ALERT FOR CHEESE LOVING MEFITES ALERT FOR CHEESE LOVING MEFITES ALER May 3, 2019 4:04 PM   Subscribe

Jessamyn is in the process of acquiring a {blink}YEARS SUPPLY OF CHEESE{/blink} and, through the medium of twitter, has promised a cheese party. The tweet that sort-of started this. Related: an American Cheese Society Certified Cheese Professional explains the color of Wisconsin Cheddar.
posted by Wordshore to MetaFilter-Related at 4:04 PM (58 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

I have questions! Do they determine what would be an appropriate amount of cheese to eat in a year and then send that to you, or do they inquire about your cheese-eating habits so they can tailor the supply to your personal consumption? Is it a year's supply of cheese for you or for your whole household?
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:07 PM on May 3 [10 favorites]


None more Wordshore
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:09 PM on May 3 [23 favorites]


IS THIS SUCH A GOUDA-IDEA?
posted by duffell at 4:22 PM on May 3 [6 favorites]


I'D LOVE TO BRIE THERE OF COURSE
posted by duffell at 4:24 PM on May 3 [7 favorites]


I think we have created a muenster.

Anyway, I hope you have plenty of havarti at your party.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:48 PM on May 3 [7 favorites]


Stands to reason that Wordshore, our resident cheese whiz, would post this...
posted by duffell at 5:03 PM on May 3 [9 favorites]


Please curd your enthusiasm for cheese puns.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:56 PM on May 3 [7 favorites]


These threads are kind of weird.
posted by bondcliff at 6:16 PM on May 3 [2 favorites]


Fetagettaboutit a year's supply is a lot of cheese, Louise!
posted by Oyéah at 6:17 PM on May 3 [2 favorites]


Please curd your enthusiasm for cheese puns.

Why? Just Bergkäse you said so?
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:20 PM on May 3 [9 favorites]


Is it a year's supply of cheese for you or for your whole household?

I WISH I KNEW. The lady from Cabot asked for my number so she could call me which... I will be honest with you fellow nerds, I considered passing this up because I hate the phone. When she lets me know, I will let you know.

And the larger thing was that the woman who runs The 251 Club (a neighbor and friend) used to do some work for Cabot. So she got this whole social media thing all set up "Hey tweet using this hashtag in the next few months. Three people win a year's supply of cheese" and honestly, The 251 Club doesn't even have a twitter account, their members are not real big tweeters, and I was pretty sure I had a pretty good shot at this. But it was a pleasant and amusing surprise. My ex was from Wisconsin I spent a lot of times there and I do love their cheese but in Vermont we looooove to slag on its orangeness.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:22 PM on May 3 [30 favorites]

Please curd your enthusiasm for cheese puns.
Ooh try not to pick on those squeaking by with this cottage industry just trying to make a little cheddar. Besides - whether it's an American process, French es-brie de corps, or hustling racclett you can't shut emmental down. Like the gorgonzola in aged legend: slice off one head and two more chevre spring forth.
posted by mce at 7:06 PM on May 3 [7 favorites]


Oh my god. Okay. I'm so ashamed but I had no idea cheddar was just colored orange. I mean I knew white cheddar was a thing, but I assumed there must be some actual tangible difference in the two, flavorwise? Like something in cheddar that made it orange and taste different from white cheddar? Because, like, cheddar and white cheddar popcorn taste totally different. Same with Cheezits.

But no. It's just colored for, reasons?? And only in Wisconsin?

My life is a lie, Jessamyn, and you've exposed me.
posted by brook horse at 8:16 PM on May 3 [5 favorites]


Are they really going to send it all at once? I think for most "year's supply" winnings, it makes more sense to send a package every month or couple weeks or so.
posted by ktkt at 9:12 PM on May 3 [1 favorite]


*cries in lactose intolerance*
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:37 PM on May 3 [8 favorites]


But no. It's just colored for, reasons?? And only in Wisconsin?

For marketing and not only, Cabot ships cheese out west and colorizes the cheese to regional preference. (went on the tour, industrial food processes are awe level and a bit disturbing in a way, that's a lot of cheese in a giant vat) .

The orange marketing is not an american invention, it started in the 1600's so at this point is tradition.
posted by sammyo at 10:25 PM on May 3 [6 favorites]


The Happy Cows of California will take on the cheeseheads from Vermont AND Wisconsin (and we have backup from Tillamook, Oregon, where the cheddar is always sharp, not dull). We may be Happy Cows, but we will not be cowed. And we're training to prepare for the assault from the Italian parmesan-heads.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:39 PM on May 3 [6 favorites]


I am imagining a big truck pulling up and unloading the necessary supplies all at once.

[I have a history of dreaming about bulk quantities of food. It all started when I was about ten and dreamed of a garage full of Nutella. Not the jars, just the stuff. You walked in there with a spoon.]
posted by Namlit at 1:47 AM on May 4 [8 favorites]


We'd better moooove along, since this thread is on the hoof.

Why yes, I'm milking these puns for all they're worth before they curdle. Many cheeses might be better aged, but puns spoil quickly. Hope no one rinds these...
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 7:01 AM on May 4 [2 favorites]

Hope no one rinds these...
No whey! Keeping wheelin' and dealin'; rinse and repeat y'know? Can't let the naysayers get too salty - keep brining your A game until they acknowledge your fetacompli.

As an aside - did you know that a horse named Fait Accompli won the 1972 Perth Cup? Musta rennet to win it. Pretty runny but it wasn't a blowout - didn't shred the field just pressed firm 'till they crumbled.
posted by mce at 7:34 AM on May 4 [4 favorites]


and I am oka with this
posted by scruss at 8:03 AM on May 4 [2 favorites]


The lady from Cabot

There once was a lady from Cabot
Who gave away cheese as a habit

She sent Jessamyn a truck
"You like cheese? You're in luck!"

If she can't eat it then Wordshore will have it
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:08 AM on May 4 [22 favorites]


*smug Spongebob grin*
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 10:42 AM on May 4 [2 favorites]


Cave-Aged Bandage-Wrapped Cheddar by Willi Lehner, Bleu Mont Dairy, near Blue Mounds. A perennial favorite and award-winner. Can’t go wrong with this one.

Seconded. This is a fine, fine cheese.
posted by escabeche at 12:23 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]


Back in the day, before food stamps and EBT, food commodities were doled out to the poor. According the USDA at that time, 5 pounds of American surplus Cheddar cheese was a 2 month supply for a household of one. So by 70s USDA standards, 60 pounds of cheese was a year's supply.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:34 PM on May 4 [2 favorites]


Congratulations Jessamyn! At first I was just picturing a giant delivery of cheese on your doorstep...

This thread led me to finally read Wordshore's cheese heist AskMe. I ended up reading the entire thing (plus eventual MetaTalk update) to mr hgg and much delight was had by all!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:19 PM on May 4 [3 favorites]


Oh, I live just down the road from Mars Cheese Castle.

That is all. :-)
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:34 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]


This is, like, the ideal solution to so many of life's problems. Racist uncle starts in at Thanksgiving: "Hey, did I tell you I won a year's supply of cheese?" Awkward pause at cocktail party: "I once won a year's supply of cheese!" At job interview, "Tell us about a time you had a really unusual problem and how you solved it": "Well, there was the time I won a year's supply of cheese . . . "
posted by HotToddy at 5:07 PM on May 4 [8 favorites]

This is, like, the ideal solution to so many of life's problems. Racist uncle starts in at Thanksgiving: "Hey, did I tell you I won a year's supply of cheese?"
You joke, but I once kept a racist relative safely and productively engaged for like an hour by getting her to give me pickle recipes.

Her: "That reminds me, I saw on Fox News today..."

Me: "Okra! Please tell me what you put in pickled okra so I can write it down."

Her: ".... Ok? You are very interested in pickles!"

Me: "it's just that you're such an expert on pickles! I never get to interact with pickle experts! I am so excited to have the benefit of your prodigious pickling knowledge! After you're done telling me about okra, please tell me how you make pickled onions. And do you happen to have any tips about how to make relish?"

I think she thinks I'm a little off, but I didn't have to hear about anything she heard on Fox News, so I'll take it.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:17 PM on May 4 [22 favorites]


I know a lady in Portland, Maine, who used to rep for Cabot cheese. She was all gung-ho cheese, all the time. So this is not surprising to me.

We've visited some local farmers on Open Farm Day, and did ask one dairy farmer about Cabot cheese, and he said, "meh, they aren't too great toward the farmers, we opted out of their deal and sell it ourselves."

They do have some good cheese, tho'.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:31 PM on May 4


ArbitraryAndCapricious, you are my new hero, and your comment is also eponstyrical.

Jessamyn is in the process of acquiring a YEARS SUPPLY OF CHEESE. As I read this sentence, I had an image slowly forming in my mind, the name Wordshore. I was not disappointed.

Homo neanderthalensis, me, too. I miss cheese so much.
posted by theora55 at 6:49 PM on May 4 [2 favorites]


Cabot's Seriously Sharp cheddar is one of my all time favorite cheeses. I mean, in case, y'know, you somehow end up with more cheese than you can eat.
posted by moonmilk at 6:52 PM on May 4


OK this has been bugging me. How much is a year's worth of cheese? I've been poking around the internet like a good librarian and I found in ONE place that a year's worth of cheese is 25lbs, four times a year, delivered via mail. So... I don't know if that is it or not, but maybe...

In the meantime I just got back to Vermont after a quick trip to Maryland and look what I saw in the airport. I swear to jehu this is not some viral marketing hack, just Vermont is very very small.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:26 PM on May 4 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: in Vermont we looooove to slag on its orangeness.
posted by lalochezia at 6:58 AM on May 5


Cabot has donated a box of cheese as a giveaway to a couple of local groups I work with, and their product is good. This makes me like them more.

I just wish I had known about this so I could have entered: Jesus, I love cheese SO much.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:45 AM on May 5


wenestvedt, check the image I left, there's a way to sign up for a free cheese sweepstakes.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 11:35 AM on May 5 [1 favorite]


The orange marketing is not an american invention, it started in the 1600's so at this point is tradition.

Yup, here's an article about it.

There are cheeses that are slightly naturally orange, but good cheddar should be yellowish tops.
posted by aspersioncast at 12:26 PM on May 5


"Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big block of cheese. The block of cheese was huge --- over two tons. And it was there for any and all who might be hungry. Jackson wanted the White House to belong to the people, so from time to time, he opened his doors to those who wished an audience.... It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson that I, from time to time, ask senior staff to have face-to-face meetings with those people representing organizations who have a difficult time getting our attention. .... I know the more jaded among you, see this as something rather beneath you. But I assure you that listening to the voices of passionate Americans is beneath no one, and surely not the people's servants."
posted by WCityMike at 4:48 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]

We have seen thee, Queen of Cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease
Gently fanned by evening breeze
Thy fair form no flies dare seize
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 7:50 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]


I am numbered among those for whom cheese is a forbidden delight. That’s okay; I volunteer to step into the role of bard and document this mighty event, standing with the gathering yet not fully participating, to witness and collect remembrances for the good of the tribe.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 8:25 PM on May 5 [3 favorites]


Oh my goodness. This would be such a dream of mine. My children say that my diet is pretty much cheese, Fresca and cashews...I can’t really argue.
posted by pearlybob at 10:29 PM on May 5 [2 favorites]


I mean I knew white cheddar was a thing, but I assumed there must be some actual tangible difference in the two, flavorwise

Here in Wisconsin, it's not uncommon for places selling fried cheese curds to use the color as a shorthand to differentiate between different types of preparations. For example, the batter-covered curds might be white and the orange ones might be fried straight.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 7:05 AM on May 6


It's not much of a cheese shop, is it.
posted by Melismata at 8:03 AM on May 6 [2 favorites]


Many years ago, when I was a starving graduate student, my wife entered us into a Kraft sweepstakes thing that turned out to be a big mistake for them (too many winning prize pieces) and so they ended up giving everybody who "won" a "year's worth" of coupons for free Kraft products of all kinds (cheese, salad dressing, etc.) It was a godsend at a point when we often could not afford to buy a proper week's groceries, let me tell you. No actual cheese (or even the usual Kraft fake cheese) showed up at our door.
posted by briank at 8:04 AM on May 6 [3 favorites]


I'm blocked from jessamyn's Twitter for some reason (rogue blocklist?) so I don't know what started all the cheese shenanigans :''''(
posted by divabat at 4:46 AM on May 7


PM me your handle, you might be on a weird not-my-blocklist, happy to unblock.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:20 AM on May 7


Big Annatto is WEAK.
posted by rhizome at 10:29 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


I was correct, a year's worth of cheese is 100 lbs., delivered in quarterly 25lb. installments. First installment in a week or two. Will keep everyone posted.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:57 AM on May 8 [13 favorites]


Isn't it ironic that absent other plans, a cheese company is sending enough cheese to practically guarantee the receiver will never want to eat cheese again.
posted by rhizome at 9:53 AM on May 8 [3 favorites]


Here in Britain our favourite orange cheese is Red Leicester, coloured with annatto since the eighteenth century. Gloucester cheese (the kind used, in wheels, for cheese rolling) is golden yellow, and traditionally got its colour from the flowers of Lady’s Bedstraw used as a coagulant. (I don’t know what they use now, but there are enough obsessive history nerds in this goddamn country that someone’s got to be still using the yellow flowers.)

The NPR article above also talks about cheese coloured with saffron. I would love to taste that. I would guess it dates from the golden age of the British saffron industry in the 16th-17th centuries.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:10 PM on May 8


...enough cheese to practically guarantee the receiver will never want to eat cheese again.

{raises hand} Objection!
posted by Wordshore at 6:08 AM on May 9 [4 favorites]


Hail Jess'myn, full of cheese!
Cabot is with thee!
Blessed art thou amongst Vermonsters
And blessed is the fruit of thy tweet, Cheddar
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:17 AM on May 9 [3 favorites]

...enough cheese to practically guarantee the receiver will never want to eat cheese again.
{raises hand} Objection!
That's a little under 2lbs/week. Lunch yesterday (while not exactly typical wasn't super unusual for me) largely consisted of 400gr of a nice Emmental. So, apparently, about a 3¼ day supply.

Challenge accepted.
posted by mce at 6:58 AM on May 9 [3 favorites]


I'm pulling for everybody involved! I'm just sayin' that's a lot of quesadillas.
posted by rhizome at 2:11 PM on May 9 [1 favorite]


I was correct, a year's worth of cheese is 100 lbs., delivered in quarterly 25lb. installments. First installment in a week or two. Will keep everyone posted.

I was hoping you'd get enough at one time to make a fort, or throne.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:12 PM on May 9 [1 favorite]


I want some cheese so bad right now.
posted by sarcasticah at 12:03 PM on May 10 [2 favorites]


I just threw some moldy cheddar in the trash!
posted by rhizome at 1:11 PM on May 10


Can you ask for a specific kind? Because Cabot Mad River Reserve is one of the best cheeses and I can only find it in limited quantities and only ever at Costco. But it’s, like. SO. GOOD. I stock up and hoard it.
posted by Night_owl at 6:11 PM on May 11


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