Quiet Car Dance Party April 10, 2017 7:53 PM   Subscribe

Mod Emeritus Jessamyn is stuck on a delayed Amtrak train but she seems to be ok.
posted by gwint to MetaFilter-Related at 7:53 PM (39 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

Calling all bad train jokes, we need some bad train jokes in here.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:59 PM on April 10, 2017 [1 favorite]

Would not that be considered a....derail?
posted by vrakatar at 8:02 PM on April 10, 2017 [59 favorites]

Yeah it really punches my ticket.
posted by vrakatar at 8:15 PM on April 10, 2017

The last time I took Amtrak we were 13 hours late and they were so used to this occurrence that they had a long-standing arrangement with a KFC in rural Washington to buy everyone on the train KFC for lunch. It was awesome. But I didn't get a sweet hat!
posted by ChuraChura at 8:23 PM on April 10, 2017 [4 favorites]

We do love a good derail.
posted by rtha at 8:29 PM on April 10, 2017 [1 favorite]

Found these two:

Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted?
A: Because he's not a conductor!

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
posted by AugustWest at 8:37 PM on April 10, 2017 [20 favorites]


I mean, I am on my way back from NYC and we had a few small delays and now there is this freight train sort of broken down on the line ahead of us and I guess there is a thing with its air where you have to ... do something that charges all the air thingdoos to 90 lbs and I guess if you don't carry spare air (Amtrak does, the freight trains don't) this takes forfuckingever.

So I was supposed to be home at 6:30 and I am still on a train over an hour from my house which ... I am a night owl so it's not awful but I have a bit of a sore throat and didn't sleep awesomely last night so was sort of hoping for a nice early night tonight and that is not happening.

Literally just now the freight train is moving. Our bus is not here. It's unclear if we'll be getting on a bus or heading home on the train.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:53 PM on April 10, 2017 [4 favorites]

I'm sorry you're still stuck, argh. Did you get food?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:57 PM on April 10, 2017

Sucks! Good luck getting going soon! Sent the video of the dancing in the quiet car to my brother who commutes from Wilmington, DE to NYC every single working day. He loved it!
posted by AugustWest at 8:58 PM on April 10, 2017

Hey, don't get all steamed.
posted by vrakatar at 8:58 PM on April 10, 2017 [1 favorite]

They gave us cheddar goldfish and dried fruit and cookies for free but anything else you have to buy from the cafe car which I do not feel like doing on principle at this point.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:01 PM on April 10, 2017 [9 favorites]

I guess you're on the wrong side of the tracks
posted by AFABulous at 9:12 PM on April 10, 2017 [1 favorite]

We're on a bus!
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:15 PM on April 10, 2017 [9 favorites]

! Viva the liberty bus!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:17 PM on April 10, 2017 [2 favorites]

"Everyone be sure to click on that last link it is the best."

I'm really really hoping that Jessamyn was like, "Look at me. Look at me. I'm the conductor now."
posted by komara at 9:28 PM on April 10, 2017 [6 favorites]

Fingers crossed you don't get stuck behind a freight bus!
posted by turbid dahlia at 10:09 PM on April 10, 2017 [4 favorites]

Hey I am home, almost exactly 7 hours after the bus was supposed to get here. Thanks for all the support everyone, it was nice to get to share my goofy story with people
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 10:45 PM on April 10, 2017 [15 favorites]

Hooray, glad you finally made it home!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:51 PM on April 10, 2017

On the train I'm useless, without me the train is useless. What am I?
posted by unliteral at 10:54 PM on April 10, 2017

Woken up in the night (here in England) by US librarian colleague texting "Jessamyn has stolen a train!" Now catching up on the shenanigans.
posted by Wordshore at 11:31 PM on April 10, 2017 [8 favorites]

It all does remind me of the time Jessamyn posted a collection of videos of snowplough trains. I an sensing a theme here. Keep the tracks clean. Derails. (And then you have "fallen flags", of course, too).
posted by Namlit at 11:43 PM on April 10, 2017

Lady from Business Class sat w/ me "We get free drinks. We are all hammered."

Goddamn front-sectioners! Did you bring enough kronole with you?

posted by cosmologinaut at 12:04 AM on April 11, 2017

On the train I'm useless...

A rail?
posted by pompomtom at 2:26 AM on April 11, 2017

jessamyn should have done a joke AskMe post echoing the locked in the bathroom post only being trapped on a train. Probably deleted, but a screenshot or two with some responses would have been worth it.
posted by hippybear at 3:17 AM on April 11, 2017 [4 favorites]

Wow, Jessamyn. That new twitter profile pic is professional-looking like WHOAH.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:31 AM on April 11, 2017

Oh Amtrak! Why would thou detain
Good Jessamyn West, on a train?
To be the defeater
Of those who would meet 'er?
If that's what you thought - think again!

For Jessamyn West is no quitter:
On stationary seats, she's no sitter.
Her fame she'll enhance
With a gay, joyful dance -
And we all saw her boogie on Twitter!

Thus Amtrak, your plot has been foiled -
Your twisted intrigues have uncoiled.
Our days are far sweeter
All thanks to this tweeter
She moves on with glory unspoiled!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:10 AM on April 11, 2017 [6 favorites]

Years ago I would take the train back and forth a lot between Rhode Island and DC/Virginia - I just pretty much assumed my train would be horribly late everytime. And it usually was (except that one time I called 3hrs ahead for a cab and they didn't show up until 10min before my train was supposed to leave so I had a Home Alone-esque run-to-the-train-and-have-the-doors-close-behind-you moment because the train was on time for once). Still miss taking the train though.
posted by littlesq at 6:39 AM on April 11, 2017

"I'm really really hoping that Jessamyn was like, 'Look at me. Look at me. I'm the conductor now.'"

How does this comment only have one other favorite? It was my first thought as well.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:02 AM on April 11, 2017

I took Amtrak from Boston to Chicago back in the 90s and the trip took 24 hours due to delays. Part of the problem was that by the time the first delay was cleared, it was past the maximum consecutive service hours (or whatever) of the current crew, so they had to call in a backup crew, and it being the middle of the night at that point, it took them several hours to arrive.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:12 AM on April 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

On the train I'm useless, without me the train is useless. What am I?

A passenger?
posted by Rock Steady at 7:15 AM on April 11, 2017

I took Amtrak from Boston to Chicago back in the 90s

I did this too! They had those All Aboard America tickets and for $250 you could get a trip that lasted up to a month with a bunch of stops and sort of hop on and off. I went from Seattle to Boston to Tampa to LA and back to Seattle. I can't even imagine doing that now. Slept sitting up. Carried little bags of snacks with me and got hot water for oatmeal and ramen in the club car. No cell phone, just a calling card. This was back when you could smoke on trains (and I smoked) so I made a lot of friends. I carried my homemade Scrabble board with me. One of my strongest memories from that trip was getting off in Chicago and having a layover and getting to use one of the SHOWERS in the bathrooms there where, if you had a ticket, they were free for passengers.

And yeah part of our thing last night was crew was working overtime so even though they cleared up the train thing at about the time the bus arrived, we couldn't ride the train with the crew because they couldn't legally take passengers. I learned so much! And I didn't really think it through when I was on the stopped train, but I was only two stops (tho about 70 minutes) from home. Should have called a friend to come get me but it never occurred to me that it might be a six hour delay. Oh hey here is me talking about a four hour delay on this same train back in 2004.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:09 AM on April 11, 2017 [7 favorites]

They had those All Aboard America tickets and for $250 you could get a trip that lasted up to a month

Did a nearly 7,000 mile loop of the USA on Amtrak, taking a month (LA, Monterey, Seattle, Whitefish, Chicago, Memphis, New Orleans, El Paso, LA) in 2008, to tie in presenting at two library events with seeing Obama be elected. Though it cost several hundred dollars more than the $250, still great value for money, the best month of my life and left me a firm fanatic of Amtrak trains.

Even when one is several hours late pulling into the station (New Orleans to Los Angeles train was stuck somewhere hot and dry because of a broken freight train ahead and we arrived four hours late) I didn't mind too much as it meant more time on an unbelievably spacious form of public transport. Am 6' 3'' and the tiny, cramped plastic long distance British trains that permanently smell of poo throughout (design fault with where they put the waste tanks) are endurance tests compared to the legroom, HUGE WINDOWS, comfy seats, actual dining areas, observation cars and movie theatres of Amtrak trains. And Cheese and Wine tastings.

(Can appreciate that people have connections, home and families to get to, appointments and the like so a delayed train is a problem and major stress for them)

Jessamyn: Am glad you made it back to base without serious (as opposed to hilarious) incident. Though slightly disappointed that the text from my colleague was incorrect and you didn't steal an Amtrak train, therefore no picture of you casually relaxing at home with a great big train in the background.
posted by Wordshore at 8:57 AM on April 11, 2017 [3 favorites]

Also I want - no, I demand - to hear the inside track on this train escapade on the next MetaFilter podcast.
posted by Wordshore at 9:02 AM on April 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

Just be glad the train wasn't overbooked and Amtrak started calling for four volunteers to get off the train....
posted by Pendragon at 9:57 AM on April 11, 2017 [5 favorites]

Let's not all get sidetracked here.
posted by Melismata at 11:28 AM on April 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

Train joke:

Roy had a brand new pair of shoes. He goes to visit his friend. Being polite, he removed his shoes and leaves them at the door. While visiting with his friend, the friend’s cat discovers Roy's new shoes, likes the smell and proceeds to chew them up. Roy goes ballistic. The friend, feeling very bad, has a dilemma: he has two cats. One of the cats enters the room at that moment. The friend then asks: Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?
posted by Rob Rockets at 6:40 PM on April 11, 2017 [5 favorites]

On the train I'm useless, without me the train is useless. What am I?
A passenger?

Chugga-Chugga-Toot-Toot-Ding-Ding-Choo Choo
posted by unliteral at 6:46 PM on April 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

Last summer I went to Florida on the Auto-Train. They have a pretty simple schedule and apparently turn the trains around as they come in. Anyway on my way back the train south broke down and thus delayed the train going north. So we sat in the train station ( we didn't need to there was a free shuttle to downtown ) and when that train pulled in, the cheers erupted and filled the station. Sadly the train needed to be cleaned and prepped for our trip home and it was 3 hours later we got going. I was in a actual bedroom suite, and was able to get right into bed.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 7:00 PM on April 11, 2017

she bussed, to move
posted by not_on_display at 12:35 AM on April 12, 2017

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