ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

January 16, 2013 2:05 PM

In an effort to enhance your overall Metafilter Experience, I present the preliminary Metafilter Achievement System Slash Drinking Game. Comparing Achievement score is a widely accepted method for determining respectability, one's contributions to society, and for enhancing self esteem. Feel free to contribute suggestions, modifications, or cash. Bonus points for obscure references to Metafilter history.

SCIENTIFIC METHOD (40) - Post that correlation is not causation in the first 10 comments on the blue.
DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN (10) - Post a pic of yourself at a meetup wearing a Metafilter T-Shirt.
SILENCED ALL MY LIFE (100) - Start a Metatalk accusing mods of being overzealous tinpot dictators.
PROMISCUOUS (40) - Complain in Metatalk about the daily limit on giving out favorites.
TRICKY DICK (40) - Repeatedly comment that you are leaving a contentious thread while participating in a flamewar.
LOVE AND WAR (40) - Advise someone on the Green to buy a copy of The Rules and follow them religiously.
TODD LOKKEN (10) - Sign your comments.
MONKEY WRENCH (100) - Break the site using non-Roman or ASCII characters.
THIS ROCK REPELS TIGERS (40) - Post a question to the Green asking how to get rid of ghosts or other supernatural entities.
TEXTUAL ANALYSIS (10) - Make every letter in your post link to a different site.
DOGPILE (40) - Call out a sexist comment on Metatalk
YOU LIKE ME (40) - Make a comment which receives more than 500 favorites.
GREAT MINDS (40) - Mark as Best Answer the single answer which agrees with what you were already planning to do anyway.
NEVER GETS OLD (10) - Refer to yourself as a special snowflake or Metafilter as the Hivemind in your question on the Green.
TWO MEN ENTER (40) - Have a meticulously crafted and detailed post deleted as a double in favor of a one link obituary.
PETTY STANDARDS (10) - Reply to another comment using the @username convention.
ONE MAN LEAVES (100) - Receive a timeout for participating in too many flamewars.
WAYBACK MACHINE (40) - Have a post on the Blue deleted for being a double from more than 5 years ago.
CUTE OVERLOAD (10) - Post a single link cat video to the Blue
TOOTH DECAY (100) - Have a comment removed by Mathowie for bringing serious threats of legal action.
VOICES IN MY HEAD (40) - Post a question to the Green making yourself look like a paranoid schizophrenic.
THIRTY YEARS BORE (10) - Post the Treaty of Westphalia.
BROWSER UPGRADE (40) - Post a thread which receives more than 2000 comments.
NOT FOOLING ANYONE (40) - After bannination, come back under a new name and act precisely the way which got you originally banned.
NEVER FORGET (100) - Post a picture of someone engaging in sexual congress with poultry or other food items.
PUCKER UP (10) - Call out another member (positively) on Metatalk.
READING COMPREHENSION (40) - Use the edit window to substantially change the content of your comment.
GERM THEORY (40) - Comment on the Green saying you are most contagious before you start showing symptoms.
SUPERNOVA (100) - Disable your account during a contentious thread on Metatalk.
FASHIONABLY LATE (10) - Start a meetup thread; don't show up.
TOUGH DECISIONS (10) - Post a question on the Green asking for help naming a pet.
PROMISED LAND (100) - Start an Israel thread on the blue.
GARBAGE IN (10) - Post a question on the Green asking if you should eat obviously dangerous food.
NOT GENERIC (40) - Ask a highly embarrassing and possibly illegal question non-anonymously.
THE ESCHATON (200) - Become a moderator.
THE NEXT GENERATION (350) - Reproduce with another active Mefite; post baby pictures.

posted by Justinian to MetaFilter-Related at 2:05 PM (132 comments total)

This will end well.

I cannot believe you went for the chickenfucker and TomTom in the same MeTa. *bows* respect.
posted by carsonb at 2:12 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

Please do not actually do most of this stuff.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:13 PM on January 16 [25 favorites]

Is there a bonus for doing more than three in the same post?
posted by adamvasco at 2:17 PM on January 16

Also, the preferred nomenclature is "cheevos".
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:17 PM on January 16 [5 favorites]

Is there a bonus for doing more than three in the same post?


If so, these look like a good set:

NEVER FORGET (100) - Post a picture of someone engaging in sexual congress with poultry or other food items.
GARBAGE IN (10) - Post a question on the Green asking if you should eat obviously dangerous food.
NOT GENERIC (40) - Ask a highly embarrassing and possibly illegal question non-anonymously.
posted by jacalata at 2:19 PM on January 16 [9 favorites]

Please do not actually do most of this stuff.
@jessamyn: Stop trying to silence us, you overzealous tinpot dictators.

Sincerely,
juv3nal
posted by juv3nal at 2:27 PM on January 16 [7 favorites]

we have our first 100 point score!
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:29 PM on January 16

Cortex, this isn't a guy who built the sever backend here. This is a guy...he shit on my thread, man

There should probably be one for worst non-sequitur use of a Big Lebowski quote too.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 2:29 PM on January 16 [3 favorites]

Justinian: "WAYBACK MACHINE (40) - Have a post on the Blue deleted for being a double from more than 5 years ago."

I really do think this is worthy of MeTa discussion!

I know, I know.
posted by Chrysostom at 2:29 PM on January 16

you and clorox need to get together.
posted by xbonesgt at 2:30 PM on January 16

I don't know why such positive accomplishments as " Become a moderator" and "Reproduce with another active Mefite; post baby pictures" are included among all the more questionable "Achievements".

Seriously, a list of all-positive Achievements would probably be welcome here.

If so, give me 10 points for "Making lemonade out of topical lemons"
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:32 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

Is there a bonus for doing more than three in the same post?

A righteous beating?
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:41 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

No matter who wins, we lose.
posted by The Whelk at 2:43 PM on January 16

Well, I think I've got Not Generic on lock.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:44 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

There should probably be one for worst non-sequitur use of a Big Lebowski quote too.

No kidding. Also one for gratuitous self-linking in comments, I guess.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:46 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

The Drinking Game Modification is pretty simple, but unfortunately depended heavily on mentioning specific members by name which even I felt was questionable. Things like

2 drinks: jxxxxxx tells someone on the green to prematurely dump her boyfriend.

So this seemed less problematic.

Please do not actually do most of this stuff.

Awww. You're just trying to protect your score. jessamyn (350).
posted by Justinian at 2:47 PM on January 16 [4 favorites]

Are there points for answering an AskMe with nothing but a contextless link to the wikipedia article on confirmation bias, or the Uncanny Valley?
posted by lucidium at 2:52 PM on January 16

I don't know why such positive accomplishments as " Become a moderator" and "Reproduce with another active Mefite; post baby pictures" are included among all the more questionable "Achievements".

Because it's an ad-hoc cobbled together mishmash done substantially while under the influence. (drinks)
posted by Justinian at 2:58 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

There is no cheevo for posting drunk. It's more of a reverse cheevo.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:02 PM on January 16

All of your achievement names sound like sex acts.
posted by backseatpilot at 3:03 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

oh man, even the positive ones should not be aimed for. Somebody post the hangover expansion pack so we can lock 'em all back up in the morning!
posted by iamkimiam at 3:05 PM on January 16

I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead. klangklangston was at the top of this leaderboard but then he went to Thailand or something so it's anyone's game.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:06 PM on January 16 [6 favorites]

That is sooooo klangklangston.
posted by Roger Dodger at 3:09 PM on January 16

If that actually takes off, I hope to see a "best of" list every now and again.
posted by backseatpilot at 3:09 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

The only one I don't get is "Tooth Decay". What's the story there? Is it one of those things we Do Not Talk About?
posted by Scientist at 3:10 PM on January 16

All of your achievement names sound like sex acts

READING COMPREHENSION - Successfully put condom onto penis.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:10 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

Should I turn off this buzzsaw before eating it?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 3:11 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

There is no cheevo for posting drunk. It's more of a reverse cheevo.


What about under the influense of home made pyscadelics?
posted by The Whelk at 3:13 PM on January 16

SOUNDS LIKE THIS IS ACHIEVEMENT IN ASSHOLERY.

(By the way: shouting (10): Make a post in all caps)
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 3:19 PM on January 16

I know this post is a joke, and I understand it as such, but all gamification of MetaFilter makes me deeply uncomfortable. Participating in this community has been a deeply fulfilling experience through the years and I don't like it when it's treated like a game.

Let me be clear, I'm not calling out Justinian, or anyone else, specifically (some of the achievements are quite funny), but all this makes me feel like a grouchy grouch.
posted by Kattullus at 3:24 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

What about under the influense of home made pyscadelics?

Man, this hipster need for artisanal everything really grinds my gears.

There's no hipster complaints one, and these portions are so small!
posted by 1f2frfbf at 3:25 PM on January 16

GET OFF MY LAWN (40) - Curmudgeonly respond to an obvious joke with serious complaints.
posted by Justinian at 3:25 PM on January 16 [13 favorites]

I GET JOKES (40) - Use the phrase 'kidding on the square'
SJW (50) - Express outrage over an innocuous comment or phrase
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 3:35 PM on January 16

GET OFF MY LAWN (40)

Cheevo'ed!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:36 PM on January 16

"PROMISED LAND (100) - Start an Israel thread on the blue."

I've posted a dozen. Can I have 12 badges? :D (Okay, admittedly one of 'em was about a musician named Israel, but still....)
posted by zarq at 3:38 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

Whooo! 100 points! (Won't reveal which ones.) What do I "win?"

Funny that reproducing is there, but not marriage. Or divorce. Or effectively hiding the body...
posted by sonika at 3:39 PM on January 16

I have a million hit points and maximum charisma.
posted by The Whelk at 3:40 PM on January 16 [3 favorites]

@Justinian: Am in. How many points does one need to collect to be awarded the first badge? #GamifyMetaFilter

Yours Sincerely,
John Kirriemuir
posted by Wordshore at 3:42 PM on January 16

Oooo, I don't remember seeing clorox's achievements to which xbonesgt linked! Some of them are clearly necessary.
posted by Justinian at 3:43 PM on January 16

I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead.

I can totally build a greasemonkey script that adds that as a button next to 'post comment'.
posted by jacalata at 4:02 PM on January 16 [3 favorites]

I have 100 points. I'm clearly doing this right/wrong*


*delete as appropriate.

I'm confused.
posted by arcticseal at 4:09 PM on January 16

FASHIONABLY LATE (10) - Start a meetup thread; don't show up.

Who would do such a thoughtless, thoughtless thing.

Now where did I put that bye everybody
posted by griphus at 4:18 PM on January 16

Also:

SLOW NEWS DAY (50) - Post on the Blue, Green and Gray in one day.
posted by griphus at 4:21 PM on January 16 [4 favorites]

70 points. I think the cat achievements really need more points than you've offered.


Also, you missed:

GREEK CHORUS (10): Ask if something your cat does is normal, get only replies stating that all cats are weird or that their cat does the same or both.
posted by jeather at 4:25 PM on January 16 [5 favorites]

I apologize for being a grouchy grouch. I had just read something very disagreeable completely unrelated to anything MetaFilter, and was not in the best of moods. I'm sorry, Justinian, for being disagreeable in your thread.
posted by Kattullus at 5:05 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

SLOW NEWS DAY (50) - Post on the Blue, Green and Gray in one day.

wait didn't I do this? Like twice?
posted by The Whelk at 5:24 PM on January 16

I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead. klangklangston was at the top of this leaderboard but then he went to Thailand or something so it's anyone's game.

I kind of would like a flag that is "I typed out a long reply to this trolly comment and then deleted it without posting may I please receive a sincere pat on the head and a treat".

Part of the problem is that I like this community and as such I'd like to be a well-known member. The easiest way to become a well-known member is to get belligerent and fighty and sometimes I've sort of wanted to do that just so that people know who I am and I can be considered in some way a "power user" or at least a personality but unfortunately since I DO like this community I don't want to be known for being awful and fighty so I try to keep my unhelpful comments to myself and I'd sort of like some credit for that (as would a lot of us, I think; no one ever congratulates you on the comments you don't post).
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:27 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

LOOPER (5) - Make a single link FPP that consists of a link pointing to itself. Advise people not to click on the link.
AUSTRIAN SLAPSTICK (10) - Wear only lederhosen in your profile picture.
MODS GOUGE YOUR EYES (10) - Encase all your comments in the blink and marquee tags.
AOL REIMAGINED (10) - Only comment with "Me, too!"
IN MY DAY (15) - When people mention a website, wistfully follow with a comment about the stability and simplicity of gopher directories compared to websites.
QUANTITY OVER QUALITY (25) - Make a comment unfavorably comparing the readership of Reddit to MetaFilter.
QUE SURPRISE (50) - Post anonymously on the green that you have difficulty with basic math and money, and ask for advice on coping with finances for the clueless. Below the fold, slip in somewhere that you are a Representative in the House.
MISS MATT (50) - Repeatedly incorrectly state the gender of a mod until you are banned.
HTTP CONSPIRACY (50) - On every web history thread, vigorously argue that Tim Berners-Lee never existed in real life.
CLUSTERFUCK (500) - On the green put up a picture of two cats fighting, say you've got them from the shelter today and ask which is best named 'Israel' and which 'Palestine'.

Please don't actually do these.
posted by Wordshore at 5:39 PM on January 16 [14 favorites]

picture of two cats fighting, say you've got them from the shelter today and ask which is best named 'Israel' and which 'Palestine'.

If I ever get a pair of cats who fight a lot those will totally be their nicknames that is the best idea.
posted by jeather at 5:41 PM on January 16 [9 favorites]

I know you, Mrs. Pterodactyl. You didn't need fightiness when you have the gift of flightiness. Well, glidiness, at least.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:44 PM on January 16

I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead.

That is such a win-win. Will have to keep that one in mind.
posted by Miko at 5:58 PM on January 16

wait didn't I do this? Like twice?

I know I have, and I think zarq has too. Maybe cortex can do some data juggling?

Maybe I can not refer to him in a third person and ask directly?

Maybe
posted by griphus at 6:04 PM on January 16

HTTP CONSPIRACY (50) - On every web history thread, vigorously argue that Tim Berners-Lee never existed in real life.
Tim Berners-Lee is an anagram of Terrible Semen. Perhaps I've said too much...
posted by juv3nal at 6:06 PM on January 16

THE NEXT GENERATION (350) - Reproduce with another active Mefite; post baby pictures.

BOO YA DONE TOP THAT SUCKERS
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:15 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead.

What do I get if I reply to trollish comments and send my snarky asides to you?
posted by octobersurprise at 6:32 PM on January 16

negative two.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:34 PM on January 16

wait. you get more points for having a child with a Mefite, than becoming a moderator. Do you know how it is to become a moderator?
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:43 PM on January 16

460. Do I get a cookie?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:46 PM on January 16

COWBOY UP (69) - Successfully drive a herd of ass-jittering cattle.

MINYU-ETTE (500) - Take a knife and fight quonsar to the death. Like a real man.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:54 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

Do you know how it is to become a moderator?

$20 SAIT.

So sorry.
posted by arcticseal at 6:54 PM on January 16 [3 favorites]

COOL STORY BRO (20) - Respond to an AskMe with a long personal rant that is far enough off base to get removed by the mods.
I LIKE THAT IDEA (101) - Create a Metafilter spinoff site.
...NOW LETS RUN WITH IT (1001) - ...that lasts more than a year.
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:01 PM on January 16

How many points for making the worst FPP ever?
posted by Sailormom at 7:05 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

Needs to be one for making an FPP that no one likes!

Also: one for an askme where every answer is, "I didn't read your question, but here's what I have to say".
posted by curious nu at 7:05 PM on January 16

Hrm. Only 50 points. I need to get busy.
posted by deborah at 7:06 PM on January 16

EAT MY SHORTS (50) Knowingly make a Simpsons quote
BABBY (65) Make a serious misspelling in a FPP
WUT? (5) Continue fighting in thread after a mod has warned people to settle down
FORGET-ME-NOT (34.8) Post in wrong post because of multiple Tabs open
OCD (70) Check your fav count every time you navagate to Metafilter
posted by edgeways at 7:14 PM on January 16

Yah! I already have at least 350 pts.
posted by drezdn at 7:16 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

nothing about progressive rock or LSD or the travails of being a fictional character whose beliefs are fundamentally agnostic, so I'm scoring zero. How about we throw in 3 points for every time you do a ...

METAFITLER: (something-something-something - quoting something someone just said that some speaks volumes as the uniqueness of this particular site)

That would put me over a hundred, I think, or close.
posted by philip-random at 7:24 PM on January 16

This is more than 1000 points. My greatest gaming accomplishment was getting the full 1000/1000 in Oblivion, back in the day. I was sitting pretty. I thought, if I died right now in this chair, it wouldn't matter, because this is as good as it gets.

Then I logged in a few weeks later just to look at that 1000/1000 because I did that sometimes when I needed a lift.

And suddenly, it was 1000/1250. Where did this 250 come from? What had happened? Well it turned out there was DLC, which had its own achievements. I predicted then and there that this would never end, that as much as a man might think he has everything, it was really the whim of the universe, and could change in an instant.

Having 1000/1250 is as good as having nothing at all. And that is why I turned my back on gaming and finally did something with my life, so now I only read David Foster Wallace and collect Jules et Jim posters and carve things out of soapstone and I grow heirloom tomatoes which I pickle and give to those I love the most and they love me back.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:26 PM on January 16 [3 favorites]

PEARLS BEFORE SWINE (0) Post something really, really funny that gets zero favorites.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 8:07 PM on January 16 [6 favorites]

HOME OF THE BRAVE (20) Condemn all Americans as gun loving, bible bashing savages.

DROPBEARS (20) Reference the 'fact' that Australia is filled to the brim with lethal wildlife.

RISKY BUSINESS (50) Post a 'can I eat this' question on AskMe.

FAMEWHORE (150) Get mentioned by username in a media article that quotes MeFi.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:13 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

...A GOOD START (50) Claim that all lawyers are evil scum.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:17 PM on January 16

PROMISED LAND (100) - Start an Israel thread on the blue without getting deleted.

FTFY
posted by slogger at 8:52 PM on January 16 [1 favorite]

STEALTH GODWIN! (200)
Drop a Hitler reference into a thread without getting called on it.
posted by unSane at 8:56 PM on January 16 [2 favorites]

Of course the claiming of this reward negates it unless it's he last comment before the thread is closed.
posted by unSane at 8:57 PM on January 16

BOOKENDS (50) - Post a question to the Green about what to do on a first date or how to ask a person out; later post a question about dumping the same person
posted by axiom at 9:05 PM on January 16 [12 favorites]

BOWL THEM OVER (10) - Make an FPP that receives one comment or less.
posted by slogger at 9:37 PM on January 16

The only one I don't get is "Tooth Decay". What's the story there? Is it one of those things we Do Not Talk About?

The Comment.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:03 PM on January 16

BOWL THEM OVER (10)

Damnit! I would have won this one, but I commented on my own thread.

*kicks cans*
posted by Deoridhe at 10:58 PM on January 16

HOT DATE WITH ROSIE PLUS (10) Favorite your own comment.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:03 PM on January 16 [5 favorites]

BEST POLICY(30): Admit in a comment that you didn't read any of the links, but you have something to say anyway.
TOO INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT (10): Make a post that gets more favorites than comments. 2X if it has twice as many favorites as comments, 3X if three times as many, etc.
GOLDFLOOD(30): Counter an idiotic argument with 10-or-more links.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:31 AM on January 17 [1 favorite]

No kidding. Also one for gratuitous self-linking in comments, I guess.

@cortex - it's "you're out of your element", not "depth"

am I the only one who cares about the rules?
posted by dubold at 3:33 AM on January 17

I also eagerly await the sequel "If You Grill It, Dude, It Is No Dream".
posted by dubold at 3:35 AM on January 17 [2 favorites]

Looks like I have a busy few days ahead of me. Lookout Mr Jessamyn!!!

Signed

Mari
posted by marienbad at 4:35 AM on January 17 [2 favorites]

INTERNET KILLER (10) Make a post that stands, but gets at least two "this is not the best of the web" comments from 5+ year members within the first five comments.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:54 AM on January 17 [2 favorites]

THIS (5) quote, reply "this." every day for a week.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:59 AM on January 17 [3 favorites]

I know I have, and I think zarq has too.

I have no idea. Meta and the blue on the same day, certainly. No clue about the green.
posted by zarq at 5:50 AM on January 17

trolly comment

I left my post in San Francisco....
posted by zarq at 5:52 AM on January 17

I'm seriously considering a "does anyone actually RTFA before commenting" MeTa, which would get me fifty (50) points.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:23 AM on January 17

ITS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE (5) -- Write "More Inside" in the body of your FPP.
POLICE BOX (20) -- Write a massive FPP that looks like something else above the fold.
posted by schmod at 7:29 AM on January 17

OLDIEBUTSTILLGOODIE (20) refer someone to Miko's breakup advice or tangerine's ask vs guess advice.
posted by pointystick at 7:36 AM on January 17 [1 favorite]

Some of these should actually be negative scores, which would translate to unpleasant beverages in the drinking game.
posted by batmonkey at 7:44 AM on January 17

Unpleasant like {shudder} water?
posted by dersins at 8:57 AM on January 17

hah! I was thinking more like curdled shots or libations contrary to the drinker's palate (e.g. Sambuca for the licorice-hater), but perhaps that's cruel and irresponsible.
posted by batmonkey at 9:14 AM on January 17

THANKS FOR SHARING(25) You actually show the subject of an ask.mefi question the thread about them. (+10) If you print it out.
posted by drezdn at 9:34 AM on January 17

I was listening to a radio story on quad bike farm deaths the other day, where an interviewer repeatedly pressed an industry spokesperson on the question of whether or not adding rollover protection to quad bikes would make them cost more. After attempting to deflect this with an "on message" non-answer questioning the effectiveness of rollover protection, the guy grudgingly admitted that he "imagined a rollover protection system might enhance the cost".

That's the kind of enhancement I'm feeling from these cheevos.
posted by flabdablet at 9:48 AM on January 17

NUTTIN, HONEY (50) Get busted by your SO in-thread when posting a relationship Ask about them.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:07 AM on January 17 [3 favorites]

HELLO OFFICER (-50) Admit criminal activity when asking for legal advice in an not-anonymous AskMe thread.
posted by unSane at 10:15 AM on January 17 [4 favorites]

SOAP SUDS (50). Use AskMe to get all of Metafilter involved in a real-time unfolding personal drama, such as being locked in an elevator. Converts to HOAXY CARMICHAEL (-50) if the whole thing turns out to have been faked.
posted by unSane at 10:20 AM on January 17 [3 favorites]

DUMP ALL THE PARTNERS (25) Repeatedly find any angle on Ask posts to suggest the poster dump their partner e.g. "Dump her and find a girlfriend who likes coffee, share a pot every morning".
posted by Wordshore at 11:16 AM on January 17 [5 favorites]

THAT'S WHERE I'M A VIKING (100 points) - Make the first comment in a longboat (over 500 comments) thread.

THE HUDSON (1 point for every comment before yours) - Make a comment forcing everyone in a longboat thread to lose The Game.
posted by misha at 11:33 AM on January 17 [2 favorites]

THE OARSMAN (30) get the final comment in an epic longboat thread, seconds before it closes at the one-month mark.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:13 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

not February-ist
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:15 PM on January 17

FISH PANTS (1,000) : Inadvertently start an in-joke that evolves into a descriptive phrase for a specific thing, i.e. "longboat."
posted by sonika at 1:18 PM on January 17 [1 favorite]

THE HERO OF GIF-TEMBER(1000)- Successfully convince the mods that on at least one day of the year, the img tag should be allowed.
posted by drezdn at 1:27 PM on January 17

damn you misha, damn you straight to heck.
posted by edgeways at 2:05 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

BROTHER BILL (10): Quote Bill Hicks, get favorites.

SELL OUT (5): Post that 'Not the customer, the product' quote and get double digit favorites.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:14 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

YOU AIN'T FROM ROUND HERE (-100): Confess in a thread that you don't actually like David Foster Wallace that much.
posted by unSane at 2:30 PM on January 17

RECYCLING (10) Make the same joke in different threads.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:42 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE (-1000) Fake your own death on MeFi.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:44 PM on January 17 [4 favorites]

SAME AS IN TOWN(20) Set up, or finish a joke that ends with "the same as in town."
posted by drezdn at 2:58 PM on January 17

KEEP FUCKING THAT CHICKEN (50) Relentlessly make the same axe-grindy points in every thread which touches on your particular hobby-horse, however tangentially.
posted by unSane at 3:00 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

BOMBS AWAY! (25) Drop a single, spectacularly politically incorrect but ass-jitteringly phrased comment into a thread, then walk away and watch the thread explode from 30,000 feet.
posted by unSane at 3:05 PM on January 17 [1 favorite]

SILLY CNUT (50) Attempt to win an argument by claiming to know more about the subject than anyone else, as opposed to actually arguing. 50 bonus points for using any variant of the phrase "I know more about this than you can possibly imagine".
posted by unSane at 3:11 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

katz r dum plz deklah
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:12 PM on January 17 [1 favorite]

REACHAROUND (100 if not detected): Successfully use a sock-puppet to agree with yourself in an argument.
posted by unSane at 3:14 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

REACHAROUND (100 if not detected): Successfully use a sock-puppet to agree with yourself in an argument.

I wanted to call this one SOCK CHOCKY, but I think yours is better.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:28 PM on January 17

SOCK CHOCKY (-50): Successfully use a sock puppet to disagree with yourself in an argument. -50 bonus points if you start a flame war.
posted by sonika at 3:56 PM on January 17 [5 favorites]

BELLE OF THE BALL (25): Bless someone's heart.
posted by Gygesringtone at 4:16 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

Hey...finally got some points... (boy am I the opposite of a power user)
posted by edgeways at 5:34 PM on January 17

"I will give people five points for avoiding replying to trollish comments and sending their snarky asides to me instead. klangklangston was at the top of this leaderboard but then he went to Thailand or something so it's anyone's game."

wassup ⌘ F
posted by klangklangston at 5:48 PM on January 17

Man, we need a greasemonkey script and off-site scoreboard for this.
posted by unSane at 6:15 PM on January 17 [1 favorite]

You'll make poor Kattallus' head explode.
posted by Justinian at 6:47 PM on January 17

CHERRY BOMB (100): Make poor Kattullus' head explode.
posted by unSane at 6:48 PM on January 17 [2 favorites]

FIRST, BE SMART FROM THE VERY BEGINNING (600): Terrify the userbase with your specific, intimate knowledge of a disturbing subject.
posted by yellowbinder at 8:07 PM on January 17 [3 favorites]

TAGLINE (5): Make a Metafilter: tagline joke.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:11 PM on January 17

Funny that reproducing is there, but not marriage. Or divorce. Or effectively hiding the body...

Marrying and reproducing with an active MeFite (order unimportant), choosing to not divorce them, getting away with it by following AskMe answer. WIN THE GAME!
posted by dg at 12:40 AM on January 18

WHY DON'T YOU STAY THERE (10): First-comment every FPP with "Saw this on Reddit yesterday."
RAISING THE ANGRY MOB (25): Query on Ask why libraries are still funded when everyone has Google and an iPad.
CHICKPEA CHATTER (30): Derail threads into lengthy discussions on the best ways to make hummus.
COMMENT BOOK GUY (50): Find a slightly ambiguous mod decision from before 2003. Bring it up and analyze in subjective detail every time the same mod posts another decision.
GO STRAIGHT TO THERAPY, DO NOT PASS GO (100): On every animal-related FPP, comment with "Not my proudest boner."
posted by Wordshore at 4:43 AM on January 18 [4 favorites]

I PUT ON MY WIZARD HAT (40) - Act like a D&D rules lawyer on Metatalk.

I'm looking at you, current edit meta.
posted by Justinian at 2:11 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]

THE ROYAL WE: (15) Make a comment using 'we' to indicate that you assume all MeFites live in the US.
posted by unSane at 6:42 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't it be the republican we, then?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:58 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]

DRINK THE DOG BEANS (25): Urge on a MeFi asking if they should consume something that has been in contact with non-human excrement.
posted by Wordshore at 2:10 AM on January 19

LA LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING (10) Insist your point is valid despite that all available evidence suggests the opposite.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:42 PM on January 20