You can't fire me, I quit! March 21, 2009 5:34 PM   Subscribe

Taken My Ball and Gone Home Filter: So, the poster really did quit. Should we close up the thread? Is there some kind of policy about this sort of thing where the poster doesn't like answers and then runs off and disables the account?
posted by grapefruitmoon to Etiquette/Policy at 5:34 PM (121 comments total)

The policy is called logic and humans are notoriously bad at implementing it correctly.
posted by Science! at 5:37 PM on March 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Why would we close the thread? It contains valuable life advice. Just because the poster may not be interested in it anymore doesn't mean it won't be helpful for someone going forward.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:38 PM on March 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


I took the time to write a long and detailed post and am with the Superhero, because I do not want it to have been in vain. Also, I am a narcissist.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 5:39 PM on March 21, 2009


OFFSTYBAGHAWYJ

Oh, for fuck's sake, take your ball and go home already, will you? Jesus!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:40 PM on March 21, 2009


Contains valuable "life advice" for one person's specific situation. From what I understand, no one reads the back-log of relationship AskMes anyway as every relationship is a special snowflake.

Anyhow, mainly wondering about what's done when the poster up and quits while their question is still active.

(Funny: last week I moan about AskMe not being helpful to readers, and people say "Oh, but it's useful to the OP!" This week, I take the side of being helpful to the OP, and I get "But it'll be helpful to future readers!" BAH.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:40 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Unless you're privy to some other information, I didn't see anything that said she didn't like the answers and quit in frustration. If fact, her response in the thread indicates the opposite.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:41 PM on March 21, 2009


Is it possible she doesn't want the dude to find the account?
posted by kldickson at 5:42 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yeah, maybe she felt embarrassed and wanted to open a new account or something.
posted by sweetkid at 5:43 PM on March 21, 2009


Contains valuable "life advice" for one person's specific situation. From what I understand, no one reads the back-log of relationship AskMes anyway as every relationship is a special snowflake.

I think you're wrong. Relationship questions aren't about people, they're about situations. Which is why they're so interesting and they often get so many comments- because everyone has some sort of experience that somehow relates to the situation being discussed.

On preview, Brandon Blatcher makes a good point- we don't know that she quit because she hated our advice. Maybe she closed down as a way of telling us, yes, you are all right, I am taking this advice and moving forward, refusing to dwell on things for even one more comment.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:43 PM on March 21, 2009 [11 favorites]


Just think of it like an anonymous question. The OP account can't comment, but if push comes to shove, there are other ways of providing feedback to the thread.
posted by niles at 5:44 PM on March 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


We don't do anything special since it comes up rarely. They may ask for the account to be reinstated tomorrow, so we might as well keep the thread around.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 5:45 PM on March 21, 2009


Interesting, I saw her response but I do wonder since she says "If you guys are tired of this, I'll quit..." and then disables the account.

And I'll be the first to admit that if read incorrectly, my own answer sounds the most harsh on the "GYOLJFW!" front, but I meant it in a sort of "There are better forums for this" kind of way and not in an "OH JESUS JUST SHUT UP" kind of way. I don't usually post comments when my feelings tend towards the latter, I just yell incoherently at the screen as if it could hear me.

Anyhow, *I* will shut up now, that I may cease moderating my own thread.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:45 PM on March 21, 2009


Contains valuable "life advice" for one person's specific situation. From what I understand, no one reads the back-log of relationship AskMes anyway as every relationship is a special snowflake.


Well, speaking from personal experience that's wrong. My girlfriend and I have read numerous interpersonal AskMe threads, we've even mentioned and emailed links to each other only to get a reply of "I read that too! I think it's great!"
posted by Science! at 5:46 PM on March 21, 2009


Huh. I saw that and thought she meant "... I'll quit [posting so many questions about it]."
posted by CKmtl at 5:47 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Relationship questions aren't about people, they're about situations. Which is why they're so interesting and they often get so many comments- because everyone has some sort of experience that somehow relates to the situation being discussed.

Right, but how many people who have relationship problems actually go back and *read* any of the previous 10,000 someodd questions about that very situation? Relationship AskMes come in a variety of flavors, but eventually, most of them are variations on the same themes. Everyone chimes in with advice, but no one ever searches the archives for help because everyone always believes that THEIR situation is unique.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:47 PM on March 21, 2009


So much for shutting up. I mean it this time. Really.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:47 PM on March 21, 2009


I'm glad she's not my ex-girlfriend.
posted by chillmost at 5:48 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


grapefruitmoonPoster: "Relationship questions aren't about people, they're about situations. Which is why they're so interesting and they often get so many comments- because everyone has some sort of experience that somehow relates to the situation being discussed.

Right, but how many people who have relationship problems actually go back and *read* any of the previous 10,000 someodd questions about that very situation? Relationship AskMes come in a variety of flavors, but eventually, most of them are variations on the same themes. Everyone chimes in with advice, but no one ever searches the archives for help because everyone always believes that THEIR situation is unique.
"

That's why we have tags, and that's why people often link to previous threads in answers to a new thread. In actuality you can quickly review a large, relatively filtered, list of "someodd" questions by using tags and looking for threads other people have found helpful. AskMe is like a human powered Google.
posted by Science! at 5:51 PM on March 21, 2009


I have read through the relationship archives many a time when I was tempted to post an AskMe about my own situation. I have found the backlog of advice and kind words contained in the archives tremendously helpful comforting, and I have yet to post a relationship question myself. Sure, none of it applies exactly to my very, very special situation, but it's helped me to read what I know everyone would repeat anyway. I'm certain I'm not the only one.
posted by adiabat at 5:52 PM on March 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


One of the other times I recall the OP taking their ball and going home was in the middle of this thread about becoming an editor, in which the OP very clearly was quite angry with the responses she got. But I'm glad that the thread wasn't deleted, because I think it's a useful resource for other folks who might be searching for some info on how to break into the field.
posted by scody at 5:52 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


So much for shutting up. I mean it this time. Really.

No, tell us your hopes, dreams, desires for the world and thoughts about the Battlestar Galatic Finale!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:53 PM on March 21, 2009


Right, but how many people who have relationship problems actually go back and *read* any of the previous 10,000 someodd questions about that very situation? Relationship AskMes come in a variety of flavors, but eventually, most of them are variations on the same themes. Everyone chimes in with advice, but no one ever searches the archives for help because everyone always believes that THEIR situation is unique.

What exactly is the nature of your complaint, grapefruitmoon, and what is your proposed solution? Are you still talking about this one thread, or have you moved on to complaining about the entire category of relationship questions? And if you're complaining about the whole category, did you browse the MeTa archives for previous incarnations of this conversation? No? I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you!

But seriously, if I didn't enjoy having the same conversation over and over again, I would've left this place long ago. I've probably read every single relationship question ever posted, and I still read them because I still enjoy reading community opinions on how to fix all the different ways we all manage to screw up our relationships with other people.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:59 PM on March 21, 2009 [7 favorites]


Oops. I hope it wasn't my pointed response that did it. I was just trying to be honest. :/
posted by Hildegarde at 6:06 PM on March 21, 2009


Relationship AskMes come in a variety of flavors

I didn't know chlamydia had a flavor.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:06 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


But seriously, if I didn't enjoy having the same conversation over and over again, I would've left this place long ago.

And stopped going to my family's Thanksgiving dinners, too!

... I still enjoy reading community opinions on how to fix all the different ways we all manage to screw up our relationships with other people.

This, this, this!
posted by Elsa at 6:09 PM on March 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


And stopped going to my family's Thanksgiving dinners, too!

Ha! Word.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:12 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


How many posters in relationship AskMe threads are doing it because of some heartfelt need to be helpful? The majority of the responses always seem like people are just bored and want to make abstract suggestions to problems that they're only given a fraction of the meaningful details about.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:22 PM on March 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


She's clearly got emotional problems too complex for AskMe to really help her with. This is not just a question of "should she leave him" --- that's a given --- but a question of "does she have the self-worth to leave a perverted manipulator and abuser."

It's kind of like a heroin addict coming here and saying, "Should I try to beat this habit?"

The answer is obviously "yes," but the addict knows that already.
posted by jayder at 6:25 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm certainly not complaining about all relationship AskMes, I'm was just honestly wondering about the utility of keeping a thread open when the Asker has left. And now, I guess my question has been answered.

It is really striking me as hilarious that in terms of Best Answers, people insist that the purpose of AskMe is to be helpful only to the OP. And in terms of answering questions with absent askers, the purpose is to be helpful to the community. I guess whatever assumptions I make about AskMe, y'all are bent on proving me wrong. That's ok, I'm down with that. My world can stand to be rocked.

As for answering relationship questions: I do try to be helpful. I figure I might as well at least TRY to impart some of the "wisdom" I've learned even it to point out to someone else "Oooh, I've done that. It was a bad idea." Not that I myself would have ever listened had anyone told me that any of the five hundred bad ideas I myself have had were, in fact, stupid as all fuck. But hey. I wasn't asking either.

Also: I don't have any thoughts on BSG - I don't watch it. I've seen an episode or two, but it's not my bag.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:34 PM on March 21, 2009


Okay, it's me, back again with yet more break-up/move out questions disabling my Metafilter account.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:39 PM on March 21, 2009


~ Huh. I saw that and thought she meant "... I'll quit [posting so many questions about it]."

That's exactly how I read her post, too.
posted by paisley henosis at 6:42 PM on March 21, 2009


I didn't know chlamydia had a flavor.

I'll bet it tastes like Chlamato.
posted by malocchio at 6:43 PM on March 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


I saw that and thought she meant "... I'll quit [posting so many questions about it]."

I have a hunch that that's how the OP thought she meant it too... until she actually got the "cut it out already" responses, at which point she found out that she didn't actually like the very criticism she said she was prepared to receive.

"Hi, I'm going to poke you again. Tell me if it's annoying."
"Yeah, it's pretty annoying. Stop it."
"That's RUDE!"
posted by scody at 6:49 PM on March 21, 2009


I'm was just honestly wondering about the utility of keeping a thread open when the Asker has left.

Because questions belong to the community, not just to the asker?

Also the fact that the asker has closed her account -- for reasons unknown -- doesn't necessarily mean that she won't return, now or later, to read any further responses.

Oh, and:

I don't have any thoughts on BSG - I don't watch it. I've seen an episode or two, but it's not my bag.

Me too; I just couldn't get into it. My main thought on the finale: THANK GOD NOW PEOPLE WILL STOP TRYING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:50 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm was just honestly wondering about the utility of keeping a thread open when the Asker has left.
Because questions belong to the community, not just to the asker?


Yeah hi, re-read the comment, I said exactly that!

posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:54 PM on March 21, 2009


If you look at the departed poster's last three (nearly) identical questions you can see she never really marked the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 6:57 PM on March 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


THANK GOD NOW PEOPLE WILL STOP TRYING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.

Well, what do you think of Firefly?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:04 PM on March 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


she never really marked the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible.

This could also easily be said about the majority of relationship questions.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:08 PM on March 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Brandon Blatcher: " THANK GOD NOW PEOPLE WILL STOP TRYING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.

Well, what do you think of Firefly?
"

Way better than anything Whedon has ever done or will ever do in the future. Dr. Horrible is a close second, but as much as I love him, Whedon has peaked and is done. Good night sweet prince.

Also, Eliza Dushku can't act at all, seriously what was he thinking? That woman is not good at the career she has chosen.

I will withhold comment on BSG as I am not done watching it.

Could have posted this in the blue thread I guess. Grey is much more fun though.
posted by Science! at 7:17 PM on March 21, 2009


Yeah, maybe she felt embarrassed and wanted to open a new account or something.

Nah, she's just not that into y'all.
posted by Hovercraft Eel at 7:20 PM on March 21, 2009


HOLY SHIT IRONY
posted by Burhanistan at 7:22 PM on March 21, 2009


If you have a big open mouth, you're going to catch a lot of flies.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:24 PM on March 21, 2009


A lot of this discussion seems unnecessarily uncharitable towards big open mouth. The whole "taking their ball" framing, "the poster doesn't like answers and then runs off and disables the account," "at which point she found out that she didn't actually like the very criticism she said she was prepared to receive," "she never really marked the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible..."

I don't know why this individual closed her account. Maybe she took the advice to take charge of her own issues and decided closing the account was part of the process of closure. I pointed out the fact that the account was closed in the thread because I figured it would effect how and whether people wanted to respond further. I don't recall her ever being anything but polite in her threads. She's not present to represent herself. Is it necessary to rake her over the coals?
posted by nanojath at 7:29 PM on March 21, 2009 [14 favorites]


It is really striking me as hilarious that in terms of Best Answers, people insist that the purpose of AskMe is to be helpful only to the OP. And in terms of answering questions with absent askers, the purpose is to be helpful to the community.

You are conflating two things that are similar but not the same. The best answer feature is something that is basically supposed to both help the OP focus the idea of their question but also so that people feel good about having been helpful in an exceptional way. In the context of what you were asking -- are other people annoyed when someone marks all answers best -- this is what people said.

In this case, the question is basically "should we close this AskMe?" and the answer is no for the reasons stated. The generalizations do not fall out the way you are outlining them. AskMe serves many different purposes and individual people in the community use it differently.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:32 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


um, doesn't "closing" mean "no more answers"?

a number of people seem to be addressing this meta as if it's asking whether the question should be *deleted*.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:41 PM on March 21, 2009


There isn't a way to close AskMe threads without technically "deleting" them. This is possible in MeTa but not the rest of the site.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:42 PM on March 21, 2009


a number of people seem to be addressing this meta as if it's asking whether the question should be *deleted*.

We don't have any mechanism to "close" ask mefi questions, all we can do is delete them, which is why people are talking about it like that.

(I forgot to mention in my last comment upthread that I too hate to talk about people that are no longer here to defend themselves, I only mentioned it in relation to the best answer usage mentioned above)
posted by mathowie (staff) at 7:45 PM on March 21, 2009


the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible.

I thought my answer was fucking awesome.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 8:03 PM on March 21, 2009


If you look at the departed poster's last three (nearly) identical questions you can see she never really marked the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible.

This is immediately what I thought when I read the question and saw what she favorited.

And Dollhouse is one of the most original things Whedon has done (next to Dr Horrible), and has A LOT of potential to explore interesting ideas.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:12 PM on March 21, 2009


The girl was shacking up with someone who was nearly twice her age. Don't make too many positive assumptions about her judgment.
posted by kldickson at 8:22 PM on March 21, 2009


AskMeFi: People are just bored and want to make abstract suggestions to problems that they're only given a fraction of the meaningful details about.
posted by joe lisboa at 8:40 PM on March 21, 2009


And the dude was desperate enough to date a 21 year-old. The definition of a horror story.

Some days I wish the "[+]" read "[TRAINWRECK]"
posted by bardic at 8:41 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Dating someone twice your age isn't really that irksome to me. Although the scale of responsibility with which these relationships come with are usually not apparent to someone under 25 (no offense to the younger crowd) and is sometimes hard to make apparent. That would also include a "You should know better" to the 37 year-old. Vicariousness in dating and relationships (should) tend to diminish with age, unless you're just a rambling man/woman.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:47 PM on March 21, 2009


AskMetaFilter: Vicariousness in dating and relationships (should) tend to diminish with age, unless you're just a rambling man/woman.
posted by netbros at 8:56 PM on March 21, 2009


Personally, I would've linked to this ramblin man. At least that's what always pops into my head when I think of that term.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:07 PM on March 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


One of the other times I recall the OP taking their ball and going home was in the middle of this thread about becoming an editor, in which the OP very clearly was quite angry with the responses she got. But I'm glad that the thread wasn't deleted, because I think it's a useful resource for other folks who might be searching for some info on how to break into the field.
posted by scody


I had missed that thread. Now that' I've read it I can't think of a better example to show what knowledgeable and helpful advice is available on metafilter. That the asker got huffy and disabled her account is kind of ironic. I don't think she would have gotten near the quality of information she received anywhere else. It simply wasn't the answers she was hoping for.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 9:28 PM on March 21, 2009


Is there some kind of policy about this sort of thing where the poster doesn't like answers and then runs off and disables the account?

I would like to suggest a policy wherein the $5 they paid for membership goes into Buy Beer For The Wonderchicken Fund. I think that would work out excellently for everyone involved!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:31 PM on March 21, 2009


mathowie If you look at the departed poster's last three (nearly) identical questions you can see she never really marked the best seeming answers as best but would mark off the ones that supported a kind of half-assed option that would seem less painful/responsible.

Dunno about that. This answer from Miko was as spot-on as you can be, providing excellent advice on the "how to" move out part even.

Had I seen the question before the OP deleted her account I would have provided some information about repetition compulsion (albeit better sources better than a wikipedia link) in the hope that it would be helpful to her. Ideally my answer would have been posted before the brutally honest answers.
posted by mlis at 9:35 PM on March 21, 2009


I'm glad she's not my ex-girlfriend.

Wait, does that mean you guys are still together?
posted by ottereroticist at 9:49 PM on March 21, 2009


(Funny: last week I moan about AskMe not being helpful to readers, and people say "Oh, but it's useful to the OP!" This week, I take the side of being helpful to the OP, and I get "But it'll be helpful to future readers!" BAH.)

It was back in '85 when my good friend WOPR gave me some of the best advice of my life:

"The only way to win is not to play the game"
posted by GuyZero at 10:00 PM on March 21, 2009


Ya know...the poster was 21 years old, and in waaaay over her head relationship-wise. So...if she needs to take some time off, I'm ok with that. And, yes, I do read old relationship threads because I'm socially retarded and need a crash course in relationship 101.

I guess I'm curious what the big deal is. The poster can still read replies whether or not she's a member - maybe she didn't want to thread-sit. Let the post live!!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:33 AM on March 22, 2009


unless you're just a rambling man...

Personally, I would've linked to this ramblin man...


Hmm... I would've linked to this one, myself. Hank is God.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:39 AM on March 22, 2009


I love how people pay a $5 stupid tax on mefi to start up additional accounts.

Best idea ever.

On a totally unrelated topic, please don't disable this account so that I have to pay the awesome tax.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:19 AM on March 22, 2009


Everybody's talkin bout the ramblin man
Nobody's talkin bout Rollin Dan
Rollin Dany, he was the rollin man.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:16 AM on March 22, 2009


So what happens? Does she get back with him or not? I really really do care. I do.
posted by mattoxic at 4:47 AM on March 22, 2009


grapefruitmoon writes "Right, but how many people who have relationship problems actually go back and *read* any of the previous 10,000 someodd questions about that very situation? Relationship AskMes come in a variety of flavors, but eventually, most of them are variations on the same themes. Everyone chimes in with advice, but no one ever searches the archives for help because everyone always believes that THEIR situation is unique."

Problem is we can't really tell. A person who searches the archives and find a similiar enough solution that their problem is solved is going to be invisible to the community.

Plus, and correct me if I'm wrong because I don't read most relationship questions, very few relationship askers post a follow up telling us what they did and how it worked out. So someone reading the archives doesn't have much of a gauge of whether specific advise was useful.
posted by Mitheral at 5:02 AM on March 22, 2009


And the dude was desperate enough to date a 21 year-old.

I don't think this "desperate" means what you think it does.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:30 AM on March 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


It is really striking me as hilarious that in terms of Best Answers, people insist that the purpose of AskMe is to be helpful only to the OP. And in terms of answering questions with absent askers, the purpose is to be helpful to the community.

Is there really anybody here who has taken both of those positions?
posted by mediareport at 6:43 AM on March 22, 2009


Who cares? We got her $5.
posted by Eideteker at 7:01 AM on March 22, 2009


My position is that as long as it's helpful to somebody, what's the harm in leaving it up? If it helps the OP, then excellent--that's what it's for. It it doesn't help her, but it might help someone else, just leave it up. Let a later lurker benefit from her misery. Redeem the pain!
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:03 AM on March 22, 2009


Can someone point me to where she quit? I posted late obviously, after the barn door had closed. I'm feeling bad for piling on but I truly can't see her farewell.
posted by thinkpiece at 7:52 AM on March 22, 2009


grapefruitmoon, sorry to be thick but I'm still not getting why you'd think the thread should maybe be deleted or might need some procedure. If the OP didn't ask the mods to delete it, and a lot of people spent time writing something in the thread, what would be the active utility in disappearing it? My understanding is that things written here are left alone unless there is a presumed gain to getting rid of them, or a presumed harm to having them remain. Otherwise you're asking for all potential answerers to start balancing the likely time invested in writing versus the likelihood of their post continuing to exist (for a new category of question beyond chatfilter and could-be-spam-filter: emotionalsensitivityfilter).

If you're pissed because you feel like you wasted your words or empathy, and I can understand that if it's the case, do that risk v. reward math for future hapless relationshipfilter posts. I think that a lot of people have certain kinds of AskMe questions that they feel aren't worth the potential annoyance, not infrequently for subjects that they have some insight into. I always hesitate to post answers about subjects related to my work because the threads seem to occasionally attract the entire cultural attaché of Blowhardistan and participating makes me grumpy, but I doubt anyone is suffering as a result because other people do provide good answers and with more good graces than I would.

Mr. Blatcher, if you encourage people to discuss BSG, some of them are going to do it in the thread where you mention it and those of us who don't get to see the finale for another 48 hours are going to curse you after trying to read an unrelated thread while peeking out from between their fingers, you frakking toaster.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 7:55 AM on March 22, 2009


I'm not arguing for the thread to be deleted. I was honestly wondering what the utility was of keeping it around if the poster disabled her account. I wasn't aware that AskMe threads can't just be closed to activity - and no, I don't think that the thread should be deleted on principle, as the rest of the community has chimed in with the fact that it's better for the community to keep it up, so hey, I was wondering and my question has been answered.

So yeah, I'm not pissed about anything and I've already backed off my own stance since I was in the minority in the first place. I have rendered myself totally moot.

So, no need to address me as if I'm "arguing" anything at all. At this point, I've been totally schooled on this and I'm just sittin' here.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:59 AM on March 22, 2009


OK, sorry to argue with you when you aren't arguing.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 8:11 AM on March 22, 2009


Try again next time! I'm sure my arguing days will return. This is MeTa after all.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:12 AM on March 22, 2009


Too late, it's already on my list:

1. Answering work-related AskMes
2. Arguing with grapefruitmoon in Metatalk about deleting relationshipfilter threads of dubious utility
3. Trusting Brandon Blatcher, evar
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 8:23 AM on March 22, 2009


Delete the thread!? I can't event think of one good reason, other than at the poster's request.

I also can't figure out why this is up for public discussion. What is this callout all about anyway?!
posted by iamkimiam at 8:30 AM on March 22, 2009


Can someone point me to where she quit? I posted late obviously, after the barn door had closed.

It was at some point shortly before nanojath pointed out that she had closed her account, which he probably figured out by clicking through to her profile page and noting the "disabled" bit in the top left. There was no vocal "quitting".
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:39 AM on March 22, 2009


Who cares? We got her $5.

Cool! How do you plan to spend your 0.0057 cents?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:27 AM on March 22, 2009


(what happened to the member count that used to be on the front page?)
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:28 AM on March 22, 2009




Oooh, I'd forgotten about the "I'm a natural editor and don't need a university degree like all the complete idiots who get degrees these days. How can I convince potential employers of my wonderful, God-given ability despite my lack of a degree or any experience?" People gave excellent advice in that thread but the poster got into a pout because she was told she wasn't ready to be a professional editor.

Ms. Editrix is not to be compared to this recent poster, the 21-year-old in a bad relationship. She took our advice in quite a humble, grateful spriit. And she was working towards leaving the man. Perhaps she just didn't have a lot of support and it helped her to have ours on an ongoing basis. But AskMe isn't intended to be a support group, but a place to ask your question and get answers once. Re-hashes on what is essentially the same topic aren't a good use of the site or anyone's time.

But she has my sympathy. I hope she didn't take the response to that thread personally, and that she has people to turn to for the emotional reassurance she wants. And I wish her the best.
posted by orange swan at 10:51 AM on March 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Cool! How do you plan to spend your 0.0057 cents?"

How many times can I refresh Recent Comments with .0057 cents worth of bandwidth?
posted by Eideteker at 12:33 PM on March 22, 2009


3. Trusting Brandon Blatcher, evar

You are totally human, honest.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:29 PM on March 22, 2009


I also can't figure out why this is up for public discussion. What is this callout all about anyway?!

It's not a call-out, it's a question for the community about "What the hell is the policy when a user deletes their account while their AskMe question is still active?"

There is honest to G-d no subliminal or sinister motive here. I was seriously wondering what is, or should be, done in this kind of situation.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:27 PM on March 22, 2009


I think iamkimiam was just practicing arguing for next time.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 2:47 PM on March 22, 2009


Ah, right. I should get better at rebuttals.

This call out is about... YOUR MOM!!!

Needs work.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:56 PM on March 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


In the annals of "people who disable their accounts while their AskMe questions are still open," this is weirder than the one where a woman wanted to write a great letter to the editor on behalf of someone who, she felt, was unfairly maligned in a newspaper. She disabled her account while we were actively discussing her question. In that thread, we were pretty openly skeptical of the questioner. In this case, however, we were very supportive of the woman with the 37-year-old boyfriend.
posted by jayder at 2:56 PM on March 22, 2009


however, we were very supportive of the woman with the 37-year-old boyfriend

Yes, but supportive in a way that was probably not in line with the sort of support she seemed to want to hear -- i.e., most of the responses were along the lines of "no, there's no hope and you need to grow up and move on, even though it hurts" rather than "sure, there's still hope to make this relationship work, and here's how to avoid all the pain you're scared of dealing with."

I recall being in my early 20s and locked into in my own dramatic and doomed relationships, and I know I totally resented anyone giving me advice that was about minimizing the drama rather than reveling in it, even as it was exactly the right advice to give.
posted by scody at 3:25 PM on March 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Very true, scody.

I was thinking the other day, "Gee, I could've avoided so much silliness in my early 20s if I'd had a resource like AskMe, where older & more experienced people could call a spade a spade & lay down the law for me..."

But even then, I'm sure I would've been all "But those random internet strangers don't understand the special snowflakeness of the awesome and completely non-dysfunctional connection between me and psycho girlfriend, so what would they know, anyway?!??"

At least it would make for some funny reminiscences, which I have anyway, but minus the element of being able to see that everybody else was completely right all along.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:19 PM on March 22, 2009


One of the ways for me to think through relationship questions is, "If I were to post this to MeFi, how would I frame it?" And then I get started thinking about the wording, and suddenly my imagination adds 87 comments to the yet unfinished question, and they all say the same thing.

This is one of several reasons why I have never posted a relationship question to AskMe.
posted by orange swan at 8:31 PM on March 22, 2009 [8 favorites]


heh - I sure hope that the friend with unrealistic dreams in this thread doesn't want to become an editor, or anything equally difficult to break into.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:46 PM on March 22, 2009


I betcha $5 she feels like that relationship is an embarrassing part of her past, and wants to distance herself from it with a shiny new sockpuppet. She didn't seem mad to me at all, just kind of sheepish and well aware of how ridiculous the drama of youth makes her look. I'm pretty sure that if she's not back already with a new name, she will be real soon.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:47 PM on March 22, 2009


It's not a call-out, it's a question for the community about "What the hell is the policy when a user deletes their account while their AskMe question is still active?"

Surely you were around in earlier years when the gray often had questions like: "I CAN HAS POLICY?", and the mods were all like, "we judge situations on an individual basis, if there's no widespread occurrence of a situation, we don't see the need for setting rules in stone". I guess this way of approaching the management of the site hasn't changed substantially.
So when the situation at hand doesn't affect the site substantially negatively OR positively and it doesn't happen regularly, the policy is not to have a policy, I'd guess.
posted by Catfry at 4:36 AM on March 23, 2009


the policy is not to have a policy, I'd guess.

That's a good concise way of putting it, actually.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:03 AM on March 23, 2009


Except it's logically impossible, but anyway..
posted by Catfry at 8:10 AM on March 23, 2009


Higher-level policies regulating and limiting the spread over lower-level policies. Strive past the ambiguity, or I'm breaking out the Hofstadter.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:43 AM on March 23, 2009


The sitewide policy is to not have a lot of little low-level nitpicking policies because people are happier when fewer things are spelled out. QE fucking D.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:51 AM on March 23, 2009 [4 favorites]


Hofstadter turns my crank but I'll restrain myself. jessamyn I don't think Grapefruitmoon can ask for a clearer eksplanation than you just gave.
posted by Catfry at 9:36 AM on March 23, 2009


The sitewide policy is to not have a lot of little low-level nitpicking policies because people are happier when fewer things are spelled out. QE fucking D.

Can we make this the official policy? Srsly. Or:

MetaFilter: people are happier when fewer things are spelled out.
posted by epersonae at 9:57 AM on March 23, 2009


Can we make this the official policy?

That'd go against policy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:06 AM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


But I need structure.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:31 AM on March 23, 2009


alt.linguists.saussure is down the hall on the right.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:34 AM on March 23, 2009 [3 favorites]


And I have a house of cards I could sell you....
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:35 AM on March 23, 2009


MetaFilter: people are happier when fewer things are spelled out.

would it be too much to ask, for you to go to the immense trouble of spelling out "seriously" instead of "srsly"?
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:29 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


would it be too much to ask, for you to go to the immense trouble of spelling out "seriously" instead of "srsly"?

Yes, it would in fact be too much to ask. Srsly.

PS: I'm not asking for any clearer explanation! I don't know why anyone thinks I'm still arguing! I was just HONESTLY WONDERING and my question has now BEEN ANSWERED. I mean, I know anyone who posts to MeTa ever has to be flogged, but can we maybe stop addressing me as if I don't know how the site works?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:30 PM on March 23, 2009


Seriously and Srsly are two different words, appropriate for use in different situations. Srsly is in the same category as OMG, WTF, and so on- spelling them out changes the tone of the comment.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:34 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


They're not addressing now-you, they are addressing post-you. This is the universe's way of saying "presentation matters".
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:35 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh my god, ThePinkSuperhero. What the fuck. Seriously.

Barbecue.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:36 PM on March 23, 2009 [2 favorites]


alt.linguists.saussure is down the hall on the right.

Is that in the FAQ?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:38 PM on March 23, 2009


The morning star is not the evening star, srsly.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:38 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


This is the universe's way of saying "presentation matters".

Yeah, I think the universe is also saying I need a nap.

posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:38 PM on March 23, 2009


See? It's just not the same.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:39 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


You can't step into the same river twice, because of ACTIVIST JUDGES.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:43 PM on March 23, 2009 [2 favorites]


That phrase always conjures up images of lazy blobs of judicial robes, sitting in the back of the courtroom ala Statler and Waldorf.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:57 PM on March 23, 2009


I'm confused. Is there some kind of handy resource that can tell me what "FAQ" means?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:27 PM on March 23, 2009


We discuss how to pronounce it on this week's podcast.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:29 PM on March 23, 2009


Frak.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:36 PM on March 23, 2009


Is it anything like what we use down under: Questions Useful for Non Techies?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:01 PM on March 23, 2009


Metafilter policies exist on several different planes of existence, and often contradict them selves when viewed in 4 dimensions simultaneously.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:10 PM on March 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


What, this isn't good enough for you?
posted by lukemeister at 6:27 PM on March 23, 2009


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