What have been some of the best Ask Me Relationship questions? April 5, 2011 7:12 PM Subscribe
We've had a lot of years of Ask Me relationship questions. What does every one think are some of the most interesting relationship questions we've had so far? Not necessarily ones where we had a great beginning and middle and end of the story and great answers from everyone, but problems that were difficult, or tragic or hilarious or just wtf or were really well written or that told a great story?
Replace generalising with projecting as required
posted by Admira at 7:17 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Admira at 7:17 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
1. Isn't this chatfilter?
2. Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
posted by lesli212 at 7:22 PM on April 5, 2011 [8 favorites]
2. Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
posted by lesli212 at 7:22 PM on April 5, 2011 [8 favorites]
The most interesting ones that spring to mind weren't anonymous questions, which gives me hesitation to link to them here. But... "Old Man Issues" and "How Do I Make This Kid Go Away?" are classic relationship AskMe. There are MeTa threads to go with them, too, I think.
posted by carsonb at 7:23 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by carsonb at 7:23 PM on April 5, 2011
The one of the woman and the doorknob.
2. Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
Yes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:25 PM on April 5, 2011
2. Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
Yes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:25 PM on April 5, 2011
This one has a pleasant ending IIRC, so here's a link to Is it a grand gesture to anonymously give a woman I think is beautiful a banjo?
And the RandomGradStudent stuck in the dreaded friend zone with his Chinese roommate was really affecting to watch play out in real time.
posted by carsonb at 7:30 PM on April 5, 2011 [12 favorites]
And the RandomGradStudent stuck in the dreaded friend zone with his Chinese roommate was really affecting to watch play out in real time.
posted by carsonb at 7:30 PM on April 5, 2011 [12 favorites]
Hmm, there was a couple of questions asked by a young black woman who was dating an older white guy that was interesting for Metafilter's reaction to the woman more or less ignoring the advice. It spawned a MeTa, as did a later question she asked. Can't find the links though....
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:33 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:33 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
this seems like an invitation to make people feel shitty. the mods regularly delete "look at these assholes" kinds of posts, and "what's the craziest relationshipfilter" question seems like that and also pointedly mean-spirited as it's directed internally.
it's funny to sit back and read some old drama from afar, but it's less fun if that drama was your own and someone just brought it all up for laughs.
posted by nadawi at 7:34 PM on April 5, 2011 [16 favorites]
it's funny to sit back and read some old drama from afar, but it's less fun if that drama was your own and someone just brought it all up for laughs.
posted by nadawi at 7:34 PM on April 5, 2011 [16 favorites]
And the RandomGradStudent stuck in the dreaded friend zone with his Chinese roommate was really affecting to watch play out in real time.
Oh man, I'll never forget that one. Not so much for the content of the question/answers (though that is gold), but for this comment that showed up on the gray.
posted by phunniemee at 7:36 PM on April 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
Oh man, I'll never forget that one. Not so much for the content of the question/answers (though that is gold), but for this comment that showed up on the gray.
posted by phunniemee at 7:36 PM on April 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
I'm with nadawi. This seems like a bad idea.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:41 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by cjorgensen at 7:41 PM on April 5, 2011
this seems like an invitation to make people feel shitty. the mods regularly delete "look at these assholes" kinds of posts, and "what's the craziest relationshipfilter" question seems like that and also pointedly mean-spirited as it's directed internally.
I agree with this in general, but I think it takes aneedlessly prematurely pessimistic view of what kind of conversation is going to crop up. At this point I think there's an even chance for either tons of schmoopy or some real soul-killing pile-ons. Comment below with respect for those you're referencing, and there shouldn't be any trouble, no?
posted by carsonb at 7:46 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
I agree with this in general, but I think it takes a
posted by carsonb at 7:46 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I know MeTa is more "anything goes", but I'm not sure I get what this is for other than to point and laugh at people's pathos. Really, "difficult, tragic, or hilarious" instead of "great"? Kind of mean.
posted by donnagirl at 7:46 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by donnagirl at 7:46 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
if you ignore the "hilarious" criterion it's not so objectionable. there have been heaps of feelgood results, as well as plenty of instructional ones that don't involve pointing & laughing at the people involved.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:49 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:49 PM on April 5, 2011
I distinctly did not mean this as a point in laugh thread. Some of the situations that come up are funny in ways that are not mean-spirited. I was mostly just interested in 'interesting situations' like the Chinese roommate one or the banjo one, as to the more generic ones that come up over and over again.
posted by empath at 7:49 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by empath at 7:49 PM on April 5, 2011
Heretofore this thread is a referendum on linking to relationship AskMes. Let's do it!
posted by carsonb at 7:50 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by carsonb at 7:50 PM on April 5, 2011
"Heretofore" means "before now" - the rest of your verbs need to be past tense.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:52 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:52 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Henceforth.
posted by John Cohen at 7:53 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 7:53 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Verb agreement will be for pedants and from now on before then.
posted by carsonb at 7:56 PM on April 5, 2011 [20 favorites]
posted by carsonb at 7:56 PM on April 5, 2011 [20 favorites]
You mayan arrivan on-when for any sitting you like without late fore-when reservation because you can have on-book haventa forewhen presooning returningwenta retrohome.
posted by Babblesort at 8:01 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by Babblesort at 8:01 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
I don't know what it says about me that I instantly knew what Brandon Blatcher was talking about, and remembered the person's screen name. I don't think this should be a point and laugh thread, though, so I'm not posting the links.
posted by desjardins at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by desjardins at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2011
Well there was with the one with the guy who impregnated his girlfriend's blind sister. That was majestic for the short time it lived.
posted by Mitheral at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by Mitheral at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2011
Oh man, I'll never forget that one. Not so much for the content of the question/answers (though that is gold), but for this comment that showed up on the gray.
Am I the only one who thinks it's grossly unfair that, when someone re-links to a comment you already favorited long ago and sort of forgot, and you re-read it and laugh so hard you spew Pepsi out your nose, that you're not allowed to favorite it again?
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:14 PM on April 5, 2011 [8 favorites]
Am I the only one who thinks it's grossly unfair that, when someone re-links to a comment you already favorited long ago and sort of forgot, and you re-read it and laugh so hard you spew Pepsi out your nose, that you're not allowed to favorite it again?
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:14 PM on April 5, 2011 [8 favorites]
Well there was with the one with the guy who impregnated his girlfriend's blind sister.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:17 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:17 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
I always unfavourite and then favourite it again. That way it bubbles up to the top of their recent favourites and they can sit there going "why the smeg is this comment from from six years ago being favourited?
posted by Mitheral at 8:19 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Mitheral at 8:19 PM on April 5, 2011 [4 favorites]
Excellent suggestion!
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:20 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:20 PM on April 5, 2011
Cripes. I went into a chat room, but all they did was talk and talk.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:20 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:20 PM on April 5, 2011
Well there was with the one with the guy who impregnated his girlfriend's blind sister.
Huh. You weren't kidding.
posted by Forktine at 8:24 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Huh. You weren't kidding.
posted by Forktine at 8:24 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
If this thread is not just subtitled "how to make the mods relive their least favorite AskMe questions of all time" maybe try to find some that didn't have associated bannings or MeTa threads. At least that would be my suggestion.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:26 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:26 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
Well, except that it was the blind girlfriend's sister. And he was kidding, so the thread was deleted. But other than that, no kidding.
posted by Forktine at 8:27 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by Forktine at 8:27 PM on April 5, 2011
To address the actual question, the AskMes that stand out to me are always the ones where she's being cheated on by a guy who wrecked her car and steals her money for drugs and video games, and when everyone says DTMFA she's all "fuck you! You don't understand our love!" (Reverse genders for equal awfulness.)
Happily those are surprisingly rare.
posted by Forktine at 8:31 PM on April 5, 2011
Happily those are surprisingly rare.
posted by Forktine at 8:31 PM on April 5, 2011
The relationship between Bruce Lee and an angry chimp.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:35 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 8:35 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
This is arguably the greatest AskMe of all time.
posted by dhammond at 8:47 PM on April 5, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by dhammond at 8:47 PM on April 5, 2011 [10 favorites]
He impregnated his blind girlfriend's sister, not his girlfriend's blind sister.
posted by John Cohen at 8:51 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 8:51 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Wasn't there one where someone wanted to know if he should make his move, everyone said yes! Go get her! And then one day they were married? Or was that a Jane Austen novel?
posted by katillathehun at 8:52 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by katillathehun at 8:52 PM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
What clever relationship "hacks" have you come up with?
posted by skauskas at 8:55 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by skauskas at 8:55 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
The one I've always wondered about was this college guy dating a woman significantly older.... off to look for it. It was nothing super-special, but in that "whatever happened...?" follow-up MetaTalk thread, I specifically looked for a follow-up to that one.
posted by salvia at 8:56 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by salvia at 8:56 PM on April 5, 2011
dhammond - WHOA!
posted by zombiehoohaa at 8:58 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by zombiehoohaa at 8:58 PM on April 5, 2011
If anyone wants to send me a banjo, I'm game.
posted by Miko at 9:05 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by Miko at 9:05 PM on April 5, 2011 [9 favorites]
The one of the woman and the doorknob.
I'M OUT $130 FOR A LOCKSMITH BECAUSE THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME AND I DIDN'T THINK TO CHECK ASKME THIS WEEKEND
grrr
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:12 PM on April 5, 2011
I'M OUT $130 FOR A LOCKSMITH BECAUSE THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME AND I DIDN'T THINK TO CHECK ASKME THIS WEEKEND
grrr
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:12 PM on April 5, 2011
I began to flash through a number of memorably awkward and unpleasant relationship-based AskMes in my mind and it was like that end bit from The Crow where Draven pushes all of Shelley's painful memories into Top Dollar's skull and I curled up with such vigor that I gave myself a charley horse.
In doing so, my fedora fell off.
posted by adipocere at 9:12 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
In doing so, my fedora fell off.
posted by adipocere at 9:12 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Don't judge me, man! We used those drugs and played those video games together.
posted by box at 9:14 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by box at 9:14 PM on April 5, 2011
nothing will ever beat the Something Awful thread about the guy who dated a girl for a few months while convincing her he was Australian
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:14 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:14 PM on April 5, 2011
I still wonder about fr0zen and xteraco. Will we ever know how things went? I need closure dammit.
posted by jokeefe at 9:21 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by jokeefe at 9:21 PM on April 5, 2011
They're still together. There was a deleted thread last week.
posted by desjardins at 9:25 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 9:25 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Really? Did they ever get out of debt? I'm frankly surprised that after the drubbing xteraco received here-- and fr0zen, in a different way-- they still read the site, let alone post here.
posted by jokeefe at 9:27 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by jokeefe at 9:27 PM on April 5, 2011
fr0zen and xteraco still together, wow.
It's an hour later, and I still can't find the thread I was looking for. Anyone remember a thread from a long time ago (2007?), young guy posting about a relationship with an older woman? He was really young, Catholic maybe? Maybe asking about whether it was okay to have a fling, or how to break up with her?
Here's a "relationship rules for yourself" thread that has some good stuff in it.
posted by salvia at 9:49 PM on April 5, 2011
It's an hour later, and I still can't find the thread I was looking for. Anyone remember a thread from a long time ago (2007?), young guy posting about a relationship with an older woman? He was really young, Catholic maybe? Maybe asking about whether it was okay to have a fling, or how to break up with her?
Here's a "relationship rules for yourself" thread that has some good stuff in it.
posted by salvia at 9:49 PM on April 5, 2011
2. Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
Am I terrible person that this is the only one that I remember?
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:22 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Am I terrible person that this is the only one that I remember?
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:22 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Is this the older woman post you're thinking of, salvia?
posted by iconomy at 10:29 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by iconomy at 10:29 PM on April 5, 2011
Nope. Thanks, though. The age difference was bigger. He was angsting and feeling guilty, but ... wanting to break up? wondering if it was "moral" to be with her? Did I imagine this whole thing?
posted by salvia at 10:38 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by salvia at 10:38 PM on April 5, 2011
Wasn't there one where someone wanted to know if he should make his move, everyone said yes! Go get her! And then one day they were married?
This one.
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 10:55 PM on April 5, 2011 [3 favorites]
This one.
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 10:55 PM on April 5, 2011 [3 favorites]
"He impregnated his blind girlfriend's sister, not his girlfriend's blind sister."
That's an important distinction for a made-up question.
(What surprised me was that the guy was a fairly normal member for so long before pulling that. At least all of my trolling AskMe is anonymous.)
posted by klangklangston at 11:03 PM on April 5, 2011
That's an important distinction for a made-up question.
(What surprised me was that the guy was a fairly normal member for so long before pulling that. At least all of my trolling AskMe is anonymous.)
posted by klangklangston at 11:03 PM on April 5, 2011
The ultimate relationship filter question has got to be Is my husband trying to kill me?
Having said that, I am partial to the banjo, the Chinese room-mate, out of my league wedding, and other Asks with interesting outcomes. Or any outcome, really; it deeply annoys me when someone asks a question and people graciously extend their time, thoughts, and often very personal experiences to help the asker out without even the courtesy of a pingback. It's very, very rude.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:20 PM on April 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
Having said that, I am partial to the banjo, the Chinese room-mate, out of my league wedding, and other Asks with interesting outcomes. Or any outcome, really; it deeply annoys me when someone asks a question and people graciously extend their time, thoughts, and often very personal experiences to help the asker out without even the courtesy of a pingback. It's very, very rude.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:20 PM on April 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
Aha, I found the one I was looking for. Am I naive to think I'm truly the "only one" for Demi Moore? It's a little more "Dear Penthouse..." than I remember it. The pathos gets lost in the lurid details for me now. I'm also glad the misogyny was called out. At the time, I remember feeling parental and worried for him, and for his view of her, to see him examining the situation through a lens of hurt and anger trying to figure out if he truly was the only one for her.
posted by salvia at 11:23 PM on April 5, 2011
posted by salvia at 11:23 PM on April 5, 2011
I've learned lots about being less of a stereotypical creepy guy from (strangely enough) reading Something Awful threads. Besides Fedora Guy and Hey, Whatcha Reading? are there similar threads on MeFi?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:12 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:12 AM on April 6, 2011
re: blind girl's sister, where in the thread and the MeTa is the evidence that it's fake? I seem to have missed it completely (not unusual - I often can't tell if I'm skim reading until later when it turns out I recall nothing of what I read).
Some guys from IRC posted it as a joke iirc.
posted by atrazine at 12:59 AM on April 6, 2011
Some guys from IRC posted it as a joke iirc.
posted by atrazine at 12:59 AM on April 6, 2011
Am I a terrible person if I honestly believe that the ballad of fr0zen and xteraco was the most epic relationship saga ever to have graced the pages of ask.me?
It certainly brought out the worst in us: All this digging up dirt on the boyfriend isn't helping fr0zen; it's [sic] sole purpose is to amuse us by denigrating her boyfriend, and allowing us to feel smugly superior and even helpful.
posted by orthogonality at 1:29 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
It certainly brought out the worst in us: All this digging up dirt on the boyfriend isn't helping fr0zen; it's [sic] sole purpose is to amuse us by denigrating her boyfriend, and allowing us to feel smugly superior and even helpful.
posted by orthogonality at 1:29 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
It is just so mefi that the very first response to that Demi Moore poster was "OMG you need to get tested for stds."
Because on mefi that is always the first answer. I picture some people just waiting for every sex thread so they can raise the dreaded STD fear monster again.
posted by spitbull at 4:31 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Because on mefi that is always the first answer. I picture some people just waiting for every sex thread so they can raise the dreaded STD fear monster again.
posted by spitbull at 4:31 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Because on mefi that is always the first answer.
I hadn't noticed; it strikes me that the the first answer is usually a dismissive DTMFA. Nothing brings out mefites' love of the Gordian Knot story more than one of our own suffering heartbreak.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:39 AM on April 6, 2011
I hadn't noticed; it strikes me that the the first answer is usually a dismissive DTMFA. Nothing brings out mefites' love of the Gordian Knot story more than one of our own suffering heartbreak.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:39 AM on April 6, 2011
The Date from Hell? thread is worth reading at least once.
The first answer.
This was not a date. The words to describe what it was are not coming to me.... if she thinks he's her friend, she is ocmpletely batshitinsane.
posted by tristeza
posted by selton at 5:13 AM on April 6, 2011
The first answer.
This was not a date. The words to describe what it was are not coming to me.... if she thinks he's her friend, she is ocmpletely batshitinsane.
posted by tristeza
posted by selton at 5:13 AM on April 6, 2011
atrazine writes "Some guys from IRC posted it as a joke iirc."
I think they outed themselves on MetaChat as well.
posted by Mitheral at 5:25 AM on April 6, 2011
I think they outed themselves on MetaChat as well.
posted by Mitheral at 5:25 AM on April 6, 2011
The banjo is by rights mine, and I am still waiting. I think I shall start up a PostMusicalInstruments website in competition to Post Secrets, write a book, go on tour...
posted by b33j at 5:32 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by b33j at 5:32 AM on April 6, 2011
selton writes "The Date from Hell? thread is worth reading at least once."
Looking back like this it is amazing to me how chatty AskMe used to be.
posted by Mitheral at 5:33 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Looking back like this it is amazing to me how chatty AskMe used to be.
posted by Mitheral at 5:33 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I like how, before I posted there were 69 comments exactly on here.
posted by wheelieman at 5:45 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by wheelieman at 5:45 AM on April 6, 2011
Oh god whats with me lately? I am clogging up the MeFi tubes with sexual innuendo. I am calling myself out
posted by wheelieman at 5:50 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by wheelieman at 5:50 AM on April 6, 2011
Yeah, you should pull out.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:02 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:02 AM on April 6, 2011
Wait a minute, that woman had a relationship with her doorknob?
posted by Wolfdog at 6:02 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Wolfdog at 6:02 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
There was the one from the woman whose husband supposedly did not bathe at all, yet somehow kept a job and appeared in public spaces.
posted by jgirl at 6:06 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by jgirl at 6:06 AM on April 6, 2011
Wait a minute, that woman had a relationship with her doorknob?
Must've been one of these girls.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:09 AM on April 6, 2011
Must've been one of these girls.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:09 AM on April 6, 2011
wheelieman, we will all hold it against you if you keep clogging our tubes.
posted by molecicco at 6:17 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by molecicco at 6:17 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would actually like the OP to tell what he did in that situation.
I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to, but the OP's more recent questions make it clear that he's not still with the same person.
posted by desjardins at 6:30 AM on April 6, 2011
I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to, but the OP's more recent questions make it clear that he's not still with the same person.
posted by desjardins at 6:30 AM on April 6, 2011
One of the great things about reading these relationship threads is not that I disagree with the advice, it is how much it conflicts with reality.
Just last week, a good friend broke up with his girlfriend after a coworker ... completely out of nowhere, asked her to run away with him to Paris. She didn't really know him, didn't have an attraction to him, but the Big Romantic Gesture worked. I would have put money on it not working and the guy being a big creep, but what the hell, it just happened.
Or the multitude of people who say, "Don't make a move out of nowhere, this is completely creepy!" Again, I agree 100% and I don't think I have the mojo to pull this off, but I've seen guys do it! And it worked! And it wasn't creepy! And after the fact I was like, "Did you think it was weird he just kissed you out of nowhere?" and I'll get this gushy, "It was soooo romantic ..." response.
So reading Metafilter responses on this is like reading the voice in my head who says that it is much better to address things in an open and honest manner and not try to play games, when, unfortunately a good portion of my experience says that people are wired for these sort of antics. I hope things change after, say 30, but right now it is totally not cool to go up to the woman you're working with on a project and be like, "Hey, now the project is over and we no longer have a complicated work relationship, it is time for me to express my huge crush on you ..." instead, drunken making out at the bar the night before a big presentation seems to be the correct way to start this.
(I will make an assumption that if you're asking about doing your thing on Metafilter 9 times out of 10 you need to follow the Admiral's law and not go for it.)
posted by geoff. at 6:34 AM on April 6, 2011 [10 favorites]
Just last week, a good friend broke up with his girlfriend after a coworker ... completely out of nowhere, asked her to run away with him to Paris. She didn't really know him, didn't have an attraction to him, but the Big Romantic Gesture worked. I would have put money on it not working and the guy being a big creep, but what the hell, it just happened.
Or the multitude of people who say, "Don't make a move out of nowhere, this is completely creepy!" Again, I agree 100% and I don't think I have the mojo to pull this off, but I've seen guys do it! And it worked! And it wasn't creepy! And after the fact I was like, "Did you think it was weird he just kissed you out of nowhere?" and I'll get this gushy, "It was soooo romantic ..." response.
So reading Metafilter responses on this is like reading the voice in my head who says that it is much better to address things in an open and honest manner and not try to play games, when, unfortunately a good portion of my experience says that people are wired for these sort of antics. I hope things change after, say 30, but right now it is totally not cool to go up to the woman you're working with on a project and be like, "Hey, now the project is over and we no longer have a complicated work relationship, it is time for me to express my huge crush on you ..." instead, drunken making out at the bar the night before a big presentation seems to be the correct way to start this.
(I will make an assumption that if you're asking about doing your thing on Metafilter 9 times out of 10 you need to follow the Admiral's law and not go for it.)
posted by geoff. at 6:34 AM on April 6, 2011 [10 favorites]
This is the AskMe question posted by fr0zen about xteraco. This is the ensuing MeTa.
doublehappy: "re: blind girl's sister, where in the thread and the MeTa is the evidence that it's fake? I seem to have missed it completely (not unusual - I often can't tell if I'm skim reading until later when it turns out I recall nothing of what I read)."
Note the only comment in the thread marked as best answer, then follow the link.
posted by zarq at 6:56 AM on April 6, 2011
doublehappy: "re: blind girl's sister, where in the thread and the MeTa is the evidence that it's fake? I seem to have missed it completely (not unusual - I often can't tell if I'm skim reading until later when it turns out I recall nothing of what I read)."
Note the only comment in the thread marked as best answer, then follow the link.
posted by zarq at 6:56 AM on April 6, 2011
At least all of my trolling AskMe is anonymous.
Please don't make me go looking. Because if I go looking and find something, that will be bad. And if I go looking and don't find anything, that will be a huge labor-intensive waste of my time and that will also be bad but in a different way.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:20 AM on April 6, 2011
Please don't make me go looking. Because if I go looking and find something, that will be bad. And if I go looking and don't find anything, that will be a huge labor-intensive waste of my time and that will also be bad but in a different way.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:20 AM on April 6, 2011
This is the AskMe question posted by fr0zen about xteraco. This is the ensuing MeTa.
aaaaaand...this, for anybody who blinked, is the very recent update.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:25 AM on April 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
aaaaaand...this, for anybody who blinked, is the very recent update.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:25 AM on April 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
It's been interesting to see what dating looks like in a various parts of the world. There's been others, but this one sticks out for some reason in my head. I'd love to see more of that sort of thing.
The questions about bathroom privacy in relationships is fun to read about and probably won't trigger PTSD flashbacks in the mods or anyone else.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:29 AM on April 6, 2011
The questions about bathroom privacy in relationships is fun to read about and probably won't trigger PTSD flashbacks in the mods or anyone else.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:29 AM on April 6, 2011
The banjo one stopped me in my tracks, for numerous reasons. If it had been flowers instead of a banjo, it would otherwise have been unremarkable.
posted by tommasz at 7:30 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by tommasz at 7:30 AM on April 6, 2011
I would have put money on it not working and the guy being a big creep, but what the hell, it just happened.
I had an acquaintance in university who's approach to women at clubs and bars was: "wanna fuck?", literally, the first words out of his mouth. He did this for at least the couple years I knew him. He got slapped a lot, and ignored mostly, but he didn't always go home alone.
posted by bonehead at 7:33 AM on April 6, 2011
I had an acquaintance in university who's approach to women at clubs and bars was: "wanna fuck?", literally, the first words out of his mouth. He did this for at least the couple years I knew him. He got slapped a lot, and ignored mostly, but he didn't always go home alone.
posted by bonehead at 7:33 AM on April 6, 2011
I always liked this one, especially how it sort of derails into a discussion about pooping in public.
posted by mahershalal at 7:47 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by mahershalal at 7:47 AM on April 6, 2011
Sometimes I really want to know how it turned out, like for this one.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 8:47 AM on April 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 8:47 AM on April 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Fruit: Me too. I think about that guy sometimes. I hope he gets what he needs, and eventually has the wisdom to understand it might not be the same as what he wants.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Though it's relatively low on drama and intrigue, this is my favorite relationshipfilter of all time. Of all time!
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:53 AM on April 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:53 AM on April 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
[Yes, you still have to answer the question, even in a Pokeman relationshipfilter question.]
posted by cortex at 10:46 AM on May 22, 2008 [13 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]
That's hilarious.
posted by zarq at 9:32 AM on April 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by cortex at 10:46 AM on May 22, 2008 [13 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]
That's hilarious.
posted by zarq at 9:32 AM on April 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
I've learned lots about being less of a stereotypical creepy guy from (strangely enough) reading Something Awful threads. Besides Fedora Guy and Hey, Whatcha Reading? are there similar threads on MeFi?
Lovecraft In Brooklyn, here's an extreme case.
posted by illenion at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Lovecraft In Brooklyn, here's an extreme case.
posted by illenion at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
BLAST HER.
Possibly my favorite comment ever.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:49 AM on April 6, 2011
Possibly my favorite comment ever.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:49 AM on April 6, 2011
I still hope that one with the wife who threatened violence with a knife got resolved in a sane, nonviolent way.
posted by blueberry at 11:20 AM on April 6, 2011
posted by blueberry at 11:20 AM on April 6, 2011
I still hope that one with the wife who threatened violence with a knife got resolved in a sane, nonviolent way.
This one? Yeah, it still haunts me too. Would love an update.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:28 AM on April 6, 2011
This one? Yeah, it still haunts me too. Would love an update.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:28 AM on April 6, 2011
And after the fact I was like, "Did you think it was weird he just kissed you out of nowhere?" and I'll get this gushy, "It was soooo romantic ..." response.
Well sure, if the recipient was interested, it becomes romantic. If they weren't, it gets described as creepy/stalker behavior. If you don't know they're interested, you risk the latter, and MeFi advice generally is to avoid the risk (and making the other person uncomfortable). It's 'safe' advice, but if the other person had basically been waiting for them to make a move, the Big Gesture is seen as super-romantic.
posted by wildcrdj at 1:36 PM on April 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Well sure, if the recipient was interested, it becomes romantic. If they weren't, it gets described as creepy/stalker behavior. If you don't know they're interested, you risk the latter, and MeFi advice generally is to avoid the risk (and making the other person uncomfortable). It's 'safe' advice, but if the other person had basically been waiting for them to make a move, the Big Gesture is seen as super-romantic.
posted by wildcrdj at 1:36 PM on April 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
There was the one from the woman whose husband supposedly did not bathe at all, yet somehow kept a job and appeared in public spaces.
If we're thinking of the same thread, it wasn't so much that he didn't bathe, more that his underpants were permanently caked with shit. Amazing.
The SEO-friendly title is great, too: Um, honey... communication bathroom smelly
posted by jack_mo at 1:58 PM on April 6, 2011
If we're thinking of the same thread, it wasn't so much that he didn't bathe, more that his underpants were permanently caked with shit. Amazing.
The SEO-friendly title is great, too: Um, honey... communication bathroom smelly
posted by jack_mo at 1:58 PM on April 6, 2011
I have always wanted to know how this thread turned out.
posted by cyndigo at 2:55 PM on April 6, 2011
posted by cyndigo at 2:55 PM on April 6, 2011
I had an acquaintance in university who's approach to women at clubs and bars was: "wanna fuck?", literally, the first words out of his mouth.
I also knew such a person. He got laid far more than I ever did.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:43 PM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I also knew such a person. He got laid far more than I ever did.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:43 PM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Regarding the "Bruce Lee versus a chimpanzee" thread that restless_nomad linked to:
I really enjoy the way it ends.
posted by Flunkie at 3:52 PM on April 6, 2011
I really enjoy the way it ends.
posted by Flunkie at 3:52 PM on April 6, 2011
If we're thinking of the same thread
No, but yours was a forgotten gem.
I meant He stinks and he knows it.
posted by jgirl at 4:32 PM on April 6, 2011
No, but yours was a forgotten gem.
I meant He stinks and he knows it.
posted by jgirl at 4:32 PM on April 6, 2011
Woh woh woh! I want closure on Bulbasore! What happened with the voice acting cousin?!
posted by stratastar at 7:20 PM on April 6, 2011
posted by stratastar at 7:20 PM on April 6, 2011
If anyone wants to send me a banjo, I'm game.
If I had the money, I honestly, really would.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:20 PM on April 6, 2011
If I had the money, I honestly, really would.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:20 PM on April 6, 2011
If we're thinking of the same thread
No, but yours was a forgotten gem.
I meant He stinks and he knows it.
I would welcome an un-looked for and unwanted random musical instrument by anonymous post once a week if it meant I didn't have to spend as much as ten minutes in the gamy presence of either of those gentlemen.
posted by oneirodynia at 9:18 PM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
No, but yours was a forgotten gem.
I meant He stinks and he knows it.
I would welcome an un-looked for and unwanted random musical instrument by anonymous post once a week if it meant I didn't have to spend as much as ten minutes in the gamy presence of either of those gentlemen.
posted by oneirodynia at 9:18 PM on April 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
abbat is late
posted by at the crossroads at 1:13 AM on April 7, 2011
posted by at the crossroads at 1:13 AM on April 7, 2011
This question's pretty... eye opening. But it's the comments thread, where a bunch of commenters own up to sending their mates pictures of their penises, that makes it [ahem] stand out from the crowd.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:05 AM on April 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:05 AM on April 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
This MeTa comment summarizing relationship questions is a classic, even if it doesn't exactly fit the original request.
posted by TedW at 8:41 AM on April 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 8:41 AM on April 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just finished reading the fr0zen/xteraco thread...
Holy shit. At the time, I was lurking the blue. I never even bothered checking out askme. If only I had known, I would have paid my 5 dollars on the spot.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 11:18 AM on April 7, 2011
Holy shit. At the time, I was lurking the blue. I never even bothered checking out askme. If only I had known, I would have paid my 5 dollars on the spot.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 11:18 AM on April 7, 2011
I've mentioned this post a lot before but it still makes me smile both because it has a happy ending but also because it's a nice community moment. I never even know how to search for it so I just go go google and type "How could he, I'm fat" and there it is.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:54 PM on April 7, 2011 [12 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:54 PM on April 7, 2011 [12 favorites]
We're still together.
posted by fr0zen at 7:22 PM on April 7, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by fr0zen at 7:22 PM on April 7, 2011 [9 favorites]
I've mentioned this post a lot before but it still makes me smile both because it has a happy ending
Serious awwwww.
posted by Forktine at 7:44 PM on April 7, 2011
Serious awwwww.
posted by Forktine at 7:44 PM on April 7, 2011
We're still together.
Can we interview you for MeFi Mag? I'm really interested in where you guys have been, what, if any effect that AskMe incident had on the relationship and how you guys are doing now.
Seriously, MeMail, I'm really curious.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:46 PM on April 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
Can we interview you for MeFi Mag? I'm really interested in where you guys have been, what, if any effect that AskMe incident had on the relationship and how you guys are doing now.
Seriously, MeMail, I'm really curious.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:46 PM on April 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
Crowning Moment of AskMe Heartwarming
For me, I think it's this moment, which has every flavour of awesome known to mankind.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:12 PM on April 7, 2011 [3 favorites]
For me, I think it's this moment, which has every flavour of awesome known to mankind.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:12 PM on April 7, 2011 [3 favorites]
Did he ever get a job, fr0zen?
posted by milk white peacock at 2:57 PM on April 8, 2011
posted by milk white peacock at 2:57 PM on April 8, 2011
“Is my husband trying to kill me" was the most intriguing question I've ever read on AskMe, and the answers were intriguing as well because they were almost split down the middle; half of the responders thought the poster was insane and half thought the husband might really have been trying to kill her; from the question it was really hard to tell. The question itself was better than a lot of suspense fiction I've read (maybe it was fiction?)
posted by bearette at 11:52 PM on April 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by bearette at 11:52 PM on April 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
bearette: Never confirmed, but apparently the whole situation was suspiciously similar to an old mystery novel.
posted by kagredon at 2:15 PM on April 9, 2011
posted by kagredon at 2:15 PM on April 9, 2011
This is sort of the week for follow-ups. I got an email from the user (who would still like to remain anonymous) with a follow-up to the "How could he, I'm fat" AskMe.
It's so funny to me to see that post pop up on MetaTalk as one that stuck with Jessamyn.posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:52 AM on April 15, 2011 [88 favorites]
Because, seriously, the generosity and support and kindness in those answers absolutely changed my life.
I meant to just write a quick update. You know, "Everything’s good now, mkay bye!'' but somehow it turned into an epic. Read on!
When I posted the original question, I was in a really, really bad place. Aside from the long-standing body misery, what's not stated in the post is that I'd contracted a serious illness that left me unable to work.
After Mr Anonymous and I met in person, as well as the great stuff, things were really, really hard. I had to give up my job and move thousands of kilometres away to live with my parents. (Still thousands of kilometres away from Mr Anonymous, just in a different direction!) In the end, I didn't go back to work for almost a year. I was so broke and sick and miserable. And about a week after we met, Mr Anonymous’s mother died AND he then a couple of months later he was diagnosed with a chronic, and potentially fatal illness. It just couldn't get much worse.
The thing was, somehow, despite being thousands of kilometres apart in different states, and having only just met, we supported each other through it all. He such deep reserves of kindness and generosity, even while he was grieving his mother and the life he thought he'd have before he was diagnosed.
I just couldn't imagine anyone treating me better than Mr Anonymous treated me. And whenever we were together everything just seemed to go... well. Just well. You know? It always worked out. No matter what happened we could talk about it. And I liked him more the more I knew him. Unlike previous boyfriends who I kind of liked less and less the more I got to know them!
After 18 months long distance, I moved another 2000km across the country to live with him. It was a MASSIVE gamble. I'm very career driven and there are limited opportunities in my field in his town. Actually, there are limited opportunities here in any field except the specific technical field Mr Anonymous works in. Which is booming! For a heap of really good reasons he genuinely wasn’t able to leave the town. To say I was driven and career oriented is an understatement on par with saying Attila the Hun liked a fight. It was just huge to gamble on an uncertain future with him over a long-planned and carefully mapped-out future in my profession. I guess, in the end, I decided that while I loved my career, it didn't love me. (I mean, it's not a person, how could it?!) Whereas I loved Mr Anonymous. And he loved me, and showed it every day.
So I made this huge leap of faith. And he did too, to have me move in with him! He'd never had a long term relationship, never mind a live-in girlfriend! It's nearly a year since I moved and he is still the bee’s knees and the cat's pyjamas and the... I don't know, panda's paws. I love him so much. And he tells me every day that he loves me and acts like it too. Moving to be with him is the best thing I ever did.
It's been really hard adjusting to the tiny town (no shops, no cafes, no galleries, no bookstores, no movies, thank god for the Interwebs) and the change of career and he's never, ever once made me feel bad for finding it hard. He has just been the best, most supportive, most awesome boyfriend ever.
Right now, I'm finally feeling pretty good about the town and work. (I always felt good about him.) I won't bore you with the details, but I fluked a great job in a slightly different field. Both our health problems are so much better. We made some big diet and lifestyle changes together which have been hugely beneficial for both of us. I don’t think either of us would have been motivated/committed enough to do that on our own.
Last night after dinner, he was teasing me, being all “You’ll make someone a good wife one day’’ because I’d cooked. And I was all, “O REALLY. Who?” And he went all bashful and said: “Me, I hope’’.
And I never would have met him if it hadn’t been for AskMe. For reals. I would’ve talked myself out of it because I was so convinced of my unloveableness.
Thank you Metafilter, from the bottom of my heart.
xox
Ms Anonymous
Wow. That is an awesome follow-up and I'm very happy for you, anon. I guess you got your $5 worth, eh?
posted by desjardins at 8:03 AM on April 15, 2011
posted by desjardins at 8:03 AM on April 15, 2011
That's beyond awwwwww and out into serious snuggleville. Score one for Metafilter.
posted by Forktine at 8:13 AM on April 15, 2011
posted by Forktine at 8:13 AM on April 15, 2011
Oh man. Thank you desjardins for pointing this out on Twitter. It just made my day. What an awesome update.
posted by bibliogrrl at 8:13 AM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by bibliogrrl at 8:13 AM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
My heart just exploded with rainbows.
posted by sonika at 11:19 AM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by sonika at 11:19 AM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
For me, I think it's this moment, which has every flavour of awesome known to mankind.
Okay, okay, I cried. Beautiful.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:19 PM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Okay, okay, I cried. Beautiful.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:19 PM on April 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
That makes me very happy :) thanks for the update, jessamyn!
posted by jtron at 3:36 AM on April 16, 2011
posted by jtron at 3:36 AM on April 16, 2011
i am now officially adopting the phrase "the panda's paws" as my new "awesome"
happy you have found happiness, Ms. Anonymous!
posted by jammy at 6:21 AM on April 16, 2011
happy you have found happiness, Ms. Anonymous!
posted by jammy at 6:21 AM on April 16, 2011
Wow!
*goes off to write anonymous AskMe about her own deep fears*
posted by salvia at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
*goes off to write anonymous AskMe about her own deep fears*
posted by salvia at 12:01 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
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I might be generalising a touch there...
posted by Admira at 7:16 PM on April 5, 2011 [2 favorites]