wrongattitude April 21, 2009 12:20 PM   Subscribe

So, I thought this site was pretty amusing until this. Just something to consider before you send a wrongcard.
posted by Slarty Bartfast to MetaFilter-Related at 12:20 PM (141 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

It's since been taken down, so I suppose this might be a case of too much coffee and a regretful independent business person but that was a pretty shitty callout against ColdChef.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:23 PM on April 21, 2009


Can someone explain what is going on here? Do I need to do something? Don't you have a brand new baby SB? What on earth are you doing here?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:25 PM on April 21, 2009


Brand new babies are surprisingly low maintenance.
posted by Mister_A at 12:29 PM on April 21, 2009 [5 favorites]


Nothing to do, jessamyn. Just an FYI for the community. ColdChef made an innocuous comment in that thread, the owner of wrongcards went crazy about ColdChef threatening his business plan and got pretty personal about it, then he/she took down the post he/she made about Mr. Charlet. Yes, I am the kind of guy that would ignore his new baby to read Metafilter.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:32 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


Third-party itchy and venomous trigger finger over at the site linked in the FPP.

IMO: someone needs a hug.

But it also looks like the MeFi thread deteriorated sufficiently into "caveat snarker" such that anyone stumbling across it in the future will think twice about supporting the link.
posted by greekphilosophy at 12:34 PM on April 21, 2009




The story goes like this, I think:

1. There's a mefi post this morning about some clever dark-humor e-cards.
2. ColdChef speculates about the profit potential of a physical card-delivery sideline to said e-card business.
3. Somebody at the linked e-card site sees ColdChef's comment and reads it as a gleeful statement of intent by ColdChef to steal their cards and sell them himself.
4. That person posts a creepy, ranty smearjob under the byline of e-card site honcho "kris".
5. People on mefi notice and wonder wtf.
6. The post is removed, though a comment thread remains open based on the removed post.
7. A retraction post goes up on the blog, again under the kris byline but placing the blame on someone else who by implication posted the original smearjob without kris' knowledge.

I left a comment in the retraction post asking for a more forthright apology from whoever the freaker-outer is. I'd rather not see this turn into a nastier cross-site exchange than it needs to be.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:38 PM on April 21, 2009 [6 favorites]


But we could totally take them!
posted by Mister_A at 12:40 PM on April 21, 2009 [24 favorites]


8. Congrats on the baby, dude.
9. Note to people at e-card site: that was targeted at Slarty Bartfast, and if any of you have recently had babies or been involved with things that could be sarcastically referred to with the phrase "Congrats on the baby, dude.", please note that I was not talking to you and kindly refrain from posting a soon-to-be-retracted spleen-venting on the subject.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:40 PM on April 21, 2009 [12 favorites]


Can someone explain what is going on here? Do I need to do something? Don't you have a brand new baby SB? What on earth are you doing here?
posted by jessamyn at 3:25 PM on April 21


FYI, old babies need just as much attention as brand new ones. You might as well be asking all the MeFi parents what they are doing here instead of tending to our kids. The reason they are all here is to maintain their tenuous grip on sanity. And, frankly, the new ones don't need all that much attention because (a) they can barely see and can't recognize what they see anyway, and (b) they are still too fascinated by the whole sleep, boob, poop cycle to care much about anything else. Of course this changes after a few months when they learn how to shuffle cards and start hustling all the other neighborhood babies.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:41 PM on April 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


I'd rather not see this turn into a nastier cross-site exchange than it needs to be.

Absolutely, the person fixed the problem as soon as they realized how dumb this was. I was about to send this guy some business before I read what happened and changed my mind accordingly. Indifference is better than revenge.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:44 PM on April 21, 2009


Just remember, kiddies, two wrongs don't make a right.

(but three rights DO make a left)
posted by briank at 12:44 PM on April 21, 2009


Indifference is a dish best served hot.
posted by found missing at 12:46 PM on April 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


My baby is on my lap watching the screen as I type. She's wondering when Metafilter will disappear and YouTube Elmo videos will appear.
posted by mrmojoflying at 12:46 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


So I should put away my grappling hook, pistols, and sabre?
posted by Mister_A at 12:47 PM on April 21, 2009


Indifference is better than revenge.

This would make a good wrongcard ...
posted by thatwhichfalls at 12:48 PM on April 21, 2009


If we're not going to put these torches and pitchforks to any other use, is there some way we could get a bonfire going or something?
posted by owtytrof at 12:49 PM on April 21, 2009


I'm suspecting the card guy didn't hang around a bit first and get a feel for the place.

But. Profiles and user history being open to any visitor is kind of odd to me, but I'm kind of weird about privacy sometimes. Not that my contributions are anything to see. But if someone wants to see what I talk about to strangers! on the internet! it would be cool if they had to pay five dollars to do it.
posted by auntbunny at 12:53 PM on April 21, 2009 [6 favorites]


Good luck with your career as a criminal mastermind, ColdChef.

Dude doesn't need luck! He already buries people for a living.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:53 PM on April 21, 2009 [18 favorites]


Dude doesn't need luck! He already buries people for a living.

First, be smart from the very beginning. Make friends with ColdChef.
posted by dersins at 12:59 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


Indifference is better than revenge.

This would make a good wrongcard ...


If that ever becomes a wrongcard, I suggest you DMCA the everlasting shit out of it.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:59 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


“The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity” - George Bernard Shaw. I intentionally misinterpret this quote as good advice on how to treat people you really want to hurt. That website and I are done.
posted by ND¢ at 1:01 PM on April 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Indifference is a dish best served hot.

Lukewarm is ok, too, if you want it that way. It doesn't really matter to me.
posted by TedW at 1:02 PM on April 21, 2009 [8 favorites]


Well, the nice bit about it, auntbunny, is that you totally get to control whose name is on the profile page.

I recently changed mine so my last name doesn't show up. Maybe too late; maybe it can be found somewhere cached.

Coldchef put his real name up, nothing wrong with that. He's not responsible for other people's douchebaggery. Not that you're suggesting that he is anyway. I'm just sayin'.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 1:04 PM on April 21, 2009


Some people aren't very bright.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:07 PM on April 21, 2009


Profiles and user history being open to any visitor is kind of odd to me, but I'm kind of weird about privacy

Although I've had the same handle for years, I never fill out profiles with identifying info like my name, birthdate, location, etc. It's less about being anonymous and more about not wanting random Internet people to be able to figure out stuff like my address and phone number.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:07 PM on April 21, 2009


It's pretty disappointing to see something like this go so totally wrong. Their site was probably getting a fair number of hits from us, and the comments (including my own) were mostly complimentary, then to squander that good will by attacking (using personal details) someone who was really enthusiastic about the site? It just seems like a waste.

It's a pity too, because their stuff is funny, but it's hard to see past their knee-jerk vitriolic reaction to something innocent.
posted by quin at 1:12 PM on April 21, 2009


I left a comment in the retraction post asking for a more forthright apology from whoever the freaker-outer is. I'd rather not see this turn into a nastier cross-site exchange than it needs to be.

Eh, someone did something stupid, it was almost immediately retracted, and thanks to the magic of screencaps and metatalk, mefi will probably go on about it for a week. I dunno if we really need a more forthright apology (apart from, say, a personal one to ColdChef). I guess I'm not the one to decide that though (cortex, the Decider).
posted by ODiV at 1:12 PM on April 21, 2009


fascinated by the whole sleep, boob, poop cycle

This does not change as one gets older.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:13 PM on April 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Well, that was quite unpleasant. "Wrongcards" indeed. Well done to cortex for his post over there.
posted by panboi at 1:13 PM on April 21, 2009


(but three rights DO make a left)

And two Wrights make an airplane.

posted by inigo2 at 1:16 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


And hey, after turning on javascript so I could see the comment, an apology to ColdChef is exactly what cortex was suggesting.

I'll just go out the way I came in, then.
posted by ODiV at 1:17 PM on April 21, 2009


There are many copies.
posted by Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory at 1:17 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I didn't want to post this in the original FPP, but 99% of the stuff I saw on wrongcards was lazy and unfunny. The other 1 percent were mediocre. It's not surprising that the site owner a) lies about letting people post under his byline and b) is a total unrepentant asshole.

ColdChef deserves and apology and "Kris" - be proud of me for not posting his full name - deserves an ass-kicking.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:18 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


It would appear that some mysterious drone (not Kris) had forgotten to take his "Lighten up, Francis" pill today.
posted by ob at 1:19 PM on April 21, 2009


Take down the original post.
posted by gman at 1:20 PM on April 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


If there's a cartoon with Kris's freak out on userfriendly then the circle will be complete.
posted by ob at 1:21 PM on April 21, 2009 [8 favorites]


Yikes. Whoever went from that comment to "OMG THEY BE STEALIN' MAH THINGS!" should try out for their national Triple-Jumping To Conclusions team in time for the next Olympics.

Take notice, London Track-and-Field Planning Committee, you'll have to extend the landing sand-pit by a few hundred meters.
posted by CKmtl at 1:21 PM on April 21, 2009


Take down the original post.
posted by gman 1 minute ago


This too.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:22 PM on April 21, 2009


CASE IN POINT.

Hasn't MetaTalk spent enough time talking about sixcolors yet that we don't need to go dragging her (?) into every other goddamned unrelated thread for no good reason? Jesus.
posted by enn at 1:23 PM on April 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


CASE IN POINT.

Jesus, seriously, cut this shit out.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:25 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


Dersins, dude. Give it a rest. Go find your happy place.

So can someone please design a wrongcard to send to someone you've attempted to googlesmear while pretending to be one of your own co-workers? Because I would like to send that to someone I just met on the internet.
posted by iconomy at 1:27 PM on April 21, 2009 [5 favorites]


Take down the original post.

But then 5 months from now someone else, having never heard of this, will post it again and what then? Delete it again? And then there will be a MetaTalk thread about why it happened and then that will be deleted and it will be [redacted]'s fused teeth gerbil baby all over again and we do not need another we-can't-talk-about-it-don't-ask-about-it elephant sitting in our room. It is damn crowded in here already.

Better to just leave it where it is and let people decide, based on it and this thread, whether they want to direct any traffic to that site or not.
posted by ND¢ at 1:27 PM on April 21, 2009


At the very least, unfavourite the fuckin' thing.
posted by gman at 1:32 PM on April 21, 2009


Jesus. That reminds me of the time I told Cold Chef about my idea to make a beautiful public space, but I was going to use a unique process of fertlizing it: I was going to go around to people's houses, where, presumably, they had dead bodies lying around, since nobody really knew what to do with those things. Then I was going to dig holes in the ground, put the corpses in there, and then plant a lovely grassy area with trees and places to sit and whatnot. And I even suggested I might put little markers around, just to recognize the dead people who were fertilizing this public greenway.

I haven't wanted to bring this up now, but I suspect he might have stolen that idea and started selling it, with some modifications.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:33 PM on April 21, 2009 [15 favorites]


But then 5 months from now someone else, having never heard of this, will post it again and what then? Delete it again? And then there will be a MetaTalk thread about why it happened and then that will be deleted and it will be [redacted]'s fused teeth gerbil baby all over again and we do not need another we-can't-talk-about-it-don't-ask-about-it elephant sitting in our room. It is damn crowded in here already.

Do you have any better suggestions for how we can go over the same ground again & again & again in the grey?
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:36 PM on April 21, 2009


At the very least, unfavourite the fuckin' thing.

Oh no! Anything but that!

That reminds me of the time I told Cold Chef about my idea...

Look, just because you can't die doesn't mean you have to get all vindictive.
posted by ODiV at 1:38 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I believe Snoop and Dre will tell you that when you dis ColdChef you dis yourself.
posted by COBRA! at 1:39 PM on April 21, 2009


Where the criminal mastermind responds to the allegations and claims to agree that stealing is wrong.
posted by found missing at 1:41 PM on April 21, 2009


Fun fact: Honcho is not, as I always thought (as much as I did think about it) a Native American word. Rather, it comes to us from the Japanese han-chō.
posted by Eideteker at 1:42 PM on April 21, 2009


Hail to the Chef
posted by porn in the woods at 1:45 PM on April 21, 2009


At the very least, unfavourite the fuckin' thing.

But! But! My favorites count.

That would make me cry.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:46 PM on April 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


Wait, ColdChef is a III'd? And he's the guy who's picture of him being awesomely nerdy in a room full of star wars and space stuff as a kid is occasionally linked to on this site? I would have made that guy my best friend.
posted by Science! at 1:49 PM on April 21, 2009


Oh no! Anything but that!

ODiV, you do understand the 'Popular' link at the top of the front page of Metafilter, and what that does for clicks, right? No, it's not quite there yet, but...

But! But! My favorites count.

That would make me cry.


jacquilynne, I'll give you a couple dozen elsewhere to supplement.
posted by gman at 1:50 PM on April 21, 2009


*joins queue for handout*
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:52 PM on April 21, 2009


Fuckin' beggar.
posted by gman at 1:54 PM on April 21, 2009


please sir, babby! babby! no food!
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:55 PM on April 21, 2009


*taps gman repeatedly on forearm*
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:00 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Man, fuck wrongcards. We should delete the FPP so as not to send them any more business. NOBODY fucks with the Metafilter.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:00 PM on April 21, 2009


I believe after you live in New Orleans for a while, postnominal suffixations appear spontaneously.
posted by boo_radley at 2:03 PM on April 21, 2009 [5 favorites]


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH.

I just googled G.J. Charlet. (as if I needed to do so) Good luck smearing him, he's like, universally acknowledged as awesome to the core.

I am glad it's his flickr that's first, because it's the funniest stream I follow.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:04 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm looking forward to the third face of Kris.
posted by dirtdirt at 2:06 PM on April 21, 2009


god bless you sir, bless you!

(under breath) gora bhenchod!
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:06 PM on April 21, 2009 [2 favorites]



I just googled G.J. Charlet. (as if I needed to do so)


Did you mean: G.J. Charlotte?
posted by boo_radley at 2:07 PM on April 21, 2009


Sure! I'm not fussy. I'll take my favorites wherever I can get 'em.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:07 PM on April 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


as if I needed to do so

I'm in Russia, so
posted by found missing at 2:08 PM on April 21, 2009


god bless you sir, bless you!

Now get the hell away from me.
posted by gman at 2:10 PM on April 21, 2009


I don't suppose ColdChef is really so darkly ironic as to ever walk around town, whistling a happy tune and, unprompted, stop in his tracks to ragefully scowl and point at random passersby and shout "I WILL BURY YOU!" at them.

But it's fun to imagine.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:20 PM on April 21, 2009 [20 favorites]


I guess the correct response would be to shout back "FOR FREE?"
posted by ODiV at 2:26 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


As awesome as the internet usually is, sometimes it disappoints me deeply.

Also, ColdChef, when are you going to write me back about the prototype for the glasses that play movies on the insides of the lenses? Weird how I mention this to you in a really long MeMail, with links to diagrams and everything, and then you just, like, don't even respond. Even after sending you reminders a few times a day for the past month now. You've been pretty quiet about the whole thing. A little too quiet, if you ask me.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:35 PM on April 21, 2009


I don't suppose ColdChef is really so darkly ironic as to ever walk around town, whistling a happy tune and, unprompted, stop in his tracks to ragefully scowl and point at random passersby and shout "I WILL BURY YOU!" at them.

You, my friend, would be wrong to think that I don't do that. All the time. I'm considering getting some business cards that say, "I'll be the last one to let you down!"
posted by ColdChef at 2:36 PM on April 21, 2009 [57 favorites]


Also, ColdChef, when are you going to write me back about the prototype for the glasses that play movies on the insides of the lenses?

ColdChef Stole the Precious Thing.
posted by ColdChef at 2:38 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


*shakes fist menacingly*
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:40 PM on April 21, 2009


This is just creepy. Jesus.
posted by nola at 2:42 PM on April 21, 2009


I'm considering getting some business cards that say, "I'll be the last one to let you down!"

OK, you know how I want you to write a book? Well, boom! THERE'S YOUR TITLE.
posted by scody at 2:58 PM on April 21, 2009


Can someone explain what is going on here? Do I need to do something? Don't you have a brand new baby SB? What on earth are you doing here?

One hijacked squander that good will by attacking (using personal details) someone account or another, I guess...
posted by y2karl at 3:00 PM on April 21, 2009


From now on I'm going to refer to an over-the-top creepy knee-jerk smear campaign by the phrase "wrongcarded". As in:

ColdChef made a simple comment and got totally wrongcarded.
posted by panboi at 3:07 PM on April 21, 2009 [5 favorites]


ColdChef still owes me for my lucrative idea to hang beer holders and a sippy straw from a foam cowboy hat. My lawyers have been furiously emailing his lawyers wrongcards, ever since.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:13 PM on April 21, 2009


I'm not sure "I'm confused and hey I hear you had a baby" is a great example of "attacking (using personal details) someone", y2karl, though I'm not really clear on whether that was supposed to be a joke just for the sake of the strained analogy or some sort of ironic recapitulation of the really-uncharitable-reading theme of the original exchange or what.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:36 PM on April 21, 2009


ColdChef made a simple comment and got totally wrongcarded.

ColdChef pulled a Holden Karnofsky and UserFriendlied his way into MetaTalk where he was wrongcarded. Twice.
posted by carsonb at 3:44 PM on April 21, 2009


dersins: "Dude doesn't need luck! He already buries people for a living.

First, be smart from the very beginning. Make friends with ColdChef.
"

I guess I'm smart then! :)

Seriously what a clusterfuck of a situation.
posted by radioamy at 3:49 PM on April 21, 2009


One time I gave Cortex a cross-eyed look and he killed my dog. Do not mess with Cortex.
posted by docpops at 4:05 PM on April 21, 2009


One hijacked squander that good will by attacking (using personal details) someone account or another, I guess...

No idea what you're talking about. SB's baby is all over MeFi already.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:05 PM on April 21, 2009


Who? What site? Never heard of them. Hey, they're totally ripping off someecards.com!

And fucking with ColdChef with the crazy and the ranting and googlebombing? Daaaaaaamn that's gonna leave a mark. Dude, kris, whoever the fuck you are - don't do that. You might as well start running head first into brick walls. It'll be better for you all around. You think 4chan or anonymous is some scary crazy internet shit you've never seen the mefi special task force in action. You're just lucky it's a mostly white hat organization. No, I'm not talking about The Cabal. If you get those mutants clawing after your ass you're on your own, motherfucker.

BRB. I need to order a few traincars of commodity popping corn, payable on delivery. Everyone likes popcorn, right? Now where did I put that damn remote control puck for the orbital laser platform?

I said mostly white hat. What? Popcorn is harmless.
posted by loquacious at 4:13 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


SB's baby is all over MeFi already.

That's what that smell is. Baby poop.
posted by desjardins at 4:14 PM on April 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Let it be known: if you send Wrongcards, you're funding turkeyism.
posted by katillathehun at 4:30 PM on April 21, 2009


One time I gave Cortex a cross-eyed look and he killed my dog. Do not mess with Cortex.

One time I gave Cortex a CD. Cortex gave me a CD. His was better. Do not mess with Cortex.
posted by mrmojoflying at 4:42 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Cortex is my new hero. Coldchef is one of really good guys in this world and Cortex very eloquently defended him. It was better than a smackdown as it was so well worded and restrained. Kris, on the other hand, is missing a few screws, a goodly number of which are marked either "be nice" or "use logic." What a loser.
posted by caddis at 4:58 PM on April 21, 2009


Why is everyone suddenly uppercasing cortex? Stop it. You're freaking me out.
posted by rtha at 5:47 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


What's wrong, Rtha, afraid to Live to On the Wild side?
posted by Atreides at 5:53 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


That's what that smell is. Baby poop.

I love the smell of baby poop in the morning. Smells like...victory...
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:59 PM on April 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


MeTA: uppercasing cortex

(I have no idea what that means in context, sorry in Context)
posted by ob at 6:41 PM on April 21, 2009


I hope it has nothing to do with uperdecking, very very few people deserve that.
posted by Science! at 7:22 PM on April 21, 2009


Just want everyone to know that I got a very contrite and sincere apology email from the wrongcard site owner. He was already having a bad day and he unleashed his wrath in a very poorly thought out way. I assured him that I would ask MetaFilter to douse its torches and sheathe its pitchforks for another day, but he should consider being a little less quick with the GoogleBombing next time. Big ups to cortex and all fellow MeFites who had my back. Represent!
posted by ColdChef at 7:50 PM on April 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


Why is no one talking about my new baby? More anti-Christian prejudice, I assume. But for all you know, he'll turn out to be an atheist! And then won't you feel bad for ignoring him?! Ha!
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:16 PM on April 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


That's one good looking kid Pater Aletheias. You...uh...sure it's yours? I'm just saying.
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 PM on April 21, 2009


(I have no idea what that means in context, sorry in Context)

"I'm not sure how I feel about homosexuality," Tom said, half in Earnest.

posted by nebulawindphone at 8:30 PM on April 21, 2009 [10 favorites]


No no no, ColdChef! You're doing it wrong! This is the part where you whip us into a frenzy of hate and we march down there with our bicycle chains and zipguns and really kick some ass.

If you don't mind my saying it, your continued classiness and reasonability are putting a significant kink in the war effort.
posted by dirtdirt at 8:32 PM on April 21, 2009


So I guess he's backing off that whole thing about his imaginary friend using his byline then? Because that was pretty obvious.
posted by dead cousin ted at 9:14 PM on April 21, 2009


Pater Aletheias also gots props for giving his child a name both unique and beautiful. Usually, the "unique" category veers towards the surreal subcategory of Celebrity Baby Names. Although Andre Benjamin did have a pretty fair justification for naming his son Seven Sirius Benjamin: "Yeah, he might get made fun of when he's little, but once he's in high school, he'll be like the coolest kid in school."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:16 PM on April 21, 2009


So I guess he's backing off that whole thing about his imaginary friend using his byline then? Because that was pretty obvious.

Yeah, pretty blatant contradiction there.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:37 PM on April 21, 2009


ColdChef : Represent!

*represents*

*pulls muscle*

Damn it! I knew getting older was going to suck, but come on! This is some bullshit!

posted by quin at 9:46 PM on April 21, 2009


Indifference is better than revenge.

My new personal motto.
posted by Ritchie at 10:35 PM on April 21, 2009


I wonder if Wrongcards has cleared the reproduction rights to all of the images used on their shitty and unfunny products. I doubt Tom Cruise has signed off on the one used here.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:16 PM on April 21, 2009


I'm glad this is taken care of without bloodshed, but if you need me with a
pitchfork, just let me know. My name and contact information are in my profile.
posted by aetg at 4:25 AM on April 22, 2009


I for one believe the apology (mainly because he doesn't even seem to realize that the blog post was rerouted from the "don't waste time on the internet" card page, which is how we instantly found it when it when up...) and I think everyone should stop slagging this dude.

At the very least he's learned his lesson about hiring idiots and letting them post on his name.

And Cortex learned a lesson about how he should spell his name.

And I learned a lesson about washing my hands because now I have salmonella.

THE MORE YOU KNOW
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:20 AM on April 22, 2009


All of your puny mewling babies cower in fear at the approach of MY SCREAMING BABY!
posted by ND¢ at 5:20 AM on April 22, 2009


The complete wipe of contents on the subject (maybe on the whole site?) is kind of a weird development, though.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:58 AM on April 22, 2009


Weird development? Might should see a doctor about that.
posted by owtytrof at 7:15 AM on April 22, 2009


Hmmm...I don't know. This new ecard seems oddly specific.
posted by ColdChef at 7:22 AM on April 22, 2009 [6 favorites]


Yes, but did he actually send you one or just put it on the site?
posted by TedW at 7:41 AM on April 22, 2009


I'm sorry you caused the Metafilter to think you're a douchebag, Kris.
posted by gman at 8:22 AM on April 22, 2009


Hmm, I don't know if kris caused me to think that you were a douchebag, coldchef. Besides, wouldn't a more accurate card be:

"I'm sorry *I* acted like a douchbag, coldchef. tuesdays aren't my best day. friends?"

Still, any apology always has that warm cookie taste I love. Too few people do the decent thing after that bad day passes, and he did. Kudos, Kris.
posted by anitanita at 8:28 AM on April 22, 2009


This new ecard seems oddly specific.

Ooh, that one will be perfect for my grandma for her birthday! Thanks ColdChef!
posted by quin at 8:35 AM on April 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


(FWIW, the "douchebag" card was my idea.)
posted by ColdChef at 8:43 AM on April 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Well, that makes it totally rad!

Well done ColdChef!
posted by Mister_A at 11:44 AM on April 22, 2009


Is someone going to flame out, or are we torching something, or what? I'm all dressed up and have nowhere to go.

Fuckin' false alarms...
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 12:48 PM on April 22, 2009


I thought I saw some camgirls over in Projects, crash.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:57 PM on April 22, 2009


Teacher sends 5 y.o. kid home with bag of poo, not just for babies anymore. Seems torch and pitchfork worthy.
posted by nomisxid at 1:34 PM on April 22, 2009


The guy's apology was a bit vague considering the venom and menace in his original blog post. And I believe just about everyone of us here aren't buying the, "Oh, that was a friend who can post under my name in my blog and he's the one who did it", given how similar the imaginary friend's writing style is to Kris'. Yeah, it's nice that he apologized profusely to Coldchef in private, but I think the public apology/explanation at his site should be replaced with a much clearer explanation of what happened (including a sincere attempt to undo some of the damage), followed by a strong public apology to CC.

I mean it took me (along with many other MeFites, I'm sure) several minutes to make sense of this whole thing. For a few surreal minutes I was trying to comprehend how CC could have done something so low, considering what a decent guy he's always been.
posted by Devils Slide at 5:16 PM on April 22, 2009


Actually, at first I thought that ColdChef was making a joke that the post had inspired him to "invent" postcards, like a gag along the lines of "Oh, e-mail's so great, but wouldn't it be cool if you could, like, send someone a message on paper without using a computer or the web - like e-mail, but without the e-?"

It's a damn good thing I didn't leave a nasty message on their site explaining that to them.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:47 PM on April 22, 2009


I'm also glad you refrained from the nasty message, Alvy.

You see, being actively kind - or even just abstaining from tossing more shit into people's lives - makes people's respective burdens easier to bear and makes the world a better place in which to live. While some may not desire or even deserve a kind gesture, kindness does not diminish the person who offers it.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:56 PM on April 22, 2009


Oh, that doesn't apply to purveyors of e-postcards.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:00 PM on April 22, 2009


Also: I didn't mean it was good I didn't leave a nasty message because my wrath is so terrible that merely contemplating it can cause grown men to weep, but because I didn't get the gist of what ColdChef was saying in the first place, and therefore would have looked like more of a clueless goof than usual had I explained it to the WrongCarders.

I wonder if they make a WrongCard for people who compose their comments in Notepad, and then only copy the first sentence and paste and post it to MeTa without checking.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:14 PM on April 22, 2009


That's one good looking kid Pater Aletheias. You...uh...sure it's yours? I'm just saying.

In my line of work, we call this phenomenon grace. Unmerited favor.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:59 AM on April 23, 2009 [5 favorites]


Yeah, it's nice that he apologized profusely to Coldchef in private, but I think the public apology/explanation at his site should be replaced with a much clearer explanation of what happened (including a sincere attempt to undo some of the damage), followed by a strong public apology to CC.

From the evidence presented thus far, in all the years I have spent here, people have the hardest time admitting they are wrong ...online, let alone in real life. Especially when they have misunderstood, took offense and acted out and have been caught at it. And yet, demanding total abasement from strangers never goes out of fashion.

Surely, the somebody hijacked my account is one of the lamest excuses in the book, right up there with But I did leave a message on your answering machine, it just didn't pick record it. Christ, back when I busted his sockpuppet ass, Dhoyt had his account hijacked, accoding to him. He was busy writing me as jenleigh and telling me what a stalker I was at the same time. If there isn't a camera or witness to record the event, no one will own the evil they have done. And human nature is not to own it. Especially not on public demand from strangers.

For me, that an apology was made in private is enough. Sure, he was a jerk, and you can go down the list on what terrible thing it was he was doing. But, he stopped doing it and tried to make amends. And in the process, he made a big fat white lie--it was someone else--from which he can not now back down without suffering a total public humiliation.

I just think it is ridiculous to demand someone totally abase himself. But people demand it all the time. It is built in to their presuppositions. I know I have thought that in the past, because of some argument or misunderstanding, I was explaining something to someone and had that someone go 'What a classy apology!" in response. Whereas I didn't apologize. I wouldn't apologize. I made a point to avoid apologizing. Because of my ego. And, in the particular instance, when this person made that comment--Best. Apology. Evar. --or something like that, I hated him. Because I felt the little jab.

It's like we can't treat the other as an equal. Either they are a little right and we are a smidgen wrong or we are totally right and they are thewrongest assholes in creation. And, like, if I am wrong, if we are wrong, well, there's all these qualifications. Whereas, if they are wrong, where's that groveling, peeing on themselves in total humiliation apology in excruciating detail on how wrong they were.... Because they were so evilly unredeemably wrong.

People have the hardest time apologizing and admitting they are in the wrong here. Which is why I can't understand these demands for total abasement. Why do people feel they are owed, by extension, a public apology for a matter that did not involve them personally ? This guy has fallen all over himself trying to make amends and yet he's being all too human in not wanting to wholly and completely abase himself by admitting what shitty thing he had done when he was angry and mistaken.

The thing is we all are in on this charade. He is and we are. And all this hashing it out is just like we're a bunch of a picadors in a bullfight getting out little jabs in. He's either over here reading every little dig or he's hiding under an online rock somewhere unable to face it. How wrong must we make him to make ourselves right ? He's gone a lot farther than many people would. He made a personal apology to the person attacked. If he was sincerely forgiven by the principal, it's over. We should leave it at that.
posted by y2karl at 1:06 PM on April 23, 2009 [5 favorites]


I agree with everything y2karl said, particularly regarding this:
...a strong public apology to CC.

Why should an apology be public? If an individual has wronged another individual, any apology and acceptance (or otherwise) is between the two of them and nobody else's business. ColdChef accepted the apology and let all those who were brandishing torches and pitchforks on his behalf know that he was OK with the outcome, so that should be an end to the matter.

How may people can put their hand on their heart and say they haven't snapped at someone inappropriately? It's lucky for the offending party that they did so in a space they could control and, therefore, remove the offence.
posted by dg at 1:34 PM on April 23, 2009


I'm neither here nor there on the public apology thing specifically, but I can understand the desire that an apology in public be offered when the offense is explicitly and intentionally public.

Snapping at someone within earshot of third parties is a private offense in less-than-private circumstance, but intent is obviously a big question there and, yeah, everybody has been their worse self with an accidental audience before. Apologizing is the right thing to do; apologizing to and in view of the people you acted like a dick in front of as well is classy but not always feasible depending on the circumstances, and definitely secondary to making it right with the person you went off on regardless.

On the other hand, posting a retaliatory "I know who you are, I've got pictures of your family, and I'm going to tell the world what a thieving asshole you are" smearjob on your blog is an explicitly public offense. The whole point is to stage a public attack on someone; the public aspect is not secondary, and so the desire to see a public apology makes a hell of a lot more sense.

Again, I'm somewhere in limbo on this one specifically; ColdChef is cool with the resolution and I think Kris made a reasonable effort to repair the damage done. I'm also erring on the side of believing that the smearjob really was posted by someone in whom dude had misplaced some trust and that he's a little clueless maybe but not bullshitting about that—it could be a dodge, and it's be a tired and corny and shameful one is, but, hey, call me optimistic.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:48 PM on April 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think, too, beyond the elements cortex has mentioned, there's an "all in this together" feeling on MetaFilter. I think a lot of people probably feel a little bit of the insult as a group and a community, not just on ColdChef's behalf. Whether that's just being self-centered and having to make the drama involve ourselves more than it really does, I dunno, but I think that's a bit of the reason why some of us would have liked to see an actual, full-blown, public apology.

ColdChef, on the other hand, seems to be content to just let things lie where they are, and since his personal involvement is far greater than whatever insult by proxy the rest of us have suffered vicariously, I think we have to follow his lead on that.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:56 PM on April 23, 2009


I think a good rule of thumb is that apologies need to be as public as the offense was.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 5:16 PM on April 23, 2009 [4 favorites]


I think a good rule of thumb is that apologies need to be as public as the offense was.

Me too. If you've slandered a man in public, a private apology isn't enough. I'm glad CC is satisfied, and I'm certainly not demanding anything more from the, uh, friend, but people who are honest with themselves follow the rule Pater Aletheias suggests.
posted by languagehat at 6:37 AM on April 24, 2009


One time I was sitting on the curb and this old guy with a jar of dill pickles was yelling at cortex. Cortex stared at the old guy, took his pickles and then gave them to me. Lesson... don't mess with Cortex.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:50 AM on April 24, 2009


...I'm also erring on the side of believing that the smearjob really was posted by someone in whom dude had misplaced some trust and that he's a little clueless maybe but not bullshitting about that—it could be a dodge, and it's be a tired and corny and shameful one is, but, hey, call me optimistic.

And, after erring on the side of cynicism, I am thinking aboutThe Fifth Head of Dhoyterbus aspect of it, in assuming, for the sake of argument, that it was post hoc sock puppetry, because, boy, howdy, did he go off scorched earth half cocked and, not looking at the corner into which he instantly painted himself by raising the emotional ante so much, he passed the buck, pointed a finger because he couldn't cop to it on the spot. And then, if so, it could be argued that he can't realistically be expected to even acknowledge the back channel discussion of it, the emotional ante being so raised. It's lose-lose and a total public humiliation for him: he is being asked to submit to this sacrificial ritual in which he admits he is wrong and everyone else is right on this very horrible mistake he made and then everyone gets to count coup on him or go for the group hug, I don't know what. It just turns on a personally excruciating confession. What could be so hard about that ?

People have a very hard time looking at their own personal bad stuff. It's so much easier to look at other people's bad stuff. But then I am thinking of the maxim of La Rochefuocauld which goes something like that people disclose their knowledge of their sins by their own masterful spin of every detail of these self same sins. But are we conscious of it ?

Or is that knowledge like the knowledge of riding a bike or driving a car, where we see it all while we never see it ? We look away and look away so well in our auto-three card monte that we never see where we put the bean. Everyone else ? Yes. But, us, no. We get though the day by looking away. Funny how that works.
posted by y2karl at 8:34 AM on April 24, 2009


People have a very hard time looking at their own personal bad stuff.

Actually most people apologize here when they're called out on bullshit, mods included. I'm not sure if there's some sort of apology you're trying to sort of laterally extract from someone here, but your reading of how people don't cop to their own issues really doesn't jibe with my experience of this site pretty much at all.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:41 AM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I wasn't online last night so I just saw this. Um, basically what Peter Aletheias said.

I myself am not the easily offended type. A while ago I replied sharply to a friend's very callous e-mail. He wrote me back and said he "was sorry I was upset", but he wasn't going to apologize to me for what he'd said earlier. I told him I'd never demanded an apology in my life and that our friendship wasn't conditional on one, but he'd spoken out of turn and I'd felt the need to set him straight. And that was the end of it, we both let it go.

But it seems this Kris guy tried to not just shame ColdChef but he went as far attempting to bully him, all very publicly, so it just seems fitting that he should own up to his actions w/o mincing words. But hey, CC's happy and the whole thing's ancient history.

I bet ColdChef doesn't like being called "sissy" either. I apologize :)
posted by Devils Slide at 8:52 AM on April 24, 2009


I'm not sure if there's some sort of apology you're trying to sort of laterally extract from someone here...

That is totally baffling to me as I thought I was talking about how it seems ill advised to demand or expect an apology from someone when they have painted themself into a corner by blaming a non-existent third party.

I was responding to Cortex's analysis about how he thought there was another gunman at the knowl top while I was holding out for the Oswald did all the shooting theory.

And thinking about in abstract terms about how conscious people are when they are dealing with their own sins. My experience is that people are a lot more aware of their own failings than they can admit even to themselves. As for people demanding or giving apologies, it is evidently in the eye of the beholder. I see people as having a hard time with i--with 'fessing up if they have first denied something. Especially when they are of feel they are feel under attack. That's what I was trying to say. Or so I thought.

That is not particularly trying to extract an apology from anyone to my mind.

Man, there seems to be an obtuseness about this whole topic that is infectious.

But, at least, knowl top or lone gunman theory, this would make Cold Chef Jack Kennedy.
posted by y2karl at 9:00 AM on April 24, 2009


My experience is that people are a lot more aware of their own failings than they can admit even to themselves. As for people demanding or giving apologies, it is evidently in the eye of the beholder.

I agree with you that in general people tend to downplay, spin, or outright lie about things that they have done wrong. And they also tend to exaggerate things done wrong by others, especially if it affects them. But I also agree with jessamyn's point that a lot of people on MetaFilter do own up to their mistakes, and don't think that just because everyone has weaseled out of taking the blame at some point means that they shouldn't expect others to do it.

I know I have thought that in the past, because of some argument or misunderstanding, I was explaining something to someone and had that someone go 'What a classy apology!" in response. Whereas I didn't apologize. I wouldn't apologize. I made a point to avoid apologizing.

To me, things like Devils Slide's friend's use of the "I'm sorry you're upset" trick and to a lesser extent your avoidance of apologizing are mostly just empty posturing. Yes, there is to some degree an admission of guilt involved with giving a sincere apology, but more importantly it's a speech act that acknowledges someone's grievance as being valid. Even if you don't really see much fault in your own actions, if they end up resulting in something negative like hurting someone's feelings, it's not unreasonable to apologize and sincerely pledge to avoid doing it in the future. Avoiding an apology can be seen as a face-saving technique, but in my experience doing so can do more damage in the form of grudges being held. If someone knows you've done something wrong, and deep down you know it too, in most cases you don't have much to gain by refusing to admit it.
posted by burnmp3s at 11:04 AM on April 24, 2009


I was explaining something to someone and had that someone go 'What a classy apology!" in response. Whereas I didn't apologize. I wouldn't apologize. I made a point to avoid apologizing.

I know that in the example to which I alluded, I thought I was quite clearly explaining my view of the matter at hand. That it was instantly received and described as an apology surprised me. My thought at the time was something along the lines of Is all this is all people care about--counting coup on each other by claiming the moral high ground by any menas necessary ? I gave my perception of a situation at hand, not perceiving any personal conflict but simply saying--this is how this situation looked like to me. But it was labeled an personal apology. It was a real head scratcher at the time. Since then I have noticed these demands for apologies more and more.

It seemed to me at the time that one can write and write and write and people will read whatever they want into what was written according to whatever advantage it gives the reader. One can explain what you are trying to say at length and someone will boil it down to Here is what you are really saying...

Avoiding an apology can be seen as a face-saving technique, but in my experience doing so can do more damage in the form of grudges being held. If someone knows you've done something wrong, and deep down you know it too, in most cases you don't have much to gain by refusing to admit it.

Here we had a number of people saying variations on Well, this guy has no class, he said his actions were made by a fictitious third party and that is so wrong that he should just admit it. And what I have been saying over and over here that it is my perception that people who feel they are under intense attack do not readily apologize on demand or in exactly the wording demanded and yet people seem to keep saying more or less So-and-so should apologize, right now and in exactly these words.

And what I have been saying over and over this guy has already really painted himself in a corner and good luck with that. At least that is what I say I am saying. But someone else can come along and say, Oh, no you aren't--here is what you are really saying.

Because I said so.


Even if you don't really see much fault in your own actions, if they end up resulting in something negative like hurting someone's feelings, it's not unreasonable to apologize and sincerely pledge to avoid doing it in the future.

I agree. I just happen to think that, when it comes to demanding another person apologize, it's quite often about making oneself right by making that other person wrong.
posted by y2karl at 12:18 PM on April 24, 2009


I think sometimes people are being generous when they thank you for an apology you haven't made, that they're accepting that you've made a good faith effort to express in earnest what you meant by what you did, and that your action of re-contextualizing your offending action is remedy enough for them. Of course, this remedy is not identical to an apology or an admission of malfeasance, but that's the problem with "apology," it's actually a rather broad concept.

And sometimes, people are being snarky or sarcastic when they refer to something that isn't necessarily an apology as one. This is bitchy and pointless if you, like me, think that "apology" can come in a number of forms, and that a happy life depends to some extent on our willingness to agree to disagree with others on what is right and wrong.

I also will offer that there are different types of relationships and therefore different appropriate methods for exchanging apologies. I feel okay really wringing one out of my boyfriend, for example, if I feel I need to, because I also know I can get him to understand the exact microaction by which I think he carelessly hurt my feelings, and then he will be sorry for it when he understands why it hurt, and because of his investment in the relationship, he will be obliged to avoid that microaction in the future, even if it could be seen as an okay action by a thousand other people. Interpersonal relationship context is crucial. Likewise, I would hardly EVER ask for or demand an apology in a more casual relationship or in public. That kind of discourse is just unlikely to be functional, and that request just makes the asker feel isolated, in my experience. It just doesn't help. You may as well get a lawyer if it's so important to you, because you're going into needs-to-be-formalized-to-be-coherent communication territory in a big way.

In this case, perhaps part of the reason some people here want to witness a thorough, considered public apology to ColdChef is that we have something more of a relationship with ColdChef than what's his name does. We know up down and sideways why ColdChef would never be the weird scummy idjit Wrongcards Dude imagined him to be for a moment. But it's better for those two to just move on, because really, Wrongards Dude doesn't need to go take a course in ColdChef's online and irl history to grok that he'd been a hasty jerkface. The lesson for him is to do more of that content-based research beforehand next time. Doing it after the fact isn't really productive.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:03 PM on April 24, 2009


It means a lot to me that you can come right out and apologize for your behavior over the past few years, Ambrosia Voyeur. Thanks.
posted by ODiV at 4:28 PM on April 24, 2009


One hijacked squander that good will by attacking (using personal details) someone account or another, I guess...

No idea what you're talking about. SB's baby is all over MeFi already.


I did not see this until today so, for what it's worth, you first comment to slartybartfast was read by me as a slap down at the time, questioning the point of the post and seeming to pile on with a guilt trip, to boot--Don't you have a brand new baby... ? What on earth are you doing here? Read so, it seemed a microcosm of the macrocosm of someone going off on someone from a mis-reading of a comment they had made, wrongcards blowing up at Cold Chef for a comment he made and you seeming to blow up at Slarty for bringing up the matter here. Don't you have a new baby... ? seemed a bit too judgmental and harsh at the time, and a misuse of using personal information to question the appropriateness of the post and, by extension, the judgment and character of the poster. It just came across as an attack at my first read, and therefore ironic in a tiny way. But an attack in a very small way--a snap of irritation and nothing more--at most. And that at the first and most ungenerous reading of your few words, me reading irritation and a snap judgement in a very few words. Not that, from the evidence, my reading of that as an attack was not the one and only such perception.

But now, read days later, it's not so easy to read much into those few words of yours.

And this all is in regards to the one comment I made which was quoted above. What else I wrote here had no connection at all to that first comment of mine about that first comment of yours. At least, not in my conscious mind.

It seem's so crazy to have to qualify everything so when it was such a tiny matter to begin with but it's so easy to read things into what other people have written when one is in a bad mood and then have it snowball from there. And that is speaking about my own initial comment quoted above and my own bad mood at the time it was written, and not about yours, let it be noted.
posted by y2karl at 2:26 PM on April 30, 2009


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