Comment number five million. May 27, 2013 11:57 AM   Subscribe


It's a whole lot of comments!
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:57 AM on May 27, 2013


God is a huge dick?
posted by cjorgensen at 11:59 AM on May 27, 2013


I liked that it was representative of my interests.
posted by arcticseal at 12:00 PM on May 27, 2013 [8 favorites]


I dropped Justinian a note about this earlier, just to let him know about his newfound fame.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:02 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


You should probably also inform God while you're at it.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:15 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


He knows.
posted by Toekneesan at 12:17 PM on May 27, 2013 [19 favorites]


Perfect.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 12:22 PM on May 27, 2013


I enjoyed the comment because I am fascinated both by the problem of evil and by manifestly huge dicks
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:24 PM on May 27, 2013 [14 favorites]


God is womanifestly a huge vagina.
posted by ORthey at 12:47 PM on May 27, 2013 [9 favorites]


"God is a huge dick."

After all that practice, that's the best we could do???
posted by HuronBob at 1:17 PM on May 27, 2013 [14 favorites]


Previously:

One Million (2005) the comment itself (anticlimactic)

AskMe One Million (2007) the comment itself (klangklangston on professional writing)

MeTa One Million (2012) a deleted comment (semi-appropriately)

Two Million (2008) the comment itself (psmealey in a football thread)

...and searching for these milestones is getting harder without the benefit of Mod-level data access, so I'll just say...
WHY IS THERE NO "MILLIONCOMMENTS" TAG?!?
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:18 PM on May 27, 2013


and searching for these milestones is getting harder without the benefit of Mod-level data access

Infodump, bro. There's literally a file listing every single comment with its comment number.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:20 PM on May 27, 2013


infodump scares me... I'm afraid I'll find something I've written myself that I have taken great pains to forget...
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:21 PM on May 27, 2013 [4 favorites]


infodump scares me... I'm afraid I'll find something I've written myself that I have taken great pains to forget...

I would think the bigger worry would be finding the things you haven't written yet.
posted by curious nu at 1:22 PM on May 27, 2013 [5 favorites]


For sure, yeah. Anybody without at least C-1 temporal clearance should really not muss around with the future_comments.txt file.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:25 PM on May 27, 2013 [24 favorites]


MeTa 500,000 (2008) the original comment (which was already MetaMeta)
...which is a PERFECT example of the kind of things in my posting history that I've wiped from from my memory banks...
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:26 PM on May 27, 2013


OdometerFilter: Who made the three-millionth MetaFilter comment? Who gave the two-millionth AskMe answer?

MeFi 3,000,000

AskMe 2,000,000
(which I just realized was an answer to a question that abused MY username - "I do not think it means what you think it means." This process is getting more and more uncomfortable.)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:35 PM on May 27, 2013


MeFi 4,000,000 18 months ago (from a thread about AskMe's 200,00th [sic] question) the actual comment

So, 1 million: self-referencial
2 million: New York Giants and NFL Films
3 million: babies and dictators
4 million: bad handwriting
5 million: God and dicks

By the year 2020 we can expect to hit 10,000,000, and if current patterns persist, it'll either be about Palestine, Muppets or Yahoo closing down Tumblr.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:47 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


In addition to being something of an iconic MeFi comment, his is a brilliantly eponysterical (or eponhistorical) comment too.
posted by salishsea at 1:52 PM on May 27, 2013


Dammit, I would have made a less awful comment if I'd realized. This is ridiculous. Can I have a do-over?
posted by Justinian at 1:59 PM on May 27, 2013 [7 favorites]


The edit window has closed
posted by Toekneesan at 2:00 PM on May 27, 2013 [2 favorites]


Can I have a do-over?

Depends. Do you have C-1 clearance?
posted by Tsuga at 2:00 PM on May 27, 2013 [7 favorites]


This is a good time to remember the practice of good comment karma: always comment as if you have just posted a highly visible milestone.
posted by salishsea at 2:01 PM on May 27, 2013 [6 favorites]


hah.
posted by Justinian at 2:02 PM on May 27, 2013


p.s. god really is a huge dick tho
posted by Justinian at 2:03 PM on May 27, 2013 [15 favorites]


(assumes that's the one millionth metatalk comment)
posted by Justinian at 2:04 PM on May 27, 2013 [4 favorites]


Oh, you've gone and done it now, Justinian. Just wait 'til your Father gets home.
posted by drlith at 2:08 PM on May 27, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now I want to know what dhartung ended up buying at the VHS sale.
posted by shelleycat at 2:09 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


By the year 2020 we can expect to hit 10,000,000, and if current patterns persist, it'll either be about Palestine, Muppets or Yahoo closing down Tumblr.

Or a Tumblr of Palestinian muppets.
posted by shelleycat at 2:11 PM on May 27, 2013


That one's a keeper there.
posted by marxchivist at 2:13 PM on May 27, 2013


Damn. #NeverWinsTheLottery
posted by Wordshore at 2:17 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


For sure, yeah. Anybody without at least C-1 temporal clearance should really not muss around with the future_comments.txt file.

I was wondering why The Doctor got hired on as a mod. It's so much easier to find jobs when you have a temporal clearance.
posted by NoraReed at 2:17 PM on May 27, 2013


But what if God were one of us? Would this comment be deleted from the bus?
posted by furiousthought at 2:25 PM on May 27, 2013 [3 favorites]


Could god make a dick so big even he- you know what, nevermind.
posted by The Whelk at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2013 [16 favorites]


Matt pissed off God so he took his toys home.
posted by adamvasco at 2:41 PM on May 27, 2013


...which led to Meta-amusement.
posted by Wordshore at 2:48 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love that we're developing a scientific notation for dick size. 5e5 = "very small dick". 5e6 = "manifestly huge dick". How many MetaFilter comments before we encounter a dick the size of the known universe?
posted by Riki tiki at 2:53 PM on May 27, 2013 [3 favorites]


You obviously did not read any gay chats or dating profiles in the early days of the internet. I believe there was a whole formula.
posted by The Whelk at 2:59 PM on May 27, 2013


Ah, well, there's always comment 10,000,000 I guess.
posted by Justinian at 3:31 PM on May 27, 2013


My son's philosophy master's thesis is on the problem of evil; I'll get back to you as soon as he sends me a copy.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:48 PM on May 27, 2013


Have him send me a copy too.
posted by cjorgensen at 3:57 PM on May 27, 2013


You obviously did not read any gay chats or dating profiles in the early days of the internet. I believe there was a whole formula.

Last I checked 1 "Gay Standard Internet inch" was around 0.8 "actual inches" or are you maybe talking about a different formula
posted by en forme de poire at 4:02 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


God is manifestly a huge dick. That's what the entire so-called "problem of evil" is about.

Shortest verse in the Gnostic bible.
posted by Artw at 4:02 PM on May 27, 2013 [4 favorites]


Perfect.
posted by homunculus at 4:12 PM on May 27, 2013


5 million total? Hmmm, so it only appears that some users have made that many on their own.
posted by terrapin at 4:27 PM on May 27, 2013


en form de poire ahem
posted by The Whelk at 4:40 PM on May 27, 2013 [2 favorites]


A long time ago McDonald's used to have signage "Over N billion sold". I don't know if N started at 1 or 2 or 3 but people have told me when they really started taking off N would go to 16 or so and it was 17 by the time all the signs around the country got changed and shortly after that they stopped advertising the count.

See also: painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
posted by bukvich at 6:40 PM on May 27, 2013


We're going to have balloons and hats and a marching band on standby for the 10 millionth comment, right?
posted by ceribus peribus at 6:44 PM on May 27, 2013


ok so would "size of the known universe" be e∞
posted by en forme de poire at 6:48 PM on May 27, 2013


Metafilter comment number 5,000,618.
posted by mazola at 8:06 PM on May 27, 2013


"God is womanifestly a huge vagina."

Joan Osburn dropped that line when she couldn't get it to fit the meter.
posted by klangklangston at 11:15 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


His parents will be so proud!
posted by islander at 12:19 AM on May 28, 2013


Theodicy continues!
posted by Decani at 1:32 AM on May 28, 2013


Theodicy certainly has a more highbrow ring to it than "god sure seems like a bit of a dick sometimes". Let's pretend I had said theodicy!
posted by Justinian at 1:59 AM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Riki tiki: " 5e5 = "very small dick". 5e6 = "manifestly huge dick"."

One horse-sized dick or 100 dick-sized horses?

oh wait this isn't reddit
posted by IndigoRain at 4:09 AM on May 28, 2013


Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful... PENIS!
posted by Segundus at 4:16 AM on May 28, 2013


I unwittingly posted the 500,000th comment.
posted by orange swan at 4:58 AM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Congrats!
posted by zarq at 5:03 AM on May 28, 2013


Metafilter commenter asserts existence of God.
posted by BobbyVan at 5:19 AM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bunch of numerologists in here.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:52 AM on May 28, 2013


*rolls eyes at noise in the room and goes back to typing*
posted by infini at 6:21 AM on May 28, 2013


Theodicy? You mean the sequel to Thiliad?
posted by benito.strauss at 9:37 AM on May 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'd just like to mention here that I am loath to ever post a new question to Ask because I have currently asked 20 questions and that seems like a good number at which to stop.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:53 AM on May 28, 2013


I think you should post one last question, asking if you're overly-dependent on AskMe, and if one should really listen to advice given out on some random Internet forum.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:18 AM on May 28, 2013


Anyway, these numbers are all messed up since they deleted everything by Paphnuty. They are literally off by about 3,600, if I remember how much he had originally posted before his comments were thrown into the memory hole and he was literally locked away somewhere in the bowels of metafilter just a moment there's a strange knocking and my window who is WHA
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:18 AM on May 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Anyway, these numbers are all messed up since they deleted everything by Paphnuty.

I suppose this was one of the things from MeFi lore that happened before my time. What are you talking about?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:33 PM on May 28, 2013


You don't remember Paphnuty, who at one time was responsible for half the posts and comments on MetaFilter?
posted by donnagirl at 7:41 PM on May 28, 2013


Paphnuty sleeps with the fishpantses.
posted by cortex at 10:38 AM on July 1, 2008 [+][!]


Did... did cortex have him killed?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:56 PM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


He still makes occasional, desperate appearances, although his last comment suggests he might have made a break for it.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 1:51 AM on May 29, 2013


Dammit, I would have made a less awful comment if I'd realized. This is ridiculous. Can I have a do-over?

Look at the bright side: Imagine the trouble you'd be in if you had called Him a little dick.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:57 PM on May 29, 2013


Metafilter comment number 5,000,000.

Three million of which are by The Whelk.
posted by spaltavian at 5:52 PM on May 29, 2013


That's Dr. Mister The Whelk, please,
posted by The Whelk at 7:51 AM on May 30, 2013


you forgot the von
posted by infini at 8:08 AM on May 30, 2013


Please, Doctor Mister Von The Whelk is my father.
posted by The Whelk at 8:11 AM on May 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then that should be an ellipsis not a comma, unless you're calling me "Miss"
posted by infini at 9:04 AM on May 30, 2013


My husband tried calling me Miss the other day (actually it may have been "Young Missy"). When I pointed out the mistake he stupidly went for Mrs before he saw my raised eyebrows and hastily corrected again to my actual title (Dr). Then he got a five minute spiel about how I waited to get married after finishing my PhD for a reason so there.
posted by shelleycat at 9:23 AM on May 30, 2013


I didn't spend seven years at underwater medical school to be called Mister!
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on May 30, 2013


The only time I let a Miss past was when the guy looking at my passport and advancing years at the airport goes "bon voyage, miss"
posted by infini at 9:25 AM on May 30, 2013


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