Keeping my word February 14, 2015 5:02 PM   Subscribe

I said I would report back when I got my letter of glitter filled hate. Unfortunately, I'm a day late and didn't make it before the thread closed!

Here's the results of that $10.

Happy Valentine's Day!
posted by royalsong to MetaFilter-Related at 5:02 PM (45 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

Heh. Happy Valentine's Day!
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:03 PM on February 14, 2015 [2 favorites]

It must be a great honor receiving this letter to inform you that your douchebaggery has not gone unnoticed.
posted by double block and bleed at 5:11 PM on February 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I didn't expect it to be the irregular shard kind. Pretty!
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:14 PM on February 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Really pretty!! I need some of that for my front steps!!
posted by pearlybob at 5:21 PM on February 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm impressed and very happy that you documented the entire process.
posted by sciencegeek at 5:32 PM on February 14, 2015 [9 favorites]


That envelope needs some form of origami flinging arm to ensure a higher level of glitter dispersal.
posted by arcticseal at 5:42 PM on February 14, 2015 [17 favorites]


That envelope needs some form of origami flinging arm to ensure a higher level of glitter dispersal.

You could do that pretty simply with the addition of the rattlesnake eggs prank (a washer threaded through a tightly twisted rubber band attached like a bowstring to an open-spread paper clip) to the envelope.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:49 PM on February 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


Seems like really small amount of glitter. If the sender wanted to inconvenience you, I would have expected about four times that amount.
posted by Ideefixe at 5:54 PM on February 14, 2015


Seems like really small amount of glitter. If the sender wanted to inconvenience you, I would have expected about four times that amount.

Just an FYI, you may want to double-check the links.

And royalsong, I can't think of a better way to celebrate today than an envelope full of sparkly awesomeness.
posted by zombieflanders at 6:19 PM on February 14, 2015


Makes mental note about royalsong -*keeps word*.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 6:38 PM on February 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


ha ha idiot
posted by mullacc at 6:41 PM on February 14, 2015


I had a bad couple of days, and it largely comes down to the actions of one person. I'm trying to be the bigger person and just let it slide, but this would be a quite enjoyable way to deal with that frustration.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:00 PM on February 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


That is freaking awesome.

Ideefixe, I'm thinking that they used that amount of glitter because it kept the envelope still in the "letter" category of mail. You don't want to send anything too bulky in a regular envelope, because it could get damaged when it goes through automatic sorting.
posted by radioamy at 9:10 PM on February 14, 2015


Presumably the weight of the glitter matters in terms of postage, too. Probably to send it and still make a profit or break even, the sender had to measure it out carefully.

Looks like fun! I was going to give notice once in a similar fashion, but chose to be the bigger person. A pity.
posted by blnkfrnk at 9:44 PM on February 14, 2015


O! But what is this creature called "glitter"?
Dust of elf, or leprechaun litter?
'Tis small and annoying,
'Tis sticky and cloying!
(Should one flush such crap down the shitter?)
Nay! 'Tis of use as a hatred transmitter!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 10:02 PM on February 14, 2015 [22 favorites]


heh, "art herpes"
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:40 PM on February 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Cool, multicoloured glitter. Win!
posted by mythical anthropomorphic amphibian at 10:51 PM on February 14, 2015


DO NOT SNORT SAID GLITTER!
posted by clavdivs at 12:25 AM on February 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


It seems to say the wrong things about the sender. I mean, there are lots of people I'd like to give some mild annoyance, but not at the price of coming over as a petulant sparkle fairy.
posted by Segundus at 1:06 AM on February 15, 2015


Imagine what would happen when some of these letters broke open in a mail sorting facility.

(goes off to inspect incoming mail for errant glitter)
posted by sciencegeek at 2:59 AM on February 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


That's good research! They look as irritating as I'd hoped since they contain the proper small, evil glitter that sticks to your hands for all eternity.

My SO and I are now working on a cunning plan to send one to each of our 108 fucking useless elected representatives. We might ask people to donate towards sending one letter to any name on the list. Kind of like when you adopt a goat in someone's name for Christmas, but more spiritually fulfilling.
posted by billiebee at 4:42 AM on February 15, 2015 [12 favorites]


The result of that is probably going to be glittering 108 underpaid administrative assistants.
posted by kyrademon at 5:15 AM on February 15, 2015 [34 favorites]


I know. But as an underpaid administrative assistant myself I'm expecting them to take one for the team. I'm sure they'll agree it was worth it when they see months of pompous, contentious letters being posted out of their offices with glitter stuck to the envelope flaps.
posted by billiebee at 5:25 AM on February 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


Note of caution: sending envelopes to elected officials that could be construed as containing mysterious substances might not be the best idea in the world.
posted by sciencegeek at 6:11 AM on February 15, 2015 [12 favorites]


I think it's important to take everything incredibly literally lest you be caught unawares. Joking is obviously worse than glitter.
posted by h00py at 6:17 AM on February 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


Yes. Terrible.
posted by sciencegeek at 6:36 AM on February 15, 2015


This is like the Chinese Water Torture of revenge. It's awesomesauce.
posted by orange swan at 7:50 AM on February 15, 2015


Fantastic! I need to send one of these to my last employer.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:53 AM on February 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Who said all that glitters is not gold?
posted by 724A at 9:02 AM on February 15, 2015


Just so you know, snorting glitter won't kill you.

It will burn like the love of the wasabi god and you will get sparkle boogers for about a month.

Our very low sample size indicated that about 1/3 of people who snort glitter get a low grade sinus infection, as well.
posted by poe at 9:13 AM on February 15, 2015 [17 favorites]


I dunno...while the idea of sending glitter is kind of amusing, that letter is really harsh. You never know what kind of state of mind a person is in, and I would worry about the effects of a letter like that received at the wrong moment. Even douchebags are human.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:25 AM on February 15, 2015


you will get sparkle boogers for about a month

A warning to an adult, an incentive to a small child.
posted by billiebee at 9:39 AM on February 15, 2015 [16 favorites]


Awwwe, it could have been so much more fun if it came as a spring loaded pop up card.
posted by redindiaink at 10:12 AM on February 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


That actually gives me an idea for contamination control training.
posted by ctmf at 12:02 PM on February 15, 2015 [10 favorites]


Brilliant and outstanding and thank you for posting this because I missed the first go round.

I know exactly who I'm sending this to. I know exactly when. Looks like they write the note for you? Too bad. I know exactly what I'd want it to say. Ten dollars? This is a steal at twice the price. At ten dollars this is practically community service.
posted by EatTheWeak at 1:45 PM on February 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


108 underpaid administrative assistants

...and a similar number of cops to secure the evidence, and a lab staff to test to make sure it isn't anthrax. Of course, this will happen on a Friday afternoon.

Well, at least there's the overtime checks.
posted by Anonymous 5$ Sockpuppet at 5:28 PM on February 15, 2015


I dunno...while the idea of sending glitter is kind of amusing, that letter is really harsh.
Yeah, I thought this was a hilarious idea when it first popped up, but that letter kind of turned me off a bit. For something that's supposed to be more a prank than anything (that's my take on it anyway), it was a bit too mean for my liking. Could have stopped about half-way and been just as effective. Less is more etc.

It might actually be better if the letter was left out altogether. Just an envelope full of glitter. The recipient wondering what the fuck just happened would be the gift that keeps on giving.
posted by dg at 2:16 AM on February 16, 2015 [5 favorites]


Yup, the letter ruins it.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 6:11 AM on February 16, 2015 [3 favorites]


Poe, sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle boogers.
posted by ursus_comiter at 6:34 AM on February 16, 2015 [8 favorites]


YAY GLITTER!

I used to work at a party supply store, and I'll admit during the late 80s, I sent glitter in EVERYTHING. We had confetti of every type (bats, rainbows, smiley faces) and every card I sent had some glitter or confetti in it. My friends finally had enough and told me they would stop corresponding with me if I continued this practice.
posted by xingcat at 10:17 AM on February 16, 2015 [5 favorites]


Yeah, the letter is really awful. It's full of the sort of vitriol I thought was hilarious at a 13 year old on the Portal of Evil messageboards and cringe at now. Also, I think jokes about sexually transmitted infections are stigmatizing and unfunny.

But yay that they were actually able to keep up with demand and send these things out, I guess?
posted by Juliet Banana at 2:42 PM on February 16, 2015


The letter would be funnier if it were more plausibly deniable (passive-aggressive). "This is to share with you the kind of joy you share with the world in your everyday interactions!" or something like that.
posted by Lexica at 5:51 PM on February 16, 2015 [9 favorites]


I'm sure some is landing in the crevices of my keyboard as I type.

If it's close enough to your keyboard to land in there, it's close enough to your system box for at least one highly conductive little flake to have been sucked in through the vents and come to rest somewhere on the mobo or (worse) inside the power supply.

As a school IT technician, I have had to exchange some quite strong words with classroom teachers about keeping that shit well away from their computers if they expect them to stay reliable.
posted by flabdablet at 2:05 AM on February 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I too thought the letter was harsh. I'm glad I didn't actually send it to anyone. If I was going to do that to someone, I'd just dump some glitter in an envelope and mail it from a different city. No letter needed.

I was also surprised and glad it was the irregular jagged glitter.. even if the soft sand type is prettier. I've discovered this stuff sticks to letters and skin and plastic much better...

Yikes, flabdablet! Thankfully I took precautions when I opened the letter. I contained 99% of it on a food tray on the kitchen table. Don't read too much into what I posted on imgur. I was going for entertaining-give-me-fake-internet-points. Good to know that computers and glitter don't mix, though!

Glad everyone got a kick out of it, I did!
posted by royalsong at 5:25 AM on February 17, 2015


I wonder how much testing went in to finding the best cost/irritation ratio for the proper glitter.
posted by maryr at 11:34 AM on February 19, 2015


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