Hugging Hugs July 11, 2019 4:12 PM   Subscribe

As we all know, everyone needs a hug! And as many know, the Fucking Fuck threads have been evolving, from the originally-intended politics venting space into a more personal venting forum and hugs distribution center. In recognition of this evolution and the kind support that has been shown in the Fucking Fuck threads, this is a new venting thread for everyone who needs a hug.
posted by Little Dawn to MetaFilter-Related at 4:12 PM (113 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

My aunt died yesterday. She was old, in poor health, and she fell, breaking an arm and a leg, and had been transferred to a rehabilitation center. From a lifetime of smoking, she’d been on oxygen, and had developed anxiety issues on top of that, and finally it looks like her heart just couldn’t handle it all anymore. My cousin was with her most of the day, and left, with her blessing, only to hear she’d had a heart attack a couple hours later, and now he’s beating himself up for not having been there, as is my sister, who after taking our mom to a different doctor for an infection of some sort in her eye, chose to stay home because she was exhausted. Talking to her on the phone yesterday was trying to convince her that she really, really had done all that she could, and, if anything, she’d given my aunt at least a year, if not more, of additional life through all of the things she’s been doing, and that she’s already done so much. And I’m beating myself up because I wasn’t there for most of the last twenty years.

My aunt (and long since passed uncle) took me in when it looked like I might drop out of high school. They rescued me from a far past toxic living situation with my mother, and gave me another chance at life. They provided me a place to live for seven years, took care of me through three back surgeries, and footed the bill for the term abroad in Asia that literally changed my life and has me living in Japan. But they did more than that. They took a selfish, broken child and made him into a somewhat functional human being. They taught me to take responsibility for the things in my life, and as much as they could, what work meant. Without them, without their immense kindness, I wouldn’t be who I am, and I honestly wonder if I’d be alive at all. And now they’re both gone, and I’m stuck trying to figure out how to get Mrs. Ghidorah and myself home during peak travel season in Japan, when we really, really don’t have the money.

I’ve been already dreading this month, as it marks the 10th anniversary of my father’s death, and, as supportive as I’ve tried to be in all of these threads for people who’ve lost people, no, the pain doesn’t ever really go away, you just manage to forget it from time to time, then it comes rushing back, and with it comes the guilt for having let it recede in the first place.

I get it. I’m older now, and I’m the age where the people I love, or admire, they die. It’s part of nature, it’s what happens, it’s life, it’s growing old. And growing old is the long slow process of having the people and things you loved ripped from you one by one.

I just wish it would stop for a bit.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:06 PM on July 11 [48 favorites]


Instead of speeding up. Oh, I hear you.
posted by y2karl at 7:30 PM on July 11 [7 favorites]


I think this is a very nice evolution. Hugs all around.
posted by bleep at 7:48 PM on July 11 [4 favorites]


Aw, hugs.
posted by Secretariat at 8:32 PM on July 11 [5 favorites]


Unless you don’t like being touched or touching others, that’s cool too.
posted by Secretariat at 8:34 PM on July 11 [13 favorites]


If you don't prefer hugs, I can instead offer you fuzzy pugs, happy drugs, ugly mugs, banana slugs, or edible bugs. May all MeFites have the -ughs of their choice!
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 9:03 PM on July 11 [16 favorites]


I don't really like the real hugs but the virtual ones are nice. I got back from a dud job interview for which I had expended massive energy to get completely knocked down by a summer cold on steroids. (Probably aggravated by my usual not-well-controlled minor allergies.) It's 1am and I have not gone to bed because I elected to completely clean everything in the bedroom tonight in the hope of reducing the dust mites, and my sheets are still in the dryer.

I've been told that I actually did quite well in the interview and that I'd almost certainly be successful with a big more prep and a few more tries, but I feel so weary of it after just the one, particularly because the big part of the reason they passed was--and I was given feedback that probably at another time or another place this would not be nearly as much of an issue--but it was because the place I'm currently at has me working on something I could do in my sleep, and they wanted someone with experience with more complex systems. So I've been told this is something that surely somebody would give me a chance on, but my first big try, they didn't. And my current workplace has been promising me a promotion or more complicated work or more training or something for like a year now.

I get that feeling of wanting stuff to stop--I feel like if I could just really recharge a bit, I'd be able to get the energy together to make the big push and make my life better. But where is that time and money? Every vacation day I take at this point is one day's salary that can't help me cover for a gap between paychecks if I find a new job. Oof.
posted by Sequence at 11:18 PM on July 11 [14 favorites]


Big virtual hugs Sequence and Ghidorah
posted by motdiem2 at 1:19 AM on July 12 [3 favorites]


I just want to talk about my cat. Because this cat is bonkers.

I've met plenty of cats that don't hate water, but until now I have never met a cat that will walk out into heavy rain and flop down in the soaking wet grass to take a nap and then stay there until she's thoroughly soaked and resembles an old gray mop head.

And then she'll try to crawl into my bed or lap like she's not dripping water all over me and everything's perfectly normal and she's just a normal cat doing cat things. This is, shall we say - refreshing? A bit brisk? Ok, to be honest it startles the beejezus right out of me sometimes and half a dozen times this week I've found my self yelping stuff like "HOLY FUCK THAT'S COLD OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING CAT"

I'd blame it on the fact she lives with two dogs, but the dogs actually hate the rain and mud. The larger dog (a derpy pitbull mix with a brain like a dumb, happy walnut (yes, I know walnuts don't have brains)) will sometimes wade in the ocean. Which makes the smaller dog (a very serious Corgi and Border Collie mix with control and boundary issues that has the personality of a life long drill Sargent) have full blown anxiety attacks that larger dog is even anywhere near the water. Which is the only time the smaller dog will even approach the waterline is to pace back and forth and whine nervously about the larger dog standing in 6 inches of totally calm seawater. Smaller dog will even try to get a bite of the larger dog's leash (carefully avoiding getting their feet wet at all!) to try to pull the larger dog out of the dangerous water to safety.

So it's not the dogs.

And I've met one of said raincat's kittens and they didn't like the rain either. Well, "like" is probably the wrong word here, because it's more like she's just blissfully oblivious of what rain even is.

She does seem to enjoy getting toweled dry but upon experimentation, I think she just thinks she's getting extra fun pets and doesn't care about the getting dry part. The toweling off part is apparently just for my own benefit, because otherwise she'll just happily flop over on my bed and curl up to go to sleep dripping wet. Or spend the next 3 hours licking her incredibly thick, floofy coat dry.

And sometimes I'll finish drying her off, she'll have a single bite of kibble and then go right back outside in the pouring rain.
posted by loquacious at 2:57 AM on July 12 [29 favorites]


May all MeFites have the -ughs of their choice!

Never count out Touchdown Tom
posted by Rock Steady at 5:51 AM on July 12 [1 favorite]


i hate my job right now but i told myself i would stay because in less than a year i will be debt-free but good CHRIST i hate it this is going to be an evergreen status for me until memorial day of 2020 that is all
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:21 AM on July 12 [16 favorites]


Oh, also:

My roommate who I met through MeFi is moving out at the end of July. He's awesome and I'll miss him. (This also leaves me open for a roommate in Brooklyn, as of September or a little sooner, if anyone hears anything...)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:23 AM on July 12 [2 favorites]


There is so much going on in almost every facet of my life (home, pets, work, church, family, dance, friends, boyfriend, Metafilter, IL, USA) right now. It's temporary, but I am completely exhausted. Physically, but especially emotionally. It's been a very rough week. Tonight after work I have nothing scheduled, and there's going to be beer, pizza, and Stardew Valley time. (….that's the plan, but I should really vacuum, mop, and do laundry because I have events to go to Saturday and Sunday. Oh, and Taco is way behind on a nail trim so I should call the vet and see if I can schedule that in for tonight....) Gah. Next week should be a start to things getting a lot easier, fingers crossed, but damn. I'm tired.
posted by Fig at 7:30 AM on July 12 [14 favorites]


Thank you Little Dawn. What a great idea.

Hugs Ghidorah - this month is the third anniversary of my father's death. 3 years on I find myself still processing my complex relationship with my complex, angry, loving, anxious father. I don't suppose it'll end really. It's just part of the texture of my life. Sometimes I miss him terribly and sometimes I feel mad at him. It's almost comforting to know that even though he isn't around, my relationship with him will remain a growing, evolving, living thing.

Much less importantly, I am going through little earthquakes every single day as I try to navigate the most all-consuming crush of my life to date. It's WONDERFUL but it's also TERRIBLE. I am truly grateful to AskMe for all the wise advice you can find on these things if you search the right tags. I've been tempted to post many a question but for the most part haven't really needed to because it's all there in the archives if you look. Reading all your wise words really helps me see things in perspective. It's really such a great resource.
posted by unicorn chaser at 7:30 AM on July 12 [9 favorites]


I had two things to say at work which I let slip out before I could make it seem like they came from my male boss so I'm just waiting for them both to get crushed.
posted by bleep at 8:34 AM on July 12 [5 favorites]


*exhausted* I haven't been around because back in April, I took a temporary break from the site because I was upset about something and needed some time to reset.

A week after I did that, my house flooded again. For the third time in two years, near as we can figure--one plumbing disaster, and then six months later a rainfall flash flood, and then this year again it was a flash flood issue. We have flood insurance, but flood insurance is shit, and I'm just so fucking sick of dealing with it. The combination of massive rain after a long period of not raining at all is what's creating the flooding, and that's an artifact of Austin's climate change, but: thanks, I hate it.

We just got the storage unit on my front lawn unpacked this weekend. I had a road trip for a conference planned, but since I got back all my spare time is going to unpacking and setting up my living spaces again. And then I had a major conflict with my boss a month ago (now more or less sorted), and I just need to graduate, and just.

Will this bullshit just fucking stop already? Can I catch a goddamn break? That would be nice, please and thank you!

Anyway, I'm climbing back on the goddamn horse again, but I'm getting real sick of getting thrown off. Real, real sick.
posted by sciatrix at 8:41 AM on July 12 [16 favorites]


My 12-year-old stepson left our front door open this morning when he left early for camp. Just hanging open, with about a half-inch of daylight coming through. A gust of wind could have pushed it wide open. Our two small dogs were sleeping on the couch, just inside the door. They could have easily run outside and gotten lost, hit by a car, or attacked by another animal.

I saw a large black bear in our front yard a couple days ago, and a massive king snake crawling around our front door the other night. We've also seen a stray pit mix running around the neighborhood. There are also, as always, humans who might do us harm. I mean, these threats are not imaginary!!

I am so furious with him, with the persistent lazy/careless attitude towards everything he touches, and I don't feel safe living with him. But...he's a kid. It seems like there's no solution, other than "wait for him to magically become more thoughtful."
posted by witchen at 8:48 AM on July 12 [5 favorites]


Well, our condo building has been finishing up the Plumbing Project From Hell (quick version: replace hot, cold and recirculation verticals throughout the seven-storey, 25-unit building). It needed to happen, because the intersection of Cambridge water and cheap-ass thin-walled 1970s copper pipe meant that catastrophic failure was a "when, not if" question. That was April (for half the building) and June (for the other half). As far as huge, expensive and messy construction projects go, it went well enough, up until the end of June or so. And then things got fun.

A couple weeks ago, as the contractors were finishing up work patching walls in our unit, I came home after the tradesmen had left for the day to find the door to our unit unlocked and ajar. Nothing was missing, but it hadn't been secured at the end of the day. We (Dr Bored for Science and I) decided to do the last round of mudding, sanding and painting ourselves over that weekend, because we decided we couldn't trust the contractor. They were aghast that someone had left the door unlocked and ajar, but were perfectly happy to give us back our spare key.

That would have been annoying, but basically water under the bridge, in that the only thing it cost us was a day of home repair (much of which we'd have done anyway - we knew we'd need to paint). Things have gotten more fun since.

Remember I mentioned a recirculation system? There'd been various points in the pipe replacement where it'd be off for a day or two because of various disconnections/replacements as the plumbers worked their way through each supply stack. That was fine - they'd let the building know - and it'd come back when they were done. However, we've had the combination of two really damn annoying problems along those lines in the last week: a seemingly nonfunctional recirculation system, and a hot water system failure last weekend. The latter got corrected, the former hasn't been. So, we have hot water... but only if we run the taps for multiple minutes.

Oh, and the drywall contractor has been slow to finish the last body of work for one set of units (the ones that were saved for last, because they were the most complicated). Fortunately that's not us, but that's also not good. For a job this size, you expect to blow your deadline a little, but the dropoff in work after the end of June has been dramatic.

This is not helped by a management company who were better than the last set of fools, but have proven in the last couple weeks that they're very, very bad at communicating, and have burned what goodwill they had with the residents and owners. The fun thing is that there are other large-scale maintenance projects on the list for the next few years (the elevator, for instance, is 40 years old, and the building facade has issues), and those are going to be expensive and require considerable goodwill... which is basically gone.

You might ask "Bored for Science, why do you care?" Well, our unit belongs to my grandparents, who have owned said unit since 1978, and since they're in their 90s, and we live in said unit, we're in this weird middle ground between renters and owners. We call it "homeownership lite" and we've lived here since 2015. So, it's home, in a real way, and we're basically the ears to the ground for my grandparents vis the building. So yeah, it's a mess, and the management company has made the problem much worse than it should have been by failing to communicate.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 8:55 AM on July 12 [6 favorites]


I like the fact that this has evolved into just a "venting thread," but I still think it's perfectly fine to still use the "Fucking Fuck" moniker.

I have to go to my aunt's annual party tomorrow, which I hate, and listen to my mother bitch about it the whole time to boot. Aunt (by marriage) has six cousins and at least thirty second cousins, and they all meet every year and gush about how much they love each other. On my side of the family, it's just uncle, me, and my mother, and the aunt's family is not very welcoming towards us two interlopers. So we stand around and try to make small talk, and get ignored. Yet every year my aunt is like "You muuust come to my parteeeeeeee!! We're all familleeeeeee!", and we pick our battles, so we go.

And my mother bitches about how selfish the aunt is being, but otherwise they actually get along well and have a good relationship. So on the way to the party tomorrow I also have to hear my mother bitch about her and remind her, "hey, at least you have a sister-in-law that you're friends with! I don't even have that; my ex-brother-in-law was only briefly married to my sister and is a homeless drug addict." What a concept, having a supportive family.

Oh, and I'm starting to hate hugs, because they're never romantic ones, but you knew that.
posted by Melismata at 9:05 AM on July 12 [7 favorites]


I like the fact that this has evolved into just a "venting thread," but I still think it's perfectly fine to still use the "Fucking Fuck" moniker.

I like the idea of a nice hugs, feel better soon thread.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:13 AM on July 12 [5 favorites]


We're going to be okay, right? We are.
posted by Sequence at 9:51 AM on July 12 [12 favorites]


The real estate market in our city has come to a screeching halt, so our decision to buy a new house before the other one was sold seems quite foolish now (had you asked in May or June when houses were flying off the market after one day...). We can take the hit for a while, but I am so, so anxious. Not a showing in sight.
posted by Pax at 10:00 AM on July 12 [4 favorites]


Oh I wanted a quiet night at home? I just found out my divorce case just took a sharp left turn from amicable to very much not. AWESOME. /all the sarcasm. I'm too tired to process all of my anger about this development. I'ma probably switch Mefi handles because I no longer want to be associated with Mr. Fig. Bridges (among other things) are about to be burned, yall. Yeah I could definitely use a hug, and about 5 extra hours per day. Sigh.
posted by Fig at 10:35 AM on July 12 [39 favorites]


Aw crap, Fig.
posted by wellred at 10:41 AM on July 12 [2 favorites]


{{{{{Fig}}}}}
posted by hanov3r at 10:44 AM on July 12 [3 favorites]


I have been so busy with work that some days I don't even go to the bathroom before 4 pm, but then whenever there's a minute to breathe I just sit here sobbing, so...I guess I should stop complaining about the workload.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:01 AM on July 12 [9 favorites]


I want a second cat so bad because I miss my cuddle cat more than I can say. If horcruxes were real, I literally put parts of my soul into these stupid cats because I wasn't a good guardian of it. But I'm scared of... choosing wrong? … or making my girl cat unhappy? or... feeling like I killed another cat when they die and I can't literally defy death with the force of my will? It's hard. My capacity for love kind of scares me. I can deal with the loss, but I now understand how much they hurt especially if within a short period of time. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just don't feel the same.

I've taken a lot of joy in helping people both IRL and online. I'm not sure how to get to where I'm self actualized finally by having that be my work... therapist? I looked into school, but I don't think that's quite what I want to do. I can't imagine a world in which my work is fulfilling and helps people. I really can't.

And I feel like if I try the world is just going to drastically change due to climate change in 10 years anyway so what's the point. I might actually be useful in that world though. I feel so useless right now.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:48 AM on July 12 [9 favorites]


Sorry Fig. Kind thoughts.
posted by crush at 11:57 AM on July 12 [2 favorites]


I've been working the exact opposite shift of my wife. And I hate 4 to midnight. Thankfully I'm able to at least work remote from home but it means I have to work and not give my partner the focus/attention I want to give. It's frustrating but at least there are hugs and lunches and break time with her. Her hugs and love are what get met through the day.

Positive vibes your way Fig. Hugs to all those who need them.
posted by Fizz at 11:59 AM on July 12 [8 favorites]


If you don't prefer hugs, I can instead offer you fuzzy pugs, happy drugs, ugly mugs, banana slugs, or edible bugs.

Harvey K. missed a few options... plush rugs, friendly tugs, big lugs, coffee mugs and other beverage jugs, promotional plugs, nice guys named Doug, and '60s psychedelic band The Fugs (I, for one, will never forget the Fugs). We need to be all about the "-ugs" and not the "-ughs".
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:55 PM on July 12 [5 favorites]


hey Fig — big squooshy virtual hug. I went through a divorce which swerved like yours is doing now; I’m so sorry.

I’ve had bronchitis for a week now. I think it’s passing but last night was rough. Slept (or whatever not being functional is called) sitting up in bed, walled in by a pillow fort. Off to Urgent Care for scripts soon, I hope.

But what I need hugs for is: I was told last month my contract was not being renewed, so after I unfroze from shock, I started reaching out, working connections to see if I can make a lateral move. I got a bite. But mr. lemon icing had interceded on my behalf, without telling, yeah we’re talking about THAT now, and I’m angry. Is it misplaced? Maybe. I wanted to make a clean break/start under my own steam and I feel the intercession compromises me.

And i’m as sick as a can be. I could be a spokesperson for Nyquil.

On the upside, recipe for deviled eggs on the Blue. so there’s that. sigh.
posted by lemon_icing at 3:01 PM on July 12 [5 favorites]


I just arrived at the hospital. My... girlfriend?... is lying in a bed right now, lips and teeth black from charcoal.

I spent a big chunk of my spoon allotment this week helping a friend of a friend deal with discovering that her husband shares my addiction, and reliving a bunch of my own shame while helping her understand his.

Someone dear to me was just told they might have MS, or an MS-like condition.
posted by hanov3r at 3:59 PM on July 12 [7 favorites]


I too am dealing with a falling apart building and an inept property management company, it is hell in part because it feels so unimportant. I want to be visiting my friend in the hospital instead of trying to track down our missing garbage company and the roof contractor and the flood mitigation people because our property manager can’t figure out how.
posted by sallybrown at 4:10 PM on July 12 [4 favorites]


It is so exhausting to deal with that stuff! And it's even worse when it's displacing you from your home and you're trying to tackle a whole lot of things at once and, for y'all, you shouldn't have to do that shit because that's the whole point of why you're paying rent. Grargh.

Flood mitigation is the worst.
posted by sciatrix at 4:20 PM on July 12 [3 favorites]


Speaking of flood mitigation, I texted with my sister in New Orleans today. She sent me photos of her flooded street, her backyard like a literal swimming pool, our parents' house sandbagged... all before things even really get real this weekend.

Fuck climate change. I'm glad I chose not to have kids.
posted by slenderloris at 4:37 PM on July 12 [5 favorites]


I’m tired and sad because of various Reasons that I don’t want to get into right now. Just really tired and really sad.
posted by bookmammal at 5:22 PM on July 12 [10 favorites]


I just asked my first Ask Metafilter question ever about my current terrible situation. I know I'll probably be ok, I've got a lot of good protections on my side, but there's still just that idea of someone fucking with my living situation that sets my anxiety off like crazy. It doesn't help that my landlords told me they were selling about two weeks after I had already figured it out because they sent out a "termite inspector" who spent most of his time measuring doorways and literally no time looking for termites. So now I just feel like this whole thing is going to be stressful and full of them being shady AF and now I'm just trying to prepare for battle as best I can.
posted by primalux at 6:13 PM on July 12 [5 favorites]


The last six months have been pure hell, and things aren't getting any better. I lost all my friends, my job, my cat, everything I had going for me, all familiar sights and people, and a bunch of my belongings. I went from being in a city (where there were things to do) to being in a little suburb that's effectively cut off from everything around me without a car. I literally have nothing left except family. Until a few days ago the only thing that made me happy was biking around, but even setting aside that I bent my bike wheel, I'm sick of biking around here. And I know I've said all this before, but I don't even have anywhere else to vent.

I had a dream last night that I was seeing friends, and then I woke up and realized where I was. It was the worst, most crushing feeling. I don't think it's even possible to go back: I don't think I can get my old job back, I don't think I can afford an apartment, and I don't even know that I'll be able to spend time with friends. I have no idea what I'm going to do, and I'm literally getting through each day sometimes minute by minute.

The only good news, and I mean literally the only good news, is that I can probably replace my wheel without having to spend a lot of money. Someone in my family even offered to help pay for a new (used) bike. But I'm not exaggerating when I say that's the only positive I have going for me right now. I mean that literally: all I'm looking forward to is that I might be able to go biking again soon.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 7:18 PM on July 12 [12 favorites]


I finally had a complete sob session at work in my friend’s office. But that brief breakdown was so cathartic. So although I am still very burnt out, I am here to give hugs instead!
posted by gryphonlover at 8:44 PM on July 12 [6 favorites]


Hugs and love to everyone.

You are all more beautiful than you can ever know.
posted by mochapickle at 10:55 PM on July 12 [11 favorites]


I am still unemployed. It is causing me a great deal of shame, since pretty much my entire life has been premised on my career. I have about half a dozen irons in the fire, but none of them are coming out hot yet and I'm super anxious about it. I was pretty sure I'd have been settled into something by now.

It's not helping that the "talent specialist" assigned by the university to get me rehired is very sweet but a total waste of air. Ugh.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:06 AM on July 13 [7 favorites]


  • One of my cats almost died from hepatic lipidosis and is on tube feeding for an indeterminate amount of time.
  • The tube feeding is an onerous process, has to be done three times a day including at midnight, involves grinding up meds (thank goodness I had a mortar and pestle lying around) and the frustrating process of getting food into the syringes, and I'm constantly worried I'm going to dislodge it and choke her.
  • Right now I have the time for this, because all I need to do for the next few weeks is pack for my move. But what do I do when my job starts?
  • Speaking of the job starting, I need to find somebody to tube feed her during the day while I'm at work. I've had no luck with this, not with vets, not with cat sitters. I honestly don't know what I'll do if I don't find someone, because I can't quit my job (especially after the bills she racked up).
  • Moving is a pain in the ass. And I really don't want to leave my current city.
  • I'm worried I'm not ready for the new job. I feel like I should be spending my time non-stop studying for it.
  • Because of the cat medical emergency I had to cancel a trip visiting a very good friend across the country. We had a week long backpacking trip scheduled. I was really looking forward to this. I've also had to cancel another trip, and may have to cancel a trip to a friend's wedding in October if the tube feeding isn't resolved by then.
Quitting my old job was FANTASTIC and I'm excited about the new job despite my insecurities, but all these other worries are making it hard to relax and just enjoy the process.

If anyone knows of a cat sitter in the Hyattsville, MD area who can tube feed a very sweet cat Monday-Friday in the afternoon for months, please let me know. It would start in August.
posted by schroedinger at 9:24 AM on July 13 [4 favorites]


Hugs to everyone or empathetic vibes from a suitable comfortable distance with or without eye contact! Those of you who have interacted with me know that I care about you but I also care about those of you who I don't know who are in this thread being brave and vulnerable. It's beautiful to see!

I'm still exhausted enough to dream of being in a coma or ... worse (just chronic pain fantasies, no worries). I quit smoking a month ago and while YAY all the stress from it and my life is really aggravating my chronic illness. So now I'm even in more pain. I'm hoping it settles but otherwise I'm housebound, get dizzy spells so not steady on my feet and at nighttime my legs just fucking ache like someone is taking hold of my muscles and trying to rip them off my body or the other feeling of having my legs be crushed... I fucking hate fibromyalgia and yet still in my head I'm blaming myself. Feel so fucking lazy and that my life has no means as well as being angry.... selfishly thinking that I should have found a partner before I got sick cause no one is going to want anything to do with this ...

Quitting has also reduced friends...just no desire to hang out for hours with people smoking and no one wants to come here where I've banned it. I never had lots in the first place. I guess .. I think I'm growing up...or rather breaking free from my past and just have no desire to hang with people who are enacting unhealthy patterns over and over without at least recognizing their part in it... I already have banned men from my life (joking! I just banned the ones who were sucking me dry). Yet, there is opportunities for new ones .. a trans meetup! A cousin's kid coming out as a transwoman and wanting my guidance! and I feel absolutely no desire to do any of it...

I've become a lump on a log as my gramma would say and can't think of one thing to do to change it.
posted by kanata at 9:44 AM on July 13 [4 favorites]


Oh kanata I have fibro too and it sucks! On month five of bone crushing fatigue and it’s killing me. Sending hugs to you and anyone else who would like them (figgie ❤️).
posted by ellieBOA at 11:36 AM on July 13 [5 favorites]


Fibro suffers unite in their separate homes as they say! Hugs if they don't hurt ellieBOA.
posted by kanata at 12:48 PM on July 13 [4 favorites]


Right now I have so many hugs to share that I am here to give them to (and receive them from) anyone who wants a hug. That is all, just hugs to all who are down for hugging.

{{{{{{{all of us}}}}}}}
posted by Lynsey at 3:00 PM on July 13 [6 favorites]


A little hug becomes huge instantly,
If you just add Silent E!
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 4:06 PM on July 13 [8 favorites]


I like your comment because it's a nice sentiment, but also because it really sounds like you're pushing party drugs on us.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:22 PM on July 13 [4 favorites]


Oh dang, unless that was the joke and it sailed over my head.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:54 PM on July 13 [2 favorites]


I just ate some kind of instant noodle that was so spicy I'm pretty sure I just met god and had a vigorous argument with them.

I actually really like spicy food but this was something else and it's been 20 minutes and I'm still practically hallucinating. I even had a bunch of sriracha and chili flakes I was going to add to it but I'm really glad I didn't. I think I can hear my sinuses and lymph nodes crackling and popping.

The text on the package looks like it's in Korean and I can't read anything on the package except where it says X2 SPICY! in alarmingly aggressive black and red letters, and the add-on import nutritional information sticker in English that informs me I probably just consumed 120% of my daily recommended sodium intake.

I mean, I REALLY LIKE spicy food. I usually order 5-7 star spicy at places that only go to 4 on the menu. I like fresh habanero and jalepenos. I use sriracha like ketchup.

I'm pretty sure this is the hottest, spiciest thing I've ever met in a package that wasn't some kind of extreme hot sauce in a weird bottle with a bunch of dire warning labels on it. It was like ghost pepper hot. Like oh my god this is a mistake Homer's Insanity Pepper hot.

Hugs to any who want to maybe spontaneously combust. I think I'm going to go lay down and pay for my sins and trip out for a while.
posted by loquacious at 6:17 PM on July 13 [7 favorites]


loquacious, was it this package?
posted by hanov3r at 7:14 PM on July 13 [2 favorites]


*cowers in fear*

That's basically the package, yes.
posted by loquacious at 7:41 PM on July 13 [2 favorites]


If I was still a grad student and needed to curry favor with my screaming chilihead of an advisor (the man kept ground ghost peppers in the lab kitchen to doctor his lunch, and was the reason I made the habanero vodka a/k/a artisanal pepper spray), I'd get him a pack. He'd probably think it was fun.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 7:52 PM on July 13 [2 favorites]


Ok, I had a few bites left and I ate some more. It's not actually Homer's Insanity Pepper hot nor the hottest thing I've ever had kind of hot, but it's still really fucking hot for a pack of instant noodles.

In my defense I just kind of dived in and started slurping like you do with noodles when it was still really hot (temp wise) and I was not expecting to get kicked in the face like that so I just kept slurping. It has a long, slow burn that starts stacking up and hangs around for a bit too long.

For the record I got it at the food bank. I don't go out of my way to find weaponized food and It was instant noodles so I was just like "how hot can it be?"

If there's a spicier instant noodle on the planet I don't want to meet it.

Also it is amusing that this is supposed to be chicken flavored. Yeah, maybe if you raised the chickens in in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone entirely on a diet of mutant peppers!

I have another one of these evil bastards, but next time I think I'll make some peanut sauce and have a can of coconut milk to wash it down with. Or I'll save it for the next time I have a cold or a sinus infection.
posted by loquacious at 8:04 PM on July 13 [4 favorites]


shapes that haunt the dusk, "Silent E", by Tom Lehrer for The Electric Company
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:50 PM on July 13 [4 favorites]


My sister's cancer is back. It...doesn't sound good.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:09 AM on July 14 [7 favorites]


Very sorry to hear that. Hugs.
posted by Secretariat at 9:35 AM on July 14 [3 favorites]


On top of everything, my water main is leaking, which I found out this morning as I went down to the basement to get dressed for a bridal shower I was co-hosting this morning. Thankfully, nothing too ruinable is in that corner, and I'm glad I went down there when I did. This week is flerping Fantastic.
posted by Fig at 3:00 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


I've had wicked insomnia for the past month. It's bad missing out on sleep, but also, insomnia is boring! I've been reading random stuff and watching movies and TV, but never with the energy or attention span I'd have when I was rested. So it ends up being a big waste of my time. Jeez! I'm hoping to get treated soon, but in the meantime, what a drag. My poor brain. I'm probably not doing myself any favors in the long term.

I did replace my bike wheel, though. It's so so good having the bike back. I honestly don't know where I'd be without it.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:30 AM on July 15 [4 favorites]


As a life long insomnia sufferer you definitely have my condolences. A lot of time running through podcasts, tv, knitting, reading and none of it sticking. It's annoying when brains just want to spin free and keep spinning and spinning forever.
posted by kanata at 7:21 AM on July 15 [2 favorites]


At work today a man knocked on the door to our storefront, and when I opened it, he asked me a completely bizarre series of questions about whether our company name had been changed because our previous owner had been thrown in jail. I confessed to not knowing anything about that, and he said "okay, thanks," and wandered off.

I've been thinking that perhaps this is not the job for me, and I think that may have been a sign of some kind.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:14 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]


And putting out the call that I need me some of the support that ColdChef talks about here.

(Or like a steady annual income of like $100K annually without having to do anything, but I'll take moral support)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:34 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]


Insomnia seems to be going around. Frankly, I love sleep because it's a cheap, healthy escape and my dreams are usually pretty awesome.

Lately I've been waking up at like 3-4 AM and it's been driving me non-figuratively bonkers and weird, and I've never been a morning person. I have no idea what to even do with myself at that hour. It's too early to do just about anything except go online and see more horrible insomnia-inducing shit.
posted by loquacious at 11:11 AM on July 15 [2 favorites]


Oh, forgot this part: I have a couple of friends that I know are dealing with similar wake up times for some reason, like there's something in the air making it happen.

It is very unusual for me as one anecdotal data point. While I tend to be a night owl I also never had any real trouble sleeping even if the hours were screwy. And I was already waking up at the crack of dawn and earlier for the past year or so, but this 3 AM stuff is some bullshit.

I should honestly banish my computer or phone from anywhere near bed but I have a hard time falling asleep without some droll documentary playing to help me get there and apparently books don't work any more.
posted by loquacious at 11:15 AM on July 15 [2 favorites]


I've been doing that too since Daylight Saving Time hit. Also, if you drink, alcohol wears off after a few hours and the adrenaline will jolt you awake. The sleep graph is pretty funny how it goes from 90% straight into the tank of 50% and just stays there.

Might be life related but probably my job sucking and stupid daylight saving.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:41 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]


A tiny vent, in the scheme of things, but I made the stupid decision to watch the first episode of Chernobyl before going to bed.

Here brain, have some existential horror! Now try to sleep!

Ugh ugh ugh.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:13 PM on July 15 [2 favorites]


Deepest sympathies to hearts that grieve and love and peace to all who struggle with THE WEIGHT.

As for me, my mood alternates between sack-cloth, ashes, and moaning at the sky and, "C',mon, Pookie!" [Caution: Language]
posted by ob1quixote at 10:52 PM on July 15 [1 favorite]


Oh my god, I just went to go to bed and discovered that a bunch of my things were COATED with mildew. I've noticed an odd smell in my room for weeks, but could never find a cause. I took the moldy things out, but the smell is still there. I run the AC constantly, but the humidity here is just that intense. I'm concerned in equal parts about my health and about whether any of my record collection has been destroyed.

I hate Maryland so, so much.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 12:03 AM on July 16 [2 favorites]


My lower lip has decided to be the Site of Twitching today (my neurological tests are happening in a few weeks after months of waiting). It is much more annoying than the thenar twitches, gotta say.

Big hugs to seanmpuckett who, at the Toronto meetup on Saturday, asked "how are you" in that I really want to know if you're OK tone.
posted by wellred at 5:56 AM on July 16 [3 favorites]


I've been doing that too since Daylight Saving Time hit. Also, if you drink, alcohol wears off after a few hours and the adrenaline will jolt you awake. The sleep graph is pretty funny how it goes from 90% straight into the tank of 50% and just stays there.

It's been happening to me with or without any drinking. Also, most of my friends are sober or otherwise just not drinking. One friend reports that they haven't managed more than 4ish hours for a month now and half-jokingly comments it's like we're all getting signals telling us to get ready for something that we need to be awake for at 3 AM.

Today I managed to wake up at 6, but that was still half an hour before my alarm and after finally falling asleep at like 1:30.
posted by loquacious at 7:21 AM on July 16 [2 favorites]


MY SEXIST PRICK OF A BOSS IS LEAVING! And I am cautiously optimistic his replacement won't be worse! That strange sensation I feel is my stomach slowly unknotting after months of grar. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Big round of hugs and hug-equivalents to you all!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:55 PM on July 16 [7 favorites]


Have been at a fever pitch at work today and am pretty grumpy about it because the boss is going to come in tomorrow, and after my having done ABCDEFGHIJILMNO and P, he'll be grumpy that I didn't do Q, which either no one has had time to tell me how to do, or R, which involves my persuading my boss to do something and every time I've tried he's always pushed back and given me a zillion excuses or told me to go away and I don't have time for that because see my also having to do ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO and P....

But I finally got my kitchen sink unclogged after two days so that's good.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:41 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]


On a slightly more positive note...I'm off to a conference next week. It's basically a day and a half of developer conference followed by two and a half days of user/administrator conference.

As it turns out, the people running the developer side of it have asked me for a quote to use in the keynote speech that kicks everything off on Monday. I'm apparently being noticed by people in my particular niche of the IT world. So there's that.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:46 AM on July 17 [7 favorites]


Epstein is really messing with me today. The way the media has moved on really really hurts. I just needed to say that to someone.
posted by kanata at 8:50 AM on July 17 [7 favorites]


I hear you, kanata. ❤️
posted by ocherdraco at 9:33 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


I agree with you kanata. It helps me to keep in mind that there are lots of very quiet government lawyers working away whether the media talks about it or not.
posted by sallybrown at 9:39 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


This was less than a mile from where I live, right around the time I leave for work. They broke into a man's car and dragged him out, threatened to shoot bystanders who tried to intervene, and were gone before the Rapid Response hotline people could show up. I'm in a city whose government isn't cooperating with ICE (anymore) and Minneapolis wasn't one of the listed cities to get raided last weekend. This is fucking me up more than a little bit.
posted by dinty_moore at 10:03 AM on July 17 [7 favorites]


Thanks. I've been distracting myself with Dr. Who which I've never seen before. A friend sent me a hard drive in the mail full of her favourite queer tv/movies and various fandoms after we talked about Tennant in Good Omens so that's helping a bit :)
posted by kanata at 10:06 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


In the continuing saga of my sick cat, while she was in the hospital the catheter site on one of her front legs got infected. The infection has now progressed that they may need to amputate. On top of that I clogged her feeding tube like a big moron, and after a day of trying they still can't unclog it. So the tube has to come out, a nasal tube is going in, and she won't be able to get some of her meds. They probably won't even replace the tube until Monday because that's when they'll deal with her leg (either closing the wound or amputation)--they don't want to put her through two separate anesthesia events.
posted by schroedinger at 1:29 PM on July 17 [4 favorites]


I went through that feeding tube stuff with my kitty (and it totally took over my life but thankfully it didn't last more than like 3 weeks or so) - I'm surprised they want to just abandon it like that and replace it with something worse instead of replacing the tube? It's just a tube in a hole.
posted by bleep at 3:35 PM on July 17


The problem is that the tube is blocked and they can't unblock it. So they have to replace the tube, but she has to go under anesthesia to do that. Because she might need her leg amputated Monday, they want to wait to put the tube back in then so she only has to go under anesthesia once. This whole thing is happening because she has hepatic lipidosis, and I guess that makes her more in danger of going into a coma during anesthesia.
posted by schroedinger at 4:04 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Ya but why not replace it with another throat tube?
posted by bleep at 7:23 PM on July 17


They're going to. But like I said, to do so they need to put her under anesthesia. They'd rather wait until Monday when they work on her leg so that she only needs to go under once, instead of putting her under for the e-tube now and then having to put her under again on Monday for the leg. They don't want to do two anesthesia events so close together.
posted by schroedinger at 8:17 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


So I have an aunt and uncle on Facebook and they often fall prey to exactly what you'd imagine older relatives would on Facebook - posting links to dubious news stories, chain-letter "spread the word of this missing child" alerts, things like that. Never anything MAGA, never often, usually health related. Sometimes, to be helpful, if I see that one of them has posted something, I take the two seconds to Google for an article that refutes the story - and I always find one - and I post a link to it in response, without comment.

And then a couple days ago one of the things my uncle posted was a link to an article about NJ Congressman suggesting that the rise in Lyme disease is the result of Cold War government experiments to weaponize ticks as biological disease agents. And this time - he tagged my brother, who's been suffering from a fairly bad case of Lyme for the past few years now.

Fortunately my brother seems to have gently laughed it off (he posted a smiley face and a "hey, you never know" and then changed the subject). And fortunately I was able to stick to my "post the article that refutes without further comment" rule. But DAMMIT this time I wanted to punch something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:06 AM on July 18 [2 favorites]


One of the grad students in the program my wife works for died this past weekend. He was incredibly kind when her dad was dying this spring and checked in on her every day. The last time I saw him, we'd both recently passed comps (me totally, him provisionally) and he was stressed to the gills but still asked how my stuff was coming. It's a cliche but he was, legit, the nicest person on the damn planet.

He'd been hiding in his lab since the last time I saw him and now I wish I'd hunted him down and checked in on him, but time flies and 34 year olds don't just up and die, right?

I'm tired, y'all.
posted by joycehealy at 7:58 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


*hugs the stuffing out of my cat*

I was at a store earlier this week and was called out as looking like a certain celebrity, and I responded with "I also get called "yeah, that and this other celebrity" and then she pointed out I look a lot like the mutual friend (and friend of the community) that passed away a couple of months ago. And, well, that's an emotional stunner and stopped me in my tracks. Then we commiserated a little about how we've lost too many good people in the last year or two.

This is not something I had really expected nor was I prepared for about small town life, having to regularly deal with the loss of community members and good people both young and old.

I'm actually wearing a cute purple cardigan right now that belonged to an older friend that passed away, and I didn't know she had passed until like two weeks after when I ran into another older friend that lived in her building. (This friend is one of the town's wild aunties or grandmas .) Which is how I ended up with the cardigan. My friend was actually wearing it when we met up and had an impromptu hang out to smoke a joint and she gave it to me right off of her back because she knew I liked the cardigan and wanted me to have something of hers as a memento. Whenever I wear it it's like I'm sharing a hug.

Related, I also have a bunch of clothes from another friend who passed away a couple of years ago. I'm good friends with her daughter who is closer to my age but younger. I knew she was struggling with cleaning out her mom's house after she passed away and I offered help because I know it's easier if you're not so directly involved. Her mom was kind of a Stevie Nicks hippie-witch archetype except maybe more Stevie Nicks than Stevie Nicks herself, and her house was packed full of some really beautiful clothes and things, most of it likely from thrift stores and such as she wasn't rich by any stretch. You wouldn't have known that looking at her closet and all the art objects and art glass and stuff she filled her cluttered house with.

In hindsight I wish I picked out a few more things for myself. I turned down a lot of stuff that I thought was "too nice" and was trying not to be sensitive and not greedy. I didn't realize in the moment that my friend just wanted it all gone and would happy that I had it instead of dropping it off at thrift stores or consignment shops and I was doing her a huge favor in addition to helping sort and clean things.

Tangentially and somewhat ironically it was that cleaning and help that was the trigger that started me seeking HRT and therapy. Because I'm sometimes a doofus and a klutz I managed to severely abrade my cornea by trying to push my glasses up my nose while walking down a cluttered hallway and hitting my elbow on the wall, which forced my finger into my glasses hard enough to pop out the lens, which lead to the edge of the lens abrading my cornea.

Which lead to a few days/weeks of extreme pain, a visit to the local clinic and ER, the discovery that my health insurance was still valid (and renewable!) and somewhere in this process I discovered a page on the local hospital's website talking about LGBTQ health and support. Which lead to me making some phone calls and getting that ball rolling.

Which was partially due to the support I felt from said friend and some other friends. I had come out to her a couple of months before she passed away and she made an offer to visit so she could give me some clothes, which for whatever reason didn't happen because time is a fleeting pain in the butt and life happens.

So, yeah. Something like half of my closet is clothes from awesome women and friends that have passed away, and it's a little weird sometimes. But it's also comforting, sustaining and affirming.
posted by loquacious at 9:14 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


Well, the front-leg catheter infection from her hospital stay is multi-drug resistant. There are two treatment options:
  • 4+ weeks of daily antibiotic injections. The only antibiotic that will treat this infection may damage her kidneys, so she'd need to be strictly monitored and get tests at least weekly--on top of the liver stress. The infection is zoonotic, so she's also currently a public health risk and requires quarantine (good thing I've already been quarantining her anyway). I have to move in two weeks, so this would all be happening in the middle of it.
  • Full amputation of the leg.
I think it will have to be the amputation. Even with the antibiotics she might end up needing the amputation anyway. Amy is polydactyl on her two front paws. I've always loved her little peets. They're what made me fall for her in the first place. I won't love her any less, but I'm watching videos of three-legged cats and people keep telling me she can be perfectly happy with three legs but nothing is making me feel better about this. Cats get phantom limb pains, it's killing me to think of her suffering through that. I can't stop blaming myself--if I noticed her decrease in appetite sooner she would never have had hepatic lipidosis and none of this would've happened.

The infection is the hospital's fault, so at least they're paying for everything. Cold comfort.
posted by schroedinger at 2:18 PM on July 18 [6 favorites]


Hugging Hugs is basically becoming Schroedinger's Catfilter. Sorry about that, everyone!
posted by schroedinger at 2:40 PM on July 18 [5 favorites]


Man I need to hug my cat again but I'm not home!
posted by loquacious at 6:39 PM on July 18


Sending you extra hugs for sweet Amy!
posted by mochapickle at 6:48 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


I blame myself for my cat basically dying of a stroke after being treated for an infection and coming home with me. I rushed him back in but it didn't matter. It's never easy.

I can't imagine if I had to decide to let him go voluntarily, that choice was pretty much taken from me out of nowhere. I'm sorry you're having to go through this schroedinger. It really was the worst experience of my life.

But if the quality of life won't be there, you did all you could. It doesn't mean you failed. Hugs.

But I think I'm going to go see this little guy who's 10 and maybe adopt him. Torrin, my cat who died, had his owner died and was so shy and scared when I got him but then was the best lovebug and friendliest cat. I want to help another lost soul who had to be given up. My girlfriend says to not get an older cat who may die around the time my current cat now who is also 10 may die.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 7:19 AM on July 19 [4 favorites]


I'm overwhelmed. I met a fantastic guy a couple weeks ago and things are going so perfectly that it's bizarre and I am freaking the fuck out. Things going badly, I have coping mechanisms for. Things going well....my mind is blown and I'm in a panic.
posted by rue72 at 8:08 AM on July 19 [4 favorites]


> schroedinger: people keep telling me she can be perfectly happy with three legs but nothing is making me feel better about this

In veterinary medicine, it is often said that "Cats and dogs are born with three legs and a spare." I've known a bunch of tripod pups and kitties, and they do great. I'm sure they can get phantom pain, but I've never known any who were particularly tormented about it.

Sorry you are going through that. Hugs for all.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:26 AM on July 19 [7 favorites]


I can't stop blaming myself--if I noticed her decrease in appetite sooner she would never have had hepatic lipidosis and none of this would've happened

I know it's hard not to blame yourself -- I am still blaming myself in a thousand ways for my little kitty's death -- but truly, even had you noticed the decrease in appetite sooner, you might not have been able to prevent this. We worked for months to treat our cat's appetite loss, but all it took were two or three very unsuccessful days before she became ill. You did right by your furry one; hepatic lipidosis is a tricky asshole.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:03 AM on July 19 [5 favorites]


Three suicides and a cancer diagnosis in the past month. Two random deaths of family members in June. And today one of my closest friends had to euthanize her companion of 15 years. I'm at the end of whatever rope I had. Not to mention the heartbreak of splitting with the love of my life a few months ago. This tunnel has no fucking light at the end. Also, FUCK TRUMP.
posted by Token Meme at 1:03 PM on July 19 [4 favorites]


Token Meme, that sounds incredibly brutal, I am truly sorry. Hugs to you (if you accept hugs).

Seeing all the stress and travails other posters are going through with their animals I probably should not complain, but: thanks to climate change I just sent my darling cat off this morning to live indefinitely with someone else, and I want to cry. My attic apartment is now unlivable during the day (40°C+) unless all the windows are open or I blast the portable AC unit (recently acquired against my better judgement largely for the sake of said cat). I can't do 1) with the cat here because I'm on an upper floor with zero window protection, and god knows I can't afford 2) with all the hot days we're having. (Solution 3 would be to move, which is also financially impossible for the foreseeable future.) I know lots of cats tolerate heat well, but my guy just doesn't--panting, crazy heart rate, not eating, just generally obviously miserable. So he's left to go live with someone with thicker walls and appropriate window equipment in another part of the country, because I'm terrified I literally can't keep him alive here. I came home tonight to some of his stuff still being here, and just...I hate this.

Long distance hugs to everyone who needs/would like em.
posted by peakes at 3:20 PM on July 23 [5 favorites]


peakes you are a good pet parent. I would want to cry too. You did the best you could!
posted by sallybrown at 3:22 PM on July 23 [4 favorites]


Thank you, sallybrown, I really appreciate it.
posted by peakes at 3:27 PM on July 23 [4 favorites]


I feel you, cat people. I had to leave my cat behind with my ex in California. It was too much to try to move her across the country with me. I loved that cat so much. My ex offered to send cat photos whenever I wanted, but I don’t think I could handle seeing them. It sounds ridiculous, but I basically can’t look at cut cat pictures anymore.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 12:02 PM on July 24 [3 favorites]


I need to just get up the courage and go get a second cat because I have a lot of love to give. I'm worried my extremely willful girl cat will just hate it. Sorry you had to rehome your cat, peakes. That's so hard, but you did a good thing.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:19 PM on July 24 [4 favorites]


peakes you are a good pet parent.

This is true, and I agree entirely. Not everyone is good to animals.

CW: Terrible humans and animal neglect ahead. I don't spend much time in MeTa these days, but I came here looking for the now-dormant Fucking Fuck thread because I didn't know what else to do with this.

I spotted one of my neighbours out front a few days ago with a handsome (if somewhat slender) German Shepherd I had not seen before. The dog was looking around in what I thought was curiosity but what might in retrospect be called wariness.

I waved to my neighbour and asked what the dog was called. She said the dog was Bella, but she was kind of nervous around people. I stopped and did not approach any closer, but the dog and I regarded each other from maybe twenty feet apart.

My neighbour explained that she was a rescue, and had been abandoned by her previous owners. This was bad enough, but then came more: they had moved out of a house and left her there with no food or water. For ten days before she was found. During the heat wave where the humidex got to 45 degrees (that's 113 for Fahrenheit people). While she was heavily pregnant.

All the puppies died, of course, and she nearly did as well. Now she has a forever home with a nice retired lady from down the street, but Jesus suffering fuck, what is wrong with humans? Some days I tell you I can't wait for the meteor to come and end the whole queasy farce.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:23 PM on July 24 [2 favorites]


I have a shitton of shit going on right now, and found out yesterday that my therapist is leaving (through no fault of her own; her contract was up and they don't have a full-time position open). So, I get to start from scratch, again. My previous therapist left abruptly due to a family medical emergency.

Sometimes it can be helpful to switch and get a fresh take on what's going on, but I've already been cut from an hour session to 45 minutes, then just opted to go from weekly to every other week because of other commitments, and now this. It's a minor irritant compared to everything else that's going on currently, but it's a poorly-timed straw on the camel's back.

And, I came home last night to a random gift on my doorstep - a pretty pricey alpaca from an alpaca store in the Mall of America, with no identifying information other than the last 4 digits of a CC number on the receipt. I've posted on social media and gotten no answers as to who sent it, and I'm getting more and more suspicious that it's from my STBX. which. I cant even, if that's the case. can. not. even.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 8:58 AM on July 25 [4 favorites]


Upthread I said that my current default status was "I hate my job but I told myself I'd stay until my debt was cleared."

I am officially announcing an update: my current default status is "I hate my job and life is too short so I am starting to quietly look for other things and so NOW I have to think of how to answer the 'why are you looking for a new job after only six months' interview questions, which suck on toast".

But this past month I have woken up in the middle of the night because of job stress at least three times weekly, and I have nearly cried at this job twice. I am attempting to do something that doesn't match my skill set all that well - I'm trying to be both an office manager AND a dedicated personal assistant at the same time, and trying to do a mix of both means I do neither one well. My boss hasn't had any major complaints, but has grumbled about a couple things falling through cracks, and I don't think I'm doing him any favors by trying to stay.

And the only other co-worker here is the kind of dude I'd cross the room to avoid at a party aaaaaugh

I'm also taking a notice of three linkedin job postings near where I live, one of which has nearly the exact job description I'd once made up as "a fantasy job". It may be fate. Wish me luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:23 AM on July 25 [8 favorites]


The way people on this site talk about mental illness often makes me feel horrible about myself. I always make the mistake of opening up about my own problems, and completely regret it, on top of feeling like an idiot for oversharing. I could go on, but honestly, I don't know who is going to read this and what they'll think or say.

I've been using the site too much, so I'm going to try to step back and either take a break, or at least stop saying so much.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 2:35 PM on July 29 [4 favorites]


Wow, shapes that haunt the dusk, I was about to post the exact same comment. I wouldn't normally post in one of these threads at all but now I am going to. The level of ableism that is acceptable here is totally unacceptable: as someone who has been so ill as to not even be able to clean or feed myself, who feels like a burden on my loved ones on a good day, I can't take it anymore. I'm done. I no longer want to see my humanity crushed like that by people who still believe things like enabling and tough love are good, and treat mentally ill people how they'd never treat like, a cancer patient. There are so many outdated ideas here, so much horrible, hateful rhetoric couched in caring that nobody sees or wants to see...I don't know, I can interact with people who are less ableist on Twitter. The voices of people like me matter, and losing us posting here would be a shame. But also, I am getting an MA in Dis Studies and I'm tired of this garbage!
posted by colorblock sock at 8:39 PM on July 29 [5 favorites]


So when even YOUR PARENTS say that it might be time to quit a job before you've lined up another gig...it might be time to quit.

Especially when your mother - a former preschool teacher who pretty much exudes "preschool teacher" energy 24/7 - utters the phrase "it sounds like your boss is an asshole."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:41 AM on July 30 [3 favorites]


Update: My sister's back in the hospital because her potassium levels are dangerously low and they're having trouble bringing them back up. It's partly due to the chemo and partly due to an intestinal blockage she has.

She's told me herself her outlook now isn't all that great, and apparently the word "hospice" has been mentioned at least once. Things aren't there yet, but it sounds like at least a possibility.

I have no idea what I'm going to do, or what I even can do from over 5,000 miles away. On top of that, I'm feeling like shit for getting this upset about it when she's the one with the problem.

Fuck.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:51 PM on August 3 [3 favorites]


I'm struggling again. I am very tempted to jump into the "send me encouragement" thread that just got posted but I don't want to grandstand, but DAMMIT I could also use some shows of support sent to me like that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:02 PM on August 4 [3 favorites]


EmpressCallipygos—check your memail.
posted by bookmammal at 12:40 PM on August 4


I'm at the beginningish of rolling out a new program at work. I've done this program before, but I believe we started too big, too soon. The bosses wanted it done, so I got it done.

Anyway. As the face/owner of this project, I'm getting a lot of negative feedback directed my way, including detailed emails on how to do my job. They're coming from the same department, which is full of a lot of entitled men. I got one particularly nasty one today, telling me that because he wasn't consulted on this (reader, this guy was invited to several early meetings on this program for managers, which he blew off), he's not going to participate. It's a mandate from the CEO, so good luck with that one. So annoying. I hate this "Old Boy's Club" atmosphere that's endemic in manufacturing. Maybe it's time to switch fields, although I'm 15 years deep into this one.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 11:51 AM on August 6 [4 favorites]


coming back in - I am piss-poor about acknowledging things in Memail, so lemme say that yes, I did get Memails from those of you who've sent them and am very, very grateful. Thank you.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:03 AM on August 7 [1 favorite]


halp I have a scary medical appointment tomorrow morning (i don't need any real halp, at least for now, i'm just feeling anxious and needed to say so, thanks for reading)
posted by wellred at 12:50 PM on August 7 [6 favorites]


Officially not dying. Just getting older. But the doctor (who was quite sweet actually) promised not to put “hysterical premenopausal woman” in my file when I joked about it.
posted by wellred at 7:07 AM on August 8 [5 favorites]


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