Our friend, WolfDaddy

February 19, 2013 3:55 PM

It's with great sadness and an unbearably heavy heart that I share the news that MeFite WolfDaddy (and most recently, PapaLobo) has died.

Eric and I became friends here on MetaFilter over ten years ago, but it wasn't really until the MeFiTenth party in New Orleans that we became close. He was a kind and funny man; generous and smart. When we'd go out in New Orleans, he'd charm free drinks out of every bartender.

He was an active member here, and on MetaChat and the MeFightClub. Those of you who interacted with him can attest to his wit and joy for life. Along with the other Houston-area MeFites, he competed in bar trivia competitions (which weren't his strong-suit, but he competed fiercely). He enjoyed online gaming and was proud to have beta-tested a number of them, most recently "Diablo 3". Recently, a series of health problems left him unable to get out and about as much as he once did, but was hopeful for a healthy recovery as we planned another trip to the crescent city to eat and drink our way through it all. But now all those drinks will be to his memory.

Funeral arrangements are currently pending, but I will share them here once they're set.

Friends wishing to make memorial donations are welcome to make them to Animal Village NM, a no-kill animal adoption and rescue organization founded by Eric's mother, Nancy.

He was a wonderful and valued member of this community and the world will forever be slightly less interesting without him in it. Goodbye, my friend.

posted by ColdChef to MetaFilter-Related at 3:55 PM (390 comments total)

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posted by Stynxno at 3:58 PM on February 19

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posted by Phire at 3:59 PM on February 19

:(
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:59 PM on February 19

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posted by Kitteh at 4:00 PM on February 19

My best wishes to his family and friends.
posted by saveyoursanity at 4:01 PM on February 19

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posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:01 PM on February 19

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this. Thanks for this lovely remembrance of the man, ColdChef. My condolences to you and all his friends and family.
posted by scody at 4:01 PM on February 19

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posted by msali at 4:01 PM on February 19

I-what the. Oh fuck.


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posted by The Whelk at 4:02 PM on February 19

I feel terrible; I didn't even know he was ill! I'm very sad to hear this.
posted by Specklet at 4:04 PM on February 19

WolfDaddy's one of those guys who has been around here forever and just feels like part of the Metafilter substrate, like it's just natural that he'd be there. I'll miss having him around.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:05 PM on February 19 [19 favorites]

Dash it all.
posted by Jofus at 4:07 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

Oh, no! WolfDaddy and I interacted early on in my time here, and he made such a big impression on me. I've always had a real fondness for him. This is so sad!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:08 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by dhartung at 4:08 PM on February 19

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posted by rhapsodie at 4:09 PM on February 19

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Crap crap crap and no. The world's a smaller place.
posted by yerfatma at 4:09 PM on February 19

My friendship with Eric is one of the things I'm most grateful to Metafilter for. We first met thanks to the Hurricane Ike thread and discovered we lived less than a mile apart. He and I texted each other often with news of which mini-mart had food and offers of showers and power usage when either of us had those available.

When we finally met he treated me as if we'd been friends all our lives and it really felt that way. He made me laugh harder than almost anyone I've ever known. Eric was like a member of my family and I'll never forget what a generous, kind and loving person he was. He made the world a better place.
posted by Mamapotomus at 4:11 PM on February 19 [42 favorites]

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posted by pb (staff) at 4:11 PM on February 19

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posted by goshling at 4:12 PM on February 19

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posted by hellojed at 4:14 PM on February 19

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posted by juv3nal at 4:14 PM on February 19

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posted by melissa at 4:15 PM on February 19

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WolfDaddy was always kind to me as a young Internet denizen. I guess I'm not so young anymore. I hope I can live up to his example.
posted by muddgirl at 4:15 PM on February 19

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posted by COD at 4:16 PM on February 19

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posted by Big_B at 4:17 PM on February 19

Oh no. I haven't been over there in quite a while, but we always had so much fun talking TV over at MeFightClub. I really thought of him after every new episode of Archer, but I always said, "I'll go back next week."

My heart goes out to all his friends and his family.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:17 PM on February 19

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posted by Diagonalize at 4:17 PM on February 19

Damn.

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posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:19 PM on February 19

Wolfdaddy was one of the reasons that I realized that metafilter was for me. It's a testament to him and to the community of this site that I can feel such a sense of loss for someone I never met in person. I wish him peace. I won't forget him.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:21 PM on February 19 [5 favorites]

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posted by Sys Rq at 4:22 PM on February 19

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posted by jamaro at 4:22 PM on February 19

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posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:22 PM on February 19

oh, WolfDaddy.

you were a charmer and a flirt wrapped around a heart of gold, and I know that I wouldn't be the same person without you.

Rest in peace. You're missed already.

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posted by heeeraldo at 4:22 PM on February 19 [3 favorites]

One of the best of us.

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posted by eyeballkid at 4:23 PM on February 19 [3 favorites]

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posted by Lyn Never at 4:24 PM on February 19

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posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 4:25 PM on February 19

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posted by Metroid Baby at 4:26 PM on February 19

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posted by crush-onastick at 4:27 PM on February 19

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posted by Chichibio at 4:27 PM on February 19

oh no :(
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posted by flatluigi at 4:28 PM on February 19

When I found out I'd have to move by my wee self to the big unknown land of Houston the first thing I did was post to Metachat asking what to do. The first comment was "You need a WolfDaddy!" And I did. And we had so many fabulous adventures together. And it was good.

Rest well, sir.
posted by casarkos at 4:29 PM on February 19 [16 favorites]

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posted by dirtdirt at 4:29 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by brennen at 4:30 PM on February 19

Oh

oh no

WolfDaddy...

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posted by flibbertigibbet at 4:30 PM on February 19

Farewell, friend.
posted by gomichild at 4:30 PM on February 19

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posted by Elementary Penguin at 4:31 PM on February 19

I am sorry to hear this.

...and the world will forever be slightly less interesting without him in it.

Indeed.
posted by y2karl at 4:31 PM on February 19

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Damn. . A warm and generous soul.
posted by Runes at 4:31 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by bitter-girl.com at 4:32 PM on February 19

I've made a brief post on MeFightClub, pointing over here. Hopefully someone can put something up over on MetaChat as well.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:32 PM on February 19

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posted by BibiRose at 4:34 PM on February 19

He was lovely.
posted by jrossi4r at 4:35 PM on February 19

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posted by the young rope-rider at 4:35 PM on February 19

Oh, no! That's so sad.

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posted by batmonkey at 4:37 PM on February 19

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posted by spinifex23 at 4:37 PM on February 19

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posted by trip and a half at 4:38 PM on February 19

Oh, what a huge loss. I never met him in person, but he was one of my beloved Mefis here. Thinking of all his friends and family.

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posted by bearwife at 4:39 PM on February 19

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posted by A dead Quaker at 4:41 PM on February 19

Damn.

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posted by Gridlock Joe at 4:43 PM on February 19

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posted by box at 4:43 PM on February 19

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posted by pemberkins at 4:47 PM on February 19

Holy shit! Such sad news!

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posted by ericb at 4:47 PM on February 19

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posted by Artw at 4:48 PM on February 19

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posted by briank at 4:48 PM on February 19

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posted by Shepherd at 4:48 PM on February 19

Augh, I hate to hear this.
posted by ifjuly at 4:49 PM on February 19

Shit, that sucks.
posted by COBRA! at 4:52 PM on February 19

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posted by Obscure Reference at 4:57 PM on February 19

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posted by readery at 4:58 PM on February 19

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(I didn't know WolfDaddy, but my condolences to all who did.)
posted by running order squabble fest at 5:00 PM on February 19

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posted by clockbound at 5:00 PM on February 19

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posted by dismas at 5:01 PM on February 19

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posted by Dr. Zira at 5:03 PM on February 19

Good egg. Damn :(
posted by heyho at 5:04 PM on February 19

:(

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posted by zarq at 5:05 PM on February 19

Wait, what?

Nuuuuuuu!

*sad wolf howls*
posted by hippybear at 5:06 PM on February 19 [4 favorites]

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posted by leslies at 5:11 PM on February 19

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posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:13 PM on February 19

This is just terrible, terrible news. My heart goes out to his family and friends (us!) and all that he's left behind.

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posted by shiu mai baby at 5:13 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by mathowie (staff) at 5:13 PM on February 19

Always sad when a good guy passes.
posted by Cranberry at 5:14 PM on February 19

Aww, man. That sucks. I hope that folks around him are doing OK.
posted by klangklangston at 5:15 PM on February 19

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posted by jdherg at 5:21 PM on February 19

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The quiet chat I had with him in one of the hotel parlors was one of the highlights of my mefi 10th.
posted by brujita at 5:22 PM on February 19

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posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:23 PM on February 19

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posted by porn in the woods at 5:23 PM on February 19

I'm so sorry to hear of this loss, not just to Metafilter, but for his presence anywhere. He was a kind, friendly man who made me comfortable when I needed it. I regret not knowing him as well as I could have.

I mourn him, and I hope he's at peace.

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posted by disclaimer at 5:23 PM on February 19

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Met him in person at bar trivia and played a few games with him on MeFightClub's servers. I had no idea he was ill.

We have crash space in Houston for anyone needing it; however, we are QUITE far outside of town. Email me for details. (Yes, we have gin.)
posted by SpecialK at 5:23 PM on February 19

I met Eric at my first MeFi meetup, where he told me in that kind, exuberant way he has, that we would be great friends. and so we were. Not knowing each other all that well, we drove to MeFi10 as carpoolers and returned as friends.

He was a great and sometimes awesomely gross storyteller, a generous listener, a patient friend and cheerleader, and a rescuer of wayward kittens.

I am now going to pour myself a gin and tonic because I think that is what he would suggest.
posted by *s at 5:23 PM on February 19 [16 favorites]

I feel like my comment about WolfDaddy should be loud, laced with profanity, doused in gin, and followed by a long drag on a cigarette. That's how he would have wanted it.

Everything I try to write comes across maudlin and mopey and I can confirm that WolfDaddy would absofuckingloutely not approve of that shit for one minute. I can sort of hear him now. Not surprising that he could be heard from beyond the veil: that man could make some serious noise! If he heard me getting all sad and mopey about his death, he would probably just start a maniacal laugh or stick his fingers in his ears yelling "lalalalalala lalalalalala!"

And then he would tell a dirty joke. Or maybe just say something dirty.

Last I saw WolfDaddy, he was dangerously close to getting beaten up by some frat boys at trivia. They looked like they were having a bromance out there on the patio, and we were snickering about the unintentional homoeroticism of it all, when WHOOSH out he went and the next thing we knew he was talking to them and everyone inside was doing a Slow-Mo-Noooooooooooo hoping that he wasn't suggesting that they kiss, as he'd just threatened to do moments before.

He didn't wear seriousness well - it hung on him like an ill-fitting suit. So when he needed to pretend to be A Boring Adult last summer, he called his two lawyer friends for The Most Boring Fashion Consult Ever, and *s and I took him to a department store and played dress up with him. Even through the whole thing, he tried to figure out ways to be subtly subversive. "Can I wear a hot pink tie?" We were The Man, hired for the explicit purpose of keeping him silenced his whole life. Or at least for a couple weeks.

We made regular pilgrimages to Disco Sushi for the Sunday brunch, always followed by a pilgrimage to Lush for bath products in obscene quantities. Like casarkos, when I moved back to Houston, I was consoled by the fact that MeFi offered a Ready Made Set of Friends That I Didn't Know I Already Had... and WolfDaddy was a major part of that.

To Eric! To WolfDaddy! To memories!

With immense gratitude.
posted by jph at 5:24 PM on February 19 [74 favorites]

No. No no no.

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This is tremendously sad news. I met him at the MeFi 10th and later at MeFightClub. Devastating. A man of infinite warmness.
posted by absalom at 5:24 PM on February 19

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posted by arcticseal at 5:31 PM on February 19

I'm sorry for our loss, but I'm sorry for your loss too, ColdChef.
posted by Toekneesan at 5:31 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by motty at 5:33 PM on February 19

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posted by aine42 at 5:35 PM on February 19

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posted by Majorita at 5:37 PM on February 19

It sent me into fits of giggles to hear Eric call him for a lunch recommendation en route to MeFi10. "Uh, ColdChef, this is WolfDaddy..."
posted by *s at 5:37 PM on February 19 [14 favorites]

A mensch. I am lucky to have known him and IRL met him. I will miss him.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:39 PM on February 19

jph put it very well. And jessamyn is right; a mensch indeed.

I didn't know Eric that well, but greatly enjoyed hanging out with him and others at Tales of the Cocktail in New Orleans in 2010 and 2011. His cynical sense of humor meshed well with mine and he was enormous fun to be around.

Dammit.

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posted by Vidiot at 5:40 PM on February 19

Oh no! I'm so sad to hear this. I was lucky enough to meet him at a few local meet-ups. So warm, so funny. We both got teary at the start of that Star Trek movie where Kirk's parents die and that made me laugh talking with him about it! Someone upthread said he was what made them know metafilter was for them. So true. I'm so sad.

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posted by dog food sugar at 5:41 PM on February 19

No, not another good one. :(

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posted by pxe2000 at 5:43 PM on February 19

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posted by cazoo at 5:45 PM on February 19

"Uh, ColdChef, this is WolfDaddy..."

It's like a CB conversation.

I was so sad to get the phone call today.

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posted by mrbill at 5:45 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

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posted by oneswellfoop at 5:46 PM on February 19

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posted by jjray at 5:52 PM on February 19

sad news.

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posted by trunk muffins at 6:06 PM on February 19

He was a big tall sexy man who loved to laugh and who understood that it's always Bloody Mary:30 somewhere. Cheers, my good friend. Love you!

ColdChef, is that Second Line video from Commander's Palace somewhere that we could link to it?
posted by tizzie at 6:08 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

ColdChef, is that Second Line video from Commander's Palace somewhere that we could link to it?

I've been searching for it, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. I'll keep looking.
posted by ColdChef at 6:10 PM on February 19

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I hate to displace the ever-poignant column of respect with a comment - but everyone should hope to have such a lovely eulogy on MetaFilter - or anywhere. Thank you for this.
posted by peagood at 6:11 PM on February 19 [6 favorites]

Thanks for this write up, ColdChef. I am always saddened by the loss of one of our own. WolfDaddy isn't one of those names I know by sight, but I've clicked into his profile enough to realize he's landed on my radar.

Is there a script I can run to see everything he's written that I've favorited and the reverse?
posted by cjorgensen at 6:12 PM on February 19

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posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:12 PM on February 19

This is stunningly sad news. Thank you for sharing.

I really wish I had met him in person. Hell, I wish I could meet many of you in person.

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posted by Curious Artificer at 6:13 PM on February 19

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posted by sonika at 6:13 PM on February 19

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posted by CitrusFreak12 at 6:15 PM on February 19

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Fare the well.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:17 PM on February 19

RIP :(
posted by terrapin at 6:18 PM on February 19

And I will also log back in under my old name to pay respects.

Wolfdaddy, I enjoyed interacting with you on this and other places on the internet, and I wish I had met you in person. I could tell you were always one of the good guys, and I'm glad others got to find that out first-hand. Godspeed, internet friend, and safe travels.
posted by yhbc at 6:21 PM on February 19 [5 favorites]

Oh, WolfDaddy. What in other people might have been called hyperflirtatious behaviour was in you just a well of warmth and a humour so deep, you just couldn't help spreading it everywhere.

I hope you had a peaceful and painless end.
posted by orange swan at 6:22 PM on February 19

one of my all-time favorite entries I've ever come across on a profile: Gender: 'Oh, I'd have to say big fag, Chuck'


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posted by mannequito at 6:23 PM on February 19 [4 favorites]

Remember when wolfdaddy linked to nifty.org in a son of minya flameout thread? Minya clicked the link, gay-panic'd, then scolded wolfdaddy, "Thanks to you, the NSA probably thinks I'm gay!" And remember how wolfdaddy swooned over Steven, the Dell dude, in spite of Steven being, as he said, "twinkier than I usually go for"? (Bonus: that thread has jonmc's denial that he was ever "nubile.")

I guess I loved that guy about as much as it's possible to love an imaginary person on the internet. RIP, wolfdaddy.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:26 PM on February 19 [6 favorites]

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posted by ants at 6:32 PM on February 19

One night in New Orleans, in the wee wee small hours of the morning, WolfDaddy told me the story of the first time he ever came out to someone. He was a young boy, growing up in Ruidoso, NM. He had gotten a part in a local production of "The Wizard of Oz." Also in the production was a young man named Neil Patrick Harris (playing the part of Toto, if you can believe it). They became friends (despite the fact that Eric was a few years older). At one point during the production, they were talking about all the people in the cast who they found good-looking. Eric admitted to NPH that he was mostly attracted to the other boys in the cast. To his credit, NPH shrugged it off and never made a big deal out of it, and he was suddenly comfortable being who he was and feeling like he felt. Eric admitted that his whole life could have possibly changed if NPH had reacted otherwise.
posted by ColdChef at 6:35 PM on February 19 [85 favorites]

He was a big, kind, ever-friendly presence over on MefightClub, too.

This is kind of hearbreaking. I'm going to miss him a lot.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:35 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

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So sorry for this loss, and grateful for all you sharing personal memories of him as well. I didn't know him well, though he was a stalwart MetaChatter, but I feel as if I know him better because of your remembrances.
posted by Miko at 6:36 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by rbellon at 6:36 PM on February 19

Wolfdaddy was an excellent guy. I am not supposed to be drinking right now but I will raise a toast to him tonight.
posted by boo_radley at 6:36 PM on February 19

WolfDaddy was always an inspiration here. I'm saddened beyond words to know he's gone, and wish all of his family and friends solace and comfort. My hounds have howled. It's what they do when they catch me crying.

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Coldchef, heartfelt sympathies to you for your loss.
posted by vers at 6:36 PM on February 19

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posted by xingcat at 6:49 PM on February 19

That's so funny, ColdChef, I was just thinking about WolfDaddy's NPH story. I think it was one of the kindnesses he experienced in life that made such an impression on him that he felt obligated to keep paying it forward.
posted by jph at 6:52 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

a young man named Neil Patrick Harris (playing the part of Toto ...

Now I'm imagining a young NPH in a terrier outfit looking up sanguinely at wolfdaddy while he explains his crushes on boys.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:52 PM on February 19 [5 favorites]

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posted by Atom Eyes at 6:52 PM on February 19

Proud to say I met him. Didn't get a chance to spend much time with him, but there was revelry in NOLA.

Rest in peace, friend.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:52 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by cooker girl at 7:00 PM on February 19

(was gonna say exactly what MCT just said... was good to have met him.)

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posted by not_on_display at 7:01 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by Justinian at 7:02 PM on February 19

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posted by nobody at 7:05 PM on February 19

Video tour of the suite we shared one weekend at the Windsor Court in New Orleans.

Do you see those bells on the table in the living room? Picture the two of us drunk as Cooter Brown, wearing nothing but those robes, smoking Marlboro lights and ringing those bells on the balcony, demanding that more wine be brought up to us. It was that kind of weekend.
posted by ColdChef at 7:06 PM on February 19 [15 favorites]

Even someone as bad as associating screen names to real people recognized WolfDaddy, because, hello, WolfDaddy. That's not a name I'll forget, especially when his comments were like his - playful, often ribald, usually fairly fearless seeming.

When he-as-PapaLobo expressed surprise that I was gay earlier this year based on some comment I'd made, I spent a long time unsucessfully trying to come up with a witty response about how I couldn't have possibly made it more obvious on a SFW website. I wish I'd said what I was really feeling - which was that I was glad he'd recognized me at all.

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posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:06 PM on February 19 [3 favorites]

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posted by porpoise at 7:13 PM on February 19

This is terrible news, I am so sad about this...WolfDaddy was so nice to me when I was new, he has always been among my favorite people here - I missed him when he went away and was delighted when he came back as PapaLobo. ColdChef, thank you for posting such a warm tribute, I have not read this thread yet, I am just gobsmacked to learn this.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:16 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

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posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 7:45 PM on February 19

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posted by keli at 7:49 PM on February 19

Oh, this is terrible news.

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posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:57 PM on February 19

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posted by chococat at 8:02 PM on February 19

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posted by annathea at 8:09 PM on February 19

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posted by bilabial at 8:09 PM on February 19

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This is just so very sad.
posted by yellowcandy at 8:10 PM on February 19

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posted by Doohickie at 8:12 PM on February 19

My condolences to everyone whom this loss hits hard. I'm very sorry I didn't get to know someone who will be so greatly missed.
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posted by DarlingBri at 8:13 PM on February 19

Aw, hell.

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posted by brundlefly at 8:14 PM on February 19

Oh shit.
posted by jokeefe at 8:16 PM on February 19

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posted by gingerbeer at 8:20 PM on February 19

Damn damn damn. WolfDaddy was a sweetheart and answered a few questions I had when a noob here at MeFi. The world is a lesser place without him.
posted by deborah at 8:21 PM on February 19

AH! The video was discovered and sent to me!

While we were having lunch at Commander's Palace in New Orleans, a Second Line parade began in the dining room. WolfDaddy jumped right in line, dancing through the tables and having a wonderful time. (Look for him in his legendary cocktail attire towards the end of the video)
posted by ColdChef at 8:23 PM on February 19 [20 favorites]

I'm so sorry to hear this very sad news. Thank you to all who are sharing their memories.

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posted by jokeefe at 8:29 PM on February 19

Well, crap.

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posted by rmd1023 at 8:31 PM on February 19

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posted by From Bklyn at 8:37 PM on February 19

Safe journey, sir.

Best wishes to you and yours.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:37 PM on February 19

Ah GODDAMNIT this tears me up I am so sad. God damn. What a fucking loss. What the fuck. We got to be pretty good friends that weekend in New Orleans for Mefi 10th and spent a good portion of it together, buying each other drinks and telling stories of woe. Fuck. The emails and chats eventually tapered off but hell I figured eventually we'd run into each other again and it would be just the same. Here's my picture of wolfdaddy and you too, coldchef.

Jesus the losses, this whole getting older thing. They fall, the most interesting go quickest and leave behind a terrible space. We are all diminished.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:45 PM on February 19 [13 favorites]

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posted by maudlin at 8:51 PM on February 19

I'll just have to treasure some memories from NoLa harder now. This makes me very sad, but I don't think he'd want us to be too sad for too long.

Cheers, WolfDaddy. Please keep an eye out on us down here.
posted by lilywing13 at 8:57 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by faineant at 8:57 PM on February 19

Well, shit.

Mostly I knew him from metachat. A very good guy.
posted by gaspode at 8:59 PM on February 19

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posted by smoke at 9:00 PM on February 19

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posted by Cyrano at 9:01 PM on February 19

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posted by russm at 9:05 PM on February 19

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posted by axiom at 9:10 PM on February 19

I used to be a lot more active on MeFi, and WolfDaddy was always such a great person to interact with here, and to meet in person, as with mygothlaundry and everyone else at the 10th. WolfDaddy was a great punster I recall, and also someone who made me feel comfortable and supported anytime I stepped out into the blue.

*howls*

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posted by moonbird at 9:17 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

What a loss for all of us, as well as for the people who knew him in that magical world called real life.


Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Dirge Without Music"
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:24 PM on February 19 [13 favorites]

Oh, WolfDaddy! What a sweet, smart, funny, occasionally profane soul. His warmth radiated right through the screen. I'm so sorry to know you've gone, WolfDaddy. You'll be missed. Oh, hell --- you're already missed.

You explained one of the little mysteries of my childhood, and I think of you without fail every Halloween.

My heart goes out to your loved ones, who were lucky to know you.

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posted by Elsa at 9:39 PM on February 19

:(

WolfDaddy was a lovely chap and I'm glad I got to spend some time with him at MeFi10Nola (among many other things, he helped me carry a big painting back to my car, and treated a bunch of us to champagne).

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posted by subbes at 9:39 PM on February 19

Oh no, sad news. I liked reading his comments; he seemed like a sweet person. My condolences to you, ColdChef, and to his family and friends as well.

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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:47 PM on February 19

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posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:47 PM on February 19

I knew him only through Mefi, and I am clearly poorer for never having spent time in his company. Peace, Sir.
posted by Optamystic at 9:51 PM on February 19

I am grateful for all you sharing your personal memories of him. It's one of the things that makes this place special.

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posted by Sailormom at 9:51 PM on February 19

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I enjoyed meeting him at the 10th Anniversary party too. I just showed his pic to my fiancé, who also expresses his condolences.

I had never heard the NPH story before - is there some way to share that with him? Twitter? NPH seems like the type of guy who would appreciate hearing the story.
posted by radioamy at 9:51 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

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posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:58 PM on February 19

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posted by mitten of doom at 10:03 PM on February 19

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posted by ambrosia at 10:04 PM on February 19

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posted by dysh at 10:06 PM on February 19

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posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 10:15 PM on February 19

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posted by Lynsey at 10:15 PM on February 19

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posted by Diskeater at 10:16 PM on February 19

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posted by jaruwaan at 10:25 PM on February 19

I didn't know him, but I was laughing fit to bust at some of his jokes last night.

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posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 10:28 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

Awww :(
posted by grouse at 10:33 PM on February 19

I think the last time I saw him was when ColdChef and co. were in town and we all met up for BBQ...
posted by mrbill at 10:34 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

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posted by maggieb at 10:36 PM on February 19

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posted by Wolof at 10:57 PM on February 19

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Oh no. This is incredibly sad.
posted by ugf at 11:17 PM on February 19

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So sad to wake up to this news today.
posted by essexjan at 11:18 PM on February 19

Oh I am so sorry to hear it! He was a funny kind man and we used to interact online quite a bit. I regret never meeting him IRL. RIP WolfDaddy! You made the internet a better place.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:36 PM on February 19

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posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 11:41 PM on February 19

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posted by harriet vane at 11:50 PM on February 19

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posted by Harald74 at 12:21 AM on February 20

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posted by HandfulOfDust at 12:27 AM on February 20

. sadness.

wolfdaddy was a good guy, the kind of user I would like to be. Warm hearted, funny, kind. This is really sad news.
posted by zoo at 12:35 AM on February 20

Oh no. Damn it.

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posted by homunculus at 12:41 AM on February 20

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posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 1:12 AM on February 20

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posted by Lina Lamont at 1:49 AM on February 20

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posted by gompa at 1:51 AM on February 20

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posted by en forme de poire at 1:54 AM on February 20

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posted by Pudhoho at 2:08 AM on February 20

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posted by Ghidorah at 2:10 AM on February 20

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posted by vacapinta at 2:35 AM on February 20

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posted by hollygoheavy at 2:41 AM on February 20

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posted by greenish at 3:41 AM on February 20

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This is very sad news. You will be missed, WolfDaddy.
posted by Grither at 4:02 AM on February 20

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posted by contrariwise at 4:02 AM on February 20

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posted by josher71 at 4:20 AM on February 20

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posted by klausness at 4:31 AM on February 20

I was pretty philosophical about Wolfdaddy's departure, until Coldchef's second line video. Wow. What a bunch of white people living it up. And there's Eric, like somebody's quirky uncle, stealing the show. I liked that man.
And I love that in the last few years the Houston MeFites have become such a sweet community of real humans, and that he had 3D friends to turn to when he needed them. Even if it was only for trivia night, or a suitup, human companionship from y'all smartypants must have really given him warmth. Thank you coldchef and MamaPotomus and jph and *s and mrbill and others here, for loving him.
posted by pomegranate at 4:35 AM on February 20 [8 favorites]

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posted by Kevtaro at 4:44 AM on February 20

I only knew WolfDaddy from his words on here but he made me laugh out loud more than once. Laughter is a wonderful thing. RIP.
posted by h00py at 4:48 AM on February 20

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posted by OmieWise at 5:05 AM on February 20

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posted by Smart Dalek at 5:23 AM on February 20

So glad we found that Second Line video. It's like a little jazz funeral for our friend.
posted by tizzie at 5:28 AM on February 20 [4 favorites]

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posted by Faint of Butt at 5:31 AM on February 20

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posted by Zonker at 6:09 AM on February 20

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posted by travelwithcats at 6:38 AM on February 20

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posted by Busithoth at 6:45 AM on February 20

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posted by soundofsuburbia at 6:47 AM on February 20

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posted by sevenyearlurk at 6:57 AM on February 20

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posted by Lafe at 7:00 AM on February 20

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posted by stoneweaver at 7:08 AM on February 20

Most here knew Eric by his rather large MeFi reputation as WolfDaddy. A lucky handful have had the opportunity to spend time with him in person. I met him in person at MeFi10 in New Orleans, and for my part, one of my favorite experiences ever was pulling an all-nighter with him and nola at a local bar after the meetup.

Of course, the evening included a vintage WolfDaddy moment. Late into the night after nursing far too many beers, I found myself smarting over a recent ex-girlfriend. I sarcastically observed that I hadn’t so much as been propositioned by a gay guy since the breakup -- or ever. In true WolfDaddy fashion, he stood up and, without a hint of irony or mockery, declared: "Bob, you’re a cute guy!" and planted a giant sloppy wet kiss on my mouth. Then he had the audacity to laugh and laugh at me as I recoiled in shock and heteronormative horror. Way to put me in my place, you bastard.

But what people often don’t see beneath his larger-than-life persona was his ginormous heart. As we talked into the early morning, he related to us stories about all the terrible things he endured growing up as a gay man. Then, instead of wallowing, he pivoted unexpectedly and became emotional about all the gay youths nowadays who were still growing up facing what he faced. His voice cracked as he announced, "We have to save them. We have to find a way to save them all…"

And he was aware. When we left that bar at daybreak, he paused to looked up at the sunrise reaching the rooftops of the city. "Look at the light on that building," he insisted, pointing. "If you don’t really look at that light, then you’re no photographer." And we stopped, and we looked for a few moments. But I was drained, and wanted to find my bed, and said my pleasantries and left him in the glorious morning light.

He and I met up a few more times during MeFi10. Afterwards, one of my favorite series of correspondences with him was about how difficult it can be to fight inertia and pursue new interests and professional directions in life after having an established identity from being someone else and doing something else for years. He encouraged my efforts to reinvent myself, and put it far better than I could:

The conversation we had back then about the "burden of online identity" is why I backed off coming back here as WolfDaddy. [...] The older I get the less of that creature I am. Good in one way as life should be constant change and growth, but sad in another to think that that part of me is largely in the past.

Maybe so, Eric. But what we think of who we are also exists largely in the past -- and I won't forget WolfDaddy, with all his larger-than-life excesses. We never had the chance to sit down and talk about photography, but I still haven’t properly thanked you yet for really understanding what I’ve been trying to get at with my work. Sometimes we’re all trying to reach through that screen.

In an ideal world, everyone would be able to say good-bye to one another, whatever the vagaries of place and time. I would find you leaving that same bar in New Orleans again, still reeking of smoke after a long night of talk. There on the sidewalk I would unabashedly plant one back on you, stubble and all, for being the magnificent bastard that you are. And the words come out in a rush: you were right, we can reinvent our selves and identities and to hell with whatever they might say. Have you heard the one about the poet-photographer who went back to school -- business school? Aren’t you going to call me out and accuse me of being yet another goddamned corporate sellout now?

But you just crack that old ragged grin of yours. Don’t forget: look, you say. And this time I leave the camera hanging by my side as I follow your gaze up and up, still looking, until I’m standing alone on the lowest street of New Orleans. The sky opens with color, and as we look: starting from the top and one by one, the buildings flame into life.
posted by DaShiv at 7:08 AM on February 20 [81 favorites]

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posted by romakimmy at 7:17 AM on February 20

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posted by jadepearl at 7:25 AM on February 20

DaShiv: The sky opens with color, and as we look: starting from the top and one by one, the buildings flame into life.

Oh, DaShiv. What a wonderful, wonderful remembrance. You appear to have the same gift with words that you do with a lens. Thank you.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:29 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]

I had never heard the NPH story before - is there some way to share that with him? Twitter? NPH seems like the type of guy who would appreciate hearing the story.

I attempted last night to share it with him here but because of the incredible volume of tweets he receives there's no guarantee he'll ever see it. It was already retweeted one by someone I don't follow - a fellow MeFite? I don't know - but that's as far as it's gone as of now.
posted by komara at 7:29 AM on February 20 [3 favorites]

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posted by kalessin at 7:37 AM on February 20

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posted by pointystick at 7:55 AM on February 20

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posted by mattbucher at 7:59 AM on February 20

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posted by ouke at 8:03 AM on February 20

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posted by verb at 8:09 AM on February 20

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posted by Floydd at 8:11 AM on February 20

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posted by Iridic at 8:15 AM on February 20

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posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:38 AM on February 20

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posted by unreasonable at 8:42 AM on February 20

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posted by wallaby at 8:50 AM on February 20

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posted by lysdexic at 8:51 AM on February 20

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posted by TravellingCari at 8:59 AM on February 20

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posted by JoanArkham at 9:01 AM on February 20

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posted by edgeways at 9:25 AM on February 20

Thank you coldchef and MamaPotomus and jph and *s and mrbill and others here, for loving him.

Include yourself in that list, lady. You Houston MeFites are some of my favorite people, and you really make me feel like you're family, and not just a bunch of people I met online. I'm kicking myself now for not making it to trivia nights and getting to know Eric better.
posted by mrbill at 9:26 AM on February 20 [3 favorites]

Oh no.
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posted by -t at 9:36 AM on February 20

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posted by darsh at 9:55 AM on February 20

Oh, no!

This pic of WolfDaddy makes me smile.

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posted by misha at 10:04 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]

that is a damn shame. I am sorry to hear this.
posted by jerseygirl at 10:10 AM on February 20

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posted by typewriter at 10:11 AM on February 20

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posted by youngergirl44 at 10:12 AM on February 20

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posted by Kwine at 10:31 AM on February 20

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posted by hydropsyche at 10:34 AM on February 20

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posted by zennie at 10:45 AM on February 20

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posted by NailsTheCat at 10:49 AM on February 20

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posted by Stewriffic at 10:56 AM on February 20

Oh fuck. We had some very charming interactions years ago and then some more just-as-charming interactions after that. This is the first I'm hearing of this and this is very sad news, indeed.

I've completely lapsed on keeping up with most of my Mefiworld friends, for some reason, which is a crying shame for as many reasons as there are users. I hereby vow to get back into y'all.
posted by item at 11:05 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]

I will miss him and his contributions. RIP, WolfDaddy.
posted by ooga_booga at 11:08 AM on February 20

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posted by Danf at 11:08 AM on February 20

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posted by Cash4Lead at 11:15 AM on February 20

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posted by cjelli at 11:22 AM on February 20

:(

I only interacted with him online, mostly via MetaChat, and that way back when I was a lot more frequently active on both MeFi and MeCha, but I'll definitely go out and give my neighbor's big furry friendly wolfish looking dog a hug and some petting in memoriam. RIP buddy, you were the friendliest internetizen ever.

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posted by lonefrontranger at 11:25 AM on February 20

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posted by The Michael The at 11:41 AM on February 20

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posted by radwolf76 at 11:55 AM on February 20

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posted by WidgetAlley at 11:58 AM on February 20

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posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:59 AM on February 20

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posted by iamkimiam at 12:13 PM on February 20

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posted by thecustodian at 12:14 PM on February 20

I only knew him from online interactions. After reading this thread, I regret never meeting him in person. I think we'd have gotten along. Fuck death.

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posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:20 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]

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posted by Lutoslawski at 12:30 PM on February 20

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posted by jess at 12:36 PM on February 20

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posted by Sophie1 at 12:50 PM on February 20

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posted by adamvasco at 12:58 PM on February 20

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posted by jabo at 1:00 PM on February 20

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posted by lord_wolf at 1:15 PM on February 20

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posted by steambadger at 1:23 PM on February 20

I liked reading what he had to write.

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posted by dazed_one at 1:40 PM on February 20

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posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:02 PM on February 20

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posted by NoraCharles at 2:16 PM on February 20

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posted by nuala at 2:24 PM on February 20

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posted by clavdivs at 2:59 PM on February 20

What the fuck!? No, man. Just no.

I originally knew WolfDaddy from Everything2.com, long before we both showed up here. We almost met in real life so many times it's ridiculous. I can't believe it's been well over 10 years now.

Anyway, meh. Yeah, he'd want us to party and continue carrying on, so, yeah. I'll do that.
posted by loquacious at 3:38 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]

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posted by twiggy32 at 4:49 PM on February 20

:(

This bottle of sangria will be drunk for you, my friend.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:04 PM on February 20

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I am so sorry I never knew him.
posted by bibliogrrl at 5:34 PM on February 20

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posted by clockzero at 6:28 PM on February 20

Jet-Poop remembers WolfDaddy.
posted by mkb at 6:50 PM on February 20 [1 favorite]

*raises glass to old friend's memory*

Rock on in the next world, pal.
posted by jonmc at 7:04 PM on February 20 [4 favorites]

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posted by annsunny at 7:20 PM on February 20

Thank you for the link, mkb. I will enjoy reading WolfDaddy's funny, heartfelt (often profane) posts there.

(Also: I finally found out the part that Eric played in the production of "The Wizard of Oz": Cowardly Lion)
posted by ColdChef at 7:26 PM on February 20 [4 favorites]

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posted by mogget at 8:02 PM on February 20

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posted by michellenoel at 8:16 PM on February 20

sad .
posted by theora55 at 8:41 PM on February 20

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posted by Ruki at 8:51 PM on February 20

This is another of the passings of a Mefite I don't really know but have some sense of from reading the site for at least the 10 years I've been a member plus lurking years before. Don't remember any specifics of why but when I saw the WolfDaddy user name in the FPP it brought up the sense of positive memories. The comments by users who did have a more personal connection to WolfDaddy led to a feeling of loss but also an appreciation of life.

There have been at least a couple of other deaths and peoples personal situations that have come up on the site that have caused my human side to poke out. This, klangklangston trip and fall (clumsy bastard), loquasious' situation, the passing of mrbill's wife that are all examples of how this commie experiment is working. There are many more.

I'm sorry for my loss and especially of the much greater loss of those who were close to Wolfday. But, without knowing him there would have been no loss and none of the benefit from the knowing of him through you who were close

This is what makes this site different for me. There are people across the interwebs that i actually carefor. Thanks Coldchef, DaShiv and others who offered personal stories







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posted by Carbolic at 9:16 PM on February 20 [1 favorite]

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I met WolfDaddy at MeFi10 too and I just assumed I would someday see him again. Maybe on a trip to Houston, or another anniversary in New Orleans. How could I not? He was so alive. He was pure goodness; I knew right away. He's one of those people that instantly gets a permanent entry in your memories. Goodbye WolfDaddy, and goodbye a bit to the absoluteness of my convictions. Fate has won this time.

A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?
-Khalil Gibran

Be well out there in the universe.
posted by halonine at 9:19 PM on February 20 [4 favorites]

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posted by zoinks at 10:33 PM on February 20

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posted by bystander at 10:59 PM on February 20

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posted by zachlipton at 1:00 AM on February 21

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posted by Coaticass at 1:24 AM on February 21

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posted by fraula at 2:21 AM on February 21

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posted by GrammarMoses at 4:06 AM on February 21

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posted by camyram at 4:31 AM on February 21

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posted by angrycat at 4:42 AM on February 21

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Wow.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:42 AM on February 21

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He was one of my favorite MeFites, his posts were just pure concentrated goodness. I'm devastated that I never got a chance to meet him, but more devastated for those who knew him as such a wonderful friend.
posted by jake at 4:59 AM on February 21

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posted by anya32 at 7:07 AM on February 21

Didn't remember I had these pics until ColdChef favorited one of them - Here's WolfDaddy from a 2009 meetup.
posted by mrbill at 7:16 AM on February 21

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posted by plinth at 8:00 AM on February 21

I was just made aware of this news. Blur and I always planned to get together with WolfDaddy again after we made his acquaintance in New Orleans at the 10th anniversary meetup. He was an awesome dude and I am glad that we knew him, however briefly.
posted by cabingirl at 8:59 AM on February 21 [2 favorites]

Gah. This is terrible.

I joined a few months after WolfDaddy here on MetaFilter and over at MeFightClub. I remember in the early days of MetaFilter (this is really pathetic, fair warning) I was so enamored of many of the bright and shiny MetaFilter personalities that I would lie in bed at night trying to list as many usernames as I could in my head. I was 18 and lonely and depressed and somehow felt like I had friends here. WolfDaddy was always in the first 3 that came to mind, I think because I was more into gaming then and we would sometimes discuss games on the Blue.

I'm so sorry he's gone now, and my heart aches for those that new him better than I knew him. I'm envious of you, and so sorry for your loss as well.

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posted by lazaruslong at 9:34 AM on February 21 [14 favorites]

Such sad news. He's one of the MeFites that I felt like I knew although I never met him in person or directly interacted with online. Seeing so much love and stories here makes me wish I found a way to spend some time with him in person.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 9:54 AM on February 21

Strange to see this right after postng congratulations for a new birth. My condolences to his family and friends. Such sad news.


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posted by Julnyes at 9:55 AM on February 21

So sorry to hear this. While I never met him, I always found him likeable here and on MeCha.
posted by EvaDestruction at 10:50 AM on February 21

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posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 12:17 PM on February 21

He was a good guy; never met him, but he was a warm and generous presence online both here and on MeFight.

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posted by never used baby shoes at 12:48 PM on February 21

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posted by blurker at 2:00 PM on February 21

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posted by ramix at 4:56 PM on February 21

I will never forget the cab ride we shared in NoLA. Distractedly trying to have a conversation while you sat in my lap in the front seat.

Travel well, my friend.
posted by BLuR at 6:03 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]

What?! FUCK. I didn't know him in person, but he was always so friendly online, it felt like I did.

A most heartfelt:

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posted by Amanojaku at 6:38 PM on February 21

ugh, this is a sadness.

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posted by exlotuseater at 7:25 PM on February 21

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posted by but no cigar at 7:33 PM on February 21

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posted by Deoridhe at 7:53 PM on February 21

This is totally unacceptable. The only one of my contacts here that listed me as both a friend and a crush? Nope, not acceptable at all. He's been such a constant here and on MeCha for me for over 10 years that it's hard to imagine he's gone.

WolfDaddy, I'll miss you. Godspeed.
posted by dg at 3:30 AM on February 22 [2 favorites]

Sigh.

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posted by mudpuppie at 2:17 PM on February 22

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posted by HeyAllie at 4:38 PM on February 22

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posted by limeonaire at 7:50 PM on February 22

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Good Journey, Friend.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 1:33 AM on February 23

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posted by whitewall at 9:10 AM on February 23

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posted by Mezentian at 9:52 AM on February 23 [1 favorite]

Damn, just saw it. I never met him, but his name was so often beneath a comment that made me chuckle or silently agree. He was part of my Metafilter.

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posted by ersatz at 3:38 PM on February 23

I also knew WolfDaddy from Everything2 and got to meet him once at an e2 meetup in LA. A sweet man and obviously loved by many. Safe journey, friend.

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posted by exceptinsects at 10:55 PM on February 23

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No fair. I haven't met THAT many MeFites that I can spare any.
posted by desuetude at 11:54 PM on February 23 [2 favorites]

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posted by andraste at 4:17 AM on February 24

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posted by pahalial at 7:11 PM on February 24

Funeral arrangements, if anyone is able to attend:

There will be a visitation at Forest Park Funeral Home on Westheimer in Houston on Wednesday, Feb. 27 from 12noon until services at 1pm.

Also: some photos from the memorial meetup this weekend.
posted by ColdChef at 6:44 PM on February 25 [6 favorites]

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posted by mayurasana at 7:26 PM on February 25

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posted by straight at 10:25 PM on February 25

Also: some photos from the memorial meetup this weekend.

That did my heart good.
posted by arcticseal at 10:31 AM on February 26 [1 favorite]

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So long WolfDaddy. You were such a charmer here and on Metachat I wish we could've met in person.
posted by safetyfork at 7:44 PM on March 16