blurgh, blah, blech, etc. December 7, 2022 6:57 AM   Subscribe

share all your blurgh, blah, blech feelings in this open thread
posted by Fizz to MetaFilter-Related at 6:57 AM (58 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

My roommate and I came down with rotten colds this past weekend (and we checked, they were just colds) and I also got an ear infection on top of that.

No pain in the ear, it's just stuffed up. And alarmingly, when I (yes, very carefully) dabbed at it with a Q-tip, it looked more like I had been using that Q-tip to clean out dust from between keyboard keys. This actually was a repeat of something that happened in September, so I wanted to jump on it. Fortunately I had already called in the sick day, and I was energetic enough to leave the house, so I scrawled through Zocdoc and found an internist in Sunset Park who by reports had some experience with ear stuff, and he had an opening that same day.

I mentioned that it had happened before, and he asked what kind of tests the previous doctors had done. I frowned and realized - they hadn't done any. I was in an urgent care before. He sighed, ran a quick hearing test on me, took a good look at things, and gave me a prescription - it was the same stuff I had last time, only with a more aggressive dose this time. I have a follow-up Sunday, and if this is a repeat of last time I should be in good shape. He added that I have an unusually narrow ear canal so I may talk to him about how to avoid things in future; he said it looked like some kind of fungal thing, which is not uncommon for skinny ears.

I ended up taking both Monday and Tuesday off work. My roommate tried going to work on Tuesday, but when he got there, his boss took one look at him and said "buddy, you're still sick, go home." He did so and went right back down to his Man Cave in the lower floor of our duplex. And between the two of us I definitely had more energy - I tried "just relaxing and resting" like my boss urged me to do, but I was getting too bored and ended up cleaning out a closet. (The biggest symptom I had was a need to blow my nose every two damn minutes.) And as it turns out, this is the closet that my super had to come and tend to - since I saw a mouse in there last week. He poked around, opened up a cabinet that was in there, and found some big-ass holes - which were sealed with judicious use of some spray foam.

Then the exterminator came on Tuesday (after forgetting us on his regular rounds on Sunday) and I spoke to him at length about putting down traps outside the building. We've been dealing with this for a long time - my roommate gets the worst of it, with critters scurrying in the ceiling in his space/the floor in mine, but the previous building manager AND exterminator were kind of inept, which just made the problem get worse. But fortunately we have a new exterminator and a new building manager, and the new manager is way more on the ball (in fact, she's why we have a new exterminator). But even so, it took me a good five minutes of persuasion to convince him that the problem was not only our back yard - a space which our super was already targeting at the new manager's behest, and had caught about a dozen rats already - but an alley alongside our building. That's where we heard the problem first, that's where they were getting in, clearly. I finally persuaded the guy to put one of his three bait stations next to the outside wall of the building, inside the alley in question. Two of them still went in the back yard, though. He insisted that the one in the alley would "help a lot" even though it was only one; I will check in with the roommate over the next couple weeks. We have our doubts. (Although, I have heard a definite improvement in the rat activity in my own ceiling, and other neighbors have said they've noticed an improvement as well.)

....I didn't know I'd be saying this much, clearly I needed to vent, thank you.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:21 AM on December 7, 2022 [12 favorites]


Ugh.

Everything is too expensive and I'm just tired of the grind.

Fucking garbage ass capitalism.
posted by Fizz at 8:52 AM on December 7, 2022 [18 favorites]


And so begins the annual dance with my mother, where she says "YOU WILL LIKE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I DO" and I reply "CHRISTMAS IS KILLING ME DUE TO BEING CHRONICALLY SINGLE WHICH PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND."

My hoarder friend calls me the other day and asks if I could drive her to her bank; I go over and she can barely walk to the car and can't open her front gate latch. Long story short, I had to get angry and tell her "I will not do anything for you until you call 911." (It might be diabetes, but it might be anything.) She's still texting me all the things that she's doing except for calling 911.

I have no more room for being angry.

I'm also coming off a lousy fall where my last two ideas for addressing said singlehood ended in failure: a walking group, which I tried for 3 months and didn't meet anyone; and a 13-week square dancing group, which I had to drop out of after 5 weeks because it was moving way too fast and my brain simply cannot process that many calls in a short amount of time. And I still didn't meet anyone. I'm now officially out of ideas, and I don't know how to process that since actually being single will always be unacceptable.

I do love the holidays, but they're killing me. While I'm fighting back tears, my mother pretends she can't figure out her computer (a common problem, though thanks to Metafilter <3 I've set good boundaries) and it ends with me saying FINE, SEND ME THE DARN ADVENT CALENDAR and I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW. Just hear those sleigh bell jingling.


....I didn't know I'd be saying this much, clearly I needed to vent, thank you

That. Love you guys.
posted by sockerpup at 9:38 AM on December 7, 2022 [21 favorites]


I have a cold? Maybe? Or maybe it's just my allergies doing worse? I don't know. But I'm unhappy because tomorrow is the office holiday party, and book club, and Friday is my birthday dinner with family.

I don't mind missing the office holiday party but I do want to do the rest. Bah.
posted by suelac at 10:50 AM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]


Here on BC (Batshit Crazy) island, just off the coast of Europe, I've gone into semi-hibernation (or semi-hiding away) mode for the deepest of the winter months. Despite being jabby jab jabbed with everything the health service will give me, every public space, transport carriage, shop, library, pub and bar seems to contain spluttering and coughing people. Which isn't really a surprise with the rates for not just Covid, but flu, RSV, even Scarlet Fever.

So I'm bunkered down for the next 11 weeks (I may extend this) in semi-rural and rural south Midlands, and it's warm, dry and clean and there are decent food options nearby. I may not be seeing many F2F but hopefully regular video chats with good friends will not mean a total loss of social skills.

We're also having the first cold snap of what, for many, is going to be a very tough and sometimes fatal winter here (cost of food, cost of heat and fuel, rent, transport, again broken infrastructure, low-paid and short-staffed health service, corrupt right-wing government, this could be a very long list). If you are outside the UK and were thinking of visiting here over the winter I'd strongly advise against, unless it's essential or you have back-up plans (and money) for when, not if, things go wrong.
posted by Wordshore at 10:57 AM on December 7, 2022 [19 favorites]


I am in a different time zone and cortex got me drunk and I went home and threw up. 🌟🌟🌟⭐⭐ would visit again, but I think I'm done with alcohol for a while.
posted by rebent at 11:08 AM on December 7, 2022 [19 favorites]


My MIL is in rehab (for the second or third time) after a series of falls and back and forth to the hospital. She's in her 80s and given the decline in her health and her physical and mental fragility, I expect this to be our last holiday season with her. My dad died of a heart attack less than a week before Christmas during my junior year of college. My mother went into hospice in mid-December the year before she died (in January). I am blah and blergh this time of year even without the general fear of being immune suppressed in a part of the US that has given up on masks outside of medical facilities.

I have a lot to be grateful for and I know it, but it's hard to keep a positive attitude right now.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:20 AM on December 7, 2022 [19 favorites]


I am working out my official notice of leave, but I can't get excited about it because I'm still overbooked at the moment: a book I need to get going on the rewrites, book covers I am booked to be designing, and friends coming over this weekend. And somewhere in there I need to exercise and help my partner finish picking the place up, and all that after 5:30 PM when I get home. Last night I just came home, collapsed in a chair and did nothing but watch YouTube and Wednesday, and accepted food my partner gave me, because what I do when I'm overbooked is just ... turn off.

After January 6th the day job will be no more, so fingers crossed I can manage the writing and graphic design and the rest of my life much better.
posted by telophase at 12:01 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]


I need a therapist and also I need a family therapist. It would be good if the family therapist had a time machine so I could go back and correct a variety of mistakes that are still impacting my family life today but actually if we're going with time machine maybe I could go even farther back and not get fucked up by my own deeply dysfunctional family of origin, thereby preventing me from making those mistakes.

And then we'd all be shiny happy people who probably wouldn't need to cram six of us into 1500 square feet.

In other news the blended intergenerational with extras family living thing isn't going very well.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:44 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]


My daughter is in college and she texted yesterday to complain about the test she had to take for her object-oriented programming class. There was some code they had to read and understand, but what it was doing was something mathematical (something to do with Cartesian coordinates and polar coordinates) that she didn't understand at all because she had never learned it, and that kept her from being able to answer the questions. When many students said they had never learned that math and couldn't figure out how to do the test, the professor commented that students in past semesters had had the same problem. (This is where I would insert an eyeroll emoji if I knew how, followed by some kind of "grrr" emoji.)
posted by Redstart at 12:58 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]


My shoulder is still impinged. My wrist is still unhappy. It has been almost six weeks and I can't go back to my preferred exercises until I can go a week without pain. Healing is happening, but very s.l.o.w.l.y. The exercise option open to me at this point is walking.

I hate walking as exercise. HATE it. I finally learned after many years that to reap both the physical and the mental benefits of exercise, I need to do the type that takes me OUT of my head. Things that force me to focus on the mechanics of the exercise I am doing, so I don't hurt myself. Walking is the complete opposite of that for me - I end up in bad places mentally and pissed off because I'm walking.

Spouse is trying to brainstorm some low weight stuff for me, because I'm cranky.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 12:59 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]


I am utterly overwhelmed, and unsure how much longer I can really hold things together. The only thing I have going for me is that the school term finishes on the 13th, but before that’s done, I need to pull myself together and finish all of the marking that I’ve largely failed to do this term, and I need to do it all in the next five days.

Once that’s done, I need to focus on my side gig of making meat for people, which is, after a good five year run, seemingly dying out, meaning I don’t know where I’ll find income to replace the thing that’s helped us stay above water in the last couple of years. That’s with having a job that’s pretty much at the top end of pay scale in the industry I’ve been working on for the last twenty years, and there’s not really a lot of room to grow in. And that’s, of course, depending on whether or not the school decides to keep me around, which I have very little control over.

I lost my mother in September, and was home for a month, trying to help my sister through it, and to do as much as I could to help clean up the incredible mess our mother left behind. I was barely able to make a dent, and am increasingly worried about my sister and her ability to make any kind of forward progress in sorting out that same mess. Even thinking about the financial aspect of it makes me feel incredibly guilty, but going back pretty much wiped out all of the savings I had, right before a winter where home heating is supposed to be incredibly expensive, and the cost of living is sky rocketing.

My back is finally really failing me. I’ve got narrowing of the spinal column, and pain in both legs, and over a year of physical therapy doesn’t really seem to be doing anything, meaning it might really be time for spinal fusion, which terrifies me, but would also put me on the shelf for so long it might cost me my job. Various stresses have built up that I need to wear a mouth piece (which I often forget to do) because I’m clenching my teeth so hard that I’m breaking teeth.

All that, and there’s some profound worry on my part that the new AI text generators and chat bots are the thin edge of the wedge that’s going to make my job obsolete. After all, if I’ve learned nothing else in the last forty years, it’s that people running companies will jump at the chance to put out an “eh, close enough” solution as long as it saves them money. I have remarkably less hope about the future, or my place in it, than I’ve had in a very, very long time, and it scares the living hell out of me so badly that my only way to really cope is to avoid thinking about it.

So, yeah. Things are great.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:04 PM on December 7, 2022 [24 favorites]


Let me put it this way: I have a little song I sing, to the tune of Laughing Place from Song of the South. "Everything is shit and pain, pain and shit, shit and pain. Everything is shit and pain, pain and pain and shit."
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:15 PM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]


My partner of 7+ years and I split up last night. On the eve of us taking a vacation together for my birthday, which is Sunday, and a raft of related holiday travel plans. This was the final circle around a long and deep drain, so I think the prevailing feeling right now is one of mutual relief, but it's going to be a long road to process it all out. I'm hoping we can detach from current events enough to enjoy one another's company over the next few weeks, as we have in our worst times before.

Harder to know what to do about the lease we're both in until summer of 2024, though.
posted by mykescipark at 2:19 PM on December 7, 2022 [26 favorites]


This is my mom's first Christmas without my dad, and I have no siblings, so the responsibility of seeing that she has something like a holiday falls to me. I haven't spent time with her at Christmas for the better part of a decade, not since she moved far enough away for driving to be impossible and winter flying to be dicey... so naturally this year our plans have become a Thing with the in-laws, who (in my view) lack all perspective about how good they've had it over that time. It's been really stressful at home. The worst of it is I don't like Christmas. I like the lights but I don't like the gifts, and like many other lumpy middle-aged ladies like myself, I find the ubiquity of junk food increasingly stressful. So needing to work hard to make a bunch of other people happy during this season I already hate is like being miserable three times over. I've indulged in a couple of rage workouts this week and I think it's helping.
posted by eirias at 2:35 PM on December 7, 2022 [10 favorites]


He has been referenced before on the blue but I cannot say enough about Crafsman, Steady Craftin. So calming, so entertaining, such subtle humor and overall kindness
posted by InkaLomax at 2:44 PM on December 7, 2022 [3 favorites]


I slipped on some loose gravel on a hike a few days ago and slammed down on one butt cheek pretty hard. I am fine, but it made a huge bruise. Then I discovered that when I am just doing stuff at home, I actually slap my own ass pretty regularly, for no particular reason.
posted by snofoam at 2:49 PM on December 7, 2022 [20 favorites]


I have some crap going on (don't we all) and am waiting for brain surgery to hopefully address some of the issues. This is actually a good thing! But in the meantime I have been trying to get my regular doctor to sign my workplace accommodation forms for weeks. Weeks. I ask him, he says he'll send it by end of day. He does not. Next appointment I can get is weeks out. I make that, and ask the office about it over and over again, but "it's not done yet". I go to the next appointment, ask again, again he says he will do it by end of day. He does not. And now his office says he won't be back into the office until next week! Arrgh! Canadian health care for ya. It's free, so in many respects, I shouldn't complain. But it's not without its own very very significant challenges, including this incredibly painful, completely unacceptable, failure-of-the-government-caused GP shortage. I'm fortunate I even have a GP. But it also means there is absolutely nothing I can do about the situation except continue to ask politely everywhere I can and wait.
posted by cgg at 2:50 PM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]


Oh yeah, and in spite of practically begging that we spend Christmas Day just as our little family unit, as I have had my utter fill of extended family drama on BOTH sides (my sides BigFamilySummerVacation turned into a shit show for reasons too specific to detail here), spouse refuses to say the words “we are not entertaining this year”. He says he can’t tell them not to come.

I have drawn a line. I will not clean cook, clean up cooking stuff or lift a finger to entertain any of his OR my relatives on the day. I am seriously considering renting a hotel room just to get away from any drop in visitors who claim that we don’t need to do any of the performative hosting gestures but will be offended if we do not. Also they don’t have any sense of when it is time to go.

Blech.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:51 PM on December 7, 2022 [11 favorites]


My company has been circling the drain since they laid off half their employees August 1. There was another layoff after that and today was the third. I didn't make the cut. Honestly I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop and today it dropped. I feel relieved. I've conjured some savings and have a bit of severance coming. Since the company is so sad there's no IT department or even an office, whether you get laid off or you quit you get to keep your laptop. Yay!

I accidentally picked up my phone today for an Unknown Caller. He was a recruiter and wanted to talk about an opportunity. I said, ”I got laid off a couple hours ago and I’m drunk. Can we talk later?”

He immediately sent an email that starts with YOU DO YOU TODAY
posted by bendy at 2:52 PM on December 7, 2022 [62 favorites]


This week, I discovered that when you call to order a simple vase of flowers from the small town florist in Western Tennessee and quietly mention it's for your 107 year old grandmother who is very sick but your mother, her daughter, is there with her, and when you hesitate for a moment and opt for the FOR YOU card instead of the Get Well Soon one, the florist will instead deliver an enormous vase of flowers, much larger than the one you paid for, and it will be bursting with roses and lilies and cascading with snapdragons and swaddled in an emerald jungle of greenery, and they will deliver it that very hour, the flowers still icy cold from the walk-in, scenting everything in my grandmother's modest small kitchen with its halo of frost and perfume, and the person who delivers it will be the same lady who took the order because she insists on doing it personally and immediately and handing it directly to your mother herself.
posted by mochapickle at 3:04 PM on December 7, 2022 [135 favorites]


I got covid and it was unpleasant. Now I've (semi) recovered and have to go back to work and I really, really don't want to. I work as a taxi despatcher and people are really mean when they're stressed. The work itself is piss easy but 8 hours of continuous talking and saying nothing of value is doing a number on my poor sad brain.

Also, it's very hot here and I hate sweating.
posted by h00py at 3:50 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]


Went to visit my MiL at the rehab/skilled nursing/nursing home tonight with Mr Epigrams and turned back at the door because they have had a case of COVID at the facility. As mentioned, I take immune suppressants. I feel like crap for not visiting but: safety first. Someone hug their elderly family member because I can't.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 4:02 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]


We put down one of our pets on Halloween. Did you know that if you put your pet down on Halloween, there’s a nonzero chance that the vet tech administering the pre-euth sedative will be dressed up as the same species as your pet?

I kind of wish they did that every time. It just seemed appropriate, in a darkly funny way.

Anyway, he was an amazing cat and he lived a long time before he got very sick very rapidly. I miss him very much. I think — I hope — we did right by him.

My husband and I are both losing the best bosses we’ve ever had, and trying to navigate what that means for us. Big changes in different ways, most likely. Hopefully some room to grow.

It’s really cold here in SLC, my skin is stupid, my hair is stupid, my digestive system is EXTREMELY stupid, and my favorite hockey team has lost two games in a row after a long winning streak.
posted by armeowda at 4:22 PM on December 7, 2022 [21 favorites]


Though I probably got complacent because I've been working at the office all but a few months of this whole pandemic, I did wear a mask in the airport and the airplane (and did not realize people didn't have to do that anymore, so saw very few masked people while traveling), got Covid last weekend sometime while out to visit my 89-yr old mom. (She seems fine - gets tested regularly and all the boosters - and my sister I stayed with is also fine.) I am not fine. I haven't been sick in a really long time and though plenty of people have it worse, I am feeling entirely crappy. While also working from home because I'm the only one who can do payroll and all kinds of other bill-paying and email answering. Some things can wait, some can't.

Part of the reason I caught it, if I had to guess, is that I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks, partly because one of the dogs has some chronic health issues we have been working on - one of which keeps him up, and so also me up, many nights.

My dogs both threw up yesterday. Which reminded me I can give it to my dogs, so I probably did that, and feel worse because of that. Meanwhile we have to go out several times a day, 4th floor so down an elevator. Fortunately I don't see anyone in the elevator 95% of the time, and haven't all week.

But that's not enough. I almost burned the place down because I forgot I was steaming cauliflower, remembered purely by luck, realized I have that thing where I can't smell (not even burning pot with smoking entirely gross cauliflower which must seriously be stinking up the place?!) and I am feeling very unsettled about this no-smell thing. I am just not taking the being sick well AT ALL.

Does anyone know if I should worry about my 2007 Prius sitting for a week+ in 25-35 degree (F) weather? Should I start it a couple times?

mochapickle - what a fantastic flower shop delivery story! I loved it so much.

Ghidorah, wow, that is too much for one person. It all sounds awful! I am so sorry about your mom. And your back. This fucking year!

So sorry to everyone not feeling well, or being forced to do more Christmas than they want. I hope we all find a little peace somewhere.
posted by Glinn at 5:07 PM on December 7, 2022 [11 favorites]


Glinn, focus on the pups and yourself, your Prius will be fine. I live in the frozen north (well, Wisconsin) and there are lots of Priuses(prii?) that start just fine at 5 below zero, let alone 25.
posted by rockindata at 6:22 PM on December 7, 2022 [3 favorites]


Update that my roommate and I have both returned to work and feel better. However, we have figured out that I was the Patient Zero for the apartment this time around and I'm feeling guilty.

Also, we had plans to do something with the mutual friend who introduced us this Saturday - but she's a children's librarian so she is super-careful about staying healthy, and she's decided this Saturday so soon after we've both been sick is a little too soon for her taste. But it's also the last weekend we all have available, so....we had to cancel altogether. Dammit.

(Oh well - she reminded us that this Saturday is also Santacon in NYC, so holing up in the house and barring the windows is probably a wiser option anyway. But that also means that....this Saturday is Santacon in NYC, which in itself sucks.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:40 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]


The package which contained the Christmas gift for my 4 month old was marked as "Your package has been delivered!" in the app except it isn't here. This is the first time this has happened to me and I feel a little sick. I also got a parcel delivered on the bike and a different parcel delivered by the van, so I'm thinking it was misdelivered.

Mr Feet's family is coming to ours for Christmas (we were supposed to host last year but we decided to meet at the park) - this is good stress, as it's making me tackle making the house a bit more livable, but also- bad stress, as his parents have kind of launched off the deep end (or maybe they were already there?) with pandemic stuff. But the siblings are generally all pretty sane so it should be a good day.

And my Dad caught covid - annoyingly they had a social event and someone decided to come even though their wife was sick. The brain fog thing isn't helping his existing confusion and he's had heart stuff in the past so I'm a bit worried. Mum still not testing positive, which is good.

Just a ball of anxious blah at the moment.
posted by freethefeet at 1:54 AM on December 8, 2022 [6 favorites]


Update: hoarder, un-insured friend went to ER yesterday afternoon. This morning, she is home. She texts, "I am now home and I still can't walk across the room. I wanted to stay at the hospital but it costs money, and they sent me home."

Having dealt with a gaslighting, drug-addicted loved one, this is triggering all sorts of shit. My first thought is she just didn't want to stay, so she's lying about being "sent" home, and/or she was such a difficult patient that they said go home anyway. But then the gaslit doubt creeps in ... yes, it's true many patients are treated differently when they don't have insurance ... but wouldn't they keep her anyway since she's still very sick? Argh. She said she'd call later, to explain what they found ("It's mixed,") since she didn't have the strength to type. I am very close to saying "I used up all my benefit of the doubt on the drug addict, please don't die, let me know if you're in a nursing home, I will not enable you." Argh argh argh.
posted by sockerpup at 9:02 AM on December 8, 2022 [12 favorites]


Oh sockerpup, this is so hard.
posted by Jesse the K at 9:46 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]


My mother is working to declutter her house, which is a good thing. We have got as far as the garage... The roll-up garage door needs to be replaced, but the installers won't work on it until we clear the "stuff" back far enough that they have some space to work. The "stuff" mostly consists of a table saw and a work bench that my father left when he passed away, and a desk that my brother left when he passed away. In addition there are buckets of bent nails, boxes of newspaper clippings, drawers full of plumbing fittings, piles of old hand tools and decades of accumulated clutter. (If you use a screwdriver as a pry bar often enough, it is not shaped like a screwdriver any more.) My mother has a contact at ReStore, the retail arm of Habitat for Humanity. He brought a crew over on Wednesday to take a lot of the stuff away to sell, recycle, or - you know - throw in the landfill. Perhaps if we had spent some more time sorting through the mess, we could have sold some of it ourselves, but at this point it is a good idea to just get as much material out of the garage as possible. It is kind of saddening to see how much of what we got rid of was so very important at the time we acquired it, but is completely valueless now. (Three 14,400 bit/second modems! A box full of baseball gloves! So many partial cans of paint!) Mom opened a box and found some pots, pans, dishes, and cutlery. She said, "We brought this back from your brother's kitchen when we cleaned out his apartment." The ReStore guys are pretty sharp about sorting the things they took away. I am grateful for their service. I can't help but feel sad about how valueless and meaningless a lifetime of "things" has become.

Also, my mother doesn't like my girlfriend.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 8:04 PM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]


Oh dear, sending all the love and reassurance and comfort to everyone.

My father has been launching his new book, which is about the process that led up to the establishment of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission here in South Africa.

A few days ago, he had a panel discussion at the University of Cape Town. Which was disrupted by a person who has an axe to grind with one of the people on the discussion panel (who is a lovely, lovely guy, friend of the family and a friend of mine).

After the launch, this disrupting person punched my friend in the face twice, breaking his glasses.

At least my father had already left so he didn't have to witness that. He's just turned 84 and is getting quite frail.

I feel so helplessly angry.
posted by Zumbador at 9:18 PM on December 8, 2022 [10 favorites]


He immediately sent an email that starts with YOU DO YOU TODAY

I talked to that recruiter today, almost completely sober, and it sounds like a great fit and great money. I'm flying to Boston from PDX on Friday and back from Boston on Monday (visiting my family is difficult and strange) but we'll talk next week and I'll get in front of that hiring manager next week with my best face on. My best face is freaking awesome.
posted by bendy at 9:49 PM on December 8, 2022 [27 favorites]


I love my job so much but we just got reorged and now probably my job is going to change and I'm mad mad MAD about it
posted by potrzebie at 10:36 PM on December 8, 2022 [6 favorites]


I am sending good vibes and comfort to anyone who wants them. Thank you for sharing what's going on with you.

Just seems like a tough time for many. My friends are going through some heavy shit - relationship problems, money problems, health stuff. My mom's health saga continues. The poor woman has been waylaid by one thing or the other since JULY. She's recovering from surgery at home, but the experience of surgery and hospitalisation has triggered some mental health stuff for her. She has carers etc, but I (half the world away) am triangulating everything and dealing with the doctors so I'm basically glued to my phone worrying about what the next update will be. My mom's mental health stuff is heavy and emotional for me.

I'm in therapy, but I feel like I am being a bad friend and bad person in other people's lives at the moment. I'm just all up in my own stress and anxiety and I feel like I'm shit to be around. People keep telling me they are worried about me. And I hate that people are worrying about me. I do think it's important not to front and pretend things are okay when they're not, but I've read so much about the importance of avoiding people who are energy vampires and people who are draining to be around because they are always talking about their troubles and now I feel like I am one of those people.

Also, work is INSANE in the ramp up to Christmas and I have so much to do. I will never understand why there are so many deadlines right before Christmas.
posted by unicorn chaser at 2:27 AM on December 9, 2022 [5 favorites]


Doubt. Worry. Rejection sensitivity. Chronic pain. Languishing. Anger. Sadness.

Details and reasons don't really matter.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:28 AM on December 9, 2022 [6 favorites]


Just to share this somewhere.

I've had to lower my dose of the SNRI I'm taking and the withdrawal is brutal even though I'm tapering properly.

Intense nausea, headache, brain zaps.

I took some ibuprofen but it doesn't seem to help at all.

At least I can stay quietly at home, and don't have much work to do today.
posted by Zumbador at 2:34 AM on December 9, 2022 [7 favorites]


oromandibular dystonia can absolutely fuck off into the sun.

i am so tired of my face and jaw and mandible related disability. it has been since march 2020 and it never stops. ever. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for coming up on three years. the muscles in my face are just giga-fucked and my teeth are wearing down and the headaches and neck tension are increasingly omnipresent.

making some progress in my new country (netherlands) with getting seen, doing the full neurology / TMJ loop again. next appointment is in february. hoping for some miracle cure, but will likely end up just getting botox injections in my face muscles and hopefully some sort of real pain medication to give me a night of relief from time to time. i've had no relief since it started and the time since march 2020 has not been great, as i'm sure we are all aware.
posted by lazaruslong at 3:56 AM on December 9, 2022 [9 favorites]


Okay - so, I love my boss, and I love my job. But he has a bad habit of forgetting who he's said what to and how much, and also swinging between "I don't want to bother you I'll leave you alone" and "oh you're someone I rely on let me suddenly ask for your help with this urgent thing".

And so that is how today, I (the office manager for our New York office) got pulled into a meeting discussing the launch of an office in Germany, where they were going over "updates on procuring various office needs" and I was talked to as if I'd been attending these emails all along, being asked to follow up on the IT equipment and furniture and suchlike while I sat there blinking and desperately wanting to ask for some further context but also not wanting to freak out the nice guy who was Skyping in from Munich. Or asking "why are you talking to me about the IT setup, my job involves buying pencils".

...this isn't the worst such incident - this summer I heard in passing that we were doing "an event" in early October. Over the next couple months I occasionally had people ask me to procure one random thingy or another for "the event", or I would have a co-worker occasionally grumble that planning for "the event" was getting complicated. Then in late September suddenly I started hearing about guest speakers and renting port-a-potties and then was finally brought into a meeting for the event itself - and during the first five minutes, I raised my hand and asked if I could ask a question in my capacity as our office manager: "Can someone tell me what this event actually IS?" (It's really gratifying to see seven people simultaneously get "oh shit we forgot to tell her" looks on their faces.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:00 AM on December 9, 2022 [6 favorites]


I had to put my dear old Perdita dog down yesterday after she had a massive seizure in my bedroom at 6 am. It was a long long day and this on top of everything else, well, I am sad.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:18 AM on December 9, 2022 [25 favorites]


We just keep getting sick at my house and it throws us off schedule while we are sick and then takes us weeks to get back to anything resembling normality. So the kid is on screens too much as I am too tired and that results in him being very difficult to live with. And the thing that's killing me is that his persistent pickiness when it comes to food just get worse when he's like this and so I worry that he's not eating enough to not get sick again which will send us into another terrible spiral.
posted by machine at 9:35 AM on December 9, 2022 [5 favorites]


There’s a possibility this is my last holiday season too.
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 10:17 AM on December 9, 2022 [12 favorites]


I'm doing better today so I'm sending the hugs around instead of asking for them. Hugs to all who need or want them.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:14 AM on December 9, 2022 [9 favorites]


My parcel isn't actually missing! Just me getting muddled and mislabeling the parcel in the app.
posted by freethefeet at 1:53 PM on December 9, 2022 [2 favorites]


brain zaps

I hate those.
posted by bendy at 12:04 AM on December 10, 2022 [2 favorites]


We have extended family staying with us and we've finally hit the point where family help/understanding has hit a wall and people need to get the fuck out of my house. I have a deep well of love and will take a brick to the head for those I love, but we're done. The fact that we're also learning these particular family members held back some information about their long-term plans is making me really twitchy. And the presumption of them floating the idea of bringing one of their family members here, NOPE NOPE NOPE. I'm not about to kick someone out into the street but there needs to be other arrangements made. I need my home to be my home again, this holding pattern of will they/won't they is too much for my mental health.
posted by Fizz at 6:37 AM on December 10, 2022 [12 favorites]


Love this thread!

I have two things that are bugging me. I admit this is petty bitching and #2 means I'm a total asshole, and I own that.

(a) We are having trouble at work getting UPS deliveries due to the strike. We get UPS shipping to us about every other week and our clientele are desperate for what we're receiving. (I am in favor of the strike, but I am not in favor of getting screamed at for things not under my control and I am the target for that. Also UPS is Satan.) When I found out we were going to have these issues, I warned management about it on day one. Management decided to completely blow it off and be "optimistic!" and was all "well, maybe they'll deliver!" and "we'll deal with each package individually after they go into the mail," which is fucking stupid. First package that they refused to deliver, I managed to talk them into paying more money to get the address changed. Then UPS lost it, because UPS is a bunch of shits. Had to get it reordered and only THEN would they change the address, but only for package #1. Package #2 was delivered to a work building that's locked on a Saturday after 5 p.m., abandoned outside, and of course it's stolen. (I swear that one was spite.) Had to reorder, again management would only deign to change the address for that package only. Then mail services said "oh, UPS will deliver!" and UPS is still refusing to deliver--and they immediately sent package #3 back across the country.

It took three packages, one month, and mail services being forced to say "sorry, UPS still won't deliver, we have no idea if this will ever change" for management to officially change the mailing address for all future packages. Meanwhile packages #4 and 5 just got shipped to our usual address they won't deliver to before they agreed to change it, and management STILL DOESN'T WANT TO PAY MONEY TO CHANGE THE ADDRESSES IN TRANSIT (though to be fair, "we paid $17.50 and they LOST IT" is genuinely annoying, I think they should campaign for a refund), so two more are going to be lost/stolen/returned/set on fire/peed on/sent into an alternate dimension. They also refused to let me put a temporary ban on people using UPS shipping out of our office even though I pointed out we have no idea if UPS will let us ship anything either, so that's a future disaster too because guess what, someone wanted to use UPS... I bet that one gets flushed down a toilet.

God, why are they doing this?! It's ridiculous stupid. It's a huge waste of time and money and had we just changed the address when we found out this was happening, we wouldn't have five packages lost and reordered and wasted a month of time. I feel like Cassandra or a former Twitter employee. I could never be a leader because nobody will ever listen to a damn thing I say. I want to ask, "Look, if I saw that you were about to trip and fall into a hole, would you rather I warn you so you don't fall in, or just go, "Oh, hey, I'll be optimistic! and hope you see it and don't fall in or break anything!"

(b) None of my old theater group friends bothered to see my last show (which I was in alone without anyone more popular in the group being in it along with me, let me put it that way). Now most of them were refusing to go due to covid for most of 2022 so I stopped inviting people, but a few went to the last show, so you'd think that would improve. One said she wanted to go and then was "too tired" already at 9 a.m. to see a show at 2. She has whopping chronic problems so I didn't say anything even though I felt kind of shitty that she said we could finally get together and then that was a giant nope. Another one got sick and is still sick, but he was one of the ones who was refusing to go to anything due to covid until the fall, so I had low expectations. Another one in that not-going-for-covid group (again, started going to shows in fall) said she was going to go, then didn't and bugged off to Egypt instead (I note she could have gone before the Egypt trip). Obviously that one's out of town so I can't say anything there.

But #4 I'm the most pissed at because that one told me to my face they wanted to go and just hadn't gotten around to buying the ticket yet, to which I was all "well, show's about to end next weekend, you might want to get on that," and that was the only one who went to a show of mine I was in alone before so I thought they would go. Then #4 flaked and bailed for being "tired" and I had to hear that from their GRANDMA who did not flake and bail on going to the show. Grandma was trying to be nice about it, but frankly it sounded like flake and bail time and they just didn't wanna. I kinda had a feeling #4 was lying at the time, but since they'd gone before and had expressed interest in this particular show before, before I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and hahahahaha. I admit I'm the pissiest at #4 because I didn't expect them to pull that shit and I kind of expected it from the other three on some level so I'm not as shocked. I'm never inviting #4 to anything again either after this either.

I admit, I don't have a whole lot of sympathy and I'm being snotty, rude and mean over people being tired and I shouldn't be and I'm Not Being Nice And Understanding. But if I tell someone I'm doing something, then I do it, I don't just flake because I'm not in the mood any more or whatever, and I find that behavior super irritating. Also this is the one time I'll ever get a solo and a named character in a show, and I wanted to show that off for my friends, but I couldn't say that or make a big deal about it because that'd be being an asshole.

#4 and I have been invited to the same event tonight (dunno if they are going are not, but they like those events, so they will probably not flake and bail on that) and I am just Not In The Mood to see or deal with them and I especially don't feel like I can fake Nice and Understanding that they were tired and like it's okay with me. It's not okay. We are Not Cool And Okay at this point and it's gonna take all my strength just to keep my mouth shut and polite about it (thank gawd for masks, let me just say) instead of saying what I really want to say, which is Not Nice. There's no point anyway, it's too late now and I've learned my lesson on inviting that one.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:04 AM on December 10, 2022 [11 favorites]


It's hard to read this thread--though I don't really "know" any of you in an IRL kind of way, there are many people here whose posts have entertained and enlightened and moved and uplifted me for years/decades now, and to see so many of you in such painful situations is really hard. At the same time it feels really important to read this thread--I've been seriously isolated for three years now, and tend to get overly focused on my own minor issues while also being insulated from the actual grief and pain so many are going through. I really hope that things go as well as possible for everyone in the coming year and beyond.

(All of which being said -- I wish to GOD I had some certainty that my knee replacement surgery, pending since April, has any prospect of happening any time soon. I was given an ETA of February, but hospitals in my area are overwhelmed and have entered into "crisis standards of care" in which non-urgent surgeries will, totally understandably, be deferred. I am very grateful that I am not one of the many in the hospital with urgent issues, but man. I really, really would like to be able to walk again w/o hurting.)
posted by Kat Allison at 3:59 PM on December 10, 2022 [14 favorites]


My partner of almost a decade told me a few days ago our relationship is over. I had put a lot of big life things on hold for them (buying a house, a dog etc.) so we could do it together. Within two days they’ve already looked at a condo and had their offer accepted. I’m sort of in the disbelief stage of grief because we’d talked about this for the past six months but I though we were working on it and there was still a chance for us. I was not planning on restarting my life in my late 40s.
posted by Bunglegirl at 5:10 PM on December 10, 2022 [17 favorites]


A few months ago, we were told that our facility was shutting down. Manufacturing was going to be done *elsewhere*, and most everyone was provided a separation package and plan... The engineering department (what is left of us after multiple rounds of layoffs over the last few years) will be relocated to another facility. My commute time will roughly double, the distance will be more than quadrupled. My feelings towards the bean-counters and the decision-makers who somehow never feel the consequences are not very neighborly.
A co-worker I have known and liked for 30 years, had a medical event and died. He was planning on retiring in the spring.
On a whim, I looked online for a guy who had been a good friend when we were going through basic training, A.I.T., and jump school together in the 1980's. Found his obituary, from 2020.
Some days, man. some fucking days.
posted by coppertop at 7:05 PM on December 10, 2022 [12 favorites]


Bunglegirl just reading your comment made me feel such a stab of frustrated anger and hurt, I can't imagine having to live with that kind of betrayal.

Now I find myself hoping that you will get yourself a dog ASAP!
posted by Zumbador at 9:01 PM on December 10, 2022 [3 favorites]


Well, #4 didn't show tonight, so that's a relief.

So sorry to hear that, Bunglegirl.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:04 PM on December 10, 2022 [5 favorites]


In a bad living situation. Moving means really struggling with bills and utilities and being food insecure at times. Staying is bad for my mental health and makes me feel like I have a dark cloud hanging over me at all times.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 8:01 AM on December 11, 2022 [6 favorites]


"Well, #4 didn't show tonight"
Good! OMG, I can't stand #4!
posted by Don Pepino at 9:56 AM on December 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Today sucks. This afternoon i received a call that my therapist died yesterday. While i was aware she had had a potentially terminal diagnosis over the summer, somehow it was still a shock. When we spoke last week (due to the health issues she could no longer see clients in person) , she sounded very well. We had agreed a few months ago she would let me know when her health would make work impossible. But as it happened she was apparently taken by surprise just in a moment, no warning. I am glad for her sake, surely a sudden quick passing was better for her.

But my loss is profound. Currently no other person is as close to me as she was. I have close friends but she knew all the dark places i hid from others and has steadfastly supported me in all the worst times through the last three years.
I can hear her voice now reminding me again and again of my resilience.
posted by 15L06 at 12:28 PM on December 14, 2022 [12 favorites]


Update #2: Welp, my friend has stage 4 stomach cancer and may only have 6 months to live. Maybe; I'm still only getting parts of the story.

She went back to the ER the day after going home the first time; a friend with a more forceful personality than I said "I'm taking you back right now." Now she's trying to figure out how she can go back to her house "for a week or so" so that she can sit in a chair and direct us on how to dispose of her belongings. Since she literally can't get out of bed (she's on oxygen, I'm assuming that the metastasis is in her lungs though she hasn't clarified that yet), I'm a bit dubious about that, but at this point I'm just holding her hand and saying "I love you" and she's actually more or less at peace with everything, admitting that she was scared of all the paperwork and now asking for a priest and such. She is 70. Cherish your eccentric friends, folks.
posted by sockerpup at 1:37 PM on December 14, 2022 [11 favorites]


I'm sorry, sockerpup. If I was in your situation, it might do me some good if somebody reminded me that it's OK to be mad as hell at a friend even as you love them and you're preparing to say goodbye. So, I'm saying that to you now.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:44 PM on December 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I wrote the following several days ago but forgot to post it:

I can imagine MetaFilter moving from survive to revive to thrive but I just cannot imagine that for myself.

Still, I plod on. I am helping the grandkids decorate white pillowcases with fabric paint as secret Xmas gifts for their mom and dad. I am watching the soccer World Cup even though I am not a sports fan (the quarter-final game with Argentina and the Netherlands was amazeballs).

I just started my morning gratitude practice again, thinking of 3 things that I am grateful for (and it's okay if they are the same 3 things every morning). Last night I tried to think of 3 good things that happened over the day. One was my 5-year-old granddaughter telling me that sometimes she farts, silently, with her vagina.

Doubt. Worry. Rejection sensitivity. Chronic pain. Languishing. Anger. Sadness.

Details and reasons don't really matter.


I feel you, iamkimiam. Again, hugs to everyone who wants 'em. This is such a hard time. Good luck finding a new job, bendy! Thanks so much for this post, Fizz.

Me, today:
Hmm, three good days in a row. What's that about? I have no idea but anyway, I am feeling much better. I hope a bunch of other MeFites are as well. If not, y'all are always welcome to send a private message here and I will commiserate. That's not much but it's something and sometimes it helps.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:43 AM on December 28, 2022 [1 favorite]


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