I want to collect all of these! July 2, 2013 11:52 AM   Subscribe


Damn! If you dedicated one day to each action within, you'd have a couple years' worth of material for a Tumblr.

(Potential tag: shitmyelderssay)
posted by Turkey Glue at 12:08 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


tag: ROTA
or revengeoftheancients
posted by hat_eater at 12:15 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


What advice would you give your 40 year old self?

I'd like to see a male-centric version of this question. Perhaps I'll post one.
posted by zarq at 12:19 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 18? Wear a condom, dumbass.
posted by Daddy-O at 12:22 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 18? Wear a condom, dumbass.

posted by Daddy-O at 3:22 PM on July 2


Eponysterical!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 12:29 PM on July 2, 2013 [31 favorites]


What advice would you give your 40 year old self?

I'd like to see a male-centric version of this question. Perhaps I'll post one.


First, be smart from the very beginning.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:34 PM on July 2, 2013 [21 favorites]


aww shit man i just turned 34 now do one for me
posted by klangklangston at 12:41 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Someone do one for the 50's and 60's so I'll have something to look forward to.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:46 PM on July 2, 2013


Floss!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:55 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


The short form of Florence? As in Henderson?
posted by infinite intimation at 12:58 PM on July 2, 2013


Short advice: stop worrying so much.

This is a great collection.
posted by arcticseal at 12:59 PM on July 2, 2013


start working out now or you will die

but not too much because you will also die

we are all going to die argh
posted by elizardbits at 1:00 PM on July 2, 2013 [32 favorites]


not soon enough
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:00 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


aww shit man i just turned 34 now do one for me
posted by klangklangston at 12:41 PM on July 2 [+] [!]


I don't even remember being 34. So I guess my advice is, write down what it's like to be you, so you can look back at yourself in 20 years and say, "Holy shit, you were a dumbass!" Wish I'd done that. I just have to assume I was a dumbass from the evidence. Of which there is plenty.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:04 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


Q: What do you wish you had known before you died?
A: I woulda tried to not die so much
posted by Greg Nog at 1:05 PM on July 2, 2013 [23 favorites]


Drink less, masturbate more, spend less, save more, workout, don't buy shit you don't need. Life's too short for inferior experiences, so seek out the best.

There. Put that in each of the threads above.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:12 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


I would tell all the mes from various ages to ride their (my?) bikes(es?). Except for 24-30 yr old me, who rode his(our?) bike(s) like 300 miles/week.

Him I would tell to keep having fun.
posted by Mister_A at 1:19 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Shut the hell up and pay more attention to your surroundings.
posted by planetesimal at 1:29 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Don't drop math half way through high school. You really are going to need it, no matter what you do in life.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 1:39 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


aww shit man i just turned 34 now do one for me

Sorry, that's not in the Fibonacci sequence of life advice. 18, 20, 21, 25, 30, 30, 40. Good news is we should hit 70 next where the advice is just "get off my lawn".
posted by Metro Gnome at 1:42 PM on July 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


Just remember that in a hundred years y'all be dead.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:45 PM on July 2, 2013


You have a distressing lack of vision, Martin.
posted by boo_radley at 1:46 PM on July 2, 2013


Yeah, I'm already dead.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:47 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 100?
posted by oulipian at 1:56 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:59 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


"I'm 35, tell me I'm still pretty"
posted by Catch at 2:06 PM on July 2, 2013


You're still pretty, Catch.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:10 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


Mainly I would tell 10-year-old me to pick basketball or soccer cause otherwise you'll pick neither and get fat and weak
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:19 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


If I could tell my 18-year-old self anything I'd tell him not to give 10-year-old me that terrible advice I gave him later that year, which he then passed on to my 4-year-old self, leading him to do something unspeakable to a griffin. All the griffins hate me now and it sucks.
posted by forgetful snow at 2:22 PM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


Grandpa: Can I give you some advice?
Dwayne: [shakes head "no"]
Grandpa: Well, I'm going to give it to you, anyway. I don't want you making the same mistakes I made when I was young. Dwayne, that's your name, right? Dwayne? Listen to me, this is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening? Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
Richard: Dad!
Grandpa: I got no reason to lie to you kid, fuck a lotta women. Not just one, a lot. So are you gettin' any? Is it going anywhere?
Dwayne: [shakes his head no]
Grandpa: No? Jesus! What are you? Fifteen? You should be gettin' that young stuff! That young stuff is the best stuff in the world!
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:37 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]




What can I teach my 5-year-old that will serve him well in this post-apocalyptic hell we live in?
How can I arm my 3-year-old for the battleground that is preschool?
How can I help my infant stop whining and pull himself up by his itsy-bitsy bootstraps?

posted by filthy light thief at 3:03 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


Maybe it is time to leave grad school.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:03 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Some questions about hitting specific milestones, which often end up comparing decades:
A Year in a Minute (What are your 30s like?)
how did you feel when you turned 40?
How old is 30?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:04 PM on July 2, 2013


"Is there anything you wish you knew when you were 3?"
posted by furiousthought at 3:06 PM on July 2, 2013


"Is there anything you wish you knew when you were 3?"

If lil ubu is anything to go by, that would seem to be "When anybody can just go to a shop & buy ice cream, why can't we just eat ice cream all the time & nothing else?"
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:13 PM on July 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


This may be the First True Metatalk post. Not sure I entirely approve, but shrug.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:13 PM on July 2, 2013


Here's another AskMeFi thread in a similar vein: To Me, On my Graduation Day. It asks "what you would tell yourself if you could go back to the day that you graduated from high school"?
posted by fikri at 3:15 PM on July 2, 2013


Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 18?

the winning lotto numbers for next week

What did you wish you knew when you were 20?

the winning lotto numbers for next week

What do you wish you'd known when you were 21?

the winning lotto numbers for next week

What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

find out what the winning lotto numbers are for next week

What are your 30s like?

unsatisfying if you don't find out what the winning lotto numbers are for next week

What advice would you give to your thirty-year-old self?

figure out those damn numbers, damn it!

What do you wish you had done when you were 30?

won

What advice would you give your 40 year old self?

numbers - get them
posted by pyramid termite at 3:19 PM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


Tag: ...andiffrogshadwingstheywouldn'tbumptheirassesa-hoppin'
posted by fikri at 3:21 PM on July 2, 2013


UbuRoivas: "If lil ubu is anything to go by, that would seem to be "When anybody can just go to a shop & buy ice cream, why can't we just eat ice cream all the time & nothing else?"
"

In three years I'll be 41, and I still have not found the answer to that question, as my freezer and waistline both prove.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:22 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


These questions really aren't helpful for me, my future self vists all the damn time, apparently he likes visiting a more innocent time when we had things like " birds" and "oxygen." I try to ask him questions about the future or give advice but we get inevitably get distracted and start making out.


So, Ask Me, how do I gently let myself down that I'm not really not ready for a serious relationship with myself and I'm not someone he can just call up when he feels loney or when the Morlocks have swarmed his isolation chamber? I really need to figure out how to talk to myself better....
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


( to my younger self, when you're drunk off your ass and on that bridge in Budapest do not attempt to do The Thing cause you will nearly die and it will be terrifying.)

( also stop drinking Cornona and Amaretto what the hell is wrong with you?)
posted by The Whelk at 3:26 PM on July 2, 2013


What did you wish you'd known last week? I mean, let's get granular.
posted by Ideefixe at 3:35 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


Leave an hour early or you'll get stuck in a freaking Monsoon in Boston.
posted by The Whelk at 3:36 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 100?

Don't worry about the angry villagers and the Wrath of God; drinking the Blood of the Innocent is still the route to immortality with the fewest side effects. On the other hand the Blood of the Innocent tastes pretty blah after the first few centuries; some days you just have to choke it down.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:36 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


( to my younger self, when you're drunk off your ass and on that bridge in Budapest do not attempt to do The Thing cause you will nearly die and it will be terrifying.)

Come on, you now know you will survive. You should be cheering on your past self. Jump! Jump!
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:37 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dear 2008 self: When experienced people warn you about doing so much Ecstasy, listen.
posted by mykescipark at 3:40 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Advice for nine-year-old self: in a few weeks you're going to lose your quarter jar. Do NOT take it to Grandma's house in your coat pocket.
posted by michaelh at 3:40 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Hey, you, the 17 year old, don't bother buying clothes, you're gonna have a freakish late in puberty growth spurt in lik a year and a half and shoot up four inches.
posted by The Whelk at 3:52 PM on July 2, 2013


Ideefixe: "What did you wish you'd known last week? I mean, let's get granular."

This abomination exists. Wish I'd learned about it before my daughter did.
posted by zarq at 3:53 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Stop obsessing about your looks. Everyone is beautiful at 23, you idiot.
posted by billiebee at 4:08 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Going To Maine: "Maybe it is time to leave grad school."

"No", thought Going To Maine. "Not just yet."
posted by boo_radley at 4:12 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


What did you wish you'd known last week? I mean, let's get granular.

There aren't going to be any thunderstorms. Go swimming, you sedentarian.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:27 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Maybe it is time to leave grad school.

10 INPUT "Has it been more than two years?", L$
20 IF L$ = NO GOTO 70
30 INPUT "Are you getting a medical degree?", M$
40 IF M$ = YES GOTO 70
50 PRINT "Get out. Now."
60 END
70 PRINT "You're fine."
80 GOTO HAPPY HOUR
posted by psoas at 4:45 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


What advice would you give to yourself 3 hours ago?

When you cant decide whether or not to put that last can of tuna into the big tuna/mayo/sweetcorn mix, go for it, you can never have too much.

What advice would you give to yourself 2 hours ago?

Don't announce to everyone in the house 'I've made loads of tuna mayo, it's in the fridge so help yourself'. They will listen to you.

What advice would you give to yourself 1 hour ago?

GUARD THE TUNA MAYO. YOUR SUPPLIES ARE DWINDLING.

What advice would you give to yourself 0 hours ago now?

Find alternative sources of food.
posted by Ned G at 4:50 PM on July 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


???Syntax Error in Line 20.
posted by pompomtom at 4:51 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


YOU GET THE DRIFT
posted by psoas at 4:55 PM on July 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


What advice would you give to yourself 1 minute ago?

Never read the phrase "TUNA MAYO"!!!

Seriously, WTF? It's Tuna SALAD! If you have put so much mayo in your tuna salad that you are officially calling it TUNA MAYO, STOP HURTING ALL THE TUNA!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:55 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


Is there anything you wish you had known when you started reading this sentence, that you now know?
posted by aubilenon at 4:56 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


"When anybody can just go to a shop & buy ice cream, why can't we just eat ice cream all the time & nothing else?"

I just got an Ice Cream Maker and I'm scared of how much ice cream I am going to eat.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:57 PM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


You'll use it twice and then it will sit in the basement for five years.
posted by michaelh at 5:04 PM on July 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


SERIOUSLY, I WILL SHOOT THIS DOLPHIN! PUT DOWN THE MAYO AND TAKE TWO STEPS BACK!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:05 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


look man we all know how Ace Ventura: Pet Detective ends, ok
posted by invitapriore at 5:08 PM on July 2, 2013


I wish I could have told yesterday me to not wait until the evening to inquire about this bike even though he was tired and busy in the morning, because we've been waiting on a Trek 1500 of exactly that vintage to show up in the right size for like a year now. I also wish I could tell him to not spend all day thinking about how awesome it was going to be to ride it, because then he wouldn't have been so heartbroken last night upon finding out it was sold.
posted by invitapriore at 5:12 PM on July 2, 2013


What advice would you give a young woman who has found herself traveling through time and space with a man who claims to be a thousand years old but looks about twenty-five?
posted by crossoverman at 5:24 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Never pick up the phone.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:27 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Or whatever it is they do in the call box, there. Never could stand Inspector Spacetime.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:33 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Dr. Who is the mayo of SF television programming.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:35 PM on July 2, 2013


I really thought that was a reference to Trillian.
posted by Catch at 5:37 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Huh, I've never heard tuna salad before, maybe it's a UK/US thing?

But seriously, calling it tuna salad is pretty dumb, doesn't salad imply there's a significant vegetable component? If I cook a steak, and then put some mayonnaise on it, calling it steak salad seems kind of... disingenuous.

let the tuna wars commence.
posted by Ned G at 5:37 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


haha wait til you google "jello salad"
posted by elizardbits at 5:40 PM on July 2, 2013 [14 favorites]


also your people have that thing erroneously called "salad cream" which is clearly the foul ejaculate of satan.
posted by elizardbits at 5:41 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


I really thought that was a reference to Trillian.

Well, that would be cool, then.

maybe it's a UK/US thing?

Ah. Yes. I suppose that must be it. You obviously meant tuna pudding. All is forgiven.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:41 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I... I... I just did. You eat jelly with grated carrot? And cottage cheese? That's just beyond strange.
posted by Ned G at 5:44 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's worse than it sounds.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:45 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


But I have learnt that jelly is the official state snack of Utah, so, there's something.
posted by Ned G at 5:45 PM on July 2, 2013


And another name for it is congealed salad! It sounds like a really bad ask, 'Dear Metafilter, I've found a congealed salad at the back of my fridge, can I eat it?'
posted by Ned G at 5:49 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


You can. You shouldn't, but you can.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:52 PM on July 2, 2013


Have you guys ever seen what happens when you let bean sprouts go bad? All I'm saying is, it is possible for an entirely vegetable salad to become congealed.
posted by invitapriore at 6:02 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Still better than jello salad.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:03 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now that I think about it, jello salad bears every mark of having been conceived in the Midwest. Seriously, the next Upton Sinclair is going to rise to prominence on a series of articles exposing the culinary atrocities that pass for regional dishes around here.
posted by invitapriore at 6:10 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


We always had the tricolour jello salad with the mandarin segments in it at grandma's house for Christmas. It was the best thing.

That said, vegetables don't go in there. That would be crazy. You are crazy, people.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:14 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


But I have learnt that jelly is the official state snack of Utah, so, there's something.

Jell-o. Jelly's in jars, limey.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:16 PM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


Check out pistachio salad as well.... no veggies, limited amounts of pistachio, but lots of cool whip.
posted by Fig at 7:27 PM on July 2, 2013


Only one kind of salad does not contain a vegetable. Fruit salad.

On rereading: at least the tuna salad contains a sweetcorn component.

So long as I never ever under any circumstances have to eat it, we're good.
posted by motty at 7:38 PM on July 2, 2013


These mayo-plus-whatever dishes are all called 'salad' in the US -
Chicken salad, Tuna salad, Egg salad, Potato salad, Waldorf salad

There's also ambrosia, which is fruit salad with a non-mayo creamy base.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:23 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


But seriously, calling it tuna salad is pretty dumb,

Between tuna salad and egg salad (both, as I understand it, American terms, but whatever) I have decided that adding mayonnaise to something renders it 'salad'. No-one I've discussed this with thinks it reasonable, but LALALALALALALLAAAAAAAAA I'M EATING SALAD.
posted by pompomtom at 8:25 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Don't forget the pasta-based salads, Pasta Salad, Macaroni Salad, and assorted Noodle Salads. Also vegetable-optional salad offerings.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:34 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wanda's Macaroni Salad is excluded from even my salad definition.
posted by pompomtom at 8:55 PM on July 2, 2013


Through my in-laws, I was introduced to the delicious "salad" that is lime jell-o with cottage cheese and pineapple chunks, all mixed together before the Jell-o sets. We call it green goop, and it really is good. But then again, I also like pimento cheese.
posted by Daddy-O at 9:01 PM on July 2, 2013


TACO SALAD! I SMASHED A TACO, IT IS TOO HEALTHY MOM YOU FASCIST!
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:03 PM on July 2, 2013


( slowly puts down pots and pans, walks out of room, locks the door behind him)
posted by The Whelk at 9:09 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


does anyone else hear screaming from behind that locked door?

also why does it smell like sulfur
posted by elizardbits at 9:42 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Between tuna salad and egg salad (both, as I understand it, American terms, but whatever) I have decided that adding mayonnaise to something renders it 'salad'.

There's usually something green in there, like celery or green onion or whatever. So it's not totally a lie.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:43 PM on July 2, 2013


Mainly I would tell 10-year-old me to pick basketball or soccer

I picked soccer because I am short. Now I am still short, but with really muscular legs. This has its good and bad points.

I also like pimento cheese, which I learned about last year.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:52 PM on July 2, 2013


I chose karate. Now I like fine cognac.
posted by Nomyte at 10:50 PM on July 2, 2013


I am old (like over 50 old) and in the process of moving from a too large house to a house that is half the square footage. I advise y'all to throw your crap out as you go. You will not need that 6th travel alarm clock, that box of papers from the job you quit 10 years ago, those children's toys now that they are in college, and all those useless kitchen gadgets. I have thrown out 3 20 cubic yard dumpsters worth of real crap in the last month as well as shred over 24 bankers boxes of papers including every check I had ever written since 1980. While I am not quite ready for minimalist mode, I can say that I will rarely buy one time use items, will throw out, donate or recycle stuff I have not used in 17 months, will insist my kids do the same and will digitize as much of the papers and pictures I can.

I will tell you to save small mementos of those memorable events. I have every (all 97) ticket stubs from Dead/Furthur shows, ticket stubs from my first concert (America), and even a paper handout from my kids first show which was Poi Dog Pondering at a small venue one Saturday morning on the North Shore of Chicago (Highland Park). Save your class pictures. You would be amazed at what you wore in your 2nd grade picture.

As for my 10 year old self, I would say that is around the time I became a carb adict eating mostly white foods such as pasta, wonderbread, rice, mashed potatos, etc. I would urge myself to branch out with the food choices or you will end up an overweight 50+ year old whose favorite food is still pasta or pizza or a loaf of rye bread.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:55 PM on July 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


Chicken salad, Tuna salad, Egg salad, Potato salad, Waldorf salad


It's not that the Brits are unaware of these salads, it's that they're fresh out of Waldorfs.

/Fawlty Towers
posted by BinGregory at 12:45 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


My usual instinct is to toss stuff. I moved to Europe from the US with a couple suitcases and nothing more. So did my wife. It felt great. We just started acquiring what we absolutely needed.

But I'd advise you to be a hoarder if you're trying to acquire residency in another country. Now, as I apply for permanent residency, UK Immigration is asking us for documentation on where we lived, our bank accounts, our travels etc. And I know I've pitched stuff that I'd love to have now.
posted by vacapinta at 2:30 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


also your people have that thing erroneously called "salad cream" which is clearly the foul ejaculate of satan.

You have clearly never tried salad cream sandwiches, you poor thing. Yum!

I would also tell myself that developing habits like eating sandwiches containing only white bread and salad cream will result in thighs the consistency of jelly (in the proper UK sense of the word) and the texture of cottage cheese...
posted by billiebee at 3:48 AM on July 3, 2013


Heh, I posted that first question, back in 2005. I'm 26 now. Lots has happened since then. Reading it back, it's fair to say I've not done too badly.

It's funny, but I've visited MeFi practically every day for the last 8 years. I think that habit alone has probably given me more practical advice for life than anything else. So, for the record, here's my advice to others, whatever your age:

1. Be kind.
2. Think for yourself.
3. Read Metafilter.
posted by Acey at 5:22 AM on July 3, 2013 [12 favorites]


jelly (in the proper UK sense of the word)

If the UK is responsible for the invention of meat jelly,* we have no choice but to go to war.** (Also, I would like to nominate aspic for the MeTa Word of the Day, which somehow I'd never known before.)

*I will never never tire of telling the story when I was a young boy attending a wedding in Canada, saw what I thought was lemon Jell-O in the buffet, and helped myself to a heaping mouthful of rendered fat. Scars to this day.

**Maybe tomorrow? For old times' sake?

posted by psoas at 6:47 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Divine_Wino: "TACO SALAD!"

ONLY 12,000 CALORIES. INGENIOUS!
posted by zarq at 7:09 AM on July 3, 2013


Stop straining, eat more fiber.
posted by Mick at 7:55 AM on July 3, 2013


I reject jelled savories as the NEJM rejects an Andrew Wakefield manuscript. (And for fun)
posted by Sophie1 at 7:58 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Through my in-laws, I was introduced to the delicious "salad" that is lime jell-o with cottage cheese and pineapple chunks, all mixed together before the Jell-o sets. We call it green goop, and it really is good.

My family eats almost this same dish - we use Cool Whip, crushed pineapple, cottage cheese, and red (usually raspberry or cherry) Jell-O powder all mixed together. We call it Fat Lady Salad because it originally came from a Weight Watchers cookbook. Yes - at one point, that was diet food. 1970's America, Ladies and Gentlemen!
posted by maryr at 9:28 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


When you look back at your life from near the other end, your major regrets will probably come in two flavors:

One is that some stuff you didn't do is now beyond you, and now, you'll never get to it. Another is that you didn't concentrate enough time on (a given hobby, career or whatever). Among your minor regrets will be those assholey things you did before you learned better. (If assholery turns out to be your major regret, then you are on the other side of the mirror, and the odds are good that you will be laying it off on the Cosmic Muffin instead of taking the load yourself.)

There's no help for the last, and the other two will conflict no matter what choices you make. So, I say, take care of your teeth and read books. Learn to play musical instruments, learn as many languages as your life's passage allows, and try to get through algebra with your sensibilities intact. Try to learn how to write an essay about something you have strong feelings about.

At some point see if you can make a living out of love's labor. If that doesn't work out very well, then the rest of it won't matter all that much, because when you reach your dotage, the you'll need warm memories to occupy your mind while you sit on your porch in the sun and wonder if the grandkids will be around this summer. I doubt that counting pay stubs from that drudge-job you retired from will give as much nourishment as the summer you spent ridge-running in Nepal.

Life--living--may not always be fun, but there's no reason for it to be boring.
posted by mule98J at 9:33 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


I doubt that counting pay stubs from that drudge-job you retired from will give as much nourishment as the summer you spent ridge-running in Nepal.

Oh, the places you'll go when you can't pay your debt!
when ambition has died, when you want to forget
the mistaken decisions that brought your disgrace!
As you slouch in your chair (this your posture, your place),
watch your elders, eyes shut, linger on and recall
that fine time after college, when young in Nepal.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:02 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


the summer you spent ridge-running in Nepal

Think I was digging ditches that summer.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:08 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I just got an Ice Cream Maker and I'm scared of how much ice cream I am going to eat.

Oh, it's a lot. And it will be wonderful!
posted by wenestvedt at 11:52 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


wenestvedt: Oh, it's a lot. And it will be wonderful!

My wife texted me not two hours ago to say that she has made Salted Caramel Brownie ice cream while I have been at work. Yeah, it's going to be a lot.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:54 AM on July 3, 2013


We now have two tubs and keep both frozen at all times, just in case we need to make a batch on no notice. Do you have the Ben &Jerry's book?

And to tie this back to the original question, i think a lot of the advice comes down to "do that thing you waffled about for too long" -- which in my case was getting an ice cream maker.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:00 PM on July 3, 2013


wenestvedt: We now have two tubs and keep both frozen at all times, just in case we need to make a batch on no notice. Do you have the Ben &Jerry's book?

I do not have that book, but now that I know it exists I sure will get it. Do you find the tubs get frosty in the freezer? I had been leaving mine in there, but it had some frost build up on it the other day, so I started leaving it out. I have this model.

No one reads the posts down here. We can just have our little ice cream maker discussion and no one will be the wiser.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:08 PM on July 3, 2013


do that thing you waffled about for too long" -- which in my case was getting an ice cream maker

So now I guess you can make waffle cones.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:15 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


speaking of ice cream, what about Jeni's? She has a book, too, which I have not tried (because a Jeni's is coming to town, and that's bad enough, I don't need to be able to make it at home). But they have toppings now which look pretty yummy too.
posted by needlegrrl at 1:02 PM on July 3, 2013


Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
posted by blue_beetle at 1:23 PM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Don't worry, nanotechnology will fix it later.
posted by planetesimal at 1:31 PM on July 3, 2013


Advice to my young self: "Oh go ahead. Try the brown acid."
posted by madamjujujive at 2:50 PM on July 3, 2013


Okay you guys reminded me I should put my ice cream maker in the freezer to get it ready to make some ice cream this weekend.

Not sure what kind yet. Cinnamon graham cracker maybe?
posted by aubilenon at 3:11 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Brown(ie) Acid Flashback Surpice CreamTM
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:34 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


i want ice creams

cry
posted by elizardbits at 4:04 PM on July 3, 2013


Something worth keeping in mind at any and all ages: this too shall pass.
posted by kilo hertz at 4:36 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I just got guava sorbet on the way home because it was too warm to walk all that distance without something cool to eat.
posted by maryr at 4:37 PM on July 3, 2013


Come on over elizardbits. We got extra.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:31 PM on July 3, 2013


Which Ben and Jerry's book? My public library lists three different ones: Ben & Jerry: Ice Cream Manufacturers, Ben & Jerry's The Inside Scoop, and Ben & Jerry's Double Dip.
posted by Ery at 6:11 PM on July 3, 2013


i want ice creams

cry


Next time you come to the bay area, let me know and I will make you whatever damn (vegetarian) flavor you want!
posted by aubilenon at 12:38 AM on July 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


I wish I'd had this entire AskMe thread when I was 14. If I could go back in time, I'd take it with me. Instead of spending much of my teen years and some of my twenties, wondering why the heck I was having a difficult time. spoiler: it was me

And my cousin, approaching that age and making me facepalm on a frequent basis when I listen to him talk to any female is getting a copy of it. Seriously, that thread is one of the most devastatingly useful guides for the clueless man have ever read.
posted by Wordshore at 3:34 PM on July 4, 2013


when I listen to him talk to any female

Might want to read it again.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:22 PM on July 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


Ery, it's this one: Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book.

David Lebovitz's book The Perfect Scoop is also awesome, though the recipes are much more adventurous. I am lazy, so I use David's idea's in Ben & Jerry's sweet cream base recipes, and I am happy.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:32 PM on July 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


As a 27 year old, I recently learned that giving max effort everyday is something that I strive to do. Time is not something that can be turned back, and the effort of making the proper decision is key to shaping your destiny in one way or another. Like how we treat people and the way they treat us in return. Another example is our health and style of living. I try to focus on the present, forget the past, and not worry about the future especially with unpleasant events that may not even take place to begin with.
posted by tnar23 at 10:47 PM on July 8, 2013


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