Fucking Fuck 3.0

August 15, 2017 3:32 PM

It's been a rough couple of days. Time for another thread. A space for us to breathe. Let's take a moment.
posted by Fizz to MetaFilter-Related at 3:32 PM (327 comments total)

I am so fucking tired.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:38 PM on August 15, 2017 [32 favorites]

Note: Everyone needs a fucking fuck.
posted by naju at 3:39 PM on August 15, 2017 [28 favorites]

I'm on 3-11 p.m. shifts, so I already feel like a bit of a zombie since I never see anyone except for other work people.

I really just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for a few months. Just unplug my brain.
posted by Fizz at 3:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Thanks for starting the thread.

posted by Fizz
eponyrefreshing! Now I want to grab a soda or ice cream float. :)
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 3:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

I swear to god, I stay away from Metafilter for only a little bit and the WORLD IS ON FUCKING FIRE.

I should just button. This is too much.
posted by Yowser at 3:40 PM on August 15, 2017

But hopefully no one needs a flying fuck, because I am all out of those.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [5 favorites]

Ooosch. That's how I'm feeling. "Ooosch."
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
posted by WidgetAlley at 3:41 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm typing this at a red light, so it's kind of a double breather.
posted by michaelh at 3:41 PM on August 15, 2017 [5 favorites]

I just want to say how much I love you all. You* keep me sane. I can't really drink or do drugs and binge-eating is counterproductive, but I know I can always come here and find someone who gets why I'm so fucking sad/angry/scared.

(*also; antidepressants, my spouse, my cat, my friends, my church. But ya'll are real important on that list)

I've missed out on some local political actions lately because I've been sick/exhausted so I haven't felt like I am doing much to fix things, but at least I can spread some love.
posted by emjaybee at 3:42 PM on August 15, 2017 [26 favorites]

I spent Sunday with some old friends from SG-1 fandom. We went wine-tasting and scenery-viewing in Sonoma County, bought some wine and had a nice lunch, and then out for wood-fired pizza at one of my regular places. It was lovely.

My dog was ecstatic at having two more humans to snuggle with, and mostly behaved herself.

It was a very nice weekend. My friends continued on up the coast: they're doing a road trip that will include eclipse-watching in Oregon, and I am jealous, partly because they'll be off-line for the next week.

Being off-line is very appealing right now.
posted by suelac at 3:43 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]

i don't know what to do about any of this
it is a nightmare
posted by prefpara at 3:45 PM on August 15, 2017 [8 favorites]

WTF?! Step away for 90 minutes and utter madness breaks out...again.

So sick of hate-faced white men screaming about The Other, while an Adolescent Cheeto encourages them to carry the symbols a number of my ancestors fought to tear down.

Thanks for being here with me--y'all are the bestest internet peeps I've ever had!

...I'm going to go find a screaming pillow.
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 3:46 PM on August 15, 2017 [10 favorites]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

fuck.
posted by palomar at 3:52 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I was not-hawkwatching with my fellow hawkwatchers (because it's so foggy) and it was a lovely morning and then I came home and saw all of this what what the fuck. Just. What.
posted by rtha at 3:54 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have to go host a trivia night, and during my background music I will be playing Neil Young's "Southern Man" along with a few other careful choices just to make myself feel better.
posted by yhbc at 3:56 PM on August 15, 2017

I plan to get very drunk tonight.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:01 PM on August 15, 2017 [8 favorites]

Today I did a terrible thing and called out (tagged with a big colorful background image) a close family member in front of all of Facebook for liking some kind of "kill Antifa lol" post. Note that this isn't a first for him, but it's definitely the most egregious. He usually likes things that are far more innocuous but still obviously bigoted. I really don't think I can ever go home again. That, plus not being able to get any work done due to this monstrous distraction, plus the normal everyday strife we deal with, means I'm probably going to drink too much tonight and feel even worse tomorrow. Anyway, it gets better... then it gets worse again, then it gets better, then it gets even worse...
posted by Donald Trump Sex Nightmare at 4:01 PM on August 15, 2017 [16 favorites]

Six days until the total solar eclipse, which thanks to astronomy we understand is a rare and wondrous alignment of the earth, moon, and sun, and totally not a harbinger of doom, as people superstitiously believed long ago, and I'm going to keep telling myself that for the next six days...
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:04 PM on August 15, 2017 [31 favorites]

I haven't been able to comment in the last 2 threads. Everything is so fast. So crazy. So... wrong. I can't process it anymore. I'm still reading every word, because you guys are the sanest filter through which to understand this crap. But.... yeah. Fuck.
posted by Glibpaxman at 4:06 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

... some other fucking deus ex machine

Every day I pray to Shirley This.
posted by valetta at 4:21 PM on August 15, 2017 [23 favorites]

Maybe the accelerationism people have a point. Jesus Christ.
posted by Yowser at 4:23 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

Maybe the accelerationism people have a point.

Well....the good news is, if we survive, we'll get to find out for sure.
posted by mstokes650 at 4:28 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

For anyone who is wanting a video-game where you can just scream in rage/joy and feel good about it:

• Doom
• Wolfenstein The New Order
• Titanfall 2
• Overwatch
• Devil Daggers

These have been my go to video-games when I get home from work and I'm tired and stressed out and just need to let some emotions fly.
posted by Fizz at 4:29 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]

Surely I can't be only person who thinks this every f'ing day?
posted by mollweide at 4:29 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

Last November I was looking at Labrador puppy videos and have just started up again.
posted by brujita at 4:29 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

So, after watching that shitshow, I'm at a new doctor's office for an elbow pain thing, and they had me fill out the whole new patient shebang. One question is "how often do you feel depressed, anxious, etc" and I quip to the assistant "In *this* adminstration? Daily." Long story short, now I'm filling out another form on my depression symptoms and answering questions about if I want to hurt myself or others and the answer is Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Uggghhh. How can you be living here right now and not want to answer that question yes??
posted by greermahoney at 4:31 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

I'm a freelancer and I can't get any work done during the day because I refresh MeFi and other feeds every so often and there's some new thing Trump has done that takes me 30 minutes to digest and then NOT react to. So I sit there by myself and internalize how much I just want to scream. It was a total roller coaster today and honestly I just want off.

Fuck.
posted by photoslob at 4:32 PM on August 15, 2017 [14 favorites]

For anyone who is wanting a video-game where you can just scream in rage/joy and feel good about it:

• Wolfenstein The New Order

I dunno, a video game about fighting the Nazis that are running the world seems a little too on-the-nose right now to be good escapism tbh. Cathartic though, I can definitely see that.
posted by mstokes650 at 4:36 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

How can you be living here right now and not want to answer that question yes??

I do not want to hurt myself or others. Also, I do not think that the government is monitoring my communications. Also, I am not lying.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:36 PM on August 15, 2017 [10 favorites]

I am not normally a violent person but at this point I am ready to punch some nazi skulls in.
posted by grumpybear69 at 4:41 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

I've actually been doing OK since November, for certain values of "OK" meaning "I can function and cope and work and deal with shit without clawing my face off and screaming myself into a cerebral hemorrhage daily despite living on a steady diet of cortisol and worry and misery." And the POTUSthreads have been such a huge, HUGE help because even though everybody I know IRL shares my politics more or less, I have no one to be trauma-pals with or mutually lean on at all. Everybody's just like, "tired of that, over it, how 'bout Game of Thrones?" so nobody discusses it except for little digs or a "Holy shit, what now?" here or there.

Anyhow, I've been sort of amazed at how well I'm weathering things, but I feel like today broke me.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:52 PM on August 15, 2017 [14 favorites]

Lately I've been exploring self-care in order to cool down in these trying times. Some of the things I've been doing have included:

1. Saving all the week's good TV for the weekend, adding a couple movies I've been meaning to see, and then spending a few hours blazing it and chilling on the couch watching things.

2. There's a vegan ice cream place downtown that makes a great coconut-milk-based blueberry cheesecake ice cream.

3. Crash Fever, aka the world's best mobile game.

4. Having some easy laughs in some of my favorite Facebook groups, most of them dedicated to wholesome memes.

5. Did you know ZZTop's Eliminator is actually a fucking killer album, well worth listening to during your walk to work?

6. There's a vegan ice cream place downt- oh right i mentioned that already.

7. Hanging out with loving, or at least reasonable, people.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 4:55 PM on August 15, 2017 [12 favorites]

Sigh. I'm back in rage blackout mode. I work right near a women's health clinic, and one of my co-workers occasionally goes out and lets off steam by yelling at the anti-choice protesters. I may need to do that, because I'm having a hard time directing my anger at the right targets.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:01 PM on August 15, 2017 [12 favorites]

My uncle just died. We were not close, but I had vaguely fond memories, and was friends with his daughter (my cousin). The last time I saw him was Thanksgiving, when he was cackling about keeping out Crooked Hillary then later told a racist anecdote from his past.

My family is all "so sad, we will miss Uncle!" and I'm thinking, well, at least he won't be voting for any more damn Nazis. I will probably have to come up with a better response than that for politeness' sake when I go to the funeral. "I'm glad he's at peace" will probably be my go-to. I'll be there for my cousin, and a few other people I care about, not for him.
posted by emjaybee at 5:17 PM on August 15, 2017 [23 favorites]

Red sky at night
Trump's tweeting shite
Red sky in the morning
Three-minute warning

(from @ottocrat)
posted by Azara at 5:21 PM on August 15, 2017 [11 favorites]

I forgot that I was literally queasy after we learned he "won" in November.

Now I remember that feeling. It may be time to disconnect; this renewed rage is doing me no favors.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 5:23 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Why, oh why, did I stop by my brother's apartment today on my way home from work to check on him? He had a small Confederate flag in his window and some kind of correspondence from the Trump campaign on his table. He was never like this until he started watching Fox News all day long after he retired. But that's no excuse. It makes me SOOOOOO ANGRY and breaks my heart at the same time.
posted by a fish out of water at 5:24 PM on August 15, 2017 [28 favorites]

Hope this is meta enough discussion to reference my own comment but BungaDunga favorited my comment so it's perhaps ok to reference his but what the heck was that original post even about? Seems like a really nice spread.
posted by sammyo at 5:30 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I saw this reply to a doxing tweet from the 82 Airborne. Today was one of those rare days when I was glad that my parents had passed. My dad was a Regan Republican and conservative his whole life, but that news conference would have killed him. It would have broken his heart. My mom was a life long progressive. She molded my political thinking. That press conference would have left her frightened and appalled.

But that reply by the 82nd's account gave me hope. I believe that sentiment is shared by many in the military. And by a vast majority of Americans.

My dad served between Korea and Vietnam, accruing in the decade of his service in the Special Forces, Reserve, and eventually the Color Guard over 250 jumps, out of what he told me were perfectly good airplanes. Seeing that press conference would have killed him. It wounded me, but it would have killed him. His father, my grandfather, volunteered for WWII. He was told he was too old to fight so he joined as a medic. I am glad that he too isn't seeing this. I weep for my country. I'm afraid and I can't stop crying. I'm taking refuge in the Republican response thus far. But I never imagined it would come to this. I just feel sick.

I always try to add something positive to my posts, but I just can't right now. I can't think of anything.
posted by Stanczyk at 5:32 PM on August 15, 2017 [15 favorites]

I am a non-Jewish woman married to a Jewish man and I am beyond terrified in a way I haven't been since the night of the election. The rise in extremely visible antisemitism is seriously freaking me the fuck out*, and I'm trying really, really hard not to unload everything on my spouse.

Is there a space on the internet or elsewhere for someone like me to process some of this stuff with people in similar marriages (where you feel like your spouse is the "vulnerable" one due to their religious/ethnic identity)?

*I am aware a lot of this has been under the surface for a very, very long time - longer than my marriage. But I think it took my marriage to make me realize how close to the surface it was.
posted by mostly vowels at 5:35 PM on August 15, 2017 [13 favorites]

I feel personal danger as well. My husband's client was snatched by ICE while they were inside the federal courthouse. People are indeed starting to
disappear. The neighborhood has plans for safe houses and sanctuary parishes.

My neighborhood overflows with Black Lives Matter yard signs and is situated just blocks between two major protest sites in town. We march in this neighborhood, all of us, pushing grandmas and strapping on infants. If the Nazis march here, we will respond, and people will be hurt or will die. I am certain my husband will go to jail. For fighting Nazis; for protecting kids and nuns and neighbors.

I'll use the privilege of my white female upper class body in coming days and months. I think I will be physically hurt sooner or later, but I probably won't be arrested.
posted by littlewater at 5:47 PM on August 15, 2017 [27 favorites]

This new incessant sorrow and rage is the cousin of January's unshakable anxiety.
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [11 favorites]

Btw - I hate watched Inglorious Bastards yesterday and it was beautiful. I give it 2 middle fingers up.
posted by photoslob at 6:03 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I don't think there are going to be a lot more Nazi marches for a while, if only because the typical white supremacist marcher appears to be a frat dude who just realized that having his picture taken at a white supremacist march might jeopardize his job prospects. I have no idea what fresh hell awaits us, but I don't think it's going to involve dudes identifying themselves as Nazis in public.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:06 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Mostly vowels, my wife and my son are Jewish. If you want to talk, memail me. I'm frightened and horrified by what I've been seeing.
posted by mollweide at 6:09 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

For anyone who is wanting a video-game where you can just scream in rage/joy and feel good about it:

Fallout 4 works for this as well if you've correctly recognized that the F4 version of the Brotherhood are magahats.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:16 PM on August 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

My grandfather and his family fled Germany in 1934. The events of the past few days brought me to look at his memoir. At one point he mentions a girl he briefly had a crush on in elementary school and I got the sudden urge to look her up. I ended up finding a newly published doctoral thesis by a German researcher about the Jewish elementary school he attended and in it was a photo of his school class—a photo our family also owns!

The author wasn't able to ID him in the description, so I just reached out to fill them in. His memoir also discusses some of the students and teachers at the school, which also seem to be absent in the thesis.

Neat artifact: The week before he and his family left the country, he attended a Chanukah ceremony at his school and he still has the brochure (photo of it here).
posted by waninggibbon at 6:17 PM on August 15, 2017 [31 favorites]

Been having heated discussions with some friends and relatives about whether or not it is good to punch Nazis (I'm using this as a synecdochal example). Mind you, my whole family is very liberal/progressive (and Jewish) and I do not have right-wing friends. But I am very frustrated by diehard pacifists who seem not to accept the fact that there are people with whom you simply can't work things out by talking. I've posted "But violence solved Hitler!" at least three times today on Facebook.
posted by scratch at 7:01 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Goddamn Nazis got you down? Hellboy's got it covered. Boom. That's how it's done.
posted by informavore at 7:04 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

I think maybe violence only put Hitler on a timeout. Don't get me wrong, I agree with your position, I'm just saying damn!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:06 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]

I was unplugged all day today...and now I'm just sitting here feeling utter disbelief and shame (yet again and again and AGAIN) that I have to call this man my president. I am beyond embarrassed and ashamed and sad and tired. And I don't know why I continue to be surprised by any of this.
I'm going to go spend some time with my lovely cat for awhile, because right at this moment I literally don't know what else to do.
posted by bookmammal at 7:26 PM on August 15, 2017 [5 favorites]

I'm just sitting here feeling utter disbelief and shame (yet again and again and AGAIN) that I have to call this man my president.

I can't. I just say "Trump" with no title. It feels wrong to officially recognize that he has that office.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:30 PM on August 15, 2017 [17 favorites]

I don't refer to him as president out loud, either--but I respect our political process and I can't accept the results only when they go my way. So--although I will not insult the office by referring to him as president in conversation, I feel that I have to recognize internally that yes, he is in fact my president--no matter how shameful and embarrassing it is.
posted by bookmammal at 7:41 PM on August 15, 2017

I can't. I just say "Trump" with no title. It feels wrong to officially recognize that he has that office.

Ha! I do the exact opposite. I refuse to say his name, because his name is a brand he makes money off of, and I refuse to make him money. So I call him "our president", "45", and when I'm feeling sassy, "dear leader."

Part of the reason I'm fond of "our president" is because my entire family voted for him and I'm constantly posting his failures on social media. The "our" is my way of spreading the blame.
posted by greermahoney at 7:43 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

Today was my fucking birthday. I've never really been one to get excited about birthdays, but I was hoping that maybe in the midst of the shitshow we find ourselves in, I could have a day where I can disengage from the news a bit, relax (I learned today this is also National Relation Day), and have at least a tolerable day at work, then go out and so something fun tonight.

And then Fuckstick von Fuckington goes and drops a Mar-a-Lago sized deuce on humanity with his disgusting embrace of white supremacy. And then my stomach is tied up in knots, and the GI problems I was having earlier in the day get much worse, and oh by the way my wife's stomach is bad as well, so neither of us feel like going out after work. So we eat our nondescript meals, watch Seth Myers to see his excellent takedown of Trump, then watch an episode of Rick and Morty (highlight of the day by far) and then she's drained from being sick and dealing with everything, so she goes to bed. Happy fucking birthday.

So, what I'm really saying here is that, contrary to what I said above, today was not my fucking birthday, because this shit is not ruining my birthday. I had a birthday beer set aside to celebrate with, and I'll be doing that and eating a nice meal out at my favorite restaurant as soon as this monster is gone. (Astute readers may remember that I'm also saving the beer I was supposed to have on the night of 11/8/2016 -- I guess it's going to be a hell of a night.)

I understand that I can't really make my birthday a different day, but I also thought that Trump couldn't really win, that he couldn't really dismantle the EPA, that he couldn't really let his network of companies profit from his Presidency,
that he couldn't really steal a Supreme Court seat, that he couldn't really threaten nuclear war, that he couldn't really side with neo-Nazi murderers... So I'm going to give this "my birthday is whatever the fuck I say it is" thing a shot.
posted by tonycpsu at 7:56 PM on August 15, 2017 [33 favorites]

Happy unbirthday, tonycpsu. I appreciate your posts and value you here on the blue. Or... the beige, as the case may be.

Here's my "do as I say, not as I do" moment: Don't let him take things from you. Enjoy that beer and say "Fuck you, Mr President." I mean, he doesn't drink, so that's even better, right? The best revenge is a life well-lived and all that. He'd hate the thought of his "enemies" enjoying one moment of life. So take a moment and enjoy it out of spite :-)

Also, I just raised my gin and tonic in honor of your birthday.
posted by greermahoney at 8:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [13 favorites]

And I'm sorry today was shitty.
posted by greermahoney at 8:04 PM on August 15, 2017

Thanks, all. And to be clear, I didn't say I wasn't going to have *a* beer, just not my birthday beer. *raises glass* Cheers to getting through this.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:31 PM on August 15, 2017 [12 favorites]

I'm leaving Saturday because my mother (& best friend) is having mitral valve (heart) surgery on Monday. And there's something on her lung they can't identify, even after x-rays, a CT scan, and today, a PET scan.

Mom's aide's niece was run over (and then backed over) by her abusive boyfriend on Sunday. She died this morning. The abuser's brother is a cop and for two days the police refused to arrest him.

Nazis. Fucking Nazis.

Heather Heyer and her poor, brave family. Deandre Harris.

And now, always, this president. This awful, awful man.

I just can't.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 8:47 PM on August 15, 2017 [21 favorites]

I was unplugged for most of the last five days, camping on the beach to see the Perseids. I feel completely overwhelmed and nauseous at the news I came back to this afternoon. It feels like the world caught fire while I was news and internet free - it was smoldering before, and then Charlottesville happened and now it's legit on fire. Fucking Fuck is about right...
posted by gemmy at 8:57 PM on August 15, 2017

i hope when the sun comes back out from the eclipse that there's a great big fucking meteor behind it

i am rEADY
posted by poffin boffin at 9:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [15 favorites]

Jesus Christ today was a disillusionment day. In one of the mired threads there was both a reminder that some people dispute the US Civil War was about Slavery and the unsettling news that the OK hand gesture is starting to become associated with white supremacist. I swear to $Deity they take the thumbs up from the right thinking people and I'm going to blow a gasket.
posted by Mitheral at 9:27 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm glad my father didn't live to see this.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:36 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]

My husband has been in the hospital for the last 11 days, 9 in ICU, which is where he is now. He has suffered like I can't even believe and I have been at his side as much as possible during this terrible ordeal. We thought we were gonna lose him last Saturday night/Sunday morning but the surgeons pulled him through (fervent thanks to Dr. L and crew) and then he had to be reopened and cleaned out this Saturday night/Sunday morning because sepsis had set into the original incision. (Thanks this time to Dr E and crew!) When I finally surfaced and caught a whiff of what happened in Charlottesville on Sunday, I almost had a screaming fit right there in the hospital - it is JUST TOO MUCH. Do you hear me, Trump supporters and fucking Nazis? It is just too fucking much and stop it! Just stop this hatred and your actions based on hatred. What is wrong with you that you do not value life?
posted by Lynsey at 9:47 PM on August 15, 2017 [46 favorites]

Soliloquy, I feel exactly the same way. My dad would be perpetually furious--livid!--perhaps taking an occasional break for outrage, but primarily furious. Dad, if you're out there, we're doing our best.
posted by scratch at 9:48 PM on August 15, 2017

Lynsey, I'm so sorry for you and your husband's ordeal. And to have All This waiting for you when you pause for a moment. Awful.
posted by scratch at 9:51 PM on August 15, 2017 [4 favorites]

Lynsey, I'm so sorry. I hope all the news - yours and everyone else's - gets better from here.

I have been scheduled for a meeting tomorrow afternoon with my boss and the owner of the company (her boss) for some "good news, I think" about the direction of the company.

I'm so full up on uncertainty right now that I do not believe there's anything I could be told tomorrow that would be good news. Like, even if the news isn't "we're laying the whole team off" all other alternatives are probably as bad. It would also be nice if they could have done this in the morning?
posted by Lyn Never at 9:52 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

tonycpsu, Saturday was my birthday. August the 12th will now have a sad connotation forevermore. Guess I have something in common now with everyone born on 9/11.
posted by scratch at 9:56 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Has anyone else had destructive coping mechanisms surface because of all of this over the past few months, whether new or dormant? I used to forget to eat during times of extreme stress, but now all I do is eat. I've gone from doing plenty fine on 1500 calories to not feeling full even if I've had at least 3000. It's like my brain has decided that the increasing threat of nuclear war merits extreme stockpiling. I am becoming my own bomb shelter.
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:08 PM on August 15, 2017 [23 favorites]

Lynsey, I'm so sorry, and best of luck to your husband and you.

I am not sure my liver is going to survive this regime. Tonight I couldn't face going home after reading about how THAT MAN (my fucking boss at the top of the chain of command) stood there and defended Nazis. So instead of being healthy and going home and walking the dog and eating leftover vegetarian peanut-sweet-potato stew, I went out for wine and tapas with a friend. And that was lovely, but man. This is not healthy.
posted by suelac at 10:19 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

P.S. I love California! Did you know, every school child in California, every one, may have free school breakfast? No one goes to school hungry in California.

Some people find that irritating, I live in a red zone, with a white supremacist bar just less than an eighth mile from my place, but pathetic guys in black shirts and boots, don't bother me much. If they were to choose to bother me...heh heh heh.
posted by Oyéah at 10:20 PM on August 15, 2017 [3 favorites]

Has anyone else had destructive coping mechanisms surface because of all of this over the past few months, whether new or dormant?

Drinking. Lots and lots of drinking. An embarrassing amount. An "I just today lied to my doctor about how much I drink" amount. I know this is awful, but I got a new job last July and they pay me more and thank God because otherwise I could not afford to drink this much.
posted by greermahoney at 10:20 PM on August 15, 2017 [12 favorites]

I scream or utter the word:

“F - U - C - K - !”

• alone while in my car
• into my pillow
• in the bathroom
• turning on the news
• clicking on the latest #Potus45 MetaFilter thread
• every morning/night
posted by Fizz at 10:48 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

Christ, Lynsey, I'm so sorry to hear this. I send you positive thoughts and hugs.
posted by rtha at 11:00 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

My next step in things may well be to message a friend who's a member at a boxing gym because if I need to hit stuff I would like to A) plan it and B) be trained enough to not break my fucking hand on the first go. Also, I have a decent handle on my mental health; I'm just really angry and afraid and I want to hit things, so I reckon I better channel that.
posted by rtha at 11:02 PM on August 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

Lynsey, my thoughts with you and your family.
posted by Fizz at 11:06 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I wish I could reach out and hug all of you.
posted by Too-Ticky at 11:40 PM on August 15, 2017 [10 favorites]

Sending so much love and so many good thoughts to you and your husband, Lynsey.
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:49 PM on August 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I keep pushing forward somehow, but I don't know how those of you dealing with unrelated serious life events do it. And by "it," I don't mean anything more complicated than getting up in the morning. Take care of yourselves as best you can, MeFites. It's a shitty world out there, but it's better with you in it.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:23 AM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

P.S. I love California! Did you know, every school child in California, every one, may have free school breakfast? No one goes to school hungry in California.

I live in California and I didn't know that! How great!

Did you know 1 in 5 Bay Area families rely on a food bank for at least one meal during the year? And 1 in 7 nationwide? If there's a food bank near you, consider volunteering. At the one near me, a 3 hour shift provides 15,000-20,000 meals!!

Sorry for the positivity derail. That's probably in bad form on this thread. We now return you to your program, already in progress.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck everything!!!!!!!!
posted by greermahoney at 12:25 AM on August 16, 2017 [10 favorites]

I can't adequately express the grief I feel for you all over there. Witnessing this turmoil from afar in Oz I am appalled and apprehensive - living it must be hell. Take care of yourselves and each other, and stay strong.

Should your spirits need a little boost today, Warumpi Band has a song.
posted by valetta at 12:30 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

My girlfriend is... let's call it semi-disabled, in that she works but only maintains a job because of FMLA intermittent leave, and currently lives with and is primarily supported by her family because I we aren't really to the moving in stage and I can't really afford to do everything they do for her. Her parents both clearly have mental health issues of their own, and after everything that happened this past weekend, their stress apparently culminated in them insisting she cancel her vacation plans for next weekend--even though cancelling those plans cost her hundreds of dollars extra that she doesn't actually have and may possibly have ruined a trip for three other people she was supposed to be driving with. I have money, but I don't have the kind of money necessary to make this sort of thing better, because if someone else needs a rental car and doesn't have sufficient credit on their credit cards to book it? As it turns out, there's basically jack you can do about that that will take less than 48 hours. It's just a vacation, but at this stage, if they don't get that rental car, there are going to be two other people stranded at an airport tomorrow. None of them have the resources to rent a car.

This has been upsetting enough for me just watching but has left my partner insisting that she needs to move "right now", and I'm not actually in a state where I can have her move in with me and stay emotionally and financially stable. And I know that. And there's just... nothing I can do. Nothing. I just have to keep saying that I'm sorry, over and over again, and hope everything gets better. Everything going on right now, I'm just seeing these people I care about who used to describe themselves as having "minor anxiety and depression problems" and they're going down like dominoes. I don't think I've had a solid three days without someone I'm close to being in crisis for several months now, and the crises are getting bigger.

It's past 2am now and at 7 I'll get up and get dressed and go to work and people will ask how I am and I'll say fine. Am I fine, if nobody I care about is fine?
posted by Sequence at 12:32 AM on August 16, 2017 [21 favorites]

I am in Australia on vacation. It has been absolutely wonderful. And then I go to Facebook to share a photo and get sucked into people's arguments and reading thinkpieces and watching videos sitting in a Melbourne cafe or on fucking Bondi Beach and I want to scream. And yet I 100% get that my normal state on vacation - which is not thinking about politics most of the time and definitely not needing to top up a 5-gig data package I blew through in the first of a two-week stay - is a mark of privilege. More engagement is good. Being focused on smashing oppression is good. I just don't want to do it on the goddamn Sydney Harbour Bridge.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ugh.
posted by mdonley at 3:59 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

If people are looking for something non-violent and concrete to do that will also carry a subtle fuck you to Darth Cheeto -

There is a group called Life After Hate that does outreach towards members of White Supremacist groups, helping to talk them out of it and get them out of the groups and to reform. They do presentations in schools and communities, and they offer counselling towards former White Supremacists. They have a lot of former white supremacists in their staff.

They have a crowdfunding campaign right now, trying to raise $400K. So far they've hit 27% of their goal.

And here's where the neener at Trump comes in - right before Obama left office, he approved a government grant towars Life After Hate, for that same $400K. But then one of the things Trump did when he took office was to cancel that grant. That's why they've launched the crowdfunding campaign.

Consider: if these people can make that same $400K up out of ten and twenty-dollar contributions from millions of people, that will send a very clear message about exactly whose side the nation is on - and it will also put back something Obama did that Trump tried to kill.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:34 AM on August 16, 2017 [20 favorites]

I hate to say this, but I think I share quite a bunch of traits with Trump. This is the actual fucking fuck.

AAAaaaagh.
posted by runcifex at 5:11 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

One trait you do NOT share is a modicum of self-awareness. And that truly makes all the difference.
posted by thebrokedown at 5:18 AM on August 16, 2017 [10 favorites]

Fucking Fuck 3.0

I am disconsolately wondering how high that version number is going to get.
posted by JanetLand at 5:35 AM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

Trump is now a confirmed Nazi sympathizer. Came out as one. It was recorded and talked about endlessly in the national news.

Yet morning comes and he's still president and I don't believe he'll be impeached. Even if he is impeached, I don't see him willingly resigning or the Republicans forcing him to.

So I'm sitting here this morning eating my cinnamon toast crunch and realizing that my government is truly and fundamentally broken. It's just too much. Everything is just too much.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:45 AM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

so yeah last year was shit, an awesome friend passed away and then US elections

then this year starting off really fucking shit when a dearhearted childhood friend, one of those rare people who truly has no meanness in them by nature, was apparently (at the time, "apparently") murdered by her husband except he was an elder in his evangelical church so he had a fucking full funeral while only about a dozen people were at my friend's funeral

then we had elections in France oh gosh that was loads of fun too (fuuuuuuck)

then someone purposefully freaked out my ninja kitty two months ago to get her to jump into traffic, she was hit and ran off to die, eyewitnesses had to tell me about it because being a black cat no one thought she belonged to anyone until I put up lost cat posters, so instead of taking her body to a vet FOR FREE because IT'S FREE HERE for vets to check for an ID tag, well, someone disposed of her body so I'll never see her again

then on fucking Friday the DA closed the case on my friend's now-confirmed murder except the goddamned fucker, well, fuck the goddamned cowardly misogynist hateful fucking fucker who had a full funeral and people all talking about "what a Christian man he was when he so wrongfully died oh and also he had a wife and kids", read an article yourself be forewarned if you have a conscience you will be furious

Leia was seven years old

and then Charlottesville

just
fuck
posted by fraula at 6:02 AM on August 16, 2017 [40 favorites]

I must say, Faceboook's algorithms appear to be fantastic.

Because evidently my father, who after taking early retirement from a job with a company where he worked for over 40 years, because the company has/had a great pension plan and whether he was union or not he benefitted from the power of unions, and having an abundance of time on his hands because he is either putting off or recovering from getting both knees replaced (thanks to Medicare, which he just became eligible for last year), has figured out how to do some Facebookery. And it is 90% sharing hateful extremely slanted and Trumpist "news" and "share if you agree that x is a crime against all good in the world and God" posts, the other 10% is photos of my brother's kids and classic rock videos.

I've known for years that our political beliefs were never going to align, because he was an ardent supporter of Ross Perot. However, we've managed in our occasional interactions in the past 20 years not to talk about politics. Anyway, last year he and my stepmom bought a house in a 55+ active lifestyle community. Golf courses, tennis courts, built-in friendly neighbors. They're members of the prevalent local religion. They're thrilled to be there, and I'm happy for them. I'm respectful of his religious beliefs, even if I can't understand them. He doesn't ask anymore if I'm going to find a man and have kids, which is a relief because I'm not.

Anyway, he's been at it for months and I hadn't seen a single one of my father's shitshares. My mother thought that I had seen these, as she follows him and my stepmom, and had been seeing them all along. She does spend more time on FB than I do, especially since the election and finally giving in to the glorious feast that is Twitter. I didn't see them until I looked at his timeline directly the other day for another reason. Horrific. I was shocked. I'm still shocked. I know that I didn't hide any of his stuff, or the accounts he's sharing posts from. So FB must have made it slide under the rug.

I started writing this at around 11 last night. Then I got caught up in looking at and responding to my father's posts and stayed up all night. It probably wasn't smart. I know that what I did won't change anything, but I do feel better for having done it.

I do wish people would stop making themselves so damn hard to love.
posted by monopas at 6:03 AM on August 16, 2017 [20 favorites]

So Tr*mp is going completely fucking insane and the Australian government is also going insane (picking a fight with New Zealand over The Tomato??!!) and it was fucking 33 degrees C at 5pm in winter today and I'm getting a chest cold and sinusitis so my voice sounds really fucking weird and horrible racists are just spraying their bullshit willy-nilly and my car makes horrible noises every time I turn a corner because the cv joints are fucked and I can't afford to get them fixed plus also my headlights have died and also there's a fan belt squealing like fruitbats every time I start the car in the morning plus someone at work died really suddenly from cancer and I'd never really spoken to him as much as I should have because I seem to have made the decision to completely sequester myself. So that's all a bit fucked and I'm a bit fucking tired now, actually.
posted by h00py at 6:04 AM on August 16, 2017 [9 favorites]

Yesterday evening my girlfriend cooked us from-scratch mac 'n cheese. We watched the new Ducktales. I played some Sonic Mania before bed. It was 1991 for a little while. I needed the escape.
posted by Servo5678 at 6:22 AM on August 16, 2017 [18 favorites]

Reading Facebook and Twitter, et al. this week has been exceptionally enlightening. Most of my friends know better than to be fucking Nazi apologists. Because fucking Nazis. But I see those that haven't commented, haven't said a thing. And I see those people that said that both sides were just as bad. I'm judging both of those groups of people so hard right now.

Because fuck, seriously. You're either against Nazis or you're part of the problem. It's that straightforward. Hate doesn't get the benefit of the doubt. This week's been great at showing me who my real friends and family are, that's for sure.
posted by PearlRose at 6:29 AM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

But I see those that haven't commented, haven't said a thing. And I see those people that said that both sides were just as bad. I'm judging both of those groups of people so hard right now.

Some people are doing other, more useful, things than posting on social media.
posted by enn at 7:10 AM on August 16, 2017 [10 favorites]

My co-workers were just sitting here too depressed to even start work this morning. The tech lead didn't sleep all night because he watched the press conference right before bed and he was too anxious to sleep after that. He's seriously thinking about moving out of the country when their son graduates from high-school next year.
posted by octothorpe at 7:10 AM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

To be honest, I feel more optimistic lately. It's always been bad, but for now, it cannot be denied.
posted by fleacircus at 7:16 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm having gastric sleeve surgery the day after tomorrow. I'm not really a prayers person, but if you want to send, like, uh, positive mind atoms, that would be cool. It's scary, but I'm excited.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:27 AM on August 16, 2017 [29 favorites]

“F - U - C - K - !”

Makes you stronger!

I'm having 100+ people over on Saturday for a Celebration of Life for my neglectful and sometimes abusive, but also interesting and funny, dead mom. She mellowed significantly in the last 15 years of her life, so I just have a lot of weird historical feels that I mostly deal with well. But man, not looking forward to a day of "your mother was a saint" interactions. Makes looking at the news a welcome relief, tbh, because my rage there is 100% justified and explicable to those I care about.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 7:29 AM on August 16, 2017 [52 favorites]

I work in a really small office (I'm 1/3 of the people here). Earlier this morning, one co-worker asked, "I know it's in the news but haven't been paying attention - what happened in Charlottesville anyway?"

She got a VERY thorough explanation, fueled primarily by venting.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:40 AM on August 16, 2017 [13 favorites]

I went to the vigil/rally at the vandalized Holocaust memorial in Boston yesterday. It was nice, on the one hand, to be part of a community coming together. On the other hand, broken glass of a Holocaust memorial cuts a little too deep, and everything is terrible. So, I'm getting ready for counter-protesting on Saturday when the Nazis are in Boston, trying not to succumb to this cold trying infect me, and trying to enjoy the people around me who are good ones.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:43 AM on August 16, 2017 [11 favorites]

So someone just told me that they think the best thing that could happen is for all the people on the manufacturing board to quit, create their own council, and put forward a candidate for presidency.

I told them I thought Trump was a Nazi sympathizer and they proved that yesterday and that RIGHT NOW, that's the most important thing to concentrate on. They started talking about Bannon being a secret Russia agent (???).


They pivoted back to the council; When I told them that the people should decide who the candidate is, not a bunch of CEOs, they said "I'm not saying this council should decide, they should just put forward a candidate." LOL WOT

Not going to lie, my blood was rising. (that's... the most diplomatic way to put what I was feeling)

So what I'm saying is, I don't think I'm a liberal anymore.

(Sorry if the edits of my frazzled thoughts is too much.)
posted by Yowser at 7:50 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

the best decision i made last week was to pay for a Freedom subscription to keep myself off Twitter. Alternating between horrifying news and gallows humor about horrifying news was not a good scene for me.

I'm still anxious as fuck and I can't wait for my insurance to start up in a couple of weeks so I can start therapy again.
posted by dismas at 8:04 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Everything is scary and awful. The topic of the sermon at our church last week was, roughly, "what excuses are you making to yourself for not doing everything you can to fight white supremacy?" and there were a number of good points people raised*, like the Deacon mentioned that for her it's age, she thinks "let the young people march", and I realized for me one of the things is motherhood, that I've been telling myself I have a responsibility to my child (and I do!) but I've also been using that as a way to let myself off the hook a little bit. With that in mind, I talked to my husband and we've agreed that if there are white supremacists in DC he'll take care of our precious, special, wonderful girl while I protest (and bring first aid supplies)**. She and I have been to a lot of protests together but this is something different. I am praying it doesn't come up but if it does I will be there standing up for what our family believes.

*In summer we have a service outdoors which is much more casual so the sermon had more audience participation than is usual in the Episcopal church.

**This is of course also tricky because I have no idea how to find out about these rallies or responses to them so if anyone knows how to tell when Nazis are coming to DC and how to identify peaceful groups coordinating a nonviolent response/support for other protestors please let me know.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:17 AM on August 16, 2017 [14 favorites]

My co-workers were just sitting here too depressed to even start work this morning.

Lucky you. I'm surrounded by oblivious white Christian midwesterners who seem to have no idea why I'm stressed out.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 8:22 AM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

This is of course also tricky because I have no idea how to find out about these rallies or responses to them so if anyone knows how to tell when Nazis are coming to DC

Your local Indivisible and DSA chapters should pretty much always have up-to-date information on local actions.

"White supremacist march in DC" will net you at least 6 news outlets keeping a running tally of marches next weekend (you have to watch, though, because things change - a week is now like 18 years in current-events time). You may be interested in staying well away from this particular situation which will probably end in surprising but likely unpleasant ways.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:26 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

God, I am so fucking tired of this bullshit. I've been working from home and more than a touch isolated for the last few days, and I'm just completely fucking worn out. I mentioned a while back in the last thread that my beloved grumpy kitten Janet had to unexpectedly be put to sleep in June, a few months before her second birthday. I've since had the pet insurance we had her on deny our claim for the $1600 we put into her vet bills confirming that her mysterious gastrointestinal distress was FIP because we had the entire house of cats in for a confirmed outbreak of infectious Clostridium bacteria before the 'trial month' was over, so they chose to count the FIP as a 'pre-existing condition.' That was fucking awesome.

You know, my sister is a UVA recent grad--she only graduated with her nursing degree three years ago. I sent her a letter explaining some of the reasons I'm currently limping away from contact, starting with the reaction she had when I told her I'd bitten my tongue the night before her wedding when her maid of honor prioritized states' rights over same-sex marriage in conversation. That reaction was to lean heavily on the maid of honor's intent and well meaningness and tell me I should have just initiated a dialogue about why it was offensive to prioritize states' rights over my actual spouse's right to live with me and receive health insurance from my employer.

Anyway, she responded to that letter with a letter about how much she loved me and also how much she felt that looking at people's motivations was the important part and she just needed to see the best in people. I. I can't decide if I want to contact her about Charlottesville and check in. I'm afraid of the potential outcomes. I'm terrified she will fail to understand the point of weighting actions over intent again, and I'm heartbroken to be that afraid. She's hurt I don't trust her, too, so I suppose the feeling is mutual.

I'm at the point of only being in contact with one family member at this point, and I'm tiredly okay with that. I would need an actual apology or an indication of willingness to see why I'm hurt and tired and angry, and I am reluctantly concluding it is not likely to come from what I have of remaining family.

Took a break from just about everything else on Saturday for Charlottesville, went to a Black Lives Matter-hosted advocacy meeting on Sunday, and crashed afterwards. There was a gentleman at that meeting who was very convinced that what we need is just more understanding of white conservatives and more dialogue. I am about as wordy in person as I am on the Internet, and he kept interrupting our speaker and coordinator so he could say his piece and rebuttals, and I kept trying very hard to push back on him while also letting our speaker-coordinator direct the focus of the meeting. It was difficult to sit on my hands, but I hope I did okay at supporting the speaker without talking over her--he would interrupt her, I would snap at him to stop interrupting, she would say something and I would deliberately turn my entire body and face to her to listen to her as visibly as I could and shut my damn mouth while she spoke. This happened several times.

(I wasn't remotely the only person intensely angry with him; towards the end of the three-hour meeting, a Latina woman in the back told him off for telling marginalized people how to handle their own responses to marginalization, and she got actual applause from the crowd for a solid ten seconds. She deserved it, and I told her so afterwards and thanked her.) Anyway, we got a yard sign while we were there; I need to figure out how to get it into our solid clay front yard so people can see. We need more yard signs.

I've got some good shit happening--taking on a kickass undergrad I'm really excited to work with, for one thing. My research finally (finally) took a turn for the positive this summer and I will probably start writing up my first publication since my undergraduate work this fall. (Yes, I promise to bring it to Projects when it's out and then if you want I will answer all your singing mouse questions in detail.)

And I foster failed on a tiny orange kitten with real bad vision--he can sort of see light, but his pupil response isn't controllable and he has very bad nystagmus, so he is effectively blind. He, uh, he was meant to be a temporary foster so that our rescue coordinator would not foster fail on him, because he looked and acted uncannily like her beloved cat Chives--the only cat without severe physical or behavioral problems she's ever kept from a foster since I've known her. We have a history with the weird ones and especially blind kittens--I've mentioned that here before--but I'd been pretty certain we could adopt him out.

He came named after Arthur, the aardvark children's book and television character. He ran full tilt into a trash can, fell on his ass, looked at it, glared, and set off in another direction the first night he was here, and my spouse made a terrible joke about him perhaps being named Arthur Dent. The name stuck. (He actually has memorized the house already and only rarely gets in trouble--he just climbs things first before leaping onto them, usually.) The name stuck.

He's a purring fool. He has no other known health issues, and he will not be seeing a vet except for routine vaccinations for the next month, and he's already on the damn insurance so they can't notify anything as a pre-existing condition. (I learn. I do.) He's been my writing buddy for the past couple of weeks, and although he and Ishka (my other lap-cat) can co-share my lap for now, it's going to be interesting to see how big he gets. He's growing like a weed, easily the most food-motivated (and, horrifyingly, probably the brightest) cat in the house, and eating like he has a hollow leg.

He came up for adoption day a couple of weeks after he came into the house, and I went "...no, no one else can have this kitten" and officially foster failed. Congratulations, you jerk. As I speak, he is sitting on the back on my chair, leaning over into the fish tank next to it, and seriously contemplating walking around on the rim of the tank so he can stick his toes into the water.

God, I hope he stays healthy. This is the third kitten in my life in two years, and Janet was supposed to be fine forever. Ishka and Peter have been okay, thank fuck, but losing Janet herself so young, and after what happened with our last kitten before that in 2015.... hell. Wish me luck, I am hoping hard I am not cursed or anything.

I bet you all are as tired as me, so have some photos of Arthur Dent. And Ishka-butt. I took care of myself by taking my best dog girl hiking yesterday on our favorite trail, too; have some photos from that if you like to look at happy dogs instead. We even got to see a pretty little coral snake, which I'm still delighted about. That photo was taken at a distance, and the dog completely ignored it, and I took care not to bother the snake or get too close--but I'm still pleased to have seen one of Texas' more interesting inhabitants up close while on the trail.
posted by sciatrix at 8:30 AM on August 16, 2017 [37 favorites]

A bright spot - the nazis who were planning some demonstrations at Google headquarters this coming weekend have cancelled, claiming that they received "threats from the alt-right" (which I'm interpreting as "some kid wearing a Guy Fawkes mask sent us a snapchat saying 'boo' and now we're scared").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:44 AM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

Those photos look great, sciatrix. Nothing brings me more pleasure than a long hike, but I think it would be even better with dogs!
posted by Yowser at 8:49 AM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Even if you don't have your own dogs for hiking with, I bet you you have a friend who would lend you a dog who needs a run. For example, the husky in one of those photos? Not mine, but I was watching her for the day, so she came along for the ride. It's way more fun with a canine buddy, and it's really, really soothing to go out and hit the trail.

(That particular trail is actually designated by the city as an off-lead dog park, so I don't even have to feel bad about letting her loose--and because it is an unfenced dog park, no one much goes who can't trust their dog off lead to behave with basic manners. Which means no dogs on lead, and my own socially picky dog can pick who she wants to hang out with and who she'd rather not even sniff a greeting to. It's wonderful.)
posted by sciatrix at 9:01 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

My throats hurts because I screamed so loud in the car.
posted by bq at 9:13 AM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

There is a group called Life After Hate that does outreach towards members of White Supremacist groups, helping to talk them out of it and get them out of the groups and to reform. They do presentations in schools and communities, and they offer counselling towards former White Supremacists. They have a lot of former white supremacists in their staff.

They have a crowdfunding campaign right now, trying to raise $400K. So far they've hit 27% of their goal.

Donated and shared. Thank you.
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:14 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just a couple of weekends ago, I was commenting to my sisters that Trump supporters in the neighborhood where I work have almost completely stopped coming up to me and gloating and that maybe people were beginning to realize what's going on. I can't believe I really thought that. So many things I can't believe since November.

For the past few years, this music festival and fund raiser has been a high point in my year, a really hopeful thing. I have no doubt that Kenosha and the Mahones will pull it off again this weekend. But I'm crying a little thinking about going under these circumstances. (By the way, if you are near Kenosha, come!)
posted by BibiRose at 9:21 AM on August 16, 2017

Yesterday, I bought a book about Andropov and what a steal for 50 cent...fuck.
posted by clavdivs at 9:25 AM on August 16, 2017

More good news -

Texas' bathroom bill just died.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:41 AM on August 16, 2017 [13 favorites]

I've maintained low-level functionality since November, and this weekend's news had me in a pretty bad mental state for the start of the week, but I got to work this morning in a remarkably good mood, which feels really weird considering everything.

I credit two good, low-stress bike commutes in a row (this morning's even featured a pleasant chat with a stranger about how I carry stuff on my bike) and delayed effects from my latest K-drama, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Ju. A+ good cheer for me so far.

Trying not to let the cognitive dissonance of temporary high spirits against the reality of the outside world get to me; I know it's not going to last anyway, and I might as well enjoy it while it's here and probably get some work done.
posted by asperity at 9:42 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

I haven't had much to say here because it's all just too awful. But I'm glad this place and all of you are here.
posted by Mchelly at 10:04 AM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

I did not go in to work today and say I was fine. I've got a boring medical reason for not, but it has turned out to be a very good decision for more than just that reason. I have consumed more sugar in the last 24 hours than my body has any hope of keeping up with, and I am mostly playing Minecraft to distract from the fact that when push comes to shove, I can't actually do anything for my friends or for anybody else.
posted by Sequence at 10:21 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

I am SO PROUD of my Big Boss's response to all that has been happening. And let me clarify: I work for a Large Catholic Organization* in a Red State. The Archbishop's response, in part:

We stand against the evil of racism, white supremacy and neo-Nazism. I challenge us all to oppose harassment of anyone on the basis of race, ethnicity, gender, physical ability, orientation, or faith tradition. When we find ourselves bystanders to harassment, we must find the courage to stand up for justice and equality.

The fact that "orientation" is in there just makes my heart happy. So there's a little bright spot I hope everyone can hold on to.

*despite not being Catholic or a believer in God, actually
posted by cooker girl at 10:24 AM on August 16, 2017 [14 favorites]

I bekittened myself recently too after cat tragedies, and it is truly a balm to one's soul
posted by angrycat at 8:54 AM on August 16

Eponyirony? It's eponysomething, I'm sure.
posted by greermahoney at 10:46 AM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

I just tried to refresh the Charlottesville FPP, and got the following message:

"We're Sorry — A Server Error Occurred
MetaFilter is over capacity at the moment", which is just how my brain feels. [emphasis mine]
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 10:56 AM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

Shit. We're out of Frogurt and I need a fix! C'mon, man! Don't you have any more of that Frogurt?
posted by Talez at 10:58 AM on August 16, 2017

MeFi - all sites - has been flaky for the the past 30 minutes or so. It would be better if I couldn't get to news sites, as it's really getting bad for me. I have been addressing specific posts and comments on fb that are racist and it's fucking exhausting and depressing. I'm being calm and logical when I want to metaphorically smack people. In other less than cheerful news, it looks like the eclipse-viewing corner of Kentucky will be overcast, so my plan to drive to Ohio to see family, then drive to KY to see the eclipse is going to get cancelled. I have mixed feelings because I'm not in the mood for crowds, except that if I go, the crowds might be fun and energizing, and my ambiguity might be because of the US being so fucked up right now. Also, Global Climate Change. I mean, it means that Maine is so sunny and beautiful right now and will be for quite some time, but.

OK, breathe. MeFi still has the best signal:noise ratio, and the best people, and it's a haven. We will triumph over racism, anti-Semitism, new-Nazis, white supremacists and Trump. Fizz, thank you. Big hugs and group hugs to those that like them, a nod to those who don't.

I'm going outside.
posted by theora55 at 11:34 AM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

My comprehensive exam is due today. I'm about 10 lines from done on a 7 page document, and have been for about 20 hours, but I made the mistake of watching the whole presser right after I posted here last night. Slept terribly and not much, and woke up feeling physically ill.
posted by deludingmyself at 11:39 AM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

Get off the internet right now, deludingmyself. Write your 10 damn lines, turn the thing in, and we will all get drunk with you to celebrate/ commiserate.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 11:43 AM on August 16, 2017 [19 favorites]

Happy birthday, tonycpsu!
posted by zarq at 11:43 AM on August 16, 2017

A new guy started in my work yesterday and we had lunch together today. In the course of the conversation (like, the second we've ever had) he mentioned that while he had no time for Butt-Trumpet he didn't think it was right that people were giving him shit for saying the blame lay on both sides. I put him straight at great length and with several swearings about just exactly why it's a fucking travesty and explained the ramifications of the fucking president of the fucking United states emboldening fucking Nazis with his bullshit and by the end he was quite pale but he agreed with me so we might be able to work together. We'll see. But holy fuck that otherwise nice sane people have to have this bloody pointed out that ex-grand wizards thanking you is prolly a Bad Thing. Fuck.
posted by billiebee at 11:44 AM on August 16, 2017 [16 favorites]

I actually made it until around 10pm on Saturday without knowing anything. I'd been on-call for my real job, so I hadn't slept. Then I started a new second job doing house-calls, because apparently everything is regressing into the past now. Following that was OMG more time with my inlaws, during which I spaced out because of sleep and being fatigued with them lately. I left early to run an RPG with the most amazing person I know on the planet and another friend, and it was only at the end of that when those two brought up the news.

Yesterday, I'm doing a super-long assessment of a patient, pretty old person, and I'm reading off a screen, and I ask about family history, and they tell me he's the only one who made it out of Poland. I look around, yup, I mean, medication bottles stored in an old matzoh box of all things, never mind temple schedules and Yarhzeit notices on the kitchen table and I feel like a complete asshole. At the end I'm technically supposed to tell the client to lose a little weight and I'm like NOPE YOU GET WHATEVER YOU WANT AT YOUR AGE AND HISTORY.

At least this morning, I went to Krav Maga class, and my instructor is pushing me, telling me I get to test for a new level in the fall, and reminding me that in this class? Oh we can practice hitting Nazis all we like.
posted by cobaltnine at 12:21 PM on August 16, 2017 [14 favorites]

I was taken to see Michael Moore's Broadway show last night, called "The Terms of My Surrender." The performance and what happened afterward was in the news last night and this morning.

Moore opened the show by yelling "HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!" into the microphone half a dozen times. And he spent most of the next hour and a half talking about the changes that one person can make, even when you think a situation is helpless. Mostly using his own life as an example. He talked about how that one person can turn into thousands of determined people. He plugged the 5 calls app. He urged people to make calls and keep informed and even run for office. He touched on what standing up for what one believes means, and how it's not always easy. What Republican policies have done to the middle class, to increase everyone's financial and healthcare insecurity and how the Governor of Michigan, Rick Snyder, had knowingly helped poisoned an entire American city (Flint.)

Nearing the end of the show, Mark Ruffalo came on stage and spoke for 15-20 minutes on the same topic. They spoke about Charlottesville, Heather Heyer and DeAndre Harris. About Trump's Muslim ban, protests and American values. About supporting candidates in 2018 outside of those presented to us by the DNC. Ruffalo's a New Yorker and activist who also headlined a Broadway show earlier this year. Speaking to audiences from a stage is familiar territory for him, but he seemed almost charmingly awkward.

Moore was preaching to the choir, and he knew it. He joked about it. He was preaching to people who had voted for Democrats and who are probably represented by Democrats, and he knew that too. Unlike me, the audience probably paid $100-150 per ticket, probably are either wealthy or upper middle class and aren't living paycheck to paycheck.

He implored us to act.

I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 in 2004 in a theater in Queens that sat a little over 400 people. I remember having difficulty breathing when the screen went black in the beginning -- where you could only hear the plane hitting the World Trade Center. You couldn't even see it, but it triggered a strong sense of panic in me. I wasn't the only one. Throughout that movie people became angry. Many of us knew people who had died, or knew someone who knew someone. Or knew someone that had escaped before the towers fell. We had lived through the aftermath. When the movie ended there was silence from the audience. No clapping. Quite a few people were crying. But most of all they looked really pissed off. Not at Moore, but at what had been done to our city on 9/11, how those in power had ignored the warning signs. And how Republicans had taken advantage and fearmongered in the weeks and months and years that followed. And as we left the theater we were talking amongst ourselves. Planning. Fuming.

There are 1,016 seats in the Belasco theater. It was a packed house. The feeling last night was very different than what I experienced in 2004. It was hopeful. Uplifting. Almost healing. That audience was angry about Trump, but we had a sense of solidarity. A shared sense that we are all upset and tired of living in Panic Mode and feeling like everything in our lives is a constant goddamned crisis. We aren't alone. Realizing that we're in it together.

So during the show Moore announced that the majority of the proceeds from the show last night would go to people in Charlottesville. He also announced that he'd arranged to have the show's producers pay for two double decker buses to take the audience to protest on 5th Ave in front of Trump tower. Show ends, we all file out. 90% of the audience boards. My companion and I walked North and met the buses.

I've been in 7 protests since Trump was elected. Being in this one felt more staged than any of the others I've previously been to. It was a block north of Trump Tower, which is actually further away than I've been previously when protesting. Moore and Ruffalo were there. Olivia Wilde joined them. They all talked to the crowd and led chants. There were cameras covering them. And reporters interviewing them. But even though it felt staged, it also felt good to protest. It always does. That shared sense again. And a chance to shake our fists and hold up tea lights and chant and shout against Trump and what he's doing to the country.

The New York Times called last night a stunt. And it was. I didn't care. I doubt most of us did.

We have the ability to act and make a small difference in this world. By helping others. By becoming politically active. By lending our support. One person may not be able to do much on their own, but together we have power.
posted by zarq at 12:36 PM on August 16, 2017 [24 favorites]

Also, I sat and explained to my kids this morning over breakfast what happened last night and predictably, the only thing they cared about was I had seen Bruce Banner live and in person.
posted by zarq at 12:39 PM on August 16, 2017 [17 favorites]

Too-Ticky: I wish I could reach out and hug all of you.

Snippets of U2's Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World pop into my head when everything looks terrible, or people are hurting, and I'm just type-type-typing away on my keyboard.


PearlRose: Reading Facebook and Twitter, et al. this week has been exceptionally enlightening. Most of my friends know better than to be fucking Nazi apologists. Because fucking Nazis. But I see those that haven't commented, haven't said a thing.

FWIW, I'm on Facebook, but I haven't been on Fb for months. I have a backlog of cute kid photos, birthday pictures and other good things to post, but it all seems empty, so I haven't. I "like" happy things from friends and family for about 5 minutes every day or so, but then I close it and listen to music, because music is my happy, quiet place to forget about everything for a while.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:41 PM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

My girlfriend (who emigrated here last year to do oral history work with Holocaust survivors and pursue PhD studies, among other things) became pregnant and we found out earlier this month. We were surprised, but happy and excited. We got married last Friday without telling anyone. In our happiness and optimism we decided it would be best to call our families and tell them. Her parents (white, Catholic) were exuberant and welcoming. My mother, meanwhile (first gen Indian-American, Hindu) said hateful stuff to both of us and told my now-wife to get an abortion and go back to her country. Then sent an email to me saying that she's faking it and that I should get a lawyer. We're stunned, hurt, and trying to move on with our lives with a minimum of stress and negativity (especially important for the baby right now).

So I'm a mess of emotions and my personal stab-in-the-heart experience with cultural bigotry, anti-miscegenation, and anti-immigrant attitudes is happening against a backdrop of brewing civil war and emboldened, violent racists out of the woodwork en masse. The world feels like it's burning and at the moment I can't do much other than to bear witness, confront demons, and get ready to bring a mixed race child into this new, old fire.
posted by naju at 1:11 PM on August 16, 2017 [59 favorites]

I'm so sorry, naju.
posted by suelac at 1:17 PM on August 16, 2017 [13 favorites]

Oh, naju. I feel you. I am so sorry, that's awful. Fuck. You deserve better from your family.

My mother is cut off because she would not stop trying to drive my wife away. I hear you.
posted by sciatrix at 1:19 PM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

I'm so sorry, Naju. Families can suck. (I say this from experience.)
posted by greermahoney at 1:27 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

and we will all get drunk with you to celebrate/ commiserate

*Raises hand* I need no reason, but thanks for providing one anyway.
posted by greermahoney at 1:28 PM on August 16, 2017

Metafilter: Like scrubbing your dishes with a dead squirrel.
posted by Oyéah at 1:28 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

PearlRose: Reading Facebook and Twitter, et al. this week has been exceptionally enlightening. Most of my friends know better than to be fucking Nazi apologists. Because fucking Nazis. But I see those that haven't commented, haven't said a thing.

I got curious about some of those friends so I went to their FB walls. (I've long since hidden their feeds so I never see their updates by accident.)

Several were unfriended immediately. I'm down about 20 FB friends in the last week. Not all due to people being Nazi sympathizers. I also unfriended a bunch of people that I never, ever interact with.

It was cathartic. Maybe I'll make another pass through the friend list.
posted by COD at 1:28 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

naju, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! A baby AND a marriage!!! That is wonderful news and we are all so, so happy for you and your little family!!

I'm sorry your mother is being horrible. I truly am. I am also very thankful that your wife's (YOUR WIFE!) family is being supportive. Lean on that as much as you can. Your family has grown now, not just to your wife and child, but to her parents and the rest of her family.

Congratulations, and (HUGS) to you both!
posted by cooker girl at 1:30 PM on August 16, 2017 [28 favorites]

Naju: Congratulations to you and your new spouse! I'm sorry your family is being so shitty.
posted by dismas at 1:34 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Dear Naju,

Email your mother. Tell her she has sinned, and she is to go to her temple and request forgiveness for her harsh judgement. Tell her she must send proof that she has done this, or else you will not forgive her, and you will not allow her to know her grandchild. She has one month to complete this task, and she will signal that task is complete, when she sends congratulatory flowers with both her and your father's signatures. Send a copy of your mother's email to your father, and your follow up. Explain that now you are a man, and a married man, you have little need for a harsh mother in this land where you all now live, you need a sweet mother who will be a good grandmother for your child. If she cannot fulfill this, then it is just a sad part of growing up for you.

Just my two cents. It rationally states your case, and offers a route for forgiveness, through her acts, not her words.
posted by Oyéah at 1:35 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

Under the 'coping' and/or 'surviving' category, I just bought a 16 lb weighted blanket to hide under.

It's really heavy. I am at work having one of those days where I feel too empty and overwhelmed to do anything yet I have this massive pile of work all around me, and I wish I could take that blanket to work. It's legit too heavy though. 16 lbs doesn't sound like much but it really kind of *is*.

Anyway, highly recommended freakout paraphernalia, along with storing martini glasses in the freezer, and then, uh, making martinis.

(I am not sure what it is filled with but it feels like ball bearings and I have a new, specialized distrust of the inclinations of our cat, so see you guys in a week when I'm writing an Ask about how to clean up three million ball bearings.)
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:54 PM on August 16, 2017 [13 favorites]

Due to medication during most of 2017 I haven't been able to drink caffeine or alcohol. Up till now I drank a lot of both.

It's a ... it's a weird time to be so sober.
posted by French Fry at 2:23 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

Servo5678: Yesterday evening my girlfriend cooked us from-scratch mac 'n cheese. We watched the new Ducktales. I played some Sonic Mania before bed. It was 1991 for a little while. I needed the escape.

A Terrible Llama: Under the 'coping' and/or 'surviving' category, I just bought a 16 lb weighted blanket to hide under.

My wife got bitten by the quilting/crafting bug this summer, and her second quilt will be a giant t-shirt quilt (this series, but in white -- she's had them since 1992 or so). It's still too warm/hot here most nights for a giant quilt, but hiding under a cozy quilt of nostalgia sounds really nice.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:32 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

It's a ... it's a weird time to be so sober.

It's just as weird awful when you're on caffeine or alcohol.
posted by Fizz at 2:59 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh, now -- just go outside and look up at the sky for a while.
posted by Rash at 3:04 PM on August 16, 2017

When you get back inside, have some water and go to the bathroom.
posted by Rash at 3:06 PM on August 16, 2017

See? Not so bad; we'll get through this one too.
posted by Rash at 3:07 PM on August 16, 2017

Thanks everyone!! Despite it all, we're very very happy about us and determined to not let her or anyone else spoil anything. Plus we're cute as fuck, and if you ask me that helps.
posted by naju at 3:26 PM on August 16, 2017 [34 favorites]

Rash: Oh, now -- just go outside and look up at the sky for a while.... When you get back inside, have some water and go to the bathroom. See? Not so bad; we'll get through this one too.

Are you being serious or sarcastic? If sarcastic, your writing of sarcasm needs work. If serious, you really really need to not write another word in this thread.
posted by tzikeh at 3:27 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

Used to be, whenever I was down or angry or discouraged, I'd eventually take a step back and a cleansing breath, survey what I knew of the world, and regain my trust that there was some persistent good in life, society, humanity.

Now it's just the opposite.
posted by klarck at 3:39 PM on August 16, 2017

I still have a job, and it'll likely be a better job than it is currently.

It's so weird to get good news about something.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:41 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

naju!!!!! did I miss this on Twitter or Facebook?!?!?! I can't believe I'm finding out on mefi!!!

Congrats and also sorry people are shitty. Different circumstances, but you've seen my family come around, here's hoping yours does too.
posted by AFABulous at 3:43 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

I live next to the railroad. On days like this I like to go home, grab a beer, and climb up to the tracks (I look both ways first). I drink my beer while contemplating how the four rails converge in the far distance. I hear the cicadas and smell the creosote. It is a calming and centering experience. I check the okra patch and bring in a handful. The pair of chickens follow me, in case I have something for them.

Unplug. Go feel, smell, see, hear.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 3:54 PM on August 16, 2017 [8 favorites]

Thanks! All very hush-hush and on the DL on my personal accounts - just wanted to say my piece in a semi-anon place :)
posted by naju at 3:55 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Write your 10 damn lines, turn the thing in, and we will all get drunk with you to celebrate/ commiserate.

Thanks, A&C. It's out now and I'm surveying the home supplies of food and alcohol after I post this.

Congrats naju!!!! Sorry your mother's being monstrous, that must hurt terribly.
posted by deludingmyself at 3:56 PM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

Today has kinda sucked both in the proximal and distal senses leading the familiar sense of...sad alienation and resentment.

Although a linguist by training, I adore maths, so I've been trying to cheer myself up with Numberphile videos and working to solve some of the Euler problems (in Haskell). I really like big numbers like googolplexes and Graham's number.
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 4:16 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Re: Coping strategies.

I've been listening to this Ulrich Schnauss song Monday Paracetamol. And a lot of the stuff on this playlist.

Listening is maybe too weak of a word. I essentially bathe in it and it soothes me and reassures me in a very solid way that... like, I'm listening to it right now and remembering to breathe and feel calm about the things I need to get up and do next.

It helps that I live in town full of hippies. There's not a lot of anger, here, mainly just care and worry, but that was true pre-Trump. One example I can share is that I went to the Women's march in Seattle to meet up with friends I know that still live in Seattle, and, well, it seemed like half my current town was there in the march. They have their own UU and Quaker posse and everything.

It was actually really fun and trippy because I'm in this 6 hour long march packed cheek to jowel with like 150-400k people on this adventure to the big city, even losing the friends I arrived with and the cell networks totally overwhelmed... and suddenly I'm looking around me and I'm recognizing people I saw at the grocery store or bar or busking barefoot on a corner somewhere the day before in a sea of strangers, and I'm just *surrounded* by them.

Apparently my reaction to a lot of this is to... have my own version of a mid life and existential crisis where sober up, buckle down, go to the doctor and finally start some preventative and proactive health care while I still have insurance and otherwise work on some stuff I've wanted to work on a lot, and a lot of my fellow mefites know exactly what I'm talking about in particulars and specifics, and it's good. I'm just getting started but.. that whole metaphor of setting down and taking off weights is definitely a thing.

It also really helps that I've been essentially stably house for almost two years now, again, and that my hosts/housemates love me and accept me and have refused money for rent or bills, and they're very anti-transactional about this sort of thing. They appreciate that I'm helpful not just to them but our local community and friends, and I really appreciate that they've left me alone to make my own decisions and figure some shit out, and that they've recognized that I've needed to do this and be able to drop out of the basic survival rat race for a little while.

I've had a lot of people offer me shelter over the years. I've never had anyone leave me essentially completely alone and not pester or prod me about a single thing for that long in my entire life, including childhood or family/home life. It has been a huge, huge thing that's been incredibly productive and positive for me.

Another thing I'm doing is I have officially started designing and printing the photography I've been working on for the last year on stuff, as in products. To sell. And people have been asking for prints and stuff. I picked up proof sheets yesterday for affordable postcards and they're so beautiful I actually gasped and almost teared up in the print shop lobby. You guys, I have pictures of auroras and stars and beautiful landscapes and I've been working on this for almost two years now, and it's been awesome.

It's like all the time I've spent outdoors hiking, biking and exploring and being comfortable in the elements and all the time I've spent thinking about art and imagery and all the weird ways I'm ingenious and inventive all come together into one intense craft that basically makes me go out and experience the natural beauty of the world - and so far my canvas and subject is essentially the home right outside my door. I sometimes wake up at 2 AM and grab my bags and just go because the sky is clear and the stars are bright, or I wake up just before sunrise and go shooting.

My local print shop is really affordable and I worked with them before at my previous job, and every damn time I do work with them I'm astounded by the high quality, low price, and effortless attention to detail. Like, they manage to correct errors on things without checking back, which is normally a huge no go in printing, but I've run jobs through them where there were obvious typos on a large, complicated job - and they went and sourced the font themselves and corrected it pica/point exact. Every time they've been correct, and even sent back the corrected files. If you've ever dealt with a print shop you know they usually just run it and make you pay for it anyway. Oh, and I'll send them a file and they'll email me back in like an hour or two and it's already done and ready to be picked up.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but I love these folks. It's like stepping back into a time machine of American work ethics and productivity where someone gives a shit, and when I offer them praise it's like they're immune to it or deaf to it or have no idea what I'm talking about.

Anyway, hugs to everyone. I'm doing good. I hope you're doing well, or at least ok. There's so many people here who have been kind to me, and I really wish I could bottle the peace and quiet and comfort I have where I'm at right now and send it to anyone who needs it. I so wish I could give that shelter back to each of you in meaningful ways that worked and made sense.

A friend of mind reminded me once that the world is not a bad place.

I am known for saying your dreams are real, you should follow them, but not necessarily following my own advice. I'm learning to trust that advice.

We rise. We struggle. It is getting better, average. And you are not alone.

Don't forget to love and reach out, because it's always what has mattered most, and it's how we all win together.
posted by loquacious at 4:21 PM on August 16, 2017 [21 favorites]

Congrats, Naju! Sorry your family is being shitty.

Yesterday was my birthday, and one of the few things that sort of helped is realizing that there have been a lot of shitty days since November, so the odds were against him not being shitty yesterday. So. That's a thing. I also spent about fifteen years being unable to emotionally cope with my birthday because I strongly associated it with the last time I saw a childhood friend before she died, and then after that strongly associated it with losing my shit because I was a kid and nobody really explained how grieving works, so I guess that experience was helpful. (In general, I'm better with birthdays now, but this was a weird day for it.)

I've been trying to limit the number of arguments I get into with friends of friends on facebook where I politely point out that these people want me dead. And then they're shocked, and I explain, and then they're like 'oh, it's not you personally, it's all Jews' and then I point out that wanting more people dead isn't better. But violence against property is wrong. My own friends have been fairly well behaved, though one posted something like 'if you want I'll tell you my thoughts privately, which, fuck that'.

Anyway, I posted something on Facebook after work thanking people for all of the birthday wishes, and signing it off with how we should now either start or close every conversation: Fuck Nazis.

A few hours later, I get a text from my brother wishing my a happy birthday, sending me a picture of one of his cats, and fuck Nazis.

I replied with thanks, a picture of one my cats, and fuck those Nazis.

His wife sent me birthday wishes, a picture of their other cat, and Black Lives Matter.

I told her thank you and hoped that she attacks White Supremacy the same way that my other cat was attacking my arm.

For general coping, I've taken up spinning yarn on a drop spindle. It's super soothing and a fidget that creates material I can use for my other relaxation fidget, knitting. I highly recommend it.

Anyway, everyone take care of yourselves and fuck those nazis.
posted by dinty_moore at 4:24 PM on August 16, 2017 [22 favorites]

Oh also my other brother tried to call me to wish me a happy birthday while I was at work and I told him to call me back later, but he was like 'oh, I only had a few moments of free time with the whole family between work, the antifacist rally, and some stuff going on in the evening', so yeah, this is our live now.
posted by dinty_moore at 4:27 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

I keep thinking back to that first day volunteering for Hillary, how I woke up that morning and thought 'ugh I don't wanna do this.' Looking back at that is like-- it feels like I dodged a bullet. Like I just barely missed getting hit by a bus.

I have the work. I have one very good friend in the work. I feel a little guilty, at what fierce joy I take in doing the work. I'm horrified at everything that's going on, and Charlottesville hit me so hard on Sunday that I started sobbing at my day job in the middle of the brunch rush. But my resolve has never been stronger. I am doing what I was put on the earth to do, and I am better at this than I have ever been at anything in my entire adult life. My cause is righteous, and I am so hashtag blessed that I am in this place at this time.

But I still wish there was more I could be doing.
posted by dogheart at 4:39 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

I am full of despair and flailing in the most useless ways. I am supposed to be looking for a job right now and I just can't because I can't pull away from my coping strategies right now because literally every time I do I am overcome with nausea. My insides have been a mess ever since I saw the news this weekend.

My husband is mad at me because he wants me to stay positive and happy and stay off social media and not talk about politics and I'm like "I am mourning the upcoming death of our country, can I have five minutes?"

I am marginally comforted that my fellow veterans are like "nope nope nope" but not comforted enough because I now don't know how or if we can stop a civil war from coming and I'm freaked out and scared.
posted by corb at 4:55 PM on August 16, 2017 [20 favorites]

Hey metafilter. I don't post much but I've been feeling I need to say something. After the weekend more than ever. It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it. The URLs are in plain-text because I'm planning on printing out a copy of this to send to the PM (Canadian) and my MP as soon as I get a chance. They're all filtered from the blue anyway so it's nothing you haven't already all seen. Please excuse the wonky markdown formatting. TLDR: You're not alone. Anyway, here you go.

This past weekend the American people were attacked by white supremacist, neo-nazi terrorists in Charlottesville, Virginia. They were attacked again on Tuesday when Donald J. Trump held an impromptu press conference and explicitly sided with those terrorists insisting, once again, that "many sides" were responsible for the violence on Saturday.

* "Many sides" weren't marching through the streets carrying Nazi flags, chanting Nazi slogans, and throwing Nazi salutes. \
[https://twitter.com/AndyBCampbell/status/896385942495285248]\
[https://twitter.com/donmoyn/status/896219756616982529]\
[https://twitter.com/tomperriello/status/896405681837936642]
* "Many sides" didn't run rampant through residential areas threatening people and invading their homes. \
[https://www.facebook.com/hayeskelly/posts/1637545369612833]
* "Many sides" weren't intimidating a local synagogue and threatening to burn it to the ground. \
[http://reformjudaism.org/blog/2017/08/14/charlottesville-local-jewish-community-presses]
* "Many sides" didn't isolate Deandre Harris and beat him with metal poles. \ [http://www.theroot.com/white-supremacists-beat-black-man-with-poles-in-charlot-1797790092]
* "Many sides" didn't murder Heather Heyer and injure nineteen other people by intentionally driving a car into a crowd at high speed. \
[https://news.vice.com/story/heather-heyer-charlottesville-car-attack]
* It wasn't "many sides" who were reveling in the death of one of their "enemies." (Actual quote, "I'm glad that girl died.")\
[http://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article167303682.html]
* Eight months ago it wasn't "many sides" who posted videos on prominent websites of people driving cars into crowds of protesters with the helpful advice that "Study the technique; it may prove useful in the next four years." Nor was it "many sides" who hastily attempted to quietly remove those same videos from their sites when one of their own actually took that advice seriously. \
[https://thinkprogress.org/fox-news-website-features-story-glorifying-running-over-liberal-protesters-with-cars-6f4ce612aae1/]

But hey, they had a permit, so I guess that's okay.

While we're at it:

* "Many sides" didn't run a campaign based on hatred of Mexicans.
* "Many sides" didn't run a campaign based on fear of Muslims.
* And there is definitively only one "side" that actively promoted violence at their campaign rallies. (Did I mention the glorification of torture? No? Add that.)\
[http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/02/politics/donald-trump-lawsuit-incite-violence-kentucky-rally/]

It took Donald Trump _two days_ to make a half-hearted, obviously forced statement denouncing these terrorists and then barely _twenty-four hours_ to throw his full-throated support behind them. The terrorists took note. Former KKK leader, David Duke, going so far as to personally thank Trump for calling out the "real" terrorists and hate groups of the political left. [https://twitter.com/DrDavidDuke/status/897559892164304896] Donald Trump has given aid and comfort to white supremacist terrorists who have attacked and murdered American citizens, who will now be further radicalized and emboldened to push their hatred forward by any means necessary. This sorry excuse for a president has given them his blessing.

It's become a cliche for Canadian and American leaders to talk about the great friendship between our two countries: our shared heritage, our undefended border, our greatest ally and trading partner. And yet, cliche or no, it's true. We share much with our American neighbours, both good and bad, and we've been there for them in the past as they've been there for us. When terrorists attacked in 2001, Canadians opened their doors and their hearts to those who had suffered and lost and were hurting in ways that mere words can never describe. Not out of any particular love, or even tolerance, of George W. Bush but simply because our friends needed us.

Our loyalty, our friendship, does not belong to any particular government or administration, and it most certainly does not belong to any particular person or leader. It belongs to the people. In normal times it might be safe to assume that the needs of the people and the goals of their government are at least roughly aligned, though imperfectly. But these are not normal times and Donald Trump is no normal president. Which is why I will stand with our real allies, the American _people_. I stand with the American people _against_ Donald Trump and everything he stands _for_. I stand against those Republicans who are so very "concerned" about their president's behaviour but continue to enable him and do nothing to rein him in, even going so far as to hide from their own constituents.

When push come to shove, as it surely will sooner or later, I hope you'll be standing here on the right side of history with us. Abandoning them to a petty tyrant and his various hangers-on and boot-lickers is unacceptable and un-Canadian. People could die as a result of Trump's Tuesday temper tantrum and their blood will be on his hands, the hands of his supporters and enablers, as well as those who fail to denounce him and his actions specifically and by name. Please don't let those people's blood be on your hands as well. Our friends need us, possibly more now than ever before and I, for one, will not let them down.

I wish I knew what else to do and I'm sorry that this is the best I've got in me for now.
posted by Mister_Sleight_of_Hand at 5:07 PM on August 16, 2017 [15 favorites]

I've posted this before, but it seems like another good time to say it.

I've struggled with depression. I've wondered what's the point in living in this awful world, when there's an "easy" out. It took me quite a while to realize why I shouldn't take that option. Because there are people I love here, and by my not being around, that's one fewer person to help then get through this. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but at some point, they will need a helping hand or a kind word, and if I'm not here with that, life is just that much harder for the people I love.

So fuck everything. Everything is awful. But I'm staying because I won't leave the people I love to suffer this alone.

Oh, and you're part of the people I love group, fyi.
posted by greermahoney at 5:16 PM on August 16, 2017 [17 favorites]

The way I dealt with the latest phase in our ongoing national nightmare was to rage eat an entire bag of sour gummy worms last night. I asked a coworker if, on balance, this was better or worse than getting drunk? I mean, no hangover, but we concluded they're probably about equal.

I've just been so furious and upset. I know my fury is in equal proportion to my love for this country and its (non-Nazi) people but I am so tired, and I am so scared that what seems like an all hands on deck national emergency to me isn't being treated as one.

Anyway, I unwind just about every night by listening to a McElroy podcast before bed, usually MBMBAM. I listen to the politics podcasts in the gym, and my rage fuels my workout, and then at night while I brush my teeth and wash my face, I just listen to stress-free goofs and it's good. It's probably one of the main things that helps me sleep at night.
posted by yasaman at 5:16 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

Yasaman: I've had mbmbam on standby every night for a week or two so I can slip it on when I start freaking out at night.
posted by dismas at 5:43 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

For people who're having physical anxiety symptoms, it's worth asking a doctor about a beta blocker. Or, fuck it, benzos if you can get them, but I mean, the beta blocker is the only thing that's keeping me able to breathe and eat right now. It does a lot for the heart palpitations and nausea.
posted by Sequence at 5:54 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

I had to admit yesterday, out loud, that I've been in a major depressive episode for the past couple months. I've been trying to be more engaged with politics, but I'm just burned out. There's a rally down the street from our apartment right now, but I don't have it in me today.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 6:05 PM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

Shapes, cut yourself all the slack you need. Take care of yourself. No guilt. Secure your mask before helping others, and all that. And if you need someone to talk to, You can text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
posted by greermahoney at 6:24 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK

my kid took a bus. a "wrong" bus that was right enough to get them home from school. I was tracking said kid with my sPiPhone tracker and just about had a heart attack when it passed by Trump International something fucking thing or other and then didn't update for nineteen minutes until I got a text of a train station sign along with the message "I'm at a train station but I'm not sure it's the right one ..."

=========

Kid just interruppted me to read me something from homework that was amazing to kid: "Association of Geographers and for Geographic Studies (paraphrasing)? That sounds AMAZINGLY COOL I never knew such a thing existed!"

==========

We're working out an alternative way to get home ... but dropping off of the radar like that near a Trump property freaked me the fuck out.

I've barely caught up to my Dentist office comment in the current 45 thread. Must sleep, Nazis will kick me.

Also, my favorite pair of Lands' End PJs split the seam (thanks, fat). I'm going to cut the legs into cotton summer weight Pussy Hats.
posted by tilde at 6:39 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

My husband is mad at me because he wants me to stay positive and happy and stay off social media and not talk about politics and I'm like "I am mourning the upcoming death of our country, can I have five minutes?"

For whatever it is worth, I have had a similar conversation with my husband. And I told him I do not begrudge him his peace, his ability to walk away, his choice in how to handle all of this. I don't have a choice because it is deeply personal to me. Being able to walk away, cerebrally or otherwise, is a mark of privilege. He is lucky. I don't begrudge it, I'm happy for it; I celebrate it. Go, Mr. Llama! My love, get a good night's sleep! No forgiveness required! But I can't do that same thing, I can't walk away emotionally or otherwise. Don't ask me to. So I want him to get a good nights sleep and get the damn garbage out, because I have to figure out how to live with this and how to help. And that is how we are dividing the emotional labor here. Knock yourself out if you can get away without this agony; seriously you have my envy. Please help keep the country going with kindness, integrity, and intellectualism. The rest of us have other things we need to do; we have to fix this; we have to clean it up.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:39 PM on August 16, 2017 [15 favorites]

My mom's Celebration of Life event is happening at the same time (and about 30 miles away) as the Nazi Free Speech Rally in Boston. Will warn relatives who are flying in.

ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 6:41 PM on August 16, 2017 [21 favorites]

My mom's Celebration of Life event is happening at the same time (and about 30 miles away) as the Nazi Free Speech Rally in Boston. Will warn relatives who are flying in.


Jessamyn, I am really sorry.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:42 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

Oh, Jessamyn, I'm so so sorry. I hope everything goes through peacefully for you all. Saw a street name today that was yours (Jessamyn but not quite ... spelled a little wrong) that reminde me of you ... little bit of <3 from an internet Stranger.
posted by tilde at 6:44 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Aw, hell, Jessamyn, that's the shittiest thing. Fucking Nazis. I hope your family and loved ones are able to grieve in as much peace as you can.
posted by sciatrix at 6:46 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Yeah sorry I should have been clearer, I am "My life is a fucking SITCOM!!1!" about this not "Oh shit, this is even shittier" about it. My mother also hated Nazis. She had a few weird friends who may have problematic beliefs about this free speech stuff, as practiced by Nazis. I would be happy to holler at them about this because while my mother was more tolerant in that "I can sort of see both/all sides" mushy liberal white person way, I am less tolerant in an antifa "not on my watch, motherfuckers" way. We will be fine. Thank you for your concern.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 6:54 PM on August 16, 2017 [23 favorites]

Oh, well, in that case, laugh your goddamn spleens out. There's joy to be found in the whole fucking absurdity of the thing, too.
posted by sciatrix at 7:22 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

You guys, I just wanted to pop back in and say, I'm so sorry, naju, jessamyn and to everyone who is hurting and thanks to all of you for your support. Oh and also, congratulations to naju and everyone who is celebrating!

I do have better news about my husband, and am cautiously optimistic that he is finally on the mend this time and that it will stick! I sincerely hope that better days are ahead for each and every one of us, and for our country, which needs healing as much as does my beloved.

In the spirit of everyone needing a hug, I send all of you all the hugs!

I sincerely and deeply ♥ you all.
posted by Lynsey at 7:34 PM on August 16, 2017 [33 favorites]

My blood is boiling at the main politics thread. ><
posted by Yowser at 8:07 PM on August 16, 2017

I was in the woods and away from wifi all last week and it was wonderful. Got home on Saturday night and much of that relaxation washed away. I haven't gone back on FB because I realized that it wasn't bringing me joy (h/t Marie Kondo) and it feels better every day.

About a week and half ago, I heard what sounded like a kitten outside. In fact it was; spouse came out to help and we managed to catch a tiny black kitten. He's about 8 weeks ago and was covered in fleas; after a vet visit and a bath, we decided to keep him and name him Susu (short for Susuwatari). He's silly and playful and a balm for the soul.
posted by mogget at 8:08 PM on August 16, 2017 [21 favorites]

mogget--Susu is adorable! Such a tiny little face! You most likely saved his life. Congratulations on your new family member!
posted by bookmammal at 8:37 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Susu is soso cute!! :-) Congrats!!
posted by greermahoney at 8:48 PM on August 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Congratulations naju. naju: "My mother, meanwhile (first gen Indian-American, Hindu) [...] told my now-wife to[...]go back to her country. "

This is horrible but it kind of gives me a glimmer of hope because it sort of shows how fast people start thinking of their adopted country as their country. or considering the nature of the thread its pull-the-ladder-up-ism; hard to tell
posted by Mitheral at 9:39 PM on August 16, 2017

> One trait you do NOT share is a modicum of self-awareness. And that truly makes all the difference.

In a dark time, the eye begins to see.
posted by runcifex at 9:53 PM on August 16, 2017

I had an 8-day hospital stay two months ago wherein I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes... my body had been basically eating itself (diabetic ketoacidosis) for a couple of months and my discharge weight was 100 lbs less than the last time I'd weighed myself a few months before.

The diabetes is (easily) under control with metformin and diet changes.. but as part of being checked out at the hospital, they found out that I've got stage 4 kidney cancer (big mass on my left kidney, little spots in my lungs).

3-4 weeks from now, I'll be having robotic laproscopic surgery to remove that left kidney and tumor, and a few weeks after that, will start immunotherapy to hopefully get rid of the spots in my lungs. The weird thing is that I have had zero symptoms at all.

I'm recovered from the DKA and finally have my strength and energy back, just in time to deal with this surgery. I'm looking at 4-5 days in the hospital, then probably a couple of weeks at home to rest and heal before I go back to my (sitting at a desk all day) job.

I used up all of my PTO and sick leave with the last hospital stay (and after insurance owe approximately $4200.. my only option is to ask for monthly payments for the next 3 years).

Work does not offer any sort of short or long-term disability, but they've offered to "advance" me next year's PTO/sick leave for this next hospital stay and being out of work.

I'm worried that (a) I'm going to end up burning off all of that and have NO vacation time for the next year, and (b) that I'll have to stay out for more time than I will have advanced-leave, and end up not getting paid for a period of time.

I hate the idea of having to do a GoFundMe, but I will probably have to cave in the end and ask for charity from others. One of the reasons I hate this is that I'm (usually) supposed to be the guy that helps others, not the guy that asks for help himself...

So, how was YOUR day?....
posted by mrbill at 10:00 PM on August 16, 2017 [31 favorites]

Shit, man.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 10:09 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Last night I cried while posting, but four things happened today that made things demonstrably better from a coping perspective.

1) Jessamyn did a nice thing for me. (Seriously, I want to be Jessamyn when I grow up. Even though I'm older than she is. That's possible, right?)

2) At Walmart today, right at the entrance, there was a Tiki torch display. I stopped dead in my tracks and the two African-American ladies who walked in just after me had to stop or fall over me, and I apologized and just pointed, like I was looking at a two-headed dog. We three were agog. When I tried to explain to the door guy why, even though the torches were at the front of a long BBQ display, it was kind of shocking given the news, he didn't know what I was talking about. When I looked at him and spoke slowly, "Charlottesville? The Nazis?" he had no idea. He said he doesn't follow current events. (The other two ladies were similarly peppering him with aspects of the news. He was the tabula rasa.) (FWIW, immediately to the left of the Tiki torches? A newspaper rack with Charlottesville photos.)

Anyway, after I bought my Flintstones vitamins (don't look at me like that!), I asked to speak with a manager. I got no further than, "At the front of the store, there's a display of Tiki tor..." and her hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. I explained that I understood it was just bad timing, especially given the "back to school" gun display photos last week and what's going on in the news. Anyway, I felt better that she said she would have them moved further down the display so they weren't quite so prominent.

3) I fought a Nazi today. Kinda. Very long, inconsequential story short(er), I was in a dollar store tonight, on the phone with a friend, catching her up on the day and gave her a quiet, very curtailed version of #2 above when a woman in front of me in line started loudly "huffing" and "harrumphing." I literally had only said "Charlottesville" and hadn't even started saying anything about Nazis when she started slamming things down on the counter and shouting that "some people shouldn't talk about things they don't know anything about." The cashier knows me and calls me "the cheery lady" and I didn't want to create any stress for her, so I kept ignoring this woman's ranting and continued on with my phone conversation until it was my turn at the register. (Normally, I don't talk on the phone in stores and never when interacting with cashiers, but, whatever.)

The angry lady was getting more and more unhinged that I wasn't threatened by her ranting and slamming things around, and turned to shout right in my face. The cashier turned to me and asked if I was OK (while still ringing up the angry lady), and I said (completely ignoring the angry lady) that I guessed some people didn't like that I wasn't afraid to say I was against Nazis and I sort of shrugged, unwilling to seem rattled. The woman said something so grammatically messed up about me not knowing about real Americans, and said I didn't know anything about anything, and I smiled back at the cashier and said to her, "Y'know, my father fought the Nazis in World War II. I'm sure he never expected any Americans would take their side."

The angry lady grabbed her bags, screaming and ranting as she walked out, and as the cashier rang me up, she said, very pointedly, "I hope I'll see you again really soon" and smiled. I suddenly remembered my friend was on the phone, and when I put the phone back to my ear, all I could year was her laughing.

4) Oh, and my friend on the phone? She'd called to tell me that a guy who works at a Chattanooga Mexican restaurant chain we love was fired after he showed up in news photos from Charlottesville.

Today was a better day than yesterday.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 10:15 PM on August 16, 2017 [51 favorites]

I am going to talk about the positives!

Our house-sitting duties are over for the summer, my gym buddies are (relatedly) back in town, and I'm back to my routine. (I don't actually mind house-sitting, as it's in a *much nicer* house than the shitty rental apartment we're in at the moment, but boy do I like my routine better.) My 17-year-old cat, after deciding to spend another of her forty-seven lives on pancreatitis while we were house-sitting AND my parents were visiting for a week, is apparently fine. (Blood work tomorrow afternoon, but she is eating and pooping and thumping her bothers like normal.) And my condo, which has been for sale since June, just got its price dropped (it was maaaaaybe a little overpriced for its size, despite sounding perfectly reasonable per square foot) and they staged and re-shot all the pictures and it looks way awesomer than it ever did when I lived there.

Everything is still on fire, but hey. Positives.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:45 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

Good luck with the sale, restless_nomad! As I said in the current election thread earlier, and in a much longer way, Oh MeFites, thank you for the solace you provide every day!
posted by Bella Donna at 11:30 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh golly, mrbill. I am so, so sorry to hear about your health nightmare. If you haven't seen Tig, the Netflix documentary about Tig Notaro, I highly recommend it. She had many, many bad things happen to her in a short amount of time and manages to make comic gold out of it. Eventually. Also, people will want to help you. Please, please, please deputise a friend or friends to start a GoFundMe campaign on your behalf so you can concentrate on getting healthy. If you are the one who is normally doing the helping, people will want to help you. It's your turn. Don't feel bad.
posted by Bella Donna at 11:35 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

39 instances of Trump in this thread so far, and who knows how many "Cheeto"s or Drumpfs or 45s or whatever.

How about something good? My coffee today. That's what's good. So fucking good. Neighborhood roasted shade grown Mexican, ground in a Porlex tall handmill, done up in an Aeropress (inverted, stir 10 sec as a sludge just for bloom, fill then steep for 1 min., press for 25-30 sec.).

Damn good.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:29 AM on August 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

Did i miss fucking fuck v1.0? Im still in fucking fuck beta.
posted by jenjen23 at 3:37 AM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

Meanwhile, in Australia, one of our local idiot politicians decided to compare the current marriage equality proposal to people 'wanting to marry a bridge' and then everyone's favourite racist politician showed up to Parliament in a burqa because reasons? Which resulted in a stirring rebuke from the biggest fuckwit in the Government because nothing makes sense anymore.

How about something good? My coffee today. That's what's good.

The sun was out today and I went for a run, and then opened a lovely bottle of rose which I'm drinking now while the Red Thoughts Consort sings showtunes in the shower, so that's pretty good.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:47 AM on August 17, 2017 [8 favorites]

I want to come back when I have time to read all these, because it's therapeutic and I love that you guys are adults but we can say fuck and shit and goddamn all we want in here.

Yesterday I found out that a longtime friend & construction partner is a covert racist. The conversation never got heated or loud, it was civil, and I challenged him on some things. It's unlikely that he came around, because he also has come into the bible-is-my-law mindset. I find it interesting that so many run to religious doctrine when they come up against reality contrasting with preconceived/inherited attitudes.

I get that they need that structure - some kind of framework to operate within. But it makes me sad that they can't see that their feelings of "being oppressed" are the exact same feelings of the people they are oppressing. Somehow, to them, they are different.

This morning I am going to meet my sane sister at her office so she can give me some new underwear she bought me. So there's that.
posted by yoga at 5:30 AM on August 17, 2017 [10 favorites]

Nothing is funnier than Australia's parliament purging its members one by one who have dual citizenship. Who will be left at the end, one very lucky page?
posted by Yowser at 5:51 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

What I'm saying is, Australian parliament is best consumed with popcorn. It's honestly the only real entertainment I have at the moment. Canada's parliament has a creeping feeling of dread and horror due to some, ahem, proximity issues.
posted by Yowser at 5:54 AM on August 17, 2017

I would prefer they were consumed by hungry wolves, but whatever gets it done.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:24 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

To be honest, I feel more optimistic lately.

Welp back to normal now.
posted by fleacircus at 6:46 AM on August 17, 2017

Jessamyn if you need to candle-pin bowl your way through this ordeal, I'm here for you.
posted by French Fry at 6:46 AM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

I had a dream last night that pumrT resigned and I was all like hoo boy metafilter is gonna have some stuff to say about this
posted by um at 7:02 AM on August 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

I had that dream, too. New President Hair Helmet was already up to his ass in inherited problems.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 7:26 AM on August 17, 2017

I am almost always the only person at work/in my family/on the bus/in my game who will say, "That's not cool" when someone starts with the racist, misogynistic, hateful shit. And, of course, that means I'm a crazy, shrill, emotional, SJW bitch who is always overreacting.

Oh, hey there! I'm that person in my family/at my work! Nice to meet you!
posted by greermahoney at 7:56 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

When I was about 9 (40 years ago now. Shit), I became that sensitive, hysterical person in the family who called racism out. And their reaction was to intentionally bait me with racist language. Good going, family. You've "won" by making a nine year old stomp off in a huff. Once my mama dies, I don't care if I never see one of those people ever again. I've made my own family here on Metafilter and with awesome people in my chosen small Mississippi town. I am surrounded by progressive people here in the Deep South, so bullshit to racists here that say it's my heritage, and bullshit, too, to people in the greater world who think all southerners are white supremacists.
posted by thebrokedown at 8:15 AM on August 17, 2017 [23 favorites]

.I had a dream before the election that trump basically dissolved.

Well, to be fair he does that every night for his reconstitution cycle. Why do you think he insists on staying in his own hotels in suites with large in-room hot tubs?
posted by loquacious at 8:17 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

If I let it, the farm heals me. I go out and take care of the animals or mow grass and be in nature, looking at the clouds and listening to the birds and bugs, and it doesn't seem so bad.

What I'm grappling with is confronting people I love and respect about how posting a "both sides" Joe Rogan video or or an article from a crank website that comes dangerously close to the argument made by the Illinois Nazis in The Blues Brothers is unacceptable. Some people I can just cut out, sure. Others I'm stuck with.

What helps is that I know y'all are here.
posted by ob1quixote at 8:19 AM on August 17, 2017 [8 favorites]

The cat and I were just startled by the booms of fighter jets screaming overhead, and my first thought was oh-shit-what-has-Trump-done-now before remembering that they're just practicing for this weekend's airshow.

I'm thinking of joining Sam under the futon all the same. Feel free to join us (help yourself to the claritin in the bathroom if you're allergic).
posted by Westringia F. at 9:14 AM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

So now I'm the unhinged person who berates 45 on twitter every day. Anyone who knows me understands what a departure from regular decorum this is for me.

Unrelatedly, thanks to rtha's fine comment I think I'll be joining a boxing gym.

Love to you all.
posted by Space Kitty at 9:53 AM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

I was writing this in a note to Jessamyn, but thought I'd share it here instead. (It also occurs to me that she might know this story already.)

One of the stories Michael Moore told on stage Tuesday night was about his experience trying to get the book "Stupid White Men" published. An initial run of 50,000 books were printed. The ship date was September 11, 2001. That was postponed, for obvious reasons. By September 12, the publisher decided it would be a bad idea to publish a book that included an open letter to President Bush asking him if he were a drunk, felon or illiterate.

So the publisher, Harper Collins, waited a few months and then called him into their offices for a meeting. There, a "large Australian man" showed him the galleys of his book and asked him to rewrite most of it. To tone it down. They wanted the chapter titled "Kill Whitey" to be renamed and rewritten. (He apparently suggested "Bring Me the Head of Antonin Scalia" as a new chapter title.) He refused to change anything. On stage Tuesday night he showed us the galleys, flipping through the pages. We could see many red "X"s drawn through entire pages and paragraphs.

Months went by with the two parties in a stand-off. Finally, in late 2002, the publisher told him that if he didn't make changes, they'd pulp the 50,000 and tear up his contract.

So the following day, Moore was supposed to give a speech about unions and labor at Rutgers University in New Brunswick. And he's depressed. He asked the organizers if he could just forgo his speech and read a couple of chapters from the book, because no one was every going to read it. And that's what he did. He also asked them not to tell the press about what was happening between himself and Harper Collins.

Standing at the back of the room was a woman named Ann Sparanese. A librarian from Englewood, New Jersey. Moore didn't know her. Had never met her. Said he didn't know "where the fuck Englewood, New Jersey is." That night, Ms. Sparanese sent emails to several librarian listservs (including Library Juice and the Social Responsibilities Round Table,) explaining that Moore's book was being censored and free speech was under attack.

A couple of days later, the large Australian man at Harper Collins calls Moore at home.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL THE LIBRARIANS?!"

Moore has no idea what he's talking about: "I didn't tell the librarians anything!"

"THEY'RE PICKETING OUR BUILDING IN MANHATTAN!"

Moore pleaded innocence.

"GET YOUR ASS INTO MY OFFICE TOMORROW MORNING."

Moore, to us: "You don't want to mess with the librarians, man. Who knew?"

So he met with Harper Collins and they bowed to the pressure. They would not market his book or spend any money promoting it. There would be no second print run. When the initial 50,000 copies were sold, that was it.

The book sold out on the first day. It was the number one book on Amazon. By day five, Moore said, it was in its ninth print run.

Moore then explained that the point of telling us this story wasn't about him or his book but to emphasize to us that one person -- one unsung hero -- can make a huge difference if they are in the right place at the right time. They create a ripple effect whose power to change things extends far beyond them. And you never know when that might happen. History is filled with individuals who have been a force for change. Think of Rosa Parks, "who deserves a national holiday in her name." Dolores Huerta. Gandhi, etc. etc.

"We need to learn that we are powerful. We can help change the world, if we take action."
posted by zarq at 9:58 AM on August 17, 2017 [62 favorites]

Ann Sparanese was, interestingly enough, my grandmother's librarian. My mom grew up in Englewood New Jersey. I was lucky to serve with Ann on the Social Responsibilities Round Table of the American Library Association and I remember when that happened. She was the instigator, we helped. She is a wonderful person and I have been fortunatel to work with her.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 10:05 AM on August 17, 2017 [41 favorites]

Oh wow! That's wonderful!
posted by zarq at 10:09 AM on August 17, 2017

Yeah, I've known her since I was in library school, so over twenty years. If you google her you can see all sorts of other great activist stuff she's been up to, it wasn't just a flash in the pan.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 10:11 AM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

My thesis supervisor has recently been engaged in the long, slow process of dying of cancer - a process that has accelerated significantly these past few days and left me with an awful lot of feels, on top of the obvious administrative/career-related headaches. I'm not sure if I'm taking it harder than everyone else in the lab, or if they're better at supressing things or if they don't quite understand what's going on (like, I have had to explain to several people this week what "hospice care" means and its implications).

Anyway, I'm on my way to see his wife so I can a) give her a big hug and b) pick up his office keys so I can go in and pack up his things. Yesterday I finally snapped at my annoying labmate and told him that no, I was really not in the mood to listen to him whine about how this all makes finding thesis a committee so inconvenient today, or any day really. The university's counseling services are still on summer schedule and thus mostly unavailable, but I have vague plans to go see them anyway because I can't focus on anything and I've been drinking a lot more than usual lately (jokes about thesis writing aside, it's probably not healthy for me to have to take couple shots of rum every few hours before I can think about my research without feeling nauseous and miserable).
posted by btfreek at 10:21 AM on August 17, 2017 [5 favorites]

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK. ANOTHER GOD DAMN ATTACK IN SPAIN WHERE PEOPLE WERE INJURED FUCK FUCK FUCK!?! I REALLY HATE THIS WORLD.
posted by Fizz at 10:33 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

I had a great break last night, watching North by Northwest on the big screen. The stupid smile on my stupid face when the Saul Bass titles came up. Then there was Cary Grant. Then Eva Marie Saint. And they flirted pretty hard on a train. And Hitch had ridiculously good direction and editing going on, and the costume design was perfect, and Eva Marie Saint would be this one pop of colour in a monotone interior, and there was James Mason the Lord thy God as Vandamm, and why on earth would he leave his gorgeous mid-century modernist house on a cliff, and there they all are fighting on Mount Rushmore, and this is why I came to see this on the big screen, and there's the ending, and how the audience all laughed at Hitch's crass visual joke, and the stupid smile on my stupid face.

But now I'm back to earth and things are still shitty. Even shittier.

Go to the movies is what I'm saying, I guess. Something with Cary Grant. He really is a delight in everything.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:29 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

Capt. Renault, that makes me want to find Arsenic and Old Lace, which was a childhood favorite. The combination of screwball comedy and the truly menacing Jonathan!
posted by epj at 11:37 AM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

Yesterday, I spent a very cathartic 15 minutes just absolutely whaling on some bread dough. Turns out you can get a lovely, smooth, elastic dough by pretending you're punching Nazis in the face over and over again.

I am not a spiritual or remotely religious person but I've been toying with the idea of going to a reform Jewish temple or maybe a Quaker meeting to sit quietly and maybe actually get involved in my community and meet people and do something. if anyone in the philadelphia area has something to recommend, i'm all ears
posted by coppermoss at 11:59 AM on August 17, 2017 [11 favorites]

Fucking fuck I sliced a chunk off the tip of my thumb yesterday while chopping pears. I am so thankful that I heard all of Metafilter in my ear saying "that needs a doctor" so I went to the urgent care and now I'm the proud owner of five stitches. Plus an unreasonable number of thumb and pare/pear puns.

My favorite is that I let someone finish chopping the pears last night and restarted the jam today. I came pre-pared this time. I'll spaaaaare you the rest.
posted by bilabial at 12:25 PM on August 17, 2017 [19 favorites]

I just try to keep perspective. All four of my parents (in order: stepfather, father, stepmother, mother) died within 15 months of each other. It started when my stepfather of 27 years died in February of 2016 and ended with my mom passing away on Mother's Day of this year. I'm glad most of them didn't live to see President Trump, and I'm glad mom didn't see Charlottesville. They fought their wars, each of them. This is our fight.
posted by workerant at 12:36 PM on August 17, 2017 [10 favorites]

You guys my mom is dating a super-racist homophobic asshat and I think she's just so tired of being alone and broke that she's just gonna keep on dating him no matter what and I am just. so. sad.

Though apparently even he thinks the president is a moron. Go figure.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:56 PM on August 17, 2017 [6 favorites]

It seems like the awful is accelerating and 45 is totally okay with it.

Fuckity fuck fuckery fuck fuck.
posted by SillyShepherd at 1:22 PM on August 17, 2017

I finally set up a GoFundMe for the medical expenses/cancer costs.
I don't want to be seen as hyper-promoting / "tooting my own horn",
so MeMail me if you want the address.
posted by mrbill at 2:18 PM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

The good people at Casco Bay EyeCare in Portland, ME, are giving out eclipse glasses, which is pretty cool, and smart. They are asking for donations for The Iris Network which serves people with blindness and visual impairment. I got my eclipse glasses, and donated, and that was a nice experience.
posted by theora55 at 3:08 PM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

I am a white American married to an Arab immigrant and after trump's Pershing tweet I'm fucking terrified. Today, for the first time in our decade together, I asked him to be careful and not speak Arabic in public. I am just...... fuuuuuuuuuck.... heartbroken.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 3:10 PM on August 17, 2017 [8 favorites]

you know, fuck the people who are all "I'm scared of Muslims because whateverfuckingreason so I'm going to be horrible." I was just in a 99% majority Muslim country for a week and I saw a million times more tolerance and acceptance that sometimes people have different beliefs and views and cultures than I have in the US at any time in the past two years. We should be so fucking lucky to have some of that pride in accepting other people. Like, it is to fucking weep that anyone can say America is more tolerant than an enormous smorgasbord of countries out there.
posted by corb at 3:18 PM on August 17, 2017 [13 favorites]

mrbill, maybe you could put it in your profile? You know mefites like to help!

And here's to some excellent and quick healing.
posted by ldthomps at 3:24 PM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

| mrbill, maybe you could put it in your profile? You know mefites like to help!

Good idea. Done! Thanks for the suggestion.

I just don't want to be seen as / accused of using MeFi for my own goals or fundraising. So it's a quandry - how do I get the word out to my friends on here, without looking like a jackass? Posting to MeTalk with "HEY I HAVE CANCER GIMME MONEY" is right out.
posted by mrbill at 4:36 PM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've been hearing about this upcoming "Free Speech Coalition" rally happening in Boston. I live on the West Coast now, so I'm not as on top of hometown news as I should be. Yesterday, my brother sent me a Globe story about the organizer of the rally. It's the guy I mentored when he was in high school. I'm so gutted. His sister was one of my brother's students, and he knows him well, too. We did this super geeky public access tv show together. I don't understand how he got here. Then again, he was a gamer, and google has indicated to me what side of gamergate he falls on, so maybe I shouldn't be completely surprised.

Before I moved out west, I would see his parents fairly often. His dad would tell me that he barely heard from him after he went off to college, and if I talk to him, ask him to let them know how he is. The last email I had from him was in 2015, while I was in the middle of moving to CA. It got lost, and I never responded. Not that I think I could have stopped him from going this route, but maybe I could have just been there to talk to him more.

I've tried emailing him, but haven't gotten a response. Sigh.


and, mrbill: I don't think asking your friends for help is being a jackass. You're among friends here.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:50 PM on August 17, 2017 [10 favorites]

ugh you know what there are MANY WAYS of defending free speech without having Nazi rallies. MANY WAYS.
posted by corb at 4:56 PM on August 17, 2017 [6 favorites]

So it turns out that the osteomyelitis I had in my right foot this spring never completely went away and now I have to have the surgery they probably should have done back then. The surgeon said it should be done within a few weeks, but all the doctors involved (including him) are booked up for a month out, so now I’m freaking out that it's going to be too late.

And I'm still not able to work, still waiting for my SSI hearing, still living on family charity, still knowing that I'll always have student and medical debt, and now I've lost my life insurance so I can't even be useful to my family by dying.

And I'm just annoyed with everybody and everything and feeling cut off from the world and trying to strike a balance between trying to deal with what little I can and trying to distract myself so I don't go crazy.

TL;DR: F U C K

On the bright side, Tommy the Cat has gotten cuddlier now that nights are cooling off. And Halloween stuff is in the stores.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:18 PM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

I know this is so minor, with all of the health issues people are having, and the fear people are feeling, but...

My dad joined fb recently. My parents are in their 80's and have always been conservative Republicans, but 20 years of Fox news exclusively had turned them into people I barely recognize. We try to avoid political talk, but it doesn't always work, and tensions are high any time we talk. I dread Christmas with them now. (I'm currently 3,000 miles away and only see them in person then.)

Anyway, he joined fb and things were ok, but yesterday he must have found the like button and liked probably 30 shitty racist pro-Trump posts and I just broke. I'm devastated that the man who raised has turned into this. Like his being a good person was all just a lie. And my mom is not better, she just don't want a FB account so I can ignore it easier. I unfollowed him, and my only bright spot is he probably doesn't know how to unfollow me, so he'll continue to see my liberal posts. But this sucks. Losing your family to Trump just sucks.
posted by greermahoney at 5:59 PM on August 17, 2017 [22 favorites]

The last few days I've been oscillating between "everything sucks" and "cautiously optimistic" and "fuck you I am a boss ass bitch and you will show me the respect I deserve". I have set hardcore boundaries with clients. I have come home in tears because I am strung out from having too many responsibilities. I have spent a significant amount of time in a fetal position because my brain has gone numb over the state of the world and how scared I am of all the things around me. I have pulled strength and skill from places I forgot I have to get a project proposal together that earned my team a whole extra hour of hangout time with the client we were pitching to. I cried a lot before the meeting though because I have gained so much weight that I had to safety pin my pants together because none of my other professional clothes fit. My boss just gave me a really wonderful, sincere thank you and opened the door for me to a) ask for a raise and b) take time off since I do 15 hour days more than is reasonable. Now I am running on fumes and need to figure out good and sleep and a little bit of play before I start the whole cycle over tomorrow. I'm also just noticing that the check tire pressure light is on for some reason which is stressful. But there is chocolate ice cream in my near future. So I guess I will let go of the hell stuff until I have a good amount of that.
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:06 PM on August 17, 2017 [13 favorites]

Oh I also can't pay my rent this month. Probably can't do it the next month either. So that's terrible
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:15 PM on August 17, 2017

I lost my job 3 weeks ago (new ambitious CEO replacing people who held the institutional knowledge with her own people, whatever, that place was killing me anyway).

I have a new telecommute gig, supportive friends, and an almost absolute absence of people who voted for Trump in my life.

I'm still scared as fuck.
posted by catlet at 6:20 PM on August 17, 2017 [13 favorites]

Catlet, you've got this. You are going to get what you need.

Greermahoney, I am so sorry. I would be devastated by that too.
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:31 PM on August 17, 2017 [5 favorites]

Thank you. And I'm sorry for your rent situation, Hermione. I hope some $$ falls your way.
posted by greermahoney at 6:34 PM on August 17, 2017

Catlet, I lost my 12-year job at Halliburton in January '15.. By the end of February I had a great remote-work job that let me slowly decompress from the stress I'd been under for years, and by the end of 2015 I was in my current job, which is one of the best places I've ever worked.

Deep breaths, take it easy, *relax*, and treat the telecommute gig as a sort of vacation. Wear some bunny slippers and pajamas to "work". Take care of yourself and enjoy your friends!
posted by mrbill at 7:10 PM on August 17, 2017 [6 favorites]

Yowser: "What I'm saying is, Australian parliament is best consumed with popcorn. It's honestly the only real entertainment I have at the moment. Canada's parliament has a creeping feeling of dread and horror due to some, ahem, proximity issues."

Holy excrement; I just realized we dodged the bullet of having both the Cheeto and Mr Teflon in power at the same time. That would have really ramped up the deplorables in Canada.

Hermione Granger: "I'm also just noticing that the check tire pressure light is on for some reason which is stressful. "

This is really likely to just be low tire pressure caused by the most infinitesimal of leaks. Check your pressure; add air to bring them up to where they should be and you might be fine. Around here most independent tire shops will do this gratis or for a really nominal fee if you don't feel up to doing it yourself.
posted by Mitheral at 8:46 PM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

I drove around with the tire pressure light on for a month or so before I finally got myself to a gas station and added air to the tires. Car doesn't seem to drive any differently, but it's one less thing to worry about.
posted by mogget at 9:21 PM on August 17, 2017

I've connected with a friend from college and we are making a website that catalogs upcoming nazi events so that they can be effectively protested. Memail me if you are interested in looking at stormfront and other terrible websites and adding events, or helping clean up data, do coding, etc.
posted by rockindata at 9:45 PM on August 17, 2017 [9 favorites]

My cat, who was completely normal and happy on Wednesday, may not make it through the night. She was limping out of nowhere yesterday, was sedated for x-rays today and hasn't been able to snap out of the sedation. Our vet made a house call (at 11pm!) and said there's a chance she might crash on us tonight, and if she isn't better in the morning there may not be much that will get her back to normal. It's going to be a looong night.
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 10:31 PM on August 17, 2017 [10 favorites]

Oh, no! Poor Kitty!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:36 PM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm so so sorry, d13t. That's terrible. I hope she bounces back very soon.
posted by greermahoney at 11:16 PM on August 17, 2017 [3 favorites]

Seconding getting the tire thing checked! If you have a Discount Tire near you I have always had good experiences with them--they'll also usually patch flats for free--and I bet you someone there would be happy to explain what's going on or show you. I suck balls at cars, probably because the extent of car education I got from my parents was "here is how to get oil change done: pay a mechanic" (seriously, I didn't learn to pump gas until I had my license) and I can do this one.

I recommend picking up a tire gauge--here's a recommendation for a good one--getting a bunch of quarters, and visiting a gas station with one of those machines that say AIR in big letters. Your car will have a sticker that says what the pressure should be on the inside of the door, and if you fix the pressure issue you'll a) get the tire to last longer and b) improve your fuel efficiency.

D13t--oh, fuck, I hear you. I took a cat to a vet visit not long ago expecting to get a diagnosis like irritable bowel syndrome and found out within a few hours that no, she just had an incurable and terminal condition and was actively dying in front of me slowly. It was horrible and unexpected and hard.

I hope your kitty bounces back. I hope that so much. Thinking of you now.
posted by sciatrix at 4:14 AM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh, d13t, I am so sorry - many good thoughts going toward both you and her.

Thanks for the kind words, Hermione and mrbill. I've had longterm telecommute jobs before and I am ridiculously excited to stop commuting on the Atlanta freeways, plus being able to work whatever hours I want.
posted by catlet at 4:23 AM on August 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

It's a really rough time for so many right now, but seeing these threads where people come and bare their soul, let down their guards, take the giant risk of being vulnerable and share their particular personal burdens and the community responds with empathy and love and support is just the best.

Sending a big big hug and all of the warm fuzzies to everyone in this thread (and the lurkers reading it, and everyone in mefi land). <3
posted by Fig at 5:36 AM on August 18, 2017 [8 favorites]

Jessamyn, a Celebration of Life sounds like the perfect repudiation of a Nazi rally.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:01 AM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Mother Renault's BFF has long sought after an assisted death. Much to everyone's surprise for my conservative hometown, it's happening.

Mom had a final meetup with her friend yesterday. She had to be strong for her friend, but inside, she was a wreck.

She got a last phonecall about 45 minutes ago. It'll happen at 2:00 today, a few minutes from now. The friend is thrilled. Mom -- not as much.

The friend was in a bit of a rush to get dishes done and such before her guests and doctor arrive. Planned out a special outfit to go make it easier for the doctor to do his work.

Happy for the friend, that she gets to leave on her own terms. But it's all still quite strange and sad regardless.

Watching the clock.
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:57 AM on August 18, 2017 [7 favorites]

Tire pressure light came on due to an actual (and now seriously) flat tire. But I drove home from Disneyland with two coworkers in my car and nobody died so that's all good.

Thank you for the sweet messages and words of support. I needed them so badly this week. (Barchan, yours made me cry. ILU)
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:18 AM on August 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I feel like fucking shit. 2nd time I've had the flu this year. I've not been taking care of myself, and work is apparently a Petri dish, cause everyone in our area has gone down. Day 3 for me, and I feel like fucking shit.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:21 AM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Sorry, Raining FH! I hope you get your strength up and get feeling better...

Sitting in the morning, my neighbor sends her 5 year old daughter over for me to check out her ensemble for the first day of Kindergarten. Oh my heck, silver Roman sandals, lace and ruffle shortie shirt, sequined mini backpack, with crystal butterflies off the back, wrap around braids. She was so cute! So hopeful, the first day of Kindergarten!
posted by Oyéah at 11:30 AM on August 18, 2017 [5 favorites]

Oh, d13t. I'm so sorry. Our older kitty had an extremely rough time post-sedation recently as well. She did come out of it but it was a solid week before she was quite right again. I hope your kitty pulls through.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:22 PM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Cat update: All of her tests and x-rays came back normal. The vet is pretty sure she's just having an extremely atypical reaction to the sedative. She is staying at the vet until Monday but then we get to take her home as long as she's up and moving around. Her leg is still hurt but that will heal on its own over the next 6 weeks or so.

You guys, I have to tell you about the vet. We took her to a local vet office that we don't normally visit, and they turned out to be the nicest people. Every single staff member has been so kind, the vet made a house call AND they aren't charging us for her recovery this weekend. Which is amazing because there is no way we'd have been able to afford it. Honestly the way these people have treated us restores some of my hope for humanity. They are doing everything they can to make our cat better and I feel much better than I did last night. I've still barely slept but I think everything is going to be okay.
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 1:37 PM on August 18, 2017 [22 favorites]

And thank you so much for all of your kind words and thoughts. It's nice to be reminded that good things happen and good people exist. I don't post often enough but I really love all of you and the community here.
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 1:39 PM on August 18, 2017 [11 favorites]

Jessamyn, a Celebration of Life sounds like the perfect repudiation of a Nazi rally.

Esp. With a Trebuchet made from Thomas Kincade books and a 1963 oscilliscope.
posted by clavdivs at 1:57 PM on August 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I'm sorry so many people are having such a rough time. I'm sorry to hear about Fox News families, and grief and loss, and I'm sorry to hear about tires and cat-sized health woes.

In spite of all of that, I like these threads, because I like to think they're at least one place where people can go so they don't have to be alone through all of this. I'm kind of super anti-internet, except in places like this, because it's nice to see total strangers come together and offer each other support, with no incentive beyond the fact that they care, even if nobody has ever met face to face. That's some humanity, right there.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 2:29 PM on August 18, 2017 [10 favorites]

HOLY FUCKBALLS was today nuts or WHAT
posted by yoga at 2:44 PM on August 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

eeeeee

AAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!!!

weird, i actually feel a little better now
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:06 PM on August 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

Oh I am so glad for your kitty! I am so happy for you and I am so glad your vets treated you well!
posted by sciatrix at 3:30 PM on August 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I can't even begin to think about how stressed and fucked up this week has been so instead ill complain about Shephard Fairy where no one will see it. Has there ever been an artist who coasted more? 250 for a screen print based on a previous screen print? Cmon dude.
posted by cyphill at 3:36 PM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

d13t_p3ps1, I am LOVING this kitty update, and I'm so glad that the vet and their staff are being super awesome to you. Please give your sweet furry friend some get-well skritches from me.
posted by palomar at 3:37 PM on August 18, 2017 [5 favorites]

Okay. Unburdening.

About three weeks ago, a three-year quest to stop being too sick to work culminated in my gastroenterologist telling me that my Crohn's is in remission, and he has no idea what's causing the rest of my inflammatory symptoms, and none of the medication is working, and this is the best he can do. He offered to support further inquiries, mentioned the Mayo clinic (which of course my insurance doesn't cover), and had me do some blood work.

A couple of days later, his assistant gives me a call. My platelets are pretty low, at about 80, so I should follow up with my primary care physician. Well, my doctor couldn't see me for a couple of weeks, so I agreed to see a nurse practitioner.

She turned out to be really nice, and took some time to go over what I've been dealing with. She agreed that it seems like there's something systemic going on, and gave me referrals to hematology and rheumatology. So I called the rheumatology department, and they let me know that there's a nationwide shortage of rheumatologists, so they screen all their patients before the initial appointment. I needed to get my primary care doc to send them medical records and make a case for why I need to be seen.

So I make another appointment with my PCP, and he flat-out refuses. My platelet count, he said, didn't mean anything; since I've been living with it on and off for years, it proved that it wasn't fatal. He simply doesn't believe me about my pain levels and fatigue; he even had me retake the blood test, because he didn't believe it was that low. Even if it was, he said the idea that I might feel any symptoms like fatigue or bleeding at my levels was absurd; I'd have to be below 50 for that to happen. He advised me to try therapy and yoga.

Cue sputtering rage-quit on my part, and the beginnings of the weeks-long process of getting in to see another primary care physician. And trying to convince my GI doc to go to bat for me with rheumatology. All while blood is oozing out of my knuckles, my mouth tastes like pocket change, my brain is fuzzy and lethargic, on top of all of my other usual symptoms.

Today I got an email telling me I had a new lab result waiting. My platelets are now down to 30.

On the one hand, I do feel vindicated. On the other, something is definitely wrong, and I'm between primary care physicians, and I'm pretty sure my current diagnosis is incomplete, so I'm not sure which medications and foods are helping and which aren't, and it's going to be weeks before I get to see anyone who's even trying to figure this out. And I feel like crap.

And the worst part of it? There are actual Nazis out there. I should be doing something to try to preserve this nation, to try to safeguard the rights that make life even tolerable for people like me, I should be contributing. And I barely have the energy to navigate the maze of medical paperwork that stands between me and figuring out my problem. There's work to be done, and it's all I can do to just take care of myself.

I feel like I should close with an all-caps blistering howl of my portion of the fear, frustration, rage and pain that we're all going through, but I just can't come up with an onomatopoetic expression that comes close.
posted by MrVisible at 4:54 PM on August 18, 2017 [21 favorites]

I had to go for a long bike ride just now, to clear my head of today's business with my Mom's friend (and my friend too, to a lesser degree). Out in the north end of town, I spotted a lone Chinese lantern floating up into the sky -- a good as sign as any that the friend is moving on to the next stage in her journey.

Safe travels, B. See you around. That we should all have a tenth of your courage.
posted by Capt. Renault at 5:14 PM on August 18, 2017 [7 favorites]

My whole house smells like manure. Pig manure I think though my manure identifying skills are at an amateur level.
I'm trying to ignore it, part of living in the country. It will be fine in a couple of days. But I can't help but think that the world is giving me a smelltrack to go along with this week. At least that's what I keep telling myself each time I spray more pretty smelling spray stuff on my neck.
posted by Jalliah at 5:16 PM on August 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

MrVisible, and others

I'm so sorry you're having these medical issues. It's a shame upon our country that you all are just fucked by it.

Me too, by the way, but this isn't the time or place for my story.

I encourage you , very very very strongly, to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Take pictures and videos of your symptoms when they are rampant.

It is really important.

I'm a cat cohabitant. One of our kitties is having a lot of troubles right now. I took video of her, in the midst of her crises, beccause she hasn't so far exhibited that at the vet.

So they think it's not real.

I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT OF HAVING TO CONVINCE THE GATE KEEPERS THAT MY EXPERIENCE IS REAL.

So , please, do what you can to PROVE it, if possible.

And, FUCK THE GATEKEEPERS
posted by yesster at 5:47 PM on August 18, 2017 [10 favorites]

(that rant included cat talk, because that's the easier part to talk about. The tough stuff to talk about includes my recently dead parents and my rapidly declining into mental illness sister)
posted by yesster at 5:50 PM on August 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yesster, you couldn't be more right. I told my GI doc about my occasional bouts of uveitis, describing it in lurid detail, but it wasn't until I showed him a picture of me with one eye looking like the curse of Satan was upon me that he got me referred to an opthamologist.

I keep having to check that my photos folder isn't shared, though, because its contents could cause an unwary viewer some serious trauma.
posted by MrVisible at 5:53 PM on August 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

Ohhhh. I found out that my father voted for this administration and doesn't regret it, which is a terrible surprise, and I'm queer and my spouse and toddler are Jewish, and my kiddo's friends skew heavily toward cute little dudes of color, and we have friends and colleagues in all the groups being targeted by this shit. My job is about 80% about bad things happening to kids and the rest about fighting for just policy and my neighbors are all immigrants. I am feeling worried about everyone (and then reminded that I also need to worry about my own family) and tired and enraged ALL the time. And pretending I don't because of trying to be professional and tough and recognize most people I know are in more danger.

I'm holding my head together with toddler hugs and an abundant garden and lovely coworkers and bouts of yelling in the streets, but it's challenging this week.
posted by centrifugal at 6:55 PM on August 18, 2017 [8 favorites]

Mrvisible, I'm so sorry. No one should have to beg for doctors to treat them as valuable enough to treat. This is awful.
posted by greermahoney at 9:23 PM on August 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

i'm not able to get drunk, historically that has never worked out well for me. instead i think i'll go pester parisparamus on twitter.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:04 PM on August 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm going to do my best to be completely offline until Tuesday, and try to regain my sanity. I may, in fact, eat some sheetcake. I'll be thinking of you all, though, and wishing that good things happen for you. Health-wise, car-wise, family-wise, pet-wise, money-wise, and general well-being-wise.
Be kind to each other. And I'll see you on the flip-side.
posted by greermahoney at 11:06 PM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

A few months ago, I got into a spat with my best friend's boyfriend over the Man in the High Castle. I told him that I don't want to watch it, for all the obvious reasons, but at the same time don't think that the idea of Nazis in America is at all shocking or "bizarre" anyway. (For context, my grandparents fled Nazi Germany/Austria -- although it's very doubtful he knows that). And he was deeply offended by...I guess both those views. I feel uncomfortably, queasily vindicated now.

Just wanted to get that off my chest here, so that I wouldn't feel ANY need to say it when I go over to her house on Sunday to watch Game of Thrones!
posted by rue72 at 11:17 PM on August 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

a Celebration of Life sounds like the perfect repudiation of a Nazi rally.

Funny joke: I have a cousin named Richard Cohon. Every time I get an email from Richard Cohen from the Southern Poverty Law Center, I think it's my cousin RSVPing.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:16 AM on August 19, 2017 [6 favorites]

So there's a local controversy about the fact that one of the vendors at the farmer's market is a white supremacist. (He says he's a white nationalist, and he says that that's not the same thing, but whatever. I've seen his Facebook page, and I'm going with supremacist.) People are outraged, and the city says they can't revoke his permit because of the First Amendment (which I think is probably the right call), and it's a whole thing. So I looked at his Facebook page, and he has a picture of his house, and I recognized it. It's around the corner from my new house. So that's great. I live around the corner from a white supremacist.

I'm so pissed off right now that I'm semi-tempted to knock on his door, introduce myself, tell him I'm Jewish, and ask him point blank what he thinks should happen to me. I suspect he thinks I should be forced to move to Israel, but I kind of want to make him say it to my face.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:29 AM on August 19, 2017 [9 favorites]

I side with your city in not revoking the dude's permit.

I think it would be a much more chilling thing for him if everyone just totally ignored him. Let that be the one stall at the farmer's market that everyone just walks right past. He's got the same access to selling in the market as everyone else, so there's no discrimination; as for why he's not finding any customers, who's to say? (innocent whistling)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:34 AM on August 19, 2017 [9 favorites]

I think that a lot of people at the farmer's market aren't going to have heard about the controversy, and others will probably forgive him because he's a wacky local character and people are entitled to their personal views. And in general, there's a strong streak of "we support our own" here, so I think lots of local folks will side with a local Nazi over people of color and Jews, who are always going to be cast as interlopers. I don't think that a lot is going to come of it. But honestly, I'm less stressed out about the farmer's market than about the fact that he's my neighbor.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:49 AM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

Here's the cat update I didn't want to have to make: we had to put her to sleep. Overnight some type of lesion on her belly started to swell and go necrotic and she just couldn't fight it off. I'm lost and sad and I know the vets did everything they could.

but fucking fuck. this sucks.
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 2:26 PM on August 19, 2017 [17 favorites]

I'm so sorry. It's always the worst when it's a surprise.
posted by sciatrix at 2:35 PM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

hugs to you
posted by yesster at 2:36 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]

So, so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Be kind to yourself.
posted by bookmammal at 2:39 PM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]

To my annoyance, my brain keeps setting "Unite the Right" to Neil Young's "Tonight's the Night."

:( Must do a mental cleanse every time I open the Cville thread. "Music good, Nazis bad."

/tinyproblem
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 3:33 PM on August 19, 2017

d13t_p3ps1, I'm so sorry.
posted by daybeforetheday at 4:41 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]

More hugs for you, d13t_p3ps1. So very, very sorry.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:52 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]

So sorry to hear, d13t
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 7:55 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]

Shit, d13t, I'm so so sorry.
posted by rtha at 9:21 PM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]

I said the words "too hot to handle" which naturally led to me singing "Too hot to handle, too cold to hold, call the Ghostbusters 'cause they're in control." Longing for some 1989 nostalgia, I put on the music video. And it's a crap song, really, especially when you already have Ray Parker Jr's iconic theme song, but I'm enjoying the sheer 1989ness of the video. And then boom, there's Trump walking out of Trump Tower. I actually physically recoiled and made an alarming guttural sound that prompted my family to ask if I was ok. So fuck you, you fucking fuck, for ruining my little moment of escapism.

On the plus side, Kid just found a Hillary sticker in the living room, and is planning on trolling my parents by sneaking it into the decor of their outdoor bar. When Kid told me that, I went and got my Resist Trump sticker for the cause.

And while I didn't read the rest of the thread yet, I'm sorry for your loss, d13t.
posted by Ruki at 9:23 AM on August 20, 2017 [5 favorites]

So, my uncle just died, which is horrible, of health complications, and this is after we lost my Jewish stepmother to suicide, both within a year from Trump's nomination/election, and I'm just wondering if the horribleness of this awful year has just been causing people to lose hope and weakening their immune systems and I am scared and sad and hate everything.
posted by corb at 10:55 AM on August 20, 2017 [16 favorites]

corb, I am so sorry.
Sending you a virtual hug/hand squeeze/pat on the back if you want it...
posted by bookmammal at 11:01 AM on August 20, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm so so sorry, corb.

I'm taking this afternoon to do member recruitment for my ski club at the local city-wide art and music festival. We need more members, more families, more young people! I doubt that my middle-aged-white-lady presentation is going to draw young people, sadly.

But I'll get to do some prime people-watching, and there will be music and great food, and hopefully the sun will come out...
posted by suelac at 11:15 AM on August 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm just wondering if the horribleness of this awful year has just been causing people to lose hope and weakening their immune systems

I wouldn't be at all surprised. I know that my chronic autoimmune conditions, and those of some people I really care about, have been much worse over the past year. Life being what it is, the stress is hard to confine she just one area of your life where are you can ignore it and just concentrate on the good stuff.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:54 PM on August 20, 2017 [3 favorites]

Do not think that one has to be sad in order to be militant, even though the thing one is fighting is abominable.
- Michel Foucault
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:03 PM on August 20, 2017 [3 favorites]

hey guys I just noticed this thread was here after a weekend of playing PES2017 trial edition on PC but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
posted by radicalawyer at 2:20 PM on August 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

Love to you, corb. Sorry for your loss.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:28 PM on August 22, 2017

Corb and d13t, I'm so sorry for your loss. We need family in these times, fur or otherwise.

My brother just moved back to the US after a long time abroad, along with his spouse (who is trans), and it's been a difficult few months, trying to explain that things are different from when he last lived here. He is libertarian-leaning, which is surprising given his partner's status, and I have to bite my tongue at least once a day to not tell him to get an effing clue. But he's here instead of his previous place of residence, which is not at all friendly to GLBTQ people, so there's that.

I don't listen to NPR these days or watch the TV news, and part of my news feed is dictated by you lovely people (my BF and I do a lot of retweeting to pass stories along to each other). Even many days the fast moving politics threads are too much for me to deal with, but I still try to keep up.

Love you all. Stay safe, stay sane!
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 5:40 PM on August 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

The racist clowns are doing their circus here in September - Milo, Ann Coulter and now Steve fucking Bannon invited to UC Berkeley. I'm so, so, tired of these IRL trolls. Ugh ugh ugh.
posted by The Toad at 2:02 AM on August 24, 2017

(((d13t)))
(((corb)))
posted by yoga at 10:00 AM on August 24, 2017

So sorry for your losses d13t and corb.

I haven't spoken to my parents since December (election was catalyst, not the reason) and my mother has recently begun an all new profanity-laced attempt to harass me/get me to call her. I'm not sure why she thinks this is going to work, but whatever, it's actually been a really peaceful 8 months without them in my life. I'm supposed to visit my 93 year old grandmother tomorrow, so I know the guilt will be laid on thick, but I can get through an hour of that to spare myself the constant haranguing of the mother. Definitely part of me wishes I had gone no-contact earlier, but I also know it would have been logistically impossible any earlier.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:07 AM on August 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

how the fuck did i not find out about this fucking thread any fucking sooner?

i mean seriously, fuck all this, shit is hard enough already

fuck
posted by inpHilltr8r at 1:59 PM on August 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

Looks like I might not have to have that surgery after all. The two doctors are going to confer, and I should know for sure next week.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

Congrats, Underpants Monster! Keep off the surgery table as long as possible, that's my goal. Autoimmune diseases suck.

I got good medical news today too. The heart palpitations I've been experiencing are just premature contractions; nothing serious, but it also wasn't just in my head, and was totally reasonable to have checked out, so take that, primary care physician.

And speaking of my PCP, the bastard called me today; he'd just now seen my lab with my platelet count hovering in the low 30s, and called to let me know that it's probably not that low, and probably nothing to be worried about, and definitely didn't have anything to do with any symptoms, but I should go see a hematologist anyway. Which means he hadn't checked my chart, because I was already referred. I asked him if he was concerned about the kidney-related numbers on my labs, and he hadn't seen them, but he reassured me they were probably fine.

I did, however, manage to browbeat him into supporting my referral to a rheumatologist, so that's good. And I got through the whole conversation without telling him that the moment I've established care with a new PCP I'm sending off a really polite and professional letter of complaint to his HR department.

Medical care shouldn't be this hard.
posted by MrVisible at 3:07 PM on August 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm so sorry Corb.
posted by daybeforetheday at 9:11 PM on August 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Thanks everyone. This is made worse by - honestly this sounds like a terrible movie plot and is making me question my own sanity - my father saying, "At least I still have my best friend X", only to find out X died a few days ago. I am honestly more worried for him than myself at the moment.

HOWEVER I am pushing on and making medical appointments for everyone in my family, I know we are all young but I am beginning to believe 2017 is like an actual force for hell that can destroy everything, and am taking no chances.
posted by corb at 11:16 PM on August 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh corb.. it's not like that. The "insane" would have had a hard time ever questioning their own sanity. They'd also have trouble taking the initiative for the care of others.

/cyberhugs
posted by runcifex at 1:29 AM on August 25, 2017

I'm somewhat concerned, here in remote England, about the hurricane that is apparently heading towards Texas. The expected rainfall just mentioned on the news doesn't seem physically possible; even a fraction of it would be arguably apocalyptic. Reading around and seeing other dire and near-unbelievable forecasts. I hope MeFites and others in the path remain safe.
posted by Wordshore at 5:32 AM on August 25, 2017

So, to sum up.

Heading into the weekend, we have a category 4 storm heading right for Texas, where it looks likely to set up camp for a few days, bringing with it torrential rains and devastating winds. ICE has kept its immigration checkpoints up, guaranteeing that a large population won't evacuate. The hurricane's target area is a major center of petroleum production, so the economic and environmental consequences are potentially severe. We have a President who seems to have been oblivious about this until a few minutes ago, but who offered a cheery good luck and thumbs up. North Korea just launched another missile in the general direction of Japan. The President decided that this is a good time to issue a memo discriminating against trans people in the military.

Am I missing anything? Aren't there Nazi rallies going on? I'm scared to look.

Stay safe, everyone.
posted by MrVisible at 4:20 PM on August 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

And now there's the Arpaio thing.

I just can't anymore. I'm listening to Arcade Fire for the rest of the night. And drinking rye.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:30 PM on August 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Rye whiskey
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:36 PM on August 25, 2017

Wry whiz is key!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:10 PM on August 25, 2017

And it's strong enough to cause them to redundantly refer to it as whiskey and rye.

Or, debatably, they were drinking whiskey in rye...
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:08 PM on August 25, 2017

I prefer my rye with a little Ergot.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:53 AM on August 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

So in other FUCK news, one of my friends who used to be a nice guy is now friends with a bunch of what seem to be white supremacists, who I've now been fighting with for a while, and I kind of want to say "what the fuck, clean up your boys" but also kind of want to be like WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WHITE SUPREMACIST FRIENDS, NEIGHBOR.
posted by corb at 5:23 PM on August 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

So the Emperor is parading down the street, head held high, completely naked. And one commoner has the temerity to say, "The emperor has no clothes!"

And the Emperor says, "I don't need fake clothes!" and all the other commoners start shucking off their clothes, berating that one commoner for being in favor of fake clothes, and they throw the one commoner in jail for insubordination.

The end.
posted by MrVisible at 2:11 PM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Someone put up fliers around a nearby town that are all about how "they" hate white, Christian Americans, and "they" control the media and the banks, and "they" are trying to impose third-world migration on white societies, and "they" have a genocidal agenda of promoting miscegenation. So now all the nice Christian Iowans on my Facebook page are completely flummoxed and are all asking who "they" are. And all the Jews are like "'they' means the Jews. This flier is talking about Jews. This is all classic antisemitism." To which the Christian Iowans are like "maybe it isn't any particular group. Probably it's just liberals. Who knows what 'they' means?"

Sigh. I don't know whether to be happy or upset about their cluelessness.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 9:06 AM on August 29, 2017 [4 favorites]

NO SURGEREEE FOR LITTLE OLD MEEE!


The MRI, CT scan, and bloodwork indicated that what we thought was lingering osteomyelitis is almost certainly just arthritic change. I have to follow up in a few months, but the doctors are pretty confident. WHEEE!

So, unfuck?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:41 AM on August 29, 2017 [23 favorites]

Fucking congratulations!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:43 AM on August 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

Wooooooooooooooooo!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:38 AM on August 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm glad to have good news in the fucks thread too!
posted by corb at 6:48 AM on August 30, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm sorry this is such a minor thing, but my thesis advisor snapped at me for the first time today, and I feel like I'm burning through the goodwill I've built up with her by being a total pest.

Even dumber: the other night, I stress-bought a board game to cope with the stress, and it was supposed to be historical, but its only source is the Bible, which it describes as a document written by humans channeling the word of God. I just wanted a fun diversion, and now I feel super uneasy about a game where you use missionaries to spread the word of God in the 1st century AD. I wish I could just not worry about it and enjoy it for what it is, but with everything else going on, it's kind of hard to feel at ease with the whole premise. I wish I'd noticed how vaguely European everyone on the box looked before I opened it. This is what I get for looking at board games online at 3 in the morning, massively stressed out and listening to Medieval religious music.

Compared to the shit other people are dealing with, this all seems so minor, but gah, I just needed a place to vent about this stuff. I'm so fucking high strung that I actually lost sleep last night because I accidentally scratched a brand-new book cover. I'm trying to believe the possibility that we're in a "darkest before the dawn" kind of period in history, but it's not an easy time to chill out and be optimistic.

All that aside, I'm glad to hear the tests were OK, Underpants Monster.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 10:13 PM on August 30, 2017 [3 favorites]

Turn it into a pillar of salt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:49 AM on August 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

...return it for a refund?
posted by MrVisible at 7:54 AM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

I prefer my rye with a little Ergot.

"WITCH!!!!"
posted by Sophie1 at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

Alternatively, I'm sure people would support a Patreon for you to create a drinking game while you play this and live blog it.
posted by corb at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

I told my girlfriend what happened when she got home last night, and she laughed and laughed. "Only you would have this problem," she said. "Only you would have deep regrets because you ended up buying a hardcore Christian board game at 3 in the morning."

I can't return it because I already opened it. Girlfriend convinced me to play it, because if nothing else it will be educational in some capacity. It does kind of look like a good game aside from, you know, the content. But I know the teasing will never stop.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:48 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

Your girlfriend sounds awesome.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:49 PM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

I can't imagine the mechanics will change if you change all instances of "Christianity" to "GAY SPACE COMMUNISM".
posted by Etrigan at 4:50 PM on August 31, 2017 [8 favorites]

My thesis supervisor (previously) died a couple weeks ago, on my birthday - I was camping with shitty cell reception on the Sunshine Coast and all of a sudden I had 2 missed calls from his wife and a bunch of texts from my labmates and immediately was like, "aw, no."

I think we were all taken aback by how sudden everything happened in the end - just the week before I'd been chatting with him cheerfully about work stuff on the phone (he'd been in for a routine hospitalization) and telling him I'd see him after he got home in the next few days - instead he ended up going straight from hospital to hospice, where he stayed for about 2 days, and I never got to visit while he was still responsive. I just wish I'd been able to tell him properly how glad I was he'd been my supervisor - that he'd decided to coax me, first-gen college student with mediocre grades and no fucking clue how graduate school worked and a more-than-slight suspicion of academia in general, into the lab like a stray cat. I lucked out.

With his passing our little research group will basically just quietly deflate to nothing by the end of the year: all of us grad students should be finishing in the next few months, with minimal alternate supervision needed, and the department won't be hiring a replacement in the same area - their focus has moved onto much more lucrative, sexier things these days. What will happen to basically a career's worth of accumulated stuff (and paper, SO MUCH PAPER omg, like this guy apparently did not trust email archiving and literally printed and meticulously paper-filed all of his electronic correspondence right back to the nineties) remains to be seen. There is a definite air of melancholy around here as we lurch into back-to-school and all the undergrads re-descend onto campus. I've been trying to get back into my writing and data analysis, but it's sad. I know I have to do it to finish, and the only way out is through - but it's all just real sad.
posted by btfreek at 3:41 AM on September 1, 2017 [5 favorites]

I'm so sorry to hear it, btfreek! I know how it feels to wish you could tell someone like that how much you appreciated them, but I think more often than not, they already knew.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 9:05 PM on September 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry, btfreek.

My BIL had a massive heart attack this Thursday at swim practice and passed away before they got him to the ER. He was a lovely kind human being who gave a lot to the world and helped raise two strong and intelligent young women. He was 66, fit and athletic. My sister and nieces are devastated.

And That Man sits in the White House eating KFC and shitting on the world. It's just so wrong, I want to kick something and scream.
posted by suelac at 8:54 AM on September 2, 2017 [3 favorites]