Ugly Cat Cookies

December 21, 2012 11:42 AM

Since the Metafilter cookie swap thread is now over 30 days old and closed to new comments, I have come here today to bring you, by popular request, the 7th sign of the impending Catpocalypse! Inside: the ugliest sugar cookies you have ever seen.

I wasn't kidding, folks. Simon's Cat Sugar Cookies.

posted by misha to MetaFilter-Related at 11:42 AM (34 comments total)

A Very Louis Wain Christmas.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:52 AM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

the original cookie swap thread. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any other photos.
posted by zamboni at 11:54 AM on December 21, 2012

Those look to me like they could be the most perfectly formed, delicately iced, almost luminescent examples of a collaboration between a small-town French patissier and a Williams-Sonama food stylist. However, I'm on a low-carb diet.
posted by gilrain at 11:57 AM on December 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

I have no idea how these people got their cat cookies wedged into their scanners, or why.
posted by theora55 at 11:57 AM on December 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

When I get home I will photograph drlith's elephant cookies.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:00 PM on December 21, 2012

That's more icing than the EPA allowed in a given hectare pre-George W. Bush era.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:23 PM on December 21, 2012

Wow, you can put cookies in Dropbox now? Can I get them out through the printer? I'm hungry.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:42 PM on December 21, 2012 [8 favorites]

Heh I don't know if I got any elephants from drlith, but here are some multicolored other animals! I think white is a hippo, green is a camel, and yellow is a bear. The note made me snort out loud :D
posted by brilliantine at 12:45 PM on December 21, 2012

Burhanistan: That's more icing than the EPA allowed in a given hectare pre-George W. Bush era.

Heh. No kidding, they are tooth-achingly sweet. I lost my best sugar cookie glaze recipe so that's actually melted white chocolate, not frosting, on the kitties.

I don't think I took a picture of the cookies I ended up sending out to everyone (with a couple extra for making them wait due to the cat cookie debacle), but here's that recipe:

White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies

1/2 c butter, softened
1/2 c shortening/vegetable oil
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour (I use King's)
11-12 ounces white chocolate chips (I use 11 oz Ghirardelli, but Nestle's are fine, too)
~2-3 ounces macadamia nuts, chopped

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

You can do all this with an electric mixer, if you want to: Beat butter and shortening until creamy; add sugars, baking soda and salt while scraping the sides of the bowl to get it all mixed together well. Beat in eggs and vanilla until combined.

Get rid of the electric mixer and gradually add flour, chocolate chips and nuts, beating those in by hand.

Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto cookie sheets. Bake 8-10 minutes until just browned around the edges.
___

Voila! Makes...well, the recipe should make about 5 dozen cookies, but in reality, you end up with less. Because you have to sample the cookie dough, to... make it sure it tastes right. Yeah, that's why.

The end of the world is coming, why worry about a little salmonella, amirite?

Hopefully some more cookie swappers will come in with their recipes, because so many in that thread sounded delicious. And I know the ones my swapmate sent me so far were great!
posted by misha at 1:34 PM on December 21, 2012

Did the spread-eagle one hit a window?
posted by Think_Long at 1:37 PM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

I have no idea how these people got their cat cookies wedged into their scanners, or why.

Personally, I am more interested in how they got their cats wedged into cookies, because that sounds just delightful.
posted by IvoShandor at 1:55 PM on December 21, 2012

Wait, those look fantastic. (I particularly like the ones where it looks sort of like you crucified him.)

I want Simon's Cat cookie cutters so much.
posted by jeather at 2:04 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

When they say "animal puzzle cookie mold," what they don't tell you is that the real puzzle is figuring out what animals they are after they are baked!
posted by drlith at 2:14 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is that a one-legged cat?! Delicious!
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:29 PM on December 21, 2012

I find these to be wonderfully whimsical! I'm bookmarking the link for whenever I need a smile.
posted by mightshould at 3:05 PM on December 21, 2012

After I made sugar cookies at Thanksgiving with artificial food colors in the icing (plain royal icing that dries hard), the juvenile relatives were bouncing off the walls. So I bought insanely expensive natural organic food colors (the item at the link is 2-pack) that produce only genteel pastels and will see what the kids do. My sister thinks the artificial food coloring effect is a crock and that if the kids are hyper, it's from the sugar.

Organic types who go all out make their own food colors from juices. I don't have a juicer, but when I found out that the India Tree yellow was from turmeric, I felt ripped off.
posted by bad grammar at 4:02 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

two lights above the sea: Is that a one-legged cat?! Delicious!

Cat like that, you don't eat 'im all at once...

I just got Cappucino cookies from k8lin in the mail!

They have coffee in them. You'd think that wouldn't work, but it does. To me they don't taste coffeeish at all; they have a nice, not-too-sweet, cocoa(?) flavor, plus they're half-dipped in dark chocolate.

Really good.

Thanks, k8lin!
posted by misha at 4:19 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh my god, I laughed so hard I almost choked.
posted by naoko at 8:26 PM on December 21, 2012

All four members of my family, ages 7 to 50-something, laughed heartily.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:52 PM on December 21, 2012

Please cast those in a block of clear acrylic so that future generations can appreciate their utter brilliance.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:29 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Since the Metafilter cookie swap thread is now over 30 days old and closed to new comments

Thanks for starting this thread, misha. I was sad when I saw the original was closed.

zomg! newpotato's cookies were amazing -- delicious, varied (large oreo-type cookies, peppermint buttons, fig stars and rosemary lemon) neatly packaged and the box was wrapped in this really cheerful holiday wrapping paper. Made my day when I saw the package and I devoured a whole bunch as soon as I opened it.

Just wish I had taken a photo -- I emailed the other two members of our swap group and hopefully they were able to get a photo.
posted by mlis at 12:01 AM on December 22, 2012

Also, everyone should watch Share It Maybe.
posted by mlis at 12:04 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

misha, since I'm in your swap group I have to admit that I'm kind of sad that I won't be receiving those cat cookies. They are something ELSE. My mom, who was already pretty wary about me eating "Internet cookies," said that they look like they've got a few hits of acid embedded in them.

Glad you liked the cappuccino flats. They're one of my favorite types of cookies, because they're a bit different.
posted by k8lin at 9:21 AM on December 22, 2012

Those cookies are made of genius.
posted by Dr. Zira at 11:49 AM on December 22, 2012

k8lin, would you share your recipe? I am intrigued.
posted by jeather at 12:18 PM on December 22, 2012

Thanks mlis! I loved your layer cookies and I'm embarrassed to say (actually, not at all) that they did not last the day- their arrival was perfectly timed with my morning coffee and I ate at least half of them immediately and then I forced myself to save the rest for later.
They were the best thing to ever grace my mailbox.

Once a year is not enough. I vote for a seasonal cookie swap.
posted by newpotato at 3:57 PM on December 22, 2012

Gasp. What? These are not ugly cookies. These cookies are charming. Shut up.
posted by houseofdanie at 5:54 PM on December 22, 2012

You guys made my Christmas. My ugly kitties thank you from the bottom of their crucified, window-smacking hearts.

I love Metafilter.
posted by misha at 7:49 PM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

My swap cookies were delicious. I was too busy eating them to take pictures.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:19 PM on December 22, 2012

Googly eyes on cookies are the best.
posted by maryr at 10:40 AM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Happily, jeather! They're from the Better Homes and Gardens Cookies for Christmas cookbook from 1985. This is a great cookbook; it has a lot of stellar recipes and a few super-weird ones.

Cappuccino Flats (which sounds like an 80s soap opera to me)

Makes about 35 to 40 cookies, in my experience.

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar (I use dark brown sugar)
1 TB instant coffee granules dissolved in 1 tsp water (I use decaf)
2 (1 ounce each) squares unsweetened chocolate, melted
1 egg
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 TB shortening

1. Melt unsweetened chocolate in a double boiler.
2. While chocolate is melting, stir together flour, cinnamon, and salt in a medium bowl. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, whip the 1/2 cup shortening with butter. Cream together with the white and brown sugars until light and fluffy.
4. Add egg, coffee mixture, and cooled melted chocolate. Stir until incorporated.
5. Stir in flour mixture.
6. Shape into two 7-inch rolls and wrap in Saran wrap. Chill for at least 6 hours.
7. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut rolls into fat 1/4 inch slices and place on ungreased cookie sheet.
8. Bake 9-11 minutes. (I bake for 9 - they should be just set on the edges and still a teeny bit wobbly.)
9. Cool on wire rack
10. In a double boiler, melt 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips with 2 TB shortening and stir until smooth. Dip cookies halfway in chocolate. Let dry on waxed paper.
posted by k8lin at 11:13 AM on December 23, 2012 [8 favorites]

Those are the cutest cookies I have ever seen!
posted by windykites at 5:48 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

misha, I finally got your cookies yesterday (I was out of town) and not only were they still delicious and not a bit stale, they were wrapped beautifully. It was like opening a present - it even had a bow and a little box and a pretty ornament! And the recipe card is fantastic. I'll definitely be making these cookies myself in the future.
posted by k8lin at 7:19 AM on January 1 [1 favorite]

Oh, hey, I'm so glad you liked them! Yay! Thanks for letting me know.
posted by misha at 10:49 AM on January 1 [1 favorite]