Overthinking it June 9, 2009 4:23 AM   Subscribe

An astonishing new product is poised to revolutionize the way you read Metafilter.
posted by Horace Rumpole to MetaFilter-Related at 4:23 AM (53 comments total)

Complements your USB toaster.
posted by Phanx at 4:37 AM on June 9, 2009


I don't know why this is on MetaTalk. I mean, it doesn't seem rela--

the Beanzawave

Oh. I see. Carry on.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:40 AM on June 9, 2009


Oh, and now I see your post title. And you tag. I'm a little slow.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:41 AM on June 9, 2009


A Daily Mail story about radiation rather than immigration. How rare...
posted by i_cola at 4:54 AM on June 9, 2009


You need to open a window in here, HR.
posted by not_on_display at 4:59 AM on June 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


The future that I was promised is starting to arrive.
posted by Shohn at 5:08 AM on June 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


1. This is for real?
2. Beanzawave? Turquoise? Did Heinz piss off their marketing department?
posted by Navelgazer at 5:21 AM on June 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


It seems that the woman in the photograph is overthinking about how she ended up sitting opposite a guy who likes eating beans so much that he has a tiny portable microwave on his desk for the express purposes of eating beans. Also, that guy is not even looking at his beans. What the hell, guy?
posted by Kattullus at 5:54 AM on June 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


But... you can't microwave metal, which is what cans are made of. And eating beans out of one of those plastic things is just dumb and misses the point of beans.
Well, if you buy one you're probably dumb anyway.
posted by dunkadunc at 6:12 AM on June 9, 2009


Navelgazer, the turquoise is actually the only explicable part of the whole idea. That's the color of the can, which seems to be the UK version of the Campbell's soup can.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:18 AM on June 9, 2009


£100 (!)
posted by Houstonian at 6:22 AM on June 9, 2009


Ooo, it even has a ham button!
posted by stavrogin at 6:28 AM on June 9, 2009



Shamelessly stolen from the Sheinhardt Wig Company.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 6:44 AM on June 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


This Beanzawave, it vibrates the molecules inside the beans?
posted by educatedslacker at 6:49 AM on June 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I like beans and all...but I'm not sure I like them enough to have a little beanzawave sitting on my desk. Can I use it to nuke other things? Like my coffeezawave? Or my co-workerzawave?
posted by rand at 6:50 AM on June 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Does anyone have a good recipe for British baked beans? I've decided I like the tomato-y flavor a lot better than the super-sweet beans I'm used to in the States.
posted by backseatpilot at 6:51 AM on June 9, 2009


Here comes the funcooker!
posted by sourwookie at 6:53 AM on June 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


they knew what a "Hot Richard" was?
posted by killy willy at 7:08 AM on June 9, 2009


backseatpilot: "Does anyone have a good recipe for British baked beans? I've decided I like the tomato-y flavor a lot better than the super-sweet beans I'm used to in the States."

Roger Daltrey has your recipe right here.
posted by not_on_display at 7:09 AM on June 9, 2009


Buying one of these and not putting a sticker on it that says "Fart Machine" with little custom-hotrod flames coming out the side seems like a violation of some sort of unspoken guideline.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:02 AM on June 9, 2009 [6 favorites]


James Skeates must be behind this.
posted by furious at 8:06 AM on June 9, 2009


Just stay out from behind James Skeates.
posted by educatedslacker at 8:07 AM on June 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Heinz is definitely overthinking this.
posted by killdevil at 8:39 AM on June 9, 2009


But, it's categorically not a plate of beans, it's a little microwavable receptacle of beans! This, as we all know, is impossible to overthink.
posted by ob at 8:43 AM on June 9, 2009


I think I've seen this already and it was called the FunCooker.
posted by availablelight at 8:54 AM on June 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


1. This is for real?

No, this is not for real. Maximum USB power output is under 5W and assuming the thermal properties of beans are similar to water, you would need on the order of 750W to heat up a 200g container of beans by 50°C in 60 seconds, assuming 100% efficiency in the conversion of electric power to heat in the beans.
There's admittedly a lot of slop in those numbers, but things are out of whack by a factor of at least 100.
posted by cardboard at 9:13 AM on June 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


om technomnomnomnology.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 9:38 AM on June 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


How did I know I would see this here?

As cardboard notes there's not enough power on a USB port to run a microwave.

However, computers and microwave ovens don't mix well. Most microwave ovens leak enough radiation they'll knock you off of your wireless connection if the laptop is close enough to the microwave. And if the microwave is really leaky it may physically damage hardware or induce enough electrical energy in the circuitry it'll cause spontaneous reboots.

I discovered this by accident a few years ago when cooking one day, and I had my laptop on top of a rather old microwave. When I turned on the microwave my laptop made a weird, glitchy noise through the speakers then rebooted, and was noticeably flakier ever after.
posted by loquacious at 9:46 AM on June 9, 2009


the key breakthrough is the use of a combination of mobile phone radio frequencies to create the heat

Mobile phone radio frequencies?
posted by ook at 10:02 AM on June 9, 2009


Lets not leap into this. We need to stop and consider things first.
posted by Artw at 10:05 AM on June 9, 2009


Maximum USB power output is under 5W and assuming the thermal properties of beans are similar to water

Get that person a plate, stat.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:09 AM on June 9, 2009


loquacious, is that so? Is it possible that microwave radiation killed my USB optical (non-wireless) mouse?
posted by Night_owl at 10:11 AM on June 9, 2009


Yes, yes, yes!!! A miniature microwave to sit next to the millions of oh-so-durable laptops so someone who's already fatigued and distracted can heat up a plate of sticky beans and eat while they work.
posted by mrmojoflying at 10:21 AM on June 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


This will make un-chaining the contract workers less of a tedious time-waster.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:25 AM on June 9, 2009


I don't see how this is possible....and yet, Gordon Andrews really does exist, and really does specialize in microwaves. Also, it's not April 1.

I....um....*cough*

Maybe it just uses USB to trickle-charge a battery bank?
posted by aramaic at 10:58 AM on June 9, 2009


It may not have batteries:

'There is the option of powering it with lithium ion batteries that would make it completely portable, which would be a help to fishermen, campers or sportsmen.'

Perhaps there is a capacitor, or it heats really, really slowly.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:39 AM on June 9, 2009


Can I get it in [Pepsi] blue?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:59 AM on June 9, 2009


Maybe the beans are the power source.
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:28 PM on June 9, 2009

But... you can't microwave metal
This has been covered previously.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:18 PM on June 9, 2009


But... you can't microwave metal

This has been covered previously.


You know what is really fun to microwave? Four letters...DVDs.
posted by mrmojoflying at 1:36 PM on June 9, 2009


Seth Finkelstein investigates.

The USB port is used for control purposes only. Oven is powered by appropriate sized Lithium-ion batteries, which can be mains supplied and/or recharged. It is the mobile phone frequencies that utilise prior long-term existing 900MHz (industrial) and 2450MHz (consumer) ISM approved microwave oven frequencies. I assure you we have sufficient power to effectively heat small type hand-snack food products.

Thanks your concern and interest ... Gordon Andrews

posted by Horace Rumpole at 2:41 PM on June 9, 2009


Meanwhile my beans, the length of whose rows, added together, was seven miles already planted, were impatient to be hoed, for the earliest had grown considerably before the latest were in the ground; indeed they were not easily to be put off. What was the meaning of this so steady and self-respecting, this small Herculean labor, I knew not. I came to love my rows, my beans, though so many more than I wanted. They attached me to the earth, and so I got strength like Antaeus. But why should I raise them? Only Heaven knows. This was my curious labor all summer, -- to make this portion of the earth's surface, which had yielded only cinquefoil, blackberries, johnswort, and the like, before, sweet wild fruits and pleasant flowers, produce instead this pulse. What shall I learn of beans or beans of me? I cherish them, I hoe them, early and late I have an eye to them; and this is my day's work. It is a fine broad leaf to look on. My auxiliaries are the dews and rains which water this dry soil, and what fertility is in the soil itself, which for the most part is lean and effete. My enemies are worms, cool days, and most of all woodchucks. The last have nibbled for me a quarter of an acre clean. But what right had I to oust johnswort and the rest, and break up their ancient herb garden? Soon, however, the remaining beans will be too tough for them, and go forward to meet new foes.
posted by jenkinsEar at 2:44 PM on June 9, 2009


Is this where debate the merits of European "Baked Beans" vs. actual real Baked Beans? Beans in tomato sauce? That's fine in its own way, but it should be clearly labeled "BEANS IN TOMATO SAUCE" and not "Baked Beans" for those of us who grew up in close enough proximity to Beantown that we can still remember the Great Molasses Disaster. That's right. People DIED for *real* Baked Beans!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:18 PM on June 9, 2009


MOLASSES SPILL = INSIDE JOB
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:19 PM on June 9, 2009


Meanwhile my beans, the length of whose rows, added together, was seven miles already planted, were impatient to be hoed

I'm sorry. The vague euphemism post is four up.
posted by elfgirl at 4:22 PM on June 9, 2009


small type hand-snack food products

eeeeeewwwww...snack food made out of hands? I think I'll stick to beans, thanks.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 4:42 PM on June 9, 2009


I'd bet money there's a Japanese snack food that looks like tiny human hands.

/off to Uijamaya to try and score some. Nom nom nom Japan snacks.
posted by Artw at 4:45 PM on June 9, 2009


Natto.

Although it just smells like dismembered human hands that have been left out in the sun to rot for a really long time.
posted by elfgirl at 5:03 PM on June 9, 2009


The USB port is used for control purposes only.

In light of revised technical information direct from the source (completely at odds with what was written in the article), I hereby withdraw my thermodynamic objections.
posted by cardboard at 5:52 PM on June 9, 2009


I'm gonna have to think this one over.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:18 PM on June 9, 2009


For what possible reason would it need a USB interface?

Does it tweet the deets of your beany eats?
posted by blenderfish at 7:48 PM on June 9, 2009


While your chair tweets the deets of your subsequent fweets?
posted by the latin mouse at 12:33 AM on June 10, 2009


For American palates, can it heat one of those little containers of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni? Or Dinty Moore Stew? Can they redesign it to be the right shape to fit a ... (wait for it) ... HO-O-O-OT POCKET?!? (You heard that in Jim Gaffigan's voice, didn't you?)
posted by wendell at 12:23 PM on June 10, 2009


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