Me-ooooooowwwwwwwww February 7, 2010 8:33 PM   Subscribe

Cat reclawing? Seriously?
posted by blue_beetle to Etiquette/Policy at 8:33 PM (78 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

I deleted it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:34 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


We've had un-circumcision threads, right? Seems only fair...
posted by jonmc at 8:35 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


FIAMIOAW.
posted by maudlin at 8:36 PM on February 7, 2010 [12 favorites]


That poor fictional cat.
posted by amro at 8:37 PM on February 7, 2010 [12 favorites]


It was worth it, if only for this comment:

Caveat: Kitty may not be on board with this plan.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:38 PM on February 7, 2010 [10 favorites]


I wish I had a reader reaction cam for: (and I have the claws from the declawing originally, if it helps).
posted by applemeat at 8:45 PM on February 7, 2010 [16 favorites]



That poor fictional cat.


Garfield? NOOOOOOOOOO
posted by The Whelk at 8:57 PM on February 7, 2010


That dude should be banned on general principle.
posted by dead cousin ted at 8:59 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


The general principle should be the banned dude!
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


I saw these cute little Freddy Krueger razor gloves on Etsy. They were made for a three year old child, but I imagine they could be repurposed for a cat.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:04 PM on February 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


FIAMIOAW.

Flag It And Maybe I'm One Awesome Wanker?
posted by shmegegge at 9:10 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


The original post was a perfect fit with Regretsy's motto - Where DIY Meets WTF.
posted by lukemeister at 9:11 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm guessing FIAMIOAW is "Flag It And Mount It On A Wall". Just a hunch.
posted by Riki tiki at 9:14 PM on February 7, 2010 [4 favorites]


FIAMEOW
posted by ODiV at 9:19 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


No, it was supposed to be FIAMIAOW. Can't post, can't spell, can dance a little.
posted by maudlin at 9:21 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


applemeat: I wish I had a reader reaction cam for: (and I have the claws from the declawing originally, if it helps).

Good call; the look on my wife's face? Indescribably funny.

posted by paisley henosis at 9:48 PM on February 7, 2010


I very nearly rolled on the floor laughing.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:57 PM on February 7, 2010


The two best answers make it pretty obviously a joke.
posted by shelleycat at 10:03 PM on February 7, 2010


I deleted it.

I fought re-claw and I won.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:05 PM on February 7, 2010 [11 favorites]


FIAMIOAW.

Read in my head as "flame-meow" which sounded a lot like "flame me out".
posted by immlass at 10:05 PM on February 7, 2010


Did somebody say kitten mittons?
posted by Rhomboid at 10:15 PM on February 7, 2010 [9 favorites]


Next up : foreskin reattachments
posted by Afroblanco at 10:21 PM on February 7, 2010


Apparently that one's not so far fetched.
posted by Rhomboid at 10:27 PM on February 7, 2010


oh my god fuck the world
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:32 PM on February 7, 2010


Cat just needs some ... wait for it ...


L A S A G N A
posted by Sys Rq at 10:38 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oh, well isn't that ... special?
posted by Afroblanco at 10:51 PM on February 7, 2010


MetaTalk: if a thread doesn't go nuclear first time around, give it another chance in ... MeTa! The taste refresher!
posted by WCityMike at 11:01 PM on February 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


Can I get claws attached to my re-attached foreskin? (for that anime demon-look?)
posted by exlotuseater at 11:46 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


You could try taunting a cat....
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:53 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


I strangled a Metafilter troll and now they seem listless and despondent, is there any way I can destrangle them?
posted by turgid dahlia at 12:17 AM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


My cat's breath smells like cat food.
posted by chillmost at 1:07 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


That question led me to finding this - Do you think a super strong person could yank off his own head? And that one wasn't deleted!
posted by crossoverman at 2:30 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


crossoverman: "That question led me to finding this - Do you think a super strong person could yank off his own head?"

That thread has totally killed my dream of someday yanking off my own head.
posted by Joe Beese at 3:07 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Self linkers that wait exactly 3 posts to say, here's my cool thing that I happened to find on the web get banned because they are not using the site in good faith. I'm not sre why this would be so different. I agree with dead cousin ted.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:27 AM on February 8, 2010


Dude just needs to call Confuse-A-Cat.
posted by jbickers at 4:55 AM on February 8, 2010


Self linkers that wait exactly 3 posts to say, here's my cool thing that I happened to find on the web get banned because they are not using the site in good faith. I'm not sre why this would be so different.

That account had no activity for like 3 years and then suddenly posted an hilarious in-joke. Clearly the sockpuppet of some other user. Perhaps the one that called it to our attention (cf Smelt It vs Dealt It)?

Which just made me realize: Some of the banned new-account-self-linkers are probably sock puppets of other regular users. Be interesting to get some IP/browser ID stuff in the infodump and check that out.
posted by DU at 5:07 AM on February 8, 2010


If we're sharing weird questions, I found this one.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:44 AM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


Some of the banned new-account-self-linkers are probably sock puppets of other regular users.

If you're caught self-linking on the blue with a known sock puppet, we'll ban your whole set of accounts. Almost always the three-comment-one-post people have never been on the site before at all.

We dropped this guy a note basically asking him what the hell he was up to, but yeah if he's goofing in AskMe, especially with a sock puppet, that's pretty much grounds for "why you can't have nice things" sock puppet removal at the least.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:03 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Good. Should have figured as much. Grandmother and egg sucking and all that.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:47 AM on February 8, 2010


Which just made me realize: Some of the banned new-account-self-linkers are probably sock puppets of other regular users.

We're pretty thorough about this stuff. Like Jessamyn said, that's asking for a good solid ban from the site for all your accounts. Disclaimer that anything not impossible is always thinly plausible aside, I can assure you that the bam-bam-bam-SPAM move is essentially the sole domain of the idiot driveby spammer.

Be interesting to get some IP/browser ID stuff in the infodump and check that out.

Yeah, not gonna happen.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 AM on February 8, 2010


CYPEBN? (Can't you people ever be nice?)


Seriously.
posted by SLC Mom at 7:21 AM on February 8, 2010


Jessamyn, stop trying to make 'sketch' happen! It's not going to happen!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:53 AM on February 8, 2010


A sock puppet asking about kitten mittens.

Ah the internet.
posted by litleozy at 7:53 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Jessamyn, stop trying to make 'sketch' happen! It's not going to happen!

No way! I like it and will incorporate it into my vocabulary immediately. Also, SLC Mom is correct: some of you should try a little kindness.
posted by belvidere at 8:03 AM on February 8, 2010


Excellent use of the 'reclaw' tag.
posted by 8dot3 at 8:15 AM on February 8, 2010


So, weird questions, not allowed.

Gotcha.
posted by kbanas at 8:22 AM on February 8, 2010


So, weird questions, not allowed.

Apparently willfully-stuntish questions not allowed. If you think weird questions in general aren't allowed you have not been reading AskMe attentively.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:25 AM on February 8, 2010 [6 favorites]


It's questions like this that make it hard for me to legitimately ask for the best way to get my cat circumcised.
posted by drezdn at 9:14 AM on February 8, 2010


Is that a female cat you're talking about?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:28 AM on February 8, 2010


I am glad the question was posted originally and then discussed here, because I am going to be smiling - laughing aloud at inappropriate moments - for a month over the thread comments.

I hope kitty is fake for the sake of its health, but my own mental state is much improved. Hee hee hee. 'Scuse me while I go off and laugh again.
posted by bearwife at 9:45 AM on February 8, 2010


It's questions like this that make it hard for me to legitimately ask for the best way to get my cat circumcised.

previously
posted by cjorgensen at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2010


Is that a female cat you're talking about?

Not even the same thing! he flamed
posted by shakespeherian at 10:27 AM on February 8, 2010


Maybe it was reklaw coming back to prank us?
posted by yeti at 10:29 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm so glad this one got a MeTa or I would've missed that. Will be giggling and making "wtf?" faces outta nowhere for the rest of the day thanks to both threads.
posted by MuChao at 10:46 AM on February 8, 2010


It's a total shame that question wasn't real. I've been working on fitting my kitties with Wolverine styled 4" retractable adamantium claws and since I'm now terrified to let them anywhere near me, I was hoping to use the poster as a lab rat... err, "voluntary test subject..."

After the "making bread" incident, I'm completely out of intact test dummies.
posted by quin at 10:50 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


reklaw kittens
posted by mkultra at 11:19 AM on February 8, 2010


rec.law.cat?
posted by mosk at 11:28 AM on February 8, 2010




I'm setting up an etsy shop for synthetic foreskins. They're currently available in many shades of natural skin color, funky fresh neon colors, and Van Gogh's "Starry Night."
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:57 AM on February 8, 2010


Soft Paws are the standard fake nails for your (currently clawed) cats, and they come in a rainbow of colours -- you can buy a single colour, selected pairs and sets of four colours, or a few two-tone sets. Unfortunately, you can only buy blue, pink and clear for your kittens. They're surprisingly easy to put on, and they look incredibly creepy when suddenly a cat flexes her poison green claws.
posted by jeather at 11:58 AM on February 8, 2010


But then your cat is perfectly suited for fighting trolls.
posted by The Whelk at 11:59 AM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Greekphilsophy, call me when you get glow in the dark.
posted by The Whelk at 12:00 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


They're currently available in many shades of natural skin color, funky fresh neon colors, and Van Gogh's "Starry Night."

Starry, starry night
Paint your foreskin blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
A one-eyed snake who knows the darkness of my soul.
posted by crossoverman at 12:25 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


*goes to a very dark part of the soul*
posted by The Whelk at 12:27 PM on February 8, 2010


I wish I had a reader reaction cam for: (and I have the claws from the declawing originally, if it helps).

I imagine it would look something like this.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 12:37 PM on February 8, 2010


They don't say how you hold Mittens down while you put the nail caps on every few weeks.

If you're the sort of person who puts fake colourful nails on a cat you're the sort of person who can't feel lacerations because of the layers of crazy.
posted by turgid dahlia at 12:38 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


They don't say how you hold Mittens down while you put the nail caps on every few weeks.

I'm guessing it's not any harder than trimming their claws (which is, of course, the non-crazy way to keep your cats from tearing up the furniture). Most cats will put up with it well enough, as long as you approach when they're relaxed.
posted by vorfeed at 12:50 PM on February 8, 2010


Cats won't need claws when they evolve lasers that shoot from their mouths.

The questions on askme will get much weirder.
posted by drezdn at 12:52 PM on February 8, 2010


They don't say how you hold Mittens down while you put the nail caps on every few weeks.

We tried Soft Paws on our smallest and most destructive cat. When my wife was involved it was a bit like attempting to catch hold of a gas-powered furry laceration making machine, but because the kitty in question is a Siamese, it means that her love for me and me alone is absolute and unconditional and when I grabbed her, she just went limp and let it happen.

The problem is that, because it involves glue and is near fur and didn't last all that long, it became quickly clear that it just wasn't worth it by any definition of the word.

So we went back to just clipping their claws, which is what we've done from the beginning, and will do till the end.
posted by quin at 12:58 PM on February 8, 2010


Even the trolls on AskMe are better than Yahoo Answer's attempts at trolling.

Matt, can you choose one day a month where you and the mods take a day off and let the trolls run free?
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:40 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


Thanks, Empress Calypigos, for the "What if there was a planet the size of the sun made out of people" question. It gets me on two levels. First, I laugh at how high he is. Then I laugh at how the Mefites still try to overthink that plate of beans.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:10 PM on February 8, 2010


(and I have the claws from the declawing originally, if it helps)

to be fair, this line did provide me with more than a few laughs, and for that, I thank the OP.
posted by modernnomad at 4:09 PM on February 8, 2010


Matt, can you choose one day a month where you and the mods take a day off and let the trolls run free?

Today has been about the most dickish day I've seen on meta. Rather than take a day off for the trolls. I think once a month the site should shut down for a day and everyone find lives.

How many stunt posts were there today? I more or less count 3. Cat, Knife, You're Having a Baby Wrong/Jesus's dad kills babies. I miss any?

I went through projects today looking for something to redeem the site. No, I am not getting all metasucks, I am just saying this wasn't the best day I've had here.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:48 PM on February 8, 2010


Who was having a baby wrong? I am strongly in favor of the site shutting down one day per month. I'd even settle for four days a year.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:16 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


but then we'd have to find lives.
posted by The Whelk at 5:28 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who was having a baby wrong?

I was referring to this.

I have no opinion here, but so many people thought it was horrible, and stated this in ways made me wish for killfiles. There wasn't a way for me to participate positively in any of the above stated threads.

Other people did manage. Most didn't. I decided it wasn't possible for me to do so.

And shutting down 4 days a year is a pony request I could get behind. Even if it would be cool to see how google and the media dealt with this.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:41 PM on February 8, 2010


If we're sharing weird questions, I found this one.

Nah, I think that was just someone writing copy for a Prius ad.
posted by zinfandel at 8:06 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


re-klaw, as in the opposite of de-claw.
posted by paisley henosis at 1:25 PM on February 11, 2010


« Older how far is near?   |   [derail] on sperm v. adoption question Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments