Balancing IRL and Askme April 20, 2016 10:01 PM   Subscribe

Is it impolite or unethical (or even possible because of the rsvp function) to attend an IRL event to meet people and not reveal your online name?

I'm trying to reconcile the desire to meet fellow mefites with my very strong inclination to maintain what web anonymity I have. This seems like an impossible task. Is there any way to navigate this without being or feeling shady?

I'd like to meet people, and be sincere about my real-life identity, without it getting linked to my online profile, comments, etc. (unless or until I am ready, which may be never).
posted by RaRa-SpaceRobot to Etiquette/Policy at 10:01 PM (154 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

Totally cool - people do it in either direction (handle but not name, or name but not handle) and you don't have to RSVP for a standard meetup. Based on the meetups I've been to, people might ask but if you tell them you're trying not to cross the streams they'll likely just shrug.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:03 PM on April 20, 2016 [5 favorites]


I can’t remember real names. Everyone is handles forever. Sorry, people with names.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:12 PM on April 20, 2016 [96 favorites]


Is it impolite or unethical (or even possible because of the rsvp function) to attend an IRL event to meet people and not reveal your online name?

Well, you don't have to RSVP.

But when you get there, people will likely ask what your handle is.

I've organised a few meetups. We usually have nametags with handles and real names. But if you didn't want to disclose your handle to any of the people at the ones I've been to, it wouldn't be a big deal. Generally we just eat cake and kill bottles of wine.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:01 PM on April 20, 2016 [2 favorites]


I think one sticking point might be that if your goal is specifically to meet people in order to see them again, you will need an easy way to contact each other. The easiest way in this situation is to use memail and information on account pages. So saying that you don't want to cross the streams is completely reasonable and not something I would think is weird at a meetup, but if I wanted to persue further friendventures with you I would have to decide right then and there and get other contact details from you at the time, which is just not how I operate.

So this seems like one of those appropriate times for a sockpuppet account. Use your current account for all that good anonymous online stuff, and then attend meetups and exchange usernames as your sockpuppet. People can still memail you, you can have a link to your RL name facebook or whatever social media profile on the account page, and you can just keep it otherwise inactive. IIRC, the standard mefi policy on socks is that as long as you don't abuse the system by posting an Ask more than once a week or multiple daily FPPs, and don't pull any drama nonsense between indentities, socks are fine. Five dollars for anonymity! A reasonable cost.
posted by Mizu at 11:33 PM on April 20, 2016 [9 favorites]


This sort of thing really blew up once; anyone else remember/can find the associated meta?
posted by Mitheral at 1:29 AM on April 21, 2016


This sort of thing really blew up once; anyone else remember/can find the associated meta?

Do we really want to revisit it?

(Someone attended a meetup using a sockpuppet name, then confessed. It didn't go well.)
posted by zarq at 4:29 AM on April 21, 2016


I've been to meet ups here and other sites where either happens. My own preference is that there is at least some level of disclosure as to who you are - either handle or real or sock puppet. You also don't have to disclose your user/real name the first time/s. I know I've met a zillion mefites and they tell me their user names and unless they're prolific and write in threads I'm interested in, I've got no idea who they are.

(I was brand new to metafilter when Jessamyn came to Australia and had just had a tiny person... I had no idea who she was- just that from time to time I saw her write great comments. I kicked myself later that I wasn't able to go to that meetup. But it would have been my first and I hadn't really interacted with any local mefites back then. Still hoping she'll come back for a do-over and I can buy her many beers.)

Anyhooo... plenty of people come to our meetups and give one or the other. It tends to be handles more than anything in the beginning. I now do an open house semi regularly which is kind of a default meetup so any local mefite that is interested knows my name, address, phone number, height and the monstrousness of my kids.

I love being called by my handle. It's a shortening of my childhood family nickname and I've never had anyone say it in person that didn't love me, or learning to love me. Just ask redthoughts, smoke, and lollusc!

Ultimately though, the most important thing is that you're comfortable. And that you're not coerced in to feeling compromised. If people are unhappy about that, they're free to not interact with you.

I think the shitty thing someone is remembering above is when someone turned up, didn't disclose who they were and reported back elsewhere the shite someone else was shooting... or something. I think. Usually what happens at meetups stays at meetups. If you can remember what happened.
posted by taff at 4:30 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


Going To Maine: "I can’t remember real names. Everyone is handles forever. Sorry, people with names."

There are least two Pittsburgh mefites who use their own name in their username, I can remember those. Other than that, nope.
posted by octothorpe at 4:57 AM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


Big problem with telling people your meat-name is that it dilutes your brand. Who the hell is going to vote #1 Lothar Kirchspell? No, you just keep "quidnunc kid" in your hearts and minds, and no-one need search through the Panama papers for any little details of someone's private financial arrangements. Thanks.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:59 AM on April 21, 2016 [132 favorites]


I feel like this has happened at meetups I've been at; I think it's fine, though a little odd and certainly makes me try to guess about it later.

Is there any way to navigate this without being or feeling shady?

I would just be honest about not wanting to connect my name and screenname, as you've been here, and I'm sure mefites will respect that desire.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:06 AM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


I think the key here is honesty. In the situation alluded to above, the participant lied about who they were. I thhink people were upset about the lie, and then the subsequent justifications for it.
posted by OmieWise at 5:09 AM on April 21, 2016


Lurkers w/o accounts show up at NYC meetups pretty regularly. Having an account has never been a requirement to show up to meetups. You would have to be comfortable with being less than honest though but this isn't exactly the location of Allied encampments you know?
posted by griphus at 5:33 AM on April 21, 2016 [7 favorites]


Although if you DO know where the rebel alliance are hiding ... Hoth? It's Hoth, isn't it? Bloody Hoth. Should have called it "Coldth", it's bloody freezing there.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 5:38 AM on April 21, 2016 [20 favorites]


I hear they got laser MIRVs now.
posted by clavdivs at 6:10 AM on April 21, 2016


Someone attended a meetup using a sockpuppet name, then confessed. It didn't go well.

I went to that meetup! Yeah if you're not squirrely about it people mostly don't care "I'm a lurker, rarely post, real name is Jason and here's some stuff about me...." You can use a sock puppet if you want to be contactable and/or have a username and only mods will know. Meetups are generally fun and low key and worth trying out.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:26 AM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've been to meetups where there are name tags with handle and name. Some had one or the other rather than both. I noticed, but didn't think anything was shady and assume others felt the same. As far as feeling or looking shady if you're honest and give some name for people to call you I think you'll be fine. There are widely varying levels of desire for anonymity here and I think people are used to and respectful of that.

I was nervous going to my first meetup for a bunch of reasons, but I'm glad I did. I've been to a few and people have been lovely. I hope you get out to a meetup and find them as fun as I have. The sockpuppet suggestions above do seem like a good idea here.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 6:55 AM on April 21, 2016


octothorpe: "There are least two Pittsburgh mefites who use their own name in their username"

Yes, my real name is Chryso S. Tom.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:57 AM on April 21, 2016 [6 favorites]




Is it impolite or unethical to attend an IRL event to meet people and not reveal your online name?

It's the first question people will ask, IME, and likely will be remembered much better than your True Name. As such, it is a bit off putting, to me at least, when someone says "I'd rather not say". It happens sometimes. However, how do you talk to someone who doesn't want to be known by their community comments and their thoughts, and yet still wants to be accepted as a member of the group? Honestly, it always comes across as a bit creepy.

On the other hand, it's totally ok if you don't want to talk too much about your off-line identity: don't tell people your real-life name, or many personal details. I've met quite a number of mefites over the years whom I only know by their usernames.

It's always ok to want to keep separate your identities, it's a priority for me too, but your method makes me uncomfortable at meetups.
posted by bonehead at 7:11 AM on April 21, 2016 [6 favorites]


I've met quite a number of mefites over the years whom I only know by their usernames.

Most of the time people still call me 'zarq' at meetups even after I give my first name, and I have one of the most common and easy to remember first names on the planet. I never hear my screen name said out loud, so it can take a little getting used to. But that's totally understandable. For some folks, it's the name they know me by online, after all.
posted by zarq at 7:29 AM on April 21, 2016


I just realized that at meetups I never introduce myself with my mefi username.
posted by griphus at 7:34 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


That's okay. I introduce myself at meetups all the time with your username, so it all works out :)
posted by zarq at 7:35 AM on April 21, 2016 [66 favorites]


I've met quite a number of mefites over the years whom I only know by their usernames.

Thinks about a future where you are only known by user names.

**at a YouTube comments meetup**

“No, Mr. Goatfucker1976 is my father, I'm just plain Goatfucker1976.”
posted by Fizz at 7:37 AM on April 21, 2016 [40 favorites]


It doesn't bother me if you don't want to share one or the other. But I will point out that having 2 names gives you some level of anonymity anyways- I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person sitting there going.... "is it jason, james, jim, jacques"* when their meatspace name is "bob"* and their username is something like "spaceinvader"*.

I might remember that at our last IRL interaction you had a really neat story about trees or weird clouds and might to follow up on that, but in my experience, for regular bar-based meetups we rarely talk about "OMG SO AND SO WROTE X ON THE INTERNET" but we more talk about things like"hey the subway was smelling like maple syrup again, anyone else notice that"


*names made up to make point.
posted by larthegreat at 7:40 AM on April 21, 2016


I generally prefer not to mix my real life and online life. At meetups, I'm theora, but I have made friends, they know my real name, most still call me theora.
posted by theora55 at 7:50 AM on April 21, 2016


I don't know that I'd quite understand it. Seems to me the point of IRL is specifically for combining the two worlds, but if you did say something like "I'm so-and-so and I'd prefer not to say my username" I'd certainly respect it. I might find it a bit more odd if you preferred not to use your real name and only went by your username, but again, I'd respect that.

MeFites at meetups are generally respectful of most things, is what I'm saying.
posted by bondcliff at 7:57 AM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


There was a frood who didn't want to reveal his username at the 10th Anniversary Meetup in Portland. But pb knew. He always knows.

He sees through cyberspace.
posted by Kattullus at 9:01 AM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


(shrug)

I don't really have the kind of real-life life or online opinions that would give me pause to give my real name. I'm imagining someone whirling around to point a finger at me and shouting, "I happen to know that this guy thinks poverty sucks and Arrow hasn't been good since season three!"

I do recognize that different people have different circumstances though. So do what you like.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:21 AM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


"I happen to know that this guy thinks poverty sucks and Arrow hasn't been good since season three!"

Please come to a DC meetup to share these opinions in more detail. If you would like to include a brief discussion of how Arrow got worse but Flash got better largely because the actor who plays Cisco got a real handle on the character and now he's phenomenal whereas initially he was super annoying I won't stop you.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:24 AM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


My real name is Spa C. Emanst IX.
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:26 AM on April 21, 2016 [19 favorites]


There are least two Pittsburgh mefites who use their own name in their username

My name is not actually Soren Lorensen ;)
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:27 AM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


If I get up while people are discussing Flash from S2 going forward please don't be offended it's just that I definitely intend to watch it at some point probably.
posted by griphus at 9:33 AM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


I need to get the other michaelh and the mikeh to a Meetup so we can compare our sweet last names.
posted by michaelh at 9:39 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


I need to get the other michaelh and the mikeh to a Meetup so we can compare our sweet last names.

I want in on this.
posted by grouse at 9:40 AM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


I've gone to meet-ups and only used my real name. But I was up front about it and everyone was cool with that.

99% of the time when someone tells me there handle I haven't heard it before anyway.
posted by French Fry at 9:40 AM on April 21, 2016


I suppose it depends on how you feel. It was a bit odd to be recognized by my username at one meetup (as in, "I didn't realize I was that notorious..."), but I think most in that recurring group know me by my real name now.

Then again, the pattern is always the same. We go eat cheezborgers. Then most of us go to karaoke. I don't, because I have a VERY IMPORTANT cat to take care of at home, and that's the only reason.
posted by qcubed at 9:46 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


I introduce myself by my first name and if people ask me what my MetaFilter name is, I tell them the truth, which is that "I'm cortex."
posted by MoonOrb at 9:49 AM on April 21, 2016 [12 favorites]


No, I'm cortex.
posted by qcubed at 9:52 AM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


we're all cortex
posted by MoonOrb at 9:53 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


Look if anybody is fake cortex, I'm definitely fake cortex.
posted by French Fry at 9:59 AM on April 21, 2016 [5 favorites]


Ironically, cortex is Spartacus.
posted by griphus at 10:02 AM on April 21, 2016 [17 favorites]


a future where you are only known by user names.

I also find it much easier to remember usernames than real names, so I usually just go with it. Several people who went to my wedding are people I originally met on the internet, so on their placecards, I used their screen names instead of their real ones. they kind of sighed
posted by Greg Nog at 10:12 AM on April 21, 2016 [18 favorites]


MoonOrb: "I introduce myself by my first name and if people ask me what my MetaFilter name is, I tell them the truth, which is that "I'm cortex.""

If you *really* want to pull this off, you have to say, "I'm Josh Millard, a.k.a. cortex."
posted by Chrysostom at 10:15 AM on April 21, 2016


Ironically, cortex is Spartacus.

You got that backwards. cortex is Spartacus ironically.
posted by ODiV at 10:23 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


Thinks about a future where you are only known by user names.

I'm a little more optimistic. I think a future is possible in which all of our secrets are leaked and posted on the internet, and all of our real names are cross referenced with every fake identity we've had since hotmail, so it's all much less confusing now.

Why yes, I did read that scary comic book series that was posted on the blue recently.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:24 AM on April 21, 2016


scratch an ironic Spartacus and you'll usually only scratch off the irony
posted by griphus at 10:29 AM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


I used their screen names instead of their real ones. they kind of sighed

Please tell me you had a Monster table.

Table 3
FAMOUS MONSTER
Fuzzy Monster
deliciousmonster
Green-Eyed Monster
Lustful CockMonster
Cookie Monster
Beermonster
Cheese Monster
The Underpants Monster
ReeMonster
posted by zarq at 10:39 AM on April 21, 2016 [17 favorites]


As a floor trader on the CBOE everyone has a badge with 3 letters. That is usually what you call the person. For example, if your badge was DRJ, most people called you "Doctor J" or even "Doc". One night I was at a restaurant with my fiance and saw a guy from the floor who was there with his girlfriend. When it came time to introduce the person who I had known for 4 years, the only name I had was his badge. Him too for me. Girlfriends were amused. "Nancy, I would like you to meet..uh...DUF (dee you eff). What is your real name anyway?"

I did learn that whatever you call yourself is secondary to who you are as a person. When you go to a meetup, pick a name to call yourself whether that is your user name or real name and be consistent with using it. And buy the first round of beers.
posted by AugustWest at 11:30 AM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


I can’t remember real names. Everyone is handles forever. Sorry, people with names.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:12 AM on April 21


"This is ridiculous", I think, unable to remember Going To Maine's real name despite meeting him before.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:48 AM on April 21, 2016 [9 favorites]


Running from the law, the press and the parents;
Is your name Michael Diamond?
Naw, mine's Cortex.
posted by mr. digits at 12:11 PM on April 21, 2016 [5 favorites]


*Founding member of the Yinzers Too Absentminded To Have Made A Fake Name Because They'd Never Remember It If They Had club, who's the other one?*

FWIW, while I've never attended an official IRL meetup, I have gotten together with some yinzer MeFi folks in real-life. (Sort of round-about - Yinzer MeFi led to Yinzer MeFite Twitter led to meetups.) I'd certainly never do anything to link those people's real-life identities back here. But it may be that's easier to navigate on a small-group basis than a big group meet-up.

I can imagine it being a big impoliteness thing if you're a Very Controversial Metafilter Person, but most of us are just this guy, you know?
posted by Stacey at 12:18 PM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


No, it's just me.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:23 PM on April 21, 2016 [50 favorites]


I'd certainly never do anything to link those people's real-life identities back here.

I don't know how other see it, but my general attitude is that what happens off-site generally doesn't get discussed on-site, with reasonable exceptions. But I'm certainly not going to raise something somebody said at a meetup on the main site without their explicit ok. And that very much includes anything about identity.
posted by bonehead at 12:36 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm lousy at remembering names and people's IRL names just confuse me. I prefer knowing MeFi handles to real names, but really I only want to have to track one name per person.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:12 PM on April 21, 2016


I hate when people who have different usernames and twitter names and real names. Just change your legal name to your mefi username and be done with it.
posted by AFABulous at 1:26 PM on April 21, 2016 [6 favorites]


I went to that meet up! - jessamyn

I was there too. I would rather not relive it.
posted by terrapin at 1:56 PM on April 21, 2016


I can’t remember real names. Everyone is handles forever. Sorry, people with names.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:12 AM on April 21

“This is ridiculous”, I think, unable to remember Going To Maine’s real name despite meeting him before.

Of course, your handle exists in my brain as MCMikeMcNamara, so the entire system is a big joke.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:06 PM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


There seems to be a simple solution:
'Hi, I'm <username>, great to meet you. You are ...?'
'I'm Batman'.
posted by dg at 3:10 PM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


I’m Batman! Who are you?
Are you – Batman – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! they’d advertise – you know!
posted by Going To Maine at 3:12 PM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


Sometimes I go to meetups and only tell people my real name. Other times I go to meetups and only tell them my handle.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:34 PM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


If you remember a meetup, you weren't really there.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:45 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


Because I would not stop for Dr. Death
He kindly stopped for me.
posted by benito.strauss at 3:52 PM on April 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


Just change your legal name to your mefi username and be done with it.

It seemed like a good idea at the time....
posted by zarq at 4:25 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


oh god, I don't even know what I would do at a meetup. I'm kind of intensely embarrassed about this handle, which I picked for AIM when I was 14 and haven't changed since.
posted by BungaDunga at 4:41 PM on April 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


I'm pretty glad I retired the handle I picked when I was 12 though
posted by BungaDunga at 4:41 PM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


(Someone attended a meetup using a sockpuppet name, then confessed. It didn't go well.)

If someone could provide me with a link so that I can understand the history/story/context, I would be grateful. On the face of it, I'm not understanding why using a sockpuppet name at a meetup (presumably in place of your real name or regular handle) is in itself a problem. This is just for curiosity sake, though, and because I hate not understanding the significance of something.

I have a good idea of how to negotiate IRL now. Thanks, everyone.

Do continue with the other stuff.. which I won't try to decipher.
posted by RaRa-SpaceRobot at 4:56 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty glad I retired the handle I picked when I was 12 though

<Insert joke about onanism and teenagers here>
posted by Going To Maine at 5:06 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


Thank you for the impetus to finally emerge from the Lou Stuells chrysalis and into the fresh world of sparkling promise that is Fantods!
posted by Fantods at 5:36 PM on April 21, 2016 [5 favorites]


If someone could provide me with a link so that I can understand the history/story/context,

I'm too lazy to find the link but the tl;dr was that he was a sexist jerk who eventually got banned from the site. You don't need to know too much more.
posted by AFABulous at 5:46 PM on April 21, 2016 [1 favorite]


If someone could provide me with a link so that I can understand the history/story/context, I would be grateful.

Check your memail.
posted by zarq at 6:09 PM on April 21, 2016


Atar. Vrak Atar.
posted by vrakatar at 6:18 PM on April 21, 2016


Honestly, I'd think it was weird. I've only ever been to 2 meetups, though.
posted by selfmedicating at 6:20 PM on April 21, 2016


I'm neither Harry nor hairy!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:40 PM on April 21, 2016


I'm neither Harry nor hairy!

But the Lobster part is true?
posted by Dip Flash at 6:56 PM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


I think it's weird; the fun of a meetup is getting to know the real people behind the handles. Refusing to reveal yourself makes me feel more anxious about the fact that I just revealed myself. Keep the playing field level; have a meetup-friendly sock or claim to be a lurker.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:05 PM on April 21, 2016 [10 favorites]


I know everyone can be all "ra ra, meetups are totally respectful!" but some individual participants may not be. If you want to keep parts of yourself private, please feel free to do so.
posted by lazuli at 8:10 PM on April 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


Guy Dorah, actually. Guy like the French pronunciation. Dorah like the sound of being reduced to gesturing menacingly with heads two and three because you lack hands.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:54 AM on April 22, 2016


ah, I remember the moment at a meetup when I first tried to introduce myself, and was suddenly struck by the realization that maybe I had picked a really fucking impractical username.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:47 AM on April 22, 2016 [27 favorites]


Ugh, fine, call me Jason.
posted by Etrigan at 3:50 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


ah, I remember the moment at a meetup when I first tried to introduce myself, and was suddenly struck by the realization that maybe I had picked a really fucking impractical username.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666


Yeah, it's always fun listening to jjjjjjjijjjjjjj introduce himself to people for the first time.
posted by Ufez Jones at 4:34 AM on April 22, 2016 [6 favorites]


> I think it's weird; the fun of a meetup is getting to know the real people behind the handles. Refusing to reveal yourself makes me feel more anxious about the fact that I just revealed myself. Keep the playing field level; have a meetup-friendly sock or claim to be a lurker.

For pete's sake, don't try to shame people into doing meetups the way you prefer. Everybody should interact in whatever way makes them feel comfortable; I personally don't care if someone tells me their username or their "real" name, and I have never been to a meetup where anyone was made to feel unwelcome because of the way they presented themselves. I think anyone who would try to make someone else feel unwelcome is a terrible person.

RaRa-SpaceRobot: Just go to a meeting -- you'll enjoy yourself!
posted by languagehat at 7:14 AM on April 22, 2016 [12 favorites]


Something just occurred to me... you don't have to RSVP to meetups. But if you see in the IRL post that the place where it's being held has requested a headcount, it might be a good idea to do so.
posted by zarq at 7:28 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


I have safety issues with tying my real name to this account especially openly to people in my city who may know people I know. Not to mention I have shared personal details of abuse that have been used against me before and I no longer share for safety reasons with people I'm going to actually hang out with especially before getting to know them well.

For that reason I have largely avoided meetups unless it's specifically arranged with a few people I've gotten to know personally.

So thinking it's "weird", people may have a range of reasons keeping this account private would be important. I don't think it's weird at all.

I don't use paypal or online paying so arranging a sockpuppet is a bit difficult for me especially now that I live far away from the city where I knew people I could ask for favors. But I guess I'll just wait til I can figure that out.
posted by xarnop at 7:30 AM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


I mean it is objectively weird but it is also like one of the least weird things mefites do, like keeping your name secret is way less odd than dipping your wang into a beaker full of seafood lasagna after sex
posted by Greg Nog at 7:38 AM on April 22, 2016 [10 favorites]


Now I wish I had chosen a better handle.

Would I really miss my history if I just changed to a new one, I wonder?
posted by amtho at 7:43 AM on April 22, 2016


way less odd than dipping your wang into a beaker full of seafood lasagna after sex

.. I told you that in confidence because you promised not to tell people!

This is why we can't have nice things.
posted by dotgirl at 7:52 AM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


Everybody should interact in whatever way makes them feel comfortable

The point is if you highlight the fact that you are keeping your MeFi handle secret it will make other people uncomfortable and they might not want to interact with you. I agree that some have good reasons for not wanting to connect their handle with meatspace but having a sockpuppet account is a good way to get that without the awkwardness.
posted by grouse at 8:23 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


I don't think it's weird. I've been to meetups where it morphed into another party and there were non mefites there and we were like "yeah, we're part of your boyfriend's weird website group" and they were like, "cool, I'm Jamie" or whatever.

It's just people, no big deal.
posted by zutalors! at 9:06 AM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


>Everybody should interact in whatever way makes them feel comfortable;

I guess the issue is an asymmetry of disclosure, which might affect trust for people who feel vulnerable. I haven't been to a meetup, though (and would prob not want go to a meetup as myself, myself :/). Sounds like people are typically mostly ok with just saying "I'm a friend of".

I don't think I'm skilled enough in self-monitoring to really talk about myself (or anything, given what I've put out on here) without giving it away, tbh.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:08 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


Yeah, it's always fun listening to jjjjjjjijjjjjjj introduce himself to people for the first time.

This must be the most soothing sound.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:16 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


The 'j' is silent isn't it.
posted by griphus at 10:18 AM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


Now I’m imagining a tumblr of mefites saying their usernames. Project, anyone?
posted by Going To Maine at 10:19 AM on April 22, 2016 [7 favorites]


Now I wish I had chosen a better handle.

I know something of those regrets. My name was chosen impulsively, in a bit of a panic, when the daily 20 first-come-first-served account registrations were running in 2002. I'd already been too late in hitting the register button for a week or more.

Who knew that this throw away choice would be now the longest continuous id I've had on the net (by far)? Heck, it's the way my wife and I met. It's far too late to change now.
posted by bonehead at 10:25 AM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


I've been to a couple, and sometimes I tie faces to IRL names to handles, but in general I forget. I would not have any problem with a person declining to tie their real name to their handle, myself. Online privacy can be important, despite the fact it's not a real issue for me.

In my locale, a number of mefites share my employer (to be fair, it's a biiiiig complicated organization), so it's a little odd crossing online community with workplace. Hasn't proved to be a problem so far, though.
posted by Existential Dread at 10:26 AM on April 22, 2016


I generally introduce myself by username.
I do get strange reactions to introducing myself sometimes.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 10:27 AM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


The 'j' is silent isn't it.

Only the first and twelfth.
posted by lharmon at 10:31 AM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


amtho: "Now I wish I had chosen a better handle."

I hear you. I picked this one because a) it sounds kind of cool, b) it means "golden mouthed," which seemed amusingly arrogant, c) the real St John Chrysostom was kind of a magnificent bastard who was always getting banished for doing stuff like telling off the Empress.

And then zarq reminded me that one of Chrysostom's best known writings was a diatribe against the Jews. Which made me feel like a real asshole. Sigh.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:45 AM on April 22, 2016


The 'j' is silent isn't it.

Only the first and twelfth.


I've been squinting at my monitor for like five minutes trying to count them. My co-worker is laughing her head off.
posted by Etrigan at 10:47 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


i picked my name because if you punch it into google, all you get is recs for cotton dress socks. plus i like cotton dresses. and men's cotton socks.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:53 AM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


In my locale, a number of mefites share my employer (to be fair, it's a biiiiig complicated organization), so it's a little odd crossing online community with workplace. Hasn't proved to be a problem so far, though.

We at Veridian Dynamics understand that the future of the web is social. Which is why we only monitor all social media conversations that take place on workplace desktops, company-issued phones and laptops, and any employee-owned devices and those of their immediate family and friends. We promise never to interfere with your social communications so long as nothing you say can be construed as an attack or criticism of Veridian Dynamics. Because we invented a ray that makes people phones explode in their pocket after they're fired.

Veridian Dynamics: We're Good And You Should Tell People
posted by griphus at 10:59 AM on April 22, 2016 [13 favorites]


We are glad you are the spokesperson for VD. You make VD sound good.
posted by Michele in California at 11:02 AM on April 22, 2016 [7 favorites]


In my locale, a number of mefites share my employer (to be fair, it's a biiiiig complicated organization), so it's a little odd crossing online community with workplace. Hasn't proved to be a problem so far, though.

Tell me about it! I'm in the same situation and there's actually a MeFite that I run into pretty frequently in my building.
posted by MoonOrb at 11:45 AM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


Tell me about it! I'm in the same situation and there's actually a MeFite that I run into pretty frequently in my building.

When I woke up this morning there was another MeFite IN MY BED.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:46 AM on April 22, 2016 [21 favorites]


OMG me too!
posted by gingerbeer at 11:48 AM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


This may explain who ate my porridge.
posted by griphus at 11:51 AM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


The comments are coming from inside the house.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:53 AM on April 22, 2016 [8 favorites]


Actually for a while my husband, our roommate and I were all MeFites and he (roommate, not husband) started dating a woman he met at a meetup so our house was crawling with them.

Also, in terms of the actual question, unsurprisingly I agree with ThePinkSuperhero -- it's not that I think you HAVE to tell people, but I do feel like by going to meetups where I've discussed a fair amount of personal stuff I'm making myself decently vulnerable and I feel like the situation is a bit unbalanced when people are not sharing that information. I totally understand not wanting to disclose your username in life and of course if people are uncomfortable I don't think they should feel compelled to share, but I definitely notice it and it strikes me as a bit odd. I think saying "I'm a lurker" even if it isn't true is fine, but I do really appreciate when people share their usernames.

In the aforementioned roommate situation, we'd also often have situations where one of us would remember someone's username, someone else would remember their real name, and someone else would remember neither, so we'd have conversations like "I'm so glad Tyrannosaurus_Hex showed up, it was really fun to meet her!" and someone else would be like "Oh, is that the same as Josephine?" and the third person would be like "Wait, are you guys talking about Blue Shirt Lady?"and then we'd have basically the same conversation four times about various other people who showed up.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:58 AM on April 22, 2016 [7 favorites]


i went to a meetup where everyone was quonsar. except BabyBalrog.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 12:19 PM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


There's a community organizer I admire a lot who does something smart at the beginnings of meetings. When he's having everyone introduce themselves, he says, "Say whatever you want people to call you for the next [however long the meeting is]." Ultimately, that's all an introduction is. It's whatever name you want people to call you for that meetup. How they address you after that--or whether you keep having a relationship after that at all--is up to you.

It's been a few years since I've been to a Mefi meetup. But I always thought the more awkward part of them was hearing people's usernames and trying to remember if I'd had any interactions with them on Metafilter. Similarly, I'm under no delusion that anyone has built any great narrative in their minds of who roll truck roll is.
posted by roll truck roll at 1:16 PM on April 22, 2016 [6 favorites]


The flip side is that rtha and I ran into you on a bus some time back, and I couldn't for the life of me remember your IRL name, and it's kind of awkward to say "hey, roll truck roll, how are you? We're people you know from the internet. Hi."
posted by gingerbeer at 2:02 PM on April 22, 2016 [5 favorites]


> I do really appreciate when people share their usernames.

That's great, but you're in a thread started by someone who is trying to reconcile the desire to meet fellow mefites with a very strong inclination to maintain web anonymity, and maybe you and ThePinkSuperhero could try a little harder not to sound like you're saying "No, don't go to meetups"?
posted by languagehat at 2:47 PM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


I've not yet been to a MeFi meetup but in my inveterate youth I went to an IRL party for people from an online community I had a visible role in (okay, it was a MUSH) and 98% of the party was really fun and I liked the people a lot.

2% of it was people talking about people who weren't there and it got...awkward. Metafilter's way bigger and more mature. But I did learn if you don't disclose who you are, sometimes things are said that normal social rules would prevent. I got more transparent.

I did have a ton of fun though. :)
posted by warriorqueen at 3:01 PM on April 22, 2016


What's the point in starting a thread asking how people feel about not sharing usernames at meetups if people are then not supposed to say how they feel about people not sharing usernames at meetups?

TPS even explicitly suggested two options -- using a sock, saying you're a lurker -- that would involve attending meetups. Mrs. Pterodactyl also suggested saying you're a lurker and also that people who are uncomfortable are not compelled to share. Regardless of how you feel about those options, it's really unfair lt to read 'no, don't go to meetups' into either of those posts.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:02 PM on April 22, 2016 [11 favorites]


I know something of those regrets. My name was chosen impulsively

So you're saying it was a...

boneheaded

move?
posted by Night_owl at 3:03 PM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


I don't think it's at all inappropriate for people who are asked "Is it impolite or unethical to attend an IRL event to meet people and not reveal your online name? " to respond "Yes, it strikes me as impolite" or "It would me me feel vulnerable/insulted/awkward because of information asymmetry" or "That you know my username and whatever impression you've formed of me through that username is informing how you respond to me and yet will not allow me the same courtesy seems off-putting." Or whatever specific words have been said above. Nor do I think anyone is saying "Don't come" but are pointing out that it might be a problematic thing to do.

I am among those who would think it impolite if someone showed up to a Metafilter meetup and said "Hi I am a Mefite, but I won't tell you which Mefite." even if the next sentence was "this round is on me!" I think it's impolite because you clearly have the advantage over the rest of us, in having the metafilter frame of reference for our usernames, while you are explicitly refusing us the courtesy of having the same frame of reference.

I would find it odd, too, because I would necessarily not understand a motivation behind wanting to socialize with a bunch of people while explicitly refusing to acknowledge the interaction you've already had with them (which would happen when you acknowledge your username).

I find it much easier to relate to someone who shows up to a meetup and says "Hi, I'm Mefite, [Username]! Call me [Username]!" while deflecting any attempt to reveal the name on their driver's license because I know you as [Username] already. And your driver's license name is irrelevant to the social context we currently share.

Granted, it took me several years of the regular Chicago meetup to start learning both usernames and realnames and I still miss a lot of either type of name at every meetup. And lots of people come to meetups and I don't recognize their usernames. But I would feel the interaction got off on the wrong foot, if I offered you my username and you refused to do the same, while acknowledging that you had one. It would be like sitting with a stranger at wedding who refused to tell you whether they knew the bride or the groom or both.

Should you be refused entry to a meetup? Do I think you should not go to one? No, not really. Meetups are public events and often times non-mefites end up at the ones I go to, either as friends or people who've wandered into the wrong group at a bar. But if I'm at a meetup where someone is coy about their username, I'm going to be put off by that. It might not be insurmountable (after all, I remained good friends with a mefite who was banned for very bad metafilter-behavior indeed) but it would be weird for me.
posted by crush-onastick at 4:28 PM on April 22, 2016 [14 favorites]


Thinking about this thread a bit as I fell asleep, and I imagined a very Metafilter specific horror film: a user who has sock puppets or has brand new dayed attends a meetup, only to find that their old username is also attending. Not an imposter, but a Stephen King-esque "the old name took on a life of its own" sort of thing.

Could be fun, but pretty limited audience appeal.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:38 PM on April 22, 2016 [15 favorites]


gingerbeer: "it's kind of awkward to say "hey, roll truck roll, how are you? We're people you know from the internet. Hi.""

I think the first sentence encapsulates the second.
posted by Mitheral at 4:46 PM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


I'm quite a noob here, and I'm in an area where there most likely won't ever be a meetup, so I'm not sure. But I don't know why you'd want to meet people if you don't want them to know who you are?
posted by Samarium at 4:52 PM on April 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


I don't care about your real life name, but I would like to have a mefi name. I put a lot of myself out here in this website, though it's public, it's not really for general consumption if you know what I mean. If I'm somewhere, to meet mefites, because we are part of the same community, I... I guess I kinda expect you to own being part of that community.

I couldn't care less about your real life name, but if you won't share your place in the community, yes I feel uncomfortable, and kind of puzzled. I mean, I know mefites think they are special, but actually there are lots of nice, interesting, smart people out there - if you don't want to own being part of the community it's like just having a chat with a random stranger at the bar, except this stranger has possibly read an awful lot about me.
posted by smoke at 6:03 PM on April 22, 2016 [9 favorites]


"The point is if you highlight the fact that you are keeping your MeFi handle secret it will make other people uncomfortable and they might not want to interact with you. I agree that some have good reasons for not wanting to connect their handle with meatspace but having a sockpuppet account is a good way to get that without the awkwardness."

I've been to at least one meetup where a dude was kinda creepy and evasive about that, and found out later that he was also not getting hints about a lack of mutual romantic interest from some of the women there. He was there with a friend whose names (screen and real) I've long forgotten, but I felt bad for the friend because he was a decent guy who had to play conversation buoy to his awkward buddy, who seemed to believe that pitching woo was best accomplished by explaining why his prospective partner's tastes in hobbies and vocation weren't as interesting as his.

That was the only time it was notable — I know I've been to meetups where people said they were lurkers or weren't even on the site at all and had just tagged along. I kinda assume that 1) like most things, context matters and people will have much less of a problem with it if you're not also pushing the boundaries of the social contract in other ways, and 2) that if you gave a good natured "Oh man, all my posts are Asks about rashes so I'd rather not unless you really want to know too much," people would probably respect it.

I can also think of times when I've been at meetups for things other than MetaFilter where people were cagy with their identities because of other concerns — not being out, avoiding exes, etc.

(And I will confess that I am terrible about connecting people's real names with their screen names, which means that I'm regularly baffled on Facebook or Twitter when people know my screen name but I have no idea what theirs is.)
posted by klangklangston at 6:56 PM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


That's great, but you're in a thread started by someone who is trying to reconcile the desire to meet fellow mefites with a very strong inclination to maintain web anonymity, and maybe you and ThePinkSuperhero could try a little harder not to sound like you're saying "No, don't go to meetups"?

I know you can read, so go back and read what I said. I said, have a sock puppet or claim to be a lurker who doesn't really post. I have met plenty of meetup attendees who don't have much of a posting history, and that's not weird at all. I have seen it be weird when someone is all shifty about not wanting to reveal something. I am giving my advice from experience based on what I have seen be weird and not be weird. I want everyone to succeed at having a nice meetup experience. Don't put words in my mouth.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:15 PM on April 22, 2016 [10 favorites]


Remind me to just wear a Nixon mask and a toga.

Necklace made of fishing lures.

IMO, if your going to use plausable deniabilty, be honest, the group would respect that.
posted by clavdivs at 7:39 PM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


There are least two Pittsburgh mefites who use their own name in their username, I can remember those. Other than that, nope

Yes, some of us make it easy on you. And then others of us make it confusing for you again, maryrussell.
posted by maryr at 8:23 PM on April 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


@smoke and crush-onastick - I probably would like to attend a meet up, but definitely won't (and wouldn't go for TPS' solution, mostly because I'm a bad liar. Not that I wouldn't try, it'd just be cringe city). I live in a town that in many ways isn't big at *all*, everyone's a couple degrees between everyone else. It's not so much not wanting to own up to comment history, it's that I'd rather not connect my online presence with RL. (I have my snowflakey, vulnerability-related reasons, yes.) At the same time, it'd be lovely to talk to people I feel like I know, on some level. (I do remember usernames etc.) Then again, it may be that RL differences and divisions announce themselves and kill the illusion of maybe a wider shared ground than actually exists. It's a really pleasant illusion, tbh.

So, if I were more inclined to go to a meet up, I'd probably at least entertain some intermediate fudge, like claiming lurker status but being weird and tight-lipped. Which I can't imagine being at *all* fun, so, that's that.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:26 PM on April 22, 2016


And I completely see why people might be made uncomfortable by lack of reciprocity, for sure.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:28 PM on April 22, 2016


Honestly, I don't care about your RL name - I have no relation to it. Your handle gives me more information, especially if one of us memails the other soon after. Realistically, I don't remember much, especially after the drinks that seem to be intrinsic to a meetup, so be whoever you want to be and I will love you for coming to a meetup. Yay you!
posted by bendy at 10:13 PM on April 22, 2016


To answer honestly, OP, if I met you at a meetup and you politely deflected the username question, I would both understand 100% where you're coming from and ALSO think you are a little bit full of yourself. (Not that you're a bad person, etc., just a little precious and self-important.)

My question wouldn't be "why won't they say their username?"--it would be "why don't they just have a meetup sockpuppet?" I have no idea what happened with the sockpuppet debacle that people referenced, but if someone acted normal and gave a sockpuppet name, I would not care at ALL if I looked up the name after the fact to find it was an apparent sockpuppet. It wouldn't bother me in the least. The problem IMHO isn't a sockpuppet--the problem is some kind of massive asshole who would have been a problem by any name.

I can relate on a personal level, believe me. I recently moved and am fairly socially isolated. Normally I'd try to arrange a meetup. I am in a fairly large city, but as part of a much smaller professional community here. It would be trivial for my colleagues, etc., to find out a decent amount of personal info on me after a meetup. And this is ALREADY a less-revealing new account that I made in preparation for my move. (I retired the old one.)

All that said, I myself will make a meetup sockpuppet if I go to one. And I'll say, "This is my meetup sockpuppet, I'm in an incestuous field, you know how it is." And I doubt anyone will care at all--as long as I'm friendly and normal and not obviously withholding info.

Good luck to you! All the best as you navigate this.
posted by 8603 at 10:17 PM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


At the meetups we've had in Tokyo (few, far between, because Tokyo Mefites are lazy), we've usually introduced ourselves, but we almost always end up back with usernames. The only people whose names I use are people who I've met repeatedly, or who I see frequently outside of Metafilter related things. Honestly, I can't see it being a problem if you just identify yourself by your handle, and maybe just a first name.

Honestly, I sincerely doubt you'd encounter any situation like Jurassic Park where someone starts gleefully shouting your name to the crowd. If you have this much concern about your cover being blown, maybe meetups aren't for you. That would be a shame, though, because they are in general pretty awesome, and Mefites in general are a pretty welcoming bunch. I mean, Ra Ra Space Robot is a bit of a mouthful, but you could always just say, "I go by Ra Ra Space Robot, but my friends call me Ra Ra." You'll get a little bit of a laugh, and people will move on to the next new face.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:17 PM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


Yeah, it's sounding like sockpuppet is the path of least resistance. I wouldn't have thought of it, so thanks for the idea.
posted by RaRa-SpaceRobot at 10:55 PM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


there are no meetups here ever *snif* so I guess I'll just keep balancing my IRL butt on my chair in front of Askme on the screen...
posted by Namlit at 12:26 AM on April 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


On the internet, nobody knows what your IRL butt looks like.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:36 AM on April 23, 2016 [6 favorites]


The problem IMHO isn't a sockpuppet--the problem is some kind of massive asshole who would have been a problem by any name.

In other words, an arsehole by any other name would smell as stinky.

With apologies to Mr Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death.
posted by pianissimo at 7:31 AM on April 23, 2016 [3 favorites]


> I know you can read, so go back and read what I said. I said, have a sock puppet or claim to be a lurker who doesn't really post.

Yeah, I read that. If someone told me I should only come to a meetup if I shelled out for another account or lied, I wouldn't go (and I wouldn't be surprised if the poster has decided not to bother).

I gather that there are a significant number of people to whom it matters that someone provide an acceptable identity, and that's fine, I'm not telling everyone who disagrees with me to sit down and shut up. The poster asked, y'all answered, the system works. It's just that (once again) I realize that MetaFilter has changed since I joined. There have been a lot of threads where people were confessing they were nervous about going to meetups, and the response used to always be "Just go! You'll be fine, everyone's cool, try it, you'll like it!" That's why I went to my first meetup, and it was fine, I liked it. I don't remember who introduced themselves by their real name, who by their username, who by both, who by none; it didn't matter to me then, and it doesn't now. I figure if somebody doesn't want to use a particular handle, they probably have good reason, and it's no skin off my neck. This whole business of feeling uncomfortable if your interlocutor doesn't share what you're willing to share, or what you want them to share, is alien to me. (I'm not saying it's wrong, mind!)

It reminds me of what's happened with Wikipedia. When I started editing articles a decade or so ago, the ethos was totally "Jump right in! If you have questions, ask; if you do something 'wrong,' it will be fixed! Share your knowledge!" And I did, and it was good. Then the rules lawyers took over and you started getting reverted with snippy notes about "you didn't follow WP:BLABLA" and it wasn't as much fun and now I don't edit very much. So it goes.
posted by languagehat at 8:11 AM on April 23, 2016 [3 favorites]


Rules for going to meetups
1) Don't be an asshole.

That's all. Just don't be a jerk. If you're not a jerk, then go, you'll be welcomed.
posted by nat at 8:39 AM on April 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


Oh great. There's a no jerk policy now? Well maybe us JERKS will take ourselves OFF for our own get-together. Ok then - who here wants to "jerk off" with me? I mean if the others won't play with us we may as well play with ourselves.

Ok I just read that comment back, and ... I kinda see why you wouldn't want me at your meetup. Shit.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:49 AM on April 23, 2016 [8 favorites]


-- I guess I'll just keep balancing my IRL butt on my chair in front of Askme on the screen...

-- On the internet, nobody knows what your IRL butt looks like.

-- Rules for going to meetups
1) Don't be an asshole.
That's all.


It all sounds logical to me, somehow. Something like: don't be at meetups what you look like IRL. No, wait
posted by Namlit at 9:24 AM on April 23, 2016


On the internet, nobody knows what your IRL butt looks like.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:36 AM on April 23 [3 favorites]

Your loss, Internet. *Resumes caboose-admiration activities.*
posted by Munching Langolier at 1:13 PM on April 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


"posted by Munching Langolier"

Oh, great, now I'm going to have username-related nightmares.

You and Weeping Angel need to have a meet-up of "terrifying TV things that stalk my sleep."
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 1:49 PM on April 23, 2016 [6 favorites]


A lesson I learned today: if you don't know what a langolier is, don't look it up.
posted by grouse at 1:51 PM on April 23, 2016 [4 favorites]


Munching Langolier: *Resumes caboose-admiration activities.*

Antiponysterical.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:28 PM on April 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


Yeah, it's always fun listening to jjjjjjjijjjjjjj introduce himself to people for the first time.

I read it much like the beginning of the Bill Nye Science Guy theme song:

jjj-j-j-, jjj-j-j

oh wait, that's still not enough. Never mind.
posted by CathyG at 4:03 PM on April 23, 2016


It reminds me of what's happened with Wikipedia. When I started editing articles a decade or so ago, the ethos was totally "Jump right in! If you have questions, ask; if you do something 'wrong,' it will be fixed! Share your knowledge!" And I did, and it was good. Then the rules lawyers took over and you started getting reverted with snippy notes about "you didn't follow WP:BLABLA" and it wasn't as much fun and now I don't edit very much. So it goes.

Someone politely pointing out when solicited for their opinion that someone else's proposed action would make them feel anxious and/or vulnerable is not doing anything at all like the example you're using here and I'm honestly kind of befuddled at how you could think it equivalent.
posted by bettafish at 6:59 PM on April 23, 2016 [4 favorites]


Ok, ah, ok, we're here to help.
posted by clavdivs at 7:54 PM on April 23, 2016


That Lost reboot looks hella trippy.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:59 PM on April 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


> Someone politely pointing out when solicited for their opinion that someone else's proposed action would make them feel anxious and/or vulnerable is not doing anything at all like the example you're using here and I'm honestly kind of befuddled at how you could think it equivalent.

I didn't say it was equivalent, I said it reminds me of it. I'm honestly kind of befuddled at how you could think those statements equivalent.
posted by languagehat at 8:27 AM on April 24, 2016


Somebody needs to make a sock account for this purpose named meetpuppet.
posted by yarntheory at 5:06 PM on April 24, 2016 [4 favorites]


Uh, as it's meat space. Surely it's "meatpuppet".


(And then well tell them to HELL YEAH eat it...?)
posted by taff at 7:03 AM on April 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


You and Weeping Angel need to have a meet-up of "terrifying TV things that stalk my sleep."

My wife's not a big reader, and doesn't really go in for scary stuff at all, so when she looked out the window during our long boring car ride last week and just said,

"Langoliers."

with exactly that much inflection, you can understand the mental breakdown I experienced. Turns out she had seen the miniseries and part of the landscape reminded her of scenes from the show. I'm still a little freaked out.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:00 PM on April 25, 2016 [2 favorites]


I thought it was a play on the term meatpuppet no?
So you punned it back to the original.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:44 PM on April 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


meetpuppet it is
posted by zutalors! at 1:47 PM on April 25, 2016


Yeah, it's always fun listening to jjjjjjjijjjjjjj introduce himself to people for the first time.

Kinda works to the begining to the Tail Spin theme song.

j j j j jj j i j, j j j jj, j!
Oh wee ay, Tail Spin!
Oh wee oh, Tail Spin!
Friends for life through thick and thin
With another Tail Spin!
posted by maryr at 2:45 PM on April 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


In other news, j no longer looks like a real letter.
posted by maryr at 2:46 PM on April 25, 2016 [2 favorites]


I may be at a distinct disadvantage in this regard.
posted by chazlarson at 8:02 PM on April 26, 2016


j is not a real letter. Also I've met jjjjjjjijjjjjjj in real life.

Anyway...I used to be kind of cagey about revealing my real name at meetups 'cause I didn't want to cross the streams, but I guess some MeFites have over time become aware that I have a real name in real life that's not limeonaire, and that's fine. I'm not sure why it would make me feel better knowing someone's ponied up their $5, but I'd probably prefer people at meetups to have an account on the site unless they're along as friends or the significant other of someone who does—maybe because it means they at least somewhat have agreed to uphold the same ethics, and we have at least some shared context and in-jokes. As to whether people have to be required to like announce their username at meetups or be subject to inspection or something, eh. There are ways to know whether someone is conversant in the ways of the site that don't involve me knowing exactly what rash AskMes they've posted. And we also usually talk about things that are local and/or not on the site, like people do.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by limeonaire at 8:36 PM on May 7, 2016


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