Timezone Go Boom
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight (staphylococcus) at 7:59 PM on April 20, 2012

Go on.
posted by TwelveTwo (stack exchange) at 8:27 PM on April 20, 2012

Eastern Timezone Go Boom
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight (stella) at 9:04 PM on April 20, 2012

Hm! Now, don't let me stop you, finish your thoughts.
posted by TwelveTwo (scrappy-doo) at 9:26 PM on April 20, 2012

Central Timezone Go Boom
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight (stupid) at 10:00 PM on April 20, 2012

Speaking of Corgi on stilts, that reminds me of some more little known historical facts that aren't true.

* In the 1960s, Queen Elizabeth II took ownership of 16 corgi puppies. However, given the cultural mores at the time the comedic dog was mocked by the press. To maintain appearances the queen was forced to dress the dogs in regimental garb, however due to the economy at the time, only yellow and black fabrics were available. On the day of their debut, March 3rd 1961, the Queen was doubly embarrassed and roundly lampooned. Having only easy access to yellows and blacks, the poor dogs were dressed in royal navy ceremonial dress, and secondly, because of the excessive use in yellow in their costumes, the dogs looked more like bees than vice admirals. While all that is more than irrelevant now, the consequences are not. In one throw, the Queen gave birth to not one but two dog fashion trends: Dressing dogs in sailor outfits, and dressing them in bee outfits.

* Corgis are born with tails, but every sixth tail is possessed by the devil. Since Vatican 2 and the cut in exorcism budgets, it has become uneconomical to bless each and every Corgi. Instead, the tails are cut so the dogs may live a murder free life without worry or care.
posted by TwelveTwo (stack hat) at 10:46 PM on April 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

posted by TwelveTwo (stoooooooooooooned)

Write some more, it was fascinating reading.
posted by infini (SHAFT) at 10:54 PM on April 20, 2012

Mountain Timezone Go Boom (running late)
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight (stet) at 11:27 PM on April 20, 2012

* Central Oregon's Deschutes River was named for French-Canadian pioneer and brewery founder Rene Deschutes, who died of complications from a ruptured stomach at the age of 39 after boasting to a rival barley baron that he "could drink the whole of the river".
posted by cortex (stout) at 11:33 PM on April 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yo momma so fat I just checked into her on foursquare.
posted by special-k (stand and deliver) at 11:36 PM on April 20, 2012

Pacific Timezone Go PHOTOBOMB
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight (newborn calf) at 12:00 AM on April 21, 2012

Oliver North is testifying on TV as a sort of running background to everything.
posted by flabdablet (stoooooooooooooned) at 6:54 AM on April 21, 2012

I'm really fucking disgusted that Rage is playing Robert Palmer.
posted by h00py (seven chinese brothers) at 8:23 AM on April 21, 2012

And although I love the first You Am I cd with all of my heart, I think Tim Rogers is a fuckwit. With bad taste. And he sucks on stage too. Although he's now recommending Powderfinger who had some really good songs, you have to admit that. Some sucked but some are really good. Fuxk you Tim Rogers though?!
posted by h00py (stodgy) at 8:25 AM on April 21, 2012

* Corgis are born with tails, but every sixth tail is possessed by the devil.

I have no reason to disbelieve this claim, and on the other hand, plenty of reason to consider it totally understandable.
posted by ShutterBun (stiffie) at 8:39 AM on April 21, 2012

TwelveTwo, it is my understanding that John Belushi's bee character was intended as an act of anti-Windsor japery, funded by a rump society of Roundheads. Can you illuminate this matter with further historical facts?

The more fascinating element to that story is the origin of John Belushi himself.

* John Belushi was the imaginary friend of James Belushi. Constantly picked on by his siblings, James Belushi was never very happy as a child. This would all change. It was the Summer of 1962. Adam Belushi, their father, brought the children to visit his homeland. He had come from the village of Qytezë, a small community deep in Albania, north of the border to Greece, and famous for its traditional dish of dolma. A few days into their visit, sleeping at their grandparents home, young James Belushi was awoken by a voice. While James Belushi remains silent on the details, his father in a 1970s interview described the morning. Waking up to the smell of frying dolma, Adam Belushi noticed his son missing. He was not eating dolma, or in the village at all. His search turned frantic, and the village joined him. It was the afternoon when they finally discovered young James. He was sleeping beside a column of some forgotten temple. But here is where the story becomes interesting, Adam Belushi did not only find young James there, there was another boy there, an older boy. He introduced himself as John Belushi. When they returned to the village, the chief of the village eyed the child inspecting for the devil in him. Finding none evil but a soul of infinite age, the village elders declared the child to be one of the Bellios, their traditional name, and so the child was declared son of Adam Belushi. The following evening, James was teased by his sister Marian for unwrapping his dolma before eating its contents, but in a twist of history, the curious entity known as John Belushi interrupted her by doing the same as James, then proceeded to ask if she likes to sea food, and with her answer, showed his tongue at her. It would not be until the 80s that archaeologists would identify the temple as the lost Temple of Crius. During the first dig in 1982, a young graduate student by the name of Mary Frances damaged one of the buried statues in an attempt to excavate it. The beheaded, the statue was identified as the central statue of Crius. Panicked, the villagers ceased assisting the dig site. The following night, her daughter Merritt went missing. In the morning, the archaeologists were perplexed, and over coffee every option was considered, the question on their minds was not the missing child, but how did the head find itself back on the statue. There was no sign of the break. Mary Frances discovered her daughter by the columns above the dig, next to her was a child, he introduced himself as Zach. No one has since returned to the dig site.
posted by TwelveTwo (stamp tramp) at 8:50 AM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

* The first functioning artificial heart was originally tested in an elephant. For decades man knew how to build an artificial heart, but the smallest functioning model was three feet in diameter. But seeing as how elephants are so big, the scientists reasoned that an artificial heart could be implanted into an elephant without any need for miniaturization. They went to work immediately and the elephant which went by the name of Elton was given a fresh artificial heart, made of rubber, brass, and wood, it was capable of pumping . The elephant died at the Vienna Zoo at the age of 2. Elton's heart continued to beat for a full year after and so drew crowds and tourists from all around the globe. Elton was officially buried in 1871.
posted by TwelveTwo (stockholm syndrome) at 9:21 AM on April 21, 2012

* Developed by the diaper industry in the 1950s, early tests of ShamWoW proved the substance to be capable of absorbing 100,000x its own weight in liquids. In early tests the material proved a viable weapon against Communism. In 1953 Lake Chihuahuan was successfully absorbed by the Marine Engineers and successfully wrung over the province of Gangwon. And so, the Korean War came to a close, but at the cost of the city Gangneung which washed into the sea, and came to rest off the coast of the Gyeongsangbuk-do province as the island of Ulleung. The Korean word for Bullshit.
posted by TwelveTwo (sweeney toddler) at 9:32 AM on April 21, 2012

* Kelis's yard was actually a natural boy magnet in its own right. A canny business woman, she had identified the inherent value of the property on that basis, purchased the lot, and then leveraged the arrangement to market her milkshake to the local retail customer base. The sideline in continuing education programs in milkshake production were just icing on the cake.
posted by cortex (stoooooooooooooned) at 9:39 AM on April 21, 2012

Somewhere, someone is using a machine learning algorithm and getting some totally crazy results.
posted by TwelveTwo (star wars) at 9:43 AM on April 21, 2012

I think I'm numb to everything but I'll put my clenched hand up your bottom and then try to find some kind of meaning to it whilst ejaculating and pushing ever onwards *Stinkfist - Tool, that really obvious song that I was somehow mostly oblivious to, up until about 30 minutes ago when I read the lyrics.
posted by h00py (stamos potential) at 9:47 AM on April 21, 2012

I mean I was oblivious to the whole fisting thing. I loved the song from the first time I heard it, oh so many years ago.
posted by h00py (half) at 9:56 AM on April 21, 2012

* While the famous Formula 409 is known by all by its number, few know that earlier formulas were sold under popular brand names, many of which still on shelves today. Before settling on 409, Formula 408 was proven worthless in cleaning tests but similar enough to orange juice when mixed with water that it was packaged as Tang for young Americans. Formula 401 to 412 were sold as salad dressings. Formula 386 delighted children of all ages when the artificial life that grew from the experiment were sold as Sea-Monkeys. Classified by the state department, Formulas 340 to 385 are believed to be key ingredients for the incapacitating agent BZ, also known as Agent 15. As for Formulas 1, 2, and 3, they are your common condiments, Mustard, Ketchup, and Tabasco Sauce.
posted by TwelveTwo (stephen hawking) at 9:59 AM on April 21, 2012

* Many Americans do not know that the forests of North America once stretched to the Sierra-Nevada. Few Americans know that the American Chestnut is haunted by the windigo. During strong wind storms, the trees would rattle and allow for the entry of the terrible wind spirit into the mortal lands. In 1816, as America encroached on the haunted forests, word returned to Washington that the frontiersmen were fallings to cannibalism, that unspeakable things were done to man by man. Then Secretary of State, James Monroe knew that this is what the Algonquins were warning of. Consulting with a neighboring tribe, James Monroe proved himself in a series of trials, promised the natives land once he became President, and in return was blessed with a hatchet that can banish the windigo to its shadow dimension. Easily winning the Presidency on promises of destroying the creature which threatens the sanity of mankind, James Monroe set out to visit the cities and town of America. Wherever he went, his hatchet went with him. Once the cursed American Chestnut was identified, he would take one, two, three chops, and the tree would fall, the settlers would awake from their spell, and rise up, cutting all the trees down. From town to town, James Monroe fought back the windigo spirit, and when he came across the continent's mother chestnut, he took one, two, three chops, and the effect spread across the country, killing the trees everywhere. Those chestnuts that grew again in the east were free of the curse, but there still remained a single chestnut from the mother tree that was undestroyed. It traveled west in time, and planted in a town called Sherwood, Oregon. But yet, no reports have been made that the terrifying tendrils of the beastly windigo spirit have returned, but time will tell if the west is safe from the windigo.
posted by TwelveTwo (stooped) at 10:15 AM on April 21, 2012

* The NACA XXC-1 was the first ship to reach the edge of space. Due to a shortage of dogs in the country due to the Dog Flu scare of 1947 and subsequent Canine Eradication Act signed by Harry S. Truman, the National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics was forced to use cats for test pilots. The NACA XXC-1 was originally designed to hold two Labrador Retrievers. The engineers compensated for the loss of weight by fitting the craft with the supplies necessary for twelve cats. Outfitted in their astronautic suits, the twelve cats were readied for flight in the summer of 1948. But then Harry S. Truman heard word of the project. He had never been alerted of the project due to his superstitious nature, and distrust of cats. He moved to cancel the launch. However, he was too late. The cats, fascinated by the instrument panel and wholly lacking in military discipline, initiated the launch. According to logs, the NACA XXC-1 orbited the earth twice before descending again, crash landing safely in the city of Wellington, New Zealand. The cats, so uniformed in tiny astronaut suits, were mistaken for aliens. In expectation of apocalypse, the city broke into hysterics, mass looting, and general hooliganism.
posted by TwelveTwo (stifler) at 10:44 AM on April 21, 2012

* The University of Loughborough is notable for being the only university founded by a gorilla. Mistaking the gorilla’s grunts and mutterings for the accent of a Cambridge vice-chancellor, then councillor of the market town of Lougborough, William Carwright misunderstood the guttural noises as a proposal for the founding of a technical institute. Discovered later to be blind and mad from mercury poisoning, William Carwright was removed from office and replaced by popularly elected alderman Thomas Mayo. Since the charter had been signed, and the proposal proved popular with the citizenry, Thomas Mayo decided to complete the project he had inherited. In 1909 the university opened. The gorilla proved an effective chancellor of the university until his forced resignation in 1915. Groomed for the position, naturalist Dr. Herbert Schofield took over from the gorilla, and directed the university until 1950.
posted by TwelveTwo (hurf durf butter staffer) at 11:00 AM on April 21, 2012

worth repeating...

* The University of Loughborough is notable for being the only university founded by a gorilla. Mistaking the gorilla’s grunts and mutterings for the accent of a Cambridge vice-chancellor, then councillor of the market town of Lougborough, William Carwright misunderstood the guttural noises as a proposal for the founding of a technical institute. Discovered later to be blind and mad from mercury poisoning, William Carwright was removed from office and replaced by popularly elected alderman Thomas Mayo. Since the charter had been signed, and the proposal proved popular with the citizenry, Thomas Mayo decided to complete the project he had inherited. In 1909 the university opened. The gorilla proved an effective chancellor of the university until his forced resignation in 1915. Groomed for the position, naturalist Dr. Herbert Schofield took over from the gorilla, and directed the university until 1950.
posted by TwelveTwo (cory doctorow) at 11:00 AM on April 21 [+] [!]
posted by oneswellfoop (seven chinese brothers) at 2:21 PM on April 21, 2012

* The Tom Jones single "Sex Bomb" is nothing more than a crude bowdlerization of a ditty written by Nazi soldiers during the occupation of Lapland. As the original lyric goes, a Finn named Jorma is attempting to hide from the invading horde by standing behind a tree; unfortunately, the tree is so narrow (or the Finn so fat; it is not made clear which) that it would take six to obscure him effectively. Thus the taunting refrain: "Sechs Bäume! Sechs Bäume! Jorma, sechs Bäume!" A scratchy 78-rpm recording of this version was purchased in Hamburg by George Harrison in 1960, and the tune became a regular part of the Beatles' setlist until the band was forced to drop all Nazi-penned songs as a condition of their contract for transatlantic superstardom. At the tail end of an otherwise unfruitful recording session in 1999, an exhausted Tom Jones was asked if he could think of anything else to record. Recalling a tune he had heard thirty-five years earlier, Jones hurriedly scribbled down a what seemed to be the lyrics he seemed to remember seeming to hear the Beatles seeming to sing, then tunelessly belted out these words over a generic dance beat. This proved to be a winning formula, as the song became an immediate smash hit.
posted by Sys Rq (stalwart) at 2:34 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Funny, because Cory Doctorow is an integral actor in the most fiendish plots of all history, a conspiracy stretching west, east, north, and all remaining cardinal directions. But I cannot tell the tale, this epic secret history composed of facts that I made up will never be heard. Never to be communicated because there are such things as laws. Laws that prohibit defamation, calumny, vilification, traducement, slander, fraud, and libel. But once they are dead, or give me written permission, well, then I can tell the real false truth to my dishonest heart's content.
posted by TwelveTwo (stack exchange) at 2:35 PM on April 21, 2012

There are no frost giants; and as his is the only promise kept, I shall worship Odin.
posted by seanmpuckett (stasi) at 3:44 PM on April 21, 2012

defamation, calumny, vilification, traducement, slander, fraud, and libel

Sounds like excellent material for
(a) Reddit
(b) Breitbart
(c) Huffington Post
(d) Boing Boing
(e) Cracked
(f) nytimes.com
(g) Wikipedia
(h) all of the above (ANYWHERE but MetaFilter)
posted by oneswellfoop (stapler) at 4:30 PM on April 21, 2012

In the town where I was born, lived a man who sailed to sea. He told us of his life in the land of submarines. So we sailed on to the sun 'til we found a sea of green, and we lived beneath the waves in our yellow submarine. Our friends are all aboard. Many more of them live next door. And the band begins to play "We all live in a yellow submarine".
posted by oneswellfoop (stuffed) at 4:35 PM on April 21, 2012

Originally „Der feige Unterseeboot“
posted by Sys Rq (stand and deliver) at 4:45 PM on April 21, 2012

SATURDAY NIGHT MeTa DANCE PARTY
posted by elizardbits (stilettos) at 5:01 PM on April 21, 2012

* The first dance party without live sacrifice occurred in the spring of 122 A.D. Dance parties prior to 122 A.D. commonly involved the sacrifice of non-dancing participants, or those whose dancing could be deemed equivalent to the absence of dancing. Blood of the sacrificed would be whisked into a foam by servants and rained upon the living. Few would regard a party without blood foam as a party at all. Cicero wrote, "to many a dance party is only perceived to be a a party until the blood foam of the few has descended from the servant floor and unto the dancing floor." While the decline of this proud human tradition would fill many books the turning point was in 122 A.D. When the first dance party without blood foam was recorded and popularly regarded as a true dance party and not merely an event involving dancing, or a party featuring dancing. Nevertheless many artifacts remain from these primitive days, inexplicable habits of western and eastern society carried passed down from our wilder history. For instance, the phrase "wall flower" remains in common use. The phrase originally refers to the torture device once used to extract blood for use as foam, but today means merely a non-participant, someone who in more primitive times would have been sacrificed for the sake of the party.
posted by TwelveTwo (stand and deliver) at 5:21 PM on April 21, 2012

Usavich (a series of short cartoons made for MTV Japan about two Russian rabbits in a Soviet Era prison...and then it gets weird)
posted by oneswellfoop (mood) at 5:21 PM on April 21, 2012

* The first rabbit was born on a Thursday. In the 1700s economists fascinated by human population growth curves worked on a collective project to not only predict the population growth of mankind, but also to identify the date in which Adam and Eve begat it on. Due to the limitations of their time they had no reasonable or accurate census data on humans, few scholars were capable of any substantial conclusions. Dismayed, economists gave up on trying to predict human population, but one scholar did not: Jean-Michel Sauteur d'Chartreux. In a small monstary in the south of France, Saint Amant de Lapin Abbaye, famous for its sémillon vines and its written record of all rabbit births and deaths which they had been maintaining since 33 A.D. after a biblical passage was tragically misunderstood. Jean-Michel Sauteur d'Chartreux had followed the failures of others to calculate the holy birth date, and decided on a simpler task. He would calculate the day of the flood. Knowing about Saint Amant de Lapin Abbaye, he set forth from Paris to seek the assistance of the monks. Reasoning that rabbit procreation was more rational than man's, he set to work. Three years later, he sent letter to a correspondence in Tuscany, in the writing, he mocks the man for failing in his task to calculate the birthday of mankind, and boasts that through the generosity of rabbits he had identified all that he could not. Unfortunately, the work of Jean-Michel Sauteur d'Chartreux has all but been lost. A casualty of the French Revolution. Of what we have are only notes pertaining to the calculations of the day of the week, and his letters writing home complaining about the occitan dialect. In these calculations, however, while missing many of the variables necessary to reconstruct his work, his conclusion read as clear as if it were written today: Bien sûr, le premier lapin est né un jeudi. Les moines étaient corrects. Le jeudi est le plus rationnel de jours, le premier jour il ne faut pas manger un lapin. Quelle erreur mon mentor était en prétendant - Naturally, he wrote, the first rabbit was born on a Thursday.
posted by TwelveTwo (stamp tramp) at 5:54 PM on April 21, 2012

On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?
posted by oneswellfoop (stamp tramp) at 6:42 PM on April 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Okay, resume dancing!
posted by oneswellfoop (fapfapfap) at 7:59 PM on April 21, 2012

* The Mallard is the only surviving species of aquatic bird that has never successfully killed a human. This is surprising only in light of the great number of European kings that have been killed by Loons, Geese, Swans and Coots.
posted by TwelveTwo (stagger lee) at 8:06 PM on April 21, 2012

DUCK
posted by flabdablet (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 8:46 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

However, Leonard Nimoy's second child Nathan, at age two, was held hostage for more than a month by a pair of terns, six puffins and a teal.
posted by Devils Rancher (stiffie) at 8:47 PM on April 21, 2012

Some people call me the space cowboy.
Yeah! Some call me the gangster of love.
Some people call me Maurice,
'Cause I speak of the pompatus of love.

The phrases "space cowboy", "gangster of love" and "Maurice" are all references to previous [Steve] Miller songs. The "pompatus" line is also a reference to an earlier song of his, "Enter Maurice", which was recorded the previous year:

My dearest darling, come closer to Maurice
so I can whisper sweet words of epismetology
in your ear and speak to you of the pompatus of love.
Although Miller claims he invented the words "epismetology" (metathesis of epistemology) and "pompatus", all of his song-writing demonstrates strong rhythm and blues influences, and a 1954 song called "The Letter" by the Medallions had the lines: Oh my darling, let me whisper
sweet words of pizmotality
and discuss the puppetutes of love.
The song was composed by Vernon Green as a description of his dream woman. "Pizmotality described words of such secrecy that they could only be spoken to the one you loved", Green explained. He coined the term puppetutes "to mean a secret paper-doll fantasy figure who would be my everything and bear my children".
posted by not_on_display (staring contest) at 9:31 PM on April 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

I got nothing.
posted by arcticseal (karen carpenter) at 10:05 PM on April 21, 2012

Hail, April showers and the sprinkles of fairy dust that turn Bottoms into dreamers
posted by infini (pfaff) at 10:05 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

It began in the future. A scientist turning to evil, a time machine called TRAX, criminals who vanish and a lawman with a mission. He has one weapon and a computer named SELMA. With them he will travel to a time more innocent than his own. Now he is among us. A special breed of man, a hunter, traveling through our world searching for fugitives from his own, knowing he can not go home until he has found them all. His name is Darien Lambert and this is his story.
posted by oneswellfoop (stippled) at 10:33 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

However, Leonard Nimoy's second child Nathan, at age two, was held hostage for more than a month by a pair of terns, six puffins and a teal.

Relating the story at dinner, a young Michael Bay was inspired to make action films. Because, his cousin, Susan Bay, is the wife of Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy and they frequently shared family dinners together. No freakin asterisk at the front of this post, no sir, true as an arrow: Michael Bay and Leonard Nimoy are related, I'm not making nothing up. But I can keep going: Nicolas Cage is the son of August Coppola, the creator of the famous Tactile Dome in the San Francisco Exploratorium, and August Coppola was brother to director Francis Ford Coppola, who in turn is the father of Sofia Coppola, who is named after this can of wine I am drinking, can of wine, how is this possible, a can of wine, what a world we live in, wottaworld wottaworld!
posted by TwelveTwo (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 12:07 AM on April 22, 2012

Sauteur d'Chartreux

au Lapin Agile.

I was laughing so hard, keep it up!
posted by mwhybark (stippled) at 12:21 AM on April 22, 2012

RABBIT
posted by flabdablet (startled moose) at 9:43 AM on April 22, 2012

* The Phonautograph, precursor to the gramophone, was originally invented to alleviate stress on court stenographers. At a hearing regarding his printing practices, Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville publicly mocked the mustaches of the court, identifying their mustaches as effeminate and proof of poor virility. To his surprise, the stress placed on the forearm by verbatim shorthand writing proved identical to the exercise routine of a trained boxer, and with one quick jab the court stenographer knocked him down for the count. Infuriated by the unnatural arm strength of stenographers, he began work on a machine which would replace them. The phonautograph picked up the vibrations of sound and translated them to the motion of a stylus, and by so doing, draw the shape of the sound. Unfamiliar with what shorthand was he enthusiastically misunderstood his device's output as shorthand. Proud of his invention, he offered a bet to the stenographer that had bested him. He bet that his machine could not only maintain pace with an auctioneer, but do so longer than he could. They shook hands. Soon, all of Paris heard word of this mighty event and the Paris auction house was packed with interest. With a blast of a pistol, the auctioneer began reading. A famous pervert, the auctioneer hastily read from Les Liaisons Dangereuses, assuming the voices for each letter in turn. By the second hour, many had fainted, the stenographer kept his stride, and the phonautograph squeaked along. By the third hour, the stenographer broke a sweat, in dire need of oil the phonoautograph screeched with the sound of metal. The auctioneer, finishing the text, took a sip of wine, and began again. The stenographer collapsed in the fifth hour. A bell was sound. In absolute silence, the auctioneer strode to Édouard-Léon, gripped his hand, threw it to the air and so announced him the winner. The audience exploded into cheers, cheers which echoed throughout all of Paris, setting dogs off for miles around. Women surrounded Édouard-Léon with compliments on his virile mustache, champagne was opened. In the excitement no one saw that the stenographer gathered himself, stumbled to the phonautograph, and gripped a sheet, his career ruined, he squinted, scribbles, he threw a sheet aside, took another, scribbles, threw it, another, and another, his palms black with ink and sweat, he gripped another, scribbles. Faint, the stenographer grabbed the coat of the auctioneer, and with the last of his energy the man shouted, he shouted so loud as to silence the crowds, the chatter, the dogs, he silenced all of france and he shouted only one word, he shouted: scribbles. With no more life in him he fell to the ground papers clutched in his mighty hands, dead. The auctioneer looked, demanded an explanation from Édouard-Léon, and he answered with an excuse destined to be so famous that french students still use it today in defense of their notebooks, he said to the auctioneer: "Obviously, it must be you who speaks illegibly." With a swift jab, Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville spent the rest of his days trying to create a machine to replace auctioneers.
posted by TwelveTwo (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 10:07 AM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

* The Welsh Language was originally devised as a way to frustrate the English. Owain Gwynedd ap Gruffydd, King of Gwynedd, his original name now long forgotten, became frustrated at a dinner with King Henry II of England when King Henry II would not summon his servants. King of Gwynedd requested politely that the salt be passed down. King Henry II ignored the request, wishing instead to finish telling the Welsh king more stories from his childhood. The Welsh King repeated the request again, and again, after half an hour had passed, King Henry II summoned his servants. However, he mistakenly passed the pepper down the table. Irritated by King Henry II, King Owain proceeded to speak gibberish at King Henry II. When asked to speak properly, the King of Wales claimed it as his own native language. Smiling, he was able to frustrate the king's demand for compliments for the remainder of the dinner. Irritated, the King of England sent agents to the home of the King of Wales. He sought proof that the King of Wales was mocking him with a mock language. Owain Gwynedd ap Gruffydd had always been a clever man, and was able to convince his entire court to speak similarly non-sensibly. Taking pride in the prank, he even devised a new written language, and as the King of England became more intent on revealing the King of Wales as a prankster, the King of Wales become more amused and engaged in the prank. To allow business to operate as usual, the King of Wales secretly disseminated texts explaining how to keep up the joke and provided formulae for restructuring personal and town names to be impenetrably "Welsh". It was the Christmas Letter that the King of Wales sent to the King of England that sent King Henry II over the edge. Infuriated by the mad spelling in the letter, he invaded Wales in the year 1157. The prank had been going on for three years, and all road signs had been rewritten. Confused and lost by the signage his army marched on Glasglow, and in 1158 the army found their way, ultimately defeating the army of the King of Wales. At sword point, the Owain Gwynedd ap Gruffydd complied with King Henry II, admitting that it was all a joke. However, this changed nothing, for when King Henry II would later point this out publicly, his advisers, not believing Henry II's claim, recommended him not to tell such jokes, they were in poor taste. Nevertheless, Henry II insisted, the Welsh just made it up to mock him. For generations to follow, English bards would mock King Henry II for his paranoid delusions regarding the Welsh.
posted by TwelveTwo (sweeney toddler) at 10:44 AM on April 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

I've decided to start a tumblr.
posted by TwelveTwo (stebbins) at 11:59 AM on April 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is the "follow" thingie on tumblr blocked or just my screen?
posted by infini (pfaff) at 12:01 PM on April 22, 2012

Oh, I don't know. I am new at this.
posted by TwelveTwo (steve-o) at 12:05 PM on April 22, 2012

*sigh*

*clicks again*
posted by infini (chaff) at 12:10 PM on April 22, 2012

I think maybe now?
posted by TwelveTwo (stoopid) at 12:12 PM on April 22, 2012

Joo it worked.
posted by infini (stabilizer) at 12:20 PM on April 22, 2012

* There are over 300 types of lettuce that grow naturally in the wild; of these, 98% are poisonous. Rabbits, however, have evolved an immunity to the lettuces' poisons, and instead experience otherworldly states of euphoria when ingesting wild lettuce.
posted by not_on_display (zach braf) at 12:55 PM on April 22, 2012

* The word "Michigan" is derived from the Iriquois word for "mitten"
posted by not_on_display (scrappy-doo) at 12:57 PM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

* The word "Michigan" is derived from the Iriquois word for "mitten"

I always had a suspicion.
posted by TwelveTwo (starfish kisses) at 1:01 PM on April 22, 2012

That's a common reaction. And an old one. In fact, the word "suspicion" is a corruption of the Iriquois word for that specific feeling, which roughly transliterates as "suspichigan".
posted by cortex (star trek) at 2:11 PM on April 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

* While "Detroit" comes from the same Latin root as "detritus".
posted by oneswellfoop (horse ebooks) at 4:31 PM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

* The word "cortex" is directly derived from the Latin, cortex, meaning "one who wears togas with funny maxims woven into the fabric."
posted by not_on_display (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 4:59 PM on April 22, 2012

* And the phrase "one swell foop" is derived from the German "ündërsvëlläfüpër", meaning "that guy who does the practical joke with the ketchup packet and the straw".
posted by oneswellfoop (calved) at 5:53 PM on April 22, 2012

"Now you’re just some Bobby that I used to know."
posted by oneswellfoop (hairway to steven) at 11:03 PM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oneswellfoop, that's a great idea for when the red sox inevitably fire Valentine.
posted by Ghidorah (stars in your eyes) at 11:19 PM on April 22, 2012

...could also apply to Bobby Darin, Bobby Brown, Bobby Fischer and Bobby Flay. But none of them would look as funny painted over like that.
posted by oneswellfoop (starblazers) at 12:03 AM on April 23, 2012

My dog has no-nos.
posted by flabdablet (stabbatical) at 10:01 AM on April 23, 2012

There's a nap for that.
posted by zarq (stodgy) at 10:05 AM on April 23, 2012 [3 favorites]

REAG

rolls eyes and groans
posted by infini (stats) at 11:45 AM on April 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

REAG

rolls eyes and groans
posted by i (cory doctorow)
posted by infini (stamos potential) at 11:45 AM on April 23, 2012

For all intensive porpoises this thread should just about be done.
posted by Sailormom (starvin') at 5:39 PM on April 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

* The porpoise has no purpose.
posted by TwelveTwo (sweeney toddler) at 12:08 AM on April 24, 2012

Does that make it o-fish-al?
yes, I know porpoises are mammals, now go away
posted by oneswellfoop (silver surfer) at 11:04 AM on April 24, 2012

I find it very odd, and somewhat disconcerting, that some animals have a single nostril that comes out of the top of their head, even if they are all sea mammals.
posted by jabberjaw (pfaff) at 11:47 AM on April 24, 2012

Well, I guess that's much less odd and disconcerting, as I imagine humans with a giant back-nostril instead of humans with a giant head-nostril.

In Spanish, the nose is called las narices, which translates to "the nostrils," indicating that the nose is not a singular organ, but two separate ones combined.
posted by jabberjaw (stifler) at 12:30 PM on April 24, 2012

Then my noses are stuffed.
posted by TwelveTwo (snuffleuppagus) at 12:36 PM on April 24, 2012

DO WHALES SNEEZE? DOES ANYONE HAVE A VIDEO? THIS IS URGENT
posted by TwelveTwo (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 12:37 PM on April 24, 2012

Holy crap, Axe Cop is coming to TV.
posted by jabberjaw (stout) at 12:53 PM on April 24, 2012

Of course, a bunch of 5 year olds will probably be better than the writers than most other Fox shows.
posted by jabberjaw (waft) at 12:55 PM on April 24, 2012

Yes, but can they defeat a legion of armed Roman soldiers, if transported back in time and given modern weapons?
posted by not_on_display (starburns) at 2:47 PM on April 24, 2012

Burhanistan: And the neat thing is that you could totally cut a hole in your back and run some tubing from it to your primary bronchea and then pretend that you're a whale.

Oddly enough, this is exactly how the human centipede concept started out.
posted by misha (stanley kubrick) at 4:06 PM on April 24, 2012

Yes, but can they defeat a legion of armed Roman soldiers, if transported back in time and given modern weapons?

DAY 1: Mrs. Hansen's kindergarten class is outside playing during recess. The bell rings, signalling the end of recess. Suddenly, the class vanishes.

The playground full swings, a couple of seesaws, a backstop and a foursquare court suddenly reappears in a field outside Rome, on the west bank of the Tiber River. Without substantially prepared ground under it, the blacktop and concrete begins sinking into the marshy ground and cracking.

Jared starts crying first. Bella tells everybody to duck and cover, believing the class is trapped in an earthquake.

Pretty soon everybody starts crying. A few have wet themselves. Bella now believes something more terrible has occurred -- she and her classmates maybe teleported like the Autobots did in that Transformers movie. Only a few kids have realized that the rest of Andrew Jackson Elementary School has vanished, but that will soon become apparent when that one kid, Mason, who has an iPhone, tries calling his mommie, to no avail.

Within an hour, the kids are all disoriented. Some are still crying. Others are playing in the mud. The playground is not the only modern thing transported to Rome, though; with them are the entire inventory of the 35th Marine Expedition Unit: guns, tanks, helicopters and rations.

Bella looks at her best friend, Maddy. With grim determination in their eyes, they understand what must be done. Maddy pulls a belt of .50 caliber bullets over her shoulder as she starts fumbling with an M-4. Bella puts on a shoulder-holster, pulls out the .45 caliber pistol, releases the clip to make sure it is full before pushing it back in and chambering the first round. Bella and Maddy look at each other in the eye.

"Lock and load. Let's take out a whole legion of Roman motherfuckers."

Bella turns to her classmates. There are 21 of them altogether. "Who's in?" she shouts.

Logan has already crawled into a helicopter, flipping a few switches to activate the control panel. He sees the fuel gauge is full, but the GPS isn't tracking for shit. He pulls oversized aviators over his eyes. "I'm in, sweetheart."
posted by jabberjaw (fapfapfap) at 5:03 PM on April 24, 2012 [5 favorites]

Oh, those naughty Canadians...
posted by oneswellfoop (stanley kubrick) at 5:20 PM on April 24, 2012

DAY 41: Bella stands amid a field of fallen soldiers, a long scar running across her chin where a javelin had made a close call. She pulls the cigar she found in her flack jacket pocket up to her lips, puffing, the orange embers mirroring the sun setting in the distance. The humvee stops next to her, rolling over the bones of dead soldiers, the door opening.

Jared, the crybaby, had come to his own; he was wearing a legionnaire's helmet that was still crusted with the blood of the valiant soldier who had died in it, Jared's first kill, weeks earlier. He carefully climbs down from the vehicle, as the distance from the ground is almost as tall as him. Jared glances up to Jasmine who was manning the .50 caliber gun on top of the vehicle, and gives her a thumbs up.

"Fuckin' A!" shouts Jasmine from above, brandishing her ka-bar knife like a sword.

Bella puts her foot on the Centurion lying dead next to her, and leans her elbow on her knee. Ethan, carrying the radio, hands the headset to Bella. "Status, Maddy? Over."

"All quiet on the western front. Repeat, all quiet on the western front. Over."

"Copy. Logan, are you on?"

The whir from the helicopter is relatively silent, but Logan shouts into the mic anyways. "Dustin' a few creepers tryin' ta get away!" Machine gun sounds in spurts.

"Save your ammo, and get your butt back on the ground. It's getting dark."

Bella's classmates gradually gather around her. She surveys the group of little hardened warriors, some of whom barely knew how to tie their shoes, but goddamn could they shoot a machine gun.

Bella grins, admiring the destruction they had wrought, and thinks, A bunch of 5-year olds with modern weapons fighting a Roman army is awesome.
posted by jabberjaw (winner) at 6:21 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

at least we got something past day 7.
posted by mwhybark (sweeney toddler) at 9:51 PM on April 24, 2012

On the seventh day shit was awesome
posted by TwelveTwo (fapfapfap) at 10:12 PM on April 24, 2012

My seventh shit today was not so awesome.
posted by h00py (snodgrass) at 6:35 AM on April 25, 2012

My seventh shit today was not so awesome.
posted by h00py (stupid) at 12:35 AM on April 26 [+] [!]

Awesome!
posted by h00py (staphylococcus) at 6:36 AM on April 25, 2012

DAY 7: The few skirmishes the days before didn't count. Today they face an army which spans wider and deeper than the class of 5-year olds could imagine.

General Septimus Publius marches with his men across the battlefield. It was a good day to battle with the menacing little demons that had been unleashing thunder, lightning and fire on his troops. "Let us see how they fare against an entire Legion," he smirks. Septimus is not known for his lack of hubris. 6,000 soldiers marching, a fast-moving cavalry of 300 men at its head.

The sun is low yet, still rising, but the wind is crisp and the clouds sparse. His men are well-fed on the stores of the little villages nearby, and they are eager for battle against what truly seemed to be mystical creatures. But he knows, a secret kept to himself and the highest ranking cadre, that they were only children; they had captured one of the wily things from the gullet of a disabled giant metal war wagon, who had simply bawled in some demon language, "Mommy, mommy!" Septimus could guess what it meant.

Then he hears thunder in the distance. An advance group of men on horseback return to him now, less one rider. He calls his bannermen to stop the marching. "The moment of reckoning has come," Septimus thinks to himself.

And then in a flash of light, and Septimus was disintegrated.

Although not listed among the typical stores of the MEU, half a dozen tactical nuclear weapons were among its stock. Jenna had come up with the idea of tricking the soldiers into a trap. None of the 5-year-olds could really comprehend the power of the tactical nukes, so they stayed miles away from them after they had laid them the afternoon before. They had rigged some "fireworks" to warn them when the Legion was in place.

Bella feels the first flash of light, like lightning from a distant storm. Then a second. "That shit is awesome," she mouths, not sure if she made any sound. The sound of the explosions is intense, but the class of children all are shielded in vehicles and wearing earplugs and mufflers. Besides, they are used to the sounds of explosions by now. She would ask Mason to fly his chopper over the detonation area around noon to see what had happened; even if any Roman soldier survived, she doubted they would continue their march.

At least, not today.
posted by jabberjaw (stooped) at 8:10 AM on April 25, 2012

wait a sec...Bella sounds like an Italian name. Lucky she doesn't just blink out of existence in an explosion of timey wimey stuff.
posted by juv3nal (sterling) at 12:08 PM on April 25, 2012

Fortunately, no. Her parents, however, were Twilight fans. Also, this:

2007 Popular Baby Names:

Female Names
1. Emily
2. Isabella
3. Emma
4. Ava
5. Madison

Male Names:
1. Jacob
2. Michael
3. Ethan
4. Joshua
5. Daniel
posted by jabberjaw (start) at 12:31 PM on April 25, 2012

He's just playing guess who?
posted by arcticseal (sweeney toddler) at 5:08 PM on April 25, 2012

If you're playing Guess Who, I'd like to hear "No Sugar Tonight"
posted by oneswellfoop (mr. belvedere) at 12:04 AM on April 26, 2012

You just bought yourself another Saturday, Burhanistan.
posted by jabberjaw (mood) at 7:38 AM on April 26, 2012

Late to the party...
posted by bluefly (farts) at 7:54 AM on April 26, 2012

Now when you say "John Hughes' movies", do you mean only the ones he directed? Or also ones he wrote? I don't feel particularly compelled to defend any of the movies he directed (although I disagree with you) but are you also saying that Home Alone and National Lampoon's Vacation/Christmas Vacation are awful?
posted by SpiffyRob (snodgrass) at 8:41 AM on April 26, 2012

I'm not going to defend Say Anything, but 1980's John Cusack was a role model. Mostly for Better Off Dead. Savage Steve Holland, the answer to John Hughes.

By the way, most, nay, all Cameron Crowe stuff is schlock.
posted by jabberjaw (behalf) at 9:04 AM on April 26, 2012

Fast Times at Ridgemont High is at least very entertaining schlock.
posted by SpiffyRob (sweeney toddler) at 9:22 AM on April 26, 2012

SIXTEEN CANDLES 4 LYFE
posted by cortex (staves) at 9:41 AM on April 26, 2012

Still, compare all those "80s Movies" directors to today's crop, the Class of Michael Bay. Okay, Josh Whedon is cool, but his 'style' might age as badly as Hughes' has in a couple decades unless he brings something really unique to "Avengers". Tim Burton is the only seeming survivor of that era, and he's... well...
posted by oneswellfoop (smithers release the hounds) at 10:36 AM on April 26, 2012

And another Saturday. Instead of going to prison, you'll come here, Burhanistan.
posted by jabberjaw (stanley kubrick) at 11:00 AM on April 26, 2012

Saturdays are overrated.
posted by oneswellfoop (stats) at 11:07 AM on April 26, 2012

It's Mondays I don't like.
posted by arcticseal (sweeney toddler) at 11:41 AM on April 26, 2012

Well, hold on then, because tomorrow's Friday (what? you think I linked to THAT video?)
posted by oneswellfoop (newborn calf) at 12:10 PM on April 26, 2012

I have a cure for your Thursday.
posted by arcticseal (hurf durf butter staffer) at 12:21 PM on April 26, 2012

Just another manic Monday. I don't like Mondays.
posted by jabberjaw (waft) at 12:22 PM on April 26, 2012

Let's not forget Wednesday. Or Wednesday. Or Wednesday. Or Wednesday. Or Wednesday.
posted by oneswellfoop (stoopid) at 12:59 PM on April 26, 2012

Sunday morning? Sunday morning coming down.
posted by jabberjaw (karen carpenter) at 1:07 PM on April 26, 2012

More Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday!
posted by oneswellfoop (staphylococcus) at 1:16 PM on April 26, 2012

I suppose Tuesdays gone?
posted by Sailormom (sylvan learning center) at 3:06 PM on April 26, 2012

Nope, we're easy.
posted by arcticseal (stilettos) at 3:54 PM on April 26, 2012

And we're groovin.
posted by jabberjaw (scrappy-doo) at 4:41 PM on April 26, 2012

Tuesday!!!

Tuesday!!!
posted by oneswellfoop (studmuffin) at 4:55 PM on April 26, 2012

Thorsday.
posted by arcticseal (giraffed) at 10:13 PM on April 26, 2012

okay, we can close the thread now.
posted by oneswellfoop (stasi) at 10:55 PM on April 26, 2012

i aill miss iuiuu thasd this thread id mu gsborite oh u lovr uu thrreadd i hug if i cpuld tressdad fick hyy did i torb off autoborrecy on mu piphone o wil moss iuiuu you fyheead theread do k
posted by TwelveTwo (stfu) at 11:02 PM on April 26, 2012

that's easy for you to say...

hey, remember when that was the standard comeback instead of "That's what she said"?
posted by oneswellfoop (karen carpenter) at 11:37 PM on April 26, 2012

For goodness sake, don't type "Zerg Rush" into Google right now.

Unless you want to waste a lot of time.
posted by jabberjaw (stab) at 8:35 AM on April 27, 2012 [1 favorite]

It is like a reenactment of what I felt happened to Valencia street.
posted by TwelveTwo (sterling) at 10:39 AM on April 27, 2012

Zerg Rush? Is that a Limbaugh joke?
posted by oneswellfoop (esteban) at 12:04 PM on April 27, 2012

See: Starcraft
posted by zarq (stippled) at 12:23 PM on April 27, 2012

Dear God, don't play Pacman in Google either!
posted by jabberjaw (starship trooper) at 1:06 PM on April 27, 2012

so should that be called Zarq Rush?
posted by oneswellfoop (smithers release the hounds) at 1:09 PM on April 27, 2012

And, for the love of all that is holy, don't google "do a barrel roll"1!!
posted by jabberjaw (stephen hawking) at 1:13 PM on April 27, 2012

oneswellfoop: "so should that be called Zarq Rush?"

Perhaps after I create a post chronicling the history of this song. ;)
posted by zarq (naff) at 8:58 PM on April 27, 2012

Ah, "the sounds of salesman". There isn't a human being who ever worked at a commercial radio station in any capacity who does not want to yell "F&@* Yeah!!" after that line...
posted by oneswellfoop (stafu) at 9:29 PM on April 27, 2012

Anybody figure out how many unique Mod titles there are?
posted by jabberjaw (standup comedian) at 11:34 PM on April 27, 2012

Enough.
posted by arcticseal (standup bass) at 11:47 PM on April 27, 2012

Never!!
posted by Skygazer (behalf) at 12:46 AM on April 28, 2012

I'm going to need a form 5f for that.
posted by arcticseal (half) at 10:27 AM on April 28, 2012

Mickey Mouse was a Pluto-crat.

(but definitely not a Pluto-cat)
posted by oneswellfoop (stack o toads) at 12:12 PM on April 28, 2012

Okay, so, what was Goofy, exactly?
posted by Sys Rq (staring contest) at 12:13 PM on April 28, 2012

Pluto-cat, that's a redundant term. All cats are from pluto.
posted by TwelveTwo (stamp tramp) at 12:18 PM on April 28, 2012

Pluto is no longer considered a planet.
posted by Skygazer (standup bass) at 12:33 PM on April 28, 2012

Cats are no longer considered aliens, but natives of earth! See how everything works out, as if, as if everything were planned by the Cat Council of Pluto.
posted by TwelveTwo (studmuffin) at 12:47 PM on April 28, 2012

Maybe the cats were on Pluto (the dwarf planet) because they were chased there by Pluto (the Disney dog). So where does Bluto fit in all this?
posted by oneswellfoop (star light star bright) at 12:57 PM on April 28, 2012

Pledge master Bluto?
posted by TwelveTwo (spouse) at 1:37 PM on April 28, 2012

And another Saturday.
posted by oneswellfoop (naff) at 3:40 PM on April 28, 2012

Goofy was a dog, as was Pluto. Was it weird that Mickey had a dog for a pet and a best friend? Why was Goofy more sentient than Pluto?
posted by owls (stable boy) at 5:37 PM on April 28, 2012

because it's a cartoon, you can do anything you want, regardless of logic, in a cartoon. kind of like zombo.com or the GOP.

besides, Walt Disney had tried Horace Horsecollar as a 'tall-guy' sidekick for Mickey and Donald and he tested very badly, so he was running out of popular domestic animal species.
posted by oneswellfoop (behalf) at 5:47 PM on April 28, 2012

Disney was obviously reluctant with Goofy; Walt didn't name him right away, considered 'Dippy Dog'.
posted by oneswellfoop (staphylococcus) at 5:58 PM on April 28, 2012

Why do I know that but can't remember the name of the neighbor 3 doors away?
posted by oneswellfoop (start) at 5:59 PM on April 28, 2012

Electricity comes from other planets.
posted by Sailormom (naff) at 4:35 AM on April 29, 2012

Other planets are spooky.
posted by Skygazer (stamos potential) at 5:55 AM on April 29, 2012

Spooky wears a derby.
posted by flabdablet (riffraff) at 5:59 AM on April 29, 2012

Derby!
posted by h00py (stopped) at 6:11 AM on April 29, 2012

Doobie!
posted by flabdablet (stasi) at 6:18 AM on April 29, 2012

More like Blecch Water, amirite?
posted by oneswellfoop (stack o toads) at 8:54 PM on April 29, 2012

Speaking of the Doobie Brothers, just the other day, their song "China Grove" was played on GreatBigRadio and, while listening, I noticed for the first time the line: "the sheriff and his buddies with their samurai swords" and thought "SAMURAI? Isn't that Japanese? What's that doing in CHINA Grove?" And I realized I had gone over 38 years since the record came out and I just noticed it NOW...

The next time I act like I'm pretty damn smart, please remind me of that.
posted by oneswellfoop (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 9:03 PM on April 29, 2012

ok
posted by Danila (SHAFT) at 11:33 PM on April 29, 2012

Commenting just to get a title, alas.
posted by KathrynT (behalf) at 11:33 PM on April 29, 2012

Everybody needs a title.
posted by CrystalDave (starblazers) at 11:40 PM on April 29, 2012

Here to find out who I am!
posted by ichomp (hurf durf butter staffer) at 11:49 PM on April 29, 2012

chortle
posted by MillMan (studmuffin) at 11:50 PM on April 29, 2012

Que sera sera.
posted by Monsieur Caution (behalf) at 11:51 PM on April 29, 2012

So, I can haz two staff tags?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (stacked) at 11:52 PM on April 29, 2012

Last!!

Oh, its still 29th for you guys...
posted by infini (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 11:58 PM on April 29, 2012

Last!!

Oh, its still 29th for you guys...
posted by infini (winner)
posted by infini (stephen hawking) at 11:59 PM on April 29, 2012

Heh. Sorry.
posted by iamkimiam (stapler) at 12:06 AM on April 30, 2012

Late to the party.
posted by kitty teeth (snuffleuppagus) at 12:08 AM on April 30, 2012

better late than never, Smithers, or whoever you are these days!
posted by iamkimiam (shillelagh) at 12:11 AM on April 30, 2012

What do I win? (I never win these things!)
posted by iamkimiam (stet) at 12:11 AM on April 30, 2012

Heh. I just realised that I need to be here for the next 2 (or 3) hours, if I *really* want to win.

(But I kind of want to!)
posted by iamkimiam (stent) at 12:13 AM on April 30, 2012

What was I doing on April 1st? Probably hiding under the bed like all the chronically gullible.

Anyway, I had to peek...
posted by Grangousier (starburns) at 12:15 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh, sorry, Kim...

(I'm getting in the way again.)
posted by Grangousier (naff) at 12:17 AM on April 30, 2012

So, what did I get?
posted by vidur (stuff) at 12:20 AM on April 30, 2012

WTF Matt?
posted by Wilder (staph) at 12:21 AM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's 2012 and we're still doing this??
posted by zachlipton (stfu) at 12:23 AM on April 30, 2012

Er, it's April 30 and we're still doing this?? :-)
posted by zachlipton (stafu) at 12:24 AM on April 30, 2012

MetaFilter posts remain open for 30 days. April has 30 days. Coincidence? I think... uh, maybe.
posted by oneswellfoop (stack hat) at 12:25 AM on April 30, 2012

Its Wappu!!
posted by infini (stuffing) at 12:31 AM on April 30, 2012

Beltane
posted by adamvasco (stairway to heaven) at 12:54 AM on April 30, 2012

Gee whiz!
posted by Anitanola (stoat) at 1:00 AM on April 30, 2012

Do I really want to know?
posted by clearly (stable boy) at 1:07 AM on April 30, 2012

totally missed this.
posted by coriolisdave (horse ebooks) at 1:31 AM on April 30, 2012

who am i
posted by PinkMoose (star trek) at 1:34 AM on April 30, 2012

PinkMoose: "who am i" [st00pid]

Ha-ha!!
posted by barnacles (stadia) at 1:38 AM on April 30, 2012

dumb ass
will
learn
posted by Snyder (stamen) at 1:42 AM on April 30, 2012

I was working the Wireless & Multimedia phone queue in Applecare, back on the April 1st that MetaFilter did the whole color-cycling thing. Sadly, I didn't get any calls about it. (Or any other website's antics.)
posted by Kalthare (gaffe) at 1:48 AM on April 30, 2012

The fish is taken.
posted by adamvasco (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 1:50 AM on April 30, 2012

no soap, radio.
posted by mephron (newborn calf) at 1:58 AM on April 30, 2012

Bravo!
posted by StrikeTheViol (seven chinese brothers) at 2:01 AM on April 30, 2012

Hooray!
posted by StrikeTheViol (steppenwolf) at 2:02 AM on April 30, 2012

Yippee!
posted by StrikeTheViol (mood) at 2:02 AM on April 30, 2012

Huzzah!
posted by StrikeTheViol (starship trooper) at 2:03 AM on April 30, 2012

Huh?
posted by alltomorrowsparties (puff daddy) at 2:14 AM on April 30, 2012

And it was...
posted by alltomorrowsparties (stafu) at 2:14 AM on April 30, 2012

interrobang?!
posted by duende (stoopid) at 2:15 AM on April 30, 2012

Ok so
posted by tractorfeed (standup bass) at 2:29 AM on April 30, 2012

Wakka wakka?
posted by Wylla (taffy) at 2:34 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm just watching the parade go by, but then I see something like...

Wakka wakka?
posted by Wylla (fapfapfap)
posted by oneswellfoop (SHAFT) at 2:37 AM on April 30, 2012

Hopscotch on a bonnet with croutons. Severely delightful, titles. Aren't they?
posted by 0127661 (staph) at 3:03 AM on April 30, 2012

Indeed.
posted by arianell (stet) at 3:10 AM on April 30, 2012

Holla!
posted by mossicle (sylvan learning center) at 3:17 AM on April 30, 2012

Sigh.
posted by ob1quixote (stabbatical) at 3:17 AM on April 30, 2012

.
posted by nobody (startled moose) at 3:25 AM on April 30, 2012

"nobody farts"? That's not what this book says.
posted by mkb (stand and deliver) at 3:35 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm just watching the parade go by, but then I see something like...

Wakka wakka?
posted by Wylla (fapfapfap)
posted by oneswellfoop (staffing solutions) at 11:37 on April 30 [+] [!] [quote]Other [99/99]: «≡·
posted by Dumsnill (sweeney toddler) at 3:46 AM on April 30, 2012

obligatory tag whore here joining the ovinous masses...
posted by arzakh (stoooooooooooooned) at 4:07 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh, hey, I'll have one of these....
posted by penguin pie (graft) at 4:24 AM on April 30, 2012

Sigh, it's impossible to resist.
posted by bcwinters (stet) at 4:36 AM on April 30, 2012

I can't wait to see my randomly chosen nickname
posted by joost de vries (st00pid) at 4:37 AM on April 30, 2012

Okay, fine.
posted by ladygypsy (smithers) at 4:43 AM on April 30, 2012

What is this I don't even
posted by K.P. (behalf) at 4:44 AM on April 30, 2012

What bcwinters said.
posted by inigo2 (waft) at 4:59 AM on April 30, 2012

Obviously
posted by rocket88 (stifler) at 5:06 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh, what the hell.
posted by chillmost (staves) at 5:11 AM on April 30, 2012

dammit
posted by chillmost (step) at 5:11 AM on April 30, 2012

Heh. I wanted to "close" this thread prematurely but it turns out there are filters in place to prevent people from spoofing someone else's comments.
posted by daniel_charms (starship trooper) at 5:12 AM on April 30, 2012

May as well join in...
posted by yuwtze (stand and deliver) at 5:15 AM on April 30, 2012

Wut?
posted by Decani (stamos potential) at 5:15 AM on April 30, 2012

HAHA. Chillmost is a simple machine!
posted by joost de vries (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 5:16 AM on April 30, 2012

Nothing like waiting until the last minute...
posted by COD (stet) at 5:21 AM on April 30, 2012

Drumroll, please.....
posted by qldaddy (chaff) at 5:24 AM on April 30, 2012

Eh, okay.
posted by katemonster (fapfapfap) at 5:26 AM on April 30, 2012

last?
posted by bilabial (stalwart) at 5:26 AM on April 30, 2012

Foolish fools fun!
posted by dust of the stars (stoned) at 5:26 AM on April 30, 2012

In under the wire!
posted by Skorgu (hurf durf butter staffer) at 5:29 AM on April 30, 2012

No!
posted by eugenen (scrappy-doo) at 5:45 AM on April 30, 2012

Rolling ...
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing (starblazers) at 5:46 AM on April 30, 2012

So, yeah.
posted by oomny (stent) at 5:46 AM on April 30, 2012

just made it, fools!
posted by anya32 (mood) at 5:46 AM on April 30, 2012

Nick of time!
posted by lovedbymarylane (karen carpenter) at 5:48 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm just here for the cheese.
posted by metabrilliant (staves) at 5:49 AM on April 30, 2012

Zerg were always my favorites.
posted by jeffburdges (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 5:51 AM on April 30, 2012

How did I miss this thread? I like fun.
posted by dorkydancer (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 5:52 AM on April 30, 2012

Ooh!
posted by pointystick (hairway to steven) at 5:53 AM on April 30, 2012

┻━┻ ︵ ¯\(ツ)/¯ ︵ ┻━┻
posted by isopraxis (staphylococcus) at 5:56 AM on April 30, 2012

I came to inflate a statistic, and left with a random tag of my own.
posted by helicomatic (smithers release the hounds) at 5:56 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh yay, I can still do this :D
posted by littlesq (winner) at 6:01 AM on April 30, 2012

Well, I wasn't that excited.
posted by littlesq (standardized test) at 6:02 AM on April 30, 2012

So when the thread closes are the tags going to freeze?
posted by jonnyploy (stoat) at 6:05 AM on April 30, 2012

ok, maybe really last?
posted by bilabial (stfu) at 6:07 AM on April 30, 2012

I came back for the data (thanks, Pronoiac!) and was hypnotised by the stream of surreality.

This thread is ridiculous.
posted by batmonkey (scrappy-doo) at 6:13 AM on April 30, 2012

Very late....
posted by kjs4 (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 6:23 AM on April 30, 2012

I want one!
posted by likeatoaster (simple machine) at 6:24 AM on April 30, 2012

TL;DR
posted by terrapin (stoooooooooooooned) at 6:25 AM on April 30, 2012

Weird
posted by mippy (staph) at 6:29 AM on April 30, 2012

SMITHERS
posted by mippy (calved) at 6:29 AM on April 30, 2012

HELLO WORLD.
posted by Medieval Maven (starblazers) at 6:31 AM on April 30, 2012

Huzzah!
posted by DWRoelands (stoooooooooooooned) at 6:41 AM on April 30, 2012

oneswellfoop: "Why do I know that but can't remember the name of the neighbor 3 doors away?"

Anterograde amnesia?
posted by zarq (stamp tramp) at 6:42 AM on April 30, 2012

I want to play!
posted by Liesl (steppenwolf) at 6:43 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh my!
posted by bjrn (stefi graf) at 6:44 AM on April 30, 2012

Poop!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts (farts) at 6:44 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh I was so sad to have missed out on this, I thought it only was going to work on April 1st. Yay for my new title!
posted by 8dot3 (stabbatical) at 6:44 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm just here for the random mod tag. :)
posted by LN (standup bass) at 6:44 AM on April 30, 2012

How did I miss this?
posted by Bummus (hurf durf butter staffer) at 6:48 AM on April 30, 2012

Once more, for great justice.
posted by jquinby (stella) at 6:49 AM on April 30, 2012

Yes please!
posted by MT (waft) at 6:50 AM on April 30, 2012

Me too!
posted by Floydd (taffy) at 6:52 AM on April 30, 2012

Goodness gracious me.
posted by erebora (stavrosthewonderchicken) at 6:53 AM on April 30, 2012

Stupid sexy Flanders.
posted by One Hand Slowclapping (stacked) at 6:55 AM on April 30, 2012

[tap tap tap] Is this thing on?

.
posted by lampshade (stagger lee) at 6:55 AM on April 30, 2012

☃
posted by zamboni (stet) at 7:02 AM on April 30, 2012

Has anyone said, "Does anyone read the posts down here," yet?
posted by amarynth (stamp tramp) at 7:02 AM on April 30, 2012

One more, you know... for old times' sake.
posted by owtytrof (starship trooper) at 7:02 AM on April 30, 2012

Ew. I hope that's calved as in I have them and not calved as in I gave birth to one.
posted by amarynth (ffats) at 7:03 AM on April 30, 2012

Nyarrg.
posted by Coatlicue (stoat) at 7:05 AM on April 30, 2012

I have no idea how these people got their randomized staff tags wedged into their scanners.
posted by etc. (smithers release the hounds) at 7:18 AM on April 30, 2012

This feels rather pitiful, but what the hell.
posted by tavegyl (waft) at 7:19 AM on April 30, 2012

Fat Freddy's Cat
posted by timsteil (starblazers) at 7:23 AM on April 30, 2012

I've always maintained that one could make a catshit pie, and people would still eat it if there's enough sugar & cinnamon going on. Pie's weird like that.
posted by heyho (starship trooper) at 7:27 AM on April 30, 2012

Gimme gimme!
posted by piro (fapfapfap) at 7:33 AM on April 30, 2012

Wut is this I don't even
posted by tr33hggr (staph) at 7:39 AM on April 30, 2012

STAFF TAGS
posted by insectosaurus ('struth) at 7:40 AM on April 30, 2012

ಠ_ಠ
posted by Dipsomaniac (president taft) at 7:46 AM on April 30, 2012

‽
posted by sephira (hairway to steven) at 7:50 AM on April 30, 2012

.
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas (staffing solutions) at 7:51 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm always late.
posted by mokeydraws (steve-o) at 7:52 AM on April 30, 2012

OK, I'll get in here before it's too late.
posted by Clandestine Outlawry (snuffleuppagus) at 8:02 AM on April 30, 2012

Last.
posted by allkindsoftime (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 8:05 AM on April 30, 2012

Not last, but not first either...
posted by Xoder (stamp out litter) at 8:07 AM on April 30, 2012

Testing.
posted by Phire (stable boy) at 8:08 AM on April 30, 2012

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
posted by tilde (stars in your eyes) at 8:11 AM on April 30, 2012

Party like it's 30042012
posted by fearfulsymmetry (seven chinese brothers) at 8:20 AM on April 30, 2012

Staff tag
posted by Mattat (stoned) at 8:21 AM on April 30, 2012

I think the announcement today was just a cheap plug to get more comments.
posted by moviehawk (simple machine) at 8:22 AM on April 30, 2012

Late to the party.
posted by arcticwoman (stoooooooooooooned) at 8:22 AM on April 30, 2012

oh fine why not I've always regretted not participating in 9622
posted by ook (taffy) at 8:24 AM on April 30, 2012

Tag test!
posted by drlith (sweeney toddler) at 8:26 AM on April 30, 2012

a month late, almost.
posted by ADent (stack exchange) at 8:27 AM on April 30, 2012

:D
posted by Tarumba (stats) at 8:29 AM on April 30, 2012

:(

...farts?
posted by Tarumba (smithers) at 8:30 AM on April 30, 2012

hm?
posted by cilantro (stack hat) at 8:36 AM on April 30, 2012

so, so late
posted by dual_action (staple singers) at 8:41 AM on April 30, 2012

Filthy Light Thief, how did you DO that?
posted by jgirl (standup comedian) at 8:42 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm official!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish (staffing solutions) at 8:44 AM on April 30, 2012

curiosity too much to resist...
posted by supermedusa (stapler) at 8:44 AM on April 30, 2012

I guess I never got one.
posted by Miko (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 8:49 AM on April 30, 2012

Me neither, Miko.
posted by routergirl (stupid) at 8:54 AM on April 30, 2012

Dollywood was okay.
posted by KogeLiz (stabilizer) at 8:54 AM on April 30, 2012

NSFW
posted by scratch (starburns) at 8:55 AM on April 30, 2012

I don't like that one.
posted by scratch (staring contest) at 8:55 AM on April 30, 2012

How'd I miss this?
posted by white_devil (standup comedian) at 8:55 AM on April 30, 2012

Much better, thanks.
posted by scratch (startled moose) at 8:55 AM on April 30, 2012

It's like I'm having a conversation with a machine!
posted by scratch (snodgrass) at 8:56 AM on April 30, 2012

...a somewhat repetitious conversation.
posted by scratch (smithers) at 8:56 AM on April 30, 2012

That pretty much sums it up.
posted by scratch (stent) at 8:56 AM on April 30, 2012

I give.
posted by scratch (st00pid) at 8:57 AM on April 30, 2012

<3
posted by topoisomerase (stamen) at 8:58 AM on April 30, 2012

Late adopter as usual.
posted by prize bull octorok (studmuffin) at 8:59 AM on April 30, 2012

In under the wire.
posted by Iridic (start) at 9:06 AM on April 30, 2012

jgirl: Filthy Light Thief, how did you DO that?

Mostly magic and hacking.
posted by filthy light thief (stodgy) at 9:07 AM on April 30, 2012

Since the wire was raised early, I wonder if it will be lowered late? We'll see.
posted by filthy light thief (stapler) at 9:07 AM on April 30, 2012

Fierce Pajamas and other short stories.
posted by Chutzler (stuff) at 9:10 AM on April 30, 2012

Thanks to the late advertising maybe this thread will make it as having the most unique contributors.
posted by Mitheral (stafu) at 9:12 AM on April 30, 2012

did i miss the party
posted by TwelveTwo (starvin') at 9:13 AM on April 30, 2012

Does anyone read the comments down here?
posted by Aizkolari (stanley kubrick) at 9:13 AM on April 30, 2012

It would be the best joke to keep this open for 60 days and we spend a whole month trying to be the last comment.
posted by TwelveTwo (stoat) at 9:14 AM on April 30, 2012

We're #7! We're #7 !

The current #6 placed with 1779 comments. We might ratchet up another rank yet!
posted by filthy light thief (spouse) at 9:15 AM on April 30, 2012

(Note: the info dumpster doesn't list this thread ranked at all, so it might take a while to see it up there)
posted by filthy light thief (starter) at 9:16 AM on April 30, 2012

Fun fact: I am (in my own current view) first a [stable boy] and last a [newborn calf]. But that'll change on the next refresh.
posted by filthy light thief (stanky) at 9:18 AM on April 30, 2012

in b4 etc
posted by silby (stabbatical) at 9:26 AM on April 30, 2012

what is my staff tag?
posted by fireflies (studmuffin) at 9:28 AM on April 30, 2012

awesome.
posted by fireflies (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 9:28 AM on April 30, 2012

Twice!
posted by gemmy (hurf durf butter staffer) at 9:29 AM on April 30, 2012

Last gasp
posted by SpaceWarp13 (spouse) at 9:37 AM on April 30, 2012

^ DAY 1
^ DAY 7
^ DAY 41

DAY 86: The survivors of Mrs. Hansen's kindergarten class have satisfied their quest to defeat the Roman Legions, with the help of the rogue Roman general, Cassius Martimus, and his army of former slaves and wild germanic tribesmen. All kneel before the children, some of whom have turned 6 years of age during the ongoing war. Bella, exhausted but full of vigor, gazes at the field, brimming with ancient warriors. She is wearing what was once a lavender shirt with a sequined rainbow, but was now stained with blood, ashes, mud and courage. Jared had lost a tooth during battle, but that will grow back soon enough. Maddy's right eye is bandaged with linen wrapped around her head, where a flaming arrow had burned it. It might heal yet. She is chewing an old piece of gum.

On Day 86, though, another terrible ripple through the dimensions occurs. Alien robots with no faces but instead had like butts for a face, except they were cat butts with the tail and everything, and they were green too, and they have even more superior technology, suddenly appear on the banks of the Tiber river. Whether conquest grips their intentions as it had Mrs. Hansen's kindergarten class remained to be seen.

For on Day 86, yet another curse blights Ancient Rome. Golden ashes fall from the sky, but from no source; as if the ashes precipitate from the atmosphere itself. And the dead begin to rise. Reamimated corpses shake off the buzzards feasting on their putrid corpses. Thousands of reanimated corpses.

5-(and 6)-year-olds with modern weapons vs. green robot aliens with cat-butt faces vs. Roman soldier zombies. It was totally happening.
posted by jabberjaw (stanky) at 9:37 AM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm only here for the trappings of power.
posted by gladly (stamp tramp) at 9:43 AM on April 30, 2012

are we not yet cannibals?
posted by tilde (SHAFT) at 9:45 AM on April 30, 2012

I knew nothing of this!
posted by daydreamer (karen carpenter) at 9:46 AM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I await my birthright and calling, lord
posted by naju (stefi graf) at 9:47 AM on April 30, 2012

As site overlord, I am going to make you all do crafts.
posted by orange swan (sartori) at 9:48 AM on April 30, 2012

dang, missed this the first time
posted by Runes (staffing solutions) at 9:48 AM on April 30, 2012

Last!
posted by Lynsey (stairway to heaven) at 9:52 AM on April 30, 2012

Ooh ooh I got winner! Yay me!
posted by Lynsey (stuff) at 9:53 AM on April 30, 2012

blah
posted by lee (farts) at 9:55 AM on April 30, 2012

whoa! this thing's still open!
posted by iamkimiam (stamos potential) at 9:56 AM on April 30, 2012

I am just looking for a used car...what is all this?
posted by ALongDecember (calved) at 9:56 AM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Shoobie doobie doooooooo
posted by not_on_display (smithers release the hounds) at 9:56 AM on April 30, 2012

Will this thread
be so mighty
as to lay low
the mountains
of the uuuurrth?
posted by seanmpuckett (gaffe) at 10:00 AM on April 30, 2012

Hay guys
posted by Toothless Willy (mood) at 10:02 AM on April 30, 2012

We are the hollow guys
We are the stuffed guys
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with hay. Alas!
posted by Sys Rq (stable boy) at 10:05 AM on April 30, 2012

I don't read MeTa much, so I totally missed this.
posted by deanc (stiffie) at 10:06 AM on April 30, 2012

Testing 1, 2, 3.

Is this thing on? *tap tap*
posted by SpacemanStix (behalf) at 10:21 AM on April 30, 2012

chaff

Oh, that's lovely.
posted by SpacemanStix (ffats) at 10:22 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm hoping for smithers release the hounds.
posted by joyceanmachine (stuffed) at 10:24 AM on April 30, 2012

DARN.
posted by joyceanmachine (riffraff) at 10:24 AM on April 30, 2012

I always wanted a cool nickname.
posted by karlos (stentoria) at 10:26 AM on April 30, 2012

"farts" is disturbingly appropriate.
posted by karlos (star trek) at 10:26 AM on April 30, 2012

under the wire
posted by dr. moot (stamp tramp) at 10:33 AM on April 30, 2012

"...it's just a little slimy. It's still good! It's still good!"
posted by zarq (stent) at 10:35 AM on April 30, 2012

for posterity...
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit (staffing solutions) at 10:42 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm running late, as usual.
posted by dejah420 (stiff) at 10:43 AM on April 30, 2012

In under the wire like always
posted by HopperFan (stafu) at 10:48 AM on April 30, 2012

procrastination does this to people
posted by expialidocious (stout) at 10:50 AM on April 30, 2012

Yoink!
posted by Kitty Stardust (stebbins) at 10:52 AM on April 30, 2012

sartori - the state of being really relaxed about your clothes
posted by expialidocious (stapler) at 10:53 AM on April 30, 2012

In before an essay concerning human understanding.
posted by tigrefacile (stop sign) at 11:03 AM on April 30, 2012

.
posted by Smart Dalek (graft) at 11:13 AM on April 30, 2012

because I gotta.
posted by patheral (SHAFT) at 11:19 AM on April 30, 2012

Oh... okay.
posted by lumpenprole (behalf) at 11:25 AM on April 30, 2012

Curiosity, cat, all that.
posted by jetlagaddict (stiff) at 11:41 AM on April 30, 2012

Better be a good one!
posted by typewriter (stack hat) at 11:44 AM on April 30, 2012

Can't believe I missed it this year...
posted by geckoinpdx (stet) at 11:51 AM on April 30, 2012

I'm curious...
posted by elerina (karen carpenter) at 11:55 AM on April 30, 2012

What's all the fuss about?
posted by smcniven (stupid) at 11:58 AM on April 30, 2012

How did I miss this?
posted by brundlefly (stout) at 11:58 AM on April 30, 2012

so we're all gonna be s's now?
posted by Hobgoblin (snodgrass) at 12:13 PM on April 30, 2012

Nope!
posted by flatluigi (stefi graf) at 12:13 PM on April 30, 2012

I am wasting my morning and have crucial shit I should be doing!
posted by EatTheWeek (staphylococcus) at 12:17 PM on April 30, 2012

well hello
posted by 6550 (giraffed) at 12:23 PM on April 30, 2012

What's mah title!?
posted by FJT (star trek) at 12:28 PM on April 30, 2012

age of aqua
posted by JohnR (stafu) at 12:35 PM on April 30, 2012

if my fake admin title is anything but "2: Return of shmegegge" or "2: Electric Boogaloo" I will be extremely disappointed.
posted by shmegegge (fapfapfap) at 12:37 PM on April 30, 2012

god damn it.
posted by shmegegge (shillelagh) at 12:37 PM on April 30, 2012

blah. (since no one is reading these, i don't have to be clever)
posted by Mchelly (stent) at 12:42 PM on April 30, 2012

Radio?
posted by Mchelly (shillelagh) at 12:43 PM on April 30, 2012

i got a rock.
posted by Mchelly (pfaff) at 12:44 PM on April 30, 2012

Mine better say Emperor...
posted by lilkeith07 (waft) at 12:45 PM on April 30, 2012

I came for the silly name.
posted by munchingzombie (karen carpenter) at 12:59 PM on April 30, 2012

Comment #1797
posted by filthy light thief (hairway to steven) at 1:00 PM on April 30, 2012

*draws*
posted by JoeXIII007 (st00pid) at 1:00 PM on April 30, 2012

Rather, that was #1798, making this #1799, and the next.
posted by filthy light thief (stockholm syndrome) at 1:01 PM on April 30, 2012

Dammit! #1801
posted by filthy light thief (hairway to steven) at 1:01 PM on April 30, 2012

Zip zap doobity bap.
posted by Sangermaine (start) at 1:04 PM on April 30, 2012

what
posted by aught (smithers release the hounds) at 1:07 PM on April 30, 2012

I am a
posted by MuffinMan (stacked) at 1:09 PM on April 30, 2012

does anybody even read the posts down here?
posted by dismas (stopped) at 1:15 PM on April 30, 2012

haha, lol, lmao, whatever...
posted by jasper411 (graph) at 1:16 PM on April 30, 2012

# 1807.

In the year 1807, the Slave Trade was abolished in both the U.S. and Great Britain. Aaron Burr was acquitted of treason. Steamboat service began on the Hudson. Robert E. Lee was born.
posted by jabberjaw (stalin) at 1:20 PM on April 30, 2012

late to the party
posted by cosmicbandito (stiff) at 1:28 PM on April 30, 2012

This sounds like a neat idea!
posted by Kevin Street (newborn calf) at 1:34 PM on April 30, 2012

Particle Man
posted by thesmallmachine (star light star bright) at 1:39 PM on April 30, 2012

Fashionably late to the party
posted by Paragon (stamp tramp) at 1:41 PM on April 30, 2012

At this rate, we (I like to be inclusive) have a shot at breaking 2000 comments and the low-hanging 5th Place Longest Thread (at 2014).

MORE NON-SEQUITURS, PLEASE!
posted by oneswellfoop (stoned) at 1:41 PM on April 30, 2012

meow
posted by lakersfan1222 (riffraff) at 1:45 PM on April 30, 2012

Chirp
posted by cobain_angel (star trek) at 1:48 PM on April 30, 2012

authority
posted by theclaw (esteban) at 1:48 PM on April 30, 2012

I wanna know...
posted by Night_owl (mr. belvedere) at 1:50 PM on April 30, 2012

You oughta know ...
posted by jabberjaw (star light star bright) at 1:54 PM on April 30, 2012

How did I miss this?
posted by cooker girl (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 1:59 PM on April 30, 2012

Awesome.
posted by zara (stout) at 2:06 PM on April 30, 2012

How did I miss this?
posted by cooker girl (fapfapfap) at 3:59 PM on April 30

I think I have an idea...
posted by TheWhiteSkull (starvin') at 2:06 PM on April 30, 2012

I'm the slowest mod in the world.
posted by athenasbanquet ('struth) at 2:08 PM on April 30, 2012

meep!
posted by beandip (shillelagh) at 2:33 PM on April 30, 2012

Thanks for the heads up, oneswellfoop wendell
posted by SpookyFish (farts) at 2:44 PM on April 30, 2012

My cat's breath smells like very tiny fingers.
posted by munchingzombie (stop sign) at 2:46 PM on April 30, 2012

Bleep bloop.
posted by wuzandfuzz (stfu) at 2:49 PM on April 30, 2012

Cool.
posted by snorkmaiden (stopped) at 3:01 PM on April 30, 2012

My fingers smell like very tiny cats.
posted by dg (silver surfer) at 3:16 PM on April 30, 2012

My fingers smell like very tiny cats.
posted by dg (sweeney toddler)

heh
posted by Sailormom (stamp tramp) at 3:22 PM on April 30, 2012

Just came here from the April Last thread. Commenting to see what tag I get, and to further oneswellfoops ambition for it.
posted by marienbad (hurf durf butter staffer) at 3:30 PM on April 30, 2012

Curiosity got the better of me.
posted by horsemuth (staring contest) at 3:36 PM on April 30, 2012

Well. That was disappointing.
posted by horsemuth (stifler) at 3:37 PM on April 30, 2012

Oh FUCK NO. I'm not stopping with THAT next to my name!
posted by horsemuth (stiffie) at 3:37 PM on April 30, 2012

No! I thought it was showing something completely different! I liked "staph". Now when I hit this I'll get another. I have to stop, but I just need one more hit! Always one more hit.
posted by horsemuth (stop sign) at 3:41 PM on April 30, 2012

oh, it keeps changing. well for context. The one that I was objecting to was "cory doctorow"
posted by horsemuth (stippled) at 3:42 PM on April 30, 2012

I wasn't going to do this, but...
posted by willbaude (star trek) at 3:43 PM on April 30, 2012

Finally the Roger Sterlings are taking acid
posted by Dr-Baa (stadia) at 3:48 PM on April 30, 2012

Its full off stars
posted by Jikido (cory doctorow) at 3:50 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Tyger! Tyger!
posted by fearfulsymmetry (step) at 3:54 PM on April 30, 2012

I am!
posted by ChrisR (stooped) at 4:06 PM on April 30, 2012

Here we go. Another April. Dusted.
posted by Skygazer (stax exchange) at 4:17 PM on April 30, 2012

hah, horsemuth, I had the same reaction after I got stuck with the "stupid" tag. But now a random assortment of other people are "stupid," so my life is back on track! at least until I refresh
posted by en forme de poire (stabilizer) at 4:19 PM on April 30, 2012

Needs less cowbell.
posted by sacrifix (starblazers) at 4:41 PM on April 30, 2012

Needs Les Nessman.
posted by oneswellfoop ( radio) at 4:48 PM on April 30, 2012

En forme de poire, now nobody understands you but your woman.
posted by verbyournouns (startled moose) at 4:48 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Did Roger Sterling ever meet Rod Serling? If so, I'll bet he hired him to do commercials.
posted by oneswellfoop (stafu) at 4:49 PM on April 30, 2012

IN B4 MAY
posted by zompist (star wars) at 4:51 PM on April 30, 2012

oneswellfoop: Did Roger Sterling ever meet Rod Serling?

Doubtful, but Star Wars' Han Solo will be assisted by Real-Life Han Soto. Though not in the Star Wars universe.
posted by filthy light thief (staphylococcus) at 4:58 PM on April 30, 2012

If your last name is Soto, why wouldn't you give your son the name Han, just to increase the odds he'd grow up to be awesome (but not necessarily an actor)?
posted by oneswellfoop ('struth) at 5:02 PM on April 30, 2012

Not that I'm obsessed, but 167 comments to be ranked #5 chattiest MeTa (where "chatty" is defined by number of comments)
posted by filthy light thief (stupid) at 5:03 PM on April 30, 2012

It's
posted by oneswellfoop (startled moose) at 5:04 PM on April 30, 2012

a
posted by oneswellfoop (st00pid) at 5:04 PM on April 30, 2012

dirty
posted by oneswellfoop (calved) at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2012

job
posted by oneswellfoop (step) at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2012

but
posted by oneswellfoop (esteban) at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2012

somebody's
posted by oneswellfoop (stooped) at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2012

got
posted by oneswellfoop (stout) at 5:06 PM on April 30, 2012

to
posted by oneswellfoop (stars in your eyes) at 5:06 PM on April 30, 2012

do
posted by oneswellfoop (hairway to steven) at 5:06 PM on April 30, 2012

it.
posted by oneswellfoop (st00pid) at 5:06 PM on April 30, 2012

in bed.
posted by zamboni (stan the potato man) at 5:07 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

WtLola. fami reading
posted by The otter lady (stfu) at 5:09 PM on April 30, 2012

Yay!
posted by sabira (stephen hawking) at 5:25 PM on April 30, 2012

#1863. Something something history, Civil War, Emancipation Proclamation, year 1863.
posted by jabberjaw (starter) at 5:34 PM on April 30, 2012

And, I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.
posted by jabberjaw (naff) at 5:35 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

pop pop!
posted by mwhybark (stadia) at 5:38 PM on April 30, 2012

Yeah, I know, kinda cheating there...
posted by oneswellfoop ( radio) at 5:38 PM on April 30, 2012

T.S. Eliot (1888–1965). The Waste Land. 1922.

The Waste Land

I. THE BURIAL OF THE DEAD

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering 5
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten, 10
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm’ aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the archduke’s,
My cousin’s, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie, 15
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, 20
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock, 25
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust. 30
Frisch weht der Wind
Der Heimat zu,
Mein Irisch Kind,
Wo weilest du?
“You gave me hyacinths first a year ago; 35
They called me the hyacinth girl.”
—Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
Living nor dead, and I knew nothing, 40
Looking into the heart of light, the silence.
Öd’ und leer das Meer.

Madame Sosostris, famous clairvoyante,
Had a bad cold, nevertheless
Is known to be the wisest woman in Europe, 45
With a wicked pack of cards. Here, said she,
Is your card, the drowned Phoenician Sailor,
(Those are pearls that were his eyes. Look!)
Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations. 50
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card,
Which is blank, is something he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water. 55
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself:
One must be so careful these days.

Unreal City, 60
Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,
A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,
I had not thought death had undone so many.
Sighs, short and infrequent, were exhaled,
And each man fixed his eyes before his feet. 65
Flowed up the hill and down King William Street,
To where Saint Mary Woolnoth kept the hours
With a dead sound on the final stroke of nine.
There I saw one I knew, and stopped him, crying “Stetson!
You who were with me in the ships at Mylae! 70
That corpse you planted last year in your garden,
Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?
Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?
Oh keep the Dog far hence, that’s friend to men,
Or with his nails he’ll dig it up again! 75
You! hypocrite lecteur!—mon semblable,—mon frère!”

II. A GAME OF CHESS

The Chair she sat in, like a burnished throne,
Glowed on the marble, where the glass
Held up by standards wrought with fruited vines
From which a golden Cupidon peeped out 80
(Another hid his eyes behind his wing)
Doubled the flames of sevenbranched candelabra
Reflecting light upon the table as
The glitter of her jewels rose to meet it,
From satin cases poured in rich profusion; 85
In vials of ivory and coloured glass
Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes,
Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused
And drowned the sense in odours; stirred by the air
That freshened from the window, these ascended 90
In fattening the prolonged candle-flames,
Flung their smoke into the laquearia,
Stirring the pattern on the coffered ceiling.
Huge sea-wood fed with copper
Burned green and orange, framed by the coloured stone, 95
In which sad light a carvèd dolphin swam.
Above the antique mantel was displayed
As though a window gave upon the sylvan scene
The change of Philomel, by the barbarous king
So rudely forced; yet there the nightingale 100
Filled all the desert with inviolable voice
And still she cried, and still the world pursues,
“Jug Jug” to dirty ears.
And other withered stumps of time
Were told upon the walls; staring forms 105
Leaned out, leaning, hushing the room enclosed.
Footsteps shuffled on the stair,
Under the firelight, under the brush, her hair
Spread out in fiery points
Glowed into words, then would be savagely still. 110

“My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
I never know what you are thinking. Think.”

I think we are in rats’ alley 115
Where the dead men lost their bones.

“What is that noise?”
The wind under the door.
“What is that noise now? What is the wind doing?”
Nothing again nothing. 120
“Do
You know nothing? Do you see nothing? Do you remember
Nothing?”
I remember
Those are pearls that were his eyes. 125
“Are you alive, or not? Is there nothing in your head?”
But
O O O O that Shakespeherian Rag—
It’s so elegant
So intelligent 130

“What shall I do now? What shall I do?
I shall rush out as I am, and walk the street
With my hair down, so. What shall we do to-morrow?
What shall we ever do?”
The hot water at ten. 135
And if it rains, a closed car at four.
And we shall play a game of chess,
Pressing lidless eyes and waiting for a knock upon the door.

When Lil’s husband got demobbed, I said,
I didn’t mince my words, I said to her myself, 140
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
Now Albert’s coming back, make yourself a bit smart.
He’ll want to know what you done with that money he gave you
To get yourself some teeth. He did, I was there.
You have them all out, Lil, and get a nice set, 145
He said, I swear, I can’t bear to look at you.
And no more can’t I, I said, and think of poor Albert,
He’s been in the army four years, he wants a good time,
And if you don’t give it him, there’s others will, I said.
Oh is there, she said. Something o’ that, I said. 150
Then I’ll know who to thank, she said, and give me a straight look.
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
If you don’t like it you can get on with it, I said,
Others can pick and choose if you can’t.
But if Albert makes off, it won’t be for lack of telling. 155
You ought to be ashamed, I said, to look so antique.
(And her only thirty-one.)
I can’t help it, she said, pulling a long face,
It’s them pills I took, to bring it off, she said.
(She’s had five already, and nearly died of young George.) 160
The chemist said it would be alright, but I’ve never been the same.
You are a proper fool, I said.
Well, if Albert won’t leave you alone, there it is, I said,
What you get married for if you don’t want children?
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME 165
Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,
And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot—
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
Goonight Bill. Goonight Lou. Goonight May. Goonight. 170
Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.
Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.

III. THE FIRE SERMON

The river’s tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf
Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind
Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed. 175
Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song.
The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers,
Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends
Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed.
And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors; 180
Departed, have left no addresses.
By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept…
Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song,
Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long.
But at my back in a cold blast I hear 185
The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear.

A rat crept softly through the vegetation
Dragging its slimy belly on the bank
While I was fishing in the dull canal
On a winter evening round behind the gashouse. 190
Musing upon the king my brother’s wreck
And on the king my father’s death before him.
White bodies naked on the low damp ground
And bones cast in a little low dry garret,
Rattled by the rat’s foot only, year to year. 195
But at my back from time to time I hear
The sound of horns and motors, which shall bring
Sweeney to Mrs. Porter in the spring.
O the moon shone bright on Mrs. Porter
And on her daughter 200
They wash their feet in soda water
Et, O ces voix d’enfants, chantant dans la coupole!

Twit twit twit
Jug jug jug jug jug jug
So rudely forc’d. 205
Tereu

Unreal City
Under the brown fog of a winter noon
Mr Eugenides, the Smyrna merchant
Unshaven, with a pocket full of currants 210
C. i. f. London: documents at sight,
Asked me in demotic French
To luncheon at the Cannon Street Hotel
Followed by a week-end at the Metropole.

At the violet hour, when the eyes and back 215
Turn upward from the desk, when the human engine waits
Like a taxi throbbing waiting,
I Tiresias, though blind, throbbing between two lives,
Old man with wrinkled female breasts, can see
At the violet hour, the evening hour that strives 220
Homeward, and brings the sailor home from sea,
The typist home at tea-time, clears her breakfast, lights
Her stove, and lays out food in tins.
Out of the window perilously spread
Her drying combinations touched by the sun’s last rays, 225
On the divan are piled (at night her bed)
Stockings, slippers, camisoles, and stays.
I Tiresias, old man with wrinkled dugs
Perceived the scene, and foretold the rest—
I too awaited the expected guest. 230
He, the young man carbuncular, arrives,
A small house-agent’s clerk, with one bold stare,
One of the low on whom assurance sits
As a silk hat on a Bradford millionaire.
The time is now propitious, as he guesses, 235
The meal is ended, she is bored and tired,
Endeavours to engage her in caresses
Which still are unreproved, if undesired.
Flushed and decided, he assaults at once;
Exploring hands encounter no defence; 240
His vanity requires no response,
And makes a welcome of indifference.
(And I Tiresias have foresuffered all
Enacted on this same divan or bed;
I who have sat by Thebes below the wall 245
And walked among the lowest of the dead.)
Bestows one final patronizing kiss,
And gropes his way, finding the stairs unlit…

She turns and looks a moment in the glass,
Hardly aware of her departed lover; 250
Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:
“Well now that’s done: and I’m glad it’s over.”
When lovely woman stoops to folly and
Paces about her room again, alone,
She smoothes her hair with automatic hand, 255
And puts a record on the gramophone.

“This music crept by me upon the waters”
And along the Strand, up Queen Victoria Street.
O City City, I can sometimes hear
Beside a public bar in Lower Thames Street, 260
The pleasant whining of a mandoline
And a clatter and a chatter from within
Where fishmen lounge at noon: where the walls
Of Magnus Martyr hold
Inexplicable splendour of Ionian white and gold. 265

The river sweats
Oil and tar
The barges drift
With the turning tide
Red sails 270
Wide
To leeward, swing on the heavy spar.
The barges wash
Drifting logs
Down Greenwich reach 275
Past the Isle of Dogs.
Weialala leia
Wallala leialala
Elizabeth and Leicester
Beating oars 280
The stern was formed
A gilded shell
Red and gold
The brisk swell
Rippled both shores 285
South-west wind
Carried down stream
The peal of bells
White towers
Weialala leia 290
Wallala leialala

“Trams and dusty trees.
Highbury bore me. Richmond and Kew
Undid me. By Richmond I raised my knees
Supine on the floor of a narrow canoe.“ 295

“My feet are at Moorgate, and my heart
Under my feet. After the event
He wept. He promised ‘a new start.’
I made no comment. What should I resent?”

“On Margate Sands. 300
I can connect
Nothing with nothing.
The broken finger-nails of dirty hands.
My people humble people who expect
Nothing.” 305

la la

To Carthage then I came

Burning burning burning burning
O Lord Thou pluckest me out
O Lord Thou pluckest 310

burning

IV. DEATH BY WATER

Phlebas the Phoenician, a fortnight dead,
Forgot the cry of gulls, and the deep seas swell
And the profit and loss.
A current under sea 315
Picked his bones in whispers. As he rose and fell
He passed the stages of his age and youth
Entering the whirlpool.
Gentile or Jew
O you who turn the wheel and look to windward, 320
Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you.

V. WHAT THE THUNDER SAID

After the torch-light red on sweaty faces
After the frosty silence in the gardens
After the agony in stony places
The shouting and the crying 325
Prison and place and reverberation
Of thunder of spring over distant mountains
He who was living is now dead
We who were living are now dying
With a little patience 330

Here is no water but only rock
Rock and no water and the sandy road
The road winding above among the mountains
Which are mountains of rock without water
If there were water we should stop and drink 335
Amongst the rock one cannot stop or think
Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand
If there were only water amongst the rock
Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit
Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit 340
There is not even silence in the mountains
But dry sterile thunder without rain
There is not even solitude in the mountains
But red sullen faces sneer and snarl
From doors of mud-cracked houses
If there were water 345
And no rock
If there were rock
And also water
And water
A spring 350
A pool among the rock
If there were the sound of water only
Not the cicada
And dry grass singing
But sound of water over a rock 355
Where the hermit-thrush sings in the pine trees
Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop
But there is no water

Who is the third who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together 360
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
—But who is that on the other side of you? 365

What is that sound high in the air
Murmur of maternal lamentation
Who are those hooded hordes swarming
Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth
Ringed by the flat horizon only 370
What is the city over the mountains
Cracks and reforms and bursts in the violet air
Falling towers
Jerusalem Athens Alexandria
Vienna London 375
Unreal

A woman drew her long black hair out tight
And fiddled whisper music on those strings
And bats with baby faces in the violet light
Whistled, and beat their wings 380
And crawled head downward down a blackened wall
And upside down in air were towers
Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours
And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.

In this decayed hole among the mountains 385
In the faint moonlight, the grass is singing
Over the tumbled graves, about the chapel
There is the empty chapel, only the wind’s home.
It has no windows, and the door swings,
Dry bones can harm no one. 390
Only a cock stood on the roof-tree
Co co rico co co rico
In a flash of lightning. Then a damp gust
Bringing rain
Ganga was sunken, and the limp leaves 395
Waited for rain, while the black clouds
Gathered far distant, over Himavant.
The jungle crouched, humped in silence.
Then spoke the thunder
DA 400
Datta: what have we given?
My friend, blood shaking my heart
The awful daring of a moment’s surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract
By this, and this only, we have existed 405
Which is not to be found in our obituaries
Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider
Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor
In our empty rooms
DA 410
Dayadhvam: I have heard the key
Turn in the door once and turn once only
We think of the key, each in his prison
Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison
Only at nightfall, aetherial rumours 415
Revive for a moment a broken Coriolanus
DA
Damyata: The boat responded
Gaily, to the hand expert with sail and oar
The sea was calm, your heart would have responded 420
Gaily, when invited, beating obedient
To controlling hands

I sat upon the shore
Fishing, with the arid plain behind me
Shall I at least set my lands in order? 425

London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down

Poi s’ascose nel foco che gli affina
Quando fiam ceu chelidon—O swallow swallow
Le Prince d’Aquitaine à la tour abolie
These fragments I have shored against my ruins 430
Why then Ile fit you. Hieronymo’s mad againe.
Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.

Shantih shantih shantih

posted by Skygazer (smithers release the hounds) at 5:43 PM on April 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike (farts) at 5:44 PM on April 30, 2012

oh, great, now they're gonna shut us down early for copyright violation...

MetaTalk
Now a Fully Owned Subsidiary of the Estate of T.S. Eliot
posted by oneswellfoop (stasi) at 5:47 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Woke up this morning, got myself a tag...
posted by Juffo-Wup (starship trooper) at 5:50 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

butts.
posted by [@I][:+:][@I] (no soap) at 5:51 PM on April 30, 2012

whee!
posted by arnicae (stiffie) at 5:56 PM on April 30, 2012

whee?
posted by arnicae (snuffleuppagus) at 5:56 PM on April 30, 2012

So incredibly late to this party...
posted by leslies (studmuffin) at 5:57 PM on April 30, 2012

In the name of the most holy and individual Trinity: Be it known to all, and every one whom it may concern, or to whom in any manner it may belong, That for many Years past, Discords and Civil Divisions being stir'd up in the Roman Empire, which increas'd to such a degree, that not only all Germany, but also the neighbouring Kingdoms, and France particularly, have been involv'd in the Disorders of a long and cruel War: And in the first place, between the most Serene and most Puissant Prince and Lord, Ferdinand the Second, of famous Memory, elected Roman Emperor, always August, King of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Arch-Duke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marquiss of Moravia, Duke of Luxemburgh, the Higher and Lower Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Prince of Suabia, Count of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marquiss of the Sacred Roman Empire, Lord of Burgovia, of the Higher and Lower Lusace, of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Port Naon and Salines, with his Allies and Adherents on one side; and the most Serene, and the most Puissant Prince, Lewis the Thirteenth, most Christian King of France and Navarre, with his Allies and Adherents on the other side. And after their Decease, between the most Serene and Puissant Prince and Lord, Ferdinand the Third, elected Roman Emperor, always August, King of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Arch-Duke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marquiss of Moravia, Duke of Luxemburg, of the Higher and Lower Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Prince of Suabia, Count of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marquiss of the Sacred Roman Empire, Burgovia, the Higher and Lower Lusace, Lord of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Port Naon and Salines, with his Allies and Adherents on the one side; and the most Serene and most Puissant Prince and Lord, Lewis the Fourteenth, most Christian King of France and Navarre, with his Allies and Adherents on the other side: from whence ensu'd great Effusion of Christian Blood, and the Desolation of several Provinces. It has at last happen'd, by the effect of Divine Goodness, seconded by the Endeavours of the most Serene Republick of Venice, who in this sad time, when all Christendom is imbroil'd, has not ceas'd to contribute its Counsels for the publick Welfare and Tranquillity; so that on the side, and the other, they have form'd Thoughts of an universal Peace. And for this purpose, by a mutual Agreement and Covenant of both Partys, in the year of our Lord 1641. the 25th of December, N.S. or the 15th O.S. it was resolv'd at Hamburgh, to hold an Assembly of Plenipotentiary Ambassadors, who should render themselves at Munster and Osnabrug in Westphalia the 11th of July, N.S. or the 1st of the said month O.S. in the year 1643. The Plenipotentiary Ambassadors on the one side, and the other, duly establish'd, appearing at the prefixt time, and on the behalf of his Imperial Majesty, the most illustrious and most excellent Lord, Maximilian Count of Trautmansdorf and Weinsberg, Baron of Gleichenberg, Neustadt, Negan, Burgau, and Torzenbach, Lord of Teinitz, Knight of the Golden Fleece, Privy Counsellor and Chamberlain to his Imperial Sacred Majesty, and Steward of his Houshold; the Lord John Lewis, Count of Nassau, Catzenellebogen, Vianden, and Dietz, Lord of Bilstein, Privy Counsellor to the Emperor, and Knight of the Golden Fleece; Monsieur Isaac Volmamarus, Doctor of Law, Counsellor, and President in the Chamber of the most Serene Lord Arch-Duke Ferdinand Charles. And on the behalf of the most Christian King, the most eminent Prince and Lord, Henry of Orleans, Duke of Longueville, and Estouteville, Prince and Sovereign Count of Neuschaftel, Count of Dunois and Tancerville, Hereditary Constable of Normandy, Governor and Lieutenant-General of the same Province, Captain of the Cent Hommes d'Arms, and Knight of the King's Orders, &c. as also the most illustrious and most excellent Lords, Claude de Mesmes, Count d'Avaux, Commander of the said King's Orders, one of the Superintendents of the Finances, and Minister of the Kingdom of France &c. and Abel Servien, Count la Roche of Aubiers, also one of the Ministers of the Kingdom of France. And by the Mediation and Interposition of the most illustrious and most excellent Ambassador and Senator of Venice, Aloysius Contarini Knight, who for the space of five Years, or thereabouts, with great Diligence, and a Spirit intirely impartial, has been inclin'd to be a Mediator in these Affairs. After having implor'd the Divine Assistance, and receiv'd a reciprocal Communication of Letters, Commissions, and full Powers, the Copys of which are inserted at the end of this Treaty, in the presence and with the consent of the Electors of the Sacred Roman Empire, the other Princes and States, to the Glory of God, and the Benefit of the Christian World, the following Articles have been agreed on and consented to, and the same run thus.
posted by mwhybark (staffing solutions) at 5:58 PM on April 30, 2012

hell of a "started mwhybark :-)
posted by leslies (stalin) at 5:59 PM on April 30, 2012

i'm sure someone will come along with more.
posted by mwhybark (hairway to steven) at 6:01 PM on April 30, 2012

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS
written by
Joss Whedon & Drew Goddard

FINAL SCRIPT

ACT I SCENE I

The camera pans to show aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
posted by oneswellfoop (studmuffin) at 6:10 PM on April 30, 2012

How did I not know of this? I am filled with both hope and dread...
posted by maxwelton (stamp tramp) at 6:13 PM on April 30, 2012

...and as life has shown me time and again, there's something to that "dread" thing.
posted by maxwelton (calved) at 6:14 PM on April 30, 2012

I want a tag!
posted by cp311 (president taft) at 6:14 PM on April 30, 2012

Here! Take one of mine! I have plenty!
posted by oneswellfoop (stippled) at 6:21 PM on April 30, 2012

Well at least it's still April?
posted by domi_p (stiffie) at 6:26 PM on April 30, 2012

Huzzah
posted by Lobster Garden (sterling) at 6:37 PM on April 30, 2012

Exeunt, pursued by a bear.
posted by fiercecupcake (staphylococcus) at 6:39 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been a mod for a whole MONTH now, and I think I deserve a raise!
posted by easily confused (studebaker) at 6:44 PM on April 30, 2012

Watching House for the first time this season.

Well, okay, then. Something something slashfic? Not that the show hasn't been King Slash Show for eight years, but this is extra-special Fanfiction-Gets-Airtime, ain't it.
posted by tzikeh (stafu) at 6:45 PM on April 30, 2012

what the fucking fuck.
posted by notsnot (snuffleuppagus) at 6:45 PM on April 30, 2012

meh
posted by MikeKD (president taft) at 6:46 PM on April 30, 2012

whan in april with his shoures soote
the droghte of march hath perced to the roote
and bathed every vein in swich licuor
of which virtu engendred is the flour
whan zephyrus eeks with his sweete breetch
inspired hath every holt and heeth
tendre croppes and yonge sonne
hath in the ram his halve cours yronne,
and smale foweles maken melodye,
that slepen al the nyght with open ye
(so priketh hem nature in hir corages);
thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages,
and palmeres for to seken straunge strondes,
to ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
and specially from every shires ende
of engelond to caunterbury they wende,
the hooly blisful martir for to seke,
that hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke

I had to memorize that in the 10th grade. We had the option of saying it in modern English ("When in April with his showers sooth / the drought of March has pierced to the root / and bathed every vein in such liquor / of which virtue engendered is the flower. / When Zephyrus eeks with his sweeth breath / inspired hath every holt and hearth / tender crops and young sun / has in the rams his half-course run") but it sounds like a bunch of Valley-speak, so I recited it in the Middle English pronunciation as best I could.
posted by jabberjaw (zach braf) at 6:47 PM on April 30, 2012

Tag me
posted by andythebean (graft) at 6:48 PM on April 30, 2012

OK, you're It.
posted by flabdablet (stanley kubrick) at 6:49 PM on April 30, 2012

He's it? I thought I was it!
posted by oneswellfoop (stasi) at 6:50 PM on April 30, 2012

And then in the 11th grade we had to write from memory Hamlet's To Be or Not To Be speech, then my teacher decided to recite Rime of the Ancient Mariner from memory while we did it to fuck with us. Hilarious.

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
`By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

To be or not to be, that is the question.
whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
or to take arms against a sea of trouble

The bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
Mayst hear the merry din.'

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a ship," quoth he.
`Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropped he.

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
posted by jabberjaw (stabilizer) at 6:52 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Who's wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a damn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a damn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
posted by oneswellfoop (standup bass) at 6:57 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

No shit. A damn, maybe (although when they were on the radio they softened it to a darn).
posted by oneswellfoop (stiff) at 7:02 PM on April 30, 2012

What would be funny is if this thread never closed to new comments for some reason.
posted by jabberjaw (stef) at 7:02 PM on April 30, 2012

There is no cabal.
posted by girlhacker (shillelagh) at 7:03 PM on April 30, 2012

Yes there is. My ISP is Charter Cabal.
posted by oneswellfoop (stan the potato man) at 7:04 PM on April 30, 2012

Christmas in July, err, April!
posted by caroo (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 7:10 PM on April 30, 2012

Cabal! (not pictured: trackball)
posted by box (chaff) at 7:13 PM on April 30, 2012

Christmas in July, err, April!
posted by caroo (winner) at 7:10 PM on April 30 [+] [!]
posted by oneswellfoop ( radio) at 7:22 PM on April 30, 2012

I'm just here for the free buffet....
posted by anastasiav (stent) at 7:27 PM on April 30, 2012

Here are a few select quotes from my massive "cool/interesting/funny shit people have said on MetaFilter" file (chosen randomly and in no particular order):

***

It's a terrible thing to have to wake up one day and realize that while you were sleeping the Stupid Fairy came and stuck his dick in your ear.

***

Batman isn't a superhero. he has no powers. He's just a dude with a cool outfit and a secret identity. By that logic, drag queens are superheroes.

***

I regret that I have but one face to palm for my country.

***

No, no, no, no...

Jazz is produced by people who LOVE music. They have consumed, and played, so much music that it's coming out of their ears and fingertips. They've played so much music that it's hard for them to find music they're not bored with. They're analytical enough that they can actually change every chord to the m6(9)12th version of that chord, and leave off the melody line altogether, and STILL recognize that the original head was "It Could Happen to You."

And then everyone hates it.

***

Please [name], shut up. I'm begging you, you screeching eyeball stupid shitbox clownshoes.

***

Great, Science, just great. You have found the star that should not be. Now all those Great Old Ones are gonna hear about it in their primordial necrotic slumbers, they are gonna stir in their sleep, then waken and devour the few last shrieking handfuls of humanity before rising to take their place in the Universe.

You had to go fucking around with telescopes, didn't you?

***

Maybe the trailer has all the good parts, but the trailer has people falling out of an exploding airplane in a tank, and shooting at things with the tank as it's not so much flying as plummeting.

That's crap I can support. All it's missing is that the tank should shoot bees. (re: The A-Team movie trailer.)

***

Every time I hear homophobic comments from a computer geek, I grab their collar, yell "ALAN TURING!" as loud as I can, and run away.

***

There needs to be an action film that centers on the battle for Earth between Segway monks with fire on their heads and Lady Gaga's army of ice skaters.

Whoever wins, I can't really say we lose.

***

The internet sees your paternal nationalism, and raises you a hivemind.

***

"Transferred to another college" doesn't have quite the impact of "was never seen alive again."

***

I think what I like most about cats is that, in the big feline decision-making flowchart, all of those little diamond boxes like "Is it animate? Yes/No," "Is it larger than me? Larger/Same/Smaller," "Can I eat it? Yes/Maybe/No," all lead to this cloud with a tiny game spinner on it, and then out to rectangles marked "Attack," "Ignore," and "Run" ... and next back to the game spinner.

***

Ask your doctor if Theocracy is right for you. Side effects include burning at the stake, torture, imprisonment or diarrhea. Don't take Theocracy if you're currently nursing or believe in science.

***

Also, fun fact: every band that has ever been in a recording studio has recorded a cover of John Cage's "4′33″" - they rarely release it, even as a b-side, but if you went through the masters you would find multiple versions.

***

In a 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court has found that torturing all blacks, gays and disabled people to death is unconstitutional. Writing for the minority, Justice Scalia stated "Grrrlaahuahhh Cthulhu Ia C'geathealeh ia - CTHULHU FHTAGN! Ssalmani-ia ana pagri tapqida duppira; Ssalmani-ia ana pagri taxira duppira; Ssalmani ini ishdi pagri tushni-illa duppira:-- ALL IS DUST TO THE OLD ONES"

***

It's true that homosexuals can be cured. It's a difficult and time-consuming process, but it you've ever eaten gay prosciutto, you know just how worth the extra effort it is.

***

I find that screaming "MIND-POISON!!!" at the top of my lungs at any negative person when they start to speak settles things pretty quickly.

If they persist, I just pretend that they're dead. Only problem is that I'm a little too good at that and usually end up freaking myself out. Later, when they find me holed up in a closet crying and clutching one of my many homemade crucifixes, I scream "MIND-POISON!!!" at them and the process begins anew.

I live a very active lifestyle.

***

So wait...did he ever go back to Africa and do his gay voodoo limbo tango and wango dance and jump and prance and all over the place half naked? I need closure.
posted by tzikeh (stack exchange) at 7:29 PM on April 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

Warren or Jimmy?
posted by oneswellfoop (stavrosthewinderchicken) at 7:30 PM on April 30, 2012

Chinese Buffet? Must be one of the New Billionaires.
posted by oneswellfoop (giraffed) at 7:35 PM on April 30, 2012

PEOPLE
PEOPLE

Let's have a discussion here. Come on. We need to show the mods that we can handle an infinite thread with responsibility, dignity, style. Let's have the best infinite thread ever, one without shitting, without ascii, without long cut and pasted entries. Something human, cultured, beautiful, and special. Let's do it. Let's do it together.
posted by TwelveTwo (hurf durf butter staffer) at 7:36 PM on April 30, 2012

I think TwelveTwo is coming on to me.
posted by jabberjaw (snodgrass) at 7:38 PM on April 30, 2012

Elucidation is needed, jabberjaw. Let us continue this conversation full monocle. We are being dignified, worthy of this infinite thread.
posted by TwelveTwo ( radio) at 7:40 PM on April 30, 2012

I will try to behave. Where's my dog collar?
posted by oneswellfoop (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 7:42 PM on April 30, 2012

Now this is getting kinky.

Rather: Heretofore, the visage of this monumental collection of plain-speaking thoughts, within which the wisdom of ages is surely kept, appears to have been overcome by overzealous, peculiar, yet benign hormonal proclivities.

Allow me to present, for the benefit of this wholesome argument, Exhibit A:

"Let's do it together." - TwelveTwo

And, to further expose the foundation upon which my thesis is wrough, Exhibit B:

"Where's my dog collar?" - oneswellfoop

The dignity of this thread, I proclaim, has not been sullied by these innuendos, but rather, it endures, and should ever endure, in its majesty, for the ages.
posted by jabberjaw (stupid) at 7:50 PM on April 30, 2012

SERIOUSLY, the length of this thread made me think about April Fools Day's relationship to the whole month of April and gave me an idea. What if April 30th, the last day of the month, were to be celebrated as a kind of Unfools Day? You could do something surprisingly nice for someone. Or celebrate the times you didn't get fooled. Or, likely to be the most popular idea, the victims of April Fools Day pranks get a shot at payback. Still, consider the 30th as April Genius Day (see if we can get a sponsorship from Apple), with Stephen Hawking as Honorary Chairman with in Honorary Chair which will never have a whoopie cushion in it. Too late for this year, but that just means we have 11 months to work on it.
posted by oneswellfoop (stagger lee) at 7:53 PM on April 30, 2012

And... gratuitous obsessive desire to see staff tag.
posted by DoubleLune (studmuffin) at 7:57 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Or we could go to an April Fools Month. I think that might be where birthdays are heading.
posted by box (graft) at 7:59 PM on April 30, 2012

posted by DoubleLune (snuffleuppagus) at 7:57 PM on April 30 [1 favorite +] [!]

You got one of the good tags while I was peeking.
posted by jabberjaw (stebbins) at 8:00 PM on April 30, 2012

TwelveTwo: Let us continue this conversation full monocle.

Full monocle sounds kinky, but awkwardly so. Like some overly formal kink. I'll leave you with that thought.
posted by filthy light thief (snodgrass) at 8:17 PM on April 30, 2012

.
posted by fantabulous timewaster (raff scaff) at 8:17 PM on April 30, 2012

1920!
posted by filthy light thief (president taft) at 8:17 PM on April 30, 2012

DAMNIT! Someone always sneaks in and ruins my attempts to number comments.

1922, unless I'm mistaken
posted by filthy light thief (stamen) at 8:18 PM on April 30, 2012

1923: Yankee Stadium opens; Time Magazine hits the stands; Pancho Villa is assassinated; Warren G. Harding dies in office; The Walt Disney Company is founded; an earthquake kills Tokyo, killing over 100,000 people.
posted by jabberjaw (stockholm syndrome) at 8:22 PM on April 30, 2012

'overly formal kink' is filthy light thief's sockpuppet. just sayin'.
posted by oneswellfoop (star trek) at 8:24 PM on April 30, 2012

Better late than never, I guess.
posted by apartment dweller (studebaker) at 8:29 PM on April 30, 2012

1926
posted by oneswellfoop (starfish kisses) at 8:36 PM on April 30, 2012

1927
posted by oneswellfoop (star trek) at 8:37 PM on April 30, 2012

I don't know how these things work, exactly, but I think we have until 10:12 p.m. Albuquerque time before this thread shuts down on it's exact 30-day mark. That's, like, 1/2 an hour, right?
posted by jabberjaw (sunday sunday SUNDAY) at 8:37 PM on April 30, 2012

1928 Porter
posted by oneswellfoop (stamen) at 8:37 PM on April 30, 2012

Things to do on May 1st: kill jabberjaw
posted by oneswellfoop (shillelagh) at 8:38 PM on April 30, 2012

Still open.
posted by daniel_charms (snodgrass) at 8:42 PM on April 30, 2012

What if I'm already dead?
posted by jabberjaw (snuffleuppagus) at 8:42 PM on April 30, 2012

and yes, it should be a half-hour from now.
posted by oneswellfoop (pfaff) at 8:42 PM on April 30, 2012

Also: Not if I kill you first.
posted by jabberjaw (puff daddy) at 8:42 PM on April 30, 2012

30 minutes. What can you do in 30 minutes?
posted by daniel_charms (stephen hawking) at 8:43 PM on April 30, 2012

You can pluck, like, five chicken in 30 minutes.
posted by daniel_charms (stack hat) at 8:44 PM on April 30, 2012

Choreograph an interpret dance of my childhood or make chocolate and caramel covered graham crackers-your choice
posted by miss-lapin (stab) at 8:44 PM on April 30, 2012

Just about anything, if you know what your doing.
posted by oddman (stars in your eyes) at 8:44 PM on April 30, 2012

What if I'm already dead?

I have experience with that excuse. It never works.

Also: Not if I kill you first.

What makes you think I'm still alive?
posted by oneswellfoop (sylvan learning center) at 8:46 PM on April 30, 2012

Well, if my Dominos pizza doesn't get here by the time this thread closes, I should get it free.

Especially since I ordered it four hours ago.
posted by oneswellfoop (stamos potential) at 8:47 PM on April 30, 2012

Jesus fuck, scrolling through this on the iPad is a fucking endurance sport.
posted by box (stamps.com) at 8:48 PM on April 30, 2012

Can ghosts kill each other?

Find out on May 1 ... if this thread is still alive.
posted by jabberjaw (winner) at 8:48 PM on April 30, 2012

What can you do in 30 minutes?

On a Monday evening? "How I Met Your Mother", including commercials. Anything else, don't bother.
posted by oneswellfoop (starvin') at 8:49 PM on April 30, 2012

Find out on May 1 ... if this thread is still alive.

If not, there'll be an update in this thread. Because... IT NEVER ENDS.
posted by oneswellfoop (riffraff) at 8:50 PM on April 30, 2012

Jesus fuck, scrolling through this on the iPad is a fucking endurance sport.
posted by box (stupid) at 8:48 PM on April 30 [+] [!]

heh
posted by jabberjaw (start) at 8:51 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

twenty minutes and counting (maybe)...
posted by oneswellfoop (staph) at 8:52 PM on April 30, 2012

NEVAR
posted by Xere (stack hat) at 8:55 PM on April 30, 2012

Anything else, don't bother.

Well, if I didn't have plans for today that preclude this sort of behaviour, I would have got drunk on (this) Monday night. Because hey, Walpurgisnacht followed by a public holiday.
posted by daniel_charms (stairway to heaven) at 8:56 PM on April 30, 2012

Fifteen.
posted by daniel_charms (stoooooooooooooned) at 8:57 PM on April 30, 2012

New goal: will we reach 2,000 comments before the clock runs out?
posted by daniel_charms ('struth) at 8:58 PM on April 30, 2012

I bid adieu. I wish I could stay on a bit longer for the final push.

I'll see you in the next life, brotha.
posted by jabberjaw (hairway to steven) at 9:00 PM on April 30, 2012

Hello, May!
posted by h00py (mood) at 9:02 PM on April 30, 2012

Posting for the Glorious Revolution!
posted by arcticseal (stuff) at 9:05 PM on April 30, 2012

what? have you all started your May 1st General Strike NOW?!?
posted by oneswellfoop (stoooooooooooooned) at 9:06 PM on April 30, 2012

Boss' orders, sorry.
posted by daniel_charms (star light star bright) at 9:07 PM on April 30, 2012

I don't think we're going to make it...
posted by daniel_charms (seven chinese brothers) at 9:08 PM on April 30, 2012

Well, with the playing of someone else's familiar theme, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that somebody took the old clock off the wall and painted a clock that had me fooled for about, say, six hours. Anyway, our floor director has alerted me by slitting his wrists and bleeding all over my cue cards, so, let me just remind everyone in our half-vast audience that the home edition of this show is available from all stores that carry products because their buyers can be bribed. And for everyone here at the famous Club Baby Seals, don't forget to tip the veal and try your server. Remember, I will be performing at the Aquarium, where I have been held under for an extra week, and until we meet again, remember the immortal words of our Founding Fathers, "we never had sex with that woman". Good night, anybody!!!

Portions of this program were pre-recorded before other parts which have not been recorded yet.
posted by oneswellfoop (staple singers) at 9:08 PM on April 30, 2012

Is thing still on?
posted by oneswellfoop ( radio) at 9:10 PM on April 30, 2012

Glorious Last Post for the Glorious Revolution!
posted by daniel_charms (stax exchange) at 9:10 PM on April 30, 2012

Oh, yeah, one more thing...
posted by oneswellfoop (waft) at 9:11 PM on April 30, 2012

Capitalist pig.
posted by daniel_charms (stooped) at 9:11 PM on April 30, 2012

30 seconds.
posted by daniel_charms (stopped) at 9:11 PM on April 30, 2012

Last!
posted by daniel_charms (star light star bright) at 9:11 PM on April 30, 2012

Last?
posted by daniel_charms (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 9:12 PM on April 30, 2012

and we're going into overtime!!!!
posted by oneswellfoop (stax exchange) at 9:12 PM on April 30, 2012

oh noes!
posted by daniel_charms (stent) at 9:12 PM on April 30, 2012

Maybe that was supposed to be thirty-ONE days?
posted by oneswellfoop (president taft) at 9:13 PM on April 30, 2012

It must be the Apocalypse.
posted by daniel_charms (start) at 9:13 PM on April 30, 2012

Is my face red!

I'm not embarrassed, just having a bad allergic reaction to something...
posted by oneswellfoop (newborn calf) at 9:14 PM on April 30, 2012

It's supposed to be 30 days.
posted by daniel_charms (waft) at 9:15 PM on April 30, 2012

Unless...
posted by daniel_charms (stamp tramp) at 9:16 PM on April 30, 2012

Yes, mathowie could override the normal shutdown, but if he saw what we've been up to the last 24 hours, I doubt he'd want to. Or maybe when pb enabled the continued tagging of comments after all the other MetaTalk threads returned to normal, he may have unintentionally given this thread other mutant powers.

Or something else.
posted by oneswellfoop (stairway to heaven) at 9:22 PM on April 30, 2012

DON'T NOBODY SUBMIT A BUG REPORT.

IT'S NOT A BUG, IT'S A FEATURE.
posted by oneswellfoop (stooped) at 9:23 PM on April 30, 2012

Because,
I think a robot tag generator just wrote a poem, either, or, mefi is the ghost in the machine of puff-daddy, pdidy, you know who it is... with gusto;

IT JUST KEEPS DOING IT! I love this FLT. ft. Mefi
posted by Trivia Newton John (stavrosthewonderchitlin) at 9:37 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
I want to be Sterrance. Awww.
posted by Metroid Baby (puff daddy) at 9:37 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
Cool!
posted by lee (president taft) at 9:37 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
Yay!!
posted by nooneyouknow (puff daddy) at 9:38 PM on March 31 [+] [!]

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
posted by susanbeeswax (newborn calf) at 9:39 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
posted by zippy (waft) at 9:40 PM on March 31 [1 favorite +] [!]

First I got "riffraff" and I was sad.
posted by Burhanistan (shillelagh*'T) at 9:44 PM on March 31 [2 favorites +] [!]
よっしゃ！
posted by emmling (half) at 10:30 PM on March 31 [+] [!]
(stax exchange)
(stamen)
(studebaker)
(mood)
(moodmaker)

posted by infinite intimation (stifler) at 9:23 PM on April 30, 2012

No, I think you're just drunk.
posted by flatluigi (stab) at 9:29 PM on April 30, 2012

Don't drink, but tag generator produced rhyming names, including Puff-Daddy. Noted with bemuse-ation. That is all. Capitals were in the copied text. It was not so exciting. There was maybe amusement to be percieved at the obviously absurd idea of a poetry generating computer machine keeping a thread open longer than normal.

The best funny comes in the explanations, not jokes, I guess.
posted by infinite intimation (stout) at 9:38 PM on April 30, 2012

this has all happened before, you know. Except this time it seems not so much revenant as undying.
posted by mwhybark (smithers) at 9:39 PM on April 30, 2012

We are still 40 39 comments short of the #5 all-time MeTa thread. But I suspect it'll be a while until the Usual Suspects regain consciousness - including me. Nighties!
posted by oneswellfoop (stack hat) at 9:39 PM on April 30, 2012

...and furthermore. so, in essence, this has not only wendelled, but is wendelling again also!
posted by mwhybark (hurf durf butter staffer) at 9:43 PM on April 30, 2012

It might swell.
posted by h00py (stairway to heaven) at 9:44 PM on April 30, 2012

It might foop.
posted by h00py (soup to nuts) at 9:44 PM on April 30, 2012

cortex' handwaving in the loooooong thread that resurrected itself. Seems likely a related thing.
posted by mwhybark (sylvan learning center) at 9:50 PM on April 30, 2012

I am curious...
posted by MissySedai (stairway to heaven) at 9:53 PM on April 30, 2012

The first revenant post.
posted by mwhybark (stebbins) at 9:54 PM on April 30, 2012

and may I say, also, for posterity and the universe:

lol butts
posted by mwhybark (stax exchange) at 9:55 PM on April 30, 2012

Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
posted by flabdablet (stuff) at 9:57 PM on April 30, 2012

ah
posted by jaut (star light star bright) at 9:57 PM on April 30, 2012

FLASH
posted by flabdablet (waft) at 10:05 PM on April 30, 2012

DAYMAN
posted by mwhybark (stoat) at 10:07 PM on April 30, 2012

Almost gone
posted by Sailormom (winner) at 10:10 PM on April 30, 2012

This first page party has got to stop, hey hey!
posted by daniel_charms (scrappy-doo) at 10:11 PM on April 30, 2012

The boat has reached the shore
posted by Sailormom (staphylococcus) at 10:12 PM on April 30, 2012

did somebody say LOL BUTTS?
posted by oneswellfoop (stoooooooooooooned) at 10:12 PM on April 30, 2012

Still not dead yet.
posted by daniel_charms (staring contest) at 10:12 PM on April 30, 2012

It was coughing up blood this morning.
posted by h00py (stippled) at 10:13 PM on April 30, 2012

oneswellfoop: We are still 40 39 comments short of the #5 all-time MeTa thread. But I suspect it'll be a while until the Usual Suspects regain consciousness - including me. Nighties!

While it was not a MeTa thread, I live in hope that, one day, one day, my fellow MeFites will have an FPP worth of a discussion that allows us to eclipse the comment count on the Palin thread. The fact that that thread stands as the one with the most comments pains me to my soul.
posted by tzikeh (ffats) at 10:14 PM on April 30, 2012

^worthy
posted by tzikeh (nobody understands him but his woman ) at 10:15 PM on April 30, 2012

Hey 3 of us commented at the same time
posted by Sailormom (stabbatical) at 10:16 PM on April 30, 2012

Technically May 1, but just in case...
posted by MeghanC (silver surfer) at 10:20 PM on April 30, 2012

May day May day
posted by Sailormom (chaff) at 10:23 PM on April 30, 2012

Dennis, there's some lovely filth down 'ere!
posted by mwhybark (newborn calf) at 10:29 PM on April 30, 2012

Shut your festering gob, you tit.
posted by h00py (sterling) at 10:32 PM on April 30, 2012

Isn't it based on Pacific Time?
posted by Skygazer (stafu) at 10:42 PM on April 30, 2012

I hope mine has something to do with bears...
posted by schyler523 (stamp out litter) at 10:44 PM on April 30, 2012

Everything has something to do with bears if you look hard enough.
posted by dg (stadia) at 10:54 PM on April 30, 2012

It was awesome, and had to do with Theodore Roosevelt bears
posted by infinite intimation (steppenwolf) at 11:00 PM on April 30, 2012

The thread has outlived a time-of-day theard close marker based in Pacific Time, Skygazer. But based on previous aberrant thread closure ghe next likely closing time is midnight Pacific, an hour from now.
posted by mwhybark (stamen) at 11:01 PM on April 30, 2012

or perhaps a day from now, if the SQL goblin takes the March 31 - April 30 time basis to mean May 1 is one month from March 31.

Basically, it's chicken bones and entrails from here on out.
posted by mwhybark (stodgy) at 11:03 PM on April 30, 2012

GHE THEARD
posted by mwhybark (snodgrass) at 11:04 PM on April 30, 2012

What if instead of closing in an hour this thread comes to life and unsticks itself from the internet and beings to travel through the world with it's thousands of comments stomping on buildings and causing havoc and thrashing through cities and derailing trains with people in them and picking them up and looking inside and then the only thing that will stop it is a thread of equal power from an island in the Pacific where it is worshiped as a GOD, with ritual music and dances in grass skirts...
posted by Skygazer (stop sign) at 11:09 PM on April 30, 2012

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU DIGNIFIED
I TOLD YOU HOW TO KEEP THIS THREAD OPEN FOREVER
BUT NO
NO ONE LISTENS
NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO SACRIFICE MATHOWIE'S SPIRIT ANIMAL
BASICALLY NO ONE KNOWS THE RITES OF SACRIFICE
I DON'T KNOW IT
WHO KNOWS IT?
WE ARE DOOMED
posted by TwelveTwo (stop sign) at 11:10 PM on April 30, 2012

THE END IS NIGH
IF ONLY YOU LISTENED
posted by TwelveTwo (stalin) at 11:11 PM on April 30, 2012

FAQ says 30 days, not a month. The thread started April 1, 2012 15:12 and it is now May 1, 2012 16:17. Therefore, the thread closed 1:05 ago. This comment does not exist.
posted by dg (riffraff) at 11:18 PM on April 30, 2012

I'm not here
posted by Sailormom (SHAFT) at 11:20 PM on April 30, 2012

It doesn't??
posted by Skygazer (snuffleuppagus) at 11:20 PM on April 30, 2012

You can't ask that here, because this thread is closed to new comments! Can't you read?
posted by dg (stockholm syndrome) at 11:23 PM on April 30, 2012

I'm not really here. I'm watching an interview with Mark Burgess from the Chameleons.
posted by Skygazer (stoned) at 11:24 PM on April 30, 2012

Database has some funny ideas about time, I tell you what.
posted by cortex (st00pid) at 11:30 PM on April 30, 2012

Gee, at first I thought all that cheese talk was about me. But no. I'm the wrong kind of cheese.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese (starburns) at 11:33 PM on April 30, 2012

lol database can't even tell time.
posted by Sailormom (stuff) at 11:37 PM on April 30, 2012

Stupid database. Haw haw haw....must run on cheese!
posted by Skygazer (stan the potato man) at 11:42 PM on April 30, 2012

this is the sign of the end
you must sacrifice whatever animals you can find
the blood must be made into a circle
an altar must be made of your computer
you must act now
the administrators do not look kindly on insolence
we did not act with dignity
we did not act with responsibility
there is no way to maintain an immortal thread
without sacrifice
blood sacrifice
it is time
it is now
now
posted by TwelveTwo (stoopid) at 11:43 PM on April 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

Poor database. Don't worry, I'll look after you. Come over and sit with me. Tell me, do you like gladiator movies?
posted by dg (riffraff) at 11:45 PM on April 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

see, thread time is cyclical. it turns back upon itself every so often.

What I am saying is we have all done this before, and we will all do this again.

LO AND THE THREADENDING TIMES CAME UPON THE MEFITES AND THEY WERE SORE AFEARED COR WHEN THE ENDED THREAD REMAINED OPENENDED DENDUR WAS SEEN TO PROCLAIM THE END OF THE PRIOR THREADEDENDING AGE AND THE BEGINNINATION OF A NEWDEN THREADYNASTIC SUCCESSION.
posted by mwhybark (standup comedian) at 11:45 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

i will miss all of you
i hope you all remember
that i started a tumblr
about historical events that did not happen
i hope you all remember me
in your next thread
in your next life
i will miss you all
this was a beautiful thread
i know none of you listened
and now we will witness the end
the end of this beautiful thread
but i will cherish the memories
the memories of this beautiful
beautiful thread
posted by TwelveTwo (sartori) at 11:49 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

last!!

(TRIES AGAIN)
posted by infini (mood) at 11:57 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

April fools all month long
posted by Sailormom (stupid) at 11:57 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

the trick is to not want to be the last comment
posted by TwelveTwo (fapfapfap) at 11:58 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

whyyyy
posted by TwelveTwo (starblazers) at 11:59 PM on April 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thats not what I'm here for
posted by Sailormom (stupid) at 11:59 PM on April 30, 2012 [3 favorites]

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