Briliant! February 15, 2008 5:12 PM   Subscribe


The free time. My GOD.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:16 PM on February 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


Mod worship, once again.
posted by wafaa at 5:18 PM on February 15, 2008


Umm. Maybe to spell check before the sidebar, please?
posted by misha at 5:20 PM on February 15, 2008


Wow
posted by SteveTheRed at 5:22 PM on February 15, 2008


Wow. Is that what people look like when they masturbate in public?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:38 PM on February 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


Too many words.

Maybe try this instead.
posted by burnmp3s at 5:51 PM on February 15, 2008


Since I pimped it in the post on the blue, I'll pimp it here too: My own "Howl" post from October. I think the two FPPs go well together.
posted by amyms at 5:52 PM on February 15, 2008


There's gonna be a Mefi obscenity trial over this.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:14 PM on February 15, 2008


I object on grounds of reactionism. There are simply too few periods in that post.
posted by Atreides at 6:28 PM on February 15, 2008


The free time. My GOD.

...he posted to MetaTalk
posted by popechunk at 6:30 PM on February 15, 2008 [3 favorites]


Whoa.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:34 PM on February 15, 2008


Is that what people look like when they masturbate in public?

My Metatalk Manifesto: fewer call outs, more reach-arounds!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:36 PM on February 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


The free time. My GOD

20 minutes tops. Compare it to the original.
posted by Rumple at 6:43 PM on February 15, 2008


Moloch! Moloch! Moloch!
posted by Falconetti at 6:48 PM on February 15, 2008


tl;dr
posted by signal at 6:48 PM on February 15, 2008


Uh, yeah. I did the same thing in March 2007, but nobody fellated me for it.

Perhaps it's a length thing.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:54 PM on February 15, 2008


Stav, I'm sorry, had I known I would have certainly ....


.... oh nevermind.
posted by anastasiav at 6:56 PM on February 15, 2008


Heh. No worries -- it's all good.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:58 PM on February 15, 2008


burnmp3s: "Too many words.

Maybe try this instead.
"

nothing depends
upon

a blue meta
filter

filled with raging
dispute

over a plate
of beans

posted by flatluigi at 7:30 PM on February 15, 2008 [15 favorites]


DAMN. After I had spent all this time working up "The Love Song of M. Ath Owie," someone beats me to the mefi-rewrite-of-famous-poetry punch. So much wasted time.

In the chatroom the women go out and come in
Talking of jessamyn.

posted by googly at 7:30 PM on February 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


I saw Alan Ginsberg actually read that poem aloud when I was in college. I always like to see it turning up again in various forms.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:41 PM on February 15, 2008


Uh, yeah. I did the same thing in March 2007, but nobody fellated me for it.

Perhaps it's a length thing.


I doubt it. Width, if anything.
posted by tkolar at 7:49 PM on February 15, 2008


I was tempted to post a MeTa-centric parody of 'The Freed Pig', but upon reacquainting myself with the lyrics, I realized rewording it would be redundant.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:43 PM on February 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


someone beats me to the mefi-rewrite-of-famous-poetry punch

Here's to much more time wasted.
posted by carsonb at 9:33 PM on February 15, 2008


Well, it's nice to see something someone likes being called out.
posted by Artw at 9:34 PM on February 15, 2008


the whole thing smacks of effort
posted by boo_radley at 9:45 PM on February 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yeah, heaven forbid someone expend effort.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:34 PM on February 15, 2008


needs a little something more (read the comments there too)
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:35 PM on February 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


googly: DAMN. After I had spent all this time working up "The Love Song of M. Ath Owie," someone beats me to the mefi-rewrite-of-famous-poetry punch. So much wasted time.

I was halfway through adapting "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald".
posted by loiseau at 10:36 PM on February 15, 2008


flagged as derivative and wholly owned by the copyright holder.

NONE OF THIS IS YOURS. EXPECT SEVERAL LAWSUITS.

corrollary: wow, Ginsberg has still got it.
posted by 31d1 at 10:36 PM on February 15, 2008


I had 'Kubla Kahn' halfway rewritten, but the doorbell rang and by the time I got back my buzz had worn off...
posted by pupdog at 10:47 PM on February 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'm working on "Are You There, Mathowie? It's Me, 1" right now.
posted by loiseau at 10:58 PM on February 15, 2008 [3 favorites]


Perhaps it's a length thing.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:54 PM on February 15 [+] [!]



No, sweetie. It's never the length, but the girth.
posted by SassHat at 12:34 AM on February 16, 2008


Since I pimped it in the post on the blue I'll pimp it here, too.

(altho i wish i'd used "therapy" instead of "sanity")
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:49 AM on February 16, 2008


also: stuff white people like was awesome funny, since that thread's closed now.

anybody focusing on the "white" bit is missing the point entirely - it's more like "stuff that liberal professionals like" but substituting "white" adds an element of reverse discrimination, as if it were written from an outsider's perspective, which i bet it's not, and a huge flag of "ok, this is satire here, guys!". possibly the best satire i've seen in years, since Suck.com's beyond-wonderful *Urban Hipsters*.

arguing from authority, my english lit phd buddy called it "genius", no less, so i must be right.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:56 AM on February 16, 2008


That's great. I've got Seamus Heaney all working on a translation of my epic Metawulf this summer.

Here's a taste:

LO, praise of the snarkess of poster-kings
of mouse-armed Fites, in days long sped,
we have heard, and what favorites the commentlings won!
Oft Matt the Howie from squadroned posts,
in the Grey Field, the mead-bench judged,
awing the proles. Since oft he lay
whined at for a pony, fate repaid him:
for he charged five dollars, in wealth he throve,
till before him the folk, in both blue and green,
who post by the Meta-path, heard his mandate,
gave him links: a good mod he!


For some reason, Angelina Jolie refuses to play Jessamyn in the movie version, instead insisting on playing Cortex, which means Brian Dennehey is out of a job unless we do the obvious, which would make things wyrd. Well, considering Metawulf has to battle an army of fedora-wearing hipsters from in smoking jackets from LOLway in order to ask if he should see a doctor about the lump on his neck only to be distracted by a flag for help from a post about mushrooms, wyrder, at least.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:42 AM on February 16, 2008 [7 favorites]


I sure hope nobody else is doing King Leer.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:59 AM on February 16, 2008


Would you settle for Prince Ogle?
posted by dersins at 7:48 AM on February 16, 2008 [1 favorite]


Your favorite poetry sucks, like all poetry
posted by poppo at 7:57 AM on February 16, 2008


Ha! Nice. (I like yours too, stavros.)

One of my unpursued projects is to track down all the William Carlos Williams riffs people have posted on the site over the years. I'm pretty sure that This is Just to Say is the unofficial official poem of Metafilter.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:23 AM on February 16, 2008


And robocop, I think the real coup would be to cast both Jolie and Dennehey as "Jolie and Dennehey fighting over who's playing cortex". It'd be crazy exegetic.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:25 AM on February 16, 2008


It smells like a Starbucks in here.
posted by not_on_display at 11:07 AM on February 16, 2008


Yeah, but then it would devolve into a hotel-room destroying, throw-her-on-the-nightstand sex scene like in Taking Lives when Jolie and Ethan Hawke argued about who got to play Mr. Belvedere in the upcoming remake.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:08 AM on February 16, 2008


He's banned
the mods won't have to
delete his comments
any more to keep them
from offending

he's banned,
the old bastard—
He's a bastard because

there's nothing
legitimate in him any
more
        he's banned
He's perma-banned

he's a godforsaken curio
without
any favorites in it

He's nothing at all
        he's banned
userpage stripped bare

        Put his username on
one line and a
flame on another and
he'll lie there
taking it—

Snark's beaten. He
beat it. That's why
he's insufferable—

        because
he's here needing a
login and making snark
an inside howl
of anguish and defeat—

He's come out of the MeFi
and he's let
the MeFi go—
        the liar

Banned
        his username
rolled up out of
the light—a mockery

                which
snark cannot touch—

just killfile it
and hide its face
for shame.
posted by languagehat at 11:08 AM on February 16, 2008 [4 favorites]


language fat
posted by Rumple at 11:37 AM on February 16, 2008 [2 favorites]


But there is no joy in MeFi--mighty quonsar has flamed out.
posted by not_on_display at 11:38 AM on February 16, 2008


There was a previous Mefi Poetry thread here.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:41 AM on February 16, 2008


O Mefite
Thou art banned
The invisible mod
which flies through the thread
In the howling Web
Has seeked out thy comment
Of crimson joy
And with ban hammer
Doth thy account destroy
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:41 AM on February 16, 2008 [3 favorites]


The pure products of MetaFilter
flame out—
posted by enn at 1:26 PM on February 16, 2008


Steve Colbert

"Steve"!?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:34 PM on February 16, 2008


U know, cuz he n i r kewl like that...
posted by CwgrlUp at 1:49 PM on February 16, 2008


Somebody needs to go back to that post and change "alanginsberg" in the tags to allenginsberg for future best generations....
posted by steef at 2:25 PM on February 16, 2008


Oh yeah that was my bad... I'll go fix that.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:55 PM on February 16, 2008


Poster, click submit and tag,
Rest your weary eyes;
Round the clock your post gets flagged
Comes as no surprise.

Darling poster, drop that frown,
Just cooperate,
Not a kitten gets declawed
In the MeFi State.

Snark and Ponies both be yours,
Poster, don't be glum.
Best of Web is coming soon--
Click, and let it come...
posted by ersatz at 2:58 PM on February 16, 2008


This Is Just To Say

I have deleted
your post
in the Blue
as a derail

and which
you were probably
hoping
to see sidebarred

Forgive me
it was asshatish
so ass
and so hat

Love, Jessamyn
posted by kindall at 3:06 PM on February 16, 2008 [14 favorites]


All your verse are belong to us!
posted by Class Goat at 6:29 PM on February 16, 2008


ycortex is inbannin hym
that llude sange Pepsi blue.
posted by 31d1 at 7:59 PM on February 16, 2008 [4 favorites]


If there is anything that encapsulates the gulf between my sixteen year old self and my present mid-thirties self, it is the fact that the sixteen year old thought that Ginsberg's Howl was really really cool, and my current self cringes in embarrassment to read even the first line.

Thanks for the reminder.
posted by jayder at 8:50 PM on February 16, 2008


If there is anything that encapsulates the gulf between my sixteen year old self and my present mid-thirties self, it is the fact that the sixteen year old thought that Ginsberg's Howl was really really cool, and my current self cringes in embarrassment to read even the first line.

I'm just the opposite, jayder. I read it when I was a teenager and didn't really get it. Now my present late-30s self reads it and thinks it's really, really cool.
posted by amyms at 8:54 PM on February 16, 2008


Adding to the poetry homages..

MetaTalk lies so near the mill
That almost every day
The laboring children can look out
And see the Mefites at play.

With apologies to Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn.
posted by amyms at 9:01 PM on February 16, 2008


I think that I shall never see
a comment lovely as a tree.
posted by not_on_display at 9:18 PM on February 16, 2008


A too-obvious choice, of course, but I did this one

Posting and posting in the lengthening thread
The chicken cannot take the chickenneck;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere horsecockery is loosed upon the world,
The photoshop tide is loosed, and everywhere
The propriety of our thread is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some bannings are at hand;
Surely the Thread Closing is at hand.
The Thread Closing! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of the SA Forums
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with chicken body and the cock of a horse,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant moderators.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That a twentieth century of Metafilter
Was vexed to nightmare by a filthy .gif,
And what rough callout, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Metatalk to be born?

in June 2006 as well.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:30 PM on February 16, 2008


Another recent example of this kind of thing, elsewhere: An Archbishop of Canterbury Tale
Whan in Februar, withe hise global warmynge
Midst unseasonabyl rain and stormynge
Gaia in hyr heat encourages
Englande folke to goon pilgrimages.
Frome everiches farme and shire
Frome London Towne and Lancanshire
The pilgryms toward Canterbury wended
Wyth fyve weke holiday leave extended
In hybryd Prius and Subaru
Off the Boughton Bypasse, east on M2.
Fouer and Twyntie theye came to seke
The Arche-Bishop, wyse and meke
...and so on.
posted by Class Goat at 10:11 PM on February 16, 2008


Okay, so I came home from a night of drinking and this happened:

'Twas Tuesday and the slithy posts
Did myre and bickle in the blay:
All plussy were the ridgyposts,
And the onelinks outgave.

"Beware the DoublePost, my son!
The links are trite, the point old hat!
Beware the Pepsi Blue, and shun
The banious self link trap!"

He took his vorpal mouse in hand:
Long time the favesome links he read --
Then clicked he by the Sidebar screen
And lurked awhile instead.

And, as in lurkish thought he lazed,
The Doublepost, with links a' seen,
Came upfling through the bluegrey page
And flamarked as it came!

Click, boo! Click, boo! And through and through
His snarkal scorn went postal-pat!
He left it flagged, but still he ragged,
On the Grey's decrumphing shat.

"And has though flagged the DoublePost?
Come to my arms, my Ohseedshe boy!
O flagjous day! Snarks rule on Grey!"
Mods chortled in their joy.

'Twas Tuesday and the slithy posts
Did myre and bickle in the blay:
All plussy were the ridgyposts,
And the onelinks outgave.

I am unsure whether I am more shamed for not removing the first 'vorpal' or leaving it in in memory of my total awesome 12th level Bard. Anyways, I think it would be awesome if the most James Ear Jonesy or Morgan Freemanish of Mefites could record some of these poetical offerings for the podcast.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:26 PM on February 16, 2008 [3 favorites]


Metafilter I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:11 AM on February 17, 2008


The apparition of these MeFites in a crowd:
asshats in a weird blog thread.
posted by languagehat at 9:30 AM on February 17, 2008




Here I sit all broken-hearted
Tried to FPP but only farted
posted by loiseau at 3:23 PM on February 17, 2008


The snark comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over Blue and Grey
on silent haunches
and then declaws them.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 11:19 AM on February 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


« Older White people on Metafilter   |   It was the best of MeFi. It was the worst of MeFi. Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments