Am I seeing double? April 2, 2013 5:42 AM   Subscribe

This is not exactly a callout, in that I don't have any problem with the advice per se, but... I noticed a recent answer to a job-related question which seemed to be basically the same as an answer I had gotten a couple years ago...

Basically, Cool Papa Bell really, really thinks people should join the Coast Guard and go rescue people for a living.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

What I want to know is- have any of you other 18 gone on to join the Coast Guard??? I actually looked into it briefly...
posted by showbiz_liz to MetaFilter-Related at 5:42 AM (156 comments total) 34 users marked this as a favorite

It's certainly a change from DTMFA....
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:49 AM on April 2, 2013 [12 favorites]


JTCGARPFAL doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 5:49 AM on April 2, 2013 [49 favorites]


I have a friend who joined the Coast Guard and now he's living in Puerto Rico posting pics of sunsets and beaches every day. In other words, I endorse this message.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:55 AM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


No, but J.T.C. Garpfal would be an excellent name for a character in a novel.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:55 AM on April 2, 2013 [45 favorites]


I dated a guy in the Coast Guard during my first year of college, but then I found out he was dating someone on his boat when he changed his relationship status on Facebook from dating me to dating her. He told me he thought it would be kinder to do it that way than over the phone. So go ahead and join the Coast Guard, but make better choices when beginning or ending relationships.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:58 AM on April 2, 2013 [21 favorites]


I also have a friend in the Coast Guard, who joined when he was 18, which was 20-odd years ago. He's married with two kids. Their family moves regularly, and his wife, who was a high school friend of mine, is increasingly unhappy with it.

So, YMMV.

As to similar answers being given, that's kind of the nature of the site: similar questions are being asked, after all.
posted by fraula at 6:00 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is it weird that now I kinda want to go join the Coast Guard?
posted by Grither at 6:01 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Now I'm wondering how many times I've encouraged people to buy a used Geo Prizm.
posted by box at 6:04 AM on April 2, 2013 [14 favorites]


Draug Tsaoc Eht Nioj?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:05 AM on April 2, 2013 [21 favorites]


Cool Papa Bell has been waiting for this day forever.

Also, this is awesome.
posted by Etrigan at 6:12 AM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


Live in a van. Down by the river.
posted by DU at 6:14 AM on April 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


This makes me wonder what my most-repeated advice is that doesn't involve dumping people or getting therapy.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:15 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Live in a van. Down by the river.

A government van. And rescue people who fall in.
posted by Jahaza at 6:20 AM on April 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


Makes sense in a downturn. When private enterprise is under water... join the coast guard.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:21 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


Have you considered iberico jamon? For a living?
posted by shakespeherian at 6:22 AM on April 2, 2013 [10 favorites]


But only one Best Answer.
posted by zarq at 6:26 AM on April 2, 2013


For great justice, we have activated every ZIG. Let's see if Cool Papa Bell notices!
posted by Nomyte at 6:27 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I was talking with someone at Easter whose son in law or something was about to retire from the Coast Guard with a full pension at age 38.

So, yeah, if I could go back in time, I would join the Coast Guard.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 6:48 AM on April 2, 2013 [12 favorites]


But you're already an Admiral!
posted by zombieflanders at 6:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [51 favorites]


I've noticed that a certain user has suggested that several Askers who are considering small claims court should look into appearing on The People's Court. I hope that someone takes his or her advice and reports back!
posted by amarynth at 7:03 AM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


I would LOVE to go on one of those court shows. I try to convince people to go on there with me quite frequently but so far no one has agreed to sue me/be sued by me. BUT I AM OPEN TO IT, JUST SAYING
posted by the young rope-rider at 7:05 AM on April 2, 2013 [21 favorites]


I've come across the same kind of thing with other users. For instance, the same person always suggests buying stuff at the Sears Outlet. But I think it is just human nature, to want to share good advice that most people wouldn't otherwise know about.

Or that People's Court thing... I think people assume it's much harder to get on that show than it actually is. And if you do get on, you get a guaranteed payout, which is much more reliable than trying to collect in normal small claims. So I can understand suggesting it in pretty much all small claims court questions.
posted by smackfu at 7:13 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


I knew a guy who had been in the Coast Guard.

He was discharged early because of his alcoholism. I learned recently that Richard died several years ago, also a result of alcoholism, in his aunt's garage, where he had been living for several years prior.

Cool Papa Bell's advice is probably not good advice to take if you're an alcoholic.
posted by notyou at 7:16 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


What is good advice to take if you're an alcoholic?
posted by cjorgensen at 7:24 AM on April 2, 2013 [15 favorites]


I also have a friend in the Coast Guard, who joined when he was 18, which was 20-odd years ago. He's married with two kids. Their family moves regularly, and his wife, who was a high school friend of mine, is increasingly unhappy with it.

Of course, after 20 years your friend is eligible to retire with 50% final base pay which is not bad at the age of 38. Especially since coasties often have transferable skills. Even staying in for another 10 years to get the full pension of 75% base pay (and on a base which will be higher after 10 years of promotions) means retiring at the age of 48. (although it can be hard to stay in the full 30 for enlisted)

Enlisted pay isn't super high of course, but there's plenty of places in the country where that inflation indexed pension will go pretty far.

Damn, CPB was right. I should have joined the Coast Guard and rescued people for a living!
posted by atrazine at 7:28 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


I've noticed that a certain user has suggested that several Askers who are considering small claims court should look into appearing on The People's Court. I hope that someone takes his or her advice and reports back!

I've noticed this, too, and it's the first thing I thought of when I saw this MeTa. I wonder if this has worked for her or people she knows. From my understanding, it's pretty hard to get on those shows, and they tend to find cases by searching dockets themselves, not from people volunteering.
posted by payoto at 7:29 AM on April 2, 2013


I thought those shows were fake and not legally binding in any way?
posted by Think_Long at 7:33 AM on April 2, 2013


What is good advice to take if you're an alcoholic?

Don't drink?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:36 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


I reiterate my previous advice to send me cookies.
posted by arcticseal at 7:36 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


What is good advice to take if you're an alcoholic?

DTMFA
posted by carsonb at 7:40 AM on April 2, 2013 [16 favorites]


I thought those shows were fake and not legally binding in any way?

For many of them (like The People's Court), the litigants sign binding arbitration agreements.
posted by grouse at 7:40 AM on April 2, 2013


I thought those shows were fake and not legally binding in any way?

There is usually fine print in the credits that mentor the participants have agreed to binding arbitration to settle their dispute. So it's not a real court of law, but the outcome is legally binding in that sense.

From the Wikipedia article on The People's Court:
Researchers for the show would examine small claims filings in Southern California and approach the plaintiff and defendant in interesting cases. The producers would offer to have Judge Wapner arbitrate the dispute if they would agree to dismiss their action and be bound by Judge Wapner's decision. Through this approach, the show could get real people with real cases. However, even though the show is decorated and run like a real courtroom, it is not a real court or part of any judicial system, but instead a form of binding arbitration.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:42 AM on April 2, 2013


Jinx!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:42 AM on April 2, 2013


So yeah, those of us who have been here a long time find ourselves giving the same advice over and over again, because, well, we think it's good advice, and it worked for us. Go rent Remains of the Day.
posted by Melismata at 7:51 AM on April 2, 2013 [12 favorites]


I am a broken record suggesting Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon over and over and over
posted by msali at 7:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


Read Black Oxen by Elizabeth Knox.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:55 AM on April 2, 2013


I'm really confident that you ought to dress well. Really, it's part of the successful solution to any problem.
posted by oddman at 8:00 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


I suggest the novel Yellow Blue Tibia in almost every "recommend good sci-fi" thread. Though I don't think it's been 19 times yet.

Everybody please read Yellow Blue Tibia!

Seriously, it's the best book I've ever read purely because the cover looked cool.

I still think about it all the time, years after reading it.

(No, I did not write YBT, nor do I know the author or anyone who has anything concrete to gain by people reading it. ITS JUST THAT GOOD.)
posted by Sara C. at 8:04 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


When people are looking for something to give as a wedding gift, I always suggest fire extinguishers.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:05 AM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


msali: "I am a broken record suggesting Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon over and over and over"

And ACOA is also a good suggestion.
posted by zarq at 8:12 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm curious what Cool Papa Bell's connection to the Coast Guard is that he thinks it's such a great job.
posted by deanc at 8:12 AM on April 2, 2013


I always suggest people go bowling. But that's because I work in the bowling business and want to sell more bowling balls.
posted by slogger at 8:14 AM on April 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm curious what Cool Papa Bell's connection to the Coast Guard is that he thinks it's such a great job.

It would be pretty funny if he had no connection at all to the Coast Guard but just thought it sounded neat.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:16 AM on April 2, 2013 [18 favorites]


Am I seeing double?

No, you're seeing nineteenble. Rare, but it happens.
posted by heyho at 8:25 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


This makes me wonder what my most-repeated advice is that doesn't involve dumping people or getting therapy.
Malwarebytes.

If that doesn't work, follow the instructions on deezil's user page.

Nuke it from orbit.

Get a lawyer.

See a doctor.

Go to ER now!

Don't eat it.

Just ask her out.

Just ask him out.

Don't ask them out at work.

Read The Gift of Fear.
posted by nangar at 8:28 AM on April 2, 2013 [26 favorites]


When people ask about how to store and play their digital music, I always suggest the Logitech (formerly Slim Devices) Squeezebox, which is hands down the best solution in terms of audio quality, features, price, and active user community.

Logitech killed the product last fall. Clearly too many of you ignored my advice.
posted by notyou at 8:29 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


And to expand on nangar:

Suck it up.
Use your words.
Just tell them.
Shoes off in the house.
posted by Ideefixe at 8:32 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's not bad advice if you have the right temperament. I've known and worked with a lot of Coasties and have found almost all of them to be wonderful, impressive people. The postings can send people to some fascinating parts of the world, the skills are extremely transferable to an intriguing variety of shoreside (or near-shore) occupations, and it's a branch of service you can generally get behind. It's damned useful.

My most-repeated advice to people who are suffering from fearfulness and anxiety about relationships is to read Beyond Codependency. I'm not ashamed to repeat it over and over as it may help someone new each time.
posted by Miko at 8:33 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think we're pretty good for slow-cooker low-carb meals that can be made the night before however.
posted by The Whelk at 8:43 AM on April 2, 2013 [15 favorites]


I used to always reccomend that people buy Steelcase Leap office chairs, because they're the best, most comfortable ergonomic chairs I've ever experienced. However, now I think it's more important to get a standing desk.

(but if you *are* looking for an office chair, the Leap is still the way to go)
posted by Afroblanco at 8:44 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would LOVE to go on one of those court shows. I try to convince people to go on there with me quite frequently but so far no one has agreed to sue me/be sued by me. BUT I AM OPEN TO IT, JUST SAYING

An acquaintance of mine was on Judge Judy, but I think they basically just made up their problem and playacted being mad, because they thought it would be fun to be on the show.

As for my most oft-repeated advice, I think I suggest Bruichladdich's Port Charlotte series in every thread about scotch.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:46 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cool Papa Bell must be in reality...my brother? I have a brother that suggests the Coast Guard to people. Maybe even 19 times. He's a boat enthusiast and listens in on the Coast Guard emergency radio band which I guess can be pretty action filled on the Great Lakes. When I'm out on the lake with him it is interesting to listen to. Makes you very wary of jumping in when they are trying to recover a body.
posted by readery at 8:48 AM on April 2, 2013


Oh wait, this list must be my most oft-given suggestions. So basically, watch DS9, brew apfelwein, worship Hermes, fuck Geordi, marry Virginia Woolf, kill Darkseid
posted by Greg Nog at 8:49 AM on April 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Ok, off to go join the Coast Guard.
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:52 AM on April 2, 2013


watch DS9, brew apfelwein, worship Hermes, fuck Geordi, marry Virginia Woolf, kill Darkseid

This was best convention party EVER.
posted by The Whelk at 8:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [15 favorites]


Ex-Colleague of Mrs A. joined the Canadian Coast Guard. They should be getting those poutine MREs soon.
posted by arcticseal at 8:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


get a dog get a dog get a dog

and try aquatic therapy for your bad back, seriously
posted by HotToddy at 8:55 AM on April 2, 2013



JTCGARPFAL doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it.

Not to mention that it might erupt and spew ash all over the green.
posted by jamjam at 9:00 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I recommend sea salt basically all the time for all the things, but I am not in the Coast Guard.
posted by jetlagaddict at 9:02 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


If I've gotten one person to listen to their gut, then I've done a good thing.
posted by kinetic at 9:03 AM on April 2, 2013


The Coast Guard is basically one of the few government departments where, by and large, the people you serve are REALLY HAPPY TO SEE YOU. The Fire Department would be another one.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:04 AM on April 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


one of the few government departments where, by and large, the people you serve are REALLY HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

Unless you happen to be in a boat full of drugs or undocumented people.
posted by ambrosia at 9:08 AM on April 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


Esteemed gentlemen of the board, I thank you for your time and only ask that you hear my entire proposal before casting aspersions.

*ahem*.

AskMetafilter represents a unrivaled storehouse of advice and recommendations for all of life's little problems. It may be assumed that most repeated advice is the most correct advice and the advice that most applies to the majority of askers. Collectively, we could create a master list of answers to every one of life's questions and decisions, from age 1 to one hundred. Assured that they've been field tested and numerously confirmed.

Then comes the next step: The Child.

A healthy child of suitable age will be taken into the face of me and my lab assistants in order to raise it completely and totally within the bounds of the most repeated AskMetafilter answers. Any questions or concerns about the child's environment, food, teachings, etc will be addressed to the Master List of AskMe Answers. From there, future decisions such as further education, vocation, living location, hobbies, etc will also be weighed against the answers in the AskMe Master List.

From this study we will be able to determine if following the advice of AskMe, All the advice of actually, does result in a life happier, or at least more stable and less troubled by worrisome ennui then typical adults of the same and background. From this we could figure out what are the best choices in life, in so far as they allow for the most about of happiness with the least amount of risk available to the most amount of people. Doubt, anxiety, pressure, these could all be things of the past.

Gentlemen, I want to give you a vision of the future, of smiling Coast Gaurders playing with their dogs for 30 min a day outdoors pressed in sensible, long lasting fabrics, who have cut wheat of of their diet and always have their therapist and lawyer on speed dial.

My God, isn't it beautiful?
posted by The Whelk at 9:09 AM on April 2, 2013 [53 favorites]


Or in the least bit shady when it comes to Homeland Security. The Coast Guard get to spend a LOT of time on Homeland Security these days.
posted by ldthomps at 9:10 AM on April 2, 2013


Meditation, regular aerobic exercise, and time in nature.
posted by latkes at 9:20 AM on April 2, 2013


Unless you happen to be in a boat full of drugs or undocumented people.

Or a boat with a couple of poached abalone and lobsters set aside for a batch of Citation Stew, which was an end of trip ritual on that boat.

When the Coasties pulled alongside and asked if they could come aboard to inspect and I told them, "No, the Skipper is diving for sea urchins now and it's up to him. He'll be up in half an hour," they tied up alongside and we all waited patiently for Joe to show up and give them permission. They were polite and I admired that they respected the ancient traditions, even though I was scared witless about the abalone and the lobster and Joe's weed.

They didn't find any of it.
posted by notyou at 9:22 AM on April 2, 2013 [14 favorites]


Use Bio-Kleen bac-out active cultures to get rid of lingering bad smells if you don't want to end up with an underlying seizure disorder.
posted by jamjam at 9:27 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


The Irish Coast Guard is a bit different to the US Coast Guard and we didn't do it as a living (it's a government department, and with the exception of a few full time personnel including the helicopter crews, it is staffed by volunteer search and rescue personnel) but as a former member I can definitely endorse the 'Go rescue people' idea.

As much as the people we helped were happy to see us, we were equally happy to be out there (okay the false alarms that had us walking the beach at 3 in the morning in the cold and wet weren't always fun) enjoying the thrill of actual life and death situations, and the teamwork and camaraderie that goes hand in hand with that. You don't always get a successful outcome, and that can feel shitty sometimes, but you still feel comforted knowing you gave it your best shot, and the families absolutely appreciate that too. Successful outcomes definitely give you a great feeling and keep you coming back, spending your free evenings and weekends training, preparing and making sure you and your team are ready for whatever incident comes next.

So even if you're not prepared to go join the coast guard for a living, do go and volunteer for rescue organizations if you have the chance. Learn the skills and make a difference where you can.
posted by TwoWordReview at 9:30 AM on April 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


I joined the Ghost Guard by mistake and now I'm dead. THANKS, OBAMA.
posted by mintcake! at 9:44 AM on April 2, 2013 [43 favorites]


If I had to join one of the services, it would totally be the Coast Guard - you get to live by the ocean, you don't get deployed on long tours, your chances of getting killed seem smaller.

Plus, the uniforms are cute.
posted by 26.2 at 9:57 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]




When people are looking for something to give as a wedding gift, I always suggest fire extinguishers.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:05 AM on April 2 [+] [!]

Eponysterical! Also good advice.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:21 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Don't eat it.

Just ask her out.


I misread this as "Just eat her out." I think I've seen that advice on one or two threads, but it's apparently not as popular as joining the Coast Guard.
posted by Slinga at 10:25 AM on April 2, 2013 [12 favorites]


I want to see you land okay, Jimmy. So, tell me, where don't you wanna go?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:36 AM on April 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


I'd just like to second the recommendation to read Yellow Blue Tibia. It is super-great.
posted by ominous_paws at 10:38 AM on April 2, 2013


Also, this is brilliant/hilarious.
posted by ominous_paws at 10:39 AM on April 2, 2013


My most oft cited advice is:


Check out Roadside America

and

Eating disorders are not about food.

I believe one to be as helpful as the other.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:42 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Mindfulness meditation.

Cal Newport.

The Now Habit.

Have you actually talked to your advisor about this?

Statistics.
posted by en forme de poire at 10:49 AM on April 2, 2013


Vitamin D supplements.

Zero caffeine.

This isn't your problem, so ignore it.
posted by Andrhia at 10:54 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Semaphore flag it and move on.

On the other hand, if you wish to arrest people for DTMFA at sea, you should join the Coast Guard.
posted by Talkie Toaster at 10:54 AM on April 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


... Eating disorders are not about food. ...
posted by Sophie1 at 12:42 PM on April 2

That one was so counter-intuitive to me until I sortof equated it with alcoholics, do they drink uncontrollably because they're thirsty?
posted by dancestoblue at 11:27 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Cool Papa Bell is... quirky.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:33 AM on April 2, 2013


A guy told me he was joining the Coast Guard, I told him to stop being so defensive.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:34 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Train your cat, possibly with "Clicker Training for Cats".
posted by amtho at 11:35 AM on April 2, 2013


When you discover THING_THAT_IS_AMAZING_TO_YOU, it's only a short step from it becoming THING_THAT_IS_AMAZING, and you share it with everyone.

On a related note, everyone should take an improv course.
posted by booksherpa at 11:35 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I feel a stern warning is in order.
posted by Abiezer at 11:38 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Proust
R
Insight meditation
Spirited Away or My Neighbor Totoro depending on age
Cafe Angelina
posted by shothotbot at 11:41 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mine has got to be, "get a goddamn lawyer already, stop asking internet strangers."

It drives me fucking nuts.

New rule: if you are asking a question that could possibly be phrased "What would a lawyer tell me about situation X?" the answer is always "Get a goddamn lawyer already & stop talking about it on the internet."
posted by gauche at 11:42 AM on April 2, 2013


Take magnesium supplements. 57% of adults in the US do not meet their dietary RDA for Magnesium. It will make you sleep better.

If you are doing mindfulness meditation, you should do lovingkindness meditation as well. It will feel better that way.
posted by Acheman at 11:43 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I totally looked into joining the Coast Guard in part based on those questions about adventure and stuff. It basically came down to the Coast Guard or the Fire Service. I went with Fire Service because a.) I could quit if I got into grad school, and b.) waaaaaaaay less likely to be sexually assaulted.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:51 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I bet mine is "get the Mazda 5."

"Run for office" doesn't come up as often but I recommend it pretty reliably when it does.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mine has got to be, "get a goddamn lawyer already, stop asking internet strangers."

Instead of posting, "Read a fucking guide book" to the umpteenth, "I'm visiting Paris! What is there to see and do there?", I just flag and move on.
posted by deanc at 11:58 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Floss. And take a linguistics course, dammit.
posted by languagehat at 12:02 PM on April 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


What are your fitness goals, and have you considered lifting weights? It will not "make you bulky."
Prep before you cook, clean as you cook.
You should talk to a professional in that field.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:03 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is this where we link to the Kofi Annan 'wear sunscreen' list?
posted by edgeways at 12:16 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


House of Stairs, William Sleator (1974)
"All Summer in a Day", Ray Bradbury (1954)
posted by Rock Steady at 12:17 PM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


My father was in the USCG for a very long time - I forget the actual number of years. He enlisted during Vietnam and was conveniently stationed in DC, a member of the United States Coast Guard Ceremonial Honor Guard. We were stationed all up and down the east coast and got to live in some cool places - like Governors Island, twice. As a kid, it was fun to have the chance to sail on the USCGC Eagle. I'd certainly recommend the USCG as a career, but do keep in mind its a military service and you could definitely find yourself in a warzone.

Here's a great motivational video - Rescue Me.
posted by blaneyphoto at 12:22 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think it's hilarious, because it's the same "join the coast guard and go save people for a living" exact wording!

I joined the Coast Guard, although years ago before Cool Papa Bell was dispensing that advice.

And I always advise it as well when someone is considering the military route.
posted by foxhat10 at 12:35 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


My friend's father was in the Coast Guard, and my friend ended up living in Guantanamo Bay. But the nice version, with horses and movie theaters, not the prison bit.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:54 PM on April 2, 2013


What's all this about a Goats Card?
posted by klangklangston at 12:59 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then comes the next step: The Child.

Then when it turns five you have to fight it and as many of its friends as you can.
posted by bendy at 1:03 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


What's all this about a Goats Card?

What did we tell you about playing the Goats card?
posted by 4ster at 1:04 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


You really should see a Coast Guard about that.
Get a Coast Guard already!
Just ask out the Coast Guard.
Dump the motherfucking Coast Guard already.
Cut out Coast Guard from your diet.
If you can't devote two hours a day to it, you're not ready for a Coast Guard.
The Coast Guard has been in the fridge for a week? Throw it out.
Don't go in to debt for a liberal arts Coast Guard.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:16 PM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


By the time I got to 8, I was giggling with delight. Seems like honestly great advice to me.

What is good advice to take if you're an alcoholic?
Therapy!

Also,
-Don't lend money you can't afford to lose
-
posted by annsunny at 1:23 PM on April 2, 2013


Shake before using.
Refrigerate after opening.
Objects in mirror may appear closer than they are.
Floss daily.
Saying please and thank you go a long way towards a civil society
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:24 PM on April 2, 2013


I've noticed that a certain user has suggested that several Askers who are considering small claims court should look into appearing on The People's Court.

Wowza. You ain't foolin'.
posted by item at 1:39 PM on April 2, 2013 [20 favorites]


item: " Wowza. You ain't foolin'."

Holy crap.
posted by zarq at 1:52 PM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I have also noticed the Coast Guard answer and I think it's pretty great, really. CPB seems to more or less use it as an answer for people who are young, unattached to any particular place, and looking for adventure and fulfillment. It seems like not a bad combination of those things.

My most-often offered advice is probably join the track team.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 2:07 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wonder how many times I have to suggest to the OPs that Carthage must be destroyed before someone goes and does it.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:11 PM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Twice?
posted by zombieflanders at 2:13 PM on April 2, 2013


Ideefixe Shoes off in the house.

Haha, have you read Would you mind taking your shoes off?

More than 220 comments, comments removed by mods, spirited debate, it is amazing what turns out to be contentious in Ask sometimes.
posted by mlis at 2:16 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I often wish I had joined the Coast Guard.
posted by jgirl at 2:36 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


When people ask about how to store and play their digital music, I always suggest the Logitech (formerly Slim Devices) Squeezebox, which is hands down the best solution in terms of audio quality, features, price, and active user community.

Logitech killed the product last fall. Clearly too many of you ignored my advice.


I got one! It's awesome. Annoying that the streaming no longer works (or if it does, I haven't figured it out) but the internet radio features are still terrific. Sad, though, that first the chumby was killed, then the squeezebox.

I always recommend CB IHatePerfume, but that's just logical.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:39 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest? I've suggested ridding me of him enough probably.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:39 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Real advice (passed along) from an old coastie. Apply to the academy in your Junior year in high school. Hunt down an old guy that'll give you a reference and get him to send a letter to the local commander.
posted by sammyo at 2:56 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]




Is this where we link to the Kofi Annan 'wear sunscreen' list?

Pretty sure he doesn't need to wear sunscreen.
posted by smoke at 3:03 PM on April 2, 2013


Because he's always indoors, diplomatin'?
posted by notyou at 3:44 PM on April 2, 2013


I always recommend CB IHatePerfume, but that's just logical.

At one point a few years ago I summoned up my cash and bought a thing of Burning Leaves. It was freaking awesome. I don't wear scents very often, but when I did this was the only thing I would ever put on, and not only did it give me a little "awww yeahhh" serotonin burst but I also got a shit-ton of compliments on it. So if it turns out I have you to thank for that, thanks! (And if not, right on!)
posted by en forme de poire at 3:48 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is this where we link to the Kofi Annan 'wear sunscreen' list?

Don't you mean Kurt Vonnegut?

Pretty sure he doesn't need to wear sunscreen.

Even though Annan is famous for never being seen in public without his patented umbrella hat, I'm fairly certain black people do need to wear sunscreen.
posted by item at 3:56 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fun, fame or fortune -- it worked* for me!

By some definition of the word "worked" which may or may not be applicable to your situation, your long-term dating prospects, your future as a cog in the wheel or your ability to rake in the big dough and retire fat and happy. Check back.
posted by amanda at 3:59 PM on April 2, 2013


you get to live by the ocean

Not necessarily.
posted by soundguy99 at 4:00 PM on April 2, 2013


Wow, now I'm really upset that I can't join the Coast Guard.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:21 PM on April 2, 2013


item, don't you mean Mary Schmich?

You do know that both of your links are about how Vonnegut didn't write the sunscreen thing, right?
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:56 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]



I am a broken record suggesting Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon over and over and over

The alanon coastguard: they draw up and share how they stopped themselves from drowning - whilst baking a cake and having a debate on which conference approved leaflet to supply.
posted by sgt.serenity at 5:13 PM on April 2, 2013


What did we tell you about playing the Goats card?

Just never, ever play the GOATSE card!
posted by crossoverman at 6:56 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Three words: Saline nasal spray.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:41 PM on April 2, 2013


Wowza. You ain't foolin'.

After 4-5 of those I honestly could not stop laughing. This is slash-fiction level stuff.
posted by downing street memo at 8:06 PM on April 2, 2013


I am now really curious whether the MeFite in question has ever personally appeared on The People's Court, or is just really enthusiastic about the show.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:24 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


My name is Ghostride and I'm a Coast Guardaholic. At first it started small. I'd just go sit around in lakes on boats. Maybe pretend someone fell in and jump in the water, but it'd just look like it was swimming to everyone else. But then I got my CPR certification. I convinced myself it was important! And useful! I mean, what if I really did need to save a life that wasn't on the open water? People die all the time, right? But I was just fooling myself. I'd hang around the beach and try to trip the lifeguards when they came down then go "ISN'T ANYONE GOING TO HELP THAT POOR MAN?" but they never stayed down long enough for me to rush into the water. I hit bottom one day. Literally, I mean, I was in a skiff and it leaked. I thought for a moment I should call the Coast Guard but I was only in a foot of water, so after a while, I just stood up...
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:28 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


You deserve better. Yes, you do.

Retinol.

Get yourself checked for allergies.

Stop eating refined carbs.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:14 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Maybe you should read this story/novel by Vladimir Nabokov.

What [power answerer] said.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 9:18 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Heh, I posted my own broken record advice before I saw this.
posted by wintersweet at 9:39 PM on April 2, 2013


Great!, now it's a meme...
posted by Confess, Fletch at 9:52 PM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


...or you could just hang out on AskMe and rescue people for a living.
posted by salishsea at 11:32 PM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


item, don't you mean Mary Schmich?

You do know that both of your links are about how Vonnegut didn't write the sunscreen thing, right?


I suppose it's my own fault that when folks see my name their immediate response is 'idiot', but it still stings when it's assumed I can't read English and don't know how to use mild sarcasm.
posted by item at 2:38 AM on April 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I am now really curious whether the MeFite in question has ever personally appeared on The People's Court, or is just really enthusiastic about the show.

It could just be that Doug Llewelyn's voice is dreamy.
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:05 AM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sorry, item, it didn't scan that way to me.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:29 AM on April 3, 2013


I just reread the whole 220 comment shoes on/off thread, and the best part is that it links to an earlier 200+ comment thread about the same topic. I think we are due for a new one!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:48 AM on April 3, 2013


Not only that, there's a 217-comment MetaTalk about the topic inspired by one of those threads.

In that irritating mental-itch thing, I am reminded of this this thread at least once a week because it got bizarrely contentious, making me wonder if it's weird that I have a shoes-off house mostly. But I know it's not especially weird around here so then I shrug it off and put my shoes in the shoe tray and move on with my life.
posted by Miko at 7:58 AM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh god that thread introduced me to my favorite non sequester , best said in a seething, pained WASPy whisper -" because inside shoes ...are feet."
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on April 3, 2013 [10 favorites]


Dear Mister Ask Metafilter,

I just got out of a long relation-ship, and it was a rough breaker-up. I want to do something with my life, but I can't afford to go back to schooner, and I don't have many mates. I want something to buoy my spirits before I wave goodbye to my rudderless youth. Is there a career, ideally one that would allow me to defend an area of land adjacent to a body of water, for me?

Snowflake details: I get seasick easily and hate boats. Please don't suggest therapy either; I'd never get a colonel of wisdom from that.

Also, should I eat this tub of seawater? It's been in my fridge for 6 months and it's just salt now. Isn't it supposed to be watery?
posted by Turkey Glue at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2013 [9 favorites]


Joining the Coast Guard sounds great.

Rescuing people, on the other hand, not so much. So I give Cool Papa Bell half-credit.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:58 AM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


downing street memo: "After 4-5 of those I honestly could not stop laughing. This is slash-fiction level stuff."

That's also kind of the apotheosis of eponysterical.
posted by scrump at 12:59 PM on April 3, 2013


I know a guy who was super bright as a kid and slightly aimless, and he was a Coastie for a while. He really enjoyed his time in service, and I get the sense that it gave him some discipline that proved useful later on.

So it's not bad advice, per se, though I hear you on the weird, Eliza-like frequency of the same response.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:33 PM on April 3, 2013


There are better ways to rescue people for a living.

(And it's shoes off, you clompy mucktracking heathens.)
posted by Sys Rq at 1:49 PM on April 3, 2013


Trunk cookies, my friends. Trunk cookies. With foodie culture and people looking for more adventurous culinary venues, like quasi-legal dining clubs, selling trunk cookies is the job of the now. Seriously, look into it.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:29 PM on April 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


My dad was in the Coast Guard and it was pretty cool.
posted by trip and a half at 5:17 PM on April 3, 2013


There's a scene in Skyfall involving a train. I won't spoil it, but those who've seen it will know the 'oh, fucking come on - who would ever take the time to pull that off?' feeling.

Now I'm not so sure.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:04 AM on April 4, 2013


The Squeezebox was discontinued immediately after I bought one? Aw, man. This is all your fault, notyou!
posted by ninebelow at 7:43 AM on April 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Join a credit union
Vitamin D
Don't be a jerk
posted by stoneweaver at 10:30 AM on April 4, 2013


Has Cool Papa Bell shown up yet in this thread?
posted by slogger at 1:47 PM on April 4, 2013


If you join the Coast Guard you get to become a member of USAA, thus bringing all AskMes into perfect harmony.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:25 PM on April 4, 2013 [7 favorites]


Has Cool Papa Bell shown up yet in this thread?

Considering he hasn't shown up in this askme, I'm assuming he just hasn't been on Mefi since this was posted.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:58 PM on April 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


He's guarding the coasts.
posted by The Whelk at 7:01 PM on April 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


Rescuing people for a living.
posted by triggerfinger at 8:29 PM on April 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Playing old-timey baseball.
posted by box at 10:48 AM on April 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


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