Thank you June 6, 2012 6:14 PM   Subscribe

An update and a thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I asked this question yesterday, when I was in a really dark place. I don’t know if the wonderful people that helped me will go back to it, so I thought I would let you know.

I'm doing much better.

I just wanted to thank you all for the private messages and the support in the thread, I don't think I would have ever gone to the ER if you hadn't been so adamant. When I was driving away, my husband hoped in the car and he really seemed like he cared. When we arrived it was quite embarrassing, but they were very nice. They talked to my husband and to me separately, and they asked me if I thought I needed to go to a psychiatric hospital. We discussed it and agreed that I will go back home, but as soon as I start feeling down, he will take me to the ER.

It all seems like a dream now. I can barely remember writing the note or locking the doors or picking up the pills. I know I did those things but I can't remember actually doing them. My husband has asked me to try to analyze the feelings I get when I start to feel blue, so I can run to him and we can work on things. He has not let me out of sight, and last time I looked the pills were gone.

It was so comforting reading your comments here, and assurances that these things happen to other people. Also your beautiful personal messages full of hope and support. I shudder to think what things would be like if I had done it, or if I hadn't gone to the hospital. Psychologically, talking to the doctor and the nurse was so didn't seem like much at the moment but when I stepped in the house I felt a lot more in control.

To whoever reads this...there is help. People care and they are wonderful. Friends on the internet, professionals and relatives, even if they are a little clueless.

I am pretty sure that if I hadn't gone I would have felt suicidal again, the nights are pretty hard on me for some reason. And I wanted to believe I had it in control when I didn't. So, I wanted to let you know...

you guys saved my life. All the good weather and the children(?) and the good music and the love and fun the future holds for me...I owe them to you. Thank you.
posted by ADent to MetaFilter-Related at 6:14 PM (36 comments total) 44 users marked this as a favorite

I've been thinking about you ever since you posted in the hoax thread. I'm glad you reached out, and never ever feel shame or embarrassment about getting help of any sort.

Take care.
posted by book 'em, danno at 6:21 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I am so happy to read this. You are amazing.
posted by tristeza at 6:22 PM on June 6, 2012

posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:28 PM on June 6, 2012

I am glad you are okay.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:31 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

ADent, thank you so much for this update. I'm really glad you're okay, too. Please remember in the future, any time you're feeling low again, that lots of people truly care about you, and truly care about what happens to you!
posted by scody at 6:33 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm really glad you are ok!
posted by Deoridhe at 6:43 PM on June 6, 2012

I am giving you an internet hug right now.

Writing that question was brave, and I'm so glad you did.
posted by ocherdraco at 6:48 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I didn't see your initial question but I'm so, so glad you got the help you need and deserve. Nights are hard for lots of people, so for sure don't feel badly about that.
posted by cooker girl at 6:54 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

I wish I'd seen that, as I have had relevant experience. I will go ahead and respond to your question now, anyway, I think.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:17 PM on June 6, 2012

I'm so glad to hear you're home and feeling better! I know for me, it was really helpful to let my husband know what collateral symptoms he could be aware of if things get bad. Keep up the hard work!
posted by freshwater at 7:32 PM on June 6, 2012

Thank you so much for checking back with us. I will be thinking of you. Glad to hear your husband was so supportive!
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:39 PM on June 6, 2012

I'm so happy to see you are doing better. Thank you for checking back in with us. You are so brave to face such a demon that depression is. Hugs all around.
posted by quodlibet at 7:56 PM on June 6, 2012

I've been thinking about you ever since you posted in the hoax thread.

ME TOO. You and a few others in that thread. I am so glad you are doing better and that you have been reaching out for help. I certainly know about the darkness of depression and would like to say that if you, or anyone else, ever feels in a dark place again, I will always make myself available to talk via memail, email or otherwise. You can contact me anytime. There have been enough people who have done it for me.

Take good care of yourself. (((((HUGS)))))
posted by triggerfinger at 7:58 PM on June 6, 2012

posted by Golden Eternity at 8:00 PM on June 6, 2012

All the good weather and the children(?) and the good music and the love and fun the future holds for me...

So true! I lost a friend to suicide, and when the weather is nice and the flowers are out, I miss her the most. I wish she could experience it. I am so glad you had the courage and strength to go! Right on.
posted by salvia at 9:25 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm glad you're okay. I had a good friend who was voluntarily committed and it was the right choice and he had a good experience. We had a six-month-old then, so we went with his wife to visit, because he wanted to see friends and be connected, and our six month old was the hit of the locked-ward visiting area, where he built stacks of blocks and knocked them over, over and over, with a variety of individuals not allowed to wear shoes. They were good to my friend there. He looked tired and thin, but he got better faster being away from his regular stress and able to get 24/7 therapy.

I find nights are difficult too (I have depression). I tell myself nothing bad can happen after 2 a.m., and I read under a bright light until then. Once it's 2 a.m. and nothing bad has happened, I can go to sleep. It used to be 4 a.m., but I've managed to gradually pull it back to 2 a.m. But if your work schedule is even a little flexible, it's not the worst thing in the world to go to bed at 4 a.m., sleep until noon, work until 8, and then go home and putz around. Or go to bed at 5 p.m. right when you get off work, before it gets dark and night-ish, and then when you wake up in the night, be awake. Under your very bright light. It's gotta be bright.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:32 PM on June 6, 2012

I've though of you since the hoax thread, and though I missed your AskMe, I'm glad you've reached out. It sounds like your husband really loves you and I hope that hanging onto that helps when things seem bleak. We all need one another, & that's what we're all here for - to help each other through this thing called life.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:33 PM on June 6, 2012

I didn't respond but I've been thinking of you since your post. I think it's important to remember that suicidal ideation doesn't play by rules or reason; it comes, it goes, it functions by its own internal logic. The most important thing is to have a means to signal your distress when it comes, and it sounds like you have a much more solid bell to ring today than you did before. That's a win! You won! Don't be afraid to ask if you need a pit crew to win again in the future.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:46 PM on June 6, 2012

Nights are often hard. The sun's not out, it's so dark. Everyone you know is probably sleeping. All the stores and stuff are closed. My UK & Aussie internet friends who are awake when it's night here in the US have gotten me through a lot of long nights. :) Plus I've been playing Glitch, an MMO of sorts, and there's always someone online there.

So glad you're okay. <3
posted by IndigoRain at 9:56 PM on June 6, 2012

Oh, I'm so glad. I didn't post because there were already a substantial number of posts giving you good advice; so glad you found the strength to take it. I know it won't get better overnight (urm) but it CAN get better. Best to you & your husband.
posted by smirkette at 11:41 PM on June 6, 2012

I didn't see your askme but I am so glad it helped. I'm crying right now because I know how hard it is when your partrner doesn't get it and you're looking back and the pills or whatever and it seems so far away until suddenly you're there again, thank you for adding another little bit of a building block to "how to get through this".

Thank you.
posted by geek anachronism at 5:06 AM on June 7, 2012

Thank you so much for the update. I've been thinking about you a lot and am really glad you're doing better and that your husband is being supportive.
posted by something something at 5:12 AM on June 7, 2012

ADent, thank you for posting. Thank you also for going to the hospital. Take care of yourself.
posted by gauche at 6:18 AM on June 7, 2012

I did not spot that post at the time - but I'm so glad you're feeling better now.

You are going to get better, ADent. Where there's life there's hope.
posted by tel3path at 7:41 AM on June 7, 2012

This is why we get our nice things back.

I'm really glad to hear that you're doing better, and that you were able to get help. I know my wife had no idea how to help when I needed it, but just knowing that we both have someone is a big help in itself.

To you and everyone else who may need it, I'm here. Not as often as I'd like because of work and school, but I'm still here. Use it however you need to.
posted by theichibun at 8:27 AM on June 7, 2012

You know, there is someone reading that thread now who doesn't have your self awareness or the bravery to ask for themselves, and who is going to go away from your experiences with the knowledge they need to take care of themselves.

Thank you for taking care of yourself, and for letting us know how you are doing. A lot of people here are holding love for you.
posted by Jilder at 9:43 AM on June 7, 2012

{{{{{Adent}}}}} ♥
posted by Lynsey at 9:52 AM on June 7, 2012

I'd like to extend a special invitation for you to come join us at metachat. It's an informal hangout for MeFites. We post silly pictures of bunnies and write about how our days are going... you might find it a comfortable place to check in and open up a bit. You'd be welcome there.
posted by workerant at 11:36 AM on June 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ahh I missed this, but lots and lots of hugs. I'm really glad to hear you're okay.

If you ever need someone to talk to if you start edging towards suicidal ideation, MeMail me. I've been where you were.
posted by Ashen at 11:40 AM on June 7, 2012

Oh yay, I'm so happy to see your update!
posted by Kpele at 1:48 PM on June 7, 2012

I'm really very glad to read this. I've been thinking about you too. I'll reiterate what I wrote in the thread that I think that you've done a really very brave and courageous thing in speaking up and getting yourself help.

I'm really proud of you. *hugs*

P.s. my internet friends have gotten me through some hard things too.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 4:38 PM on June 7, 2012

Memail sent.

Glad you're all right.
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:06 PM on June 7, 2012

Thanks so much for the followup post. Been thinking about you, and hope you continue to get the support you need.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:36 PM on June 7, 2012

*hugshugshugs for ADent*

I've been thinking of you too, since the hoax thread, but I missed your Ask post... I am very glad to hear that you're doing all right.

When that nasty little depression monster inside your head puts on the Godzilla suit and stomps around all RAWR I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOU WILL LET ME -- it is very, very hard to get help. The disease doesn't want you to, because then you're defeating it. That's why it's so important to get help, especially when you don't want it, when you don't think you're worth it.

Because the monster is full of shit, and you are always worth it. Always.

*more hugs*
posted by cmyk at 9:08 PM on June 7, 2012

I am so so glad you found a way to hang on. I felt so worried about you but didn't think I had any better answers that you had already gotten. But yes, here is another person who wishes you well. I have those long nights too and I spend a lot of late nights here on Meta being sustained by the words of smart, caring, hilarious, nerdy, learned and compassionate people of this community.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:44 AM on June 8, 2012

I saw your post, but didn't contribute as I felt others were saying what I wanted to say far more articulately than I could at that point. I too am really glad that you're hanging on, and have gotten yourself more of an offline support network too. It was such a brave thing to do.

I also want to thank you for your initial post, your candour in talking about your depression struggles and life right now. It made me, random internet stranger, feel less alone in my own depression pit and your decision to go seek help made me see that my acceptance of help is also a Good and Necessary thing right now.

Here's another MeFite pulling for you to keep on hanging on. Take care of yourself - you're worth it.
posted by thetarium at 1:49 AM on June 9, 2012

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