Anyone want a hug/affirmation? November 17, 2015 5:23 PM   Subscribe

It's been a tense few weeks, especially with everything going on. Would anyone care for a hug thread, and to say a few nice words about another user/s? I know we had another one before earlier, so I thought it would be nice to do so. If anyone has more details or ideas to make it extra loving, please chime in!

Disclosure: I've been finding myself more on edge everytime I go on MeFi, and kind of realizing that I myself am needing to find a more tangible way to bring warmth and compassion for how to work as a member on this website.
posted by yueliang to MetaFilter-Related at 5:23 PM (323 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

I will start - I really like the mod team, even though I've only really engaged with cortex at this point, but they all have superhuman patience and I can't thank them enough. Offering hugs!

I also really like sciatrix for giving me a warm welcome and for writing thoughtful comments with a lot of emotional labor, and primalux for linking me to online POC yoga practitioners, and Conspire for writing thoughtful comments. Also to everyone in the emotional labor thread, who really validated me and saved me about six months of therapy. I will keep writing more comments as I go through my inbox and favorites list.
posted by yueliang at 5:26 PM on November 17, 2015 [19 favorites]


Yeah, sciatrix is like Rookie of the Year or something.
posted by uosuaq at 5:29 PM on November 17, 2015 [29 favorites]


I've really been enjoying seeing everyone's generosity and scheming over behind the quonsar curtain. You people are all pretty great.
posted by phunniemee at 5:29 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


restless_nomad just replied to me, y'all are so nice. Hugs for you!

Also, if you do want a hug or an affirmation, you can post here, it's okay to want affirmation/recognition/a hug. It goes both ways :)
posted by yueliang at 5:29 PM on November 17, 2015


you all smell nice
posted by jonmc at 5:35 PM on November 17, 2015 [20 favorites]


Yes I want a hug! Here is a hug for you. We need more warmth and compassion and I am glad you decided to share some!

I love all of you and I want all your most compassionate parts of you to grow stronger and your wounds to be nourished and healed and your emptiness filled with connection and love, and your darkness met with understanding and healing allowing it to dissipate and dissolve into the love that was there before the pain and the disconnection twisted up those aching parts of you, and the places where you have disconnected from others because it was too painful to grow anew in your new strength.

May love light your path and warm your heart.

When you see around you those hurting, you will ache but do not fall into their pain- for your closest loved ones you may become enmeshed but for those you don't know well you will collapse to take it all- so focus on what you can do and the strength of your light to bring resources, take action, and to bring comfort or joy to those with heavy burdens. Think, if you are in crisis will you be most comforted by everyone around you falling apart in pain, or networks of comfort and support and resources those with more strength have arranged?

There is a nobility in crying tears for others but when you do so let them drop into the earth as the waters that nourish a garden that springs forth the resources, wisdom, knowledge, skills, and actions to change the suffering world.

We will need each other.
posted by xarnop at 5:39 PM on November 17, 2015 [21 favorites]


One of the things I like about Metafilter is that there are so many aspects of it and people have completely different experiences than I do on the same site. For example, I know some people love Music and think Music is the greatest but I've never really been there, but there are some places, in particular certain FanFare threads, that are so fantastic and really enhance my enjoyment both of the shows and the site and it's always really exciting to me to hear about these weird little niches on this website where people are having these amazing conversations about which I might never hear.

So for that reason, I would like to extend hugs/a shoutout to anyone who has ever posted in any Once Upon a Time FanFare thread (especially everyone but extra especially twist my arm and jeather) and anyone who has ever posted in any Pretty Little Liars thread (again, everyone but especially palmcorder_yajna and yellowbinder) -- I may have given up on that show but I'll never give up on you guys. Thank you for all the great insight and thoughtfulness and for loving ridiculous TV shows full of female relationships as much as I do!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:40 PM on November 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


I don't hug. I salute. I salute the mod team, yueliang, sciatrix, wintersweet, kapers, missmary6, susiswimmer, halifix, Rosie M. Banks, Rock Steady, Going To Maine, almostamanda, the man of twists and turns, Fizz, Martin Wisse, filthy light thief, ellieBOA, growabrain, Ian A.T., latkes, and that's just off the top of me head.

I salute anyone who has participated in the difficult Metas we've had lately - not all visible, some just reading and doing the hidden work. Many great commenters.

Apologies for those I didn't name - there are so many fantastic contributors around here, people with great patience, and wit, and humor, and kindness. It's a great community to be a part of.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 5:42 PM on November 17, 2015 [16 favorites]


I really believe to the core of my being that most of the people on MeFi are trying as hard as they can to be good people. With various levels of success, with various levels of understanding about the best way to do that, but sincerely, legitimately trying.

So thanks, y'all.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:42 PM on November 17, 2015 [23 favorites]


oh. zarq.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 5:43 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Love you all. Really. Whenever I meet someone very cool and smart and kind and thoughtful and well informed and well read I wonder if they might be a MeFi. Because that is how you all are.
posted by bearwife at 5:45 PM on November 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Hugs to everyone who has ever responded to an Askme. I just posted one about getting down about all the negativity in the world and the responses were touching. I'm always amazed to get memails from people saying that they remember my screen name and are cheering me on since I feel pretty invisible in real life. Sorry I'm bad about responding. I try but then the depression zaps or get in my head about how long it has been.

It's been a hard year. Half my family got diagnosed with cancer in the last two months. Suicide attempt earlier this year. Fighting with poverty and trans issues. The world eels dark and sometimes Mefi too but the people who post on Askme and share their empathy and kindness really give me hope that society doesn't completely suck.
posted by kanata at 5:52 PM on November 17, 2015 [35 favorites]


Eyebrows McGee is really goddamn smart, and I love reading her perspective on law and local politics and law and, like. Stuff.
posted by joyceanmachine at 5:52 PM on November 17, 2015 [35 favorites]


Just... everybody. I love this place. That emotional labor thread and the countless wonderful people who told their stories there saved my peace of mind and gave me the strength to do what I needed to do to be happy. Hugs to all the proud fathers who bridled when I teased them about using the third person and calling themselves "daddy" when talking to their kids. May your toddlers never stop hugging you, even when they're teenagers. Hugs to all the Crone Islanders. Big hug to kanata. And a taco. And a cup of hot chocolate.
posted by Don Pepino at 5:57 PM on November 17, 2015 [12 favorites]


The improvements since Matt left have been great. Ha, there's no connection, just - it's a time marker of sorts. So: pb (technical changes), cortex (leading).
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 6:05 PM on November 17, 2015


Special callout to Michele in California for her fpps, and her recent Metatalk post which I know must've taken some thought, and time, to compose. And it always means taking a risk when you post to Metatalk, so there's that. I thought it was stellar.

now I'll bow out I'm over-saluting.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 6:10 PM on November 17, 2015 [10 favorites]


Hugs for anyone else who finds these threads harder to get through than the real grar-fests.
posted by bleep at 6:15 PM on November 17, 2015 [23 favorites]


There's no such thing as oversaluting, joseph conrad is fully awesome! If you have love to share, share it! Everyone is welcome to love it up as much as they would like to or feel comfortable to. Let's keep it going :)

I love everyone in this thread, for being so honest and emotional about what they need and what has moved them to share. Y'all have such lovely, giving hearts. Hugs are on!
posted by yueliang at 6:23 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


A toast to the Blue!
To the Blue! To the Blue! To the Blue!
To the Green!
To the Green! To the Gree-eee-een!
For the mod-team
Mod-team! Mod-team! Mooddd team!
Who is always by your side!
By your side! By your side!
To the Grey!
To the Grey! To its evolution!
And the hope that you provide!
You provide! You provide!

With apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda
posted by CrystalDave at 6:26 PM on November 17, 2015 [28 favorites]


Warm fuzzies for everyone who needs them. <3
posted by wintersweet at 6:28 PM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


I'm always amazed to get memails from people saying that they remember my screen name and are cheering me on since I feel pretty invisible in real life.

I'm glad you mentioned this kanata because I root for you often and always felt like it would be weird to memail you about it.

I'm glad you feel supported by the attention!
posted by sweetkid at 6:34 PM on November 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


I have an idea perhaps other folks will consider: appreciation threads here often get me down. They are great at recognizing the really, really amazing and perhaps somewhat better known (in our small corner of the world) members of metafilter. I love those folks and am glad they get kudos! A nice thing about metafilter is that folks here who have a reputation as awesome, have that reputation because they are actually awesome, with smart, funny, kind, or thoughtful comments and generally pretty awesome offline lives too. So yay! But I wonder if this thread could also be an opportunity to recognize the perhaps less widely recognized folk here too.

So let me start by giving a major shout out to Ian A.T. who has been helming my beloved Criterion on Hulu club. Ian A.T. is clearly a thoughtful and generous person, with wide-ranging and adventurous tastes, who seems more interested in hearing what other folks have to say than in broadcasting his own opinions, but also has really interesting things to share. Thank you Ian A.T. for exposing me to some great films and for creating a really cool nook on a very special section of the world's bestest web forum.
posted by latkes at 6:50 PM on November 17, 2015 [32 favorites]


Supported and touched and weirded out in how to respond back with added internal shame of OMG my life must look like a crap load of drama and that's why people are following!!!!! But usually utterly touched as I don't really post much besides the odd comment to the Blue and trying to pass on support to other people in the green. I default into thinking you are all real but I'm not.

Anyway, after just finally opting out of some fb crap I'd like to give a hug to everyone on Metafilter in general cause even tho there are problems here and we fight and argue and debate seemingly endlessly sometimes about everything the crap that gets posted unchecked on fb gets shut down here if it even makes over.

We aren't perfect (sometimes I think we think we are) but at least we are trying. And that says something about a funny coloured site on the internet.
posted by kanata at 7:10 PM on November 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


OMG my life must look like a crap load of drama and that's why people are following!!!!!

From what I see you're actively trying to make your life awesome despite challenges and I think that's something a lot of people can relate to, wherever they are in life. That's just me though and again, don't want to make you feel weird!
posted by sweetkid at 7:19 PM on November 17, 2015 [17 favorites]


Let's just feel weird together and share tacos and hot chocolate!

( did have to secretly check if your Canadian because you feel weird about these things exactly as I, a 10th generation Canadian do!)
posted by kanata at 7:30 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hugs to anyone who, for whatever reason, is not looking forward to the holidays.
posted by barchan at 7:33 PM on November 17, 2015 [29 favorites]


Hugs hugs hugs! I wish I knew more of you in person, because on the whole Metafilter seems like a swell bunch of folks.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:36 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


I've mentioned it before, but I adore jenfullmoon for the amazing recaps she does on FanFare.

Also grouse just because.
posted by lalex at 7:39 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Shout out to everyone I disagree vehemently with on opposite ends of the political spectrum who disabled their account this year. If you're reading this, come back! No need to forgive or forget, let's just keep kicking the ball around and see what develops.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:42 PM on November 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


Shouts out > hugs
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:43 PM on November 17, 2015


Let's just feel weird together and share tacos and hot chocolate!

Is there a word for the feeling you get when you never previously considered doing something but then you overheard someone else suggest it and you go holy shit that is exactly what i want to do with my Saturday night because that sounds fucking AWESOME?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:47 PM on November 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Seconding good thoughts to all who want or need them.
Note: Everyone needs a hug Be excellent to each other.
posted by Xavier Xavier at 7:55 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


I was having a tough time last week AND THEN MRS PTERODACTYL & BULGAROKTONOS SHOWED UP AT MY HOUSE WITH AN ENTIRE CROQUEMBOUCHE. The power of metafilter-turned-irl friends, right there. Go to meetups. Get familiar with the faces behind the names. We're all awkward weirdos, it's fine. Extra hugs for capricorn, who has been organizing wonderful DC food meetups that bring out a lot of new faces.

I raise my spatula to all of the commenters from the Great British Bake Off fanfare threads. Nadiya emotions forever.

I would like to give an additional shout out to palomar and dialethia. I favorite their comments a lot and frequently find myself thinking about their smart words hours later.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 7:56 PM on November 17, 2015 [18 favorites]


To the Mod Squad, as always, for all the work they do to keep this place running & civilized.

To the Quonsasmas elves: Julen, articseal and phunnieme, for bringing their mad organizational skills to the Secret Quonsar gift exchange. (And to The Hamsters of Randomization, because if I don't include them they might throw a big monkeywrench in things.)

To everyone who has ever posted anything that made me laugh or cry or think. Oh heck: to all of you.
posted by easily confused at 7:58 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Okay, I really love FanFare for the shows I watch, even if only like 4-5 other people actively watch/comment on them. Very few places online have discussions as civil and interesting on media as FanFare does these days.

But super shoutout to everyone from the Last Man on Earth threads since they are actually more worthwhile (to me) than the show. jenfullmoon writes up these incredible summaries, it's really quite something.
posted by dogwalker at 7:58 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Big hugs to everyone who posts in my travel asks. You've helped me find delicious food safe for my allergies all over the country.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:05 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


I still wish Greg nog and Jharris were my friends in real life

also Eyebrows McGee and Metroid Baby are fantastic in just an overall sort of way
posted by DoctorFedora at 8:06 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


because if I don't include them they might throw a big monkeywrench in things

Actually it's a rather small monkeywrench because, and a lot of people don't realize this so don't feel bad about getting it wrong, hamsters have very tiny hands. 🌌🌈The more you know🌈🌌

posted by phunniemee at 8:08 PM on November 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


I shared a lot of love for other people last time we had a thread like this, but I wasn't kidding when I said that I had a lot of love for plenty of other people that I didn't mention here. So I will take this opportunity to call out new people this time. (Like Mrs. Pterodactyl, I try and mention a lot of names because I think it's overwhelming in a good way to be noticed by someone on the site. As with everything, I am terribly forgetful and no doubt will forget someone by the time I hit post--don't assume that not being mentioned means I'm not thinking well of you! You're all enormous dorks and I love you.)

A moment for all the people who have left the site, both those who I agree with and those who I disagree with. I hope you find it in yourself to come back; there are many of you whose contributions I deeply miss. I would also like to thank anyone who has ever answered an Ask of mine; you're all incredibly thoughtful people and you frequently turn up answers that I never in my wildest dreams would have thought. Plus there's the time that I got a very specific and very targeted bit of legal insurance device from nightrecordings right when I needed it most, so that was awesome.

I have completely independently been struck by how thoughtful yueliang's contributions to this community have been in the past two weeks. I'm delighted to see her becoming a more active member of the Blue and Grey in particular and hope that continues. Kutsuwamushi, too. Your comments are nuanced and measured when you're discussing serious issues, but I'm at least as thrilled by your utter enthusiasm about language for its own sake.

I am very fond of maryr, who is always making sly, witty comments and making me laugh. Seriously, lady, your sense of humor is wicked clever! phunnieme's implacable commitment to doofy silly youtube fpps is always making me warm and fuzzy, even when I don't manage to catch the fpps themselves. joycehealy is one of the first people I noticed on Metafilter and is just, unfailingly, kind and warm to others. litera scripta manet is quiet most of the time, but when she does speak her words are always apt, incisive, and again: incredibly kind. Lyn Never is a voice I always perk up to see; I have no idea how she manages to be all over the place and yet always so welcoming and positive in her contributions.

I'm always excited to see en forme de poire in academic threads. I'm a little sorry he's not on Twitter, which is the primary way I try and connect to biologists in my field right now, because I think his thoughts on biology are frequently right on the money. (Actually, MeFi is the biggest source of random academics in my twitter feeds right now. If you got an out of the blue follow from a little tweeting mouse in the last few months, it was probably me.)

I am frequently guilty of confusing gingerest and gingerbeer, but that's only because they're both kickass ladies who are totally members of my little "how to be a queer lady when I grow up" set of inspirations. In particular, gingerest's keen nose for bullshit and gingerbeer's careful attention to structural marginalization make them always worth listening to. rtha is another one of those voices; her blunt, uncompromising contributions bolster my confidence in my own perceptions. And Dysk's uncompromising attention to detail makes this place better in a frankly epic way.

I don't actually have that much exposure to queer women with more experience than me in my offline life, and you guys have been invaluable to letting me figure out how to develop my sense of that particular aspect of my identity. More than that, I think I've mentioned elsewhere that I've had some bad experiences with identity policing, often from other women, in online queer spaces. You all make me actually feel welcome in LGBTQ related discussions. Thank you. [That goes for our LGBTQ men too, of course. But it's special to me coming from women.]

julen's service to making metafilter a stronger, happier, more connected place is truly impressive to behold. Seriously, every time an initiative designed to help MeFites bond as a community pops up, I see your name as an organizer. mudpuppie, too; her name pops up nearly as often, and I am similarly impressed by arcticseal's efforts for Secret Quonsar. (Totally delighted to be participating this year!) jeather and twist my arm were two people who first made me feel welcome here, and I really valued their contributions in the official chat. qcubed is a thoughtful voice I've been seeing around a lot lately. The effort he's putting into Hug Life is amazing, but his insights here on the Blue are awesome too. CrystalDave, too, he's been an invaluable contributor to the fledgling communities forming on both Slacks.

And all of you folks who have contributed to making Crone Island and Hug Life grow and develop over time. You all are fabulous.
posted by sciatrix at 8:09 PM on November 17, 2015 [23 favorites]


i could use a hug. moved away from my home town and i have a new job and everything is kind of overwhelming with stress. and i turn 30 in... 10 days.
posted by rebent at 8:11 PM on November 17, 2015 [34 favorites]


Also: reading the Myers Briggs thread is just re-affirming my total love for all of you.

Especially the Super Saiyans among you.
posted by sciatrix at 8:14 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]




Big unstressful hug rebent! Congratulations on the understandably scariness and overwhelming newness of job and a move! Gather up to the fire and gorge on tacos and hot chocolate!

What's Hug Life?
posted by kanata at 8:29 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hugs for all the wisdom, kindness, tough love, humor and thoughtfulness I read here. Troll-free environments are in short supply online. It's a breath of fresh air to find a site where that behavior not only isn't tolerated, but where it couldn't be further from what is shared here every day. I appreciate you all.

And hugs to iCloud for coming back online after highlighting in a jarring way that I have an Apple dependency problem...
posted by cecic at 8:35 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Also, I have to give major props to George Lucas which is my favorite favorite Favorite FAVORITE metafilter account lately and I assume will only get better over time for obvious reasons.
posted by dogwalker at 9:00 PM on November 17, 2015 [10 favorites]


I'll take any stray hugs going round! Also, cake. And maybe a cup of tea. I don't have much of a support system here right now and I've really been feeling it the last few days.
posted by atropos at 9:11 PM on November 17, 2015 [16 favorites]


Yeah...it's been a rough couple of weeks. But I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one who could use a virtual hug right about now! I'm definitely up for tacos and hot chocolate--save a spot at the table for me!
And--sending a hug/ high five/ pat on the back/ hand squeeze / whatever would make you feel a bit better-- to anyone who needs or wants one.
posted by bookmammal at 9:18 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Hugs to some contacts taking breaks: ifjuly, thetortoise, Nomyte ... I reckon y'all are good, but if you happen to check back in, I hope this brightens your day. :)
posted by Monsieur Caution at 9:31 PM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


I've taken a few bad drubbings in threads this year, but one kind act by a member literally changed my year. I've been really struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and so I've been really sensitive to the general assumptions that all members can afford to do things (join a gym, buy a nice handbag, eat fancy food) and I've complained about it, vocally. In one such thread, upon my recounting that my last decent pair of boots had crapped out, a member put fifty bucks in my PayPal. I used it to buy the boots that have been my go-to job seeking footwear, and I've managed to secure a few contracts for freelance writing work since then. I'm not out of the woods, but I can actually feed myself and ride transit now. I don't know if the boots did the trick, but it was nice to show up to meet potential clients without wet feet, that's for sure. Thanks, you know who you are. Thank you many many times.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 9:38 PM on November 17, 2015 [66 favorites]


This has been a really difficult year for me. There are a lot of people here who have been role models in trying not to allow my pain to keep me from being decent.
posted by PMdixon at 10:21 PM on November 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


I am happy and grateful that languagehat is still here.
posted by y2karl at 10:38 PM on November 17, 2015 [16 favorites]


Over the years, I've developed a little jokey gallows humor mantra that I only share with three or four friends when something is awful or someone is terrible. They know it pretty well by now, and they're probably tired of it. I say "Do you know what's the worst?" And they say "What?" And I say "Everybody."

And I mean it when I say this, people of MetaFilter: You're not the worst. Thanks for that.
posted by The World Famous at 10:57 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


I've had a hell of a year, but am so happy to say that in the last few months things have REALLY improved for me. I've been making new friends which is crazy for introverted ol' me and I will drop Metafilter's name SO fast because I always want to see if anyone I meet is a MeFite. No one yet, but I mention Metafilter enough that people have started to text me things like "whoa I googled something and that internet place you're obsessed with had the best answers!" UH DUH OF COURSE IT DID.

I want to shout out jenfullmoon for her absolutely delightful recaps of tv shows on FanFare. Sometimes I'll read a recap of a show I haven't even watched just because they're so amusing.
and Joseph Conrad Is Fully Awesome (geez I can't believe you mentioned me) because you're both such a wonderful contributor TO the site, and a concerned champion FOR the site.

And I'd also like to say hi to all the lurkers (do y'all even read MetaTalk? Maybe?) because I know this community is bigger than the star names we see all the time. I comment in about 5% of the threads I read, but what I read still makes me think or laugh or learn. I know there are lots and lots of us, and even if you don't pipe up I'm glad you're here.
posted by missmary6 at 11:23 PM on November 17, 2015 [13 favorites]


I'm extra lucky to know a lot of mefites in the "real world". Some of them I met here. On the other hand, one I've known since I was thirteen and another I see every day at work. All those people know who they are.

Then there are people I've corresponded or chatted with enough so that I feel like I know them.

But for now I'll just mention a few people I've definitely never met, but whose distinctive perspectives I've enjoyed over the years: infini, fraula, Frowner, EmpressCallipygos, Devils Rancher, ocherdraco, OmieWise, jokeefe, Mutant, Pallas Athena, Pater Aletheias, PhoBWanKenobi, nickyskye, vacapinta, Smedleyman, smoke...and argh, the more I mention, the more I think of, so even though obviously I haven't yet mentioned you, I'm going to stop right now so that I can eventually get to bed. I'm sorry.

I've had a suboptimal couple of months myself, and everyone's kindness is appreciated.
posted by tangerine at 11:42 PM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


I've had a few bad weeks in the last couple of months, and I would like to shout out to poffin boffin, among others, for some consistently damn hilarious posting that helped put a smile on my face when I needed it.

Also phunniemee has crazy good advice in RelationshipFilter that I wish I'd had back before I was in an LTR.

But mostly you're all good.
posted by Pink Frost at 11:59 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


This summer I told my sister (who gifted me my account) how awesome it was, because being a member of this site has made me a better person.

I learned how to deal with my own difficulties through the excellent advice and resources given on Ask.

In some of the threads on feminism and the societal expectations for women, others gave me the courage to stand up for myself in bad situations, and I learned from them the language and methods to do so.

But most importantly, I think, is that I am learning from all of you when it is my turn to sit back and listen to the stories and concerns of others. When I might have some adjustments of my own to make. And this usually comes in some of the harder fought blue and grey posts. I see the emotional labour of so many in those threads, and believe me, I appreciate it.

One of my colleagues came out this summer as transitioning male to female. From reading some of the epic threads earlier this year, I wasn't afraid of talking about it with her. My usual anxiety about saying the wrong thing about something I didn't know much about, or apprehension of something new for me was gone. She just was who she was, and this was who she was, and thanks to you all, I got that. And I can only hope that was helpful for her.

There are so many examples like that, of post-MeFi Susi acting in a vastly different manner than pre-MeFi Susi. And I didn't know that my life as post- could be this much more rich, fulfilling and amazing.

I have also laughed, cried, and giggle snorted with joy along with all of you (OMG drunk girls with puppies!), and learned amazing things about the wild and crazy world out there. (There are goats in trees! Who knew? One of y'all did.)

So thank you all.
posted by susiswimmer at 12:13 AM on November 18, 2015 [17 favorites]


I approve of these hugs and here are some more to anyone who needs them.

also salutes
posted by Namlit at 12:34 AM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hugs to yueliang for making this post. You are far braver than I. And thanks to everyone here. I'm mostly a lurker, though I have been trying to be more participatory. Even though I don't say much, I do read a lot of the discussions, and I've been worried about many of the vocal people and how serious things have gotten lately. We are all trying to do our best, for ourselves and each other, and it is wonderful to have an opportunity to express appreciation instead of exasperation.

Basically, like many others I've had a rocky year, and I have taken comfort in knowing that there is at least one place that works hard at community. Hugs to everyone who cares enough to be here, and especially to those who decide to stick when it gets complicated!

Oh yes, and also shout/hugs to feckless fecal fear mongering. Not just for the good kitchen advice and other comments I enjoy, but no matter what kind of day I'm having his username makes me snort.
posted by monopas at 12:41 AM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I have been so much less active since med school started for me this fall, but I am lurking so much moar, and I continue to love you all.

I just had a dream that was literally a list of anatomical structures that I needed to know for my anatomy final earlier today. When you get to the point where you're dreaming in lists, you know you need distraction, and MeFi will always and forever be #1 for that purpose for me.
posted by ocherdraco at 1:15 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I'd like to give props to kalessin, who I must admit I haven't always appreciated and even disliked in some contentious threads of the past, for really settling in and becoming a voice of reason at times when it's in short supply.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:53 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh, and I should also call out Brandon Blatcher for being exceptionally kind to me when things were going poorly for me in-thread. Thanks, man.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 1:59 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't really like mentioning names with this sort of thing - I tend to see the same ones come up again and again and it always feels a little unfair on those toiling in obscurity. However, the mod team here at Mefi have all but saved my life on one occasion, and I will forever be grateful both to them and the wider Mefi community. Also special props to the trans cabal for support and badass discussion. This is the best place on the Internet.
posted by Dysk at 2:33 AM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


I have this bad tendency to not notice usernames when I'm reading on here. This means that I can't come up with names when I want to single people out for hugs. So here's a rather diluted hug to a very large group of people who make this place really enjoyable/interesting/exciting/wonderful and an extra one to my favorite +1 who has been awesome this year notwithstanding a lot of challenges. I won't single him out, but he's finally a mefite after years of showing up to meetups with me.
posted by sciencegeek at 3:08 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Hugs to all of you, even if I often feel like this guy. I just wanna hang out, no big deal.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:24 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'd also like to mention Drinky Die, languagehat, and Deoridhe, all of whom I care about very much.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:24 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


This place is a refuge for me and has been so for years. I can still remember scream-laughing for 15 minutes at the Sketchzilla thread ... and at that time in my life scream-laughs were hard to come by.

I would particularly like to hug joseph conrad is fully awesome for her tireless dedication to this community, both here and elsewhere in the wilds of the Internet.

And another particular hug for Ian A.T. for the Criterion on Hulu Club.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 4:25 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hugs to anyone who, for whatever reason, is not looking forward to the holidays.

This is a hard time of year in a lot of ways. It's not my favorite season, and I try to remember how difficult it is for many people.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:54 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'd like to hug the fact that the "fund MetaFilter" counter is currently showing 3,988. Only 12 to go for an even 4,000! That's not bad and that shows what a great community this is, I think.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 5:33 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Crone Island and Cannibal Club have both been among the more delightful things to happen in my life this year. So: Lots of love to all the members of both. Love, love, love.

Likewise love to MeFi Twitter, or at least the parts of it that are friends with me and tolerate my nonstop twitter blathering.

But really just all around - this has been a shitty year in my life and despite the occasional moments where specific threads have made me rage-y or hurt, overall MeFi has provided distraction, amusement, community, fanfic recommendations and support that I badly needed. And also incidentally led me to one of the best offline friendships I've made in years and years (you know who you are, my precious cinnamon roll of a trashbaby friend). So, all around, thanks for being around this year, MeFi.
posted by Stacey at 6:00 AM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've purposely made 2015 The Year of Being Outside so I haven't been here much. I love that y'all are here just as I left you, smart and supportive and argumentative and imperfect and awesome as before, and without any of the "you never return my calls comment on my posts" resentments that real people harbor. So hugs* all around.

*Quick ones though, I want to go outside.
posted by headnsouth at 6:14 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Wait, wait, hamsters have hands?

Thanks to all those who patiently answered my recent asks, with awesome advice and comments.

Hugs to anyone who needs them, especially the invisible-bi people on here. You know who you are... (((hugs)))
posted by marienbad at 7:08 AM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


My father-in-law has had an involuntary 21 day committal to a geripsych unit, my mother in law is melting down faster than I can save her, my husband's cool Vulcan logic is on the fritz and he is having a hell of a time dealing with that. My mother somehow has made this drama all about her, my sister isn't speaking to me for some fucking reason and my grant is due today.

Could totally use any good vibes you've got.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:17 AM on November 18, 2015 [41 favorites]


Hugs for everyone! And kisses too! Mwah mwah mwah!
posted by amro at 7:18 AM on November 18, 2015


My mother somehow has made this drama all about her

Mine too, but my drama is only my rageaholic alcoholic brother that I refuse to share any holiday roof with, so I'm the one ruining the family because I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving. I'm already trying to figure out ways to lock my childhood bedroom door/get an Airbnb or something for Christmas because I don't think not going is an option.

Massive hugs.
posted by sweetkid at 7:34 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Hugs for the taking. I like this place and I like so many of you for a variety of reasons, running down the specifics seems impossible. But thanks for making this a place worth working, especially all the many folks who don't comment much and end up flying under the radar; you're out there, and you're an important part of this place, and I'm glad you're here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:38 AM on November 18, 2015 [19 favorites]


Hugs to all of you, who endlessly inspire me to be a better person and not be quite so afraid of growing up.
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:40 AM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I am not much on giving or receiving hugs but I would like to send extra-special warm thoughts and solidarity to all of my fellow orphans-by-choice, for the duration of this dark, depressing, and cold winter holiday season. Thank you for being in the world and making me feel slightly less like an irredeemable, unlovable freak.

Also, too: Lots of nooch and fair trade dark chocolate to the MeFi vegan brigade. I seriously love you guys!
posted by divined by radio at 7:50 AM on November 18, 2015 [17 favorites]


Yeah, sciatrix is like Rookie of the Year or something.

Agreed! We should set up a rookie of the year award. The prize could be a rookie cookie or something like that.
posted by Melismata at 8:01 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm gonna hug all y'all and it's going to be awkward.



*STARES*



Just kidding, my hugs are fully legit.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:02 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Maybe I should just buy you scotch and cheese.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:07 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Thank you to those who spearheaded first post September, thank you to those who posted about their experiences of making a first post, and many thanks to those who offered to help anyone with their first post. And a big special thanks to hippybear who I asked to read over my first post draft and who gave me really great pointers for the framing. [and in case you want to make your own first post - here is the history of this year's campaign]
First post September successes and needs works, Posting to the Front Page You Can Do It Too,
Let's encourage and help folks make their first posts.
posted by biggreenplant at 8:08 AM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


*Command F* Search for "ColdChef"

*Sadly closes window*
posted by ColdChef at 8:09 AM on November 18, 2015 [32 favorites]


So, last time I made a bunch of group shout-outs that are all still valid. What what to you all again. I also want to make a few specific shout-outs. These are just randomly assembled on a quick jaunt through my recent favorites.
- kate blank always brings great, unique answers to Ask MetaFilter.
- joseph conrad is fully awesome is fully awesome.
- Etrigan is a great MeFite all around.
- You Can't Tip A Buick is very funny.
- prize bull octorok is a damn fine Dungeon Master and is often the name I see at the bottom of a comment that has made me snort-laugh.
- eriko is the first person I would call if I were starting Grantland 2.0.
- something something (Triangle represent!) has been stellar in AskMe lately. Well, probably always, but I've been noticing her more lately.

And it seems trite but it is true: I really really value everyone here, from the most prominent MeFilebrity to the lurkiest newb. On preview: What's a ColdChef?
posted by Rock Steady at 8:13 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


hahahahaha ColdChef I did the same thing with my username. Let me tell you that you rock and I find a lot of your comments really fun and entertaining to read :)
posted by divabat at 8:15 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


What's a ColdChef?

Sixy-feet down, same as in ground.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:16 AM on November 18, 2015 [26 favorites]


Also, I've been finding the comments of not that girl very insightful
posted by biggreenplant at 8:16 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's been a year, hasn't it? Wishing everyone peace of mind and easy resolution to all the crappy stuff life has to offer. Hugs, y'all.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:19 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


*Command F* Search for "ColdChef"

*Sadly closes window*
posted by ColdChef at 11:09 AM on November 18 [+] [!]


If I only send pictures of my cleavage on Halloween to one person who isn't my husband, I choose ColdChef.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:23 AM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


Hugs for everyone who posted a "how do I not let the world get me down" AskMe in the past week.
posted by sunset in snow country at 8:23 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


*ctrl-f jbenben* wth? She has saved my sanity many, many times!! Sometimes my question of "What would Askme say?" boils down to "what would jbenben say?".
posted by Melismata at 8:26 AM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


Also woo to Conspire, sweetkid, and the other POC Mefites who tirelessly hold things down when things get too White-centric round these parts.

joseph conrad is fully awesome has been posting a ton of my stuff on the Blue, which surprises me, but is an honour all the same.

I miss elizardbits. There was one particularly contentious feminist thread on here a year or two ago and her comments were what saved me from completely despairing at this site. Also jaguar and nadawi whose comments I look forward to.

There are a couple of Mefites I follow on Tumblr who are pretty rad - I forgot your Mefi names, but rememberwhenyoutried and formerly known as farmerlauren you rock!
posted by divabat at 8:27 AM on November 18, 2015 [13 favorites]


oh and cendawanita too for the really helpful stuff on the MH370 thread. (your name is the bomb)
posted by divabat at 8:29 AM on November 18, 2015


Warm wishes to St. Alia of the Bunnies & Ruthless Bunny - I miss your voices and sage advice.
posted by kimberussell at 8:32 AM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


Shout-out to the various and sundry mefites I follow on Twitter; you make long public transit trips so much more entertaining! (And for any other mefi twitterers here who aren't already on my list, I probably want to follow you too. Same screen name there as here.)
posted by ActionPopulated at 8:37 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


A lot of the names I want to shout out to have already been mentioned (that's you, ColdChef) but I particularly want to shout out to carsonb for the music swap he's done for a long time. That swap has introduced me to a lot of great music over the years and all y'all who have sent me music rock (or pop, or...), but carsonb gets massive extra kudos for organizing it.
posted by immlass at 8:42 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


*Command F* Search for "ColdChef"

*Sadly closes window*


I did the same thing and was briefly elated (4 mentions of matching towels? Woo!) before remembering that I had made comments in the thread. Cue sad trombone.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 8:53 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]



*Command F* Search for "ColdChef"
*Sadly closes window*


this is such a consistent downside to these threads that I wonder if we shouldn't do it. Call individuals out for awesome I mean, not the CMD-F , which is natural.
posted by sweetkid at 8:56 AM on November 18, 2015 [16 favorites]


Shouts out > hugs

So, mathematically, su o^2 t^2> g?
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:06 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


this is such a consistent downside to these threads that I wonder if we shouldn't do it. Call individuals out for awesome I mean, not the CMD-F , which is natural.

I've always been super reluctant to say so in these threads, but I've also always felt this way. You're always going to be leaving out more people than you mention.
posted by Dysk at 9:08 AM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


Big ups to everyone. I mean it. This place has gotten me through some incredibly hard times, and I couldn't possibly list every single name of every single user who I'd like to hug, because it would take hours and I'd forget someone and then I'd feel just awful.
posted by palomar at 9:17 AM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Is there a way to send someone a thumbs-up or whatever without using MeMail? Just a notification like grumpybear69 appreciates you or something.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:21 AM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm torn on that front. On the one hand, I never get mentioned and it kind of hurts my feelings, because I feel like while I might not be the most prolific MeFite ever, I post here a lot and apparently I'm not that memorable. It brings up all my complicated feelings about being on the margins of my friend groups in real life, too, for an added level of mind-fuckery. On the other hand, I also don't pay a huge amount of attention to usernames, so other than a few absolute rockstars, I don't know who anyone else is, either, so I can hardly blame people for not remembering me.

And then I feel like the fact that some people might be sad not to win a prize is not a reason not to give out prizes. It's like primary school field day -- you can give ribbons to everyone, you can give ribbons to winners or you can give ribbons to no one. Giving ribbons to everyone is problematic in this context, because everyone is tens of thousands of people. Giving ribbons to no one is also problematic -- shouldn't we be able to say nice things about people? So we're left with what we have. People who are high visibility, positive contributors to the site get acknowledged, and the rest of us just need to understand that not being mentioned doesn't make us bad people or unwelcome on MetaFilter, just a little less visible.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:22 AM on November 18, 2015 [32 favorites]


Is there a way to send someone a thumbs-up or whatever without using MeMail? Just a notification like grumpybear69 appreciates you or something.

FWIW, that's exactly what I use favorites for. I acknowledge that not all MeFites use them like that, though.

I use contacts to say something like that about users I notice quietly as I'm out and about, but those are more likely to slip under my radar as I get distracted. I should contact more people.
posted by sciatrix at 9:25 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


[One comment removed, and, ehhhhh, maybe we can just collectively acknowledge that there is a kind of weirdness and tension that comes with looking at and experiencing the negative space that comes with public praise and then just leave it at that and let people say some nice things to and about each other anyway.]
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:33 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]



*Command F* Search for "ColdChef"

*Sadly closes window*


I don't know... I do the same thing but I think for big personalities (like myself, and like you) it maybe is better if threads like this wind up being about a lot of other people, different people, and that this changes over time. Obviously for most of us we don't want this to turn out like high school (if high school was lousy with cliques and bullies for you, maybe it wasn't) but I think spreading the love around is an absolute social good thing for sites like this. I always try to call out people who I think are not the usual people when there are threads like this.

That said one of the other thread put me in a foul mood and I could use a hug more than usual. And ColdChef, you've been a good friend to me for a very long time and I appreciate the hell out of that.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:56 AM on November 18, 2015 [21 favorites]


I'm struggling a little bit at work, and things aren't going to get better anytime soon. I was promoted (wooo! It's actually something I'm -super- thrilled about), but my new job is going to consist of a lot of nagging people to get shit done that they do not enjoy or prioritize... So basically I'm going to become the person to avoid. I'm already getting tested and pushed back against by some surprising people, along with a healthy dose of sexism that I didn't expect. As I heard on Steve Harvey this morning, 'New levels, new devils'. I'll take a hug.

If you CTL-F your name and don't find it, pretend that it's in this comment. I <3 all of ya.

(I'm reading this thread in a sushi restaurant that is playing some horrible sappy piano music, which is really adding a lot of emotional heft to your comments, hah)
posted by Fig at 9:59 AM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


I'd like to thank all of the good people who fight the good fight in threads that go horribly wrong. I know it can be a miserable, uphill slog sometimes. But even if it's almost impossible to get assholes to stop assholing, many of us around the periphery learn stuff, both in terms of becoming more educated on issues and in the sense of being reminded that we already have friends affected by these issues.

I had a longer version of this comment with specific instances of people being heroically awesome in the face of shittiness, but I grudgingly came to the realization that linking to a big stack of shitstorm threads wasn't the best way to participate in a yay-us-hugs-and-positivity thread. And I don't want to take people I've come to appreciate across a spectrum of ideas and reduce them to one bullet point, because that's kind of the opposite of my point.

But thanks for being awesome, y'all. Your MeFi friends are listening.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:02 AM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


What's Hug Life?

Oh! I forgot. So in the male-adult-friendship thread from a couple of weeks ago, the conversation turned to wanting an online space for feminist guys to discuss masculinity, culture, and gender as it pertains to men. Qcubed got a slack up and running, Crystal Dave contributed his experience, and now there's a really nice little chat space on slack for people to focus on discussing men. Kind of like Crone Island's little brother. Both Slacks are open to people of all gender identities; the main difference is which experiences are being centered in each space as a discussion topic.
posted by sciatrix at 10:06 AM on November 18, 2015 [14 favorites]


I'll go on record as really needing a hug.

I also want to express gratitude to everybody here for their contributions. It's incredibly meaningful to be learning and exposed to so many perspectives, experiences, and odd nodes of knowledge. I've benefited vicariously from the support and encouragement given to others; thank you so much your many kindnesses. Mostly, I've been inspired to do better in the world (and be kinder to myself in the process).
posted by moira at 10:15 AM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


let people say some nice things to and about each other anyway

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that I was trying to get the practice banned or not allowed or something, I was just trying to surface a discomfort I thought others might also feel. Like with the good comes the bad etc. That's all.
posted by sweetkid at 10:17 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


jessamyn one time years and years ago I got into an outsized pet because someone had said something about vinegar. Normally I'd've had more restraint, but: vinegar. My blood was up, I had to go to battle. You deleted my raving comments and you took the time to write me a gentle e-mail about it to explain, and I have it still. It was very kind of you. I still cannot resist flaming up like crazy now and then and roaring off with some ridonk, destinedfordeletion screed on something I feel passionate about, but because you were so kind when I was but a gosling, I have strong trust and goodwill for the mods and the site.
posted by Don Pepino at 10:21 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


sweetkid makes my list of good eggs.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:21 AM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm still on a self-imposed break from participating in most threads, but I still appreciate seeing the material shared and take heart from reading the good discussions. I couldn't possibly name everyone I'd like to thank individually, which is just as well because I enjoy the contributions of many users, familiar and unfamiliar alike.
posted by audi alteram partem at 10:23 AM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have been well-informed about elizardbits, thanks everyone
posted by divabat at 10:26 AM on November 18, 2015 [20 favorites]


Hugs for everyone! You are all some of the most interesting, smart, funny people I've ever spent time with and I'm wiser, and hopefully nicer, for being here. For Reasons I have SO MUCH fudge in my house right now and if I could I would send some to each one of you to say thanks for being awesome. But since I can't afford to do that I will eat it for you all because it's the least I can do. Fudge for everyone!
posted by billiebee at 10:38 AM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


I want to call out the people who make art posts. They're my favorite kinds of posts generally, but they often get relatively few comments because there are only so many ways to say "that was neat and I am glad I saw it." Here are add few names but there are many more of you out there and often the best posts are simply someone who isn't that into art necessarily saying "I saw a thing and I really like it, here it is." Those are by their nature fewer and further between so it is harder to call out example of specific posters who do them a lot.

But there are some art posters I like:

Fizz, julen, filthy light thief, a lungful of dragons, Deoridhe, quin, Lexica, divabat, Room 641-A.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:43 AM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


I don't buy lottery tickets very often but when I do I dream that with my winnings I could buy a few houses in geographically strategic places and name each one some kind of MeFi House like the British name their houses and people who basically need lots of hugs or high fives (some people don't like hugs) or whatever could stay in them when they needed to. And I would hire someone who would help figure out a way for anyone who needs one to get there.

Anyway, there's no MeFi House yet but everyone who needs a hug in this thread, and who needs a hug but hasn't mentioned it, just know you would be totally invited to MeFi House. And apparently it's now stocked with lots of tacos and hot chocolate.
posted by barchan at 10:52 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I'm less cynical than I used to be (who isn't?), but I still tend to reflexively look askance at claims that MeFi is a Community and not just a Cool Website. Things like Secret Quonsar, the Cookie Swap, the meet-ups (never been!) and yes, the occasional hugs thread cut through all that.

Especially on the Blue and the Green people here will often share what I consider deeply personal things for a variety of reasons, and I'd like to high-five/hug everyone who has found the trust and courage to put themselves out there on here, be it through the medium of words or bakery. In doing so you have helped to make MetaFilter the community it is.

I'm totes not trolling for faves here, btw. At least I don't think I am.
posted by comealongpole at 10:58 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Also, the quidnunc kid is on fire of late.
posted by comealongpole at 11:00 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'm a member of a secret club with aeighty, Salamandrous, kitkatcathy, red_rabbit, SLC Mom that none of them know about (until now). See, they all heard about my noise-blocking white noise ocean sounds mp3 that I mentioned in an Ask response, and asked me if I could send them the file.

And now, when I listen to it myself, I pretend that they might also be listening to it at that very moment, and that means we are all sitting on a tropical beach together, listening to the brightly-plumed birds chatter.

Not the same as Crone Island. More, "I hate the sounds of my fellow human beings, save me wave noises!" Island.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 11:03 AM on November 18, 2015 [15 favorites]


Wait, no, I'm changing my answer to greenish.
posted by comealongpole at 11:07 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, if you do want a hug or an affirmation, you can post here, it's okay to want affirmation

You know what? I do want a hug, and I'm not going to apologize for asking for it. Things here have been really difficult since my boss was diagnosed with cancer about 15 months ago. That made work last year hellishly difficult because he refused to go on leave, but also didn't do his work, so guess who expended much much much emotional labor to try to make everyone feel okay as we all tried to get through it? (Lesson learned.) Same boss was deposed in a coup two days ago in a really hateful and passive-aggressive way, although he managed to resign before he was publicly called out and asked for a resignation, so at least that's good. (Not really.) Same boss isn't actually stepping down until June, though, so we may have a repeat of last year, and people are acting very ugly towards him and each other, and I am concerned that again it will all fall on me to try to make it better. He is dear to me, and I care about him, but I am exhausted and a lot of it is because of him. And then, oh, there's the fact that my dad has stage IV lung cancer and my mom is falling apart and on top of it all, I'm getting divorced (though we're still living together), which sucks in and of itself, but sucks even more because with all of this other stuff going on, the person there to listen when I get home is not someone I enjoy talking to.

Metafilter is my distraction, and sometimes my outlet, and even though some of the Metatalk threads lately have been pretty ugly, I still see many of you as bright little blips in my life.

I also want mention that as well-intentioned as these threads are, for every person who is given public appreciation by name, there are a couple or a few dozen sitting here quietly and tensely, hoping that someone has noticed their contributions and remembers to compliment them. A hopeful day can turn to a shitty day when no one does.

So I want to express gratitude to everyone here who makes me laugh and think and even occasionally roll my eyes. I learn more here than I do in any other place in my life, and I feel more welcomed here than pretty much anywhere else too. Thanks to you all for creating and contributing to that space.

Now where's my damn hug?
posted by mudpuppie at 11:09 AM on November 18, 2015 [43 favorites]


Hi all - as a note, I created this thread mostly because I come from circles where people don't often get the affirmations that they need, and often are never named. These people who are the backbone of the community are often part of that, and I wanted that to be part of this thread, but perhaps i did not make it clear enough. I found this to be a difficult thread to submit, since I knew something about it would be problematic or would be found problematic of that I would miss something, but I knew that the love sharing was really important and I hope that people would be understanding of the spirit of it. This is not meant to be a cliques thing or a who is most public thing, not at all! I said explicitly in the post that if you have better ways to chime in for extra love, please do so. I am very glad for everyone who chimed in feeling awkward about the negative space of those who aren't acknowledged, but please note that you are more than welcome to name that and name people or groups of users whose names that you don't know, who aren't as public, and that in the future for anyone who creates a similar thread, we can be mindful of that.

In addition, I say my thanks to countless people on Metafilter who have shared their stories and interests and answers so honestly, and given me much guidance for how to move forward. It is tough finding and involving myself in community spaces after several traumatic events, and I at least know that there are people who care so much here. Hugs, cheers, and salutes and acknowledgements to everyone here.
posted by yueliang at 11:16 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ha, what barchan said.
As for my last comment, it was from the heart, made on the spot from my bed over the phone. But languagehat is not alone in my high estimation -- I would add stavrosthewonderchicken, madamejujujive, Katusa Roqette, palomar, rdone, jessamyn -- who my phone keeps changing to messaging -- jfuller, flapjax at midnight, and Cold Chef, too, and Omie Wise, filthy light thief, Eyebrows McGee and the list could go on and on but I am hiding in a closet at work and can only type out so much with one finger. And Cortex and Donner and Blixen. And Postroad, too, who has been here longer than all of us. In the world if not the 'Filter. To paraphrase B. Streisand, I just want to thank all people of one size or another...
posted by y2karl at 11:19 AM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I also write the above comment because I understand it was my post who set the tone. But dude, I do not want anyone to feel left out or feel bullied :(((((( everyone deserves love and affirmations, and those who lurk and not as visible are so important that I don't even know how to properly convey it without crying, especially because I was a lurker for three years. Just know you are not forgotten or overlooked and I'm sorry that this thread made you feel so.
posted by yueliang at 11:21 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


It has been a hellish year for our family. I could use a hug, and of course, because I know I am not alone in needing all the hugs I can get, allow me to say, once again, I ♥ you all.

This should be the cue for eyeballkid to weigh in with his/her antidote to all the love....
posted by Lynsey at 11:26 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


For all of you who need hugs, consider yourselves hugged. 'Tis the time of year when many people can especially use them.

My big fat Ragdoll Daenerys is happy to send virtual purrs and snuggles to any who want kitty snuggles.

Baby hedgehogs all around!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 11:32 AM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


This YEAR, you guys, what the fuck? I would like to amend my previous love post to additionally send extra love to anyone and everyone for whom this has been a spectacularly shitty year. It's a terrible fucking club to be in but since we're here, let's at least not be alone in the Godawful Fucking Year club. I offer you all hugs, affirming no-physical-contact head-nods, secret handshakes, or whatever other such form you prefer your love to be delivered in.

Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.
posted by Stacey at 11:34 AM on November 18, 2015 [31 favorites]


Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.

Thanks now I'm crying again.
posted by PMdixon at 11:35 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.

With you there, hoping for that.
posted by moira at 11:39 AM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I could use a hug too, given that I'm jobless and bored out of my skull in Malaysia and all my friends are far away
posted by divabat at 11:40 AM on November 18, 2015 [24 favorites]


Oh, dang you guys, naw don't feel like that. Memail me your address and I'll send you some horrible phoned-in baked goods that you can hurl at squirrels and a little InternetStranger greeting card with a hug on it. Offer good 'til January 2 when thank god the holiday shizz will be over.
posted by Don Pepino at 11:40 AM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


This thread reminds me of that one time I went to Al Anon and I mean that as a good thing.
posted by sweetkid at 11:56 AM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


Hugs for those that want them; respectful nods, waves, and such for those who don't want a hug from an internet stranger.

This is my internet home, and I have a hard time imagining it without everyone here. So here's to everyone: all the people who engage with whatever parts of the site they do - the Blue, the Green, the Grey, the Purple, the Dark Grey of Music, and the Different Blue of Projects. It wouldn't be the same without you.
posted by nubs at 11:59 AM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I APPRECIATE EVERYBODY ON METAFILTER AND IM NOT SAYING THAT BECAUSE IM DRUNK, NOT THIS TIME ANYWAY, HUGS TO EVERBODY!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:05 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


Right now I would go kinda loopy without metafilter. Thank you all.
posted by Faintdreams at 12:16 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


This thread is even more enjoyable if you imagine the MeFites getting shout outs as entering into a darkened basketball arena and high-fiving each other and lining up to the sounds of "Make 'Em Say Uhhhhhhh."

Trust me.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:20 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I'm grateful for Metafiler itself and all the people in it for providing me with a place to make all my silly little jokes. Even if nobody else laughs at one of my comments, it always brightens my day a little to make them.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


Hugs to mudpuppie, my fellow Austin expat.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:36 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is it weird that I want a hug? Can I have one? My shitty perfectionism is making me over focus on how I didn't write in the original post all possible contingencies so that people wouldn't feel upset or left out :( I'm having of trouble focusing on the love in this thread when all I can think about is how I failed again :( I don't mean to make this about me but I take community accountability very seriously to the point where I feel like i can't participate if I don't do everything 100% perfectly. I was hoping to break that pattern with MeFI but I'm not feeling that great about it.
posted by yueliang at 12:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [27 favorites]


Aw, you're fine. This place lends itself to overthinking. Have a hug.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:38 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


I'm having of trouble focusing on the love in this thread when all I can think about is how I failed again

No no no no! You did nothing wrong! You did everything right! I think people's comments were generally directed more toward the commenters. At least mine was. It was more of a "hey, stop and think about people who are not being mentioned for a minute, and how they feel, then make sure you really want to name names" thing.

You did a very nice thing! Things have obviously been rough around for a lot of folks around here, and providing a venue to ask for a hug is a 100% wonderful act of kindness!

Here's your hug ----> {}
posted by mudpuppie at 12:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Psssst you're fine. I once made a MeTa that immediately derailed into tears and rage. it happens to everyone. no one thinks less of you, and this is still a good thread and a net positive even if it did not make 100% of everyone happy 100% of the time. Here, have an extremely angry post-bath kitten.
posted by sciatrix at 12:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


I don't really post here anymore (Metafilter has gotten way too mean and nasty for me), but I am very grateful that this community is still around. I have learned a great deal from lurking here.
posted by Shouraku at 12:43 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


I got a Quonsee who would not appreciate my go-to gift of something crocheted from my enormous stash of yarn, so if you are in a place where a scarf or hat or octopus or something else would be enjoyed, and you have a US address I can ship it to, just memail me your address and the colors you like to wear and whatever else you would like to specify/request and I will see what I can do. Please give me the gift of having something purposeful to do with my hands over this winter season, especially if you are one of those spoonless people, feeling misplaced guilt because you can't reciprocate.

Hugs to Sokka shot first, whose impeccable taste is a beacon of delight.
posted by Mizu at 12:45 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


Is it weird that I want a hug? Can I have one?

I'm actually seriously up for the tacos and hot chocolate option, personally. I even know a little place that just opened up in my hood that has a "churro donuts and chocolate" item on the menu, and holy shit awesome.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:00 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I'm actually seriously up for the tacos and hot chocolate option, personally. I even know a little place that just opened up in my hood that has a "churro donuts and chocolate" item on the menu, and holy shit awesome.

Where is that?!?!?!
posted by holborne at 1:04 PM on November 18, 2015




I was walking past a co-worker's cubicle and he called out, "Hey, sweetie!" in a very serious tone and I felt a little inappropriately affirmed and then realized he was dictating an email to his wife.
posted by jaguar at 1:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [22 favorites]


MeFiHouse with affirmations, tacos, and chocolate?!?! YAAAAS y'all are geniuses!!!

Thanks so much cortex, mudpuppie, and sciatrix, and anyone else. That instant response and being seen so thoroughly made me tear up very thoroughly! I feel a lot better now, and thank you for being part of my journey to help break my really awful perfectionism, which has made it very difficult for me to do many things, including connect with others. I am trying hard to be more fearless and to engage with others, and MeFi has taught me a lot for how to do so. I am deeply grateful for your ability to connect and be so kind, warm, and really nice and just really empathetic and human. I really like being here, and I really am so floored by all the love I see here in this thread. I just want everyone to feel really good...it's really wonderful.

I also want to appreciate how everyone is taking the time to share such sincere sentiments about eachother, and also ask for what they need.

One of the things that I appreciate so much is just how brave everyone on this site is, to seek help and to discuss and dialogue. AskMeFi was so wonderfully helpful for me in advising me in my really dark depths of my depression and trauma, but dealing with the fact that sometimes I was just so sick of talking about it that I wanted to see how other people dealt with it. I see a lot of people post on AskMeFi in the depths of despair, and I was taken aback by how thoroughly and wonderfully kind people were to take the time to respond so fully, and it makes me feel so much more optimistic that there are other such kind, wonderful, warm people out there beyond my little bubble in the world.

I've also been amazed by how much I've grown in discussing on MeFi, and seeing people really try hard to be constructive, even when things get really tense and nasty - that level of self-control or effective moderation is something that I haven't seen very often, even in some social justice circles that I have been in. I only hope that those people who are lurkers, or were here before us, or wherever they are, are being seen and loved and acknowledged too that they are important. And now I need to go discover the rest of this website!!

There is so much effort and work that everyone puts into being here, that is invaluable and cannot even be fully quantified. I just hope that we can keep the love and acknowledgement going for as long as possible, because everyone really deserves it and should be able to ask for it if they need it! I love you all so much.

Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.

I also really appreciate how people are taking the time to share sentiments like this, that are really important to them, and echo. I wasn't even thinking about this because I've been having crappy feelings about not being able to participate in Quonsmas since I didn't have the spoons to figure it out, but that's why you all are amazing. I'm so happy to read and be validated here.

omg this comment turned out to be so big I hope that's fine, I'm just very moved, gonna support other people taking up space now
posted by yueliang at 1:13 PM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


> I even know a little place that just opened up in my hood that has a "churro donuts and chocolate" item on the menu, and holy shit awesome.

Where is that?!?!?!


[begin hyper-local Brooklyn info]

It's called Colonia Verde, and looks like it's specializing in Latin American stuff - but is also trying to not be yet another taco place. It looks like the churro donuts option is called "Gringo Churros" on the brunch menu, and is basically two super-fresh cinnamon sugar donuts - they were almost too hot to hold when they first were at the table - with a little cup of super-thick and super-rich chocolate paste that you can dip them into as you eat them. I was out on a bit of a wander when I was looking for a coffeeshop one day and found that, and just got that and it was exactly what I needed.

[end hyper-local Brooklyn info]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:21 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


yueliang, it looks like you got the hugs you needed, but here's one more for being one of the first people to say hello in my MetaTalk post last week, which I was similarly nervous about! I really appreciated that :)
posted by sunset in snow country at 1:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


sunset in snow country, that post was amazing! I really loved that thread, since it was one of the first times I could talk about my Asian American identity and see others in a way that felt closer to how I felt about my own identities, while still really enjoying the differences in everyone else's histories and backgrounds. And I've been meaning to MeMail you, so I'm really happy about that. Hugs for you too, for beng so brave about your very necessary MetaTalk post and your presence and for the comment too <3 <3 <3
posted by yueliang at 1:34 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


EmpressCallipygos - are you a food writer? I would read your blog/MeFi posts all day. Also I just want to automatically send those churros with chocolate sauce to every MeFite ever!! Where is my automatic teleportation food affirmation wingamajig?
posted by yueliang at 1:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think this is a good thread.

This thread is even more enjoyable if you imagine the MeFites getting shout outs as entering into a darkened basketball arena and high-fiving each other and lining up to the sounds of "Make 'Em Say Uhhhhhhh."

Trust me.


This was awesome.
posted by sweetkid at 1:38 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


DirtyOldTown: "This thread is even more enjoyable if you imagine the MeFites getting shout outs as entering into a darkened basketball arena and high-fiving each other and lining up to the sounds of "Make 'Em Say Uhhhhhhh." "

I prefer late-90s Chicago Bulls style.

doot doot DOOT doot doot doot doot doot
Playing Power Commenter, wearing number 22627, from Tufts University, it's Roooooooock Steadyyyyyyyy!

posted by Rock Steady at 2:40 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.

Oh hey my people, let's hunker down in our grungy sweatpants and cry in the dark together while we eat fistfuls of cheddar jack Cheez-Its in between gut-wrenching sobs.

Just me? That's cool.
posted by palomar at 3:05 PM on November 18, 2015 [22 favorites]


"...fistfuls of cheddar jack Cheez-Its in between gut-wrenching sobs."
I have found my tribe.
posted by Don Pepino at 3:10 PM on November 18, 2015 [15 favorites]


Maybe we should organize Sad Grungy People Quonsmas where no one has it together enough to pick and send actual gifts, so we all just send each other Cheez-Its. Maybe before the new year, maybe after, who knows? We'll get it together when we get it together. Here's your damn snack food, liberally salted with my tears.
posted by Stacey at 3:18 PM on November 18, 2015 [28 favorites]


I wish I could hug Monkeytoes. I'm glad I can still read her posts on the site, and on facebook, but we'd get together every once in awhile back when I lived in rural central Pennsylvania and I really miss the times we spent together. She's still an inspiration.

I also want to thank ChuraChura for allowing me to hang out with her on occasion. She's really made me feel welcomed in my new community.

They both tell amazing stories and I feel honored to call them friends.

Also, I really admire all the mods, and I have buckets of respect and gratitude for jessamyn, cortex, and mathowie, especially. I can't say thank you enough for all you've done, and how you've embettered my life.
posted by Toekneesan at 3:20 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oh hey my people, let's hunker down in our grungy sweatpants and cry in the dark together while we eat fistfuls of cheddar jack Cheez-Its in between gut-wrenching sobs.

And for once, it's okay if they're grungy because you've been wiping orange Cheez-It powder on them. Celebrate!
posted by mudpuppie at 3:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh god, I just got hummus all over my sweatshirt (which is also my pajama top) at 2:45 this afternoon because I was eating breakfast (shut up) in a hurry because I had to go to the transfer station before it closed and I was all "That hummus will just dry up if I don't get all of it, right?"
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 3:34 PM on November 18, 2015 [19 favorites]


jessamyn, I want to see the Frank Capra film of that beautiful lifepoem you just created.
posted by chococat at 3:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


True facts, I literally went to have breakfast with a MeFite this morning and spilled various substances on myself no less than four times before she even got there. (She was very gracious and did not even comment a little bit.)

Then just now I got home after another embarrassing confusion of appointments and went to go lick my dignity wounds by watching animal reality shows with my kitten. We'd gotten most of an episode through My Cat From Hell and he'd settled into napping on my chest while purring very loudly. Abruptly he shifted a little and I felt something wet and unspeakably foul on my chest.

Reader, he shat on me.
posted by sciatrix at 3:42 PM on November 18, 2015 [22 favorites]


I think between your comment, sciatrix (and eww, so sorry), and the four cat-related FPPs on the blue today, it's officially Caturday?
posted by mudpuppie at 3:45 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was briefly very tempted to trade him for a robot, I can tell you that!
posted by sciatrix at 3:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


noooooooo he is the cutest kitteh
posted by lalex at 3:47 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Today happens to be #High5aLibrarianDay... so virtual high fives to the librarians and library-associated and library-adjacent people of MetaFilter!
posted by metaquarry at 4:06 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


If we're commiserating about the filthy rags we don as we sit in our darkened rooms mefitting, I'm currently sporting a CostCo chicken and cheese taquito smeared mock turtleneck, with a Python-themed pair of flannel bottoms, patterned with the phrase "My Brain Hurts" over and over, stained with swiss ham ring-around sauce and Reese's no-bake dessert bar frosting. Maybe the default gift for any Secret Quonsar recipient should be a clean sweat suit and a bottle of liquid detergent.
posted by Toekneesan at 4:42 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Now that my power is back on I'd like to join the party and offer big Hugggggs to anyone who needs one, big, squeezy hugs the kind my son loves.
My appreciation goes to the mods, whose patience and wisdom are the warp on this loom, and to the many diverse voices who participate every day, who are, of course, the weft.
posted by OHenryPacey at 4:59 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


In honor of this MeTa, we should have an IRL event for Chicago at Half Acre Brewery when they put out this year's Big Hugs Imperial Stout. (If you've not had it... it's a thing and a worthwhile one, I assure you.)
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:04 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


My students today: Why are we learning about emoji?
Me: Many kids would be happy to spend their time in college learning about emoji
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 5:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [14 favorites]


"And look, I'm wearing the hummus emoji!"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:30 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I want Jessamyn to come and teach my students about emoji. They would whine and say that they don't understand why they have to learn about emoji because doctors never use emoji, but that would be very much less annoying than when they whine that they don't understand why they have to learn about chemistry because doctors never use chemistry.

I am not having a terrible year, but I am having a busy, stressful week at work, and you guys are keeping me sane with fun doggy videos and articles that are at least insightful if they are sometimes infuriating.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:30 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


"And it all comes around in the end because Pizza Hut had the first online store and now Domino's is the first store where you can order with emoji"

I love you guys, none of the college kids appreciated this.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 5:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Extra love also to those who, because of shitty year or lack of spoons or any other reasons, are with me in looking longingly at Quonsmas and Cookie Swap and thinking how great they seem, but knowing that you absolutely do not have it in you to participate in the thing at this moment in time. Maybe some other year we will participate in the thing, Godawful Fucking Year people of mine.

Listen, I'm participating in both and if there's anyone out there who can't participate but would like some cookies, send me your address and I will send you some cookies. You don't need to do anything but receive the cookies. I won't promise they'll be GOOD but they'll be made with love in my heart (and no nuts because yuk) because EVERYONE DESERVES COOKIES AT QUONSMAS, GODDAMMIT.
posted by triggerfinger at 5:40 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


Reader, he shat on me.

I have accidentally adopted a kitten that we were only going to take care of for a couple of days after saving her from a busy road. And this kitten is full of love, and wants constantly to be on people's laps, and purr, and mark. Which is admirable in a cat.

But she has the stinkiest glands of any animal I have ever encountered. Which is less admirable. She's such a person-cat that she is perfectly happy leaping from chair to desk to shoulder, so that she can perch right next to your face. And when she perches, her glands are also present. And they smell bad. And I don't know what to do! I am in love with this animal whose scent I cannot abide! Do I diaper her? Do I spritz her with febreze? Do I put a little vicks under my nose like they always do on forensics shows?

It's a quandary.
posted by mittens at 5:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


How old is the kitten, mittens? If she's a li'l bitty kitten (WHICH YOU COULD PROVE BY GIVING US PHOTOS) there might be hope. When I first got my shelter kittens at two months, they were oh god, the stinkiest-butted cats in all the land, and it was super super gross, and I just wanted to die, but my vet assured me that this is just sometimes a thing with young kittens, and it gets better as they grow up and, I don't know, their stomachs develop better bacterial colonies or something? It's been a couple of years, so I forget the details, but I can report that the situation did resolve itself. They are now delightful three year olds who are no stinkier than any other cat and in fact significantly less stinky than their sixteen-year-old older brother. So you are not necessarily doomed to the Bog of Eternal Stench, maybe just the Bog Of A Few Months' Stench.

Another thing I love about MeFi: Cat stories. Lots of cat stories. I mean, ideally maybe some that don't involve shit, but hey, the stinky little creatures are what they are. Thank you, anyone whose cat story or picture has made me smile.
posted by Stacey at 5:48 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


21 Images Guaranteed to Make You Feel Better About Life.

(I can confirm.)
posted by mudpuppie at 5:56 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I totally thought this thread wasn't for me until I saw how uncomfortable other people were. Does that make sense? I hope it doesn't sound mean, or negative.

It's just that it reminded me of going to sleepaway camp when I was 12, and really hating it until I found the weird kids who also hated it. So everyone was making little friendship bracelets for each other, or something (whatever kids do at a Jewish boy's camp, I don't remember), and I remember sort of slowly noticing all the other kids who weren't really into making friendship bracelets (and again, this is a bad example because I think I actually was into making friendship bracelets, just, you know, for myself). And I don't mean to put down the kids who were into it, because they were probably good kids and they had good friends. But I feel like I've always instinctively gravitated to the kids who were sort of shuffling around, the kids who, if this were a herd of gazelles, would be the ones the lions would go for.

Sorry, I'm having fun with metaphors. My point is that I was too shy to say, you know, how shy these threads make me. This site is on the one hand such a community, and on the other really sort of cliquish and in-crowdy. And there are great people, so don't get me wrong, I respect and appreciate all of you.

But again, I feel like I'm one of the kids kind of quietly pretending to be Darth Vader at soccer practice (as I did in 1st grade), and maybe other people feel that way? Maybe not, but regardless, I like you, and I'm sorry if you've had a shitty year, not only because bad stuff is bad, but because I don't like it when bad stuff happens to people I like. Maybe we really do have something in common, or maybe I'm just imagining it, but either way, I like you.
posted by teponaztli at 6:10 PM on November 18, 2015 [36 favorites]


Joseph Gurl and jacquilynne: Awwwwwwwww, thank you. I always am hesitant in these threads because I'm one of those pathetic personalities who desperately wants other people to think I'm awesome and mostly suck at letting other people know they are awesome, or even, like, remembering people a lot of the time (I'm working on it I swear!). So yeah. Verklempt. <3 and hugs and general awesomeness to you, too.

Stacey1: All the good vibes, and buckets of drunk girls with puppies (we need more drunk girls with puppies. And drunk girls with kitties. And drunk girls with puppies and kitties. And that one drunk girl who was trying so hard to protect the puppies in a giant squishy bed surrounded by cushions so she can be as protected as she was trying to make the puppies but with the puppies and also drunk.) I have some experience with psychiatric services in the US; if you want to memail I can try to answer questions/give information that might help on that end.

*offers moira all the hugs!* I'm a really good hugger. Ask anyone. Also give on request.

*gives mudpuppie the identical twin to all the hugs!* ibid That sounds like a tough year. I'm so sorry it's sucked for you.

*offers divabat the quiet identical triplet to all the hugs, who just want to hang out and shoot the shit for a while*

*gives yueliang the identical quadruplet to all the hugs who totally understand about spiraling perfectionism*

Mentions of note from my favorites because that was an awesome idea: and they trembled before her fury, jacquilynne, Kitteh, nadawi (only upon typing this do I realize I've been calling you nadwali in my head), mumimor, growabrain (I need one!), Brandon Blancher I mean Blatcher, babelfish, amanda, devined by radio, teraflop, showbiz_liz, ladyriffraff, gauche (who posted a post about lefties!!!), Athanassiel, Rhaomi, Kattullus (is that, like, catalyst with more cats?), dng, Focii for Analysis, yasaman, MartinWisse, nightrecordings, filthylightthief, Little Dawn, wonton endangerment (I want soup), desjardins, sodium lights the horizon, magstheaxe, lollusc (it's a laughing mollusk... right?), Mrs. Pterodactyl, zarq, switcheroo, Juliet Banana, ArbitraryAndCapricious, jeather, Lexica, Shmuel510, Errant, flex, averysmallcat, peripatetron errant, and blahblahblah.

For everyone, if you're in the US 211 is a resource line that will link you up with local mental health services. They tend to be pretty useful. Make use of hotlines even if you aren't suicidal; upset and overwhelmed works, too. We're entering the most emotionally brutal time of the year; please, please, please, please let people know if you need help. Also, please be safe.
posted by Deoridhe at 6:10 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


Everyone who enspousenated me (is that the term?) when I was feeling really unloved and unmarryable a few months ago: argonauta, computech_apolloniajames, corb, greenish, kimberussell, Marie Mon Dieu, mochapickle, pemberkins, sciatrix, The Noble Goofy Elk, Thella, wonton endangerment, zennie..... Y'all, I don't think I ever really thanked you properly, but that meant a lot to me. So thanks.
posted by sockermom at 6:20 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


(WHICH YOU COULD PROVE BY GIVING US PHOTOS)

But no! Among this kitten's many flaws, she is almost unphotographable! I don't mean she's not photogenic--I think she's adorable--but there's something about how soft her fur is that makes her seem almost featureless unless you have a very bright flash, at which point she looks more like a glowing apparition come to haunt you for thinking bad thoughts about glands. In dim light she is a total stealth cat.

(and i am so glad to be talking about cats rather than just how shitty this whole year has been because my god has this year sucked, and anyone else who posted about having a suck year, let me tell you, you're being heard loud and clear.)
posted by mittens at 6:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


They are now delightful three year olds who are no stinkier than any other cat and in fact significantly less stinky than their sixteen-year-old older brother. So you are not necessarily doomed to the Bog of Eternal Stench, maybe just the Bog Of A Few Months' Stench.

oh god thank you for the reassurance. I also, like Mittens, have accidentally adopted this teeny kitten who is very friendly and very motivated to snuggle with people and also smells TERRIBLE and occasionally leaks. In his case, he has a pretty good excuse (still recovering from a godawful case of worms, basically malnourished, and also not so much with the energy and still figuring out how to bathe himself), so I've been telling myself that this, too, shall pass once his intestines chill out. And YET.

Mittens, have you checked out your kitty with the vet or given her much time on a better food? Sometimes butt stink is a result of stomach upset and the diet of a kitten who wound up on a busy road can't have been very nutritious. Or as with my kitten, could be the result of a reaction to a worm infestation. Even if you've killed all the worms, they tend to inflame the digestive tract which can also lead to Stink.

In the mean time, I'm lighting a ton of scented candles.
posted by sciatrix at 6:24 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


teponaztli, I'm pretending to be Darth Vader right now.
posted by nubs at 6:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Okay, I'll get more ice.
posted by vrakatar at 6:28 PM on November 18, 2015


Wait you can order pizza with emojis now?!
posted by curious nu at 6:39 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Answer: yes for almost half a year it seems.

Well that is a pretty great thing!
posted by curious nu at 6:42 PM on November 18, 2015


Oh man, let me tell you, I know cat butt stink. My cat is the WORST. Such a small creature, such a large footprint of smell. Such a powerful butt, and she loves to put it everywhere. We took her to the vet, and they were able to help with her occasional... butt troubles, but the stink has never stopped and probably never will. When she uses the cat box, the smell gets one of us before the other - so at least one of us can hear the other go "ugh, cat!" and brace for it.

So much incense.

nubs, you're my people.
posted by teponaztli at 6:44 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


21 Images Guaranteed to Make You Feel Better About Life.

That goat is my hero.
posted by jonmc at 7:07 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


21 Images Guaranteed to Make You Feel Better About Life.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Would click link again. Not many things deliver on the promise of their name this completely. Thank you for some smiles in a dark week or two!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:38 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Two things: one, this has been a crap-tastic few weeks, and coming to MeFi (for the non-incendiary threads, anyway) has been very valuable relief. So thanks to all of you.

And second, I learned a lot in the past six or 12 months of posts here, chief among those things being to Shut Up Once In A While And Listen. Thanks for being patient, you's all.

Hugs, a cuppa, whatever you need that I have: you can split my share with me.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:44 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I love this thread. I love all of these threads--I love seeing people say nice things about other people--and I genuinely wish that we could just keep a hug/shoutout thread open all of the time. Just like, a new one every month, and every time you think oh, this person has just said this perfect thing or I've just spend three hours reading your old comments and I'm a little in love with you now you could just go and leave a comment in the open thread.

Now I'm going to feel nice things about people, tho. No matter how much I love reading these threads, posting still makes me super uncomfortable, so I apologise if I do this weird or wrong.

Stacey, my most favoritest of people, you're such a fucking delight and I'm so unbearably glad that MF brought us together. My life would be infinitely worse without you in it. I've never been this sad to move away from someone before, and I hope that eventually we'll find ourselves in the same place again, because few things would make me happier than the ability to arrive at your doorstep with questionable Mexican food and the next series of some trashy television. <3

My MF Glitch people! Andrhia and carabiner and cmyk and jessypie and juv3nal and miss matheson and moehr ossum and nora reed and room 641-a and spacewarp13--you guys are amazing. I miss our ridiculous, friendly game every single day, and more than that, I miss playing it with you guys. I miss cubimal bombing people's houses when they were out and leaving people presents and changing our street signs to stupid jokes. I can't believe that it's been almost three years since Glitch closed its doors, and I'm so, so grateful that we've stayed friends even without the game to keep us together.

I also sort of want to shoutout to metafilter tumblr as a whole, but especially to Snarl Furillo and AngelChrys, both of whom are endlessly delightful and supportive, and for whom I'm deeply appreciative.

Finally--and then I'll stop!--I love team crafty MF, and will confess to stalking many of y'all through our largely unused Ravelry group. Maybe the group doesn't get much love, but I really enjoy looking through the members list and seeing what you guys are working on, so thank you for that.
posted by MeghanC at 7:57 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I bring the thread a gift, something for all of those feeling a bit uneasy about the public nature of these kinds of threads. I feel a tiny bit torn too.

But for you I have something fun to watch - a super cut video I just found, featuring clips of parents posting their kids' reactions to the big plot twist in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.it's like a way cuter version of those "red wedding reactions" videos last year.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:30 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just discovered this thread and I want to say I love you all so much for what we've built here. I'm a better person for my time here and I can't thank you enough. Like others it hasn't been a great year for me. Everything I've been trying to deal with for years seems to have spiraled out of control at the same time and some days it's hard to find much positivity in the world around me. But I know I can always count on the people here to be good people and give me hope again.
posted by downtohisturtles at 8:31 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Ok so yesterday I was really feeling like I wanted a hug and when this thread came up, I felt like the best thing I could do was stay away from it, because of course no one would give me a hug and I probably didn't deserve one anyway and I made a sooky post on Crone Island about how it reminded me of being in gym class when they are picking people for teams and how I was always picked last, or rather not even picked because no one actually wanted me because I sucked at most sports involving small round objects hurtling towards you at great (and potentially painful) velocity. And I really wanted to be in that place where I could just be generous and hand out hugs and praise to everyone, regardless of reciprocation, because surely that's what really awesome people do, right? And I was kind of actually beating up on myself when the whole time it was just that I wanted a hug and I didn't feel like it was okay to ask for one without being some kind of mega-loser or something. That asked-for hugs somehow don't mean as much as spontaneously-volunteered hugs.

And then I got home and my cat had been playing mountaineering on top of the kitchen cupboards and there was literally spilled milk on the floor and I yelled at him because I am the worst human ever and when I finally collapsed in front of the fan, all ready to have a proper sook, my phone rang and it was one of the women who interviewed me for a job the previous day telling me that I'm shortlisted, one of two possible candidates, and suddenly I did not know what to do with my feels. I had them all.

So today I have been doing small things for other people and finally thought of this thread and thought that I would read it and there are so many of you being so awesome and generous and I am just completely overflowing with the sense of community that I have gotten from this place. That feeling is what got me hooked on the internets back in 1993 and I have been looking for ever since. And just like I found a life-changing partner because of soc.bi and alt.poly way back in those days, I have found a life-changing partner because of MetaFilter and Crone Island lo these more than twenty years later.

In a very real way, this post is to all of you, because all of you make this a community that is so worth being a part of. But I also want to name a few names, even though naming all the meaningful names is a probably impossible task. So especial thanks to: warriorqueen, jaguar, Deoridhe, Marie Mon Dieu, immlass, kalessin, Conspire, ernielundquist, Lexica, Mrs. Pterodactyl, qcubed, Don Pepino, Violet Hour, cotton dress sock, en forme de poire, mittens, yellowbinder and Ivan Fyodorovich. You all consistently have thoughtful, insightful and interesting things to say. Many of you are also quite funny. On purpose funny. It's a good thing.

Special thanks also to everyone who reassured me in the wake of the pitbull thread. You guys are awesome. And super-special thanks to all my fellow cronies from Crone Island: leesh, bile and syntax, geekanachronism, wintersweet, orchidfox, CrystalDave, bookdragoness, chatongriffes, Angelchrys, actionpopulated, hermitdog, clavicle, oklima, culfinglin, shakespherian, EyebrowsMcGee, beefetish, lriG rorriM, harrietvane, dorothyisunderwood, Stacey, susanbeeswax, zarq, sciatrix and anyone else whose MeFi name I have forgotten, gotten wrong or not known. And super-sekrit-speshul thanks to Vigilant, who still knows why.

Thank you to the mods for being made of awesome, especially through a lot of extremely difficult posts on the blue and the grey (mostly). You are what keeps this place going, and you are very much appreciated. Thank you to the lurkers, thank you to the readers-but-seldom-commenters. And for those of you who would like a hug but don't want to ask for one, have a hug. It's on me.
posted by Athanassiel at 10:11 PM on November 18, 2015 [37 favorites]


because of course no one would give me a hug and I probably didn't deserve one anyway

**tackle-hugs Athanassiel**
posted by mudpuppie at 10:18 PM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


Hugs for Athanassiel! If it makes you feel better, when I first wrote this post, I titled it "Anyone want a hug/affirmation?" because I looked down at MetaTalk saying "Everybody needs a hug," decided that I needed a hug because I felt really worn out, and was starting to feel like parts of MeFi was a cage fight. I decided that other users have actively worked to make it hospitable and warm, so why not let me try at it? But I didn't ask for my hug until like 130+ comments later because I was in denial that I didn't /really/ need a hug! Hah, you all have taught me a lot.

Unfortunately, this world and society and past experiences makes many of us (including me) feel like we can't ask for being acknowledged, ask for affection, and ask to be named and told that we are important. I think this thread proves greatly that THAT IS WRONG and we all can always ask (or know and learn that we can ask) for what we need, and here is a big community who is willing to give it.

So again, don't worry about the naming part if you don't want to participate in it, it's understandably triggering for people who have had bad experiences of not being acknowledged or excluded, and that's completely valid. It's very understandably not good for the mental health to not see your name be mentioned in scores of comments, of course, and it's not meant to be a popularity contest. But I'm grateful for those who came back and are asking for hugs and being honest about their vulnerability, that's really wonderful and should be cherished.

I mean really, from what I've seen, this thread became a space where your needs for connection and affirmation can be acknowledged, because what else is the point of a love and affirmation thread? You are loved, please ask for hugs/salutes/non-hugs/etc and acknowledgement and a space to be if you want <3

Perhaps next time, since I am interested in making another thread like this soon (although anyone else is welcome to jump on it!) It'll be fun to see who needs a hug to cry and to vent and to check in, since I need that like every day. A monthly thread or however-often thread sounds nice! So many hugs for everyone. I'm constantly floored with how much love and kindness everytime I check my activity. Please keep running with it!

Ohh god I just want to reply to everyone but I need to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and write the rest of the hugs and replies. soooo much love
posted by yueliang at 12:56 AM on November 19, 2015 [10 favorites]


I need a hug. This has been a bad year, which included being diagnosed with a super rare autoimmune disease that is not lethal but means I have to avoid a short list of foods that are in basically everything. Like how on The Simpsons, Maude Flanders says her favorite flavor of ice cream is Plain, that's basically what I can eat. Except of course I can't even have ice cream D: And on Tuesday I had a wisdom tooth and another molar pulled and it hurts and my face is all swollen and blah blah blah.

Before I fall asleep': a big sympathy hug to mudpuppie for the difficult year, and a big thank you hug for hosting the MeFi Minecraft Realm (and all the great people playing there.) It's been a great distraction, especially when things are fighty over here.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:30 AM on November 19, 2015 [16 favorites]


(((hug you))) Room 641-A. I recognise your name, thanks for being here!
posted by Meatbomb at 6:45 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


My ex has become something I can not name. Pulled another surprise wellness check on me last night at 9:30. Two deputies banging on the door. One of them has been here 17 times and she has had enough of me waking boy up so she can see if he is alive. Like I would do anything to disrupt my principle source of night-time heat as I enter this fifth winter of my discontent.

Cops left and boy says "Hot chocolate? Why don't we see what is happening on Metafilter?" Not like we were going back to sleep quickly.

My head would have exploded without this community.

I don't feel comfortable making a list. Boy has one and he is always "Click on that. She makes good posts." How he discerns gender is a mystery.

Love this place and all of you.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:02 AM on November 19, 2015 [23 favorites]


I'm new around here, but thank you. Just what I needed.
posted by A Robot Ninja at 7:07 AM on November 19, 2015 [9 favorites]


I want to thank everyone who responded to my AskMe question from Tuesday. I had a shitty morning that then turned into a shitty day, but the outpouring of compassion and encouragement I received was overwhelming and heartening. I don't participate in threads here as often as I want to, but I read every day and have learned so much from all of you.

I'm feeling very isolated and alone these days due to family drama around Thanksgiving. I don't have a lot of friends IRL. As I said in that thread, I'm so happy to have this community. It makes me feel less lonely.
posted by thereemix at 7:15 AM on November 19, 2015 [17 favorites]


Okay, here's the honest to god truth: I need some affirmation because I had what I thought was a great first date this weekend. Like, seriously great. The kind of first date where you meet for drinks and end up getting dinner and then more drinks and then you go home with the guy for a two member drunken white people dance party to the Treme soundtrack and you end up staying over and banging him in the morning, and then he ghosts on you when you try to plan a second date, and that's when you remember that the guy said he could easily vote for Marco Rubio and he made some Islamophobic remarks over dinner but you sort of glossed over that because so cute, and then you have to come to the harsh realization that you accidentally fucked a bigoted idiot.

So yeah, hugs pls.
posted by palomar at 7:43 AM on November 19, 2015 [36 favorites]


***hugs to palomar***

If it makes you feel better, when my husband was younger, he was dating a woman who, after they had sex for the first time (like, literally, as they were lying in bed together) made a comment in which she dropped the n-word. Mr. Freedom says there is nothing quite like the dawning horror that he had just slept with an unrepentant racist.

You're not alone, is what I'm saying.
posted by chainsofreedom at 8:03 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]


I want to shout out to some users whose contributions here are rarely recognized. So socketboy, ross, judywatt, mjg, tomhunt, mnot, jsavin, baychang, and pbokelly: thanks for what you've done to help make MeFi what it is.
posted by grouse at 8:06 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]


Sending hugs and a margarita to palomar, and reminding you that at least finding out after one date is better than finding out after two years.

(The dude was basically the real-life incarnation of Ignatius Reilly, in every detail, and that's a lot less likeable in real life, lemme tell you what.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:09 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]


It's been a difficult week, and each morning my wife and I hugged in front of the sink, first thing in the morning, still drowsy, as the radio gave more details about the killings. I was on the brink of tears as I tried to swallow something and go to work. I never thought that something like that could get to me, but it did. I don't know, it's maybe because I'm terribly afraid of the world my daughter might live in. So... it's been real nice to be able to get here, read a little, have a little chat about something innocuous, read sensible stuff about what happened or about what you were experiencing or getting interested into, whatever the context may be. Hugs to you all, cool people.
posted by nicolin at 8:16 AM on November 19, 2015 [14 favorites]


And hugs for you, too, nicolin.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:32 AM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]


nicolin, did you happen to catch this sweet thing?
posted by Don Pepino at 8:45 AM on November 19, 2015


(The dude was basically the real-life incarnation of Ignatius Reilly, in every detail, and that's a lot less likeable in real life, lemme tell you what.)

Oh god. I just did a full body dry heave. Even my toes are upset.
posted by palomar at 8:59 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oh, gosh - you people (and ice cream and treats) have made the last few weeks better. Well, y'all have made my life better in so many ways over the years with great advice and heartrending personal stories and smart analysis, but I've especially appreciated the warm humanity lately.

I might be on my way to using up all my favorites on this thread, because as with many others, I appreciate so many of you, recognizable or not, that I will happily send hugs, hot cocoa, snuggly kitties, or high fives to any and all.
posted by ldthomps at 9:07 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


you guys look it's a picture of some pibbles wearing jammies
posted by phunniemee at 9:10 AM on November 19, 2015 [13 favorites]


I'm fairly terrible at remembering to match usernames to comments, but hugs and appreciation for everyone in the Hamilton threads especially, which have been full of delight and joy, and to the contingent of Mefites on tumblr.
posted by yasaman at 9:12 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


palomar: when questioned about that guy, I usually just admit that "it was a dark time in my life."

Also, he looked a lot like both Ted Cruz and like John de Lancie; so it's not just the GOP debates that give me flashbacks, but also any Star Trek TNG episode with Q.

This moment from The Passions Of EC has been sponsored by Crest.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:15 AM on November 19, 2015 [8 favorites]


Oh, gosh - you people (and ice cream and treats) have made the last few weeks better.

Am now considering pumpkin ice cream and spicy cocoa powder nuts for breakfast. This seems like a good idea.
posted by moira at 9:27 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Am now considering pumpkin ice cream and spicy cocoa powder nuts for breakfast. This seems like a good idea.

The only way this is different from an "acceptable breakfast" of a pumpkin pie scone and a mocha latte is that you're getting more protein. GO FOR IT.
posted by phunniemee at 9:49 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


I want to hug everyone, and I'm so glad this thread exists. This is the year I decided that after years of lurking here, I was finally going to start commenting and jump in and try to be a proper MeFite. I still am not sure if I'm doing it right, though.

There are so many people I want to MeMail this note to:
I think you're awesome. Can we be Internet friends? y/n
But I don't, because that seems weird and sets off my social anxiety, so instead I just wind up blathering at people on Twitter. (Sorry, GregNog and griph)

Thank you to everyone on Crone Island, especially sciatrix and CrystalDave, who've done the thankless work of setting it up and running it. It's an awesome place to go and hang out and get support. HugLife also is promising. :)

And also I do kinda need a hug, because wow it's hard to admit I feel anxious over being cool enough to make friends on the internet. And now I feel anxious for having admitted I was anxious… oh god the loop has begun.
posted by culfinglin at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2015 [32 favorites]


When I enter "Mimosa" in my food tracker app, it very encouragingly replies "This food has lots of Vitamin C!"

I quite like this attitude.
posted by susiswimmer at 10:13 AM on November 19, 2015 [16 favorites]


I'm not great at remembering who said what either, but I've made a point of remembering a few people for threads like this: Ursula Hitler, feckless fecal fear mongering, Deoridhe, GenjiandProust, Lutoslawski, ArbitraryAndCapricious, filthy light thief, teponaztli.
posted by Spathe Cadet at 10:21 AM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]


There are so many people I want to MeMail this note to

Hahaha, you would not believe how many times I've tried writing one of those. I usually end up deleting them, or watering it down to a "hey i like your posts" then running away in terror.
posted by mittens at 10:44 AM on November 19, 2015 [15 favorites]


I have sent a bunch of "you're great!" memails over the years and, hilariously, have only gotten one response. But that response was totally worth it, and I haven't stopped sending 'em. If there is a hint to be taken I guess the universe will have to try harder.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 10:53 AM on November 19, 2015 [10 favorites]


I've done some of those but mostly I just MeMail people who mention either visiting or living in DC to encourage them to come to meetups and I'm always afraid they're going to be like "get away from me weirdo" but so far everyone has always been super nice about it. It's always scary but it can turn out well!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:55 AM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


Also, he looked a lot like both Ted Cruz and like John de Lancie; so it's not just the GOP debates that give me flashbacks, but also any Star Trek TNG episode with Q.

OH GOD TED CRUZ IS JUST A MELTY Q

SO MANY WEIRD TNG REVULSION MOMENTS NOW MAKE SO MUCH SENSE

I am so sorry that happened to you.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:03 AM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


Hi, I've been sorta depressed for the past few months. Feeling tired quite a bit, and writing this comment made me realize I could see a doctor about it; seeing a doctor for something other than a injury or infection is not in my thought process. It's been nice reading through MetaFilter, although I haven't really read much since last Friday, especially the more serious stuff. Outside of work and people I've known for years, I had a pretty lonely birthday.

Thanks to everyone who's put a lot of thought into MeFi comments, and other communities, like the Crone Island Slack. Special shoutout to the chat regulars. I'll try to read and contribute more to these things when I'm up to it.

I just added a link to my profile to my Imgur favorites, which is entirely composed of animal gifs, if that helps anyone.
posted by halifix at 11:38 AM on November 19, 2015 [13 favorites]


What on earth is this "crone island" thing that people keep talking about? And what the hell is "a slack"?

('slack' is not countable, surely?)
posted by Dysk at 11:40 AM on November 19, 2015


For those contemplating pigging out on snacks, eating healthy is important. Take chocolate, for instance. Chocolate comes from the cocoa bean, which means chocolate is a vegetable --- and like your mother always said, you should always eat your vegetables. And wine: wine comes from grapes, so wine is fruit juice.

So as you wash your chocolate down with a big ol' glass of wine, remember it's healthy to have vegetables and fruit juice for dinner.
posted by easily confused at 12:12 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


So as you wash your chocolate down with a big ol' glass of wine, remember it's healthy to have vegetables and fruit juice for dinner.

Not just fruit juice, it's naturally low sugar as well, what with the fermentation and all. Double healthy.
posted by Dysk at 12:14 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


What on earth is this "crone island" thing that people keep talking about?

It's here.
posted by Jpfed at 12:19 PM on November 19, 2015


And "a slack" may have referred to a Slack chatroom.
posted by Jpfed at 12:21 PM on November 19, 2015


Crone Island became a Google group of people, mostly MeFites, who read that comment and immediately said to themselves Crone Island? Where is this magical place and how do I get to it? — and then the group outgrew Google groups, and turned into a Slack chatroom.
posted by culfinglin at 12:24 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


('slack' is not countable, surely?)

then you've never sat in on one of my performance reviews at work.
posted by mittens at 12:39 PM on November 19, 2015 [9 favorites]


Quantifiable is not the same as countable. Money isn't countable either, though it's easy to count.
posted by Dysk at 12:57 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hugs to everyone on AskMe who links to the MeFi Wiki ThereIsHelp, Get a lawyer, and Homeless Survival Guide pages.
posted by Little Dawn at 1:09 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Also: pretty sure I'm not the only one who misses scody around here. Among other conversations, she turned me onto Paul Weller and the Jam, which was very cool.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:21 PM on November 19, 2015 [13 favorites]


How does one move to crone island?
posted by jacquilynne at 1:45 PM on November 19, 2015


One does not simply walk into it, that's for sure.
posted by Too-Ticky at 1:50 PM on November 19, 2015 [6 favorites]


This comment by angelchrys says to MeMail her for an invite.
posted by grouse at 1:56 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


('slack' is not countable, surely?)

then you've never sat in on one of my performance reviews at work.


Mine, according to several sources over my life, is apparently infinite.
posted by nubs at 1:58 PM on November 19, 2015


One Slack, two Slacks... very countable. I'm currently in five Slacks, between work, social Slacks, and developer Slacks...
posted by CrystalDave at 2:06 PM on November 19, 2015


Formal slacks, casual slacks...
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:32 PM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]


thetortoise, i hope you come back!
posted by mochapickle at 2:52 PM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


Yes! I had just noticed and begun to marvel at thetortoise, and then thetortoise was gone...
posted by Don Pepino at 2:57 PM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:01 PM on November 19, 2015 [25 favorites]


One more appreciative shout out for thetortoise!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:49 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Um. ST. ALIA OF THE BUNNIES!!!!!!

Hi!!!
posted by Sophie1 at 4:19 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


I think you're awesome. Can we be Internet friends? y/n


I want a pony! This could be a button on the profile, no?
posted by bleep at 4:28 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Awwww! Hugs all around (to them what wants 'em).
posted by kalessin at 4:59 PM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


I told my housemate that if I don't start showing more affect by Sunday she should make me call my doctor and see if we need to adjust my medication. That was hard and I want affirmation for it.
posted by Karmakaze at 5:14 PM on November 19, 2015 [53 favorites]


I told my housemate that if I don't start showing more affect by Sunday she should make me call my doctor and see if we need to adjust my medication.

That's hella hard. That's very brave.
posted by PMdixon at 5:20 PM on November 19, 2015 [10 favorites]


That was hard and I want affirmation for it.

Really hard. Sending affirmation and hugs if they're welcome.
posted by lalex at 5:34 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hugworthy indeed
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:53 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


I told my housemate that if I don't start showing more affect by Sunday she should make me call my doctor and see if we need to adjust my medication. That was hard and I want affirmation for it.

Good for you for recognizing there might be a problem, and good for you for asking for help, and good for you (both?) for making a plan, and good for you for posting it here, because I know from personal experience that doing so can help with accountability, and good for you for asking for good-for-yous. Seriously. That's awesome.
posted by jaguar at 6:02 PM on November 19, 2015 [13 favorites]


Dude, last time I needed to fiddle with my psych meds and admit that I was not doing awesome mentally, it took me months to say that I needed help. You did an awesome thing, Karmakaze, and you set a good deadline and you came and told us. High fives all round!
posted by sciatrix at 6:36 PM on November 19, 2015 [9 favorites]


Asking for help can be one of the hardest things in the world, and doing so shows strength and care.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:50 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


I really appreciate the vulnerability and people really asking for their affirmations and asking for help, and people being so kind here, it makes my heart swell so much. You definitely need hugs, Karmakaze, and thank you for coming here to share it with us and ask for help, that's precious and really important. It reminds me to totally do the same and reach out to my friends who are currently trying out medications right now, and work on my emotional labor.

And culflinglin, I totally get your anxiety feedback loop, here's a gigantic hug squeeze for you, yay friends! <3 And yay sciatrix, for being awesome and sharing your experience! and to everyone being supportive and uwuwubub melting into a puddle right now
posted by yueliang at 6:56 PM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


And hugs for your housemate, too!
posted by mochapickle at 6:57 PM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]


Hugs for the housemate! Also going upthread, hugs and love to Room 641-A, palomar, halifix, for all your difficult situations and your strength, thank you for asking for hugs and affirmation and sharing what you are going through. Like, each of you are just trying to do you and then bullshit happens...that sounds really difficult and harrowing, my goodness. Sending love and holding y'all <3
posted by yueliang at 7:06 PM on November 19, 2015 [5 favorites]


And a shout out to CrazyLemonade, who stayed up with me parsing Twitter for Hurricane Patricia news. That was a weird bonding experience I won't soon forget.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:07 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


I commented in the last thread like this one b/c I was super raw at the time; it took me over two and a half hours to type up on my phone, and I finally hit "post" just to spit it out & be done with my thoughts instead of ruminating on them any longer, then I felt awful the rest of that day and the next - because I too well know what it's like to Ctrl-F one of these threads and come up scant, and also I forgot lots of names of people I totally notice and care about here, some of whom were later visibly bothered no one mentioned them - so, y'know, it's not a trend I want to contribute to and I was sorry I said anything just because I was hurting and wanted to feel connected; it was selfish of me. I'm not around much lately due to a perfect cluster of factors: a laptop that doesn't function well for me; internetting from my phone, where typing comments, tracking comments, or composing posts is a real pain; IRL got busier in a bunch of ways; but a lot of it is simply a low cycle on the rollercoaster of me vs. MeFi that I've gone through for well over a decade. I get worn out feeling anxious about MeFi; I'm worn out making myself vulnerable to feeling anxious. Maybe I'll have another up cycle and feel better, then I'll have another low cycle, etc. and I'm kinda sick of the whole thing. I value the friends I have made here and the things I've learned here, and when I'm feeling on I enjoy contributing. Basically it is complex and I don't have the spoons right now to deal with it all so I'm just muddling through and noping out a lot. Hugs to those who want them.
posted by flex at 7:38 PM on November 19, 2015 [26 favorites]


Aw, it sounds like you need a hug, flex. Doing you is important, hugs for you! and there has been plenty of discussion upthread of people not wanting to name names and people finding different ways to just be on the thread, so if you start from the bottom and scroll up, it's all good.
posted by yueliang at 7:45 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


gingerbeer and I are not at all the same person but I do not mind in the slightest being mistaken for her and I hope to do her proud.
More later. Possibly.
posted by gingerest at 7:51 PM on November 19, 2015 [9 favorites]


The mods are great. And I really appreciate the site.

Threads like this always leave me feeling worse than when I started, as I remember all the lurkers/non-cool kids who are reminded of their status here by not being mentioned.
posted by persona au gratin at 2:54 AM on November 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


persona au grautin, I think you're all right, and your potatoes are awesome. Your name catches my eye and reminds me to read your comments. Keep up the good work!
posted by wenestvedt at 3:25 AM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


On revisiting this thread, I also offer affirmations.


["Where are the affirmations? There were supposed to be some earth-shattering affirmations!"]
posted by Namlit at 4:06 AM on November 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


So. One thing I wonder about structurally is whether we could do a future thread more like the support posts I've seen hosted on Dreamwidth. On those, basically, you go in and you make a comment if you need to hear something good about yourself within your community, and then people respond to those initial comments. I think that might be a structure that helps a lot with the ctrl+f effect mentioned. Maybe in a couple of months we could try that?
posted by sciatrix at 5:39 AM on November 20, 2015 [11 favorites]


St. Alia!!! (hugs!!))
posted by kimberussell at 6:21 AM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


(((HUGS)))
posted by domo at 7:30 AM on November 20, 2015


I just want to thank ColdChef for answering all of my weird panicked questions and calling and checking up on me and my family when my mother passed. You are a MF mensch and Robert and I are glad to have you as a friend and soon-to-be wedding officiant.
posted by domo at 7:35 AM on November 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


hugs and affirmations to you, flex. i hope things get easier for you.

hugs and affirmations to everyone, seriously. this is such a hard time of year for so many of us, for so many different reasons. if anyone reading this needs good vibes and loving thoughts sent their way, well then babies, i've got the good vibe cannon locked and loaded and aimed right at you.
posted by palomar at 7:36 AM on November 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


So I thought I'd start keeping track of usernames as I was going through the blue and favoriting posts and comments and post 'em here—not the usual suspects, but the names that didn't ring a bell; you people have been impressing me, so here's your shoutout:

GospelofWesleyWillis
the_querulous_night
Andrew Stephens
crazy with stars
cosmic owl
everybody had matching towels
(yes, on checking the userpage I realize that everybody had matching towels has been making lots of amazing posts and I should have filed the username under "usual suspects," but apparently I didn't, and how can I resist repeating a name like everybody had matching towels? I can't! Actually, there are several great usernames in that list)
posted by languagehat at 7:52 AM on November 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


Also, right backatcha y2karl!
posted by languagehat at 7:52 AM on November 20, 2015


Persona au gratin, don't sweat it, I wasn't mentioned either and I know I'm cool as fuck.
posted by jonmc at 9:39 AM on November 20, 2015 [12 favorites]


oh, that was great! here, let me get you a towel...
</donald duck>
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 9:48 AM on November 20, 2015


{{{{{{flex}}}}}}}
{{{{{{everyone else who would welcome a hug}}}}}}

Thanks for all the love and hugs!

♥ Lynsey
posted by Lynsey at 10:20 AM on November 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


Thank you everyone for the kind public and private words. Hugs to everyone who wants or needs them, and a shoutout to everyone who comes to meet ups. It can be a really hard thing, to get out there and meet new people, but I'm glad to have met all of you.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:49 AM on November 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


Hugs, I don't speak up that much and don't have any real *friends* on here, but it is a special place for me and I think all of you guys are great.
posted by pwally at 11:38 AM on November 20, 2015 [10 favorites]


sciatrix, that sounds like an interesting idea and it's not one I was previously aware of. My brain went straight to "Yeah, but... No, but...." mode, despite the fact I can't actually think of any downsides and a fair few upsides. Definitely worth it's own MetaTalk at the very least.

St. Alia of the Bunnies commenting reminds me that MetaFilter does provide other mechanisms for hugs/endorsements/igotyourbacks, even if they are one-and-done (in other news someone might have just got enspousenated on general principle, hope that's OK).
posted by comealongpole at 11:44 AM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sciatrix, I was thinking that, and was in the process of drafting a post that could suggest that, would anyone care to look over it through me mail, or I could post it as part of a metatalk?

To be honest as the OP, I'm getting worn out and annoyed by people entering the thread and not noting or seeing the efforts to be made to find other forms of affirmations beyond the mentioning the ctrl+f effect. I want to edit the post to mention it differently, but it would go against the history of the thread and the effort of people who did look up names to post, so that's a conversation that I don't Really think would be productive to get into. There is space for everyone in this thread.

I need a hug because I think I'm still doing too much emotional labor for something that I came in with good intentions with, but I think there needs to be a hug for all of those who have also done emotional labor in the thread. People have told me that it's a net positive goal for what the thread has done for the site, but I am just gonna practice letting go and affirming my annoyed feelings, because people who also feel upset by the ctrl+f effect also can be allowed to name it in the thread too.

I just wanted This to be fun, and the next iteration can be even better!
posted by yueliang at 12:00 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I regularly find myself thinking 'holy SHIT this person's awesome' while reading, but I'm the sort of person who gets cold sweats at the thought of hitting send on memail, so if you've ever seen a favorite with my name on it, it's almost certainly because that's as close as my social anxiety would let me get to telling you you're the b0mb.

I love this place something awful.
posted by Mooski at 12:04 PM on November 20, 2015 [10 favorites]


Mooski, I resonate with that so hard. I get social anxiety in replying when I do to send MeMail so ahh. Thanks for sharing that, I resonate <3
posted by yueliang at 12:10 PM on November 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yueliang, don't worry about how others interpreted your post....all of us have perspectives that are skewed one way or another by the things we have experienced, good, or sadly more often, bad.....the good news is, if people will be brave enough to share their hearts here, we can get our hugs out, and maybe in some small way ease their way.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:29 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


{{{{{{{{yueliang}}}}}}}}

♥ Lynsey
posted by Lynsey at 12:46 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


yueliang, I'm sorry if this post turned out differently than you hoped; I hope you remember that there are people reading this that got something they really needed out of it. MeTa can be an unpredictable place.
posted by Jpfed at 1:07 PM on November 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Thank you so much St. Alia of the Bunnies (please kindly teach me your genius for coming up with that name!!!), Lynsey (who I still need to reply to and has been so effusive in giving hugs), and Jpfed for being so kind. I really appreciate that so much and the kindness of the affirmations, and helping remind me that. It is deeply hard to not internalize it, but I guess one of the major benefits of participating on MeFi is that everyone has some stake in being here, and people bring their experiences with them, and unfortunately a lot of us are hurt in the process of living :( We can only honor and work to be kind and vulnerable to each other, and thank you for the reminders that people getting what they need. I didn't realize what I really needed was an affirmation that what I'm doing is okay too, and that I'm doing pretty okay :)

Thank you to everyone here who is helping make this a great, wonderful place. The reasons why I love this place even more, stack up everyday. I also especially want to highlight the bravery and vulnerability of everyone coming into this thread, since I keep rereading and I'm more stunned everyday. Is it possible to appreciate too much? lmao. Uuugh how do I honor the fact I am taking up space without worrying about taking up too much space...by letting people just do them.
posted by yueliang at 1:32 PM on November 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


I have a rash. I think I got it from hugging someone here. Be careful, people; safety is no accident.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:22 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


That was probably me, sorry. I don't think it's anything to worry about.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:26 PM on November 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


I mean, if it hasn't gotten worse in ten months, it's not likely to be a bad thing, right?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:52 PM on November 20, 2015


Oh. Guess this goiter's okay, then.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:54 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


I am psychologically incapable of any activities except lying in bed not having slept much and reading various social websites in search of any kind of human connection because I have alienated myself from family and friends and am currently failing miserably at a large task which I am handling so poorly that I am seriously questioning my competence at my vocation and my social / psychological makeup in general and this place even though I am cynical and easily annoyed is the single most reliable source of sanity that I've seen and also thanks to anyone who ever favorited any of my stupid comments because that's seriously the only social validation I get whatsoever and despite being an aloof loner I still crave that stuff
posted by mbrock at 4:49 AM on November 21, 2015 [33 favorites]


this is a bad example

Damn it, I got all excited for a second when I CTRL-F'd. That'll teach me to name myself after later Warren Zevon albums.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:30 AM on November 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


mbrock, we're identical twins, so I'm adding you as a contact.
posted by Don Pepino at 7:51 AM on November 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Hey, shoutouts to h00py and shakespeherian for great posts about prominent women in 20th century arts just in the last 24 hours. Makes me want to up my game.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 12:38 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have recently moved to a very not-diverse place where casual racism is the norm, and my not-white family makes a lot of people uncomfortable. And then the recent crazy emerging on the U.S. national stage (and everywhere else) is making me so anxious and sad. And then I read the Aziz Ansari thread including this comment by sunset in snow country mentioning Randall Park's enduring sexy even as Kim Jong-Un which made me laugh loudly for a solid minute. And my husband asks me what's so funny, and he gets to read the page and laugh too, and I say "oh my god I love this because it's how our friends [of all colors] talk back home."

So thank you all for the conversations. (And sunset in snow country? HEARD AND SECONDED, re: Park.)
posted by synapse at 4:51 PM on November 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've been making a deliberate effort over the last six months or so to notice usernames more (I have a terrible memory, so usually only the most frequent things stick around in it), and as a result i've been quietly following or building up a specific appreciation for a bunch of people.

Lots of them have already been mentioned (sciatrix, Dysk and Deoridhe particularly), but here are some of the Mefites i've been quietly and shyly (and too anxiously to generally say anything about it TO you) admiring:

maxwelton, The Underpants Monster, yasaman, MCMikeNamara, creepygirl, susoka, litera scripta manet (you are a gem!), Stacey and showbiz_liz (and all the Hannibal thread posters actually), prize bull octorok, queenofbithynia, FelliniBlank, a fiendish thingy, nadawi, meese.

robocop is bleeding gets a Lifetime Achievement Award in the category of Being Rad As Hell & Making Me Laugh More Frequently Than Anyone Else (Except Poffin Boffin).
posted by pseudonymph at 4:23 PM on November 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


Oh man, divined by radio too. I notice and like your comments all the time.
posted by pseudonymph at 4:25 PM on November 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


I don't know if anyone is still reading this but my Thanksgiving was awful and I'm sitting here and I can't sleep and I'm crying and feeling very alone and could use a hug.
posted by thereemix at 9:27 PM on November 26, 2015 [16 favorites]


hey, thereemix, HUGS.
posted by wintersweet at 9:36 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh shit, thereemix, what happened? You want to talk about it, or you want distraction, or...? Hugs if you want 'em!
posted by sciatrix at 9:38 PM on November 26, 2015


Hey thereemix, hugs to go round. I've been feeling pretty crapola today too so you'd be doing me a favour.
posted by Athanassiel at 9:41 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


hugs!!!
posted by divabat at 9:55 PM on November 26, 2015


hi, thereemix. I'm so sorry; I hate it when this day goes south, as it regularly does. It's over, though! We have successfully got through it and now the dreaded winter holidays slog is partly over. I overcooked the turkey so hard it looked like the blackened carcass of a vulture and my brother picked an insane, baseless fight with my friend. Ha haaa, I don't care! I'm so exhausted I couldn't care if I tried! It's over, callooh! Callay! Hugs to you.
posted by Don Pepino at 10:03 PM on November 26, 2015


I wish I could give you a hug in person and tell you that you're not alone, because you're not. Hugs to you.
posted by mogget at 10:12 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Dude

#1 I'm glad I'm not the only one who was kinda secretly waiting for this thread to pop back up, I ended up having a nice day after all but this was kind of a weak ass holiday in general with all the terrible emotions holidays can bring up. All the hugs for you, thereemix!

#2 I somehow missed synapse's comment above and now I'm thinking about Randall Park instead of the stupid friend drama bullshit I was thinking about before and I am pretty ok with that
posted by sunset in snow country at 10:26 PM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


Aww, hugs, thereemix

(⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃
posted by Room 641-A at 10:28 PM on November 26, 2015


I had a great holiday. Of course I cooked everything yesterday and did nothing today and interacted with basically nobody. It was wonderful and I have like two pies' worth of leftovers all to myself.

I was wondering if this thread would see activity again. Since I offered to crochet things for spoonless Mefites I got a few requests and have made some new friends! I've been having a great time busting through my yarn stash and asking for peoples' favorite colors. My offer still stands of course, feel free to memail me with requests and we can talk about it!

It sucks that Thanksgiving is such a dark day for so many people. If I could share my satisfied vibes with the people hurting right now I would.

When I'm feeling especially low I try to remember that recovery isn't linear. Having a shit day or a shit week, even if it's a special occasion that's "supposed" to be fun, is just a bump in the path.

I wish that this totally fake concept of traditional "normal" Thanksgiving, and winter holiday season in general, would just die a quick death. I got an invite to someone else's grandparent-hosted Thanksgiving via their mom. My friend told me about the invite and about how they told their mom I would say no: "Mom, you realize that you're inviting my gay jewish foodie friend to spend her favorite holiday at the house of racist antisemitic super conservative old people who can't cook, right?" That my friend had to go be in the house with these people all day today breaks my fucking heart. If you had to spend today with bigots and you didn't engage in violence, I commend you.

Hugs to anybody who wants them.
posted by Mizu at 10:52 PM on November 26, 2015 [6 favorites]


I hope you've fallen asleep by now, thereemix. Sending over internet hugs and comforting thoughts.
posted by Fig at 1:08 AM on November 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Right there with you thereemix.
posted by PMdixon at 7:29 AM on November 27, 2015


Thanks guys.

My (half) brother's girlfriend, having failed to get me disinvited from Thanksgiving dinner, made passive aggressive comments all evening about the food I brought and actively tried to exclude me from the dinner conversation by pointedly asking him and his mom to share Thanksgiving stories from his childhood. His mom isn't my biological mother and I wasn't raised in the same house as him, so this basically resulted in me sitting in the sidelines feeling like a reject. Anytime I tried to contribute to the conversation the girlfriend talked over me. My brother wouldn't even make eye contact with me, I guess because he is afraid it will piss the girlfriend off. (jury's still out on why the girlfriend hates me so much...) His mother, who has always historically treated me as if I were her daughter, had a little too much wine which tends to make her oblivious to social dynamics, so she didn't seem to notice that I was just sitting there silently. I have never felt so unwelcome amongst people who are ostensibly my family. It was like I was just there to be their audience. Then to top it all off the girlfriend starts bragging about their impending Caribbean vacation next week, which will be literally the 6th vacation the two of them have taken this year because they are both rich and have jobs where nobody gives a shit if they take time off all the time apparently. I on the other hand am broke as hell because I lost my job this summer and only just started a new one two weeks ago and I haven't taken a real vacation in 5 years and I work in an industry where taking time off is difficult and I am not being paid well (beggars can't be choosers), so hearing about their umpteenth set of travel plans was just adding insult to injury. I left early and except for the fact that my brother had to move his car so I could get out of the driveway I don't think they even noticed or cared. It really felt like I was just there to be their audience and no one even thanked me for the food I brought.

I hate the holidays. And I think I officially hate my brother's girlfriend too. I was trying to be the bigger person all this time but I am too tired and sad to care anymore.
posted by thereemix at 2:09 PM on November 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


Aw man, thereemix, that sounds super fucking shitty. Here's hoping you can spend any other holidays you celebrate this season in way more congenial company.
posted by sciatrix at 2:28 PM on November 27, 2015


What sciatrix said. As someone with a ... difficult ... sister-in-law (though fortunately I haven't had to socialize with her in years), I totally sympathize. I'm glad you have this venue where you can vent to people who understand and wish you well!
posted by languagehat at 2:54 PM on November 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Agreed. Wishing for a better next few days and weeks for you, thereemix. Hugs if you want them.
posted by mochapickle at 3:12 PM on November 27, 2015


Thereemix, please talk to your mother about this. At least tell,her how you were feeling. It sounds like she does love you, but was just oblivious, so maybe this can get her to pay closer attention next time.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:37 PM on November 27, 2015


Wow, that sounds pretty craptastic all right. I hope you can find a way not to have to put up with them for the rest of the holiday season too. I heartily recommend finding some friends who have messed-up families and hanging out with them. Or binge-watching The Gilmore Girls or something, or spending the day playing FPS games or whatever floats your boat really.

If it helps at all, last year I was visiting my family (I live approximately 10,000 miles away from them). It had been three years since my previous visit. After lots of back-and-forth, my parents grudgingly put forth the day after I arrived from the other side of the world as the only time they were able to catch up with me. My brother and I drove two hours down to see them. Half an hour after we arrived, my mum started looking at her watch and making noises about how they didn't want to keep us and we should probably get going so we didn't get caught up in traffic and could pick up my brother's kids from school, etc. We did stay for a grand total of an hour and a half, a lot of which was taken up with loading furniture and other stuff my parents were trying to get rid of into my brother's car. And that was it.

Meanwhile this year I have been miserable because of remembering that last year I was having a proper Thanksgiving, with my favourite brother and sister-in-law, aunts and uncles and cousins, feeling a level of belonging that I don't often get because of the whole living on the other side of the world. Here it's not even Thanksgiving, which is both better and worse. So I feel you on the isolation and aloneness when it seems like everyone else is having a wonderful holiday. You're not alone, and neither am I. *hug*
posted by Athanassiel at 6:24 PM on November 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I traded what was supposed to be my bi-annual thanksgiving with my son for much more time later and made myself available for work. Started at 3 pm and it was a trickle of our regulars needing to get to work at eateries. An hour later, it was a flood of people with bottles of wine and/or flowers going to family events that they seemed to be nervous about.

"Can I sit up front? I need that mirror. If I don't look perfect..."

"Yup, din-din with more of the folks than I'd care to see. How late are you working? I'm supposed to have a ride but..."

"They didn't believe me when I came out. They'll have some girl there for me to meet."

"I can't get out. Just take me back. Can you do that?"

That minivan is a confessional on wheels sometimes. I couldn't take her all the way back to Weaverville because I had to pick up another member of the congregation and then a bunch of leftovers and donations at different restaurants and get the food to the shelter but I wasn't leaving her there if that was not where she wanted to be. Explained all that and she said she could help.

I notified the dispatcher, who also hates holidays, that I could only seat six now and why that was. Dispatch said that was fine, I'd have a six right after the food. Next passenger also decided to defect after discussing things with first passenger. So now I have a five and need a six-seater.

Put dispatch on speaker with the defectors and she worked out that the two of them were going to work the shelter and we'd get them home later. Dispatcher had been by there earlier and knew they were short-handed.

We loaded and unloaded the food and I left them at the shelter.

Picked up the six in Black Mountain and the adults were saying "Never again. I can't believe we went." Kids are saying "That sucked!"

The next few hours were people who were either ejected or bailed on family. I scooped them up as fast as I could. Too cold to be waiting outside in your best clothes when you didn't feel like any coat you owned would go with the rest. Some of them didn't know where they were. Took a walk to cool off and decided not to go back and got lost. The fuck if I was not going to find them. Couldn't locate unless they were settled enough to use the app and turning or even switching street signs is a thing here. Reach suspected area, hazard flashers and highbeams and honking.

Then it was the drunks, and I'm talking about the drivers, not the passengers. You get on an off ramp and see head lights coming your way, no shoulder, spin the van and somehow it does not roll and other vehicle bangs it's way through the revolving door you've become and you are now sideways with some damage and passenger is whooping and somebody in a black Maxima is steaming full power East in the West lanes of I-240 with no lights.

It's not my car. My driving other people's cars is totally dependent upon my taking good care of the vehicle and I needed to pull off and look at the damage. There is a former Exxon at the end of the ramp, taped off, sold to a hotelier. Drove through the tape. One long scrape down the side and no rear bumper. Passenger, now totally alert and less whoopy, called it in while I banged a fender away from the front left tire and got the bumper off the ramp and put it in the back. Save what you can.

My last fare came home with me. I was worried about suicide and talked her into a room with a fireplace and made it really clear I was not hitting on her. She slept well. So well that I went back into town to grab my son and came back and he wanted a toy out of that room and I said no, somebody is sleeping in there and he asked who and I had to say that I didn't know her name but she needed to sleep and the needed sleep had priority over the needed toy so I showed him this and she woke up to a little boy saying WTF? (Thanks crystaldave, knew this would come in handy when the magic toy is missing) So we got her home Saturday and I really needed a nap and I woke up and looked at the clock and thought it was Sunday and I panicked and shouted at boy that we were late and we had to leave in thirty and boy comes in as I am stripping and tells me to stop.

"Calm down. We got another day, dad." Total role reversal. So we took Karin back this morning? "Yeah, that was today. You just think it is tomorrow. You should go back to sleep." Sage advice.

My birth date was my parent's 9th anniversary so it was a big, big two-cake deal until the divorce and then everybody forgot about it. So I got over the idea that certain days should be special long ago. I say getting out of your own head is the way to go. There is stuff you can do that will help other people.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:31 PM on November 28, 2015 [28 favorites]


I hope everyone is feeling better after the holiday. Just wanted to say, as part of the OP was an invitation to say nice things about each other, that I want to Flag as Fantastic everything you ever write here Mr. Yuck. I love your writing style and your stories are endlessly fascinating, and it makes me sad I'll never get to meet you and the boy in person but I'm really glad you're here.
posted by billiebee at 2:44 AM on November 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Are there still hugs left? My dogs are having a contest this weekend to see who can gross out the humans the most. Dog 3 got the runs late Wednesday. Dog 1 joined in on Thanksgiving. I got a vet appt, but not until Monday. They're both peepad trained, but there has still been much floor-scrubbing.

Dog 2, who is healthy but has vision issues, ran into something last night(I didn't see it, it was a wall or a corner of a doorframe or furniture), and knocked out a tooth. Well, almost. It was dangling from her mouth at a horrifying angle, so Mr. Fig finished the job. Dental injuries freak me out, so I was trying not to faint/puke.

Thankfully, all 3 dogs are acting normally, so I think the suffering is mostly on the humans.
posted by Fig at 4:58 AM on November 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Yes, there are hugs left.
*gives Fig a great big hug*
posted by Too-Ticky at 5:06 AM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have extended my stay with my parents so I can go visit my grandmother, who is 95 and had to have all her teeth pulled recently and who is not a nice person at the best of times. Also, the whole concept of emotional labor has given me a glorious new vocabulary through which to understand why I'm constantly enraged at my father. Also, I'm PMSing. Pray for me, everyone.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:11 AM on November 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


Mr. Yuck, I hope you're planning to compile these stories and publish, even if only for MeFites who aren't aware of your, er, "rich life history." Thanks for sharing, as always.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:15 AM on November 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Thanks for not telling me to get my own blog.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:57 AM on November 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Despite being quonsed extremely admirably today, I would like a hug. I work Sunday-Thursday so today is part of my weekend but I've already spent at least five hours doing work.

I work my butt off for something I believe in but I'm spending countless hours outside of my regular workweek doing something that requires some fairly fancy skills (photography, website, administrative, social media, totally inadequate graphic design). When things become complicated with the stuff that is outside my job description, it is very frustrating.

I've written this comment and edited out a lot because it is work-related.
posted by sciencegeek at 12:41 PM on December 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


*hugs*, sciencegeek.
posted by jaguar at 3:34 PM on December 4, 2015


« Older Mefites and their MBTIs   |   Happy $5 noob day Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments