Gotta say it was a good day? November 8, 2011 5:59 PM Subscribe
Do the mods ever get to say "Gotta say it was a good day?"
A work day that passes from beginning to end with none of the customary annoyances?
Or do they wade in with the certainty that some kind of grief awaits them?
A work day that passes from beginning to end with none of the customary annoyances?
Or do they wade in with the certainty that some kind of grief awaits them?
Why do people post a thread to MetaTalk that only addresses the mods? The contact form would do the same thing . . .
posted by Think_Long at 6:02 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by Think_Long at 6:02 PM on November 8, 2011
I've had a number of "hey that was a surprisingly mellow weekend" conversations with Jessamyn, actually.
Although not recently. Happy impending holidays, everyone!
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 6:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
Although not recently. Happy impending holidays, everyone!
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 6:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
Not lately, no.
But really there are a lot of good days where things went right, there was a fun thread somewhere, people were exceptionally helpful or decent to each other, cortex or I told each other a hilarious joke on IM, we banned someone who was truly horrible, someone who had been having a hard time either got better or decided to take some time off (in a good sort of way), we get contact form email that is a shot in the arm, someone at a meetup buys us a beer, we're all sending contact form craziness around to each other on the modlist cracking jokes, something we deleted actually helps a thread be awesome instead of a hot mess in MeTa, or we wake up and the site is calm and stays calm all day.
The great thing about this job, and I've said it before, is that we all love it, but it also pays well enough that if the day sucks [people are dicks, someone sends us harassing email, two axe-grinders both hit the contact form with "He started it!!", conspiracy theories, someone comes unglued in a very public way, some big contentious thing drags on into a time when we'd really rather be doing something else] it's still not awful. My colleagues are still awesome, the dress code can't be beat, my boss has my back, I get to live exactly where I want to live and I can't think of a place I'd rather spend my online time.
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:08 PM on November 8, 2011 [61 favorites]
But really there are a lot of good days where things went right, there was a fun thread somewhere, people were exceptionally helpful or decent to each other, cortex or I told each other a hilarious joke on IM, we banned someone who was truly horrible, someone who had been having a hard time either got better or decided to take some time off (in a good sort of way), we get contact form email that is a shot in the arm, someone at a meetup buys us a beer, we're all sending contact form craziness around to each other on the modlist cracking jokes, something we deleted actually helps a thread be awesome instead of a hot mess in MeTa, or we wake up and the site is calm and stays calm all day.
The great thing about this job, and I've said it before, is that we all love it, but it also pays well enough that if the day sucks [people are dicks, someone sends us harassing email, two axe-grinders both hit the contact form with "He started it!!", conspiracy theories, someone comes unglued in a very public way, some big contentious thing drags on into a time when we'd really rather be doing something else] it's still not awful. My colleagues are still awesome, the dress code can't be beat, my boss has my back, I get to live exactly where I want to live and I can't think of a place I'd rather spend my online time.
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:08 PM on November 8, 2011 [61 favorites]
I imagine on the weekends where there aren't any deleted threads on the blue, lower than usual numbers of Anonymous AskMes, and no MetaTalk posts that all the mods are outside, hugging trees, and hollerin' into canyons, "GOTTA SAY IT WAS A GOOD DAY!"
posted by carsonb at 6:09 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by carsonb at 6:09 PM on November 8, 2011
Just waking up in the morning gotta thank mod
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No I/P or cats that should be declawed
No flameouts or religion or the word "god"
No bad posts that need to be deleted
And I can do my job in the chair full seated
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the banhammer drop
But I didn't need to, cause things were OK
Everything was calm on the blue, green, and grey
Woke up this morning and damn I had to say
I can't believe, today was a good day
posted by googly at 6:15 PM on November 8, 2011 [32 favorites]
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No I/P or cats that should be declawed
No flameouts or religion or the word "god"
No bad posts that need to be deleted
And I can do my job in the chair full seated
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the banhammer drop
But I didn't need to, cause things were OK
Everything was calm on the blue, green, and grey
Woke up this morning and damn I had to say
I can't believe, today was a good day
posted by googly at 6:15 PM on November 8, 2011 [32 favorites]
Days where seriously nothing is annoying or frustrating or anything are super rare, and I think pretty much only ever a quiet Sunday where everybody is either out in the sunshine or still sleeping off Saturday.
That said, there's plenty of days, most of them really, where the site is more of a neat place bumps and all than a place that I think of as a pile of grief. The bumps keep me interested, the nice emergent community stuff and cool posts and funny jokes and all that keep me happy that this is the place I work. The days that are a grind are, thankfully, the sort of one-offs that remind me how much I like it when that's not what it's like.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:23 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
That said, there's plenty of days, most of them really, where the site is more of a neat place bumps and all than a place that I think of as a pile of grief. The bumps keep me interested, the nice emergent community stuff and cool posts and funny jokes and all that keep me happy that this is the place I work. The days that are a grind are, thankfully, the sort of one-offs that remind me how much I like it when that's not what it's like.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:23 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza
What, even when its bad Herman Cain tries to force it on you?
posted by shothotbot at 6:25 PM on November 8, 2011 [48 favorites]
What, even when its bad Herman Cain tries to force it on you?
posted by shothotbot at 6:25 PM on November 8, 2011 [48 favorites]
A woman I used to know often said the most inexplicable thing. She loved to teach/interact with middle school kids "because I love their little attitudes" (i.e. know-it-all-ism, getting all huffy and snippy about nothing, being touchy and embarrassed about every little thing, etc).
It takes all kinds.
posted by DU at 6:26 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
It takes all kinds.
posted by DU at 6:26 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
I can't start a metatalk thread, but can we get someone down to occupy portland to help mediocre?
posted by empath at 6:32 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by empath at 6:32 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
empath: "11I can't start a metatalk thread, but can we get someone down to occupy portland to help mediocre?"
He needs to get to an ER immediately. :(
posted by zarq at 6:42 PM on November 8, 2011
He needs to get to an ER immediately. :(
posted by zarq at 6:42 PM on November 8, 2011
empath: "11I can't start a metatalk thread, but can we get someone down to occupy portland to help mediocre?"
He needs to get to an ER immediately. :(
Wow, no kidding. Poor guy.
posted by sweetkid at 6:55 PM on November 8, 2011
Continuing on from googly
Got my ipad and took a stroll
Didn't even get no static from the trolls
Cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me
Saw the MeTa and they rolled right past, g
No flexin, didn't even look in the Gray's direction
as I ran the comment section
Went to pb's house, they was watchin This Week in Google
Bought frozen kugel on Froogle
Heat em up, heat em up, heat em up, heat em
Cut em in a square of goodness and watch me eat em
With a seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Slurpee in a big cup, I suck that sludge right up
An AskMe about prenups doesn't hiccup.
Plus nobody I know flamed out on the Gray.
Today was a good day.
posted by Kattullus at 7:04 PM on November 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
Got my ipad and took a stroll
Didn't even get no static from the trolls
Cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me
Saw the MeTa and they rolled right past, g
No flexin, didn't even look in the Gray's direction
as I ran the comment section
Went to pb's house, they was watchin This Week in Google
Bought frozen kugel on Froogle
Heat em up, heat em up, heat em up, heat em
Cut em in a square of goodness and watch me eat em
With a seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Slurpee in a big cup, I suck that sludge right up
An AskMe about prenups doesn't hiccup.
Plus nobody I know flamed out on the Gray.
Today was a good day.
posted by Kattullus at 7:04 PM on November 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza
\
That saying always puzzled me, because there is some really terrible pizza out there.
But I'm glad you guys have a lot of decent days.
posted by Miko at 7:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
\
That saying always puzzled me, because there is some really terrible pizza out there.
But I'm glad you guys have a lot of decent days.
posted by Miko at 7:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Every day that you're on this side of the dirt is a good day.
posted by crunchland at 7:06 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by crunchland at 7:06 PM on November 8, 2011
Guess that's why they call it work!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:06 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:06 PM on November 8, 2011
That saying always puzzled me, because there is some really terrible pizza out there.
Ditto sex.
posted by unSane at 7:35 PM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
Ditto sex.
posted by unSane at 7:35 PM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
Most gluten free pizza tastes like an alien race read ancient earth records about pizza and tries to replicate it using some sort of DNA slurry.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:55 PM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:55 PM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
Herman Cain tried to force some really terrible pizza on me.
I said, Herman, yo, later for that shit.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:59 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I said, Herman, yo, later for that shit.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:59 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Apparently today is a great day if you aren't a zygote in Mississippi, aren't a union buster in Ohio, and you aren't a vote suppressor in Maine.
posted by crunchland at 8:01 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by crunchland at 8:01 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good.
I feel like people who say this have probably never had truly bad sex.
Or truly bad pizza.
posted by grouse at 8:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I feel like people who say this have probably never had truly bad sex.
Or truly bad pizza.
posted by grouse at 8:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Or ate bad pizza then had bad sex. Ugh, FLASHBACK.
posted by unSane at 8:11 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by unSane at 8:11 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Followup question: How many switches do the mods have? I'd say a minimum of 16 is required, if they have fewer Matt needs to get them some more switches.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:21 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ad hominem at 8:21 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Confusingly, all sex with pizza is bad.
posted by loquacious at 8:22 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 8:22 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
The worst pizza is still better than the best mint flavored yogurt soda.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Use this handy flowchart in the future!
posted by cashman at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2011 [11 favorites]
posted by cashman at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2011 [11 favorites]
unSane: "That saying always puzzled me, because there is some really terrible pizza out there.
Ditto sex."
You've been told that too, huh?
posted by dg at 8:47 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ditto sex."
You've been told that too, huh?
posted by dg at 8:47 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think the mods may feel some satisfaction when they do a particularly good podcast.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:48 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:48 PM on November 8, 2011
Confusingly, all sex with pizza is bad.
You're doing it wrong. Try using more roasted garlic.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:30 PM on November 8, 2011
You're doing it wrong. Try using more roasted garlic.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:30 PM on November 8, 2011
The next time I read THE MASTER AND MARGHERITA it is going to be in a whole new way.
posted by unSane at 9:40 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by unSane at 9:40 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
You're doing it wrong. Try using more roasted garlic.
I've always found that it's the anchovies that make all the difference.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 10:01 PM on November 8, 2011
I've always found that it's the anchovies that make all the difference.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 10:01 PM on November 8, 2011
Oregano, of course, can spice things up.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:06 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:06 PM on November 8, 2011
It's the olive oil, people.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 10:10 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by hapax_legomenon at 10:10 PM on November 8, 2011
My Metafilter day just started with tears. This is one of the first things I looked at when getting up to speed with what happened while I was asleep, and I'm serious that my eyes actually started leaking. And dammit, they're doing it again.
This is going to be a good day no matter what because Metafilter people are awesome.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:11 PM on November 8, 2011 [11 favorites]
This is going to be a good day no matter what because Metafilter people are awesome.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:11 PM on November 8, 2011 [11 favorites]
"The next time I read THE MASTER AND MARGHERITA it is going to be in a whole new way."
I'm imagining the stream or partygoers lined up to greet Margarita, Azazello beside her holding a platter with a horribly prepared disaster of a pizza, while the woman who prepared it as a poisoned meal for her husband arrives before Margarita and falls to her knees, pleading.
You know, because that was a truly bad pizza.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:15 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm imagining the stream or partygoers lined up to greet Margarita, Azazello beside her holding a platter with a horribly prepared disaster of a pizza, while the woman who prepared it as a poisoned meal for her husband arrives before Margarita and falls to her knees, pleading.
You know, because that was a truly bad pizza.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:15 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Confusingly, all sex with pizza is bad.
Loquacious is not bloodninja AICMFP.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:54 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Loquacious is not bloodninja AICMFP.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:54 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
posted by loquacious at 11:42 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by loquacious at 11:42 PM on November 8, 2011
Also... you're all degenerate perverts. None of those things help, especially - guh - not anchovies. It's the burning hot cheese that makes it bad.
Sex pizza is best cold.
Freaks.
posted by loquacious at 11:46 PM on November 8, 2011
Sex pizza is best cold.
Freaks.
posted by loquacious at 11:46 PM on November 8, 2011
Dear AskMe: why doesn't my pizza respect me in the morning?
posted by arcticseal at 11:59 PM on November 8, 2011
posted by arcticseal at 11:59 PM on November 8, 2011
Check your pagers, y'all! Have a great day!
posted by iamkimiam at 2:01 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by iamkimiam at 2:01 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Dear AskMe: why doesn't my pizza respect me in the morning?
'Cause it knows about that grilled cheese sandwich.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:51 AM on November 9, 2011
'Cause it knows about that grilled cheese sandwich.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:51 AM on November 9, 2011
Hey, just like anyone else, the sandwich was just looking for a pizza the action.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:00 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:00 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think the mods wake up singing this.
I think it's this.
Y'all may be right, but I know there's gotta be some mornings the mods wake up singing... the blues. Say, something like this:
woke up this mornin', people
i checked the blue
fifteen deletions that i,
i had to do
i hollered loooooord, lord,
why must these people fuss and fight?
these snarkin' troublemakers,
how come they won't act right?
somebody screamin' "vaccines!"
another screamin' "no!"
then "Israel!" then "Palestine"
good lord, they vex me so!
i hollered loooooord, lord,
just how bad's it gonna get?
i banned two fools already
ain't even had my coffee yet!
one was screamin' "i been censored!"
one was making racist jokes
there goes my peaceful morning
it's all gone up in smoke
i hollered loooooord, lord,
sure hope it's true what they say,
yes i can only hope tomorrow
will truly be a brand new day!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:13 AM on November 9, 2011 [8 favorites]
I think it's this.
Y'all may be right, but I know there's gotta be some mornings the mods wake up singing... the blues. Say, something like this:
woke up this mornin', people
i checked the blue
fifteen deletions that i,
i had to do
i hollered loooooord, lord,
why must these people fuss and fight?
these snarkin' troublemakers,
how come they won't act right?
somebody screamin' "vaccines!"
another screamin' "no!"
then "Israel!" then "Palestine"
good lord, they vex me so!
i hollered loooooord, lord,
just how bad's it gonna get?
i banned two fools already
ain't even had my coffee yet!
one was screamin' "i been censored!"
one was making racist jokes
there goes my peaceful morning
it's all gone up in smoke
i hollered loooooord, lord,
sure hope it's true what they say,
yes i can only hope tomorrow
will truly be a brand new day!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:13 AM on November 9, 2011 [8 favorites]
that's more like a bland blue day
But yeah, I think that's what they're singing. And then they turn around and are polite as angels. Pretty awesome. And I want to know more about the kind of coffee they're having...
posted by Namlit at 5:33 AM on November 9, 2011
But yeah, I think that's what they're singing. And then they turn around and are polite as angels. Pretty awesome. And I want to know more about the kind of coffee they're having...
posted by Namlit at 5:33 AM on November 9, 2011
[...] we banned someone who was truly horrible [...]
Hooray! This is something that your job and mine have in common. One part of my job is to de-activate accounts for people who have, as we say, "been offered the option of resigning." They are typically not offered any other options.
I wlll not forget the day when a note appeared on my desk instructing me to de-activate accounts for someone quite high up in the company who had been an utter bastard to me and everyone else more or less constantly. Never in my life have I obtained such satisfaction from putting a little check mark in a box on a screen.
[...] but it also pays well enough that if the day sucks [...] it's still not awful [...]
Another thing our jobs have in common! I find I can put up with a lot of aggravation or just pointlessness once I remind myself that, you know what, I may be sitting here in the stupidest meeting that has ever taken place in the history of mankind, but I'm getting paid to sit here, so it's not really that bad in an absolute sense.
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good.
Years ago, I mentioned this to someone I'm rather fond of. It turns out, she doesn't like pizza unless it's really good pizza. So I guess like the ask culture vs. guess culture thing, this is yet another way the population can be divided into two groups who have trouble understanding each other. But ultimately it's OK because I think there is a finite amount of pizza in the universe, and that means there's more of it for me, right?
posted by FishBike at 5:36 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Hooray! This is something that your job and mine have in common. One part of my job is to de-activate accounts for people who have, as we say, "been offered the option of resigning." They are typically not offered any other options.
I wlll not forget the day when a note appeared on my desk instructing me to de-activate accounts for someone quite high up in the company who had been an utter bastard to me and everyone else more or less constantly. Never in my life have I obtained such satisfaction from putting a little check mark in a box on a screen.
[...] but it also pays well enough that if the day sucks [...] it's still not awful [...]
Another thing our jobs have in common! I find I can put up with a lot of aggravation or just pointlessness once I remind myself that, you know what, I may be sitting here in the stupidest meeting that has ever taken place in the history of mankind, but I'm getting paid to sit here, so it's not really that bad in an absolute sense.
So yeah, it's what people say about sex and pizza. Even when it's bad, it's pretty good.
Years ago, I mentioned this to someone I'm rather fond of. It turns out, she doesn't like pizza unless it's really good pizza. So I guess like the ask culture vs. guess culture thing, this is yet another way the population can be divided into two groups who have trouble understanding each other. But ultimately it's OK because I think there is a finite amount of pizza in the universe, and that means there's more of it for me, right?
posted by FishBike at 5:36 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's plenty for you if you like bad pizza!
posted by Miko at 5:39 AM on November 9, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Miko at 5:39 AM on November 9, 2011 [3 favorites]
Grandma always used to say "there's more than one pizza in the sea".
We all loved grandma, though.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:50 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
We all loved grandma, though.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:50 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm still having a hard time imagining bad pizza, but this has been an enlightening discussion of it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:41 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:41 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
But ultimately it's OK because I think there is a finite amount of pizza in the universe,
You can't know that. While unlikely, it's not impossible that there are entire galaxy sized pizzas out there in the dark infinite.
I mean, the ancient Elder Gods from the between places need a midnight snack every now and again too, right?
It could happen.
posted by quin at 7:52 AM on November 9, 2011
You can't know that. While unlikely, it's not impossible that there are entire galaxy sized pizzas out there in the dark infinite.
I mean, the ancient Elder Gods from the between places need a midnight snack every now and again too, right?
It could happen.
posted by quin at 7:52 AM on November 9, 2011
Why do people post a thread to MetaTalk that only addresses the mods? The contact form would do the same thing . . .
Some questions for the mods are of interest only to the person asking. Some questions for the mods are of interest to the community at large. And while people sometimes mistake the former for the latter, this is not one of those cases.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:55 AM on November 9, 2011
Some questions for the mods are of interest only to the person asking. Some questions for the mods are of interest to the community at large. And while people sometimes mistake the former for the latter, this is not one of those cases.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:55 AM on November 9, 2011
I'm still having a hard time imagining bad pizza, but this has been an enlightening discussion of it.
Maybe it's that.....you've never known GOOD pizza. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:58 AM on November 9, 2011
Maybe it's that.....you've never known GOOD pizza. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:58 AM on November 9, 2011
Another thing our jobs have in common! I find I can put up with a lot of aggravation or just pointlessness once I remind myself that, you know what, I may be sitting here in the stupidest meeting that has ever taken place in the history of mankind, but I'm getting paid to sit here, so it's not really that bad in an absolute sense.
The mantra in my office is "We get paid either way." It makes a lot of bad design/ui/ux decisions feel a lot more palatable. That and the pieces we do are typically short-lived.
posted by owtytrof at 8:02 AM on November 9, 2011
The mantra in my office is "We get paid either way." It makes a lot of bad design/ui/ux decisions feel a lot more palatable. That and the pieces we do are typically short-lived.
posted by owtytrof at 8:02 AM on November 9, 2011
I think the thing with bad pizza is that it can certainly be bad on the scale of possible pizzas, even though it's unlikely to get into Ruining Your Day territory. So some pizza is better than others, and there are extreme examples of this. I have had some really seriously poorly-put-together pizzas. I have had the cheapest frozen pizzas that exist. Pizza can get pretty unimpressive.
But beyond that, there's the mismatch between expectation and realization, which can emphasize the "this pizza is bad" feeling in some cases but is also why bad pizza can be just fine and so "bad pizza" often feels like a silly concept. Like, I don't want to be promised a big greasy slice of NY-style cheese pizza and then get stuck with a half-defrosted Totinos, sure, but sometimes what I want is anything, anything at all shaped like a pizza, and in that case give me that Totinos and make up another because NOW IS THE TIME FOR PIZZA and I don't give a goddam about any snootery.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:04 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
But beyond that, there's the mismatch between expectation and realization, which can emphasize the "this pizza is bad" feeling in some cases but is also why bad pizza can be just fine and so "bad pizza" often feels like a silly concept. Like, I don't want to be promised a big greasy slice of NY-style cheese pizza and then get stuck with a half-defrosted Totinos, sure, but sometimes what I want is anything, anything at all shaped like a pizza, and in that case give me that Totinos and make up another because NOW IS THE TIME FOR PIZZA and I don't give a goddam about any snootery.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:04 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
It is kind of freaky that a Totino's frozen pizza, at about $1.20 from my local supermarket, is actually weirdly satisfying. I'm going to have to throw in with the "no such thing as bad pizza" camp. Pizza goes from "acceptable" to "ZOMG THIS IS THE BEST FOOD EVAR" in my experience.
Dammit. Now I'm craving pizza.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:12 AM on November 9, 2011
Dammit. Now I'm craving pizza.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:12 AM on November 9, 2011
Take another little pizza my heart, now baby.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:17 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:17 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
Regarding pizza. If you are really, really hungry, any pizza at all is fantastic. Derive from this what you will.
posted by theora55 at 8:33 AM on November 9, 2011
posted by theora55 at 8:33 AM on November 9, 2011
Most of what covers a Totino's Party Pizza is "mozzarella cheese substitute" that isn't even made from milk. I mean, gross. But I've had worse pizza from a delivery joint in Austin that was presumably made from real cheese. It actually made me feel nauseous.
posted by grouse at 8:34 AM on November 9, 2011
posted by grouse at 8:34 AM on November 9, 2011
Clearly none of you have ever tried to eat the pizza at Cici's.
posted by crunchland at 8:40 AM on November 9, 2011
posted by crunchland at 8:40 AM on November 9, 2011
Clearly none of you have ever tried to eat the pizza at Cici's
I have, but I wasn't able to eat the macaroni and cheese pizza which was the whole reason we were there. But I did try damn it. I did.
posted by Sailormom at 8:46 AM on November 9, 2011
I have, but I wasn't able to eat the macaroni and cheese pizza which was the whole reason we were there. But I did try damn it. I did.
posted by Sailormom at 8:46 AM on November 9, 2011
On the subject of bad pizza, I give you: kebabpizza.
posted by misteraitch at 8:47 AM on November 9, 2011
posted by misteraitch at 8:47 AM on November 9, 2011
Gimme pizza. Pee Eye Zee Zee Ay.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:50 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:50 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
This is the only pizza I consider bad, horrible, disgusting, but the crust was great.
posted by francesca too at 9:13 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by francesca too at 9:13 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
jessamyn: I'm still having a hard time imagining bad pizza
You were clearly never a small boy traveling around Jutland with his parents, who ordered pizza at a suspiciously empty restaurant, only to be presented with something which compared unfavorably to three day old pasta sauce scraped off the floor and smeared onto stale bread.
8/17/1991 NEVAR FORGET
posted by Kattullus at 9:46 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
You were clearly never a small boy traveling around Jutland with his parents, who ordered pizza at a suspiciously empty restaurant, only to be presented with something which compared unfavorably to three day old pasta sauce scraped off the floor and smeared onto stale bread.
8/17/1991 NEVAR FORGET
posted by Kattullus at 9:46 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Once upon a time, I spent an eon or two at Thule AB, waaaaay up on the western side of Greenland. I have eaten what was alledgely pizza: US Air Force recipes that were translated by Danes (from English to Danish to Inuit), and then cooked by Inuits who were annoyed that they didn't have the higher-paying building maintenance jobs.
Yes, Virginia, there is bad pizza in this world.....
posted by easily confused at 9:49 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yes, Virginia, there is bad pizza in this world.....
posted by easily confused at 9:49 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't know, guys, I grew up in a place that is justifiably known for its excellent pizza. Pizza that falls very far short of this standard can be in two categories: something different from pizza but still good, and a terrible tasting thing that shames the name of pizza.
To me, a good pizza is a classic Neapolitan-style thin crust with slightly charred, chewy crust, a tomato sauce that tastes like fresh tomato with just a little garlic and basil, and cheese that isn't thick and gooey but is in a nice, bubbly, thin layer. There are a lot of variations on this with different sauces and toppings that can still be good.
I have a special dislike for the Domino's style pizza. The thick, white-bready, bland crust, the latexy generic cheese, the sugary sweetened sauce. This pizza style is found frequently at pizza establishments outside the East Coast metro areas, and I would basically rather not eat pizza at all than eat that kind of pizza. It's sort of in the pizza 'uncanny valley' - similar to pizza but failing just enough at authenticity to be offputting.
Then there are all the pizzalike foods and pizza spinoffs. Much frozen pizza fits in this category. For frozen pizza, I like Palermo's thin crust and have a special place in my heart for Stouffer's French Bread pizza, an excellent late-night after-drinking dinner in my younger days. But there's other frozen pizza on the Domino's model (Red Baron, Freschetta) that I think is pretty bad.
Even bad pizza is better than no food at all. But it's not better than other kinds of food that you might choose to eat enthusiastically where good pizza is unavailable. But there really is pizza bad enough, to me, that I can't say it's "pretty good even when it's bad." As someone pointed out above, the same is actually true of sex as well. So the saying, for me, fails on all counts: there really is bad enough sex and bad enough pizza that you are better off without both.
posted by Miko at 9:49 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
To me, a good pizza is a classic Neapolitan-style thin crust with slightly charred, chewy crust, a tomato sauce that tastes like fresh tomato with just a little garlic and basil, and cheese that isn't thick and gooey but is in a nice, bubbly, thin layer. There are a lot of variations on this with different sauces and toppings that can still be good.
I have a special dislike for the Domino's style pizza. The thick, white-bready, bland crust, the latexy generic cheese, the sugary sweetened sauce. This pizza style is found frequently at pizza establishments outside the East Coast metro areas, and I would basically rather not eat pizza at all than eat that kind of pizza. It's sort of in the pizza 'uncanny valley' - similar to pizza but failing just enough at authenticity to be offputting.
Then there are all the pizzalike foods and pizza spinoffs. Much frozen pizza fits in this category. For frozen pizza, I like Palermo's thin crust and have a special place in my heart for Stouffer's French Bread pizza, an excellent late-night after-drinking dinner in my younger days. But there's other frozen pizza on the Domino's model (Red Baron, Freschetta) that I think is pretty bad.
Even bad pizza is better than no food at all. But it's not better than other kinds of food that you might choose to eat enthusiastically where good pizza is unavailable. But there really is pizza bad enough, to me, that I can't say it's "pretty good even when it's bad." As someone pointed out above, the same is actually true of sex as well. So the saying, for me, fails on all counts: there really is bad enough sex and bad enough pizza that you are better off without both.
posted by Miko at 9:49 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
MetaFilter: there really is bad enough sex and bad enough pizza that you are better off without both.
posted by grouse at 9:52 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by grouse at 9:52 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm with Bunny Ultramod, gluten-free pizza is confusingly terrible. Doesn't stop me from ordering it every once in a while, though. (Of course the only decent stuff is from an actual pizza place, which is so coated in wheat flour that the gluten-free pizza really isn't, but is still moderately awful, so the whole experience is just pure frustration.)
Stouffer's French Bread Pizza is probably the thing I miss most about bread - horrible, I know, but still. Comfort food from my childhood, and unlike, say, mac n cheese, there is just no adequate alternative.
Of course, I grew up in Chicago, so there's always Malnati's to discuss, but it's really a different class of food than pretty much everything else with the "pizza" label. It's as much like new york style thin crust as it is like lasagna.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:52 AM on November 9, 2011
Stouffer's French Bread Pizza is probably the thing I miss most about bread - horrible, I know, but still. Comfort food from my childhood, and unlike, say, mac n cheese, there is just no adequate alternative.
Of course, I grew up in Chicago, so there's always Malnati's to discuss, but it's really a different class of food than pretty much everything else with the "pizza" label. It's as much like new york style thin crust as it is like lasagna.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:52 AM on November 9, 2011
MetaFilter: there really is bad enough sex and bad enough pizza that you are better off without both.
And if you don't believe it, read some AskMe.
posted by Miko at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2011
And if you don't believe it, read some AskMe.
posted by Miko at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2011
I'm still having a hard time imagining bad pizza, but this has been an enlightening discussion of it.
You should come to Oakland.
Not because we have bad pizza here (although we do), just because.
posted by Lexica at 10:12 AM on November 9, 2011
You should come to Oakland.
Not because we have bad pizza here (although we do), just because.
posted by Lexica at 10:12 AM on November 9, 2011
I feel about a lot of foods the way that Miko does about pizza. Chocolate, for example. I simply can't eat American-style chocolate anymore even though I love chocolate more than I can possibly explain. Often, tasting something done really well just once ruins anything and everything that falls even moderately far below that experience.
But that just doesn't seem to be the case with pizza for me. And, it seems, at least a substantial minority of other people.
Trust me...I know good pizza. I think I may love pizza as much as I love chocolate. And while I now prefer a good NY-style pizza, I also like Chicago-style, too. I also like these fussy gourmet pizzas that are usually overpriced. Did I write "like"? I meant "love".
Here in Albuquerque, of all places, there's a place that is considered (by experts and afficiandos in the national context) to serve among the best NY-style pizzas you can find anywhere in the US. Unsurprisingly, it's a hole-in-the-wall, not-very-clean, run-down place in a not-good part of town in a strip mall, owned and run by Brooklyn transplants. And the pizza really is awesome.
But try convincing many locals of this. It's weird. I guess many people aren't familiar with good NY-style pizza. It's thin and greasy, they say. Well, yeah. That's the damn point. It's thin and greasy and fucking awesome. It's an orgasm of cheese and bread in a thin, circular shape.
People here love a local chain that is somehow both unremarkable and yet pretty good. But then, I've already demonstrated that, for me, mediocre pizza is still "pretty good". Because pizza is just so wonderful. It's full of wonder.
Frankly, while a typical Papa John's or Domino's pizza is pretty darn "meh" to me, they still are more tasty than many other foods. And, I'm a bit ashamed to confess, Domino's "brooklyn-style" pizza, when I'm lucky enough to get someone working who understands how it's meant to be prepared, and I specify both extra cheese and extra provolone cheese as a topping, is surprisingly good. Quite good, actually. But only when the stars are properly aligned, apparently. Sometimes it arrives at my door hardly distinguishable from their plain ole' "meh" pizza.
I'd go to that really good joint right now, except that it's on the other side of town, across the river, and basically like 25 miles away or something stupid. Dammit.
Goddamn, I'm hungry. Stupid thread.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:38 AM on November 9, 2011
But that just doesn't seem to be the case with pizza for me. And, it seems, at least a substantial minority of other people.
Trust me...I know good pizza. I think I may love pizza as much as I love chocolate. And while I now prefer a good NY-style pizza, I also like Chicago-style, too. I also like these fussy gourmet pizzas that are usually overpriced. Did I write "like"? I meant "love".
Here in Albuquerque, of all places, there's a place that is considered (by experts and afficiandos in the national context) to serve among the best NY-style pizzas you can find anywhere in the US. Unsurprisingly, it's a hole-in-the-wall, not-very-clean, run-down place in a not-good part of town in a strip mall, owned and run by Brooklyn transplants. And the pizza really is awesome.
But try convincing many locals of this. It's weird. I guess many people aren't familiar with good NY-style pizza. It's thin and greasy, they say. Well, yeah. That's the damn point. It's thin and greasy and fucking awesome. It's an orgasm of cheese and bread in a thin, circular shape.
People here love a local chain that is somehow both unremarkable and yet pretty good. But then, I've already demonstrated that, for me, mediocre pizza is still "pretty good". Because pizza is just so wonderful. It's full of wonder.
Frankly, while a typical Papa John's or Domino's pizza is pretty darn "meh" to me, they still are more tasty than many other foods. And, I'm a bit ashamed to confess, Domino's "brooklyn-style" pizza, when I'm lucky enough to get someone working who understands how it's meant to be prepared, and I specify both extra cheese and extra provolone cheese as a topping, is surprisingly good. Quite good, actually. But only when the stars are properly aligned, apparently. Sometimes it arrives at my door hardly distinguishable from their plain ole' "meh" pizza.
I'd go to that really good joint right now, except that it's on the other side of town, across the river, and basically like 25 miles away or something stupid. Dammit.
Goddamn, I'm hungry. Stupid thread.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:38 AM on November 9, 2011
Anyone who turns up their nose at chocolate can't be trusted. There's no such thing as bad chocolate.
posted by crunchland at 10:44 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by crunchland at 10:44 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
There may not be bad chocolate, but there is totally chocolate that is not worth my time. I'm happy to Jack Sprat that shit on over to someone who likes it, though.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:53 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:53 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's no such thing as bad chocolate.
Everytime I see this I think of my Indian relatives and how they always wanted to foist Indian Cadbury on me and were so eager that I like it but I really wanted just Indian sweets but they didn't get it because I'm American and it made me feel bad so I'd eat it anyway and aww. Indian Cadbury is awful. AWFUL.
posted by sweetkid at 10:54 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Everytime I see this I think of my Indian relatives and how they always wanted to foist Indian Cadbury on me and were so eager that I like it but I really wanted just Indian sweets but they didn't get it because I'm American and it made me feel bad so I'd eat it anyway and aww. Indian Cadbury is awful. AWFUL.
posted by sweetkid at 10:54 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Anyone who turns up their nose at chocolate can't be trusted. There's no such thing as bad chocolate."
I can respect that. I love chocolate so much, I honestly wish I could still enjoy American milk-chocolate. But I can't. It just doesn't taste very good to me.
Nevertheless, I can totally see how chocolate could be to someone else the way that pizza is to me.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:06 AM on November 9, 2011
I can respect that. I love chocolate so much, I honestly wish I could still enjoy American milk-chocolate. But I can't. It just doesn't taste very good to me.
Nevertheless, I can totally see how chocolate could be to someone else the way that pizza is to me.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:06 AM on November 9, 2011
All sweets will eventually be eaten -- voluntarily -- no matter how bad they may be, even if they only produce negative enjoyment.
posted by Anything at 11:09 AM on November 9, 2011
posted by Anything at 11:09 AM on November 9, 2011
Sugar attracts ants. Tasty, tasty ants.
posted by not_on_display at 11:10 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by not_on_display at 11:10 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
It occurs to me that my thing with pizza is most likely directly related to my deep, deep love of cheese. Crappy Kraft sliced "American" cheese is still pretty great melted in a grilled-cheese sandwich. Because even when it's hardly actually cheese, somehow "cheese" is still so damn good.
And actually good cheese? Ahhhhhhh.
My former roommate is a chef. When he learned of my love of cheese, and my recent (beginning a couple of years ago) habit of eating cheese and water crackers and maybe some cured meats, like, you know, every day, he started buying me high-quality cheeses. And I have a passion for blues, which really impressed him because, according to him, he's not known many people who can really tell a lot of difference between them. But, man, I sure can.
May I say right now that Stilton is the best thing ever in the universe? It is. I've now had a good number of different blues, numerous European varieties, and Stilton seems to me to be the perfect blue cheese. Maybe the perfect cheese of all time. It's so balanced. As for American blues, they're mostly so-so, though I find that the Maytag is pretty good.
Anyway, now that I think about it, it's probably the cheese component of pizza that causes it to have a lower limit of "not very good" to my palate. Because cheese is like bacon. It's inherently tasty.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:21 AM on November 9, 2011 [5 favorites]
And actually good cheese? Ahhhhhhh.
My former roommate is a chef. When he learned of my love of cheese, and my recent (beginning a couple of years ago) habit of eating cheese and water crackers and maybe some cured meats, like, you know, every day, he started buying me high-quality cheeses. And I have a passion for blues, which really impressed him because, according to him, he's not known many people who can really tell a lot of difference between them. But, man, I sure can.
May I say right now that Stilton is the best thing ever in the universe? It is. I've now had a good number of different blues, numerous European varieties, and Stilton seems to me to be the perfect blue cheese. Maybe the perfect cheese of all time. It's so balanced. As for American blues, they're mostly so-so, though I find that the Maytag is pretty good.
Anyway, now that I think about it, it's probably the cheese component of pizza that causes it to have a lower limit of "not very good" to my palate. Because cheese is like bacon. It's inherently tasty.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:21 AM on November 9, 2011 [5 favorites]
Crappy Kraft sliced "American" cheese is still pretty great melted in a grilled-cheese sandwich.
Even Kraft American pasteurized prepared cheese product is still a kind of "cheese product" made from milk. Imitation "cheese substitute" isn't.
posted by grouse at 11:29 AM on November 9, 2011
Even Kraft American pasteurized prepared cheese product is still a kind of "cheese product" made from milk. Imitation "cheese substitute" isn't.
posted by grouse at 11:29 AM on November 9, 2011
I love cheese but I really dislike cheese that's not good - it seems not worth the eating. I'd put American, super bland workplace-event-cheeseplate Swiss and Jack and Cheddar, and brie that's just unctuous and not flavorful enough in that category.
Maybe I'm just a food snob, is the problem.
posted by Miko at 11:39 AM on November 9, 2011
Maybe I'm just a food snob, is the problem.
posted by Miko at 11:39 AM on November 9, 2011
Even bad pizza is better than no food at all
I consumed pizza that looked and tasted very dubious in China, because the people who bought it had obviously gone out of their way to buy it and I didn't want to offend them, and as a result I was sick for the rest of the trip. So if I had it to do all over again I would pass. Luckily I have yet to have sex that was bad enough to ruin a vacation.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:44 PM on November 9, 2011
I consumed pizza that looked and tasted very dubious in China, because the people who bought it had obviously gone out of their way to buy it and I didn't want to offend them, and as a result I was sick for the rest of the trip. So if I had it to do all over again I would pass. Luckily I have yet to have sex that was bad enough to ruin a vacation.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:44 PM on November 9, 2011
Poem About Morning
Whether it's sunny or not, it's sure
To be enormously complex--
Trees or streets outdoors, indoors whoever you share,
And yourself, thirsty, hungry, washing,
An attitude towards sex.
No wonder half of you wants to stay
With your head dark and wishing
Rather than take it all on again:
Weren't you duped yesterday?
Things are not orderly here, no matter what they say.
But the clock goes off, if you have a dog
It wags, if you get up now you'll be less
Late. Life is some kind of loathsome hag
Who is forever threatening to turn beautiful.
Now she gives you a quick toothpaste kiss
And puts a glass of cold cranberry juice,
Like a big fake garnet, in your hand.
Cranberry juice! You're lucky, on the whole,
But there is a great deal about it you don't understand.
William Meredith
posted by onlyconnect at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2011
Whether it's sunny or not, it's sure
To be enormously complex--
Trees or streets outdoors, indoors whoever you share,
And yourself, thirsty, hungry, washing,
An attitude towards sex.
No wonder half of you wants to stay
With your head dark and wishing
Rather than take it all on again:
Weren't you duped yesterday?
Things are not orderly here, no matter what they say.
But the clock goes off, if you have a dog
It wags, if you get up now you'll be less
Late. Life is some kind of loathsome hag
Who is forever threatening to turn beautiful.
Now she gives you a quick toothpaste kiss
And puts a glass of cold cranberry juice,
Like a big fake garnet, in your hand.
Cranberry juice! You're lucky, on the whole,
But there is a great deal about it you don't understand.
William Meredith
posted by onlyconnect at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2011
misteraitch: "On the subject of bad pizza, I give you: kebabpizza."
I have had an excellent kebab pizza, but it wasn't from a greasy spoon kebab shop at 2 am.
posted by arcticseal at 6:44 PM on November 9, 2011
I have had an excellent kebab pizza, but it wasn't from a greasy spoon kebab shop at 2 am.
posted by arcticseal at 6:44 PM on November 9, 2011
Anyone who turns up their nose at chocolate can't be trusted. There's no such thing as bad chocolate.
Tootsie Rolls. Rolos. Caramel Hershey's Kisses. Horrid, the lot of them.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 8:27 PM on November 9, 2011
Tootsie Rolls. Rolos. Caramel Hershey's Kisses. Horrid, the lot of them.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 8:27 PM on November 9, 2011
There is only good chocolate and awesome chocolate.
If you think you've had good pizza, you haven't. Not unless you've had a Maries Pizza. It really is as simple as that.
posted by dg at 9:16 PM on November 9, 2011
If you think you've had good pizza, you haven't. Not unless you've had a Maries Pizza. It really is as simple as that.
posted by dg at 9:16 PM on November 9, 2011
Ah, blue cheeses. I, too, think Stilton is one of England's greatest achievements. I am also very fond of St. Agur. On my last trip home from England, my one bag contained a huge selection of cheeses, including a large piece of Stilton and a 2 kilo piece of St. Agur. You could probably smell my bag from the cabin of the aircraft. I didn't realize it was not legal to bring them until I was already on board the plane. The bag containing said cheese was a long time hitting the carousel, long after most of my fellow passengers had left, and I wondered if I was going to be detained and interrogated, strictly for my love of cheese. I wasn't and the cheese was delicious.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 2:02 AM on November 10, 2011
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 2:02 AM on November 10, 2011
I had a bad afternoon and a fellow worker saw me looking distressed and left a Cadbury's Fruit and Nut bar on my keyboard. It's the first chocolate I've eaten in ages. I ate it over the course of 3 hours. It was great. I felt better. Not a cure but a damned good diversion.
posted by h00py at 3:52 AM on November 10, 2011
posted by h00py at 3:52 AM on November 10, 2011
If you think you've had good pizza, you haven't. Not unless you've had a Maries Pizza. It really is as simple as that.
See, I just clicked on that and the first thing I saw was a pizza with steak chunks, scallions, and ranch dressing on it. That kind of thing looks good and if someone bought it for me I wouldn't kick it off my plate, but I couldn't consider it the apotheosis of pizza. I really tend toward places that stick toward traditionally southern Italian ingredients and toppings.
My stateside top spot goes to Freddie's in Long Branch, NJ. Some among my family prefer Brothers in Red Bank but I think their dough tastes a little too much white flour, like it hasn't rested enough or something. I still enjoy it but I just don't think it beats Freddie's.
Oddly enough, when I make pizza at home, which is often, I don't care at all what goes on it. I'll put anything on there - bacon and gruyere, broccoli, caramelized onions and bleu cheese, chicken. At home it's more of a way to make a cheap meal with a little meat and cheese and veggies and some bread dough. That opens up the possibilities. But for pizza made at a pizzeria I get pretty strict in my judgements.
posted by Miko at 5:15 AM on November 10, 2011
See, I just clicked on that and the first thing I saw was a pizza with steak chunks, scallions, and ranch dressing on it. That kind of thing looks good and if someone bought it for me I wouldn't kick it off my plate, but I couldn't consider it the apotheosis of pizza. I really tend toward places that stick toward traditionally southern Italian ingredients and toppings.
My stateside top spot goes to Freddie's in Long Branch, NJ. Some among my family prefer Brothers in Red Bank but I think their dough tastes a little too much white flour, like it hasn't rested enough or something. I still enjoy it but I just don't think it beats Freddie's.
Oddly enough, when I make pizza at home, which is often, I don't care at all what goes on it. I'll put anything on there - bacon and gruyere, broccoli, caramelized onions and bleu cheese, chicken. At home it's more of a way to make a cheap meal with a little meat and cheese and veggies and some bread dough. That opens up the possibilities. But for pizza made at a pizzeria I get pretty strict in my judgements.
posted by Miko at 5:15 AM on November 10, 2011
I, too, thought there was no such thing as bad pizza. I've had 99-cent slices from filthy and extremely disreputable locations in multiple US cities; I have in desperation resorted to nasty Pizza Hut 'personal pan pizzas' and Sbarro slices at numerous airports and rest stops; I've had pizzas that literally had a 1/4-inch pool of grease sitting in the middle; I've had ice-cold Domino's. And still I maintained that even bad pizza is better than none at all.
Until I moved to Montreal.
Its generally difficult to get even passable pizza in this city. But by far the worst pizza I've ever had was at the Montreal chain Pizzedelic. Everything, from the food to the service to the decor, is awful. And the pizza is completely, painfully, tragically inedible. The urbanspoon reviews are almost unanimously negative. Even the damn website is an abomination. I have on more than one occasion literally preferred to go hungry than eat there.
posted by googly at 1:13 PM on November 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Until I moved to Montreal.
Its generally difficult to get even passable pizza in this city. But by far the worst pizza I've ever had was at the Montreal chain Pizzedelic. Everything, from the food to the service to the decor, is awful. And the pizza is completely, painfully, tragically inedible. The urbanspoon reviews are almost unanimously negative. Even the damn website is an abomination. I have on more than one occasion literally preferred to go hungry than eat there.
posted by googly at 1:13 PM on November 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Miko: "I really tend toward places that stick toward traditionally southern Italian ingredients and toppings.
To each his/her own, I guess. For me, Maries' 'XXX Special' is the ultimate in pizza. How could you not likea pizza that includes ham, pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple, onion, capsicum, Maries special blended cheeses, bacon, prawns, Spanish olives and anchovy fillets? It's like a little piece of heaven (also a delicious, wonderful smelling, sliced heart attack in a cardboard box, of course)
posted by dg at 1:43 PM on November 10, 2011
To each his/her own, I guess. For me, Maries' 'XXX Special' is the ultimate in pizza. How could you not likea pizza that includes ham, pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple, onion, capsicum, Maries special blended cheeses, bacon, prawns, Spanish olives and anchovy fillets? It's like a little piece of heaven (also a delicious, wonderful smelling, sliced heart attack in a cardboard box, of course)
posted by dg at 1:43 PM on November 10, 2011
Yeah, it's a culture thing, I guess, dg. For me, the main thing is the bread, sauce and cheese, everything else is secondary. I usually eat pizza with toppings, but that's almost more like a garnish than the point of the meal.
Reykjavík, randomly enough, has a really good pizza culture. I also lived in Providence for five years, where pizza is a religion. So I'm used to basic pizza being a meal in itself.
posted by Kattullus at 3:59 PM on November 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Reykjavík, randomly enough, has a really good pizza culture. I also lived in Providence for five years, where pizza is a religion. So I'm used to basic pizza being a meal in itself.
posted by Kattullus at 3:59 PM on November 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Most pizza places here do have something such as you describe in their line (usually called a 'cheese pizza'), but they don't seem to sell very well. I guess the pizza culture has developed differently in different places. PIzza here is all about the toppings - the cheese and sauce are really just to hold it all together.
posted by dg at 7:02 PM on November 10, 2011
posted by dg at 7:02 PM on November 10, 2011
Oh, no, we have those places too, toppings galore and 'themes' like Buffalo and Southwestern, even side by side with really great traditional pizza.
It's just that I'm kind of a purist.
posted by Miko at 9:00 PM on November 10, 2011
It's just that I'm kind of a purist.
posted by Miko at 9:00 PM on November 10, 2011
Man, you all are missing the best kind of pizza of ALL.
FREE. PIZZA.
lemme say that again.
FREE. PIZZA. IS. THE. BEST.
[DROPS MICROPHONE; SFX: FEEDBACK]
posted by not_on_display at 9:27 PM on November 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
FREE. PIZZA.
lemme say that again.
FREE. PIZZA. IS. THE. BEST.
[DROPS MICROPHONE; SFX: FEEDBACK]
posted by not_on_display at 9:27 PM on November 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just remembered the worst kind of pizza: pizza that is not very good that is served at a sort-of-implicitly-mandatory work party/gathering thing and you only have not very good pizza instead of totally, totally decent pizza because your boss is a cheapskate and wanted to save maybe ten dollars on the order for a half dozen pies.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:49 PM on November 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:49 PM on November 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
If my boss had done that in Providence there would've been a riot. Also, it's hard to find truly bad pizza in Providence, bad places don't tend to survive very long.
posted by Kattullus at 3:19 AM on November 11, 2011
posted by Kattullus at 3:19 AM on November 11, 2011
I think there might be a sort of no true Scotsman thing at work here. Pizza that is made so wrongly that it qualifies as "bad" is sufficiently wrongly made that it no longer qualifies as pizza any more. It's sort of like one of those products where they have to mis-spell the name of it intentionally, "cheez whatsits" or "chocolatey treats" since it's so far removed from what it's supposed to be that they would get in trouble otherwise.
Clearly, no true pizza can be bad.
posted by FishBike at 5:22 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
Clearly, no true pizza can be bad.
posted by FishBike at 5:22 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
It's possible to have had so much mediocre pizza that the mere thought of anything on a dough base with any variation of sauce, cheese and toppings just makes you go blergh. It's a sad day when you find yourself there.
posted by h00py at 5:25 AM on November 11, 2011
posted by h00py at 5:25 AM on November 11, 2011
Clearly, no true pizza can be bad.
I ate at Pizza Hut yesterday with colleagues. What I had could be termed a tomato covered greasy sponge. It was not pizza.
posted by arcticseal at 5:27 AM on November 11, 2011
I ate at Pizza Hut yesterday with colleagues. What I had could be termed a tomato covered greasy sponge. It was not pizza.
posted by arcticseal at 5:27 AM on November 11, 2011
I feel like people who say this have probably never had truly bad sex.
Or truly bad pizza.
If you've had "pizza" served in a US public school cafeteria, you've had bad pizza.
truly bad pizza? Let me tell you about the time in Boy Scouts when one Einstein had the brilliant idea of bringing mass-market frozen pizza on a camping trip and attempted to cook it, foil wrapped on campfire coals. When you take bad pizza to start with and then turn it into a mass that was simultaneously burned and yet still frozen, you now have Truly Bad Pizza. A dog wouldn't have eaten that. It ended up being thrown into the woods and the best thing that could be hoped was that it would eventually break down and turn into fertilizer for new growth.
posted by plinth at 5:58 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
Or truly bad pizza.
If you've had "pizza" served in a US public school cafeteria, you've had bad pizza.
truly bad pizza? Let me tell you about the time in Boy Scouts when one Einstein had the brilliant idea of bringing mass-market frozen pizza on a camping trip and attempted to cook it, foil wrapped on campfire coals. When you take bad pizza to start with and then turn it into a mass that was simultaneously burned and yet still frozen, you now have Truly Bad Pizza. A dog wouldn't have eaten that. It ended up being thrown into the woods and the best thing that could be hoped was that it would eventually break down and turn into fertilizer for new growth.
posted by plinth at 5:58 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
Was it a pizza tree forest? Because it would a waste if it just fertilized daffodils or boxwood, or other dumb plants that can't even be used as toppings on new pizzas.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:34 PM on November 15, 2011
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:34 PM on November 15, 2011
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posted by to sir with millipedes at 6:01 PM on November 8, 2011 [7 favorites]