Doxxing Policy

November 28, 2012 8:30 AM

I'm going to an IRL meetup later today, and as an extrovert I love meeting new people, adding them to my friends list on FB, and inviting them to fun things. However, I like to maintain boundaries between my online and offline personas, and my privacy will take precedence over establishing new friendships in 99% of all situations.

I know that MetaFilter has penalties for doxxing somebody on MetaFilter itself (for example, if somebody posted my FB profile on MetaFilter) - but how severe are they, and generally how good do they tend to be at discouraging this sort of behavior? The reason I ask is because I'm trying to figure out what my trust level with other MeFites needs to be at before I decide whether or not to add them as a friend on FB.

posted by wolfdreams01 to Etiquette/Policy at 8:30 AM (264 comments total)

1. We do not use the word doxxing generally.
2. Outing someone's real life information on MeFi in a way that is anything other than obviously accidental is a quick ticket to bantown.
3. If there's a chance it was an accident [i.e. someone uses a real first name in an IRL thread in what seems like an innocuous manner] but it's still troubling to you we'll delete the content but not ban the user
4. My boyfriend will be at that meetup and will ensure your safety and privacy :)

People on MeFi are really pretty good at this. We have a lot of people who have very little link between their real life persona and their MeFi persona and people are good at respecting this.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:34 AM on November 28, 2012 [16 favorites]

This is sort of strange, but outside of a ban hammer applied and deletion of some content, what power do you expect the mods to wield over facebook?

This is a question for yourself as it's basically a universal risk, not a metafilter specific thing.
posted by iamabot at 8:34 AM on November 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

What on earth is a doxx? And how do I get one? Wait, do I even want one? It sounds so cool, but based on your question I feel like maybe it's bad.
posted by Grither at 8:35 AM on November 28, 2012 [19 favorites]

You don't have to be irl friends with anyone you don't want to be.
posted by elizardbits at 8:39 AM on November 28, 2012

What Jess said. This is generally a non-issue, since folks on mefi are pretty non-dickish about privacy stuff in general and meetups tend to be especially drama free in any case.

If you have serious, unusual concerns about avoiding non-malicious second-hand disclosure of identifying details or otherwise intentionally partitioned social media accounts, the best way to manage that is to just filter up front. e.g. if you're concerned about your full name being associated with your handle, just introduce yourself as first name; if you're concerned about your mefi account getting crossed with your LinkedIn account, don't mention your LinkedIn account.

Pretty much the same reasoning you'd use in any other context. You can pretty reliably count on people being decent; you can't rely on them being mind-readers, so if something is sensitive proceed with caution on the output side and be a little practical about where your preferences/needs intersect with what a crowd of friendly people who aren't aware of those needs and plan accordingly.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:39 AM on November 28, 2012

What on earth is a doxx? And how do I get one? Wait, do I even want one?

You know how in the late 80s and 90s, people would get swears shaved into the back of their head?

It is absolutely nothing like that.
posted by griphus at 8:44 AM on November 28, 2012 [31 favorites]

Generally, most MeFites are pretty with-it when it comes to netiquette and web mores. In my experience, if you explain to MeFites why you're uncomfortable about something, they get it.

Admittedly, I wouldn't have an issue with MeFites talking about my offline self as I'm someone who doesn't keep a separation between online and offline lives, but draws the privacy boundary in a different way.
posted by Kattullus at 8:54 AM on November 28, 2012

And, just to follow up on this, even though people are decent it's worth just being on top of things as cortex says. Specifically...

1. If people are taking photos you can opt to not be in them (we have a few MeFites who regularly attend meetups and have never been photographed, this is a totally okay choice to make) and/or opt to not have your real name associated with them. Most people use usernames in these contexts but some might not.
2. If people add you as a contact on the contact thingamajigger here on MeFi and indicate that they met you, this would likely narrow down your geographic location in a narrow sense. I suspect you are not concerned to this level but if you are, you could mention it.
3. You could always cruise through people's profiles after the fact and add them on social media later without revealing your real name at the event (other than a first name, for example) if you're happy linking up with some people but not others. The MeFi social explorer is good for this. I've definitely had random seeming people add me on Facebook who also send a note "Hi I am soandso on MeFi"

I find generally that even people who may have concerns that people may hold their online activities against them in a meetup scenario are usually mistaken. If anything, having real life connections with MeFites can help social cohesion on the site because you're more likely to give people who you know in person the benefit of the doubt in confusing situations, etc.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:58 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

elizardbits: "You don't have to be irl friends with anyone you don't want to be."

Don't trust her! Friend-entrapment is the darkest of Metafilter's secrets.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:00 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I will agree that Mefites are generally very, very good at this. Anecdote: there was a NYTimes article about Metafilter that mentioned me by my Mefi name, and there was a picture that had my real name in the caption. Nobody brought my real name over here (or they did by accident and the mods cleaned it up and everyone was cool about it, I can't recall). Yay, Mefites.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:03 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I am fairly security conscious and I have stayed at another Mefite's house--even though said Mefite was a complete stranger to me--so take that as you will. Mefites, especially Mefites who attend meet-ups, are pretty awesome people.
posted by librarylis at 9:19 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Friend-entrapment is the darkest of Metafilter's secrets.

That and a wicked Nutella addiction.
posted by Meta Filter at 9:20 AM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

Yeah one thing about meetups is that I've never seen on-site drama taken off-site (to any serious extent) and off-site drama generally remains off-site. Even people who have beef with one another -- which is thankfully rare -- don't cross the line.
posted by griphus at 9:26 AM on November 28, 2012

I think it may have been more true before the IRL section and MeMail notices when meetups were only announced on MetaTalk, but the users that attend meetups would seem to be a type of self-selected subset of the user base that are generally pretty decent when it comes to things like this - you'll generally be dealing exclusively with people that care about the site, its users, and their relation to it. I think meetups are probably too much effort for someone who's going to be a jerk to attend and make themselves a real-life troll.
posted by LionIndex at 9:31 AM on November 28, 2012

My experiences with a very privacy conscious MeFite at meet ups are that we tend as a group to be very respectful of that. He didn't give any kind of real name to the Metafilter group and no one cared. He was just USER NAME for the night and that was fine.

If you're concerned just go by your user name; honestly my meet up experience is that I tend to associate people first by user name* and by the time I can remember actual name, etc. we've met so many times that there's already a real life relationship established. It's a way to ease that transition from "Metafilter person" to "real life person."

*Another MeFite actually saw me randomly on the street the other day outside of a meet up and identified me by my user name.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:33 AM on November 28, 2012

I have never seen anyone outed on MetaFilter (outside of BND or other secondary accounts being associated with a user). But by all means, either skip the meetup, or don't give your real name at the meetup (I've given my name, but people still have called me Admiral or Haddock, which is cool by me), or don't add people on FB. If you want a social network with MeFites, join MetaChat.

Plus, it's a particularly good crew in our fair city.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 9:33 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The thing you should really be worried about is that I surreptitiously acquire a DNA sample from everyone at a meetup - sometimes blood, sometimes hair, sometimes saliva, one time it was something else and I don't really want to talk about that - anyway I've gotten really good at it, to the point where people don't tend to notice I drew blood or whatever, so there's that. It's just this quirky little habit I have, I couldn't really say when it started.

I then use it to create clones. They're all in Incubo-Tubes™ at the moment but I expect they'll be viable in, I don't know, another couple months maybe. I have no idea what I'm going to do with a bunch of cloned Metafilter users at that point. It's the journey, not the destination, you know?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:35 AM on November 28, 2012 [59 favorites]

That's, like, several layers of sockpuppetry right there.
posted by zombieflanders at 9:37 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I attended an IRL meetup the very same day that I participated in an extremely, extremely heated thread during ElectionSeason. Everyone was astonishingly decent to me. I talked a bit about personal stuff, which I have never seen repeated on Metafilter, even during further heated threads.

So what I'm trying to say is: I have no idea how strongly the mods enforce, but it may be a self-regulating thing.
posted by corb at 9:40 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think we all have enough dirt on each other to keep each other in check.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:44 AM on November 28, 2012 [11 favorites]

I'll also say that I've never been to a meet up where anyone's commenting history or Metafilter persona was discussed in any detail. So if you're worried that someones going to pick a fight with you about some contentious thread, don't be. Although people tend to identify by their user name, we (at least in DC) tend to talk about work and stuff rather than Metafilter topics. They've also all been people who were unfailingly nice or at least too shy to be mean.

Or maybe they were all gossiping about behind my back. No matter what they tell you, I'm not always drunk.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:45 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think there's a basic trucelike trust that most mefites have for each other, based on a mixture of common decency and knowledge that aggression can easily become a two-way street. So everyone I've met IRL has been very nice to me, and I've been very nice to them, and it has all been pretty peachy overall.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:18 PM on November 28

Definitely this. I mean, I have been to two meet-ups and didn't even get punched once.
posted by Decani at 9:48 AM on November 28, 2012 [11 favorites]

Doxxing sounds like some underground sex shit
posted by nathancaswell at 9:52 AM on November 28, 2012

We do not use the word doxxing generally

Let us now review the list of words we do not use:

1. Doxxing
2. Gibblet-flipping
3. Thorple-slurping
4. Yozz
5. Jojboiling

The use of each forbidden word above-listed shall be punished by the relevant forbidden punishment hereinafter-enumerated:

1. Fupplegronching, until the face of every bystander is red.
2. Snarpmangling, while the sun and moon are both visible in the sky together.
3. Cwump-jippering, in the direction of Jerusalem, while wearing a bonnet of lace.
4. Vij-hooping, sevenfold, with an comb most sharp, each Vij being hooped more delicately than the preceding Vij.
5. Chobflaarting, nineteen times, in a small closet, by a child of Grecian parentage, once upon the knuckles, otherwise upon the reverse of the knee, in contemplation of the orbit of Saturnian moons, and thereafter never spoken of again.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:55 AM on November 28, 2012 [70 favorites]

"Doxxy behavior"? Stop it.
posted by bongo_x at 9:56 AM on November 28, 2012

//I think we all have enough dirt on each other to keep each other in check.//

And here I thought Mutual Assured Destruction was an artifact of the Cold War.
posted by COD at 9:57 AM on November 28, 2012

Definition of dox(x)ing is discussed in the holdkris99 thread.
posted by Melismata at 10:00 AM on November 28, 2012

The way the rules are set up here (no bringing other people's personal info into threads from elsewhere, including profiles) make this mostly not a concern from a mod perspective. The line is pretty bright, and it doesn't get crossed often (and then usually by accident, and swiftly cleaned up.)

Whether or not you're comfortable making RL friends with people who know you from Metafilter is totally your call. There is bleedover there, in terms of how people react to you. Usually it's positive - people are generally nicer, more forgiving, and get your jokes better once they've met you face to face. (It's why I go to meetups, for sure.)

Facebook is a weird in-between place and I personally treat it as an extension of my online persona, not an extension of my RL persona, because I assume that at any point it will all become googleable. (My online persona is not much different from my RL persona, which simplifies things, but I am very aware that my audience for Facebook includes my parents, various current, past, and potentially future employers and coworkers, and present and past customers.) But then, I am sort of the living embodiment of the modern lack of privacy. YMMV.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:06 AM on November 28, 2012

Huh. I add Mefites willy nilly on Google+ and don't worry about it 'tall.

But then again, I wouldn't trust Facebook as far as I could throw it.

Personally, I would worry more about Facebook misusing my personal information than anyone in this community.
posted by misha at 10:14 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Doxxing" means releasing someone's private documents/information online in a malicious way. Usually done by Anonymous or similar hacker groups against someone they don't like.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:15 AM on November 28, 2012

I've been to truckloads of meetups. For easily half of the truckloads, I only ever called mefites I'd met before by their usernames because I didn't always remember their actual names. The mefites I'm good, IRL friends with now - I still call many of them by their usernames because that's how I'm used to thinking of them, even if I know and remember their meatspace names. Basically, in my experience, it's not a problem unless A) you encounter a previously unknown nut at a meetup who decides to fuck with you or B) you are a gigantic asshole at the meetup and instead of not ever getting invited to a meetup again people decide to fuck with you (can't really imagine this happening unless the unhinged are involved).

Also, we pretty much never talk about site-related stuff unless it's really high drama or as opening small-talk (e.g. "Did you see flapjax's latest fpp? I never heard of [band] before but wow, they're awesome!"). YMeetupMV.
posted by rtha at 10:19 AM on November 28, 2012

2. If people add you as a contact on the contact thingamajigger here on MeFi and indicate that they met you, this would likely narrow down your geographic location in a narrow sense. I suspect you are not concerned to this level but if you are, you could mention it.

So this is probably a difficult-to-implement solution for a problem that's not really that big, but would it be possible (or even desirable?) to have users approve the designations that people make for them in contacts? Like, if I say I "met" someone IRL, they have to verify it before that tag appears?

Just throwing it out there to see if that's even a possibility.

Also, the English major in me can only see the Shakespeare-era "doxy," which meant prostitute. I can't un-associate that...

Also finally, I didn't know I could enable IRL notifications! I can't believe there's a Cambridge meetup and I totally didn't notice. Probably can't go tonight though. Anyway, now I found it and have turned it on.
posted by Miko at 10:22 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

fox in socks on doxx in box
posted by elizardbits at 10:23 AM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

There's only one x in sxrabble
posted by Namlit at 10:27 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hey, that social explorer thing is neato!
posted by hydrophonic at 10:36 AM on November 28, 2012

In my experience, most mefites hate facebook as much as I do and so there's not much cross-contamination between meet-up attendants and facebook specifically.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:39 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

doxxy behaviour

THANK YOU for naming my Pet Shop Boys remix album.
posted by mintcake! at 10:43 AM on November 28, 2012 [14 favorites]

Also, in my experience with befriending mefites--and online people generally--it's a good idea to wait until you've hung out with a person several times or exchanged a bunch of one-on-one internet correspondence to start integrating them into your fleshspace friend group. Once you've crossed the line between thinking about them as "that person I met at a meet-up" and "my friend, who I happened to meet on metafilter," you can generally rest assured about someone being trustworthy.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:44 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

It's the lurkers you have to watch out for. They attend every meetup and always hang around the edges so you won't notice. But they're there.
posted by Sailormom at 10:46 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

In my experience, most mefites hate facebook as much as I do and so there's not much cross-contamination between meet-up attendants and facebook specifically.

A list of things I've done following meet ups would include letting people sleep on my couch(twice), going to other people's parties with MeFites (a few times), and taking a Mefite to the house of a person I only sort of know's parents where he proceeded to try to play the parent's harp (I don't believe he knew how).

I have never added any of them as friends on Facebook.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:48 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

If you turn out to be Dick Cheney, though, all bets are off.
posted by fleacircus at 10:57 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

So "doxxing" is something used only by gibblet-flipping, thorple-slurping yozzes with a tendency to go jojboiling?
posted by zombieflanders at 11:04 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't know what you wrote but I certainly hope you can say your Hail Maries with a mouthful of soap.
posted by griphus at 11:05 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

hail maries or hails mary though.
posted by elizardbits at 11:12 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

So "doxxing" is something used only by gibblet-flipping, thorple-slurping yozzes with a tendency to go jojboiling?

PREPARE THE COMB MOST SHARP
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:14 AM on November 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

I would not be surprised if the secret way for MeFites to identify each other in real life was some kind of "My hummus is made with A, B, C. Yours?" With specific ingredients mapping onto phrases, information and strategic commands.
posted by Wordshore at 11:18 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

MetaTalk could try to perk up attendance on otherwise slow Monday nights by featuring Foxy Doxxing.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:19 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

More like LulzSexy, amirite?
posted by zombieflanders at 11:20 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

What is the penalty when you let slip at a meetup that you pronounce "mefites" "meh fit ees"?
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:28 AM on November 28, 2012

You're being paranoid. Hi, my name is David. How are you?
posted by Justinian at 11:32 AM on November 28, 2012

(if you actually have a stalker or something, feel free to continue being paranoid.)
posted by Justinian at 11:34 AM on November 28, 2012

It's some kinda weird coincidence that Doxy's Midnight Runners just popped up on iTunes, right? When I hit skip & Doxy Music came up though, followed by Dox Watson, I began to wonder if I'd been... infiltrated. Thank G*d I don't own any Don Doxxen.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:35 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have always been curious about this, so maybe here is an okay place to ask:

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it? I mean, I'm assuming you show up and say "Hey, is this the MeFi...? Oh, it is? Okay, cool. I'm Phil. I post as EMPEROR OTTOMAN." and then people (this is what I imagine) try to remember things you've said on the internet, and either fail or are like "OH. You're that guy?!?" Is that awkward? Or is it more like, you're just casually meeting some people, and the internet is not really a big factor?

(This is largely academic, since I spend all my time with a preschooler and it would be weird to bring him to a bar.)
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:39 AM on November 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

It weirds me out a little that I've been described as a "prominent" mefite at a meetup -- it doesn't say a lot about how I spend my otherwise useful time.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:42 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Another question I have is: what about hanging out with people in real life who you have found slightly annoying on the internet? Or who find you annoying on the internet? Is that weird/fine/not an issue?

I'm probably overthinking, but I've been wondering about this. Because I have a real-life friend who in person I find to be totally great and cool and funny and weird, and on the internet (we participate in a sort of professional online space together) I find him to be a ludicrous, posturing blowhard, and it's been hard for my brain to cope with. So now I am strangely tense about the real-life/internet intersection.

I know, this kind of makes me sound like a Mennonite. What kind of weirdo doesn't meet people from the internet??? THIS KIND.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:45 AM on November 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

For me, how it goes is people show up and they're like "Mefi?" and we're all "hell yes!" and then we all laugh a little nervously, and then they say "I'm Phil" and I'm like "okay hi" and they're like "oh I guess I mean Emperor Ottoman" and then I'm like "oh right!" and that's the name I actually remember. But I remember more usernames than most people, probably.

Really it's not very awkward. It's like saying hello to any crowd of strangers and sort-of-strangers except with the pleasant twist that they're pretty much universally happy to meet you and receptive to the whole introduction thing because they're all in the same boat and you're there to hang out and have fun.

The internet is very rarely much of a factor other than the shared knowledge you're on mefi (or, as +1s often note, not on mefi). People may or may not chat about the site itself; they may or may not remember something funny you said or something neat you posted one time.

what about hanging out with people in real life who you have found slightly annoying on the internet?

I'm in an especially good position to have been annoyed on the internet at some point by someone at a meetup, but (a) I don't go to meetups to live out my annoyance and (b) people are nice and interesting and complicated in ways that transcend annoyances anyway, so I've basically always enjoyed hanging out with people even if they've been sort of a butt on Mefi at some point. It's a very humanizing experience; it's something I actually find really, really valuable about the whole meetup scene.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:49 AM on November 28, 2012 [30 favorites]

I'm Phil. I post as EMPEROR OTTOMAN." and then people (this is what I imagine) try to remember things you've said on the internet, and either fail or are like "OH. You're that guy?!?" Is that awkward?

I think that part is a little awkward and I wish there was a way around it on both sides of the conversation. There must be a solution out there somewhere!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:49 AM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

The actual answer? Barely at all. There's like a few minutes of "okay, we're all from the internet and that's a little odd" but I've never actually been a genuinely awkward meetup. Individual people may be awkward, but the atmosphere is pleasant and jovial.

...what about hanging out with people in real life who you have found slightly annoying on the internet?

The (positive) difference between people's MeFi personalities and IRL personalities can be really, really striking. At meetups, everyone just wants to have a fun time and tell stories and talk about music and movies (and not debate the relative merits of cat declawing or circumcision), so Internet Tough Guy (or Gal) syndrome doesn't really get a chance to pop up.

ALSO HERE LET ME REPASTE THIS THING FROM A PREVIOUS THREAD:

Oh god. The first meetup I went to, over at Revival in the East Village, I had my little entrance all planned out. I would ask, with a deadpan expression, "is this the Cory Doctorow Appreciation Society meetup?" and everyone would laugh and laugh and things wouldn't be awkward. I practiced it my head on the train.

So I show up and, naturally, there's a bunch of people who are clearly the MetaFilter meetup and I'm about to lay my Big Joke on the first person I see (I think it was jason's_planet.) And I open my mouth and suddenly every bit of social grace just evaporates and I'm barely able to mumble.

"isthisthecorydoctorowfanclub"
"Pardon?"
"...is this the Cory Doctorow fanclub?"

...and he gives me just the most sincerely apologetic look and tells me, quietly, that no, he's sorry but it's the wrong group. At that point, I just wanted to say "OH OKAY" and leave. But instead I managed to ask if this was the MetaFilter meetup (because, you know, I was planning to go to two meetups that day at the same place or something) and yeah.
posted by griphus at 11:49 AM on November 28, 2012 [25 favorites]

At current count I have attended 87 MetaFilter meetups. I have yet to be spotted at a single one, much less recognized and / or spoken to. I'm grateful that my parents chose to send me to Milford School.
posted by komara at 11:50 AM on November 28, 2012 [21 favorites]

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

Depends whether or not you're wearing pants.
posted by desjardins at 11:50 AM on November 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

(Also, you know what people don't do IRL that they do on MeFi that's really annoying? Quote themselves.)
posted by griphus at 11:51 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

that is a dirty fib, the self-quoting starts at like drink #4
posted by elizardbits at 11:53 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

This thread makes me want to have a meetup.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:54 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

Much less than you'd expect. I say this as someone who actually chickened out of her first meetup; got there early, got scared, and left!

But every one I've been to since has been just delightful. MeFites are really nice people, everyone is on about the same footing as far as not wanting it to be awkward and intending to interact with everyone as opposed to just people they already know, and so conversation does flow.

I mean, I'm assuming you show up and say "Hey, is this the MeFi...? Oh, it is? Okay, cool. I'm Phil. I post as EMPEROR OTTOMAN." and then people (this is what I imagine) try to remember things you've said on the internet, and either fail or are like "OH. You're that guy?!?" Is that awkward?

I haven't found it to be so. It's interesting in that the "meetup" cross-section of people is not an exact match to the "I post and comment a lot" cross-section of people. So you don't just meet people whose names you already know. You meet people who lurk a lot and may have never posted, people who inhabit specific neighborhoods like they only answer AskMes about hang-gliding or only comment in posts about comic books or whatever. Each one I've been to has been a mix of more- and less-familiar names, so some of that who's who business gets set aside from the get-go.

Things that often happen in conversation are: figure out where everybody lives, if they're local or not; how long they've been around this area; how and when they got on MetaFilter; notable/funny/newsy shit that's gone down on the site over the past few months; what other MeFites have you met on your travels; and then general life topics much like those we discuss here but maybe with a more local bent, like what restaurants or bars or bands are good around here and what things there are to do and see.

I've been to I dunno, maybe 12-15 meetups and only once was there even a hint of awkwardness, when a guy my SO (also a MeFite) had gotten into an impassioned "you're wrong! No you're wrong!" interchange, and they were both there. But we had already said hello and been friendly before they realized they had been arch-nemeses in that thread, and then they just laughed and were like "eh, whatever," and we had a really nice time and learned, once again, that as real people we're more complex and often nicer than our online behavior might suggest.

So, in short, go to meetups! They're fun and not terribly awkward.

Once you've crossed the line between thinking about them as "that person I met at a meet-up" and "my friend, who I happened to meet on metafilter," you can generally rest assured about someone being trustworthy.

This is kind of my policy about connecting IRL with MeFites on social media. I have met some really wonderful people through MeFi by being introduced at meetups, and now I think of them first as life friends and might connect with them on social media. But I don't friend every MeFite I have met on social media, because that would be too much.
posted by Miko at 11:54 AM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

This thread makes me want to consider going to one.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:54 AM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

I went to quite a few meetups, back in the day. Mostly by your third drink you're over any worries.
posted by gaspode at 11:55 AM on November 28, 2012

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

I had a nice time at the one I went to, but I also felt awkward as hell and haven't gone to another. But then I have weirdass not-quite-social-anxiety-but-something-like-it disorder.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:55 AM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Worse than being remembered for responses you regret, I think, is not being remembered at all.

"Hi, I'm Joe...I post as inturnaround."
*cough*
"Um...okay, 'i turnaround'...next round is on you then."

Seems like it could be expensive.
posted by inturnaround at 11:56 AM on November 28, 2012

...people are nice and interesting and complicated in ways that transcend annoyances anyway, so I've basically always enjoyed hanging out with people even if they've been sort of a butt on Mefi at some point. It's a very humanizing experience; it's something I actually find really, really valuable about the whole meetup scene.

Yes! Meetups have actually really positively contributed to my interaction here. When people stop being Faceless Internet Folk (whether or not I've met them) it's a lot harder to be all HEY FUCK YOU BUDDY! when you get back to MeFi. Because even the most ridiculously unreasonable people here are pretty darn reasonable human beings in person.
posted by griphus at 11:56 AM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

I have not found meetings to be awkward at all (and I usually go into social interactions with large groups of people I don't know with a high expectation of awkward). I just introduce myself by name and sometimes someone will ask what my user name is but not always.

Sometimes we talk about mefi but sometimes about beer or Halloween or whatever.
posted by mlle valentine at 11:56 AM on November 28, 2012

Also agree with Miko that it's an interesting cross-section of the site, postingwise. I've met lurkers and people who weigh in here all the time in about equal measures.
posted by mlle valentine at 11:58 AM on November 28, 2012

This thread makes me want to consider going to one.

Do!
posted by ocherdraco at 12:00 PM on November 28, 2012

This thread makes me want to propose a meetup so there can be one that fits with my schedule.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:02 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

This thread makes me want to enlist "Paris Priapus" into my sockpuppet army.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:05 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The only awkward part is when you first pull someone's keys out of the bowl, and then you're all like, "Oh, my God, who am I going home with?!" But then it turns out to be that stone cold fox EMPEROR OTTOMAN, and you're all like, "Yes! Score!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:06 PM on November 28, 2012 [16 favorites]

This thread makes me want to propose a meetup so there can be one that fits with my schedule.

I agree! Are there any other LA-area MeFites with kids (or dogs, or even just who are people who fall asleep very early)? Who wants to meet at a park and have flurries of interrupted conversations? "That's very interesting- HEY. HEY. DON'T PICK UP THAT PIECE OF DOG POOP."
posted by thehmsbeagle at 12:07 PM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

The awkwardest part of the meet up is figuring out who are the MeFites and introducing yourself. I'd say there are slightly more people with clear social anxiety than I meet on a day to day basis, but that's not inherently awkward. I also tend to attend them as a group with people I know IRL, but who are also MeFites, which might make things less awkward than average for me. That was crucial, for instance, the time that only one other person showed up.

That brings me to another point; meet ups can be a mixed bag depending on how big the crowd is, the venue, etc. They tend to be fun, but they can flop, so if the first one you attend isn't great then try again. The next one will probably be better.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:08 PM on November 28, 2012

This was the first time I ever met griphus!

There's photos thanks to essexjan (in whose honor the meetup was, IIRC)! Also holy shit how was that four years ago?

Uh, I assume it is okay to link to that as it was linked in the original MeTa thread.
posted by griphus at 12:10 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The awkwardest part of the meet up is figuring out who are the MeFites and introducing yourself.

This can be avoided by just going to a bunch of meetups, and then there will always be someone there you recognize and/or can carpool with. And someone is usually wearing a MeFi t-shirt of one variety or another. When in doubt, just ask the group if they are friends of mathowie. See? Easy.
posted by ambrosia at 12:11 PM on November 28, 2012

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

I've been to two meetups and I only felt awkward because of introducing myself with this username that has the word "coitus" in it. When I picked it back in the day I intended mostly to lurk, post rarely if ever, and certainly had no intention EVER of meeting ANY of you intimidatingly intelligent, funny, knowledgeable people IRL. The meetups themselves were fun.

Speaking as someone who's always felt bloody awkward in unfamiliar social situations, I'm glad I went.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 12:11 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

This can be avoided by just going to a bunch of meetups, and then there will always be someone there you recognize and/or can carpool with. And someone is usually wearing a t-shirt. When in doubt, just ask the group if they are friends of mathowie. See? Easy.

My wife prefers "Are you from the internet" but I think she's trying to cause awkwardness rather than stop it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:13 PM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

jessamyn: "1. We do not use the word doxxing generally."

Is there a reason for this, other than "it's icky"?
posted by I am the Walrus at 12:15 PM on November 28, 2012

Paphnuty was killed by a pack of wild dox.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:18 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is there a reason for this, other than "it's icky"?

Mostly it just doesn't have any real currency on Mefi. Jess doesn't mean it's a dirty word, she means it doesn't come up. We've got a firm general "don't be an asshole" guideline here that covers most of that and a more specific proscription against associating people's private/real-life/external-to-mefi info with public discussion here without their approval, and that's about as far as the conversation goes.

Anything resembling doxing in the sense that it's usually used would be a lightning-quick bannable offense and it just pretty much doesn't happen here. Those ideas are probably at least partly related.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:28 PM on November 28, 2012

I always thought doxing was when you have to jam some gnarly ass giant antibiotic bolus down a goats throat so its eyes weren't so goddamn rheumy all the time. I'm alarmed/disappointed that I was wrong.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:56 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't know that I believe someone would really be banned from MetaFilter for anything but the most extreme type of "doxxing," but I do believe pretty confidently that the moderators would do a thorough job of deleting any doxxing-type material from this website.

How effective is that at discouraging the behavior? Well, I've never seen it happen or heard about it happening here. The closest example was a couple users who used to annoy each other (and everybody else) by using their real names back and forth spitefully, but both those names had been voluntarily revealed on MetaFilter; it wasn't like they had done outside research to stalk each other. To my knowledge the mods didn't delete any of it, but I suspect they weren't asked to.
posted by cribcage at 1:05 PM on November 28, 2012

(This is largely academic, since I spend all my time with a preschooler and it would be weird to bring him to a bar.)

Speaking as the parent of a preschooler, you should consider finding a new bar.
posted by nickmark at 1:06 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

...but I do believe pretty confidently that the moderators would do a thorough job of deleting any doxxing-type material from this website.

I think what else helps is that the sort of behavior -- personal attacks and threats, openly aggressive racism/sexism/homophobia, being a straight-up creeper, etc. -- that would lead to the kind of bad blood that would inspire doxxing is also clamped down on pretty hard. Compared to other forums, it's not easy to start a flamewar or be a complete and utter dick here.
posted by griphus at 1:12 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't know that I believe someone would really be banned from MetaFilter for anything but the most extreme type of "doxxing,"

Why is this a matter for speculation? The mods are here and able and willing to say that they either would or would not. My hope is that they would instaban unless it was clearly innocent and accidental. They can always unban if they get a reasonable explanation, but in the meantime they head off possible further damage: deleting doesn't erase memories or caches.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:12 PM on November 28, 2012

The biggest MetaFilter mistake you can make is to accidentally give me your cell number. Because I WILL call you and text you, as many people here can attest. However, I'm usually calling to tell you a grisly or funny funeral story, so...there ya go.
posted by ColdChef at 1:17 PM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

I don't know if this has been pointed out lately, but a user's choice to remain pseudonymous here may not be capricious or arbitrary. It is entirely likely that we have members here whose comments could get them dismissed fom their job or even a visit from their country's political police. The moderators can't possibly be in a position to assess the importance of someone's choice so they must adopt a uniform standard: respect the user's decision.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:20 PM on November 28, 2012

on metafilter we are all spartacus.
posted by elizardbits at 1:24 PM on November 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

you just got un-invited, you lousy thorple-slurping Fupplegronch.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 1:24 PM on November 28, 2012

t is entirely likely that we have members here whose comments could get them dismissed fom their job or even a visit from their country's political police.

Just ask Paphnuty.
posted by waraw at 1:24 PM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Depends whether or not you're wearing pants.

and whether the pants contain a fish.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 1:27 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The first meet-up I made it to, flex was facing the door, I think looking for people who looked like they were looking for people. So her facial expression sort of said "Hello? Are you looking for us? Hello?" So then she welcomed me and introduced me around and got me involved in the conversation that was going on. And yeah, everyone was really nice. I keep meaning to go to another one.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 1:29 PM on November 28, 2012

The first meetup I went to, asavage sat next to me all evening and told funny stories. <-- true story.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:46 PM on November 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

> When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?
Depends whether or not you're wearing pants.

But be warned, the correlation goes the opposite way to what you're probably used to!
posted by benito.strauss at 1:52 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

One time I told the Chicago Cabal^* people I would be wearing a striped shirt and really the shirt was checkered and they still give me shit about it so fuck them I'm moving to Philly.

But not before I go to ONE LAST GOATUP/SPIFFYSENDOFF because I actually think they are all peachy keen. Even shakes.

*TINCC
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:53 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

pro tip: Never agree to all wear funny hats to a meetup (to get over the whole "are YOU from the internet?" part of the meetup), because everyone will chicken out, so you just end up with people wearing no hats looking for people wearing hats.
posted by muddgirl at 1:53 PM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

You chased that one dude down the street yelling METAFILTER METAFILTER.
posted by elizardbits at 1:53 PM on November 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

I have learned an important thing at meetups, which is that my username is kind of a mouthful.

Also, the first time I met a Mefite in person was when I was going to stay at her house, and I opened her front door and called up the stairs "hello? [mefi name]? It's LobsterMitten" -- and happily, I had the right house.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 1:57 PM on November 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

i think we scared him
posted by elizardbits at 1:59 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I would let Greg Nog chase me down a street any day.

I've never been to a bad meet-up, everyone has always been very friendly, no one tries to infringe on anyone's privacy, and often, by the end of the night, there are other people nearby asking what our group is about.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:08 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

...moving to Philly

Ooohh! One of us! One of us!
posted by Diskeater at 2:11 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm moving to Philly

That Chicago gang was super nice, so I'm sad for them, but I'm excited for the East Coast. You'll be an Amtrak ride away from all kindsa meetup locales!
posted by Miko at 2:13 PM on November 28, 2012

4. My boyfriend will be at that meetup and will ensure your safety and privacy :)

Yeah, I won't tease him about that *at all*.
posted by maryr at 2:15 PM on November 28, 2012

BTW, you'll find that half the time it's hard to remember real life names AND usernames AND keep the two connected in your head. Unless you're some sort of dork who has an easily associated username and real name and what kind of idiot would do that?
posted by maryr at 2:19 PM on November 28, 2012 [9 favorites]

People probably won't out you, and it looks like the mods will delete it promptly if they do. But I think posting a MetaTalk on the matter probably wasn't the best way to achieve this goal. It seems like a don't stuff beans up your nose phenomenon.
posted by grouse at 2:22 PM on November 28, 2012

Never put salt in your eye.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:27 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

It does seem like the easiest way to solve the problem is to introduce yourself as "wolfdreams"* and not with your legal name.

*You can leave off the "01" in the interests of informality.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:27 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Unless you're some sort of dork who has an easily associated username and real name and what kind of idiot would do that?

I'm an idiot...:(
posted by Melismata at 2:28 PM on November 28, 2012

Yeah, I won't tease him about that *at all*.

He has other directives for the rest of you...
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:32 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

Unless you're some sort of dork who has an easily associated username and real name and what kind of idiot would do that?

I'm an idiot...:(

We are legion.
posted by nickmark at 2:33 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

We're something, all right.
posted by maryr at 2:43 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

I've been to a couple meetups that were fun up until I actually had to make any kind of conversation whatsoever.
posted by fleacircus at 2:48 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

4. My boyfriend will be at that meetup and will ensure your safety and privacy :)
—jessamyn

I had to look up doxxing on urbandictionary to figure out what the hell anyone was talking about! Your privacy is in safe hands.

I should rephrase that but I won't.
posted by not_on_display at 2:59 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been to a couple meetups that were fun up until I actually had to make any kind of conversation whatsoever.

Given the number of cat lovers on here, that's not surprising.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 3:01 PM on November 28, 2012

"I attended an IRL meetup the very same day that I participated in an extremely, extremely heated thread during ElectionSeason."

MeFites tend to be pretty good about not fighting in person. My off-site interactions with a bunch of people have tempered my views on them, and I like to think that once people realize how profane I am in every day life, my MeFi comments become examples of remarkable restraint and tact.
posted by klangklangston at 3:04 PM on November 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

I will say that if MeFi is anything like some of the other online spaces I've met-up from, one game of Werewolf/Mafia can bring the whole congenial social structure down and replace it with, "That lying son of a bitch whom I hate forever."
posted by klangklangston at 3:05 PM on November 28, 2012

> This thread makes me want to propose a meetup so there can be one that fits with my schedule

I've done that. I got a handful of Mefites to come to a terrible part of my uninteresting suburb and meet for lunch. Try it! Not all meetups have to be in bars, in the evening, in the city center.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:06 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

I haven't read past this, yet, but MeFi meetups are like the least awkward places ever, because everyone is just as awkward as you are. It's our special place.

I live in Chicago. I actually don't really remember my first meetup experience all that well (except that bibliogrrl liked the shirt I was wearing. I don't even remember what shirt I was wearing), but I do remember having a good time and being immediately welcomed. I was a little worried, because the Chicago crowd is tight, and I was entering into an already established group. But it really wasn't like that at all.

I've been a regular fixture at meetups for a few years now. I am off-internet friends with MeFites. I off-internet dated a MeFite. MeFites are (at least the Chicago crowd) one of the most welcoming groups of people I have ever met in my life. New people come, they are immediately brought into the fold, and they are loved. Some people are known by their real names, some people are known by their handles...it just sort of works out that way.

I have to assume that all MeFi meetups are like this, too, because it was my experience when I visited London and met the London crowd.

We're good people. You're good people. Go to meetups. Share the love.
posted by phunniemee at 3:06 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

I've been to a handful of meetups and found the people interesting, fun and respectful. I'm exceedingly sensitive to privacy, and they have all been very respectful of that. So I would not have any concerns about it based on my experience.

I enjoyed the meetups because they were all nice people I would not have ordinarily had the occasion to cross paths with but I am glad I did (with the lone exception of an awesome young lady who was an old high school friend that I had not seen in a long, long time, but I can never remember her Metafilter screenname). If my life would allow me a bit more free time, I would enjoy a regular opportunity to socialize with such interesting people, but schedules sadly often get in the way.
posted by dios at 3:19 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The first meetup I went to was in desjardins' living room and involved waffles, Valkyryn and Mr. desjardins aka empty vessel, two guys who REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to talk about A BUNCH OF STUFF. I and the mister, and to a degree our lovely hostess, basically observed said stuff and occasionally went back for more waffles. Was there guacamole? I think there was guacamole. Maybe hummus. Some sort of awesome dip.

The next time I saw desjardins, she came to MY living room. I also supplied dip.

I still don't trust that datawanking map bitch any further than I can throw her.
posted by Madamina at 3:22 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, what phunniemee just said -- especially about Chicago.

(To be honest, I'm super glad I wasn't aware how much the Chicago crowd liked each other or I would have found it really intimidating, when the opposite should be true. Still though, we like seeing new people so much you'd think that we hated each other and we desperate for others.)

However, I sometimes wish I had a username that wasn't so much like my name -- not because I keep my id separate but because it's weirdly awkward trying to introduce yourself as a name that is almost like your own but not quite. I trip over it every time.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:24 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been to two meetups and I only felt awkward because of introducing myself with this username that has the word "coitus" in it.

Awkward usernames are the worst.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 3:24 PM on November 28, 2012 [12 favorites]

thehmsbeagle: (This is largely academic, since I spend all my time with a preschooler and it would be weird to bring him to a bar.)

I brought my then-preschooler to a meetup at a bar with no problems, though it was outdoors and during the day.
posted by turbodog at 3:25 PM on November 28, 2012

When you go to a MeFi meetup, how awkward is it?

I've been to two meetups with only one or two other people at them. They we're both pleasant afternoons, and they weren't awkward at all.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:37 PM on November 28, 2012

Meetups tend to go pretty well unless I show up.
posted by The Whelk at 3:41 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

You chased that one dude down the street yelling METAFILTER METAFILTER.

This is honest to god real, btw; he was wearing a mefi shirt in the East Village and I got excited

I'm going to order my MeFi shirt right now, in the hope that someone does this to me one day.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:43 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

This sounds kinda terrifying to me (I'm extrovert/grumpy online, introvert/grumpy IRL. I sulk for England.). Logically, I know it would be fine, but, hey, emotions and logic, yeah, right.

Then again, it also sounds like library camp. We had the first big one in the UK 14 months ago (160+ attendees). As it turned out, many people were quietly terrified, as most of the attendees had been chatting to each other on Twitter for a while, but had not met IRL.

It all turned out fine, even though many were bleary eyed through a worry-filled lack of sleep the night before. Vast quantities of cake helped on the day.

Similarly, could imagine the night before my first MetaFilter meet-up, quietly checking out the recent posts and comments of attendees to look for even the merest hint of potential clashing. And if finding any (real or imaginary) making a point of avoiding those people on the day.
posted by Wordshore at 4:00 PM on November 28, 2012

Keep in mind you can always just show up and sit and nurse a drink and smile and listen; going to a meetup doesn't require putting on a show or anything. In my experience there's always at least a couple people willing to do the shovelwork on conversation if there's a lull; after a couple beers I'm one of them usually.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:03 PM on November 28, 2012

Yeah, I can never remember anyone's real name from a meetup. Except maybe jessamyn.
Oh and mathowie, who was at the first meetup I ever went to.
posted by chococat at 4:04 PM on November 28, 2012

Meetups in New Orleans often lead to burlesque shows or seedy strip clubs. Also: this.


So make your plans for 2014.
posted by ColdChef at 4:16 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

One of my favorite meetup photos.
posted by ColdChef at 4:17 PM on November 28, 2012 [9 favorites]

Also: "Say Prada!"
posted by ColdChef at 4:19 PM on November 28, 2012

Meetups in New Orleans often lead to burlesque shows or seedy strip clubs. Also: this.

So glad I am living in the sticks where my laughter can be mistaken for coyotes. That's full of awesomesauce, as we say here in Maine.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:19 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Uh... Did you MEAN to link the picture of a dead body, ColdChef?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:20 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm just tired, man!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:20 PM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Suppose I should have bothered to look at the picture before commenting, but I'm reading on my dumbphone, so that may not have made any difference.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:27 PM on November 28, 2012

Fuck this makes me wish I were at the Cambridge meetup right now.
posted by Aizkolari at 4:32 PM on November 28, 2012

I would not be surprised if the secret way for MeFites to identify each other in real life

"Friend of Matt".

I don't know that I'll get a round tuit immediately, but it is clearly time for an Austin meetup.
posted by immlass at 4:38 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Just thought. Are there ever MeFite meetups that contain mainly, or solely, librarians (as there ae many on here)? That feels like kinda safer ground. And if conversation stalls, can fall back on whether RDF can truly replace MARC, or publishing houses being mean to public libraries over ebooks. That kinda thing. Not always great to talk shop at social events, but it's a conversation (re)starter at times.

No jokes or comments about cats, please. Thank you.
posted by Wordshore at 4:40 PM on November 28, 2012

At library conferences there are frequently MeFibrarian Meetups. They are fun.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:45 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

MeFibrarian Meetups

Sounds like the name for the weekly services of some obscure Christian sect. I'm not a librarian myself, but I believe very strongly in their tenets, and am seriously considering putting "Mefibrarian" as my religion the next time some form asks for it.
posted by benito.strauss at 5:09 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I believe in Matt, the Mod almighty, creator of MetaFilter.
I believe in Melvil Dewey...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:24 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

One of the really smart things about Google+ is that it lets you have alternate names that only show up for people in a designated circle. So people in my Metafilter circle see both my real name and "roll truck roll," but everyone else sees only my real name.

I realize that doesn't really solve the OPs problem. It's just kind of neat.
posted by roll truck roll at 5:45 PM on November 28, 2012

Keep in mind you can always just show up and sit and nurse a drink and smile and listen

When I host a meetup drink will nurse you.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:08 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, people on MeFi are good about this. I wouldn't worry.

The only time I've run into issues was during that brief spurt of interest in G+, where a whole bunch of MeFites I didn't know in RL added my RL persona to their circles. I think they must have just added "all friends of mathowie" or something, because each one of them had him in their circles. So I had to block them all under my RL persona (SADFACE!) and then friend them immediately using my MeFi persona (HAPPY FACE!). Haven't had any problems since.
posted by Afroblanco at 6:40 PM on November 28, 2012

But not before I go to ONE LAST GOATUP/SPIFFYSENDOFF because I actually think they are all peachy keen. Even shakes.

The fuck you say!
posted by shakespeherian at 6:48 PM on November 28, 2012

I'm with you, Aizkolari.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:02 PM on November 28, 2012

But not before I go to ONE LAST GOATUP/SPIFFYSENDOFF because I actually think they are all peachy keen. Even shakes.

Wrong. Peach milkshakes are awful.
posted by phunniemee at 8:13 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I dunno about meetups not being awkward--my first meetup I got super drunk and spoused Pronoiac in the bar bathroom.
posted by mollymayhem at 8:13 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

At my first meetup, Obama got elected, sooooo.....
posted by The Whelk at 8:28 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

WAKE UP SHEEPLE
posted by shakespeherian at 8:29 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

So did you go?
posted by Jahaza at 8:33 PM on November 28, 2012

You don't have to be irl friends with anyone you don't want to be.

Damnit, why did no one tell me this earlier?

Okay guys, get the hell out of my living room.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:47 PM on November 28, 2012

Is everyone else dying to know how this meetup went? I'm hoping for n_o_d brandishing a sword and forcing someone to back down from their heinous doxxing.

Have you no honor, sir?!?
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:50 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have the intel. It was a good time.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:53 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

n_o_d must have forgotten his white glove. So no duels could be had.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:54 PM on November 28, 2012

I avoided going to meetups for privacy reasons for a long time. I actually met Jessamyn once, knew it was THAT Jessamyn, but just could not out myself. It was a talk about technology at a library or something. I thanked her after her remarks without ever saying I was JohnnyGunn. (I 'fessed up later via memail.)

So, I did actually go to a meetup once. I still don't think even the people there I talked to know who I was. I live in the metro NY area, so going to a meetup can be done whenever you get the urge or the cojones or whatever. I actually decided to introduce myself not as my user name JohnnyGunn, but as a first name I used once when being questioned by the police at a Dead show. At least this time I wasn't giggling as I said it. To me, if you really want privacy, don't use your user name, use whatever name you want to give out. THat way there is no link.

Oh, if anyone is in Calaveras County at Angel Camp at a show and the cops start asking you questions, I highly recommend you not use the name "Donald with a silent P at the end."

If anyone was at Mountain Aire II with the Dead, Santana and David Lindley, I was the guy about 12 yards back from the stage with the big grin and even bigger beer sort of swaying and bouncing to the music. In the beginning, I was wearing a t-shirt that said, "My Grass is Blue" and dungarees. At the end, I had cut off the legs of my dungarees to make shorts. Also, my "buddy" wrote under the My Grass is Blue, yeah and his "ludes are RORER 714 somewhere in the second set during drums --> space.

I cut the legs off at the first aid tent. I was also the guy who took some glassy eyed kid who could not stand or state her name, put her over my shoulder in a fireman's carry and bolted up the hill to where the beer and first aid were all while shouting, "medical emergency and beer run, look out". (seriously.) The chap at the 1st aid tent lent me his scissors he uses to cut off clothes in an emergency for my shorts. He also gave me two bottles of water that I can only say were the two most useful and satisfying bottles of water I have had. Ever. Even more so than the gallon jug the security guard got me at the Hampton Coliseum show in '82. But that story if for another day.

My point, if I can remember it, is that meetups are low pressure easy going events where you can be anyone you want (except some one else's user name). Introduce yourself as whatever you like, user name, your real name, your first name only, the kid who stole your pb&j in grammar school, whatever. Just don't be a dick and remember to buy a round and tip your waiter!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:15 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

The only really awkward part of a meetup I've experienced is walking into the bar, approaching the wrong table of people, asking them if they were from Metafilter and then when they asked what Metafilter was, trying to explain it.

(This is largely academic, since I spend all my time with a preschooler and it would be weird to bring him to a bar.)

The last meetup I went to was at a bar where it was, no lie, kids' night.
posted by bendy at 9:21 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: I think I saw Spartacus over on Free Republic.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 9:35 PM on November 28, 2012

The most awkward meetup experience (not my first meetup by the way) I ever had was when someone had promised to bring their dog to the meetup (it was in a bar, this is in San Francisco, dogs in bars are things), and I guess I got there early, and I spotted the two guys with a dog and walked up and said something stupid like "Are you guys here for the MetaFilter meetup?" and they not only said no but proceeded to interrogate me about what the hell was MetaFilter and what the hell was a meetup and it was just so terrible because I am already really awkward until I know I am among friendly people.

Then the MetaFilter people (and MetaFilter dog) showed up and it was lovely. I don't get to meetups as often as I'd like, maybe need to make a New Year's resolution about that, but I love going. I kind of usually recognize a few people these days so I tend to show up later and don't get the wrong table so much. Also, I am really chatty and as any of you who are either the Avail fan I met at Mission Bar or who went to the SF gin meetup know, kind of flirty after a few drinks even if it won't lead to anything, so that's a good thing right? Right?

Also, I really prefer going by twiggy, but lots of people like real names, and I never know how to negotiate that. I'm not trying to be secretive, but I just can't handle all the name confusion.
posted by twiggy32 at 10:16 PM on November 28, 2012

Yeah, in SF and surrounding area, we meetup so hard, we sometimes absorb civilians. I'm petrified of strangers as a rule, and always have a smashing time at meetups. Privacy-wise, some of us (me) tend to be the tiniest bit intoxicated (snozzled) and can't remember any of your personal information or username afterwards anyway. Warning: Some of us (me again) are inveterate butt slappers when we're drinking.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:26 PM on November 28, 2012

Confession: I have reason to believe I have scared a newbie off meetups forever at least once. I am ashamed. I don't even think I slapped 'em on the behind.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:29 PM on November 28, 2012

Speaking of SF, mostlymartha, have you noticed that we have slipped off the "Most active cities in the past three months" IRL list?

It's probably my fault, since I haven't been to a meetup in yonks, but it still makes me sad.
posted by trip and a half at 10:42 PM on November 28, 2012

Trip and a half, that is appalling. I know a lot of us get crazypants for work and stuff this time of year, but we should get on that. It's a point of pride, really.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:49 PM on November 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Dogs at meetups? Dr Dracator, TheophileEscargot, and madamjujujive can each attest that at every Athens meetup, there is always a dog, but she's not a doxie. So, anyone concerned about that sort of thing should just come to Greece, which is really popular right now as a tourist destination. Or unpopular, I keep forgetting.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:20 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

mostlymartha, you have never slapped my behind. I feel somehow slighted.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:36 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

mollymayhem... haven't I? Truly??? I really think I've just done it in my mind so often, the physical act got overlooked. I shall remedy it at our first convenience.
posted by mostlymartha at 1:38 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just curious, is this thread going to be an event like a massive blizzard that leads to a conspicuous bump in births nine months later? How many meetups have become sparks in IRL posters' eyes from this?

Tokyo? 12/15? Evening? Anyone?
posted by Ghidorah at 1:59 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Reading the comments about dogs. Does anyone bring their cat to a MeFite meetup? Asking for a friend.
posted by Wordshore at 2:05 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Has a Brand New Day person ever shown up in disguise? "No, no, no! I have no idea who this SewSiouxMe person is you're talking about. I'm new in town. Call me BeForeignAfter."
posted by pracowity at 2:23 AM on November 29, 2012

Meetups are fun. I recommend them.
My user name is not so good for introductions though.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:22 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I show my formal opposition to such behaviour by attending meet-ups got up like a doxx proctor's clerk.
posted by Abiezer at 3:43 AM on November 29, 2012

I find that simply saying "Doxxer, no doxxing!" three times is an elegant solution.
posted by running order squabble fest at 5:12 AM on November 29, 2012 [8 favorites]

mostlymartha, you have also not slapped my butt at a meetup (or anywhere else) that I know of. What the hey.
posted by rtha at 5:51 AM on November 29, 2012

It's probably beside the point this far into the thread to say that meetups are great and not scary, but I will say anyway that this thread is making me wish I still lived in Chicago, even though I only ever made it to two meetups while I was there. They were fabulous: good conversation, tiny beers, and unexpected karaoke.

We've had one Ithaca meetup, and it was fun but small. Also, there is no Billy Goat here.
posted by dizziest at 6:02 AM on November 29, 2012

I keep completely missing Philadelphia meetups. Like, I'll see they happened two days after they happened. I wanted to make it to the one in Ardmore this month because it was at Tired Hands, which is a pretty wonderful bar, but then things happened and now it's all :-/.

Also, it seems like there are several million people at the NYC meetups every always. Is there any non-weirdly-inconvenient way for a person to travel from Philly to New York? It's still weird to me how there's no direct train between the two cities, since they're fairly close and fairly large, and planning two bus tickets ahead of time just feels kind of gruhhh.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:04 AM on November 29, 2012

I am totally going to start using "Real science number, not made up" in conversation like today.
posted by gauche at 6:04 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh! But me and mothershock and Mister_A all met-upped through Google+ and it was tremendous fun and they are both wonderful people.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:05 AM on November 29, 2012

Has a Brand New Day person ever shown up in disguise? "No, no, no! I have no idea who this SewSiouxMe person is you're talking about. I'm new in town. Call me BeForeignAfter."

There was a rumor (I never witnessed this) that a particular user once showed up at a meet up where I am and gave a fake user name while asking people what they thought of his real user name. Like I said, just a rumor, but it could easily happen, and personally I find it to be just on the "hilarious" side of the hilarious/inappropriate line.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:06 AM on November 29, 2012

Rory Marinich: several million cannot fit in one room.

-Teal'c
posted by clavdivs at 6:25 AM on November 29, 2012

Don't forget your New England roots, SpiffyRob.

I hope it is a coincidence that you haven't been home since meeting turtlegirl and I.
posted by terrapin at 6:47 AM on November 29, 2012

It occurs to me that if one wanted to attend a meetup but was exceptionally concerned about privacy, the easiest way out would be to introduce oneself by username and a made-up first name. I have met fifty or a hundred people at meetups who would know me by my usual name, but if I had told you all my name was George or Phil or Boris, how would you ever know otherwise? I suppose a mod at a meetup could go back and look at my signup info, but apart from that...
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:47 AM on November 29, 2012

Oh! But me and mothershock and Mister_A all met-upped through Google+ and it was tremendous fun and they are both wonderful people.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:05 AM on November 29 [+] [!]

When I had a minimeet (coffee) with mothershock she told me about this and I was jelly.

I want to meet all the mefites.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:50 AM on November 29, 2012

Is there any non-weirdly-inconvenient way for a person to travel from Philly to New York?

I used to go between Philly and back pretty often about six years ago, and SEPTA to MetroNorth to subway was the only way I could figure out.

(So the answer is "no.")
posted by griphus at 6:53 AM on November 29, 2012

it is embarrassing that you still do not have your apparition license at your age though
posted by elizardbits at 7:00 AM on November 29, 2012 [6 favorites]

Is there any non-weirdly-inconvenient way for a person to travel from Philly to New York?

What I normally do is get to Trenton (via my car or NJTransit), then take a NJTransit train directly to Penn Station. It's not...the most unweird way to do things.....but it's generally fairly quick and cheapish. I do this when I go see shows in the city and I've found it pretty easy to get there and back in an evening without any major headaches.
posted by picklesthezombie at 7:05 AM on November 29, 2012

Amtrak sales. Or Septa to Trenton, and Trenton to ye Big Apple-- if you're coming from Philly, it's not that bad...

Also, Rory, there will be another Tired Hands meetup soon if you're still game!
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:09 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Uh, duh, it was SEPTA to NJTransit, not MetroNorth.
posted by griphus at 7:10 AM on November 29, 2012

Septa/NJ transit is really not that much of a pain in the ass, either. I've done it a few times, kiddo in tow, so one mefite should be able to cope :)
posted by gaspode at 7:22 AM on November 29, 2012

This is why I personally take Dr. Doom's approach with every person I meet IRL.

I mean MeFite. Every MeFite I meet IRL. Every person would just be ridiculous.
posted by Eideteker at 7:45 AM on November 29, 2012

TBH I think every possible mefite in the tristate area should come to NY for the times square meetup. I want this because of reasons.
posted by elizardbits at 7:59 AM on November 29, 2012

Philly to New York? I think bus is the way most frequent commuters do this. They're much more direct, and cheaper than the train. MegaBus and Peter Pan both serve the Philly-to-NY run.
posted by Miko at 8:01 AM on November 29, 2012

I actually met Jessamyn once, knew it was THAT Jessamyn, but just could not out myself.

I've definitely done that with jonmc.
posted by Jahaza at 8:10 AM on November 29, 2012

We took the Amtrak to Philly (30th St) from NYC (Penn Station) and it was AWESOME. The ride is a little over an hour (an extra 10 mins or so on the regional train, which is cheaper than the Acela); you've barely sat down and the ride is already half done. I will never take a bus to Philly again.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:27 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh man. I really want to go to the Flavortown meetup. I'm not completely sure I have the stamina for four hours of bus travel, because I am old and weak and do not travel well on a stomach filled with grease and donkey sauce.

Possibly I will doxx myself and hope some charitable NYC-bound Mefite with a helicopter finds out where I live.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:33 AM on November 29, 2012

Young Rope-Rider, which holiday meet-up are you referring to? Crossing my fingers that you don't mean the one on the 15th, because I have Philadelphia Orchestra tickets for then. :-/

(I would do the Guy Fieri thing, but that sounds... actually that sounds pretty wonderful.)
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:00 AM on November 29, 2012

(HA wait nvm I just looked at the prices. Currently I am next to broke, even the $12 for mozzarella sticks might ruin me.)
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:01 AM on November 29, 2012

I am willing to stand a bright blue drink and half a terrible appetizer if it means I get to meet Rogy Manwich.
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on November 29, 2012

it's RORGY okay. RORGY MANWICH.
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on November 29, 2012

I will buy the other half of the terrible appetizer.
posted by griphus at 9:27 AM on November 29, 2012

see now using the edit feature would make me look like a chump.
posted by The Whelk at 9:27 AM on November 29, 2012

okay fuck it I'm in. who needs working stoves anyway.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:27 AM on November 29, 2012

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
posted by The Whelk at 9:28 AM on November 29, 2012

Cap'n Fieri's Tart-n-Tangy Cevic-HEY!
$47
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on November 29, 2012

who needs working stoves anyway

Satan?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:29 AM on November 29, 2012

Hellfire is eternal though so it's not like he's paying ConEd.
posted by elizardbits at 9:30 AM on November 29, 2012

In fact I am pretty sure Satan's pizza oven is powered by furtive masturbation.
posted by elizardbits at 9:31 AM on November 29, 2012 [8 favorites]

I knew I saved that soggy spaghetti in water soup recipe for a reason.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:31 AM on November 29, 2012

Did I say Satan? Sorry - meant Guy Firey
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:32 AM on November 29, 2012

You meant Supreme Court Justice and High Chaplain of Interstellar War.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:35 AM on November 29, 2012

Also the longer this thread goes without a followup from the OP the more start to wonder if he only posted it to fake his own death post-meetup and pin it on an unsuspecting mefite.
posted by elizardbits at 9:40 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Mefite Who Was Thursday
posted by The Whelk at 9:43 AM on November 29, 2012

I think our claims of "no, no, it's not awkward, we're all decent people, don't be scared to meet us face-to-face" were somewhat weakened by... pretty much everything else here.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:43 AM on November 29, 2012 [14 favorites]

we're totally fine and normal people ( GIVE US YOUR TEETH ) whom you should not be worried about ( OR WE WILL TAKE THEM ) in the slightest.
posted by The Whelk at 9:55 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

TEETH FOR THE DENTAL GOD
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:57 AM on November 29, 2012

MOLARS FOR HIS THRONE
posted by The Whelk at 9:59 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

HE WEARS A CROWN OF CROWNS
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:03 AM on November 29, 2012 [8 favorites]

( GIVE US YOUR TEETH )

Tell me something that'll save me
I need a man who makes me alright
posted by shakespeherian at 10:03 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

ZENYATTA DENTATA
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:06 AM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yes, it's safe!
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:07 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Teeth for the dental god"? That doesn't sound very palatable. Can someone fill me in on this? I'm not sure what's going on and I want to get to the root of the matter.

Flossing.
posted by griphus at 10:17 AM on November 29, 2012

Incisive comment.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:18 AM on November 29, 2012

The tooth fairy is sick of just waiting around for teeth to come out you dig?
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 AM on November 29, 2012

Just wanted to update to let everybody know that the meetup went fine. It's all over now and nobody got doxxed, boxxed, haxxed or foxxed. Jessamyn's boyfriend did a great job of protecting us all. :-)
posted by wolfdreams01 at 10:22 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Sure, post that in the 2 minutes I take typing up a comment taking credit for your death. *sigh*
posted by maryr at 10:25 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I was once boxxed at a 2600 meetup. I can still make free international calls if I concentrate hard enough.
posted by griphus at 10:31 AM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I still think doxx sounds like the Windows 8 Office format, BTW.
posted by maryr at 10:37 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sure, post that in the 2 minutes I take typing up a comment taking credit for your death. *sigh*

Well, depending on how my attempt to follow your cookie recipe goes, you still might end up being able to take credit retroactively. Don't sell yourself short. ;-)
posted by wolfdreams01 at 10:46 AM on November 29, 2012

"In a large bowl, combine 2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and a healthy pinch of strychnine. Whisk together."
posted by maryr at 10:49 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Preheat oven to 15.6 million Kelvin...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:54 AM on November 29, 2012

"Normally I'd double-check that recipe, but she looks trustworthy."
posted by wolfdreams01 at 10:55 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

TEETH FOR THE DENTAL GOD

All praise his royal retainer!
posted by maryr at 11:45 AM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

All praise his royal retainer!

And behold, not only some usernames are kind of a mouthful...
posted by Namlit at 3:07 PM on November 29, 2012

an extra 10 mins or so on the regional train, which is cheaper than the Acela

I prefer NE Regionals to Acelas I think, less power-dressing/power-talking types, and the seats are more comfy.
posted by carter at 5:25 PM on November 29, 2012

I met someone IRL from MetaFilter, once, at an unrelated party, when I mentioned that something we were talking about was something I'd seen there. We recognized each other's usernames once we shared them. And, uh, went back to talking about other stuff. It was a thorple-slurping experience, on the whole.
posted by davejay at 9:02 PM on November 29, 2012

Oh, and I'm about to go make tea for another MeFite who is sitting on my couch, but that's another story. And I was married to a third, like actually really married. Suddenly I have an idea for a screenplay called Too Many MeFites.
posted by davejay at 9:06 PM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think Tom Stoppard may have already written that.
posted by maryr at 9:15 PM on November 29, 2012

Mefi's Own Tom Stoppard.
posted by gingerbeer at 9:38 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

MeFi's Own Tom Stahppard.
posted by Eideteker at 5:49 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yes, I'm okay with you telling the internet that I have a Dachshund.
posted by hwyengr at 8:32 AM on November 30, 2012

nobody got doxxed

I went to a meetup at this bagel joint and we all got loxxed. Be careful out there.
posted by kengraham at 11:00 AM on November 30, 2012 [3 favorites]

I went to a meetup at this bagel joint and we all got loxxed. Be careful out there.

Yeah, we don't want anyone to be irresponsibly shmeared.
posted by grouse at 3:10 PM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

if you go to a meetup and you have never posted a single time on Metafilter, is that still cool? I've always kinda wanted to hit a meetup, but I never visit MetaFilter and quite honestly I knew very little about how the site even works, outside of I see questions on the green page and I like to try to answer them.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 9:05 PM on November 30, 2012

if you go to a meetup and you have never posted a single time on Metafilter, is that still cool?

Totally cool. People are fun and interesting and like meeting new people, so meetups are generally great regardless of your activity on the site. Hell, I have met a bunch of mefites' spouses who don't have accounts/don't read the site at all who have enjoyed meetups a lot.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:08 PM on November 30, 2012

Would you say that the organizer of the bagel shop meetup was running a sort of shmear campaign?
posted by maryr at 9:32 PM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I did have one bad experience of a Metfite crossing the line. Apparently one of the more infrequent users stumbled upon one of my questions, and it turned out that she was my coworker's wife. She wasted no time outing me to him, which is great because now he regularly invades my privacy and asks me way too personal questions. I was shocked that someone on Metafilter would behave this way, but hey, it's the Internet. I guess I did put it all out there.
posted by two lights above the sea at 10:08 PM on November 30, 2012

if you go to a meetup and you have never posted a single time on Metafilter, is that still cool?

Oh yeah, I think it's very common. My SO actually got dragged to a meetup with a friend before he even knew what MeFi was. He thought it was pretty bizarre, to be fair, but slowly got into MetaChat and then MeFi and is now a daily follower. But when he went to the meetup (and it was 7 or 8 years ago, when the internet was less normal) he had some funny impressions about people from the internet and why they'd want to get together.
posted by Miko at 5:44 AM on December 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I guess I did put it all out there.

I don't know what things were like then, but your MeFi profile has your photo, lists your name, job, and employer, links to your Facebook profile, and your previous MetaFilter username, which was simply your name. My profile does many of the same things, but I wouldn't be so shocked if someone in the rest of my life came across my MeFi details. You have to do a little better than that if you want to stay private.
posted by grouse at 9:09 AM on December 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Would you say that the organizer of the bagel shop meetup was running a sort of shmear campaign?

I'm saying there's something fishy about the whole situation.
posted by grouse at 9:38 AM on December 1, 2012

I'm staying out of church for now, lest their careless vespers become a doxxology.
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:07 PM on December 1, 2012

Dang, this thread makes me miss regular meetups. Triangle folks: we need to have another one, sometime after the holiday season.

The only meetup I've ever been to that was sort of awkward was that one where only one other person showed up, and I was kind of like "OKAY FIRST MEETUP ONLY ONE OTHER PERSON AND HE'S WAY OLDER THAN ME" and I was on super high alert for most of the meetup. But he was a really cool and interesting guy and we had a really nice conversation, and now I pester every place I visit to have a meet-up, so there's that.

I met a bunch of my now really good friends at Metafilter meetups, who then introduced me to other local likeminded people that I also end up hanging out with. MeFites on the whole are pretty decent folk, and the people that MeFites associate with are also pretty decent folk, so if you haven't been to a meetup before please go to one or organize one because they rock.
posted by Phire at 3:59 PM on December 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I brought Moxie to a meetup once. Did I accidentally moxx anyone?
posted by maryr at 5:28 PM on December 1, 2012

We had our second consecutive monthly board game meetup here in Brooklyn tonight. Eight hours, five games (one played twice), and seven mefites plus one S.O. A great time! I had so much fun I forgot to doxx, loxx, or moxx anyone.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:45 PM on December 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wordshore: Then again, it also sounds like library camp.

Unless you were the person with whom I was discussing Jessamyn's library signs in the pub afterwards, then there were at least three mefites at library camp.
posted by the latin mouse at 3:14 PM on December 2, 2012

essexjan: "Oh, and the other day I wore a coat that had my Metafilter '+' badge on it"

What badges there are badges we can get badges what where.
posted by Phire at 7:53 AM on December 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't know who made the badges or where they came from, but they're a MeFi blue background with a yellow cross on it in white square parentheses.
posted by essexjan at 8:40 AM on December 18, 2012

You're right, badges aren't required. On the other hand badgers are mandatory at each meetup.
posted by essexjan at 8:50 AM on December 18, 2012

Unless I am mistaken, those buttons were made by Grangousier. I was lucky enough to get one when I was in London, and it has been my constant companion since.

Grangousier: if you make a bunch of these, PEOPLE WILL BUY THEM. I will even buy another one, just because.
posted by phunniemee at 8:54 AM on December 18, 2012

hand badgers

That's spelled "honey."
posted by Namlit at 10:48 AM on December 18, 2012

Mod note: A couple of comments deleted. There will be no personal grudge matches carried out here. You guys absolutely have to keep that off the site.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:50 PM on December 18, 2012 [2 favorites]