I guess I can stop working on my card counting. January 26, 2011 8:08 PM Subscribe
The secret to bringing down the house and leaving Vegas without feeling dirty is just one click away. Thanks herrdoktor.
I figured the grey would be a decent place to highlight it for the lawls at least.
posted by drpynchon at 8:11 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by drpynchon at 8:11 PM on January 26, 2011
Too funny. Thanks for highlighting it, drpynchon.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:17 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:17 PM on January 26, 2011
I kind of can't wait for someone to do this and bring all this soap home to their S.O. and when the S.O. looks at them quizzically tries to explain...
posted by ocherdraco at 8:20 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by ocherdraco at 8:20 PM on January 26, 2011
(But I, too, think this is awesome.)
posted by ocherdraco at 8:20 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by ocherdraco at 8:20 PM on January 26, 2011
The embarrassing thing is the last time I went to Central City (Colorado's little Vegas ™) we stayed at a place that had this orange peel soap and shower set and I fucking loved it and I did just what he advised : MAS SOAPS and $10 (I won big on the slots earlier) and went to dinner. When we came back, there was a pile of them.
My wife corrected my Spanish ("are you calling me a jabroni?", I asked.) and insulted my desire for blood orange peel soaps. Later I would look on the website, and these tiny little soaps cost $1 each, and I wound up getting them for $0.33.
I know that the long form I HAVE EXUBERANCE FOR EVEN THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE posting style is a worrisome trend for the mods, but goddamn if I don't agree with Dok on this one.
posted by boo_radley at 8:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
My wife corrected my Spanish ("are you calling me a jabroni?", I asked.) and insulted my desire for blood orange peel soaps. Later I would look on the website, and these tiny little soaps cost $1 each, and I wound up getting them for $0.33.
I know that the long form I HAVE EXUBERANCE FOR EVEN THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE posting style is a worrisome trend for the mods, but goddamn if I don't agree with Dok on this one.
posted by boo_radley at 8:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
If the Man wises up to this, he's gonna start charging for the extra soaps.
Sssshhhhhhh!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:28 PM on January 26, 2011
Sssshhhhhhh!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:28 PM on January 26, 2011
That is pretty good, all right.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:32 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:32 PM on January 26, 2011
Wow, I just finished reading through herrdoktor's activity - this guy is HILARIOUS!
posted by arnicae at 8:41 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by arnicae at 8:41 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
....huh.
I just did this all the time, I didn't know it as a thing people did. But like, yes you do this, and you do it more in Hotels that whip out the Aveda for you to rub all over your self.
I've got a half-closet full of these things for when a house guest needs a very personal amount of shampoo, conditioner, body lotion, body wash, or body cleanser.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just did this all the time, I didn't know it as a thing people did. But like, yes you do this, and you do it more in Hotels that whip out the Aveda for you to rub all over your self.
I've got a half-closet full of these things for when a house guest needs a very personal amount of shampoo, conditioner, body lotion, body wash, or body cleanser.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
I thought my father in law was a dork for taking soaps and shampoos from the hundreds of hotels he's had to stay in. Now I know better.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:05 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:05 PM on January 26, 2011
Arnicae, I did the same thing after reading a previous 'best answer' post of his -I wasn't sure if I should admit it but since you did first...- herrdoktor is extremely hilarious!! And well-stocked, apparently.
posted by bquarters at 9:15 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by bquarters at 9:15 PM on January 26, 2011
Single serving shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny pats of butter, tiny sugar, tiny milk.
Herrdoktor, you are the anti-Tyler Durden.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [3 favorites]
Herrdoktor, you are the anti-Tyler Durden.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [3 favorites]
herrdoktor: "But why is soap so special? Well, I'm not sure about Caesers, but some of the properties have totally rad and fancy soaps. Mandalay Bay has these glycerine soaps, and they charge twelve bones for them in the gift shop! What a crock! Soap is awesome because it's soap. Soap becomes more awesome when you have a lot of soap. Because then you don't need to buy soap. And also, every time you run out of soap, instead of feeling deflated and leaving the tub or shower to find another bar, you grab a bar of soap from Vegas, and the smell will become intertwined with all memories of Vegas."
It’s the soap of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the soap of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the soap of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the soap of a millworker’s son who dares to defy the odds; the soap of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.
Soap! Soap in the face of difficulty. Soap in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of soap!
In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation.
posted by Rhaomi at 9:24 PM on January 26, 2011 [25 favorites]
It’s the soap of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the soap of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the soap of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the soap of a millworker’s son who dares to defy the odds; the soap of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.
Soap! Soap in the face of difficulty. Soap in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of soap!
In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation.
posted by Rhaomi at 9:24 PM on January 26, 2011 [25 favorites]
May be if we all stopped doing this, hotel tariffs would come down!
posted by vidur at 9:26 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by vidur at 9:26 PM on January 26, 2011
That's a horrible answer - not because the stylish and funny answer is inherently bad, or that herrdoktor is an unclever tool, but because a pack of unclever tools will think they have license to provide answers which attempt but fail to be stylish and funny and are instead inherently bad.
Also, kittens?
Too cute by half.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:32 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, kittens?
Too cute by half.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:32 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
...If my husband came back from a conference with 50 hotel soaps, I'd humor him by putting 1 by the sink, 4 in the cabinet, and dumping the rest when he wasn't looking. How fast are you people going through bars of soap that you don't have time to get to a store and replace them? Couldn't you wash your hands with dish soap or other bits with shampoo for a couple days?
I am bewildered.
posted by maryr at 9:37 PM on January 26, 2011
I am bewildered.
posted by maryr at 9:37 PM on January 26, 2011
He's so right about the toilet paper thing too. We're still working through a gigantic Costco pack of TP that we've had so long that I don't remember when we got it. It's like, how much more toilet paper could it be? The answer is none. None more toilet paper.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:41 PM on January 26, 2011 [30 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:41 PM on January 26, 2011 [30 favorites]
You have to understand a few things to make this anecdote make sense
- hotel soaps are often nicer in Vegas hotels than the wax crayon bar you're likely to get in a normal hotel
- being a big tipper in Vegas for whatever reason is more normal, the tip-for-soap thing just sweetens the deal
- having a shower at home that reminds you of being a big tipper in Vegas is, for some, a desirable experience
- while these soaps are "fancy" they are still not a commodity enough that taking home 20 of them is likely to affect any hotel's bottom line even a little bit. Seriously, not at all.
That said, I have a closet full of fancy weird soaps from all over the place and I only usually use the stuff that smells like hippies and/or the forest, so come on and visit if you want to smell like a casino.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:47 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
- hotel soaps are often nicer in Vegas hotels than the wax crayon bar you're likely to get in a normal hotel
- being a big tipper in Vegas for whatever reason is more normal, the tip-for-soap thing just sweetens the deal
- having a shower at home that reminds you of being a big tipper in Vegas is, for some, a desirable experience
- while these soaps are "fancy" they are still not a commodity enough that taking home 20 of them is likely to affect any hotel's bottom line even a little bit. Seriously, not at all.
That said, I have a closet full of fancy weird soaps from all over the place and I only usually use the stuff that smells like hippies and/or the forest, so come on and visit if you want to smell like a casino.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:47 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
Only if you don't have soap that smells like the Venetian's piped-in casino floor scent.
Because nobody wants to smell like old ladies wearing Love's Baby Soft.
posted by catlet at 10:15 PM on January 26, 2011
Because nobody wants to smell like old ladies wearing Love's Baby Soft.
posted by catlet at 10:15 PM on January 26, 2011
We had a discussion earlier on Ask about the so-called "free soap".
This enters an entirely whole other realm. Seriously.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 10:17 PM on January 26, 2011
This enters an entirely whole other realm. Seriously.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 10:17 PM on January 26, 2011
Metafilter: Come on and visit if you want to smell like a casino.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:20 PM on January 26, 2011
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:20 PM on January 26, 2011
Yeah. It's things like this that made herrdoktor one of the first people I added as a contact. So I would never miss any of this.
And as for the long form answer spreading, he's been doing it off and on since 2005. Things generally seem fine.
posted by grapesaresour at 10:20 PM on January 26, 2011
And as for the long form answer spreading, he's been doing it off and on since 2005. Things generally seem fine.
posted by grapesaresour at 10:20 PM on January 26, 2011
I did love this, but was worried if I sidebarred it, everyone might start doing it.
I wanted to repeat this with "MetaFilter:" at the front, but then I worried that everyone might start doing that.
posted by knave at 10:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
I wanted to repeat this with "MetaFilter:" at the front, but then I worried that everyone might start doing that.
posted by knave at 10:22 PM on January 26, 2011 [1 favorite]
We'd just done the annual TP shop at Costco when I got transferred to China, so it all went into the container since work were paying for it. 6 months later, I am nowhere near buying TP here and each time I go to the loo, I'm using the finest capitalist TP. It's freedom paper!
That said, I've clearly missed a trick; should have filled the container with fruity soap.
posted by arcticseal at 10:27 PM on January 26, 2011 [6 favorites]
That said, I've clearly missed a trick; should have filled the container with fruity soap.
posted by arcticseal at 10:27 PM on January 26, 2011 [6 favorites]
jessamyn: " - being a big tipper in Vegas for whatever reason is more normal, the tip-for-soap thing just sweetens the deal"
I went to Minneapolis in August and stayed at the Radisson. My friend works for the company that owns it and won a 2-night stay in the $300/night room. I'd never been in such an expensive hotel room. After days (my trip was 7 days though the hotel stay was only 2) of touring the Mall of America and flour mill ruins and other touristy stuff, I was exhausted so I called a bellman to help me with my bags. It was so worth it to me not to lug another shopping bag/suitcase that I gave him a $10 bill for putting my bags on the cart, wheeling them down to the car, and putting them in the trunk. I don't think he's used to such big tips because he rushed around the car with a big smile on his face and opened the car door for me. Now $10 may not be a big tip in Vegas, but it made me happy to make him happy. It's sad that people will stay in such an expensive room and not tip well, but then sometimes it's the wealthiest people who are the stingiest.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:05 PM on January 26, 2011
I went to Minneapolis in August and stayed at the Radisson. My friend works for the company that owns it and won a 2-night stay in the $300/night room. I'd never been in such an expensive hotel room. After days (my trip was 7 days though the hotel stay was only 2) of touring the Mall of America and flour mill ruins and other touristy stuff, I was exhausted so I called a bellman to help me with my bags. It was so worth it to me not to lug another shopping bag/suitcase that I gave him a $10 bill for putting my bags on the cart, wheeling them down to the car, and putting them in the trunk. I don't think he's used to such big tips because he rushed around the car with a big smile on his face and opened the car door for me. Now $10 may not be a big tip in Vegas, but it made me happy to make him happy. It's sad that people will stay in such an expensive room and not tip well, but then sometimes it's the wealthiest people who are the stingiest.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:05 PM on January 26, 2011
True story, I know an older person who collected these soaps all through the '60s and '70s. I've seen them, cardboard boxes full to the brim with little soaps of all sorts. And you know what the fashionable additive for soap was for much of this period? That's right. Hexachlorophene. You can look it up as well as I can. Stuff will totally kill your entire body completely dead in no time; maybe quicker. A really startling proportion of these little soaps proudly declared the presence of this death-substance. So if you had followed the advice of this so-called herrdoktor up until about 1973, you would not onlyl be dead now from using all these soaps but there'd be an exclusion zone for miles around your burial site. So be warned. Stock up on nothing. That Costco TP supply is probably going to be recalled tomorrow for causing fatal, heritable and communicable crack rash, and there's you with a palletload in your basement.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:32 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:32 PM on January 26, 2011 [9 favorites]
Stuff will totally kill your entire body completely dead in no time; maybe quicker.
If you're a baby, yes.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:34 AM on January 27, 2011
If you're a baby, yes.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:34 AM on January 27, 2011
Don't be hating on my Freedom TP! You can take my TP from my cold, dead hands /moses
posted by arcticseal at 1:37 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by arcticseal at 1:37 AM on January 27, 2011
You try frowning upon something while you're laughing out loud. It's hard!
posted by Sys Rq at 2:19 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by Sys Rq at 2:19 AM on January 27, 2011
I just tried it, and can confirm that it is quite difficult.
Max von Sydow can probably carry it off though.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 2:33 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
Max von Sydow can probably carry it off though.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 2:33 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
So, joke answers in AskMe are OK now?
Wasn't a joke answer, it was a good humored answer. World of difference there.
posted by From Bklyn at 3:16 AM on January 27, 2011 [11 favorites]
Wasn't a joke answer, it was a good humored answer. World of difference there.
posted by From Bklyn at 3:16 AM on January 27, 2011 [11 favorites]
All this time I've been snatching extra lotions from unoccupied housekeeping carts without leaving tips. I feel a little dirty now. Probably because I never take the soap.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:26 AM on January 27, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:26 AM on January 27, 2011 [3 favorites]
A the Soapamite Maneuver. What until you hear what the next phase of the plan is.
Step 1: Acquire as much Las Vegas Hotel soap as possible
Step 2: ??????
Step 3: Profit and/or corpse disposal
posted by blue_beetle at 5:24 AM on January 27, 2011
Step 1: Acquire as much Las Vegas Hotel soap as possible
Step 2: ??????
Step 3: Profit and/or corpse disposal
posted by blue_beetle at 5:24 AM on January 27, 2011
OK, it's funny for one person to do this occasionally. Let it not become a new mefi trend.
posted by spitbull at 5:26 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by spitbull at 5:26 AM on January 27, 2011
Joke answers have always been fine in AskMe. The criteria isn't "is there a joke" but "is it answering the question." This is a fine example of both criteria being a resounding "yes!"
posted by Tomorrowful at 5:30 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by Tomorrowful at 5:30 AM on January 27, 2011
Whenever I have to stay at a hotel for more than one day, part of my planning involved rationing the little soap and shampoo so that it would last my entire trip. And now I learn you can just ask for more.
My eyes are open.
posted by meese at 5:34 AM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
My eyes are open.
posted by meese at 5:34 AM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
smell like a casino
The only casino I have ever been in smelled like ten million ashtrays and desperation. You can keep your fancy soap.
posted by briank at 6:00 AM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
The only casino I have ever been in smelled like ten million ashtrays and desperation. You can keep your fancy soap.
posted by briank at 6:00 AM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
I like to let the hotel soaps accumulate in my room and keep my bath-sized Dial in my room safe.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:11 AM on January 27, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 6:11 AM on January 27, 2011 [5 favorites]
He is right about the toilet paper I once bought 2 lawn bags stuffed with rolls of toilet paper from a homeless man. Best day of my life.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:33 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by Ad hominem at 6:33 AM on January 27, 2011
....go on.
posted by elizardbits at 6:43 AM on January 27, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 6:43 AM on January 27, 2011 [7 favorites]
Or you could donate your new or used soap to Clean the World.
"Every day in North America, thousands of hotels discard millions of pounds of soap and shampoo. These products often end up in already overflowing landfills and contaminate fragile groundwater systems.
Impoverished people around the world die every day from acute respiratory infection and diarrheal disease because they have no soap. The death toll is staggering. Each year more than five million lives are lost to these diseases with the majority of deaths being among children less than five years old. Studies have shown that simple hand washing substantially reduces the spread of these diseases. Unfortunately, the essential items for proper hand washing are unobtainable for millions of people worldwide."
posted by futz at 7:17 AM on January 27, 2011 [3 favorites]
"Every day in North America, thousands of hotels discard millions of pounds of soap and shampoo. These products often end up in already overflowing landfills and contaminate fragile groundwater systems.
Impoverished people around the world die every day from acute respiratory infection and diarrheal disease because they have no soap. The death toll is staggering. Each year more than five million lives are lost to these diseases with the majority of deaths being among children less than five years old. Studies have shown that simple hand washing substantially reduces the spread of these diseases. Unfortunately, the essential items for proper hand washing are unobtainable for millions of people worldwide."
posted by futz at 7:17 AM on January 27, 2011 [3 favorites]
I got all lathered up thinking I could make some money on this deal!
posted by Mister_A at 7:18 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 7:18 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
So, joke answers in AskMe are OK now?
The answer to almost every "So, based on this one example, formerly okay thing is apparently now totally okay?" question is always "of course not." Answers that answer the question and happen to be amusing are usually okay. People who make a habit of it are generally not amusing.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:31 AM on January 27, 2011 [2 favorites]
The answer to almost every "So, based on this one example, formerly okay thing is apparently now totally okay?" question is always "of course not." Answers that answer the question and happen to be amusing are usually okay. People who make a habit of it are generally not amusing.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:31 AM on January 27, 2011 [2 favorites]
I saw that yesterday and realizing it was already a day old, I couldn't believe I was only the 14th person to favorite it. I think it was the third post ever that I've flagged as Fantastic and side-bar worthy.
posted by yeti at 7:51 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by yeti at 7:51 AM on January 27, 2011
How fast are you people going through bars of soap that you don't have time to get to a store and replace them? Couldn't you wash your hands with dish soap or other bits with shampoo for a couple days?
!!!
okay, confession time. I am addicted to different kinds of soap. When I die the word Zum will be engraved on my heart in very clean letters. I can't go into The Body Shop without leaving broke. I have about fifteen different kinds of soap in my bathroom, because sometimes I like to smell like rosemary spearmint and sometimes I like to smell like blood orange tea tree. This earns me mockery from my friends, because apparently they think that it's okay to smell like Ivory day after day. I feel sad for them in their wrongness.
So reading the good doktor's comment was the first time, ever, I have wanted to go to Vegas.
posted by winna at 7:52 AM on January 27, 2011 [7 favorites]
!!!
okay, confession time. I am addicted to different kinds of soap. When I die the word Zum will be engraved on my heart in very clean letters. I can't go into The Body Shop without leaving broke. I have about fifteen different kinds of soap in my bathroom, because sometimes I like to smell like rosemary spearmint and sometimes I like to smell like blood orange tea tree. This earns me mockery from my friends, because apparently they think that it's okay to smell like Ivory day after day. I feel sad for them in their wrongness.
So reading the good doktor's comment was the first time, ever, I have wanted to go to Vegas.
posted by winna at 7:52 AM on January 27, 2011 [7 favorites]
Also, kittens?
Too cute by half.
So if you leave a half a kitten under the fiver, will they bring you more? I don't get it.
oh "too cutE"
nevermind.
posted by nomisxid at 8:21 AM on January 27, 2011
Too cute by half.
So if you leave a half a kitten under the fiver, will they bring you more? I don't get it.
oh "too cutE"
nevermind.
posted by nomisxid at 8:21 AM on January 27, 2011
Or you could donate your new or used soap to Clean the World.
Or, other organizations mentioned in the AskMe thread (which PareidoliaticBoy mentioned above).
posted by ericb at 8:31 AM on January 27, 2011
Or, other organizations mentioned in the AskMe thread (which PareidoliaticBoy mentioned above).
posted by ericb at 8:31 AM on January 27, 2011
We'd just done the annual TP shop at Costco when I got transferred to China, so it all went into the container since work were paying for it. 6 months later, I am nowhere near buying TP here and each time I go to the loo, I'm using the finest capitalist TP. It's freedom paper!
Speaking of TP in China... a friendly tip to anybody visiting China: always, always have a roll of TP with you when you go anywhere. Public restrooms will generally not have TP. Sometimes the store clerk will have like, 2 squares they're willing to give you, or there'll be a restroom attendant selling it, but having your own TP makes things so much easier. Freedom paper indeed!
And Costco store brand TP is luxury compared to the stuff you usually find in China.
Disclaimer: I haven't been since 2002. I don't know if the Olympics helped with the TP situation in Beijing.
posted by kmz at 8:53 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
Speaking of TP in China... a friendly tip to anybody visiting China: always, always have a roll of TP with you when you go anywhere. Public restrooms will generally not have TP. Sometimes the store clerk will have like, 2 squares they're willing to give you, or there'll be a restroom attendant selling it, but having your own TP makes things so much easier. Freedom paper indeed!
And Costco store brand TP is luxury compared to the stuff you usually find in China.
Disclaimer: I haven't been since 2002. I don't know if the Olympics helped with the TP situation in Beijing.
posted by kmz at 8:53 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
So if you leave a half a kitten under the fiver, will they bring you more? I don't get it.
If you end up with half a kitten in your hotel room, you are clearly going to be needing more soap.
posted by Big_B at 8:54 AM on January 27, 2011
If you end up with half a kitten in your hotel room, you are clearly going to be needing more soap.
posted by Big_B at 8:54 AM on January 27, 2011
Anyone ever stored a large amount of toilet paper? You need some serious basementage for that.* Gimme soap any time.
*been there done that. Friends moved to another town. They still had most of a truckload of cheap rolls from some other universe; they left it all in my place. We're still using the kitchen paper, it somehow seems to keep re-growing. [When they left, car loaded so high with last-minute stuff that it clonked onto the road whenever anyone sneezed, he gave me a post-last-minute assignment: to go back to their now-sold old house, quietly enter their outer-basement-idiosyncratic-little-creaky-door and retrieve a forgotten half-scale lifelike jail door in paper and wood from his professional Baroque puppet theater, with which he had been touring the continent. So I crept back and sneakily retrieved that gate. Neighbors were cooking or something, I guess, I got away with it.]
posted by Namlit at 9:02 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
*been there done that. Friends moved to another town. They still had most of a truckload of cheap rolls from some other universe; they left it all in my place. We're still using the kitchen paper, it somehow seems to keep re-growing. [When they left, car loaded so high with last-minute stuff that it clonked onto the road whenever anyone sneezed, he gave me a post-last-minute assignment: to go back to their now-sold old house, quietly enter their outer-basement-idiosyncratic-little-creaky-door and retrieve a forgotten half-scale lifelike jail door in paper and wood from his professional Baroque puppet theater, with which he had been touring the continent. So I crept back and sneakily retrieved that gate. Neighbors were cooking or something, I guess, I got away with it.]
posted by Namlit at 9:02 AM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
Checking out herrdoktor's activity led me to the Gumbandit thread and blog, which I had missed and are fantastic. But the blog's abrupt ending is pretty unfortunate.
posted by painquale at 9:14 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by painquale at 9:14 AM on January 27, 2011
My mother is old. Once she came across an incredible deal on toilet paper and purchased a proverbial shit-ton of it. That night while lying in bed a fear came over her that if she were to die in her sleep that night anyone would look in her basement and come to the obvious conclusion she was some kind of toilet paper hoarding nut.
She laid awake worrying and then made a point to tell her children the next morning the details of her great purchase, lest we think she had settled in to a hording dementia.
posted by readery at 10:10 AM on January 27, 2011 [11 favorites]
She laid awake worrying and then made a point to tell her children the next morning the details of her great purchase, lest we think she had settled in to a hording dementia.
posted by readery at 10:10 AM on January 27, 2011 [11 favorites]
Mini everything
I especially like the mini razors. One hair at a time; a square inch per razor.
[Apropos nothing; my step-grandma collected candles besides soap. She died in 1982. My parents still have those candles, as I found out digging around their attic. Stuff is persistent]
posted by Namlit at 10:39 AM on January 27, 2011
I especially like the mini razors. One hair at a time; a square inch per razor.
[Apropos nothing; my step-grandma collected candles besides soap. She died in 1982. My parents still have those candles, as I found out digging around their attic. Stuff is persistent]
posted by Namlit at 10:39 AM on January 27, 2011
"So, joke answers in AskMe are OK now?"
Well, obviously not for you, since you can't distinguish funny answers from joke answers.
posted by klangklangston at 10:45 AM on January 27, 2011
Well, obviously not for you, since you can't distinguish funny answers from joke answers.
posted by klangklangston at 10:45 AM on January 27, 2011
Anyone ever stored a large amount of toilet paper? You need some serious basementage for that
A friend's dad took to his basement after Christmas in 1999 in anticipation of the impending apocalypse of the Millennium. He hoarded food, water and various other essentials.
But not toilet paper.
Unbenownst to his family, who declined the opportunity to lock themselves downstairs with him, he had to resort to ripping the labels off cans of food to use to wipe his arse.
Which, if it wasn't bad enough, meant that when it came to meal times he had absolutely no idea what he was opening and going to have to eat.
Anyway, he lasted 10 days, which was quite impressive given the circumstances.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:50 AM on January 27, 2011 [8 favorites]
A friend's dad took to his basement after Christmas in 1999 in anticipation of the impending apocalypse of the Millennium. He hoarded food, water and various other essentials.
But not toilet paper.
Unbenownst to his family, who declined the opportunity to lock themselves downstairs with him, he had to resort to ripping the labels off cans of food to use to wipe his arse.
Which, if it wasn't bad enough, meant that when it came to meal times he had absolutely no idea what he was opening and going to have to eat.
Anyway, he lasted 10 days, which was quite impressive given the circumstances.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:50 AM on January 27, 2011 [8 favorites]
The thing about the TP is that you start to believe that you will never run out of it. Never, ever. It's a cornucopia. And then you go to get a new roll from the cupboard, and as your fingers brush the crinkly plastic, your eyes widen in disbelief.
Then you go curse out your partner for not freaking telling you that he took the last roll. Bastard.
posted by cabingirl at 10:57 AM on January 27, 2011 [2 favorites]
Then you go curse out your partner for not freaking telling you that he took the last roll. Bastard.
posted by cabingirl at 10:57 AM on January 27, 2011 [2 favorites]
a friendly tip to anybody visiting China: always, always have a roll of TP with you when you go anywhere. Public restrooms will generally not have TP. Sometimes the store clerk will have like, 2 squares they're willing to give you, or there'll be a restroom attendant selling it
OTOH, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do "The Great Cornholio" for your new Chinese friends.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:04 AM on January 27, 2011
OTOH, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do "The Great Cornholio" for your new Chinese friends.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:04 AM on January 27, 2011
If you're stacking your Vegas room with soap, you might as well ask for a couple dozen grapefruits and an insanely sharp knife while you're at it.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:55 AM on January 27, 2011
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:55 AM on January 27, 2011
Yeah, the toilet paper thing. We had 87 rolls at one point. dhartung said I should check the mister for dementia. Nah, he just likes bargains.
posted by deborah at 12:17 PM on January 27, 2011
posted by deborah at 12:17 PM on January 27, 2011
I first heard of this in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Thompson bribes the maid to bring him a crapload of glycerin soap.
posted by Splunge at 12:22 PM on January 27, 2011
posted by Splunge at 12:22 PM on January 27, 2011
I remember seeing a bit of like Maury or something when I was a kid, it was an episode about hoarders, but one guy on there it was like, "...and Henry, you once purchased TWENTY FOUR BLACK T-SHIRTs?!" and he was like "well, I mean, I have a hard time finding decent black t-shirts and it was a good deal so I figured, I'm all set for black t-shirts now..."
And that just makes some basic fucking sense. You're a grown man, you know you will keep buying and wearing these shirts, you buy the shirts, you're done with the shirts. Maybe don't agree to go on talk shows when they're trying to pad out their Look At These Nutters rosters because it came up thin, Hank, but otherwise you're okay in my book.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:24 PM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
And that just makes some basic fucking sense. You're a grown man, you know you will keep buying and wearing these shirts, you buy the shirts, you're done with the shirts. Maybe don't agree to go on talk shows when they're trying to pad out their Look At These Nutters rosters because it came up thin, Hank, but otherwise you're okay in my book.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:24 PM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
It's an awesome answer, not a joke answer. It is, in fact, a zen koan of an answer. I'd hate to lug extra soap, even really nice hotel soap, from a trip. Last trip I was on, I left the hotel shampoo, a personal 1st. But I loved the answer and the story, and I learned something from it that I can't define nearly as well as herrdoktor.
posted by theora55 at 12:35 PM on January 27, 2011
posted by theora55 at 12:35 PM on January 27, 2011
Where do you people put all this stuff?!
We live in an apartment. It has three (3) closets. One (1) closet contains my girlfriend's clothes, one (1) closet contains our winter coats, and one (1) closet is for everything else. That includes spare sheets and pillows, toiletry items, toilet paper, paper towels, and about fifty pounds of board games.
There is no room for 78 rolls of toilet paper. There is no room for twenty-four black t-shirts. There is no room for a small carry-on full of fancy scented soaps.
There IS room for six bicycles in the basement, but there are priorities.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:47 PM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
We live in an apartment. It has three (3) closets. One (1) closet contains my girlfriend's clothes, one (1) closet contains our winter coats, and one (1) closet is for everything else. That includes spare sheets and pillows, toiletry items, toilet paper, paper towels, and about fifty pounds of board games.
There is no room for 78 rolls of toilet paper. There is no room for twenty-four black t-shirts. There is no room for a small carry-on full of fancy scented soaps.
There IS room for six bicycles in the basement, but there are priorities.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:47 PM on January 27, 2011 [1 favorite]
"I went to Minneapolis in August and stayed at the Radisson."
Was it reasonable?
posted by stubby phillips at 2:24 PM on January 27, 2011
Was it reasonable?
posted by stubby phillips at 2:24 PM on January 27, 2011
Where do you people put all this stuff?!
In my basement. I spent six years living in a 1 bedroom apartment and found it really confining space-wise after having grown up in a biggish house, so when we finally found ourselves able to buy a house I honestly had "has a basement where I can put a drumset and maybe a bunch of toilet paper" near the top of my list of priorities.
The irony being that I have no car and thus can't really buy big packs of toilet paper without bumming a ride from a friend. But: glorious, glorious TP stockpiles.
I don't know where black t-shirt guy stored his black t-shirts. It was probably the 80s, let's assume he stored it on a pile of coke or possibly next to a synthesizer.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:40 PM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
In my basement. I spent six years living in a 1 bedroom apartment and found it really confining space-wise after having grown up in a biggish house, so when we finally found ourselves able to buy a house I honestly had "has a basement where I can put a drumset and maybe a bunch of toilet paper" near the top of my list of priorities.
The irony being that I have no car and thus can't really buy big packs of toilet paper without bumming a ride from a friend. But: glorious, glorious TP stockpiles.
I don't know where black t-shirt guy stored his black t-shirts. It was probably the 80s, let's assume he stored it on a pile of coke or possibly next to a synthesizer.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:40 PM on January 27, 2011 [4 favorites]
What is this thing called a "basement"? We no such things in Texas.
posted by kmz at 3:13 PM on January 27, 2011
posted by kmz at 3:13 PM on January 27, 2011
Nonsense, I have it on good authority that there's one in the Alamo.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:15 PM on January 27, 2011 [13 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:15 PM on January 27, 2011 [13 favorites]
"How fast are you people going through bars of soap that you don't have time to get to a store and replace them?"
This is not about having no time to buy soap. This is about getting a good deal on some fancy soap. Also, donate it don't throw it away.
posted by soelo at 3:19 PM on January 27, 2011
This is not about having no time to buy soap. This is about getting a good deal on some fancy soap. Also, donate it don't throw it away.
posted by soelo at 3:19 PM on January 27, 2011
So focus on getting soap. Lots of soap.
I think someone's played too much Dwarf Fortress.
posted by Prince_of_Cups at 4:52 PM on January 27, 2011
I think someone's played too much Dwarf Fortress.
posted by Prince_of_Cups at 4:52 PM on January 27, 2011
Depends on the bathroom, but you could put a shelf above the door since there are often a few feet of clearance. Then, stack away.
posted by lhall at 5:28 PM on January 27, 2011
posted by lhall at 5:28 PM on January 27, 2011
@readery: as it turns out, my mom had recently made a bulk toilet paper purchase before she died. It was surprising easy to hand off. Easier than the piano. Way easier.
posted by plinth at 7:37 AM on January 28, 2011
posted by plinth at 7:37 AM on January 28, 2011
I remember seeing a bit of like Maury or something when I was a kid, it was an episode about hoarders, but one guy on there it was like, "...and Henry, you once purchased TWENTY FOUR BLACK T-SHIRTs?!" and he was like "well, I mean, I have a hard time finding decent black t-shirts and it was a good deal so I figured, I'm all set for black t-shirts now..."
You say that, but. I have loads of toiletries, and this is the reason why - the expensive stuff I liked was on 1/3 off, making it affordable, so why not buy two? Trouble is that two costs more than one at full price and I still have to store the damned thing. If I had a basement it would be full of fabric, books and possibly Borrowers.
posted by mippy at 8:34 AM on January 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
You say that, but. I have loads of toiletries, and this is the reason why - the expensive stuff I liked was on 1/3 off, making it affordable, so why not buy two? Trouble is that two costs more than one at full price and I still have to store the damned thing. If I had a basement it would be full of fabric, books and possibly Borrowers.
posted by mippy at 8:34 AM on January 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I admire the hack but I'm a devotee of unscented Dove soap with absolutely no desire to ever go to Las Vegas. If you come up with a hack for getting a hotel mattress let me know.
posted by neuron at 10:42 AM on January 28, 2011
posted by neuron at 10:42 AM on January 28, 2011
When the apocalypse comes, and the world gets all Road Warrior on our asses, remember these words: Soap-based economy.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:15 PM on January 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:15 PM on January 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
> Where do you people put all this stuff?!
A friend in NYC rented a storage unit for her Costco hoard. I think it's good that she's since moved to a suburb in the midwest.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:05 PM on January 28, 2011
A friend in NYC rented a storage unit for her Costco hoard. I think it's good that she's since moved to a suburb in the midwest.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:05 PM on January 28, 2011
When the apocalypse comes, and the world gets all Road Warrior on our asses, remember these words: Soap-based economy.
Not Road Warrior. Fight Club.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:55 PM on January 28, 2011
Not Road Warrior. Fight Club.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:55 PM on January 28, 2011
Thanks for the shoutout, drpynchon. I appreciate all the positive comments, folks. I love MetaFilter, its members, and how diverse people's backgrounds and opinions are. It feels like I learn something with every thread, even when I have little or no interest in the topic, because the responses come from perspectives that can be so different from my own.
To address all the MeMail questions I've been getting*:
1) Yes, my answer is a serious answer. He's in Las Vegas. Minor hijinx and scams are fun. Soap is awesome.
2) Mandalay Bay, Palazzo, and Wynn/Encore have the best soaps I've encountered (you can check my website out here. Just kidding.
3) Of course I know about donating soaps/hotel stuff to charities. I've worked with charity clinics enough to know that the two most important things to the homeless besides food are a) Gold Bond powder and b) soap.
4) I know I have a lot of typos. When I get excited, I type looser. I really can spell well.
5) I am sorry if long-winded responses annoy you. This thread and some other comments I've received make me feel bad for it. My intention is not to annoy.
6) Yes, I'm single. Yes, I'm on Facebook. Yes, I'm willing to travel to meet my future wife. No, soaps and TP will remain mine in the event of a divorce**.
It's weird how this thread has made me all meta about future responses. There's no nefarious multi-level thought process, purpose, or intent going on here. Maybe it's a defect in my brain where I can't give a simple answer without some background or story. Or maybe I'm too used to doing it this way because the patient population I serve has difficulty remembering brief, cut-and-dry answers and explanations without some sort of anecdote attached.
Anyway, thanks, sorry, and keep on being on the best of the web!
* Ok, so hardly anyone's MeMailed me. I'm so lonely!
** Fine. You can have some of soaps. All these soaps are yours, save Palazzo's. Attempt no thievery there.
posted by herrdoktor at 8:34 AM on January 30, 2011
To address all the MeMail questions I've been getting*:
1) Yes, my answer is a serious answer. He's in Las Vegas. Minor hijinx and scams are fun. Soap is awesome.
2) Mandalay Bay, Palazzo, and Wynn/Encore have the best soaps I've encountered (you can check my website out here. Just kidding.
3) Of course I know about donating soaps/hotel stuff to charities. I've worked with charity clinics enough to know that the two most important things to the homeless besides food are a) Gold Bond powder and b) soap.
4) I know I have a lot of typos. When I get excited, I type looser. I really can spell well.
5) I am sorry if long-winded responses annoy you. This thread and some other comments I've received make me feel bad for it. My intention is not to annoy.
6) Yes, I'm single. Yes, I'm on Facebook. Yes, I'm willing to travel to meet my future wife. No, soaps and TP will remain mine in the event of a divorce**.
It's weird how this thread has made me all meta about future responses. There's no nefarious multi-level thought process, purpose, or intent going on here. Maybe it's a defect in my brain where I can't give a simple answer without some background or story. Or maybe I'm too used to doing it this way because the patient population I serve has difficulty remembering brief, cut-and-dry answers and explanations without some sort of anecdote attached.
Anyway, thanks, sorry, and keep on being on the best of the web!
* Ok, so hardly anyone's MeMailed me. I'm so lonely!
** Fine. You can have some of soaps. All these soaps are yours, save Palazzo's. Attempt no thievery there.
posted by herrdoktor at 8:34 AM on January 30, 2011
herrdoktor, you are a National Treasure. I am actually sort of disappointed that your Las Vegas hotel soap comparison website is not a real thing.
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:35 AM on January 30, 2011
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:35 AM on January 30, 2011
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posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:10 PM on January 26, 2011 [8 favorites]