Who's the Poet Laureate of MetaFilter?

September 26, 2003 11:17 AM

Who's the Poet Laureate of MetaFilter? Sure, we have eloquent and witty members by the dozen, and everyone appreciates their stellar prose. However, our poets deserve recognition and a thread of their own. So, who's the most lyrical among us? I've said before that thomcatspike is the ee cummings of MeFi, and he may be, but stavrosthewonderchicken called me out here for saying so, claiming that clavdis is unequalled. All right, so we have two nominations. Any others? Favorite moments from these two or any other nominees?
posted by orange swan to MetaFilter-Related at 11:17 AM (74 comments total)

Sorry, that should have been clavdivs. My apologies, clav.
posted by orange swan at 11:26 AM on September 26, 2003

krunk said I'm the poet.

*clutches crown*
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:46 AM on September 26, 2003

Crash, that's a tiara and you know it.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:47 AM on September 26, 2003

Thomcat, hands down. When I read his stuff I like to pretend there’s an someone plucking an upright base as he writes.
posted by Samsonov14 at 11:51 AM on September 26, 2003

You can be our Edna St. Vincent Millay, Crash.
posted by orange swan at 11:51 AM on September 26, 2003

If Miguel had posted this he'd have caught hell.

Having said that, I'm voting for Thomcatspike. (Sorry clavdivs- you WERE close tho.)
posted by konolia at 11:57 AM on September 26, 2003

But where's the love for alms, who graciously provided us with a Mefi-themed sonnet just the other day?
posted by jokeefe at 12:00 PM on September 26, 2003

TRIPLE POST.
posted by clavdivs at 12:12 PM on September 26, 2003

me, innit
posted by nthdegx at 12:30 PM on September 26, 2003

alms for the MeFi sonnet.
posted by 111 at 12:34 PM on September 26, 2003

I love thomcatspike.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 12:34 PM on September 26, 2003

I like to pretend there’s an someone plucking an upright base...

an upright base sounds like shit compared to an upright bass.
posted by quonsar at 12:43 PM on September 26, 2003

If Miguel had posted this he'd have caught hell.

I'm still reeling in cognitive dissonance from my discovery that this post wasn't by Miguel. When I looked at the opener I thought "Oh, Christ, Migs, here we go again." Then I looked further down and saw "posted by orange swan." Wha? Not Miguel?? Miguel! Not Miguel?? Miguel!
*slaps self repeatedly*
posted by languagehat at 12:50 PM on September 26, 2003

All your upright base are... aw, fuckit.
posted by kindall at 12:57 PM on September 26, 2003

Spelling isn't the boss of me.
posted by Samsonov14 at 1:15 PM on September 26, 2003

For your consideration: adrianhon does opera
posted by ColdChef at 1:16 PM on September 26, 2003

how soon they forget
when ColdChef took a timeout
for too much haiku
posted by yhbc at 1:28 PM on September 26, 2003

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
posted by namespan at 1:28 PM on September 26, 2003

^
l
l
l
^
^
Cold Chef His words served on a plate, pure brain appetizers.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:30 PM on September 26, 2003

I'd like to point out that I was the first (that I know of) to compare thomcatspike to cummings. Cheers, Thom :)

I'd also like to point out that I am a horrible, horrible Racist™.
posted by dhoyt at 1:57 PM on September 26, 2003

To Thom.

from rabbit.
posted by clavdivs at 2:10 PM on September 26, 2003

TCS gets my vote. The above post nails it.
posted by dobbs at 2:10 PM on September 26, 2003

Maybe, instead of a gold star, Thom could get a miniature laurel wreath next to his name...
posted by me3dia at 2:19 PM on September 26, 2003

Must there be a best? clavdivs has the infernal weight of raw history, the cyclopean leyline force that brings his nonsequetoria winging in like a sparkshower from Cthulu's own colossal eye. His nonEuclidean otherness reaches in and clutches at the very core of one's reason. When one reads and, somewhere back in the fuck-or-flee graymeat of hindbrain we carry with us a legacy from the alligators, reaches the sudden visceral sartori of understanding? It as if an abyss of tesseracta, inside which we had lived trapped our lives entire, is suddenly bisected and cleared away.

yet thomcatspike... who might be better named rachmaninoffspike or stockhausenspike, for his tearing apart and realigning of even the most basic aspects of grammar, syntax - even punctuation - has an almost musical quality, an aetherial cloak that unfolds around the reader like an origami constructed of crystal vapor latticework. One dare not touch it, for to do so would surely send it shattering into shards of sharpest razor, to reform into even more baroque and unsettlingly beautiful walls of language. If clavdivs in the stone hammer of pure polymathicism against the anvil of our intellect, then thomcastspike must surely be the dagger of distilled semiotic quicksilver which darts in with the presence of an ICBM and the razored point of a perfectly spun F-sharp.
posted by UncleFes at 2:19 PM on September 26, 2003

That said, I personally think they should both be banned.
posted by UncleFes at 2:24 PM on September 26, 2003

Must there be a best?

If you assume there's some agreeable formula that combines all axes of elegance into a single scalar value, then yes, there must be. If not, we can certainly point out what individuals are excellent at.

My point, though, was to wonder if this question crosses a new threshold for Metafilter, where the personalities become ever more important than the linkage or even discussion thereof.
posted by namespan at 2:31 PM on September 26, 2003

Personalities aren't more important than the linked material or the discussions. They are just another dimension to the site, and one has to be a reasonably seasoned MeFier before one even starts to become familiar with the personalities and the dynamics they create.

So this is a Miguel post? Huh. Given the comments ("Migue would catch hell for this") I'm not sure whether I should be flattered by the comparison or......?
posted by orange swan at 3:00 PM on September 26, 2003

I'd be insulted.
posted by crunchland at 3:27 PM on September 26, 2003

UncleFes has clinched the rushmc Poster of the Month Award in this thread (he was leading the pack already prior to it, to be fair). Congratulations, Mr. September 2003!
posted by rushmc at 3:27 PM on September 26, 2003

Speak for yourself, quonsar. A base pipe sounds pretty good to me.
posted by squirrel at 3:31 PM on September 26, 2003

Which is best played upright.
Or at an angle.
Advantage: TCS
posted by squirrel at 3:33 PM on September 26, 2003

So this is a Miguel post? Huh. Given the comments ("Migue would catch hell for this") I'm not sure whether I should be flattered by the comparison or......?

Insofar as it's excessively chatty and tends towards the circle jerk end of the spectrum, yes. But in other ways, like how it has your name at the end, it differs radically.
posted by The God Complex at 3:42 PM on September 26, 2003

TCS - this in the original post here was one I read over and over again, including out loud. At first I just thought it was amusing, but it's definitely got real music to it.

"The ballerina had seen before,
way back in a cartoon as a kid,
yet it was a bear not a man."

...it has the feeling of something you could understand if only you were smarter/crazier/more educated/more creative/more stoned...just out of reach of comprehension, but comprehensible none the less...very Zen.
posted by biscotti at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2003

what uncle fes said (i think)--
thomcat's more of an unintentional poet and wonderfully creative user of english, so i'll go with clav for the win and thomcat for the place (and uncle fes for the show). What were the odds on that anyway?
posted by amberglow at 4:17 PM on September 26, 2003

for thomcatspike, this gem is definitely one of my favorites

for clavdivs, this could be the work of a late Ezra Pound under the influence of intraperitoneal Quinpirole

and I'm old enough to remember holgate's haikus -- and miss them as well

regarding MeFi poetry criticism, UncleFes just did something memorable

as for my MeFi favorite poet, I can't remember the username right now, but he wrote "Let us go then, you and I / When the evening is spread out against the sky..."
posted by matteo at 5:14 PM on September 26, 2003

What were the odds on that anyway?

Do we have MeFi bookies as well as poets?
posted by namespan at 5:17 PM on September 26, 2003

Do we have MeFi bookies as well as poets?

i bet we do : >
posted by amberglow at 5:26 PM on September 26, 2003

matteo: as for my MeFi favorite poet, I can't remember the username right now, but he wrote "Let us go then, you and I / When the evening is spread out against the sky..."

Yeah, but he totally blew it with the third line of the poem, "Like butter spread upon a toasted muffin."
posted by UKnowForKids at 5:45 PM on September 26, 2003

didn't he mention pancakes instead, in the third line?
posted by matteo at 5:47 PM on September 26, 2003

[this thing's a top thread]
posted by dash_slot- at 6:18 PM on September 26, 2003

Hi, I'm Maya Angelou. Were you guys asking for me?
posted by PrinceValium at 6:30 PM on September 26, 2003

maya angelou?
posted by amberglow at 6:52 PM on September 26, 2003

I'd just like to say that much as I like clav, I don't think he's anywhere near a 'poet laureate,' and much as I like TCS, too, I find his posting style more than a little contrived.

My point was that there are two deliberate language-manglers on Metafilter (deliberate because I've seen them both post in clean, well-formed sentences, several times), and the most graceful of the two, imho, is clavdivs. In other words, he is the best raper-of-language, but that is a far cry from being 'the Poet Laureate of MetaFilter.'

I think orange swan misunderstood me, and I wanted to clarify.

Also, this thread is the worst freaking idea I've seen in a while. It's counterproductive in this environment to start pointing out people because you like how they post over what they post, and will lead to Bad Things, I promise. Imminent demise, yadda yadda.

Gimmick posters can be fun, except when everyone becomes a gimmick poster.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:34 PM on September 26, 2003

Also, since we're playing at meta-highschool, I got another crush on UncleFes, now. He's dreamy.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:38 PM on September 26, 2003

Also, since we're playing at meta-highschool,

If it's meta-highschool, shouldn't fes be behind the bike shes with me, you, kaf, clav, and crash davis smokin' skunkweed and drinkin' peachtree and haffenreffer?
posted by jonmc at 7:40 PM on September 26, 2003

Quit bogarting that thing, ya bastard!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:44 PM on September 26, 2003

[slater]

theis bowl is cashed man, gotta scrape the resin

[/slater]
posted by jonmc at 7:46 PM on September 26, 2003

I'm still reeling in cognitive dissonance from my discovery that this post wasn't by Miguel. --languagehat

I too, was was confused.

As to the grammer-off by the TCS and clavdavis...they both make me laugh, intentionally or not, regularly. So, that's nice.

UncleFes's literary analysis - hysterical.
posted by dejah420 at 9:12 PM on September 26, 2003

grammar...doh. I always misspell that word. Sigh.
posted by dejah420 at 9:13 PM on September 26, 2003

I'll smoke all y'all boys...under the table.

Nabs the Multiple Entendre Laureate trophy, vanishes into sunset
posted by WolfDaddy at 9:15 PM on September 26, 2003

I wanna be the Ogden Nash...

A wonderful site is the MeFi,
With more wacky guys than on "Queer Eye".
An genius invention is MeFi,
Like the cotton gin thought up by Eli.
On Matt we must constantly rely
To cook for the server at MeFi.
No member could legally deny
The greatness to be found at MeFi.

thomcatspike
We really like,
But clavdius
Is more like us.
MiguelCardoso
Is only more so.

When called out by quonsar,
Don't ahn-swer.
posted by wendell at 9:15 PM on September 26, 2003

If it's meta-highschool, shouldn't fes be behind the bike shes with me, you, kaf, clav, and crash davis smokin' skunkweed and drinkin' peachtree and haffenreffer?

If you guys don't let me come along, you're not screwing my sister anymore.

/high school
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 9:54 PM on September 26, 2003

If you guys don't let me come along, you're not screwing my sister anymore.

Ahh, the carefree days of pimping your own sister. I'm sure we all remember those times.
posted by The God Complex at 10:01 PM on September 26, 2003

*wipes away a nostalgic tear*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:25 PM on September 26, 2003

clavdivs and walrus are the poets and Uncle Fes is de Man - the Paul de Man, that is.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:55 PM on September 26, 2003

Sometimes I cry when I masturbate.
posted by The God Complex at 11:26 PM on September 26, 2003

Well, that is pretty poetical, TGC, but I think it falls squarely under the 'too much information' rubric, unfortunately.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:40 PM on September 26, 2003

I see it as a hard-hitting commentary on capitalism, but that's because, as a teenager, I used the movie Wall Street in lieu of actual pornography.
posted by The God Complex at 11:54 PM on September 26, 2003

Sometimes I cry when TGC masturbates.

I am not the poet laureate, but I did write one haiku that I like:

He once played Moses
This man, sitting in silence
Polishing his gun

posted by Hildago at 11:55 PM on September 26, 2003

While I am a great admirer of the Clavdivs literary style, my vote must go to TCS for the sheer loveliness of the language in his posts.

And not half bad, wendell! Although to me you sound a bit like the bastard child of Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker.

TGC, you think you cry...
posted by madamjujujive at 12:23 AM on September 27, 2003

Well, that is pretty poetical, TGC, but I think it falls squarely under the 'too much information' rubric, unfortunately.

Clown chicks think it's hawt.
posted by The God Complex at 1:27 AM on September 27, 2003

mostly i'm just thankful that most of what gets said around here goes in my one ear and then out the other, as it were. that being said, i vote TCS. come on, he's even got cool poet type initials.
posted by t r a c y at 2:45 AM on September 27, 2003

...the bastard child of Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker.

I'll settle for that; it's better than my previous secret identity as the bastard child of Jay Ward and June Foray...

And madamjujujive
Makes me glad to be alive.

TCS or TGC,
Tell you what it means to me...
sockitome, sockitome, sockitome, sockitome...
posted by wendell at 4:02 AM on September 27, 2003

_________The Grey Smock.



It was late September of ‘03 when I found the state of affairs at 221 to be of the most Ill regular disposition. Mrs. Turner had left for holiday in the highlands of Scotland some 2 weeks before. After several knocks I used my old key to once again enter my former lodgings. Upon entering the entryway, I was taken by the odd mixture of smells that seemed to hang in the air. I deduced, as I ascended the 17 stairs, that it was a mixture of “gold Flake” tobacco, a hint of sulfur, Nag Champa Incense , hashish and what I thought to be something fowl. As I entered our old sitting room I noticed Homes stood next to a Loom upon which hung a Nacomechi laptop. He was dressed in a Blue sporting shirt with a large gold M in the middle of this shirt. He also had on denim like pants that where faded blue. Bare foot he did not raise his eye from the screen. ‘Homes” I said, “you horrify me, why on earth is a belt sander attached to that goose upon the sideboard?”

“Watson...do you have your revolver with you?”
"Why no Homes, not when I’m on my rounds...what the blazes...”
“Do you have your tazer with you”?
“Why yes, I never leave home without it, You know Homes, my wife does not like the fact you gave each us one for Christmas...”

“Watson, remove the tazer’s battery then approach 3 feet towards the goose, then stop”.

“Then?”
....”Proceed Watson”. I did as Homes asked and the Goose, to my surprise gave a loud HONK! The belt sander suddenly seemed to come alive, electricity starting to surge its engine but stopped as soon as it started.

“Kindly remove the belt sander Watson...and text this to Mr. Mac at the Yard... BILLY! Watson did you see Billy?”
“No, I had to let my....”
“BILLY!”... “Ah, here he comes“.

“Sorry Mister Homes, I was in the kitchen”
“Fine Billy take this message down to the strand and give it to Mr. Fribble to post...Mr. Fribble only, remove the goose...yes, to Toby’s house...here is cab fair.”
“And the sander sir?”
“I will take it off you go".
“So...Watson...how are you? and do not worry, the goose was client.”

...to be continued.
posted by clavdivs at 12:17 PM on September 27, 2003

that was no goose...
posted by quonsar at 12:56 PM on September 27, 2003

Mefi Poetry Slam

The spike takes the mic
as clavdivs mad libs
ColdChef cooks it
walrus hooks it
_crash for the smash
alms' Meta-psalms
adrianhon lays it down

and...

Unca Fes* swipes the crown

*and reigns as current winner of the Gaycock Upright Base
posted by taz at 1:24 PM on September 27, 2003

...to be continued.

I can't wait to read the whole thing, clavdivs.
posted by matteo at 3:25 PM on September 27, 2003

Isn't Ernest Hemingway also a poet?

Yeah. I thought so.
posted by iconomy at 5:42 PM on September 27, 2003

Quite right, iconomy! Good link, that.

The poems about Americans and Canadians (by "A Foreigner") are delightful, but I quite liked the pithy "Neothomist Poem", from 1926:

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not
want him for long.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:02 PM on September 27, 2003

I liked this part:

Should I continue? No, I thought not.
posted by MiguelCardoso

Sheer poetry. (In a Hiawatha-esque sort of way:

By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water,
Stood the wigwam of Nokomis,
Posted by Miguel Cardoso...)

Anyway, clavdivs is already Overlord, and that outranks Poet Laureate.
posted by languagehat at 6:28 PM on September 27, 2003

Languagehat, I now have you to thank for the fact that I am picking fried rice off my computer screen.
posted by konolia at 6:52 PM on September 27, 2003

flied lice?
posted by quonsar at 8:19 PM on September 27, 2003

Thanks Miguel, but I'm naught but a poeticule. Now sadly lacking inspiration.
posted by walrus at 2:38 AM on September 29, 2003

flied lice?

Different thread, hon.

Oh, and happy birthday.
posted by konolia at 4:04 AM on September 29, 2003