How old are you now, Corpus Callosum? April 26, 2010 1:40 AM   Subscribe

Hoppy birdday, cerebellum! Er, no, got that wrong. Let me try that again! Many happy returns of the day, limbic system! Damn. I know I can get this right. Third try's the charm? Happy birthday, cortex! There we go!
posted by WCityMike to MetaFilter-Related at 1:40 AM (151 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

Hope you have a good one, cortex! You should call in sick and sneak off somewhere to enjoy yourself. We'll totally cover for you.
posted by empyrean at 1:48 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by juv3nal at 2:04 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by lucien_reeve at 2:40 AM on April 26, 2010


happy birthday!

(or nightmares, i'm not sure which)
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:07 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Happy birthday, birthday twin!
posted by Hiker at 3:17 AM on April 26, 2010


✣✤✣✤✣✤✣✤✣✤✣✤✣✤✣✤✣
birthday balloon spoked asterisks
posted by idiopath at 3:28 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeay Cortex, have a great day! (and, funny, I have a computer named cortex.... No relation.)
posted by dabitch at 3:28 AM on April 26, 2010


okay, so here's what happened.

i made you a birthday cake, i swear, but it didn't turn out right, so i ate that one myself and went to the store to get stuff to make you another one, and when i got to the store all they had was the crappy kind that isn't very moist so i got two of those boxes and an extra half-dozen eggs because i thought, like, maybe i could double the dosage and make it twice as moist or something cause i mean, my shirts get extra fluffy when i use more dryer sheets, but it really did not work for your cake and now my oven is a wreck and i guess what i'm saying is happy birthday. here's the candle:

i
posted by Mikey-San at 3:32 AM on April 26, 2010 [10 favorites]


Happy birthday, Lisa cortex and Hiker!
posted by Kattullus at 3:33 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by sueinnyc at 3:55 AM on April 26, 2010


Hoppy birdday, cerebellum! Er, no, got that wrong. Let me try that again! Many happy returns of the day, limbic system! Damn. I know I can get this right. Third try's the charm?

There's a little icon at the top which allows you to turn off the Track Changes feature.

Happy birthday, cortex!
posted by gman at 3:56 AM on April 26, 2010


You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:00 AM on April 26, 2010


This thread is incomplete without ....... .
Have a good one.
posted by adamvasco at 4:18 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:21 AM on April 26, 2010




Happy Birthday, Cortex. may your donut have many candles.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 4:51 AM on April 26, 2010


so i ate that one myself and went to the store to get stuff to make you another one

I should point out, by the way, that all of these cheesecakes were very delicious.
posted by DU at 5:04 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I typically listen to the MeFi (mee-fie) podcast in my car. When the podcast theme plays, here's how I sing it - "Welcome (welcome(mathowie!)), Welcome (welcome(jessamyn!)), Welcome to the MetaFilter CORTEX!".

Happy birthday, man.
posted by ersatzkat at 5:04 AM on April 26, 2010


Padayish rawaz day unbaraksha!

(I hope that's somewhat right, I'm trying to learn the local language)
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:04 AM on April 26, 2010


CRAPPY BARFDAY.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:16 AM on April 26, 2010


You're a good man, cortex. When the zombie apocalypse comes, I want you by my side because you have a big brain and zombies love that shit.

So, yeah, um, happy birthday, hope you and Channing, Post-It Notes and polio vaccine trials have a great time tonight partying!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:19 AM on April 26, 2010


also happy boobquake
posted by Eideteker at 5:19 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Where do semi-aquatic African mammals go to get a higher education?









....Hippo Campus! HAahahahahaha!

Congratulated Happies, Josh!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:20 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


Time for a thinkstank birthday idea. Happy birthday, cortex!
posted by lukemeister at 5:44 AM on April 26, 2010


Totally illegal. Who authorized this?
posted by Meatbomb at 5:47 AM on April 26, 2010


happy b-day!
posted by chococat at 5:49 AM on April 26, 2010


Yay! Happy birthday!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:04 AM on April 26, 2010


do what the cake says.
posted by The Whelk at 6:04 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday!
posted by gaspode at 6:05 AM on April 26, 2010


There once was a mod whose name, cortex,
Was quite hard to rhyme in a limerick.
And so, for his birthday,
I wrote him this cop-out.

.
posted by The White Hat at 6:18 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who is this "cortex," and why is this MetaFilter-related?
posted by languagehat at 6:20 AM on April 26, 2010


Oops, wait, I mean: Sir, happy birthday, sir!
posted by languagehat at 6:20 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


Hope you get to swing the banhammer on a skanky spamming douchenozzle today. Happy birthday!
posted by Burhanistan at 6:22 AM on April 26, 2010


HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!
wait, what?
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 6:30 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dearest Cortex, dear,
It is astounding to hear
That today is a day that
Marks your [some number] of years.

I wish you the best. I wish you well,
And dude, you know, you're awesome as hell!
posted by zizzle at 6:31 AM on April 26, 2010


He is the very model of a modern musical moderator!
posted by The Whelk at 6:32 AM on April 26, 2010


I hear he's waterproof and breathable.
posted by pracowity at 6:36 AM on April 26, 2010


I hear he comes in any color you like!
posted by The Whelk at 6:37 AM on April 26, 2010


Hey, Happy Birthday!
posted by JanetLand at 6:39 AM on April 26, 2010


Thanks for being born, Cortex!
posted by mmmbacon at 6:43 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday cortex!
posted by Lyn Never at 6:47 AM on April 26, 2010


I hear he comes in any color you like!

IANAD, but he ought to get that checked out.

Which is to say, happy birthday.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:47 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday! Hope you have a great day!! :)
posted by zarq at 6:50 AM on April 26, 2010


iyi ki doğdun cortex
iyi ki doğdun cortex
iyi ki dogdun iyi ki doğdun mutlu yıllar sana!
posted by ocherdraco at 6:53 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy B-day, cortex!

And many more :)
posted by Grlnxtdr at 6:54 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday! Have a great day and year ahead!
posted by questionsandanchors at 7:01 AM on April 26, 2010


Totally illegal. Who authorized this?
posted by Meatbomb at 8:47 AM on April 26 [+] [!]


In my head, all of your comments are said in his voice.



no no no no no no no!!
posted by zarq at 7:01 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


happy birthday!
posted by gursky at 7:01 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday to you!
posted by amro at 7:03 AM on April 26, 2010


This cortex fellow – I like the cut of his jib!

Cheerio, cortex old bean!
posted by Mister_A at 7:04 AM on April 26, 2010


where does one cut one's jib?
posted by The Whelk at 7:07 AM on April 26, 2010


A Taurus, eh? That explains everything. Happy birthday!
posted by restless_nomad at 7:09 AM on April 26, 2010


Aw, thanks everybody. My cohorts seem to have remembered too, judging by the polka soundtrack and the flying yellow butts.

My little brother was in town this weekend for the first time in a couple years, so I've been spending the last few days doing a lot of eating and drinking and dorking around town with him and my wife and my family, so it's been a nice weekend.

Happy birthday, Hiker!
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:09 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Thanks for not filing me under "troll" for yet another year!

-Tim McCarty
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:10 AM on April 26, 2010


*drags in gift wrapped HugBucket (tm)*

Many happy returns of the day!

and what mccarty.tim said :)
posted by infini at 7:13 AM on April 26, 2010


HBTY
HBTY
HBDC
HBTY
posted by Drasher at 7:18 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


where does one cut one's jib?

Colonel Mustard, in the basement, with the jibsaw.

Also, note that I avoided making a "seamen" joke in a nautically-themed comment. I'm getting better.
posted by Mister_A at 7:20 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Happy Birthday! Sorry about the butts. Jessamyn made me do it.
posted by pb (staff) at 7:21 AM on April 26, 2010 [7 favorites]


lol butts.
posted by The Whelk at 7:30 AM on April 26, 2010


judging by the polka soundtrack

Careful
.
posted by pracowity at 7:34 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy.
posted by bru at 7:37 AM on April 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


I love it when I get to flag things as fantastic.
posted by The Whelk at 7:45 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by angiep at 7:45 AM on April 26, 2010


My cohorts seem to have remembered too, judging by the polka soundtrack and the flying yellow butts.

YAY.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:50 AM on April 26, 2010


Please show us a screengrab of your flying yellow butt.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:53 AM on April 26, 2010


Another year older and deeper into the net...

Keep up the good butts, lol.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:00 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, cortex; apparently this is something that we have in common in addition to X-Com.

Today is a good day to (be born)!
posted by ChrisR at 8:01 AM on April 26, 2010


Birthday, schmirthday. Happy Monday!
And may you have many, many more Mondays to come.
And birthdays!
posted by heyho at 8:02 AM on April 26, 2010




This birthday...it vibrates?

Happy happy birthday birthday, cortex. All the best people have April birthday, I think.
posted by beelzbubba at 8:11 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


All the best people have April birthday, I think.

You know who else had an April birthday?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:16 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday! To celebrate, I've gotten you an office building of your very own!
posted by slogger at 8:34 AM on April 26, 2010


Hey, happy birthday, cortex! And happy hanging out with your family. Glad you had a good weekend.
posted by Caduceus at 8:44 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, hiker and cortex!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:47 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday to the one and only, Metafilter's cortex.
posted by Lynsey at 8:51 AM on April 26, 2010


I'm going to go buy Beatles Rock Band and sing "I Dig a Pony" in your honor. Happy Birthday!!!
posted by scody at 8:57 AM on April 26, 2010


¡y que cumple mucho mas!
posted by toodleydoodley at 9:01 AM on April 26, 2010


If there's nothing more to discuss here, I'll just go ahead and close this up...










I keed. Happy Birthday Cortex!!!!!
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:04 AM on April 26, 2010


Didn't you just have one of these last year?

Oh, well - here goes:

A young moderator named cortex
Once traded his favorites in for sex
Although he can sing
He's no lizard king
He's more like a tyrannosore rex
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:08 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


happy birthday!
posted by epersonae at 9:24 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday! Hope you have a good one!

(Please, please share the butts and polka with us. Please please please.)
posted by typewriter at 9:31 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, cortex. May your convolutions be many in number and eternal in reign.
posted by hat at 9:31 AM on April 26, 2010


(Please, please share the butts and polka with us. Please please please.)

I didn't think to grab video of it before they were kind enough to relent, but I bet if you asked Matt or pb really nicely they could make this thread only a butts-and-polka-for-all sort of thing.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:38 AM on April 26, 2010


done! Today only! in this thread! butts and polka for all!
posted by pb (staff) at 9:44 AM on April 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


Hilarious!
posted by heyho at 9:46 AM on April 26, 2010


HOORAY!
posted by The Whelk at 9:47 AM on April 26, 2010


I went to cortex's birthday thread and all I got was this lousy earworm. We should be thankful that pb normally uses his powers for good and not evil.

Happy birthday, Your Cortical Modliness!
posted by Quietgal at 9:52 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday, cortex!

Nothing says Happy Birthday like "Additional plugins are required to display all the media on this page." Am I going to regret it if I install these plugins?
posted by FishBike at 9:53 AM on April 26, 2010


I DECLARE TODAY BUTT DAY ON METAFILTER.
posted by The Whelk at 9:55 AM on April 26, 2010


people often deride polka as a half-assed dance, but i prefer to think of it as 2/4 of a butt.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:55 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's hilarious. :)

Doesn't work on Safari Version 4.0.5 (4531.22.7) under OS X 10.4.11, by the way. But it worked perfectly on Firefox.
posted by zarq at 9:56 AM on April 26, 2010


We won't be making the butt jokes work across various platforms.
posted by pb (staff) at 10:02 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Hippo birdies two ewes
posted by hortense at 10:04 AM on April 26, 2010


~*~*~*~*~ Happy Birthday! ~*~*~*~*~
posted by amyms at 10:16 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday! (slightly NSFW)







Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with eatabagofdicks.com, I just typed the URL in on a lark one day and was delighted.
posted by invitapriore at 10:17 AM on April 26, 2010


obligatory bag of dicks Louis CK vid.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:21 AM on April 26, 2010


OH HOORAY MUSIC! I just turned my sound on and thought jessamyn had done something funky to that youtube video.
posted by invitapriore at 10:26 AM on April 26, 2010


HAPPY BUTT DAY!
posted by JeffK at 10:28 AM on April 26, 2010


pb, I'm going to have polka-nightares. So, thanks! That's gonna be interesting.
posted by dabitch at 10:30 AM on April 26, 2010


dHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH[/[
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LOL BUTTSDAY

posted by loquacious at 10:30 AM on April 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


THE CAKE IS NOT FICTIONAL!
posted by The Whelk at 10:31 AM on April 26, 2010


<homersimpson>Mmm... ASCII cake</homersimpson>
posted by FishBike at 10:34 AM on April 26, 2010


h
a
p
p
y

b
i
r
t
h
d
a
y


or something
posted by edgeways at 10:37 AM on April 26, 2010


Damn those flying butts are impressive.
posted by Mister_A at 10:38 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday, Cortex.

Here's hoping you get some intense frontal activity.

wocka...wocka...wocka...

posted by Skygazer at 10:42 AM on April 26, 2010


YAY CORTEX! Have an awesome day!
posted by porn in the woods at 10:49 AM on April 26, 2010


Dear Ask Metafilter,

I keep seeing Polka Butts wherever I go. It happened right after I ate some ASCII cake that appeared to be meatloaf. I have cleaned my contact lenses and am no longer staring directly at the sun.

PS: Happy Smurfday, you moderate sort of guy. Hope you get accepted to that Hippo Campus.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 10:59 AM on April 26, 2010


Bonne fete!
posted by Phalene at 11:06 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, cortex.
posted by maqsarian at 11:17 AM on April 26, 2010


(\(\
( - -)
((') (')
Hoppy Burfday!!
posted by deborah at 11:17 AM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday!

Can you put candles in a donut?
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 11:33 AM on April 26, 2010


Why not?
posted by zarq at 11:59 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


[Bunch of birthday wishes removed. Take this to MeTa, please.]
posted by albrecht at 12:01 PM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]




I made a birthday song for you, cortex! Here are the simple instructions:

1) Listen to this song.
2) Whenever you hear the word "Jessamyn," substitute the word "cortex."
3) I am not your boyfriend, OK?
4) Stop looking at me like that! Really.
5) ?????
6) PROFIT
posted by not_on_display at 12:20 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, cortex! Thanks for sharing your polkabutts.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:44 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday cortex! To celebrate, I will proceed to get banned.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:55 PM on April 26, 2010


holy schnikes! the flying polka-butts even work on our craptastic IE6 work webernets!!! pb you are my hero... I think well, maybe, if I can ever get rid of the associated earworm, that is....

I MEAN SERIOUSLY this stupid browser breaks for every last useful work-related site I have to connect to... but hello! polka butts are NO PROBLEM. I mean, this alone should be ample justification to upgrade the freaking corporate dinosaurware to an actual, y'know, SECURE standard, but nooooo!!! they're all "we haz important legacy apps blablabla". *bangs head on desk*

/nerdalicious rant

happy birthday cortex!!!!
posted by lonefrontranger at 12:57 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday!
posted by Heretic at 2:33 PM on April 26, 2010


Here's hoping that you're not working today...Happy Birthday!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:36 PM on April 26, 2010


Hippo birdie two ewes!
posted by SpacemanStix at 4:19 PM on April 26, 2010


Is this something I would need a birthday to understand?

I mean, happy birthday! :D
posted by Wuggie Norple at 5:02 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday dude! You will always have a place in my heart as the First Mod I Met In Person!
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 5:14 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy (flying yellow) Buttday, Cortex.
posted by jamaro at 5:21 PM on April 26, 2010


that'd mean a whole lot more coming from the 100k account.
posted by gman at 5:35 PM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Better to be the joke of the butts than the butt of the jokes, I guess.

Happy Birthday, cortex!
posted by jamjam at 5:37 PM on April 26, 2010


Shush. Not in front of the kids, dear.
posted by jamaro at 5:37 PM on April 26, 2010


HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORTEX
THIS COMMENT GOOD FOR ONE FREE BACKRUB
posted by klangklangston at 6:01 PM on April 26, 2010


WHY ARE YOU NOT RUBBING MY BACK YET
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:01 PM on April 26, 2010


You are looking for the creepy thread two posts up.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:01 PM on April 26, 2010


COME OVER HERE SO I DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT
posted by klangklangston at 6:04 PM on April 26, 2010


birthday cortex has manboobs.




(*IF* there were a secret Metafilter cabal, some serious shit would be going down right now.)
posted by NoMich at 6:05 PM on April 26, 2010


It puts the lotion on it's skin ....


...cause otherwise you are prone to dryness and itching.
posted by The Whelk at 6:16 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday, Cortex!

And a very merry unbirthday to Jessamyn, Mathowie, PB, Vacapinta, and everyone else whose birthday it is not.
posted by IndigoRain at 7:13 PM on April 26, 2010


Many, many happy returns to you, cortex!
posted by cooker girl at 7:26 PM on April 26, 2010


php -r 'print(base64_decode("SGFwcHkgQmlydGhkYXkgQ29ydGV4IQ=="));'

I always give out birthday greetings in Base64. No, really
posted by threetoed at 7:28 PM on April 26, 2010


HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for putting up with us. :)
posted by Hildegarde at 7:30 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy birthday!
posted by Kevin Street at 7:58 PM on April 26, 2010


Shorter of breath and
One step closer to death

HBD, enjoy life while you can.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:59 PM on April 26, 2010


This is so not mashing with Daft Punk's Rock 'n Roll off of the Homework CD.
posted by sleslie at 9:24 PM on April 26, 2010


Happy Birthday!
posted by brujita at 9:43 PM on April 26, 2010


I keep coming back for the flying butts! Give 'em hell, big C-Tex!
posted by vrakatar at 10:05 PM on April 26, 2010


Many happy returns of ye day to us o our great one the cortex.
posted by spherical_perceptions at 10:12 PM on April 26, 2010


I'm pretty crazy about you, cortex. Many happy returns of the day, you special so-and-so.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:30 PM on April 26, 2010


oh, almost forogt:

I APPLAUD YOU.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:31 PM on April 26, 2010


Metatalk: We won't be making the butt jokes work across various platforms.


Oh, and happy birthday Cortex
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 10:32 PM on April 26, 2010


There is a cool mod, name of cortex
He deletes all the spam and self-link wrecks
His song referenced Elvis
Which tingled my pelvis
Happy birthday! Eat cake! Enjoy free sex!

I don't really like Elvis but the first two lines of that song makes me want to.
posted by h00py at 4:14 AM on April 27, 2010


My name is cortex
I live as the second mod
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before

If you flag something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was

posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:42 AM on April 27, 2010


Happy birthday!
posted by MarshallPoe at 9:03 AM on April 27, 2010


Ah! Found it! There might be a way to pop into the thread yesterday: Happy Birthday!
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 1:48 PM on April 27, 2010


I'm torn between saying Happy Birthday and posting some massive missive of linked Cortex-hatred to the front page of the site.

it's a coin-toss, really
posted by davejay at 3:11 PM on April 27, 2010


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