Unconditional love? What? September 1, 2011 2:34 PM   Subscribe

Am I doing this right? I never leave the green. Sorry in advance if this isn't what MetaTalk is for. AlsoMike talked about unconditional love in this thread and it reminded me of some thoughts I've wanted to ask people about - namely that unconditional love just sounds like absurdity to me. Quote from the thread and more explanation below.

You love yourself now, but it's a very conditional kind of love. All you've done is checked certain boxes and acquired some social capital that you can exchange for status, praise and respect and that makes you feel good. But it's not remotely the same as unconditional love. Once you get to a point where you feel that the previous version of yourself should not have had to earn love, you should just get it for free because you're a person, you will discover for the first time what empathy means.
(from AlsoMike)

Um, I just don't understand how it makes sense that "you should just get love for free because you're a person". My mom says this is a sign of my troubled mind, but it seems illogical to me that anyone should expect anything from anyone simply because they're a person. (Obviously I believe in human rights, because society breaks down when people don't have their needs met and respected, but, you know, I don't believe in the sanctity of life either, and I'm still opposed to murdering people.)

And why *should* one love themselves regardless of whether they're 'worthy' or not? That just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. What motivation is there to become worthy then? I don't see how I could expect myself to make any improvements without proper motivation towards becoming 'better' or 'more worthy'. How do you get where you're going if you don't see where you are? Why would you strive to improve if you were happy with how things are? If it's ok to suck, why would you bother to try not to?

So, anyone? What am I missing?
(And before anyone asks, yes, I have deeply loving parents and was not neglected or traumatized as a child. I get that a lot though! I just have a strange mind.)
posted by dust.wind.dude to MetaFilter-Related at 2:34 PM (14 comments total)

Sorry in advance if this isn't what MetaTalk is for.

AlsoMike talked about unconditional love in this thread and it reminded me of some thoughts I've wanted to ask people about - namely that unconditional love just sounds like absurdity to me.


Looks like you already knew.

But how about's this...go get a therapist for your issues, not start a meta.
posted by hal_c_on at 2:37 PM on September 1, 2011


hal should go first.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 2:42 PM on September 1, 2011 [6 favorites]


This seems like it needs to be a follow up AskMe question, not a MetaTalk thread, although your instinct to not derail the original thread was a good one. Also, there is nothing wrong with unconditional love. You seem to be conflating love, respect, and esteem. Everyone is worthy of love. Respect and esteem, however, are more like trading cards or commodities.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:44 PM on September 1, 2011 [7 favorites]


This isn't what MetaTalk is for, really.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:44 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Listen to eyeballkid. He is the authority on unconditional hate.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:46 PM on September 1, 2011 [7 favorites]


Any parent who brings a child into this world owes it to the child to provide them with unconditional love.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:46 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Which means matthowie must love us all.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:47 PM on September 1, 2011


Yeah I flagged this 'cause this isn't what MetaTalk is for.
posted by Justinian at 2:51 PM on September 1, 2011


I have unconditional indifference.
posted by empath at 2:52 PM on September 1, 2011


Just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:54 PM on September 1, 2011 [10 favorites]


I'm sorry but if your post can't be easily summed up as "No, fuck you", it has no reason to be on MeTa.
posted by griphus at 2:54 PM on September 1, 2011 [24 favorites]


Unconditoining will make your hair very tangly.
posted by phunniemee at 2:55 PM on September 1, 2011


MeTa isn't a refuge for chatfilter. Best of luck sorting stuff out. And don't worry about being 'worthy' or 'sucking'; this MeTa sucks, but that doesn't mean you suck. It's all crap really.
posted by Elmore at 2:55 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yeah, this isn't really a Metatalk sort of thing. If you want to try and focus this into an answerable question for the green, that's fine. Feel free to hit us up at the contact form if you want to run a draft by us or something.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:57 PM on September 1, 2011


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