Hamburger is short for... June 13, 2017 9:12 AM Subscribe
Burt Reynolds reveals the strangely apropos meaning of "hamburger" from the set of Smokey And The Bandit:
And Jackie drank on set, sometimes before 11 AM. He’d look over his shoulder and say “Mal! Hamburger!” And that meant glass of bourbon. Whenever he said “Mal! Hamburger!” that meant go get me a tall glass of bourbon.
Papi! Sammich!*
*That means, "Go get me a damn sandwich!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:19 AM on June 13, 2017
*That means, "Go get me a damn sandwich!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:19 AM on June 13, 2017
makes a lot better sense than the failed attempt here to make it mean "sarcasm"
posted by thelonius at 9:19 AM on June 13, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 9:19 AM on June 13, 2017 [5 favorites]
*Also, apparently, I am now shouting nonsense at myself.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
What a coincidence - giving me bourbon makes it easier for you to tell I'm being sarcastic.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
When my now 20 something kids were 4, 5, 6 ish, I would say to whomever was near me, "Cook me some dinner!" and they would get me a cold beer out of the frig.
I know this is an interview with Burt who I very much like, but Jackie Gleason is Da Man! I would watch his variety show every weekend, know every Honeymooners episode by heart and still wonder whatever happened to the June Taylor dancers. To know that he had an assistant who would get him a glass of 'hamburger' whenever he asked, just makes my day. How sweet it is!
posted by AugustWest at 9:24 AM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]
I know this is an interview with Burt who I very much like, but Jackie Gleason is Da Man! I would watch his variety show every weekend, know every Honeymooners episode by heart and still wonder whatever happened to the June Taylor dancers. To know that he had an assistant who would get him a glass of 'hamburger' whenever he asked, just makes my day. How sweet it is!
posted by AugustWest at 9:24 AM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]
In other news, we are bringing on a new unpaid intern, Mal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:35 AM on June 13, 2017 [20 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:35 AM on June 13, 2017 [20 favorites]
Hey, cool! Does Mal make sammiches?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:45 AM on June 13, 2017
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:45 AM on June 13, 2017
/intern abuse
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:45 AM on June 13, 2017
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:45 AM on June 13, 2017
Welcome, Mal!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:46 AM on June 13, 2017
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:46 AM on June 13, 2017
For anyone who is new and/or confused: In Jokes - Mefi Wiki
“HAMBURGER. In a MetaTalk thread created to suggest the addition of a MetaFilter HTML tag to denote sarcasm "{/}", prefpara noted the tag's resemblance to a HAMBURGER. Thus a sentence with HAMBURGER appended to the end is intended to be interpreted as excessively sarcastic.”posted by Fizz at 9:48 AM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]
We would also have accepted SLOPPY JOE
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:50 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:50 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
Did you know that there was a third Smokey And The Bandit film in which Jackie Gleeson takes the role of the bandit, smuggling large stuffed fish? And, in the original conception, Gleeson was going to play both Smokey AND the Bandit? In fact that version was filmed, but audiences were confised by the fact that there were two Gleasons and no Burt Reynolds?
Boy, films used to be so weird.
posted by maxsparber at 10:39 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Boy, films used to be so weird.
posted by maxsparber at 10:39 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
This thread is nothing if it does not include Dean Martin's Hamburger Recipe.
posted by briank at 10:44 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by briank at 10:44 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
Burt Reynolds
My inner editor wants this to be plural, and then my inner smartass wants to pick a fight with my inner editor about whether the funnier fake plural would be be Burts Reynold, Burt Reynoldices, or Burt Reynoldopodes.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2017 [10 favorites]
My inner editor wants this to be plural, and then my inner smartass wants to pick a fight with my inner editor about whether the funnier fake plural would be be Burts Reynold, Burt Reynoldices, or Burt Reynoldopodes.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2017 [10 favorites]
If 'hamburger' is sarcasm, do other meats have similar moods/feelings on MetaFilter?
posted by Fizz at 11:47 AM on June 13, 2017 [9 favorites]
hotdog = despairLet's discuss these in more detail.
chicken = wonder
fish = bewilderment
shrimp = rage
posted by Fizz at 11:47 AM on June 13, 2017 [9 favorites]
How about some of Vincent Price's guacamole on that burger.
posted by Room 641-A at 12:59 PM on June 13, 2017
posted by Room 641-A at 12:59 PM on June 13, 2017
And a Pumpkin Coach Cocktail, because I still want to know what
posted by zamboni at 3:59 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
cesoriacis.
posted by zamboni at 3:59 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think the new rule is that meats have to reflect both a mood and a drink. So:
Hamburger = sarcasm & bourbon
Hotdog = despair & scotch
Chicken = wonder & rum
Fish = bewilderment & gin
Shrimp = rage & tequila
And so forth. I look forward to having more discussion, while I experience the fish and have a hotdog.
posted by nubs at 5:21 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Hamburger = sarcasm & bourbon
Hotdog = despair & scotch
Chicken = wonder & rum
Fish = bewilderment & gin
Shrimp = rage & tequila
And so forth. I look forward to having more discussion, while I experience the fish and have a hotdog.
posted by nubs at 5:21 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't get it. Was this supposed to be on the blue?
posted by ctmf at 7:20 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ctmf at 7:20 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Hamburger is a metafilter injoke, so it fits on the grey, it would be a bit thin for the blue.
posted by Sebmojo at 7:32 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Sebmojo at 7:32 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Manwich!
posted by octobersurprise at 7:52 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by octobersurprise at 7:52 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Jackie Gleason is Da Man!
You forgot the Jackie Gleason Orchestra. Those albums are as pure as it gets. They are to schmaltzy romantic strings what Motorhead is to rock. I feel like I need a tux and a pencil mustache just to listen to them properly.
posted by bongo_x at 10:23 PM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
You forgot the Jackie Gleason Orchestra. Those albums are as pure as it gets. They are to schmaltzy romantic strings what Motorhead is to rock. I feel like I need a tux and a pencil mustache just to listen to them properly.
posted by bongo_x at 10:23 PM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]
I like that many of Jackie Gleason's albums are pretty explicitly marketed as music to have sex to: Music for Lovers Only, The Love Hours, Love Embers and Flame, A Time for Love, often with pictures of semi-clad women or post-coital cigarettes. But the music is that same lush, string-heavy schmaltz. I have to wonder who, mid-seduction, is like, hey, let's throw on some Gleason and do this.
posted by maxsparber at 8:04 AM on June 14, 2017
posted by maxsparber at 8:04 AM on June 14, 2017
SLOPPY JOE = /} ...?
Cf. especially blunt sarcasm, which is an open-faced club sandwich.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:28 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
Cf. especially blunt sarcasm, which is an open-faced club sandwich.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:28 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
SLOPPY JOE = /} ...?
bemusement & malt liquor
posted by nubs at 8:40 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
bemusement & malt liquor
posted by nubs at 8:40 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
Hamburger is a metafilter injoke
No, those people were serious
posted by thelonius at 10:34 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
No, those people were serious
posted by thelonius at 10:34 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
it would be a bit thin for the blue
/prosciutto
posted by nickmark at 10:58 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
/prosciutto
posted by nickmark at 10:58 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
I have to wonder who, mid-seduction, is like, hey, let's throw on some Gleason and do this.
It'll take you to the moon, Alice!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:53 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
It'll take you to the moon, Alice!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:53 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
maxsbarber - maybe Norton & Trixie. Homina, Homina, Homina.....
posted by jonmc at 12:25 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 12:25 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
hotdog = despair
chicken = wonder
fish = bewilderment
shrimp = rage
While I absolutely agree with the first three, I think rage should be "nuclear wings".
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:53 PM on June 14, 2017
chicken = wonder
fish = bewilderment
shrimp = rage
While I absolutely agree with the first three, I think rage should be "nuclear wings".
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:53 PM on June 14, 2017
> Vincent Price's guacamole
that is the weirdest goddamn guacamole recipe ive ever seen
mayonnaise? worcestershire sauce???? coriander seed
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 1:31 PM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
that is the weirdest goddamn guacamole recipe ive ever seen
mayonnaise? worcestershire sauce???? coriander seed
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 1:31 PM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
At that point, just leave out the avocado and call it "New York Pizza". Because why not. It has nothing to do with guacamole, either.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:14 PM on June 14, 2017
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:14 PM on June 14, 2017
Also, per nubs' addition, "nuclear wings and beer".
That's a good night out, not rage.
posted by nubs at 3:22 PM on June 14, 2017
That's a good night out, not rage.
posted by nubs at 3:22 PM on June 14, 2017
That depends on how nuclear they are. And one's personal tolerance.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:49 PM on June 14, 2017
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:49 PM on June 14, 2017
Canned Whole Chicken = resignation & Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:09 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:09 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
I would gladly favorite you Tuesday
For a hamburger today.
posted by clavdivs at 10:26 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
For a hamburger today.
posted by clavdivs at 10:26 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
that is the weirdest goddamn guacamole recipe ive ever seen
mayonnaise? worcestershire sauce???? coriander seed
** yes, I did this because cinco de mayo
posted by zamboni at 7:08 AM on June 15, 2017
mayonnaise? worcestershire sauce???? coriander seed
- The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.
- Do you see any peas in there? No, you do not.
- Coriander seed. If cilantro is fine*, then what's wrong with the seeds? Try it some time.
- Worcestershire sauce. A little umami isn't that outré.
- Mayonnaise: Look, it was 1965, OK?**
** yes, I did this because cinco de mayo
posted by zamboni at 7:08 AM on June 15, 2017
Vincent Price was a collector of Mexican ceramics , especially pre-Colombian, and frequently made trips to Mexico for that purposes. He was one of the first to recognize the superb artistic value of this work, and you can see samples of it at the Vincent Price museum in Los Angeles.
Price was also a gourmand and the author of a very popular cookbook. I'm going to say there is a real possibility that Price's guacamole recipe is the best damn guac you've ever had.
Worcestershire sauce is bog standard for guac, by the way. I'm not sure I have ever seen a recipe without it.
posted by maxsparber at 7:17 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Price was also a gourmand and the author of a very popular cookbook. I'm going to say there is a real possibility that Price's guacamole recipe is the best damn guac you've ever had.
Worcestershire sauce is bog standard for guac, by the way. I'm not sure I have ever seen a recipe without it.
posted by maxsparber at 7:17 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Price was also a gourmand and the author of a very popular cookbook. I'm going to say there is a real possibility that Price's guacamole recipe is the best damn guac you've ever had.
Price was also a known prankster, so there is a nonzero chance that on his deathbed, he thought, I bet someone out there is putting mayonnaise in their guacamole right now, and smiled faintly to himself, remembering a life well-lived.
posted by Etrigan at 8:12 AM on June 15, 2017 [8 favorites]
Price was also a known prankster, so there is a nonzero chance that on his deathbed, he thought, I bet someone out there is putting mayonnaise in their guacamole right now, and smiled faintly to himself, remembering a life well-lived.
posted by Etrigan at 8:12 AM on June 15, 2017 [8 favorites]
That explains the shrunken heads made out of apples.
posted by maxsparber at 8:36 AM on June 15, 2017
posted by maxsparber at 8:36 AM on June 15, 2017
Aziz! Light beer!
posted by Splunge at 2:57 PM on June 15, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 2:57 PM on June 15, 2017 [5 favorites]
Worcestershire sauce is bog standard for guac, by the way. I'm not sure I have ever seen a recipe without it.
Really? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just no.
Guacamole
Avocados. Fresh lime juice. Seasonings to taste. That's it. Chill it for at least an hour.
Note that I am not making any special claims to authenticity, here. My claim is to fabulous guacamole that honors the avocados and begs for top shelf tequila (on the side, you fool, on the side!).
1. Avocados.
3 large or 5 small Hass makes a good batch, taking into account that there will likely be some percentage of the avocado that can't be used once you cut into them. They should be ripe enough to have a little give to them, but not so ripe that they squish or take a permanent emboss when you squeeze them lightly. The result when you cut into them should be firm (but not actually hard) and bright green. Remove any overly mushy or dark brown spots. If perfect avocados aren't available, it's better to get them too hard than too mushy or turned. If they are too hard to mash with a fork, use a Molcajete or a small sledgehammer and anvil or run them over a few times with your car. A train would probably be overkill, unless it was a Lionel, in which case definitely use the train.
I don't need to tell you to peel the avocado and remove the pit, do I? Well, I suppose I have no idea who is actually reading the comments down here. Perhaps you are from another time or planet and have never encountered an avocado before, let alone a portobello. Slice the avocado in half, pulling your knife around the pit as you cut, rather than slicing through the pit. Twist the avocado in half. Remove the pit (I usually cut into the pit with my knife, then twist the knife until the pit detaches). Scoop the inner flesh of the avocado from the skin into your serving bowl or Molcajete (some people do this with a large spoon, but I prefer to use my knife, which is already to-hand, slicing the avocado right in its skin as I go. Yes, I have stabbed myself doing this. Shut up!). At this point, I chop the avocados roughly right in the bowl (don't let your knife edge bang against the side of the bowl - this is just to help break the flesh up a bit to make the mashing faster, so it doesn't need to be consistent or perfect). Then, use a fork or pestle or hard-shelled pet (other than turtles - turtles carry salmonella) and mash the avocado to desired consistency. I like a few chunks left in mine rather than a totally smooth puree, but either option is fine, so long as you leave a few chunks, rather than making a totally smooth puree.
2. Lime juice.
Squeeze half a fresh lime into the bowl of avocado as you mash it. If the lime is not sufficiently juicy, you may need some of the juice from the second half as well. This is a judgement call. I usually adjust this at the tasting stage, but I typically use a bit more than half a lime. I like to be able to taste the lime as an ingredient, but not to the point where it competes with the avocado.
3. Seasonings to taste.
OK - that's a really broad statement, but it sure as shit doesn't include mayo or Worcestershire sauce. It may be bog standard if you want your guac to taste like a bog. I want mine to taste like avocados. I use salt (usually garlic salt or Kosher salt), black pepper, smoked paprika, and plenty of cumin. Maybe a little ancho chili powder, if I'm feeling frisky. The key is, use a little seasoning, stir, taste. DON'T MASK THE TASTE OF THE AVOCADOS. I do like cilantro, but I prefer to have that ingredient in the pico de gallo or chopped and added to whatever dish we are serving. Don't add salsa or crema to your Guacamole. Use them as separate sides, so you can discern the qualities of each. The only excuse for mixing salsa or crema into the guacamole prior to serving is if too many of the avocados were bad and people are expecting guacomole and you don't have time to back to the store. Now it's Chopped, Home Addition, and all bets are off. Use whatever you have.
This is where you could have used that portobello.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:42 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
Really? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just no.
Guacamole
Avocados. Fresh lime juice. Seasonings to taste. That's it. Chill it for at least an hour.
Note that I am not making any special claims to authenticity, here. My claim is to fabulous guacamole that honors the avocados and begs for top shelf tequila (on the side, you fool, on the side!).
1. Avocados.
3 large or 5 small Hass makes a good batch, taking into account that there will likely be some percentage of the avocado that can't be used once you cut into them. They should be ripe enough to have a little give to them, but not so ripe that they squish or take a permanent emboss when you squeeze them lightly. The result when you cut into them should be firm (but not actually hard) and bright green. Remove any overly mushy or dark brown spots. If perfect avocados aren't available, it's better to get them too hard than too mushy or turned. If they are too hard to mash with a fork, use a Molcajete or a small sledgehammer and anvil or run them over a few times with your car. A train would probably be overkill, unless it was a Lionel, in which case definitely use the train.
I don't need to tell you to peel the avocado and remove the pit, do I? Well, I suppose I have no idea who is actually reading the comments down here. Perhaps you are from another time or planet and have never encountered an avocado before, let alone a portobello. Slice the avocado in half, pulling your knife around the pit as you cut, rather than slicing through the pit. Twist the avocado in half. Remove the pit (I usually cut into the pit with my knife, then twist the knife until the pit detaches). Scoop the inner flesh of the avocado from the skin into your serving bowl or Molcajete (some people do this with a large spoon, but I prefer to use my knife, which is already to-hand, slicing the avocado right in its skin as I go. Yes, I have stabbed myself doing this. Shut up!). At this point, I chop the avocados roughly right in the bowl (don't let your knife edge bang against the side of the bowl - this is just to help break the flesh up a bit to make the mashing faster, so it doesn't need to be consistent or perfect). Then, use a fork or pestle or hard-shelled pet (other than turtles - turtles carry salmonella) and mash the avocado to desired consistency. I like a few chunks left in mine rather than a totally smooth puree, but either option is fine, so long as you leave a few chunks, rather than making a totally smooth puree.
2. Lime juice.
Squeeze half a fresh lime into the bowl of avocado as you mash it. If the lime is not sufficiently juicy, you may need some of the juice from the second half as well. This is a judgement call. I usually adjust this at the tasting stage, but I typically use a bit more than half a lime. I like to be able to taste the lime as an ingredient, but not to the point where it competes with the avocado.
3. Seasonings to taste.
OK - that's a really broad statement, but it sure as shit doesn't include mayo or Worcestershire sauce. It may be bog standard if you want your guac to taste like a bog. I want mine to taste like avocados. I use salt (usually garlic salt or Kosher salt), black pepper, smoked paprika, and plenty of cumin. Maybe a little ancho chili powder, if I'm feeling frisky. The key is, use a little seasoning, stir, taste. DON'T MASK THE TASTE OF THE AVOCADOS. I do like cilantro, but I prefer to have that ingredient in the pico de gallo or chopped and added to whatever dish we are serving. Don't add salsa or crema to your Guacamole. Use them as separate sides, so you can discern the qualities of each. The only excuse for mixing salsa or crema into the guacamole prior to serving is if too many of the avocados were bad and people are expecting guacomole and you don't have time to back to the store. Now it's Chopped, Home Addition, and all bets are off. Use whatever you have.
This is where you could have used that portobello.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:42 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
4. Squeeze some of the remaining lime juice into a shot glass. Fill shot glass with top-shelf tequila. Drink. Repeat until the peel of the lime is just a dusty husk, approximately a single molecule in thickness, or until tequila is gone. Weep copiously, and hurl bespoke curses at your guests. Be creative, here! Show your command of the language and your deep understanding of your guests' deepest fears and weaknesses. They will appreciate how well you have listened to them.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:53 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:53 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm not saying Worcestershire sauce is necessary for guac or even ideal. I'm saying it's common, and so it's not a weird thing for Price to have included.
I don't have it, because it is made with anchovies and I am a vegetarian. However, I am willing to give the mayo a shot. Artemis Ward's exhaustive Encyclopedia of Food from 1923 mentions use of mayo, so it's not new.
posted by maxsparber at 10:01 PM on June 15, 2017
I don't have it, because it is made with anchovies and I am a vegetarian. However, I am willing to give the mayo a shot. Artemis Ward's exhaustive Encyclopedia of Food from 1923 mentions use of mayo, so it's not new.
posted by maxsparber at 10:01 PM on June 15, 2017
I'm saying it's common, and so it's not a weird thing for Price to have included.
Since I'm the one that posted the offending recipe I decided to check in with one of my bffs, a Food & Wine award-winning Latina chef. Her take:
All that said, I hate guacamole and avocados so it's hard for me to argue that you can make it worse than it already is.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:21 AM on June 16, 2017
Since I'm the one that posted the offending recipe I decided to check in with one of my bffs, a Food & Wine award-winning Latina chef. Her take:
No one does that.And while obviously at least one person does that, here is her recipe, which tracks closely to IRFH's: Guacamole smashed but not too smooth, onions (very finely diced), tomatoes diced, salt, pepper, lime and fine diced jalapeño optional.
All that said, I hate guacamole and avocados so it's hard for me to argue that you can make it worse than it already is.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:21 AM on June 16, 2017
No one does that.
I don't know why this is an argument, but okay.
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe (from Liberace!)
Here's one from James Beard Award-Winner Emeril Lagasse that uses Worcestershire sauce.
A metric crap ton of people do this. I mean, honestly.
posted by maxsparber at 7:45 AM on June 16, 2017 [3 favorites]
I don't know why this is an argument, but okay.
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe
Guacamole recipe (from Liberace!)
Here's one from James Beard Award-Winner Emeril Lagasse that uses Worcestershire sauce.
A metric crap ton of people do this. I mean, honestly.
posted by maxsparber at 7:45 AM on June 16, 2017 [3 favorites]
Chill it for at least an hour.You monster! Why bother with the fresh stuff at all. You can buy aged, chilled, flavorless "guacamole" at the gas station and save a lot of time. What's more, the idea that worcestershire sauce (or bitters) isn't a "seasoning" is bizarre. (I'm with you on mayonnaise though. Do people actually do that? Boo.)
Less snarkily, I'm pretty sure there is no bad version of guacamole. Except, perhaps, in really shitty, bottom-shelf sushi restaurants that have a fusion menu.
posted by eotvos at 8:06 AM on June 16, 2017
The lime and salt need time to fully develop a balanced flavor with the avocado. So it needs to sit for a while. Since I'm constantly tasting once I start adding the seasonings, I know what it tastes like when I get the mix right. If I then stick it in the fridge for an hour, it comes out tasting even more flavorful, not less.
I get the idea of the Worcestershire sauce (or bitters), actually. Honestly, I do. I used to throw the kitchen sink into my guacamole, too, back in the day. But hear me out on this.
I cook a lot, and I've been doing it for longer than many of the posters here have been alive. Which isn't meant as bona fides so much as background: it means I've developed my own approach to cooking over the years and I've developed several recipes that are guaranteed crowd pleasers. Recipes that I've been tweaking over many iterations for a very long time to get just right. Many of these recipes are pretty complex. My palate prefers complex, well-balanced flavor profiles, so my instinct is to try adding things. And I don't give a fig for sticking to purity tests for authenticity, unless figs are called for, of course, in which case I definitely give a fig. Figs are delicious!
My approach to working up a new recipe is to collect as many different recipes for the dish in question as I can find, and then in comparing them, to find the base recipe (the must-have ingredients and techniques to make the basic dish) that everyone pretty much agrees on, and identify from that list both the purest version and then also any cheats that could make it easier - so long as the cheats won't significantly reduce the quality of the dish.
For an example of the last point, if a recipe calls for diced tomatoes to add to a sauce, I could buy fresh tomatoes and fire roast them and dice them, or I could buy Muir Glen Organic Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes in a can. Usually, I buy the Muir Glen. When added to a recipe to be cooked, the difference in taste is not easily discernible, but the difference in effort is considerable.
Once I've decided on the base dish ingredients and techniques I want to use, I then look at all the extras in the variations and pick out all the ones that fit my tastes plus the tastes (and possible dietary restrictions) of whoever else I may be cooking for at the time. Most of the time, by the time I have worked through all of the source recipes and adapted them into one, it is considerably different from any one of the originals. Then I try it. Based on the results, I then begin tweaking the recipe. If it is successful, I will usually try dozens of variations over the years until I have a consistent winner. By that point, I will not even need to look at a recipe any more, even though it is often a pretty complex process.
I like guacamole. A lot. A lot, a lot. Which is to say that I'm sure all of those recipes listed above are delicious. I've probably tried them all over the years. It's not that all those extras won't produce a good result. They will. If you were to make some up fresh and offer it to me right now, I would eat all of it and ask for more.
But I will tell you that with this one dish, what I have discovered over the years is that the more extraneous ingredients I removed, the better the result. Learning how to select the ideal ripeness of the avocados had way more impact on the quality of the guacamole than half-a-dozen unnecessary add-ons could ever correct for. Slowly working up the lime and salt ratios until the perfect balance is reached is time much better spent than messing with other ingredients. You should be able to taste the lime juice, to the exact point that you notice it and then immediately forget it. You should be able to tell that there is salt in the guacamole, but it shouldn't taste salty. The other spices, and particularly the cumin, should be present as a slight background note, but light enough that only a practiced palate should be able to tell what was used. The point here is that the spices shouldn't actually alter the flavor profile of the avocado in the same way that the lime and salt will. Lime adds brightness and a hint of sour. Worcestershire sauce adds bitterness and is an umami enhancer. I love bitterness and umami - but in my experience, the flavor of avocado is enhanced by salt and lime, but altered by bitterness and umami.
People used to love my guacamole, but now they loooove my guacamole. I cannot serve it outside the house without being begged for the recipe. So no one believes me when I tell them.
Avocados. Fresh lime juice. Seasonings to taste. That's it. Chill it for at least an hour. You can make a tasty guacamole-style dip using any number of ingredients. Go for it. It will be popular with anyone who likes avocado. Including me.
But for the perfect guacamole, keep it simple. Be picky in the produce section. Take your time preparing it. Adjust lime and seasonings slowly, then let it sit in the fridge long enough to develop. Give it a quick stir before serving to bring the color back up.
I promise, you won't miss the Worcestershire sauce.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:17 AM on June 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
I get the idea of the Worcestershire sauce (or bitters), actually. Honestly, I do. I used to throw the kitchen sink into my guacamole, too, back in the day. But hear me out on this.
I cook a lot, and I've been doing it for longer than many of the posters here have been alive. Which isn't meant as bona fides so much as background: it means I've developed my own approach to cooking over the years and I've developed several recipes that are guaranteed crowd pleasers. Recipes that I've been tweaking over many iterations for a very long time to get just right. Many of these recipes are pretty complex. My palate prefers complex, well-balanced flavor profiles, so my instinct is to try adding things. And I don't give a fig for sticking to purity tests for authenticity, unless figs are called for, of course, in which case I definitely give a fig. Figs are delicious!
My approach to working up a new recipe is to collect as many different recipes for the dish in question as I can find, and then in comparing them, to find the base recipe (the must-have ingredients and techniques to make the basic dish) that everyone pretty much agrees on, and identify from that list both the purest version and then also any cheats that could make it easier - so long as the cheats won't significantly reduce the quality of the dish.
For an example of the last point, if a recipe calls for diced tomatoes to add to a sauce, I could buy fresh tomatoes and fire roast them and dice them, or I could buy Muir Glen Organic Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes in a can. Usually, I buy the Muir Glen. When added to a recipe to be cooked, the difference in taste is not easily discernible, but the difference in effort is considerable.
Once I've decided on the base dish ingredients and techniques I want to use, I then look at all the extras in the variations and pick out all the ones that fit my tastes plus the tastes (and possible dietary restrictions) of whoever else I may be cooking for at the time. Most of the time, by the time I have worked through all of the source recipes and adapted them into one, it is considerably different from any one of the originals. Then I try it. Based on the results, I then begin tweaking the recipe. If it is successful, I will usually try dozens of variations over the years until I have a consistent winner. By that point, I will not even need to look at a recipe any more, even though it is often a pretty complex process.
I like guacamole. A lot. A lot, a lot. Which is to say that I'm sure all of those recipes listed above are delicious. I've probably tried them all over the years. It's not that all those extras won't produce a good result. They will. If you were to make some up fresh and offer it to me right now, I would eat all of it and ask for more.
But I will tell you that with this one dish, what I have discovered over the years is that the more extraneous ingredients I removed, the better the result. Learning how to select the ideal ripeness of the avocados had way more impact on the quality of the guacamole than half-a-dozen unnecessary add-ons could ever correct for. Slowly working up the lime and salt ratios until the perfect balance is reached is time much better spent than messing with other ingredients. You should be able to taste the lime juice, to the exact point that you notice it and then immediately forget it. You should be able to tell that there is salt in the guacamole, but it shouldn't taste salty. The other spices, and particularly the cumin, should be present as a slight background note, but light enough that only a practiced palate should be able to tell what was used. The point here is that the spices shouldn't actually alter the flavor profile of the avocado in the same way that the lime and salt will. Lime adds brightness and a hint of sour. Worcestershire sauce adds bitterness and is an umami enhancer. I love bitterness and umami - but in my experience, the flavor of avocado is enhanced by salt and lime, but altered by bitterness and umami.
People used to love my guacamole, but now they loooove my guacamole. I cannot serve it outside the house without being begged for the recipe. So no one believes me when I tell them.
Avocados. Fresh lime juice. Seasonings to taste. That's it. Chill it for at least an hour. You can make a tasty guacamole-style dip using any number of ingredients. Go for it. It will be popular with anyone who likes avocado. Including me.
But for the perfect guacamole, keep it simple. Be picky in the produce section. Take your time preparing it. Adjust lime and seasonings slowly, then let it sit in the fridge long enough to develop. Give it a quick stir before serving to bring the color back up.
I promise, you won't miss the Worcestershire sauce.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:17 AM on June 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
(Wipes tear from eye) Receipies on the Grey. How I've missed you.
posted by 4ster at 8:40 PM on June 16, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by 4ster at 8:40 PM on June 16, 2017 [4 favorites]
So glad I read this thread for my Burt-fan husband, and stayed to the end for the guac discussion. I've never liked any iteration of avocado, you see. . . But on closing day for our new home, previous owner's kid proudly announced, "Did you see you have THREE avocado trees? " He miscounted. There are FOUR. Four avocado trees. (One is a baby. I might be able to swap it out for a starfruit, which I actually enjoy.) My college-aged son and his friends will have, for once in their Millenial lives, a surfeit of avocado toast. But I've been dreading the thought that I'll have to learn to eat guacamole.
No way to tell type of avocado until they bear. Here's hoping they won't all go at the same time. Maybe we need to have a South Florida IRL guac frenzy meetup. I'll put Smoky and the Bandit on repeat. We can play Pin the Stache on Burt Reynolds. And everyone will have to go home with a big paper bag of avocados...
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 3:32 AM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
No way to tell type of avocado until they bear. Here's hoping they won't all go at the same time. Maybe we need to have a South Florida IRL guac frenzy meetup. I'll put Smoky and the Bandit on repeat. We can play Pin the Stache on Burt Reynolds. And everyone will have to go home with a big paper bag of avocados...
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 3:32 AM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you're going to do something Untoward to guacamole, you should do the thing my host family in small-town Guatemala used to do, which was mix together salted mashed avocado and sliced radishes. It was one of my favorite foods there, and the first time they served it I asked for a recipe, which they thought was hilarious. So then I asked what it was called, and when they finally stopped laughing they said "…avocados and radishes. What else would you call it?"
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:22 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:22 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
It was one of my favorite foods there, and the first time they served it I asked for a recipe, which they thought was hilarious. So then I asked what it was called, and when they finally stopped laughing they said "…avocados and radishes. What else would you call it?"
This sums up a certain part of the U.S. and MF in a way I can't quite put my finger on.
posted by bongo_x at 2:24 PM on June 17, 2017 [2 favorites]
This sums up a certain part of the U.S. and MF in a way I can't quite put my finger on.
posted by bongo_x at 2:24 PM on June 17, 2017 [2 favorites]
RIGHT?
(Unfortunately, the actual recipe is
1. Live in a small town in Central America where you can get avocados that were attached to a tree five minutes ago
2. Honestly do whatever you want with them after that and it will probably be delicious)
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:32 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
(Unfortunately, the actual recipe is
1. Live in a small town in Central America where you can get avocados that were attached to a tree five minutes ago
2. Honestly do whatever you want with them after that and it will probably be delicious)
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:32 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
I would but I'm saving for a house.
posted by maxsparber at 2:33 PM on June 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 2:33 PM on June 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
Three Men Arrested For Selling Over $300,000 Worth Of Stolen Avocados
I've never liked any iteration of avocado, you see. . .
Does this also happen to you when you go out for Mexican food:
Me, to waiter: No gua--
Entire table: I'LL TAKE IT!
Me: Guacamole on the side, please.
posted by Room 641-A at 3:07 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've never liked any iteration of avocado, you see. . .
Does this also happen to you when you go out for Mexican food:
Me, to waiter: No gua--
Entire table: I'LL TAKE IT!
Me: Guacamole on the side, please.
posted by Room 641-A at 3:07 PM on June 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
A friend from Mexico City once made me a guacamole with pomegranate in it. It's great and is one of my potluck staples.
posted by ITheCosmos at 5:58 AM on June 18, 2017
posted by ITheCosmos at 5:58 AM on June 18, 2017
I've enjoyed guacamole with roasted corn. Free-form. Go nuts.
posted by Splunge at 12:50 PM on June 18, 2017
posted by Splunge at 12:50 PM on June 18, 2017
Chez Bastard we've been eating avocado/fresh homegrown tomato/thinly sliced vidalia onion/razor-thinly-sliced parmesan cheese sandwiched on everything bagels since the tomatoes started to ripen.
posted by Cookiebastard at 12:09 PM on June 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Cookiebastard at 12:09 PM on June 19, 2017 [1 favorite]
Remove the pit (I usually cut into the pit with my knife, then twist the knife until the pit detaches). Scoop the inner flesh of the avocado from the skin into your serving bowl or Molcajete (some people do this with a large spoon, but I prefer to use my knife, which is already to-hand, slicing the avocado right in its skin as I go. Yes, I have stabbed myself doing this. Shut up!).
The beginning of this step is where you switch to the spoon if you don't want to go to the emergency room. I mean, seriously, people, the pit just scoops right out. No need to slice your hand off trying to bash it with a knife. Dumbest epidemic ever.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:57 PM on June 21, 2017
The beginning of this step is where you switch to the spoon if you don't want to go to the emergency room. I mean, seriously, people, the pit just scoops right out. No need to slice your hand off trying to bash it with a knife. Dumbest epidemic ever.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:57 PM on June 21, 2017
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posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:16 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]