everyone needs a hug May 2, 2006 9:06 PM   Subscribe

everyone needs a hug
posted by five fresh fish to Feature Requests at 9:06 PM (67 comments total)

Everyone needs to vomit all over their shoes...
posted by SweetJesus at 9:09 PM on May 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


everyone needs a blowjob
posted by dgaicun at 9:12 PM on May 2, 2006


That's the kind of thing that can only work if it's rare.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 9:14 PM on May 2, 2006


Smarmy though that is, though, it's a heckuva lot better idea than Matt's 'Please be nice! note above the input area, which everyone saw precisely once before their brain started to tune it out.

If there were an onfocus event to clear the textbox, with some suitably warm-and-fuzzy message as the default inside it (guess how many comments would consist solely of that message, though, as the latest CLEAVAR INJ0KE!!1), I'd sure enough go with that as a reminder not to be dick.

Even better, set up a script to randomize it (different messages, or sometimes nothing), then it'd be more likely that people'd notice.

Plus, you know, the comedy++ option.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:16 PM on May 2, 2006


Some of us have become so desensitized to social norms and human decency that this would merely provoke in us a colder and more deep-seated rage, leading to flameouts such as our ancestors might have dreamed of, dripping vitriol and internecine discord in their wake. I'm all for it.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 9:25 PM on May 2, 2006


We're meaner; it would just encourage us. I think 'don't be a stupid dickhead' or 'don't post if you're too drunk to drive' might resonate a bit more.
posted by tula at 9:28 PM on May 2, 2006


HUGS! HUG IT!! HUG SOMEONE YOU FLAMING PIECE OF SHIT!!!
posted by scarabic at 9:37 PM on May 2, 2006


Clever Inside Joke.
posted by Paris Hilton at 9:40 PM on May 2, 2006


Kitten photos next to the text input box.
posted by furiousthought at 9:43 PM on May 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow
posted by puke & cry at 9:44 PM on May 2, 2006


Kitten photos next to the text input box.

Good idea, except that kittens drive me into a homicidal rage.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:47 PM on May 2, 2006


Everyone needs to die.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:59 PM on May 2, 2006


Eh. I like your more homicidal posts. Kittens it is.
posted by furiousthought at 10:17 PM on May 2, 2006


I like it. "Pre-fill" the text area with a reminder to keep comments human.

Yes.
posted by mediareport at 10:19 PM on May 2, 2006


You know those stupid gifs that tell you to look carefully for some detail, then spring a bloody-headed zombie on you five minutes later? The kitten photo can be like that.
posted by furiousthought at 10:21 PM on May 2, 2006


Everyone needs to be skewered through the anus with a searing white-hot javelin, peeled, salted, and thrown to hungry lions while on fire.
posted by Ryvar at 10:30 PM on May 2, 2006


(I don't dislike people, I just want the lions of the world to be very, very happy.)
posted by Ryvar at 10:35 PM on May 2, 2006


Well, that goes without saying.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:35 PM on May 2, 2006


The previous Ryvar comment, that is, not the latest.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:36 PM on May 2, 2006


I thought everybody wanted prosthetic foreheads on their real head. I guess I'm just not up on what's hip these days.
posted by lekvar at 10:39 PM on May 2, 2006


I need a hug and a blowjob.
posted by Carbolic at 10:39 PM on May 2, 2006


If you really wanted the lions to be happy you wouldn't add unnecessary sodium to their diets.
posted by puke & cry at 10:46 PM on May 2, 2006


No way man. Everybody wants a rock to tie a string around.
posted by Roger Dodger at 11:02 PM on May 2, 2006


*hugs everyone*
posted by carsonb at 11:11 PM on May 2, 2006


Suggesting that everyon needs a hug is insensitive to people without arms. Or torsos.
posted by b1tr0t at 11:15 PM on May 2, 2006


Well, actually, people without arms could concievably need a hug. Good point about the torsos though.
posted by gsteff at 11:45 PM on May 2, 2006


I like this too (although with different text, please).
posted by grouse at 12:01 AM on May 3, 2006


People without arms probably do need hugs, but suggesting that *everyone* needs a hug implies that the armless should be out giving hugs, despite their physical limitations.

Don't forget the torso-less. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean there aren't hoards of middle-less people lurking on the margins of society.
posted by b1tr0t at 12:13 AM on May 3, 2006


If I didn't have arms, being hugged would probably piss me off. It would be an overt reminder that "Hey, you can't do this, can you?"

The sad thing is, it wouldn't matter how angry I got, people'd be all, like "Oh, Alvy's mad? Don't worry about it, he's armless."
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:18 AM on May 3, 2006


How about, on preview, displaying that creepy gif if a comment contains too much invective?
posted by weston at 12:20 AM on May 3, 2006


"Oh, Alvy's mad? Don't worry about it, he's armless."

skewered through the anus with a searing white-hot javelin, peeled, salted, and thrown to hungry lions while on fire.
posted by Ryvar at 2:41 AM on May 3, 2006


Even when I don't smell my best?
posted by Samuel Farrow at 2:46 AM on May 3, 2006


cuddle puddle
posted by slimepuppy at 3:39 AM on May 3, 2006


Why is everyone mad about the cups hugs?
posted by Plutor at 3:52 AM on May 3, 2006


I think everyone needs a brisk rogering.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:58 AM on May 3, 2006


I thought everybody wanted prosthetic foreheads on their real head. I guess I'm just not up on what's hip these days.

If at some point that lyric was a measure of hip to you, then you never were.

(And me neither.)
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 4:28 AM on May 3, 2006




i'll hug you
posted by pyramid termite at 4:55 AM on May 3, 2006


Screw your needs. I'll only hug those people who deserve hugs. And who are cute.
posted by orange swan at 5:54 AM on May 3, 2006


I like the idea, by the way. I'd go with a random text selector option. We could have a thread in which we suggest phrases for Matt to use. Lots of comedy potential there.
posted by orange swan at 5:56 AM on May 3, 2006



posted by darukaru at 6:10 AM on May 3, 2006


just keeps your hands off my ass, you perverts.
posted by jonmc at 6:51 AM on May 3, 2006


What site are you people reading? Because on the version of MetaFilter I get the comments where something like this would apply is a vast minority. Yes, we get asshole comments here. But it's a tiny minority of posts, and even those are mostly confined to threads on hot-button issues.

If we need to engineer some sort of subliminal hearts and flowers crap to eliminate the nastier comments here.......... What the fuck? You really want to make MetaFilter a 100% polite zone? Why don't we just make a rule requiring everyone to be nice? Maybe it would be best if we just filtered certain words.

And if the goal is to make the site more polite, this subliminal shit is just a Band-Aid. What we really need is to start banning a few people who have been rude. Make a snarky comment = 48 hour time out. Tell someone to fuck off = banned for life.

Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you people? "Why yes Bob, we certainly need to implement some gimmicky javascript to counter the surge of rudeness that is ruining MetaFilter." Rudeness is not ruining MetaFilter. Pedantic, panty-bunching, micro managers would be the problem. If there was a problem. Which there isn't.

So fuck you guys and your campaign for politeness and sunshine.
posted by y6y6y6 at 6:54 AM on May 3, 2006


it's a heckuva lot better idea than Matt's 'Please be nice! note above the input area,

Quite appropriate that this note isn't included on MetaTalk.
posted by smackfu at 6:54 AM on May 3, 2006


I suspect we'll see a lot of comments like this:

Everyone needs a hug.
Fuck you I hate you, and you always troll the threads and shit on everything you touch!


posted by shmegegge at 7:21 AM on May 3, 2006


*throws the crib door wide*
posted by cortex at 7:37 AM on May 3, 2006


Metafilter: Where was I? I forgot the point that I was making.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 7:50 AM on May 3, 2006



posted by Gamblor at 7:50 AM on May 3, 2006 [1 favorite]


I'm going to give away a Million Dollar IdeaTM here, because I'm too busy with my other millions to work on it and I'd rather someone were able to make use of it:

A Little-League themed indie pop-rock band. Baseball and fund-raisers and team picnics and choosing jersey numbers and disputes over the use by the opposing team of a pitching machine, kids trying not to cry over a surprise loss late in the season, carpooling in the minivan for icecream after the big game, etc.

The band would be called Performance Enhancing Hugs.

When you go on world tour, you have to take me along.

posted by cortex at 8:01 AM on May 3, 2006


Snakes have no arms, but a boa constrictor will give you a hug.

Oh, yes, he'll hug you -- with extreme prejudice.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:21 AM on May 3, 2006


So is the argument that people see the candy-heart phrase and are overcome with genuine sentimentality, or that they get embarrassed out of flaming by the palpable condescension: "Aww, poor little angry, did daddy not give you enuff huggies?"
posted by dgaicun at 8:30 AM on May 3, 2006



posted by trondant at 8:43 AM on May 3, 2006


Someone in this thread... is trying to burn the playhouse down.
posted by BobFrapples at 8:55 AM on May 3, 2006



posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:16 AM on May 3, 2006


Frankly, I wouldn't hug any of you without hosing you down with Lysol first.
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:19 AM on May 3, 2006


I like my hugs low. No, lower.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:29 AM on May 3, 2006


Everyone needs TO GET THE FUCKING HELL OFF OF MY FUCKING LAWN YOU FUCKERS.
posted by loquacious at 11:42 AM on May 3, 2006


And if the goal is to make the site more polite, this subliminal shit is just a Band-Aid. What we really need is to start banning a few people who have been rude. Make a snarky comment = 48 hour time out. Tell someone to fuck off = banned for life.

This is the site that requires a grand jury investigation to justify a comment getting deleted.
posted by darukaru at 12:31 PM on May 3, 2006


"Everybody's hugging!" --Ralph Wiggum
posted by keswick at 2:16 PM on May 3, 2006


I can't help but notice that despite the wonderful opportunity* he afforded, no one has attempted to
* hug y6y6y6 *

Can't say as I blame you. He can be a widdle scawy.

* Hell, multiple opportunities. I mean, what line do you quote to give the payoff to?

If we need to engineer some sort of subliminal hearts and flowers crap to eliminate the nastier comments here.......... What the fuck?
* hugs y6y6y6 *

or -

Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
* hugs y6y6y6 *

or, perhaps -

So fuck you guys and your campaign for politeness and sunshine.
* hugs y6y6y6 *

posted by yhbc at 7:17 PM on May 3, 2006


And now that World Of Warcraft is reaching it's end times, I'll actually have time to do something other than run through virtual forests as a gnome with huge pink ponytails.

*suddenly reconsiders*
posted by y2karl at 7:49 PM on May 3, 2006


y6y6y6, I think you should have just banned yourself for life.
posted by danb at 9:06 PM on May 3, 2006


Everyone could use a hugjob. And more Jesus.
You know those stupid gifs that tell you to look carefully for some detail, then spring a bloody-headed zombie on you five minutes later?
furiousthought, what are you talking about? Where can I get me one of those? I feel so clueless. And used. Like a piece of net trash. No one ever tells me anything.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:09 PM on May 3, 2006


The bloody-headed zombie gifs can be dangerous [video].
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:45 PM on May 3, 2006


Everyone needs a kilt.
posted by Football Bat at 9:57 PM on May 3, 2006


Yeah, that link horsewithnoname gave pretty much describes what I'm talkin' about. It was a thing a couple years ago. Kinda busy, maybe someone else will put up a link to a real example.
posted by furiousthought at 11:02 PM on May 3, 2006


furiousthought: Is this what you're talking about?

Here's one more. The referring page says, "In the videos section you can watch someones reaction when they saw this for the cirst time." I think they mean "first time." Either way, I didn't have time to look for whatever video they mean.

The first time I saw one of these, I just about jumped out of my skin. I'm pretty sure it was a link from this MeFi thread, which just happened to be in today's "4 years ago" page Matt links to in the sidebar on the home page. None of the links in that thread work any more, but weird coincidence, no?
posted by diddlegnome at 12:06 AM on May 4, 2006


When you hug girls you can feel their boobies, kind of. Suckers!
posted by jewzilla at 7:23 PM on May 4, 2006


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