Please tell someone to remember to tell MetaFilter when you die January 22, 2015 9:04 PM   Subscribe

This MeTa is inspired by a conversation in the chat room in which we realized that despite our wishes to know when other members of the community died, most of us didn't yet have a plan in place to ensure that our fellow MeFites would be notified of our own deaths. I've since told my husband how to find the Contact Form, and if he forgets I have a few MeFites as FB friends (he won't forget to update my FB, at least) -- what's YOUR plan to get your dots?
posted by Jacqueline to MetaFilter-Related at 9:04 PM (129 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

I assume MeFiChi will post a meet-up to drink some whiskey. *TINCC
posted by crush-onastick at 9:08 PM on January 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


It was also semi-humorously suggested that anyone who didn't have a next of kin to make such notifications could just designate mathowie as their NOK, but I don't know how mathowie would feel about that. :)

Less humorously, if the current mods and mod emeritus Jessamyn could please let us know some of the ways they've typically found out about member deaths in the past, that could help the rest of us figure out the most effective way to ensure that the community is notified of our own deaths in the future.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:17 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I willing all my text to cortex.
posted by clavdivs at 9:26 PM on January 22, 2015 [9 favorites]


This is unnecessary, I have simply decided to live forever.

Might it make sense to turn this into some kind of opt-in dead man's switch pony? The site could email you periodically and conclude that you are dead if you don't reply, then autopost your predefined obit to MetaTalk. False positives would abound and hilarity would ensue.
posted by axiom at 9:27 PM on January 22, 2015 [15 favorites]


If I don't post anything for a week you can assume I've either died or gotten a life.
posted by alms at 9:30 PM on January 22, 2015 [23 favorites]


Here's food for thought: It's not a big deal if Metafilter doesn't know I've died.

That isn't meant as slight against the site or anyone or those who think differently. But if two weeks go by without me commenting, I'm probably dead*. There's no way to prove that, so the account will be still open. So what are the mods to do? Leave the account open? Declare it retired, due to lack of contact? Make sure that all members have a birthdate in their profile and after 100 years, you're considered dead unless you're still actively participating? Can I will my account to my children or spouse?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:30 PM on January 22, 2015 [17 favorites]


I think it's kind of a big deal. I spend more time commenting on Metafilter than honestly any other place, and have some people who I think I've developed friendships with. I wouldn't want those people not to know - and honestly I'd want you guys to all know you were invited to the festivities.
posted by corb at 9:32 PM on January 22, 2015 [8 favorites]


Yeah, I think there should be a predefined obit or something. Perhaps an addendum to our profile that only gets displayed when the mods frob the "deceased" switch.
posted by pjern at 9:36 PM on January 22, 2015


Here's food for thought: It's not a big deal if Metafilter doesn't know I've died.

I'd want to know if you died, Brandon! If for no other reason than I'd have to start making the Agents of SHIELD Fanfare posts myself instead of continuing to lazily wait for you to do it. :) :) :)
posted by Jacqueline at 9:38 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


If I can't talk about something on MetaTalk then why should any of you be able to?
posted by ODiV at 9:45 PM on January 22, 2015 [10 favorites]


My plan is to not die, and I would appreciate it if the rest of you made the same plan. Thank you.

If you have lots of valuable stuff or cash, I would still prefer that you not die. However, if you choose not to take my advice and require next of kin for your stuff or cash, I'm available. But seriously, just don't die. It's way simpler and I can always get my own stuff or cash. Don't worry about me.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:52 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


One or two people dying might spark some interest, but I'd be more keen to know if everyone died.
posted by Metro Gnome at 9:53 PM on January 22, 2015 [13 favorites]


pretty sure the evening news will let everyone know when my jaeger falls to a category 5 kaiju
posted by poffin boffin at 9:54 PM on January 22, 2015 [29 favorites]


One way that could work as a backup and also as a keen thing for Metafilter is if we all left Metafilter, say, $5 or more in our will. Then Mat would have to be notified.
posted by corb at 9:55 PM on January 22, 2015 [20 favorites]


If I pass away, I plan on setting up an endowed scholarship for those who can't afford the $5 membership fee.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:06 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


I would love a notification on the event of my mortal shuffling, it would save some suspense. Wait this is not that...
In anticipation of shuffling unnoticed I made sure to pepper anything I said with an overunder abundance of... Elipsi... And such.
I love the verb frob, pjern it's really tergiversation of the flipple aesthetic.
posted by infinite intimation at 10:07 PM on January 22, 2015


I think I need to set up a new blog, if only to have a "dead man's switch" post I'd have to move the date forward on every few days. "Hello, if you can read this, I'm onedeadfoop"
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:15 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Dear MetaFilter,

If you are reading this, it means that I am dead - and you have all gathered, like greed-frothed vultures, to this, the reading of my last will and testament. How shameless you horrifying jackals are! But anyway - thanks for coming.

Re: the partitioning of my estate: 1,000 favourites, which I earned through hard work, determination and hacking zarq's account, are to be given to mathowie - provided that he spend the entire 1,000 in 24 hours. Which is impossible, as favourites are not worth anything - despite my recommendations to him on this point when I was alive. IRONIC BURN! No, but it feels good just to write that.

My collection of contacts is left to jessamyn, on the condition that she spend one night in a haunted house, or two nights in a haunted apartment, or a week doing haunted camping. Or a whole ski season in a haunted chalet. Just have a look on Haunted Airbnb to see what's available.

My tags are to be placed under the guardianship of cortex, as I know he has always cared for them - and, truth be told, they are all related to him through marriage. I only ask that he set up a trust fund to have them educated at Eton, Harrow, or by that wolf-pack that looked after Mowgli. But not Baloo the Bear - I don't go in for that "Montesorri" nonsense he peddles.

The rest of my fortune is buried under a big "Q" in Santa Rosita Beach State Park.

See you all in Hell!

Your admirer,

quidnunc kid.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 10:20 PM on January 22, 2015 [138 favorites]


I am more concerned about how I notify Metafilter that my sockpuppet has died.

Know that if I ever post either a comment or an answer and the last phrase is "upside down flag" know I am in distress and send help chocolate.
posted by 724A at 10:26 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've got this issue well in hand. As a solipsist, you will all be made aware of my demise by your sudden and irreversible ceasing to exist.
posted by Sternmeyer at 10:28 PM on January 22, 2015 [46 favorites]


I'll set up a deadman's switch where if I don't click on this cookie every 15 minutes it

...

hang on I got distracted
posted by aubilenon at 10:31 PM on January 22, 2015 [9 favorites]


Oh, ashes turned into memory chips.

Be part of metafilter for ever with the server interment plan.
posted by clavdivs at 10:32 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


could use Chefs' input [here]

(..sooo in for it now)
posted by clavdivs at 10:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


if the mods...could please let us know some of the ways they've typically found out about member deaths in the past

Usually a friend or a family member of the person drops a note to the contact form, or if the person who tells us is already a Mefite they might MefiMail one of us. We'll confirm by asking for, or just finding on our own, an obituary from the local paper.

Then we set the account to 'deceased,' which closes it, and can optionally leave a little note on the person's profile page noting the date and linking to an obituary or a MetaTalk post if there is one (sometimes people don't want that, for example). So far, we have about three dozen members whose accounts are set to 'deceased.'
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [8 favorites]


When the southern breeze smells of daffodils, you'll know I'm dead.
When milk drops fall from the Big Dipper, you'll know I'm dead.
When the Gray becomes Puce and the Blue becomes Azure, you'll know I'm dead.
When the Mods gather in the hindward threads, you'll know I'm dead.
When the Termite in the Pyramid comes to a full stop, you'll know I'm dead.
And then... then you better start running, because that means Paphnuty has returned... very, very angry about what we did.
posted by Kattullus at 10:53 PM on January 22, 2015 [18 favorites]


I'm either going to live forever, or the heat death of the universe, which ever comes first, or I take all y'all with me when I go.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:03 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


What odd timing for me to be reading this thread, as there's a masked killer who just escaped from the local institute for the criminality insane creeping outside my window right at this very moment.

I guess I'll have him let you guys know if I've died.
posted by item at 1:01 AM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


I have told my SO on more than one occasion to let yousens know when I die so that you can all mourn appropriately. You can reenact an Irish wake by looking at my comments for a couple of days saying things like "They look really like themselves" and "Ach sure they could just be sleeping" and taking turns to sing my favourite MeFiMusic songs, all the while drinking copious amounts of tea and/or whiskey and eating several thousand sandwiches (my favourite wake-sandwich filling is egg and onion, just fyi).
posted by billiebee at 1:08 AM on January 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


If I succumb to death and the entirety of MetaFilter can't hear the collective wailing of all my mourners, within their homes, offices, cars and airplanes, I'll be demanding my $5 back because I've been doing it wrong.
posted by taff at 1:36 AM on January 23, 2015


I'm not sure that I really believe that the world exists outside of my own consciousness, so if I ever die (which I am also not convinced about), I'm pretty sure you guys all cease to exist too.
posted by lollusc at 1:43 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is something I've thought about a little myself, but I'm so far away from most other people on this site, I've only ever met one MeFite in person, and I don't know how relevant it would be to most people on the site if I died. I'm really not sure anyone in my real life would really notice, beyond "why did winterhill not turn up for work, they're fired", and that's okay. Expecting people to notice, care, eulogise for me is presumptuous.

I think this is one of those things that should be left up to individuals. I'd rather quietly disappear than have my own MeTa full of dots - but others would prefer that. It's something so deeply personal that I don't think anyone should do anything other than what they genuinely feel is right.
posted by winterhill at 1:43 AM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


I've told my wife that, when I die, the instructions are to cremate me and throw my ashes into the Huron River at my favorite fishing spot. So, the bass and bluegills will know first and you folks downstream in Ann Arbor will sense a change in drinking water quality in a day or so (I'm picturing one of you taking a sip, frowning, and saying to your spouse "Have you noticed the water tastes a bit like cynical old asshole recently?").

So, when you notice that, please send a note to the rest of the mefi community...
posted by HuronBob at 2:14 AM on January 23, 2015 [27 favorites]


I plan to fake that I'm still alive. I have a script set up to post inane sarcastic one liners for at least twenty years after my death. You aren't going to notice a thing.
posted by Drinky Die at 2:46 AM on January 23, 2015 [17 favorites]


Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
posted by Drinky Die at 2:47 AM on January 23, 2015 [33 favorites]


If I succumb to death and the entirety of MetaFilter can't hear the collective wailing of all my mourners, within their homes, offices, cars and airplanes, I'll be demanding my $5 back because I've been doing it wrong.

Surely you've got this the wrong way around? Doesn't the $5 buy you a wailing of dots so loud that your family should be able to hear it from all around the world?

If I stop posting, either I've got bored or I'm dead.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:07 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's not that kind of relationship.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 5:21 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


If I should die before I wake,
All my posts and comments take.
Put them in the text file pile
To mix and mingle for a while.

Spelling and grammar will have their way,
Recomposing what those words might say.
Then please post all I might have said,
had my brain been not so dead.

And when posts and comments you read,
attributed once again to me.
Feel free to flag and request a ban,
Crying "There goes HuronBob again."

...apologies to Lee and Pete...
posted by HuronBob at 5:28 AM on January 23, 2015 [15 favorites]


I've always just assumed ColdChef will find me in his Big Book o' Dead People that all the undertakers get every month or something, and let everyone know.
posted by Curious Artificer at 5:39 AM on January 23, 2015 [14 favorites]


This is quite timely. Last night, in another online form, someone returned that we thought something really bad had happened to or he had died. The person just disappeared. It was upsetting and worrisome to the group that was left when we realized we had no way of contacting real life him just to find out if he was okay. Ends up something bad did happen, though not to him physically, his house was basically destroyed over night and it took a while for him to get connected with all his online groups again.

He ended up feeling quite bad because he didn't realize just how much his sudden, unexplained absence meant to all involved. It was a good example for all of us that these sorts of digital relationships can really matter even though none of us have met each other in RL. We talked and decided that all of us, because we felt comfortable enough would exchange other ways of contacting each other.

I have a list of sites and online places, including Metafilter that sits next to my main computer in a file. It has instructions asking whomever to basically login and let the place know what's happened. It seemed really weird and a bit creepy when I wrote it out I figure it's just one of those new things that comes with digital life. When I eventually get off my butt to actually write a will I'll just stick it with that.
posted by Jalliah at 5:54 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


One way that could work as a backup and also as a keen thing for Metafilter is if we all left Metafilter, say, $5 or more in our will. Then Mat would have to be notified.

Good idea, I'm going with this one.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:16 AM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


It was also semi-humorously suggested that anyone who didn't have a next of kin to make such notifications could just designate mathowie as their NOK, but I don't know how mathowie would feel about that. :)

One way that could work as a backup and also as a keen thing for Metafilter is if we all left Metafilter, say, $5 or more in our will. Then Mat would have to be notified.


We can accept the fact that we users will each die, but we assume that Mat and MetaFilter will both outlive us all.
posted by Area Man at 6:20 AM on January 23, 2015 [7 favorites]


Some of you will feel a certain disturbance in the Force.
posted by malocchio at 6:25 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Thankfully I spend time in real life with CapnSue and sort of with 7Segment. They'd be the first to know if I died. Then all of you would know.
posted by josher71 at 6:26 AM on January 23, 2015


...I don't know how relevant it would be to most people on the site if I died.

winterhill, you're a chat room regular! Your fellow chat room regulars would care! It would be nice to know that you were just dead instead of snubbing us.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:26 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


I don't get this. The mods will see when I flag and move on.
posted by Namlit at 6:28 AM on January 23, 2015 [28 favorites]


My wife is friends with at least two Mefites on Facebook so when they see her relationship status change to "it's complicated" they can assume I've become some sort of zombie.

I'll make sure she provides my password to not_on_display and he can take over as Zombie Bondcliff. Just post an off-topic dad joke every couple of days and some dangerous home wiring advice to AskMe and it will be like I'm still here.
posted by bondcliff at 6:30 AM on January 23, 2015 [7 favorites]


" It would be nice to know that you were just dead instead of snubbing us."

heh...someone didn't think about how that would sound when they hit that post button...
posted by HuronBob at 6:37 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Or maybe they did...
posted by HuronBob at 6:38 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've got this issue well in hand. As a solipsist, you will all be made aware of my demise by your sudden and irreversible ceasing to exist.
posted by Sternmeyer at 9:28 AM on January 23 [16 favorites +] [!]


UH excuse me
posted by president of the solipsist society at 6:53 AM on January 23, 2015 [22 favorites]


I prefer the term apotheosis, and you will be notified by the shrieks of the innocent as I raven with delight. I plan on continuing to post as my humanity is slowly cleared off, but you might have to load new character sets.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:56 AM on January 23, 2015 [7 favorites]


if we all left Metafilter, say, $5 or more in our will. Then Mat would have to be notified.

Put a fiver in my boot, boys, so metafilter'll know I died standing pat.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:04 AM on January 23, 2015 [11 favorites]


I took care of this issue by signing up dead
posted by InfidelZombie at 7:31 AM on January 23, 2015 [15 favorites]


I like the will idea. (Though now I will worry if I don't see Brandon Blatcher until February 6).
posted by Beethoven's Sith at 7:41 AM on January 23, 2015


Aten't dead
posted by edgeways at 7:41 AM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


I took care of this issue by signing up dead

Yeah, I'm not seeing the problem here.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:38 AM on January 23, 2015 [21 favorites]


Well I guess I'm going to have to have an awkward conversation with my eleven year old about remembering to let a bunch of internet weirdos know if her dad gets run over by a truck or something.
posted by prize bull octorok at 8:56 AM on January 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


Drinky Die: I have a script set up to post inane sarcastic one liners for at least twenty years after my death.

Really, we should just get this built into the question queue server so it's seamless for all undead users.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:00 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


I don't mind letting MetaFilter know I'm dead.

The other way around though... That'll never happen, right?
posted by halifix at 9:10 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Mrh uh eeegah zambahz zmazh brnhr?

GRRRRRRAINSSSSSS
posted by Zombie Bondcliff at 9:10 AM on January 23, 2015 [11 favorites]


Related question, when I successfully transfer my soul to a phylactery and become a lich, should I announce that in MetaTalk or Projects?
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:14 AM on January 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


Projects, self-link.
posted by maryr at 9:18 AM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


I don't know how relevant it would be to most people on the site if I died. ..Expecting people to notice, care, eulogise for me is presumptuous.

I think a lot of people here may underestimate their impact. That's part of online relationships - we haven't yet developed a cultural understanding of them. But so many people have impacted our lives in meaningful ways. Especially for those of you active on the Green - you have helped so many that it lets us feel like we're pitching problems to a circle of friends rather than strangers.

I can't name the people I would miss and be sad to hear about their death - because there are too many. So many of you have said so many wise or funny or kind things. So many of you have deeply cared about each other.

Don't think no one wants to know. We do. That goes for all of you.
posted by corb at 9:22 AM on January 23, 2015 [12 favorites]


> Mrh uh eeegah zambahz zmazh brnhr?
> GRRRRRRAINSSSSSS
> posted by Zombie Bondcliff


I'm just going to refer to you as "Zondcliff", if that's okay.

Also, can pb update the Contact Relationships list to include "Tasted by"?
posted by benito.strauss at 9:31 AM on January 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


Sternmeyer, the solipsist in this thread, is correct; I do not exist except as a side character to give his life a little more panache. My death should therefore be obvious to you all, as it will be purely in furtherance of Sternmeyer's personal narrative. It should be quite clear that anyone as spectacular yet inconsistently-characterized as myself is not the protagonist.

I may die heroically, sacrificing myself so that he may live. I may die meaninglessly, ennobling him when he quests to avenge my demise. I may die simply because a poorly-thought-out plot demands it. It doesn't matter to me, for I know that no matter how small my death's impact may be, it will repercuss throughout Sternmeyer's life in a way that will ultimately build who he is in new and interesting ways.

But! Following my death, it will become evident that Sternmeyer's narrative is sorely lacking, and the fans will lose interest, and a few executives somewhere will realize that maybe killing off this Greg character represents a wasted opportunity!

My resurrection will come two years later, when it is revealed that I faked my own death as part of a kooky scheme to steal some parakeets from a local petting zoo. Through a series of deceptions that pile upon themselves like layers of shimmer around a pearl, I will have entrenched myself in the structure of said petting zoo, and find myself as the CEO of the place.

"Heavy Petting" will debut to mixed reviews, nearly all of them expressing reservations about my ability to carry the plot by myself. "He worked better as a side character," one critic will say. "His situation strains our suspension of disbelief, and his hamminess grates severely when he is put front and center," will say another. Many will long for the stability of a central character like Sternmeyer, and suggest someone more well-rounded as a protagonist, like a scody or a bondcliff. The critics are unanimous in their distaste for the shoehorned-in will-they-or-won't-they butting-heads-ideologically storyline between myself and corb, calling it "flatly tiresome" and "lacking in even rudimentary chemistry". The addition of cortex as the goat-keeper in episode three is equally unsatisfying, as the writers never seem to be able to figure out what exactly to do with him, or even what his actual job is.

"Heavy Petting" will last a mere two and a half months before it quietly disappears. A few scattered fans of Sternmeyer, following their completist urges, download the few bootleg episodes via torrent, but even the most die-hard Sternmeyerheads cannot bring themselves to watch the series more than once.

Eventually, my story will end up as a question at a local bar trivia night, where only one person in the room will get it right. Her teammates will ask "What? 'Heavy Petting'? That can't possibly be real, right?"

She will inform them that it was indeed real, and it was just as awful as you could imagine from the name, and it's a perfect example of the kind of shit that happens when you try to write these things by committee - a soulless cash grab, bereft of heart or joy. "Disgusting," she will say, "the whole thing is fucking disgusting" and at this point a couple of friends will feel that she's about to really get into one of her rants about this, and will quietly excuse themselves to get another drink.
posted by Greg Nog at 9:40 AM on January 23, 2015 [28 favorites]


Pretty sure the interdimensional mindlink will let everyone know when I fall to a Mark-5 Jaeger.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:49 AM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


heh. I can now cross off "have someone spend $5.00 parodying me" from my bucket list.
posted by bondcliff at 10:05 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm not dead. I'm not dead! I'm not. I'm getting better. I don't want to go on the cart. I feel fine. I think I'll go for a walk. I feel happy. I feel happy!
posted by IRFH is not dead yet at 10:12 AM on January 23, 2015 [15 favorites]


When I die my hand will let go of the dead man switch. This will cause the world to end. So not something I worry about.
posted by Splunge at 10:27 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't want to go on the cart.

Oh, don't be such a baby!
posted by You're not fooling anyone, you know. at 10:28 AM on January 23, 2015 [8 favorites]


I dunno, I died a while ago and this chatbot seems to be handling my account just fine.
posted by briank at 10:43 AM on January 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


The mods will see when I flag and move on.

I'm hearing a sonorous, mournful bluegrass gospel song in that metaphor:
♪ Well the LOOOORD tol' me ta flag it and move oooooonnn... ♫
Get on that, MeFiMu!
posted by XMLicious at 10:46 AM on January 23, 2015


Nah, I'm just words on a page. We don't do memorials.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:47 AM on January 23, 2015


This Is Just To Say

I have written
my last
William Carlos Williams
parody

and which
you were probably
saving
for your own death

Forgive me
the grave was inviting
so sweet
and so cold
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:53 AM on January 23, 2015 [25 favorites]


I've arranged for a deluge after I die, which I'm told is traditional in France, so when Metafilter starts flooding, you'll know.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:28 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Recently were I work we were getting a minor project done. The guy doing it quit working on it and refused to answer phone calls or return emails because he'd died. So they got a replacement. That guy worked on it for a while, then refused to answer phone calls or return emails and no one really knows why, but I suspect he's died. We're looking for a third contractor. At this point if this guy goes missing I am calling in the Scooby gang.

As far as my death goes…I hope no one here finds out. I want my account to just go dormant and I don't want my profile to change. Of course, once I am dead you all feel free to do what you like. I won't much care anymore.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:45 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


In heaven, you dine on meals prepared by history's greatest chefs, hear concerts performed by the best musicians who ever lived, and the MetaFilter there always only posts the Best of the Web, your comments always get 100+ favorites, everybody on AskMe does exactly what you suggest and reports back to let you know what happened, and the MetaTalk threads are nothing but recipes.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:57 AM on January 23, 2015 [11 favorites]


Oh, in the Big Rock Candy Mountain...
posted by Melismata at 12:11 PM on January 23, 2015


> I'm not dead. I'm not dead!

Bevets and I have been dead these three years but it's just too attention-grabbing for timid souls like us to mention it.
posted by jfuller at 12:12 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Okay, jfuller's profile page identifies him as a dead white male. I'm starting to get concerned.
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:27 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I pretty much only find out people have died if I happen to see the Metafilter obit post about it, so if nobody makes one for me when I die I'll probably never realize it. I'll just keep puttering around reading posts until some precocious little blonde kid who can see dead people finally gets around to looping me in. Then it'll just be awkward.
posted by mstokes650 at 12:46 PM on January 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


My mom always said "Funerals are for the living. The dead don't care." Or something like that.

I really have this big hang-up where I kind of hate seeing obit threads and the like because I always want to know: Why the fuck does someone have to die before anyone can say anything nice about them? Why can't we try to be nicer to each other while it still fucking matters?

etc.

And good luck getting my ASD kids to tell y'all anything. If I die, ha! They won't tell you. You don't matter that much to them.
posted by Michele in California at 1:19 PM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Bevets and I have been dead these three years

Summon Bevets ... from the dead ...
posted by octobersurprise at 1:24 PM on January 23, 2015


BUT HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN I HAVE LIVED
posted by klangklangston at 1:40 PM on January 23, 2015


I'm dying to find out.
posted by Namlit at 1:52 PM on January 23, 2015


in case of death see reverse
for biostasis protocol
follow instructions collect
reward $100,000

call now for instructions
1-800-nnn-nnnn
push 50,000 u heparin iv
and do cpr while cooling
with ice to 10c.keep ph 7.5
no autopsy or embalming

Notify MetaFilter
posted by dirtdirt at 1:54 PM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


I really have this big hang-up where I kind of hate seeing obit threads and the like because I always want to know: Why the fuck does someone have to die before anyone can say anything nice about them?

I had this realisation when I was 15 and my totally healthy uncle died suddenly in his sleep, aged 40, with 4 young kids, on Christmas Eve. It was horrendous, the saddest wake and funeral I've ever been to. And people kept telling all these stories about him, how kind he was and all these things he'd done for people, and I wished I had known them when he was alive so I could have appreciated just what a great man he was and I wished people had told him how much he was thought of. And I wondered exactly the same thing: why do people only do this when it's too late? So ever since then when I think of something nice about someone I tell them, which is why I will also sometimes send random memails to people. So if you get one from me know it's not me being creepy (on purpose), it's just that I didn't want to save it for the obit thread.
posted by billiebee at 2:11 PM on January 23, 2015 [20 favorites]


Good point: When IRFH dies, he will have been awesome! A brilliant, talented, gorgeous, exciting, kind man without equal, who will never be forgotten. And I have it on good authority that he intends to start working on all of that any day now.
posted by IRFH is not dead yet at 2:29 PM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Q: HOW MANY ZOMBIE DAD TAKE TO EAT BRAINS OF CHILD
A: SHHHH CHILD GO SLEEP DAD NOT ZOMBIE HA HA HA HA HA hhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by Zombie Bondcliff at 2:34 PM on January 23, 2015 [12 favorites]


Thank god I have plenty of anti-bondcliff-zombie-serum in my...

uh-oh, I think I took the disappearing se
posted by not_on_display at 2:37 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Why the fuck does someone have to die before anyone can say anything nice about them?

I'm pro-saying-nice-things-about-alive-people in general, but I think there's a certain degree of confirmation bias? Nice things do get said about people all the time, but generally in more private sorts of conversations. Mourning as a group means those things get said all together in one place, and it seems like a lot, that doesn't mean it's the only nice things that have ever been said.

I lost two members of my family this fall. One of them was beloved. The other was... complicated. There were lots and lots and lots of people wanting to say nice things about the former after it happened. But those nice things had also been scattered across a lifetime. I'd been told by people in town on numerous occasions how laudable that person was and how I was lucky to have the family I do. Given that I have seen both that and the alternative, I would rather not just leave an empty space, even though I have no idea what people would think of me. So--yeah, I'm glad to have this of my list of things to attend to Just In Case.

I would far rather say that if you don't hear anything, I'm fine but busy. I mean, yay being nice in the moment, too, there are so many fantastic people here who've made such a difference in my life in big and little ways. I'm just in favor of having a little space for getting something like closure when people are so inclined. It shouldn't be the only place you ever say anything nice, but for some of us, acknowledging losses matters.
posted by Sequence at 2:37 PM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


Why the fuck does someone have to die before anyone can say anything nice about them?

I'm pro-saying-nice-things-about-alive-people in general, but I think there's a certain degree of confirmation bias? Nice things do get said about people all the time, but generally in more private sorts of conversations.

This is remarkably similar to a conversation eamondaly and I had, walking along, after drinking whiskey in honor of wfrgms, who was unreasonably kind to me at a time in my life when I really needed it. Never told wfrgms that, in so many words, but tried to let him know it, and since he died, I have tried to make sure mefichi (among others) know that they really improve my quality of life.
posted by crush-onastick at 2:42 PM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


I am trying to be like this with friends in every day life, especially since I lost two friends (one in 2010) and one this past September very abruptly. I never told them how much I really cared about them when they were alive, and now I'll never get to.
posted by Kitteh at 2:49 PM on January 23, 2015


They knew.
posted by IRFH is not dead yet at 2:51 PM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Eh, I'm just have a bad day/month/year/life and that rant was my substitute for ...worse rants in various places. I'm actually aware there are reasons to not gush publically at/about still breathing people. I actually hate getting public praise. I have had a lot in the past, so that hatred is a well informed opinion.

Please note my next sentence was not "why can't we SAY nice things about still living people." It was:

Why can't we try to be nicer to each other while it still fucking matters? (emphasis added)

/pedant
posted by Michele in California at 2:59 PM on January 23, 2015


To paraphrase Raymond Chandler, Metatalk is for the living:

You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that, oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell. Me, I was part of the nastiness now.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 3:06 PM on January 23, 2015


They knew.

Still, it remains one of the sadder things of life: to think of the many things one never managed to say to dear people who aren't around any more.

Then again, that would generate a bunch of monologuing, everyone trying to get her or his word in first about how much they appreciated it when auntie such-and-such made that awesome pulled pork, and auntie such-and-such answering how sweet it was when little nephew whatshisname-with-the-blue-cap gave her that sweet smile once, before he got braces, and flowers, and so on, and so forth, so maybe it's better as it is in any case.
posted by Namlit at 3:17 PM on January 23, 2015


Can we add "I'm dead" to the flag options?
posted by oceanjesse at 4:25 PM on January 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


You'll hear about it, don't worry!
posted by Meatbomb at 4:57 PM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think I'm going to spend a year dead for tax reasons: lets have a trial run!
posted by pjern at 4:59 PM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm connected to quite a few MeFites on Facebook. My death will certainly be noted there in some way because of all the Swan family members on my friends list, so I figure one of the MeFites will get wind of it and think to contact the mods here. But if that doesn't happen, so what. Sure, people might like to know, but it's not like it will do them any harm not to know.
posted by orange swan at 5:42 PM on January 23, 2015


When the Termite in the Pyramid comes to a full stop, you'll know I'm dead.

That's far too much responsibility to put on a lowly egyptian insect.

Oops. See what i mean?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:08 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ma'at funny.
posted by clavdivs at 9:15 PM on January 23, 2015


My fella is a MeFite, as are a couple of our friends, so unless we all die in a gas explosion, I guess one of them would let you guys know. I would do the same for them. Being a morbid sod, I've thought about this already in great detail.
posted by daisyk at 11:53 PM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


They knew.

Let me tell you how very very much this may not be true.

...

Very much not.

I live in Chicago, where there are CONSTANT MeFi meetups and other shenanigans, and I always want to go, and the very few times I have, I've had a really good time and enjoyed the company, but I have horrible anxiety and major depressive disorder and it's nearly impossible for me to motivate myself to GO, even though I know that once I get there I have a good time. This has been a battle for years and years. I have (honestly) no idea of a) whether anyone involved in MeFi would know if I died, because I almost never socialize or chat with other MeFites off-site, or b) if the site would be notified, or c) if I'd even want the site notified because frankly, I can't imagine any kind of noticeable reaction to my death as a MetaFilter user (and this isn't fishing and please don't respond to this because wow, so really not about that). I have "friendships" with MeFites in my head, but I don't think any MeFites think of me as a friend, if that makes sense.

How shitty would it be for a memorial MeTa to go up and the comments end up being the equivalent of the high-school yearbook I-never-really-talked-to-you "have a nice summer" comments? Not that you'd know, since you'd be dead, but still -- ugh.

I may be slightly more stressed out and self-loathing today than usual. It's possible.
posted by tzikeh at 12:05 PM on January 24, 2015 [7 favorites]


I've already asked my wife to give me an Internet Viking Funeral; flaming every site I belong to until I get banned forever.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:38 PM on January 24, 2015 [16 favorites]


See - the weird thing is as much time as I spend on here, and even though I'm coming up on my ten-year mark as an active member, I don't think that it would be worth having my partner send the contact form because I assume 99% of people reading this (and the obit thread) would say, "arnicae? Who's that?" before pasting in their obligatory dots.

It is kinda a weird thing about this site, that it can feel like home to so many of us and yet despite commenting regularly the site is big enough that we don't know many of each other. It is a little sad, I admit.
posted by arnicae at 12:44 PM on January 24, 2015 [1 favorite]



I've already asked my wife to give me an Internet Viking Funeral; flaming every site I belong to until I get banned forever.


I just emailed my partner this exact instruction. Genius.
posted by arnicae at 12:45 PM on January 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


I assume 99% of people reading this (and the obit thread) would say, "arnicae? Who's that?"

I don't think this is true, actually. I know who you are (I mean in a general "I know you around the site" kind of way, not like an "I'm typing this from your hedges" kind of way), and I'm sure a lot of other people do too. I think we have an unusual and hard-to-explain degree of engagement with each other's words around here, even when people may not be aware of how many others are reading them. Maybe I'm alone in this but I don't think so... The other night for example I saw someone commenting and thought, oh I haven't seen him around lately, and clicked on the username, and his last previous comment had been in 2007. But I still think of him as someone who's around on the site. If you're participating here, even rarely, I bet there are hundreds of people who know your name or remember something about you/one of your comments. We have an effect on each other here.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 1:18 PM on January 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


tzikeh, I have a friendship with you in my head too! I not only know you from MetaFilter, I also read your Tumblr -- I have cried multiple times over your sad pet adoption posts.

So yes, I'd want to know if you died, and I'd be sad.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:32 PM on January 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, what LM said; I think it may be easy to underestimate the degree to which people here make a degree of at least passive connection, even to small things, even without having ever formally meeting and greeting or exchanging personal email or what have you. It's one of the things I like about this place: as much as it's impossible for everybody to know everybody, its easy to get to know at least a little bit about a lot of people, to have "oh, yeah, I remember the time you commented about x" be in easy reach for a pretty broad selection of people who might otherwise have been internet strangers.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:58 PM on January 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


I mostly keep to myself and don't go out much. You guys won't know that I've died until everyone notices a horrible stench coming from my profile page and there's a mysterious fluid leaking onto the profile page below me.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:58 PM on January 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I guess MeFi being my 'secret place' that I don't talk to anyone about has a downside - nobody would know if I was dead or just in one of my periods of being too depressed to face even MeFi. Like orange swan, Facebook would probably be where anyone would find out.
posted by dg at 2:01 PM on January 24, 2015


After my dad died, I wrote a real will. One of the things that I outlined with my executor (aka sister) is how to let people know in my various online places know that I'm not around anymore. There's an envelope in a safe deposit box that we share, it contains passwords and instructions. Everyone should do some version of this. I'm sure there are a number of deceased MeFites that have quietly slipped away. Which is great if that's what they wanted, less great if they felt otherwise.

I had some wicked thoughts about leaving some money so that every member who had been active in the past year would get their $5 back so no one could claim to have paid for this site anymore, but then mathowie started taking donations so it all got complicated and it's not as useful as a rhetorical device..

I would miss a great number of you. Some of you I might just be all "Oh hey we can finally talk about this topic without That Guy/Girl showing up..." It's funny I'm writing an article this week about some of the weird little eddies left in my dad's affairs when he died. This is a good thread to read.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 2:33 PM on January 24, 2015 [13 favorites]


Oddly enough, my reason for not wanting to notify is because I don't like the "This member is deceased" stuff your userpage turns into. It squicks me out.

Everytime I'm looking at comments and just happen to click through and end up at a userpage and it's like This Member Is Deceased, I hear that awful Twilight Zone tuba sound and chills go through me.

So If I all of a sudden never post again, just imagine I'm somewhere on another plane of existence. Listening to whoever is there come up with new raps and twists of phrase. I've gone to that big cypher in the sky. Or just look at my userpage and think - I wonder if that guy is still alive somewhere, waiting to come back and post some goofball comment or say nice things to us.
posted by cashman at 7:12 PM on January 24, 2015


The Afterlurk; The Eternal Preview. Frolicking amongst the Elysian Feeds.
posted by XMLicious at 7:24 PM on January 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


When I die my consciousness will upload to the site and just keep posting anyway, so it really won't change anything.
posted by homunculus at 8:35 PM on January 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


I really have this big hang-up where I kind of hate seeing obit threads and the like because I always want to know: Why the fuck does someone have to die before anyone can say anything nice about them? Why can't we try to be nicer to each other while it still fucking matters?

I think this is what birthday parties are for! to say to the birthday-person yay we like you and are glad you were born!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:55 AM on January 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


When I die my consciousness will upload to the site and just keep posting anyway, so it really won't change anything.

A Twilight Zone/Black Mirror/Scary Door episode where your consciousness is uploaded to metafilter's server, but you can't access any other sites on the internet. So you can't make new posts (or append new links to the bottom of old posts)
DUN
DUN
DUNNNNN
posted by bleep at 4:56 PM on January 25, 2015


I want dots.

I also want a marching band to play carnival music at my funeral.
posted by spinifex23 at 1:45 AM on January 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is the article I wrote, in case people are curious. Mostly not about notifying places like MeFi but does talk about some of the tech aspects of estate planning.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:40 AM on January 26, 2015 [7 favorites]


It never occurred to me to have my heirs notify Metafilter after they've rolled around in the hundreds of pennies I am leaving them. I'll have to add it to the list.

I do have my priorities straight, though: in the middle of the list of people my mom should tell about my demise, it says arctic seal and phunniemee (or whoever did sq with me that year, if I am still doing sq), on the theory that they at least know the passwords to the sq account and can make sure it will go on in some form.
posted by julen at 9:43 AM on January 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


The simplest way to make sure Metafilter finds out you've died is to make it one of the beneficiaries of your estate. That way your executor will be sure to contact Matthowie when the day comes.
posted by alms at 9:59 AM on January 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


Does MetaFilter Networks have a postal mail address? It doesn't seem to be listed anywhere, e.g. on the contact page. Is the WHOIS address correct for paper correspondence?

I've gone through several estate management things in the past few years and it is still very much a real-world, offline, paper-based process. A lot of lawyers are going to want to send a physical letter with a stamp on it via USPS, not use a webform.

Also, it is not especially hard to have a pre-written letter, addressed and ready to go, along with your will and POA/MPOA and other crap that lives in the folder of Important Documents In The Event You Are About To Kick It, and then all someone would have to do is mail the letter.

Sorta like that envelope containing the manifesto that gets sent to the Times if you turn up in the back of a Buick down by the industrial canal under mysterious circumstances.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:34 PM on January 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


From the funding page:

MetaFilter Network Inc.
1271 NE Hwy 99W #109
McMinnville, OR 97128
posted by Michele in California at 10:37 AM on January 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Whoa. I always suspected Meta HQ was either in a strip mall or a van down by the river. (Actually, the remarkable thing about that strip mall is how much it looks like Greenville, SC.)
posted by octobersurprise at 11:29 AM on January 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


A Twilight Zone/Black Mirror/Scary Door episode where your consciousness is uploaded to metafilter's server, but you can't access any other sites on the internet. So you can't make new posts (or append new links to the bottom of old posts)

NOOOOOO!!!
posted by homunculus at 12:41 PM on January 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


My son reads a lot of this site over my shoulder and knows my password. So if you suddenly notice a lack of maturity...well... never mind, you wouldn't notice.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:48 PM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


I wonder how many people thought I died. I hope y'all missed me.
posted by theichibun at 6:31 AM on January 31, 2015


Please tell someone to remember to tell MetaFilter when you die

First you need to know someone who can help you put that plan into action. I don't know anyone.

I always suspected that one day I won't post a thing and it'll be followed by many more days of silence ... like many of the abandoned accounts scattered about teh internets ... such is life.
posted by squeak at 8:25 AM on February 1, 2015


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