META FILTER RUN FLAVORTOWN

December 9, 2012 9:35 AM

Guy MeFieri's Internet-style Liveblogatini or: the much-demanded official liveblog thread of today's Guy's American Kitchen and Bar meetup.

You can also follow the #MeFieri hashtag on Twitter.

posted by griphus to MetaFilter-Related at 9:35 AM (515 comments total)

Note, griphus cleared this with us in advance. This is not something we usually allow on MeTa but this meetup will be unusually large and that meetup thread has become an entity unto itself. So, rare exception.

Eatcelsior!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:39 AM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

(Hashtag idea courtesy of ThePinkSuperhero)
posted by griphus at 9:39 AM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

I have rarely wanted transporter technology more, because I would love to be at this meetup so. much!
posted by rtha at 9:41 AM on December 9, 2012 [15 favorites]

Hooray New York! Hi! I am excited to meet all of you.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:41 AM on December 9, 2012

In celebration, I am not wearing pants.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:41 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm heading into the city now.

And in anticipation, I managed to forget to wear a belt.

Bacon will be my suspenders.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:50 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

I am very much looking forward to following this MeFstravaganza.
posted by languagehat at 9:50 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Please be careful. I woke up with a bad feeling about this.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:54 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

And for people who don't know what this is about - it's a restaurant in New York, opened by semi-celebrity chef Guy Fieri this fall, that got a few famously horrible reviews. The reviews were then posted to Mefi half a dozen times (or so).
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:55 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I woke up with a bad feeling about this.

I mean what could possibly be the chances that the restaurant is actually the mouth of an enormous space slug? One in five?
posted by griphus at 9:58 AM on December 9, 2012 [24 favorites]

Oh to be in New York today! Good luck, we're counting on you.
posted by arcticseal at 9:59 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Man, we should have gotten spray decals of Matt's face and covered Fieri's place with them, as that's what he's done to all my favorite places in Portland. That and made them have long lines, jerk.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:06 AM on December 9, 2012

I'm drinking pepto-bismol straight from the bottle. Let's do this.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:07 AM on December 9, 2012

Can someone whip up a cover of Alice's Restaurant involving tentacle beasts and bacon balls we could sing?
posted by mrzarquon at 10:10 AM on December 9, 2012

Chicago has an ambassador at this one!

Bevos, I just wanted to tell you good luck. We're all counting on you.
posted by phunniemee at 10:12 AM on December 9, 2012

Now I'm curious what chest-exposing outfit you'll be wearing.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:16 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

yes
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:16 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

We are almost ready and about to walk over. I am really excited!
posted by mountmccabe at 10:18 AM on December 9, 2012

We'll be there right at 2 I expect because I am always right on time.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:20 AM on December 9, 2012

Going over the bridge so I will be there a bit early too.
posted by griphus at 10:20 AM on December 9, 2012

Remember to bring a towel.
posted by not_on_display at 10:22 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Write the number to call for bail on your arm in sharpie. Just in case.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 10:22 AM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am also heading down now to be a bit early to meet Rory (and shoot some B-roll with my phone!)
posted by The Whelk at 10:25 AM on December 9, 2012

Wait poto are you really coming? Squee!
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:25 AM on December 9, 2012

(I'm walking over now – only about four streets away. Look for the guy who looks like an unemployed Harry Potter.)
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:27 AM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Wow, good luck you all. It will be a great loss to Metafilter if this somehow all goes bad.
posted by Secretariat at 10:27 AM on December 9, 2012 [9 favorites]

My hair is extra foofy today.
posted by The Whelk at 10:30 AM on December 9, 2012

On the night of the meetup, at 7:23pm, seven nearly-identical questions will be posted at once.

"Urgent. I'm at a restaurant in Times Square. Tell me hive mind, Should I Eat This?"
posted by zarq at 3:15 PM on November 14 [7 favorites +] [!]
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 10:31 AM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

I will be attending, having accidentally fallen into a boiling vat of Velveeta
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:31 AM on December 9, 2012

Mine too! Kind of steel woolish.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:31 AM on December 9, 2012

Am I the first here? I'm outside the door, surrounded by tourists, I am the redhead in the brown hat.
posted by oh yeah! at 10:35 AM on December 9, 2012

oh god i can see it
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:37 AM on December 9, 2012

So bummed you guys are doing this now, and not in a couple of weeks, when I'll be settled in Philly and could totally make the trip up.

But I am so excited to see how it unfolds. Godspeed.
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:37 AM on December 9, 2012

ohyeah: I'll look for you.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:37 AM on December 9, 2012

Now we're a flashmob!
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:45 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not til we see some choreographed dancing, you're not.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:46 AM on December 9, 2012 [11 favorites]

Let's hope Stark catches that nuke in time
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:47 AM on December 9, 2012

Now we're a flashmob!

"Today, Improv Everywhere will be pretending to be several dozen people who actually want to eat at Guy Fieri's restaurant for some reason."
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:47 AM on December 9, 2012 [47 favorites]

Please post photos, I'm dying to know what it looks like inside that place.

Also, as a show of solidarity, I'll be wearing my sunglasses backwards on my neck all day.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:49 AM on December 9, 2012 [36 favorites]

"A standoff took place today as 30 people attempted a group suicide by actually eating Guy Fieri's food."
posted by mrzarquon at 10:50 AM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

Oh god...the suspense is killing me!
posted by victoriab at 10:56 AM on December 9, 2012

Are you sure that's not the deep fryer?
posted by scratch at 10:58 AM on December 9, 2012

We are at 16 people slowly overtaking the sidewalk. 18!
posted by mountmccabe at 10:58 AM on December 9, 2012

I'm wandering with my sister trying to find this place. There are... many people.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 11:01 AM on December 9, 2012

So beautiful. They should have sent a poet.
posted by griphus at 11:03 AM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

I see no people. I met Dave. We're wandering about looking lost.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 11:07 AM on December 9, 2012

Is it possible to run a profitable restaurant franchise based solely on guests attending ironically?
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:07 AM on December 9, 2012 [48 favorites]

Guys I'm just over at the bar, nursing my resentment. Don't talk to me.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:07 AM on December 9, 2012

i carry your heartburn with me
(for i have forgotten my TUMS.)
posted by frizzle at 11:08 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm a mere 30 blocks downtown from y'all, but you could not pay me enough to go anywhere near that place, even ironically.
posted by spitbull at 11:09 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm observing this from the vantage point of the Bronx. A safe vantage point.
posted by sciencegeek at 11:12 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

We are in the basement. Very limited internet, it's like they knew!
posted by mountmccabe at 11:17 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Alamo doesn't have a basement!
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:18 AM on December 9, 2012 [11 favorites]

All right then - who's the mole?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:19 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I just realized that I will also be brunching with mefites! But on the other coast. And not ironically.

Though I might wear (one of!) my fedora(s), to make it be more hipster.
posted by rtha at 11:19 AM on December 9, 2012

May God have mercy on your souls.
posted by peacrow at 11:22 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

They locked you in Guy's basement? Uh.
posted by Secretariat at 11:24 AM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

> I mean what could possibly be the chances that the restaurant is actually the mouth of an enormous space slug? One in five?

Dude, it's Times Square.

One in three. (Edit: Hah hah, they put you in the basement. Two in five.)

And it wants to sell you a I♥NY teeshirt before it swallows you.
posted by ardgedee at 11:26 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Friendly reminder, the edit window is for typos only, not for adding content.

Trying to think of a space slug joke here but coming up blank.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:31 AM on December 9, 2012

Do you suspect someone is going to tell you what they think Donkey Sauce sounds like a euphemism for right when you have a mouthful of it and you are going to accidentally spray it out your nose? Would it sting? Will it stain the Metafilter tees of your table mates? Is the amuse bouche $20 same as downtown?
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:35 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Godspeed, you crazy bastids. Maybe with 30 people you can actually summon the dude his own self.

Also pleasure order some hot wings. They're so simple but I gotta think they'll mess oy up somehow.
posted by boo_radley at 11:37 AM on December 9, 2012

One in three. (Edit: Hah hah, they put you in the basement. Two in five.)

Space slugs at 60% & trending up on InTrade right now.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:42 AM on December 9, 2012

Oh my god I think they're dead.
posted by mudpuppie at 11:42 AM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Try reverse psychology. For example, order cold, soggy fries and see if they perversely give you hot, crisp ones out of spite.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:44 AM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

I am torn between jealousy and being so glad to be on the other side of the East River right now.
posted by gaspode at 11:46 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I demand old-school napkin shoutouts!
posted by ColdChef at 11:48 AM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

Yes, napkin and hand shoutouts for all.
posted by boo_radley at 11:51 AM on December 9, 2012

Someone brought badges
posted by exogenous at 11:51 AM on December 9, 2012 [33 favorites]

Napkin! Napkin! Napkin!
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2012

So, who's getting what?
posted by carsonb at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2012

If they have napkins, that is. Maybe you wipe your face on a rock 'n' roll bandana or a hubcap or something.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

YES! MORE!
posted by ColdChef at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

http://guysamerican.com/menu/
posted by carsonb at 11:53 AM on December 9, 2012

Kids Cheeseburger...$13.95.
posted by ColdChef at 11:54 AM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Homophone issues aside, IPAs for everyone? That can't possibly end well.

(Though I love them, and do spend a whole lot of time on loading docks, so maybe the menu is sorta accurate?)
posted by mollymayhem at 11:54 AM on December 9, 2012

PB&J...$12.95. Is this in American money?
posted by ColdChef at 11:54 AM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

Now I want hubcap shoutouts.
posted by rtha at 11:56 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I feel the need to point out that there's not a whole lot of live-blogging going on right now.
posted by mudpuppie at 11:56 AM on December 9, 2012

Is it possible to run a profitable restaurant franchise based solely on guests attending ironically?

If it's in Brooklyn.
posted by empath at 11:56 AM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

From the Dessert Menu: Pumpkin Ricotta Cheesecake Chocolate Brownie Pie.

What the effing eff? I know all those words, but that can't be a real thing.
posted by ColdChef at 11:57 AM on December 9, 2012 [28 favorites]

Is anyone getting those "awesome" pretzel chicken things? I'm actually kinda curious about those.

I would like a shout-out in donkey sauce, if y'all are taking requests.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:57 AM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Pumpkin Ricotta Cheesecake Chocolate Brownie Pie: the turducken of the dessert world.
posted by sciencegeek at 12:02 PM on December 9, 2012 [17 favorites]

http://guysamerican.com/menu/

"COCKIN' IT"? What?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 12:03 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

It means the chef puts his cock in all of the food.
posted by ColdChef at 12:05 PM on December 9, 2012 [18 favorites]

At Guy Fieri's American Kitchen, it's always that kind of party.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:05 PM on December 9, 2012 [21 favorites]

ColdChef, I didn't know Fieri was taking a page from this book.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:06 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm burning some frozen egg rolls in my toaster oven right now in solidarity.
posted by rewil at 12:07 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Everybody help I've fallen into a vat of donkey sauce.

AND I'M LOVING IT.

/no but for real I'm pretty sure they're jamming our cell signals down there
posted by davidjmcgee at 12:10 PM on December 9, 2012

Take turns sneaking out to the bathroom to send furtive updates.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 12:11 PM on December 9, 2012

"COCKIN' IT"? What?

Your eyebrow, as in "to look at with a cocked eyebrow". They expect the irony.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:11 PM on December 9, 2012

Certain that bathroom visits will be frequent no matter what.
posted by ColdChef at 12:12 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm going to start signing my name with an exclamation point too. I think it will give me the gravitas I've been seeking in the office.

--mudpuppie!
posted by mudpuppie at 12:12 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

a picture of food has been tweeted.
posted by sciencegeek at 12:13 PM on December 9, 2012

"That's no food!"
posted by Madamina at 12:15 PM on December 9, 2012

I ASSUME ALL OF THE CONVERSATION IS ABOUT ME
posted by shakespeherian at 12:15 PM on December 9, 2012

ColdChef, I didn't know Fieri was taking a page from this book.

So using donkey sauce isn't even original? Okay, *now* I'm disappointed.
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:15 PM on December 9, 2012

That's no food!
posted by rtha at 12:17 PM on December 9, 2012

Anyone can just post negative food reviews. The real challenge will be to find the good and positive in there.

As in: "I'm positive this Band-Aid in my salad is unused."
posted by ColdChef at 12:17 PM on December 9, 2012 [15 favorites]

I hope it's just the lighting, but that food does not look appealing (to me).
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 12:18 PM on December 9, 2012

I'm kind of behind the times techwise; which instagram filter makes food look like that?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:18 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

That lime is strangely brown looking.
posted by sciencegeek at 12:19 PM on December 9, 2012

The pretzel chicken tenders aren't very pretzelly. They're not much more than just chicken tenders.

The origami Yodas are out and amazing.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:20 PM on December 9, 2012

That's the FlavortownFilter
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 12:21 PM on December 9, 2012

At least they're chicken, right?
posted by rtha at 12:22 PM on December 9, 2012

I think they're dead again.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:26 PM on December 9, 2012

Has anyone ordered the Vegas fries yet? I'm curious as to how you deep fry hookers and blow.
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:26 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

You can already get deep fried coke at the county fair.

Next boardgames meetup in the basement of Guy Fieri's?
posted by sciencegeek at 12:28 PM on December 9, 2012

Ewwwwwww that food looks saggy. If I didn't have a million Xmas flavoured activities this weekend, I would definitely have flown down to eat that saggy food with y'all though.
posted by yellowbinder at 12:28 PM on December 9, 2012

Someone communicate to Bevos the vital message that I am eating Pequod's right now.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:32 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

shakes is cruel. I'm only eating leftover two week old bar appetizers today in solidarity with you all.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:36 PM on December 9, 2012

Could be worse. Could be frosting.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Look upon my works, ye mighty and delight.
posted by griphus at 12:42 PM on December 9, 2012

The Vegas Fries look like sweet potato fruits but that is because they are soaked in BBQ sauce. They are soggy, spicy and the wasabi mayo is solid and even more spicy.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:44 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

We can't, griphus, you've protected your tweets!
posted by mollymayhem at 12:46 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

meanwhile, in Denver ...
posted by boo_radley at 12:47 PM on December 9, 2012

Hi had to walk outside in order to make my phone work my so called Manhattan was made entirely of fireball liquor and vermouth
posted by The Whelk at 12:47 PM on December 9, 2012 [6 favorites]

my so called Manhattan was made entirely of fireball liquor and vermouth

Fireball? In a manhattan? I am suddenly much less jealous of all of you. I am going to stay here and cuddle my single malt.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:49 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

KEEP CALM AND CARRY MOJITOS.
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:50 PM on December 9, 2012

What does it look like in there? Pictures please
posted by Sailormom at 12:50 PM on December 9, 2012

Those nachos look like they have hummus on them.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2012

That's not even an Albany , let alone Manhattan.
posted by boo_radley at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2012 [21 favorites]

The #MeFieri spread pic.twitter.com/YB6fytxv
posted by The Whelk at 12:54 PM on December 9, 2012

The menu says that "Jacks Seasoned Manhattan" includes something called "seasonal spices."
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:58 PM on December 9, 2012

Spread, take two.
posted by griphus at 12:59 PM on December 9, 2012

Y'know, I'm kinda surprised they serve you on plates there and not, like, troughs or something. This is clearly a pretty high-class establishment.
posted by phunniemee at 1:01 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

> This place is actually kind of awesome, the basement room they put us in is expansive and exclusive to us so we're just wandering and mingling like it's a cocktail party

What are the odds somebody at the restaurant knew this was going to be on Mefi and make sure the stack the odds?
posted by ardgedee at 1:01 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The "CAUTION LIVE PIGS HEARTS" photo is unrelated, right?
posted by boo_radley at 1:02 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know how sometimes you have a habit that you really know you should break, but you keep forgetting to work on it, and then one day, BAM! You learn your lesson in a bitter and unforgettable way?

I always forget to look at the IRL tab. So... I am half an hour from Times Square with nothing to do this afternoon. And I just now saw the IRL post for this meetup. HEART. BREAKING.
posted by bunderful at 1:05 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Scoot on down, bunderful. I bet you can get there in time for dessertapalooza.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:07 PM on December 9, 2012

Shakes, you may be eating Pequod's, but I just ate the most confusing onion ring ever. There were so many flavors. None of them belong in an onion ring. I think in terms of life experience, I clearly win. In terms of flavor, though, I'm jealous.

I am wearing your evil crown of evil, though, so I've got that going for me.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 1:13 PM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

"I can taste the mayo, but I don't see it."

Some quotes may also be applicable to any of Paula Deen's restaurants.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 1:15 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

ColdChef: "It means the chef puts his cock in all of the food"
posted by Red Loop at 1:15 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ugh, so annoyed I am missing this. Have been sick since yesterday and feel like hell. :(

I WANTED RICE PUDDING, DAMMIT.

Enjoy, everyone.
posted by zarq at 1:16 PM on December 9, 2012

I'm updating all these out on the street so I can actually get cell service (just like the goat!). People are looking askance at my crown. Except for the guy who just walked by and said "My Leige...". I want to chase him down and invite him to be one of us.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 1:16 PM on December 9, 2012 [15 favorites]

Where are you guys going post-flavortown?
posted by sciencegeek at 1:17 PM on December 9, 2012

Do we get photos of the crown?
posted by shakespeherian at 1:18 PM on December 9, 2012

GET BACK IN THERE AND TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS. WE ARE DYING HERE.
posted by ColdChef at 1:18 PM on December 9, 2012

If anyone ever makes the mistake of coming back here, avoid the festive holiday drinks, especially the chocolate candy cane. (The jacknog is bad, but the candy cane is truly evil.)
posted by Hactar at 1:19 PM on December 9, 2012

Er, jacknog?
posted by ChuraChura at 1:19 PM on December 9, 2012 [12 favorites]

The Candy Cane would have been the holiday drink I ordered. Thanks for confirming my fears.
posted by ColdChef at 1:20 PM on December 9, 2012

Anyone who intentionally drinks something called a "jacknog" is a fool.
posted by phunniemee at 1:20 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Jacknog? That is a really bad idea.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:20 PM on December 9, 2012

And yet I'd willingly drink a GregNog.
posted by ColdChef at 1:21 PM on December 9, 2012 [14 favorites]

Well this all sounds marvellous
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:24 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is the Jacknog just Donkey Sauce with nutmeg?
posted by Red Loop at 1:26 PM on December 9, 2012 [6 favorites]

Can someone please order the "Awesome" Pretzel Chicken Tenders and explain what makes them "awesome" and not awesome?
posted by Room 641-A at 1:36 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Greg Nog: "Apparently they got us all together at 2 giant tables in the basement!"

"Our whole chickens are brined, dry-rubbed and slow cooked over an open fire in our downstairs dining room rotisserie"

posted by Room 641-A at 1:42 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

"COCKIN' IT"? What?

Someone should place an order for a 'bucket of cocks.'
posted by ericb at 1:46 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

It's PEEEEOPLE
posted by Miko at 1:47 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

PB&J...$12.95. Is this in American money?

Yep. Yet, another tourist trap in Times Square (except for when Mefites gather there ironically).
posted by ericb at 1:49 PM on December 9, 2012

Someone should place an order for a 'bucket of cocks.'

Or at least see if Plo Chops are on the menu.

Failing that, I hope the MeFestiveTable has at least one plate of beans to overthink.


If this begins a trend for "ironic meetups" then the next California Central Coast gathering will have to be at the World (In)Famous Madonna Inn. But then, the food there is pretty decent, it's the decor that'll kill you (right, ColdChef?)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:52 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

It was a lovely breakfast, as I remember oneswellfoop. The bathroom was terrifying, though.
posted by ColdChef at 1:54 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Certain that bathroom visits will be frequent no matter what.

Yeah ... and while there leave a lot of graffiti. Please.
posted by ericb at 1:55 PM on December 9, 2012

So that was interesting.

NYC mefites, I'm in the region until 01/08, so we should do another meetup, but one with better or cheaper drinks. Where White Russians are more than milk and vodka.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:56 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The tab came out to over a grand.
posted by griphus at 1:58 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

That didn't sound as bad as I thought it would, that they gave you a basement private room looked actually kind of awesome.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 1:59 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The bathroom was terrifying, though.

First time I used that bathroom, someone came in and asked if that was the famous waterfall urinal. All I could think/say is "God I sure hope so!"
posted by piedmont at 1:59 PM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

Ditto.
posted by ColdChef at 2:00 PM on December 9, 2012

ericb: Yep. Yet, another tourist trap in Times Square (except for when Mefites gather there ironically).

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
posted by Kattullus at 2:01 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

Also there was an 18% automatic gratuity. You can be sure the server got the tip he actually deserved becaus, srsly, he was awesome and that is some bullshit.
posted by griphus at 2:02 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

Already tipsy on eggnog and still in my pjs, but NEXT TIME
posted by bunderful at 2:02 PM on December 9, 2012

Yeah, our server looked terrified at first but did a great job.

I actually have about 10 badges left over - if anyone would like one shoot me a MeMail and I'll send one off.

FUN FUN FUN FUN LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND
posted by mintcake! at 2:09 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Henceforth the first Sunday of December will be celebrated as MeFieri Day. Ritual food will include nachos, burgers, fries, onion rings, fried chicken, or anything bathed in Velveeta, and fluorescent alcoholic beverages.
posted by needled at 2:14 PM on December 9, 2012 [11 favorites]

(Except that this is the second Sunday....)
posted by mudpuppie at 2:17 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

HENCEFORTH.
posted by boo_radley at 2:21 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

The Second Sunday is followed immediately by Second Monday, hereinafter "MeDiarrheari Day", the highlight of which is ritual shots of pepto bismol.
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:24 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can't believe you guys organized this whole outing and then showed up a week late! What maroons!
posted by phunniemee at 2:24 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

This whole event is a great deal less interesting than it was made out to be. Now I know why I don't watch trailers.
posted by terrapin at 2:26 PM on December 9, 2012

Oh, it is the second Sunday - might as well turn it into a full-on Advent-style celebration then and go all out from first Sunday to second Sunday all the way to Pepto Bismol Monday.
posted by needled at 2:27 PM on December 9, 2012

This whole event is a great deal less interesting than it was made out to be. Now I know why I don't watch trailers.

Yes, sadly, Flavortown is the Al Capone's vault of Metafilter. :(
posted by mudpuppie at 2:30 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

I need more of a report than just "the drinks were bad": give us your top three most notable observations, meetup attendees.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:32 PM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

I have no idea who I met, but I love you all intensely.
posted by houseofdanie at 2:33 PM on December 9, 2012

I am angry there were no fights or lovemaking.
posted by ColdChef at 2:35 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am angry there were no fights or lovemaking.
You don't know this yet.
posted by knile at 2:36 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Guy's American Kitchen is slightly better airport food. It's basically ok, but usually you only put up with it because you had to be fondled by TSA to get it.

This is not a destination place. This is families looking for a meal after visiting the toys R us and bubba gumps was full and they recognized the name from the TV.

The burgers are served no less done than medium well.

My French dip was dry, the au jus was watery (a can of beef broth would have done better).

My White Russian was milk and vodka. When I went to the bartender to ask for kahlua, he said "oh, you want a Black Russian."

I am Jacks angry liver.
posted by mrzarquon at 2:36 PM on December 9, 2012 [21 favorites]

Ha. Came in for the last 8 minutes! I may have tasted no food and left no lasting impressions, but dammit, I WAS THERE!
posted by Mchelly at 2:36 PM on December 9, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS IN FLAVORTOWN STAYS IN FLAVORTOWN.
posted by phunniemee at 2:36 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

I need more of a report than just "the drinks were bad"

A full debriefing is coming, but it'll take a short while.

Then we'll tell y'all how the restaurant was.

(Also there was next to no reception in the basement.)
posted by griphus at 2:37 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have some photos of my food, etc on Flickr
posted by mountmccabe at 2:37 PM on December 9, 2012

give us your top three most notable observations, meetup attendees.

1. I thought the service was great (other than how long it took for the food to come out, but I think that's par for the course with a group this size). I was so pleased they stuck us in our own little corner so we had room to spread out and mingle while we waited for our food. How worried our waiter looked as we sat down and how happy he looked once we had all eaten was cute.
2. My burger seemed to be lacking Donkey Sauce? Maybe it was on there but I didn't taste too much of it. The burgers are served no less done than medium well. = and yet mine seemed very pink, which is generally how I like my burgers?
3. The "South Beach Mojito" young-rope-rider and I split was horrendous.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:38 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Second Sunday of December for an annual MeFieri Day would probably be better to provide proper spacing after the Festival of Gluttony That Is American Thanksgiving. You don't want to overeat too often or you could be diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder under the DSM-V.

But I suspect The Guy will be opening more culinary hellholes in other major cities, opening up the possibility for a networked event... heck, he may even put one in Portland if the marketing research shows the Ironic Consumerism levels high enough. And it could be held at other future over-the-top tourist traps in NYC... I've heard the producers of The Chew are talking to franchisers.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:39 PM on December 9, 2012

Presumably Guy is giving Matt and griphus a cut for this fabulous tourist trap gray.
posted by spitbull at 2:42 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

If this begins a trend for "ironic meetups" then the next California Central Coast gathering will have to be at the World (In)Famous Madonna Inn. But then, the food there is pretty decent, it's the decor that'll kill you (right, ColdChef?)

Yes! We haven't had a Central Coast meetup in a while, and the Madonna Inn is made of finely-aged and well-calibrated ridiculousness. Good people-watching too.
posted by dreamyshade at 2:44 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

1. The unfinished basement playroom vibe of the private room was very soothing in a midwestern way, and our terrified server did a great job. Most of the food was bland and unremarkable.
2. "Donkey sauce" appeared to be mayonnaise, mustard, garlic, and maybe ketchup/worcestershire sauce? The burger was not "slathered" in it; the too-sweet potato bread bun sucked up what little Donkey Sauce there was.
3. Oh god oh god oh god the onion rings were terrible. Like, carboard-y and lukewarm with jalapeño old bay sugar mixture fried onto a think limp onion.

Despite all that, it was great to see and meet everyone. The "El Jefe"weizen was also surprisingly good.
posted by ausdemfenster at 2:49 PM on December 9, 2012

I fell asleep while this was hapoening and dreamt that I was there. In the dream it not go well and I was blamed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:50 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

My White Russian was milk and vodka. When I went to the bartender to ask for kahlua, he said "oh, you want a Black Russian."

SUCH a bartender fail! A Black Russian is a White Russian without the milk...the milk is the variant, not the Kahlua. That's a big duh. It's incredibly frustrating when misinformation is presented with correction and condescension.
posted by Miko at 2:52 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Maybe it's the lighting or something but all of the food pictures look absolutely disgusting. I would not eat any of it.
posted by unliteral at 2:53 PM on December 9, 2012

THE CROWN IS BEAUTIFUL
posted by shakespeherian at 2:54 PM on December 9, 2012

You should have asked for a virgin White Russian. Just a tall glass of vodka.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:55 PM on December 9, 2012 [25 favorites]

Let me know when you guys wanna hit up a Waffle House in Fayetteville.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:55 PM on December 9, 2012 [28 favorites]

Karen (my partner; not a MeFite; crafter of Yodas) ordered the "Jack Nog." It's hard to utter that phrase without snickering, so we didn't. It was milky and sweet and strong for a Times Square tourist joint drink.

Food. Hrm. Karen had a banh mi sandwich, which consisted of BBQ pulled pork, some pickled veggies, and a spicy mayo on French bread. It was decent! Not $18 or whatevahs decent, but not bad. My dish was also completely inoffensive. I ordered the BBQ soft tacos, which featured pretty much the same pork present on K's sandwich. Overpriced in the real world, but for the targeted clientele, typical.

I sat both next to and across from the legend of the Vegas fries. They off-gassed Frank's Hot Sauce like no one's business. I wish I'd thought to capture video of the faces of some of those eating them. Intense concentration? Bemusement? Thirst? Very hard to tell.
posted by houseofdanie at 2:56 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Can someone please order the "Awesome" Pretzel Chicken Tenders and explain what makes them "awesome" and not awesome?

I think they misplaced the air quotes! They are actually Awesome "Pretzel" Chicken Tenders, because despite being the most palatable things I tried, there was no evidence of actual pretzel anywhere in the dish. They were straight-up chicken tenders with breading.
posted by ausdemfenster at 2:57 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bemusement? Thirst? Very hard to tell.

I saw the face of Xenu after the third fry, actually. Talk to him.
posted by mintcake! at 3:07 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

There was a very mysterious onion ring that tasted like five? six? different things except in no way like the sum of them, and definitely not all at the same time.
posted by griphus at 3:16 PM on December 9, 2012

Heisenberg uncertainty principle as applied to onion rings.
posted by sciencegeek at 3:18 PM on December 9, 2012 [10 favorites]

I am pleased to report that the tap water was delicious.

$12, though.
posted by davidjmcgee at 3:25 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

The El Jefe Weizen was good if stupidly named. Yeah, I went the easy way out, getting beer.

I did have a sip of the Chocolate Candy Cane; it was kind of horrifying.
posted by mountmccabe at 3:26 PM on December 9, 2012

I don't know what y'all are on about with the drinks. My four-dollar Sprites were delicious.

Pictures coming shortly.
posted by griphus at 3:27 PM on December 9, 2012

The sangria and mojitos were made from the same mixer. Or if not, they are even dumber because they totally could just use the same base and change stem wear and fruit accompaniment.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:29 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also photos of Guy everywhere.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:30 PM on December 9, 2012

as a show of solidarity with the East Coast Mefi Brother(&Sister)Hood, tonight I will be making a homemade version of the classic Guy dish, Just A Big Pile Of Mush In A Huge Frjeaking Bowl.
posted by mannequito at 3:30 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

No other table looked happy to be there. I think out waiter lightened up when he realized that we knew the food was going to just be OK and weren't going to harass him over it.
posted by mrzarquon at 3:31 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Make sure it is either really bland or intensely and confusingly spiced.
posted by mountmccabe at 3:31 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Computech's three observations:

1. The bartenders ought to be stood up in front of the rest of their fellow-mixologists and be slapped across the face with a dirty bar towel.

2. What is the big deal with donkey sauce? Donkey sauce is bland. Somebody asked what is in it, and our very lovely waitron listed the ingredients, including garlic, which I took to mean it was made on the same table as the garlic.

3. There are TVs showing Guy's grinning mug (and the little Fieris and the missus, too) all over the restaurant, including the ladies' room. (I didn't check the men's room.)
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 3:32 PM on December 9, 2012

The men's room appeared to have 'We're An American Band' on an endless loop. It kind of rocked as far as songs to pee to.
posted by mintcake! at 3:33 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

The men's was similarly outfitted.
posted by davidjmcgee at 3:33 PM on December 9, 2012

Just A Big Pile Of Mush In A Huge Frjeaking Bowl.

Is this the Norwegian variety?
posted by shakespeherian at 3:35 PM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

In the interest of full reportage, I also had the banh mi, which did not bear much resemblance to an actual banh mi. The calamari was unremarkable.

Thanks to Greg Nog and The Whelk for organizing. It was lovely to meet so many of the crowd.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 3:42 PM on December 9, 2012

Passed out on the train on the way back to my sister's place (apparently poorly spiced food puts me down), and now I'm in a cab heading to LGA. I'll update with photos once I settle in at the airport.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 3:42 PM on December 9, 2012

Some photos!
posted by griphus at 3:44 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

In case you didn't see Greg Nog's chest shoutout....
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:46 PM on December 9, 2012 [11 favorites]

Y'all look so young.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:54 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

The wonderful food at Guy's is rejuvenating.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:00 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know that magic potion Goldie Hawn and Meryl Street drank in Death Becomes Her?

Donkey Sauce.
posted by griphus at 4:04 PM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

You lot are a cute bunch of people.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 4:05 PM on December 9, 2012

This is my panorama of the entire dining room they put us in.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:05 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

My mom just tried to correct me in that a black russian was really a white russian (based on her description of ingredients). She was adamant that she was right because the person who told her how to make it that way was Russian. I had to explain it was called a Black/White Russian because it had vodka in it, and has nothing to do with the country. Just as the Moscow Mule is also an American drink, made post prohibition / ww2 when we had a surplus of vodka and fuck all in terms of cocktails to mix it with, so we made new ones.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:08 PM on December 9, 2012

Holy damn, that Bacon MacnCheese thing looks wretched. And how do they get the cracker crumbs to be that colour? I'm afeard.
posted by jokeefe at 4:10 PM on December 9, 2012

She was adamant that she was right because the person who told her how to make it that way was Russian

RACIST!
posted by shakespeherian at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2012

We once made a White Russian variant with Amarula instead of the Kahlua. Pretty delicious.
posted by sciencegeek at 4:13 PM on December 9, 2012

Y'all look so young.

Anyone under 40 looks young to me these days, and that's whole lot of people....
posted by jokeefe at 4:15 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Was there a mashed potato sculpture? Please please please say yes.
posted by rewil at 4:17 PM on December 9, 2012

oh crap :(
posted by griphus at 4:20 PM on December 9, 2012

LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND
posted by griphus at 4:21 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

Wait do they even have mashed potatoes? Or will those have to be imported?

BYOMP
posted by shakespeherian at 4:23 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

THIS IS A REMINDER TO GRIPHUS AND RORY AND I NEED THAT VIDEO OKAY
posted by The Whelk at 4:26 PM on December 9, 2012

It's in my Dropbox, IM me or something. Also, my grandmother kept calling while I was shooting videos and I lost at least one because that turned off the recording :(
posted by griphus at 4:27 PM on December 9, 2012

That is a very handsome crown.
posted by needled at 4:27 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay I an finally in a place with cell phone reception! Neither Fierinferno nor Harry Potter Short People Clothes (it was next door to Fieri's dig) had reception so I am only now back on the internet, like with people who DON'T make mouthsounds and occupy chairspace.

Seconding Young Rope Rider about the drinks. I had a jalapeno/lime concoction that tastes like the spiciness from a jalapeno and zero other flavor. I'd joke it was "spice water" but that sounds too cool, like a drink from Dune or something. This was more like "why the fuck did this sound like a good idea".

I actually didn't mind my cajun chicken pasta except for the tomatoes, which were supposed to be sundried but were instead a mixture of leathery and juicy. Didn't fit well with the other textures at all. Minus those, the food was slightly less good than your average pseudo-chain restaurant – you know, the sort not homogenized enough yet to deteriorate into sub-par entrees, but which is still noticeably not mom-and-pop enough that you taste love in every bite. This was like a turbo-charged Applebee's, like they took whatever formula Applebee's uses and took it to the NEXT LEVEL.

Also, you are all so cool. If I had known in middle school that living my life on the Internet would lead me to people this interesting and fun, well, I'd have been even more of a prick about how good my life decisions were at 13.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:34 PM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

I'm just waiting for Reddit to challenge us to an eating competition there.
posted by arcticseal at 4:35 PM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

Holy damn, that Bacon MacnCheese thing looks wretched. And how do they get the cracker crumbs to be that colour? I'm afeard.

I tried some of that dish. It tasted like America. That's the only descriptor I feel applies. And the sprinkling on the top was honest-to-god crumbled Goldfish.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:36 PM on December 9, 2012 [10 favorites]

The difference between a celebrity who became a chef and someone who became a celebrity because he is a chef is that the former is a hell of a lot more likely to come up with dishes and drinks that read real good on a menu but are a terrible idea in the mouth.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:37 PM on December 9, 2012

the fact that all the screens showed the Guy Fieri mmarathon was a bit spooky

DID WE GET PHOTOS OF THE AMAZING RING CYCLE LED RING I LOVED THAT RING I WANT IT FOR CHRISTMAS.

Also any good photos of the swanky outfits we were stylin'?
posted by The Whelk at 4:38 PM on December 9, 2012

I got this great one of you and hermitosis.
posted by griphus at 4:39 PM on December 9, 2012

Between the holiday decor and some of the more anachronistic looks we had a Tinker Tailor Holiday party scene vibe going on but with no vomiting William hurt.
posted by The Whelk at 4:41 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Something about this whole thing makes me jealous. I'm not sure what. It certainly isn't the food or drink. I guess the company?

I would also like to share with you that today I finished (as in, finished making, not finished drinking) a pretty awesome liqueur made from foraged candy cap mushrooms, brown sugar syrup, and vanilla bean. I wish I could pour a shot for each of you who suffered through jacknog and iced martinis.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:45 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yea, I wussed out on wearing the blue flame shoes because I realized I don't own anything that would go with those shoes. I tried them on with several pieces of clothing and it just wasn't working. Even the shoes looked like they were ashamed like, "Come on, you sure you don't have any of your wallet chains or studded belts still? Hey, maybe we should run out real quick to try and find someplace that might sell those Dickies dresses...".
posted by kkokkodalk at 4:48 PM on December 9, 2012

GUYS I'M HERE AT THE RESTAURANT WHERE IS EVERYONE
posted by shakespeherian at 5:12 PM on December 9, 2012 [8 favorites]

Oh man...I did not know about this. And I kind of wanted to go there. Just to see it. And 30 mefites...that would have been cool. Ironically I WAS volunteering somewhere (I read the IRL thing just now) but ...I really wish I knew about this and was able to attend. Looks mad fun, yo. Jeez.
posted by bquarters at 5:13 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is probably a good time to remind people that you can turn IRL alerts on in your preferences and get a MeMail when there's a meetup in your area.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 5:18 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

"Minus those, the food was slightly less good than your average pseudo-chain restaurant "

I have been to the Olive Garden in Peoria. From the pictures, this appears worse.

And yet I am still jealous.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:18 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

In my imagination, they all showed up and smoked salvia together.
posted by R. Schlock at 5:25 PM on December 9, 2012

I added a few more pictures of the evil crown onto twitter, use the #mefirei hashtag
posted by The Whelk at 5:31 PM on December 9, 2012

I thought the pretzel tenders were "awesome."
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:33 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

And that's really not even the worst thing on the menu. For that, I give you: unyawns.

UNYAWNS.
posted by davidjmcgee at 5:38 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

They can't legally use the word onion.
posted by The Whelk at 5:39 PM on December 9, 2012 [19 favorites]

We are legally obligated to make this distinction.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:44 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

You few, you happy few...
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:11 PM on December 9, 2012

Ok, I've uploaded my photos now too.
posted by oh yeah! at 6:12 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yay more photos!

shakes take note
posted by griphus at 6:14 PM on December 9, 2012

Why is so much of the food on waxed paper? To emphasize the grease?
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:20 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

What does Guy Fieri have against scallions? Sad, sad scallions!
posted by catlet at 6:28 PM on December 9, 2012

Glorious scallions! Full, complete scallions! Not those puny little chopped scallions you might find in other, less exciting restaurants.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:30 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

griphus you sexed it all up.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:31 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is probably a good time to remind people that you can turn IRL alerts on in your preferences and get a MeMail when there's a meetup in your area.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT. Ok, done. The next opportunity will not pass me by!
posted by bunderful at 6:41 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Stronger than an puggle?

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
posted by boo_radley at 6:48 PM on December 9, 2012 [7 favorites]

By the way when did my crown become the Evil Crown of Evil?
posted by shakespeherian at 6:48 PM on December 9, 2012

I should mention that I GOT THE ORIGAMI YODAZZZ. They are so freaking fantastic. houseofdanie is the absolute grooviest.
posted by mintcake! at 7:06 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I didn't wear my Wotan's Ring at the meet-up much and I didn't get any pictures there but I took some at home and also video.
posted by mountmccabe at 7:10 PM on December 9, 2012

I barely followed the original threads, although I did read the review that started it all.
I have no real clue who Fieri is, nor a deep understanding of Diners and Dives, or even regular old American food.

But I'm not sure any of the dishes pictured are food.
It's some kind of bizarre crumbed and deep fried art, isn't it?

So much yellow and brown, so little green. And even the greens look limp and tired.
And oil. You could grease and lube my car using the leavings on this plate.
(Mad props to the person whose Flickr stream I stole that from. And why are the onion-rings Cheeto orange?).

I'm always up for a bit of ironic eating, and my secret shame is that I have never tried deep-fried pizza, but you could not pay me to enter Flavourtown nor partake of its gastronomic delights.

I hope you all make it through the night unscathed.
posted by Mezentian at 7:42 PM on December 9, 2012

Oh, god, I just noticed where the 24 hour parking arrow is pointing in my photo of Greg Nog sexing it up. Yay for innuendo!
posted by oh yeah! at 8:07 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

He's not sexing it up. That's how Greg Nog yawns.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:09 PM on December 9, 2012

Yeah, but how does he unyawn?
posted by davidjmcgee at 8:19 PM on December 9, 2012 [15 favorites]

dude your crown has always been the crown of evil

it's like the iron crown of annuvin
posted by elizardbits at 8:21 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Having seen the crown in person I can testify that light bends around it and occasionally it lets loose a sound that's a perfect mix between a chortle and a suddenly-killed mouse.
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:23 PM on December 9, 2012

So it was made for me.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:25 PM on December 9, 2012

it also produces poffins mysteriously
posted by elizardbits at 8:28 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

i am sad that there was no time to impregnate it with the essence of dubstep
posted by elizardbits at 8:31 PM on December 9, 2012

it is now making it's dark and winding path to its true purpose.
posted by The Whelk at 8:36 PM on December 9, 2012

You're aware it gives its true owner incomparable power right?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:37 PM on December 9, 2012

...but you could not pay me to enter Flavourtown...

Excuse me but as a paid representative of Guy Fieri's economic interests, I am obligated to tell you that the official name is EuroFlavortown™
posted by griphus at 8:38 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

I still can;t get over the fact that we got buttons.

OFFICIAL MEETUP BUTTONS.

Also the outfits on display at the Harry Potter place are so tiny! Actors are wee little slips of paper.
posted by The Whelk at 8:41 PM on December 9, 2012

However, the Harry Potter place did have a Real Actual Colin Creevey on display.

Granted it was only the Petrified version of him but it was still easy to imagine they called in the actor, said "make a scared face", and then dipped him in carbonite, so what I'm saying is OVERALL GREAT EXHIBITION
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:43 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

they did a sorting hat scene to open it and every single kid wanted to be Gryffindor it was magical.

the ties and scarves where a bit too expensive however.
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on December 9, 2012

Oh and we successfully found out that the body text in the newspapers where not Lorem Ipsum but just in a really hard to read typeface.
posted by The Whelk at 8:50 PM on December 9, 2012

I was really hoping that they'd let the kid pretend to hear the Sorting Hat and then make up whatever answer they wanted. Because I wanted to volunteer and tell the crowd I wanted Gryffindor, then put the hat on, look terrified, and yell "SHIT! I'M A FUCKING HUFFLEPUFF!", thereby teaching kids that hopes and dreams will lead to cussin' and probably drinkin'.

Another True Harry Potter Exhibition Fact is that when they dress you up in scarves and take your photo, your only choices are Ravenclaw and Gryffindor because the other two house colors include green and that would mess up the green screening.

Oh and because this is about Flavortown and not Harry Potter, now that I have a non-phone keyboard to type on I would like to add the following observations: Griphus's t-shirt was radically cool, Potomac Avenue does not look remotely like Guy Fieri, and Greg Nog actually talks the way he writes, but only sometimes. (I believe Griph recorded a video of him saying variations on "the food was not so good BUT I WON BIRDS BECAUSE I DRESSED NICE" and then standing and smiling without moving for like a whole goddamned minute.)

on preview: fuck black-lettering or whatever that was called. Trying to read that was worse than being illiterate.
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:54 PM on December 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

The MeFieri Triptych
posted by griphus at 9:03 PM on December 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Go back to bed, Rory, you're drunk.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:05 PM on December 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

I look like Q in a very interesting Bond reboot there.
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The only food I ate today was Guy Fieri's, shakes. "Drunk" is not quite the word to describe my headspace right now.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:07 PM on December 9, 2012

So your "tips are frosted" as they say.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:10 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

FROSTING
posted by shakespeherian at 9:12 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Looks like a blast!

Greg Nog's chin is Campbellesque.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:25 PM on December 9, 2012

You know, I've brought strange soda and cookies to meetups, but I can't out-do buttons. That is awesome.
posted by maryr at 9:42 PM on December 9, 2012

My mother keeps buying me Tofurky turkey meals. Every time I go to her house there's another one. Now back when I was a vegetarian I liked them But now it's kind of, "Oh. There's one of those again."

I finally told her tonight that she didn't need to keep doing that. Of course I got an hour of Sicilian guilt.

Tofurkey forever!

Back to your regularly scheduled thread.
posted by Splunge at 9:55 PM on December 9, 2012

I just discovered on Twitter that you were all subjected to Hootie and the Blowfish.
I'm so sorry.
posted by Mezentian at 9:56 PM on December 9, 2012

the music selection was a PARADE OF LATE 90s HITS
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 PM on December 9, 2012

(basically, music from your freshman year of college if you now have small children)
posted by The Whelk at 10:12 PM on December 9, 2012

Oh damn, I thought the meet-up was at Bubba Gump's.

Missed you guys :(
posted by bardic at 10:28 PM on December 9, 2012

Hootie and the Blowfish is the Donkey Sauce of music.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:40 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

You know, having read the comic, and now seen the picture of Greg Nog sexin' it up, I am now viewing him doing that thing while going (in a bedroom voice), "Hey, welcome to Olive Garden, how many in your party" and now I think my brain is going to take a short vacation.

(Tonight I had greek food from Georgia's in Seattle, which was featured on the Fieri Restaurants And How Awesome Am I Roadshow and yet the place didn't get ruined at all, thank the Light.)
posted by mephron at 10:40 PM on December 9, 2012

I'm curious: how was the rice pudding.
Because I see the claim in the IRL that it's hard to stuff up rice pudding.
And I want to know if that can be backed up with science.

(How does one deep dry pudding anyway?)
posted by Mezentian at 10:56 PM on December 9, 2012

Did anyone else not need to eat after lunch there? That could be a selling point: Guy Fieri's: come for lunch, you don't need to eat dinner.

Oh, and because I said it, before anyone else repeats it (after about 10 minutes after tasting unannihilated's jacknog):
I can still taste the jacknog on my tongue!
posted by Hactar at 11:00 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

You guys should have totally dine-n-dashed.
posted by bardic at 11:10 PM on December 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

NO WAIT-

the best part of the lunch was when Griphus stood at the front of the room, got our attention, and said

"Well you all know why we're here...."

pause.

"to kill the batman."
posted by The Whelk at 11:50 PM on December 9, 2012 [5 favorites]

Looked through most of the pictures. At least the water looked pretty clear AND wet.

My sister-in-law and her son whom is a brat and moron are coming to town. I should take them right?
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:25 AM on December 10, 2012

Did anyone else not need to eat after lunch there?

I haven't eaten anything since. My current plan is to never eat again.
posted by Obscure Reference at 1:21 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am envious of the tiny hats.

Tiiiiiiiiny haaaaaaaaaaatssssss!
posted by Deoridhe at 1:32 AM on December 10, 2012

"to kill the batman."

And now I am sad I was not there.
posted by Mezentian at 1:44 AM on December 10, 2012

I would not freakin' shut up about the cuteness of the tiny hat. Tiny hat > fedora. ANY DAY.
posted by houseofdanie at 1:55 AM on December 10, 2012

So, que es mas macho in FLAVORTOWN: "awesome" pretzel chicken, ~or~ awesome pretzel "chicken"?
posted by taz (staff) at 1:56 AM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh! the young rope-rider's incredibly chill baby > tiny hat.
posted by houseofdanie at 2:11 AM on December 10, 2012

Discovery:
Guy Fieri's recipe for Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders. Level: Easy. Stars: 4.

Caveat:
There are no puzzling quotation marks anywhere in this recipe, so we can't be sure these are the ones served in the restaurant. However, the reviews complain of the absence of pretzel flavor, so we may have a winner!

Bonus:
Guy Fieri's recipe for soft pretzels. Stars: 1. Ouch.
posted by houseofdanie at 2:33 AM on December 10, 2012

I feel London MeFites should jump on this bandwagon and organise a meetup at an Aberdeen Angus Steak House.

I'm not sure this idea is terrible enough to be awesome though. Or maybe it's so terrible it becomes terrible again.
posted by Erberus at 4:54 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Tax: awesome "pretzel" chicken.
posted by Hactar at 5:12 AM on December 10, 2012

I think the MeFieri meetup is an object lesson on the detriment of early threadshitting, not that other cities' Mefites need to find their own Flavortowns. If we hadn't been called contemptible hipsters at the outset, sanity might have prevailed and saved us from ourselves.
posted by oh yeah! at 5:38 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

The mingled fun and self-loathing in this thread reminds me off the experience of attending a 3:00 AM opening night show of The Phantom Menace with half a dozen coworkers; midnight shows were sold out. By the end of that night, though, all that was left was self-loathing.
posted by usonian at 6:29 AM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

the music selection was a PARADE OF LATE 90s HITS

But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:51 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wait - it's not the media men begging to differ?

MY MIND

IT'S
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:46 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah now the whole meaning of the song is different
posted by shakespeherian at 7:52 AM on December 10, 2012

It's like that time I found out what the Dundirt Jeep was and how it related to dirty deeds.
posted by griphus at 7:56 AM on December 10, 2012 [15 favorites]

I wound up having an outstanding dinner at Ca Mea in Hudson, at which my cousin and my friend learned they had people in common.
posted by brujita at 7:57 AM on December 10, 2012

We had a very long conversation at the last Chicago meetup about whether Prince's song 'Little Pink Corvette' was possibly not about a car.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:57 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I just snorted out loud at "Dundirt Jeep."
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 8:02 AM on December 10, 2012

I AM NOT FROM YOUR COUNTRY
posted by griphus at 8:06 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's like that time I found out what the Dundirt Jeep was and how it related to dirty deeds.

Dundirt Jeep? Pffft. You must be talking about the Thunder Chief.

....Right?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:06 AM on December 10, 2012

dundirt lada doesn't make sense either though.
posted by elizardbits at 8:09 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I really enjoyed reading the liveblogging of this ridiculous and joyful adventure!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:11 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

w/r/t the music, there was a wonderful little moment that I don't think anybody else noticed, which was when our waiter, after our first round of orders, began singing along enthusiastically to Train's "Tears of Jupiter" as he left. It was pretty great.
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:22 AM on December 10, 2012

That image perfectly encapsulates my idea of Flavortown: a place where bro-dudes drop off plates of fried foods drizzled in velveeta-flavored ranch dressing (or whatever) and leave unironically singing that Train song.

This thread has brought me no end of merriment and I'm even sorrier now that I didn't drive down from Hartford to meet all of you wonderful people.
posted by gauche at 8:35 AM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had a pizza with likeso in Amsterdam that night... does that count?
posted by infini at 9:16 AM on December 10, 2012

My burger was cooked medium-well because they are apparently disallowed to serve anything rarer than that.

I think that's actually a state law. (At least, a friend of mine got into a pissing contest with the waiter at a Westchester Outback Steakhouse on this matter.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:31 AM on December 10, 2012

I think that's actually a state law = really? I order my burgers rare everywhere else I go, have for years.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:33 AM on December 10, 2012

It is possible the guy at Outback Steakhouse may have just been trying to blow my friend off....(my friend was getting a little pissy, and I may have been tempted to do the same if I were the waiter.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:36 AM on December 10, 2012

Yeah, that sounds 100% pretend.
posted by elizardbits at 9:37 AM on December 10, 2012

w/r/t the music, there was a wonderful little moment that I don't think anybody else noticed, which was when our waiter, after our first round of orders, began singing along enthusiastically to Train's "Tears of Jupiter" as he left. It was pretty great.

There was also a dance! I definitely saw a dance. (Once he quit being Serious Waiter.)
posted by likeatoaster at 9:40 AM on December 10, 2012

I thought the waiter was delightful. As we were leaving, I told him we were part of a large internet group and asked him if I could take his picture, and he obliged.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:45 AM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

I believe that if I was given the menu, and able to read the descriptions of each dish, I could make more flavorful interesting-tasting versions of almost all the menu items.

I suggested this towards the end of the lunch, but I feel like this would be an interesting challenge: MeFites try to create Fieri-esque concoctions to serve one another. Kind of a potluck lunch from hell, only delicious.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:51 AM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

POST-MEAL DIARRHEA:

Yes that happened

I only got throbbing chest pains.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK FIERI
posted by griphus at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2012

The rare hamburger thing is worrying. It's one thing for the diner not to trust a rare burger. They don't know how clean the kitchen is or where the meat is sourced. But when the chef doesn't trust the meat, that is somewhat scary.
posted by ryanrs at 9:56 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I told ya'll there was a New York Posse™!

Seriously, that's one ridiculously attractive crowd of Mefites.

I do not see pics of houseofdanie or Karen, but the origami yodas are delightful!

GregNog is sexy (obviously)
kkookkodalk, total rockstar
Hermitosis, devilishly handsome
The Whelk, sartorially splendid
Rory_Marinich is adorable
griphus, genial and smiley, not at all the monster elizardbits says he is*
likeatoaster is lovely (your teeth are so white!)
modernnomad took a day off from being superman
BevosAngryGhost's gravitas is well-suited to royalty

And everyone else I missed: you are all amazing!

*I take it back, just saw his Flickr photo with the machete. Yikes.
posted by misha at 9:59 AM on December 10, 2012

I am pleased to report that the tap water was delicious.

$12, though.

I love this. Nasty storm floods New York? Hmm...how can we turn it to our advantage? Wait, I have an idea!
posted by misha at 10:01 AM on December 10, 2012

Ironically I think that is actually Greg's machete.
posted by elizardbits at 10:05 AM on December 10, 2012

The machete was on loan from the Greg Nog Armory.
posted by griphus at 10:06 AM on December 10, 2012

oh for
posted by griphus at 10:06 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

We're a very well-prepared internet group, we should totally get together for the apocalypse in our bunker.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 AM on December 10, 2012

I just worked out why I saw a fleeting glimpse of The Whelk tweeting he had a bomb of some kind in his vest pocket.
posted by infini at 10:08 AM on December 10, 2012

The machete was on loan from the Greg Nog Armory.

aka the day everyone got drunk and played with sharp objects
posted by elizardbits at 10:11 AM on December 10, 2012

Also, upon closer inspection, that is not a machete at all, but a rapier or saber of some sort. I have no idea why I called it a machete. This is Unix swords. I know this.

And, yes, between our numerous and overflowing arms caches I'm pretty sure we are ready for the full-on assault the Chicago MeFites are no doubt planning now that they've figured out that Shakespeherian's Evil Crown is, in fact, a mind-control device.

BETA-SEVEN-WASHINGTON-CONRAD
posted by griphus at 10:12 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

You had me at mind-control device.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:26 AM on December 10, 2012

oh wait rory and I totally discussed our mutual sword-fighting backgrounds.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2012

Hey is it OK to hijack this thread to start calling out weird and non-existent Guy Fieri dishes? OK, cool!

Guy's Fried-Ass Ass-Fries

Simpering Hunan Tuna Potato Graviolas

Pimento-Spinach Squidapalooza

Buck Wild Sasquatch Goulash

Guy's Fucked-Up Risottasagne á la Portmanteau
posted by Mister_A at 10:51 AM on December 10, 2012 [11 favorites]

also likeatoaster ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
posted by The Whelk at 10:55 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Did someone say Machete?
posted by mrzarquon at 10:57 AM on December 10, 2012

Drunk wizard prank #45: Cast 'glow' on unsuspecting targets.
posted by griphus at 10:57 AM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

aka the day everyone got drunk and played with sharp objects

Man, I miss all the good meetups.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 11:06 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

aint no party like a wizard party cause a wizard party has stark metaphysical implications
posted by The Whelk at 11:10 AM on December 10, 2012 [7 favorites]

Also an aggregate HP of, like, seven.
posted by griphus at 11:14 AM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

More fun than a bunch of paladins though. MAGIC MISSILE BRO!
posted by Mister_A at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

A group of wizards is known as a hex. A group of paladins is commonly referred to as a virginity.
posted by Mister_A at 11:17 AM on December 10, 2012 [6 favorites]

A group of wizards whom you've pissed off can ergo lead to a hex dump.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:21 AM on December 10, 2012

Forget it, Jake. It's Flavortown.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:22 AM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

cortex, you're making this whole thing come off really nerdy.
posted by Mister_A at 11:25 AM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

It's Ranch Sauce!

It's blue cheese!

It's ranch sauce!

It's ranch sauce and blue cheese!

*sobbing*
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

So. Jealous. But I'm loving the Aberdeen Angus Steakhouse idea ...
posted by essexjan at 11:38 AM on December 10, 2012

Forget it, Jake. It's Flavortown.

Oh Jesus how did no one make this joke yet, we are slipping
posted by shakespeherian at 11:47 AM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

That onion ring was roughly the equivalent of having my nose sliced open with a switchblade.
posted by griphus at 11:48 AM on December 10, 2012

There's a pic of me in the set from the splendid oh yeah! I'm the dark-haired chubby chick with the tiny hat. The wee headpiece arrived on the head of oh yeah! but proved too irresistible for several of us. Karen's in a Greg Nog pic, in a red tie, her face alight with pure joy (or a recessed light, but probably joy) as she discusses the events of the day with Rory and awaits a sprinkling of magical dust from The Whelk.

How is griphus in 88% of the photos? Did he ever sit down?
posted by houseofdanie at 11:49 AM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

He is legion, for he is many.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:51 AM on December 10, 2012

The trick to finding the real griphus is to find the one without a flip-top head containing a scroll with the word of god on it.
posted by elizardbits at 11:53 AM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

Well we'll have to open all the heads to be sure.
posted by Mister_A at 11:55 AM on December 10, 2012

OMG you're all real life human beans!! With hair!!
posted by infini at 11:57 AM on December 10, 2012

Between the difficulty of getting in and out of my chair (they were heavy and very close together,) the positioning of my seat (my back was to the more populous table), and the fact that I am hella antsy at parties, I'm pretty sure the only time I spent sitting was to eat my burger. The rest was spent as a hummingbird of some kind.
posted by griphus at 12:02 PM on December 10, 2012

You guys do realize that basically what you've done here is MST3K: The Meal.
posted by Mister_A at 12:23 PM on December 10, 2012 [5 favorites]

you have literally no idea what you just said Mister_A
posted by The Whelk at 12:29 PM on December 10, 2012

For one, there was not nearly enough cardboard silhouettes.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:31 PM on December 10, 2012

Mystery Science Dinner Theater
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:31 PM on December 10, 2012 [10 favorites]

The Whelk: "you have literally no idea what you just said Mister_A"

I just hope that there's a drawing in the offing.
posted by Mister_A at 12:34 PM on December 10, 2012

For this week's invention exchange we present the pretzel chicken tender.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

We sing whenever we sing whenever we sing whenever we sing.
posted by mintcake! at 12:46 PM on December 10, 2012

Yo man, this video highlight done by The Whelk of the Meetup is Off the Chain™.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:50 PM on December 10, 2012 [19 favorites]

But when the chef doesn't trust the meat, that is somewhat scary.

The "at least medium" rule has become pretty common at fast-casual restaurants. I think it's established by the chain's lawyers, rather than their cooks, and is probably based on the notion that one of the cooks at one of the corporation's many many properties -- which include both the actual restaurants and the central prep facilities where much of the food work is also done before food is frozen and shipped to locations -- is bound to forget to wash his or her hands, or inadequately wash a knife or cutting board, every once in a while... and they want to avoid litigation.

That said, it is one of many reasons to avoid eating at this class of restaurant, yes.
posted by aught at 1:57 PM on December 10, 2012

I usually like both wet and sun-dried tomato but this was a weird unholy combination of the two.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:04 PM on December 10, 2012

It's the Tomato Prius.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:08 PM on December 10, 2012

Please invite Tina Turner next time so she can scream the title of this event on camera.
posted by GuyZero at 2:21 PM on December 10, 2012

Is it just a coincidence that an article posted today calls it an " 'Ironic Dining' Mecca " ?????

I think not.
posted by peagood at 2:33 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Pauly Shore-turned-youth pastor personality" is just about right.
posted by boo_radley at 2:47 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Someone should tip them off to the video in the comments
posted by The Whelk at 2:52 PM on December 10, 2012

Wait, who's the guy talking about "LTOP"?

not a stalker
posted by JoanArkham at 3:46 PM on December 10, 2012

Modernserf! He was quite the dandy.
posted by The Whelk at 3:51 PM on December 10, 2012

And he's stronger than an puggle, to boot.
posted by griphus at 3:57 PM on December 10, 2012

He's like THE NICEST GUY.
posted by mintcake! at 4:16 PM on December 10, 2012

I am just now realizing I missed a prime opportunity to leap out of the shadows in a menacing Guy Fieri costume while bellowing A CENAR TECO M'INVITASTI E SON VENUTO like a maniac

sigh
posted by elizardbits at 4:28 PM on December 10, 2012 [5 favorites]

Hey guys!

Guess what is playin on my parents TV when I turned it on right now?

Guy's giant fucking face.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:31 PM on December 10, 2012

mrzarquon: "Yo man, this video highlight done vimeo by The Whelk of the Meetup is Off the Chain™."

MY GOD IT'S FULL OF BARS.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:35 PM on December 10, 2012

See what happens when you stay home elizardbits? You miss the chance to be a horror movie monster.
posted by The Whelk at 5:05 PM on December 10, 2012

MY GOD. YOU GUYS ARE REAL PEOPLE.
posted by Mezentian at 5:10 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

it is an OPERATIC STATUE MONSTER you philistine
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

my god man
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on December 10, 2012

Whatever you do don't move, Guy Fieri can only detect movement.
posted by The Whelk at 5:15 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am now interested in Rare Burger Gate.

I have heard recently (from one of the not-crappy TV celeb chefs) that they suggest that minced meat is never rare/medium-rare, because something in minced meat leads to deadly food bugs, and so patties and meatballs should always be well done.

I am not sure of the science, and must do some research, or post to Ask.
posted by Mezentian at 5:17 PM on December 10, 2012

Wait I thought Guy Fieri only moves when you take your gaze from him?
posted by Mister_A at 5:22 PM on December 10, 2012

Problem with ground meats: surface contaminants get mixed in with the meat, so if the internal temp isn't over a certain degree, little bacteria will hang out in there and make you sick.

Whole cuts of meat (steak) be seared on the outside, and still be safe rare inside, since the possibly contaminated exterior has now been cooked properly.

This does not account for meats not butchered properly, or for the fact that the guy who handled the meat improperly while grinding it still hasn't washed his hands when he takes your steak off the grill, or makes you your side salad.

For good restaurants that grind their meat on premises, they can ensure their staff handles it properly and serve it rare. For a large operation like chain places, their meat is ground offsite, and instead risk liability due to their sources poor meat handling, just cook it until it is dead and tasteless.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:26 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

elizardbits did you decide about going to Don Giovanni or what
posted by shakespeherian at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2012

For good restaurants that grind their meat on premises, they can ensure their staff handles it properly and serve it rare

Are you insulting the honour of Flavortown?

Wait I thought Guy Fieri only moves when you take your gaze from him?

Conclusion: Guy Fieri is a Weeping Angel.
Supposition: It's not Donkey Sauce, it's Pond Sauce.
posted by Mezentian at 5:34 PM on December 10, 2012

Wait, the sunglasses.

His crypid alien eyes are on the back of his head, the sunglasses have mirrors so he can see around front of him but his so called human eyes are but lifeless mimicry.
posted by The Whelk at 5:38 PM on December 10, 2012

I am totally going to go alone and in pajamas and fuck everything I don't even care, I will judge everyone from my box.
posted by elizardbits at 5:40 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Flamin' Donkey Cryptid Sockeye Eye Socket!
posted by Mister_A at 5:41 PM on December 10, 2012

Weeeell I parsed your sentence at last, elizardbits, and I'm a bit disappointed.
posted by Mister_A at 5:42 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hi, everybody. I just dropped by to let you all know that there are no Google hits for "Flavorton Abbey." Carry on.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:14 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

That would be "Flavourton Abbey"
Although there are still no hits.
posted by Mezentian at 6:17 PM on December 10, 2012

Just holding silver trays full of Slamma Jamming Big Daddy Smoking Hot Oyster Strips in white gloved hands and repressing feelings.
posted by The Whelk at 6:20 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

the problem is that it feels like an uninteresting simulacrum of "shitty American food"

Whoa, dude. This is like Baudrillard, scattered, smothered, and covered.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:02 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

True story: I looked away from an elderly Guy Fieri in 2048 and ended up at yesterday's meetup.
posted by houseofdanie at 7:06 PM on December 10, 2012

I am totally going to go

Yay! I am glad.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:41 PM on December 10, 2012

I don't actually want to live in NYC, but you lot make it difficult to remember that sometimes.
posted by catlet at 7:50 PM on December 10, 2012

yes yes but how was the ortolan?
posted by felix at 7:52 PM on December 10, 2012 [6 favorites]

catlet: do what I do and commute there for the fun bits!
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:12 PM on December 10, 2012

I would love to live in NYC. I would not love to pay (or work for!) NYC rent.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:18 PM on December 10, 2012

yes yes but how was the ortolan?

Strangely cardboard-flavored and could have used more Donkey Sauce. Also, they drown it in fake sangria mix.
posted by maryr at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

I don't want to food shame you, but you ate Ortolan?

You .... you sick bastards.
posted by Mezentian at 8:42 PM on December 10, 2012

So the food was mostly terrible. I feel vindicated.
posted by Eideteker at 3:08 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wow. We here in the MeFi homeland will have to step up our game, I guess. Looks like we need to do better than this.

But this did prove what I've always suspected: Greg Nog: hotter than advertised.
posted by geckoinpdx at 4:00 AM on December 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

So the food was mostly terrible. I feel vindicated.

yep, you sure showed all those people who made friends and had fun!
posted by elizardbits at 5:10 AM on December 11, 2012 [18 favorites]

There are hundreds (if not thousands) of places in metro NY where one can "make friends and have fun" without wasting their money on and becoming ill from overpriced, mediocre food. We've even had meetups at some of them.

I still have Eide's back on this.
posted by brujita at 6:24 AM on December 11, 2012

I still have Eide's back on this.

Where did you leave the rest of him?

OH MY GOD, HE'S NOT DONKEY SAUCE, RIBS?
posted by Mezentian at 6:33 AM on December 11, 2012

The best criticism is to make something.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:59 AM on December 11, 2012

The food i could have dealt with, I guess, but those drinks sound absolutely disgusting.

This also sounds and looks like the best time ever.


I want to come to one of your NYC meetups.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:00 AM on December 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

> There are hundreds (if not thousands) of places in metro NY where one can "make friends and have fun" without wasting their money on and becoming ill from overpriced, mediocre food.

Except for that one Sunday afternoon. Fun was had elsewhere that day. A day that will live in infamy on Flickr.
posted by ardgedee at 7:13 AM on December 11, 2012

There are plenty of restaurants I love that would have refused to accommodate such a large group that had no interest in a prix-fixe menu. And that's not even the worst case scenario, which is that they bring us all in and cram us around uncomfortable tables and force the waiters to try and upsell us. They were comlpetely ready right when we showed up and they didn't make us jump through any hoops, and they won a great deal of respect from me for that.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:32 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

P.S. I will be there May 6th - 12th, so you have plenty of warning.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:35 AM on December 11, 2012

I'm having flashbacks to a years-ago lunch trip to Heartland Brewery, to hang out with the friends of Marc's college friend's brother. They had a reservation for a big group- 16, 18? And all but one of us was there on time. And they made all of us stand in the lobby, blocking the door, until the last person showed up- 20 minutes, at least. Because they HAD to seat us all at once. Never mind that we all would have ordered drinks if they had let us sit down.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:37 AM on December 11, 2012

....Huh. Isn't Guy Fieri's place in what used to be Heartland Brewery? Or part-owned by them or something?

I'm trying to parse the notion of Guy Fieri actually improving on something. It feels strangely wrong somehow.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:40 AM on December 11, 2012

It's like that study about potentially curing cancer with herpes.
posted by elizardbits at 7:41 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

> Wow. We here in the MeFi homeland will have to step up our game, I guess. Looks like we need to do better than this

Here's a challenge: find a meetup that doesn't have mr zarquon attending. Are we sure there's only one of him?
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:12 AM on December 11, 2012

The beers Flavortown serves are all provided by Heartland Brewery. They are also claimed to be exclusive to/customized for the restaurant.
posted by mountmccabe at 8:17 AM on December 11, 2012

So that's why the glasses were rimmed with goatee shavings.
posted by mintcake! at 8:24 AM on December 11, 2012

I think your next meetups should be a series of potlucks wherein participates bring versions of foods from this meetup. Except tasty. And cheaper. I bet you guys can do it!
posted by rtha at 8:41 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wait I thought Guy Fieri only moves when you take your gaze from him?

No, no, Guy Fieri dies if he stops moving.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:46 AM on December 11, 2012

> Here's a challenge: find a meetup that doesn't have mr zarquon attending. Are we sure there's only one of him?

According to my office, there are two of us, or a single entity now called the ZaChris, because guys with beards and glasses are so rare in Portland.

If you have a tourist trap - if no one else wants to go there with you - and if I am in town - maybe you can have a meetup with mrzarquon.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:55 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Guy Fieri, Gordon Ramsay, and Emeril Lagasse walk into a bar.










You quickly seal the exits and torch the place.
posted by Mister_A at 9:56 AM on December 11, 2012

somehow I think it would be more entertaining to seal them in the bar for a week and see who walks out alive.
posted by sciencegeek at 10:18 AM on December 11, 2012

somehow I think it would be more entertaining to seal them in the bar for a week and see who walks out alive.

Apparently Fieri's got the edge when it comes to lethal drinks.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:27 AM on December 11, 2012

Actually....Emeril isn't bad. Yeah he went all showman-dog-and-pony-"Kick-it-up-a-notch" Hollywood and stuff, but...he knows his stuff. I got one of his cookbooks as a gift and inwardly groaned, but gave it a shot - and his red beans and rice recipe is my go-to formula now, and I've been referring to that cookbook more and more. I agree that his Cult Of Personality got big, but he's dialed that back a notch, and dude should be spared.

(Plus, a one-on-one Fieri/Ramsey cage match would be way more fun.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:36 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Could we add in Bobby Flay to that cage match?
Heck, I'd settle for a steeple chase with alligators in the water hazards.
posted by sciencegeek at 10:40 AM on December 11, 2012

Gordon Ramsay is an unalloyed victim of American television production. For some reason they decided to make him turn up the abrasiveness dial to 11 and make every episode of every American show he's in into a weepy emotional morality play.

But if you watch his British shows, especially his non-reality shows, he's a serious, aggressive, and creative chef with a lot of good things to say.

But you're right. Bobby Flay can eat a bucket of dicks.
posted by felix at 11:03 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Here's the thing:

While tv personalities now, Gordon Ramsey, Emeril and Flay are all serious fucking chefs who really do take their food sincerely. I'm not a fan of their tv personalities, but these guys really do have some serious talent. They all ended up on TV after actually being awesome chefs and running successful restaurants. But most of all, they are Chefs, even if you don't like them or their personalities, they are serious about food and how it is made.

Fieri won Food Network's reality show "The Next Food Network Star" after opening some OK chainish restaurants. He isn't even a professionally trained chef (not that you need training to be that, but you need some serious time behind the kitchen to go from Cook to Chef) , he spent some years in highschool cooking, got a degree in hotel and food service management, went to work for Stoufers, and then managed chain restaurants for them, before creating some of his own concepts and partnering up to run those. He's a cook with a business plan and a willingness to take money from anyone. I don't see someone even like Flay allowing anything close to GAKB to be made in his name.
posted by mrzarquon at 11:09 AM on December 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm assuming he would grill them first and top them with a bright Mango-Habanero Salsa.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:09 AM on December 11, 2012

Am British, still fairly new to MetaFilter, and have not yet been to New York, so was a bit puzzled by this. Also, the food prices looked kinda London prices and so not necessarily outrageous (having said that, from experience many similar cafes in Iowa sell food at a fraction of the price).

The tweets and comments on here were very entertaining, as were the pictures (loved everyone dressing up in hipster clothing for the meal to add that extra layer of irony). Thanks for the entertainments.

I still don't understand donkey sauce, though.
posted by Wordshore at 11:27 AM on December 11, 2012

it's not hipster clothes we all just have really appalling eyesight.
posted by The Whelk at 11:34 AM on December 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

"yep, you sure showed all those people who made friends and had fun!"

I just wanted to see if the haters would favorite my comment ironically.
posted by Eideteker at 12:34 PM on December 11, 2012

Those grapes tasting a bit sour, Eid?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:49 PM on December 11, 2012

I MYSELF HAD A GREAT DEAL OF FUN SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL
posted by shakespeherian at 12:59 PM on December 11, 2012

You're getting a fancy crown out of this deal, don't be a crybaby.
posted by elizardbits at 1:05 PM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

We're totally going in Shakes' burn book now
posted by The Whelk at 1:05 PM on December 11, 2012

...and a giant metal chicken
posted by The Whelk at 1:05 PM on December 11, 2012

I'm keeping the chicken and the crown but I'm using its eldritch powers against you.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:10 PM on December 11, 2012

Guys, I'm at my office holiday party now - it's at the Bowlmor next door to Fieri's. No escape from the bad food, and no mefites in sight. Sigh.
posted by oh yeah! at 3:58 PM on December 11, 2012

I think your next meetups should be a series of potlucks wherein participates bring versions of foods from this meetup. Except tasty. And cheaper. I bet you guys can do it!

I'd be willing to host the first of these...I missed the historic mefieri event, but I love potlucks and any excuse is a good excuse!
I have a bar we can completely takeover on a Sunday (this one-we've had a meetup here before, but it's been all renovated and stuff, with fancy glasses and drinks to go in them and everything).
We can work out an open bar thing for people who come bearing casseroles, and maybe even do a special mefi drinks menu comprised of well, I don't really know, but I'm sure you all will have plenty of suggestions.
Thoughts?
posted by newpotato at 5:10 PM on December 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

I like this idea it gives me an excuse to make fried risotto balls.
posted by The Whelk at 5:12 PM on December 11, 2012

Ooo or bacon chocolate chip cookies.


Spicy bacon chocolate chip cookies!
posted by The Whelk at 5:12 PM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Shouldn't those cookies be slamming, or jamming, or kicking, or rocking, or exploding, or swallowing, or something?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:15 PM on December 11, 2012

Grasping, probing, seeking.
posted by The Whelk at 5:26 PM on December 11, 2012

step away from the fanfic whelksie
posted by elizardbits at 6:58 PM on December 11, 2012

You just want to subject us all to your fizzy coffee and your festive pinesol cider.
posted by elizardbits at 8:02 PM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure how a meetup-sized platter of Greasy Honky Pie isn't problematic, Greg Nog.
posted by carsonb at 8:02 PM on December 11, 2012

My only request is that the potluck be called Son Of Flavortown..
posted by The Whelk at 8:11 PM on December 11, 2012

New Guy Fieri menu features

[Possessive proper noun] [Participle] [Color] [Tropical Fruit] [Herb] [Adjective] [Past participle] [Portmanteau]
posted by Mister_A at 8:12 PM on December 11, 2012

LOL pinesol cider
posted by Mister_A at 8:13 PM on December 11, 2012

[Possessive proper noun] [Participle] [Color] [Tropical Fruit] [Herb] [Adjective] [Past participle] [Portmanteau]

Well, I guess I've got something to program up tomorrow.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:22 PM on December 11, 2012 [10 favorites]

Well we do make you carry your Spinach card just in case you get stopped by the Sentinels.
posted by The Whelk at 8:24 PM on December 11, 2012

Oh wow, LES potluck meetup, please.
posted by mintcake! at 9:49 PM on December 11, 2012

My bar is an totally an option, it's totally doable, we can totally make this happen! Son of Flavortown, here we come!
Should this go over to IRL for the choosing of the date?
Should we have a drinks contest too?
Top five suggestions make the Son of Flavortown Mefieri Meetup Potluck Cocktail Contest Finalist Cocktail Menu, to then be voted upon by all casserole bloated drunken mefites present.
posted by newpotato at 12:22 PM on December 12, 2012

My only request is that the potluck be called Son Of Flavortown.

Return to the Temple of Flavortown.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:38 PM on December 12, 2012

Can I lead a tiny pony into the room with a sign on it saying "can we pretty please do the potluck after the holidays so maybe more people can join in?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:39 PM on December 12, 2012

Oh, man, a ridiculous food potluck would be awesome.
posted by griphus at 12:41 PM on December 12, 2012

It would be off the hook.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:05 PM on December 12, 2012

A Semi-Earnest Guide to Dining Ironically, Jen Doll, The Atlantic Wire, 12 December 2012
posted by ob1quixote at 1:14 PM on December 12, 2012

(examples: fedora, skinny jeans, a well-oiled mustache, a "reporter's notebook," black-framed glasses).

...hey wait i don't think anyone was wearing a fedora...

You simply must take a photo of this experience!

...i mean we didn't take that many and...

Order something with a ridiculous name

...okay come on it's not like we had any say in the matter...

Make Paying the Check Ironic, Too. The only way to do this right is to leave a giant tip.

guys we have a mole
posted by griphus at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

* tense music and close ups of people grimacing until the commercial break*
posted by The Whelk at 2:05 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ya got me, ya dirty rat!
posted by infini at 2:29 PM on December 12, 2012

Pretty much any Sunday works for me. Please fight it out amongst yourselves as to the date.
posted by newpotato at 2:37 PM on December 12, 2012

I'd like sometime after the 10th cause Im buggering off for a while at the end of December.
posted by The Whelk at 2:50 PM on December 12, 2012

Guy's ironic dining mecca.
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:50 PM on December 12, 2012

An ironic food potluck meetup might make a pretty sweet Super Bowl party, if you don't have plans.

(Note: Originally typoed that as Super Bowel party. Just thought you'd want to know that.)
posted by maryr at 7:47 PM on December 12, 2012

Metafilter Makes Flavourtown?
posted by mrzarquon at 7:52 PM on December 12, 2012

Seems meta enough.
posted by maryr at 7:52 PM on December 12, 2012

Metafilter.eu is trying to get a bus to Belgium for beer btw.
posted by infini at 7:56 PM on December 12, 2012

Went out for breakfast this morning - they had an item called DDD on their menu, 'dedicated to Guy': a half-lb burger patty with bacon and pulled pork on top, served between two grilled cheese sandwiches.
posted by mannequito at 11:39 PM on December 12, 2012

American Kitchen II: Beyond Flavortown
posted by louche mustachio at 6:46 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sunday the 13th totally works for me.
posted by The Whelk at 7:34 AM on December 13, 2012

A Saturday would be better for me -- my girlfriend would like to come along and she works on Sundays -- but if everyone's better off with Sunday, the 13th is cool with me.
posted by griphus at 7:38 AM on December 13, 2012

Is this proposed potluck meetup open to people who didn't make the original trek to Flavortown?

Because I will totally bring some unnecessarily fried portmanteau food.
posted by gauche at 10:03 AM on December 13, 2012

all are welcome, the Son Of Flavortown is not the iron-willed dictator his father was.
posted by The Whelk at 10:14 AM on December 13, 2012

I would loooooooooove to come and bring lots of food, but will be in San Francisco from the 8th til the 18th of January.
posted by houseofdanie at 11:00 AM on December 13, 2012

I'm good on Sundays in general, assuming I get enough notice.
posted by griphus at 12:28 PM on December 13, 2012

Suddenly, Sunday!
posted by The Whelk at 12:29 PM on December 13, 2012

If it's the 20th, there's a fighting chance I could make it, though any food I would attempt to make in advance would probably not survive the bus ride up. But I trust that after this experience, you brave souls wouldn't shrink from a foodstuff concocted in a hotel room, which I am totally willing to attempt.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:58 PM on December 13, 2012

Yay! Potluck! Just to help confuse the issue, 1/13 is better for me than 1/20.
posted by davidjmcgee at 2:32 PM on December 13, 2012

Shall we try to narrow it down to either the 13th or the 20th then? Either works for me but I'm leaning towards the 13th.
posted by newpotato at 5:04 PM on December 13, 2012

I'm lobbying for the 13th too.

And now I'm thinking about food that can be served cold that fits the theme....
posted by The Whelk at 5:12 PM on December 13, 2012

Well, I obviously can't cook things if I'm across the country, but if anyone would like to borrow a heating tray (with or without the buffet servers that slide on top) or one of those triple slow cooker server thingers (I have no idea what it's called, but it's so handy), I can deliver before the 8th.
posted by houseofdanie at 5:37 PM on December 13, 2012

Room temperature potato skins are gross? Right? Cause the SO makes amazing potato skins.
posted by The Whelk at 5:44 PM on December 13, 2012

Take my warming tray and have 'em hot!
posted by houseofdanie at 5:50 PM on December 13, 2012

I'm nit getting back til the 10th!

Also I can whip up a warming tray if I need to, wouldn't want to take up the space for someone who ...uh really needs it.
posted by The Whelk at 5:57 PM on December 13, 2012

i am helping yrr carry the cheese crackers and also providing one box of wine
posted by elizardbits at 7:07 PM on December 13, 2012

for myself
posted by elizardbits at 7:08 PM on December 13, 2012

Did you miss the open bar part of the plan?

I can also bring a box of wine for you. Bandit is surprisingly good for a nine dollar wine in what amounts to a huge adult apple Juicy Juice container.
posted by The Whelk at 7:21 PM on December 13, 2012

I will bring a bottle of Knob Creek for myself and well wishers, and my SO so I don't do the things I usually do when given a bottle of a Knob Creek.
posted by The Whelk at 7:23 PM on December 13, 2012

My ears just perked up at the mention of Knob Creek.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:40 PM on December 13, 2012

Prick up your ears.
posted by The Whelk at 7:58 PM on December 13, 2012

Ear up your pricks.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:12 PM on December 13, 2012

Ear your pricks up.
posted by The Whelk at 9:38 PM on December 13, 2012

Not in possession of prick/s. But I will prick up my ears in the future.
But only in response to mention of Knob Creek. (hey, Knobs and pricks all at once, lovely)

Although, come to think of it, if I'm reading, would it be my ears that respond to the subject of Knob Creek? I don't think that my eyes can prick up. Shall we settle for pupil dilation?
posted by sciencegeek at 4:51 AM on December 14, 2012

*roaring sound of blood rushing to relevant locations respectively*
posted by infini at 4:53 AM on December 14, 2012

assuming nothing horrid goes down on the 13th

why not just throw some virgin's blood on a monstrous dark sigil and actually summon the apocalypse, it can't possibly be any worse than what will come of this BLITHELY FOOLISH COMMENT
posted by elizardbits at 10:02 AM on December 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

*grumble* I'm out of town that weekend. :P
posted by zarq at 10:04 AM on December 14, 2012

why not just throw some virgin's blood on a monstrous dark sigil and actually summon the apocalypse

AKA: "Awesome" Virgin's Blood Tenders on a "Monster" Dark Pretzel Sigil with Apocalypse Sauce
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:14 AM on December 14, 2012

I'm sure we'll have other potlucks in the future

Maybe a pancake brunch?
posted by mintcake! at 7:50 AM on December 15, 2012

YOU GUYS! I was overwhelmed and near tears to get a holiday card signed by the entire MeFieri bunch. It was very kind of y'all to think of me, and I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate all of you.
posted by ColdChef at 9:52 AM on December 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

Not to steal ColdChef's thunder but ME TOO. I had a fucker of a day yesterday which started with waking up with vertigo and then the shooting news and MeFi angle and ended with borderline insomnia where I decided to get up and have something to eat and go through my mail which I had been letting pile up and grumbagrumbagrumba... And I was very touched to get a nifty card signed by a bunch of folks with some goofy smiley faces and it was very very wonderful. Thank you.

And ColdChef, I took this hearse photo for you yesterday too!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:26 PM on December 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

I feel less special now. I hope you all go to holiday hell.
posted by ColdChef at 5:28 PM on December 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

Aren't we all already there? Together?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:48 PM on December 15, 2012 [6 favorites]

I thought there was a queue.
posted by maryr at 8:01 PM on December 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm still sad I can't find Coldchef's mixtape cd he sent me a few years ago. Greatest Christmas music ever. Still hoping it will turn up but after two (count them, two) moves in the past year and a half I'm not sanguine about it.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:57 PM on December 15, 2012 [1 favorite]