DTMFJAGYOFBFW December 14, 2007 7:36 AM   Subscribe

What the hell do you people do for work that you can sit on the internet all day like this?

Really. I'd like to know.
posted by koeselitz to MetaFilter-Related at 7:36 AM (195 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

I work at MetaFilter. You?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:38 AM on December 14, 2007 [16 favorites]


From home.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:39 AM on December 14, 2007


I work a dayjob in a supervisory position that requires little of me when I'm not planning, meeting, or putting out fires. Metafilter is not one of the sites they block.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:41 AM on December 14, 2007


I make computers do new things. As a result, I can waste as much of my life on the internet as I please. Thank you for your cooperation.
posted by cmonkey at 7:41 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Matt's paying me too.
posted by grouse at 7:43 AM on December 14, 2007


I compile things.
posted by tkolar at 7:45 AM on December 14, 2007


Matt's paying all of us. Didn't you fill out your W-4, koeselitz?
posted by yhbc at 7:45 AM on December 14, 2007


I wack people for the CIA. There's a lot of down time.
posted by Mister_A at 7:47 AM on December 14, 2007


I am clinging to one of the very few jobs left in the underwriting department of the subprime division of a huge mortgage company. As I'm sure you can image, business is SLOW these days.
posted by ekstasis23 at 7:49 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I work for a large financial institution and get plenty time to surf some weeks, other weeks not at all. They are not even allowed to block Online Gambling sites because some departments advise them on financing, etc. Mefi is better than Poker.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 7:50 AM on December 14, 2007


Apologies for erratic capitalisation.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 7:51 AM on December 14, 2007


I work as a private dancer, but only for money.
posted by item at 7:52 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I only work when God decides to smite people.
posted by ColdChef at 7:52 AM on December 14, 2007 [43 favorites]


I'm a content manager.

I have two monitors.

The monitor on the right, named Wallace, is for working.

The monitor on the left, which I call Ronald, is for nothing but sheer, unadulterated slacking off.

This division of labour has served me very well.
posted by generichuman at 7:52 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Mostly, I wipe asses and noses. So as long as everyone is smelling good and smelling well, I've got some time.
posted by jrossi4r at 7:53 AM on December 14, 2007 [16 favorites]


I totally need to name my monitors.
posted by grouse at 7:54 AM on December 14, 2007


I count, but now you've messed me up and I have to start over.
posted by found missing at 7:54 AM on December 14, 2007 [4 favorites]


FATAL ERROR: Database connection lost trying to conjugate verb "retard" in pluperfect() on MetaFilter::User::AI::GenerateDiscussion line 9121
posted by Plutor at 7:54 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


What the hell do you people do for work that you can sit on the internet all day like this?

Asked the man with... 1672+ comments.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:54 AM on December 14, 2007 [5 favorites]




I totally need to name my monitors.

I highly suggest it. "Ronald is SUCH a slacker."
posted by generichuman at 7:59 AM on December 14, 2007


I work in online news. Reading MeFi is "research."
posted by jacobian at 8:00 AM on December 14, 2007


Oh and AskMe
posted by ND¢ at 8:00 AM on December 14, 2007


I work in IT. Honestly, I don't do a whole lot.
posted by kbanas at 8:00 AM on December 14, 2007


Job.... wait, what day is it?
posted by localhuman at 8:00 AM on December 14, 2007 [5 favorites]


I'm an editor and writer. But on MeFi, I mostly just read.
posted by dead_ at 8:00 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I'm supposed to be doing the dishes.
posted by interrobang at 8:01 AM on December 14, 2007 [4 favorites]


I work in a busy art studio, in nyc. It is not what most people would consider a normal job, with normal hours, rules ...
posted by R. Mutt at 8:03 AM on December 14, 2007


I work for the Feds and that is all I am allowed to say.
posted by govtdrone at 8:04 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm a freelance video editor currently working for a professional video gaming circuit. Mefi is what I do while they play halo or Call of Duty 4. Yes, I got gypped.
posted by shmegegge at 8:07 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


On August 18, 2002, a member of a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Milwaukee underground. Today, still wanted by the government, He survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire the quin.

Daa da daa, dun dun dun, da da daa dat da daa, da du dun da da...
posted by quin at 8:09 AM on December 14, 2007 [6 favorites]


R. Mutt: Asked the man with... 1672+ comments.

Since 2004. That's three years, pretty exactly. Which works out to... let's see... 1110 days or so... which is about a comment and a half average per day. Now, granted, there have been stretches of time where I was more active or less active.

For about six months there, I worked for an engineering firm that was languishing and had fewer and fewer projects. I'd never worked in engineering before, and liked the work, but after I'd learned to do what I was supposed to do, there was none of it to do, and I got bored. I Mefi'd for six months before the boss called me into the office and told me they didn't really have any work for me, and they were letting me and about a dozen other people go.

Now I'm in business-to-business phone sales, and better at dividing my time.
posted by koeselitz at 8:09 AM on December 14, 2007


I work in dead tree publishing. My down time has been growing at a rate that correlates precisely with the exponential growth of the internet.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 8:12 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


If I actually worked, or had worked, at NSA, I probably wouldn't be making a comment about it here. But I might, because my subterfuge is elaborate.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:13 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


People give me money to draw pictures.
posted by studentbaker at 8:14 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Back when I was a more active MeFite, I worked in sales for an internet startup. I spent about four hours per day leaving people the exact same voicemail. While I was doing that, I read MetaFilter.

Now I'm a copywriter in the nonprofit sector, and you guys are like my old drinking buddies I wish I could get rid of.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:14 AM on December 14, 2007


Pretty much everything else that interests me is blocked at work, and my workload depends on other people who are apparently not that efficient.

Anyway, I have today off, OKAY, MOM?
posted by desjardins at 8:17 AM on December 14, 2007


Management at a web services company...paid to be online.
posted by fijiwriter at 8:20 AM on December 14, 2007


Since 2004. That's three years, pretty exactly. Which works out to... let's see... 1110 days or so... which is about a comment and a half average per day.

That doesn't take into account your comments on Metatalk, or MeFi Music or your answers on AskMe. That makes it over 2.5 per day. Factor in the amount of time it took you to read each of the threads on the blue, grey, green, etc and well.... people in glass houses :)

Personally I am at .76/day.
posted by terrapin at 8:20 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm supposed to be developing a prognostic assay for cancer chemotherapy but MetFilter is just so much more worthwhile, y'know?
posted by Quietgal at 8:21 AM on December 14, 2007 [5 favorites]


I lance frees on the internets.

I just got back from a successful pitch meeting! Yay!
posted by By The Grace of God at 8:22 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Municipal Government "Work."
posted by that girl at 8:22 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I work at home. Sometimes I work in the office I created in the old front room of the house (I guess at one time it was a parlor or something, but seriously, what can you do with a long narrow room like that? you walk in the door and ahead of you is the entrance to the kitchen and living room, to the left is the hallway to the bedrooms, and to the right is this long space with no apparent purpose, so I put up two pairs of back-to-back bookcases to wall the back part off from the area in front of the front door, which now serves as a simple entrance/vestibule, and now have an workspace much like a library carrel, and I love library carrels), but lately I've been working on the futon/sofa in the living room, looking out through big picture windows at the backyard full of snow, and as I sit here typing, snow has been falling in big clumps from the upper branches of the trees as the breeze jostles them, and the snow comes down in a thick soundless cloud which disintegrates as it falls, and after the main mass has hit the ground a scrim of snow hangs in the air for a few moments, radiantly levitating, and then it... disappears. Fades away as you watch. And you know what I thought as I watched this lovely vanishing? "Hey, that reminds me of the way a section of Recent Activity fades after you hit the Remove link!"

I spend too damn much time on MetaFilter.
posted by languagehat at 8:25 AM on December 14, 2007 [11 favorites]


I work on a website for a television program. You may have seen my name scroll by at 35 MPH.

"It said 'Betty Symington!'"

"No, it looks like 'Brad Storch'.'"
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:26 AM on December 14, 2007 [3 favorites]


Jobs are for jerks.

(And uh, I'm desperately looking for one.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:31 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Self-employed. When I am here days, I am usually getting in touch with my inner creative procrastinating because I know no other way to work than under the pressure of ulcer-inducing, facial-tic generating all-nighters to make my deadlines.

Me and my facial tics would appreciate it if y'all would tell me to go back to work.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:33 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


which is about a comment and a half average per day.

Get back to work, slacker.
posted by Dave Faris at 8:33 AM on December 14, 2007


I work at MetaFilter.

I'm here to see Mr. Haughey.
posted by itchylick at 8:36 AM on December 14, 2007 [30 favorites]


My theory is that the average Mefite is smarter and therefore works faster than the average human. This enables them to get everything done quickly, and while they wait for their coworkers to catch up, they Metafilter.

I like to verb words.
posted by bluishorange at 8:36 AM on December 14, 2007 [5 favorites]


Jeez, languagehat, you're making miss the snow! (Not so much that I'm moving back East, though, nope nope can't make me I ain't gonna do it.)

I have an excellent and reasonable boss who doesn't much care what I do as long as the work gets done when it needs to be done by, and it's done well. Yay reasonable boss!
posted by rtha at 8:40 AM on December 14, 2007


itchylick, that is pure awesome
posted by tittergrrl at 8:41 AM on December 14, 2007


Sometimes I'm jealous of other Mefites who can download whatever they want at work, access any site, use any browser, etc.

But then I remember that I have health insurance and my employer pays for it. I can live without Firefox and ONTD for 8 hours a day.
posted by peep at 8:41 AM on December 14, 2007


Full-time mom. I read Metafilter when I'm giving myself a timeout.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:44 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


Jobs are for jerks.

(And uh, I'm desperately looking for one.)


That shouldn't be hard. There are plenty of jerks around.
posted by tkolar at 8:45 AM on December 14, 2007


Online journalist. Sitting at my desk reading MetaFilter basically is my job. Huzzah.
posted by flashboy at 8:46 AM on December 14, 2007


And uh, I'm desperately looking for one.

We have sliding scale care here in VT if you still have a PO box here or anything.

I also get stuck in the airport a lot, like today, there's really nothing else to do in airports.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:51 AM on December 14, 2007


We have sliding scale care here in VT if you still have a PO box here or anything.

Hrm. Interesting. I've been known to claim to live with my parents for any number of things that are cheaper in Vermont.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:53 AM on December 14, 2007


I sell heroin, so I get to set my own hours.
posted by absalom at 8:54 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I know no other way to work than under the pressure of ulcer-inducing, facial-tic generating all-nighters to make my deadlines.

You sound like my boyfriend! I can only hope that you are not, as he is, developing a crippling addiction to energy drinks and tormenting your cats when you are out of your mind on caffeine!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:55 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm an air traffic controller. Though my collision rates are slightly higher than average.
posted by orange swan at 8:56 AM on December 14, 2007 [4 favorites]


Help Desk.
posted by empath at 8:57 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm living on borrowed time.
Some of it is yours, and I swear I'll pay it back.




Just as soon as I get caught up.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:59 AM on December 14, 2007


I right ITIL procedures for an investment bank.

And I procrastinate heavily, to intersperse the moments of sheer tedium that is process writing.
posted by the_epicurean at 9:02 AM on December 14, 2007


I manage test projects for an international telecom company. I umm... "work" from home, with my work laptop set up next to my personal PC desk.

It's a bit slow this time of year, so my computer is seeing more action than usual.

And, what blueishorange said.
posted by odi.et.amo at 9:05 AM on December 14, 2007


As it turns out, there's no one hanging over your shoulder making sure that you're actually writing your dissertation when you sit down to do it.
posted by Kwine at 9:06 AM on December 14, 2007 [9 favorites]


I work in IT. Honestly, I don't do a whole lot.

I have the same job
posted by briank at 9:11 AM on December 14, 2007


I was on an airport tram when I wrote "DTMFJA". I thought it was a clever play on every relationship thread and how job discussions at metatalk generally go the same way. Bonus: it was only 6 characters into my iPhone, to say all that.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:12 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I work from home designing building and maintaining highly available internet facing infrastructure. Unless there is a problem my life floats between periods of absolutely intense work and incredible boredom waiting for the next project or problem to pop up.
posted by iamabot at 9:13 AM on December 14, 2007


I attempt to enable the generation of paeans to children's sugar delivery systems, downmarket retail establishments, and financial services corporations.
posted by dersins at 9:14 AM on December 14, 2007


I do IT, and have way more time than most meatspacers I know to fart around online, yet I am still in awe of the MeFi stamina many of you display.
posted by everichon at 9:15 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm a netadmin for a Fortune 500 bank. It's a lot like being a fireman: Hours of dull routine and preventative maintenance followed by a few minutes of sheer terror! I work 8-5 M-F and an MP3 player and MeFi keep me sane!
posted by Fferret at 9:15 AM on December 14, 2007


Writer. Last night I was working in a bar, writing Santa jokes on my laptop while downing cheap margaritas. If they had had WiFi, I probably would have posted something.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 9:18 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I thought it was a clever play on every relationship thread and how job discussions at metatalk generally go the same way.

I assumed J stood for Jewish.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:20 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Bonus: it was only 6 characters into my iPhone, to say all that.

Bonus: and you got to mention your iphone again in case anyone didn't know you have one!
posted by shmegegge at 9:21 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm a professional viking. Metafilter is where I'm an 8 year old boy.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:22 AM on December 14, 2007 [5 favorites]


Right now, I get paid to think and write about deliberation and democracy. You talk a lot.
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:23 AM on December 14, 2007


Generichuman, I too am a content manager.

There are no filters on ANYTHING I do at work. I regularly go without a bra, wear bondage pants, scream obscenities and "work from home." People make jokes about having to switch laptops frequently from downloading too much porn and the IT dept.'s number one complaint is people dropping their Blackberries in the toilets at work.

God bless the internet and a job where both my talents and my personality are welcome... especially when the day starts at 10:30 a.m.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:24 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


i don't have a job i can surf the internet from - however, i compensate for this by not having a life
posted by pyramid termite at 9:25 AM on December 14, 2007


Mefi is my mental renderwander.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 9:25 AM on December 14, 2007


Penis model
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:26 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Bonus: and you got to mention your iphone again in case anyone didn't know you have one!

PWNED.

Nice knowing you, shmegegge.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:27 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]



Penis model


Life size or miniatures?
posted by tkolar at 9:30 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


It's ok. I'll just create a new account on the train using my Moto Q.
posted by shmegegge at 9:30 AM on December 14, 2007 [3 favorites]


I'm trying to find a job, now that I've run out of pot.
posted by breezeway at 9:31 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Vagina tester.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:32 AM on December 14, 2007 [3 favorites]


Too zune, shmegegge. Too zune.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:32 AM on December 14, 2007


Vagina tester.

Let me know how your new one works out, the last one was so sandy.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:34 AM on December 14, 2007 [9 favorites]


i feel sorry for sandy, she gets dragged into this all the time
posted by pyramid termite at 9:36 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I kept complaining about how a monkey could do my job, so I tried to train one. Turns out it's easier to teach him to post to MetaFilter while I'm at work. Who knew?



Also: bananas.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:36 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


Lucky me, I work at a ref desk at a public library. I find doing work between patrons inhibits my customer service (making the person standing in fron of me wait while I finish whatever I am doing) so I browse the web between patrons. I'm supposed to know everything (or where to look it up) so all of this websurfing is actually research. Askme allows me to hone my research skilz on topics I don't know that much about. I worked briefly at another library that wouldn't allow me to browse, (I had no deskwork) so if I had no patrons I was supposed read the library homepage over and over again. I didn't last long there. I'm typing this from work and have helped three people in the course of composing this comment. I love my job.
posted by saucysault at 9:38 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I'm self-unemployed
posted by Mick at 9:39 AM on December 14, 2007


I make community websites. MetaFilter is research.

If you want to get paid to hang out on MeFi, you should look at the many IT jobs available around Denver. It's really an employee's job market here.

I spend too damn much time on MetaFilter.

I'm hesitant to question languagehat on grammar, but shouldn't that be "too much damn time"? It just sounds wrong to me.
posted by scottreynen at 9:41 AM on December 14, 2007


I work as a bridge between the merchandising and IT sides of a large US retailer. Things tend to come in fits and starts, depending on where a particular project is.

Writer. Last night I was working in a bar, writing Santa jokes on my laptop while downing cheap margaritas. If they had had WiFi, I probably would have posted something.

Man, if I was 716% funnier and 345% braver that's the job I would pursue.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:42 AM on December 14, 2007


The placement of intensifiers is not science but art, and a goddamned black one at that, scott.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:43 AM on December 14, 2007


I too, damn much time on MetaFilter margaritas.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:45 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Professor-type here (with tenure). Just gave my last final last night. Grades all turned in for the semester. No more workies for me till after the New Year. Literally -- next week they're tearing out asbestos-laden flooring from my building and they won't let anyone in till after the first of January.
So right now I'm surfing the Net while waiting for the paint to dry in my living room (from the repair job that needed to be done after a car crashed into our house a month ago). I'm getting a paint buzz, and so are my cats.
posted by lleachie at 9:46 AM on December 14, 2007


IAAL (N,NYL). Although I am able to multi-task, the credit crunch is making it less necessary.
posted by patricio at 9:46 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm waiting for my company to go under so I can collect unemployment.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:51 AM on December 14, 2007


"too much damn": 66,500 hits

"too damn much": 107,000 hits

And what cortex damn well said, and said damn well.
posted by languagehat at 9:52 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


It's "research".
posted by Artw at 9:55 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm irresponsible.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:56 AM on December 14, 2007


During the day, I deal with the editorial admin bullshit of three national pornographic magazines. At night, I do freelance writing and scheme like Ralph Kramden.
posted by klangklangston at 10:07 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


See also.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:10 AM on December 14, 2007


Vaginal centipede.
posted by chlorus at 10:16 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm a student. It's finals week. You do the math.

'cause i'm not going to, and that's why my GPA is tanking.
posted by dismas at 10:17 AM on December 14, 2007


It's all just in my head anyway, why should it matter?
posted by pupdog at 10:28 AM on December 14, 2007


Sometimes I'm jealous of other Mefites who can download whatever they want at work, access any site, use any browser, etc.

But then I remember that I have health insurance and my employer pays for it. I can live without Firefox and ONTD for 8 hours a day.


Lucky me, I work at a ref desk at a public library. I find doing work between patrons inhibits my customer service (making the person standing in fron of me wait while I finish whatever I am doing) so I browse the web between patrons. I'm supposed to know everything (or where to look it up) so all of this websurfing is actually research. Askme allows me to hone my research skilz on topics I don't know that much about. I worked briefly at another library that wouldn't allow me to browse, (I had no deskwork) so if I had no patrons I was supposed read the library homepage over and over again. I didn't last long there. I'm typing this from work and have helped three people in the course of composing this comment. I love my job.

Both of these posts are me, or parts of me, except that I can use Firefox at work. I also am recataloguing my entire library collection, and our new software requires an internet connection to download MARC records. They can take a while to download, so....
posted by Lynsey at 10:31 AM on December 14, 2007


I keep waiting for someone say:

I'm the decider, heh . So, heh. Lotsa free time. Heh. Free time.
posted by R. Mutt at 10:33 AM on December 14, 2007


I work from home. My degree says I'm an architect, but web development pays the bills. I also teach.
posted by signal at 10:35 AM on December 14, 2007


I work for myself. I'm a crappy boss.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:36 AM on December 14, 2007


I usta work nights so I could surf MeFi and nurse hangovers all day.

Now I mooch off my mom and pretend to "work from home".
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:37 AM on December 14, 2007


yeah, ipodably should have waited for a price drop.
posted by shmegegge at 10:37 AM on December 14, 2007


I chase the road runner all day.
AskMe is the new Acme.
When the disappointment of yet another failed chase sets in I persuse MeFi for a pick-me-up.
MeTa is just for laughs.
posted by caddis at 10:40 AM on December 14, 2007


I am on A LOT of multi-hour conference calls.
posted by smackfu at 10:45 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm one more library worker.
posted by box at 10:54 AM on December 14, 2007


I write things. Artistic things for about half the time from my loosey goosey home office without any set hours. Grants for youth theatre projects about the other half of the time in a loosey goosey office without any set hours. What the hell else am I supposed to do? Work?! Bwa-ha ha ha.
posted by typewriter at 10:56 AM on December 14, 2007


I do QA for a monitor company. Blue is easier on my eyes.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 11:02 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm on Q&A team of the Federal Bureau of Toy Testing.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:02 AM on December 14, 2007


I babysit an inbox and stuff the occasional envelope, in an office with only a permabaked surfer to out me. I get $16.94/hr, control over my schedule, my lunch catered, monthly massages, and paid trips to Napa resorts now and again. Finance!

I would rather be in grad school. *Slaps self forcefully*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:06 AM on December 14, 2007


Gentleman of leisure
posted by BigSky at 11:13 AM on December 14, 2007


Print production, proofreading, etc. for a professional services company. If nobody brings me anything to do, I do what I like. If somebody brings me something to do, I still do what I like.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 11:14 AM on December 14, 2007


The placement of intensifiers is not science but art, and a goddamned black one at that, scott.

Absofuckinglutely.
posted by hangashore at 11:21 AM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


By day (Well, when I don't sleep through my alarm and miss work, like I did this morning)' I bake' pre-fab muffins, cookies, and pies for a restaurant. By night, I do maintenance & janitorial work in an office building.

Neither are particularly fulfilling but I have a fair amount of autonomy, and it's fun trying on the shoes people leave under their desks.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:21 AM on December 14, 2007


I multitask.
posted by katillathehun at 11:25 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm making my own version of AskMe for my work and trying to determine best practices. No joke.
posted by unknowncommand at 11:26 AM on December 14, 2007


I write during the day, reviews and fiction (and I'm working with an agent on a novel rewrite now, so boo-yah!). How much I'm on Metafilter during the day is directly tied to how frustrated I am with my writing. At night I watch television to identify product placement for a market research firm, so how much I'm online at night is directly tied to how shitty (or placement-free) is the show I'm watching.
posted by Bookhouse at 11:31 AM on December 14, 2007


so how much I'm online at night is directly tied to how shitty (or placement-free) is the show I'm watching.

are shitty and placement free two separate characteristics, or is it shitty because it's placement free? I'm sincerely hoping it's the former.
posted by shmegegge at 11:38 AM on December 14, 2007


Oh, yeah. The former for sure.
posted by Bookhouse at 11:41 AM on December 14, 2007


Lets just admit it, we're talking about Heroes here aren't we?
posted by Artw at 11:42 AM on December 14, 2007


My workplace has Websense too, but doesn't seem to block the tags page, woo hoo.

I work, um, customer relations / tech support / content management. Both our tracking system and the piece of crap software[1] we use for the content management will randomly take for-fsking-ever to either perform basic functions and/or switch between accounts. So I keep metafilter (or whatever) in another window and read a bit when I have cleared the email queue and am waiting for a call or email to come in (which isn't that often) or when I hit one of those charming it-could-be-5-seconds-it-could-be-120 mini-hangs. It keeps me from fits of pychotic rage during which I might damage the equipment.[2] My (rare) comments often get written in little fragments during those increments until I am ready to post.

This afternoon, however, I am off work because the office closed at 12 to let us do 'whatever last minute holiday things you might need' in lieu of an office party.

[1] On the bright side, I complained loudly enough and documented my complaints well enough that they've put me on the committee to help replace the piece of crap software. So there's hope I'll be on MeFi even less in the future.

[2] Hm. Apparently I need a hug.
posted by Karmakaze at 11:45 AM on December 14, 2007


I time the restroom breaks and make sure no one eats at their desk for a large call centre.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:46 AM on December 14, 2007 [13 favorites]


Alvy Ampersand: I have a fair amount of autonomy, and it's fun trying on the shoes people leave under their desks.

I keep mousetraps in mine. Have a fun evening.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 11:46 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Absofuckinglutely.

This is actually an example of tmesis. Other examples would be "fanbloodytastic", "unflippingbelievable", and -according to Jo Brand- "Scunthorpe".
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:49 AM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm just a gigilo.
posted by pardonyou? at 11:50 AM on December 14, 2007


Valet parker at the drive-in.
posted by yerfatma at 11:53 AM on December 14, 2007


I'm also a gigolo. Except I have an advanced degree.
posted by yhbc at 11:58 AM on December 14, 2007


Data. I have a terrible work ethic though.
posted by JeremiahBritt at 12:11 PM on December 14, 2007


Now what was it that they call a gigilo with an advanced degree? Oh, yes .....

Professor!
posted by R. Mutt at 12:25 PM on December 14, 2007


I'm a monkey in an office rewriting Ayn Rand novels on an hourly basis. It's especially hard because the mod-most-Jesus-like in appearance is our task master. He makes sure everyone in the office clicks on mefi at least four times a day so that the ad revenues meet the monthly quota.
posted by sleepy pete at 12:42 PM on December 14, 2007


I am a millionaire; I own a mansion and a yacht.
posted by deborah at 12:42 PM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I work in IT security (penetration testing). It's not as glamorous as you'd expect.

The upside is that I post from your network.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 12:51 PM on December 14, 2007


A little thing called Time Mismanagement. Look into it, buddy. I'd link you, but I'm too busy leveraging my actionable items to synergistically realign multiple dominant paradigms. A Perfect Storm of paradigm shifts, if you will.

Plus, I have a Treo. Smartphone + MeFi = snarkphone. Or it would, if I didn't think "snark" was one-eighth of a Corky unit less retarded* than "blog".

* Here used to connote a special kind of congenital retardation, the product of one-too-many netcestuous sphere-jerks. No offense to actual retards, who often have more in the way of a social life and are usually more productive members of society than blogtards.
posted by Eideteker at 1:00 PM on December 14, 2007 [4 favorites]


I have lots of time while waiting for absalom to answer the damn phone.
posted by waraw at 1:03 PM on December 14, 2007


Product tester -- deodorants, primarily.
posted by ericb at 1:06 PM on December 14, 2007


Assistant Air Traffic Controller

... wait a second... did I remember to tell the supervisor that a Delta pilot reported minimum fuel before I went on break to read MetaFilter?... better go check on that...
posted by MrBCID at 1:15 PM on December 14, 2007


did I remember to tell the supervisor that a Delta pilot reported minimum fuel before I went on break to read MetaFilter?

just tell him to tap his finger on the fuel gauge - it'll probably go up

always works in my car
posted by pyramid termite at 1:21 PM on December 14, 2007


well, it's snowing in Denver too, smaller flakes and more wind. I'm siting at my desk in an old victorian mansion that was cleverly converted into private legal offices. The windows are drafty but I'm warm for the time being. As of the moment, I'm waiting for work to come my way-

(oh the phone is ringing, gotta answer it)

see, I'm working.

I also get to bring my dog to work everyday. She entertains while I chat up some of the characters who come in the door in need of a attorney and boy there are plenty of characters to be had. Usually I prefer to have engaging conversations with people face to face or across the cubicle wall. However, I dip into Metafilter about 3 times a week or so, mostly to ask questions. I see Metafilter as a way to exercise the part of me that is unwilling or otherwise preoccupied so it's a chance for me to evolve or keep up with evolution, which seems to be a hot topic these days. I like horses and the outside and tangible things and walking my dog too much to be concerned with learning to type faster. I do appreciate though, the interesting stuff I come across then share with my less informed friends and pretend like I found it. I must confess I don't spend too much time on Metafilter but just enough to feel satisfied.
posted by Viomeda at 1:21 PM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I've been independantly wealthy ever since I helped some Nigerian dude smuggle millions out of his country.
posted by rocket88 at 1:25 PM on December 14, 2007


"Vagina tester"

Dentatta tester? That would give you a lot of free time, healling up and all.
posted by Eideteker at 1:30 PM on December 14, 2007


I move pixels.
posted by jamaro at 1:35 PM on December 14, 2007


I sit on my ass and check ids and yell at people who don't have them. Sometimes I do my homework, other times I check metafilter, and other times I am calling security to escort a porn watcher out of the room WHILE reading metafilter. I help people locate the print button on microsoft word, and get asked way too many times if I could do their homework.

It is a hard job, but someone has to do it.
posted by slc228 at 1:36 PM on December 14, 2007


I'm in charge of new corporate regulations at the EPA.
posted by whir at 2:22 PM on December 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I work 11am till 6pm and then I pray at the alter of Haughey.
posted by brautigan at 2:23 PM on December 14, 2007


I do this instead of watch tv.
posted by konolia at 2:35 PM on December 14, 2007


I'm a writer. Half of me is on strike, and the other half is procrastinating. Any more questions? I've got nothing but time.
posted by headspace at 2:37 PM on December 14, 2007


Code monkey who works for a company that once housed an excellent, nimble, cheap, really fucking talented development staff that is now in the process of being disassembled by the geniuses at the parent corp because they'd rather move everyone over to their old 'n' busted software that is at the end of its life cycle and that our software pwns so hard it's not even funny.

So there's a code freeze, so I sit in my cube or at home and wait for the occasional request for a data extract, and spend the rest of the time playing with my baby or watching a once great company crumble around me in a very expensive way, ironically in the name of saving money.

Metafilter keeps the bitterness deep, deep inside.
posted by middleclasstool at 2:57 PM on December 14, 2007


*checks middleclasstool's page to see if they work at the company*
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:07 PM on December 14, 2007


Aw, man! I missed this whole thread 'cause I was workin'.
posted by Balisong at 3:10 PM on December 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


What I do is of less relevance than the fact that I spend too much time on the phone attending conference calls that only require my attention for 10% of the time -- but the moment at which that 10% will be required cannot be anticipated. So, I have to kill time doing something trivial that won't cause me to miss being addressed, as if I tried to do real work I'd have no idea what was going on.
posted by davejay at 3:26 PM on December 14, 2007


Graham: if I catch you posting in this thread, you're sacked.
posted by blag at 4:05 PM on December 14, 2007 [3 favorites]


I work at an answering service, which is all done through computers. I am going to take a course to become a medical transcriptionist, which will let me work from home.
posted by IndigoRain at 4:26 PM on December 14, 2007


I work at an outage dispatch center, largely night shifts. That is, if a corporate network goes down (say, the link between Tokyo and New York), I detect it, inform the customer, call whoever has to get it fixed, ride their ass until they fix it and give me a good explanation of what broke and how they fixed it, and inform the customer. As such, it's a lot like being a fireman: when there's a fire (network outage), you're really busy, but when there's no fire (networks are all up and stable) there's nothing to do.
posted by Bugbread at 4:41 PM on December 14, 2007


Vagina tester

I read "taster".

I work for a small municipality. I just went to the night shift so there is a LOT of down time.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:46 PM on December 14, 2007


Well, I provide merry little aural blowjobs and she-hulk fantasies. I have lots of downtime to read metafilter. I obsess over mefi minutia plenty, I just don't post about it. Maybe I'll change that.
posted by diamondsky at 4:50 PM on December 14, 2007


Newspaper reporter/writer. I read this site after I do interviews when I'm trying to avoid writing letting my creative juices stew as I prepare to write something brilliant. And before work in the morning. And on my lunch break. And after work. And on weekends.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 5:02 PM on December 14, 2007


I'm a crackwhore. I have alot of time on my hands.
posted by wafaa at 5:24 PM on December 14, 2007


When I first started out here I worked as a salesman in a chain of failing PC stores (think: cow) which made it real easy, then I worked at a database company as a clerk which made it easy, too. Now I work opening boxes in a used bookstore, so it's not so easy. I only post at night so you guys don't put my face on a milk carton.
posted by jonmc at 5:32 PM on December 14, 2007


I'm a lawyer. I'm extremely busy, but I don't let it cut into my screwing off.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 5:35 PM on December 14, 2007


Graham: if I catch you posting in this thread, you're sacked.

Whuh? I thought tenure* meant you couldn't do that.

* unless you're the Chancellor, and haven't yet signed off, in which case oh crap.
posted by gleuschk at 6:11 PM on December 14, 2007


I sell stuff online. While being my own boss has its benefits, I tend to wander around here a lot so I don't feel lonely.
posted by ninazer0 at 6:28 PM on December 14, 2007


I watch other people at work in their cubicles using my handy webcam.
posted by chinston at 6:50 PM on December 14, 2007


I think we had this exact thread a while back, but I'm too lazy to look for it.

I work at one of the biggest companies in Korea, teaching English and global business stuff. I have very few contact hours, and the rest of my time is mine to do with what I like, as long as I'm in the office for the those occasional Language Emergencies.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:51 PM on December 14, 2007


at the moment, I'm in a bookstore with web access so we can look it up if a customer comes in and asks for a book, of which they remember some combination of author, title, or subject but not enough to provide a meaningful data chunklet for searching the awful internal DB. It's a new job, and it's about 40 hours a week, most of which are pretty laid back.

it's super quiet at the moment (nobody buys books at 8 on a friday... who knew?!) so I am MeFiing it up.

When not at the bookstore, I am any measure of student, mercenary nerd, occasional photog, and roadie... it means I end up reading on my laptop in bed until I can take no more and I close it, perch it atop a book on top of my bed, and pass out.
posted by heeeraldo at 8:15 PM on December 14, 2007


oh, shameless plug for Vancouverites: come by Book Warehouse on Seymour and Dunsmuir... we honor US prices if they're lower than our standard 20% off!
posted by heeeraldo at 8:16 PM on December 14, 2007


I don't usually do this kind of thing in these types of threads after they've degenerated into jokes (and especially after I've made a few jokes myself in them), but remembering how many people said they are writers and/or online researchers just triggered something in me as I was on yahoo (my home page, I'm too lazy to switch). I suddenly realized, as I was wondering how I am going to get enough fees from clients to pay my bills this month and have some semblance of Christmas, that there are people who still get PAID for providing content to the very websites that I not only waste time on, but sneer at.

Wow. Someone gets paid for deciding to switch the lead from "Find Out Which Celebrities Were Cheerleaders" to "Katie Holmes spills Tom Cruise's Turn-ons" and someone else (TWO groups of someones, probably!) got paid for writing both of them.

Shit. I am in the wrong motherfucking business.
posted by yhbc at 9:08 PM on December 14, 2007


Well, I provide merry little aural blowjobs and she-hulk fantasies.

This thread is useless without audio.
posted by davejay at 9:53 PM on December 14, 2007


People give me money to draw pictures.

I'm close ... I sit here in my workshop printing money .... (sort of). But there are only so many hours a day one can do that ... so ... here I am. (but late to the thread ... as usual)
posted by woodblock100 at 12:59 AM on December 15, 2007


I'm one half of a Sylhet-Sogdian and Greco-Sassanid duo of minaret marble-polishers.

Clementine and Sassafras. Give us a call. We're pretty good.
posted by sushiwiththejury at 2:12 AM on December 15, 2007


Professional self employed slacker.
posted by adamvasco at 2:52 AM on December 15, 2007


I am a contracting sysop for the largest law firm in the world. I'm the guy with the the outside connection for testing external websites so my use isn't tracked or scanned for content. It's on a switcher so that screen (I have three, all unnamed) could be also viewing a default, no-frills user account. My cow-orkers think I'm dedicated as I am perpetually staring at the screen in an attentive fashion (instead of making sexist jokes in an East London accent to fit in)

Truth be told I keep on finding jobs where this is the case, in some way, shape or form. I suspect I haven't done a proper day's work in 15 years. Actually, there was that time where I was in a placement at a bank with I_am_joes_spleen. I think I did some work then. Ah, TCL - you are the funkiest of little languages. It hardly seemed like work at all.

But seriously, seeing as most of my job is telling project managers "You can't do that, that's stupid and it will break everything everywhere forever" I figure they're getting their money's worth. If I ever discover a Project Manager with a clue, then all bets are off.
posted by Sparx at 3:40 AM on December 15, 2007


I'd like to represent all the mefites who are late to the thread because of work commitments, but in fact I am having a glass of red on a Saturday night after the kids are in bed.
When not working as a superhero I write loooong business documents and project manage recalcitrant techies and sales people who think txting is enough non-verbal comms.
Add in two days a week from home and I read a lot of meta - but I don't post much.
It also gives me procrastination time to avoid those non-work projects I keep dreaming up, unlike others around here (looking at cortex).
posted by bystander at 5:35 AM on December 15, 2007


I work as a hybrid help desk / sysadmin for people who make catalogues for a large clothing retailer. I make sure their printers, servers and workstations are running. Since it is only a hundred people, and I don't have to deal with the Lotus Notes servers or their AD system (we are the island of 100 macs in an all pc office) it is actually ridiculously easy. So I sit and stare at my computer monitor all day. And doing research / testing / reading ask.mefi for mac related questions is identical to what I do for the staff, no one can tell the difference.

Since I don't have to do any creative work, and as long as a back ho doesn't take out our intertubes, there really isn't much emergency work for me to do. Yesterday I talked about motorcycles for two hours with my boss.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:43 AM on December 15, 2007


yhbc, Yahoo is my home page too—when I got internet access at my job back in 1997, the guy who set me up made it the home page, and I guess I got used to it. It would seem weird to have something else show up when I hit the Home icon.

heeeraldo: Your customers have a combination of title, author, and subject? Back when I worked in bookstores, they used to say things like "You know that book that was in the book review last week?" or "I think the cover is red." Punching in got a little more soul-killing each morning.
posted by languagehat at 7:10 AM on December 15, 2007


and as long as a back ho doesn't take out our intertubes

A course of antibiotics will take care of that right quick.
posted by dersins at 7:36 AM on December 15, 2007


I'm a children's librarian. Mostly I sneak a peek at the MeFi RSS feeds when I have a spare moment, which probably explains why my post/comment-to-lurk ratio is way down.
posted by 40 Watt at 10:20 AM on December 15, 2007


LH: yesterday i had someone who wanted a book they knew was in economics, but was green, and a lady who came in looking for a white cookbook involving spices. I suppose fragment was the word I wanted, rather than combination.

as a further note, the shameless plug above means this is now work-related! woo!
posted by heeeraldo at 10:41 AM on December 15, 2007


I work in a pizzeria. I have a lot of thyme on my hands.
posted by Rumple at 2:02 PM on December 15, 2007 [3 favorites]


Rumple - we are no longer friends.
posted by Space Kitty at 2:46 PM on December 15, 2007


That xkcd comic bugs the shit out of me, Space Kitty.

Thyme is an herb, not a spice, god damn it.
posted by dersins at 3:48 PM on December 15, 2007


dersins - we are totally friends.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:07 PM on December 15, 2007


those occasional Language Emergencies.

Help! There are nouns being verbed out in the streets!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:44 PM on December 15, 2007


Space Kitty - thyme heals all wounds.

Or, as grapefruitmoon would say, "thyming wounds heals".
posted by Rumple at 10:03 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm sad to see Graham hasn't posted yet! (Blag you're a meanie!)
posted by Wilder at 4:35 AM on December 16, 2007


I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.
posted by buriedpaul at 8:47 PM on December 16, 2007


Sales and Purchasing. I use the web to find better pricing to increase the value that I can offer to my customers. My homepage has a Metafilter that shows me the last 5 posts. If my work didn't have high-speed internet and a really liberal use policy, I would probably resign.
posted by winks007 at 10:16 AM on January 10, 2008


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