Proof that pb is indeed a wizard November 10, 2014 8:22 PM   Subscribe

I used the contact form to humorously alert the mods that MetaFilter's chat room server is a few minutes fast by sending them a transcript showing the time discrepancy between subsequent lines and asking them what life was like in the future. Then, during the email exchange, this happened. I know we've all suspected it for a while, but we now have PROOF that pb can indeed bend the laws of space and time! o_O
posted by Jacqueline to MetaFilter-Related at 8:22 PM (120 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by pb (staff) at 8:28 PM on November 10, 2014 [91 favorites]


one time pb went back in time to kill hitler as a baby but when hitler died hitler's mom was super sad so pb gave her a new baby named jayden that he made out of code because that is the kind of stand-up guy that pb is

but then she renamed jayden "Adolf" and well we can all guess what happened from there
posted by Greg Nog at 8:28 PM on November 10, 2014 [29 favorites]


i heard that once pb's friend did a sweet olly and pb was so impressed by this that he swapped places with himself two minutes in the past so that even before his friend did the olly pb could say "sweet olly you are about to do"

and the friend did it and was like "how did you know man" and pb just winked and there was a musical chime
posted by Greg Nog at 8:30 PM on November 10, 2014 [37 favorites]


GOOGLE RONBLEDORE
posted by asperity at 8:31 PM on November 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


Upon closing and reopening the email thread in Gmail it is now sorted in the proper time order. :( But the order in the screencap (the timestamp "4 minutes ago" appearing EARLIER in the exchange than "5 minutes ago") is indeed how it originally displayed for me, which freaked me out considering the topic being discussed.

I have no idea if it was just a humorously coincidental glitch or if pb somehow deliberately messed with the email timestamps as a subtle joke, but it was too hilarious not to share. (As I checked the box on the MeTa post form, I said out loud, "Damn straight that one of the mods being AN ACTUAL WIZARD requires community input!")
posted by Jacqueline at 8:31 PM on November 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


did you guys ever hear of that time that the American Bald Eagle went extinct? no? oh well neither has pb and that is all he is willing to say about that because they definitely did not go extinct and were saved by a multichronoplanar intervention by anyone who would not even admit it if he had been responsible for their resurgence in the American middle 20th century
posted by Greg Nog at 8:35 PM on November 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


Wizard? No way. Time Lord? Well, you've heard of The Doctor and The Master (or The Mistress, SPOILERS). pb's nickname is The Post-Grad.

It's also how he can afford to live in Portland on what Matt pays him. His apartment is bigger on the inside.

His wife is not 'the Impossible Girl', just 'the Highly Unlikely Woman'.

At least he's smart enough to know that fezzes and bow ties are NOT cool.

kidding, JUST KIDDING, please don't send any Daleks my way...
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:55 PM on November 10, 2014 [5 favorites]


Whoa.
posted by homunculus at 11:35 PM on November 10, 2014


Suspicions of pb's 'other-worldliness' confirmed.
posted by Cranberry at 11:58 PM on November 10, 2014


Also, if you turn pb upside down it still spells pb.

Or maybe qb. Or dp. I can't fucking tell because my iPhone keeps re-adjusting the horizontal.
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:39 AM on November 11, 2014 [26 favorites]


I thought pb was part of a small army of multidimensional clones?

It's the only theory that makes real sense.
posted by Faintdreams at 1:41 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Pb will lead us all.

I've said it before, or not, but there aren't enough Periodic Table of the Elements puns on Metafilter.
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:48 AM on November 11, 2014 [38 favorites]


qd, twoleftfeet. Also, the rotation lock is on the swipe-up-from-the-bottom menu on the lock screen. :)
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:01 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


the rotation lock is on the swipe-up-from-the-bottom

I don't let anybody swipe up from my bottom.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You say public, I say pubic. Let's call the hole thing off.
posted by twoleftfeet at 2:06 AM on November 11, 2014 [9 favorites]


I don't get it. Are the messages shown in another order than you were expecting? I don't use gmail, I don't know what it's supposed to look like.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:25 AM on November 11, 2014


pb helps Bruce Schneier factor large numbers so Bruce can make himself look smart.
posted by el io at 2:51 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I heard he can fix things by thinking!
posted by Meatbomb at 3:08 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


pb walks into a pub and everybody asks "where were u?"
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:12 AM on November 11, 2014 [15 favorites]


Quick. Somebody make pbfacts dot tumblr dot com.
posted by alby at 3:24 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


pb and Chuck Norris were in an elevator once. Chuck Norris tried to kick pb in the face, but pb deleted him.

True story.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:46 AM on November 11, 2014 [19 favorites]


pb once told me to be a good girl and I grew up to have freckles and get stranded on a desert island and then come home again, but I had to go back unfortunately.
posted by h00py at 3:58 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


One time I was drowning in the ocean in Hawaii and several dolphins showed up to rescue me. As they dragged me toward the shore, pb swam out to us. He single-handedly pulled me to the beach.

pb performed CPR on me and probably saved my life.

Afterwards he tried to sell me a time-share on Maui, but I can forgive him for that, what with the life-saving and all.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:27 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Another time pb suggested that making 6 weak jokes in a thread with 22 comments reeked of desperation and old left socks.
posted by Wolof at 4:39 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


What a party pooper. pb would be ashamed of you.
posted by h00py at 4:41 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Another time pb suggested that making 6 weak jokes in a thread with 22 comments reeked of desperation and old left socks.

So... 6 weak jokes vs. 1 snarky comment.

You make pb proud. Right?

But your point is well taken.

Nobody calls my jokes weak and gets away with it.

Ramping it up...
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:55 AM on November 11, 2014


pb's mother is so fat that...

Sorry. That was a miscue. More severe joke to come...
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:01 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Nobody reads the comments down here. That's why I can get away with this.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:20 AM on November 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


pb is such an intellectual that he considers Kant's rejection of special metaphysics and the transcendental dialectic to be ontologically vacuous.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:26 AM on November 11, 2014


pb spent two hours in a sensory deprivation tank. After that, the tank itself thought pb was interesting.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:27 AM on November 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


pb mastered the rules of 3D tic-tac-toe, but because he has attained a Bodhisattva level of meditative self-awareness, he only plays tic-tac-toe in two dimensions.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:30 AM on November 11, 2014


pb discovered the Higgs Boson long before others. But he was too modest to mention it.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:31 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


pb holds the World Record for the trans-Atlantic meta-stroke.

This means that pb swam across the Atlantic using the butterfly stroke while simultaneously carrying a butterfly on his head.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:34 AM on November 11, 2014


pb was the first person to decipher the hieroglyphics in Q-codes.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:35 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


When Google can't do a search (really, this happens... somebody types in some keywords and Google draws a blank) they call pb.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:36 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


pb discovered a cure for Ebola.

I don't know why he hasn't released it.

It's not for me to judge.

Such is the way of genius.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:37 AM on November 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


pb has embedded a subliminal mind-control technology into every Metafilter page view.

I don't remember what it is.

But if you know a way I can sacrifice my first-born. please MeFi Mail me.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:40 AM on November 11, 2014


I see you. pb does too.
posted by h00py at 5:42 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Dalai Lama, Jesus Christ, and pb walk into a bar.

pb never pays for his drinks because his friends keep buying rounds

How cool is that?
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:42 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


And by the way, is it too early to start an alphabet game or did the thread to end all threads kill that?
posted by h00py at 5:43 AM on November 11, 2014


Because if not, pb once saved an entire family from drowning by adjusting the space time continuum and making their taxi 5 minutes late.
posted by h00py at 5:45 AM on November 11, 2014


I've heard that pb can divide by zero.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 5:48 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


is it too early to start an alphabet game

All things considered, it's never too late. One more month this year. Frequent returns to pb. I like these things, though they require significant energy.

But not up to me.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:57 AM on November 11, 2014


Can be. You just have try. I heard that pb once reversed all the letters in a thread and then reverted them, just because he could.
posted by h00py at 6:05 AM on November 11, 2014


Doesn't seem possible. But pb has God-like powers. Could be a nice homage.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:07 AM on November 11, 2014


Even mods like a bit of levity now and then.
posted by h00py at 6:10 AM on November 11, 2014


When Google can't do a search (really, this happens... somebody types in some keywords and Google draws a blank) they call pb.

If you type "how is babby formed" into Google, that little "instant results" box shows up, displaying: pb.
posted by duffell at 6:11 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


For what it's worth, having done this a few times, it gets interesting around the middle. Takes a while for people to catch on.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:12 AM on November 11, 2014


Great idea how do we start the alphabet thing?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:13 AM on November 11, 2014


He'll know (pb that is) I bet.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:14 AM on November 11, 2014


Good ol' pb, he once used his powers to save a duck from drowning. I've never been more proud.
posted by h00py at 6:14 AM on November 11, 2014


I think pb could fix my timing.
posted by h00py at 6:15 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Joking aside, we're on!
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:16 AM on November 11, 2014


Great idea how do we start the alphabet thing?

All I know is it starts at the beginning. (And pb is the real-life influence behind all those silly "computer-techno-wizards" on TeeVee who use make-believe computers to magically find the killer and solve the world's problems in their 22 or 44 minute show, because that's how fast he really is.)
posted by filthy light thief at 6:20 AM on November 11, 2014


Know that pb can stomp on this whenever he feels like it. He is a capricious mod and can turn lemon to lime at a moment's notice.
posted by h00py at 6:21 AM on November 11, 2014


Lord and Master is pb. We bow before him.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:24 AM on November 11, 2014


Maybe he can give us an extra two hours of daylight!
posted by h00py at 6:27 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Night is pb's special time. Although he is not the Prince of Darkness, I have it on good authority that he has the ear of the Duke of Darkness, or at least his Secretary.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:29 AM on November 11, 2014


Only pb can reverse the sands of time. It's in his contract, apparently.
posted by h00py at 6:33 AM on November 11, 2014


pb
posted by Jacqueline at 6:33 AM on November 11, 2014 [13 favorites]


quite right!
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:35 AM on November 11, 2014


Right on!
posted by h00py at 6:35 AM on November 11, 2014


So right it feels like wrong.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:36 AM on November 11, 2014


twoleftfeet is appropriately enthused about pb's virtues and qualities.
posted by winna at 6:40 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is something only pb could understand. You just keep telling yourself you know but you don't know, not really.
posted by h00py at 6:40 AM on November 11, 2014


Unless I am sadly mistaken, I didn't start this thing.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:40 AM on November 11, 2014


Unless you are pb, in which case you know perfectly well.
posted by h00py at 6:41 AM on November 11, 2014


Verily, he speaks the truth. But only kind of. You just needed encouragement.
posted by h00py at 6:42 AM on November 11, 2014


Where is your pb now?

Where is Jesus now?

Where is the sandwich that combines pb and J?
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:43 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Xeroflulogitis.
posted by h00py at 6:47 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Your sandwich is being made, now that you mentioned it. I was feeling a bit peckish actually.
posted by h00py at 6:50 AM on November 11, 2014


Z is the mark that pb leaves after he rescues orphans and widows from villains.

He could use P or B. But he is far too modest.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:54 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


And pb thus became known for his calligraphy skills as well as his ability to manipulate time itself.
posted by h00py at 6:58 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Batman consults with pb. Not only for pb's superior martial arts techniques and forensic criminologal science, but also for pb's way with the ladies, which Bruce Wayne envies.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:01 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Could it be the husky voice? pb can cure vocal fry, apparently.
posted by h00py at 7:08 AM on November 11, 2014


I am looking forward to having pb on toast when I get home.

Versatile and tasty!
posted by asok at 7:13 AM on November 11, 2014


Does the Pope shit in the woods?

No really. I wonder about that. There are logistic difficulties. The Pope has that big hat which could get hung up on the tree branches as he attempts to shit in the woods. And the Pope is surrounded by the Swiss Guard, who, I assume, are fully capable of protecting the Holy Pontiff. But the Swiss Guard seem totally unprepared, to my mind, for actual camping in the woods. One need only examine their camping gear to understand my point, which is a good one,
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:17 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Even if the alphabet game dies, pb will live on. That's because pb is immortal.

By "immortal" I don't mean some kind of "his work will live on forever" thing. I actually mean immortal.

pb lacks the gene for death, so he will live on forever.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:22 AM on November 11, 2014


Everybody poops. We all must decide where to poop though, that is the ultimate indicator of where we've really progressed in life. Nappy, toilet, alley way. Or not. You decide.
posted by h00py at 7:22 AM on November 11, 2014


Forget poop, okay. pb is more than poo, he's the alimentary canal, he is the entire digestive system.
posted by h00py at 7:24 AM on November 11, 2014


God frequently uses the phrase OMP when he texts. It stands for Oh My Pb.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:26 AM on November 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


pb and I were walking on a beach. We turned around, and I could see our footprints trailing into the distance. Each step symbolized a troubled occasion in my time at MetaFilter.

"But sometimes there is only one set of footprints to be seen," I said to pb. "And always when my struggles were greatest did I walk alone. Where were you, pb, at my times of greatest need?"

"Whoops," said pb. "Hold on...for one...second..."

There was a flash.

Nothing happened.

"Like I was saying," I continued, "I just wanted to thank you for always being there for me. And looking back now, I'm seeing like two dozen sets of your footprints swarming around mine when times were toughest. How did you even do that?"

pb made a gesture like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by Iridic at 7:28 AM on November 11, 2014 [30 favorites]


However much we respect pb, we have to remember that he is only superhuman.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:30 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Honestly don't know how you got these pb parables wedged in this thread.
posted by arcticseal at 7:30 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


He shrugs because he cares but not in a vain glorious way.
posted by h00py at 7:30 AM on November 11, 2014


I and I.

That's what the Rastas said before they met pb.

Now it's I and pb.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:32 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


the "b" stands for "Brasky"
posted by Room 641-A at 7:34 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Just so you know, pb isn't his real name.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:38 AM on November 11, 2014


Jesus and pb had brunch together once. They both tipped generously.
posted by h00py at 7:38 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Kinda got that. Paul told me all about it before he altered my very existence.
posted by h00py at 7:40 AM on November 11, 2014


Krishna and pb had brunch together once. Then again in another lifetime.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:40 AM on November 11, 2014


LSD took pb
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:40 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


My mum offered him a lift but he'd already organised his way home, fortunately. My mum is a terrible driver.
posted by h00py at 7:42 AM on November 11, 2014


Nudists love pb. It's a clothesly guarded secret.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:44 AM on November 11, 2014


Oh shite.
posted by h00py at 7:46 AM on November 11, 2014


pb hates puns, didn't you know? Oh man, you're in for a world of pain. You better not be relying on your phone to tell you the right time for at least a month.
posted by h00py at 7:47 AM on November 11, 2014


Q was my favorite Bond character. I liked him better than his successors R and S.

But Q learned everything from Pb.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:54 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is in proper alphabetical order, but pb probably moved it up.
posted by maryr at 8:26 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


pb turned me into a newt.

I got better.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:57 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


It was thanks to pb that the Elector of Treves, as well in the Quality of Bishop of Spires as Bishop of Worms, shall also be free to sue before competent Judges for the Rights he pretends to certain Ecclesiastical Lands, situated in the Territories of the Lower Palatinate, if so be those Princes make not a friendly Agreement among themselves.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:41 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


wizard people dear mefites

(pb the magnificent enters the room. It is a warped room of two times, or maybe three. While we, dear readers, are watching the drama unfold in past tense, he zaps about in the future, and makes things happen. And KAZAM, holy moly, there we all end up an hour ahead, on Metatalk. No shit, says two-timer pb (the magnificent) this is what the future looks like.
You'd better get used to it.
etc.)
posted by Namlit at 9:48 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Great job, everyone!
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:54 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Huh, you would say that!
posted by dg at 1:35 PM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


And pb saideth, lo! I shall maketh adjustments to the space-time continuum, and there were adjustments. And pb saideth again, lo! I shall speaketh in thine chat room beforest thou asketh thine question. And behold: pd didst so speak before thou asketh. And once again pb saideth, lo! And his hosts of followers didst asketh him to stoppeth saying lo!, becauseth it wast getting old.
posted by easily confused at 1:47 PM on November 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


pb is the new db
posted by oceanjesse at 2:03 PM on November 11, 2014


Um. What am I?
posted by bq at 9:49 PM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


bq: what pb would look like if he was standing on his head?
posted by easily confused at 5:04 AM on November 12, 2014


I don't think you all understand what a big deal this is. The universe would be unworkable if there weren't a few among the sentient species of the universe who couldn't more directly alter the space-time continuum. These chosen few hide in the shadows, each keeping his (or more commonly, her) identity as a Caretaker of the Magic Hourglass a secret.

The reason this is a problem is that pb also happens to be a great web developer. Now that his secret is out, he will have to change his name and move to Idaho Falls. Expect an announcement soon from Matt that pb "has moved on to an exiting new career in life insurance sales." Mark my words. This will come to pass.

Unless pb goes back and stops it from happening, of course.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:08 AM on November 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


Also, if you turn pb upside down it still spells pb.

Constant pb flipping is why the toast always falls pb side down.
posted by srboisvert at 9:31 AM on November 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


My heart beats like a mighty blink tag for pb.
posted by Mister_A at 10:19 AM on November 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


My text does not, though.
posted by Mister_A at 10:19 AM on November 12, 2014


Being slightly out of phase with the space-time continuum causes pb to blink in and out of existence, but it happens so quickly that it's invisible to the human eye. This gives him an intuitive awareness of the kalpas, but being a good Bodhisattva he has refused to enter nirvana in order to stay with us and guide us all to enlightenment. Every new feature and every bug fix is another step towards liberation for all sentient beings.
posted by homunculus at 10:56 AM on November 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I noticed (and commented on) the chat room time warp issue the other day. But, silly me, I thought physicsmatt was up to no good. That's a five dollar noob for you.

All hail time wizard pb.

(Does this mean chat is fixethed now?)
posted by Michele in California at 2:32 PM on November 12, 2014


pb fixeth all problems in due time. Not sure if chat is fixethed yet, tho.
posted by Lexica at 3:01 PM on November 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


timecube
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:18 PM on November 12, 2014


Yes, the chat server's time is set correctly now. And...


posted by pb (staff) at 3:55 PM on November 12, 2014 [36 favorites]


😱
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:08 PM on November 12, 2014


OMG an IMG ... he did bend time, space and Number One's will to manifest this vision before our very eyes!!
posted by infini at 11:46 AM on November 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


"In five years, we'll all be working for pb or be dead by his hand."
posted by crossoverman at 1:26 PM on November 13, 2014 [5 favorites]


pb is an outlier adn should not have been counted
posted by The otter lady at 11:03 PM on November 16, 2014


Peeeee!Beeeeeeeee!
posted by BlueHorse at 1:59 PM on November 27, 2014


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