Wanted: better jerk skills. November 13, 2007 11:21 AM   Subscribe

Hey guys, have any tips for improving the quality of my neighborhood feud?

Is this an appropriate question for AskMe? The guidelines mention questions that are thinly-disguised rants, and it seems to be generally frowned upon when people ask "Help me break the law!" questions, but this isn't exactly either one.

On the other hand, it doesn't seem to be exactly what AskMe is intended for. But perhaps my dislike of such questions is blinding me to their helpfulness to the vast number of MeFites who need help screwing over their crazy-old-lady neighbors?
posted by thehmsbeagle to Etiquette/Policy at 11:21 AM (41 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Questions like that in the past have been deleted. I assume this one will be as soon as one of the mods notices it.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:26 AM on November 13, 2007


Deleted.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 11:27 AM on November 13, 2007


We specifically have a rule agsinst revengefilter. It's gone.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:28 AM on November 13, 2007


He should totally send Anthrax to her restaurant supply business. They rock!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:28 AM on November 13, 2007 [3 favorites]


Oops! It was up to 28 comments, so I figured it was sticking around. My apologies for clogging up MetaTalk.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:28 AM on November 13, 2007


Nuked.

This sort of "help me do terrible things to someone, because they suck" question shows up every once in a while. The grey area of legality is kind of beside the point, here: it's just a nasty, abusive use of the community resource here, and I've got no problem deleting them.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:28 AM on November 13, 2007


I figured it was sticking around.

Lunch time on the west coast. :)
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:30 AM on November 13, 2007


You eat lunch at 11, cortex? You eat dinner at 5, too? At Old Country Buffet?
posted by dersins at 11:32 AM on November 13, 2007 [8 favorites]


Note to self: Get revenge plans from Yahoo.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:35 AM on November 13, 2007 [4 favorites]


I would have deleted it just for adding "More after the break!" before the automatically insered [more inside]. That bothers me to no end, and my flag history probably illustrates that. I have a lot of other problems so, so of course there's
posted by ALongDecember at 11:36 AM on November 13, 2007


Note to self: Get revenge plans from Yahoo.

u shud total egg her hose lol
posted by ND¢ at 11:40 AM on November 13, 2007 [8 favorites]


Old Country Buffet is a dish best served with a defibrillator.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:41 AM on November 13, 2007 [6 favorites]


first, open a fake myspace account...
posted by quonsar at 11:45 AM on November 13, 2007


first, open a fake myspace account...

That would be funnier if klangklangston hadn't already made the same joke in the thread.

Also, if it were funnier.
posted by dersins at 11:48 AM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


If ahem! I advocated this sort of thing, I'd tell you to cleverly phrase your question to get the answers you're looking for.

Some lowlife thugs in our neighborhood really have it in for the old lady next door. All they have is a blowtorch, fourteen rabid raccoons, and excellent lockpicking skills. What kind of trouble could they possibly cause for this dear old woman, given the tools at their disposal? What kind of trouble would this land them in? And what can I do to stop them?

But I'm not that kind of person.
posted by Rykey at 12:00 PM on November 13, 2007 [4 favorites]


You know, when I saw "How do I screw my neighbor?" in the header, I got really hopeful it was yet another relationshipfilter moment. Alas, alack, etc.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 12:14 PM on November 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


Aw man, you mean I missed an opportunity to explain the correct use of assassination as a social weapon?

Goddammit.
posted by aramaic at 12:29 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Revenge is a dish best served cold. I know this is true, because a Trekkie told me so.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:42 PM on November 13, 2007


Is there a revenge consultant in the house?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:47 PM on November 13, 2007


The old lady's family owns a restaurant supply business in New Jersey, no less, so I was considering advising him that he might want be sure he wasn't dealing with cousins or friends of the Sopranos before getting too hot to actuate any revenge fantasies.
posted by jamjam at 12:51 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Revenge Earl Grey is a dish tea best served cold hot. I know this is true, because a Trekkie told me so.

Replicated that for you.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on November 13, 2007 [4 favorites]


Retconned, surely.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:03 PM on November 13, 2007


That would be retkhanned, mayhaps.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:25 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the w—BLAST, my AskMefi question was deleted!"
posted by WCityMike at 1:30 PM on November 13, 2007 [3 favorites]


> That would be retkhanned, mayhaps.

No, that would be retKHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!ned.
posted by WCityMike at 1:31 PM on November 13, 2007


I am writing a book. How much poop should go in a bag, for lighting and leaving?
posted by klangklangston at 1:42 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Exactly one shitload.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:44 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Chatscatfilter
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:45 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Help me name my alternate personality who plans to kill his annoying co-worker! Please embed the name with precise instructions on how to carry out the murder.
posted by brain_drain at 2:28 PM on November 13, 2007


insert_foreign_object_in_brain..._drain
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:33 PM on November 13, 2007


Aww. I was going to forward the asker to this useful thread on how hitmen operate to get deal with neigbours.

Or he could nail a puppy to her front door. Vague, but effective.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:02 PM on November 13, 2007


Dusted this post off from early 2003:
The guy I sell coke to wants to invade a tiny Middle Eastern country that poses no threat, but is a stupendous source of strategic power. How can he pull this off and still get re-elected in '04?
posted by Rykey at 4:13 PM on November 13, 2007


I don't get it, that question has already been answered!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:51 PM on November 13, 2007


I always love revenge threads because someone is sure to bring up "The best revenge is living well." which reminds me of an exchange between the brothers Crane:

Frasier: NILES! Niles, get a hold of yourself! Stop it! Stop, stop. It's all right. You're no longer an awkward teenager, you're a renowned psychiatrist. Danny Kreizel may have won a battle or two back in junior high, but that's where he peaked. You won the war. You know the expression, "Living well is the best revenge"?

Niles: It's a wonderful expression. Just don't know how true it is. Don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. "Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well."

Frasier: All right, Niles. [heads into the kitchen]

Niles: [follows him] "Whereupon Woton, upon discovering his deception, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act again by living even better than the Duke."

Frasier: Oh, all right!
posted by Mitheral at 9:10 PM on November 13, 2007 [3 favorites]


I hope you don't mind me using the title of this post for my upcoming AskMeFi question on how to give better handjobs.
posted by Locative at 10:20 PM on November 13, 2007


Somewhere, this person is now asking other strangers on the web how to get revenge on the people at MetaFilter, because we're all bitches.
posted by davejay at 11:49 PM on November 13, 2007


No problem, Locative. In fact, it'd make a good follow-up to this question, perhaps?
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:53 PM on November 13, 2007


i remember a revenge tip from mad magazine decades ago, and i'm adjusting it for inflation:

give the target a $100 gambling chip from a local casino. with any luck at all (on the part of the revenger, not the target) the target will blow through that $100 in under an hour, his or her paycheck will quickly follow it.
posted by bruce at 1:01 AM on November 14, 2007


There's no destruction like self-destruction, eh Bruce?
posted by Rykey at 11:29 AM on November 14, 2007


You are all very, very, funny. I'm going to buy you a beer.
And then you can split it thirty-odd ways.
posted by Kwine at 11:57 AM on November 14, 2007


Man, those answers were the worst I've seen here in a long time.

What the OP really should do is set up a fake myspace profile of a cute boy or girl, and use it to befriend the evil neighbour's daughter or son.

Then, just when the kid thinks that he/she's in with a chance of some nookie, pull the plug! Have the fake friend tell the kid that they don't want to be friends anymore, that the kid's a loser & an asshole & that everybody in the suburb is laughing at them.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:49 PM on November 14, 2007


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