Someone posted a mailto: link as a post. October 5, 2001 11:40 AM   Subscribe

This is a first, as far as I know: a mailto: as the link. But this person alsop seems to be in genuine distress, so let's be gentle, OK?
posted by rodii to Etiquette/Policy at 11:40 AM (26 comments total)

People in distress tend not to follow rules or respect a community's culture. I gently deleted it.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 11:51 AM on October 5, 2001

"Metafilter is a weblog that anyone can contribute a link or a comment to. A typical weblog is one person posting their thoughts on the unique things they find on the web. This website exists to break down the barriers between people, to extend a weblog beyond just one person, and to foster discussion among its members."

RTFM. This is not a mailing list.
posted by Hankins at 11:54 AM on October 5, 2001

rodii, you're a nice guy.

my response to the post, the responses, and the thread here:

hee, hee.
posted by rebeccablood at 11:55 AM on October 5, 2001

I sympathize with your distress. On 9.11 something was shaken in me that I haven't been able to settle. I'm a reporter, and long ago established mental mechanisms to deal with atrocity and mass distress, but 9.11 blew them out. I've had to heal, and give my subconscious time to construct new coping processes.

But it's getting better, at least for me. I no longer find myself brimming with tears two or three times a day. So far, prayer, research and talking to people about it has helped ease my discomfort. I've spent a lot of time telling people I love them, too, which turns out to be a balm to them, and myself.

Maybe that sounds sappy, but there it is.
posted by sacre_bleu at 11:56 AM on October 5, 2001

Matt clearly did the right thing, and everyone knew it was going to happen. I was just trying to head off any unnecessary abuse in the meantime of someone who's clearly scared and not making really top-notch decisions.

Rebecca: this blatant flirting has GOT TO STOP, you hear me?
posted by rodii at 11:59 AM on October 5, 2001

He could have asked that question in one of the million WTC threads already going on.

Can you really consider a thread "still going on" if it's 25 posts down the list? Not to defend this guy's post.

posted by luser at 12:01 PM on October 5, 2001

He could have asked that question in one of the million WTC threads already going on.

Actually, he did just before turning it into its own thread, though it wasn't any more appropriate there.

posted by briank at 12:05 PM on October 5, 2001

"He could have asked that question in one of the million WTC threads already going on. "

First, I am a she. Second, I did not break any rules. What am I suppsosed to link to? I was asking how you guys get through the day. What am I going to link to? I simply added my email address so anyone could email with their thoughts if they did not want to say on this board.

If your culture is simply based around a internet message board instead of caring what your fellow AMERICAN'S have to say. Then your little "cult"ure can kiss my butt because I didn't go anything wrong here. If my post or comments are not appropriate then don't read them. I did not say anything wrong, my post simply got deleted because I inserted my mailing address instead of a link. Again, what am I supposed to link to when I am asking a question on how you people get through the day. Maybe a weatherchannel link or a link to cnn. What's the difference when it wasn't even about the link to begin with.

Now you will flame but you are wasting your time. I am not going to check this thread anymore. I will simply go somewhere else to get peoples thoughts. Because unlike you, I care about what other people have to say or are feeling. I wouldn't cut them off or delete their post just because they added a mailto link.

Now, goodbye and have a swell day.
posted by graytopia at 12:11 PM on October 5, 2001

Not to be harsh, but you should go somewhere else to get people's thoughts. This is not the place for it.

It wasn't even about the link to begin with.

Hence the problem. Read the guidelines.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:19 PM on October 5, 2001

Oh. I am sorry I did not know that the people here were not affected by the terrible events.

For your information, I have had several emails actually telling me that they are going through the same fears I am so obviously some people here are human.

Hey! But you guys don't have to be scared of anything. As long as you are dominating a message board and making others feel less than they already did, you are doing your good deed for the day.
posted by graytopia at 12:26 PM on October 5, 2001

graytopia, unlike lots of places on the Internet, the regulars here really want you to play by the rules. The rules you were presented with when you wanted to join this community.

Without rules, it's near impossible for Metafilter to function the way it's supposed to.

That doesn't mean people should sneer at the rookies (including me). But getting mad at people who ask you to follow the rules doesn't make a lot of sense, either.

If what you want is to involve people in a discussion, it doesn't help by telling the people you'd like to involve to smooch your fanny.

Just my $.02.
posted by sacre_bleu at 12:27 PM on October 5, 2001

I know what you mean, graytopia. I sent an email asking pretty much the same thing to Amazon's customer service, and they kept writing back "This is not the place to go for help with your personal problems, it's a place for customer service." But I didn't do anything wrong! I was just looking for help, and if Amazon's customer service doesn't want to help me, well then fine see if I ever buy another book from them again.

Graytopia, people were being kind to you, so please don't turn this into a personal thing. You post links to websites on MeFi. That is the most basic rule.
posted by turaho at 12:35 PM on October 5, 2001

i love how people assume the high road whenever they're called out on breaking the rules. "i may have broken the rules, but you're all a bunch of loser sockfuckers who have no lives and therefore devote all your time to finding the tiniest mistake; i'm so glad i'm not you."

well, there's my good deed for the day.
now to go back to putting the ass in nasty.
posted by moz at 12:54 PM on October 5, 2001

it seems to me that it might be useful for us to compose a little bit of text that clearly says that:

this is a private site, owned by a private individual. that we as a community, far from trying to dictate what can and cannot be posted on the board, are doing our best to uphold the standards set out by the individual who created and maintains this board. that we appreciate his work and we show our respect for him by following the few rules he has set down for participation on his site.

that there are gray areas. that we come to metatalk to discuss how those situations should be interpreted, according to matt's rules (the constitution) and according to community standards (common law.) that it's like a supreme court, only everyone can participate. that it's not being mean, it's trying to maintain a standard that can continue to function well.

that matt is as easy-going as they come, and that if he ever deletes a post it's because it's in egregious violation of the aforementioned rules (which, as we mentioned, are very few). and that you'll get very little sympathy by accusing matt of being draconian, intolerant, or small-minded, since he is, as we just pointed out, as easy-going as anyone we've ever had the pleasure to know.

and we can all keep it on our hard drives, and when someone comes into metatalk accusing 'the board' of being a nazi and everyone else of being mean, we can just point them to that instead of having this endless conversation with newbies about how this is actually owned and maintained and *paid for* by somebody, and how it's our privilege to even be here at all.

posted by rebeccablood at 12:54 PM on October 5, 2001

Graytopia, I'm sure there are articles on the web somewhere talking about coping. Link to one of them. you'd most likely get the same discussion out ot the exercise.

My $.02
posted by srw12 at 1:03 PM on October 5, 2001

"Second, I did not break any rules."
From the MeFi Guidelines:"Make sure you're linking to something on the web. If you're posting a generalized question to the audience, or posting a comment as a main thread, either find an appropriate mailing list, or use MetaTalk."

"If your culture is simply based around a internet message board instead of caring what your fellow AMERICAN'S have to say."
Actually, MetaFilter is an INTERNATIONAL forum, with vocal and integral members from the UK, Canada, Japan, the Philippines, and more. We care about what each other have to say so much that members naturally enforce the rules of polite social discourse and "signal-to-noise ratio", thereby enabling others to share more efficiently.

"Because unlike you, I care about what other people have to say or are feeling." Please see the concept of polite discourse as above. Usually, for the record, that doesn't include calling everyone horrible unfeeling monsters. (Yes, I'm unusually cranky today... but, sheesh.)
posted by jess at 1:14 PM on October 5, 2001

"Because unlike you, I care about what other people have to say or are feeling."

Christ, what a bitch.

Asking for help is one thing. But when you then get all bent when we point out something to you, it sort of makes me think that it's just all about you and why should I care.

We're all dealing with this. Peeing in someone else's pool doesn't help. We just want some focus, some purpose. What's wrong with that? I understand, you didn't know. So we told you. And you peed on us.

Real nice. Very caring.
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:29 PM on October 5, 2001

A somewhat different opinion here: I believe that emotional distress is a sufficient and adequate reason to "break the rules" IF and ONLY IF one is willing to accept the consequences of that action. Most of us here have violated MeFi's rules (most notably that thingy about polite discourse) at one point. If there is a difference involved, its that I believe our, or at least my, commitment to the progress of the discussions and this site are such that I will accept being called to the carpet for my choices. Having a tantrum because people don't agree with your view, assumes they don't care and aren't worthy of caring about. Folks, last I checked, this is the internet. I know few or none of you. The only thing we share that makes this a community is our commitment to it, and if that isn't enough, then it really is time to go elsewhere.

The short version: If you can't live within the rules then accept being chided for living elsewhere. Its a pack thing. In or out, your choice.
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:13 PM on October 5, 2001

Then your little "cult"ure can kiss my butt because blah blah blah...


That "gentle" thing?

Never mind.
posted by rodii at 2:14 PM on October 5, 2001

Oh. I am sorry I did not know that the people here were not affected by the terrible events.

Ya know, I just re-read this here MeTa thread, and it dawned on me that many of the "inner-circle" old time MeFi regulars here-'bouts have talked directly about the impact that 9-11-01 has had on their lives and emotions, and they've done it on their personal weblogs or journals. It strikes me that maybe this community doesn't do enough to promote the personal venues of its members, which are more suited to discussions and comments such as have led to this little fracas. Perhaps, instead of quoting regs to the new folk, maybe they could be shown the proper directions for their needs?
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:35 PM on October 5, 2001

Now it strikes me that maybe "venues" was the wrong word to use. How 'bout insights?
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:45 PM on October 5, 2001

Graytopia who's that? I thought she quit.

Huh? Your point?
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:11 PM on October 5, 2001

In truth, skallas, I didn't post for Graytopia. She'll leave or not, her choice. That's the point. Its the rest of us that pro'ly ought to consider our role as regards the "rules".
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:46 PM on October 5, 2001


Oh, now I get it. Culture. Here I thought she was having a breakdown and couldn't hit the right keys. Now I see that she was being clever.

I love this town.
posted by jpoulos at 9:01 PM on October 5, 2001

It would have been so easy for graytopia to follow the rules. All she needed to do was have a link on the front page and something asking us to email her via her profile. Like any community, as has been said, there are rules here. Doesn't mean you can't work within the rules creatively. I do wonder why she'd want people to email her personally anyway -- I wonder what her personal support network is like...
posted by feelinglistless at 9:56 AM on October 6, 2001

Great post, jess.
posted by rushmc at 6:18 PM on October 7, 2001

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