Fucking Fuck XVI October 23, 2018 9:39 AM   Subscribe

New omnishambles venting thread. Do you realise how quiet it has been lately?

So quiet that we lived without a Fucking Fuck thread for two whole days. If you have kids or pets you know its when things go quiet that you should really be worried because it means they're trying to get away with something they know they shouldn't be doing.
posted by Molesome to MetaFilter-Related at 9:39 AM (288 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

I am feeling especially Fucking Fuck. I'm horrified about what will happen when the migrant caravan arrives, I'm horrified at Brazil's decline into murderous totalitarianism, I'm terrified that the midterms will not bring a blue wave but instead cement Republican control, I'm angry that this administration's reprehensible behaviors are now normal and that this will have repercussions for future administrations, and oh yeah global warming is past the point of no control and what's the fucking point.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:46 AM on October 23 [16 favorites]


Hope this an appropriate use of this thread- the city I live in, Austin, has instituted a boil water notice for the first time ever, and it's expected to last for 10 to 14 days, and I just cant help but think this is somehow going to fuck with early voting turnout, because although the city says that boiled water is safe to drink, people obviously don't trust that 100%, as people are running around buying up all the bottled water from basically everywhere. In short, fucking fuck.
posted by 23skidoo at 9:58 AM on October 23 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty overwhelmed because my stupidfucking job has gotten really fucking stupid and a bunch of people are being assholes in new and tremendously annoying ways. I don't need this shit.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:34 AM on October 23 [8 favorites]


Here in the UK, as we continue to be effectively run by a coalition of the damned, "Brexit" continues to lurch and stagger from one bad day to the next. (un)employment, freedom of movement, food supply, medical supply - all going from known to unknown.

On top of this, we're approaching winter (which from the weather forecasts will be abruptly here in two days), and the now-annual NHS crisis season. Basically, it's the wrong time of the year to get very ill, or have a scheduled operation, unless you've paid out of your own pocket to go private.

It's often a weird atmosphere here. Many - most? - people are in despair, or angry (for sometimes opposing reasons). Everything is up in the air. I may personally be somewhat quiet over the longer winter while I wind back social and other media and focus more on self-preservation and exit.
posted by Wordshore at 10:47 AM on October 23 [19 favorites]


Lately, I'm thinking a lot about that line possibly apocryphally attributed to Lenin, "There are decades where nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen."
posted by octobersurprise at 10:49 AM on October 23 [42 favorites]


[One deleted - no criticism meant, but these days we're trying to be extra careful about suicide talk, since it can be a problem not just on an individual level but for other members/readers. If anyone is feeling in crisis or needs to talk, the mods are here, or talk to a friend, or there are phone hotlines and online chat/textlines as well - ThereIsHelp has a big list. ]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:49 AM on October 23 [11 favorites]


It probably isn't helping that I am refusing any impulse to get my hopes up. I lash out at anything that sounds like "things aren't so bad" or "we'll get through this" because for a lot of people things are so bad and a great many aren't getting through this. I realize this isn't the most edifying perspective.
posted by Flexagon at 11:59 AM on October 23 [7 favorites]


I know I am being paranoid. I *know* it.

_But_ it still feels like every Trans and Non Binary person I know has a large target on thier back.

I reside in the venn diagram of other marginalised groups living in fear that thier government or neighbours might throw them to the wolves at any fracking second, but I am not Trans, and everyday I feel more and more helpless and just *angry*. So angry and so very very tired.
posted by Faintdreams at 12:01 PM on October 23 [14 favorites]


Also Fuuuuuuuuck, Satire has lost all meaning in 2018.

I liked satire.
posted by Faintdreams at 12:02 PM on October 23 [9 favorites]


I just want to take everyone I love in the States and bring them to me in Canada. I have people going through their own personal hells and on top of it, this crapola nightmare?

When I was growing up my mom used to tell me that the US is the greatest country in the world, and I was skeptical even then, when I never dreamed I would leave. Now, I can't fathom living there. I still file my taxes, though, because I am too chicken I'll be detained at the border when I visit (as sparingly as possible).
posted by wellred at 12:11 PM on October 23 [4 favorites]


> One deleted - no criticism meant, but these days we're trying to be extra careful about suicide talk, since it can be a problem not just on an individual level but for other members/readers.

My bad I guess. I cherish this community so I'll leave y'all be.
posted by mrbill at 12:15 PM on October 23 [3 favorites]


mrbill, I mefimailed you but to be clear, you're very wanted here.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:22 PM on October 23 [51 favorites]


Hope this an appropriate use of this thread- the city I live in, Austin, has instituted a boil water notice

Also, just apart from the election, it's really fucking frustrating to not have tap water that is usable for shit like--dishwashers! Or, because we are trying to limit water consumption in the vain hope of letting the water treatment plant catch up and minimizing the length of the boil water notice, stuff like not running laundry machines is annoying. And all the time it's raining, because the dearth of clean water is a dearth of clean water, because all of this happened because the watershed flooded and kicked all manner of nasty shit into the water supply and the treatment plants are trying to catch up.

My enormous turkey soup pot is living on my stove right now for drinking and animal-watering purposes, and thanks but I hate it. I hate not being able to cook. I hate not being able to fill my goddamn water bottle and use the icemaker in my fridge. I hate not having clean dishes and having to have paper plates everywhere. I hate feeling like I live in a nation that can't even keep the water clean and like I'm supposed to bring bowls of water to the sink to brush my freaking teeth.

It doesn't seem to be affecting turnout that I see, but I hate literally everything else about it and I am hoping to fuck this is a "three or four days" thing and not a "two weeks" thing. I have not bothered with bottled water, but I totally get why other people might. Grump.
posted by sciatrix at 12:34 PM on October 23 [8 favorites]


I am feeling very fuckity fuck fuck at my government's insistence at keeping bona-fide refugees, including children, in prison camps on small equatorial islands and denying them the right to ever set foot on Australian shores thus denying them the right to be cared for by New Zealand who is happy to take them. This inhumanity has to stop.
posted by Thella at 1:09 PM on October 23 [9 favorites]


I drank a bit of beer last night. Only 14 more months of my wtf part time wtf job until I have my full 20 in; can become human again; and get a real job. I'm tired; passing the day loading up on lots of water, soup, and other quick to renutrify myself type of foods. I need to stop the once a month beer excess - waste of my money, time, and next day and a half. Bleah.
posted by Afghan Stan at 1:11 PM on October 23 [4 favorites]


I've got an actual paying gig in my artistic field coming up this weekend, and I'm just too damn sick to prepare for it.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:32 PM on October 23 [3 favorites]


I woke up, fighting this mild-but-annoying cold, having finally gotten more than 6 hours sleep because of work, to a...spiky...e-mail. It's from a known spiky coworker but they CC'd my boss. It's not a large thing but come oooooooonnnnn. I'm getting really close to Halloween and my bro's idea this year means a LOT of sewing for me but all I want to do is sleep.
posted by cobaltnine at 1:35 PM on October 23 [1 favorite]


I hate literally everything else about it and I am hoping to fuck this is a "three or four days" thing and not a "two weeks" thing. I have not bothered with bottled water, but I totally get why other people might. Grump.

I have a scalp infection that is constant and persistent, and the thing I hate most about the boil water notice is how fucking blase they are about instructions about how safe the water is. "It's safe to bathe with!" Like, for everyone? Is it safe if you have open sores or wounds? Safe if you have a compromised immune system? My girlfriend scored a case of tall water bottles the first day that the boil water notice was announced, and I'm using it to wash my head with, because it seems like the story went from "no outside water usage please" to "boil your water for 3 minutes" to "hey guys, please use 20% less water or we will run out" to "the boil water notice could last for 2 weeks" so damn quickly that I don't have faith that Austinites are being told the whole story. Grump, indeed.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:02 PM on October 23 [3 favorites]


I am feeling very fuckity fuck fuck at my government's insistence at keeping bona-fide refugees, including children, in prison camps on small equatorial islands and denying them the right to ever set foot on Australian shores thus denying them the right to be cared for by New Zealand who is happy to take them. This inhumanity has to stop.

Me too. And all the other bullshit the Australian government is doing right now. The whole let's not have kids exposed to LGBTQ teachers. And yay for Queensland legalising abortion, but it's still a criminal offence here in NSW. Fucking FUCK.

Meanwhile there's a job ad for a job in NZ, in my home town, that I am perhaps uniquely qualified for. Like, clearly they just put all their wishlist in the job ad and will take someone who could do like 2/3 of it but I can hit every single point on the list. And like, at least one of the things they want experience in is something there are only about 5 people in Australasia have done.

But because this is the fucking fuck thread, you know the story doesn't end there. I told my husband about it, and that is how I learned that actually he doesn't EVER want to move back to NZ. And then we had an argument about how much a socially progressive government matters. His opinion was: barely at all, because governments change. Guys, that was not what he was saying when he persuaded me to turn down my dream job in a socially less progressive country last year.

So now I guess I have to come to terms with living the rest of my life in "throw refugees in tropical death camp" land. Moving back to NZ has been one of my top two or three life goals for years, yet somehow we never really had a conversation about it, and I kind of just assumed my husband was on board. Up until now, I have been telling myself that worst case, I can retire there.

Fucking FUCK.
posted by lollusc at 3:08 PM on October 23 [29 favorites]


I'm horrified about what will happen when the migrant caravan arrives.

I've been trying to offset the caravan nonsense with some positivity by posting "caravan" songs to Facebook. First up was Van Morrison's "Caravan," then "Caravan of Love" (Isley Brothers, but I like the Housemartins cover). Next up is Barney Bigard & His Jazzopators' "Caravan."

I know this is stupid and silly but hopefully it will please some of my tiny circle of Facebook friends.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:19 PM on October 23 [2 favorites]


Oh, and I am job hunting because of a work situation involving a months-long sexual harassment investigation (where I am one of the complainants) that is driving me crazy, and if my husband is really not in board with moving to another country/city, I need to hope I can land something here in town. One thing I was hoping might work out is that one of the executives at another university here in the city told me secretly that my name is on a list of people they are planning to try to poach. So I've been hoping I'll hear from them. But I just heard a rumor they have approached (instead? as well?) the guy who is the focus of the aforementioned investigation. Which, if we get rid of him, I guess that's good. But people like that shouldn't get to move to cushy jobs at better universities and start again with a whole new pool of people to fuck up.
posted by lollusc at 3:22 PM on October 23 [11 favorites]


I just want to take everyone I love in the States and bring them to me in Canada.

I was in Tofino, BC, a few weeks back. There were many times where I was just looking around, thinking, while I'm sure they have their own concerns, and nowhere is perfect, there are many, many problems that simply don't exist for these folks. They might even be puzzled if I told them. "Oh, right, I heard about that. Hmm. Bummer for you people in the States, eh?"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:22 PM on October 23 [1 favorite]


Oh Canada is so deeply imperfect. We screw up over and over, especially when it comes to Indigenous people. But I feel like we have hope, and that it’s safer here.
posted by wellred at 6:34 PM on October 23 [4 favorites]


According to my twitter timeline it's not that quiet. It seems to be getting worse.
"The Great Dictator" came on TCM today and wow did that seem timely.
posted by bleep at 6:39 PM on October 23 [1 favorite]


... if about one more person tells me how I need to empathize with the fuckers that are cheering about migrant kids being rounded up in camps, so they can reach across the isle, I am going to lose my shit.

Not that this is even something that happened on MeFi, though it has. I just needed to vent about it, because arrrrrrrrrrgh.
posted by Archelaus at 7:05 PM on October 23 [8 favorites]


Many Canadians are aware of just how lucky they are, and just how fragile that luckiness is. In Ontario by some perverse twist of fate the new Premier is a Trump wanna-be whose only limitation is that he is actually smarter than Trump, though easily just as much of a bully. Fortunately while he can do a lot of damage, some of it can be contained at the municipal and federal levels. Other provinces are either in, or one first-past-the-post fuckup away from similarly precarious positions. Our next federal election is in 2019 and TBH I am pretty afraid things will get extremely fucked up. The left will be split again, and the right mostly unified and if we get a Conservative federal majority we're going to be so very fucked.

In Toronto's municipal election, held yesterday, over 3% of electors casting votes chose the fascist Faith Goldy for mayor. There was no chance she'd win, but the very fact that over 25K people said "yes, let's have this out-of-the-closet white supremacist be our mayor, instead of the fumbling Tory doormat (60%) or the brilliant, progressive woman who should have been elected (25%)" means that not only are we not perfect, we're not that much different. We may be further along the road towards gay space communism, but that does also mean we have much father we could fall back to earth.

It's just so fucking scary how the fabric of society can unravel, even if they took decades to knit together. All it takes is a charismatic leader, a few dozen greedy capitalist hawks, a few hundred opportunistic followers, a few thousand violent thugs, and a whole lot of people not wanting to be involved.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:11 PM on October 23 [17 favorites]


I’m going through this really depressing thing right now where I feel as if I’m somehow drifting apart from my closest friends. Like they’re moving on with their lives while I stay mired in my little bog. When we get together, it feels like they have so many things going on in their lives to talk about, and I have nothing at all to share.

It’s all very disconcerting and worrisome. I’m having a hard enough time simply trying to cope with events of our time, and to feel like my friends are leaving me behind is terrifying. There’s a real feeling of desperation in there. Being old doesn’t help matters. Neither does the approaching winter and holiday season. Traditionally not my best time of the year.

It’s times like this I hate Indiana not being a legal weed state. I could sure use a good mellowing buzz right about now. A few edibles in the pantry would do well to see me through the winter. Oh, Indiana......
posted by Thorzdad at 7:15 PM on October 23 [5 favorites]


All I want to do to cope with all this bullshit is to hug my dog, and she's gone now.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 7:36 PM on October 23 [26 favorites]


We have seen the enemy, and it is us. I once belonged to a Homeowners Association. It was a microcosm of all that is evil about older humans. I lost my hopefulness about the human condition there. On the bright side, I live around the singingest mockingbirds ever, the one in my overhead tree has a song with so many marvelous brilliant and watery parts it seems to go on for minutes without a repeated phrase. So I am going long on mockingbird song. On a vindictively pleasant note, some casual office furniture thieves, broke out Kevin McCarthy's office window, with a big rock. I like the sound of that. I hope the midterm election is the sewer cleanout we need it to be.
posted by Oyéah at 8:00 PM on October 23 [8 favorites]


>For the hopeful optimists:

Greetings from the beautiful Commonwealth of Virginia, where for some reason the leaves are stuck in the green position and aren't turning the pretty autumn colors. In my area, we have this amazing woman named Abigail Spanberger who is challenging the Republican incumbent Dave Brat, who is the guy who unseated Eric Cantor in an upset a few years ago.

In the last quarter, she raised more money than Brat's last two campaigns combined. She also does not take money from PACs . If you want some inspiring stuff, watch this video, where she gives her closing argument after Brat called her "Nancy Pelosi" about a hundred times.

For all pessimists (realists?)

I salute you, and I join you in your fucking fuckity fuck.

Keep hope alive.
posted by 4ster at 8:05 PM on October 23 [17 favorites]


*howls at the fucking moon*

This morning I had one of those idle fantasies of finding a surplus tsunami warning PA tower and greeting every sunrise with a huge 'FUCK TRUMP AND THIS BULLSHIT". It was really satisfying for a moment.
posted by loquacious at 8:13 PM on October 23 [1 favorite]


4ster thank you for that!! She was fantastic!
posted by greermahoney at 8:27 PM on October 23 [2 favorites]


In fact, I just donated to her campaign.
posted by greermahoney at 8:37 PM on October 23 [3 favorites]


Fun fact: her mother-in-law was my ninth-grade English teacher.


Apologies if this has been a derail. Back to your regularly scheduled catharsis.

posted by 4ster at 8:57 PM on October 23 [6 favorites]


So worried about descent into fascism. What‘s worst for me is when issues are being discussed in the (liberal) media as the US administration ‚tackling immigration‘,
‚changing their approach to gender’ or or some such (relatively reasonable-sounding) thing. When what they‘re actually doing is just plain whipping up hate at their rallies, preparing for...who knows what. I feel like gripping everyone around me by the lapels and screaming ‚can‘t you SEE what‘s happening?‘

Also, the splintering of groups that should have solidarity. Like, people will tell me, oh You don‘t have to worry about your immigration status. You‘re legal. (Translation in my head: and fuck everyone who isn‘t). Or my friend who pointed out: ‚oh, intersex people really have a legitimate concern here since their sex is indeterminate‘ (translation in my head: ...trans people‘s concerns are not legitimate and we‘ll just pretend they don‘t exist?). Or others helpfully pointing out that abortion will always be an option for wealthy white women, so don‘t worry about your daughters (translation: and who gives a shit about all those other women). It‘s like...no solidarity. Just everyone dodging bullets.
posted by The Toad at 9:36 PM on October 23 [24 favorites]


I got a note from my Canadian immigration lawyer yesterday, they have a date for my oath ceremony (yay!), but it’s on Dec 21st (boo).
This means flying in from Spain, swearing in on the 21st and then waiting 2 days for the citizenship # to go through the systems before I can apply for my Canadian passport on urgent overnight turnaround. Which will be difficult because the Christmas holidays will mean the passport offices will be closed. So if I can’t change the date, I’ll be stuck in Calgary staying with friends until the offices open while my wife and cat are in Madrid by themselves on Christmas week. I know I can apply for a waiver to fly out on my UK passport but it’s a bit of a grey area and just sheer hassle.
Fingers crossed I can get the date changed. But finally I’ll be Canadian, so I’m grateful.
posted by arcticseal at 1:12 AM on October 24 [13 favorites]


I’m also in Austin and my current fucking-fuck is that everyone went into panic-hoarding mode with bottled water — literally filling up pickup truck beds with it, stripping store shelves bare within the first two hours of the boil-water notice. It gave me flashbacks to Austin’s “gas crisis” during Hurricane Harvey, which was purely created by people panic-hoarding gasoline. People going nuts, filling up garbage cans with gasoline.

Combine that with the fact that Austin is under extreme emergency water restrictions, in that we are very close to running out of potable water and yet some businesses still haven’t turned off their automatic sprinklers (even though it’s been pouring rain for weeks). Like I’m over here taking Navy showers, and these assholes don’t care enough to flip a damn switch to cut off a sprinkler.

I just feel like no one has any sense of communal responsibility. That Texas as a state and the US as a whole are just “everyone for themselves, grab what you can get, fuck everyone else.” It makes me so angry and despairing.

Also, my company offered me a transfer back to my home state of North Carolina… but to Asheville, not to the Research Triangle as I had expected. And we can’t move to Asheville, because my husband would have real trouble getting work in his field there. We talked it over and made a decision. But now I’m sad about it. I miss my NC family and friends so much. How can I say no to moving back closer to them? My husband is right there with me sharing these feelings, which helps. But still. Argh.
posted by snowmentality at 6:09 AM on October 24 [13 favorites]


My mother continues to forget things -- groceries in the car, the oven on broil, an abandoned sandwich, half-prepared. Two minor auto accidents in a year. Confronted daily with unfamiliar issues previously her late husband's purview; a near-constant fear of death accompanied by a nagging sense of being unprepared. Is the forgetfulness early Alzheimer's or stress?

I help as much as I can, but, accustomed to my disability she won't ask, even for things well within my capability. I was born when she was eighteen and in some sense the two of us grew up together, caught in the cycle of my father's abuse. Often unable to protect me, I nevertheless never at all blamed or resented her for this, knowing she was gaslighted and terrorized and often frantic to avoid making herself his target.

Even so, there was never any doubt in my heart that she loved me, and still does. She's always believed in me. Over my lifetime, she's written numerous letters expressing her pride in me, her sense of what she sees as my large capacity for love and empathy. For me, she has always been the "safe" parent, the only one I truly trust, my model or even my ideal of nurturing love -- indeed, over my lifetime I've come to realize that I could imagine no greater achievement, nothing that would give me more joy than to be a "mom", despite my gender and the accident of circumstance that I've never had children. I do what I can: my sister tells me there's no one besides her husband she trusts more with her children. My "niece", actually my cousin, came out a few years ago, was married earlier this year, and she told her mother that she took great comfort in knowing that she could count on me for absolute acceptance and support. These things, which seem perhaps commonplace, feel significant contributions I've made in ways I feel are most important.

But now I find myself in a time and place where the one person to whom I feel I owe so much more than anyone, the person I credit with being my strongest example of generosity of spirit, of tolerance, of the willingness to see the best in others and to offer them love and care -- this person, my mother, needs me in small ways and large ways and I feel unequal to the task. There is much I'm physically incapable of doing, things that would have been trivial thirty years ago but which are literally out of my reach now. And of course I can only slightly assuage her lonliness in widowhood -- having spent twenty-eight years in a very unhappy marriage, she divorced then met someone who truly understood her, who supported her, who was her daily companion in the best sense. But now she's adrift.

In all of this I'm struggling to define my own life, as well. To find things I enjoy, reasons to make it from one day to the next. And I'm so very lonely. It's been years since I've been in a relationship which, all else being equal, was not the end of the world. I assumed those things would change when they changed. But for the last year, as I've felt these worries and responsibilities not just for myself, but additionally for the one person I owe more to than any other -- well, I frequently feel overwhelmed. I avoid self-pity and resentment but to my horror sometimes I find myself angry, angry that there are days and nights when it would be a relief to vent, or to cry on a shoulder, or just to be told that I'm not alone. But I am, and it is here and now when I will indulge a fucking fuck!, and that's not even accounting for the soul-crushing weight of the horror we're all experiencing on a never-ending basis. FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK! That's what I have to say.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:32 AM on October 24 [22 favorites]


Life if good, except I am getting irrationally angry at bright headlights on other cars. Something is rotten out there in the vehicle headlight design and bulb industry I'm telling you......
posted by lstanley at 6:36 AM on October 24 [6 favorites]


I'm really angry that my fucking brain is broken. I thought that I had finally gotten past my terrible first pregnancy and postpartum period and that I was ready to have another kid, but as soon as I decided I was ok my brain was like, "Oh wait, you're serious this time? That means it's time to panic panic panic (*red flashing fire alarm light* NEEE NAAAA NEEE NAA NEEE NAAAA)!!! Don't forget the paranoia, your mother-in-law probably wants to steal this baby too, even though it hasn't been conceived yet!! And we can't leave out the gender dysphoria, because no matter how well you pass an an androgynous teenage dirtbag, pregnancy is a big ol' scarlet W for WOMAN pinned to your shirt!! GET READY TO HAVE BREASTS!!!!!!!"

Fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkk
posted by lollymccatburglar at 6:47 AM on October 24 [5 favorites]


Wow, that felt really good to say out loud. Maybe there's something to this therapy thing everyone's always talking about...
posted by lollymccatburglar at 6:50 AM on October 24 [13 favorites]


OMG the bombs. My panic lizard brain thing is saying "a bomb to Soros is a bomb to all Jews, a bomb to the Clintons is a bomb to all women, a bomb to Obama is a bomb to all people of color" and I am gonna flip out now k?
posted by wellred at 7:37 AM on October 24 [8 favorites]


Let's see... sinkingly convinced that the midterms are going to be a shitshow, rather than the utter evisceration that the republicans deserve. My wife and I are applying for faculty jobs with twenty-mumble applications out in the world (this is considered a low-normal amount for a round), and we're in the "not gonna hear nothing unless someone wants to interview you" stage. That's fun. As a result, neither of us are sleeping desperately well - yay for anxiety dreams about interviews and weird committee requests. ...and we've got a conference deadline in six weeks and neither of us have new shit to write abstracts about.

At least we baked an apple cake last night. And I've printed huge yard banners for a couple people to make their views damn clear (5' long and 2' tall).
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 7:40 AM on October 24 [1 favorite]


So, I'd never seen GA Gov. Kemp speak before the debate with Abrams yesterday. What an absolute mediocre white devil piece of shit that guy is. The GA governor's race is definitely some sort of microcosm of race relations in the US. But yeah, I can't recall the last time the term "white devil" popped into my head but it was like an immediate organic reaction when I tuned in right as he was full-on lying about Abrams advocating for illegal voting. He's also a painfully ineloquent and I hope he gets totally humiliated.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:54 AM on October 24 [7 favorites]


Kind thoughts to you and your mother, Ivan Fyodorovich.

And kind thoughts to everyone who is brutalized by the world right now.

But no kind thought for those reveling in the growing brutality and cruelity. I struggle not to have violent hateful thoughts for those people. And i am so spent.
posted by crush at 8:16 AM on October 24 [7 favorites]


I just feel like no one has any sense of communal responsibility. That Texas as a state and the US as a whole are just “everyone for themselves, grab what you can get, fuck everyone else.” It makes me so angry and despairing.

Oh, friend. You said it. This right here is a huge effing problem.
posted by greermahoney at 9:56 AM on October 24 [6 favorites]


My best source of levity today is the existence of bears. Scary things happen in my town, as in most towns, but pretty often it's explainable by bears and I am very grateful for that. I.e. a lockdown at kid's school: because of bears.

My Nextdoor alerts right now are all debating about trick-or-treating safety, and the #1 concern is bears. "These are city bears," one neighbor says, "costumes are not going to scare them" (some people believed that bears would be frightened away by kids dressed as ghosts).
posted by witchen at 10:04 AM on October 24 [29 favorites]


My Nextdoor alerts right now are all debating about trick-or-treating safety, and the #1 concern is bears. "These are city bears," one neighbor says, "costumes are not going to scare them"

That gave me my first good laugh of the day. God knows I need one.

And Homo neanderthalensis, I'm sorry about your dog.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:26 AM on October 24 [6 favorites]


So my mother's office is across from the Time Warner Center, where one of the "suspicious packages" was sent. I got an emergency notification that anyone near there should "shelter in place." Turned out she was at home today anyway, but still. Fuck these people, and fuck the entire fucking GOP. I don't care if they claim to be "moderate"; they're choosing to be aligned with fascists and terrorists, and every single one of them is responsible for this.
posted by holborne at 10:38 AM on October 24 [7 favorites]


The Republiturds in my state (WA) decided it would be FINE to send out postcards disparaging a candidate, and suggesting a write-in candidate from four years ago (and who isn't running now) - oh, and they used the FUSE logo, and a union logo to imply approval.
Seriously - it feels like the right has permission to lie as frequently and blatantly as they want, on any topic, in any political race.
Fuck 'em, the fucking fucks!
posted by dbmcd at 1:14 PM on October 24 [3 favorites]


I have a surrogate family who, since I moved to NYC, have claimed me in place of my garbage fire maternal family. Whenever I visit the nieces and nephews' generation, or see them on social media, I want to tear the rest of my hair out at how blithely they're going through life, thinking that what's happening may be bullshit, but ultimately has nothing to do with them, that it won't affect them because Jesus, and working on their various entertainment careers, and youth, and romantic relationships, and whatnot.

"You need to vote," I tell them. "People died so we could vote. This may be our last chance!" I tell them. They think I'm exaggerating, and aren't thinking about the caravan, or the children in the camps, or the erasure of trans people, or anything that happens to people who aren't "normal" black people—and even then, any anger they have about police brutality, erosion of voting rights, etc. is the equivalent of a Two Minutes' Hate and then it's back to Nicki vs. Cardi, "trifling golddiggers", or football.

"Why is everyone freaking out about some little ass pipe bombs? LOOOOL" coming from one of the early 20's nephews on FB today just had me texting his mother to tell her that she needs to speak to her son. This isn't a jape, people are gearing up to come after anyone who isn't a white straight Dominionist, and people like Trump are taking advantage of all this hate and fake grievance to consolidate and inflate their power. I had to DM another young one who said, "Too bad none of these bombs got sent to Republicans!" to remind them that his little joke could go straight to the FBI and he could end up in a little room a couple of big white guys with batons who would happily beat his ass because they can get away with it. Just... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE KIDS?!

Another thing I'm like "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!" about is a friend who is trying desperately to not think about current events. When our group has met and spoken lately, she's finding it hard to believe that things can get worse. This friend can't reconcile unpleasant feelings of any kind, and hates being reminded that not everyone is humane nor has others' best interests at heart. When we discuss the news, she literally shrinks back from us and I don't know what to think any more. One of my friends asked her, "Don't you feel even a tiny bit worried? You're Jewish and Trump is saying stuff that's antisemitic dog-whistling!" Our friend just shook her head violently and said, "No, that's not going to happen. He's surrounded by Jews! They won't let it happen." My jaw dropped. We all dropped the subject.

I'm exasperated that her response to every single terrible thing is, "Well, they can't get away with that. They don't mean that." Then again, she didn't believe me about my family ("But she was your mom's sister!"), the cop stopping me on the street in Whitefish Bay as a teen because he thought I was a criminal ("I can't believe he would stop you, you're so tiny!"), or being called what I was called as a 7-year-old by actual Nazis ("Who screams at little kids like that? N'uh-uh, NAZIS?! Come on." She's too young in her mid-30s to remember Skokie). I've excused it in the past because otherwise, she is a nice person, and that maybe a few years in NYC would wear off some of the thick naivete she got from being very sheltered by her own family, but now... I need a break from her extreme denial of reality.

And then Biden's tweet today. Ugh, so easy for a rich white man who is more or less safe to spout platitudes. I see no one sent "Uncle Joe" a bomb! *insert Jennifer Lawrence nodding/thumbs-up gif* Yeah, OK.

::breathe::

I will now look for pictures of kittens to self-soothe for a few minutes, and of Harry and Megs being adorable in Tonga. Wait, no, dammit, they're performing soft imperialism! Kittens playing it is.
posted by droplet at 2:26 PM on October 24 [13 favorites]


She's too young in her mid-30s to remember Skokie

Like, is she really though? Being a half-Jewish woman in her mid-30s I kinda wanna call "wilful ignorance" on that one. Like no, I don't have living memory of it, of course, but my folks were still talking about that shit in the 90s, man. And for the love of pete, we all saw Blues Brothers.

Anyway.

I'm so tired. All I ever wanted out of life was a steady job that wasn't completely terrible, and a little place in the city to live, and holidays with my family, and all of this gets further and further away from possible with each passing day.

Fuck this shit.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:05 PM on October 24 [9 favorites]


personally my life is going about as well as it ever has, so its somewhat bittersweet to be enjoying it during such distressing times. I am terrified (for the world, myself and the many many vulnerable people out there) of 45's admin's path of global destruction. I see the pain and fear in so many around me. so many here.

so hugs to you all. hugs for your moms, your dogs, your so very valid fears for the future.
I will be voting next month and do the best I can to get all those around me to do it too. maybe not all hope is lost...I dont know.

(and gdmit I would like a few peaceful safe decades to enjoy the relative sanity, health and financial stability its taken me half a lifetime to achieve)
posted by supermedusa at 4:30 PM on October 24 [3 favorites]


At a recent gathering of in-laws I sat at a table of folks who were all under 30. They were breezily discussing what films they found “scary,” mostly CGI-heavy disaster, alien or zombie flicks. Finally someone asked me what I liked to watch for a good fright. “The news,” I replied. I wasn’t joking.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:30 PM on October 24 [3 favorites]


I didn't second parent adopt my daughter because I was married to my ex (who gave birth to her) and my name is on her birth certificate and we live in a safe state and forcing people to adopt their own kids is bullshit. I thought that was a safe decision because my marriage was stable. Now my ex and I are having an ugly divorce and custody battle, and I have a constant background hum of panic that my parental rights are going to be federally invalidated and then I'll never see my kid again. I know this probably won't happen, at least not immediately, but I don't FEEL that it won't, and I can't talk about it without crying so no one in my social circle knows this is stuck in my head.
posted by centrifugal at 7:00 PM on October 24 [18 favorites]


Another thing I'm like "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!" about is a friend who is trying desperately to not think about current events

I have a few friends like this & honestly I think it’s one of the things that most exhaust me right now. I started quarreling with a friend over this recently and I just dropped it because I suddenly realized that neither of were talking about politics. I was talking about my fear that they’ll kill us all and my friend was talking about her fear that I might be right. So, you know? But I get it.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:24 PM on October 24 [5 favorites]


Some friends of mine asked how they could possibly have hope and I was helpless to give it to them.
posted by corb at 9:21 PM on October 24 [8 favorites]


I've had the same bad cold for three weeks and feel like I can't even be sure about my emotional responses to anything because they're all wrapped up in feeling like crap. So of course in 24 hours I'm taking a trans-Pacific flight with two small children! Why not!

I feel basically complete hopelessness about the future. On the other hand, I already voted! Sent in my ballot on Tuesday. So I guess I'm doing my part or whatever.
posted by potrzebie at 9:41 PM on October 24


A few edibles in the pantry would do well to see me through the winter.

There's a company now that makes it in tea -- actual herbal tea that doesn't taste all danky and tie-dyed.

Literally perfect for winter.

...um, not saying anyone should geographically sort themselves just based on this. Guess I'm just saying your state should jump on this bandwagon because there is just all kinds of technologies and methods being applied for your potential benefit, and wow some of the resulting methods are nifty (micro-dosing tiny little 1mg mints, for example).
posted by aramaic at 10:37 PM on October 24


So, hey, just keep your eyeballs moving along pasts this if current events are a stressor. Just another Wednesday Mass Assassination Plot in the United States targeting Trump's vocal enemies list. Just a thing happening in the world today. The Obamas, the Clintons, John Brennan, Maxine Waters, CNN, Eric Holder, George Soros. Trump Jr. saying "You Get What You Deserve." Not normal things. Outta fucks to give, but with a heavy heart, giving fucks just the same. Please vote. Hug your mom or whoever or whatever you can the next chance you get.
posted by chainlinkspiral at 10:39 PM on October 24 [2 favorites]


I mean on top of *gestures broadly* all of this, I'm out of a job in two weeks, and I'm too busy to apply to anything else. I don't want to go back into the service industry, but man. After this ride I don't know that I can do another campaign again. I'd like to do constituent work, but I don't really know how to break into that.

And I got into a fight with my boss yesterday, and it was just awful. We're all stressed and worried, and I get it, but it was over dumb stuff, and I'm worried that he's not going to be my friend anymore after this. That might be an irrational fear, but I've been dumped by too many of my friends over the last two years, and I don't know that I can stand losing another.

The last one-- I was asking just to talk until I could find a therapist. I was asking a lot of people that. She could have just said no, I don't have the bandwidth. I learned how to ask for stuff I need, doing this work. She didn't have to block me. I mean I get that I'm a mess, and I get that she didn't want to spoil her post-getting-married bliss. I was happy for her, and she had just finally gotten to this happy thing that it took her so long to get to, and here I am with my sister just dead, and being eaten up by campaigns, so I don't have a lot of time to just be a person, and it's a lot. She was always good at self-preservation in a way that I'm just not, but it still sucks.

oh well. I am truly glad that she's happy. really.

I don't want to be grandiose, or self-mythologizing, but I feel like in a lot of ways I've laid down my life these last two and a half years. It costs. When it's good I still love it, but it has not been good in the back half of this year.

I just can't lose another friend. My heart can't take it.
posted by dogheart at 10:43 PM on October 24 [9 favorites]


I just got the worst news of my life since my dad's illness and death. Nobody's sick but it's pretty much guaranteed "my life will be ruined and my enemies are literally celebrating my future demise" territory. Like it's one of my top nightmares I hoped would never happen and IT IS HAPPENING. And it will lead to many more real life nightmares. It's darkest timeline level shit now.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:47 PM on October 24 [10 favorites]


Was feeling despair-anxiety about worst possible future outcomes, asked my partner for some reassurance. He successfully assured me that things will turn out OK in the long run, arguing from demographic trends and such. And if we do end up in elections-are-canceled, indisputably-fascist-dictatorship territory, there are a lot of people who think about these worst case scenarios more than I do and will have sound ideas and plans, so I don't need to fret about personally solving such situations on my own.

I still feel crappy about all the people terrified and hurt and dying right now, but I don't need to worry about the world ending.

As long as I don't think about climate change. Fuck.
posted by NMcCoy at 11:21 PM on October 24 [1 favorite]


I know the arc of history trends towards justice, but does it have to take so long about it?
posted by arcticseal at 1:29 AM on October 25 [3 favorites]


This isn’t a world crisis, but I finally got a call back about a job, and I didn’t pick up because I’ve been getting a million spam calls. I didn’t see that there was a message because my phone didn’t show a notification for two days. Fuck my life, I lost the job because I didn’t call back. I need a job so badly.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:23 AM on October 25 [7 favorites]


I’m in so much debt. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:33 AM on October 25 [2 favorites]


Fuck everybody who didn’t listen when we told them the courts and The Court were on the line in 2016.

Seeing an awful lot of folks suddenly panicking about outcomes that were utterly predictable if we didn’t keep Trump out of office. Don’t act surprised. You were warned. You didn’t listen.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 4:47 AM on October 25 [20 favorites]


I knew things were going to be awful in November 2016, but I had no idea they would be so thoroughly awful. The climate change stories in the media have gotten apocalyptic, and just in the last year. I keep thinking, why were these bombshell predictions not in the media until now?? Aren't they convenient for the fascists who want us to lose hope? And just as often... When can I plausibly see a doctor for sedatives for my ongoing anxiety on this topic without getting labeled as "seeking medication"? (I'm not saying this stuff wasn't known by anyone, I guess it must have been, I don't know, but it wasn't in the news every damn day. That's all I'm saying.) Now that we have a hundred Watergates going on at once that are under-reported and misunderstood, the media finally wants to talk about climate change and science. It's fucked up.

Part of me enjoys going to work now because it forces me to think about something else.

Meanwhile, I've lost all respect, and even love, for my dad because he's a fascist. I've been saying to my parents for the last seventeen years, can't we please stop talking about politics, and this is why. I made it perfectly clear that I disagreed with him. He was told by mom to stop bringing it up. So he would wait until mom left the room and then say something inflammatory! I almost laughed when I saw this news story this morning because he has said precisely that same shit to me before. The last time I visited, he said something about "the migrant problem" that I'm not going to repeat--it was bad enough that I left abruptly. I've been sitting with this for months because it was so upsetting, and I didn't know what to do or say, or how my feelings would change. Now I'm not sad about this anymore. I have gotten angrier and much more disappointed in him.

On the plus side, no travel for the holidays.
posted by heatvision at 6:18 AM on October 25 [6 favorites]


I've been pretty careful about reading comments about pretty much anything online, but last night opened a twitter thread about the "caravans" and jesus christ. And the attack ads on television are making me sick.

At least in 2016 in Illinois we had such a bright light in Tammy Duckworth. Of course we still have her. But we have nothing good on the horizon. I'm going to vote early today. I wonder what it will be like at the polls. Two years ago I stopped in an unfamiliar suburb to vote and I remember a weird feeling in the waiting room. It was packed but there were hardly any smiles, very little chit chat. At that time, I had no idea Trump was going to win but looking back, I remember the atmosphere as being rather grim. I wonder how it will be today.
posted by BibiRose at 7:36 AM on October 25 [2 favorites]


At that time, I had no idea Trump was going to win but looking back, I remember the atmosphere as being rather grim. I wonder how it will be today.

I don't really believe in much woo stuff but it is hard to deny that my gut feelings are usually very on point. Like, to the extent of having accurately predicted a long string of deaths, recoveries, births, etc in my family. Once that orange monster won the nomination I knew in my bones he would be elected. I couldn't bring myself to admit this, even to myself, definitely not to anyone else. But I had a gnawing ache in my stomach all election day 2016 that wouldn't go away no matter how many chipper, excited tweets I wrote.

The problem is that my stomach hurts again.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:38 AM on October 25 [9 favorites]


Homo Neanderthalensis I just gave my dogs a hug & told them it was from you. I'm so sorry about yours.

I don't have a great feeling about this election. I DO think blue turnout will set records, but I think there is so much shenanigans already underway that the whole system is corrupted and compromised and they will steal yet another election from us. That's what my gut is telling me, and I would dearly love to be wrong.
posted by yoga at 10:00 AM on October 25 [5 favorites]


I would love for yoga to be wrong on the shenanigans, but after reading through this Vox article on cybersecurity for the midterms, I'm not even sure we can tell if an election has been stolen anymore.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:33 AM on October 25 [2 favorites]


OK, I saw that Biden got his bomb intercepted at the post office this morning. I hereby withdraw my snide remark about him.
posted by droplet at 1:03 PM on October 25 [1 favorite]


This is a special niche fucking-fuck but in my queer media realm there's been a sudden uptick in pieces slamming the gaymos who have totally sold out, man, by wanting gay marriage and getting married instead of being Radical Gays like the good old days. Like... I've read a decent bit of queer theory and I understand the arguments against marriage, but also, damnit folks, more of us can literally live to fight some battles if you can put your fucking spouse on your fucking health insurance.
posted by nakedmolerats at 2:10 PM on October 25 [14 favorites]


I just want Caitlyn Jenner to be deplatformed like Milo. She has done tremendous harm to the queer community, the trans community, and her voice does not need to be privileged over so many other trans women, particularly trans women of color.

I just wish people who aren't trans understood just how valueless Jenner's contributions are.
posted by anem0ne at 2:34 PM on October 25 [20 favorites]


She’s another datapoint in favor of the hypothesis that the ultra-rich are (generally) not like the rest of us. Massive wealth emits a weird distortion field, evidently.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 3:17 PM on October 25 [1 favorite]


(Oops, forgot which thread I was in: here’s my obligatory fuckin’ expletive.)
posted by Barack Spinoza at 3:24 PM on October 25



"You need to vote," I tell them. "People died so we could vote. This may be our last chance!" I tell them. They think I'm exaggerating, and aren't thinking about the caravan, or the children in the camps, or the erasure of trans people, or anything that happens to people who aren't "normal" black people—and even then, any anger they have about police brutality, erosion of voting rights, etc. is the equivalent of a Two Minutes' Hate and then it's back to Nicki vs. Cardi, "trifling golddiggers", or football.


GOD THANK YOU it's like such a relief to see someone else say this! Fuck!
posted by Freeze Peach at 5:42 PM on October 25 [2 favorites]


Fuck that third grader who kissed my fourth-grade daughter without permission today, and fuck his little buddy who helped him trap her on the slide so he could do it. But especially double-fuck the grownup on the playground who didn’t stop it because he wasn’t keeping a close eye on the kid even after several girls told him that the kid was trying to kiss them and they didn’t like it.
posted by nickmark at 6:08 PM on October 25 [12 favorites]


My mom started chemo last week and had an allergic reaction to the first drug. I was the one who noticed that she was becoming unresponsive. The nurse had me push the call light and run for help. My father sat in a chair and dicked around on his smartphone. When the crisis passed and the bird noises kept coming from his phone, I asked him if he was texting someone. NOPE, he was checking the alerts from his home security cameras because apparently on windy days shadows from moving tree branches trigger alarms in the living room. WHAT THE FUCK. He never said a word while my mom was having trouble, he never asked what he could do to help afterward, and he never got out of that chair. Then at the end I found out that they parked many blocks away to save $4 in parking ramp costs. She was there for fucking chemo, make it fucking easier for her even if she seems ok with the idea of saving money. Take the $4 out of your fucking home security camera budget, you can afford it. (I drove them to their car.)

I was angry at him before (because fuck Kavanaugh), but now I am DONE. What a worthless asshole. My friends whose mothers have had serious health issues all have stories about their dads being useless, unhelpful assholes. Is this the patriarchy playing out in private life, in the life and death moments where it matters the most?
posted by Maarika at 7:18 PM on October 25 [23 favorites]


Mike Yeo needs to be fucking fired.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 7:34 PM on October 25


I’m now worried this magabomber mail bomb shit will be used to turn the screws even more on the USPS. I was just thinking how I have taken people to task for saying “go postal” because fuck that, I love those people.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:05 PM on October 25 [1 favorite]


I'm really worried that a massacre is being set up by all this "migrant caravan" bull and the attendant military posturing. So many conservatives are just looking for a justification to kill anyone browner than they are, and all kinds of self-appointed border-control rejects are going to bring their itchy trigger fingers to border crossings.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 8:08 PM on October 25 [2 favorites]


Meanwhile, things within health care are bleaker than ever. I continue to see evidence of patients being harmed by providers who are so under the gun to be “productive and efficient” that they don’t have the time to stop and think and do the right thing for those they care for. In community health, the fractures in the system have become gaping holes. We have always been the canary in the coal mine due to underfunding but believe me, these gaping holes are definitely coming to the “normal” health care system. At the current rate that health care costs are rising, by the mid 2020s, the federal government will have enough money to fund health care and the interest on the national debt, and nothing else. And we’ve known this for years. And congress and the president have done literally nothing on health care from 2016-2018 besides saying “Who knew health care was so hard?”

So providers in my organization, those that haven’t quit, are despondent. A year ago we started organizing and 3 weeks ago we filed a formal petition to unionize. I have had conversations with literally every primary care doctor working in the Seattle area safety net and all but like 3 have a very specific concrete plan to quit medicine. But we are sticking around for this union vote because maybe that will start to turn the tide. The vote is November 1, but our stuffed shirt executive leadership (none of whom are clinicians, none of whom worked in community health prior to 2 years ago, and all of whom make north of $300K a year) retained a union-busting law firm and are making providers sit in (unpaid) meetings to listen to anti-union propaganda.

Every single day, a colleague comes up to me with some horror story and tells me they feel so overwhelmed and they just don’t know if they can continue one more day. But they still come back, for one reason only: the patients.

Yesterday, the medical director, firmly on the side of “this is a financial crisis, we need to work harder AND work smarter” had the gall to invite the provider group to a screening of a film about physician burnout and suicide within the profession. Suicide. You want to know how to prevent physician suicide? PAY US FOR OUR WORK. Don’t tell me to cut corners with sick patients so I can squeeze more of them in and don’t make me do charting and paperwork on unpaid time after my kids have gone to bed.

I’m back in school now to position myself to make decisions that get us out of this mess. There’s no future in a career doing direct patient care. If this union gets voted down, I’m out, my resignation letter is already written. Even if we unionize I may still be unable to continue.

It’s all greed and fucking lack of leadership and big moneyed interests and I’m super toxic and just fuck all of it.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:01 PM on October 25 [19 favorites]


Something got unfucked today: my lawyer called the Immigration supervisor and she agreed to move the date for my ceremony to Nov. 23rd!
Everything seems maple scented and wonderful today, it's a Quonsmas miracle and I hope everyone gets equally good outcomes to all their woes.
posted by arcticseal at 2:22 AM on October 26 [8 favorites]


I don't know why, but this Avenatti news has made me angry to the point where I'm visualizing myself as various carnivores (bears, eagles, big bad dog) doing various carnivore things.

My apologies to vegetarians.
posted by angrycat at 4:00 AM on October 26 [1 favorite]


It's not like we didn't know; the label's on the tin.
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:35 AM on October 26 [1 favorite]


Megyn Kelly out at 'Today,' will still collect $69 million

WTF, shareholders??? ( Oh, yeah, FUCK YOU COMCAST!!!!!! )
posted by mikelieman at 4:47 AM on October 26 [2 favorites]


When the news about More Bombs dropped yesterday, I told my classes full of queer folks and POC and women "look, I know none of us are famous, but it's getting really weird out there, it's going to be weird until at least midterms, please, just be careful with yourselves out there. There's voter intimidation going on in our county. Just be careful."

I can't believe I even felt like I had to SAY THAT OUT LOUD TO MY STUDENTS. What the hell is going on.
posted by joycehealy at 6:49 AM on October 26 [9 favorites]


Hey Comcast, I'd be perfectly willing to fuck up my job and keep drawing a salary for, say, $13 mil?
posted by kirkaracha at 7:05 AM on October 26 [1 favorite]


Just got this message from my WeWork community manager:

"Hello 1900 Market Street and Happy Friday! We wanted to send a reminder of a few things we all need to do in order to keep our community safe and running smoothly: Pre-register your guests (using first and last name) and remind them to bring a photo ID for an easy check in. Take care of your guests while they’re here. You are accountable for anything they do in the space. Swipe your keycard at all access points, and don’t let someone tailgate behind you. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “hey, would you mind just swiping your card? Just want to keep the building secure!” Alert us if you see anything out of the ordinary. We’ll be happy to look into it. Thank you for your help! If you have any questions, please visit us at the Community Bar or submit a ticket."

The bit in bold set my blood boiling. Aside from the question of WTF do I do if someone refuses to scan their keycard or whatever, this kind of policy seems tailor-made to alienate PoC. So I told our CM that it was fucked as a policy and maybe a better solution to Stranger Danger was for people in this building to like actually know each other, so why don't they install a social lubricant like the fucking ping-pong table they promised us instead of making us into a community of paranoiacs. And also clearly the front desk isn't doing it's fucking job if this is a real problem.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:26 AM on October 26 [2 favorites]


Maybe this is a small thing in this world of garbage but my favorite streaming site, Filmstruck, is shutting down and it's the only way that you can view hundreds of art and/or foreign films online. I'm super pissed and upset about this.
posted by octothorpe at 8:54 AM on October 26 [6 favorites]


I'm right there with you, octothorpe. My husband texted to tell me and I almost threw the goddamned phone across the room. And the stupid corporate statement they put out just totally suck and encapsulates a lot of the reason we're fucked right now.
posted by holborne at 9:27 AM on October 26 [2 favorites]


They killed Dramafever too, in this same week, which, I mean, okay, so now I save $20/mo, but I was happy paying that $20/mo to watch things and escape the horror that is our current timeline...
posted by anem0ne at 9:32 AM on October 26 [1 favorite]


I finally gave in and signed up for Filmstruck just long enough ago that my free trial period ran out a couple of days before this announcement. Not that I'm bitter.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:47 AM on October 26


On instagram, Criteron accompanied their announcement of the demise of Filmstruck with a still from the last scene of The Seventh Seal. Which is rather looking on the bright side, I'd say.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:05 AM on October 26 [3 favorites]


I'd canceled my Dramafever sub when they killed PS4/Vita support, but have been missing good access to Korean TV. Not sure what the best options are now.

Apparently we have AT&T to blame for this, which is the case for so many things.
posted by asperity at 10:18 AM on October 26


For those with extra mental bandwidth, I'm dropping this here:

Post-It makes these amazing Extreme notes that stick pretty much anywhere (but somehow also magically can be removed just as easily as a regular post-it--it's witchcraft) and can get wet. Those + fine point Sharpies are a very cromulent vector for unauthorised DIY GOTV (or just straight up howling propaganda, I ain't gonna tell you how to live your life).
posted by soren_lorensen at 10:55 AM on October 26 [9 favorites]


have been missing good access to Korean TV. Not sure what the best options are now.

I've been using Kocowa and Rakuten Viki to supplement Netflix/Hulu.
posted by anem0ne at 11:05 AM on October 26 [1 favorite]


My troubled teen tried to commit suicide last night. Luckily, he didn't cause any lasting harm. I never expected to have to put him under an involuntary psychiatric hold.
posted by heathrowga at 1:36 PM on October 26 [17 favorites]


My workplace has been completely melting down and basically dumping literally everything onto my shoulders. I had what looked like a really promising invitation to interview with another company and got admittedly too invested in the fantasy of escape; found out today that it's not going to work out, but had been dealing with serious anxiety since the interview because I wasn't sure I actually wanted it to. I just can't seem to find anything locally that is going to make my life any better, and I don't know how to actually get enough money together to move somewhere that would suck less. Places that pay for relocation seem completely mythical, and I feel like I'm just counting down time until I accidentally out myself at work and people start making things even worse.
posted by Sequence at 2:21 PM on October 26 [1 favorite]


Curses! Foiled again!
posted by kirkaracha at 4:09 PM on October 26


heathrowga, my thoughts are with you and your kid.
posted by angrycat at 4:51 PM on October 26 [6 favorites]


Thank you, angrycat. Got to speak with him briefly tonight, and we're going to visit him tomorrow. I'm still numb but hopeful.
posted by heathrowga at 5:26 PM on October 26 [11 favorites]


heathrowga, my thoughts are with you, too. My best friend just went through this with his kid, who is, not coincidentally, my son's best friend.
posted by mollweide at 6:25 PM on October 26 [3 favorites]


I'm so sorry to hear that, heathrowga. I'll be thinking of you and your son.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:36 PM on October 26 [3 favorites]


I came out to my parents as poly last week, my dad in person and my mum through email. My mum never replied; my dad said he needed to process. Yesterday he told me that while he and Mum are happy I've found someone who makes me happy, they don't want me bringing my alternative lifestyle around them. Oh, and I should be happy because most people their age wouldn't even be happy for me.

A part of me wants to say fuck you to both of them and cut contact for awhile, but my mother is trying to get off benzos while her anxiety keeps going higher and higher, and my dad is on his way to a breakdown of his own taking care of her, and cutting contact feels selfish and childish.

So once again, story of my life, I will be forced to swallow my needs, my pain and my anger, and go be a good daughter. Because if I don't and something bad happens to either of them, the guilt will crush me.

Fucking FUCK.
posted by twilightlost at 7:50 PM on October 26 [6 favorites]


posted this in the fracking thread but flagged it for deletion (thanks mods) because it belongs here:
this talk about solar batteries providing power from ones own roof just made me depressed all over again about being the type of Poor who lives in a 120-year old shabby apartment building with slumlords i pay rent to, because when cheap-to-free power is available to the point of necessity to people with houses will i have access to electricity?
i think i just hate that my economic situation functionally means i have to live in a way that's immoral for now and unsustainable for the future. living on the edge of every bubble, skating by on debt and empty hope. woo.
posted by zinful at 12:06 AM on October 27 [1 favorite]


fuck this poverty shit. i'm so tired from both my fucking jobs to pay my stupid fucking debt, too tired to do anything fun or refreshing or fulfilling and i'm so sick and tired of talking and thinking about money, the most boring fucking thought in the universe! ughhhhhhh fuck
posted by zinful at 12:09 AM on October 27 [3 favorites]


Fuck cancer.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:28 AM on October 27 [17 favorites]


I learned this week that some family friends are Trump supporters. I knew of other, actual biological relatives that are Trump supporters, but they have the pre-existing condition of being Shit People (like my dad's sister, who stole my mom's wedding jewelry while my parents were on their honeymoon; or her husband who expressed delight at the Iraq War because his bomb-cartridge-making company was rolling in it after several decades of relative peace; or the fact that they intimidated my grandma into not voting in 2016 by threatening to evict her from her in-law apartment on their property) and they live on the other side of the country so I don't interact with them ever including when I go out there for conferences and such.

But the family friends? I mean, I thought these were good people! They've been close friends of my parents since before I was born. I grew up with their kids. They are aunts and uncles to me in a way that my actual aunt and uncle really are not. They are college/grad school educated immigrants. One of them said he supports Trump because he thinks his plastic surgeon son-in-law will make more money.

... the fuck?
posted by basalganglia at 8:58 AM on October 27 [4 favorites]


I don't know what to fucking do.
posted by great_radio at 9:30 AM on October 27 [12 favorites]


I was out running errands when I saw the news about Tree of Life. I turned on the local NPR affiliate to see if I could get some more news. So far:

1. Editorial about Trump's stochastic terrorism re Cesar Sayoc.
2. Local news break with no new news about Tree of Life.
3. Report from a Save the Children worker in Yemen.
4. Report about KSA once again changing their story about Jamal Khashoggi.
5. Story about Emmit Till.
6. Story about Native voter suppression.

I just... I'm at a loss.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:39 AM on October 27 [3 favorites]


Trump, Kavanagh and now this, all hit me similarly, though this feels maybe more harsh than even Kavanagh, because with the SC vote it was a mile away coming, this... It just feels like it's going to implode sooner or later. and god damn.

But no, it's not Trump's fault. I see he said he wants "tougher death penalty" because we don't already have a fucking "death penalty for terrorism" act, but oh yeah! they're not terrorists! Just "lone crazies."

But also. like, you only need it cuz you aren't treating white people the same way you treat everyone else. this fucker would be dead if he weren't white. Not that I ask for the pigs to kill someone, but it might at least reduce, IDK, our suspicion that everything tilts in your favor and you STILL aren't satisfied.

We must resist. However we can in whatever small ways we can. We cannot fall victim to their mentality though. Vengeance and needless bloodshed turns us into monsters like them.

We can be ruthless and tough and hard without being violent.
posted by symbioid at 11:04 AM on October 27


It‘s just fucking relentless today, isn‘t it. Sending hugs to everyone who needs them.
posted by The Toad at 11:26 AM on October 27 [7 favorites]


Another horrible day...
Please take care of yourselves.
Please remember that it is totally OK to unplug if you need to do so. It’s not avoidance—it’s taking care of yourself.
posted by bookmammal at 11:34 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]


This week has felt literally like a low-grade panic attack. Recalibrating my sleep cycle back to normal is the most important task, though my objective of limiting my news-intake went straight to hell with the Magabomber and the Squirrel Hill shooter.
posted by Doktor Zed at 11:43 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]


I am a religious leader. I am the lead pastor of a large United Methodist congregation in Virginia. Right now, I am so livid about Trump's victim-blaming of the Pittsburgh synagogue, I cannot see straight, his statement that it is congregation's fault for not having an armed guard inside. All this before we even have an official body count.

There is no bottom with this man, no limit to how low he can sink, absolutely nothing beneath him.

Be good to one another, friends. We are all we've got.
posted by 4ster at 11:48 AM on October 27 [25 favorites]


I checked Twitter during a workshop on STEM inclusion and diversity and saw all the things about the shooting in Pittsburgh. Last weekend I got to attend my new baby cousin's bris at their conservative synagogue in MA. It was such a wonderful and happy occasion full of so much excitement for the life that my new baby cousin will have. I'm so so so sad right now.
posted by ChuraChura at 11:56 AM on October 27 [4 favorites]


Oh, cool, just got home and there is a currently 7-alarm fire in one of the apartment buildings down the block. Holy shit. They've just ordered everyone out of the building as it's probably about to collapse.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:06 PM on October 27


i'm so sad. squirrel hill is such a beautiful neighborhood and a wonderful community. Chazak u'varuch pittsburgh. This world is upside down.
posted by dis_integration at 3:19 PM on October 27 [5 favorites]


I live close to my downtown and with the windows open we overhear lots of sidewalk conversations. 90 plus percent of the angry, swearing, raised-voice talking I overhear is white men. I am so fucking sick of angry white men dominating even the public street outside my building.
posted by nakedmolerats at 4:08 PM on October 27 [10 favorites]


WHAT
THE
FUCK
AMERICA?
posted by loquacious at 10:38 PM on October 27 [2 favorites]


the 29-year-old gay, black mayor of our mostly white little town outside of Philly is getting death threats and it's getting substantial press coverage. I don't know the ins and outs, but some of it involves our police making racist and homophobic comments on the job.

Now people on our town's facebook page are whining about unfair Bridgeport is being portrayed as a racist homophobic town in the press. I made the mistake of looking at it this morning and deciding that things needed to be fucking lit. I brought up the Pittsburgh murders and tried to shame every motherfucker who decided that THIS MOTHERFUCKING WEEK was the time to whine that racism/bigotry doesn't exist. I am just over it. I am ready to go our town centre, the goddamn WaWa, and start throwing punches.
posted by angrycat at 6:15 AM on October 28 [8 favorites]


This morning I dreamt about Instagram videos of a mom chemist who pranked her husband by switching out the salt for something that exploded with green light when he sprinkled it into a pot on the stove. Two little girls were in the foreground at the kitchen table, laughing. Then mom lifted a pan with a hot loaf of bread into the foreground and as it finished cooking, bread arms and bread legs unfolded from it, then a head pushed it's way out. The excited kids broke into cheers when a bread kitten emerged from the belly.

I woke up because of some yelling through the walls. My elderly neighbour's crazy asshole druggie son was shouting at her again; berating her for not having fought for some imaginary family fortune. He screamed, “I'm the fucking godson of Donald Trump!”

Also, my 26 year old Civic died dramatically on the highway last Sunday due to an improperly installed timing belt. I’m without a car and in the middle of a slow motion divorce and a couple of associated court cases. Today I'll fill out a financial disclosure form, which means I somehow have to remember how much money I had in the bank in 1996. I was driving the same car.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:17 AM on October 28 [1 favorite]


...I should add that about an hour ago I had one of the top 10 poops of my life. So, I'm greatful for that.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:30 AM on October 28 [7 favorites]


I went for a swim at the Y this morning and it felt so good to just attack those laps for half an hour.
posted by octothorpe at 11:39 AM on October 28 [1 favorite]


Just read this link on the attack on reproductive rights posted by homunculus in the latest US politics thread. As a British person, I'm staggered. And immensely angry. How dare they. How fucking dare they. I'm so angry.
posted by doornoise at 1:11 PM on October 28


This morning I dreamt about Instagram videos of a mom chemist who pranked her husband by switching out the salt for something that exploded with green light when he sprinkled it into a pot on the stove.

The only compounds I can think of that would do this would not be nice to food since they'd be metal salts and...

Two little girls were in the foreground at the kitchen table, laughing. Then mom lifted a pan with a hot loaf of bread into the foreground and as it finished cooking, bread arms and bread legs unfolded from it, then a head pushed it's way out. The excited kids broke into cheers when a bread kitten emerged from the belly.

...holy shit ahahaha. Yo budtender? Gimme some of this I want to hug my food and eat my pillow.
posted by loquacious at 1:20 PM on October 28


Oh my. We just got back from canvassing a nearby suburb -- 15 people on my list of registered Democrats answered the door. Six said they were voting for Democrats, six for Republicans (one clearly wanted to argue about it with me, lol no), and three said it was none of my business and they didn't want to talk about it.

So I normally feel better after doing something but right now I am in the depths of despair
posted by gerstle at 3:19 PM on October 28 [10 favorites]


gerstle, I favorited that because I favorite any comment I see about volunteering for GOTV. You rock. Sorry the experience sucked this time but I appreciate your efforts.
posted by sunset in snow country at 3:24 PM on October 28


Thank you. It was terrifying. I've read about ten trillion articles about how white suburbs are where the tide is really turning blah blah blah blah blah

Not that one, I guess. Good lord.
posted by gerstle at 3:30 PM on October 28 [2 favorites]


If anecdotes aren't data and we can't trust the polls that means all there is to do is keep going out and working to shift things in the direction of sanity. I hope your experience was an outlier, gerstle.
posted by contraption at 3:57 PM on October 28 [6 favorites]


I hope any MeFites in Brasil will be all right.
posted by anem0ne at 4:16 PM on October 28 [8 favorites]


Also came here to post in solidarity of Brazil. This is so awful, I'm sorry.
posted by lesser weasel at 5:54 PM on October 28 [2 favorites]


My sister-in-law’s family still lives in Brazil and one of the deceased from the synagogue shootings was a family friend.

This weekend sucked.
posted by dinty_moore at 8:32 PM on October 28 [10 favorites]


Brazil is kind of terrifying. I’m trying to keep my head down and avoid the news. I finished my last postcards today - did over 400 this month. Guess I’ll move on/back to knitting.
posted by bq at 10:22 PM on October 28 [1 favorite]


Oh, and now I've had the thought about all of my SIL's family that's currently in the US but could be deported back. Brain, those thoughts aren't why I gave you coffee.
posted by dinty_moore at 5:50 AM on October 29


Here's what's going on where I live. I live across from the Borough Hall and the police department. I've hugged the mayor. Shit is lit on the town's facebook page, in large part by me losing my mind and calling people stupid in a variety of ways. Pittsburgh is where my SO used to live and of course is in the same state as my town. This shit is getting real close real fast.
posted by angrycat at 5:53 AM on October 29 [3 favorites]


Listening to NPR about Bolsonaro this morning was just... fucking surreal. Does every country in succession have to make the same exact mistake in order to learn anything?
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:20 AM on October 29 [6 favorites]


We've. Already. Made. Those. Mistakes. It's not even a case of not learning from them. People DID learn from them. The wrong people. The wrong things. They learned how to whip people up into a a selfish froth in order to further their own klepto-fascist-capitalistic aims. The lesson is: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. And this is being taken advantage of through the magic of technology via social media sites.

The other lesson is that in order to stop it, there is going to have to be blood. I'll probably go to the vigil in Nathan Philips Square tonight. And that's my fucking fuck of the day.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:12 AM on October 29 [5 favorites]


I work at a Jewish food pantry and just had to tell a volunteer not to joke about CNN deserving to be bombed. I handled it professionally but I’m shaking with anger now.
posted by EarBucket at 8:27 AM on October 29 [7 favorites]


*Huge hugs to all the Brazillian and American-Jewish mefites*
posted by daybeforetheday at 11:57 AM on October 29 [2 favorites]


I went to a lovely vigil and service last night at a temple in Eugene. It was overflowing. Having moved here from Pittsburgh, I feel very unmoored in the location-specific part of the grief. But there were at least two other people there with PGH connections. The world is small.

The things that meant the most to me from the various speakers:
1) explicit recognition that this is part of a pattern of violence against LGBTQ folks, African-Americans*, etc. and that we stand together
2) Explicit rejection of a world where we must or should 'defend ourselves' with the same weapons that destroy us. We reject normalizing weapons in public life and especially in worship.
3) A call to allies today to confront anti-Semitism in your neighborhoods. If you see anti-Semitic graffiti and can't fix it yourself.... raise hell with your city until somebody does. Your Jewish friends may not have the strength to fix every horrible 'little' thing they see. Help them.

*and I was glad they said this, but also WHAT THE FUCK that two African-Americans were killed at a fucking grocery store just for being black in public this week, and our national response was shruggo.
posted by nakedmolerats at 12:09 PM on October 29 [14 favorites]


Hey fellow sufferers, I just wanted to mention that in response to my despair (which really kicked in with a recent report about climate change but that was kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back after the Trump election) I have posted an AskMe and many people have responded with thoughtful, kind, and useful advice. I am not suggesting that any of you are necessarily in the same place I am. But you might be, so feel free to amble over to the AskMe if you need a little boost. Not from my question, of course, but from the answers.

Everyone really does need a hug. Sending you all the big-ass virtual hugs I can.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:07 PM on October 29 [5 favorites]


There are a number of people in my patch of red-state who think all leftists should die and who know me by name and face as a loudmouthed socialist Jew. I live alone and emergency services would take half an hour to get out here. If anybody goes stochastic I'm an easy and visible target. I've taken some physical defense precautions but don't take a lot of comfort from them.

I've already received some light and lazy threats and attempts at intimidation in the last few years but given enough time I think someone's bound to go further. I've just finished building a house and my little location-dependent business is finally doing well and I don't like factoring the likelihood that I will be run out of town or worse into my medium-term planning.

It's spite that's keeping me here and, generally, keeping me going. Spite and my animals. Who knows, maybe John Brown will be resurrected bearing a flaming broadsword of glorious vengeance. Optimism's important.
posted by Rust Moranis at 5:01 PM on October 29 [23 favorites]


I have been angry at these assholes before. It's my natural state, frankly, as I've spent most of my life being angry at right-wing assholes. This current batch of troglodytes is a special breed, of course, but even then I can usually contain it.

But I can't remember the last time I've been as flat-out disgusted by a person, an elected official, an entire administration, 47% of the country as I am right now.

The slayings at the Kroger are tangential to Trump and Trumpoids, at the very least. Trump is not to blame for every flareup of racial hatred that happens in America, or every neo-Nazi fuckwit within our borders, even if he and his seem quite content to nurture it. But the culture of white nationalism that, day by day, Trump is happier and happier to acknowledge and endorse is largely to blame. Had that happened in a vacuum, it'd be one thing.

The bombs sent to prominent Democrats and other members of Trump's Enemies List... now, that's laid squarely at Cheeto's doorstep. Not just Cheeto, mind; every member of the Mirror Universe Media machine whose playbooks are to escalate constantly, bleat us-versus-them anthems over radio and TV and the Internet at all times, and refuse to acknowledge the basic humanity of anyone who would disagree with them. They are all culpable. Thankfully, no one was killed or maimed... this time.

The massacre at the synagogue... That is a set of human lives wiped off the planet needlessly, triggered SPECIFICALLY by Trump and Trumpoids' fear-mongering and xenophobic rantings. Triggered SPECIFICALLY by bullshit rumors about George Soros and Jewish masterminds and invasions of America and everything they can possibly tie into that. You know that. I know that. He and they know that. And there is nothing on the planet that can wipe that blood off their hands.

So for him to respond to attempted murder of journalists by doubling down on those journalists being "the enemy of the people..." For The Mouth of Sauron to respond to the synagogue slaughter and to the targeting of journalists with "The media caused this..." He might as well just go ahead and yell GET THEM as loudly as he fucking can. People are going to get killed over this. Again. Every newspaper, every TV studio, every radio station, every blogger capable of being doxxed, it's open season because President Shitwhistle just formally endorsed it.

(And, oh, by the way, the people coming here for help and a better life are rabid lepers with smallpox and we need to send in the military. And the people who are spreading that lie don't even fucking believe it themselves. They are openly acknowledging that it's a lie that they're using to drum up electoral support.)

There is no other way that can be taken and it is so fundamentally dangerous and un-American that I am disgusted beyond my limits. This is sheer depravity. It's going to have a body count and the people responsible for it are completely indifferent to that and, in fact, guiding it into existence.

And everyone's ignorant Uncle Ralph will sit at the dinner table in a month and tell you all about how Trump's such a great President and he's being tough on those illegals and those leftist mobs are so terrible and Antifa is wrecking our cities and pass the turkey, please, with an equal level of indifference and complete lack of remorse.

Fuck him, fuck them, fuck all of them with hammers. I'm past the point of trying to understand where they're coming from or why. And it also proves that my own atheism is likely correct, because if there was an actual deity out there willing to weigh judgment on these fuckamaroles, the lightning wouldn't stop flashing for a month.
posted by delfin at 5:07 PM on October 29 [16 favorites]


Thank you for, delfin, for articulating so well what leaves me in a silent, boggled, despairing rage.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:17 PM on October 29 [2 favorites]


Okay so now he says he's going to end birthright citizenship by executive order and it's like the Constitution doesn't even count anymore.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:22 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


It doesn't. Not when Brett Beers-a-Lot is on the SCOTUS now. Our fates rest on whether either Roberts or Gorsuch can be persuaded to look at a completely ridiculous legal argument that accomplishes a desired conservative end and say "this is completely ridiculous and even I can't go along with this."

Which... well, I wouldn't put money on it.
posted by delfin at 5:38 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


Okay so now he says he's going to end birthright citizenship by executive order and it's like...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Ugh.

FUUUUUUUCK. Fuck him fuck him fuck him.
posted by OnceUponATime at 7:41 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


I don't know about any of you other frogs, but I could swear the water in this pot is getting steadily hotter.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:32 AM on October 30 [9 favorites]


I have two little birthright American kids. I just don‘t even
posted by The Toad at 8:45 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Republicans, when gun control is brought up: The only viable interpretation of the Constitution is the one that provides for the broadest, unimpeded rights!

Also Republicans: If you turn your head and squint your eyes just right, a modern interpretation of that "subject to the jurisdiction thereof" phrase means we don't have to honor that whole birthright citizenship thing.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:47 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


He's coming to Pittsburgh this afternoon but no one seems to know where so I might as well stay in my office until 7 because traffic is going to be impossible. No one wants him here and the mayor's not even going to meet with him but he's coming anyway.
posted by octothorpe at 8:49 AM on October 30 [3 favorites]


I’m really going to choke on my own bile today.
posted by bq at 9:05 AM on October 30 [1 favorite]


There's a protest against Trump's visit a block from my office in Pittsburgh's East End, this afternoon. I have to go, I mean... I don't have kids to pick up, so *vague gestures at lack of legit reasons not to*.

But I have a therapy appointment this evening, it's hard to get into my therapist's schedule with my limited time, and my small-a anxiety is spinning what-ifs about missing my appointment. (I have punctuality-themed brainweasels, and yes, I am a blast at parties.)

Shut up, anxiety, who asked you. Ugh.
posted by cage and aquarium at 9:10 AM on October 30 [6 favorites]


Octothorpe, I just got a call from the city schools that Trump is visiting Presby at 3 and there's a rally scheduled in Squirrel Hill at 4. I think it's safe to say the entire East End is going to be a shitshow. My son has his music lesson tonight in Squirrel Hill at 6:00 so that should certainly be interesting.

No one wants him here. I don't want him here and I don't want to be anywhere near him. The fact that I'm going to be a few blocks away makes me feel unclean in a very not-like-me way.

For the past few weeks, when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my phone for a very specific alert. I'm looking for that NYT Push Alert that says that President Trump has had a massive heart attack and keeled over dead into his well done steak. Every morning when that is not what I find, the cloud descends and I get on with my day.

None of this is okay.
posted by soren_lorensen at 10:10 AM on October 30 [9 favorites]


I'm trying to cut down on drinking and this shit isn't helping.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:20 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


And everyone's ignorant Uncle Ralph will sit at the dinner table in a month and tell you all about how Trump's such a great President and he's being tough on those illegals and those leftist mobs are so terrible and Antifa is wrecking our cities and pass the turkey, please, with an equal level of indifference and complete lack of remorse.

Speaking of which: my mother has friends whom she's known for many years now -- around 30, I'd guess. They've always been right-wing, and they support 45 completely. They're educated people; she's a psychologist and he's a lawyer. Just to give you a general idea: when my father turned 75, Bob, the male half of this couple, gave him as a gift, I kid you not, a framed photo of a voting booth in Westchester County in New York State with a sign saying "Vote Here" and then "Vota Aqui" right below it. The point was that Bob was outraged because, you know, "why should we have to have signs in Spanish!! Why don't those people learn English if they want to vote!" and he was tweaking my father, who was waaaay left of center. Hardeeharhar.

The other night, my mother went to dinner with this couple and wound up with a bunch of their relatives at a restaurant. Again, these are all very educated people -- doctors and lawyers and such. And they spent the entire dinner talking about The Caravan and George Soros. At one point, one of the men, a doctor, said, "If they try to come over the border, we should just shoot them, that's all." It was at that point that my mother, to her credit, got up from the table and said that she was leaving, and walked out of the restaurant. I don't like that she associates with these people at all, but I give her a lot of credit for walking out on them and making it clear why.

These are not stupid people. These are professionals from the blue part of New York State. And some of them are Jewish. I really don't see how we come out of this.
posted by holborne at 10:35 AM on October 30 [14 favorites]


You know those Doomsday Preppers, who are preparing for society to break down because of all of us godless liberals and those damned immigrants? What if society really does break down, only instead of the right wingers being caught in the middle, they're the fucking cause, and it's us pinkos who should've been fitting out bunkers and stocking up on canned food?

OK, I'm going to lie down for a while and try to get a grip.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:56 AM on October 30 [4 favorites]


and it's us pinkos who should've been fitting out bunkers and stocking up on canned food?

Pinkos know how to share resources, by definition, so there's that! And lefty prepping is a quasi-thing by way of farming. But mostly through not hoarding ammo and gold like dragons.
posted by cage and aquarium at 11:41 AM on October 30 [2 favorites]


For the last two years Trump has, in my head, been a shitty, malicious person. The kind of guy who doesn't pay his contractors and probably abuses his wife. Never, though, did I think he had any kind of plan to act on his generally shitty qualities. He would react reliably stupidly and viciously but he wouldn't seek out opportunities to do bad. Because he is/was chaotic evil.

In light of the last few days, I think maybe he's just plain evil. And he'll take whatever plan is handed to him. We can only rely on ourselves. What we do, day by day, will be reflected in history. What do you want to be able to tell your kids and grandkids? Do that now.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:15 PM on October 30 [4 favorites]


Okay so now he says he's going to end birthright citizenship by executive order and it's like...

I am torn between the reaction of “he can’t do that” and “but what if he does anyway?”

Needless to say there’s a lot of nausea involved.
posted by corb at 1:07 PM on October 30 [7 favorites]


I just want to point out that those of us without children do still care what happens to us and to our fellow citizens, and do still have a stake in the outcome, even though we don't have offspring.
posted by holborne at 1:40 PM on October 30 [11 favorites]


And everyone's ignorant Uncle Ralph will sit at the dinner table in a month and tell you all about how Trump's such a great President and he's being tough on those illegals and those leftist mobs are so terrible and Antifa is wrecking our cities and pass the turkey

My brother's in-laws are generally what you think of as "nice" republicans. Whatever atrocities they endorse with their votes, they don't leave FOX on 24/7, they don't tell intentionally cruel stories or jokes, and they've always been nice to my queer ass. And the unspoken agreement has always been that nobody talks politics and everyone gets along. But I honestly don't know if I can do that this year or if I should try even for the sake of harmony with people I like. I'm genuinely not sure if I should be like "I'm doing great thanks! They haven't put the fucking queers in camps yet!" or make myself scarce over the holidays or what
posted by octobersurprise at 1:40 PM on October 30 [7 favorites]


I just want to point out that those of us without children do still care what happens to us and to our fellow citizens, and do still have a stake in the outcome, even though we don't have offspring.

I meant the opposite: I feel that as a person without kids, I can't use the (very valid) "I can't do XYZ because kids" reasoning to not do things. I do not have any small humans depending on me, and so I feel I need to do all the things for those who cannot.

That said, I am a terrible person whose commitment got moved up, so I'm not going. Wrong side of history. I know. I will be donating to HIAS for starters.
posted by cage and aquarium at 1:47 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]


Guys, okay, I've left the FB wars, but holy jumping jehosephat, the way people got angry because there have been some articles about our mayor being threatened with a lynch mob and now the dude is seriously like I shouldn't walk the two blocks from Borough Hall to his house each night because his friends are saying 'they want to kill you, they've got guns.'

And people are So! Upset! That the town! Is being vilified! So angry that reporting this shit makes Bridgeport out to be homophobic and racist when there are so many good people are here. And it's like Pittsburgh? Like, it happened a few days ago? It's a couple of hours away, in the same state? And people are angry because oh no it's just one fellow who people were worried was getting too close to the edge. What are you supposed to say to that? Okay, no problem then?
posted by angrycat at 2:01 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]


So I'm sitting in Shadyside Hospital with my wife, who was admitted for observation. She's OK but just being in here, one of the hospitals where the shooting victims were brought, is making me upset all over again. It doesn't help that the Orange Idiot is only a few blocks away at The Tree of Life right now even when everyone asked him to stay away.
posted by octothorpe at 2:15 PM on October 30 [7 favorites]


I was sitting on a bus at the corner of the street Tree of Life is on, waiting for the motorcade to pass. It is rush hour in a town that already hates him, in the aftermath of an unfathomable tragedy.

I got off the bus because it was taking a really long time and no motorcade was forthcoming so I was standing on the corner just in time. I was unable to identify the correct car to give the finger to in time, but Trump can consider himself officially and personally scoweled at, on behalf of the metafilter fucking fuck thread.

I'm walking the mile or so to pick my kid up now and honestly it's probably good for me to get some exercise. I'm literally shaking with rage.
posted by soren_lorensen at 2:28 PM on October 30 [20 favorites]


Please pass along my best best wishes for your wife, Octothorpe. This is all a lot.
posted by soren_lorensen at 2:30 PM on October 30 [8 favorites]


holborne, good on your mom for walking out. That takes a level of courage that not many people have.

I recently rewatched Gentleman's Agreement, in which Gregory Peck heroically exposes casual and systemic anti-Semitism in postwar NYC. I always thought the real hero of that movie was John Garfield, who plays his (Jewish) best friend. This scene, where Garfield calls out Peck's milquetoast fiancée for staying silent in the face of racist "jokes," should be required watching for everyone with a Racist Uncle Ralph.
posted by basalganglia at 2:52 PM on October 30 [12 favorites]


I keep having the chorus of Randy Newman's song Louisiana 1927 running through my head.

"They're trying to wash us away, they're trying to wash us away"
posted by irisclara at 3:22 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]


dear oblivious white men on the Internet: if everyone who reads what you're saying thinks you are taking the side of the white nationalists, it probably isn't that your readers are stupid, it's that you're expressing yourself badly enough that you SOUND LIKE A FUCKING WHITE NATIONALIST.

When you say that the president's "strategy" in bringing up the birthright citizenship EO is "smart" and "how he can win" it's not on the rest of us to figure out that you literally just mean that on a pure basis of data and wonkery. And PS, your nonwhite friend born of noncitizen parents doesn't FUCKING need to hear what a great "strategy" it is.

AND DON'T CALL ME "HONEY" AGAIN OR I WILL END YOU.

this has been today's installment of "dealing with humans is a losing game."
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:47 PM on October 30 [21 favorites]


Also, miss me with your “distraction.”
posted by octobersurprise at 4:07 PM on October 30 [5 favorites]


Oh hey and this situation apparently just got resolved. No one has actually bothered to tell any of us complainants what the outcome was, but the harasser came out of his meeting with the dean looking especially happy and relieved, so he probably got promoted or appointed to the supreme court or whatever it is we are doing with toxic white men nowadays.
posted by lollusc at 5:30 AM on October 31 [6 favorites]


cage and aquarium, I was responding specifically to the admonition that we should do what we'd like to tell our children and grandchildren that we did.
posted by holborne at 8:52 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


Minus: The Trotskyist in my Facebook feed is making a huge song and dance about not voting for either party because to cast a vote is to be complicit with everything anyone in the party does. I told him (rather mildly, I thought) that at least he'd have clean hands when they stripped my citizenship and took away my son's Medicaid, and now he has another rant about accusations of clean hands, but kids in Syria have no hands, so how about that?

Plus: Last night I spent a few hours with my partner writing last-minute postcards to voters in my district (NY23) to try to get a few more voters out for Tracy Mitrano.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by RedOrGreen at 9:28 AM on October 31 [7 favorites]


> The Trotskyist in my Facebook feed

That’s a mefi username waiting to happen, is what that is.

also though I have no time for people who purport to be on the left but who prioritize individual purity (“clean hands”) over effective praxis. like, bro, if you want a doctrine that prioritizes individuality, liberalism is right there. go be a liberal and stop fronting as a bolshevik. And if it’s individual purity you’re looking for, uh, I hate to tell you this but that sorta thing isn’t liberal so much as uhh kinda fashy, you know?
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 11:46 AM on October 31 [10 favorites]


> The Trotskyist in my Facebook feed

I'm humming this to the tune of Pulsallama's "The Devil Lives In My Husband's Body."

(Speaking of which, I started watching season three of The Man In The High Castle and I am surprised and delighted to discover that Ann Magnuson has a role in it.)
posted by octobersurprise at 12:27 PM on October 31 [3 favorites]


Worst Halloween ever. See you next year. Unless we're all locked up by then, or turning in everyone we've ever known.
posted by Harry Caul at 2:07 PM on October 31


I am so tired. And feeling guilty because I'm pretty sure I could possibly be doing more volunteering or activism or something. I've been canvassing and the campaign I'm volunteering for has given me some absolute shit packets the last 2 times. They want to target young and first time voters and so I've had packets with 45 doors on 38 different streets. It's fucking insane. I canvass alone, I've been safe, I don't have any friends who want to or are able to go with me, so I've been driving house to house, it takes 10 minutes or more per door. I've done two of these packets now and it's demoralizing as fuck to drive all over and find something like 10% of the people on the list even home. Maybe 10% of those had already voted. I was scraping the bottom of my silver linings barrel to find something worthwhile about what I'm doing because it feels so effortful and unlikely to change the outcome. I returned the second packet (85 doors all together that took me 12 hours) today and my organizer asked me if I wanted to check another one out, and full of guilt, I said that I can't right now, because I also agreed to make calls "chasing voters" for the Democratic party because registered Democrats need to be badgered and begged to return the ballots the state mailed to them, and to contact the folks in my precinct about voting. If I can knock that out, I'll go get one more gnarly packet before Election Day, but oof, y'all, it's fucking hard and I'm tired. (I also feel slightly weird complaining about how a campaign is targeting their outreach, because maybe doing what's easy for volunteers isn't effective, but this is the hardest canvassing I have ever done --I've knocked about 2500 doors for other campaigns and it's never been like this.)
posted by danielleh at 5:05 PM on October 31 [9 favorites]


danielleh do not feel guilty! You have done much more than most, and we need you for the long haul. This will be a long hard fight for years and it is okay to take things at a pace that doesn't burn you out so you can't do any more.
posted by corb at 8:10 PM on October 31 [7 favorites]


I was coming back from lunch at work with a friend, we had a perfectly lovely lunch on a really nice sunny day, and walking back to the office I saw someone put up some fucking white supremacist garbage wheatpaste posters on a utility box. I snatched them off and wadded them up and threw them away, but now I'm just full of "I will fight you, motherfucker," which is not conducive to getting through my workday. And I don't even want to mention it to anyone at work because they were milquetoast enough that I'm afraid people would be like "but why do you think that was racist" and I don't want to discover which of my well-liked colleagues would be okay with creeping fascism.
posted by sldownard at 5:08 AM on November 1 [4 favorites]


aaaaand a friend who's riding the bipolar rollercoaster is cresting a hypomanic hill and reacting irritably and badly to everything no doubt thanks to all the stress in the world and has said to my partner and me "you're nice but we keep hurting each other online" (which???) "but would be happy to see you in person though" and defriended etc and I'm like ... woooooooaakay ...
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:21 AM on November 1


Yesterday in the gym I was wearing my "We are all immigrants" t shirt, which I often do because my gym is mostly white people 50+ and while the city where it's located (Winchester, in VA-10) is light blue, the surrounding county is blood red.

On previous occasions I've had people stop me during my workout to give me a thumbs up at the shirt's sentiment, or express solidarity verbally. I thought that's what was going to happen yesterday when a white woman about 60 said to me "I like your shirt."

Her: I like your shirt.

Me: Thanks! I'm so glad. You may not believe it, but people here tell me that all time, which is awesome.

Her: Yes. But we can't let the whole world in.

Me: And we're not doing that.

Her: I mean, there have to be rules.

Me: And there ARE plenty of rules. What we can't do is change the rules depending on who is asking or who's in charge.

Her: ...

Me: You know, it's legal to show up at the border and ask for asylum. In fact, that's the actual rule here. What we can't do is refuse to follow our own rules whenever we feel like it.

Her: ...

Me: Anyway, hope you have a great day!

---

Also, for whatever it's worth, lots of folks who I profiled as Trumpist were chaperoning their kids during trick or treating stops at our house last night. I loved that they stood there reading our "We believe..." lawn sign as I was being nice and fussing over their kids' costumes.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 6:19 AM on November 1 [22 favorites]


October was such a fucking shitty month.
We're living in a nightmare, all the balls I've been trying to keep in the air since my mom died have come crashing down and in about 3 hours my electricity gets shut off. I'd like to hit reset and load a save from a save from 2008 or even a 1998. Since that's not going to happen I think I'll get dressed, walk into town and drop my ballot off at the courthouse.
I hope November is a better month.
posted by Tenuki at 7:37 AM on November 1 [11 favorites]


Tenuki I'm so sorry about your situation.

This last week has been really hard. The wait for this election was always going to be excruciating -- when I'm GOTV-ing I'm tired of fucking GOTV and when I'm not I'm freaking the hell out. But all of the horrible has ramped up so dramatically the last couple weeks, it's absolutely unbearable waiting to see what will happen. I feel like both my husband and I are in the midst of a minor nervous breakdown and just trying to pretend to be normal around the kids.

Also, good god, it is hard to talk to GOP voters right now, just going their merry way and wanting to know if I'm getting excited for Christmas, or whatever. It's hard not to hate them for what they've done.
posted by gerstle at 9:00 AM on November 1 [2 favorites]


I had lunch with a friend and he was like "Wanna come over on Tuesday and watch the returns? If it starts looking bad we can watch something more cheerful, like Man In The High Castle."
posted by octobersurprise at 10:30 AM on November 1 [11 favorites]


I made a plan with a friend/former coworker (we both work in organizations where what's going on in Washington has a direct and perceptible effect on our work environment) to get offline on Tuesday. We'll be hiking in a fairly remote park without cell phone access, and hopefully by the time we get home at least some good news will be in.

I'm really looking forward to the beer and tacos at the end of the day on Tuesday.
posted by suelac at 11:18 AM on November 1 [2 favorites]


I had lunch with a friend and he was like "Wanna come over on Tuesday and watch the returns? If it starts looking bad we can watch something more cheerful, like Man In The High Castle."

Seriously good advice. For my part, anytime #USpol threatens to become overwhelming in my brainspace (such as on or after an actual election day), I find myself a super-tragic documentary or historically-accurate drama to watch, and thereby remind myself that things are not yet as bad as they could be. It's truly helpful, if perhaps fleetingly.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 12:15 PM on November 1


It's hard not to hate them for what they've done.

Why on earth would you not hate them? Do you mean it's hard to conceal your hatred? That I get.
posted by contraption at 1:06 PM on November 1


I dropped in to say that being in Puerto Rico, I am officially disenfranchised in this election. Furthermore, I'm taking my wife to the airport at 4 a.m. on Wednesday the 7th so I won't be able to stay up to see whether America survives or not. Fuck.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:13 PM on November 1 [2 favorites]


Re: Nazi posters - sometimes they’ll stick Razors or other nasty surprises behind those, so be a little careful scraping them down and maybe use a tool rather than doing it barehanded.
posted by Artw at 1:59 PM on November 1 [3 favorites]


Just made plans with some friends to have a potluck / watching party on Tuesday. And I'm already getting the shakes and thinking this might have been a bad idea. We did this in 2016, and it was an absolutely miserable night, obviously. Feel like I'm tempting fate doing it again.

I'm turning into a stereotype of insanely angry middle-aged white guy. Well, not quite a stereotype. Yelling about real problems instead of the usual crazed uncle conspiracist stew. And my friends & family will often join me in the yelling. But still, I don't like this change in me.
posted by Teegeeack AV Club Secretary at 2:25 PM on November 1 [2 favorites]


There were swastikas graffitied in my hometown in NH a few blocks from the synagogue we occasionally went to, where the Jewish federation I played basketball and did theater at used to be. It's not like I didn't know people in NH were anti-Semitic (i found swastikas on paper scraps left around my desk more than once in high school, and there was a senior who used to call me his Little Jewish Friend in a weird sexualized sort of aggressive way), but I'm so depleted right now with work and politics and relationships and precarity that I don't have the emotional reserves to shrug it off. I'm sad and angry and tired. Fuck this.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:29 PM on November 1 [4 favorites]


Anyone who needs s good hour or two of entertainment should go see Colette. It’s full of Merchant-Ivory level gorgeousness with Keira Knightly as the bisexual writer who leaves her shitty husband for her transmasc lover.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:36 PM on November 1 [5 favorites]


A tweet going around sums up my feelings over the last two years exactly

2016: "Come on, you're talking like Trump's going to put people in concentration camps"

2018: "First of all, I think it's offensive that you refer to them as 'concentration camps'"
posted by The Whelk at 7:40 AM on November 2 [26 favorites]


2016: “Hillary is a DNC warmonger who is worse than Trump.”

2018: “I’m not culpable for the concentration camps and how dare you relitigate my 2016 idiocy.”

Fuck everybody who got us here.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 8:45 AM on November 2 [11 favorites]


Everything seems really terrible today. Professionally, it's bad: my employers just fired the one manager I liked/respected. Personally, it's bad: our friends don't seem to have time for us lately and my kid and spouse are feeling adrift because of it. Financially, it's bad: I'm going to have to drive Lyft this weekend, just to keep things from bouncing. Politically... [gestures broadly at everything]. It's just a crap mixture of being worried for other people and having my own (comparatively lesser but not insubstantial) worries.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:42 AM on November 2 [2 favorites]


I’m mostly sure everyone is going insane.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:59 AM on November 2 [4 favorites]


Last Christmas I put together the lyrics for a Trump song. My collaborator never came through with the music, so I thought I'd post the lyrics here. It's meant to be half Alan Sherman, half rap (which describes my personality).

Santa 911

Dear Santa,
If you read this,
Don't you visit
Donald Trump.
He's a liar,
And a swindler
And he'll take you
For a chump.

That chimney at the White House?
It's the barrel of a cannon.
And that snowman with a red nose?
He's the lumpy, grumpy Bannon.
And here's another mystery:
While sneaking past the Christmas tree
You'll hear a whistle blow:
He's weaponized the mistletoe.

He'll fill you with his bitter creed,
He'll chill you with his Twitter feed.

Dear Santa,
Let me warn you,
If you visit
Donald Trump:
He's a lecher
And a groper
And he'll grab you
By the rump.

He'll be rolling up his sleeves
To start petting on his peeves.
Then he'll get a full erection
When he glimpses his reflection.
Wooing you with kickbacks,
He'll be reaching for his Tic Tacs.
And when he's done he'll dump you
Like a graduate of Trump U.

With the nation veering off-course
He's out goofing on the golf course.

And Santa,
You're in danger
If you visit
Donald Trump.
He makes nervous
Secret Service,
Goes by code name:
Herr Darth Gump.

Check your naughty and your snotty lists
Or else Illuminati lists.
Who's this Santa? he'll exclaim.
That's a for'n-sounding name,
I let no one cross the border
Lest they're coming here from Mordor.
(whispering:) Where the shadows lie,
Where the shadows lie.
He's got reindeer-seeking missiles.
You'll be venison and gristle.

He's commander in covfefe,
Salamander, and a thief.

[In the style of military radio chatter.]
This is NORAD
We've a bogie
From the Land of
Misfit Toys.
We've got visuals
On the target
And we've locked on
To its noise.

Santa: Ho-ho-ho. Ho-ho-ho.
[SFX: beeping, whooshing of a missile.]
Santa: Ho-ho-ho. Ho-ho-oh, crap

[SFX: Beeping quickens until a far off explosion.]

NORAD, radio: Threat terminated.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:00 AM on November 2 [5 favorites]


The Conservative Christian Church My Brother's Family Attends: We are putting together a mission to send to Central America because someone needs to help the poor Hondurans, who are poor and desperate and at risk! They are noble people and deserve Christ's mercy. Please give anything you can.

The Same Church: Please bless President Trump and the troops as they defend us against the filthy caravan of godless animals encroaching upon our border.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:37 PM on November 2 [8 favorites]


My state house district was one of the ones where a Dem incumbent was successfully primaried by a DSA-affiliated challenger. (The primary is the election because the Reps never run anyone here.) I canvassed for her and it was one of the few shining lights in the past year.

In the past week, local social media has been blitzed with a write-in campaign for the defeated incumbent (a very conservative ex-cop anti-choice blue dog Dem). It's been all over Nextdoor, despite the fact that political stuff is not supposed to be going on there. Then this morning I got a fucking text message urging me to "defeat Socialist Sara" and write in the incumbent. So did my husband and a bunch of other people.

So I did some poking around. There's a Facebook group associated with this, and that gave a website. So I WhoIs-ed the website. Domain registered on October 22 by a local Republican (I looked up his donation history, all Republicans including Rick Santorum for President in 2016 lmaoooo). The website has a PayPal link (which is for "donations" but goes to the personal email address of this one dude) which I am preettttty sure is illegal.

And this guy is not just some random jabroni. He's on the board of directors for our public transit authority. He's clearly a local GOP mover and shaker. His name does not appear on any of the public-facing stuff associated with this campaign. There's no PAC, there's no campaign committee, there's no "this ad paid for" or anything.

AND WHERE DID HE GET MY PHONE NUMBER?

Anyway, I'm torn about how much to publicize what I found. I have a tip email to a local sympatico investigative reporter in drafts, but I'm afraid that if I do that, it'll just further advertise the write-in campaign when really it should just sink into the depths of local politics Facebook arglebargle.
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:59 PM on November 2 [5 favorites]


Do you think they have any real shot? Write-ins are always at a pretty big disadvantage and this incumbent seems to have lost the primary in a blowout (if my googling serves me right.) I would gather and screenshot or otherwise save as much info as possible, then send that email tip after the election.
posted by contraption at 3:53 PM on November 2 [3 favorites]


I don't think this is going to be a real thing--a couple dozen people on Nextdoor does not an electorate make. But the correct amount of attention paid to this on the eve of the election is zero attention. They're hanging this campaign around an interview she did where she talks frankly about racism in her district (of which there is a lot because black people were gerrymandered out a few years ago, to better reelect the ex-cop incumbent) and you know there's nothing white people react worse to than the suggestion that they might *gasp* be racist. The less that gets around three days before the election, the better. Peeps can confront getting called out on their implicit bias on their own time, later. So I'm gonna save my hot tips for, say, Tuesday afternoon. (I seriously want this dipshit cited for campaign finance violations at the very least.)

It's just so depressing and infuriating.
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:20 PM on November 2 [3 favorites]


I went canvassing today. Pretty typical 70% not home, 20% already voted, 5% planning to vote, 4% moved/didn't want to talk/etc.

One dude, though. Registered Dem. Has he voted already? No. Is he planning on voting? No. Does he have any questions about the candidates or ballot measures? No. Is time or another factor a barrier to voting? No. Is there anything I can to do persuade him to vote? No.

ARRRGGGGGHHHHH
posted by bassooner at 2:36 PM on November 3 [6 favorites]


The Whelk, on the politics thread:

> As people have been saying this week, if you wanted to know what you’ve done during the rise of fascism in the 30s and 40s, you’re doing it now.

Go through a total nervous breakdown. That’s what I would have done in the 30s and 40s. Good to know. Like, it’s not the answer I wanted, but, well, there it is.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 5:06 PM on November 3 [11 favorites]


if you wanted to know what you’ve done during the rise of fascism in the 30s and 40s, you’re doing it now

Well, no, actually. People in the 30s and 40s didn’t have the example of the rise of the Nazis and the fucking holocaust to look back on. How could they have thought the unthinkable? Who would even imagine industrial genocide?

We, on the other hand, have a giant historical hint that’s only JUST out of living memory and we’re still fucking it up.
posted by schadenfrau at 5:19 PM on November 3 [9 favorites]


Ah I didn’t mean you were ducking it up, just that we as a society are ducking it up.

Having a nervous breakdown is a pretty understandable reaction to the whole historical example in living memory thing.
posted by schadenfrau at 5:20 PM on November 3


...if you wanted to know what you would've done during the rise of fascism in the 30s and 40s, you’re doing it now.

* Preparing to vote
* Screaming at CHUDs
* Chronic anxiety-related diarrhea
* Writing fanfiction about a cartoon

Checks out.
posted by delfin at 5:41 PM on November 3 [2 favorites]


Yeah I just said something to the effect of it’s not catastrophizing if you’re in a catastrophe
posted by The Whelk at 6:19 AM on November 4 [13 favorites]


if you wanted to know what you would've done during the rise of fascism in the 30s and 40s, you’re doing it now.

Apparently the answer is “arming up for the inevitable violent resistance, trying to persuade anarchists and communists they can solve the ultimate whose ideas are better problem after we beat the fascists?” Fuck, I’m apparently pretty historically realistic and it still didn’t win fast enough. Does anyone have a “here’s what individuals could have done better to resist the Nazis” primer? Was such a thing ever written, or was it all “here’s what sweeping changes could have helped”?
posted by corb at 6:40 AM on November 4 [2 favorites]


* "Arm Gritty"

We're working on that one now.
posted by delfin at 6:46 AM on November 4 [4 favorites]


"Bets, meet hedge" is the operant phrase.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:53 AM on November 4


This seems like useful information to drop here:

@alyssaharad
Important PSA for my fellow Americans: For reasons I do not fully comprehend, the earlier seasons of Great British Bake Off previously denied us are now available on Netflix under the title Great British Baking Show: The Beginning.
posted by Artw at 8:09 AM on November 4 [7 favorites]


Great British Baking Show: The Beginning.

Missed opportunity:
S1: Game of Scones
S2: A Ganache of Kings
S3: A Storm of Spoons
S4: A Feast for Cannoli
S5: A Dance with Doughnuts
S6: The Winds of Waffles
S7: A Dream of Lardy Cake

BRB off to write fanfic on Ladyfingers.
posted by arcticseal at 12:08 PM on November 4 [8 favorites]


Go through a total nervous breakdown. That’s what I would have done in the 30s and 40s.

When I was a teen I was always like wow I wish I’d been an adult in the ‘60s. And when I was in my 20s I was always like wow I wish I’d lived in the 20s and 30s. Now, for my sins, I live in the 20-teens.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:28 PM on November 4 [1 favorite]


Y’all I just watched a band perform “Under Pressure” in a small room to an audience of 75 people or so & honestly it felt like one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:03 PM on November 4 [7 favorites]


ok now we’re watching a Queen concert on a big screen & it’s a room full of gen xers getting falling down drunk
posted by octobersurprise at 6:25 PM on November 4 [1 favorite]


Missouri, you better fucking show up Tuesday.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 6:29 PM on November 4


My co-worker C____ died this weekend. He just dropped dead while in the bathroom shaving and they don't even know why yet.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:39 AM on November 5


Sorry to hear that DirtyOldTown.

.
posted by tofu_crouton at 7:32 AM on November 5


He just dropped dead while in the bathroom shaving and they don't even know why yet.

About twelve years ago a friend of mine went to work one day and just had a heart attack at his desk and died at 37. I think of him just about every week. I hope you and your co-workers family can take some peace away from this someday.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:25 AM on November 5 [1 favorite]


I just want to vote already. I'm so tired of waiting for this. 10.5 more hours until the polls open in PA.
posted by octothorpe at 5:38 PM on November 5 [3 favorites]


Def dealing with inchoate feelings of impending doom.
posted by bq at 7:24 PM on November 5


I'm so sorry DirtyOldTown

I got to watch a horse die on tv today.

. Cliffsofmoher
posted by daybeforetheday at 12:00 AM on November 6 [1 favorite]


I feel like I ought to refresh the metaphorical thread coffee and cookies for today - its gonna be a long one.

Vent as you gotta, know that you are being heard, remember this too shall pass.
posted by Molesome at 1:58 AM on November 6


Fucking hell, I don't see how I can get through the next 20 hours online (scarred memories of the first hours of 11/9 are a real phenomenon). I'm going to disconnect from the Internet today, I think. Thank you all for being here on Metafilter. See you tomorrow.
posted by Doktor Zed at 7:00 AM on November 6 [5 favorites]


Guys I'm in Georgia and have a knot in my stomach because I honestly feel the election will be stolen by Republican fuckery.

I am 90 days sober today and *gestures at everything*.

fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu
posted by Fleebnork at 7:34 AM on November 6 [8 favorites]


My condolences, DirtyOldTown.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:56 AM on November 6


The amount of major personal and political plot points coming together for me today makes it feel like a season finale on a prestige tv show.

specifically, Babylon Berlin.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:06 AM on November 6 [1 favorite]


Peeps, I went for a walk in a nearby state park, and there's a county sheriff here, in a minivan-type vehicle. And I'm not the typical old white lady from these parts thinking, "Good, an LEO's around."

Cos the LAST time I saw (non-marine division) sheriffs in a state park 12-15 years ago, I asked what they were doing, and they were there cos gay men hooking up doncha know. (I reported that to a local LGBT org.)

I'm afraid to ask what the asshole is doing here today, cos you know angry righty whities are gonna be in an extra bad mood today. But I pretended I was taking a selfie and got a pic of the van (but not plates) for whatever proof. (And then quickly uploaded it, and deleted it from my phone cos we live in THOSE times.)
posted by NorthernLite at 10:55 AM on November 6


Fleebnork, I'm just short of 11 months of sobriety from my addiction of choice. MeMail me if you need someone to talk to.
posted by hanov3r at 1:45 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


*walks through thread throwing candy*
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:35 PM on November 6 [1 favorite]


*dodges*
posted by 20 year lurk at 5:51 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


it’s beginning to look a lot like weimar...
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 6:36 PM on November 6 [1 favorite]




Is the screaming thread still valid? 'Cause I just wanna say FUUUUUUUCK FLORIDA! And Fuck Rick Scott in particular.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 11:33 AM on November 7


Couldn't we have at least one day to enjoy without having to worry about the consequences of Jeff Sessions being pushed out?
posted by wnissen at 11:57 AM on November 7 [1 favorite]


Well, fuck.
posted by nubs at 11:58 AM on November 7


Fuck my fucking state. I know we're in the South and all, but fuck it, we were not supposed to elect the racist fucktwits to the Senate and the Governor's Mansion.

My state disappoints me on the regular, but this is new levels of totally awful. I'm so ashamed to be from Florida.
posted by PearlRose at 12:10 PM on November 7 [2 favorites]


Fucking hell, after a false start when I woke up at 3 a.m., I thought today would be a glass-half-full day with the anticipated election results—maybe not the best results, but certainly not the worst. Now we're moving into DEFCON 2 territory at the DoJ with Sessions's firing and Whitaker's promotion. I feel like I should just fucking well go to bed again.

This is why MSNBC's Kyle Griffin has had this pinned tweet on his profile since June: "Today was brutal."
posted by Doktor Zed at 3:49 PM on November 7 [4 favorites]


fuck jeff sessions, and fuck trump for firing him, and fuck matt whitaker, and fuck me for thinking i could have a decent night’s sleep two days in a row
posted by murphy slaw at 4:58 PM on November 7 [3 favorites]


I was about to drift off to sleep, trying to figure out whether to play hooky again to make the Mueller rally, when Twitter brought word of a mass shooting in progress at a bar a couple towns over. Fuck.
posted by contraption at 12:08 AM on November 8 [2 favorites]


Mrs. Dewd came home from a Rapid Response meeting last night, and she was so mad at Trump.
It took me a while to realize she was not mad at the firing, she was mad because she thought she had more than half a day to relax and recover from the election season.
I hope there's a good Indictment Friday this week.
posted by MtDewd at 5:46 AM on November 8 [6 favorites]


oh my god something is always happening all the time and it's never gonna stop is it? this is the bad place
posted by dis_integration at 6:03 AM on November 8 [8 favorites]


It's benefits sign-up time at work, and I just upped my life insurance coverage by a LOT because everything is horrible, and if anything happens to me, I want to at least make sure my spouse and kid don't have money to worry about for a while, because they'll be worrying about plenty else already.
posted by duffell at 7:22 AM on November 8 [1 favorite]


oh my god something is always happening all the time and it's never gonna stop is it? this is the bad place

Hey that sounds like my new favorite opinion article at The Onion!

Well fuck - just any one of the major stories today (shooting, Ginsberg falling, Trump doing Trump things) is horrible - with the shooting clearly being well beyond that and beyond words at the moment really

But all three......are you fucking serious....

Oh and I see Chris Christie is now being considered for AG. Sure - why not 2018 - whoever is writing the script here may as well go all in on the crazy. Hopefully it will come with a healthy dose of bumbling Christie comic relief and a side of meatloaf.

Fuck. this. timeline.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 7:26 AM on November 8 [4 favorites]


Guess I have to complain about anti-semitic dogwhistling vis-a-vis "New Testament" justice here. The appointment of a christo-fascist AG doesn't seem to merit that discussion in a thread with a synagogue shooting in its lede. Oh well.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:31 AM on November 8 [1 favorite]


Seems appropriate for today:

Leonard Cohen – Everybody Knows

"Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows"
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:50 AM on November 8 [6 favorites]


I've been listening to Jarvis Cocker's "C*nts Are Still Running the World." That one works, too.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:49 AM on November 8 [2 favorites]


I just spent way too long poring over side-by-side Acosta videos like it was the fucking Zapruder film. Truly 30 years of football instant replays have prepared America for this day.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:45 AM on November 8 [5 favorites]


"Back ... and to the left ..."
posted by octobersurprise at 11:54 AM on November 8 [2 favorites]


Loading up the family truckster and heading to the Zorinsky building in downtown Omaha in a few minutes with the missus and her oxygen in tow. She asked if we need to hit an ATM for bail money on the way and I'm all...maybe?

This heaving pipeline of fuckshit needs to end.
posted by Fezboy! at 1:40 PM on November 8 [2 favorites]


I live in LA, so the Borderline shooting feels really close to home.

Now I find out my aunt and uncle have probably lost their house in the Camp Fire in Paradise.

Fuck today. Fuck this week.
posted by itesser at 3:25 PM on November 8 [1 favorite]


She'd have to jump and precisely hit the very top of the door just so to get it to open without a sound and most of me is leaning out the window because the three bears are here and I get that feeling, turn, and gaah her hair is snakes and her teeth are bright and she smiles as I don't fall out of the house but I do bang my head and curse and why? Why do you do this?

She woke up scared and saw me vulnerable and wanted to scare me. I believe her. At least she admitted it. Lots of people will fabricate reasons for obnoxious behavior and they don't get ice cream at 1 a.m.

And just no, no giving ice cream to bears.

So did you dream? No, just woke up scared. I'm not like your son.

Scared how? Did you feel tight somewhere?

All the blankets were gone and I thought everything else was going to be gone. That if I got off the bed I'd be flying in the dark but I heard you put the window up and came here and it was just your butt when I came in and I thought about kicking, that you'd probably think it was funny later and that's when I snorted and you hit your head.

Somebody needs to put the window up for the rest of us.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:08 PM on November 8 [2 favorites]


Catastrophizing time!

I'm losing hope that our institutions are going to save us, y'all.

It feels like we've been steadily losing ground, and Trump has been steadily consolidating power over the few remaining institutions that might check him. (Okay, the Dems won the House. That's certainly preferable to the alternative – but it doesn't give me much hope. The GOP now controls SCOTUS. And now Trump controls the Justice Department, which severely handicaps the FBI's ability to touch him.)

This is so completely fucked up. And the worst part is, it's happening with the consent of (roughly) 40% of the country. (The second worst part is...it hasn't taken the slightest bit of cunning or subtlety on Trump's part to accomplish this. Apparently a vomit-encrusted gorilla can just stumble into the room barking and hurling feces, and American democracy will just fall over.)

They don't care what's true – they only care about their own power over us. (In fact, they gleefully piss all over the truth just so they can delight in the agony it causes us.) They don't care about principles or institutions (unless they can be exploited to shore up their power). They don't care about morality – or, rather, they define morality as "whatever it takes to defeat the Other".

They just...fucking hate us and want to destroy us. For reasons that I'm unable to fathom. And it's getting harder and harder to see how we're going to stop them.

Oh, and they have the vast majority of the guns. And the sympathies of the police and military.

It's just fucking senseless.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:56 AM on November 9 [5 favorites]


They just...fucking hate us and want to destroy us.

The Trumpian GOP isn't quite the Terminator—it can feel fear—but besides that the rest of that quote feels pretty accurate. I mean, I was pretty happy with Tuesday night or happy enough, I guess, but I keep being exhausted by the people I talk to who seem not to grasp this. It's exhausting because I'm like fuuuuuuk, dude to myself and then I shut up. Because maybe they're right! Who knows! And because dumping all of my bad stuff on someone else only seems to make it worse for everyone. The irony doesn't escape me that I've spent most of my life pretty conspicuously NOT ADULTING and now every time I talk about this stuff I have this very adult feeling of having to be the person saying "Don't worry. Everything will be fine."
posted by octobersurprise at 7:16 AM on November 9


This is so completely fucked up. And the worst part is, it's happening with the consent of (roughly) 40% of the country. (The second worst part is...it hasn't taken the slightest bit of cunning or subtlety on Trump's part to accomplish this. Apparently a vomit-encrusted gorilla can just stumble into the room barking and hurling feces, and American democracy will just fall over.)

This calls to mind a paragraph from The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich (which I do not recommend reading unless you have a far more stable mental state than I do):
On August 19, 1934, 95% of the Germans who were registered to vote went to the polls and 90% (38 million) of adult German citizens voted to give Adolf Hitler complete and total authority to rule Germany as he saw fit. Only 4.25 million Germans voted against this transfer of power to a totalitarian regime.
posted by ragtag at 8:06 AM on November 9


Woke up this morning to the news that my devil ex-boss is considering running for office and back in a position that'll help him do it. Quote from the article: "I literally thank God Donald Trump got elected instead of Hillary Clinton, and I think many of his accomplishments are awesome."

So there's that.
posted by asperity at 8:35 AM on November 9


It's my awesome boss's last day today as he goes on to a great promotion job in a lovely location. I'm so happy for him and so sad for me (see uh, previous post because his departure means that my job is being changed to a lot worse). I am hoping we still stay in touch though, fingers crossed.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:52 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]


SO MUCH FUCKING YELLING.

I'm feeling pretty ok BUT YELLING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING PLANET AND THE STUPID MEAN GREEDY SHITHEAD PEOPLE THAT INHABIT IT FUUUUUUUCK.
posted by loquacious at 5:36 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]


Garrison Keillor: Liberals elected Omar to ‘feel better about themselves’. Farging icehole. Get off our side, and stay on your damn side of the lawn.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:06 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]


I saw Keillor in the grocery store last week. He looked just as droopy as ever, but also like he had shrunk about six inches since I last saw him, about 10 years ago.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:28 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]


Who gives a shit what Garrison Keillor has to say? This is now my default reaction to all fired old white serial sexual harassers.
posted by bq at 6:40 PM on November 9 [11 favorites]


My husband has been struggling with substance abuse for years. I've become almost numb to some really really awful behaviors (lying, infidelity, not knowing what to expect any given day) , have been going to therapy weekly since January, and just this past weekend reached my last straw and decided that i can no longer be in this relationship. Were going on a 6-12 month hiatus. After discussing the logistics of how to do that, I have been ugly sobbing, more than I can ever remember. Our conversation went well! He didn't fight and agreed to all of my plans, and it was friendly This is pent-up grief over what our relationship used to be, and also fear of what this is going to look like. I've never lived alone before. I'm sure its going to be better than what my marriage currently is, but still. If y'all could send an internet hug to both me and Mr. Fig, it'd be v appreciated.
posted by Fig at 8:03 PM on November 9 [24 favorites]


Earlier this week, I sent this passage from George Orwell's 1939 novel Coming Up For Air to some old friends:
IT'S ALL GOING TO HAPPEN. All the things you've got at the back of your mind, the things you're terrified of, the things that you tell yourself are just a nightmare or only happen in foreign countries. The bombs, the food-queues, the rubber truncheons, the barbed wire, the coloured shirts, the slogans, the enormous faces, the machine-guns squirting out of bedroom windows. It's all going to happen. I know it—at any rate, I knew it then. There's no escape. Fight against it if you like, or look the other way and pretend not to notice, or grab your spanner and rush out to do a bit of face-smashing along with the others. But there's no way out. It's just something that's got to happen.
They are, of course, somewhat worried about me, but I don't think that's where their concerns should be directed…
posted by Doktor Zed at 8:26 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]


I'm horrible at hugs (they hurt!). But here's one for you Fig.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
posted by michswiss at 8:33 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]


Hugs to you, Fig.
Please be kind to yourself.
posted by bookmammal at 8:58 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]


My Fig hug of the day comes {{{{here}}}}
posted by Namlit at 1:57 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]


Internet hugs coming your way, Fig. You can do this; we are rooting for you!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 2:02 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]


Hugs to you, Fig! Take care of yourself.
posted by arcticseal at 2:26 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]


Garrison Keillor: Liberals elected Omar to ‘feel better about themselves’.

I've always hated this guy especially his pretentious and self satisfied poetry reading and im glad he's finally being open about how much he sucks
posted by dis_integration at 7:21 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]


That weird thing you feel, Fig? That's me hugging you from afar.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:00 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]


Kind thoughts, Fig.
posted by crush at 8:13 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]


Hugs Fig! Take care of yourself
posted by nubs at 9:48 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]


Sending positive mind atoms to you and your'n, Fig.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:13 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]


Positive vibes, fig; nothing but heavy positive vibes your way.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:50 PM on November 10 [1 favorite]


((🌰))


[pretend it's a fig]
posted by bonobothegreat at 4:14 PM on November 10 [4 favorites]


It's Remembrance Day here, and I'm thinking of all the lives that have been lost due to wars. All the citizens displaced and turned into refugees, a word which is now thrown around by the idiots and the arseholes as if it was a swear word, as if these people are wrong and weak for trying to find a future for themselves.

Fuck Scott Morrison for being the lying hypocrite he is. Fuck Peter Dutton, that mouldy and rotten potato. Fuck Abbot, fuck Hanson, fuck every complicit piece of shit in the Australian Parliament from all sides of the political fence who give in to the worst of us. Who use the actions of violent and unstable people to justify their continuing demonisation of Islam and asylum seekers and people of colour from all over the world, and who ignore the Uluru Message from the Heart from our indigenous brothers and sisters who continue to die younger and in more poverty than any of these wanking fuckwits who dare say things like 'it's okay to be white'. Yeah, no fucking kidding.

Fuck every single person in my timeline on just about everything making snarky comments about the guy who stabbed someone in Melbourne being an immigrant and how it's all the fault of our 'weak immigration laws'. Fuck Islamophobia, fuck 'African gang' bigotry, fuck the continued slashing of mental health funding.

Fuck violent men who kill and kill and kill and yet still feel entitled to sit back and say that it's feminism and liberalism that are ruining our world.

Fuck cancer, fuck mortality. I'm so sad someone so brilliant is gone and someone who is also brilliant has to face her loss every day. Fuck my weakness. I'm stopping again, this time for good. I will no longer do that thing. Not ever. It's taken too many good people.

Fuck my work for still not letting me know what I'm going to be doing next year. Receiving a very healthy redundancy package, I hope.

Fuck my car which is already showing signs of being a lemon when I've got 5 more years of paying for it to go.

Fuck you, Donald Tr*mp, just for being you.
posted by h00py at 5:37 PM on November 10 [4 favorites]


Sending good thoughts your way, Fig.
posted by holborne at 8:56 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]


My brothers and I are watching our mom struggle through chemo while our dad carries on like the entitled asshole he is, and it is making me question all the adult relationships I’ve ever seen. I got them set up for free meals through an amazing local non-profit, which I help deliver weekly, and my dad complains because the meals “look like they have been made in a commercial kitchen” (you are totally correct, dad! They are made in a licensed/inspected facility for families in the area affected by cancer, HIV, and ALS!) and they have “too many vegetables” (food is medicine, dad, and your preferred diet of ultra-processed food is slowly killing you! Don’t you want your wife to have access to nutritious, healing foods?). My dad won’t even let my mom watch cheesy Hallmark movies in peace while she’s ill, he makes her watch at 1.5 speed so that he can get to his TiVo list sooner. Who the fuck even does that? It is so fucked up to be angrier at my father than I am at cancer, but what do you know, achievement unlocked.
posted by Maarika at 6:34 PM on November 12 [10 favorites]


After a group of drunken patrons were asked to leave a bar in a Chicago suburb, one of them returned with a gun and opened fire. Security guards at the bar managed to subdue the suspect until the police arrived, at which point the just-arrived officers shot and killed Jemel Roberson, the black security guard who was apprehending the shooter.

Jemel Roberson. Say his name.
posted by Nerd of the North at 6:51 PM on November 12 [8 favorites]



Jemel Roberson
.
.
.
posted by daybeforetheday at 1:06 AM on November 14


I feel small and overwhelmed and tired today. Earlier this spring, we had a couple of reporters from the Chronicle of Higher Education come to my department with a stated goal of interviewing us about graduate student attempts to change department culture. We have a serial harasser and abuser of graduate student careers in the department with a history of reported misconduct going back at least eight or nine years, and these reporters extensively interviewed two graduate students who repeatedly staked their careers on bringing consequences for this harasser, most recently after he tried to recruit a young undergraduate woman. He eventually received a single semester of suspension.

And on Monday, the piece was published... and it's a puff piece that paints the department as a bastion of progressive forethought because a very junior student has successfully gotten a promise to have my research-only building's bathrooms labeled as gender-neutral and maybe get the faculty to take a short training. And the harassing professor in question is mentioned... as a brief aside in which this golden second-year student is wondering why she was routinely warned by older graduate students about this faculty member instead of some more official, 'real' channel. (We tried them! No one gave a shit!) And then there's a brief paragraph about him and nothing else. As a friend of mine who spent literally his entire PhD trying to have this man barred from taking students or in some way formally censured for his repeated misconduct said, "why'd they bother to interview us at all if they didn't care about it?" We were hoping they might shame the university for its repeated mishandling of the situation, but the overall effect of the article is glowing and super optimistic about my department.

The thing about the bathroom situation is that I'm literally the only graduate student who isn't gender-conforming. I am probably the only openly queer graduate student in the department. If I wanted to make commentary about the LGBTQ culture here, I would be immediately identifiable and I know this.(The only queer faculty member, incidentally, is my direct supervisor.) In this building, all of the space is research only; generally speaking everyone using any bathroom on a floor is personally well known to most other people working on the floor, and there is at least one single-stall restroom available. And when the bathroom issue was coming up, a) no one looped me in, and b) my point that this isn't as important as the whole "protecting graduate students from having their careers and lives derailed by a known harasser and sexual abuser" thing was breezily blown over, because changing the signs on the restrooms is achievable. At least, it is in theory--it hasn't happened yet, six months after I first heard about this much-ballyhooed effort.

I yelled a lot about it on Twitter, and several other older graduate students in the department (and one ex-faculty member) backed me up and I've been contacted by a few ex-graduate students and ex-postdocs. But nothing is going to happen again, and I'm tired and scared because I publicly stated that my department didn't deserve to feel good about its diversity record--because it doesn't--and I have to wonder whether any of it is really worth it. Maybe I should focus on tiny surface stuff and leave the whole MeToo shit alone, too.

Christ. What good is the small stuff if the big stuff gets casually shoved into another cubby until someone else's life gets fucked over?
posted by sciatrix at 10:09 AM on November 14 [5 favorites]


It's bullshit. If the systems don't support change, and we're powerless to change them, all we as individuals can do is save the receipts, see to our own oxygen, and help others as we can. And at some point, as my partner did, we may reach a personal breaking point, scream fuck it and move on to somewhere less toxic to protect what shreds of self we have left. Hugs for you sciatrix, if and as you want 'em.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:18 AM on November 14 [2 favorites]


> Who the fuck even does that? It is so fucked up to be angrier at my father than I am at cancer, but what do you know, achievement unlocked.

Maarika -- having just been through this, I am so fucking angry at your father for not being a decent human being, much less a decent partner. If you want to DM me his address I will happily come and yell at him and kick him in the shins, and I have a LOT of grief and anger to get out.
posted by gingerbeer at 3:28 PM on November 14 [4 favorites]


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