His Majesty, the Duke of Earl.. June 25, 2013 4:45 PM   Subscribe

Today I learned that my title at work is Resident Pop Culture Expert. What's Yours?

I got my own table where I can reccommend my favorite books, so feel free to drop by and check it out. I decided to use my MeFi profile pic since it's a favorite.
posted by jonmc to MetaFilter-Related at 4:45 PM (219 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

My title at work is Shit Magnet.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:48 PM on June 25, 2013 [10 favorites]


Your table is damn cool, though!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:49 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


As a subcontractor, my title is Second Class Citizen.
posted by DU at 4:49 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thaks, Flo. If you want to see a list of whats on it look here.
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


That is damn cool, jonmc.
posted by rtha at 4:53 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm at a startup where I'm the only support staff, and it's been suggested to me (by a mefite, no less!) that my title should be "VP of Important Shit."

But actually I am the office manager. Who does accounting and HR and recruiting and purchasing and whatever other people don't want to do and way too much hand shaking.

Woe is me.
posted by phunniemee at 4:53 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


And even though there isn't a badass picture of me anywhere in the office, I did draw a picture of a dinosaur to remind people to keep the fridge door closed. So it's not all bad.
posted by phunniemee at 4:55 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thanks rtha. I especially reccomend Shot In The heart. Haunting book.
posted by jonmc at 4:55 PM on June 25, 2013


I miss being a bookseller. It's what I was born to do. 20 years later I still have dreams of my regulars and wonder if they liked the books I suggested. The recommendations are also in my dreams these days.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:56 PM on June 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


I also got in touch with Dan Epstein author of a great book on baseball in the 1970's and he was thrilled to be on a table at our store.
posted by jonmc at 5:03 PM on June 25, 2013


I'm Chief Morale Officer & Interoffice Contest Coordinator --- I run these silly little contests (Cutest Baby, Silliest Pet, Halloween Potluck, etc) for the fun of it.

One of my sisters is VP of Personnel --- the entire company consists of her and the guy she works for.
posted by easily confused at 5:05 PM on June 25, 2013


My business cards say "computer programmer / rap artist"
posted by chrchr at 5:08 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm the Curator of the Donald and Mary Hyde Collection of Dr. Samuel Johnson and Early Modern Books and Manuscripts. My business card, which dates to when I was still the Assistant Curator of the Donald and Mary Hyde Collection of Dr. Samuel Johnson and Early Modern Books and Manuscripts, looks ridiculously crowded.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:10 PM on June 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


Anytime anyone asks me this, I give my job title as Oddjob. I just need the bowler hat.
posted by arcticseal at 5:11 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


The only one of those books I've read is High Fidelity. And I absolutely love High Fidelity, so I'm inclined to trust your taste.

Congrats on your table! That's neato.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:11 PM on June 25, 2013


They call me Chief Common Sense Officer. jonmc, Imma stop by your table real soon. Love it!
posted by thinkpiece at 5:12 PM on June 25, 2013


Hey! Samuel Johnson is from my home town! Cool job, HR.
posted by arcticseal at 5:12 PM on June 25, 2013


I'm Director of Operations but also mainly in charge of morale and email high fives.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:16 PM on June 25, 2013 [20 favorites]


That is sweet jonmc.

Back when I finished high school I left the movie reviewing site I had worked for all through high school and the site owner sent me a name plate with my username on the site and my specialities - sci fi fantasy. I still have it somewhere but I loathe to display it because it does show my teenage internet handle and dear god no one should be able to know that
posted by The Whelk at 5:17 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


That's awesome.
I'm That Weird Guy Who's Been Working Here Forever.
Or, more formally, 'Content Manager'
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:18 PM on June 25, 2013


Books! I remember those!

My work title is boring.
posted by ODiV at 5:19 PM on June 25, 2013


My real title is boring, but once when I said "uhh, well..." to the question of what I do at work, someone else said "he's MacGyver." Which made me very happy.
posted by zsazsa at 5:22 PM on June 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Chairman of Last Resort
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 5:23 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Haver of Awkward Conversations that No One Else Wants to Have
posted by 4ster at 5:25 PM on June 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


I miss being a bookseller, too. Next time I'm in New York, I'm making a point of finding you at the Strand, and making you recommend a book based on my posting history.
posted by Toekneesan at 5:26 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Technically I'm Lunchroom Supervisor. But it feels like I'm the General Dogsbody and the Übervolunteer most of the time.

But I'm taking a new job, back in antiques, and I may get to make my own title, like "Vice President of Tchotchke Acquisitions and Disbursement" or "Senior Traffic Manager of Baubles, Gewgaws, Bric-a-Brac, Gimcrackery, and Objet de Vertu."
posted by peagood at 5:32 PM on June 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm technically the Senior Program Officer or somesuch boring nonsense but mostly people refer to me as "if you waste her time she might stab you with a fork and one time she made the deputy director cry".
posted by elizardbits at 5:33 PM on June 25, 2013 [9 favorites]


For a while my actual title was Arbititor after Petronius Arbititor who held a very fancy party while he slowly bled to death.

Then it was Chief Creative Director until i quit to write books full time.
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on June 25, 2013


What's your thoughts on the Bruce book, jonmc?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:38 PM on June 25, 2013


One of my coworkers dubbed me the Office Hipster. I embrace this enthusiastically, because that means I am emphatically NOT a hipster.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:39 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's on the table, Dude! (It's excellent. I've been a fan for 30 years and there was stuff in there I didn't know.
posted by jonmc at 5:41 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Some of the line items from my CV:

- Space Cowboy
- Gangster of Love
- Maurice
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:45 PM on June 25, 2013 [40 favorites]


Woo woo!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:48 PM on June 25, 2013 [12 favorites]


As soon as I saw it was a table full of books recommended by jonmc, I began the search to find one by Richard Price.
posted by SpiffyRob at 5:48 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


"I'm a dyke. I'm a riot grrrl. I'm the queen of sex. I'm a housewife with a jar of rat poison."
posted by ifjuly at 5:49 PM on June 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Officially I'm the Director of IT Services, but really I'm the only web developer at the shop and therefore defacto oh-shit-our-email-isn't-working-can-you-set-up-a-VPN-tunnel-how-do-you-add-posts-to-Wordpress-I-forget-our-Google-Analytics-password-let's-migrate-the-entire-server support staff.
posted by Phire at 5:58 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Bitch, lover, child, mother, sinner, saint.

I have been accused of empire-building, but I feel I have nothing to be ashamed about.
posted by running order squabble fest at 6:00 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Proofreader and Edit-Suggester for Angry Emails to Colleagues Who Have Wronged You
posted by decathecting at 6:07 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm "who?"
posted by LionIndex at 6:11 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


I've been called Computer Guru more than my actual title in the last 3 years. But that is super cool.
posted by deezil at 6:13 PM on June 25, 2013


the one time I had personal business cards made...
Non-Prophet Fun Raiser
I Think Icon
Alleged On My Own Time
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:14 PM on June 25, 2013


Longhair $common_first_name
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 6:15 PM on June 25, 2013


Reverend Enschlongerator
posted by planetesimal at 6:16 PM on June 25, 2013


Mr. Butterscotch - which is weird because I'm mainly into GWAR cosplay at work. I try to tell them I'm Gorbax Prime, but I don't think they can hear me through the foam rubber. I'd shout, but it is a library after all.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:18 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I used to organize tables like that. I once did one from life's beginning, to life's end. It started with books on ED and IVF and What to Expect When You are Expecting, then went on to getting into college, resume writing, investing, retirement, dying, etc. We had a district manager come in and not get it at all. She says, "What if people buy the one on getting a job you love and you have no more books like that?" I said I'd put in one on picking out a dog, etc. She changed the whole thing around until there was no theme.

I did another one and I placed only blue books on it. Photo books of Earth from space and such. Had a guy come in, say, "I'm looking for a book. It has a blue cover..." I ask, "You check the blue table upstairs?" He comes back, excited, says, "Got it thanks!"

True stories. Man, I do miss selling books.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:24 PM on June 25, 2013 [31 favorites]


I want to be in charge of Gundam.
posted by Artw at 6:33 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Developer." Straight up; that's it.
posted by ignignokt at 6:45 PM on June 25, 2013


I used to be the Production Manager at a large web site. We updated throughout the day, with the last push coming at the end of the work day. Because my department was at the mercy of the unorganized art department everyone else getting their work done in order to leave on time I humorously/bitterly starting calling myself The Caboose.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:51 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


They call me 'The Ocho'.

Technically, my title is 'Research Associate IV'. No one else in my company does what I do (survey research methodologist) and they don't want to create a new title just for me. So, from time to time, when I merit a promotion, I just keep getting a higher number. I (jokingly) said "When I get to Research Associate VIII, I want to be called 'The Ocho.'" It stuck.
posted by fikri at 6:56 PM on June 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


Dad.
posted by chococat at 7:02 PM on June 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


At a previous job, I was called "KB", which are my real initials but also a well-known abbreviation among tech people for "Knowledge Base".
posted by matildaben at 7:05 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I want to be called "The guy." Do you know who the guy who does this is? Yeah, that's me. What about the guy that does...yeah, I'm the guy.

It's a new job.

Irony is I've spent a lot of effort to not become "that guy," which I do suppose is different from "the guy," but still.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:10 PM on June 25, 2013


Mine is probably "That damn closer that can't get things right." Which I'd be fine with if they'd ever tell me what isn't getting done right instead of just taking hours away from me.

Seriously, if anyone is around Charleston and knows of a kitchen I can go work in I'm there. Part time is fine, but I'll jump ship in a heartbeat for something full time.
posted by theichibun at 7:25 PM on June 25, 2013


My work name is "Bunneesha." And no, I'm not kidding.

At home I'm the House Despot.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:26 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I discovered a few days ago that my new job title, according to my contract, is "Site Manager - Special Projects"

I think it's the best title I've ever had.
posted by deadwax at 7:29 PM on June 25, 2013


Queen of Twitter.
posted by Occula at 7:30 PM on June 25, 2013


As a male librarian I often get treated by my co-workers as a loveable, slightly exotic mascot.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:32 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


"That one"
posted by carsonb at 7:33 PM on June 25, 2013


"The one with all the outfits."
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:36 PM on June 25, 2013


At my old job I was the Query Goddess. I don't think I have a nicknamey title at my current job.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:39 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Trouble
posted by theora55 at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Not sure it's a title, but my favorite ever description for what-does-it-mean-that-EC-is-a-stage-manager was something I saw in the instructions to the volunteer box office staff for a show I was working on: "If there's any unusual problem you can't solve any other way, try talking to EC. She is the stage manager for the show, and what that means is that she is Near Omnipotent."

I was very tempted to put "Near Omnipotent" on business cards for a while.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm "the Victorianist," when I'm not "the specialist in stuff only one other person has read."
posted by thomas j wise at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I just found out someone from my family finished their medical residency and got board certified and is well on his way to making mad moolah...but then I thought:

"fuck that, nobody would read any damn book that shithead would recommend. Also, no huge picture at work."

Thanks for reminding me of the Gilmore book. He's right, read it. Mofo was executed by a FIRING squad in Utah...in 1977...that he chose on his own.

Good job.
posted by hal_c_on at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2013


Some of the managers at my previous client took to calling me "the cluster buster", because whenever there was a serious clusterfuck, I was the one they pulled in to fix it. Being a management consultant is kinda bullshit about 90% of the time, but the other 10% where you feel like The Wolf from Pulp Fiction is the hook that keeps me from quitting quite yet I guess.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 7:46 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Junior Assistant Sub-Peon, Third Class.
posted by Daddy-O at 7:51 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Some people call me the space cowboy; some call me the gangster of love.

Hey, that's a great table, jon. I especially dig Mystery Train and Dispatches.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:52 PM on June 25, 2013


My real work title is boring. Unofficially, I am the Traffic Cop. Really unofficially, I am "The one who catches birds and lizards that wander into the office."
posted by rtha at 7:54 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cool!

Since I'm a bit spread thin, I have a few:

"Medical Encyclopedia"
"Expert"
"OO, Strix will know that!"
posted by strixus at 8:14 PM on June 25, 2013


Those are some mighty fine books there, jonmc.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:14 PM on June 25, 2013


The Foreigner.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:21 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


My unofficial title at one job was Team Asshole because I was the guy the programmers and other developers brought their brilliant new systems and ideas to so I could lean back in my chair, think for a minute, then expound on all the ways I would exploit that system to torment our potential users and customers were I an asshole. I made a guy cry once.

It wasn't really surprising when I was laid off, but it was even less surprising when they launched with a bunch of holes in their systems that even a basic-level Asshole could've identified and went out of business after their entire customer database got hacked, compromised, and used ten ways from Thursday.

At another job it was The Closer because, like the baseball player, I was the superstitious weirdo that may not have been liked, exactly, but always managed to deliver when it was 5pm on Friday and you needed something done by 6pm and you hadn't started.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:58 PM on June 25, 2013 [7 favorites]


I'm known as "Tech Goddess" when they want me to fix something for them, and, if I succeed. "I have "La Bibliotecaria" engraved on my iPad. And they probably call me "that b***h if I can't fix whatever it is for them.
posted by Lynsey at 9:12 PM on June 25, 2013


I want to be called "The guy."

Train you must, if you want to be
the guy.
posted by tservo at 9:15 PM on June 25, 2013


One of my friends used to call me super responsible princess winna. I was christened thus because one day at work her car had died and she didn't have jumper cables. So I dragged mine out to jump her car and she crowed 'I KNEW you'd had a set and know how to use them!' It is the only time that I've felt like a rock star for owning some grubby oil-covered clamp-y cables.

I like it much better than my name at my current job, where they all call me a guru because the cheap flattery apparently absolves them of the need to have a basic grasp of the systems.
posted by winna at 9:19 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've recently been heard to utter "genetics is a bitch mistress", and would therefore like to petition my colleagues to call me the Bitch Doctor of Genetics, with the following* demonstration:

I told the bitch doctor I was not seeing you
I told the bitch doctor I could not see you
And then the bitch doctor, he told me what to do
He said that ....

(Chorus:)
Rosy, Humeral peach pink
yellow yellow, bar bar
Curly, cinnabar Tufted
Sternoplueral, roughoid...
Tubby, Moire, ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
Ebony, ooo ah ah scarlet
Walla walla, claret

I told the bitch doctor you didn't show me true
I told the bitch doctor you didn't show me right
And then the bitch doctor, he gave me this advice
He said to ...

(Chorus:)
ry, Hu pp
y y B B
Cy, cn Tft
Sp, ru...
Tb, Me, ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
e, ooo ah ah sc
Walla walla, ca

Now, you've been keeping markers from me
Just like you were a recessive
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out and found myself
A guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to use the RedBook.


*If you're not a Drosophila just move on, there's nothing for you here.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:25 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I did another one and I placed only blue books on it. Photo books of Earth from space and such. Had a guy come in, say, "I'm looking for a book. It has a blue cover..." I ask, "You check the blue table upstairs?" He comes back, excited, says, "Got it thanks!"

OK that's awesome.
posted by medusa at 9:28 PM on June 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


I am self employed, but I list my title as Vice President. People always ask me who the President is and I just tell them Mr. Obama of course.

I am really hoping my kids make me cards one day for a gift that says, "Johnny Gunn, Good as Shit Dad!"

I love the description the store wrote of jonmc's table: Jon lives in a strange and wonderful land called Queens. He enjoys searching though cultural scrap heaps and haunting ethnic groceries in search of the perfect snack. He likes these books. You should read them. Awesome. Would make a great epitaph on your tombstone one day. Better than a title. Also, love your book choices. Read and really enjoyed the Big Hair and Plastic Grass book. As Dick Allen said about astro turf, "If I can't smoke it, I don't want to play on it." Loved the 70s!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:46 PM on June 25, 2013


They call me "that smart-arse on level 17".

This is, of course, a new title. I used to be "that smart-arse on level 5".
posted by pompomtom at 9:49 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Database Programmer. Boring but correct.
posted by koeselitz at 10:02 PM on June 25, 2013


I wish it were more prosaic, but I've once again stumbled into a title that has nothing to do with I started out trying to accomplish: QA Manager.
posted by batmonkey at 10:08 PM on June 25, 2013


I'm Mr. Wolf. I solve problems.


Pretty please, with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:08 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Engineer Level 4.

I shove coal into the engines located in the fourth sub-basement.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 10:09 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


"What do you do again?" and "And why wasn't it done three weeks ago?"

I'll never be as cool as jonmc, not even in my dreams.
posted by Eideteker at 10:24 PM on June 25, 2013


Because I am the one who changes the lightbulbs, I make the letter "L" with thumb and forefinger, hold it to my forehead and make them call me "Lightbulb Man". Alas it's the only time my staff truly respects my skills and abilities.
posted by OHenryPacey at 10:34 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


When I was a homemaker and fulltime mom, my kids used to say I was Mastress of All That I Surveyed. Other folks called me Amazon Mom.
posted by Michele in California at 10:47 PM on June 25, 2013


Useless Team-member First Class. Or there is also the "F-you _last name_, F-you " variant.
I kinda like the latter. Sans abilities in the corporeal or tangible world; a lot of folk are stuck with the F-you variant. WELL OK THEN DUMAS, YOU FIX THE BROKEN POS THEN. YES? WELL? AND? Woooooo hooo hooo hoooo hahahahahahahahahahaha :) i loves me job. . l o v e s .
posted by buzzman at 10:49 PM on June 25, 2013


Extra Electrician/Media Server Tech/Spot 2/Spot 9//Backup Backup Board Op/Night Eos Key/fucking juicer.
posted by mollymayhem at 11:18 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Queen Moo, Keeper of the Herd.

I'm self employed, work from home, surrounded by my large collection of Holstein cows. A client I adore gave me the nick after he saw the herd.
posted by MissySedai at 11:22 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


At one of my old jobs many years ago I was known as The Maven of Efficiency.

Now I'm just a Creative Director.
posted by keli at 11:24 PM on June 25, 2013


I actually am in need of a proper title.

I was hired to be my boss' assistant. Which I am. I handle her correspondence, scheduling, errands, travel, personal things, and all the typical assistant stuff.

But I also do a lot of other stuff, like liaise with various PR contacts, coordinate media appearances, produce videos, do various social networking tasks, and also handle minor website/bloggy type things like running giveaways and taking product photos.

So... what's my job title, guys? It's getting kind of ludicrous to call myself An Assistant, though I am, it's just not a great answer for "what do you do for a living" and also is really misleading on a resume.

(If it matters, the person to whom I was hired to be an assistant is a pro blogger, tech correspondent, and life coach type person. I help her deal with those various business things, and also do personal assistant stuff.)
posted by Sara C. at 11:29 PM on June 25, 2013


Over my desk is a plaque that friends had made. Surprise: it says Amazing Grace. Not sure of the friends' taste for sarcasm.
posted by Cranberry at 11:34 PM on June 25, 2013


I'm "Mikey Likes It". Whatever anyone else doesn't want to do or know how to do, I get to do.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:44 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


In the village where I live, I'm apparently "oh him there."
That's a private title, nothing to do with my work.
posted by Namlit at 12:08 AM on June 26, 2013


I am currently the official American and one of a few resident decadent foreigners.
posted by Blasdelb at 12:32 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


-Native-speaker of English
-Holder of knowledge
-Knower of people
-"Yes" man, but not in the usual sense

Also, is this the thread where I ask one of you to hire me?
posted by knile at 1:07 AM on June 26, 2013


In my current role I don't have an interesting title. I'm just "Driver". Back when I was a business/IT whore things were better. My constant lefty griping and agitation led to me being referred to as "Union Jack", which was mildly amusing to a Brit whose name is Jack.
posted by Decani at 1:14 AM on June 26, 2013


My title, both at work and legally and all that, is Dr. But working in a lab full of other post-docs makes it less exciting than I thought it might be.
posted by shelleycat at 1:32 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


Managing Partner
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:50 AM on June 26, 2013


In my last job I was largely seen as a source of amusement and a font of unusual and off colour metaphors/analogies for corporate strategy. Which would have been fine if I wasn't the boss.
posted by MuffinMan at 2:01 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


In my last job, where I was the only "caucasian," my partner was informally known as "Head Honcho" whereas I was "Head Honkey."
posted by Joseph Gurl at 2:26 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


In the office (and officially), Production Planner. On the lines I plan for, Boss Lady.
posted by Fig at 2:31 AM on June 26, 2013


Mistress. Or Headmistress, or Nurse, or Doctor, or You Evil @##&!
posted by Mistress at 2:48 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm self employed so I don't really have a title. But I have one client who calls me a Rock Star, which I rather like.

Other folks called me Amazon Mom

In my "other" job my title is Google Mom.

"Mom, how do you say 'I love you' in French?"
"Mom, what's 47 plus 83?"
"Mom, what's the capital of Arkansas?"
"Mom, why does this part on my foot stick out like this?"
"Mom, how do you spell 'agnolotti'?"

It's so confusing to be thought of as both the most knowledgeable person on the planet and the world's biggest idiot, at the same time and by the same people.
posted by drlith at 3:53 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


My current job title is the result of ridiculous HR department nomenclature. I just tell people I'm a junior lecturer. Occasionally, a student, generally an international student from SE Asia will call me sir, which I tend to find baffling as without my beard and rapidly greying hair I look like I'm in my mid twenties.

However, previous roles have been somewhat more interesting. While doing my doctorate I was something of the the Unofficial Tech Support Guy. Other candidates would assume that because I was researching videogames I'd understand and be able to fix their computer that refused to print things (generally because Word was defaulting to Letter size paper rather than A4, and the printer didn't want to just convert that for some reason) or why the internet wasn't working (I dunno, it goes down from time to time, give it half an hour. It's an old campus). Used to occasionally get free coffee and muffins from the guy who ran an on campus cafe for sorting out his temperamental MacBook Air. Finally, the actual IT people seemed to agree with my early diagnosis that the access point was somewhat faulty (the orange status light it'd revert to every couple of days and requiring a reset was kind of a give away). Also, whoever had had it before him had wreaked some kind of unspeakable technical horror on the keychain app, which would just not allow changes to passwords unless you changed it 5-10 times. And would then forget the username. If I'm slightly not confidant in Apple's new Keychain Cloud app, that is why. Even after going into the app itself and changing things it'd still play up. Thankfully he eventually took my advice to wipe the thing and start fresh. Would still play up though even after that however - still not sure why the 'change password' button felt that it needed to second guess my intentions.

Sometime before that I was the Pram Man/Cot Constructor, working part time at a baby focused department store while doing undergrad. Unsurprisingly a lot of expecting mothers weren't to sure what to make of a very youthful looking 19 year old giving them advice about which of the ~30+ prams we had in stock would best suit their needs. But I knew them all backwards, including the monstrous 2.5 metre long trio-tandem that looked and operated like the design of the thing had last been considered some time in the late 60s. But since it was Italian designed cost an obscene amount of money like having triplets, or even three kids that still needed to be pushed around in a stroller otherwise wasn't enough.

Oh, and try not to buy a cot/convertible child bed made of soft timbers. It is all but impossible to put those things together without taking large gouges of timber from the frame. Took me about 2 years of building 1 or 2 a week to get the hang of it.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 3:58 AM on June 26, 2013


International Man of Mystery.
posted by the cydonian at 4:03 AM on June 26, 2013


I'm only a lowly Clinical Research Asst. II in the computer system, but I'm also the Party Czar and will be assuming the mantle of Coffee Maven when my coworker leaves at the end of the week. I'm also Finance Person and once, memorably, my boss introduced to someone moderately important by saying, "This is coppermoss. She usually wears pants." I was standing by the elevators, wearing running shorts for my jog home but I kind of want that to stick.
posted by coppermoss at 4:06 AM on June 26, 2013


Chief Executive Orifice.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:11 AM on June 26, 2013


Formerly, Inventory Princess, now just Firstname Cashoffice.
posted by sgrass at 4:35 AM on June 26, 2013


When I was young and cool, I was DJ Z, Spinning the Platters that Matter.

Now I'm an old special ed teacher who goes by Education Revolutionary.
posted by kinetic at 4:39 AM on June 26, 2013


I'm known informally at work as the "Queen of Chaos". True fact.
posted by ersatzkat at 5:04 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I always wanted mine to be Master of Time and Space.
posted by jquinby at 5:32 AM on June 26, 2013


My job on my imaginary starship was "Chief Stater of the Blindingly Obvious". Also, sometimes "Mistress of Sarcasm."
posted by Karmakaze at 5:56 AM on June 26, 2013


I once walked into our IT guy's office when one of his colleagues was there. He introduced me by saying, "Oh. This is [Betelgeuse]. He's my geekiest user."

As a geek, I was pleased.
posted by Betelgeuse at 6:06 AM on June 26, 2013


Lord Technical Expert.

Yes, I have business cards to prove it.
posted by eriko at 6:09 AM on June 26, 2013


My official title is Assistant Press Director, though it usually feels more like assistant to the press director, and occasionally like the regional assistant to the press director. I just tell people that I study the migratory patterns of books.
posted by Toekneesan at 6:21 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


My girlfriend made me business cards that said "dismal scientist" and I really want to find an actual job where I can get away with using that as my title.

But I suspect my title is "American with a beard. No, the other one."
posted by dismas at 6:21 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


That Janitor With The Beard Who's Always Smoking; between September and May it's That Janitor With The Beard Who's Always Smoking And Never Takes His Touque Off.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:33 AM on June 26, 2013


I am a freelancer, so clients have a range of descriptions……..

When working the job - "You are a god"
When sending the invoice - "You are a shithead"
When the client can't find someone cheaper but needs more work done: "Call that shithead with the un-godly pricing"


I guess 1 out of 3 ain't bad
posted by lampshade at 6:53 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


Today I found out I'm the People's Eye Poker.

As in, "I see you've been poking [big important people on Twitter] in the eye again with your smartassery".

I blame Metafilter, entirely.
posted by infini at 7:16 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Spanky.
posted by 0 at 7:40 AM on June 26, 2013


Holy crap I was in that bookstore last week.
posted by azarbayejani at 7:41 AM on June 26, 2013


No I wasn't, nevermind.
posted by azarbayejani at 7:42 AM on June 26, 2013


azarbayejani: "No I wasn't, nevermind."

you're tearing this thread apart.
posted by boo_radley at 7:52 AM on June 26, 2013


I have held the following office titles (unofficially ofc):

WonderBitch (apparently someone even drew up a logo for me)

The Ice Maiden

The one from HR with all the shoes

The one who did work in HR and now doesn't but won't shut up about HR, and she has all the shoes
posted by She Kisses Wyverns at 7:54 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm 'Radar.'

Stemming from this standard exchange:

Assistant director: "Roll sound!"
Me: "Can we hold for this plane/helicopter/train?"
Assistant director: "I don't hear anything..... Oh, that.... Thank you, Radar. "
posted by rock swoon has no past at 7:57 AM on June 26, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'm Him Again.

"We're going to have to ask Him Again."
"Who says our crazy idea won't work because no one cares about the inner thoughts of the CEO of a small company in Montgomery County? Oh, Him Again?"
"Well, that didn't go as planned, I guess we may have to work with Him Again."
posted by Mister_A at 8:53 AM on June 26, 2013


'Glacier Boy', because I make progress so slowly-- and lately mostly backward.

'Ozone', mainly because I have some extra holes up there.
posted by jamjam at 9:07 AM on June 26, 2013


DUKE
DUKE
DUKE

DUKE OF EARL
DUKE
DUKE

DUKE OF EARL
DUKE
DUKE

DUKE OF EARL
DUKE
DUKE

...CAPS LOCKS IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE, DUKE.
posted by maryr at 9:14 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm the Girl Who's Latina But Not From Mexico...Where Are you From, Again?

I like yours better.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 9:19 AM on June 26, 2013


Catherd.

Pissing Contest Referee.

The person you call when you have a problem you can't/don't want to solve: also, the person you call when you are on fire / being shot/ already dead / need some very confusing thing done.

The one at the end of all the emergency lists. The One Who Must Handle It.

Be advised I may or may not have any special training to prepare me for your problem, but I am required to give it the ol' community college try.

Redshirt.

King of the Dipshits.

Various swears.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:21 AM on June 26, 2013


Over the years, I have compiled a lengthy list of business card titles; some of my favorites include:

- Uncle of Lies
- Crash Test Mummy
- Agent of Chaos
- Spooky Action at a Distance

and my current pick: Brigand
posted by quin at 9:22 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm the Girl Who's Latina But Not From Mexico...Where Are you From, Again?

Sounds like my other title, "3rd world woman whom we'll invite to our conference as a twofer"
posted by infini at 9:22 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, I forgot another one I like a lot:

- The Voice In Your Head That Tells You To Do Bad Things

I'm particularly proud of that skill.
posted by quin at 9:25 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am "the one who knocks."

So many people just barge right in to meetings in progress.
posted by malocchio at 9:28 AM on June 26, 2013


Am old enough that I was, briefly, "Gopher Server Guru". This is not something I include on my resume.
posted by Wordshore at 9:31 AM on June 26, 2013


But actually I am the office manager

Heh. Pretty much everywhere I've worked, when an office manager leaves the post becomes known as "holy crap, he/she did all that?"
posted by Hoopo at 9:36 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


My titles at work are Commander, U.S. Cyber Command; Director, National Security Agency; and Chief, Central Security Service, and I just hacked into this account to say I can do any fucking thing I want to. So suck that shit.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:37 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


On the lab door it says "Scientific Programmer," but my boss frequently refers to me in introductions as "The Musician." I've tried to get him to just start calling me "The Piano Man" but it hasn't caught on yet.
posted by invitapriore at 9:40 AM on June 26, 2013


My titles at work are Commander, U.S. Cyber Command; Director, National Security Agency; and Chief, Central Security Service, and I just hacked into this account to say I can do any fucking thing I want to. So suck that shit.

Tim? Is taht you?
posted by infini at 9:58 AM on June 26, 2013


I work for a small startup and we don't have an admin or anything like that. I'm organized and proactive and like to make sure that the Costco orders get placed, lunch gets ordered for meetings, we pick up the Nerf darts from the floor so the custodians can vacuum. I get called "Pam" a lot (as in The Office).
posted by radioamy at 10:02 AM on June 26, 2013


I smell an ex-bookseller support group coming together.
posted by mintcake! at 10:24 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


My title is "#1 Overall Best (And Best Looking) Employee Across All Divisions". Probably not shocking that we're a one person organization. But we're looking for #2.
posted by yerfatma at 10:30 AM on June 26, 2013


Some people call me Maurice.
posted by mintcake! at 10:32 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


According to HR, my title is "Systems Integration Tech." Yeah, I don't know what it means either. "That person you ask about the SharePoint stuff" is more accurate.
posted by desjardins at 10:41 AM on June 26, 2013


Future Former Employee

But I don't put that on my business cards.
posted by tommasz at 10:42 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Business Analyst. It's not sexy or fun, but it is vague!
posted by Aizkolari at 10:56 AM on June 26, 2013


I have a side business making cookies and cupcakes. I decided that my husband was the CFO (Chief Frosting Officer), because of his quality control duties in tasting my frosting.

He recently went vegan, so I had to fire him.
posted by elvissa at 11:07 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've been Grand Kaimakam and Hospodar since 2005. As I said there, you may address me as Your Infinite Turpitude.

Also, I don't miss selling books one bit. The occasional triumph was swamped in the endless waves of idiot customers and malignant bosses.
posted by languagehat at 11:12 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Just yesterday I noticed my name is spelled wrong on my business cards. My name.

I've had them for a year.

I hate my job.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:30 AM on June 26, 2013 [7 favorites]


Well, my business card says "Runs With Scissors" (seriously) but since we're a Mom & Pop operation, I guess I'm Mom.

My husband's card says "Guy In Charge." We'll see about that, mister.
posted by workerant at 11:37 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I used to be "The Astronomer." Now we have an adjunct with an astro degree so I've been demoted to "an astronomer," I guess.
posted by BrashTech at 11:49 AM on June 26, 2013


Serf.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:56 AM on June 26, 2013


because I'm a freelancer who gets shit done, often on holidays when the office is blissfully empty, I have recently been called Lawless Barb "the Destroyer"
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:00 PM on June 26, 2013


That's seriously awesome, jonmc. I lurve books and I especially lurve it when I get to recommend books to people. :-)

As for titles, I had business (personal) cards made up last year with the title "Leisure Consultant" but people thought I was serious. I mean, I was serious, but people thought that someone paid me for doing that work, so when I got low on my personal card stock, I had new ones printed up that give my title as Pancake House Cocktail Waitress. Now, no one thinks that's my real job, but then they ask me whether the email & phone # on the card are real.

DOES NO ONE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ANY MORE?

I wish I had a digital camera with me. I would take a picture of both & post them.
posted by janey47 at 12:02 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cat Herder.
posted by deborah at 12:11 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


DOES NO ONE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ANY MORE?

I try like hell to be as literal as possible online, shich is tough because I am prone to sarcasm and hyperbole in person. But it just gets misunderstood too much.

I think people need adequate context to know if someone is joking, basically. That can be hard to come up with in the current era.
posted by Michele in California at 12:15 PM on June 26, 2013


I try like hell to be as literal as possible online, shich is tough because I am prone to sarcasm and hyperbole in person. But it just gets misunderstood too much.


True enough, but these are actual pieces of card stock, engraved, that I place in the actual paws of actual humans. Electronic communication is fraught with misunderstanding, but these are my ACTUAL FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES and yet they ask me (knowing that I work for a law firm) whether the title is "real."
posted by janey47 at 12:26 PM on June 26, 2013


Plese introdoos me to your frends. I am Bikini Inspektor from Nigeria, and I have many funds needing them to help me prosess in there bank akownts. If they help me, they get finders fee of ten million US dolars.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:33 PM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


I have a dearly departed friend who worked for the Public Library, and his business cards read:

Acme Analogy
Free Estimates-No Job Too Small
(name) prop.

As for my job title, my boss calls me "The Finest Piece of Ass West of the Mississippi", but our kid just calls me Mom.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 12:53 PM on June 26, 2013


In other book-related news, my colleagues and I have decided that there should be a history-oriented synth pop band called Durant Durant, but we can't think of any songs.
posted by jonmc at 12:53 PM on June 26, 2013 [6 favorites]


The Story of Swivelization: C'mon Baby, Let's Do the Twist!
posted by benito.strauss at 1:12 PM on June 26, 2013


"The Lessons of History: Is There Something I Should Know?"
posted by mintcake! at 1:12 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I saw a funny little documentary about a dozen years ago at a mini-doc fest about a heavy metal band formed to promote literacy. The documentary was called: BLOODHAG: THE FASTER YOU GO DEAF, THE MORE TIME YOU HAVE TO READ.
posted by janey47 at 1:13 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


My title at work is Honey Badger*. This is official enough that it's listed on customer invoices that way.

*Because it's common knowledge that I don't give a shit about anything. Whatever happens, I just keep steamrolling along.
posted by MexicanYenta at 1:18 PM on June 26, 2013 [4 favorites]


Ordinary History of the World
The Age of Reason Come Undone
Hungarian Racka Wool
Rio
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:19 PM on June 26, 2013


Officially - Manager of Compliance and Regulatory Affairs
Unofficially - The Bitch from Hell - I even have a mug!

(which really was more of an endearing term by my team, I swear...)
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 1:20 PM on June 26, 2013


the fuckingg guy
posted by telstar at 1:26 PM on June 26, 2013


Officially: Vicar, Director of Children, Youth, and Family Ministries, Director of Communications.

Unofficially: the intern.
posted by Stynxno at 1:30 PM on June 26, 2013


I am the Stupid Questioner. Sometimes the Asker Of The Uncomfortable Queries, too.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:31 PM on June 26, 2013


At my old job I was the Query Goddess. I don't think I have a nicknamey title at my current job.

You could ask for "Query Godmother" 'cause then you'd get to carry a wand with a star on the end.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:34 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


jonmc! I worked in the RBR a decade ago, i.e. pre-elevator. I was so pop-culturally stupid that I didn't recognize the Strokes when they came in--the Strokes, in 2003. Coulda used your expertise then.

Give Mr. L. Craig Andersen a high-five for me if he's still around. Same with Alex the surly Russian Buddhist.
posted by Beardman at 1:36 PM on June 26, 2013


You could ask for "Query Godmother" 'cause then you'd get to carry a wand with a star on the end.

I AM SO STEALING THIS
posted by desjardins at 1:43 PM on June 26, 2013


You could ask for "Query Godmother" 'cause then you'd get to carry a wand with a star on the end.

I would greatly enjoy this, but since I switched fields and don't write database queries in my current job, I think it would be a hard sell.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:54 PM on June 26, 2013


My brother-in-law, whose shop I work at, calls me "the brains of this organization", but that doesn't really inspire confidence on a big-picture level.
posted by notsnot at 2:24 PM on June 26, 2013


Beardman - Craig retired a few years ago and I don't remember Alex but my buddy Ben McFall does and is trying to remember you.
posted by jonmc at 2:33 PM on June 26, 2013


When I contracted for IBM in the late nineties, I was attached to three different groups and, for one of those, no one knew what my title was. Or what the job description was. Or exactly what they wanted me to do. I waited a few months for this information, with approximately one-third of my day frequently spent idly browsing the web, until I decided to work for someone else.

This idleness and disorganization mattered to me because that group, that part of the job I had interviewed for, was the part I was most interested in. It was coding work for an in-house AIX software distribution system. Of the other two groups I was attached to, one concerning something on AIX I can't even recall now but for which I did some trivial support, which bored me; the other was more interesting in that it was an AIX-focused security group but the only interesting thing I did for them was re-write CERT bulletins for internal IBM distribution. Other than that, this group didn't actually do anything because it was a new group and most of our time was spent in meetings planning what our group was going to actually do.

Well, not quite that. In fact, during those few months, we were having meetings about how to document our process for deciding what our group was going to do.

It was a relief to move to a start-up. I was the 360th employee. But over the subsequent two years, we had an IPO and ballooned to about 3,500 employees with offices worldwide. And eventually we hired as CEO a former IBM VP. It was interesting and discouraging to watch a small company become fully corporatized into egregious stupidity. It no longer exists.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:35 PM on June 26, 2013


Officially my title is Deputy something or other, but mostly I'm just "the San Francisco office" or "hey, Red." My areas of expertise include bird identification, Fluevog shoes, heroin assisted treatment, supervised injection services, and bourbon.
posted by gingerbeer at 2:38 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Senior Web Developer. The "Senior" doesn't mean much, as there's only one other developer.
posted by brundlefly at 2:46 PM on June 26, 2013


Quality Engineer, but I'm more widely known as the lone Red Wings fan amongst a sea of Pittsburgh Penguins die-hards.

I lost my intense emotional connection to Detroit sports a few years ago; I enjoy watching hockey and basketball, but I no longer let them ruin my day if something goes awry. However, my personal identity as a guy who grew up in Metro Detroit matters now that I live apart from the mitten, so suddenly it matters that I wear a jersey to work. It's weird what's salient and personal when your environment changes.
posted by Turkey Glue at 3:10 PM on June 26, 2013


Senior Web Developer. The "Senior" doesn't mean much, as there's only one other developer.

I've never really figured out the ins and outs of that - my job title seems to have a "senior" in it or not almost at random and it's never changed anything. I think they just give then to everyone after a certain point as a pat on the head.
posted by Artw at 3:16 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


What, are you kidding? The senior discount is worth 20% off at participating Denny's! That's like money in your pocket. Crumpled up, faded money that smells vaguely of liniment and stale grease. In your pants pocket, which is pulled up halfway to your shoulders.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:24 PM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


[my boss]'s Meat Puppet
posted by briank at 3:24 PM on June 26, 2013


Some day I will make it to The Strand. When I saw this I had a short twinge of missing working in a bookstore (Out 3 months now after 10 years).

Now? I am an Administrative Assistant, but prefer to be called a Minion.
posted by bibliogrrl at 3:40 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Office superhero! Complete with shiny purple lame jacket and eyeglasses disguise. Sometimes I'm sent on top secret missions to locate vital documents and charm information out of people :-D
posted by Calzephyr at 3:43 PM on June 26, 2013


My official title involves education and youth and families and ministries but half the time it should be the Director of Patiently Explaining Google Drive to You Again or Chair of the Department of We Don't Need to Set Up a Sharepoint Server for 3 People. Also, the "No That Does Not Fall Under Fair Use" Manager and the "That's Not How Our Website Works" Liaison.
posted by Biblio at 3:57 PM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


Senior Manager of Product Content

loosely translates as Cog#27, Purveyor of Meaninglessness, Doer of Things that Will Just Have to Be Done Again in the Near Future in an Endless Cycle.

Nice to see you, Jon.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:04 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Working as the least important employee at a quintessentially English company I came to believe my name was 'Oh, I'd love a cup of tea'.
posted by Ned G at 4:11 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Though my business cards read 'Ned Goodwin: Self Publicist'.
posted by Ned G at 4:15 PM on June 26, 2013


Chief Whisky Geek
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:53 PM on June 26, 2013


/I came to believe my name was 'Oh, I'd love a cup of tea'.

In India that position is called the "chaiwalla". I used to try to get people to call me "codewalla" but it never stuck.
posted by benito.strauss at 4:57 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


(oh jeez I didn't even see that cortex got to the Steve Miller joke like 3,000 comments before I did...sorry, dude)
posted by mintcake! at 5:00 PM on June 26, 2013


my title is "little s" - s being a quality control person who's got a reputation for being quite picky and shutting stuff down

i'm not as picky as she is, but i'll shut it down and can be just as insistent as she is

other titles should be assistant troublemaker, the master of disaster, the sultan of suck, the omar of oops, the prince of poop, the guru of goofs, but alas, i'm stuck with "little s"
posted by pyramid termite at 5:05 PM on June 26, 2013


Hurray Mr. McNally!
In 2nd grade I was the best reader in the class.
posted by brujita at 5:48 PM on June 26, 2013


In India that position is called the "chaiwalla". I used to try to get people to call me "codewalla" but it never stuck.

My cycling buddies often refer to me as the coffeewalla.

Lately it feels like my work title is 'donkey with the unbreakable back'. Load him up, boys!
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:41 PM on June 26, 2013


What's with the walla?
posted by wallabear at 7:46 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Anyway, the card says Office Manager, but I like Magical Computer Guru best.

Not that I have any special skill beyond keeping the damn things running. It's just that most problems are solved by my simply walking into the room.

No, really. It happens all the time. It's weird.
posted by wallabear at 7:49 PM on June 26, 2013


That's called being a "computer whisperer".
posted by benito.strauss at 7:52 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


At my office we call that the proximity fix.
posted by ODiV at 8:00 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


What's with the walla?

An Indian word for person that performs a specific task. A chaiwallah makes and brings the tea. Hence a coffeewallah brings the coffee.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:03 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


eponywoosh
posted by pompomtom at 8:07 PM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


Thanks. It might be grammatically incorrect or something, but I don't mind being the proximity whisperer who brings the bear.
posted by wallabear at 8:07 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


And a Walla Walla brings the onion.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:08 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


If ever we meet. That brought tears to my eyes, nicely done.
posted by wallabear at 8:11 PM on June 26, 2013


Officially, VP. But one of my board members has begun calling me "The National Treasure" and that has stuck, which is both flattering and sort of embarrassing.
posted by gemmy at 8:59 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am not aware of having a colleague-bestowed title. So I assume it's probably something they know better than to say to my face.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 9:14 PM on June 26, 2013


eponywoosh

Oops. Indeed.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:14 PM on June 26, 2013


I'm taking over someone else's job, so right now I'm "The New Linda."
posted by JanetLand at 3:27 AM on June 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


We just got a contact email from someone looking for a "Sex Friend," so if anyone still hasn't acquired a title, that one's up for grabs.
posted by taz (staff) at 3:58 AM on June 27, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yes, Madam, we will inform you directly on sourcing your requirements.
posted by infini at 4:12 AM on June 27, 2013


At work, they call me Papa Bear. Which is weird, because I don't have kids. (The "bear," I get.)
posted by klangklangston at 9:34 AM on June 27, 2013


Lar bear.
no kidding
posted by clavdivs at 9:45 AM on June 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


My co-workers and I joke that the only part of our job descriptions that actually matter are the last four words: "other duties as assigned".
posted by Lexica at 10:34 AM on June 27, 2013


taz, is the contact form blog still running? (I've forgotten the URL as well, so I can't link it)
posted by maryr at 12:31 PM on June 27, 2013


It's not updated as much as it could be but it's still there.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:37 PM on June 27, 2013


Dr. No.

You need someone to tell you no? Someone to tell other people no? I'm your man.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:48 PM on June 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm a high school math teacher. Back before I changed my last name from Hassan, my title was "The Hassassinator". Now they call me Ms. Stacks (a.k.a. Stokes) based on my predilection for using poker examples for probability questions.
posted by Go Banana at 3:55 PM on June 27, 2013


MeTaNN iReport: live on the scene
posted by Eideteker at 9:23 AM on July 5, 2013


Until last week I was officially the "Art Director." Now I am the "Art Coordinator." Actually known to one and all as "the Art Department." I am the only one in the art department.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:58 PM on July 6, 2013


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